Freckled Cute-Stupid! Bastard
by Sam Morales
Summary: Jean though he had renewed his monotonous life to: being perfectly built, being in the best soccer team, being the center of attention, having the perfect blonde girlfriend, manly as ever... unlike an incredibly idiotic freckled being that will change his life forever. The heart as a daredevil, made his life alter... into the unimaginable. Warning: Slow relationship development.
1. ONE

ONE

-"Johnny! You're gonna be late for school! Get your ass down here!"

Mom's piping voice rang in my ears as I jolted up from bed, irritated. God, she was so annoying, -"Jesus, woman, I'm changing! Give me a fucking minute!"- I shouted back angrily, stomping my way to the bathroom, sheets falling and I didn't even bothered to pick it up, -"And it's Jean!"

-"Just hurry up!"- She rushed me.

All that rushing and what was she doing? Sitting her ass on the couch like a grumpy big fat cat watching the damn TV all day long. It's all she does, really.

I grunted and then sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. Why does my mornings always start like this? It's so frustrating that I wanted to break my own reflection on the mirror. My silky light brown hair was messed up and I had dark circles from last night's texting. Oh yeah…

I was about to deepen into thoughts when the alarm rang. Shit! It's already seven! I'm late! I combed my hair with my hands and a bit of gel. Hurriedly, I brushed my teeth and dashed outside to get the school uniform. In doing so, I almost tripped because of the random stuff on the floor, mostly shoe boxes. My room was a mess. I ignored it and opened the wardrobe, finding it empty. Where…?

-"Mom! Where's my uniform!?"- I asked, shouting.

-"What? Did you say something?"- She shouted back.

-"I asked where the fuck is my uniform!"- I smashed the wardrobe's door close.

-"Ohhhh!"- She exclaimed sarcastically, -"I thought I told the John John to wash it yesterday!"- She lengthened that last word, -"But of course he never listens!"

Shit, shit, shit...!

I looked at the clock: 7:30.

Fuck…!

The fact that I only had _one _uniform made it worse, so I opened my drawer and snatched a T-shirt without looking and then the sea blue jeans on my bed, not even caring if it was clean or not. When I took off my sleeping shirt, I realized that I had obliviously taken a pink shirt. Great, just great. Apparently, it was the only one available because the rest of the shirts were all messed in my room and I had no time to look for another but… I really didn't want to wear this shirt and I definitely didn't want _anyone _to see me with it. Pink was so embarrassing.

I stuck my tongue out as my eyes adjusted to fluorescent pink of my shirt, making a disgusted sound. Then, my salvation came in: my black jacket that I haven't used in a long time. It was old and ripped. I put it on and surprisingly, it still fit me.

Mind racing, I packed my notebooks inside my backpack and ran down stairs. Shit…

Before I stepped into the kitchen for breakfast, I swooped into the living room,-"Mom… I need you to-"

-"I ain't writin' you no excuse for your uniform. I told you yesterday to wash em', didn't I?"- She interrupted me, clearly angry at me for not listening to her yesterday. She didn't looked back from the couch and just glued her eyes into her daily morning novel, -"But you were so busy 'studying'."

Yeah, sure… studying.

The second she said no, I growled angrily and stomped into the kitchen, -"Pft, whatever. Didn't need it anyways."

She snorted and burst into laughter, but I didn't listen to her and just went straight into the kitchen, opening the oven to find nothing.

-"Looking for food, eh? I also told ya' to prepare the breakfast yesterday!"

Goddammit, why did she have to make it hard today? She didn't wash my uniform and she didn't made breakfast. I'd do it myself, but I'm a horrible cook and besides, I didn't have time.

Even so, I wasn't going to show her weakness… I'll do it myself. Breakfast _and _the excuse.

Angrily, I smashed my fist in the counter, -"Don't need it from you either!"- Hearing her laugh and speak more, I snatched some bread and butter from the fridge.

-"Hurry up if you don't want to miss the bus!"

-"Shit!"- I cursed when I heard the bus on the front yard.

Hurriedly spreading the butter on the bread with a knife, it fell. I had to knelt down and clean it to use it again. I quickly munched on the bread and ran outside.

-"Wait! Wait!"- I shouted, stretching my arms to the bus as if to reach and touch it.

It left.

I wanted to scream and let out all the toads and snakes swallowing me up.

I didn't look back to mom and just… walked.

-"Hey! Aren't you gonna ask me to drive ya' to school?"

I didn't answer and kept walking to school. Did she really have to ask?

I think anger kept me going, because I felt like a living volcano when I reached my school. I was sweating everywhere and my heart beats accelerated each step I took.

When the bell rang, I dashed to my first class… math. The teacher wasn't there yet, so I took out my Iphone and messaged: '_Good morning, babe. Are you here yet?' _to my girlfriend. Whenever I thought of her, my chest warmed. Yesterday, just yesterday I had my very first girlfriend, though I never admit it. It felt weird and awkward because I know nothing about her, but in due time I will, everything is. The only thing that mattered is that she was perfect: blond hair, crystal blue eyes, perfectly curved body…

-"Oh, sorry I'm late, my adorable students!"- A high pitched voice echoed in the hallway, interrupting my thoughts. I looked to where the voice came and saw Hanji Zoe, my math teacher, walking towards the class room while looking for something in her purse, probably the keys, -"I'm coming!"- She sang that last part.

Hanji was a weird math teacher. According to her, math was everywhere and everything she ever saw was math. She literally compares everything with math; every word she said had to have at least one mathematical word. She was like a walking number.

-"Hey, teacher, don't push yourself. Take it easy and just relax,"- A masculine tough voice sounded behind me, -"It's Monday."

I looked back and saw Reiner with Berthold beside him, -"Yo."- I said.

Reiner smiled widely, -"Hey there, Jean."

Berthold just nodded to me. That guy was quiet and shy, contrary to his best friend Reiner, who was cheerful and bigmouthed. I've never seen those two separated.

-"Hello, hello!"- The teacher greeted them, not taking her eyes off her purse while looking for her keys, -"Where are my keys…,"- She muttered to herself and I swore her hand on the purse went deeper.

While Hanji fought with herself, the rest of the group arrived. Now, it was the girls, -"Good morning, everyone!"- Sasha sang, waving her arms up. Just behind her, barely seen, was Connie, right behind her ass like always, looking for her attention. It was impossible though, she was as messed up as the teacher.

Behind her were Ymir and Krista, the lesbians. That's what everyone thought. Then behind them were Carolina, Hannah and Annie.

-"Hey, wait up!"- A too well known voice rang through the hallway.

-"Hurry, Eren! We're gonna be late!"

Just behind the girls group, Eren and Armin were running towards the class. Keeping up with them was no one else than Mikasa, the girl who used to be my crush and the biggest one. Not anymore. I tried to get to her, but she's always with that damn Eren and Armin. She was like glued to them. It wouldn't surprise me that she slept with them both. They annoyed me, but specially Eren. I didn't stand him. I never understood how the rest of the group could. Oh wait… they were all the same.

-"Oh god, we're not late!"- Armin said when he reached the classroom, putting his hands on his knees, then wrapping them around Eren, -"I thought I was going to die!"

Armin was a nerdy that worried too much about school and grades. Well look at him, he almost had a heart attack because he thought he was late. Eren was the opposite of Armin; Mikasa… well, she's the top of the class. With that, I say enough. They were the worst horrible trio I've seen.

Later on, the rest of the group arrived: Franz, Thomas, Samuel, Mac, Daz, Tom and Mylius.

And someone else.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw a figure leaning against the wall with a book on his hand. New guy? I couldn't investigate any longer because Hanji finally found her keys, -"Alrighty then, come inside please!"- She said cheerfully while letting all of us in.

Once inside, I sat in the same place as always: right beside the door to dash out once class is over. It always worked and besides, I could keep an eye out for those who pass by. It's ridiculous, but fun. Better than watching a crazy teacher who dreams with numbers.

-"Okay everyone, takes your seats!"- She said cheerfully, wanting to start class already. She always had that annoying tendency of pointing out the obvious, like… I know I have to sit down.

I sighed and propped my head in hand, elbow on my desk. I looked down and saw a lot of tiny penises drawn in my desk, along with 'Fuk u' and 'Try sukin my dick out'. An idea popped into my mind and I took out my pencil from the cartridge. When I was about to continue the suggestive conversation with 'Suk ur mama's' the teacher began the class abnormally, -"Students! I have great news for you- well, it's technically one divided by…,"- She went on with her mathematical analysis of her news. I hung my head, only to raise it again when she said something that picked my curiosity, -"…there's a new entrant in our group! Say hello to our new friend!"

That's when I saw the figure that I just saw earlier peek from the door and enter shyly. It was a guy. He walked silently to the front, his footsteps barely hearable. He had a black jacket that had the Assassin's Creed insignia on the chest and black jeans with grubby and all drawn over Converse. Cool, I though. I had played the Assassin's Creed saga a long time ago. He also had a book in his hand titled 'Hunger Games'. I couldn't see his face because he was looking down. He also had a red Superman badge beanie over his black hair. When he finally looked up, all I saw was a stupid mama's boy freckled kid,-"H-hey, I'm Marco Bodt."


	2. TWO

TWO

Great… just great.

Like every time a new student integrated our group, Hanji made them stand up front to talk. Now I had to hear about the hobbies and liking of someone I don't know and don't care shit about. What? Do I have to hear how many times a guy likes to go to the bathroom? For fuck's sake! It's like when she made me go to the front the first day, I said 'My name's you don't give a fuck and my hobbies are none of your business'. Nah, I really didn't say that, but I wanted to. That was back when I was a dummy and a fool. I changed. So if the teacher asked me again, I would say that, totally.

The guy was speaking and I drifted into thoughts, to my own world, until he said something that made me come back into reality, -"My hobbies are writing, reading, drawing, play video games… and I also like…,"-I waited for it, but…, -"… like to read comics and yeah… that's it."- He shrugged and smiled awkwardly.

I snorted. All eyes were on me. I thought he was going to say that he liked guys, 'cause… that'd be funny and wrong. It's a guy and a girl. No guy could like another guy. It's disgusting and not cool. Guys like that were lame and so gay, and this guy on the front looked like one; just by looking at his freckles you could tell. It looked so bad on guys. Only womanish guys had them.

-"Is something the matter, Kirshtein?"- Hanji asked me from her desk, glaring at me, obviously angered. Well, she called me by my surname and that's not good. She didn't like it when someone laughed or talked while a student was on the front presenting themselves and especially if it was to mock the person. In my case, I couldn't hold myself.

-"Nothing, miss,"- I said and cracked her a smile forcefully. Her face was creepy. She always made that creepy face to intimidate someone; unfortunately for her, not me, -"Nothing's wrong with _me_, but… well, neh."- I shrugged, wanting to say that _he_ had something wrong, but it's not worth the detention.

She kept glaring at me while I grinned to the freckled guy. He just stared at me with that innocent face, while holding the book in his hands as if hugging it. I discovered something else: he's a nerd. He liked to read, apparently, and that was lame. I scored another point.

Hanji growled and sighed, turning her head towards the guy, -"Well, thank you, Marco. It's nice to have you with us in twelve two."

-"Th-thanks."- He said awkwardly, still oblivious to what just happened and sat. To my disbelief, the only desks available were in my line, so he sat behind me, because he couldn't seat another row back. Idiot.

I sighed. My day couldn't get any worse. I was trying to get away from guys like him and look. I'll just ignore him.

While Hanji kept going with her class, I thought about my life.

Jean Kirshtein's the name, eighteen years old in twelve grade whose life couldn't get any worse. It's not easy to live with an annoying mother who critics everything you do and juts sit in the couch all day. It's also not easy to live with a bunch of idiots as your classmates, because really, they were all a bunch of idiots and nerds and stupid and whatever else they could be. That's why I always hung out with the other group, the other twelve grade: twelve one. They were the cool guys, the ones who did all sorts of things and were always around girls. The number One. My girlfriend is in that group. They did sports: basketball, volleyball, soccer, baseball, etc. They're the reason why I'm at the soccer club. Best team ever. These guys in my group were a bunch of wannabes. Oh! And from now on, I'll be hanging _and_hooking up with my girlfriend who hasn't texted me back. It's weird because, she answers rather quickly, just like last night. I wrote her and in a second, she already answered me.

Other than that, I studied in Trost High School, City of Rose and I lived pretty close too. There were better schools than this one like the ones in Sina and I'm not even mentioning the universities there. This one was a baby compared to the ones there. I say that without reciting the ones on Maria City, those were like gnat. Anyhow, I really didn't care. I was practically obligated to come here, but the only reason I came was because of my friends, girlfriend and because I didn't want to be with mom at home. I shiver at the thought of being a whole day with her.

I have high hopes that my live will change when I'm out of here. It will all change, I know it or else I'll make it. I want to be independent already and make my own decisions without having to depend on my mom or anyone else.

So much though made me weary, so I placed my head on the desk, looking away into the hallway. My eyes closed on their own…

-"Jean! What is the result of 360 divided by 50 and multiplied by 10 which is the exact percent of the angle in circle I just drew?"

I jerked my head up by the teacher's high voice and looked at her. I looked at the chalkboard, invaded by an impossible amount of numbers and formulas for… what? And above all… when did she write all that? Drowsily, I answered, -"Pft, that's easy… it's…,"- I focused on the chalkboard, looking for clues, but found none and just shrugged it off. A few snickers were heard.

She sighed and pointed somewhere behind me or… someone, -"Yes, Marco?"- She smiled widely at him, somehow knowing he'd get the right answer.

Which he did, -"It's 72, miss. That's the exact percent of the angle. If you multiply it by ten, you can get the other angle as well."- He said as he wrote something in his notebook. I looked around and noticed that everyone had theirs out. Since when did they have to take the notebooks out? I was the only one without mine out; hell, I didn't even have notebooks to begin with. Just a few. Not enough for all the classes though.

-"Very, very good, Marco,"- Hanji expressed cheerily, -"I knew you'd get it right."- She glanced at me and I scoffed, looking away.

I clicked my tongue, irritated and placed down my head on the desk again. Wow. We had a smartass in our group. _Another one_. Yay.

I kept sighing and wondering off into space for the rest of the class. When the bell was about to ring, Hanji called to me, -"Kirshtein, if you could please stay, I'd be grateful."- Her voice was gentle, but her face wasn't.

I cursed mentally as the rest of the group left, leaving me being the only one in this damned classroom.

Or so I though.

Because the new guy stayed. Then, one thing was for sure and it proved I was right: he was gay and he liked me. No way! I tried my best to stay as far away as I could from him, walking towards Hanji's desk.

-"Jean,"- Hanji sighed and crossed her hands together, resting her chin on them, her elbows on her desk;-"I'm worried about- oh, Marco, let me speak to him first and then I'll be with you in a minute and thirty two second with fifteen microseconds. Please don't go."- She smiled to him with those stupid puppy eyes.

He laughed a little and smiled back to her, -"It's okay. Take your time."- He smiled sweetly, but I knew that in the back of his mind, he said '_Hurry up, bitch or I'll be late for my next class'_like any other nerd would. Speaking of next class, I heard that the teacher was absent, but I wasn't gonna tell him that. Freshmen like him should find out on their own.

-"Thank you,"- She then turned her gaze to me and spoke lowly, her face full of seriousness,-"I'm really worried about you, Jean. You didn't paid attention to my class. Irresponsibility will only take you down and this year has just begun… you've been carefree and ignorant. You didn't used to be like that. What's the matter? Are there some problems in your home that you want to talk about? I'm all ears for the students, especially the students from _my_group."- She was speaking in low tone, almost like a whisper, probably to prevent the new guy from hearing. It wasn't working though, he heard the scolding Hanji just gave me and I knew because of the worried expression he had. It was the same one as Hanji's.

I sighed angrily. Who was she to scold me like that? Besides, nothing was wrong with me. I just choose to enjoy life more. True, I changed, but it was for the best because I used to be a wimp and a fool. I chose that I wasn't going to let anyone take advantage of me because of that. Above all, I'm a grown up. Things change, I change. I need to be strong and let the childish drown. It's cool anyway. Life's like this: if you couldn't be one of the best, then be impressed. I chose to be the best with the best.

I wasn't going to tell her any of that, so I just shrugged ignorantly and gave her my best 'I don't really know, and don't care' face and really, I didn't. At least something good came out of me: I'm being honest for once.

She sighed wearily, -"I can't believe you…,"- But before she could continue, I was already out and her worried face worsen. With any other student, she would've gone wild mad because what I did was disrespectful, but she didn't for me and that meant that she really was worried. From the look on the newbie's face, I thought that he might ask her about me, so I stood near the door and listened, -"Good grief, I don't know what else to do about him...,"- That wasn't meant for anyone to hear and she quickly realized that someone was waiting for her, -"Oh! Marco, did you need me for something?"

-"Uh… yeah,"- I heard him say. His voice sounded bothered, -"It's my schedule and… I'm kind of lost".

-"Oh, of course you'd be! Let me write you down the teacher's names. Okay… this one is in the upper level and…"- I heard the sound of scribbles and muttering as she told him each of the classroom's location, -"There you go! If you have any doubts, just ask!"

-"Okay. Thanks!"

-"Sure thing!"

I heard footsteps coming closer and I dashed away. Well, he didn't ask anything about me, but that didn't change my mind from believing that he's gay.

I kept walking, unaware of where I should go. Oh, yeah… my next class. Suddenly, I forgot and took out the paper with my schedule.

_Math- Upper level_

_Science- Upper level_

_Spanish- Upper level_

_English- Lower level_

_LAUNCH_

_Art- Lower level_

_Chemistry- Lower level_

_Physical Education: Court_

These papers were still unfinished. They didn't have the teacher's names beside their classes, probably because there were new teachers to coming. I grunted, already tired. Next is science and I felt like cutting it. I didn't want to see Hannes –if he's still the teacher- and hear his stupid talk about animals and how they reproduce and shit.

I texted my girlfriend, _Where r u?_

This time, she answered quickly, _I already see u ;)_

When I turned and saw her, my jaw drooped and I realized just how beautiful the school's uniform looked on her, because on me it was horrible. Short skirt that reached above her knee, exposing her thigh tanned flesh. Girls were supposed to wear long black socks to prevent guys like me drool over. Either way, most girls didn't wore them –it was better that way. Hey, we guys have eyes and we gotta see what we like. The white buttoned shirt was a little too tight and while having the first button free, her chest was clearly visible. Perfect. Around the shirt was the grey vest that had the school's weird logo. It was the side of the face of a brown haired woman with a crown. Now, to the top. My girlfriend had blonde almost white straight hair and her eyes were a blueish purple that perfectly matched her makeup, especially her pink lips. Her name was Trisha and…that's it, but I had a feeling that was her nickname. I don't really know.

She put her lips together and walked over to me nicely, even with those high heels boots. Leaning over, she kissed me. A sweet, but startling shiver ran through me when she pressed it even more. Between the kisses, she asked me, -"Don't you have class now?"

-"Uh… yeah, I think so. Not sure..."- My voice was shaky. She put me nervous.

-"Then, let's go somewhere else."- She whispered to my ear and pulled me away. We walked, hands together, into a nice cozy hub where the pairs hooked up. It was called the Love Nest and even now, class period, there were like five or more pairs making out. In the hub were nice red couches rounding up a table, which had a lot of gum glued below. Behind the couches were long windows that when you looked down through them, you could see the lower level's round courtyard where students always played different stuff. That kind of looked like the one million courtyards Hogwarts had. Wait… where did that come from?

We sat beside a couple that were really into it and my heart almost stopped. This was it; the moment of truth, where we were really going to get intimate. She wrapped her hands around my neck, -"Ready?"- Her voice was so sensual…

My heart beats were so fast that it wouldn't surprise me if she heard it, -"Y-yeah… bring it, b-baby."- That was horrible. My voice was so messed up, unlike hers. She kept it cool, while I was losing my mind.

I leaned closer, but before we could begin, I heard a familiar voice, -"Umm, excuse me."

I looked up to the new freckled guy, -"Oh… hey."- I muttered, clearly angry at him for interrupting my special moment. Was he following me or what?

-"Sorry to interrupt… but I…,"- His voice was shaky. He was nervous, ashamed for interrupting us. He sounded just like me a few seconds ago, -"I'm lost and-"

-"Again?"- I asked and snorted, trying to be cool to impress Trisha, -"Science classroom is in the lower level."- I lied, grinning. I knew I had to look hot for Trisha. She gave a look and raised an eyebrow, opening her mouth to comment, but she closed it.

-"Oh,"- He put on a doubtful face and looked at the school's schedule paper, more lost, -"Okay. Thanks."- Turning around, I saw his backpack. My jaw dropped. It was the DC Heroes backpack that was impossible to find and I always wanted when younger. I felt a prick of jealousy, but quickly shove it away. I had long since forgotten all that stuff.

I had no idea if he went to the lower level or not; if he did, he's a total idiot.

-"Wow,"- Trisha said beside me, -"You're a real bad boy, you know that? I like it."

That quickly sent good feelings in me and I smirked. My bad boy attitude faded, replaced by nervousness, -"You k-know me."

-"Is that a new guy in your group?"- She asked, even though she knew the answer, because she seemed to know everyone on this school, especially guys and that bothered me a little, -"He's adorable."

That bothered me even more and pissed me off. Without thinking, I pulled her head towards mine and smashed my lips into hers. She didn't complain and that meant she remarked Marco in that way on purpose. I liked that.

I was so pissed off at him that I remembered his name. God.

We were at the level of our tongues dancing, when someone poked my shoulders, -"Hey you."

Trisha gasped and broke the kiss, familiar with the voice. I gazed up, breathing heavily and inspected the motherfucker.

I never saw him in my life, but his little composure was intimidating. He didn't even reach five meter height, but of course, I wasn't going to show him fear, and even less if Trisha was beside me, who did seemed quite in shock. I stared at him. He was white skinned, almost pale like a vampire's. To add more, his hair was black with the undercut style and perfectly shining. His eyes were a little bit disturbing; the pupil was small and grey, but had that sharp intensity of seriousness and intimidation. He seemed like a business man with that black formal suit that guys wore on their proms, but I had a feeling he was a teacher… a new one.

I just stared at him and he stared back at me with that piercing look while frowning. It was like a competition. He seemed more of a bad boy than me, -"It appears to me that you have class now,"- He leaned down and put his hand back, -"And you better get your ass moving."

In the end… he won.

And I was pulled away by my own force.


	3. THREE

THREE

It was the third day of school of this year and I was already begging for summer.

I swallowed all my swearing and stared at the guy who just humiliated me in front of Trisha. I wanted to slam my fist onto him or just turn away, but I knew that I'd get in trouble if I did and this guy… gets in my nerves. I had to admit that. He didn't pull me out of the couch; I just pushed myself up, like I _had_to do it. If I didn't know better, I'd say he used some kind of power on me.

Who was he anyway? He didn't have any right to do what he just did, unless he was the principal… but he wasn't, because we were headed right to my science classroom and I know now that this motherfucker was my new science teacher.

Once inside, all eyes fell on me and everyone was snickering. Others were wide eyed and jaw dropped, unable to believe what the new teacher just did: look for me without even knowing who the hell I was and the school itself.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Eren laughing at me openly. Before I could throw him a glare and some words, the teacher stopped me, -"Take a seat, Kirshtein,"- He spoke and the moment he said my surname, I flinched. How did he know? He began to eye me or…–"I wonder where your school uniform is."- Again, the piercing look that demanded answers with his deep voice.

_Ah shit…_I cursed, throwing my head back. I completely forgot I had to write an excuse because of my 'uniform'. Damn it. I got through Hanji nicely, but not him. How am I supposed to tell him that? It would be embarrassing, even more if it was in front of my group. They were the idiots and I was going to show them that I was the exception. In the end, I shrugged ignorantly and said, -"Home"- Which I would regret I did because of the look the teacher had that said _'You did not just say that'._

He stared at me fiercely for some moments and time seemed to slow down as we had the 'Who Had More Balls' competition, -"Is that so, eh? What happened? Too occupied texting that you forgot to wash it?"- Gasps and laughs filled the room.

Boom. Right in the gut. Definitely, he had some kind of power. He left me defenseless and he noticed; having a wide grin on his face told me that. Wrapping his arms, he waited for my answer, but nothing came. I hated being defenseless without a comeback, but I was stunned both because it was a _teacher_who said it and because it was true. God, fuck my life.

Since I wasn't giving him an answer, he sighed and shock his head, -"Kids these days…,"- He eyed me again with a smug, -"After class is dismissed, you and I have to talk more."

No, not again. I grunted and turned to my seat, right next the door as always. Throwing my backpack angrily, I sat. The new teacher looked at me and grinned. He was enjoying my annoyance _and_ embarrassment. Son of a bitch.

Unlike the rest of the classes, the group stayed silent in this one. Too silent. Could they really fear this guy on his first day? He began the class introducing himself, -"Good morning, students. I'm Levi Rivaille and I'm going to be your science teacher,"- I almost snorted. I probably had that _You don't say_face meme from the internet, -"I assume this is twelve two."-A lot of 'yes' and 'mhum' were heard, even though that wasn't technically a question. Levi nodded and walked to his desk, -"I'm going to start calling you out. Please raise your hand."- He said and the immediate idea came to my mind that he was going to do the same thing Hanji does.

Then it struck me… he was passing assistance.

What the hell!? He hasn't passed assistance and yet… he knew I was cutting? I was starting to think that someone told him that I normally cut this class when Hannes was here last year. That someone might be Eren; no- it _was_ Eren. When I entered, he was laughing uncontrollably, the whole group was, but mostly him. That damned Yeager…

Levi started to call out everyone and then… -"Marco Bodt."- He lifted his head and peered, looking for a raised hand. None. –"Marco Bodt?"- He asked again. The little freckled guy didn't find his way. Poor him.

I couldn't believe this, but regret was boiling in me, forming a knot in my chest. God, the poor nerdy is absent for this guy's class, it was probably for the best. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling. He was going to be scolded by this guy who seemed like the kind of teacher who takes his job seriously and not coming to his class is probably the worst insult you could give him. Thing is, it was because of me. It's my fault. Why couldn't the freckled guy ask for directions, then?

It hit me hard.

He was shy.

Then I figured out why I was having this feeling: because it happened to me a long time ago and… it's not nice. Not a good experience. It was when I was in eighth grade, I think, back when I was a dummy. It was my first day in a completely unknown school. Some assholes liked messing with new guys and they purposely gave me wrong directions. If I assisted to one class, God had helped, but I was on my own just like Marco. Even so, I found my way through the hard way. Why couldn't he?

I shock away those feeling through the whole class. At the end of it, when Levi said dismissed the class, he beckoned me to stay.

I sighed, waiting for everyone to leave. By the door, some looked down on me, shaking their heads as in 'Poor, poor Jean' and I answered, -"What are you looking at?"- And when I saw Eren, I stood, -"Hey, Eren, you dickhead,"- I pulled him by the collar of his shirt, -"Thanks for selling me out, you bastard."- I tried not to raise my voice to prevent Levi from hearing because this could get ugly.

He just widened his eyes and tried to pull away from me, -"What are you talking about?"

-"Don't you 'what are you talking about' me; you know exactly what I'm saying,"- Trying to prevent my voice from raising was becoming a bit difficult now, -"Telling this asshole of a teacher that I was cutting, ring a bell?"

He just raised an eyebrow and looked at me like I was some kind maniac.

I growled, -"Stop playing the innocent baby!"- I raised my voice. This guy's playing all nice and angel innocent and that just added more fuel to my anger.

-"What!?"- He didn't like the 'innocent baby' term. Pushing me back, he countered, -"What the fuck, man? I didn't say nothing! You're just picking up fights, you dick!"

He clearly was as angry as me. I pushed him back more, recalling all the fights we had on our record, -"Bullshit! You're the one who's started it!"- Lie. I always started the fights.

And he knew that, -"Are you fucking kidding me?!"- He shouted as he pushed me back again. Normally, that's how our fights started, -"You start the fights! And yeah, what if I was the one who told him, huh?"

He was looking for the fight. He always did. His frown almost reached his nose, angered at me. I growled and pulled my hand back into a punch, -"'What _if_ I was'? You _were_ the one, idiot!"

-"Why cut in the first place when you knew you'd be caught? You're just a masochist! You like it!"

-"Shut up, Yeager!"- I launched my fist, aiming to Eren's face, but was stopped by a soft and cold hand, -"What the…,"

I stared at Mikasa, admiring her for a moment: her silk black hair, grey eyes, lips… I quickly shove the images away and glared at her angrily and then at her palm grasping my fist tightly, stopping the punch, -"Don't."- She said flatly, but her words were clear. _Touch Eren and I'll kill you._

-"Move, you bitch!"- I shouted, frustrated. She just squeezed my fist more as a warning. I pulled it away, -"Don't interfere!"

She stood right in front of Eren, frozen, arms down as she eyed me coldly.

I growled and began to reach for Eren again, -"Really, Eren? Why don't you fight like a _man-?_"

-"Geez,"- A strong hand grasped my shoulder and pulled me away from Eren and Mikasa. I almost stumbled to the floor, but I held myself against the wall, -"First cutting, showing disrespect and now picking fights. Are you having a competition with someone to see who the bad boy is?"-More laughs. I just shrunk and looked away, -"Can I join in the game? Setting people straight is my specialty. I guess that makes me a bad boy too, no?"- Levi grinned at me, enjoying every moment of this.

I watched as Eren and his little group left. Before they did, Mikasa gave me a menacing glare and I responded with mine too. Bitch.

I let out a heavy sigh and went to the teacher's desk. My second scolding is about to start. Just when I sat, I heard hard footsteps and heavy panting, -"Is it… here?"- A familiar voice spoke through difficult breaths. I turned around and saw Marco, hands on knees, buffing, and the only thing that crossed my mind was 'lack of exercise'. He looked up, sweat falling to his freckled cheeks, -"Oh… I'm late."- He looked tired and disappointed. When he saw me, he was surprised; probably thinking 'again?'

Karma is a bitch.

I looked away. Levi looked at Marco and eyed him, -"Oh, you must be… Marco Bodt, right?"

Marco parted his gaze from me once his name was called and looked at the teacher apologetically, -"Yes! I'm really sorry for being absent at your class. I'm new and… lost."- He smiled, though, with honesty.

-"I understand,"- Levi nodded and a slight smile formed, but quickly disappear when he saw his clothing, -"Your uniform…?"- He asked.

_Yes!_I celebrated. I didn't know why, but I was having a mini party in my head.

-"Oh,"- He unzipped the Assassin's Creed jacket and revealed the school's shirt, -"I brought an excuse, anyway, if something's not…"

_Bummer,_it all crashed down. Party pooper.

-"It's adequate."- His small smile returned and Marco zipped up his jacket.

Marco turned to leave, -"Thanks and, again, I'm sorry-"

-"Wait a bit. I'm sure Kirshtein here would love to accompany you to the next class so you don't get lost,"- Levi said with a rather disturbing friendly voice. He looked at me, -"Right, Kirshtein?"

I looked at him and Marco, who had a begging expression on his face, but who knows? Maybe he doesn't care if I do it or not. Even so, Levi's sharp look demanded I say yes, so…, -"Fine."- I said reluctantly.

-"Good,"- Said Levi. On with the scolding already, -"I need an excuse for not bringing your uniform, but I'm going to let you go as a free bird _today_,"- He leaned closer to me, his small figure suddenly growing intimidating, -"_But,_there won't be a next time, Kirshtein. I won't tolerate any of your jackass comments or your bad boy attitude. _I'm_ the bad boy here and _I_get to make the jackass comments, are we clear?"- His voice was loud enough for Marco to hear. Unlike Hanji, he didn't care if others heard.

I stared in bewilderment, shock, unable to move. Levi had the weirdest look on his face, a creepy one. To make it all end, I gulped and forced the locked in words out, -"I…I, yeah… crystal clear."

Levi slumped back with a satisfied sigh, -"Good. You may go."- He ordered us flatly and I, without thinking twice, jumped up and left.

Marco, who had the same face as mine, did the same. Outside the class room…, -"Um… your backpack."

-"Shit…,"- I cursed. Thank god I always sat beside the door, because I just rushed in and pull my backpack out without having to see the teacher's face again. Once outside again with my backpack, I sighed, -"God… that was horrible."

-"You said it,"- Startled, I turned and saw Marco there. Oh yeah, I was supposed to take him to the other class. He had his hand on his forehead, trying to remember something,-"I think we have Spanish now, though I don't remember since I lost the paper."

Oh, great.

He lost the paper and that meant I had to stick around with him, -"Oh… uh, just follow me."-He looked at me, doubtful for a second, probably thinking if he should trust me or not. Before he could say anything, I spoke, -"Yeah, about the science classroom… I didn't know they changed it or that there was a new teacher, because it used to be in the lower level so…"- I lied again. Science classroom never used to be in the lower level.

It was a huge lie because I went the first days, but he didn't know that. If he believed that, he's a complete idiot.

-"It's okay."- He shrugged and just smiled.

I had a poker face. Yup, a complete idiot.

I started walking and he followed. Spanish class with Erwin Smith. The only thing I liked of that class was hearing the others speak Spanish, because I wasn't interested in another language. Though, it was funny just to hear other people speak it. You had to like sing of some sort. In my opinion, it's a horrible language. I'm just fine with English. The only words I knew in Spanish were the bad ones, the swearing ones. Now, the teacher… Erwin was good teacher. Not so strict but not so meek either. He's the only one who spoke Spanish nicely, the rest just sounded like they were summoning a demon of some sorts. It's obvious that every teacher dealt with students who didn't paid attention differently but Erwin… was too different and weird: he'd just stare at you with his eyes wide until you shut up. Rumors say that if you stare at his pale blue eyes for too long, he takes you into a hypnotized level and controls you with his bushy blonde eyebrows. Bullshit.

One thing's for sure, don't get in his bad side.

The silence was killing me and I glanced at Marco beside me. He was reading that book and was smiling cheerfully, -"Uh, you know, what happened with Levi there, uh, that was nothing."

-"Levi?"- He closed the book with what I thought was a Batman's bookmark and looked at me. I reached for the bookmark, unable to stop myself. He followed my hand and opened the book. I took the bookmark and stared at it in awe, -"Oh… that's my Batman bookmark I ordered in eBay. Cool, huh?"

I ignored him and stared at it. It was like a silver stick with two pins on the end that nicely hung on the book. One of the pin had the Batman's logo and in the other was Joker. God… it was simple but beautiful. I used to like Batman… a lot. A constant waves of memories flowed in me.

Fighting those waves, I gave him his bookmark and went back to the main topic, -"… like I was saying, it was nothing, he's just like any other student I could totally handle," He looked at me, confused, -"Um… Levi, the science teacher."

I had a feeling that wasn't what he was confused about, but he let it go, -"He looked really pissed, though."

I kept on bragging, -"I don't care how many glares he throws at me, I'll swallow them all and shit them in the toilet."- I wanted to let him know that Levi didn't intimidate me, that I wasn't scared. Especially to him.

At that last part, he looked at me in surprise, but he laughed anyways. Then, he stopped abruptly, -"Oh, I think we're here."

I looked into the hallway. Yep. Our group was crowding in the doorway of Erwin's class, watching something inside. What's wrong? Then, I heard it: shouting from the inside. Fight! Someone called me!

With adrenaline in my veins, I made my way through my group, pushing them back. They muttered, irritated, -"Hey! Watch it!"- But I ignored whoever it was and when I reached the door, I peered inside:

_-"¡Cállate, idiota! Me vuelves a faltar el respeto así y para la próxima no te perdono, ¿oíste?"-_A lot of bad words came next and a flaming angry Erwin pushed a student to the door, _-"¡Maldita sea, carajo!__¡Como os odio!"_

Then, the laughing twelve one came out in guffaw.

And this is where things get ugly. _Real_ugly.


	4. FOUR

FOUR

Erwin was mad. Literally, I could see fire coming from his head and the culprit was twelve one. Pretty obvious since they were dying in laughter; though, that laughter faded once they were outside and saw us.

Things will get real ugly here. I liked to call these periods where twelve one and twelve two came upon each other the Warred Hours. Since neither could stand each other, they warred and the class they were supposed to take always gets delayed. I don't know if the principal did something to prevent it this year, but it's unlikely; above all, it's practically impossible. Teachers together could never stop them. They hated each other to death and I had to admit that twelve one always started the fights. Their superiority and arrogance always pissed my group off. It's a constant fight the principal couldn't prevent and if I'm not mistaken, we have another period where the groups met. Though, it seemed that the principal did something to prevent the group from meeting in too much periods. That's something.

I loved watching these fights, but that was it. Surprising, huh? I rather stay in a corner and just enjoy it for one reason: I'm with twelve one all the way, but I'm _in_twelve two. So, I didn't cheer for neither because… it's doesn't look good on me that I'm in one group and cheer for the other. That's cheap, even though my group already hates me apparently. I had that constant smack in my head that I need to change group, but it never happens. I'm too lazy to get into that mess of papers.

Either way, the only ones at a loss were the teachers of that period. In this case, it was Erwin and he had experience because mysteriously, the groups always met in _his_period these past years. He usually is a calm person, but twelve one made him lose his mind. They were _that_rebellious and uncontrollable.

"Oh uh, what do we have here?"- A guy named Frank in twelve one came out with the rest of the group following him, -"Hey guys, it's twelve two!"- He said to some other students from his group that were behind him, -"They love us too much that they can't stay away. Aw, that's sweet."- He mocked and as soon as he moved forward, my group stepped back, letting them pass. Once they stepped out of the classroom, they stood there, not letting _us_ pass.

-"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just let us pass."- Eren said as he stepped forward, but Frank pushed him back. He stumbled, but didn't fall. An angry frown immediately crossed his face.

-"What? This is how you guys say hello after so long? You know, we've missed you,"- Frank said as he faked a sweet face and crossed his hand together, lifting it to his cheek, -"Have some consideration, please?"

-"Look, Frank, we don't want trouble,"- Reiner stepped in, trying to avoid problems, because this is how they actually started. He was always the one who tried to smooth things out. It never worked though, -"Just let us in."

-"Yeah, cut the act."- Connie said.

-"If you don't let us in, you'll only miss your sorry ass."- Said Ymir. And that did it.

-"Sorry ass? Really, I don't remember you telling me that last night, oh wait…"- Frank began to laugh and so did the ones behind him. Monkey see, monkey do. Frank was practically the leader in twelve one, he's also the captain of the soccer team. He's the most popular guy in the school and according to the girls, the most handsome.

A girl beside him stepped forward, wrapping her arm around his neck, ready to defend. She was obviously bothered by his comment, -"Did you forget? She's a lesbian!"- I recognized her; she was my girlfriend's best friend Jenny.

Ymir just shrugged, not bothered at all by everyone calling her a lesbian, which made things worse. To make it even worse, she didn't say anything and all twelve one laughed. I just pulled myself out of the crowd, embarrassed and…, -"Hey, it's Jean. Yo, what's up?"- Frank called me out. God, I really didn't want to be dragged into this. It happened yesterday too.

I turned my head slightly and nodded to him, still walking away from the crowd, -"Hey."- I tried to sound cool.

-"Are you still with this herd of idiots and nerds?"- He asked me. I received a few glares from my group that said _traitor,_-"How many times do I have to tell you? Change, dammit."

-"Herds of idiots?"- Eren repeated, walking forward again. He was practically the only one who dared take Frank on and defend, the rest were just shy and intimidated by twelve one, -"And what are you, a bunch of Justin Timberlake wannabes?"

_Uff,_I exclaimed mentally.

Frank walked closer to him, bothered by the Justin Timberlake reference. He didn't like it one bit to be compared to him, even though he really looked like him physically and whatever hairstyle he did or change in any way, the rest had to do it too, -"Hey, uh, do you know how I like call those who are squished like gnat?"

_Pest,_ I answered in my head. He always asked that whenever someone he thought was below him pissed him off.

Before he could say it, though, Mikasa, as always, stepped in to defend Eren,-"Don't."- Just like she told me with the same look.

-"Hey, Mikasa,"- He eyed her from top to bottom and the girls behind him scowled at her, -"I still can't believe you're with _them_, 'cause you look like one of us."

-"You talk too much for a dead man,"- Her voice was fierce, but her face was still the same, one that didn't show emotion. She was tired of all this, -"You let us pass or-"

-"Shut up, bitch."- Jenny began to pull Mikasa's hair.

-"Hey!"- Eren shouted.

-"Hey you."- Annie stepped in, only to be grabbed by the hair by another girl. Eren was held back by some guy. Reiner stepped in and helped. Berthold did the same. While they stepped forward, the rest just hid back shyly. In the end, it was a mess, as always. Then…

-"_¡Oigan!"-_Erwin finally came, pushing his way through Frank and his guys, angered into the utmost level. Immediately when he spoke, everyone let go of everyone, -"What is the matter with all of you? I though you have agreed to some terms of peace. What happened to that?"

True. That was last year. I almost forgot. Apparently, everyone did.

Frank snorted ignorantly and moved past Erwin disrespectfully, -"Nothing. Only that these losers decided to break it."

-"I don't believe any of that bullshit,"- Erwin was way out of the teachers rules and limits, but he knew very well that they were the one who broke it, -"Now, go to your next class."

-"Pfft, whatever, I hate hanging around here anyways,"- He beckoned his group to follow him and scoffed at my group, -"See ya', losers!"- He stuck out his tongue and when he saw me apart from my group, he pointed at me, -"Jean, you and I need to talk. Man to man talk, y'know?"

I just nodded. Had to keep it cool in front of him.

Once twelve one left, Erwin sighed angrily, -"Come on, inside."

My group stepped in while grunting in anger, others discussing what happened and the girls rubbing their hairs. I sat in the same place as always and at the beginning of the class, the group wouldn't shut up about Frank and the fight, about how he never changed. I sighed. They could never understand him. They could never understand how it feels to be like him. Such superiority it's like an addiction. It felt good. It felt like you could do anything you wanted.

Almost ending the class, Erwin could finally start and I literally left laughing. Quickly, all the Frank thing was forgotten. Hearing them speak Spanish was hilarious and of course, I avoided having to talk.

-"_Hola… Mikasa… ehh, ¿como estas?_"- Eren, after class, kept practicing his horrible Spanish with Armin and Mikasa. Honestly, he was the worst one there.

-"_¿Estoy bien, Eren. ¿Y tú?_"- As always, Mikasa's Spanish was perfect.

-"Eh… _¿qué?_"- Eren asked, scratching his head.

Armin laughed, -"That's 'I'm fine, and you?' You have to keep practicing, Eren."

-"Agh, I know! What do you think I'm doing? It's all-"- Eren perked his head up from the book he had and looked at me, -"What are you looking at?"

I, startled, quickly answered, -"The floor, dumbass."- I got distracted from hearing their Spanish that I didn't even feel my phone vibrating.

He just looked at me confused, -"Feeling funny, huh?"- Then, I heard Mikasa mutter a 'don't mind him' to him. Eren grunted but turned his attention to the book reluctantly.

I sighed and took out my phone, I smiled: A message from my girlfriend, _I'm free. I'm at the lobby beside the launch room, y'know… McDonald's?_

_Yeah, I'll be there. Luv u,_I answered her. I had class now, English, but I didn't want to go. I won't miss this change of being with her. She was more important.

Before I parted, -"I think we have English now. Let me guess… it's in the lower level, right?"- Marco stepped beside me and I quickly shoved the phone in my pocket.

I looked at him with a scowl. He had his finger in his mouth like a mustache, guessing and he guessed right, -"Yeah, you're right."- No point in lying to him now.

-"Yes!"- He said happily and smiled widely.

_Oh wow,_I said while shocking my head.

Was he planning to keep following me? Why now of all times? Ugh, he was like a limpet. Annoyed, I sighed heavily, -"Here,"- I gave him my paper of our schedule. He looked at it and then at me, surprised and opening his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him, -"Follow the group next time."- I pointed to Eren and his group and left without letting him speak. I didn't even look back. I felt like I just left a little kid of kindergarten on school on his first day without saying goodbye. It felt good.

As I reached the McDonald's, the lunchroom's side lobby, I started to think that that might have been a little too harsh, but neh, it quickly faded. When I arrived, I saw my girlfriend with Jenny, Frank and some other guys. The girls sat on the one million holes tables. That's why this lobby was called McDonald's, because the tables looked like the ones in there. Jenny sat in front of Frank, exposing her flesh to him. She giggled at everything he said and at his touches. Trisha was taking selfies with her phone; she stopped when she saw me and put on her best flirtatious face.

I tried putting mine, but it wasn't that good, because she just laughed.

-"Finally,"- Frank looked up from Jenny's thighs, -"You're here."

-"Oh… him."- I had a feeling that I didn't sympathized with Jenny. She always gave me that annoyed look whenever she saw me.

Then I remembered his man talk he mentioned he had to have with me. He beckoned for me to sit beside him and I did. My girlfriend sat in my lap, -"Did you met Levi already?"- A grinned spread her lips.

I sighed. I didn't want to talk about that, especially not in front of Frank, but apparently he already knew, -"Heard he looked for you and found you hooking up. You shouldn't have run like a chicken, Jean, I would've spit him right in the face there."- I had a feeling my girlfriend was the one who told him, but I couldn't get angry at her.

Yeah sure, unless you've seen his face and attitude, but I didn't doubt that Frank saw that.

I didn't want to say anything; even if I wanted to defend myself, I couldn't. Thank God someone else joined the conversation, so I could just listen and nod in agreement, -"Yeah, but still… he had us cornered. Nothing we couldn't escape, of course, but still, a teacher like that…,"

-"Nah, nothing to worry about. We have all the teachers as our bitches in the palm of our hands,"- He opened his palm and clutched it, as though all the teachers were tiny there,-"Why not him?"

-"Of course, but still… it's not going to be easy."- Another guy commented.

-"I don't think so. Ruining someone's life is easy, especially a teacher's."- Frank argued.

-"Dammit, but who does he think he is talking to us like that?"

-"Yeah, remember how he treated Kuan? He's breaking teacher's rules!"

-"Guys, you worry too much,"- Frank said ignorantly. After calming down the guys, he turned to look at me, -"Now it's business, Jean."

God, I didn't like that, -"W-what is it?"- I stiffened a little and Trisha slid away from my lap.

-"Don't get nervous, you pussy,"- He laughed, -"It's soccer news,"- I let out a sigh of relief and nodded to him, -"We have practice today after school. Same hour, same place. Tomorrow, we have practice at launch hour, same place."

I just nodded. I could never deny anything he asked me. I shouldn't anyway. He'd kick me off the soccer team. He had power in this school, -"Alright. I'll assist."

-"That's not what bothers me though,"- He said as he began to rub his chin, -"It's more of a personal thing, Jean, about you."

-"Wh-what's wrong with me?"- This just kept getting worse. I stiffened more and halted my hand that was slipping through Trisha's waist.

-"I dunno, you're still kinda low, man,"- He scratched the back of his head, -"You've got the looks and the woman, but you're still socially low. You need to loosen up more, y'know? Kick someone's butt or slap a nerd or better yet…,"- I knew what was coming, -"Change group, man. You'll never be like me if you stay there. Do that, and that's when you'll become a real man. You gotta move, you gotta change, getting what I'm saying?"

I've had that same speech before and it's not like it's bothering me; on the contrary, it feels good to know that he's worrying, -"Yeah, I know, I know."- I nodded like five times.

"Sure, 'yeah, I know, I know', but you do nothing,"- He raised his hand, exasperated, -"What's wrong, bro? Look, if this keeps going, I'm gonna have to take extremes measures when you've fit so well with us."

I was becoming exasperated too. Sighing, I tried not looking at him or anyone who was staring at me, waiting for an answer. I felt ashamed, -"You know how lazy I am, Frank, I really don't like getting into that sort of mess,"- Before he could say anything else, I continued, -"But I'll do it, I'll speak with my mother."

-"I hope so."- Frank said and that conversation ended.

Time passed and it was almost time for launch. Frank was getting bored, even though he had five girls around him. Everyone was, actually. Nobody knew what to do and I just kept kissing with Trisha, which was getting a little boring too.

-"You know what will _really_ be good now?"- Frank asked suddenly, -"Bully a new kid."

It was one thing about Frank: he liked making life hard and pitiful for the freshmen. He always called them 'new kids', even though they were from twelve, eleven or tenth grade. I had to admit, it was fun. Even more fun when mysteriously all of them were nerds. The normal thing to do was throw them water balloons or eggs, but Frank also liked to troll and mock them; anything to ruin their life, really.

I couldn't think any further, my mind was concentrated on one thing right now: Trisha all over. She was on the verge or zipping my jacket off. I remembered the pink shirt I had under the jacket, but I couldn't stop her, I couldn't even speak. She was all over me, tongues dancing, heavy breathing, heart beating fast and sweating. When she unzipped my jacket, she laughed, but didn't say anything and kept kissing me, sliding up her soft hands under my shirt through my chest, toying with my abs.

On the other hand, Frank noticed and did say something, -"Really, Jean? A _pink_shirt?"- He laughed loudly, catching more attention than he already had and like I said… he laughed, the others laughed, -"Dude, that is _not_cool. You look gay."

Among the kisses, I managed to mutter, -"I… don't."

Behind Trisha, I saw him stand up and come over to me, -"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, hot stuff,"- He threw his arm around Trisha, -"I'm gonna steal him for a second, excuse me."

She laughed, gave me a last kiss and stood up, -"Keep it hot, bad boy."- She said nicely, while I was trying to catch my breath. How could she manage to stay cool after that? Another thing was, I was burning and she looked perfectly fine, hair intact and all.

I stood up too and zipped up my jacket, feeling unbalanced. People were still laughing. Frank threw his arm around my shoulders, -"C'mon, let's fetch some freshmen."- With his other hand, he lifted some water balloons and his friends behind him had eggs.

I shrugged and followed him. I really didn't feel like it; I mean I just didn't enjoyed doing that as much as Frank did. Though, I had no other option than to follow him; I didn't like being left behind by him.

We kept following freshmen through the hallways, throwing them water balloons and eggs. I just kept following behind without throwing anything. Sometimes, we'd cornered them and made them dance the chicken. It was hilarious. It was good watching them cornered and desperate to run away like chicken. Some tried not to run away, fighting with themselves and preserve their pride, but they were failing. That was good too.

Then, on my peripheral vision, I saw a glimpse of a black hooded figure dashing out of the bathroom, -"Jean! After him!"- Frank shouted and I began to chase the Assassin freckled wannabe.


	5. FIVE

FIVE

The bell rang.

Damn it, he was fast.

How could someone like him who doesn't have any kind of physical strength run so fast? Oh, but he was messing with the wrong guy. I was from the soccer team; I knew real running, he didn't.

My feet clashed on the floor as I accelerated to catch up to him, but surprisingly, I was having a hard time. Thankfully, one of the guys gave me a water balloon; just one, though. I had one shot at him. We turned corners, jumped some benches and avoided people like real Assassins. Damn it, this just looked like one of those chase you had in the game. This time he was the Assassin and I was the Templar. Fuck him; _I_ wanted to be the Assassin.

Surprisingly, my adrenaline shot up, mixed with competition. This was getting fun. It made me forget everything that had happened to me today.

We kept running until he reached a dead end, where he couldn't run anymore, -"Nowhere to run now, Assassin."- I slapped myself mentally. This was no game.

He turned around and shot his head up when he saw me, lowering the hood to reveal his face and the Superman beanie, -"Oh! Jean!"- Apparently, he didn't hear me calling him Assassin. By the way, how did he remember my name? –"I've been trying to…run from some guys that have balloons and… eggs. Can you help me?"- He tried to catch his breath.

Hasn't he realized that he was running from me? I didn't know how to answer and he looked at me with begging eyes, sweat traveling from his forehead to his neck. I just put my hand into my pocket and dug out a pink water balloon. Great. He stared at me and then at the balloon. I've been waiting this whole time for this, -"Happy new school year!"- I said and launched the gay pink balloon.

To surprise me even more, he gasped and sweetly dodged it, water splashing in the wall behind him. He had reflexes, I had to admit. He quickly ran past me, but I reached to him, grabbed his hand and pulled him back. Again, he stared at me, only this time, he looked surprised, like… disappointed, like his only hope of escaping tumbled down. Disappointed at me? He probably couldn't believe that I was one of those guys who ruin new kids' lives. After helping him, he thought that I wouldn't do this. Mysteriously, I felt like something stabbed my heart.

He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, my guys came, -"Good job, Jean!"- Frank shouted as he ran towards me and Marco.

Marco looked at me with pleading eyes and I received the message, _Let me go, please._ I looked at Marco and then at Frank. I had to choose _now._Where could he run to anyway? Run past them just like he did with me? If he couldn't get past me, though he almost did, how does he plan on escaping Frank, the leader of the soccer team and master at sports? Aside from Frank, there were two guys following him. I wanted him to get that message, so I slipped my hand off of him and he quickly ran.

Like I said, he couldn't run past Frank. All he had to do was raise his arm in ninety degree, exposing his rough muscle and Marco slammed into it with his throat, quickly falling on his back. Shit. That had to hurt. He was now coughing on the floor, out of breath. My heart jumped for a second and then Frank and the other guys threw him water balloons and then eggs. Marco struggled, giving them a hard time. Though, it seemed like he wanted to do something, fight back, but in the end he didn't and it wasn't because he couldn't… he just didn't.

I just stared at his struggle; he was covering his face with his arm, -"Son of a bitch."- Frank growled angrily and took Marco's arm, pulling it away to expose his face and that's when another guy slammed a water balloon in his face.

Shit. Shit.

Memories began to flow into me again: me running away from bullies, me being thrown by some guy I didn't know, punched, kicked…

This wasn't the same, but seeing him in the floor like that…

His face must be burning, even though he was soaking wet. The impact of that balloon on his face… I began to feel a slight burn too, the one I had long ago by the same way.

The grin on Frank's face scared me a little; he was enjoying this too much. Above all, he was angry at Marco because he struggled and Frank didn't like it one bit when new kids struggled. He supposedly does it for 'fun', so when he sees that the freshmen take it seriously, he gets angry, -"I hope you enjoy your first day on school and the rest of the year."- Frank laughed and so did the others.

Marco tried to stand up, but he slipped and fell again, this time on his butt. More laughter, -"Now do the chicken." -Marco stared at him for a moment and then shook his head. _Wrong move,_I said to myself, remembering what happened to me when I denied dancing the chicken, -"What? C'mon, do it!"

Marco didn't answer.

Frank was about to throw him another balloon, when one of the other guys changed subject, -"Look at his freckles!"- He laughed while pointing at Marco's face, who slightly touched his cheeks with the tip of his finger, -"He looks like a girl!"

-"Gaaaaay!"-

They all laughed and Marco just stared at the floor, enduring it all. Something tells me that he's already been through this…

I had to do something.

-"Hey, Frank, this guy's a waste. Let's go."- I said, hoping that I'd convince him. Marco looked at me.

Unfortunately, I didn't, -"What? He's not leaving without doing the chicken dance,"- Frank said angrily, -"The freckled bitch wi-"

Taking advantage of the moment, Marco ran for his life. Jesus! I tried to convince Frank to leave him alone, I never thought he'd actually run right in front of Frank. That wasn't good.

-"Hey! I'm not done with you! GET BACK HERE! "- He shouted as he ran after Marco, so did the others. After a while of thinking about it, I ran too. He was dead, so dead.

Marco was running at the same speed as before, but I could see him. Frank was losing him, unable to catch up to him. My jaw dropped. Frank must be losing his mind. Then, all of a sudden he disappeared, but I could see him blending in with the crowd of people in McDonald's. Like… like Altair did with the erudite. He put on the hood back and walked with the crowd, completely disappearing from Frank's sight, -"Dammit! He escaped!"- He growled, clearly furious at Marco.

I couldn't believe it… my jaw dropped again. He just ran away from the master at sports, probably the fastest runner in the school. That can't be normal; he'd had to be in some kind of… special training, or in a sport or something. But how… someone like him…?

Then, it popped in my head. I used to say that videogames aren't all just fantasy, that they actually teach you something, but… damn.

I tried not to think about it and focus on Frank's rage. No one, no freshmen could escape him like that; they never could, but Marco… gosh. Appearances can be deceiving; I never thought he'd pull something like that. On the other hand, if Frank gets or sees him, the freckle guy will pay… deeply and harshly.

After some moments of swearing words and unending rage, Frank's phone ringed, -"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming… no, nothing's wrong me!"- He hung up and stomped to McDonald's. When we reached it, the food he ordered from outside the school arrived and sat to eat.

I sat too, but I didn't order anything since I didn't have money. Everyone around here always ordered outside because they didn't liked the food on the canteen. I didn't like it either, but what choice do I have? Mother never gives me money for anything, so I eat in it without wanting to and sometimes, I didn't go and just starve until the day ended. It was painful, but better that than the horrible food on the canteen.

This was part of my daily routine, watching them eat while I starve. I always hoped that they gave me some, but it never happens. Hell, even my girlfriend ordered. They just kept chatting while eating as if I was never there. Time passed and my stomach started to grumble, ordering me to eat. Seeing people eat was never good for it, so I stood up a bit angry at their inconsideration and walked to the launch room… alone. I bet they didn't even notice that I just left, not even my girlfriend.

The launch room was wide with large tables that had six or more chairs. It was an ordinary room like any other, nothing good to mention about it. Before I walked to the line, I looked at the food: ravioli. Fuck. Just when I was about to step away, my stomach grumbled more and I halted, -"Fine, I'll stay."- I muttered while walking to the line. When I reached it, I leaned on the wall and immediately, I heard someone sneeze in front of me, -"Bless you."- I said without looking at the person.

He sniffed, -"Thanks."- He sounded sick, like unable to speak correctly, I almost couldn't understand him. Then, something fell from him: a Hunger Games book.

Marco kneeled and took the book, then sneezed again, the book falling once more. I grunted and kneeled, taking the book. When I gave it to him, he laughed shyly and awkwardly, -"Thanks again, um…,"- He looked at me, surprised, -"Oh… Jean."- He averted his gaze from me.

He still had the hood on, but I could still see his face well enough to know that his nose and cheeks were red; especially his nose though, meaning that he had been sneezing a lot… meaning that he had allergy, meaning that the soak he got did _not_do him well. Above all, his right side of his face worried me; it was all burning red, eye almost swollen. The freckles were barely visible and I had a feeling that's where he received the impact from the water balloon. Shit.

Apart from all that, he was soaked wet, obviously. His black jacket still had the eggs and it reeked. After what happened, he came here instead of the bathroom, apparently. I could see the difference between a water drop and a sweat and Marco was sweating. The black jacket wasn't doing him good either. He probably had a fever, his forehead was also red. In conclusion, he looked like a tomato. I couldn't help but feel sorry for him and… guilty.

He sneezed again and I just looked around, not knowing what to say or do, -"Um…,"- I didn't really know if I wanted him to escape Frank, but that was amazing. What's more amazing is that it was _him._Someone like him couldn't pull that out. In fact, like I said before, no one could escape Frank's fun time with freshmen. He's the first one and I wanted to know how he did it, the curiosity was killing me, -"Can I ask you something?"- He didn't say anything, didn't nod or anything, so I just continued, -"Do you belong to a sport group or something?"

He didn't answer at first, probably thinking _'why are_**_you_**_asking me this?'_He was probably mad at me for what I did, but his face didn't show anything that could make me confirm that. No frown or scowl. He seemed… calmed, shocked and surprised but weirdly calm, -"Uh… no, I don't."- He pulled the hood down and I saw the reddened ear now. Shit. I was becoming even guiltier.

-"Oh… well, just asking."- I shrugged and looked away, awkward. I'm going to act like nothing happened earlier.

He did the same, probably feeling the same way instead of angry at me. I just couldn't believe it. All the damage he had on his face was my fault, well… not all but I was an accomplice and that made it half my fault. I've been there and did nothing to stop Frank. In the end, Marco saved himself; something I didn't expected him to do seeing as how much he depended on me this morning. Above all, I realize now that if he didn't run like he did, it was going to get worse.

But then, Marco said something that made me confused, -"Thanks for, uh… helping me out there."- He said, not looking at me, avoiding eye contact. I could now see how shy he was.

I was going to ask, _'what are you talking about?'_ignorantly, like I didn't know anything, but I lost it, raising my arms in exasperation, -"Are you serious? I didn't do anything!"- I was practically already losing my mind putting the pieces together to see if I could understand him.

I raised my voice without wanting to and had attracted some stares. Marco noticed and glanced around, putting his hands in front of me in an attempt to calm me down, -"Uh… sure you did. You distracted that guy to let me run, remember?"

_I did?_I just stared at him… I couldn't believe him.

He kept bragging, -"I'm really not good in dealing with those kinds of situations… a guy like you would probably fight. I just run…"- He looked down, suddenly sad and unsatisfied.

_Those kinds of situations…_so I was right. He'd been through it before; and heck yeah I would fight, but that was kind of ironic seeing as how he could fight back there but didn't. I couldn't mention that so I just…, -"It was nothing."- I answered, putting some muscle and pride, trying to look cool, shaking off my earlier weird thoughts about him.

He seemed to have forgotten that I also threw him a balloon, -"You always say that."- He let out a low chuckle and smiled at me, bearing with the pain he must have on his face. How… just how…?

I suddenly grew angry and annoyed at him again. Grunting, I hurried to the janitors giving the ravioli, taking the tray and slamming it in the counter. They glared at me, but when they poured the damned ravioli, I quickly slid it over to the forks and spoons, taking one with the chocolate milk and dashed to the near table. Marco sat with me, obviously worried at my sudden mood, probably thinking I was bipolar and had mind disorder or something; he didn't say anything though, figuring it was best not to bother me more.

I ate quickly and sometimes gazed up at Marco who kept his worried face. Though, when I looked up at him from my food, he looked away, but his eyes slowly dragged themselves to me. A sly smirk spread my lips.

When I finished, I didn't even said bon appetite to him, I just walked to trash my left over and walked outside without even saying goodbye, even though we'd meet for the next class. Once outside, I met with my girlfriend who just finished eating and immediately went to make out with me.

She sat on my lap again, leaning down to kiss me, but… I didn't felt like it. I wanted to, I don't know, do something else. Is this all she really does? Is my relationship always going to be like this? God, but she was so hot that that is what I wanted. Yesterday was the same. I barely knew her, but when I brought up the topic about knowing each other more, she quickly changed it, like she really didn't care. I practically didn't either, but still…

Our tongues were dancing when I felt the need to stand up and do nothing in particular. So, I pushed her gently, breaking the long kiss, -"What's wrong, babe?"- She asked me, her hands traveling to my chest again.

-"Uh… I need to go to the bathroom."- I lied and stood up. It wasn't actually a lie, because I didn't really know where to go.

A wide grin spread on her lips, giggling, thinking I stained myself.

I blushed, but said nothing.

I walked and walked and naturally ended up in the bathroom. It was almost time for class again, so when I finished there, I'll go to my next class. I didn't really want to see Trisha again until the end of the day. God, what was wrong with me? My earlier anger still lingered, but I couldn't take it on her, I actually wasn't… it's just that… I don't know. I ended up giving up the same excuse I always did when I didn't understand myself: I'm just tired. It's the stress. I always convinced myself, but today… it wasn't working. I'd have to figure it out at home.

When I reached the bathroom, I froze, hearing grunting sounds, moans and pained breaths. Was someone having sex… in the guy's bathroom?

-"…huh, huh? Answer me, little bitch!"

I heard something slamming on the wall, followed by a pained groan, -"… n-no."

I wanted to turn around; whatever was happening in there, it was none of my business, but I suddenly recognized one voice: Frank. The other was faint.

-"Pl-please…"- The faint voice spoke again, pleading for something.

Another loud thud. More groaning.

Like a curious cat, I went inside and, again, I froze.

I totally take back what I said earlier, that I didn't have anything to do with what was happening in here. On the contrary, it had a lot to do with me.

Frank, on the verge of exploding with anger, if he didn't already, was lifting the poor and all bruised up Marco, slamming him hard on the wall.

I repeated… this had a _lot_to do with me.


	6. SIX

SIX

Remember when I said that when Frank finds Marco he will pay deeply? Well, it was happening right now.

Frank was pinning Marco on the wall hard, making him completely unable to move. He grasped Frank's arm tightly, to no avail. He couldn't free himself from his strong grip, -"Come oooon, tell me how you pulled that out. Do you have some kind of power or something?"

What? This was ridiculous.

Marco gasped for air, -"No… I don't…"

-"You think I'm stupid?"- He pressed Marco to the wall harder, -"You think you're some kind of god or something? Is that it? You think you're better than me, huh?! Well… let me tell you this: you're wrong!"- Frank suddenly scoffed and smirked, -"Look… I just want to uh, you know, consider whether or not let you in the soccer team. What do you say?"

Marco shocked his head, not interested in joining the soccer team.

Frank's anger shot up again, -"What!? You know, I shouldn't let you! What you did back there was disrespectful! I was just trying to be nice with you and you didn't appreciate it!"- Frank was practically screaming on Marco's face. He was too close. Marco turned his head to the side, closing one eye; the one that was almost swollen, -"I'm gonna teach you some manners!"

I wasn't welcomed here and apparently, I wasn't seen yet, but when I began to turn around, Marco's gazed me slightly and that made Frank look back.

I turned back again and my eyes glued to Marco's. He was scared and didn't dare to speak due to Frank's rage. He was afraid that he'd just add more fuel to it. But his eyes… his eyes tried to avoid mine. I couldn't move. His face says it all: _worst day ever_ and it was just the first one, already making an enemy without wanting to and without realizing it. His expression was blank; he was enduring it all without having to act, just like before. When he saw me though, it lit up, like I was some kind of guardian angel; then, it faded and he looked away, ashamed and defeated.

And suddenly, instead of him, I saw myself; just right there where Marco was being held.

-"Oh, right on time, Jean! Close that door!"- Frank shouted to me, looking from his shoulder.

But I didn't do it at that instant, I just stared at myself: blank faced, scared, unable to speak, pushed back… and a wave of memories hit me again. I suddenly felt my head heavy…

I shocked it all away, coming back to normal and seeing Marco again instead of myself. My head ached, but I ignored it and managed to walk to the door and close it, confused. What was happening to me? Am I going crazy? All I knew is that I couldn't disobey Frank.

In the darkness, there was only a small dim light that came from the only window open, above Frank and Marco, illuminating them, but mostly Marco. I stayed back and again would be accomplice of whatever Frank does to Marco. He snickered, -"Yeah, that's better. Now, on to the manners lesson…,"

Marco gasped and pushed himself out of Frank's grip, only to be grabbed by the collar and pushed into the near toilet. Marco groaned, trying to stand up; while doing so, he accidentally flushed the toilet, -"Please, I-"

-"Here's some paper,"- Frank mocked and threw him toilet paper, quickly sticking into Marco's soaked jacket, -"To wipe your sorry ass."- He laughed.

Marco brushed his jacket, but Frank kept throwing him more and more until his face was literally covered up. Marco puffed, making the papers on his face fly away to let him see Frank dying of laughter. Dammit, he must feel like shit.

I knew Frank was an asshole, a competitor and a selfish guy. I also knew he liked to make fun of other people and have fun with the freshmen, but this? I didn't want to call him a bully, because it wasn't the same. He has something against Marco, that's for sure. He clearly was angry at him because of before, but even so, he enjoyed seeing his misery and pain. Was I seeing Frank's true nature?

It answered itself because all of a sudden, an unexplainable weird grin spread his lips when he began kicking Marco and this one stopped his foot. They began to struggle and Frank, with his trained legs, won, pinning Marco harder on the toilet. Then it followed: two, three, four more kicks…

Then it was obvious: Frank was one of the many bullies in here, probably the worst.

Marco groaned each time Frank kicked, be it in the abdomen, legs, arms… those groans echoed in my head and then I heard my groans instead of his. My mind was telling me to run away, telling me that this was none of my business, but I knew better. On the other hand, my body told me something else and before I knew it, I was holding Frank's arm. He was about to punch Marco and obliviously… I stopped him. My body acted on its own. It felt like it had to.

-"What… are you doing, Kirshtein?"- Frank asked, looking back from his shoulder, a scowl on his face. It said _you are going to regret this._

Marco gave me a look of what-are-you-doing in a nice way without a scowl.

At first, I didn't know how to answer because I didn't know what I was doing and why, but something came out, -"Eh… just let it go. He got the message. Besides, we got class now."- I tried to sound cool, but honestly, I sounded like a fool saving a fool.

He growled, -"I don't give a fuck about class and _I'll_be the one to say when he gets the message!"

Damn it, this wasn't going to get easy and I seriously didn't want a fight with him.

As if God had laid a hand, someone called him, a girl, -"Frank! Come on! You gotta see this! Someone's fighting over soccer!"

He obviously couldn't ignore that. He was the best soccer player, but instead of solving out argument, he'd join the fight.

But I saw that he didn't want to leave Marco. In the end, pride won.

He growled at Marco and _me,_jerking his hand away, -"I'm not done with you. I'll get you soon enough!"- Though, he said that to Marco. To me, he said, -"We need to talk."- Again. And I was in real trouble.

I sighed when he finally left the bathroom. I went to turn on the lights and then went back to Marco. He was slumped back in the toilet, arms wrapped around his abdomen, moaning. For a second, I stood too dumbstruck to react and when I finally came back to my senses, I leaned down and helped him stand up, an arm around my shoulder. I dragged him out to the hallway.

What was I doing? Just minutes ago I couldn't stand him, weirdly angry at him and now I was helping him. If Frank saw me, there was no soccer team or good looking and popular friends and no girlfriend. He'd think I was some nerd and made friends with Marco.

Even so… I couldn't leave him like that in there like junk. I don't know what happened to me back there that made me react and stop Frank from punching him, I don't know why was I having memories that I thought I'd forgot and I definitely didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. In conclusion, all this shit made me angry, but I cooled it down. Now that I had helped Marco, there was no turning back. I just hoped Frank wouldn't be around and that this weird and awkward good side of me vanished.

-"Hey, uh… you okay?"- I asked, breaking the awkward silence. It was _really_awkward talking to a person that had just been bullied and that you've seen it. For the bullied person, it seemed like he was weak and couldn't take control of the situation.

Marco nodded. Leaned on the wall, still clutching his abdomen and looked at me apologetically, -"I'm sorry for… dragging you into this… again."- He said with difficulty.

I didn't say anything about that, -"What happened?"

-"I was…,"- He apparently didn't wanted to say it, but I knew just by looking at him. His jacket was still soaked but the eggs were gone, some of them. He went to the bathroom to clean it up and that's when Frank came in, -"… I was going to clean my jacket when he suddenly appeared barging in and… you know."

Nailed it.

I somehow knew Frank followed him, but I didn't say that.

-"Oh,"- It's all I managed to say. Silent fell for several moment, _Come on, don't make it more awkward for the guy!_I reminded myself and then, -"Um, you should go to the infirmary or call your home or… something."

Marco looked at me, not sure at first, but in the end, we went to the infirmary. The best doctor, Katherine White, attended him. She was too beautiful for a doctor: neck short silky brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. She was too tall for a doctor and had curves and breasts that added to her height. Her skin was perfectly tanned, no signs of imperfections and-

I was just checking out a doctor. I can't believe myself.

-"Hey, Kat,"- I said finally as I sat down a nearby chair. Many people called her Kat and she didn't bothered. Most doctors did.

-"Hello, Jean,"- She eyed me and snickered, -"It's a surprise you're still intact. You used to come three times a day with a new injury. It's a new record."

I laughed and smirked, -"I've been trying to, you know… not worry you."- I always tried to flirt with her, but she wasn't one of those, so it never works. She always laughed it off. Besides, I knew I wasn't the only one. It wouldn't surprise me that single guys would hurt themselves just so that she could touch and take care of them.

-"I would applaud you, but I have work to do,"- She laughed and then put on her work mask, -"So, what's the problem?"

-"Oh, it's not me,"- I pointed behind her and she looked back at Marco. He smiled, trying not to seem too hurt, -"It's him."

-"Oh, hello,"- She immediately gasped when she saw his reddened face, almost swollen, -"My God, what happened to you? Don't tell me, you're new, right?"

Marco nodded slowly, looking away.

She gasped again and began her work. She ordered him to sit on a table-like bed and gave him a blue bag full of ice that she then gently rubbed on both sides of his face and forehead. He slowly closed his eyes and then fluttered them open again. It happened constantly so I guess he was sleepy. He looked kinda cute -stupid and gay! Apparently, Kat though he was cute, because she took some time staring sweetly at his cheeks and freckles, rubbing them slowly with her thumbs. He obviously didn't mind. That son of a bitch. I suddenly grew jealous.

She kept checking him, -"You're burning, you have a fever. Are you sick? Do you suffer from allergies?"-He kept nodding to all her question and then she gave him two Panadol tablets and another bag, probably of ice, -"Here."

He took the pills while gently placing the bag on his forehead while she rubbed on his reddened areas with the other bag,-"Um… I have class now."- He told her.

-"What? In the condition you're in?"- She sounded a bit angry, but not at him, -"You're not safe out there. I've talked with the principal about the matter of the abuse against new students, but he couldn't do anything."- Guilt spread all over me, even though I just threw one balloon at one guy that didn't even hit him. It was all a mess and unfair, but I had to admit that it was fun.

-"Don't worry, I'll be fine,"- He smiled, reassuring her.

_Yeah, sure you will, unless Frank finds you again,_ would he say anything about what happened with Frank? Will he say anything to his parents? Will he mention _me_? Will Frank find out? I'm so screwed.

She sighed and stood up to look for something else, -"Alright, since you're responsible, I'll let you go,"- She came back with a white jacket, -"Take that one off."- What? She never told any of her patients to take anything off. Lucky bastard.

Sure, leave the Assassin's Creed jacket here and I'll take it.

He gave her a worried and unsure face. She snickered, -"I'll save it right here. Come by afternoon to pick it up, but you can't walk around with a soaked coat or you'll get worse."

Jesus, he must feel like a little kid sucking it up to her. He was using his 'cuteness' to take advantage from her.

Convinced, he nodded and took off his amazing jacket, giving it to her. She placed it nicely over a table with a big lamp to dry it. Putting on the white coat, he asked if she could dry up the beanie. Of course, she accepted and now I could see his black messy hair. It had that same style as Levi's only that Marco's was longer and didn't shine as much as his. With a towel, he dried his hair and began to walk outside once the bell to resume class rang. I followed, only to be stopped by Kat. God, her hands were soft and cold from the infirmary. She gave me a worried look, -"Stay with him, Jean. The day isn't over yet and neither is the war."

I couldn't help but laugh at her term of the water balloons and eggs fight with the freshmen. It wasn't a war, it's having a good time. Though, after what happened to Marco with the balloons… I don't know. Still, I couldn't deny anything she told me, -"Yeah, sure."- A 'babe' almost escaped my lips. I was going to stick with him only _today._

We left the infirmary and immediately, he took out the class schedule, -"We have Art. Cool."- He sounded excited. I figured as much: nerds always liked to draw. I used to draw, but that was a long time ago and I wasn't a nerd.

-"It's over there,"- I began to walk and he followed. Art class was in the same classroom as Music's in the lower level. It was a very comfortable and nice smelling classroom with air-conditioning. It always shifted in periods. One period was Art, the other Music and on forth. When we arrived, I stood outside.

-"You're not coming?"- He asked me, looking back, door mid open.

-"Uh, no. I have History."

-"Huh? That's weird. You were on the list when I signed up."

-"Really?"- I asked, scratching my head, -"It's probably a mistake, let me check."

We walked inside and immediately, I wanted to turn around and leave.

-"Heyyy! It's Jean! Come on in, buddy!"- Half of twelve one greeted me, but Frank was the one shouting, -"_Cool_guys only, you know?"- He laughed.

I looked back at Marco. I swore his breathing stopped; his face was suddenly pale.

The thing is… there was no turning back.


	7. SEVEN

SEVEN

God wasn't helping me or Marco this time.

Some of twelve one shouted my name and greeted me, completely ignoring Marco.

It was so rare to see Frank in a fine arts class. He didn't like them. Then…

It couldn't be… was Frank following Marco? Did he somehow know that he'd sign in in Art and that's why he also signed in? There was no explanation because Frank already took fine arts class last year, so he already had the credit. Not only that, he brought some friends for the hunt.

I smacked myself. It was obvious he'd still be after Marco. He wouldn't let him go that easy. He never does. I had a feeling that Marco was beginning to doubt if it was a good idea to sign in for Art. It crushed down because he entered either way and sat in those long all colored tables. I saw Frank's eyes following him like a predator. Fuck, so many fucks.

I sighed and walked to the teacher, Dot Pixis, -"Um, Pixis, am I in this class?"

-"_Saluti_, _saluti_, Jean, how are you doing?"- He asked me with his Italian accent and fancy voice, arms behind, -"I believe it's been so long since we've seen each other."- Yeah, ever since I came to this classroom to ask for some paint for a work in History that we ended up discussing and naturally in the principal's office.

-"Uh, yeah, can I see the lists of students?"- I asked.

He nodded, but didn't gave me the list, -"Yes, yes, you are, unfortunately, in this class since you lack a fine arts credit."-_Unfortunately,_ha! This year's going to be hell for him and just that cheered me up for staying.

But still: Ah fuck, -"Fine."- I said in a not so good way. I felt his I'm-seeing-you-but-not-really stare on my back. Most of the time, his eyes were closed and that's how he gave the class. When he opened them, it didn't seem like it.

I sat beside Marco because there were no more chairs left, -"Aw, Jean, come with us! Why so left behind? Join the _cool_guys!"- Frank mocked, laughing. It was all directed towards Marco.

_Look around you, dumbass,_I wanted to say that, but I'd get in real trouble.

I looked at Marco to see how he was doing. He was still pale and kind of surprised, but apparently, Art kept him cheered up because he took out a black with a collage of different geek and nerd stuff portfolio from his backpack. Passing some transparent slim bags with drawings inside, he reached the end, pulled out a drawn paper and began continuing it. He seemed very happy. I looked up again. There was only some of twelve one here, those who will back up Franks if things with Marco gets hard. Other than that, the rest were practically nerds who loved to draw. From my group… the horrible trio. My group took fine arts last year; they didn't apparently.

-"Hey, Jean! What about your girlfriend? Shouldn't you be with _her?_"- He asked me, standing from his chair.

I perked my head up and looked for her, immediately sawing her. She stood up and walked to me. Shit. She was here and I didn't notice her. She ordered the guy beside me, not Marco, to change places with her and he, drooling over, moved, -"Hey there, hot stuff."- She said and leaned to kiss me. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Marco gaze at me. My excitement shot up. I was here with my girlfriend and Marco was beside me. I'll show him how a true man is like.

Apparently, he didn't care, because he went back to drawing.

The class started with obviously… art and Pixis trying to tell Frank to shut up. The teacher ordered us to do an origami of whatever we wanted and then paint it. He passed the tables giving papers of all colors: white, black, pink, red, etc., -"This is how I liked to start my class, simple and fun. Do your origami of whatever you want. You can use the internet access I have and check out different origami online. Then, I want you to paint it. Look around you, you have _everything_you need. The classroom is yours. You can do it wherever you want: on the floor, tables, even in the ceiling if you're skilled,"- He laughed. Even his laughter was fancy, -"You may begin now. Remember: _This world is a canvas of your own imagination._"

Immediately when he said that, the nerds stood up and began taking all sorts of things from the counters. Other used the free internet the teacher had to look for origami. They quickly sat on the comfortable fluffy couches. The floor was also comfortable; it was all covered in a nice soft mat. Literally, the teacher had everything we needed. The classroom wasn't immense as others, but it sure had a lot. In the sides were lined up counters with pencils, all types of them to the cheapest one to the most professionals one. There were paints, all colors, crayons, paintbrushes of all sizes and other things I've never seen. It was amazing, I had to admit. To keep hefty smells away, Pixis had sweet candles that gave the room a different scent. He always changed them; today was sweet vanilla.

I mentioned earlier that periods always shifted. For music, there was another room, smaller, on the other side. A large glass separated the rooms and from here I could see the teacher, Eld Jinn, organizing the instruments for the next period.

Another awesome thing of the classroom was the walls. It was as if someone threw them balloons filled with paint. It also had colored hands prints. The thing was that Pixis did that same thing when classes finished and when started. He'd paint the walls again with white and then students' get to throw balloons filled with paints, printed their hands or drew stuff. It sounded really fun.

I left art behind though. I was here only because I needed the credit. Nothing else.

I looked at Marco. He seemed like he was going to have a heart attack of excitement. He was too happy, smile reaching his ears. After what happened, he didn't let it get to him and ruin his mood like most people do. That was… something to admire. Art used to make me feel better too.

I sighed and with my girlfriend looked for some origami on our phones. Every now and then, she'd kiss me and I gazed at Marco. Again, when I looked, he looked away. Then, he stood up. I noticed he was walking one legged and an arm around his abdomen.

After looking and looking, I've decided to do a double color heart for her and she was going to do a rabbit. She stood up with me to choose the colors. After some time staring at the million colors, I chose blue and pink, 'cause she liked pink. Then I took two paint brushes, -"What the hell, Jean? _Pink?_That's not something _you'd_use. You're worrying me, y'know?"- Frank said behind me. He wasn't doing anything, just leaning on walls, his predator eyes on Marco who was happily beside me picking stuff.

I sighed, -"It's not for me."- I said lowly. I didn't want Trisha to know yet.

-"Ohhh."- He whispered back and snickered. He kept speaking, but I didn't want to hear his indirect insults to Marco.

Suddenly, I heard Marco speaking a lot. When I turned my head to the side, he was speaking or better yet, explaining some things to other nerd. I figured he was in his habitat. He pointed to a lot of different things, explaining them all, one by one, -"Yeah, with this, you can make awesome shadows without having to blur much,"- While he spoke, the other nerds just nodded, -"These are water color pencils. Just add water to them and it'll paint neatly."- He seemed very content.

-"Oh, I get it,"- One nerd said and pointed to something, -"What's that?"

-"That's Chinese ink,"- He snickered, -"To use it, you need to have a lot of tolerance and- ow."- He flinched in pain while clutching his abdomen. Worried looks formed on the nerd's faces. Marco just smiled to them.

Then, Frank's laughter shot, followed by lots of fake sneezes. Everyone looked his way, -"Too much bullshit makes me sick, y'know what I'm sayin'?"

_Here he goes,_I rolled my eyes and looked worriedly at Marco, whose attention was now on Frank, just what Frank himself wanted. Aside from that, the others from twelve one joined him. God, this is just Marco's first day, -"Hey, guys, look,"- He began to draw something on his cheeks. When he turned again, -"My own freckles!"- He had little dots drawn on them. He also began to jump and turn around like a girl, supposedly imitating Marco. To be honest, he looked like a complete idiot and nothing like Marco, still… I laughed with the rest of twelve one.

The nerds looked at Marco and then at Frank. They obviously didn't want to confront Frank in any way or to piss him off, so they left him alone. They knew Frank, everyone did and they also knew he shouldn't be messed with, especially the ones of their kinds. Their kind pissed him off very bad.

Marco stared at him for a moment and then turned around to pick up the Chinese ink and went to the table. Twelve one was dying of laughter. That's when Pixis came in, -"Oh, I see everyone is done with their work. Good job."- He said sarcastically with that smile of his.

Twelve one laughed more, but when it came to speaking, Frank was the one who did, -"Sure did, pal."- He said and went to his table. I expected him to make a smartass or disrespectful remark, but I figured he'd left them for Marco.

After choosing the colors, we sat and started to make the origami. I was kind of surprised when I found out that my girlfriend was involved in the Marco thing since he was close to us. She leaned closer to me and said, -"Look, Frank was scolded about not doing anything and look."- She pointed towards Marco.

I looked at him. True, he wasn't doing the origami, but he was doing something. With the Chinese ink, he redrew what he did, spreading the ink on the edges with patience. Occasionally, he sank the Chinese pencil in a little vessel filled with ink. I almost gasped, though I had my mouth open. He was drawing Superman and it was coming up amazingly. He was, like always, posing with his hand on his hips, looking up to sky that had a plane falling towards him. He was floating, ready to stop the plane. I figured Marco was going to add color because he had color pencils. Woah, he sure knows how to draw.

Trisha snickered, -"Drawing kid's stuff, that explains a lot,"- She said, gradually rising her voice with the sole purpose to be heard by him, -"You see why you have to hang with _us?_ You get infected if you go around with guys like him and end up doing stupid stuff,"- She scoffed. She was speaking to me, but she glared at Marco, her mouth not stopping, -"I even bet that nerdy freckles will appear on your cheek if you ha-"

I had to stop her, because by the mention of freckles, Marco halted his drawing and a drop of ink almost landed on Superman's face, -"Trish, stop."- I whispered to her.

-"What?"- She asked me, surprised, but then a wide grin formed on her face, -"Let's see if his hero can save him from this."- She raised her knee below the table.

-"Trish… _don't_do it."- I tried to sound sharp and cogent, emphasizing on the _don't,_but it didn't work. Something burned in me.

She raised her knee harshly, hitting the table with a loud thud. Immediately, I saw the ink flying and naturally, landing on Marco _and_Superman. She laughed loudly, like a crazy witch and she gave a thumbs up to Frank while sticking her tongue out. Mission accomplished.

Gasps, snickers and whispers were heard, especially Marco's gasp. They had acquired Pixis attention and he walked over to Marco, -"What is the matter?"

Marco looked up and I saw his face. I froze. His eyes were glistening while looking at Pixis, but he held back tears. He was scared, ashamed, but at the same time, he tried to regain composure and remain calm, strong. He looked down at himself, at Kat's coat, tainted with ink; then, he looked at the draw and back at Pixis. He opened his mouth to speak and a shaky voice came out, -"I'm so sorry! I…"- Not only did Kat's coat and Superman were tainted, the table had little pools of ink that traveled to the floor… the mat. Shit. Shit. The thing is that that ink was almost impossible to clean.

God, what is this burning I feel in my chest? I clutched my hands tightly, _keep it cool, keep it cool._

Pixis' eyes widened slowly when he saw Marco's draw, -"What is this?"

I think Marco was more afraid that Pixis will scold him for not doing what he was told, because he gasped when Pixis took it. Before he could apologize, though, my girlfriend spoke, -"You see, P? He wasn't doing the origami."

Pixis nodded, -"I see…,"- He eyed the draw and kept nodding, liking it, -"Superman, eh?"

More laughs.

Marco looked down, completely ashamed now, but still not crying. Across the room, Frank was staring intently at him, clearly wanting to see him cry.

Pixis sighed, -"My, my… accident always happens. It's inevitable, but you should know that working with Chinese ink requires extreme caution,"- He said fancily, giving Marco his drawing back. _He_**_was_**___cautious,_ I though,-"Not to forget how expensive it is,"- A lot of _'uff'_ were heard and more when he said the next words, -"Stay after class is dismissed."- Pixis didn't show any sign of being angry; he had a small scowl though.

Marco turned pale when he said that. He was probably never asked to stay after class.

The burning in my chest got hotter and hotter. My clutched hand ached. My mind raced. I couldn't tell if I was angry or if something's wrong with me physically. Obviously, I was bothered with Trisha, because I told her to not do it, but she didn't listen to me. I just… didn't expect her to do that. I though she wasn't that kind of person who would contribute Frank on his quest to make Marco's life miserable. I though… she wasn't like that.

This was unfair. Marco didn't caused _anything_that happened here. I looked at him and he was more worried about Kat's coat and the mess he _though_he made, completely ignoring his Superman drawing. If I still drew, I'd be breaking walls and punching the hell out of everyone… but he wasn't. What's more is that he will receive a scolding after class that included charges from Pixis about the ink when he didn't do anything. He wasn't calmed, but he wasn't angry or breaking walls either like he should be.

There was one thing to do… but I didn't know if to do it and that was telling Pixis the truth. If I did, Trisha would probably break up with me for betraying her and Frank would kill me to a pulp. That's an exaggeration, but yeah, he'd punch me until the day ended and that included no soccer for me and I didn't want that.

So, I kept my mouth shut. That burn still lingered and I realized that I was… angry at everyone, especially my girlfriend and Frank.

After class, Marco stayed and I went to my next class which was chemistry with Grisha Yaeger, yep, Eren's dad, but he didn't come. Though, before I left the classroom, I 'took' a white thin, soft towel and added a liquid that will surely erase the ink. I left my girlfriend without kissing her goodbye; I didn't even say anything, which she would question me later. Then, I wondered alone around the school and ended up in the upper rondure called the Nerd's Nest, that included geeks, gamers, otakus, readers, blah, blah. Yeah, Marco was there, legged crossed… alone, staring sadly at Superman's draw, touching it slightly. I could hear his sighing. I went over to him and kneeled, took the draw and the book where he was propping it.

-"Hey, what are you-"

-"Shut it."- I quickly said while trying to erase the ink from Superman's face and the edges of the paper. Slowly, I rubbed the towel over the ink while trying to prevent the liquid from damaging the paper. The ink slowly faded. In the end, it didn't disappeared completely, but it was enough for him to continue it. I gave it back to him along with the book.

He gasped happily when he saw it, -"Wow, thanks. I- I didn't though about that. I'm such a bird-brain. Thanks, Jean!"- He said happily and looked at me smiling.

I just shrugged and walked away. When I turned back, though, he was looking at me with wistful eyes, apart from being confused at what I just randomly did. He wanted me to stay and ask me questions; he was alone and so was I, but I couldn't risk being seen with him. I wasn't like him, no matter how much he reminded me of my old self.

The next period came flying. My favorite class: Physical Education. It was in the court outside. I went running, my foot clashing on the grass. Before I entered the court though, I heard a loud and hoarse voice echo right in the doors, -"Alright, you pussy nuggets! I don't want no screwing around! Get to work! 100 push-ups! NOW!"

Keith Shadis, our instructor and teacher shouted to us as we entered and immediately, we bent down and made 100 push-ups.


	8. EIGHT

EIGHT

Now _I_was in my habitat.

The rage I had in me was like combustion for the push-ups, because I finished first than the others. It was 50, actually; Shadis wasn't joking about the 100, but he allowed us to do 50, but I could still do 100. After that, I ran, feeling my arms already hard and toned. It was the warm-up for what's next. While I ran, I kept thinking about today's events. Definitely, it was the worst day ever: two scolding from teachers _and_from a student, soon a scolding from my girlfriend, non-stop anger, having weird memories that I thought I had forgotten forever, the arrival of a new guy that awkwardly reminded me of my old self in so many ways… Quickly, Marco invaded my thoughts. I couldn't understand the guy, he'd passed through hell today and even so, he didn't call his mother or anything. His annoying smile always stuck on him like a limpet that he was. I even threw him a water balloon, lied to him and made fun of him and he'd still trust me or smiled at me. Honestly, independence wasn't his thing; he depended on me on everything today and not to forget the times I saved his sorry ass.

Again… the event reproduced in my mind when he was thrown a water balloon in his face, kicked by Frank, mocked and blamed in Art… it was too much to take. He didn't cry like a baby, but he didn't explode in anger or tried to defend himself either. He just endured it all.

I used to be like that… thrown everywhere, kicked, punched and I tried not to get in fights…

A pang of guilt and sadness hit me, along with a knot on my throat.

I shook my head, shoving those thoughts away and closed my eyes, not aware of where I was running. Then, I stumbled into someone and fell. That someone quickly kneeled and took my hand, lifting me up, -"I'm so sorry, Jean."

I sighed angrily. God, why do you keep putting him in my way?

I stood up, meeting Marco's eye, -"It's my fault… I wasn't looking where I was going."- I averted my gaze from his.

His face filled with worry, -"Are you okay? You seem thoughtful."

I nodded and gave him a small smile, -"Yeah, fine."- I didn't look at him though.

He had a doubtful face, but he changed subject, -"Hey, I wanted to ask you how you-"

-"JEAN! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!? MOVE YOUR ASS!"- Shadis' monstrous voice echoed in the court and I immediately started running, -"WHAT ABOUT YOU, FRECKLES!? THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO!"

Marco gasped, startled, and ran behind me. Then, I realized something… the others in my group were still doing the push-ups. I looked back at Marco and then to the others. How the hell did he managed to do them at my pace!? In the court, the only ones running were Annie, Mikasa, Ymir, Berthold, Reiner and me. I could totally believe they could, but Marco? No way! He doesn't look like the type of guy who would make push-ups, much less 50 or 100!

The quote: _Never judge a book by its cover,_echoed in my head. The thing was, Marco wasn't a book, so it didn't count.

When we finished running, we stretched and prepared for the next part. Now, we had to change because the real sweating will start. So I changed into my usual red knee length pants and a black sport sweatshirt. I sat on the bench to put my very awesome training Nikes. They were black with red lines.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Reiner walking towards me, -"Hey, Jean, do you have a minute?"

-"Sure."- I leaned to tie my shoes. I had a feeling this was one of his 'family' speeches, trying to get me back at twelve two. Since he was the leader of this herd of idiots, he tried to keep the 'family' together.

He sat, -"I wanted to ask you something. Why don't you spend time with us, your group? I understand that you think we're a bunch of idiots and nerds, but we're a family, Jean and you are still part of it, but you've change or better yet… you've been influenced by others."

I sighed angrily and looked at him with a questioning face, -"What do you mean? That I'm being manipulated?"- Did he mean that I'm being influenced and manipulated by Frank and the rest of twelve one?

Reiner didn't say anything and for me, that was a yes.

I shocked my head, -"No way, I'm not being manipulated by anyone! You know, I just chose to start like someone new! I chose to hang with the best! Besides, what I do and what I choose is none of your business!"- I was rising my voice and had attracted some attention.

Reiner's face was the same, only this time, I saw worry, -"Jean, I'm just worried, we all are,"- He pointed to the group that were still doing push-ups, -"I'm just going to warn you. We take care of each other, have each other's back, we're always there for each other in the good and the bad. Turn your back on those other guys and before you know it, you're stabbed. The voice of experience is talking."

I ignored that and looked to where he was pointing. The only one doing push-ups was Thomas. He was the only one who never finishes them, but…, -"Thomas! Thomas! You can do it! Just five more!"- Apparently, not today. Armin, Eren, Sasha, Connie, Krista, Samuel, Tom, Berthold, and the rest were cheering him. Sweat fell from his face like cascade, his uniform soaked wet and his arms looked like they were about the break.

-"He won't make it."- I muttered and continued tying my shoes.

-"Keep looking."- Reiner said as a smile formed on his lips.

But I didn't looked, until I heard, -"One more! Come on, Thomas!"

I perked my head up and looked again. Thomas was lied down, panting heavily while the rest shouted and cheered happily. They all, together, raised him up and kept cheering him, -"Thomas! Thomas!"

-"You did it!"

-"That's how it's done!"

From corners, Annie and Ymir smirked, even Shadis. He walked over to the crowd and grinned, -"Well done, son. I really though you didn't had the balls to complete it but you proved me wrong. And now…,"- He took a deep breath, -"CHANGE THE FUCK UP!"

Thomas nodded, startled, -"Yes, sir!"- Happiness was spread all over him as if he just hit puberty.

The rest did the same.

I just stared, surprised, eyes wide, jaw dropped. It's impossible… he was so weak and fragile. How the hell did he managed to do them? He never, _never_finished _any_exercise Shadis gave him.

-"Do you want to know how he did it?"- Reiner asked, leaning closer to me, -"He had his friend's backup, their support, didn't you see? Now I ask you,"- He stood up and turned to leave, looking back from his shoulder, -"Do you have that kind of advocacy?"- I sat frozen, mouth open to protest, but nothing came, because I really wasn't sure how to answer. Reiner smiled, -"Jean, we still have arms open for you. Any time, any day."- With that he left.

My mouth was still open; I wanted to say that Frank really supported me in the soccer games and trainings. That twelve one always supported me, but it didn't come out. Why? Did I have doubts?

I smashed my fist in the bench. I'll show them I don't need their petty backup.

We began to do a series of aerobics. It was a routine Shadis gave us and we _had_ to complete it. Each day was different. Today's was composed by: side jumping, long jumps, sit-ups, jogging … the easy stuff. He always prepared the court for it. It was like a race. You had to do the routine five times and then you're done. I knew that he gave harder routines for twelve one since they were all the best at it. My group was like the beginners.

I was going too fast, so I stumbled on a few people working on it. They complained, but I didn't look back.

When I finished and Shadis told me _'well done'_, I went to look for a soccer ball on the depot. I sighed while I dig the million basketball and volleyball's balls. If I were with twelve one, I'd be having the proper exercise for soccer, but no, I'm stuck here. When I found it, I began to practice by kicking the ball to wall as if I'm playing with it. It was ironic, since no one here knew how to play.

-"Hey you,"- I heard a voice behind me. I looked back and saw Ymir, -"Why are you playing with the wall? Could it be that you've made friends with it?"- She grinned, arms crossed.

I didn't laugh or anything, I just looked at her seriously, -"There's no one better."

-"Oh, how come you're so sure?"- In a brief second, she dashed forward and kicked the ball away from me.

I saw her coming; really, I was just caught off guard. That's all, -"Hey, why did you do that for?"

She shrugged, hands on her skirt pocket, -"Play with me then."

I grunted and went for the ball, when I came back, -"I don't play with girls."

She grinned, -"Try me."

I sighed, -"Let's get this over with then,"- I said just to make her annoying grin disappear and shut her up, -"The wall's the goal."

Immediately when we started, I wanted it to end. She ran with me, beside me, watching me carefully and the ball. I had to admit, she was fast, dead fast. She managed to keep up with me and when I went for the goal, she did an unusual speed dash and kicked the ball away from me, quickly catching it and kicking it to the wall. Goal. She winked at me and began running. I followed. I had the ball and began to do circles with the purpose of confusing her; somehow, she managed to keep up, eyes following the ball. When I kicked the ball towards the wall, she hastily ran for it and stopped it, stealing my goal.

She had an amazing speed. Not only that, she had amazing reflexes. How could a girl run so fast? It's impossible…! In the end, I managed to goal once. She won.

A wide grin formed on her face, -"See? You can't judge a book by its cover,"- She walked towards me, -"You'd be surprised at what we could do."

With _we,_I had a feeling she was referring to the group. I sighed angrily among heavy breaths, -"Oh, don't tell me you're going to give me one of Reiner speeches, about trying to get me back?"- I had my hands on knees, -"'Cause, it won't work."

She shrugged, -"I'm trying,"- She wrapped her hands around me and when I tried to push her away, she tightened it. Then, I felt her hand in form of a pistol on my back, -"Don't come crying to us if you're shot on your back, 'cause you'll be known as a sucking balls cry baby."

I jerked myself away from her and scoffed, -"Funny, Reiner said you had arms open for me any time."

She shrugged again, -"Sure we have, but you have to pay the toll,"- Her grin and bad girl attitude faded; she was serious on this, -"You think we talk bullshit all the time? Take us seriously, Jean, we're not who you think we are."

-"I don't need to know, it's obvious."

-"At least we're not sucking it from anyone, we have _real_friends,"- That grin came back, -"Admit it, Jean, you're sucking it on Frank so that he lets you be with the so called cool guys and the soccer team,"- I was processing it all and when I didn't say anything, she snorted and left, -"Good friend hunting!"

I growled in anger and kicked the soccer ball away, hitting someone. I ignored who was the victim and stomped away in fury. Sucking it on Frank? Me? No fucking way. If Ymir wasn't a girl, I'd be punching her to death. She didn't know what she was talking about. That bitch's gonna be in real trouble if she doesn't keep that mouth of hers shut. I wasn't sucking it on Frank, he lets me be with his guys because I was cool, a cool guy and because I was good at soccer… right?

I entered the gym and began beating the punching bag. Hell… it turned out that I couldn't beat a girl… a _girl_ of all creatures. A girl beat me at soccer! My sport! My passion! Was I that bad?

Instead of being depressed, I was angry at myself and everyone. In the punching bag, I saw images of everything and everyone: Eren, Mikasa, Reiner, Ymir, twelve two, my mother, Levi, Pixis, the principal… Marco…; I began to punch it harder and harder, my knuckles aching, but I didn't stop.

The gym's door slammed open, -"Hey! Watch where you kick that ball of yours!"- Reiner's voice didn't stop me from punching the bag, -"I was talking to you!"- He took my arm and pulled me around. When I turned around harshly, I immediately clenched my fist and aimed at him. He didn't flinch or anything, he stood his ground, definitely ready to take a blow and punch me back if needed, but he wasn't that kind of person, -"I know you're pissed, but that doesn't mean you have to take it out on others that don't have anything to do with your rage."

I sighed angrily and ignorantly, turning back on the punching bag, only to be stopped by Reiner's hand again, -"Can't you leave a guy alone?! I'm tired of your shit!"

A scowl formed on his face when I said that, but he ignored it and pointed outside, -"Apologize."

As much as I didn't want to accept it, he was right. I sighed ignorantly and walked outside to get this over with, receiving a few glares from the group. I wanted to know who was the luckless. Of course, I didn't do it on purpose, I was angry and not on control. Even so, I hoped it was Ymir or Eren, but when I reached the benches and saw Marco leaned on Mikasa's lap, I froze. Reiner pushed me further and I saw him completely: he didn't have Kat's coat anymore, so I figured he gave it to her. He had his beanie back, but not the AC jacket; he had the school's white buttoned shirt which was a little tainted with ink. I looked at his face and figured that's where my ball hit him, but I asked anyway, -"Where…?"

Mikasa looked up to me, glaring, -"You did it."- She signaled to his side of his face where he received the balloon's impact, which was now chili red and a step closer to being swollen. His eye lid was a bit dark though. He was dazed, eyes closing slowly. I looked away, biting my lips. God, I… worsen his side of his face. It was my entire fault that he'd probably go to a hospital; he was dizzy and God knows when he'll wake up.

I heard mutters, -"Is he okay?"

-"Jean's done it now."

-"Why on the new guy, Jean?"- That was Reiner.

I turned to him, -"Look, I didn't do it on purpose, okay? I just… lost it, y'know? I didn't know it hit him!"

Eren snorted, -"Yeah, sure,"- He sat beside Mikasa, who was slowly caressing Marco's face, -"Don't believe him. I saw him throwing water balloons and eggs on new guys."

I turned to Eren, -"Shut up, Yaeger! That doesn't mean anything! I didn't throw anything to Marco!"- Lies, lies, lies.

-"It means a lot. Why not throw him a soccer ball to finish his day?"- He kept bragging and I was losing it.

I ignored him and looked around. Everyone was around us, waiting for an answer, looking at Marco and me… then, Marco moaned and fluttered his eyes open, wincing. When he saw where his head was, he quickly lifted it, blushing, embarrassed; even more when he saw the people around him. I wouldn't be embarrassed if Mikasa caressed me, that lucky bastard… first Kat and now Mikasa? A prick of jealousy hit me again, -"He… didn't do it on purpose."- He said and looked at me.

After all that happened today, he defends me…

-"He still has to apologize!"- Everyone exclaimed.

I had to apologize. I knew that more than anyone here, but why now in front of all these people? It was embarrassing and not cool; it'll make me look like a cry baby. If I did, I'd be changing my profile for them. I had to apologize… later, when he's alone. Yeah, I'll do that. I just hoped he doesn't leave school early.

Without anything else to do, I shrugged like I didn't give a fuck and walked away as a horrible knot clutched my chest along with guilt. Some went after me, but Reiner said it wasn't worth the sweat. When physical education was done, I had to stay for practice. The soccer team was already reunited outside in the field. Before I met them though, I saw Marco alone in a bench waiting to be picked up and I thought that was my chance to apologize. Checking that no one saw me leaving the field, I sat beside Marco.

He was reading that book and when I sat, he perks his head up in surprise and I froze again: I could literally see the mark of my soccer ball on the right side of his face; it was redder than his left side, his eye in the brink of being swollen. After several awkward moments, he spoke lowly, tired, -"Hi, Jean… um, I-"- His kindness and smile didn't fade though.

I raised my hand in a gesture to shut him up, -"Wait, before you speak, I wanted to say that I'm…,"- I sighed; I had to say it, or else the knot I had wouldn't go, -"… I'm sorry about before. I totally didn't do it on purpose, I was just… angry and kicked the ball,"- I looked at him and his face, not stopping my mouth. I looked down, kind of ashamed, -"I can't control my temper… it's frustrating and that looked like I was taking it out on you. I'm so sorry."- That was the first time I apologized to him and actually, the first time I apologized at all.

He stared at me, blushing a bit. Then, he awkwardly leaned, placing his hand on my shoulder, -"Oh… it's okay, it's okay! It's nothing, really!"- How could he say that after all he'd been through today? He now had a worried face, -"You looked really pissed off… what happened?"

I shrugged, -"Just… stuff. I just discussed with someone, that's all. I felt like the whole world was on me,"- Lie. I wasn't angry because of what Ymir said, because I knew from the bottom that she was right. I was angrier at what Frank and my girlfriend did to him, but I wouldn't say that to him. Though, from the way he looked at me… he knew.

He nodded and looked away, completely understanding me about the whole world thing. I wasn't surprised, -"I see…,"- He looked like he wanted to give me an advice, instead, he changed the subject, -"Hey, I wanted to ask you something…"

I nodded to him, -"Yeah?"

His face lit up, excitement filling him, -"It's about the draw. How did you know how to clean it? It was amazing, the ink was totally gone!"

-"I uh… just knew, it's obvious,"- I shrugged and waited to see if he fell for it. He didn't, giving me that skeptical look. I snorted, -"I used to take classes."

His smile grew, -"Really? With who?"- He was curious and very excited to find someone like him actually talking to him about it. Sadness suddenly invaded me…

-"I uh… forgot her name,"- I tried to think of my drawing class teacher's name, scratching my forehead, -"It was… Marianne… Buckshovich?"

He gasped and before he could answer me, Frank called out to me and at that moment, a car halted in front of us, Marco's pick up, -"Where the fuck is Jean? Don't tell me that asshole didn't come!"

I quickly stood up and so did he. He had his mouth open, but I spoke first, afraid that Frank saw me with him, -"Sorry, gotta go."

He looked at the car and then at me, -"Oh… me too."

He wanted to say goodbye, but I was already running in the field.


	9. NINE

NINE

-"What the fuck, Jean? That's not how you do it!"

Frank's shouting was pissing me off really bad. I understood him though, I was failing at everything. The warms up, the running, the ball kicking and the practice game; I was left behind and no matter how hard I tried to keep up with everyone… I stayed back. All that just made me angry. I wasn't proving myself as a good soccer player; I wasn't proving that I was one of them…

After the running, I had my hands on my knees, panting, out of breath and that wasn't like the other larger runs. What's happening to me? God! I felt weak!

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder, -"Tired already? Pft, lame."- The hand on my shoulder felt like George was going to give me an advice, but he didn't. I saw him walk, full of pride, throwing kisses to the girls on the benches. My girlfriend was there… fuck.

George was a tall, black haired guy that reminded me of Berthold, though, comparing now… Berthold was taller. Where the hell did that come from?

After the runs, we practiced the kicking and I… failed. My mind was dozed and I didn't know why, my mood was also down. Everyone booed at my blunders, others laughed, Frank growled angrily and I was fucked up.

When I was about to make another kick, Frank took me away,-"What the hell is wrong with you? You're a failure."

I flinched at that. I didn't expect it. I choked my head, -"I dunno, Frank. My mind's like… in another planet. I really don't understand…"- I took a deep breath. I was being honest with him.

He scoffed, not really caring, -"Whatever. Just land already and play. We're the best soccer players, so at least try to be good or else."- His tone was serious. He left.

I watched him go, frozen, disappointed. Then, I felt my mood go down even deeper. Did I just expect an advice and consolation from him? It was obvious I didn't have his, or anyone's, support here. I was on my own. Suddenly, Reiner's words echoed in me.

Then, the practice game began and the team divided into two groups. As I played at the front, I realized that everyone was avoiding me, preventing the ball come to me. Also, there was no team work, no support; this wasn't a real game, I knew that, but come on…

Why was I yearning for teamwork now of all times? What I needed to do was prove myself and enhance my skills.

So much for enhancing my skills. No one kicked the ball to me. I realized no one wanted me to fuck the game. Finally when someone did, accidentally though, I ran towards the goal and when I went in for the kick, Ymir's words about me sucking it on Frank echoed too and I failed the goal. I kicked it but it went off field.

_Ha-ha-ha! Boo! Loser! Why is he in the game? Get him out!_That's all I heard then and I looked down, ashamed, clutching my fists.

-"Jean! What the fuck was that!?"- Frank's said behind me.

I raised my head and clenched my teeth. I didn't wanted to stay hit like that, -"A kick! Isn't it obvious?"- I shouted back and I knew I would regret it.

A lot of _uhhh_invaded the field from the girls on the benches and the guys playing. The next thing I saw was Frank right in front of me with a threatening pose, a scowl on his face. It's how fights started, faces a few inches away, -"What did you say, huh? I want you to say it again."

I looked away from him, feeling his breath in my face, hearing his angry growl perfectly. I didn't say anything and looked at the ground.

Several silent moments passed, -"Yeah, that's what I thought,"- He stepped back and continued the 'game', -"Move it people!"

He didn't told me to leave the game or to stay, so I stayed and tried doing my best as a defender and I did better to compensate Frank, but he didn't say anything in the process. When practice ended at five o' clock, he gestured me to stay. We sat at the benches as the others gathered their stuff to leave; my girlfriend waited for me and I knew I had two scolding to come.

I was nervous and wanted to apologize, but I didn't, it wasn't right.

-"Jean, I'm gonna be brief at this, so listen,"- He sighed angrily and pushed his hair back with his hand, abhorred at my situation, -"You're surprising me, y'know? You ain't like that. You're pissing me off,"- That was obvious, -"I don't care shit about whatever happened to you that put you like that. I'm gonna have to take serious actions if you don't straighten your balls up and play like you should. I want the best soccer players here, not losers, understand?"

I knew that serious actions meant my exile from the 'team'. I just nodded and said nothing.

-"I ain't hearing what I want to hear, Jean."

I sighed and stood silent for a moment, -"I understand, Frank."- I said finally.

He _hmph_-ed and left, leaving me with my girlfriend.

On with the other scold, -"What the hell was all that?"- Her voiced was high and sharp, obviously angry. I stood to gather all my stuff. I was going to answer her like I did to Frank, but I just shrugged instead, which made her angrier, -"Answer me!"

I turned around hastily, -"I don't know, okay!? There's a lot on my mind that I don't understand, that's all! I didn't have a good day!"- I couldn't believe that this was our second day as pairs and were already fighting. I turned again to gather my stuff.

-"That was completely not like you! You're better than that! Frank almost threw you away! You made yourself look like a loser and me the loser's girlfriend! Not cool!"

I turned around again, realization hitting me, -"What? Is that what you care about? About how you look? You don't even worry about me?"- I definitely couldn't believe _this._

She stood quiet for a moment, figuring out how to answer me. She began to toy with her curls, -"Of… course I do. I love you, okay? And this is not what I want for you. I want you to be the best at this, I want you have the best friends and girlfriend, but you gotta-"

-"Why don't you try to be honest for once? Please, for me, if you really love me."

She toyed with her curls again, avoiding eye contact with me, -"What does that mean? Hey, I'm trying to help here, okay?"

-"Help? Yeah, sure,"- I turned again and continued with the gathering, almost finishing, -"Look, it's fine, you're fine. Let's forget all this."- I was already tired and pissed off.

-"You doubt my intentions with you? Ugh!"- She kept muttering furiously, -"Look, just don't make me look bad in front of many people, okay? Especially not in front of Frank! I wanna have the best soccer player boyfriend and-"

I grunted and turned around hastily again, kissing her. I knew that'd shut her up. She quickly answered it. That's what she liked. Her hand climbed my neck and traveled my hair, pushing the kiss. When she bit my tongue, I pulled back and looked seriously at her and shocked my head, finished picking my stuff.

She then kept bragging about how she didn't meant what she said, that she was just tired too. When I took off my Nikes and was about to put them on my bag, I saw a flash of blue and red mixed with fire red. When I opened my eyes, I saw someone I didn't expect to be there: Superman. I gasped. The draw Marco did; the draw I fixed. I took it and lifted it to see it better. It was perfectly painted: Superman with his usual colors, the earth and the plane on fire falling towards him. The fire looked real, everything looked real and it appeared as if Superman may come out any second now. He looked alive and powerful with the colors. Back then with the ink, he looked dark and depressed. The colors gave him life. It was perfect and beautiful, but why would Marco leave it here? Above all, when did he?

My mood went up immediately, happiness filled me. I liked the draw a lot, loved it. Marco made his way into my thoughts, thinking possibilities of why he left it here. It quickly faded though, as I admired the draw. Memories of me sitting on the floor watching Justice League surfaced… I was like returning to my old self…

It all crashed down, -"Wait… is that…?"- Trisha noticed my sudden weird acting and was figuring out the draw. God, if she realized…

Thankfully, I heard Mom's car horn.

-"Uh, nothing!"- I quickly shoved the draw in the bag, hoping I didn't damage it. Finishing, I took the bag and put it around me, -"I have to go. Uh… see you tomorrow."

I turned to leave, but Trisha stopped me, wrapping her arms around my neck and kissing me again, -"Goodbye, honey. Hey,"- She whispered to me. I thought she was going to apologize, but she didn't. Her hand traveled down to my pants, -"Stay hot and I might melt."

Lies. When she was about to dug into them, I stopped her, -"Please, don't…,"- I looked away to my Mom's car, wondering if she was watching me. My mood dropped again as I recalled what happened earlier, -"… I haven't gotten over what just happened."- I kissed her goodbye and left to the car.

The whole car drive to home was dead silent. I didn't speak to my mom and neither did she. Not even _how was your day?_or _Good afternoon, son,_ so I figured she was still mad at me and guess what, mom? So am I! Though, I kept glancing at her. She looked tired and had dark circles under her eyes that meant she hadn't gotten any sleep. I suddenly felt worried and wanted to ask her, but I kept my mouth shut.

When we arrived home, I quickly left the car and inside, I found my father looking for food in the refrigerator, -"Welcome home, son!"- He said, still looking.

-"Hey, dad."- I said and made my way to the stairs. My father wanted to say something else, but once I was in my room, I shut the door close. I sighed, my room was a mess. Sitting on my bed, I took everything off, throwing both my school backpack and practice bag away. I threw myself back at my bed and stared at the ceiling.

That's when my father came in, worried, -"Hey, son, you okay?"

I sighed, -"Fine."- I said, hoping he'd leave me alone.

He didn't, -"Well… it doesn't look like it and by what your mother tells me…"- He sat beside me.

I sighed again, glaring at him, -"I said I'm fine."

-"Look, son, I know when you're not 'fine', alright? I'm your father and if there's something I can do, is supporting my son and fix his problems,"- He looked at me, wistfully, -"Isn't that what fathers do?"

I sighed for the third time and sat up, not looking at him. To be honest, I didn't liked this stuff. I wasn't a kid and I kind of felt the same way I did with mom with him. My father's obsessed with work. He's always working, all week, day and night. He never knows when he's called for work. That disconnected my relation with him, but now I saw that kind of longing in his eyes of playing baseball with his son. He looked worried and very, very tired, just like mom. Thing around us weren't good. For all I cared. I'd be leaving next year for college. Those stuffs fixed themselves.

I had to give him an answer though, -"I just had a bad day, that's all."

I felt his cold hand on my bare shoulder and I guessed that there was air conditioning in his work, which I was completely unaware of; not that I cared where he worked, -"I understand. It happens to me a lot,"- I looked at him now; he still had his work uniform and was looking up at the ceiling, -"I miss you and your mom a lot when I'm not here…,"- Was he saying that all his days were bad? That seemed more like a thought of him, not supposed to be spoken. When he looked back down, he looked at me, smiling, -"It's okay, son! Don't let bad days ruin you! I'm sure that in the end of it, there's something good waiting for you!"- He looked childish.

I stared at him. He was kind of weird today. Most of the time, he was antisocial and rude. Today, he was the opposite; he was still tired, but talkative and weirdly cheered. Was he really trying to reconnect our relation and mom's? After all the time that passed when he didn't even say goodbye when he left for work?

I appreciated him trying to cheer me up, because it was stupid, I was just tired. I just nodded and acted like he was right, -"Yeah… sure."- My voice didn't sound like it though.

He gave me a worried look, -"Um, well, how about a family dinner, eh?"

I looked at him in shock, not expecting that, -"A… what?"- I scratched the back of my head, -"I'm not hungry, dad."- At that moment, my stomach grumbled.

He laughed, -"Sure you're not! Change up and come downstairs, okay?"

I sighed in defeat.

After changing into the usual pajamas, I went downstairs and sat in the dining table, a plate of smashed potato and salad waiting for me. My stomach grumbled again and I quickly took the fork and began to eat, ignoring the fact that we never had anything like this. It was mostly snacks.

-"Hey, slow down, son. You don't want to choke do you?"- My father laughed as he placed a glass of water beside my plate. I wanted to thank him, but my mouth was full.

Then, my mother sat too and took a bite of the smashed potato, -"Hmmm, it ain't bad, though not as good as mine,"- She snickered and continued eating, -"Where did ya' learned to cook like this? It's supposed to be my job!"

My dad blushed shyly, rubbing his cheek with his finger, -"I've been… improving a little."- He smiled though.

-"Ya' improved all right!"

In the kitchen counter, I saw a cooking book. _I see,_he's been practicing and he had planned this a long time ago, I bet.

I practically finished my plate in minutes while mom and dad were still eating. My ass seemed stuck as I drank water though, I didn't leave and we had a nice conversation about different things. It was a small conversation… but nice and comfy, one we didn't had in months.

When they finished and mom sat to watch TV, I asked dad, -"Hey, dad, what have you been up to?"- It was an indirect as to: _Hey, dad, where the hell do you work?_ I hoped he didn't catch it, that'd make me look as a horrible son that doesn't know where his dad works.

He laughed, totally catching it, -"Computer engineering. My last computer fixing was at Sina, so I travel a lot and it's exhausting."

-"Exhausting? You sit and fix computers, how's that tiresome?"- I quickly asked. The question escaped my mouth.

He smiled, -"It's not as easy as you think, son: cables here and there, travel here and there. I haven't gotten much sleep either."- He yawned as the washed the dishes.

I leaned on the wall near him, -"Oh, yeah. I guess that's right."

-"Also,"- He added and moved closer to me as if telling something top secret, putting his wet hands on his mouth, -"I've been writing too."

I almost gasped, -"Really? On… what?"- Now, that was something I didn't expect. Dad? Writing books? Nah.

He _shhh_me and went back to washing dishes, -"It's still not done. Don't tell your mom."

I nodded to him.

After that, I went upstairs again. So, my dad's the one making money here. Cool. Well, it's obvious since my mom's not working, but fixing computers _and_ writing books? Wow. At least we're surviving. I had to credit him for that.

I looked at the clock; it was nine already so I went to take a shower. All naked, thoughts flowed into me as I leaned on the humid wall. I really hated these times when you're alone and all sorts of thoughts get into you. I couldn't help it. Today's events rewind in my mind like a movie. Summary: One hell of a day.

I acted weird, or better yet, something weird happened to me today. I was out of control, my temper always getting the better of me. It's always like that. Today, though, I did things I didn't expect to do. The point is this was the third day of school; the first ones weren't that intense. I wondered if things had to do with Marco, because he came and I screwed everything up. What the hell? The guy comes and weirdly reminds you a lot of your old self and brings you memories you thought you had once forgotten. Of course he didn't do it on purpose, but that's the thing. He doesn't even try. On the other hand, he gets into you, like pierces you hard without wanting to. He's the type guy that you can't understand, no matter what. I have questioned him the whole day as to why the hell after so much pressure he stills smiles or doesn't leave the school or whatever. I had been part of that pressure and at the end, he leaves me a draw. How's that? I had helped him clean the ink off the draw, which is one of the things I didn't expect to do. Like I said, weird.

There were many things in my mind now, like my girlfriend and Frank, what happened just hours ago, what Ymir said, what happened minutes ago with mom and dad, but Marco simply popped in my mind, like: why did he leave the draw on my bag? When? Why was he like that? Why did he remind me of myself? How did he manage to do the push-ups? The sit-ups? Why defend me after I kicked a ball at him? Ugh. Everything connected with him. He was like the mastermind.

Like always, I came to the conclusion that I was stressed and had a long day, knowing that it wasn't that. Many people were playing with my mind, like playing tricks on me or simply… something's changing or maybe I am again.

I had to stop. Besides, thinking about a guy while taking a long shower was weird. So I finished quickly and threw my body into my bed. Out of nothing, I took Marco's draw from my bag right beside the bed and shoved it into the school's backpack. My phone began to vibrate, it was my girlfriend, but I didn't answer her, so I fell asleep.

I had dreams about a flying Superman chasing Assassins.


	10. TEN

TEN

The next day's school was still boredom. We had to wait for Hanji to find her keys again.

I looked around. My group arrived early today, but there was no sign of Marco… yet. Suddenly, I wondered if he told anything of what happened yesterday to him with Frank. I guessed he did, well, he had to. I also wondered if his mom took action and did something. I had a feeling she did, because I bet that he'd been through this in previous schools. It wasn't normal for a guy like him endure that on his first day. He just endures it like it was a thing of all days; he didn't cried or went to the office.

Then, he arrived. He looked tired and still in pain, but not like yesterday. Today, I had to admit, he looked cooler. He had deep blood red jeans that I recognized were from Hot Topic that had a black chain hung over, he had the school's simple shirt up to his elbow with the grey tie in which had a lot of different pins of Batman, Superman and other geeks and games stuff, his hair was messy today, but he had no beanie, so I guessed he didn't had time. Again, he had the same Converse, only this time, one was red and the other was black.

Shit. He looked cool. Then, I looked down at myself. I just had the ordinary uniform: the buttoned shirt down to my wrist, since guys didn't had the vest and I had tugged it in my pants. What? Trisha liked it that way, but when I looked at Marco, he had it lose.

I looked away and scoffed. I bet the teachers will scold him for the red jeans and he'd have to take them off and put another, then he wouldn't look cool. They didn't accept any other jeans that weren't grey, but then again, they stopped bothering with that last year. I gazed at him again and my jaw almost hit the floor as I stared in awe at the Batman clock he had on his wrist; it was black and had Batman's logo in the middle, bright yellowish cool. Then, I couldn't see it anymore when he tugged his hand on his pocket and stared at the ceiling. Then I looked at his face: thankfully, it was better, he still had bruises and welts, but nonetheless better. At the bottom of my heart, I felt relieved that he was better, but I wouldn't show too much concern. I'd still ask him though, for the good of it.

I was looking at him the whole time and he hadn't noticed. He seemed thoughtful.

When Hanji found her keys, we entered and sat. That's when Marco noticed me and sat behind me, -"Oh, hey, Jean. Good morning."- He said and put down his backpack, then he went over to Hanji and then came again. This time, his face lit up, remembering something, -"Oh! Did you see Su-"

I already had the draw out and handed to him, -"I did, uh… but I,"- I gulped and looked away, not wanting to see his eyes, -"… I wanted Batman. It'd be cooler."

That was childish. The idea occurred to me at that second and I spit it out like that. If he managed to draw Superman like that, oh God, I can't imagine how he'd draw Batman.

For a moment, he stared at me confused, but then his face lit up more as a smile spread on him, -"I know, right? Hey, I have one here I did long ago,"- He took out his portfolio and passed some papers until he reached his objective, -"It's kind of crappy, but it's still Batman."- He lifted it to show me the draw.

Yep. It was Batman alright. He was simply standing in the dark with the Bat signal bright behind him. I noticed the draw still had some dark spots of blots and Batman looked like a derp, but still yet, it looked fantastic. I couldn't so something like that. I nodded approvingly.

Marco looked at it, -"I have to fix his face, though,"- He said, a finger on his chin, -"Darken his features a bit and maybe add more color here and a bit there with…,"- He kept muttering as his finger traveled thought the draw.

-"Hey, it's cool, I was just joking,"- I wasn't, actually. I shrugged, -"But, why leave me the draw? You did it."

He nodded and smiled, -"Yeah, but you fixed it. So I thought I'd give it to you."

I started to ask him about how and when he put in my bag, when Hanji started class. I dug in the draw on my backpack. What was I thinking? No way in hell I'd give it back to him.

Like always, Math was boring and again, I failed at answering her questions. Instead, Marco answered them all. It was normal as a nerd, but me? Nah. I'd failed this class over and over. Math wasn't my thing, numbers were my enemy and I pretty much know the basics, nothing else above that gets in me.

During class, my phone vibrated. I was sure it was my girlfriend and again, I didn't answer her, but this time it was because I couldn't. When class finished, I took it out of my pocket: Where r u? She asked me.

Class. It was a simple answer with no emoticons, because it was obvious.

She didn't answer back, so she knew I was still upset about yesterday and I hoped I'd clear that today and of course, with Frank too.

Science came next and it was horrible. The only thing I liked is watching Levi because really, he was funny, even though he had that bad boy attitude and hard features. Then, I remembered what happened to me yesterday with him: the balls competition, the humiliation he gave me when I was with Trisha, the fight with Eren and naturally Mikasa…

-"Kirshtein, are you on your beauty sleep?"- I heard a familiar voice speak above me. I looked from my desk and met Levi's sharp eyes, -"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I asked you a question. A simple one, really. It'd be quite a shock if you don't answer it."

I sighed. I just dozed off again, -"What was the question again?"- I said reluctantly, my voice a bit challenging, not nice.

He arched an eyebrow, -"You still with the balls competition? I thought that was settled yesterday."

I sighed again, -"No, I'm not."- That sent me surprised looks from everyone, -"Um… the question?"

Levi hmph-ed as he crossed his arms, -"What is a turtle? A reptile, amphibian or mammal?"

What? That was a stupid question. Was he mocking me? Yeah, it seemed obvious since everyone started snickering, awaiting my answer, but they'd be surprised, I'll answer it correctly. When I was about to answer though, I froze. I had an idea, but… I wasn't sure. What if I say the wrong answer? Everyone will laugh at me. It was a stupid question and if I answered it wrong, I'd be more stupid, -"Well?"- Levi asked.

I gritted my teeth and looked away from Levi, dammit! I cursed. Everyone looked at me with reddened face, trying not to burst out laughing, specially that Yeager. Then, as a God sign, Levi's cellphone rang and he went for it. I had to think now. Now or never. Turtles weren't mammals, that's damn obvious, but…

I hear a lean-in sound from the desk behind me, -"Reptiles."- Someone behind me whispered. Marco. I nodded to him.

-"… of course. I'll be there at eight,"- Levi hung up his phone and walked towards me again, arms crossed, -"So? Have you consulted your brain about it?"

Damn you, I cursed him silently. He was making fun of me, I knew it. I wasn't paying attention and that's what teacher usually did when students were in Cloud Ville, -"They're reptiles."- I answered smugly, giving him a victory smile.

He laughed though, -"Who did you really consulted? Your brain or Bott behind you?"

Then, everyone laughed. I looked around, wanting to give them my best glare of death, but I realized that they weren't laughing to mock me; they were just... having fun. Even Marco was snickering. I gritted my teeth and went in for the excuse, -"I wasn't sure, alright?"

He eyed me, -"Sure. It's always good to consult others for help, but next time,"- He leaned closer to me with his sharp and menacing look, -"Pay attention."- He then paced side to side on front for the rest of the class, writing here and there, -"You're all supposed to know this already, this is just a refresh for what comes next."

I wanted to thank Marco, but I dozed off again. I raised my head here and there and nod to Levi as an act. Thankfully, he didn't ask me anymore questions.

After that was Spanish.

When we were arriving at the class, the hallway was blocked by twelve one. I threw my head back and took a desperate breath. This was starting to piss me off and this year just begun.

They were all lined up horizontally with arms crossed. From the look on their faces, I knew that they had no intention of letting us pass. Frank, as always, was in the middle, his face serious and ferocious at the same time. I remember I had to settle things with him. Then I saw a glimpse of blond hair of my girlfriend. She was right beside Frank. Why didn't it surprise me that she was participating in this?

-"Ah, not again."- Thomas exclaimed when we arrived. He looked like he wanted to turn away.

Everyone started to protest and Reiner, as always, took action and leadership, -"This again? We're not looking for a fight, alright? And we don't want to miss Spanish."- Reiner said patiently and calmly, but there were a few that were losing it.

Frank laughed out loud, -"Yeah, like a bunch of nerds you are,"- He looked to both sides, -"C'mon, try passing, losers."

I read Frank's face. He was really pissed today. At us? Me? Who knew? Frank had many friends, but also enemies. I'd been hanging with him and his group since last year's second semester. I knew little about him, but I know when he feels like screwing everyone… in many ways. Today, he was pissed at everyone or…

I glanced at Marco.

He was pissed at one in particular. Following Frank's death glare, I knew. It pierced Marco. What was Frank planning on doing to him now, after what he did yesterday? For God's sake! Then, it hit me. Marco told someone about what happened and naturally, actions were taken and naturally, Frank wouldn't like it one bit. I don't know in what he was put through, but whatever it is, it wouldn't stop him from getting his hand on Marco and make his life miserable.

Obliviously, I stepped in front of Marco's visible area. He was way back, hoping this will finish, obviously trying to avoid Frank. I gained Frank's stare, -"Oi, Jean. Step aside. You're not with them, remember?"

Yeah sure I'm not, but you don't care shit about that, I muttered to myself and stood my place. He wanted to have his hawk eye on Marco and, I dunno, I felt like stepping in. I just shrugged and stood still. Frank looked like he wanted to push me away, but he had other things to take care of, -"I'm asking nicely. Let us pass."- Reiner said for the third time.

-"Or what, losers? It's not like you could do anything."- A student from twelve one answered.

-"That's it, we're walking through,"- Connie said, already desperate, stomping towards them, only to be pushed back harshly. He landed on his ass and immediately Sasha and Thomas helped him up, -"Hey, c'mon! Stop it already! This is stupid!"

My group was growing desperate, even Reiner. He didn't like it one bit about Connie or anyone of our group being pushed around. Hell, if he knew about Marco…, -"Enough, Frank. Let us pass."- His voice was harsh.

Again, -"Or what?"- Frank challenged.

Ymir growled, -"This is childish! You're all a bunch of kids, y'know that?"

Immediately, the girls from twelve one rose up, -"Says a lesbian with a thirteen years old!"

Krista shot up immediately.

Things will get real ugly now if either Annie or Mikasa stands up. As for me? I stood still blocking Frank's eyesight of Marco, not really understanding why. My legs just moved on their own. Moments passed as discussions continued and I was also growing desperate. I wondered where the hell Erwin was. I tapped my foot with the floor. Reiner wasn't doing anything as the "leader". I guessed he wasn't fit to it well. There was one thing to do.

I growled and stepped to the front, in front of Frank actually, I still didn't want his eyes on Marco. I did a gesture to my group to stay calm and shut up. Miraculously, they did, -"Listen, Frank, this is really no time for picking fights."- I said lowly to him. I heard gasps behind me.

He looked at me, surprised. Then, he scoffed, -"You don't have to tell me when to pick fights. I do what I want. Now move. This isn't about you."

I didn't move, -"Frank, is it worth the detention for these guys? I know that there's a better time for thi-"

-"I'm already on detention,"- He said bitterly. I froze, -"And yeah, it's worth getting more detention for kicking these guys butts."

He really did tell, I shock myself from the trance, -"Or… someone's in particular?"

Frank looked at me with a menacing glare, as in how do you know? After a while, he scoffed and shrugged, -"Yeah, so?"

-"You're falling low man,"- I said, hoping I sounded serious and not nervous, -"If you waste time on these losers, you're not getting him."- Why was I saying this? I just wanted to go already. As I talked with Frank, my girlfriend had her ears straight. Great.

He looked at me, eyes wide and surprised. I hadn't convinced him entirely, -"Wow, Jean, you and I have to talk more often,"- His eyes filled with anger… towards me now. Slowly, twelve one dispersed, letting my group pass; before Frank did though, he looked at me seriously, -"Don't make me call you a traitor."

Then, he left, his eyes following Marco. Shit.

Spanish class flew quickly, raising everyone's mood when they heard Eren talk Spanish, but not mine's.

This time, I didn't cut English, but Rico Brzenska scolded me for not coming yesterday. I didn't have an excuse and thankfully she let me sit. Rico, she's a pro on her class. Technically, everyone was, but she knew the secrets of the secrets of English. She was very strict and knows how to control the group, expect twelve one. I heard she had trouble keeping them on a straight line.

English was an easy class, but Rico made it tricky. Even so, I had time to sink in my thoughts, until Reiner sat beside me, -"Jean, what you did back there…,"- He began.

I sighed, -"I just told him off. Really, you have to do something about him. You can't stay hit forever."- Fight back and you guys are screwed, I muttered to myself, but I didn't say it.

He sighed, -"I just wanted to thank you, that's all."- He began to stand up, but he looked like he wanted to speak more. He left, either way.

Marco was alone, like always. He was drawing again. I sighed and walked to him.

I stood in front of him. I couldn't make out what he was drawing this time, but when he saw me, he lifted his head up and met my eyes, covering the draw at the same time, -"Hey, Jean."- He smiled awkwardly.

I arched him an eyebrow with a confused look, -"Uh, can I ask you something?"

His smile slowly faded and worry replaced it, -"Sure. What is it?"

I sat on the desk beside his, my elbows on my knees,-"About what happened yesterday… did you report it?"

Again, the thoughtful look he had back at Hanji's surfaced, -"Yeah, had to. Mom figured it when she saw me anyways."

I nodded to him, -"And… the principal?"

He nodded.

I nodded again, -"Um,"- I had to ask him a lot, even if he didn't want to indulge in it too much, -"What actions were taken?"

He shrugged and I figured he wasn't sure himself, but he spoke anyways, -"I think he was sent to detention for a week or more, um, I also have to try to stay away from him."- He sounded like a little kid.

That was obvious, the principal couldn't do much. Not like he did anything in particular anyways. He's supposed to be on suspension. Frank had power in here and his parents were millionaire, with even more power, -"I see, was he kicked from Art?"

Marco nodded.

I sighed. Like I said before, nothing will stop Frank from making Marco's life miserable and soon, he'll get his hand on him again. Without realizing, I was worried.

Then, Marco spoke, his mood back to normal, -"I saw what you did back there,"- He said, smiling again, -"You have leadership. It was amazing."

I gave him a skeptical look, -"What? No way."

Marco nodded, actually excited about this, -"Yeah, you do. I saw how they all calmed down when you stood in the front and made the other group go,"- He didn't know that I didn't convinced Frank at all, he was just shocked and angry at me. Then again, I may have convinced him when I mentioned that it was time he'd lose and… Marco, -"That's leadership."- He said.

He was crazy. Me? This group's leader? No way, -"I'm sorry, but I'm not the leader here, it's Reiner. I don't… belong here,"- I said and looked away when I saw Marco's worried face again, -"I don't have the required responsibility for that."

-"Oh."- It's all he said. Then, he began to draw again, covering it, preventing me to see and I had the feeling he was doing it on purpose.

It hit my curiosity, -"What are you drawing now?"- I asked, peeking a little. I only saw black in it and a figure.

He covered it more, not raising his head, -"Uh, nothing special."

I then gave up and went to my seat.

By the time my stomach growled, I was at the launch room alone again, since my girlfriend and "friends" ordered outside. She said that when I finish, she and I'll talk to settle things, as well as with Frank. I sighed, suddenly nervous. Then, in the corner of my vision, I saw Marco leaving. He had to be careful in this hour since Frank was loose. Detention was in the last hours, so he was free in the morning and now.

When I finished eating the meatloaf and rice, I went outside to the McDonald's and met Riu, one of Frank's friend and group, -"Hey, where's Trisha?"- She wasn't here.

-"Oh, I think she's in the bathroom."- He said, he was still eating.

I thanked him and headed to the bathroom, which was in the same hallway right next to the launch room. I leaned on the wall outside the bathroom and waited for her to come out. Then I heard it, -"… don't even like him, y'know? He's all just good looks for Frank."

I recognized that voice. My girlfriend's.

Was she talking about me?


	11. ELEVEN

ELEVEN

-"Seriously? You mean like…"- I also recognized that voice. My girlfriend's best friend, Jenny.

-"Totally, girl,"- That was Trisha. She sounded pissed off, -"You wouldn't believe what he did yesterday,"- When Jenny asked her what, she continued, her voice on the edge of cries, -"He humiliated me on the soccer practice! He failed at everything and all he says is 'I had a bad day'!"

-"What? He said that?"- Jenny sounded shocked and also pissed, -"Oh, for the love of God, we all have bad days! He was just being a drama queen."

-"I know, right?"- Trisha didn't sound like crying anymore, -"I don't know what to do. He's like a wannabe of us, of twelve one, y'know like, trying to be cool like Frank."

-"And it's not working,"- Jenny laughed, -"It's obvious. I always told you guys and specially you. Remember when I said that it wasn't a good idea to say 'yes' to him?"

Trisha growled, -"Yeah, yeah, I know! But he's just so good looking, specially his abs..."

-"And that's it, right?"

-"Yeah,"- Trisha admitted, -"Ugh, he's a horrible kisser too. I think he kissed before. Frank was way better."

It didn't surprise me; Frank hooked up with every girl here.

-"Heck yeah,"- Jenny giggled, -"Hey, I know someone to hook you up with."

That was it. I couldn't hear anymore, so I stood up and left. She was definitely talking about me. I was fooled this whole time by the girl I loved. It was hard to believe, but since I accidentally heard, I had no other choice but to believe it.

She thought I was a failure as a boyfriend; the only thing she loved about me was my abs. The sentiment was mutual actually, because I also liked her looks more. Deep within me though, I wanted to know her, know her like spiritually: what she liked, what she hated, her personality, all that stuff, because I was like a little kid with his first girlfriend ever, but she never let me. I figured why. She wasn't the type to get things serious. She was all game.

As I stomped, my mind raced. I was kind of… sad, let down, but not on the edge of depression. My rage and furiousness shadowed that. Why did she have to act like she loved me? If she didn't like my kisses, why did she respond to them? Why does she have to be such a slut? Oh, I wanted to know her, right? I knew now, reluctantly. She wanted to talk now, oh, we'll talk.

I reached the McDonald's and sat. I angrily tapped my foot with the floor. Suddenly, the rage I had faded and the little boy's dream crashed down. Shit, being betrayed like that hurt. I was brought down; she talked to me behind my back and since when? Then again, I was mad because I was drowning on something stupid, something that I was supposed to see coming.

I always had the problem of not being able to control or even organize my feelings.

-"Oh, look who's here,"- I heard someone above me. I looked up and met Frank sharp angry look, -"The soon to be called traitor."

I sighed, -"Call me whatever you want."- I said and looked away from him.

Frank scoffed and sat in front of me, -"Let's talk,"- He rested his elbows on the table, -"What did you do back there and why?"- I had a feeling that wasn't the only thing he'll question me about.

I really, really wasn't in the mood to explain that. I wasn't in the mood for anything. I just shrugged and gave him the shortest and simplest explanation, -"It's getting old, man. You could do better than that."- It wasn't a complete lie. But yeah, it was a lie in some part. I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

He didn't fell for that and gave me a skeptical look, -"Aw really? That didn't seem like it. Oh,"- He looked at someone behind me, -"Here comes you GF. We're gonna straighten you up."

I looked back and saw her walking sensually towards our table. She sat beside me, her leg over mines, -"What's up, hun?"- She asked me, pursing her lips together.

I looked away from her and said nothing.

Frank spoke next, -"I was just talking to him about this morning at Spanish."

-"Oh yeah,"- She nodded and then wrapped her arm around my neck, -"What's the matter, hun?"- She asked. I wondered if she referred to me or what happened in Spanish, -"Why did you stopped us?"

I sighed, -"I already told Frank."- I answered her, pushing her leg away… not gently.

She gasped at my harshness, but before she could ask me about it, Frank spoke again, -"He says it's getting old. That we should use another way to mock those losers. What do you think, hot blonde?"- He asked her. I didn't even bother pissing off at his remark of her. At this point, I didn't care.

She nodded approvingly, -"Yeah, definitely,"- She giggled and again lifted both her leg and rested them on my lap, -"As long as we drag that kid along with it. Especially him."

Frank laughed as he rested his legs on the table and leaned his body on the wall close to it, -"Obviously. We can't forget him."

I knew who they were talking about.

-"Well, it's settled then,"- Franks shoved me away with his hand, -"Now you can go make out with Trisha."

-"Uh, Frank,"- I said as I stood up, -"About yesterday at practice…, I'm sorry. I was thoughtful. I wasn't myself. It won't happen again."

He arched an eyebrow, -"Yeah, like hell you weren't,"- Some students from twelve one sat on the table with him, -"And it better not happen again or else."

I nodded to him and walked away with my girlfriend. It was almost time for class again and I wanted to talk with Trisha about a lot of stuff, but as we walked, I realized something: she cared shit about whatever I say. She wanted to make out and she thought I was a horrible kisser, what the hell? Guess what, I wasn't going to show her that. I'm going to improve myself because I still wanted her. I'll show her I'm not who she thinks I am. If we broke, it'll ruin my profile.

By the time we reached the love nest, we quickly went for it. I was doing well, or so I hoped and immediately, I forgot everything. I was trapped in her kisses. She had me on the palm of her hands and I wondered if every girl could do that. While making out, she slid up my shirt. I realized why she liked my shirt tugged in my pants.

We paused for a break and surprisingly, she was out of breath. She leaned her head closer to me, -"That was… good."- She whispered and kissed my neck.

I think now was the time when joy fills me, but it wasn't coming. Maybe she was lying… for the hundredth time.

-"Hey, isn't that the guy who put Frank on detention?"- A girl beside us said as she pointed somewhere.

I quickly perked my head. Yep. It was Marco. He was walking to Art classroom, I figured.

-"Yeah, the freckled kid,"- Another said and giggled, -"He's adorable."

God, how I hated that.

-"Sure, but because of him, we don't get to hang with Frank now,"- Another girl said angrily. I figured these girls are Frank's fans, -"Can you believe that? He was put on detention for nothin'! That guy must pay! He took him away from us!"

Put on detention for nothing… yeah, sure. Only_I_ knew the opposite.

I didn't say anything and that's when the bell rang. My girlfriend and I stood and went to Art. Before we entered, she tugged my shirt back in my pants and whispered, -"Keep it fancy."- Her touch sends chills up all over my body. I didn't felt comfortable…

Inside Art, like always, cold fresh air greeted us. Dot Pixis introduced his class normally once we sat down; then, he gave instruction for today's work, -"Those who have not finish the origami must continue. The rest may start with the new project,"- He searched for some papers on his desk, -"I will be giving you the instructions. Please read carefully."- With a stack of papers on his hands, he gave one to everyone as he passed by.

I didn't bother to read the paper, I was staring intently at Marco's draw, trying to figure what the hell he was doing. He was beside me like yesterday, covering the draw. Was he hiding it from me? Aside from that, my girlfriend was doing awful comments referring to him. Since Frank wasn't here, she was taking his place. Great. I ignored her, honestly.

Though, I couldn't take it anymore, -"Trisha, leave him alone."- I whispered to her.

She shocked her head, -"What? Why? Sweet bun, he's the reason why Frank isn't with us now. He has to pay,"- I was going to answer her, but she continued, -"Frank didn't do anything and this guy was all drama queen on the principal, telling him that Frank wanted to kill him and other bullshit. Then, he told his mother too. What a coward."- That last part, she raised her voice so that Marco could hear.

I bet Frank told that huge lie. Who was the real drama queen? -"Don't you think Frank exaggerated a little?"- And it was a bit childish too, if you ask me. Aren't real men like he claim himself to be supposed to speak the truth?

She looked at me, shocked, -"What? Are you saying he lied?"

-"Oh, forget it."- I said, annoyingly. It wasn't worth wasting my saliva.

Then suddenly, everyone started forming in groups of three. I looked around, confused and lost as always. Then I noticed a paper in front of me. Great, I didn't even see Pixis giving it to me. I read it: it was a special project. We had to form a group of three students and chose a leader. Then, we had to make plans to prepare a model of our own imaginary world along with an oral presentation essay explaining why we chose to do it and why is it special. The paper explains with more details and it specifically requires imagination. It's for next month, September 25. It's written in red _no model will be accepted after._

It was one hell of a project since Pixis reminded us strictly that he didn't want a crappy work and that that's why he gave us a month. It was one of those work that requires planning, time and… going to someone's house.

I haven't had a project like this in… a while, well, since last year. I had one, but I didn't do it and honestly, there's no difference with this one. I already had my arms crossed. I didn't like this stuff, too many bad experiences. Still, I had to make the group and it was already beside me.

Trisha had her arm around mines, -"You and me, hun."- She quickly said.

Pixis kept repeating that it was a group of three, but I didn't look anywhere else, until someone poked my shoulder, -"Uh, Jean, can I join you?"- Marco asked me.

I sighed, but before I could answer him, my girlfriend pulled me close to her, -"What? Him? No way. Tell him to find someone else."

I looked around, everyone was with groups already, -"There's no one else, Trish."- I whispered to her and looked back at Marco. Trisha kept whispering not to, but I didn't know anymore.

I didn't have to choose anyway, because Pixis noticed Marco was alone and he put him with us. This was going to be the worst class these weeks, until my girlfriend made it even worse, -"Hey, mister, what about Frank?"

Pixis rubbed his chin, thinking, -"Hm, he is in detention, right?"- He wasn't surprised. When he came with the answer, he pointed at us, -"Well, now that you volunteer, once he is out, he will join you."

Trisha grinned evilly. Of course, that's what she wanted. Marco's face went pale, but he still had his duty expression somewhere. These weeks to come aren't going to be the worst just for me. Frank would probably be out next week or so. Marco still had time to fix things.

During rest of the class, no one did anything on the project. They mostly finished the origami and I did nothing at all, just talk with Trisha, but she kept throwing hard insults to Marco, who probably didn't listened since he was still drawing.

I was getting annoyed at Trisha. I kept telling her to leave him be, but she wouldn't listen. If it was Frank doing it, it would've taken a different roll; with a punch or a kick maybe? -"What now? Are you defending him? Have you taken their side now?"- She began to go all crazy and surprised when I told her to shut up. I was getting really pissed off and naturally, out of control so I snapped at her and she didn't like it… at all. She thinks I should be mocking Marco too and really, I _should_, but I wasn't in the mood.

-"No, Trisha, I haven't,"- I sighed annoyingly, -"Just…stop it."

She gasped, -"You _have_ taken their side, huh? I can't believe it… Jenny was right. You're one of them, a ne-"

-"Remember to choose a leader,"- Pixis said out loud, reminding us, -"I'd start now if I were you."

I quickly changed the subject and silently thanked Pixis, -"So, who's gonna be the leader?"

Trisha scoffed, crossed her arms and looked away from me, clearly bothered, -"Nerds are always the ones who gets projects done."- She glared at Marco.

On the other hand, Marco looked at me and stopped drawing, -"I think Jean should be the leader."

I gave him a skeptical look, -"What? Oh, that again,"- I remember when he mentioned that I had leadership, -"Really, I don't think I should be. Why not you? I bet you have more responsibility."

He shrugged, -"I don't kn-"

Trisha scoffed again, -"Just because one person's responsible doesn't mean he's leader. True leaders aren't cowards, they confront the enemy face to face."- _Boom._ Why couldn't she simply say _'you ain't a leader, you're a nerd and a loser'._Huge question: what the hell does she know about leadership _and_ responsibility?

Marco was actually doing a good job ignoring her, but I wondered how long he could keep it up. Besides, he didn't ignore her completely and that's goes for every insult she threw at him. He looked at her, processed what she said and understood it. He swallowed it, but didn't shit it like I'd do.

_Says the guy who couldn't even swallow and confront Trisha's true feeling towards him,_I reminded myself and damn… it hurt.

After that, Marco lowered his head and started drawing, clearly leaving the leader choosing part to me and Trisha and neither of us did anything afterwards.

Next class was chemistry with Grisha Yaeger, Eren's dad. This class was Math's father, so you can probably guess how I can give a shit about this one too. Surprisingly, Grisha wasn't as annoying as Eren. I could stand him, but the problem was that he spoke too much and was very much like Pixis in that fancy way. Aside from that, Grisha was smart, probably the most intelligent teacher here and the… let's say, um, most stable one. The rest were all lunatics. He could also make good business with students regarding grades, class homework and other stuff. He was the kind of guy you could deal nicely with without having to scream your skin off.

-"I apologize for being absent yesterday. I had personal troubles, but what matters is that I'm here now,"- He said fancily, hands on his back. He didn't have to apologize about that. I might have told him: _it's cool,_-"And I have work for you."

Everyone booed, even Eren.

This hour took forever and when it was over, I flew out to court.

I couldn't believe this; Marco finished today's exercises a bit faster than me. What was he? What was he hiding?

I obviously got pissed off again. I felt like I was being challenged and because of my pride, I accepted it and naturally ended up competing with him, even though he didn't notice. At some point, he did, because sometimes he'd glance at me confused. Well, I also had a very weird face with a grin. My adrenaline was running fast. I liked competition. Liked it very much, but this guy… he makes me like it even more.

We were running and in my mind I was counting his laps and mines. I was on the lead, but he was right behind me, stepping on my foot. I couldn't let that happen, so I accelerated which didn't end well. At the end, I was soaked with sweat and out of breath. I even lost count of the laps, but I was sure I won. Speaking of the devil…, -"Jean, are you okay? You went all need-for-speed there."- He laughed.

I had my hands on my knees, letting the sweat drops fall. I cracked a small laugh, but quickly hid it. Need For Speed was a car game I used to play… a looong time ago, -"Yeah, I'm fine."- I wanted to tell him that I was better than fine, I was super fine because I won our secret match, but I didn't and kept it to myself. He probably wouldn't understand anyways.

He rested his hand on my shoulder, -"That was super cool. You ran like for ten minutes straight!"- He said cheerily.

I shrugged smugly, -"Well, reason why I'm at the soccer team."

Before he could say anything, Shadis shouted us to keep with the exercises, but Marco's face lit up, remembering something, -"Oh, that's reminds me!"- We still had five more minutes trotting, so we went for it. We were side by side trotting. I wanted to dash into a run again, into the competition, but Marco spoke to me, -"You mentioned yesterday that you took drawing classes with Marianne, right?"- I had my eyes locked on the road ahead, but in the corner of them, I saw him smile, -"Well, I'm currently taking classes with her. I mean, I've always been."

I made a harsh halt and almost fell until Marco took grasp of my arm and pulled me up, -"You do? Since when?"- I asked him. Could this be that I've met him before? Impossible. I don't remember him.

-"Since I was seven,"- His smile never left his face. He was excited about this, -"And up until today."

I scratched the back of my head, -"Well, I used to take classes with her, but that was long ago and hell, I don't remember well, maybe it isn't really her."- I shrugged and started trotting again. He was being a limpet again.

He trotted beside me once again, -"Hm, maybe it's because you took the class at a different hour?"

I shrugged again, -"Maybe."- Talking made my breathing harder and my concentration falter. I ignored him, but thankfully, he shut up. He was still excited though, that I probably took classes with him with the same teacher when we were pups. I didn't even bother try to crack my brain to see if I could remember him, but hell, I couldn't even remember the teacher fully yet. The past is in the past.

But if we somehow met in the past, then that just made our still newborn friendship even more... important? Special? I dunno. To be honest, I felt something, like a friendship or that other shit, born between us. Maybe it was because I was accomplice of his misery and saw him bullied, but shit, I see bullied kids every day. The answer came flying: Marco reminded me a lot of myself. Seeing him bullied or mocked was like seeing myself. I look at him and I literally see myself, my old self. And yeah, I used to be a nerd, a geek and a gamer.

In the end, could I really be friends with him? I'm not supposed to, I'm supposed to stay away from guys like him, but I've begun to realize things, things that surprise me and that I've should've realized earlier –no- last year…

I was absentminded and thoughtful that I stopped watching where I was going, until I hit something hard with my head. I couldn't figure what it was, but it was solid. It didn't become visible, since my vision got blurry in a rush. I could still hear well though, -"Jean! Are you alright?"- It was Marco. His voice became oh so familiar.

Suddenly, I heard more voices until I blacked out.


	12. TWELVE

Thanks so much for all your support! :') I really appreciate it!

I hope you enjoy this chap, it took me quite some time :/ my ideas suddenly stopped flowing, but they're back and awesome!

* * *

TWELVE

My eyes fluttered open when I heard murmurs around me. The blur slowly faded as I shook my head. When I could fully see well, the first person I see beside me was Marco, -"Oh, you're awake,"- A sigh of relief escaped his mouth, -"I got scared there."

I leaned forwards, sitting up and looked around. I was in the infirmary on a long, cold bed. Marco was beside me sitting on a small round chair. Behind him was Kat working on something, -"Uh, how long have I been out?"- Immediately when I spoke, a soaring headache clouded my mind.

-"Not long,"- Marco answered and stood up, -"Just some minutes."

I stopped seeing him well since my vision got blurry again. Was I fainting? I couldn't tell. Gosh! Damn headache…

I had my hand clutching my hair while wincing in pain. Marco noticed and took something from somewhere, -"Here. Take these pills. It'll help… I hope."- His voice was filled with worry, so much worry.

-"What are they? Panadol?"- I quickly asked. According to mom, Tylenol didn't do any good and I've test it out. I was used to Panadol and it _had _to be Panadol. I couldn't take any other pain killer pills.

Even with my blurred vision, I could make out his nod. I took the pills from his hands and quickly shoved them in my mouth. Marco faltered, -"Wait! The water…!"- I hung the pills in my tongue and in seconds, he came with a glass of water, -"Here."

I quickly swallowed the pills along with the cold water. I was desperate for this headache to go the fuck away. I should thank him, but it didn't come out. _Come on, spit it! _I urged myself. God, why couldn't I thank him? Why did it felt awkward? He just saved me from shocking myself to death because of some pills!

I saw him still there as I leaned my head back in the bed, feeling heavy. He looked at me worriedly, probably figuring out my mental fight. Finally, I broke the awkward silence, -"Uh… t-thanks."- I finally apologized.

He smiled awkwardly, -"Um, sure, anytime."

After a while, my vision cleared and silence fell upon us like a rock. I looked away, he looked away, then we looked at each other and again looked away. It was awkward and it was driving me crazy, so I decided to once again break the silence, -"So, um, what the hell happened to me? I'm lost."

He let out a small laugh as he sat in the small chair beside me, -"I was going to ask you the same thing,"- That made me worry, -"You were fine trotting until you suddenly went into a run and didn't take a turn."

It all made sense now. No need for him to continue, -"And I ran into the… wall?"

Marco nodded, a smile forming in his face and then laugh, -"It was kind of funny,"- He halted his laughter, regret all over, -"I m-mean, no! Of course not! You blacked out and I got worried…,"- He nervously looked away, hiding his blush while touching his cheek with the tip his finger. Aw, he looked adorable…stupid! He looked stupid!

A small laugh escaped my lips too when a short movie about me idiotically running to the wall crossed my mind. I ended up laughing about myself, but then it hit me, who else saw me? Oh God, the whole group? If they did, I'm going to be the clown of the group; laughed at all the time… I don't think I could handle that without punching off the fuck of someone. It wasn't funny anymore. I still asked him though, -"Who else saw me?"

-"Well, Reiner helped me carry you here, um,"- He didn't want to say it, -"Everyone was worried…"- That was as in _everyone saw, imbecile. _I had my hands on my eyes, mourning to myself. Then, I felt Marco's hand on mine, -"But… what happened? It was weird of you."

I shoved his hand away and sighed, -"I dunno…. I,"- How was I supposed to explain him that? Above all, it has to do with him, -"… was just thoughtful."- I finally said and I wasn't lying. It was true. Shit, I can't remember well what I was thinking about… could the hit have affected me somehow? That'd screw everything, but to be honest, I want to forget some things.

-"I see…,"- Marco muttered and lowered his head, -"… um, I'm here if you need help or… anything."- He looked back up; he was serious, like he really meant it, but at the same time caring and worried.

I sat up again and looked at him. No one has told me that before, -"I'm fine, really."- I tried to smile, to reassure him, but it was failing, he still had that worried look.

Who does he thinks he is? My mother? He doesn't have to indulge in my problems. It's none of his business. My though are mine only and I'll take them with me to the grave. I still wondered why he felt so worried, why he cared so much…

Then, something popped in my mind and I realized that I too cared for him, -"Hey, um, about Art… you still have time to change group. Pixis will change you if you tell him your situation."

He shrugged and looked down with that thoughtful look of before, -"I don't know, Jean… I can't keep running. I'll just handle it like…,"- He halted. I knew how to finish it: _like always,_ his voice was a little bit unsure and I had a feeling that there was more to it than that, -"Besides, Pixis said that the groups were already made and that there won't be any changes,"- He suddenly gave me a small but sincere smile, -"Don't worry. We'll finish the job no matter what."

A sudden anger shadowed a weird worry and panic in me. How could he say that? I can't understand him! He's supposed to stay hidden from Frank and yet…! Would he really go that far for a damn project? Does he put his life behind the stupid project? Was he _that _nerd?

Then, several car honks were heard and I shot up immediately. Marco faltered but I was already leaving the infirmary by the time he stood up. He even called out to me, but I didn't stop, -"Hey, Jean, your backpack!"

I was half way to mom's car when I looked back and saw Marco with my backpack on hand. I sighed angrily and went for it. Again, I leave without my backpack and again, Marco reminded me. I took it and gave him a last glance, not thanking him.

On the drive home, I kept thinking about Marco and it drove me crazy. The more I tried to think of something else, the more I thought of him. It was getting really annoying.

When we arrived home, I took a snack from the fridge and went up to my room fast. I didn't see dad, so I figured he was still working. Again, I took a very long bath and went to bed early. It took me some time to fall into slumber, but when I did, I had another dream.

An Assassin fighting a very tough Templar.

Next day of school was glorious. Hanji, Erwin and Rico were absent. No math. God was smiling at me today. Though, it would've have been even better if Levi didn't, heck, if every teacher didn't come.

The first class hour I spend it in the McDonald's with a few of twelve one, including Frank. Apparently, my girlfriend was absent so I send her a message asking her, but she hasn't answered it. We began to talk about soccer and suddenly, Frank changed subject, -"Too bad Erwin didn't come today. That hour's best for hunting those nerds."

Everyone agreed with him and they started making plans to catch them later, obviously leaving me out. In fact, they left me out the whole time, even when talking about soccer. I wanted to cut Levi's, but I didn't dare.

When I reached the class and met a pop quiz, I wanted to turn away.

It was an easy quiz with three questions, but when I read them…. They were like written in another language and I figured that if Levi wrote his tests like this, I was screwed. One of the questions was: _do habitats affect mammals on their reproductions and evolution of their kind? Do they inhabit it with their fiancé? If they do, explain. _How the fuck am I supposed to know how a mammals fucks their bitch on a place they don't like? I would have nailed the quiz if it was about turtles and amphibians.

I sat reluctantly and just stared at the questions. I didn't answer them and when Levi collected the quizzes, he quickly corrected them and gave the grades out loud. I honestly didn't liked that much, but I didn't care at this point. My grades were the worst and everyone in this group knew it, but a three question pop quiz? Fuck… not to forget that the topic was a piece of cake!

Levi took us all by surprise, well, at least me, -"Reiner Braun, 9/10, Sasha Braus, 8/10,"- Levi called us all and told the grades. I wasn't surprised, these nerd were nerds for something. They all had 9 of 10, or so I though, -"Ymir, 2/10, Samuel, 4/10"- I was surprised, I had to admit. I guess I was wrong about this group. I was still the worst though, -"Jean, 0/10."

I looked down when some people looked at me in surprise, including Marco, but his look was more… worried.

Levi just sighed and said nothing.

After that, I went to McDonald's looking for twelve one. Obviously, they were there, including Frank, always cutting class. I tried to talk and join conversation, but they left me out and ignored me. It went on the whole morning and I naturally left. Walking around the school alone, I checked if my girlfriend answered me, she didn't. Eventually, I reached the upper rondure, the geeks and gamers liar and saw Marco there. He was sitting and drawing like always. Today, he had a white blueish jean with his usual black drawn over Converse. He also had a white Superman badge jacket and a different beanie; this one was white and had Superman and Super Girl flying on the side. I admit again, he looked cool and I looked lame.

My legs began to move in his direction, but what happened yesterday crossed my mind. I was still mad at him, but seeing him lonely like that and coincidentally me too…

He noticed me and turned to me, waving his hand while smiling, but I was long gone by the time he began to stand up.

I kept going on circles until launch hour came. Like the whole morning, I went in alone and left alone. My girlfriend still hasn't answered my message so I figured she stayed sleeping or got sick. Why was I worrying about her? She never worries for me. All she worries about is herself. Multiples decision crossed my mind, specially breaking up with her, but right now, I felt lonely and she's the only one who spends time with me. Even if she doesn't love me the way I love her, I still wanted her. I wanted a girlfriend my whole life and now that I'm not twelve I got one and I wasn't going to waste that, but… was it really worth putting pride over my own feelings?

Art came next and that's where I saw my girlfriend. She was beside Marco, in my seat, probably mocking him. She kept telling him things and he just ignored her. He began to flinch and look at her. He was about to tell her something until she saw me, -"Oh, here comes the_ best_ guy in the world, my boyfriend. Hey, sweetheart."

I suddenly had an impulsion to do something without thinking about it. I walked over and she immediately lifted her arms and gestured me to kiss her, I didn't and instead, pointing to another chair, -"Move aside."

She looked at me confused while lowering her arms, -"Why? I want to be here beside you."

-"That's my chair."- I simply said.

She shrugged ignorantly and her sweet and lovely mood changed, -"It doesn't have your name on it. What's the difference?"

I tch-ed angrily and pulled the chair along with her aside and pulled another in between them and sat. She had her eyes wide in shock and surprised. She stood like that through the whole class and didn't spoke to me and stopped mocking Marco.

-"Jean,"- I heard a very familiar voice beside me and when I looked, Marco's eyes pierced mine with worry, -"Are you… okay?"

What the hell happened to me? –"I-I…,"- I spluttered, unsure if I'm okay _or_ what happened there. I wanted to smack my head, it was obvious: I made Trisha stop mocking Marco. I have that same feeling I had a day ago to stand in Frank's vision and eyes away from Marco. This time it was Trisha. I wanted to be in between them, especially to prevent her from looking at him and mocking him. In the end, I gave him the same respond as always, -"Uh... I'm fine, yeah."

He gave me that skeptical, doubtful and worried look I was beginning to familiarize with, but he said nothing and just nodded slightly.

During the class, everyone worked on their plans for the project while we did nothing. Marco was beginning to draw the model on his notebook, like a preview and showed it to me. It was Gotham City, he was smiling and so excited, -"It'll be so cool if we do it! We can even make Batman and a few thugs!"

My stomach began to tickle, as if I had butterflies in it. Excitement flowed in me and a smile like never before formed on my lips, -"Y-yeah… I never thought of it,"- An amazing idea lighted in my mind, -"Oh! We can make a multi-dimensional city! Like half Gotham and the other half Metropolis with Batman and Superman in it!"

His face light up and I swore that if the lights turns off, his face would be a lantern. His cheeks flushed slightly as he began to draw my amazing idea. His smile grew wide, -"Here!"- He said happily when he finished the draw. He lifted it and showed it to me, -"Well, something like that."

I looked at it and inspected it, -"Hmm,"- It was blurry and a bit crappy, but hey, he did it just now and it was just a preview. Still, I felt like adding something. I took the pencil and a lot of memories flowed into me along with an unnatural happiness and yearning as I drew the tower in which Batman hangs from Gargoyles, -"That's should do it."- Though, the gargoyles looked like monkeys.

I was slowly becoming who I used to be.

-"Wait,"- He took it again and began to draw the Superman sign in the air. Only that it was its half. Then, he gave me his notebook back and I knew how to finish it. While I finished Superman's half sign with Batman's other half, Marco looked at me and at the draw. When I finished, we both looked at it. God… it may be crappy, but at the same time it was utterly amazing. More emotions that I haven't felt in a long time kept coming as Marco and I looked at each other. We both had smiles that reached our ears and felt the same emotions: happiness, so much happiness, excitement. We were like in our own world and no one was there. Just us and the draw. Only I yearned for something. I yearned for this to last forever; I yearned for things to be the way they used to be, I yearned for someone like him since the beginning…

-"What? Are you serious? I'm not doing a child's playground,"- I heard Trish's mocking voice beside me and the small journey I had just seconds ago crashed. She brought me back to the cruel reality and my greedy mood was turned on, -"What are you? Kids?"

Marco and I kept looking at each other for a few more seconds and then broke off. Trisha was laughing her ass off and that's when the bell rang. I quickly stood up and left, not telling him anything. My mind was a never ending street where many thoughts raced.

Physical Education was already over and I was packing my things to leave since soccer practices weren't taking place since Frank was on detention. Outside, I saw Marco waiting on a bench. This time he was reading Hunger Games, as always. He read and perked his head up and again read. Was he looking for someone? Me? I couldn't look at him; I couldn't face him until I figure things out, until I figure what happened back there. It was just too weird. I kind of had a nerdgasm, I think. I haven't had one of those since… uff, until today and above all, it was with him. It was odd and weird. I came to the conclusion that I was changing again… or maybe he's changing me and I wasn't sure if it was right or that I'm not ready. Maybe I'm too stubborn for change. Back there though, I felt so comfortable and happy with him. I haven't been like that since a long time ago.

So fucking confusing. My mind was saying something and my heart was saying something else.

Like I said, I had to think this through.

* * *

I'd like to mention that everything in this story's school; the rondure (gamers and geeks liar), the McDonald's and the love nest is in my high school :3 I'm just sharings things with you guys ;) There's a say: "_A good writer is the one who shares ideas and thoughts with his fans." _

;P nah, I came with that up just now lol


	13. THIRTEEN

THIRTEEN

Next week's Monday came in a flash and I was already waiting for Friday with love. It wasn't usually like this. I always preferred to stay in school than stay home in boredom with my parents on weekends, but recently, school wasn't the same.

Since last week, I've been wondering alone. No one hung out with me. Everyone on twelve one ignored me and I wondered if Frank gave the order; I wouldn't be surprised if he did. I've been pissing him off lately and on the verge of making him call me a traitor. Speaking of which, he was released from detention just minutes ago and had been picking up the trail with what's been going on. Honestly, nothing big.

I realized something: they didn't want me with them. They thought I was just filler, nothing important, nothing special. They never thought I was of them, even though they'd mention it a few times. The point is, I should've realized this from the begging, but I was too blind, too dumb and that's why now I'm alone. Everything backfired at me. Surprisingly, I wasn't kicked out from the soccer team and that's what warmed my heart.

Even my girlfriend stopped hanging with me and instead, I've seen her with other guys. She wasn't making out or anything and she kept sending me messages, but I had my suspicions. I wasn't popular and that's what she specifically wanted, someone with power on the school, someone popular and not a lowlife like me.

I've been mourning this whole time, mostly because I was lonely. It wasn't something that really gets me, but it still wasn't good. I was accustomed to having people around me, especially from twelve one, but it wasn't like that anymore. I hung out with them sometimes, but I still felt alone. It's surprising how things changed around me. Heck, _everything _changed ever since…

… _he _arrived.

I haven't seen _him _since last week, mostly because I was avoiding _him_. _He _made everything so weird around me; _he_ made events that never happened to me real, _he _made me remember things I used to keep in the back of my mind, _he _was making my relations with everyone around me thin –even if it wasn't _his_ intention-, _he _was… so much like me. I was alone, he was alone. I was happy, he was happy. I was worried, he was worried. What is he? A copycat? Without realizing, the world spun around _him_… _my _world in particular.

For fuck's sake! _He _made me think weird stuff! But I was ever since last week's weird… encounter we had with the draw. Ever since then, I couldn't keep _him _out of my mind and how happy and comfortable I felt. Those emotions flared me and all because of _him. _I… haven't felt like that in long time. No one, not even my own girlfriend made me feel like that.

I was walking towards Levi's, when a hand squeezed my shoulder, -"Ah, Jean,"- I turned my head and saw Reiner with an unsure and worried face. Behind him were Ymir, Berthold and Annie, with the same unsure look. Reiner looked back at them and they nodded. Reiner nodded to them and took a deep breath, looking back at me, -"I think you won't, uh, like this."

I jerked his hand off my shoulder, -"What is it?"

He scratched the back of his head, -"We kind of, um, saw your… shit,"- He was spluttering, was he actually nervous? And wait… did he just say what I think he did? -"Oh, no way! It wasn't your shit we saw, it's something else, I uh… goddammit!"- He cursed all over, his face red as a tomato while the rest laughed. Even I laughed, but it was for a brief moment. It was funny, because I actually did go to the bathroom.

Then, Ymir sighed angrily and took one step forward, hands on hips. Behind her was Krista. Lol, I didn't noticed her, she was so small, the smallest in the group actually, -"For God's sake, we saw your girlfriend making out with two guys on the bathroom."

I gave her a skeptical look, -"You're kidding."- Somewhere inside me, I knew my suspicions were right though, I just couldn't admit it –or better yet- my heart couldn't, but my brain knew.

-"We're not, Jean,"- Now, her face went all serious, -"I mention it before, didn't I? Take us seriously. We're not who people think we are and we're not always a joke."- Not only her face was serious, her tone of voice too.

I looked back at Reiner and the others. The laughter they had seconds ago faded, replaced by seriousness, such deep seriousness and a shred of worriedness. Reiner spoke now, with his voice a bit soothing, -"Jean, we're with you… whether you face her or not."

I froze, thinking about it, but then, my body moved on its own, running at the bathroom. The school had four bathrooms: two in both levels, one for boys and one for girls, but I knew exactly where Trish was, the one she liked, the one she and I used to make out sometimes, the upper guy's one. My legs were running like if I was on the soccer field. I knew the others were running after me, but they kept their distance. When I reached it, I swung the door open and yeah, she was there and yeah, she was over two guys, one leg for each. I recognized them both from twelve one: George, the tallest in his group and Trevor, Frank closest friend. They were sitting on the floor. She was taking turns; kissing George while Trevor kissed her neck, breasts, climbing his hands through her tight and reaching her buttocks. Then, she turned her head to kiss Trevor and George sucked from her neck.

Something smelled fishy in here. The air was… abnormal.

They noticed me and burst in laughter, whispering something to her. She turned her head back to me and laughed too. I just stood my ground and stared, wide eyed; I couldn't believe this. Ymir and the others were right. I also couldn't believe that I _couldn't believe it, _because I was supposed to see this coming. I was so blinded by her; she was so sweet at the begging, but I didn't know her completely. Oh, but I knew her know. This is who she really is: a slut.

-"Hey, you, out."- George ordered with his harsh deep voice.

Me? Leave? Was he kidding? My heart drove me here and my brain will solve this. I wanted to be rational, but rage filled me. How can a girl be like this… with two guys at the same time? -"Fuck you."- I growled angrily and walked close to them. I pulled Trisha by her shoulder off of them.

She squealed and tried to pull away from me, -"Hey! That hurts, honey!"

-"Honey?!"- I growled, more rage filling me. How could she call me that after this?!

-"Hun, this isn't what you think it is,"- She remarked stupidly, turning to me. Her blonde hair swung around her shoulder. Her face was messed with makeup by sweat and her lipstick was worn out. Even so, a fucking irritating smile was forming on her lips. Was she enjoying this? –"You're misunderstanding this, in fact, you should jo-"

I couldn't see her face washed with pleasure, the pleasure I couldn't give her, -"Just shut up, you slut! I saw it with my eyes, bitch! You think you can fool me? "- I cursed her all over. I was releasing something that was tied inside me.

Now, a scowl twisted on her brows, -"Slut? Bitch? I'm nothin' of that! Who do think you are? You can't treat a girl like this and especially not me!"- She squealed in anger and in shock. She didn't expect _me _to face her like this.

I laughed out loud. She looked so funny in anger, -"You're more stupid than you look! Honestly, after _this, _not slut? Come on! Even a baby would know!"

-"This,"- She pointed back to George and Trevor, who were standing up, -"Is love. Something _you _couldn't give me!"

-"Oh, no need you to remind me, I know already!"- I began to shout and naturally couldn't stop, -"You think I'm a fool? Is that it? You stupid glamour won't work with me anymore, you bitch! You hear me?! You fucking whore, you're the worst of the kind!"

She laughed evilly and weirdly. Was she on drugs? –"You? Not fooled? Think again!"- She too was shouting and couldn't stop. The next words pierced my heart, -"You're the most foolish guy I've ever met! You're the worst kisser and that's why you're forever alone! No one loves you, get it? Only your mom does! You claim to be something, but you're nothing! You're just a wannabe, a monster and an asshole! I h-"

My eyes began to water, but I fucking swallowed it all and went to grab her. I squeezed her shoulder and began push her, -"Then why? Why answer the messages, kisses... everything…? Why the act?"

She just shrugged ignorantly, -"For fun and glory, you'll never understand. Life is all about having fun and good looks. Someone like you wouldn't understand… whose life is miserable."

I gritted my teeth and swallowed it all, but I wasn't shitting it… not yet. A fist was forming on my hands, aiming at her. She squealed and pulled away cowardly, hiding behind George who ended up punching my face. I stumbled and leaned on a near sink. I was staring at the water accumulated on it and in the corner of my eyes, I saw George walking towards me again, -"I'm gonna teach you how to treat a lady."

I laughed and ended up wincing, -"How to treat a slut?"

He growled and aimed another punch to me, but suddenly halted or better yet… someone stopped him.

I lifted my head and saw Berthold holding George's punch. Two giants about to fight. George faltered and looked surprised while Berthold calmly and silently stood his place. Behind George, Trevor stood and went for him. Trevor was a blonde model looking muscular guy that looked a lot like Reiner. Speaking of which, this one appeared from behind me and pushed Trevor back. George pulled back and joined Trevor. These two looked surprised, but at the same time excited, -"Well, well, look who we have here."

I was still leaned on the sink, trying to regain myself. The punch I received blinded me a little and when I managed to stood up, -"What are you doing?"

Reiner was the one who looked back while Berthold had eyes locked on Trever and George, -"Isn't it obvious? We're backing you up."

-"You don't need to. I'm facing this myself, this is my fight."

-"Jean,"- Reiner sighed and smiled at me, -"You can't face everything by yourself. I told you, we're with you on this, we're supporting you."

-"Just go before you get in trouble."

-"We never abandon our comrades."

I didn't complain anymore and just looked away. True, I couldn't fight these two on my own. If it wasn't for Berthold, George would've punched me a second time and I would've been knocked out. His punches were the worst and yeah, this is the first time I've tasted them. The punching bag in the gym was proof.

I looked at them and then at George and Trevor. I had no idea of what's going to happen now, but I sure as hell wanted to punch the fuck out of them. I had to let all this rage out somehow, even if I get suspension. I couldn't stay hit, especially not by them, -"Fight or solve this rationally, your choice. We're with you on whatever you do."- Reiner said lowly to me.

Was he letting me take the lead? And was he going to fight if I did? That wasn't like him. He always preferred solving problems without having to fight. Then again, this was a completely different situation, a situation he couldn't lead. He was here as a friend, not a leader.

I gave him a low nod and then I saw something: drugs and lots of them; pills, weed, syringes, sharpies and other stuff I didn't recognize. Seconds ago, I was so mad that I didn't notice. The three of them were on drugs and by the looks on them; they were high and not landing. That explains a lot. Did they… did they drug her? I had not time to think about that, because a better idea than fighting occurred to me: utter humiliation, -"Bert, distract them."

Berthold gave me a confused look, probably both about what the hell was I doing and the fact that I call him by his short name when only Reiner did, but he nodded and obeyed. He began to fight them, -"Reiner, back him up so I can…,"- I began to speak, but Reiner was already stepping forward, nodding with a smirk. He knew exactly what I was going to do.

When Reiner supported Berthold, I made my move and picked up all the drugs on the floor and poured them into a bag. My ex-girlfriend flinched and stumbled, -"What are you-? Give that back!"- She stretched her hands to take them away from me, but she stumbled, leaning on the wall and I stepped farther away from her, -"Jean, come on, don't be a jerk. I can share some with you, y'know? It's all good stuff."

I laughed, -"Share with me? You never shared anything with me and no way, these are mine now. You and your gang of drunkards are fucked up,"- I held the bag of weed in front of her, tossed it up and caught it with my other hand, -"Let's see how your slutty intuition works now, bitch. I had my revenge. I'll make sure everyone knows how cheap and not worth you are and now we'll see who's really loved. And hey,"- I turned around to leave; before I did though, I looked over my shoulder and grinned at her, -"Thanks to you, I now recognize sluts like you so that I don't make another mistake."

Trisha's face was glorious: pale; she was scared, so scared, regret all over. I swore for God that she shit herself and I knew that I'd never forget it. Though, it changed, anger filling her and revenge will obviously come. This wasn't over. _Bring it on, bitch._

I gestured Berthold and Reiner to pull back. It wasn't hard since Trevor and George were drugged. They kept stumbling and hitting themselves. Even so, they did try to chase us, but to no avail. Before I left the bathroom, I stuck out my middle finger to them while laughing. Outside, I immediately went for Levi's. Before I entered though, Reiner pulled my arm, -"Jean, are you alright?"

My mind was racing. I wanted to give all this to Levi because I knew that only _he _will do something about it, -"Um, yeah, yeah, totally fine."- I sounded a bit sarcastic.

-"Listen,"- He slowly pointed to the drugs on my hand, -"Whatever you do with that… be careful and…,"

I didn't hear the rest as I made my way into the classroom,-"Yeah, yeah."- I shouted back to him.

Inside, I put the drugs on my backpack and waited for the class to finish. When it did, I again waited for everyone to leave. I didn't want anyone to know yet. I just hoped Levi does something. I couldn't explain why, but I just _knew _I had to go to Levi, because somehow I knew that _he'll _do something. It was ridiculous considering how I hated him, but recently, I've been following my instincts and it told me to go to him. The principal wouldn't do it.

After everyone was gone, I walked up to Levi. With the same sharp, menacing look, he took a sip from his coffee, -"Is something the matter, Kirshtein? Or do you, by any change, pretend to excuse yourself for coming late… again?"- I didn't answer him and just tossed the drugs on his table. His mood ticked me off. He eyed it, crossed his fingers and stared at me, -"What is this? Am I supposed to take it as an invitation? Because I sure as hell am not. Explain before I kick your ass."

I flinched a bit, but managed to stay cool, -"No sir, um… George, Trisha and Trevor from twelve one were using them while making out in the bathroom."- He had to know them since twelve one is his group.

He arched an eyebrow, -"Oh? And you expect me to believe you just like that?"- He eyed me suspiciously, -"Where's your proof, hm?"

I froze and tried not looking at him. My heart began to beat faster, -"P-proof?"- I spluttered; so much for staying cool.

-"Yes, proof,"- He repeated and the look on his face as he stood up send shivers down my spine, -"Say, aren't you the one inheriting it?"

I wanted to screw and humiliate someone; at the end, I humiliated myself.

I screwed myself.

* * *

Soooo, how was it? :3 This one took me time too, but it's done! I hope you like it. I know this happened too fast, but I felt like Jean had to finish it soon so he can spend more timey timey with Marco :) (ifyouknowwhatimean)


	14. FOURTEEN

Thanks so much for your support! :'D

* * *

FOURTEEN

-"To the office. Now."

Levi stood up and took my arm, pulling me out from his classroom. He took the drugs too. I faltered and did my best to pull away while at the same time trying to speak, -"Levi, please, you gotta trust me! I was so mad that I forgot the proof! I promise I-"

The more I struggled, the more his grip tightened, -"Shut it, you alcoholic. Coming to me with drug with the intention of sharing opened your doors to hell, buddy. You messed with the wrong guy and now you're paying big time."

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! _I messed up real bad! I cursed myself all over! I was calling Trish stupid and now who's stupid? If I had a gun with me now, I'd shoot myself. How could I be so stupid? It was an obvious thing he wouldn't believe me without proof! This couldn't… this couldn't end like this, -"I beg you, listen to me! I'll take you to the bathroom and you'll see!"

I kept bragging and bragging and things began to sound worse. He looked at me angrier and surprised. He was also amused at my idiotic behavior and my blunder. He was also having fun at me begging for mercy, for another opportunity. What kind of teacher is he? I must look pitiful and cheap…

God, please, lend me a hand!

-"Jean! Levi!"- A loud pitch girly voice echoed in the hallway, making Levi stop and look back, -"Wait a second!"

I looked back and saw a small figured Krista and Ymir, running to us. When they reached us, Krista was on her knees, panting heavily. She had her phone in hand and gave it to Levi, who suspiciously took it and inspected it, -"What's this…?"

I leaned my head and saw a picture… my savior…

It was picture, several actually, of Trisha making out over George and Trevor while consuming drugs. George had cigarettes, Trevor had the pills and Trisha had weed on her mouth while kissing them. Uhg.

Krista straightened herself up and had a firm look, little drops of sweat falling from her forehead, -"Mister Levi, that is a picture of George Hemmingway, Trisha Valentina and Trevor McCoy from twelve one consuming drugs while enjoying themselves."- She spoke politely while Ymir behind her with arms crossed looked serious, ready to defend her if needed. She looked like Krista's personal bodyguard or something.

I looked at Krista and literally, light came out of her. She looked like a goddess, a savior. I wanted to hug her and kiss her and marry her, but Ymir will kill me to a pulp.

-"I see now,"- He inspected the picture a bit more and turned to look at the girls again, -"This indeed is one hell of a case I've got in hand and a hard proof. Alright,"- He then turned to me with his same look as ever. This time tough, I saw a bit of disturbance, -"You're free as a bird, Kirshtein, but next time, make sure you bring proof before stepping on hot lands."

With that said, he left with the drugs. Meanwhile, I turned to the girls and let out a long breath. Ymir laughed, -"Wow, you were heading towards your own grave and as idiotic as it seems, you caused it. What a dumbass, you should've waited for us."

-"Shut it."- I spat. Ymir's laughter quickly faded as she lifted me up by my collar. I flinched as shivers ran down my spine. I kept messing things up, -"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't mean it… I… thank you."

Ymir smirked and left me down. I stumbled but managed to stay stand, -"Good,"- She looked at Krista, -"Because if it wasn't for us, you would've been buried by Levi and the rest of the Department of Education."

-"Yeah, yeah, my bad. I forgot."

She laughed again, wrapping her arms together, -"Who the heck forgets proof to unmask a bitch? Of course, only you do."

I laughed sarcastically, -"Yeah, just me. I'm just that unique."

She stopped laughing, -"No, you're not."

Krista stepped in this time, -"Ymir, please, stop mocking him. After what he went through...,"- She lowered her head and her face darkened a bit, -"… the last thing he needs now is someone making it worse."

-"Pft. Whatever."- Ymir shrugged, looking away. She couldn't ignore Krista's order as her guardian dog. She's the kind of person that does anything she wants, but when Krista says no, it's fucking no.

Krista turned to me and smiled sweetly. She looked like a porcelain doll, -"I hope you're okay, Jean. Unlike them, you have us, the group."

I nodded slowly to her, avoiding her eyes, scratching the back of my head, -"Yeah… thanks. By the way, how did you know I needed…?"

-"Oh,"- She giggled, toying with her hair, -"Reiner sent us. He figured you'd forget it. He was really worried and that's why we hurried here."

I sighed, -"Oh."

Krista tilted her head to side and looked at me worriedly, -"What's the matter?"

Ymir sighed tiredly and walked towards me, wrapping her arm around my neck, squeezing me, -"Don't sulk in it too much, dude or else you'll sink into depression and then you'll commit suicide and then I'll hunt and kill you again. Don't let our great effort of saving you be for nothing, because really, we came against our will. "

Krista elbowed her hard enough for Ymir to let go of me.

Seriously? The distance from Spanish to here wasn't that big. I didn't say anything and just nodded. Ymir was like that. She always mocks everyone just for fun, but sometimes, she's the one who gives the greatest advice.

Krista was looking at Ymir as in _apologize _with hands on hips_._ Ymir sighed tiredly, -"Fine,"- She then walked close to me, but this time she didn't grab me or anything, she just stowed her hand on my head and leaned a bit, her finger slowly disappearing in my hair, -"Look. I don't know that bitch any more than you do and you might ask yourself who the hell am I to say that, but hey, I'm a comrade from our group and I know when a girl's not worth getting depressed for,"- She looked away and spoke as if she knew what she was talking, like she experienced it, -"Things like that are part of life and they make you stronger. Mistake and errors are what really set us at the correct path even if you regret everything, but like everyone says, nobody's perfect. So,"- She began to stroke my hair and then punch my shoulder, -"I want you to go out there and kick Earth's balls. While you at it, show it that you're still standing and fighting. Show _her _that she lost one hell of a douche."

I couldn't help but laugh.

She growled and went in for another punch at my shoulder, -"Hey, I meant all that, you know?"

I stopped her hand, -"I can't kick Earth's ball, considering it _is _a ball, but,"- I looked at her and nodded, -"I'll do my best."

She nodded approvingly and grinned, -"You better,"- Then, we turned for next class, -"Hey, when we'll we play soccer again, huh?"

I shrugged and elbowed her, -"I dunno. You name the time and place."

She hmph-ed and we began to walk towards Erwin's.

At Erwin's, Reiner was there and waiting for me, -"How did it go?"- He quickly asked me the moment I set foot on the classroom.

-"Could've been worse, I almost got myself into trouble."

Reiner laughed, -"I know, that's why I sent Krista with her pictures. She took it when she and Ymir saw them."

I sat in my desk, resting my head in the wall, -"Who brought the drugs anyway? Maybe… maybe they drugged her."- I was rambling now. Thoughts were making their way out of my brain.

-"She did."

I looked up to him, surprised at his utterance. He sounded so sure, -"How do you know?"

-"I smelled those drugs. They were stronger on her, besides,"- He stopped, unsure to say his next words, but he did anyways, -"I smelled those drugs on her since I arrived this morning. She brought them."

I looked at him confused, -"What… how?"- I stiffened my position in the desk.

He looked away and took a deep breath. His face was filled with regret, whatever he was going to say, he wasn't proud of it, -"I was… into that kind of mess in my old days. I used to consume when I was younger."

My moth gaped open. I tried to say something, but nothing came. Someone like him… with drugs? I couldn't even imagine it.

He noticed my struggle, -"Don't worry. The past is in the past. I'm all better now,"- He shot me a smile, -"And I hope you too."

At launch hour, I wondered alone, mostly because I wanted to be alone. Several people of my group offered me to hang with them and some even begged. They were all worried, but now, I needed time for myself.

I walked around the hallways as thoughts filled my head. I tried to figure out my feelings now after what happened. I didn't feel so free after I told Trisha what I did, but I sure as hell felt the knot leave and regretted nothing. There were things bothering me though; like Reiner and the drugs thing and, well, everything. What bothered me tough… was Trisha's words. Don't get me wrong, I don't mourn over her anymore. She's a bitch and she stays like that. I finally faced her, but her words, what she said to me… pierced me. She told me I was nothing special, a wannabe, that nobody loves me, that I'm alone and a fool. She was right. I was alone now and I was a fool. She fooled me because I was weak. I was wannabe. I always wanted to be like Frank, like all of twelve one. I was many things actually, but at the same time nothing. Right now, I don't know who I am. Surprisingly, her words hurt me more than her betrayal. At the end, my life was definitely miserable.

I tried to shake off those depressing thoughts away. Back then, she was crazy and she was drugged. Above all, she was mad at me. In fact, she wants to see me like this. She wants to see me crawling and leaving tears in my path. Guess what, I wasn't going to give her that.

Trying to cheer myself up was difficult and I was kind of bothered at my need for having someone doing it. There was so much for me to handle. I was definitely weak. This stuff doesn't usually get to me like this, but recently, my heart is like butter. I may be strong physically, but internally, I was weak. My mind was a mess, my emotions were in disorder and confusion filled me like air. I feel like I need someone's hands to hold me or else I'll melt and fall into a never-ending abyss. Whose hands could that be? I dunno. I didn't know anything, what would happen to me from now on, what the Jesus am I going to do…

I was walking mindlessly around school when a pack of shouts and laughs reached me. I looked up and the only thing I see is a dark figure crashing into me. We fell and landed on the cold floor. I landed on my back and gasped for air as the figure's body pressed against mine. Was I seeing shadows and figures now? Mental instability, check.

But then, the figure began to breathe heavily as it raised its head and things became clear now.

Marco was over me. Too close to me. I could even feel his heavy breaths on my face, his sweats dropping down to me; I couldn't even see his freckles because of how red his checks were; aside from the fact that he had a black jacket and had the hood over. Then, he noticed me and his brown chocolate eyes widened, piercing mines. Again, it was only us and I couldn't see anything else than him… literally. He was completely over me.

His eyes were filled with panic as he began to open his mouth to speak, -"Je-"-

Before I could put the pieces of this puzzle together, a pair of muscled hands wrapped themselves around Marco's mouth, pulling him back and away from me. He stretched his hand towards me, but before I could even react, he was in a far distance. Marco struggled from his captor, but this one was strong. Marco's captor pulled down his hood as he dragged him farther away. Marco was desperate to get free; his face pale as he tried pulling his captor's hands off. He moved side to side in an attempt shake off whomever was strangling him and this one punched Marco's back in anger, leaving him breathless.

I leaned myself up. Who the hell…?

-"Get him! Don't let him escape!"

I recognize that voice to well.

-"Don't worry, Jean. I'll save ya'."- Frank said as he peek his head from behind Marco. He was pulling him to a corner of the hallway.

I shot up and followed them. Marco was cornered by three guys; Frank, obviously, in the middle. I didn't recognize the other two; they were just making sure Marco didn't slip away. He tried though, but with one step taken, he was pushed and pinned to the wall by Frank, -"Finally. We caught you. That's all you can do, right? Run, it's all you're good at,"- Frank breathed heavily with anger, -"Come on! Try to escape now!"- Frank landed a punch on Marco's abdomen.

Marco winced in pain and looked away, eyes closed, waiting for the other blow.

When it came, Marco grunted and when Frank let him go, he kneeled with arms wrapped around his chest. When Frank was recharging for another blow, I looked away.

All I heard were pained grunts from Marco and laughs from Frank and the others. I waited for this to end, but it didn't, it just got longer and longer. I looked again and this time, Marco was on the floor coughing, breathing heavily. He tried to speak and beg for Frank to stop, but he couldn't. Normally, he waited for it all to end, but this time, it wasn't and he couldn't take it anymore. His face said it all: _another blow and I'm done_. Frank couldn't keep this going…. he just couldn't be this cruel…

Without noticing, I was taking slow steps towards them and reaching for Frank, but this one kicked Marco for the sixth or seventh time before I could even speak. Trying to crawl away, he sat up and leaned on the wall, his hand still wrapped around his chest. He couldn't do anything else… he was giving up.

Our eyes met and what I saw was pain, so much pain and grief mixed with sadness and sorrow. He winced again before closing his eyes. I could now see his all bruised up face once again. Suddenly, a flash image of how he was and how he felt in yesterday's Art class crossed me. It was totally the opposite of how he was now: happiness, excitement and fun. He was smiling and now… Another image crossed me and it was like a tornado of memories. Me being cornered punched, kicked, slapped, thrown…

A sudden dark anger churned in me. Frank was the responsible for everything and I had to stop him, stop this tornado in my head. I couldn't see this anymore. He has to pay. He _will _pay.

Out of control, I reached for Frank's hair. He was about to kick Marco again, but before he did, I pulled him back by his hair. He landed on his ass on the floor and was very surprised to see me like this. He didn't react for a minute. I was out of control, but I knew what I was doing.

Frank's dogs came for me and I fought them off. I punched one right in the nose and the other kicked his balls. Frank was still out of reaction and that gave me an opportunity. He was wide open and defenseless, but when I went in for a punch, he snapped awake and punched me instead, -"What the hell are you doing!? You two, get the freckled nerd!"

_Oh no you won't, _I ran towards Marco and stood right in front of him, facing Frank and his dogs with my fists ready. That's when a sudden memory recorded in my mind. I was a little kid in this same position, facing another little kid with my fists ready. I was fighting him, but above all, I was defending someone behind me and when I looked, I saw the desperate freckled face of a young Marco. The next thing, I was in a rampage.

Back in reality, I looked back at Marco and he had that desperate face just like in the memory. So… we've met before? Why didn't I remember him? Why didn't he tell me anything? I all make sense now.

My rampage began.

* * *

So, things get real good next time ;) I already have the chapter done. I just have to check errors and all that! Until next time!


	15. FIFTEEN

OMG, yes! themortalfangirl, I heard the song and it definitely sounds like this story's main theme! xD Very, very good song ;) I loved it! "Between the Bars", by Elliot Smith!

* * *

FIFTEEN

I was on a rampage once again.

My eyes were locked on Frank and Frank only. There wasn't anyone else in this corner than him and me. I wanted to punch, kick, throw him… I wanted to break him; I wanted him to feel the pain Marco had. I wanted him to taste his own poison.

Frank ordered his dogs to attack me so that he could get to Marco, but I saw it coming and I didn't move. I fought those two real quick. They weren't strong, only Frank will be the real challenge, but I was ready; I felt like I could teach him, that I could make him pay. Even so, I got pretty bruised up before fighting him.

I was cleaning off the blood on my mouth when Frank stood right in front of me with a menacing pose. He looked down at me angrily, -"I'm gonna give you one last chance to step aside or else."

I didn't move from my spot in front of Marco and grinned, -"Or else what?"

-"You'll regret having _me _as your enemy,"- He growled and gazed back to a sudden crowd of people cheering Frank on that I just noticed and looked back at me with a smug, -"Is a life or death decision, Jean,"- He again had the scowl, -"Step aside."- His voice was harsh and serious.

Seconds passed and I just kept glaring at him with a grin.

He growled, -"You disappoint me, Jean. From now on, things won't be the same. I'm gonna teach you not to mess into other's bus-"

I punched his face before he could finish, -"You talk too much bullshit."

He stumbled, but managed to stand firm. His scowl went worse. He was trying to keep it cool in front of the crowd who cheered for him while I just burned in anger.

He dashed forward and clashed into me; we stumbled and almost fell into Marco, but I shoved the motherfucker to the side and went for another punch, -"You're not touching Marco anymore, you fucking bastard!"- I shouted.

He made a swift turn to stand up and while doing so, he slapped me hard. My stand faltered a bit, but I managed to keep him away from Marco. Frank was starting to lose it when I dodged one of his kicks and punched his chest, -"You…! Stay down already!"- He was losing his so called cool and people were more interested in the fight. Then, however, they began to leave as things got bloody and intense. Silence prevailed. This was serious. It wasn't a normal fight.

Frank had me real cornered and defenseless. His punches were knocking me out hard and I took minutes to recover. I was on the floor, trying to stand up and when I managed to kneel, he kicked me down. His kicks on my back left me numb, with a soaring pain and breathless. Frank was furious, like never before and it was at me. Some people of the crowd wanted to do something, but they didn't dare. Thing got out of hand. At least, Frank's attention was all on me and maybe… maybe he'll leave Marco alone, -"Losers like you stay like that under my feet! Don't you dare stand up!"- He pressed his foot on my back. I grunted and clenched my fist while gritting my teeth, enduring the pain, -"I knew that we'd end up like this, Jean and naturally, I win. I always do. I stay on the top and you lost the opportunity to be beside me because of some freckled nerd. You know, I saw you changing the moment that nerd set foot on this school. It was radical; when you stopped me in the bathroom, blocked my eyesight of him in Spanish… at the end, it was all him for you. He was like controlling you and you were weak, Jean. You let him get to you; you gave up the glory of being like us for a stupid nerd. I can't believe it. Well, that's makes you one of them and your kind,"- He kneeled and lifted my head with my hair, -"Doesn't have a space in my school _or _the world,"- He smashed my head back in the floor and walked away towards Marco, -"Now to finish with the one who started everything…"

He started talking to Marco, but I couldn't hear. My mind was racing, my heart was beating fast, my adrenaline running high and I had to do something! Come on! Stand up! I can't let him touch Marco anymore! He'll… he'll..., -"No… stop."

Frank was lifting Marco by the collar of his jacket and began slamming him hard on the wall. One, two, three times… I heard gasps and whispers around me, but no one did anything. Some started to run, but I stayed. I had to! Marco needed me! _Come on, you asshole! Stand up, please! _I was going to break that lowlife in two, I swear!

Another slam. I heard Marco's breath leaving his mouth and reaching my ears. I couldn't take it anymore.

I compelled my body up, ignoring all the pain and slowly making my way towards Frank one legged. Marco saw me and swiftly gazed at me, his pain reaching me. His eyes were slowly closing and his arms fell from his grip on Frank's hands, but Frank kept shaking him. He was distracted, unaware of the danger behind him and I took that advantage. I reached for his head again and when my fingers slightly brushed his hair, he turned around, but it was too late. I already had his head in my hand and smashed his face into the wall: one, two, three times… he slumped to the floor, his face already bruised up, but I wasn't over. I sat over him and began punching his face in nowhere in particular. One, two, three times, -"You… motherfucker! I told you… I'm not letting you touch him!"-… four, five, six…, -"How does it feel, huh!? Tell me! This is what he felt all this fucking time because of you! Have a taste of you own fucking poison, asshole!"- I was literally shouting to his face. My knuckles ached, but I couldn't stop. It wasn't enough, he wasn't getting it right, -"You dick! You'll pay for all you've done to him…!"

I was about to land a seventh punch, until a soft hand stopped my arm, -"Jean! Stop, please!"

I froze for a couple of minutes. Then, I began to look around: there were only three people left of the crowd. Their eyes were wide in terror. My knuckled were aching badly and I looked at them. They're all bloodied… my gaze moved slowly to the guy below me. Frank was definitely knocked out with a broken nose, blood trailed out of it like cascade. He didn't moan, he didn't move… he…

I looked over my shoulder and met Marco's eyes. He was panicked and terrified, but at the same time worried about me… just like back then. Suddenly, an image flashed and I saw a little Marco holding my arm just like now with the same look. Below me was that same little kid as before with a broken nose, my knuckles were bathed in blood…, -"It's… over."- Little Marco whispered at me.

I felt a squeeze in my arm and I was out of trance and back in reality, -"It's… over."- He breathed out and his head fell in my shoulder. I realized that something warm was falling from my eyes, but I couldn't figure out what it was when I too slumped to floor, my body finally giving up. Marco was over me, his head right were my heart was. My hand moved on its own and rested on his head, his soft hair brushing it slightly…

Then, darkness was all I could see…

* * *

_-"Hey, you, leave him alone!"_

I was having a dream or better yet… a memory.

_-"Says who? You're not my mom! Ha-ha!"_

In the dream, I was a little kid and I recognize the place I was in: drawing class, Marianne's house. I was sitting on a soft fluffy chair and in front of me was a large table with lots of paint colors, paint brushes, papers and other stuff. Beside me was little Marco and on the other side was a weird shaved kid who liked to mock Marco a lot. He was older than me and Marco. Right now, he was mocking Marco's freckles and I was always there to stop him, _-"Says me! Just finish your ugly draw!"_

The shaved kid gasped and a scowl appeared on his face, _-"I don't take orders from you! I always do what I want! That's what mommy says to me!"_

I didn't care what his mom said to him, all I cared about is making him stop bothering Marco, _-"Then you better go to your mommy and hide or I'll… I'll…!"_

_-"You'll what, bozo?"_

_-"I'll… I'll punch you!"_

The shaved kid gasped and called Marianne and told her of my behavior. She walked towards me. Marianne looked like an Indian; she had bronze-like skin, chocolate short curly hair and light brown eyes. She always dressed in the hippie way with the peace sign. She had a peace sign bandage around her forehead, knee short pants and long colorful shirts, _-"Jean, you don't fight your friends, alright?"_

_-"But he's… he's taunting him."- _I pointed to Marco. It appeared that I didn't know him well yet. He was just a drawing classes' partner.

She looked at Marco and then back at me, _-"Lying isn't good and you know that, right? God doesn't like it and you're a good boy, Jean."- _She happily stroked my hair.

I crossed my little arms together. No one believed me and everyone always said that I lied every time. They just though no one could simply mock Marco because of how cute he was, but they didn't know it was completely the opposite. Only I knew, and I did because I went through that.

The shaved kid was laughing out loud, _-"Liar, liar, liar!"- _The kid didn't stop mocking Marco after that; he pulled his hair, made fart sounds when he walked around, pinched him, ruined his draws and when Marianne wasn't around, he became aggressive with Marco; pushing and kicking him…

I was so mad at him that I really ended up punching him… more than once. I was defending Marco and Marianne couldn't stop me, only Marco did, _-"It's… over."- _Marco whispered and stopped my bloodied knuckles from punching the other kid again. He helped me stand up and that's how we met.

Awkward moments passed and I felt like breaking it, _-"I um… I'm Jean."- _I said while scratching the back of my head. I was blushing.

He looked at me surprised. Surely, after a fight, he wouldn't expect this. His freckled cheeks blushed lightly, _-"I'm… Marco Bott."_

I, as a curious monkey, poked his cheek and asked, _-"What are those, Maco?"_\- I always spelled his name wrong when kid.

_-"Oh,"- _He looked down and slightly touched his cheek, _-"Mom says they're freckles or something."_

I was a very curious kid back then, _-"Why does he taunts you?"_

Marco shrugged still looking down, _-"I dunno… he says my freckles makes me look stupid."_

I walked closer to him and raised his head, squeezing his cheeks, _-"Don't listen to him, they look cool,"- _He blushed even more, his eyes locked with mines, _-"You don't have to worry anymore. I won't let him hurt you anymore."_

Marco's eyes began to water, but he hold tears and just nodded. He took my hands and started cleaning off the blood. I just stared at him and he smiled back at me.

At the end of that class, a huge woman that I knew was the shaved kid's mom stepped in front of me and I stepped in front of Marco, ready to defend him.

* * *

I woke up and sighed. I couldn't sleep, I've been rolling on my bed the whole night and when I did fell asleep, I had dreams; to be exact, memories.

I sat up and with a hand on my hair, I sighed again. All this time, I've been having those memories returning to me. They were all about Marco and me in old times. I had a nightmare of my fight with Frank once. That was a week ago and I still couldn't stop thinking about that. It was radical. No one ever broke Frank's nose and whoever did, was in big trouble. I was. After the fight, I went to the infirmary and there, I received a visit from the principal and Frank's dad himself. They couldn't wait for me to recover. There, we discussed. It didn't end well. Like always, no one believed Frank was the one who caused all that. It was obvious, actually. I spoke the shit out there, but I was walking on fire. With one finger, Frank's dad could put me in jail if he wanted to and he did want to, to be honest; I just broke his son's nose. On the other hand, I couldn't shut up and let Frank walk out of it like an innocent, because he wasn't.

I don't why, but I knew Levi and other teacher, including Kat, took action too. They checked Marco and he was worse than me. Most of the teachers knew Marco's situation with Frank and that's what busted me out from Frank's dad. To add more drama to this, Frank's dad knew of his son's abusive methods of entertainment. He also knew his boy was a bully, but he never did anything. He didn't care. He just lets his son do what he wants. Levi was the one to figure that out. He had an awful discussion with him and Frank in which I wasn't invited. Others actions were made and I was saved, but Frank's dad wanted me at least suspended. I was for one because of my way to solve situations with violence. Aside from that, I also had to deal with psychological talks with Kat twice a week: Mondays and Fridays. Now, I'm here at home, bored and unable to sleep.

I don't know what happened with Frank, if he was suspended like me or expelled from school or in an asylum. I was desperate to know, he needs more than just a suspension or expulsion. I wanted him to rot in an asylum and die there because of what he did to Marco.

Speaking of Marco, he wasn't suspended or anything, because he didn't do anything from a start. Well, if messing with my mind counts, then maybe, but no… I don't want to blackmail the person I wanted to protect in the first place. Anyway, he was sent to his home to recuperate and I had a feeling that his mom will change him to another school. I didn't know and I had no way to communicate with him, no way to know for sure.

One thing's for sure though, tomorrow Monday I'll know everything.

My stomach growled hungrily and I went downstairs for a snack and that's when I met dad. He was sitting on the couch watching something, but really, he was waiting for me. During this week, he's the one who's been really worried. Mom just shouted to me that I had to have more control over myself. We had a lot of discussions, since they were cited to school and mom didn't liked that stuff, she never goes to school for anything. She kept wining that I got her in trouble; she's not the type to discuss with other people that weren't me or dad, with superior people. On the other hand, dad went through the process smoothly. He spoke mostly, mom didn't say much, but above all, he was worried about me, about my lack of control and emotion disorder. He though I had some kind of mental problems and wanted to assign my personal psychologist, but Kat volunteered. Also, he thought that I wasn't speaking of my problems with anyone and that that's the source of everything else… he was right.

-"Son…,"- He spoke in a low tone and patted the side of the couch, -"Please,"- I sighed, took a small piece of bread and sat in the couch. The television was on one of those night comical shows, but dad wasn't watching it so he shut it down and I lost any change of escaping this conversation, -"You know what I'm going to talk about… I never taught you to fight like that, Jean: you broke a student's nose, the son of a wealthy man, for God's sake. You could've gone to jail, son!"- He was straight to the point.

I just sighed calmly, -"Dad… I don't pick fight just because I want to."- I took a bite of the bread.

-"Then what is it, son? Tell me so I can understand, because this all seems like you've lost reason! That's not how you solve a dilemma!"- He was desperate.

I began to splutter, unsure how to answer him, how to explain all this, -"Dad he… was bullying another guy and I just wanted to stop him, but he didn't and it was too much. I just defended him and… that's it."

He was dumbstruck, like everyone, -"Are you… what?"- He wasn't going through any of this, -"Jean, that couldn't be it. I thought I told you…,"

-"I know what you told me! To stay away from those kind of troubles, but apparently I can't, okay?"- Now, I stood up, hands up in exasperation, -"It's everywhere, dad! It's pointless to run away from it!"

His face blended into panic, he was thinking I was being bullied again, -"Son, it's not… happening again, is it?"- His voice was shaky. We'd been through awful times when I was bullied. He tried many things to stop it, but it kept happening. Dad literally stopped working and sleeping. The only solution I found was to join guys like them, like twelve one, and renew my life… or so I though.

I shook my head, -"No, dad, but this time, it's happening around me and I can't bear with it! I had to do something! That guy was going to get his neck broken!"- That was the only explanation I could give him, I couldn't give any more detail, -"It… it won't happen again, I promise."- I said with a soft voice, hoping I sounded persuasive.

I was about to leave, but he suddenly stood up and hugged me. I did my best to answer the hug, my finger barely brushing his shirt, -"Please, son, please… stay out of trouble."- I heard sobs.

I slowly nodded, -"I promise."

After that, I went up to my room and launched my body into my bed. I fell like a rock.

Stay out of trouble…? Not happening again? Nah, this has just begun.

Trouble followed me.

* * *

Heya :D let me know if you want me to write the whole discussion with the principal and Frank's dad, how that mess was solved! I'll make it happen ;)

Oh and about Jean poking Marco's freckles, asking him what they are and calling him 'Maco', I took it from a fanart! All the credit to the artist!


	16. SIXTEEN

Marie Graham, thanks for your opinion! I mean it! ;) Nice observation you made with 'draws' and 'drawing', I'll keep an eye out next time! About the dashes, well... I always write my stories with them, but for next's story, I'll think about it! Thanks again!

* * *

SIXTEEN

Next day, I woke up with a pain on my back. I stood in front of my mirror and turned around to see my back: it had a huge faint bruise that still hurt whenever I knelt or flexed my back. I still felt Frank's foot there. Dad didn't want me to go to school, but I told him I had to because I had a test… lie. I dressed up with the usual uniform and a grey Nike overcoat. Then, I headed downstairs for breakfast. There, my mom was watching her daily novel, -"Stop punching everyone you see, alright? Ya' ain't a boxer! You just get ya self and others in trouble!"- She shouted when I left the house.

Nah, I wasn't a boxer, but I didn't need to be one to give people a lesson or two.

Immediately when I stepped school ground, the news reached my ears: Frank was expulsed and sent to the Military Academy. That'd straighten his ball right. I let out a huge sigh of relief. _I did it, _I wanted to fall on my knees and raise my arms up in victory, but there were too many people. Besides, I'm probably the only one who's glad that Frank was thrown out.

Another thing I heard was that Trisha was looking for new boyfriends and that everyone rejected her, since they all knew the little threesome and drugs she had with George and Trevor. Gossip spread like butter on bread in this school. She was known as the cheap bitch now.

My group was waiting for Hanji and when I arrived; their looks were all on me. Obviously, everyone heard. One week was enough to spread the gossip; Jean, the crazy student who broke Frank, the most popular and strong guy's nose. I wouldn't be surprised if it were on the newspaper. They were probably worried or terrified I'd punch someone else.

I was wrong. They all launched at me happily. Of course, I wasn't the only one glad that Frank was out, my whole group was too. With Frank out of the picture, twelve one was dispersed and without a leader they'll stop harassing us. They though I did it for them, but… I didn't.

My gaze slowly moved to a corner, to see if Marco was there like always, but he wasn't and I sighed. I sudden worry of never seeing him again because he change school swallowed me.

Everyone's voices invaded my ears, -"Jean, you did it! Now we don't have to worry about those bastards!"

-"I can't believe you broke his nose! That was awesome!"

-"You showed him not to mess with us!

I grasped my hair and felt like pulling it out. A sudden headache was born inside my head. They had no idea of the real reason I broke Frank's nose and I couldn't tell them, I couldn't tell anyone. Marco can't leave without having spoken to me!

Thankfully, Reiner stepped in, -"Guys, guys, leave him alone,"- He ordered, but no one listened. They kept asking me questions, -"Hey!"

Hanji arrived and I tried to push forwards into the classroom, but it was hard. God, the damn headache...!

I ended up shouting as the questions and compliments increased, -"Ugh, shut up already!"- My head throbbed. I should thank them and feel flattered, but instead, I didn't feel anything at all, just a fucking headache, -"… I'm just not feeling well. I'm sorry."- I quickly apologized and entered the classroom. They quickly stopped.

Inside, Reiner checked on me. I had my head down on my desk and felt someone near, I knew it was him. Besides, I could smell his Calvin Klein perfume from any distance which made my headache worse. I needed coffee. Before he could say anything, I spoke, -"What now?"- I didn't raise my head.

-"Jean, what's wrong? Do you feel bad? You should go check yourself with Kat."- I heard him say with a worried voice.

Still head down, I shocked my head.

-"Jean… if you don't tell me, I can't help you."

I sighed and raised my head to meet his muscular figure. I had to look up a bit more. I shrugged, -"Just a fucking headache. It'll go away."- I lowered my head again. Why do I lie? Marco kept popping in my head and I sank even more in worry.

From a small gap between my arms, I saw Reiner gave me a skeptical look as he sat and crossed his arms, waiting for the truth.

I sighed again, -"You're not going away, are you?"

-"Nope."

I raised my head again and met his worried and determined eyes. He always looked for each and every one of us, but I wondered if he was the same with Marco. He was like an open book for everyone where you could write all your problems. I just couldn't write that I was thinking a lot about a guy, that'd be weird, so I ended up giving him a small lie that wasn't an entire lie, -"Look, it's just that… everything around me is so complicated. I can't make sense of anything. I try and I try to just enjoy life, but… it's pointless. I feel like a witch set a curse upon me."

Reiner nodded, like if he understood me. He leaned a bit and placed his elbows on his knees, -"Let me tell you something,"- _Here he goes, _I told myself, -"Life is a riddle, if you haven't noticed. It's up to you figure it out. You might feel like something is like this and then to your surprise, it's another and it keeps going like that. Well, that's good."

I arched an eyebrow, -"How's that good? Nothing goes as you want to, you're just more confused."

He shook his head, -"Not everything can go as you want them to, Jean. If it does, then it's the same thing over and over again. It means your cycle of life stopped,"- Before I could tell him that that didn't make any sense, he continued, fully knowing that I wasn't following, -"The cycle of life is change. Change is life, Jean. It's like a gear, always moving, always changing. Nothing can stay the same forever. What you're going through now… is change. It's a difficult process, but that means you're alive. We human aren't accustomed to the change, even though God created us with that gift. We just lay back and wait for the life to continue its same course."

Okay, okay… first he talks about change, then God and then humans. How's that gonna help me? Besides, it didn't have anything to do with what I told him, -"Reiner… I don't follow. I don't see how that makes sense."

-"It's not supposed to now,"- He smiled and stood up, -"You just haven't seen it, the change, the evolution in you… because it just begun."

-"Yeah, yeah, hey,"- I said and looked at all places but his face, -"… thanks for helping me out there. You, Bert and the girls."

He nodded with a smile, -"Anytime."- And walked away to his chair.

Reiner's words spun in my head for the rest of the damn morning. I wanted to believe that he said all that just to cheer me up, but deep within me, I knew he was right. Reiner was always right. He believes I was in process of changing and, now that I think about it, I believed I was changing too.

-"Oh, one more thing, Jean,"- Again, Reiner spoke to me when I was about to leave Math, -"You're the alpha now."

I halted my steps and turned around hastily, -"What…? Ah wait, you think my fight with Frank was because I challenged him to it?"- Oh no, not this again. I knew the alpha of a group was like the leader who challenges another leader or something like that. Science knew. I still can't tell him the real reason of the fight.

He looked at me suspiciously and I began to say _I blew it, _but he didn't question me about it, -"Whatever your reasons were, you've done well and this group needs someone like you as their leader, someone willing to fight if needed."

I always believed that there wasn't a need to have a leader. No one decides for anyone, but I never questioned him about it. He does a good job maintaining the group together and I knew I couldn't do it, -"Fighting is not the answer, you know that."

He laughed, -"Funny coming from you. Anyways,"- He patted my shoulder, -"Think about it."

I sighed. He's been bothering me with that a lot now. I wondered if he was tired of leading this group or if he really sees a potential and leadership in me like he always mentions. Funny, Marco said I had leadership too…

Ah really, really!? Was it necessary? Did the cycle of life made Levi change subject from mammals, amphibians and reptiles to alphas and their responsibilities? I didn't have any interest in that. None at all. So, I had my head down during the class and at the end of it, Levi called me, -"Kirshtein, may I have word with you?"- I sighed tiredly and walked towards him, sitting on the chair in front of his desk. I thought he was going to scold me for not paying attention today, but surprisingly, he didn't, -"How are you feeling? And I mean both physically and mentally."

I shrugged, -"I'm fine… I guess."

-"Hm, you better,"- He took a sip from the same coffee each morning, -"Busting you out of that mess was harder than you think. Dealing with Francis Bureau was not easy."

Francis Bureau was Frank's dad, -"I figured. How did it all go?"

-"Look, let me just say that if it wasn't for Marco's mother, you wouldn't be here right now,"- Levi said with a serious face, -"We tough it was going to be easy since we had all the proof, but Francis is an sly son of a bitch and almost made the principal expulse you and into jail, but Marco's mother arrived and she gave the last ingredients we needed,"- He nodded approvingly and reached for something in his drawer, -"It appears that Marco suffers from these situations frequently."

He gave me a paper and I eyed it. It was a list of all the schools Marco had been bullied in and how many times he changed. I froze, unable to look away from the list. Who were all the motherfuckers…? I gripped the paper as that instinct of punching whoever bullied Marco surfaced again. It was the same one as in the fight with Frank. Then I noticed that the bully's names were on the list just beside the school's name.

-"This was the tenth time of consecutive abusive attacks that were taken on him in record… that means that higher, more complicated and tedious actions _needs _to be taken, but she insisted that the answer was here,"- He stared at me for a minute, fingers crossed and below his chin, -"You."

I pointed at myself, -"Me…? How…?"

He sighed and took another sip from his coffee, -"I don't know. She wanted to speak with you, but you were still recovering."

My stomach whirled as minutes passed and I just stared at nowhere in particular, -"I don't know what to say… it's so confusing…"- It actually wasn't. I kind of had the answer.

-"At the end, we discussed and until now,"- He sighed worriedly, -"I don't know what she finally did."

-"Did she… change him?"- My voice was shaking because I fear the answer that haunts me. Then, Reiner words whispered in my head.

He shook his head, -"I'm not sure. That's what I told her, to change him into a specialized school were kids like him refuge."

I scowled when he called Marco a kid, but I didn't say anything about it.

He continued, -"This is the biggest problem I've had to face in all my years of teaching,"- He gestured me to give him the paper. I thought about it for seconds: if I gave him he paper, I lost any opportunity of breaking the nose of those bastards. Levi snatched the paper from my hand anyways, -"I'll keep doing my best to solve these problems. On the other hand, try to stay out of trouble and control yourself."

I had my eyes locked on the paper.

-"Understood?"- He asked me.

I gazed at him slightly and nodded, -"Yeah, yeah."

-"You may leave."

But I didn't want to leave, not without the paper. I stood up casually and went for my backpack. I acted as if I was looking for something and slowly gazed at Levi. He left the paper right in the desk where I could easily slip it away in my pocket. He turned around and began working on the chalk board. I quietly moved towards his desk and slipped the paper in my pocket. Rapidly, I took my backpack and left, but not before I glanced back at Levi who was shocking his head and I quickly left running. Yikes. I think he saw me take the paper, but didn't say anything. Bah, whatever. What matters is that I had it.

While walking towards Spanish, I read all the school's names, the bully's and memorized them. Marco didn't even stay in his schools for two years, just one or a semester only. Something struck me; I've been on a school with him: the elementary school on Maria City, but he stayed for the first semester only because of a guy called Samuel Van. Motherfucker… I knew him; in fact, I had his phone number…

I went for my phone, but saw someone on the corner of my eye. I thought it was Levi, so I ran away again.

Lunch hour came and I hung out with Reiner and Berthold, because they insisted. When we walked out of the launch room, there was a crowd of people in the McDonald's. It wasn't a fight, but they were watching someone or something. We began to walk closer and then I heard it, _'… you'll pay for what you've done to him!', 'You… motherfucker!'_

In the corner of my eyes, I saw two guys watching something on their phones with gaped mouths. I walked to them and took one. He didn't say anything as he eyed me and whispered to his friend. I ignored them and looked at the video… of me. I was over Frank, punching him hard, _-"I told you, I'm not letting you touch him!" _I looked like a wild animal with rabies. My eyes widen… I looked out of control, I didn't even recognize myself. I looked abnormal with so much rage, but the anger in my eyes faded and everything crashed down when Marco stopped me. It was amazing how I stopped, how he made me stop. In a second, I was like under his spell. The video was obscure, but I could see a faint glitter in my eyes. Was I… was I crying? Then, the one who recorded the video zoomed it at me. I was definitely crying.

I then realized that I needed him. I needed Marco and… he needed me.

I snatched out of my trance and saw that the video was in YouTube, as in worldwide. I _tch_-ed and gave the phone to his rightful owner. Then, I snuck out of there when they recognized me, -"Hey! It's the animal that broke Frank's nose!"

-"Hey, Jean. Give me your autograph! Sign on my butt!"

-"Who are gonna punch next?"

-"When's the next fight? We really want to see you breaking a nose!"

-"Crybaby!"

They all started to laugh and I ran. Reiner and Berthold went after me worriedly, but I was already out of their eye sight. I naturally went to the bathroom and leaned my head on the sink, hands on the side gripping the cold surface of it. There was silence, only the water drops from another sink prevailed. But… there wasn't an open sink. My hands moved on their own to my cheeks and I felt warm tears running down. I stared at myself in the mirror. I really looked miserable…, so lost. I wasn't sure why I was crying in the first place…

-"Jean! Come out, please! Just ignore them!"- I heard Reiner's voice outside, but not outside the bathroom.

I quickly cleaned my cheeks before heading out. I definitely wasn't crying because of the video or others mocking me, I actually saw that coming. Gossip had to spread soon enough and obviously someone has to record the crime scene. I've had enough of mocking laughter that I became immune to it. You just have to ignore them and shit them. I was crying because…

I halted my steps.

I felt a weird twist on the air. Something big was coming. Frank? Francis? The principal?

No.

_He_ arrived and I knew just where to find _him. _

I ran like never before to the Geeks and Gamer's liar. I actually ran past Reiner and Berthold who looked amazed by my speed. I felt like a magnet, an energy pulling me. When I arrived, he definitely was there and like always drawing. I quickly hid behind one of the stilt around the rondure and breathed heavily. Was I actually nervous? My stomach swirled with butterflies.

My heart filled with warmth when I slightly peeked and saw him smiling as he drew with coal. Then, he laughed lowly. Wait… did he knew I was here or is he crazy? It became clear because I was such an expert in discretion: he slowly began looking at my way. I hid again, my heart beating fast. Another laugh.

I heard him stand up, -"Jean."- He said.

My heart stopped for a second and I shrunk. Sweat fell from all over me. Why was I so sweaty all of a sudden?

I took a deep breath before stepping out. There's no escaping this, -"H-hi."- I spluttered.

He was smarter than I though.

* * *

Oh mah, sho cute :3


	17. SEVENTEEN

Holy cow! This chap is longer than the rest! I know you don't mind xD but I have my own limit in the words: no more than 3,000 words :/ well, this chapter was the exception because Jean and Marco have a very cute moment :3 bijijiii! Anyhow, enjoy!

* * *

SEVENTEEN

I immediately eyed Marco's clothing first, like always. Today, he had white jeans with a neat leather overcoat. He didn't had it zipped, so the school's shirt was loose. He also had a simple black beanie with many different pins and his usual Converse.

I looked away and pft-ed. How the hell did he managed to look so simple but so cool at the same time? I slowly gazed down at myself; lame as always. I kind of envy him.

I slowly made my way towards him, unsure of how to start a conversation. When I look at him, everything that happened with us a week ago recorded in my mind like a movie and I got pretty tense up. Unlike me, he looks normal. Surely, he was thinking of all that happened too, but he doesn't sulk in it too much like I did. He looked happy, smiling while a faint blush spread on his cheeks. He wasn't going to lose his mood because of that. Again, I wondered how he could do that because I was losing my mind instead and I wouldn't be surprised if I end up crazy. I looked at him again to see if there was a glint of any other emotion, but it was just pure happiness. He was happy to see me… he wanted to see me.

I mindlessly sat crossed legged where he was and he sat beside me with his knees up. He didn't draw or anything and just waited for the right moment to speak. We both began looking at all ways and gazed at each other once in a while. I opened my mouth…

-"How are you feeling…?"

-"How are you feeling…?"

We both spoke at the same time and laughed, -"You first."- I pointed at him.

He laughed, -"I was going to ask if you were okay."

I nodded at him, -"I'm fine, yeah… could've been worse,"- I began to poke my knees in attempt to distract my gaze away from him. I wanted to see how he was, to see his wounds and bruises because I heard Kat saying that it was a miracle he was still standing, -"… and you?"

He nodded too, -"Yeah, I'm okay."

No, he wasn't okay. His bruises were worse than mine, not to forget that he was bullied constantly, -"Are you… sure?"- I asked again.

-"Yeah, really. Don't worry."

I looked away, crossed my arms and though for a second. I couldn't believe him. Why couldn't he be honest? I knew he wasn't okay. Mindlessly, I dug my hand in my pocket and gripped the paper. By the list, he had been bullied since… hell, since third grade, but I had a feeling it was since first grade because the record didn't had them all. He was shy, so I bet all my money that he didn't report all the attacks. If so, then how, how is he okay? I was bullied too since third grade and so on, but when I reached tenth grade, they stopped because I found the solution. It had worked until today. When I looked at Marco, I knew he hasn't found that solution or… maybe he did, but he didn't want to do it. Why?

I had so much I wanted to tell him that it made the butterflies in my stomach die. So, I just burst it all out, my mouth not stopping.

-"Why are you here? You're supposed to be somewhere else,"- I wasn't looking at him, but I knew he had the most confused face ever, but my mouth continued before he could say anything,-"I mean in another school. You're not safe here."

That was one of the things that'd been hunting me for quite a while. I kind of wanted for him to stay because after all that happened and I learned that I did met him before, I felt a strong connection with him, but above all, I was worried and scared that someone else bullies him. I bet my life that Frank's friend will try to finish what he started. Someone else will come for Marco. I had that awful dark feeling that this wasn't over, in fact, it just begun and I wanted Marco's safety… more than anything else. Maybe his mom though I was the solution, the answer to all his problems and I do want to; heck, I _was_, but… I was afraid of myself. Back there, I looked like an animal, a monster out of control; I didn't understand my own emotions… I took _three _guys on my own and not just anyone, they were from twelve one; their leader was one of them, the strongest guy in this school and I just broke his nose. I never had done that before in my life and I knew I did it to protect Marco, but what if… what if I end up hurting him instead? I couldn't bear with it. He'll be safer with someone _and _somewhere else.

He didn't liked the sound of that, -"I don't think I'm safe anywhere else, Jean, besides I… want to stay."- He said with full honesty while looking at me, blushing lightly and smiling.

I almost gasped, -"You what…? Frank's dog will come for you, you know? They won't give up."- I was getting desperate. Why couldn't he understand?

-"I know, but I can't keep running forever,"- He was looking at me intently. He was trying to tell me something without saying it and I wasn't getting it… not yet, -"I have to stay … after looking for you for so long."

I froze and tried to process this. He… looking for me? Then, I knew why. While in the fight with Frank, I remember that I _did _met him before and that we used to be close friends. It was in the drawing classes we only took on Saturdays. It was one day, but it was enough for us to have fun and talk about different things. One day was enough for me to be with him, since we were both on different schools. I don't remember what grade I was in or my years exactly, but I was bullied then and that's why me and Marco had a close friendship.

Little by little, the pieces came together in my mind, solving this puzzle: why he was like a limp on me, his first day when Frank bullied him and I stopped him, the drawings, the weird trance in Art… everything. He was trying to make me remember, he wanted me back, he looked for me… his only friend.

An awful guilt stirred in my stomach and I couldn't look at him. I felt ashamed of myself and a stake in my heart. How could I done this to him? I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing but breaths came out. My eyes began to water. My chest tightened.

-"After you quit the drawing classes, you disappeared completely without trace and you never told me why you did in the first place,"-Marco began to speak, his voice a bit shaky, but calm, like he was ready to face me this time, -"I tried to locate you, but it's like you never even existed."

I knew why I quit: my bullies became worse. I became a very closed kid then: I stopped eating like I should have, I stopped going out with friends, stopped playing… and stopped going to the drawing classes, so technically, I didn't quit. Older kids bullied me all the time because of what I liked: power rangers, superheroes and videogames… I was a nerd back then and I just couldn't endure it like Marco does; I fought back, which made the situation worse. My little life became miserable and obscure. My relation with my parents became thin, because they wanted to do something… while I just wanted to die. Naturally, I found the solution: change who I was, quit myself, renew my life and join the bullies. There's a saying: _if you can't handle them, join them._ That happened in tenth grade. I became a totally different guy: no videogames, no comics, no TV shows and no nerd. I obliterated every memory of who I was... of every friend I made. Now, I realized that I was coward and in the end, Marco was stronger than me. He didn't change who he was because of the bullies, he lived as who he was and he didn't gave up on what he liked, what he loved. I couldn't handle the pressure, he did.

After all he'd been through, he shouldn't be here, he should be in an asylum all crazy and maniac. I was less bullied and in the edge of madness. And yet, here he was beside me… waiting for my answer.

All this realization numbed my head and I felt it heavy. I still couldn't shake off the guilt that was eating me alive. I totally forgot him, how could I be so selfish and weak? What kind of friend am I?

Marco was growing desperate and worried, -"Say something,"- He said with saddened eye. After a few seconds, -"Well, whatever happens, I'm not going anywhere without you. I missed you… you were-"

-"Marco… why didn't you told me anything?"- I asked and looked at him firmly.

His eyes widened and watered a bit as he looked away shyly, -"I… don't know. You were just… so different. I didn't recognize you at first. You were a totally different person, not the Jean I knew,"- Slowly, he began to look at me with full honesty, -"I thought you'd think of me as a hindrance or a limpet and I didn't want to bother you, so I tried….,"

-"Make me remember,"- I breathed out. He nodded slowly and his gaze fell, -"I'm so sorry… Marco…,"- I lowered my head and sank in my own guilt again.

A few moments passed when I felt Marco's hand on my shoulder, -"But it's okay! You're here now and-"

-"How can you be like that after… after all…,"- I began to sob.

He looked up, -"Life keeps moving, Jean and… I can't stay back,"- Reiner's words echoed in my mind. He looked at me again and blushed lightly, -"I still wanted to find you, after all…you're my only friend."

He went through hell just to… find me? All this time I thought I was alone, that I wasn't important or special to anyone, but I was wrong. I couldn't say anything… this was too much for me to swallow. This felt like I was in some kind of a fantasy movie.

Marco kept speaking though, -"I know all this might sound weird, but it's really true,"- He squeezed my shoulder and I slowly gazed at him, -"I know why you quit yourself like you did, why you changed, but you still have an opportunity to bring old times back… if you want to."- He slowly let go of my shoulder, his hand a bit shaky. He was afraid of the answer I might give him.

I had to think this through… I knew that I had the opportunity to be who I used to be, but every time I thought of those great times, the fight with Frank popped out of nowhere: my rampage, the lack of control, the impulsion… and that fear that I might hurt the only guy who really cares about me, and who I care about equally above anyone else, invaded me. I wouldn't forgive myself if I hurt him again, because I already hurt him by forgetting who he was… completely. Heck, I couldn't forgive myself right now. How in the world someone like me has another opportunity?

-"Jean…,"- Marco's eyes began to water, -"You can take all the time you want to think about it… it's okay."

No, I didn't had time, because I was sure he wanted the answer right now, but I was so unsure of myself, I doubted everything of myself, -"I might end up hurting you again… if you haven't noticed, I'm a monster out of control. You saw what I did back there, I don't know when I'll be like that again, maybe even now I can-"

He gasped with widen eyes and launched at me, hands on both of my shoulders. He pinned me at the wall behind and I winced. He was really close to me, eyes piercing mines, -"No, you're not a monster! Don't say that! You're my best friend and period! What you did back there was…,"- He stopped and looked down, -"You were always like that whenever someone taunted me. No one could stop you, except me. You're not a monster, because you knew what you were doing."

I was shocked by his sudden outburst; he looked very upset about what I said about myself and when I looked at his cheeks, a tear escaped his eye. I didn't liked one bit seeing him cry. It tightened my chest even more. Mindlessly, my hand moved towards his cheeks and wiped the tear away. I realized that I was hurting him again and more guilt swallowed me, -"Marco… I-"- I halted when I heard the intercom's beep and the bell. What time was it?

-"Jean Kirshtein, please stop by the infirmary."- I recognized that voice; it was Petra, the clerk in the office. She spoke through the intercom. Shit, psychology talk with Kat.

Marco quickly let go of me,-"Um… you should go."

It all happened too fast. I stood up and scratched the back of my head, -"Uh, where will you be?"

He shrugged, -"Here, I guess."

Oh yeah, Pixis was absent. I took a deep breath before saying this, -"Why don't you, uh, c-come with me?"

His face lightened a bit more. I stretched my hand towards him. When he took it and squeezed it, I felt a warm wave wash away all the dark, cold feelings I had a minute ago.

We went to the infirmary and along the walk, we said nothing, but when I looked at Marco, he was smiling and happy, even though I haven't given him an answer.

At the infirmary, Kat welcomed us and gestured me to sit in front of her desk, -"Hello, Jean. How are you today?"- She asked me. She was a bit surprised to see Marco, she probably though he was going to be on another school. She told him to sit on the back because she might ask him questions too.

-"I'm okay, I guess. I'm alive."- It was a stupid answer.

She arched an eyebrow, -"That's physically. How about mentally?"

-"Exhausted."- That was an honest answer.

-"What do you mean by that?"

Uhg, so many questions, -"I dunno I just… have a lot to think about."

-"Like what?"

I couldn't tell her, -"I can't tell because… I haven't figured it out."- It was half true though.

She looked at me like if I finally lost it, but didn't question me anymore, -"I'll take that as in you don't want to talk about it. Alright,"- She nodded, but she was unsure if to let that topic drop, -"Let's talk about another thing. Your fight, maybe?"

I sighed. I didn't want to talk about that, -"It was a simple fight like every day, haven't you seen one on your days?"

-"Simple, every day fight you say? You can't fool me,"- She said smugly, arms crossed, –"Why don't you tell me what really happened? You didn't just pick that fight with him."

I sighed for the million time, -"No, I didn't pick it. He looked for it,"- I squeezed my knees, remembering everything. Hate spilled out of my mouth, -"He deserved that, he deserved worse in fact, he-"

I spoke to myself and Kat noticed. She interrupted me, -"Why, Jean? I don't think anyone deserves getting his nose broken like that."

I laughed, -"He does,"- Then, I lowered my gaze and spoke lowly, -"And I was… just defending Marco, that's all."

-"I don't think that's all,"- Sorry for her, I couldn't tell her anything else, -"Do you remember what you said when you fought?"

-"I… wait a minute, do you know?"- I ended up asking her questions.

She nodded, -"Someone recorded you while you were on that… rampage. The video is on YouTube with almost 5 million views,"- She leaned closer to me, -"We've already done some adjustment to delete it, so don't worry about it."

I shrugged, -"I could care less about that."

She arched an eyebrow, -"Figured,"- Again, she wrote something on the papers, -"Do you have some kind of relation with Marco?"

-"What…? I… no, of course not!"- I sputtered at her sudden question.

-"I didn't specify the relation, it could be family, friendship or…,"

-"No, none."- I quickly said before she could even mention it.

-"I object,"- She said harshly. She was taking this very seriously, -"You don't fool anyone, not after the video. You were definitely protecting Marco; you told the other student that you weren't going to let him 'touch' Marco again. That's not an everyday reaction and I am aware of Marco's situation with the bullying."

I laughed, -"Be honest, Kat. You think I'm gay?"

-"I didn't say that,"- She shocked her head. She was calm and cool, -"Why do you think that? Is it because I'm right?"

I almost blurted out, -"No way!"- I wasn't gay, not even in heaven or hell.

-"I see… then what is it? What kind of emotion made you react like that?"

-"I dunno…,"- How can I explain the weird and messed up friendship me and Marco had? –"It's complicated and… weird. I don't know how to explain, because I'm not sure myself,"- After a moment of thinking about what I just said, -"That sounded worse, didn't it?"

She laughed, -"I'm honestly thinking to take you to Saint Grimore's Asylum in Sina."

-"Hey, I'm fine, really."- She didn't have to exaggerate, I wasn't a madman.

-"That's what every crazy person says,"- She sighed worriedly and wrote something again, -"Jean, I'm not a professional psychologist, but I can see that you really need help… from a professional."

Was I that bad? My stomach whirled again, -"I said I'm fine,"- Ugh, I was so stubborn, but honestly, I didn't want anyone's help. I knew what was wrong with me and it wasn't so bad either way. I stood up when the bell rang, -"Let's go, Marco."

He nodded and stood up, until Kat called him, -"I'd like for you to stay, Marco. I have some questions for you. I'll write you an excuse afterwards."

He nodded and stayed, but not before I pulled him away, -"Hey… about what we talked, I'll think about it. Just give me time."

He looked worried, but didn't protest, -"Okay."

I left, but I wanted to stay. Marco was there and I was going to chemistry, big distance and the more farther we were, the more unease I felt. I was also worried that Marco will tell Kat what I didn't. At the end, I went to chemistry with the only reason to give the class material to Marco. At physical education, I didn't do anything. Marco didn't come and I wondered what happened, naturally I got real worried.

Mom came early today and I left without seeing Marco.

At home, I walked on circles on my room. Dad wasn't home and mom was busy watching TV. Guess what, I was busy too. I didn't eat anything, so my stomach grumbled, but I ignored it and started thinking. Walking on circles with an empty stomach wasn't helping me think, so I went downstairs took a snack and took a bath. Weirdly, while taking a shower, my mind was more open. Thoughts flowed in better, maybe it was because I was free… naked.

I think I already made my decision long ago, but that fear kept appearing; it was smaller though. Honestly, the idea of changing to who I was before excited me. At the same time, I wanted to be beside Marco because not only was I his only friend, he was _my _only friend. I needed him and he needed me. I wanted to keep him safe too and like I said, I didn't want to hurt him… if I turned him down on this, I'd end up hurting him like never before. All those horrible feelings I had in school came, but the excitement and happiness overflowed me as an idea popped in my mind: I wasn't going to answer him verbally; I was going to surprise him… by my clothes.

Excitedly, I exited the bathroom and quickly looked for something to wear tomorrow. I had a lot of souvenirs of geek and gaming stuff that I collected. I had clothes too but I bet I didn't fit in them anymore. Below my bed, I had all those stuff in boxes filled covered with dust. I blew the dust off and opened all of them and I almost gasped when I saw an awesome Batman sing necklace: it was in steel; simple but awesome. I also had the same Batman hand clock Marco had. Perfect. Uh, I had a very sweet bracelet with many squares in double colors: black and white. I took it all out and headed to the closet. I knew I had many geek clothes; they were on the far end of it, barely visible. I entered and dug out a pair of black combat boots, black jeans and a sleeveless black jean-styled vest with Batman's sign on the back. I looked for accessories while slightly touching my ear, feeling a tiny hole where I used to have earrings not long ago. I took a tiny box below my bed where I kept all the earrings and found Batman's logo earring and cleaned it. In the drawers, I knew I had beanies, looking for one I used a lot then. When I found it, I quickly put it on to see if it fit me; well… my head hasn't grown apparently. It was awesome and I loved it: it was black and _'I am Batman' _was written on it in yellow.

While putting the earrings on, I set everything to its place and organized my clothing. I realized that the clothes and boots I choose weren't so small. Even while I was on eleventh grade, mom kept buying me these things. Back then, she loved how I jumped like a fanatic when I saw something of Batman and she didn't doubt buying it. I think Marco isn't going to be the only one surprised to see me tomorrow.

I went to sleep with so much excitement. I never wanted to go to school this much. I felt like a little kid. I closed my eyes and waited for the next day to arrive.

* * *

SO CUTE! I WAS LITERALLY CRYING WHILE WRITING DX I AM SO CRUEL SOMETIMES! But don't worry, good moments shall come (ifyouknowwhatimean) I am kind of nervous that you guys find this chap boring :/ let me know!


	18. EIGHTEEN

I had fun writing this chap chap :P

* * *

EIGHTEEN

I woke up more hyped than ever and my eyes quickly locked on the clothes.

I took a quick bath and put everything on. It fitted me nicely and that meant I haven't grown… bummer. Then, I looked at myself in the mirror. For the first time in forever, I felt alive, I felt like… myself. Happiness flowed in me like air. Anyways, I looked damn good. Black and yellow really fit me well. There was Batman everywhere, I really was a fanatic and I hoped to be again.

I was working on my neck tie when I heard a knock on the door. I looked back and saw my father opening the door, -"Oh, hey dad."- I turned to the mirror again. I was a failure in these things with neckties and bowties. It wasn't my fault anyways, I don't use them all the time, just for school and some days only.

I hear my father's footsteps closer, -"Son…"- Through the mirror, I could see him staring at me in awe.

I turned around to face him, -"What do you think?"- I noticed the black circles below my father's eyes. He hasn't been sleeping well. Aside from that, he looked very tired.

-"I don't know what to say… you look so different,"- He breathed out and sat on my bed, -"Are you okay?"

I gave him a confused look, -"Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?"

He shocked his head and scratched the back of his neck. His eyes fell to my feet, -"Are those the boots I bought you?"

I nodded, -"Yeah, they are."

-"Is that the vest that your mother bough you?"

I nodded again.

-"Son… who are you dating this time?"- He crossed his arms.

I blushed a bit, but shocked my head, -"What? No one! I just thought I'd use these old things, you know."- Now I was scratching the back of my neck.

He had a suspicious look, -"I shall investigate,"- He began to rub his chin, -"Anyway, son, you look astonishingly good."

I smiled to him, -"Thanks, dad."

I turned to leave, but he stopped me, -"Wait, let me take you to school this time, alright?"

-"You don't have to. Besides, I think you need to rest."- I took my backpack.

-"I insist."- He patted my back and pushed me out of my room.

Downstairs, mom was watching TV as always. She gazed back at us and her eyes locked on me, -"Now, what is this I see?"- She looked surprised, recalling all those times we went to Hot Topic.

My father laughed, -"Your son."- He began to look for his keys.

-"Nah, that ain't him,"- She eyed me suspiciously and her grumpy attitude came back, -"What in the heavens happened to ya'? You ain't sick are ya'? Cause' ya' look like a popsicle."

I scowled. Her attitude and sneer comments that didn't make any sense pissed me off, but I stayed cool, -"Nothing, I just I'd used this old stuff."- I told her what I told dad.

She eyed me for the second time and scoffed, -"Whateva'."- She turned back to the TV.

I began to impersonate her silently when dad came to me with his keys, -"Let's go, son."

On the drive to school I was kind of worry that we'd crash. Dad looked like he'd fall asleep anytime, his eyes closed and opened frequently. When we arrived at school, I dismounted the car, -"Dad… you should get some rest."

He raised his head from the wheel and looked at me, smiling, -"Huh…? Oh, don't worry, son. I'll be alright. Have a good day, okay?"

I nodded and gave him a small smile.

Inside the school, I immediately went to Hanji's and waited for her, like always. The bell rang and slowly, everyone started arriving and naturally, they noticed me.

-"Yo, Jean? What up?"- Connie asked me while laughing. He eyed me, -"You look awesome, man!"

It kept going on like that. Everyone arrived and said something to me. Except Mikasa and Annie, they just stared at me for a while. Eren and Armin said something too, -"Wow, Jean, you look different."

-"He looks gay."- Eren commented and Armin elbowed him.

-"Shut up, Yaeger. Don't let me start on how _you _look."- Keeping my cool in front of Eren was mission impossible. We never had good confrontations, maybe because we were just too different or I simply couldn't stand him and I'm sure he couldn't stand me either.

Eren was about to throw me a comeback, but Ymir stepped in, -"Who is this guy? I've never seen him before,"- She had her hands on her hips while inspecting me. She walked to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulders, -"What's the deal, Jean? Who are you dating now, handsome?"

I pushed her arm away, -"No one,"- I then laughed and smirked, -"Yet."- I seriously had no idea if she was hitting on me, she was that unpredictable. Even so, I followed the current.

She laughed too, -"We'll see about that.

Hanji arrived then and even she told me something, -"Why, hello, Jean. You look fantastic today."- I thanked her just like I did to everyone.

Inside, someone called me, -"Jean? Is that you?"- Suddenly, that voice sounded very familiar and I quickly turned around, ready to face Marco. My heart beat went faster and butterflies flew in my stomach, but when I saw Reiner instead, it all died, -"Holy, you look different."

I sighed in disappointment, -"Half of the class didn't recognized me, so you're not the only one."

He laughed, -"Well, hey, you're like a totally different guy. Is everything alright?"- He asked me.

I nodded to him and sat, letting my backpack drop, -"Yeah, I'm good."

-"Would you kindly elaborate? Man, this isn't something I see every day. I have a feeling this isn't just a simple change in style, is it?"

I looked up and smiled, -"The cycle of life could explain it."- I began to understand what he said yesterday little by little and he was completely right. From today, I wasn't the same asshole and jerked Jean, I was different, I'm changing. Well, maybe a little, but like he mentioned yesterday, my cycle of life just begun his work.

He nodded, understanding me, -"I see,"- He smiled too, -"You've begun to see it now, right? That's good, but there's more. I can see it. Your change is bigger."

Well, that was weird. I wasn't expecting anything else. Before I could ask him what he meant by that, he walked to his seat and left me hanging with query. I shrugged, it was probably nothing. I began to think that Reiner liked to mess with my mind with that sort of things.

Everyone commented about me then, but they didn't nag about my looks. My group didn't bothered having a Batman or Superman fanatic around and that was good.

Hanji started class and Marco didn't arrived. My stomach began to stir. What if he didn't come today? After all I've done… or maybe something happened to him yesterday? Who was he with last time? Kat.

Before I went to Levi's, I ran to the infirmary, worried plastered in me. I might be worrying too much, but I couldn't help it. I didn't see him yesterday before I left. In the infirmary, Kat received me. She began to speak, but stopped and surveyed me, -"Well, well, someone's looking extra good today… and different."

-"Sorry, Kat, no time,"- I quickly said and walked close to her, -"Have you seen Marco today?"

She shocked her head and looked at me suspiciously as if I just ascertained yesterday's theory of me begin gay and with Marco. She didn't say anything about that though, -"No, I haven't. Is something the matter?"

-"After you talked with him yesterday, did he left?"

-"Of course,"- She nodded, she seemed a bit bothered by my quickness, -"His mother picked him up early. He called her because he didn't felt good."

That just set more fuel to my worriedness, -"Why? What did he have?"

-"Nausea, mostly,"- She had a thoughtful expression as she gazed up, -"But there was more to it than that. Even if he doesn't show it, he has serious emotional and physical issues. I believe he has a condition with various symptoms."

That set me on edge. Condition… what kind? Marco looked perfectly normal. Then, I wondered what she talked to him about and I felt like asking, but then I realized that it probably wasn't a good idea. I had a feeling that she didn't like others to mess with her patients issues. Then again, I _had _to know. I could 'take' her record of Marco…

-"That kid has me really worried…,"- She kept murmuring to herself and I took that advantage and began moving closer and closer to her desk. I eyed it; she had a lot of papers and records of many people: Trent, Uriel, Weygand, Ralf, Trisha, Arnold… wait, what? That didn't surprise me. I ignored that and kept looking; I didn't see Marco's around, -"I can't understand how normal he seems, after all he's been through…"

I began to slide some papers away and then spotted it: _Marco Bott, highly important patient. Suffers from bullying constantly, cloistral surroundings, lack of malice (could purposely be deceived), I noticed various symptoms of-_

I had my eyes locked on the paper as I read, but a sudden wind blew the paper off right beside Kat. _Fuck! _She turned around and noticed it while I cursed all over. She kneeled and took it, -"Oh, the wind always blows off my papers,"- She murmured as she retained the paper in a drawer, -"You're still here, Jean? I believe you have class now."

I cursed to myself again, thanked her and left to Levi's. During the walk, I wondered what symptoms she noticed in Marco and of what condition. That worried me even more. Without noticing, I was sulking about that and couldn't stop thinking about it.

Again, I felt that presence. The air twisted once again. Frank wasn't around anymore; the principal never came on Mondays or Tuesdays, so…

I looked up to meet Marco. He was right in front of me, but he was distracted, looking down at his phone. Even so, he was absent minded, thoughtful, not really looking at it. Then, we bumped into each other, because I too was distracted and thoughtful, but I noticed him in the last second and he didn't. We were the same height, but even so, he fell over me. He had more weight than I expected. I winced as the pain in my back shot up. I tried to wiggle out, but he was heavy. Our faces were literally a few inches apart. If someone saw us right now, gosh, they'd think we're making out. Thankfully, no one's around… I hoped.

When he realized that he fell over someone, he quickly began to apologize, -"I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I-"- Then, he opened his eyes, saw me and gasped. His thoughtful expression quickly faded, -"Oh, Jean!"- He quickly stood up and helped me stand up. When my hand touched his, that warmth sailed through my veins once again as he pulled me up, -"I'm really sorry. I'm such a dummy sometimes, I-"

He stopped talking and eyed me completely. He gasped and I swore that he was going to have a heart attack, -"Yeah, before you say anything,"- I laughed as excitement shot through me, -"How's this for an answer?"

His mouth was gaped for a moment, his eyes glittered and suddenly, he launched at me with a hug, -"Oh, Jean! It's perfect! I was really scared you'd never come with an answer! I-I… thanks!"- I wasn't so much of a hug person, so I gently patted his back. I began to wonder if this is what he's been so thoughtful about a few moments ago. I probably made his day. I could hear so much joy in his voice.

When he let me go, he circled me and pointed to everything I had, the earrings, the hand clock, the vest and beanie, -"I bought the beanie in Hot Topic and the earrings too."- He asked me where I bought all my stuff, -"I used to order on EBay too, but it's all mostly on Hot Topic. There is geek stuff on other places too."

He was laughing, remembering something, -"You used to like Batman a lot. You always drew him on the drawing classes."

I scratched the back of my neck sultrily, feeling my cheeks a bit hot, -"And you used to draw Superman a lot too."- That I remember just now. We always had our own kind of competition.

As he spoke, I looked at his clothes: he was simple today, like he wasn't on the mood to dress up this morning: grey jeans, usual Converse, school's shirt with his all pinned neck tie and a black beanie that had a skull on the side. I looked down at my neck tie; it was loosen around my neck. I slightly touched it and Marco noticed, -"Oh, let me help you,"- He stepped closer to me and took my tie. I faltered a bit, blushing, but he continued doing twists, circling and finally tying it completely. -"That should do it… oh."- He blushed too and stepped back. I didn't let anyone tie it; much less another guy. I always tied it one way or another. I still thank him though. I hoped no one saw that. Somehow, I didn't bother that he tied it. If it was someone else, I'd punch him.

He nodded and we kept talking and talking after that, -"I have a lot of pins too, so we can trade anytime. Also, I-"

-"Hey, aren't we kind of late?"- I said, looking at my clock. Yep, science started five minutes ago.

-"Holy cow!"

We practically ran to science and thankfully, Levi didn't start. He was solving a problem on his cellphone that he didn't even saw us coming in. Marco and I looked at each other and phew-ed.

During all the classes, Marco sat behind, beside or in front of me. I slept through most of them and he woke me up here and then. In launch hour, we ate together and when finished, we walked around school and talked about so many different things. Marco had a very open mind; he was so creative and had a huge imagination. We began to make jokes and they got longer and longer because Marco kept adding them different stuff, which made it even funnier. He was also random; he talked about one thing and randomly changed subject. Above all, he was so kind and helpful. While walking, we met a girl from tenth grade. She bought a soda from the vending machines, but the soda didn't come out and Marco paid her another. The girl hopped around and hugged Marco, thanking him and saying he was the most adorable guy on the school. On the other hand, that bothered me a bit. Like on Kat's paper, he had lack of malice. That girl could've tricked him somehow and that was going to be written on her grave because I will bury her if she does.

Physical education came around and I was back on my exercises. I began to wonder what was done with the soccer team and I wanted to ask. I knew someone has to take lead now that Frank is out. From the bottom of my heart, I had a feeling that no one on twelve one will keep me on the team, it was obvious in fact and that depressed me a bit. I loved soccer, it was my passion. I was changing, but I still wanted to play it.

I was doing some sit-ups, when someone of twelve one appeared out of nowhere and walked towards me: Trevor. He had a menacing pose above me. I stood, but before I could ask him anything, he shouted at me angrily, -"Jean, listen to me carefully because I sure as hell ain't gonna say this again,"- He pulled me towards him by my shirt, -"You're out of team, ya' hear me!? Out of the soccer team! You were a waste of our time! A loser! And losers,"- He pushed me, -"Stay losers!"

I hit my back hard with the bleaches behind me, right were Frank's foot marked the worst bruise I ever had. I gasped for air when the impact sent a soaring pain through my back. Trevor had brought attention and that's what he wanted.

-"I take back what I said. I will say it a million times: you're out, out, out of the team! You're out!"- He kept shouting that and even with the annoying beep I had in my ear, I could hear him.

I was trying to stand up when I heard Marco calling me, -"Jean!"

That's when my body ignored all the damn pain, when Trevor turned to Marco. I launched like a rocket and halted right in front of Marco in defense. That dark impulse surfaced once again and my eyes locked on Trevor and Trevor only. My fists clenched, my teeth gritted…

Before I could do anything, Reiner and Mikasa stepped in front of me, arms wide, blocking me while Berthold, Eren and others stepped in front of Trevor, -"Stop right now!"- Reiner shouted, -"What the hell are you trying to do?"- I had no idea if he asked that to me or Trevor and honestly, I didn't care.

Trevor kept moving side to side, looking at me while I watched his every move. One step closer and I'll…, -"Jean! Snap out of it!"- That was Eren. I didn't even gazed at him, my eyes were glued on Trevor, -"Jean, for fuck's sake!"

I began to push myself forwards, but Reiner and Mikasa kept holding me back, -"Jean, fighting is not the answer!"

I ignored Reiner and pointed at Trevor-"Touch him and you're dead! I can say it a million times!"

Trevor just laughed. That added more fuel into my rage. I was lacking control once again, entering into another rampage and he didn't even touch Marco's hair, but the way he looked at him, the same way Frank did…

A soft hand stopped me from pushing even further. I looked back and saw Marco's calm face as he shocked his head. He was slowly pulling me back. Then, it all turned off down and the pain in my back surfaced. My legs wobbled and I slumped back into Marco who held me tight.

-"I'll tell everyone! Everyone will hear what a failure you are so that you don't get into other teams! No more soccer for you!"- Trevor shouted before leaving.

After a while, I was sitting on the front bleaches, resting my back. Reiner was beside me, -"Jean, are you okay?"

I nodded slowly and said nothing.

Reiner sighed worriedly, -"Listen, Marco is alright, okay? His hair is unharmed."

I sat up. His comment pissed me off, but I ignored it, -"What makes you think I was going to fight because of that? Trevor just told me something and I didn't like it, that's it."

Reiner gave me a skeptical look, -"You don't fool anyone anymore, Jean. I can see your reasons, your purpose for fighting, but like I said… fighting is not-"

Before we could finish, we heard it: the intercom's beep and Trevor's harsh voice, _-"Listen up, everyone! Don't let Jean Kirshtein on your soccer groups! He's a failure and a loser! He'll try to take out your leader to mess up your team like he did to us! Don't let him and see though him! He's really nothing! Revenge is served and- Trevor McCoy, stop right now!"_\- Petra's spoke at the end, stopping Trevor from speaking through the intercom.

But it was too late. Trevor attained what he wanted: to humiliate me like I did to him and most of his group.

He got his revenge.

* * *

Ne, ne, did you noticed the little Frozen line I wrote on the beginning 3:) it's one of the song!

Gosh I love the overprotective Jean! Sho cute :3 He's like: 'you do not touch dat hair, dat hair is mine!'


	19. NINETEEN

Oh Glob, I'm so sorry for the late update! My computer's been giving me internet issues... I hope it's not permanent :( other than that, I've been dealing with university admission and that other shit. It's very tiresome and classes haven't even started... *sigh*

Anyway :) thank you guys so much for the support! I know you will like this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it...! *cough cough*

* * *

NINETEEN

Mom picked me up from school and when we reached our home, I quickly went upstairs to my room, closed the door and sank my face in the pillow. Dad was knocking hard on my door and calling me, -"Jean! Please, open up! What happened?"

I didn't answer him and just sank more in my bed.

My mind raced with thoughts, my chest tightened; I wanted to cry, but I was too proud for that… I was out of the soccer team, no more playing for me. No more soccer…, Trevor hit me were the sun doesn't illuminate. His words didn't hurt me as much as being kicked out of the soccer team did. He got what he wanted: to humiliate me. Sure, he wanted to deliver that message, but his goal was to mortify me. I didn't felt so humiliated though, I was more depressed that I'll never get to play what I loved. It was stupid anyways; it was damn obvious they'd kick me out after all I've done to them, which I regretted nothing, but still… he didn't have to public it like he did. I knew I wasn't a good player, but I still liked playing…

Another thing that was hunting me was Marco's supposed condition. I had no idea what he might have, it was probably something emotional and physical, after all he'd been through…

I was drowning again because I'm weak; I'm letting all this get to me. Why couldn't I suppress it like Marco does? How does he do it? How is he capable of handling something like this… surfacing from this never ending abyss? The word is cruel, filled with cruel people that one must suppress, people that want to take you down no matter what and that you have to fight back, but… it's not as easy as it sounds and I knew that Trevor wasn't the only one who wants to take me down.

-"Jean, I can help you! Just let me in and we'll talk!"

I walked to the bathroom and took a long bath. It got longer and longer; I didn't even bathe, I just stood there and let the water run down my body. Little by little, it kept getting hotter and hotter. In the end, what really had me on edge… was Marco. I couldn't come up with a possible condition that he could have and that made me desperate. Thinking about him warmed my heart a bit, but at the same time, it made me awkward. I still couldn't explain or comprehend that dark impulsion I get whenever someone insults him or whatever. It was weird, but I've been like his guardian since kid and I've had that same impulsion whenever that shaved kid mocked him. I could also kind of feel his presence; we were like connected. Now that I think about it, that kid kind of looked like Connie…

I'll investigate that tomorrow, but now, I wasn't in the mood.

I exited the bathroom and dad was still there in my door, -"Son… please."- He pleaded, but I still didn't answer him. I had to get through this without him… he has already done enough for me.

Next day's school, Marco came to me hurriedly, -"Jean!"- He called me and I swiftly turned around. He looked so geek today and I… I wasn't in the mood for dressing up. I just had my ripped jacket, messed up hair and dark circles under my eyes. I didn't slept yesterday, the grief haunted me, but I tried not to show it, -"Are you… are you okay?"- I've been asked that a lot recently.

I tried to hide my face. I had the hood down, but the light blew off my cover. I didn't say anything and just nodded slowly.

He didn't fell for that, -"Jean…,"- He leaned closer to me and tried to see my face.

I hid it more, -"I'm fine."- And harshly turned around, giving him my back. I gazed back at him; he was so worried and desperate for me to give him an answer, desperate for me to get better. He was desperate to help me, just like I help him. Ironically, he had helped me all this time; he just hasn't realized it yet…

Before he could say anything else, I entered Hanji's and sat far away. I appreciated his attempt to help me more, but this is something I must face myself. I had it coming. I thought that after all I've done, all the damage, I could walk away unscathed, but I was wrong and now I'm paying with my own tears and agony. I don't know if there's more to come: more humiliation, more pain, more sorrow… I couldn't just point it out. It just comes and happens. All I knew is that it wasn't over. My conviction wasn't over and above everything else… I wanted Marco out of this, out of harm's way, out of my problems and issues. He carries enough anguish and grief already, I can't fuel it more with mines.

Nothing was helping, this was all a mess, because the more I stayed away from him, the worst I feel and I knew he felt the same. Everything I'm doing, it was for his sake, but at the same time, it wasn't doing any good. My head spun and I felt even more confused. Everything became a blur; I didn't know what to do… I yearned for his comfort, for his warmth, but fear held me back.

On the way to Spanish, our way was blocked by twelve one. I didn't want to be part of this, so I began to turn around when I heard a very familiar voice that I thought I wouldn't hear again, -"Good morning, losers. How's it going?"- This can't be…

I turned back around and saw Trisha in the middle of all the students from twelve one. This could only mean one thing: she's taking the leadership now. She kept throwing insults at us, but I ignored it and began to leave, when I heard, -"Where's the useless and foolish guy that broke my heart?"- She was asking for me and that's when I broke into a run.

I cut Spanish. I had no idea what happened then; if they solved it, if they fought, if they managed to go to Erwin's… nothing. I was dead worried for Marco and I hoped from the deepest abyss in my heart that he's alright, but I couldn't show my face there… I couldn't face them, couldn't face _her. _I was definitely weak and selfish. I haven't changed at _all. _

I was walking absentmindedly through the hallway to English when I heard laughs. Of course, everyone knew, everyone heard about me through the intercom and they laughed, snickered and whispered when I passed. I thought I could handle situations like this, but…

I broke from my trance when I bumped into someone, -"Well, hey, look who it is. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…"- I knew that voice so damn well now, -"Mister Failure."

I looked up to meet George's tall figure. I tried to straighten up and look cool, but it didn't work. He pushed me and my back landed on the wall behind with a thud. Then, he stepped closer to me and I shoved him back with my arm, -"Fuck off."

I began to step away but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. While doing so, he did a horrible twist in my wrist that ached, -"Fuck off? After all you've done? You think I'm some kind of idiot to let you go?"- Slowly, he began to raise his voice, gaining attention, -"Like yeah, we should totally be friends after all you've done. What do you think?"- The sarcasm was clear.

I struggled away from his grip, -"I don't play friends with a cheap bastard."- Our surrounding filled with _uhh-_s.

I earned a punch from that; right in the face, just below my left eye. I stumbled and fell on my ass feeling lightheaded and dizzy. My vision went to a blur, but I could still see George leaning down on me, -"Cheap bastard? It was actually good, you know? You should've joined us and maybe none of this would've happen. You call us problematic and it's you who started this mess. If you just kept your pathetic little mouth shut…,"- He went for my mouth. Before he did, I shoved his hand off and stood up, -"Running away, are we? You can't keep running forever, chicken wuz."

He was right; I can't keep running away… literally. There was a crowd around us yelling _fight _all over, -"Drug addict,"-I began to throw him a lot of insults and nicknames I just came up with. They came from deep within me, -"Weed-sucker, cheaper, jui-"- Another punch.

-"I mean it when I say to keep your fucking mouth shut!"

I kept insulting him and every time I said a nickname, I got a punch as an answer. It went on like that and I ended slumped on the floor. It was happening all over again… I was being bullied and like always, I couldn't keep my mouth shut. My face was numb, I stopped seeing George correctly and my head spun. I began to taste my own blood; I stopped hearing the cheers from the crowd. My face was bloated and heavy. Even so, I stood up with my wobbled legs, but was kicked down again. Shit, why wasn't I getting that impulse again? Why can't I fight back? Could it be because I don't have a purpose now…? Ugh, I'm so weak!

My eyes were beginning to close themselves, until I heard that soothing and warm voice I've grown accustomed to, the voice I yearned for this whole time…, -"Jean! Hold on!"

Relief spread through my whole body when I saw Marco running towards me through a gap in the crowd. Then…, -"No! Stay back!"- I yelled as I tried to stand up.

George looked back, but Marco was already inside the crowd of people, pushing himself towards me, -"Oh, I don't remember inviting you to this par- what the hell?"

Behind Marco came Reiner, Eren, Berthold and Annie. They pushed themselves inside the crowd too and began blocking everyone. Reiner and Eren held George back while Annie and Berthold blocked the crowd from pushing forward, -"Go, Marco!"- Eren shouted.

With George distracted and held back, Marco dashed for me. He reached for my arm and wrapped it around his neck. With the other hand on my waist, he pulled me up and dragged me out of the crowd. The people booed and called me a chicken as I disappeared from the hallway. When I gazed back, George was waving his arms angrily at me, -"Damn you, Jean! You can't keep running forever! This isn't over!"- His voice echoed loudly through the hall until reaching my ears, but I was out of his sight already.

Marco kept dragging me somewhere, but I had no idea where and I couldn't think. Even that hurt me, -"Marco… wait."- I began to wiggle out of his grip.

We ended up in a bathroom and there, he let go of me. I leaned on the wall and kneeled, arms resting on my knees, -"Jean… are you hurt?"- He asked me.

I was looking down and still had the hood on, so he couldn't see my face. I once again hid it from him, -"I'm… I'm fine."

He kneeled beside me, -"Jean, please… I want to help you."

Deep within me, I wanted that. I wanted to let go of this pain that was eating me alive, inside and outside, but I was held back by other emotions. Obliviously, I began to move my head in his direction, but halted. Then, Marco's hand reached for my hood and pulled it down. He stared in panic at my face, gasped and stood up. He had his hands on his mouth and I swore that he was about to cry. Honestly, I felt like I was going to cry too. A horrible knot was forming on my throat. I swallowed while I stood up and opened my mouth to speak… but nothing came out.

-"Your face…"- He breathed out as he reached for my face once again. He was panicked and worried… somehow, that warmed my cold heart.

I looked away and swallowed for the second time. I was swallowing tears, -"I'm fine… It'll go away."- I dug my hand in my pockets.

He pulled my arm and I looked at his determined face, -"No… no you're not,"- He reached for my face, slightly touching my cheeks, but I pulled back a bit, -"You're never fine. You've lied all this time… why can't you be honest and express how you really feel, Jean? I'm really worried. You're hurting yourself,"- A tear leaked out of his eye. He wasn't holding anything back… unlike me. He was being honest… unlike me, -"You think you're alone, but you're not. I'm here. I also used to think I was alone… until I met you,"- His hand was completely on my cheek now and I felt that warmth in me again. Slowly, I began to rest my head in his hand as he spoke and suddenly, the pain started to fade,-"You don't have to face your problems on your own, you have friend, you have me and I'll travel through all the cities again if I have to… for you. So just… stop hurting yourself, you're hurting me too…"- He lowered his head a bit as he parted his hand from my face to clean his tears.

I stared at him for a long moment as I felt the pain go away, both inside and outside, but mostly inside. That warmth grew bigger each second that passed and I wanted to embrace it. Marco helped me once more, like he always did. And like always, he was right. I was hurting myself and at the same time I was hurting him, who I wanted unharmed in first place. I was dumb; I let all these dark emotions take over… that I forgot the most important thing here: he was my best friend. Slowly, the emotions that held me back disappeared as I walked closer to Marco and sank my face in his shoulder. We needed each other…

I began to cry in his shoulder, -"I'm… sorry… I'm so sorry, Marco. I…,"- I sobbed and sobbed nonstop. I was letting it all out, -"It's just that… everything is over me. Everything I do it just… turns against me. I don't know if I can handle it anymore, Marco. I'm falling and I'm not crawling back up… it's-it's…,"- I wanted to say more, I wanted to say that his supposed condition had me panicked, but I couldn't admit any of that yet, that I was more worried about him than myself.

I felt Marco's hand crawl up to my back and squeeze it. I gazed up a bit, my tears reaching my mouth. I felt like a little kid; if Marco let go of me, I'd fall. Slowly, I crawled mines up, -"It's going to be alright…"- He whispered back and I realized that he knew the other thing that had me on edge, -"You have to keep fighting, Jean… please. I beg you."

He wanted me to fight and keep moving; he didn't like seeing me like this, he didn't want me like this.

His words soothed me completely and everything faded. I stopped crying. I forgot everything that happened, it was just us right now… like old times. A faint image appeared before me: me as a little kid crying in young Marco's shoulder. I don't remember why I was crying then, but I knew that Marco was comforting me like right now.

We stood like that for what looked like an eternity and I didn't bother. I felt so free and relieved; I didn't want this to end.

My nose was literally on Marco's neck and I inhaled his smell. It was so… fresh and simple. It wasn't a perfume… it was like his own smell. It's hard to describe, but it kind of made me sleepy; it was like one of those liquids parents puts on their babies, cooling and smooth. I felt like I was in home. It was… good. My mouth opened, wanting to bite in and taste his neck… have that scent in my mouth…

That's when we hear snickers and gasps. I shot up from the weird trance and stepped away from Marco. When I look back, I see two girls laughing to themselves. One coughed, -"This is the girls' bathroom, if you haven't noticed. Get a room next time,"- Marco and I looked at each other, both red as tomatoes and walked out, -"Gays."- The girls laughed.

Outside, we met Reiner and Eren, -"Finally, you came out of the closet, Kirshtein."- Eren laughed.

-"Shut up, Yaeger."- I quickly said, as always, but I didn't have a comeback now. I was too dumbstruck.

Yikes… back there I… what the hell happened to me? I didn't even realize I was in the girls' bathroom. I didn't know what I was doing… above all, the girls saw. I hope they were from tenth.

Nervousness stirred within me while I scratched the back of my neck. My face was burning hot. I slowly gazed back at Marco and my heart beat went faster, -"I think we have class now."- He said.

After that, we went to class. I spend all the time with Marco… I was a bit intense about what happened; not the crying, the other stuff… I almost bit his neck and I wouldn't have stopped if it weren't for those girls. I don't know why, but I wanted to. The desire still lingered in me whenever I looked at his neck. I began to imagine what I would've done if I did bit his neck: lick it, taste it, savor it…

I shock off those weird images. Other than that, I didn't want to stay away from Marco. I felt like if I did, I'd slip away. He was like the base that held me and I mean that emotionally. I wasn't so depressed anymore, but I was still sad and down about the soccer team. That's why I blend and Marco somehow kept me straight. After the emotional moment we had, I feel even more connected to him. I never cried in front of anyone. Marco was the huge exception.

At physical education, I didn't feel like doing anything, so I hid from Shadis.

-"Come on, I got a surprise for you! It'll cheer you up for good!"- Marco was pulling me towards the court.

I pulled on his shirt, -"What is it? Let's go to the rondure, Marco…,"- I felt like a little kid as I plead him.

-"Trust me on this one!"- He said cheerily.

We exited the gym and when I was about to complain, my mouth shut close when I saw my group playing soccer outside the gym. Everyone.

Connie ran towards me along with Thomas and Samuel, -"Hey, Jean, how are you gonna name your new soccer team?"

* * *

I don't know why but I also like the depressed Jean and the cuddly Marco :3 sho cute!

I'm really really trying to correct errors by reading it like five times and i'm like "it's done. No errors", but when I read the chapters in my cellphone I find a damn error -.- wtf?

Anyhow... the love is starting... tan tan TAN!


	20. TWENTY

Omg, thank you so so so much! You made my day! I had 29 reviews last time I checked and now KABOOM, 38! Thanks a bunch!

I wanted to share that I'm one of those girls that says 'I don't like romantic novels or movies or anime or romance itself'... and spend the whole summer reading gay fanfic and manga -.-. I saw a picture that says that and I was like 'Yup, that's me alright' jeje xD

Anyhow, enjoy! This chap was fun!

* * *

TWENTY

-"A… name?"- This caught me off-guard.

-"Yeah, a name for your soccer team."

I may be kind of lost now, but a lot of names were lingering on the back of my mind as excitement flooded me.

-"So, what do you think, Jean? Feeling better?"- Reiner asked me as he trotted beside me.

I shrugged, -"Uh… kind of. I'm still lost."

Eren sighed angrily on my other side as he pointed to ones playing in front of us, -"Can't you see? We're a team! Your team, you dumbass!"

My eyes began to widen and water.

-"Say, where's our leader? I'm dying to play with him."- That was Ymir as she walked towards me with a soccer ball on her arms.

I began to look at all of them, -"What do you say, eh? Let's play and then we'll discuss some things."- Reiner asked me as he patted my back.

What do I say? The happiness that had died came back to me as I snatched the ball from Ymir's hands and began to play. They laughed and went for me. We had no rules; it was like a free play where everyone made goals. During the play, I stopped and changed to my usual exercise clothing in the gym. There, Reiner spoke to me, -"You should thank Marco. He was the one with the idea."

I was tying my Nikes and halted to look at him, -"Really?"- I somehow figured.

-"Yep, it was all him,"- He put his hand on my shoulder, -"And when we found you back there too… with George."

I looked down a bit, -"Yeah, I was going to ask about that."

Reiner shrugged, like unsure of what he was saying, -"I don't know, but he kind of knew you were in trouble so he asked for our help and led us there. I didn't believe him at first but… damn,"- He squeezed my shoulder and looked straight at my eyes, -"What is he to you, Jean?"

I sighed, guessing I couldn't hide it anymore, -"He's an old friend… best friend,"- When I looked at his doubtful face, I figured what was on his mind: that Marco and I were more than that. I bet he suspected that when we came out of the bathroom like we did, but no, he was wrong. I wasn't gay, never ever, -"I kind of… forgot him and now I remembered. It's a long story."

-"What kind of friend forgets his best friend?"- He quickly asked, both surprised and bothered at me for forgetting Marco. How could I explain all that? I didn't want to in the first place and it's not because I didn't trust Reiner, it's just… I really didn't want to. Maybe another time. He noticed it, -"It's okay… that's none of my business. Besides, I don't want to ruin this moment. Come on."- He stood up and led me outside when I finished tying my Nikes.

I spend the hour playing with my group. Everyone played, except Marco and Armin who sat in the bleachers just watching. It was hilarious: we fell and stood up, we kicked the ball everywhere, we talked Spanish, we laughed and we jumped… it was like a herd of crazy but happy chickens. I never had so much fun before with my group. It made me feel completed and everything that happened just disappeared. I felt stronger, that I could take anyone with them. We were one, all united. All this time, I've cut connection with them, but they too have done a lot for me. They worried about me and wanted nothing more than bring me back. I admit they got me back. All that time I wasted with twelve one made me forget that this group was special, it was _my_ group.

When we finished playing and it was time to go, they said goodbye to me, patted my back and the girls kissed my check; holy shit, even Mikasa. The tough one was Annie, she just patted my shoulder and nodded to me approvingly, but hey, that was something. They all wished me good luck and cheered me up.

I was soaked with sweat and my face still hurt a bit, -"You should go check with Kat,"- That was Eren. He was organizing the soccer balls and retaining them in the stockroom, -"Your face is a mess. Well, it always is, but God… its worse now."

I just laughed and elbowed him, -"You should go with me. Yours isn't that different."

He laughed too and elbowed me, -"Hey, I'm not the one with the horse face."

Did he come up with that now? What the hell? -"Horse face?"- I slightly touched my face, feeling it hot and swollen.

He nodded and laughed more, -"Yeah, man. Haven't you seen yourself in the mirror? Your face is like a horse's. Halloween isn't here yet, so take the mask off."

I laughed sarcastically, -"Very funny, Yaeger, or should I say… crybaby?"- Yep, Eren was known as a crybaby around here because he can't do most of the things and ends up crying. Well, not really. He silently weeps and gets mad at Mikasa because she does him everything, -"What is it, Eren? Too much for you to handle? Where's Mikasa now?"

That's when she magically appeared, -"Here,"- She said coolly and walked towards Eren, -"Eren, we have to go."

Eren nodded and turned to me before leaving, -"See ya', horse face."

-"Ugh, you little-"

I began to complain, until Mikasa turned to me and pierce me with her sharp look. I thought she was going to threaten me, but she didn't and her words surprised me, -"Jean… fight to win."- With that said, she left.

Like always, she was damn right.

I felt a poke on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Marco, -"Um… let's go with Kat."- He raised his hand and gave me my backpack.

I wanted to say no because I was feeling good, but I couldn't. Now, I understood Ymir. In fact, we were much alike, except for the lesbian part of course.

After the checkup with Kat, Marco's mom arrived, but before he leaved, I wanted to thank him, -"Uh… Marco… thanks for everything."- I spluttered, feeling a bit nervous. Thanking someone with full honesty wasn't my thing either.

He nodded back at me with the smile that warmed me, -"That's what best friends are for, right?"

I blushed and scratched the back of my neck, -"Yeah, of course!"- I quickly said. I wanted a hug. I don't know where it came from, but I wanted a damn hug. I looked around to see if there was anyone and opened my arms. He smiled and without a doubt hugged me. My face was in the same place I cried before. I could still feel it soaked and cold. I turned my head to not look at his neck. Those weird images appeared again, sending shivers down my spine, -"I'm sorry again…. Marco. For everything."

He chuckled, -"It's okay. Just promise me you'll keep fighting,"- He squeezed me tightly, emanating more and more warmth through me. My heart skipped to a beat, -"And remember… I'll always be with you through thick and thin."

I blushed and my head sank in his shoulder again, feeling a knot in my throat, -"Thanks…"- I breathed out.

I heard a honk. My head shot up and I quickly parted from Marco. It was his mother, -"See you tomorrow!"

I nodded to him and waved him goodbye.

Shortly after, my mom came and I left with an almost exploding heart and a smile that reached my ears. Mom looked at me suspiciously, but said nothing. The warmth and happiness was overflowing… I feel like I could take anyone with him and my group. I felt so strong. No more crying. I'll keep fighting for him and for myself.

That night, I had a dream in which I was fighting a bunch of guys and I wasn't alone. We won.

Next day, I woke up early as pumped up as ever. I was looking at myself in the mirror when an idea popped in my head. I took some scissors and began cutting my hair. I don't how was I doing it, but I kept going. I ended doing a one side with hair and the other side more shaved than usual. Then, I looked for a liquid that father uses for his hair that makes it smooth and brushed it. When I finished, I took the old black nerdy glasses that I used a lot. They weren't big like most of them and didn't have any increase on the specs. With a pair of plug-in spike earrings, I looked damn good. Yesterday before going to sleep, I organized my closet and took out every geek stuff where it was visible and I found my old black and white Converse. They fit me well. I left to school with white jeans and the school's shirt with the black neck-tie that was way better than the grey one. On my wrist, I had two rubber bracelets: one that says _I am the Dark Knight Batman _and the other simply had Batman's logo.

Downstairs, mom was watching TV as always and dad left already, -"What in Eve's garden happened to ya'? What are ya', some kind of model?"

I sighed and turned around from the door, -"No, mom. I just wanted to look different, is that so wrong?"- Again, her comments and her attitude pissed me off. Why is she always like that?

-"Ya' look pathetic, like a clown who's gon' be laughed at,"- She scoffed and turned to the TV, -"Don't make em' call me that ya' got your face cracked, cuz' I ain't going."

I growled and wanted to say something, but I kept mouth shut and left. _Thanks for the help, mom! _I screamed internally. She never does anything for me and she spends her life being mad at me and I don't know why! On the other hand, I spend the morning pissed off.

-"Yo, Jean, what's the matter? I can see smoke coming out of you,"- Connie commented when I arrived, -"By the way, you look awesome! You'll have a girl on your feet any second now!"

I was waiting for Hanji, -"Thanks and I'm just kind of mad at my mom. She's becoming more unbearable each day and- wait…"- I growled and halted when I remembered something, -"Say… haven't we met before… long ago?"- I began to step closer to him.

Connie though with his finger on his chin, -"Hmm, nah, I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

-"Don't play dumb with me,"- I said as I pulled him by the collar of his shirt, -"Did you used to be on drawing classes with me and Marco?"

He flinched as I pulled him to me even more, -"Ah, man! What the heck? Lemme go!"

-"Answer me!"- I began to raise my voice as the dark impulse churned in me again, -"You used to bully Marco on the drawing classes, right? You're that shaved kid!"

-"No, no, no, dude! I'd never do that to Marco, you know that! And, heck, I don't even know how to draw! Well… if drawing sticks counts."- He yelled desperately.

I stared at him for a few second until I felt the twist in the air and _his_ presence. Quickly, my smokes quenched as I let Connie go. I nervously turned around to meet Marco while scratching my neck, -"H- hi… Marco."- I tried not to look at his eyes.

He eyed me, -"Wow… you look different,"- He chuckled and waved at Connie behind me, -"Hey, Connie!"

Connie faltered nervously, -"Hey, M-Marco…,"- He kept gazing at me panicked, -"You know, you should-"

_Ah hell no! _I gave him a quick piercing glare to make him shut up. He was about to comment something about my outburst seconds ago. He swallowed and said nothing.

Marco tilted his head curiously, -"I should what?"

I quickly step in front of Marco, -"Ah, nothing, nothing! Oh hey, look!"- I showed him my wrist.

He gasped at my rubber bracelets, -"Oh! So cool!"- He said happily.

I looked at him: he had a white and red jacket. One side was red and the other was white. On the white side _VA _was crossed together. I had no idea of what it was. Other than that, he had a plain black beanie with different pins, his usual Converse and black jeans.

I spend the rest of the day with Marco and his nerdy attributes were getting to me. I began to do the work the teachers gave us, pay more attention, answer questions (even though they were wrong) and attend to all the classes. Mostly it was because Marco said so and like I said I didn't have a no with him. He practically ordered me and I really didn't do it against my will… I felt like if I wanted to move on, I had to change, I had to straighten my balls and study.

-"Jean! We have Chemistry quiz today!"- He said at launch hour. That made my heart skip a beat because I thought he was going to say that we had chemistry… the other one, not the class.

We were eating toasted bread with mashed potatoes. With us were Reiner, Berthold, Connie and Sasha. The fact that Sasha was drooling over the potatoes made us call her potato girl.

That caught Connie off guard, -"What? No way! I didn't know! How do you know?"

-"He said it yesterday."

Yeah, he did. I remember, but as always, I didn't study which bothered Marco a bit, -"It's true."- I answered.

-"Ah, fuck."- Connie cursed and threw his head back.

Sasha didn't say anything and in this moment, she probably didn't care. She was busy eating potatoes, -"Are you gonna… finish that?"- She pointed at Connie's potatoes.

He did a hand gesture, allowing her to take it. She quickly took it and began eating it like an animal, -"Ugh, about what is it?"

-"Periodic table, the first twenty elements."- Marco answered and took a bite of his bread.

-"What!? First twenty… oh no,"- Connie smashed his hands in the table and slumped back on the chair, head thrown back, -"Ah, man… I couldn't study. I was working on Levi's homework."

I snapped awake now, -"What homework?"

I earned a glare from Marco. I shrugged and smiled stupidly.

-"Yeah, the essay about the alphas and all that other bunch of crap."- Connie complained, hand on his face.

Now I shrunk. Marco's glare grew intense.

-"Don't worry, guys. We still have time to study."- Reiner said as he stood up.

God… I hoped.

At Art, Pixis gave us permission to study. Marco and I sat on the floor at the back of the class. He took out his copy of the periodic table and gave it to me. I began to read the first twenties, but I kept gazing at Marco, who had a very pissed face, even though it looked… kinda cute. He didn't talk to me and that set me on edge. It gave me an awful feel in my chest, -"Hey, I'm sorry… I totally forgot."- I quickly apologized. I didn't like seeing him like that.

He sighed and looked at me, -"Jean, you have to study! If you don't pass this semester's class, it's gonna be really hard to raise your grades in the second semester! And if you don't pass the classes, you're gonna have to take summer cl-"

I interrupted him by putting his notebook on his mouth, -"Don't worry. That's not gonna happen."

He shoved the notebook away with a doubtful look, -"Are you sure? Because by what I see, y-"

I interrupted him again, -"Nope, nope,"- I shocked my head, -"I won't miss summer. Never ever."

He arched an eyebrow and pointed to the paper, -"Then study,"- I began to read again, but I kept being distracted by everything… especially by Marco and it wasn't his intention. He chuckled, -"I see, you need help. Why didn't you ask?"- He sat cheerily crossed legged in front of me and took the paper, -"Okay, look here at-"

I reached for the paper but he pulled it farther away, -"Uh, no thanks… I'm fine on my own,"- I quickly said, feeling butterflies on my stomach. I had my eyes locked on the paper and when I looked to the side, I meet Marco's eyes. Our faces were closer than I expected and he was giving his puppy eyes that I fell pray for. He wanted to help me. I sighed, -"Fine."- I crossed my arms.

-"Yay!"- He chuckled and pointed to some elements on the paper, -"You see these? This is like a chain, a pattern. First it goes like this and then…"

He showed me a few tricks that really helped me to learn those damn elements faster. I felt like my mind was going to blow, but I managed to memorized them. Then, he took the paper again and began asking me, -"Okay… what's Mg?"

-"Uhh…,"- I thought for a second, -"Um… Magnesium!"

-"Yep!"- He said happily, -"Ca?"

-"Um…,"- With this one, I thought for a bit longer and Marco started to make faces. I stared at his fish face, -"Stop making that face."- I laughed and he laughed too, -"It's Calcium."

-"Ar?"

_Shit, _my mind blocked that one, -"Uh…,"- Now, Marco filled his cheeks with air and I poked it.

He laughed, -"It's Argon, you dummy."

-"Says the guy making faces."- I laughed.

-"But that one was easy!"

-"Hey, it's not easy to learn twenty elements on one hour."

He chuckled and toyed with his cheek, -"You're right,"- He took the paper again, -"One more time!"

We practiced once more. I didn't assert all of the twenties, but at least I'm not getting a cero on the quiz.

Chemistry came, -"Okay, stay close to me."- I told Marco before I sat.

He chuckled, -"I don't think I can help you, but,"- He squeezed my shoulder and that current of warmth overflowed me again, -"I know you'll do alright. Have faith in yourself. I do."- He smiled to me and sat in the desk beside me.

I breathed in and out. Was I actually nervous because of a quiz? This was ridiculous, but honestly, it's the first time I actually studied for anything.

Grisha gave us small papers and we began. Well, one thing's for sure, I remember my name but unfortunately, I wasn't getting points for that. I remembered the first element: the second, third, fourth, fifth… tenth, eleventh… _fuck. _I couldn't put my finger on Ar, Mg nor Ca and that's when I remembered Marco's faces. Of course, it was Argon, Magnesium and Calcium! Brilliant! I laughed lowly to myself, attracting attention. I looked up, -"Sorry."

Grisha ordered for us to give him the quiz and quickly began calling us for the grade. He didn't say the graded out loud like Levi did and now I wanted him to. I didn't have perfect because I left two in blank, but I wasn't getting a cero. I was kind of excited and nervous at the same time.

-"Jean Kirshtein,"- He called me and my heart skipped a beat. I gazed at Marco and he gave me thumbs up. I walked towards Grisha's desk, -"Jean…,"-Grisha sighed in worry and I felt my heart drop, -"I don't what to do with you… this was quiz, a simple one. You got cero."

My mouth gaped open, -"Th- that's impossible…"- My legs wobbled.

Grisha shocked his head in disappointment and suddenly, he laughed, -"I'm just kidding. You got seven out of ten. Well done. I'm impressed. Keep it going."

I gasped and began to jump, -"Aw, yeah!"- From the corner of my eyes, I saw Marco stand up. Quickly, I dashed towards him and hugged him, lifting him up a bit, forgetting the fact that everyone was watching, -"I did it! Seven out of ten!"

He hugged me back and laughed happily, -"I told you you'd do it!"

-"Listen up everyone,"- That was Ymir. She spoke as she stood up, -"Jean passed his first quiz. Let's give him a nice applaud."- She mocked and clapped while laughing.

I pointed at her while still hugging Marco, -"Shut up. You couldn't have done better."

Everyone started laughing while clapping. I didn't feel offended; instead, I was having fun, just like the rest, -"You wanna bet? Yo', Grish! Say my grade out loud!"- Ymir said.

Grisha chuckled; he was having fun too, -"Ymir, you got… six out of ten."

-"Ha! In yo' face!"- I quickly said and squeezed Marco. I was getting weird stares apart from the warmth Marco gave me.

Ymir scoffed, -"You gotta be kiddin' me,"- She said as she walked towards Grisha's desk, -"Grish, no fooling around,"- He laughed again and showed her, -"Hmph, seven too. You got lucky, Kirshtein."- She said while pointing at me.

-"Uh… Jean, you're…,"- I hear Marco cough.

I gasped and let him go.

-"Marco, you got ten out of ten."

I froze. Aww, come on! I should feel kind of let down and disappointed, but obviously, I wasn't getting a ten. Instead, I felt competition and adrenaline flow through me. I stared at Marco.

-"Everyone! Grab the horse!"

Instantly, everyone went for me and we made a group hug, -"Aww, group hug! Yay!"- Someone said.

They all started pinching me and rub my hair saying _good job _and _you did it, man! _Through all the commotion, I stared at Marco. He was happily hugging everyone too, smiling widely. Why was I so goddamn competitive? It ran in my blood.

Oh, it was on.

* * *

Uhhhh, competitive Jean is so on! Jaja!

Oh! I have to tell you that on July 27, I'll be on hotel, but do not worry, I'll keep writing and by the time I'm back, I'll upload like three chaps! ;)


	21. TWENTY-ONE

Oh my flipping, backing, glob, dingus pancakes... this chapter X'D... I think you'll love me more or maybe hate me!

* * *

TWENTY-ONE

My mind was racing on how the heck I was going to surpass Marco on the classes. I was in disadvantage: first, Marco was smarter than me; second, I really didn't like studying as he does, I'm a slacker for that stuff; and third, I get distracted by every small meaningless shit. Last time on Levi's, I was watching how a gnat flies and I was literally analyzing it.

I was in the court packing my things up when Reiner came to me with a bothered face, -"Jean, I need a word with you."

I raised my head from my bag, -"Yeah? What is it?"

-"Connie told me you attacked him."

I froze, -"Oh… that."- A small chuckle escaped my lips which bothered Reiner even more.

-"Jean, we don't harm our own comrades."

I sighed tiredly and raised my arms, -"Okay, okay, fine, I'm sorry!"- I really wasn't mad at him for watching out for everyone, in fact, it's cool.

He crossed his arms, -"You're not supposed to tell _me_ that,"- He said as he sat in the near bench, -"What happened?"

I sat beside him and sighed again. I guess it was time to tell him, -"Look, I just mistook Connie for someone else. I though he was a guy that used to bully Marco when we were little."

He arched an eyebrow, arms still crossed, -"So, you're hunting bullies, eh? Marco's, to be exact."

I looked at him seriously.

-"Jean, the past is in the past. I'm sure Marco doesn't bother about that now,"- He squeezed my shoulder, -"Now, apologize to Connie."- Ha, if he knew I had a list of Marco's bullies… I nodded and stood up, -"One other thing,"- Reiner spoke again, -"I'm serious about the soccer. I want to compete; I want to make you proud of it. Starting tomorrow, we practice and get things on the move."

I had a lot on my mind that I wanted to tell him about that, but I kept my mouth shut.

Outside, I walked towards Connie, who was talking to Sasha and making funny faces, it was probably one of their funny faces competition, -"Yo, Connie,"- I called and gestured him to come. He said something to Sasha and walked towards me, -"Hey, man… I wanted to apologize for, you know… this morning. I just mistook you for someone else."

He elbowed me, -"Nah, it's fine, dude. You sure looked scary, though. I'll make sure to never touch Marco."

-"Don't exaggerate."

-"For real, but hey, are you two like,"- I looked at his hands clapped together. Then he started making a weird sucky noise, -"Because man, you're more jealous with him than an overly attached bi-"

I finally got what he meant, -"No way!"- I quickly said, -"He's just… my best friend."- I avoided his eyes.

-"Bah,"- He began to raise and lower his eyebrows quickly, -"But still, man, that'd be weird and ugly."

I tch-ed, waved him goodbye and left. At home, my mind kept bugging me. I knew there was something important I had to do, that I had to remember… nah, it's probably nothing.

Next day came around and Marco came to me with a bunch of papers on his hand, -"Jean, did you do the essay?"

I froze, -"Wh-what essay?"- Marco gave me a serious look and I gasped, -"Ah, fuck!"- I cursed. Yep, Levi's essay. I was so screwed! And not only with Levi… with Marco too. I gazed at his worried and a bit pissed off face. He looked cute when worried or pissed off…, -"I'm… sorrieee..."- Again, I smiled stupidly. How the hell was I going to surpass him if I keep forgetting every damn homework?

-"Jean, how long are you going to keep this up? This was an essay of fifty points!"- He waved his arms in exasperation, -"And Levi's class is up now!"

I shrank, -"I know, I know… I just…,"- I bit my lip, trying to come up with an excuse. Then again, I couldn't bring myself to lie to him, -"I… forgot."- I lowered my head.

He sighed and then smiled. He noticed that I at least was being honest, -"Well, you still have time if you speak with Levi. Maybe he can make you a deal."

I quickly raised my head, -"What? A deal with that guy? You're asking too much."

-"You have to try."- Marco said as he pulled me toward Levi's. Again, that current of warmth soared through me. I was getting very used and attached to it. It made my heart beat faster. I liked it, but I couldn't tell why my heart acts like that. It kind of pissed me off.

In science, no one has arrived yet, but Levi was already writing something on the chalk board. He swiftly glanced at us, -"Good morning."

Marco slowly pushed me inside, -"Go on."- He whispered.

I had a weird twist in my stomach. Was I actually nervous about talking with this guy? When I looked at Marco and his smile though, it faded and I swallowed the nervousness. He had so much confidence in me, he believed in me…

-"Um… Levi?"

-"Yes?"- He didn't look away from the board and kept scribbling.

-"U-uh… I need to talk about th-"

-"Let me guess, you didn't compose the essay. It's all over your face,"- He said as he turned around and sat on his chiar. What the heck? He hasn't even seen my face, -"For what reasons do I have to give _you _a second change instead of others?"- He crossed his fingers together and rested his chin on them.

Yeah, why would he give me another opportunity instead of others who may have better reasons than me? I looked down. Again, I couldn't bring myself to lie. Marco's attitudes made themselves towards my heart, -"N- no… I don't have any reasons. I just forgot. It's all my fault. I'm not responsible enough… sorry. Forget I said anything."- I said and stood up to leave.

I heard Levi's_ hmph_. When I was half way to the door, he called me, -"Jean, for today. You have until three p.m.,"- That was unexpected and honestly, I didn't want to take the offer, -"You may not want the offer, but you will do it, that's an order. Show me for what good is your honesty and don't make me regret it."

I nodded to him, -"Thanks."- I didn't felt so secure of doing it… I didn't know how to do it in the first place. Essay? Yuck.

The twist in my stomach came back once I left the classroom, -"Jean,"- Marco placed both his hand on both my shoulders and squeezed tightly, -"You can do it and I'll help you, but promise me you'll be more alert next time,"- He gave me one last squeeze along with that soothing current, -"You'll never get a change like this, so after launch, we'll go to the library and we'll ask Pixis if he gives us his hour to finish it."

I nodded to him. Yeah, I liked the sound of that and it's not that I intend to use Marco, I'll never do that; with him, I felt like I could do anything. Slowly, my unsureness faded. I'll get this damn essay done, you'll see.

After that, I was walking towards Spanish with Marco, -"So yeah, people say that Batman could beat…"

We were interrupted by a loud sound in the distance, -"Ah, no fucking way…"- Someone complained behind us, -"Again?"

Yes way. Twelve one was blocking the hallway… again. I sighed in irritation.

-"This again? How many times do we have to go through this? I though we've discussed it."- Reiner quickly stepped in front.

This was getting really old and annoying. Then, a curvy figured stepped up, right in front of Reiner, -"As many times I want!"- That voice pissed me off. Trisha had her hands on her hips, -"Why don't you losers go the way you came from, hm? It's easier than just standing there while trying to do something."

-"I hoped you'd be more rational about this, Trisha."

I burst out in laughter, gaining some attention, -"You serious, Reiner?"- I walked over to the front too and pointed at her, -"She, rational? Keep dreaming, buddy."

Her mouth gaped as she eyed me from top to bottom. I looked completely different, but she still recognized me and now, she won't be able to forget me. I gestured Reiner to step back and the group to line up horizontally just like twelve one is. I crossed my arms and stepped closer to Trisha, face to face, -"What do you think you're doing?"- She asked me harshly with venom on her voice.

-"What do _you _think?"- I asked and laughed, -"We're not standing back… not by you. It's over."- It was counterattack time and I wasn't holding back. I was stronger now.

-"Yeah, we're done with your shit!"- That was Connie, who stood right beside me.

Slowly, everyone from my group started stepping forward, -"Go, Jean!"- They started cheering on me.

Trisha laughed, -"So, you're leader now? Pathetic. I wanted someone more competitive to be my rival instead of a failure."

-"Wow, since when did you got so high about yourself? Got any new boyfriends?"

Her face went red in anger and she clenched her fists, -"Oh, shut up!"

-"With how many did you had to sleep with to become leader?"

-"I said shut it! At least I'm not sleeping with girls!"

Wait… what? What did she mean by that? I ignored it, -"Just let us pass already or else."

She laughed out loud, -"Or else what?"

-"We'll pass,"- I scowled at her and looked back at my group, hands on my mouth, -"Everyone! Push your way out of these fuckers!"

They all started to push at my signal. We were so many that I had no idea who I was pushing anymore. All I cared about is making way for my group. One by one, my group dashed out through gaps. Connie was the first one, then Samuel, Thomas, Daz, Sasha, Mina, Eren, Armin, Krista and so on. At the end, there was only me, Reiner, Berthold, Annie, Mikasa, Ymir and… Marco! I looked back and saw him ready to break into a run. I began to push even more, trying to make a gap where he could easily slip through. When I found one, -"Marco! Go!"

-"Don't let him through! Stop him!"- Trisha shouted. She was on the side, leaving the pushing to the guys.

Marco ran and when he was almost out, someone's feet made him trip over. He fell on his back and rolled. Quickly, Connie and Thomas went to his aid and dragged him away. I couldn't see whose foot was that, but if I find out…

-"What are you doing? I said stop them! They're getting away!"- Trisha shouted as she waved her arms angrily.

-"Well then do something, you bitch! You're just standing there doing nothin'!"- One of twelve one shouted back at her angrier, -"I'm outta here!"- Slowly, they all started to leave, letting us pass. They were really pissed at her.

She gasped and scowled, -"H-hey, come back!"- She turned her head to me, -"You! This isn't over! You'll pay for what you've done!"- Recently, I've been told that a lot.

She stomped away.

I had my hands on my knees as I breathed. Finally… we managed to counterattack these assholes. It wasn't a fight, but we didn't let them screw with us either. I felt a hand on my back. I looked up to see Berthold, who pointed at someone, -"Hey, he's okay."

I looked at the direction he was pointing at; at the person to be exact. Marco was stretching his back while rubbing it. Even so, he was still happily cheering with the others. I looked at Berthold again. I was kind of surprised, but his look was the same as ever, quiet and calm, only this time, he had a small smile and I felt like he understood my worry for Marco. How come…?

At our way to Spanish, we had like a little party of our own, like celebrating our victory. Everyone cheered for me and thanked me saying that I was awesome back there. Reiner patted my back, -"Welcome back, alpha."- He smirked. I still had my doubt about that.

At launch hour, Marco and I went to eat early and then headed to the library. I had to admit that the library has changed since last time I entered, which was… a year or so. Back then, I was too proud to enter. I really never liked books, much less reading. Even so, I realized that this place was better than the whole school; so quiet and calm. I'm really used to the sounds of fights, loud music and all that, but having silence and a calm surrounding is goods once in a while.

I still felt out of place though, every nerd came here to study or just read. I haven't considered myself a nerd yet, I was still on process. I preferred sports instead of all this. On the other hand, Marco was very excited, taking books here and there. He was in his habitat and that was fine by me.

-"Let's sit over here."- Marco pointed to a small squared table just beside a round fancy window. The library was huge and kind of round, it had bookcases everywhere you looked, completely surrounding the building. The large tables were in the middle, all lined up horizontally with computers and pencil-cases on them. The table me and Marco were was the only one apart. We were in a small cubicle that had different books: manga, fantasy stories and famous books. It had cozy and fluffy chairs, but this was the only table. I figured this was Marco's favorite spot.

He kept gasping at every book he spotted, -"They have these here? Mike must have received them yesterday,"- He took three books and kept digging for more. Suddenly, he gasped again, -"Oh! All the Harry Potter books are here! Oh and Vladimir Tod! This is so sugoi!"- He went on like that and I couldn't understand him anymore. He looked so happy that it made me happy too. Everything that happened between us was a blur now. Then, he came to me with a manga, -"Hey, Jean, check this out!"

I snickered, -"Aren't we supposed to…?"

-"Yeah, yeah, I know, but look! I know you don't like to read as much as I do, but I think you'll like this one! Um… you know what a manga is, right?"- He asked me.

Of course, they were Japanese's weird books that you read from right to left, -"Yeah, of course."- I nodded. That's all I knew about them, I've never read one. This will be the first one.

He smiled, -"Then, take a look at this one!"

He gave me the book, -"Fairy Tail?"- I read the title and opened it.

-"Yeah! It's so cool! It's kind of like a friend-zone, but at the same time its badass!"- He said excitedly as he sat beside me. He was like a little kid, -"Just give it a look while I look for books to start the essay!"- He stood up again.

I began reading. It was about a jerk that kind of looked like me who always hung out with the popular guys that really didn't pay him attention. Then, the point of view changed to another guy that… kind of looked like Marco with freckled too. This one was different and was always alone reading manga and other books. He was a nerd and was always mocked and laughed at. Then, the guy that looked like me and the guy that looked like Marco began to spend time together and know each other, since the one who looked like me was rejected by the popular guys. After that, things got weird. The nerd liked the other guy, but he was too shy to say anything, while the other had the same feelings for him but was too proud to admit anything. Things got really intense and complicated between them… where's the badass in this manga? Somehow, it seems familiar and I couldn't stop reading. I got desperate and began to skip the pages…

-"I'm back! I brought this book about the rules in animals groups and this one about their habitats,"- Marco arrived and placed the books on the tables, -"Wow, you already reach that page? You're fast."

He began to peer at the manga when I was turning the page and… bam.

I froze and couldn't avert my eyes from the image before me. My body tensed up. The two guys finally accepted each other and now… they were having sex. The one that looked like me was sucking the other guy's dick and he looked very pleased. They rolled and rolled on the bed until the guy that looked like me began to thrust his dick _and _fingers _hard_ on the other guy's butt. The sounds _hah _and _ngh _were all around the page as in moans. The guy who looked like Marco was so red that he looked like he was about to explode, but it was otherwise, he was enjoying that as much as the other. They kissed each other's lips, neck, nipples, more sucking and the one doing all the sucking was the one that looked like me, he-

Then, they spoke and I felt my body tremble, _"I l-love you… Jean."_

_-"I-I… love you too… Marco."_

* * *

Oh my jojos...! Jeannnn... O.O what the flip? (yeah, i've been watching adventure time a lot now)


	22. TWENTY-TWO

*laughing evilly* *enjoying this too much*

By the way, I'm officially matriculated at the university :'D God, that had me really stressed! I'm so happy that it makes my ideas in this story gugu x'D

* * *

TWENTY-TWO

This can't be… this must be a coincidence, right? Was my mind playing tricks on me? I read the lines again and the names changed… what the heck was that? Why was my mind twisting the names? Heck, it may even have twisted the whole drama! I couldn't check though, I couldn't see it anymore. I threw it away, -"What kind of black magic is that?"- I shouted as I stood up.

Marco saw the whole thing, -"Oh,"- He snickered and took the book, -"It's yaoi. Someone changed the cover image."

My heart was beating so fast that I thought it was going to jump out of me. I was sweating, quivering nonstop and taking deep breaths. I was even out of breath, for God's sake! What impacts me most, is that my body had a weird… sensation, one that sent pleasure and shivers through it. I felt sticky, like the whole thing in the manga… happened for real, like if I really _did _have sex with Marco. What the hell!? I leaned on a shelf as my legs wobbled, -"Burn that shit! Burn it!"- My words were shaky.

Marco looked at me worriedly, -"Are… you okay? You look weird."- He stepped closer to me.

The image of the manga appeared before me, but this time, it was clear… the guys that looked like me and Marco, were definitely me and Marco… at least in my fucking mind. I faltered and stepped back, -"No! I- I'm fine! Just… burn that!"

Marco squeezed the book and stepped away from me, -"Why…? It's a yaoi manga, but it's still a book and books can't be burned. That's just… cruel."

I tch-ed angrily and pointed at the manga in his arms. Was he for real? Was he seriously protecting that…!? –"That's a thing of the devil! Burn it!"- What was I saying? I couldn't stop, I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. I'll seriously end up hurting Marco…! I was speaking without control, I was panicked and desperate. I knew how special books were to Marco.

Marco gasped, eyes wide, -"No it's not! It's a book like any other! Are you saying gay people are…"

I flinched at the word gay, -"It's wrong! They're wrong! Everything they do it's wrong, disgusting and... horrible! There should be a law that restricts homos!"

He gasped again and his face turned devastated, as if his heart was staked. Then, he turned serious, -"_You're_ the one who's wrong. They're humans just like us and they need to be respected! Do you know how many people despise and humiliate them? There should be a law that restricts racism!"- He was shouting too.

He was calling me a racist. I didn't say anything about that, -"Well it's damn obvious, considering how disgusting they are!"- It wasn't my intention… I didn't hate gays, I never discriminated them, I wasn't a racist! What was wrong with me? Put it together, Jean!

Marco gasped again and squeezed his eyes shut. He bit his lip; he was holding something back, he was holding back… tears and maybe more comments, -"You… I can't believe you…."- He began to step out.

I reached for him, -"Marco…,"- Too late. He broke into a run.

My legs began to move… wanting to run after him. He was getting farther and farther away from me… what happened to me? I began to hit my head, trying to organize my thoughts, but there was a huge mess. All I knew is that I hurt Marco, but he was more than just insulted by my comments about gay people… he was more hurt about something else; his devastated and disappointed face crossed my mind…

-"Excuse me, is something the matter?"- I didn't realize the huge crowd around me along with the library's personal. The whispers buzzed in my ears like gnat.

I ignored them and without realizing, I pushed them away and ran out of the library. I spotted Marco running up the stairs, -"Marco!"- I called him, but he didn't stop. I kept running after him; we ran across the hallways, the rondure and the love nest. He was fast, but I managed to corner him in the bathroom.

In the bathroom, he ran to the back and turned around. He kept gazing at me and look away, his eyes were watery, -"Marco… please, I-"- Was I really going to apologize for I did? Even among the confusing and panic, I didn't want to see him like that, but how was I going to apologize for something I didn't understand in the first place? I kept speaking though, -"I'm sorry for what I said! I don't know what happened to me! I swear that everything I said… it wasn't my intention."

From the look on his face, I knew he didn't believe that; he did wanted to though, he simply couldn't, -"It… didn't look like that,"- I noticed the slow steps he was taking. Was he planning to run again? –"I'm sorry for the manga… I didn't know it had a fake cover. I-I didn't check if it was really Fairy Tail."- We were both apologizing, but that wasn't what really had him in the brink of crying.

-"It's not your fault, I was just shocked ab-"

He dashed forward towards the exit. If I had something, it was reflection. I saw his move and stopped him by the arm, pushing him to the wall behind him. I was a bit harsh; his back landed on the wall with a thud, he winced and struggled, but my hands were pinning his arm hard on the wall. I squeezed my grip on his wrist, -"Ow!"- He winced again and moved his head. He didn't want to look at me, but I could still see his saddened face. With a gulp, he squeezed his eyes shut and bit his lip, swallowing tears. Even so… one managed to find its way out of his eyes. He sobbed.

My chest tightened as I just stared at him, frozen. It really broke me apart to see him like this and it was my fault to begin with. Even if I didn't know his true reason, it was still my fault. I just knew it. I wanted to tell him something, but my mind was a mess… I wanted to kneel and apologize, beg for his forgiveness, but I'll probably hurt him more. I wasn't even sure how to start…, -"Marco… I'm sorry, whatever it is… I'm sorry."

Now he looked at me. I figured that my obliviousness impacted him more than anything, -"Y-you don't know…"- He breathed, lowered his head and sobbed more.

What…what was it that my dumb mind was oblivious of? –"Tell me, Marco…"

Suddenly, I felt weird. My body felt weird. I was having the same sensation I had at the library, but this time, the pleasure was insanely bigger. My body quivered and everything around me spun, only focusing on Marco. That soothing current he always emanated overflowed me and I wanted to embrace it along with the pleasure… our bodies were too close…

I shocked my head and breathed heavily. I was losing myself to these new feelings and I knew I'll end up doing something I'd regret, but my eyes swiftly gazed at his neck and I snapped. The struggling was useless.

I sank my nose in his neck and inhaled deeply, his scent traveling through the tunnels in my nose and reaching my whole body. I threw my head back… so good.

-"Jean… what's wron-"- I launched at his neck again and began licking it uncontrollably. He faltered and winced, -"What are you do… ngh!"

I licked and sucked on his neck hard enough for him to moan. His hands tried to wiggle out, but I squeezed it and pinned him back even more. My tongue traveled through his neck and up his face. I tasted his soft and smooth skin, -"J-Jean… s-stop!"

I breathed heavily, -"… c-can't."- My tongue traveled to the other side and sucked more, harder and harder. His pained breaths became moans filled with pleasure and he stopped trying to free himself; instead, he tried stopping me, but I wasn't listening. He couldn't do anything, my body was smashed into his, pinning him down for real and I was still holding his arms, -"Marco…"- I breathed out.

I let go of one of his wrist and that same hand began traveling up through his waist, lifting his school's shirt. He trembled at my touch and moaned. I felt something hard on his abdomen, but didn't give it much thought. My body soared with that warmth and pleasure. I felt hot. Sweat soaked me. I wanted more, so much more… I began to aggressively bite on his neck while undoing his pant. He gasped and shivered, -"N-no…! Stop!"- His shaky voice reached me, but I didn't want to stop. He tried pushing me while I searched for _it_, -"J-Jean, please!"

That scream made me stop, reaching my ear and resonating through me. I dug my hand out from his pants and stepped back. I looked at my trembling hands; if it wasn't for his scream, I would've gotten grip of his dick. I looked at him; he was leaned on the wall, panting heavily. His cheeks were flushing red with sweat trialing down. His neck had huge purple marks… the hickies I left; I could even see my saliva running down from it. He huffed nonstop and I swore I could hear his heart beats from here… apart from mines too.

I took various steps back… what have I done? My whole body trembled as if I had an earthquake inside me. My legs wobble, but that didn't prevent me from running out of there and abandoning Marco. He called me, but I didn't stop. I ran and ran to nowhere in mind. Obliviously, I reached the upper rondure and there, I leaned on the wall right next to the vending machine and wrapped my arms around myself.

I was trembling as if it was cold winter, my heart beats were fast as if I just ran in the Olympics and I had… that overpowering pleasure I wanted to wipe off. I was trying to figure out this whole mess. First, I read a manga that was strangely familiar and it turns out to be gay sex. My mind played a trick on me, making the character's name be mine's and Marco's. Now that I think about it, the characters were completely like us; a wannabe of the popular guys and the freckled nerd with the same situation: the wannabe being rejected from the popular guys and the nerd finding his best friend. It was worse than I thought… Oddly, it's as if my life was written there. Could that mean that me and Marco will have the same sex? For God's sake, we almost had now! If it wasn't for Marco, I would've fuck him right there. I was so… not in control. The only thing that mattered back there was him. I wanted his warmth, his body, his scent… so much. I couldn't think, I couldn't react to anything…the pleasure was sizable.

Now… now I didn't know what to do. Things between Marco and me will be different… this is where things get complicated and tense. God, the manga just snapped me off. I really didn't mean to tell him what I did. I was just so…frightened and disturbed, but at the same time dense. I shouldn't have reacted like that, I should've had more control and maybe none of this would've happen, but my mind… my mind played me a trick. The character weren't really named like ours. I imagined that. My mind's a bitch, but what could it mean…? That Marco and I were meant for each other… in _that _way? It can't be!

The bell rang, breaking my thoughts. I quickly stood up and tried my best to avoid crowds. I cut Art and Chemistry. I wasn't in the mood to take any class. Suddenly, I remembered that my backpack was in the library, so I went against my will, because I didn't want to go. I walked to the cubicle where it all began and took my backpack. In the corner of my eyes, I saw the manga and eyed it. It turned out that the characters didn't really looked like us and they weren't named like us. I think I really am crazy; though, the situation in the manga was bit like ours. Why was my mind doing this? Have I really gone mad?

When I was about to leave the library, -"Jean Kirshtein, correct?"- I hear Mike Zacharius' voice. I turned around and nodded, -"There is something here for you."

I walked to the desk and he handed me some papers, -"What's this…?"

-"I do not know. A student came to me asking to copy this work for you,"- He rubbed his chin, -"It is an essay, if I am not mistaken."

I breathed heavily and eyed the papers. No way… it was _the_ essay, Levi's essay talking about alphas and all that. My hands began to shake again, -"Wh-who was it?"- I asked, but I knew the answer.

He rubbed his chin, -"It was a boy; small with freckles. He specifically asked me to give it you,"- Mike gave me one of his weird, kind-of-perverted smiles, -"He even paid it, ten exact dollars. Though, he didn't have the quantity required, but he begged me to complete it saying that it was really valuable. I hope he does not forget the two dollars he owns me."

No way… Marco wasn't a guy with money. He paid _my _work with the only money he had. I dug out two dollars from my pocket, -"Here."

I quickly left.

Why… why would he finish _my _essay? After what I did… he saved me again, saved me from Levi's unknown punishment. Why was he like that? I didn't deserve anything, didn't deserve his kindness…

At Levi's, I stood by door and rethought about giving him the essay. I really didn't know, because I didn't do it, –"Kirshtein?"- My thoughts shredded down as Levi's harsh voice reached me. I didn't answer at first, but then I started to move and went inside, -"Good. I was wondering where you'd be. I was about to regret giving you a second opportunity,"-I walked to his desk with the papers on my arms. He reached for them, but I doubted everything, -"Jean. You're thinking too much."

I looked at him. I was again surprised by his innate ability to read people. I took a deep breath before finally giving him the papers, -"Th-thanks, again."

I turned to leave, -"What's the matter, Kirshtein? You seem to be regretting something; the essay, maybe?"

I turned around to face him who was suddenly right in front of me. I faltered by his closeness and almost fell. His small height but sharp eyes and intense attitude scared me a bit. He now had his arm on his back and was looking straight at my eyes, like if he was inspecting me. I gazed away, -"Uh, no, of course not. I really appreciate… the opportunity."

He eyed me and hmph-ed, -"Something's odd. What have you been up to, Kirshtein?"

I almost gasped, remembering what I've been 'up to', -"W-what do you mean? I'm not doing anything."

He tilted his head and stared at my hand… the one who was about to get hold of Marco's crotch. I hid it from those damned eyes. He snickered, -"No… it's not the essay. There's something bothering you… really bothering you,"- He stepped closer and closer, -"Your body is here... but not your mind. Someone's making you thoughtful, am I correct?"

Shit, he was right. I scratched my head and tried acting ignorantly, -"Whatever. Just correct the essay and we're done."

He snickered again, -"Too much though can make you… unstable. That's a warning."

I gulped and looked away, -"I… I gotta go."

When I was at the door, he spoke again. This time, his voice was different, like if he enjoyed saying what he did, -"Jean, nothing goes as you want them to. Nothing is as it seems. You're going through some rough moments, something you aren't accustomed to."

I gave him a quick look and left with a fast beating heart. Everything, everything he said was true, sending brutal shivers down my spine. How the hell could he tell all that by just looking at my face? What is he, some kind wizard, fortune teller or mind reading master? Or… was I just utterly readable?

I tried to get his words out of my mind, but it was useless; he was just so damn right. It's like my life was written in his palms… just like that. I definitely wasn't accustomed to these kinds of situations, especially the ones that I never imagined I'd have. Well, I'm not accustomed ever since the bullying stopped, because during those times, I was into a lot of issues. Renewing my life has given me the good life, but now…

I left school with an increasing headache. When I went home, all I did was slump in my bed and stare at the ceiling. I didn't even took my long bath, I didn't ate and didn't greet my dad who was once again knocking on my door. I felt bad, but how could I tell him… everything? And what is he going to do anyways? Make me stop thinking about Marco?

No, he couldn't, because I already tried. Yeah, I had a horrible headache, but I couldn't stop thinking about that freckled nerd. I couldn't forget our… how could I call _that? _Because even if I acted as if I was disgusted and knew it wasn't right, I couldn't ignore how it felt: glorious. I couldn't deny that I liked it. If I had my change again, I'd…

I gripped my hair and growled. Why was I thinking that? No, no, no! It's not right! I couldn't accept it! I couldn't accept that I liked Marco in _that _way, even though I knew that since the beginning, I've been getting weird feelings in me whenever he touched me: the nervousness, the spluttering… everything.

I… I didn't know what to do now. Marco must be closed up in his room like me. He was so insulted and devastated by what I said in the library, especially with the gays. Could it mean that… he was gay and that maybe he liked me? It made sense, because back there he could've done better to stop me, but he didn't; besides, the way he moaned…

I gripped my hair harder this time.

I couldn't see Marco any other way than my best friend. As his best friend… I wanted to apologize and make things right, make things clear with us… but right now, I didn't have the balls for it. I don't think I can face him… yet. All this… all this was too much for me. I never had to though about something this much and it made my mind hurt. I never had to though about if I was really gay or nor. After today, I took a step for the _'yeah, you probably are'_, but I still had a lot to think and figure out and when I do, I don't think I'll be ready. Being gay… I just never thought of that and it was hard to believe.

Maybe… the manga wasn't so wrong after all.

* * *

Let the yaoi games... BEGIN! \O/ (ilikemakingjeansufferifyouhaven'tnoticed)


	23. TWENTY-THREE

Yikes, sorry for the late update! I've been going in and out of my college just taking a look around so that i'm not lost when class starts ;) I'm going tomorrow too, but i already started on the next chap!

A million thanks to you guys for the reviews! Keep it sexy and cool, brothers B)!

* * *

TWENTY-THREE

Finally… it's Friday. I really need a break.

Oddly, I was in the library waiting for Mike to finish with a student, -"Oh, I was wondering when you'd bring that book back,"- He took the book from the student's hands and eyed it, -"Who else had it?"

-"Uh, no one else, sir."- The student who I didn't recognize gazed away nervously. Everyone in this school knew that lying to Mike was pointless.

Mike eyed the student before sniffing the book, -"Hm, recently touched, four scents; two from elders, two from younglings."

Mike Zacharius was a weird librarian. Smelling people's scent was his usual habit to know the person without even formerly introducing themselves. He could tell if a person is lying just by smelling and the same goes for the books. He can tell how many people touched the book; that's how protective he is with them, -"H-hey, I have no idea. I swear I didn't give it to anyone!"- The student quickly tried to defend himself.

Mike leaned on the desk and smelled the student. His eyebrows furrowed, -"Liar. Five more dollars."

-"What!? You can't do that!"

-"Yes, I can."- He always does, in fact.

I sat while he finished. I really had no idea why I came here, my legs just moved here on their own. I was really hanging on the thought that I'm crazy after all. That reminded me; today I have to see Kat for the psychology meeting. I really didn't want to go, but I had a feeling that she'd look for me anyways, -"Kirshtein?"- I perked my head up. I quickly stood up and walked to Mike's desk.

-"Yeah, I just wanted to ask if the freckled guy came around here."- That's why I really came to the library. I haven't seen Marco this morning… which worried me and at the same time relieved me.

Mike though for a second, -"I believe so. Yes, he came to pay me what he owned, but I told him you did it for him."

At least I knew he did come today, which worsen my nerves, -"Thanks."

I left the library and looked around. I wanted to avoid Marco today, but I was worried for him at the same time. I obviously didn't want him to end up like me with the emotions in total disorder and in the brink of mental instability. I knew I was exaggerating, but honestly, I felt like that.

I was avoiding him at the same time because last night I couldn't straighten my balls to face him, at least, not yet, because I really wanted to. I still wanted to be his best friend and guard him from any assholes, but after what happened… I was having trouble keeping that though permanent. I really didn't though it'd come to this…

-"Jean Kirshtein, please proceed to the infirmary."- I flinched at the intercom's beep and Petra's voice. I honestly though they shouldn't announce that out loud; I mean, no one had to know I was taking psychology meetings, they didn't had to know I was crazy.

At the infirmary, immediately when I sat, -"Let's talk about Marco."- She shifted some papers and crossed her fingers. She didn't even greet me.

I scowled, bothered at her sudden question as the images of me and Marco's scene surfaced, -"What about him?"

-"What is he to you?"

That question again, -"He's my best friend,"- I hoped I've hidden my unsureness well. When she arched her eyebrow doubtfully, I ran a hand through my hair in aggravation, -"Is there an specific answer you're looking for?"

She nodded, -"I'm looking for an honest one, Jean. You're actions are more and more preoccupying each day."

What have I done recently that was worrying? –"What do you mean?"

She took out a phone from the pocket of her med robe, clicked and showed it to me. It was a video… of me… in the library, discussing with Marco about gays. I was practically shouting at him even though back then I was sure I had my voice low. Once again, I see Marco's devastated face as he ran out. I followed him while calling his name. The one taking the video was laughing and said: _"I knew that Chinese book would work. Totally cool." _

Another guy laughed too, _"Yeah, man, Otaki's the best."_

The video ended. Kat shoved the phone back in her pocket and scribbled something in her papers.

My eyes were widening as I processed this. So… I've been played? Somebody set this up? Somebody tricked us, faking the cover of the manga. That person wanted us to have that discussion; it means that person wanted to prove something… but what?

-"What do you think of that, Jean?"- Kat asked me, her eyes observing my every reaction.

-"I… I,"- I spluttered. I was trying to speak while thinking. If the manga was of gay sex, then that person maybe wanted to prove me and Marco were gay? That video demonstrated nothing! It's just a debate about opinions; people couldn't possibly prove anything with that! But then it hit me, -"I… was played there! Somebody set all that up!"- I wondered if someone recorded me and Marco's little make out. The door was open. Marco and I were too occupied to notice anything. It all pointed to 'yes' or 'maybe', but if someone did, I wouldn't be seeing _this _video now instead. The situation would be deadly different.

-"What are you talking about, Kirshtein?"

-"Didn't you hear at the end? Someone planned all that!"- I sighed annoyingly at her confused look, but it wasn't her fault. I was too desperate and didn't make any sense, like always. Her look after I explained everything in detail told me she was definitely arranging to change my med record into 'out of mind crazy student on board to the Asylum's ship', -"You gotta believe me!"

She sighed and took off her glasses, caressing her forehead. I was giving her a headache, -"Jean,"- She scribbled something again, -"The point of all this, is that Marco Bott is more than just a friend to you. Be honest or you'll end up hurting yourself and others and I have no doubt that that is the situation here. All this is making you… unstable; since he arrived, you've gotten into more fights and you now suffer from emotional disorder,"- She stood up and began to point at some pictures on the walls; one was a news article and the other was a picture of a brain with what looked like various issues, -"Listen, this is a special case with a student who had the same situations as you, he…"- She kept blabbering while my mind drifted into thoughts.

Who, who in this damned school would have done that? Obviously, it's someone from twelve one who hasn't gotten enough of humiliating me, it's someone who wanted me crawling on his feet and begging for mercy. Well, whoever it is, he or she has to kiss my butt.

I was raging by myself and Kat was still speaking, -"Jean, are you paying attention?"- She finally asked me, turning harshly towards me.

-"Who's phone was that? You know, the one where you show me the vid."- I asked her, completely ignoring her question.

She smashed her hand on her desk and pierced a sharp look at me. The loud sound broke me from my thoughts, -"This is serious! Why can't you take these situations seriously? This is no joke,"- She waved her arms up in exasperation as her eyes pierced me: she looked panicked and I wondered if I was her first patient with these issues, -"This is a critical situation in hand, Jean. You aren't aware of what is happening to you or the consequences,"- What is she talking about? I'm perfectly aware of what I'm going through! In fact, nobody else knew! Besides, it's none of her business! –"For starters, you have to change that attitude of yours."- She hastily turned around again and started packing things up.

I didn't bother to ask her about that, she was obviously mad at me; instead, -"Are you going to tell me whose phone was that or not?"

She looked up at me, shocked at my ignorance. To be honest, I was too, -"Are you…,"- She stopped mid- sentence and sighed. She didn't say anything about my ignorance, -"Dismissed. Time's over."

I stood up seriously, rather bothered at her for not cooperating, -"Look, I need to know."

-"No, you don't. You don't have to go around picking fight with people because you think they are culprit for tricking you. You don't even have proof to begin with,"- She waved me off as she shoved my record in her drawers, -"Dismissed."

I growled angrily, -"That's the proof."- I wanted to add 'idiot' at the end, but I held it. She's the last person I wanted to have a discussion or a fight with.

-"This is no proof and if it were,"- She dug out the phone and held it high, -"You'll need more. Now leave. We'll continue on Monday if you rethought of what you've done."- She was furious at me. I'd honestly been a jerk, but she was worse by not giving me the phone.

She was obviously kicking me out because the meeting just started; she didn't wanted to see my face for the rest of the day, -"I'll get that phone,"- I swore before leaving and gave her a last serious gaze. I meant my words, -"And I'll prove you I'm right."

I left with a serious suspicion that she had a paper on this. She really didn't want me to investigate this.

I went to Levi's and gave him my excuse for not assisting at his class. He gladly understood and I went to Spanish.

There… the air around me twisted and I quickly ran around the corner. I peeked and saw Marco with a worried face asking Eren something. I could hear something…, -"… where Jean is?"- Marco asked as he fidgeted with cheeks worriedly.

Eren shocked his head, -"Nope, sorry man. It's hard to lose sight of a horse like him though."- He laughed, but Marco didn't find it funny. That Yaeger…!

Marco looked down, disappointed, -"If you see him…"

-"I'll warn you. Got it, but hey,"- Eren lent close to Marco and whispered something. Marco quickly stepped back, blushing, -"It's weird, you know? You two act like…"

Damn it, I couldn't hear anymore. What is that Yeager telling Marco, who now looked uncomfortable and nervous? Rage filled me, -"N-nothing…! Jean and I don't have anything. He's just my… best friend."- His face twisted into sadness and devastation I didn't liked seeing on him as he spoke those words. His face dimmed as he looked down, avoiding Eren's look.

Eren shrugged ignorantly, -"Bah, it still doesn't look like that."

I backed away and leant hard on the wall. I gripped my chest: my heart beats were insanely fast, my stomach swirled as I felt the presence of the guy I almost fucked in the bathroom near. God, what am I supposed to do? I felt something go up in between my legs as the memory of me and Marco in the bathroom recorded in my mind. Was I having a boner? No way!

I was struggling with myself when I felt a poke on my shoulder. I harshly turned around and froze. It quickly went up again. I cursed and tried to stay cool in front of Marco, -"Uh-um… hey… erm,"- I spluttered nervously, looking at all ways while trying to control the immense boner I suddenly had while also trying to swept off the sweat on my forehead, -"H-heyy…"- God, I must look pathetic.

Marco chuckled; obviously, he glad I was okay and not shut in my room, -"I'm glad you're okay."- He smiled. How could he stay so calm after what happened? For him, it's as if it never happened. I knew it wasn't, but it looked like it. Man, I don't think I'll ever understand him.

-"Y-yeah… I-I, ugh."- My nerves made me bent a little and my voice shaky.

Marco noticed my struggling and probably how nervous I was too, -"Jean… what's wrong?"- His face dimmed a little.

I took a deep breathed and straightened up, -"Um, yeah, I'm fine, perfectly fine,"- I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, _come on! Pull yourself together! You look so embarrassing! _I scold myself. Slowly, I suppressed my nerves and looked at him.

Wow… h-he looked so awesome today. My face heated up as I eyed him: white jeans with leather pockets, white awesome looking Superman Converse, a white Superman badge overcoat and a white plain beanie. He had a black skull rubber bracelet and another one with that _VA _sign; it was half white, half blood red. I wondered what it was about again.

I must have been staring at him for quite some time because he began to wave his hand in front of me, snapping me out of my trance, -"Are you sure you're okay?"- He asked me again with a worried look.

I quickly nodded and scratched my neck, -"Y-yeah, sure."- I bit my lip and looked away.

I heard him sigh, -"Jean… I-"

-"Hey, what's that about?"- I pointed to the _VA _rubber bracelet on his wrist, interrupting him. I had a feeling he was going to talk about _that._

He lifted his hand, -"Oh, its Vampire Academy! Awesome book series!"- He beamed happily. I always loved- I mean, uh, _liked _when he enjoyed so much talking about books and his favorites stuff, how his smile grew…, -"I haven't finished reading them. There are six books and I'm on the third one."- He pointed to his backpack, meaning that he had the book there.

My head spun as I imaged the sea of words in those books. Damn , I can't read that much, -"D-do you have them all?"- I tried as hard as I could to keep him out of _that _topic.

He nodded happily, -"Yep, but I haven't got time to spend on books."- He sighed.

-"Oh."- It's all I managed to say. I wanted to smack my head. I had to find another topic to…

-"Jean, about…,"

I harshly turned around with a gasp when my heart began beating faster than before. I tried covering my heated up face, sweat trailing down on me like cascade. Mindlessly, I began to step away, but he stopped me by my arm, -"I-I-I, erm, I have to… go."- My excuses were pathetic.

I bit my lip as he spoke, -"Jean… you can't keep running."

I sighed, shut my eyes for a moment and slowly turned around. My eyes fluttered opened to face him. What can I say? How can I say it? My mouth began to open and I knew I was going speak everything out loud with no control, -"Marco, I-"

He interrupted me with a squeeze that sent a current of warmth through me; I also felt an electric shock that made my heart skip a beat and the boner slowly coming up again. _No, no, no, no…_ -"We can talk about it later… if you want."

I gulped nervously and nodded, not looking at him, -"Su-sure."

-"Pixis is absent so... I'll meet you in the rondure."- He stared at me.

I gazed at him slightly; his face showed no sign of nervousness or panic like mine does. He was blushing lightly while I was blushing like a tomato; sure, he was worried and maybe a bit nervous, but he was calm and ready. Maybe if it was someone else, he'd be losing his mind, but since it was me, his best friend from a long time, he had so much confidence in himself, -"Al-alright."

I nodded one last time and the overflowing electric shock faded as he let go of my arm along with the boner.

After that, I felt even more nervous. I didn't though I had to face him this soon. My stomach swirled, losing my appetite and I couldn't eat anything at launch. On the other hand, Marco could. We didn't hang out, but I kept an eye on him and he knew. When launch hour was reaching its climax, it got worse.

I was hiding behind one of the pillars on the rondure when I hear footsteps. I hid more. I was trying to get ready, but it wasn't working out, probably because it was me who did all… _that _to Marco and that's why he felt calmer. Yeah, maybe that's it… no, it didn't make any sense. I knew from deep within that Marco trusted me; even after what happened, he didn't lose his trust on me and like me, he didn't want to lose our friendship. That's why we're doing this. I wanted to believe in Marco too.

When I finally shitted my nerves, I turned around from the pillar to face Marco… only to find my ex-girlfriend, hands on hips and grinning evilly, -"Hey, looking for someone?"

* * *

That fuckin' bitch...! DX! You know, i can work it out for um, u know, an 'accident' or 'assassination' ohhh~ the possibilities buahahaa! :D

So yeah, Marco reads Vampire Academy like me! Yayy! :D! I'm just so shitting obsessed...!


	24. TWENTY-FOUR

Hello, my ducklings :3 I'm so sorry about the cliffhangers! I know you hate them so goddamned much, so I'll try to stop my need for cliffhanger as much as I can! They're just so... suspensive *evil laughter*

* * *

TWENTY-FOUR

-"What are you doing here?"- I asked with a threatening voice at the last person I wanted to see right now.

She giggled and began flipping her hair, -"Oh, you know, riding elephants."

I began to crack a laugh at how stupid that sounded, but I swallowed it and glared at her, -"Well then, ride off."

She giggled again, -"Isn't it obvious, you dummy? I came to see you!"- She opened her arms and began walking towards me.

I shoved her arms away roughly, -"Fuck off."- I growled.

She gasped dramatically with an oh-so-devastated face, -"Is that how you treat ladies?"- Her faced changed into an evil grin, her eyes sharp at me, -"It's no wonder you don't have any _girlfriends._"- She laughed, empathizing on 'girlfriend' too much for my taste. She was insinuating something.

-"Cut the fucking act and spit out whatever you have to say!"- Rage spilled out of my mouth like saliva. Her voice was becoming more and more annoying…

She jumped back, arms high with her mouth like an 'O', -"Ohh, I'm so scared! Help me mommy!"- She began to sob.

-"Honestly, that's the exact same thing that's gonna be written on your grave if you don't fuck off."- My fist balled. If she kept this up…

She gasped dramatically again, -"Oh mommy, there's this gay trying to man up and threaten me li-"

I snapped and launched at her. I gripped the collar of her shirt, exposing her breast even more, and pulled her closer to me, our faces really close. She faltered and tried to get free, -"Listen, I don't care if you're a woman or not, but I won't hesitate in punching the fuck out of you and your stupid glamour attitude, you bitch. I'll rip off your blonde hair and heck, it may make you smarter,"- I growled and my grip on her collar tightened. If someone, like a teacher maybe, saw me like this, I was in real trouble. Who knows, maybe it's her plan, but I was too angry to care: I wanted my words to carve on her oh-so-beautiful skin, -"You don't scare me and whatever you throw at me, I'll swallow it and shit it on your pretty face, so you better shut the fuck up."

She stared at me wide eye and mouth gaped, but suddenly, she grinned and laughed out loud, -"Yeah right, like you could do me anything, you coward!"

I tch-ed and pushed her away, -"Get the fuck away and ride a building."- Oh, she didn't know me at all.

-"Why? You don't want me to ruin your perfect moment with your boyfriend?"- She began to toy with her hair, -"Admit it already, Jean. You're gay! Everyone knows already!"

I tried to swallow the many thoughts of possibilities to shut her up and they weren't good. Other than that, I wasn't surprised that everyone knew I was "gay". I had no idea if the video Kat showed me was on YouTube or not and if the other one was erased. At this point, I didn't give a flying cow, but even so, it scared me; knowing that everyone is aware that you're gay, mocked for a lifetime, what I thought I'd forgot will happen all over again… it sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't take that…

-"I'm not…!"- I began to shout until Marco appeared from behind her. My overprotective attitude towards him floated.

He looked at me and then at Trisha, confused, -"Uh, Jean…?"

I walked over to him, grabbed his arm and dragged him away from her, but not before I heard her laugh, -"Of course, I'll leave you two alone so you can grow wings."- I didn't know if she left or if she stood watching us flee. All I knew is that if she spoke again, I was definitely in trouble and I didn't wanted Marco involved. Besides, if I did get in trouble, I wouldn't be so lucky to escape like last time.

Above all, if Marco saw me hitting a girl… I wouldn't look good, but he knew I'd hit anyone for him.

Marco and I ended up in one of the halls. It was deserted since most students were on class, but I still looked around… just in case, -"Jean… what was that about?"- He asked me worriedly. He knew about my issues with Trisha.

I was still holding Marco's arm. I looked down at it and my face heated up again. God, what's wrong with me?! I was just holding his arm, what the heck?! I slowly let go of it and scratched my neck, -"Uh, um… it's nothing."

He gave me a skeptical look.

I stared at it for a moment and Kat's words suddenly filled me _'Be honest or you'll end up hurting yourself and others'; _I definitely didn't want to hurt Marco any more than he probably is now and I was sure he wanted me to be honest. I took a deep breath, -"I almost got in a fight with her. She, erm, was talking too much."- _Fuck…!_

-"About…?"

-"About…,"- I gulped. My forehead was soaked with sweat as I tried to spell out the words, _Ahh, come on! _–"A-about… us."

He looked at me for a few seconds and blinked, -"Us?"

My cheeks were burning and I looked away as the memories of yesterday's events surfaced, -"Y-yeah… you know, the library… someone recorded us there. I'm not sure if it's on YouTube."

His eyes widened, -"And in the bathr-"

I didn't even let him finish. I shook my head and bit my lip, -"I-I… don't know."- I was honest, because really, I wasn't sure if someone recorded us on the bathroom.

-"Oh,"- He dimmed a little as his gaze fell, -"I'm really sorry for the trouble I've-"

I interrupted him again, -"No… I should be the one apologizing,"- I took another deep breath and spoke, _here goes nothing, _-"I shouldn't have said any of that, it was wrong and none of it was my intention, really; I just…,"- I looked straight at his eyes, full honesty ahead; I wanted to make sure Marco can forgive me, I wanted to set things straight and make everything to how it used to be, I still wanted to be his best friend, -"… I got really scared and panicked when I saw the manga. I've never seen one before like that…"- Heck, I've never seen a normal manga in the first place.

I didn't know what else to say to him, because I didn't want to enter into _that _topic. My stomach swirled just thinking about it. Now, I felt like running away. I was so stubborn that I couldn't accept the reality. I wanted to forget that, no matter how much I really enjoyed it… because it was wrong. Above anything, I still wanted to be Marco's best friend.

I was scratching the back of my neck while biting my lip and looking away. Marco stared at me for a while, but before he spoke, I gripped his shoulders and looked down, -"I'm so sorry, Marco! It wasn't my intention to touch you like that, I swear! I… I don't know what happened to me, I can't explain it!"- It all slipped from my mouth without effort. I was just so desperate for his forgiveness, -"It all went too fast and I just… wasn't myself! It's so hard to-"

-"Jean,"- He interrupted me and I looked up to meet his eyes, -"It's okay… I understand,"- How could he understand when I didn't make any sense? –"I'm not mad at you for what you did and I don't regret it either,"- What is he saying? That he liked it… just like I did? –"I know it's hard for you to accept all this, but-"

I interrupted him, not wanting to hear any of that, -"But Marco, we've been tricked! Somebody made all that up, the manga… everything!"- _This again, Jean? _I asked myself, because I just figured that maybe it was all just me getting real crazy. In the manga, I saw our names written, but they weren't actually there, so why not the same situation on the video too? Maybe I just heard those voices in my head and now I'm trying to prove something that's probably not real. In the end, it was all because I didn't want to accept that I'm the one who caused all this, I didn't want to accept I'm gay and that I had deep feelings for Marco, because at least I'm sure _that's _real and not just a thing of my mind; what I felt whenever I was near Marco or touching him… was damn real. My mind couldn't control that. My heart did, -"Someone's trying to make us look bad in front of the whole school! If I find that guy…!"- I couldn't stop talking though, my stubbornness taking the best of me.

When Marco gave me his doubtful look, I knew he didn't believe me either, but he did want to -"Jean, I don't think…"

-"It's true!"- I squeezed his shoulders and the electric shock seized me, -"I heard it at the end of the video! Someone mentioned a guy… I don't know who, and that the plan worked! It was something like that!"- I was trying to make myself believe I wasn't the one to cause all this, I wanted to believe it was someone else's fault… deep within me though, I knew I was speaking nonsense.

Marco stared at me for a moment before placing his hand on my shoulders and gestured me to sit down. I sat beside him, -"I… I don't know what to think… it still doesn't change the fact what you did back then. You're not making any sense, it's so… unlike you."- His face filled with worry.

Boom, in my face, because I needed it and when it came from him, it actually hurt, -"But I…,"- I looked away and shut tears out as I stood up. Great, I was about to abandon him like last time,-"Look… I'm sorry about all this. I didn't want to bother you with all this… mess."- A huge knot was forming on my throat.

Before I could leave, I heard Marco stand up and my heart warmed. I actually yearned for his comfort, -"Wait, Jean, don't leave!"- He quickly reached for my arm and turned me around. When he did, he tripped over me; my back landed on the wall behind me with a thud as he landed on top of me. He gasped, but that didn't prevent him from speaking, -"I know this is hard for you, but you have to accept all this. Remember when I said '_you really don't know'_… in the bathroom? Then, you told me tell you."

I was trying to settle us straight, but I was having trouble, since I'm the only one struggling. Marco didn't seem to care about the unique position we're in: he was literally over me, if it wasn't for my body, he'd fall already. I was the one leaning on the wall, trying to keep my legs steady to support Marco. Dammit , we were too close. I still nodded to him… yeah, I did want to know the real reason he felt so insulted when I said those things about gays.

He looked straight at my eyes, -"Well… can't you see and figure it out?"

What…? Was it supposed to be obvious? My mind was so dumb these days that even I- wait… it crashed into me when I looked back into his eyes, those honest and passionate eyes, telling me something and I got it. Marco, he… liked me, more than a friend, since way back. My eyes widened as I put the pieces together. It obviously explained many things, why he felt so insulted when I said all those things about gays… he was one! Once again he didn't tell me anything. How could I be so blind?

My heart beats increased and my crotch when up again… slightly brushing his abdomen, responding to Marco's message. He noticed and his cheeks blushed while his eyes widened. My face burned and I couldn't part my eyes from his. Oh God, this feeling again… my hand began moving to his dick again…

I struggled desperately and he quickly stood up.

I scratched my neck and breathed heavily, -"F-for… real, Marco? Since when?"

His cheeks blushed as he smiled sweetly, -"Since we met… back at the drawing classes."

My eyes widened again. I swept off the sweat on my forehead. I took a deep breath. I gripped my chest, -"W-why didn't you tell me a-anything…? I mean, I've co-could… I dunno!"- I raised my hands in exasperation. I tried to look shocked and pissed, but honestly, there was a joy that wanted to overflow me. I kind of liked how Marco confessed, I felt warmth in my cold heart, I felt… special.

He chuckled and brushed his flushed cheeks with his finger. I figured that whenever he's nervous or super happy, he toys with his cheeks,-"Wouldn't it be weird if I did? I just thought I'd let you figure it out. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable or anything."

All the good emotions dimmed as I thought about this: me… gay? I have traces that I may be, but I… it's hard to accept. I had enough to think about in my head already and now this. It turned out that Marco did have feelings for me when I thought that I was the one developing weird feelings towards him. Above all, since we were little. Besides looking up to me like his hero for punching the crap out of his bullies, his best friend… he looked at me like someone he could… fuck or…? I dunno. The point is, he wanted something more than a friendship with me and how am I supposed to answer? He hasn't asked me anything yet, but still… I didn't want to hurt him…

I placed my palm on my forehead, suddenly feeling dizzy and strange, -"Marco, I…"- I tried to stop the thoughts from swirling in my head, but…, -"I don't know what to say… this is too much, I mean, I don't want to hurt you, but I'm not sure how I…,"- I bit my tongue in order to stop speaking. I felt like crying… I don't know why. My vision began to blur. My breaths got heavier.

I felt his warm touch on my shoulder, quickly soothing me, -"Jean… don't push it too hard. I… I understand if you don't feel the same,"- Why is he saying that when he knew it's the opposite? –"Just, take it easy. You've turned pale… are you okay?"

I was fainting and it suddenly became difficult to breathe, but the thoughts kept flowing.

Back there at the library… I hurt his feelings, with a deep, deep stake in the heart. I remember what I said about gays, that they were disgusting and were supposed to be restricted… oh man; I blew it, in the worst way possible. Dammit. Why was I so stubborn? Why was I a jerk? Like always, I could never shut my stupid mouth and now I had to pay the consequences. Kat was right after all… I definitely was unaware of what happens with me and the consequences… karma is a bitch.

I sank into darkness, but before I blacked out, someone held me tightly and called my name a thousand times.

* * *

I woke with an immense headache. I sat up and took a deep breath, running a hand through my hair. I gripped it. After I blacked out right in front of Marco, he took me to the infirmary. Kat was there and I didn't dare to look at her when I woke up. According to her, I was hyperventilating. She had that look that said _'I told you' _all over it, but she kept quiet, so I supposed we had to leave it for the next meeting. After I recovered, I didn't see Marco, so I supposed he left early. Then, mom picked me up and now I'm here, at my room and unable to sleep.

I sighed and slumped back on my bed, but I kept rolling and rolling through the whole night. I kept having dreams here and there, but I couldn't remember them. In the end, I kept thinking about Marco and all that happened between us. Kat said I should stop thinking about things that panics me and rest, but I couldn't. Marco simply just… popped in my head just like that. I can't believe just how thing became like scrambled eggs. This is all messed up and I just couldn't sew it up no matter what. It all kept getting worse. When I thought things were finally patched up, something deteriorates it. Was my life beyond repair? Was it all just a mess?

I rolled over again.

Me… a gay? I never thought I'd end up like that or wait… was I gay before? I think this is the worst trial a man has to go through. I mean, this is impossible for me to work out. Since kid, you've always thought about getting the hottest girl in town and not a guy. Come on, law is like that; guys with girls, girls with guys. It's the normal thing everyone should follow, but I was beyond normal apparently. Everything that has to do with me is upside down and impossible to turn around. I wondered if my life could get even messier, because I had an awful feeling that this had just begun and again I wondered why I was still alive, because if I was someone else, someone different, I'd shoot my brain off.

* * *

So... whaddaya think? :D I got a little writer's block in this one, but I got over it ;)

By they way, when I wrote about Jean pulling out Trisha blonde hair will make her smarter, I didn't mean it! Please, don't feel offended! I have lots of blonde friends and they're all smart! In Trisha's case well... she's just stupid xD but not because of her hair! Forgive me if I offended you!

Anyways... is Jean reaaally crazy or someone did planned all that? Will he truly, finally accept his feelings towards Marco? Keep tuned, sexy people! B)


	25. TWENTY-FIVE

Oh, sweet glob! I hope you enjoy reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! ;)

Wow, I never though I'd come this far with this story honestly! It's all thanks to you guys!

* * *

TWENTY-FIVE

-"Wake up, sleeping beauty! You're gonna be late again and I ain't drivin' ya there!"

My mom's annoying voice woke me from my sleep. I sat and sighed tiredly. My head felt heavy, I managed to sleep like for three hours only. I wanted to beg mom to leave me here, but I won't waste my saliva on something pointless. She never listens to me; on the other hand, I knew if I told dad, he'd let me stay, but unfortunately, work comes first for him.

After a few more minutes, I managed to stand up and stomp to the bathroom. I washed my teeth and stared at myself in the mirror: I looked like a horror's movie character with messy hair and dark circles under my reddish eyes. I crossed my hands together, letting the water amass and slashing it on my face while little drops traveled down my naked chest and abdomen. I rubbed my forehead and opening my eyes became difficult; they wanted to stay closed apparently, _Come on, wake up! _I told myself and when I sat on the toilet to do business, my eyelids slowly closed…

"Jean! What is takin' ya' so damn long!"

I growled and my eyelids quickly fluttered open. I stomped my way out of the bathroom, snatched a black with a skull overcoat, the Batman beanie because I was too tired to brush my hair and blue trousers.

I stomped downstairs yawning with my hand on my mouth. Mom quickly glared at me and opened her mouth, but before she could say anything, I made myself towards the kitchen and ignored her. I wonder if she ever cared for me, really. When I ate a snack, I walked outside and waited for the bus. Five minutes, ten minutes… -"Ah, what the heck!?"- I cursed loud enough for my mother to hear me.

She laughed out loud, -"It left, you dumbass! If ya' would've listen to me, you wouldn't be standin' there like a street light!"

I growled for the fifth time this morning, -"Well, since you won't be taking me to school, I guess I'll fucking stay!"- I shouted back at her.

-"Oh no, mister! I'll call Nana and she'll take ya'!"

I clicked my tongue. Nana was the neighbor; another beautiful old lay that spends all day slacked on the couch watching stupid novels. I didn't have anything against her, she was actually better than my mother and she bothers to take me to school.

I decided to look on the bright side; even if I didn't want to go to school, I didn't get to stay home and hear mom's whines all damn day either.

I decided to play games on my phone while I waited for Nana, so I sat on the grass and when I looked at the date on my phone, I wanted to explode, -"Argh, it's fucking Saturday! Why didn't you tell me anything?"- I shouted as I stood up with an itchy ass.

-"What?"- She burst in laughter.

I stomped inside the house again. Mom was still laughing, so I went upstairs and slammed the door shut. Fuck me, I had to stay and bear with her annoying attitude. It was unlike me to forget a Saturday and if I did, it was because I was very tired. Even if I'm tired, I didn't want to stay and do everything for mom.

When I was about to take everything off, I heard the entrance's door open and dad's voice, -"I'm home!"

I quickly went down to greet him. Weekends with him were way better than with mom. Before I could greet him though, mom spoke, -"Back so soon, eh? Why don't ya' go to the supermarket and buy me some supplies for dinner?"- It was obvious that dad's arrival appeal her well instead of being alone with me. Oh, I was so much like her.

Dad never had a no with her, -"Of course. Let me change and I'll be out."

-"Um, dad?"- He just noticed me and gave me a hug.

-"Hey, son! How are you feeling?"

I shrugged, -"I'm fine,"- I said as I returned the hug. It wasn't usual of me returning hugs to my parents, things were tense between us, but I had a better relation with my dad than with my mom. I was more attached to him. I always was. Dad was so different from her and I wondered how he married her; I mean, what did he saw in her? Because all I see is an obdurate, grouchy and humor-less lady obsessed with stupid novels, -"Can I go with you?"- I asked him.

He eyed my face and sighed worriedly, -"Son, you really need to rest. I can tell you haven't got much sleep."

I clicked my tongue. Oh please, anywhere else than here. The idea of being a Saturday with mom alone sent me shivers. Gladly, she helped, -"Yeah, yeah, take that lazybones with ya'."- Who is she calling lazybones?

I gritted my teeth at her for calling me that, but she didn't know she actually helped me on my struggle to leave her. Dad sighed again and patted my head, -"Okay, son. Get ready. We'll leave in a minute."

But I was ready by now, so I waited for him on the door. When he finished, we mounted his car and rode off. The supermarket wasn't so far; living where we did was a benefit, because we had a gas station, a pharmacy and the school near. Actually, the pharmacy was like next door; I could walk there and I actually had. Whenever we needed pills or something, mom sent me. That or she sends me to ask the neighbor for supplies, which I didn't liked one bit. Our neighbors were kind of like my mom and with that, I say a lot.

When we reached the local supermarket, dad parked and we dismounted the car. Quickly, he searched for a cart and we went inside. Going to supermarkets and walking side to side looking for this and that wasn't my thing, but if it means at least an hour without mom, I'd do anything. Weekends alone with her were horrible; I don't care how many times I've said it.

In five minute, the cart already had potatoes, salt, bread, tomatoes, lettuce, milk, garnish… I guess I dozed into my thoughts again.

-"Son, if you want something, take it, alright?"- Dad told me with a wink.

I scratched my neck, -"Nah, it's…,"- I stopped and looked at him, -"Can I get a cereal?"

He smiled, patted my head and nodded, -"Of course, son. Whatever you want."

I thanked him and ran off to where my memory of the cereal's rack was. I loved cereal for breakfast and I specially loved Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms. I ran past lots of shelves until finally arriving to the cereals. I stared at the Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms for what looked like an eternity. I couldn't decide…

-"Mommy! I want these, please!"

-"Of course, my sweet baby! Anything you want!"

Mindlessly, I was staring at a family, -"Do you want to pick up a coloring book? I saw tons of them at the entrance!"- The father picked up a little girl and hugged her tightly. Then, the mother planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

-"Yay!"- The girl cheered as they walked away.

I was left alone and staring at the Fruit Loop box. Why couldn't mom be like that with me? It's funny, because she used to be like that, buying me anything I wanted, giving me kisses… and now, she's like a totally different person. One day she was all sweet and lovable, then she's all grumpy and unbearable. I wondered what changed her dramatically like that… was it me? Or was it me who changed instead? I couldn't really tell… Suddenly, I yearned for a family like that, always together and happy; no work, no bad times, no quarrels…

I heard a splash on the cereal's box and when my eyelids opened slightly, I gasped, -"Ah shit…"- I quickly swept off the tears from the box and from my eyes with my arm.

I gripped the box. Damn it… I'm such a crybaby. I had an unbearable knot on my throat. _Pull yourself together; _I said to myself as I shocked my head.

When I managed to pull myself together, I went back to the matter in hand. Well, dad said I could take anything I wanted, so I took both cereals and made my way to dad's cart.

On the walk to dad's cart, I felt _the_ twist the air, halting my steps. _Oh no… _I turned around and looked everywhere. _Him... here? _I wanted to believe that it was just me being over dramatic and that maybe I had nausea or something, but I had to know if he was here. I _had _to know. I should leave it be; it was Saturday and I was tired and sick, but the joy wanted to overflow me. It always excited me whenever I found a friend from school somewhere else. Admit it, it's fun because you spend your time on the shop looking for that person; heck, even if you don't know him, but you know he's from your school, you still look for him and tell your parents _'hey, that guy's on my school.' _And if he's like your best pal, you're all like _'Buddy! What are you doing here?' _But you know the difference in this case? Marco… he was something else, way else. He was the one who made my dick go up, my heart skip a beat, my body sweat and tremble; he was the one who soothed me, who comforted me and… I thought we were best friends, from long ago and all, but… I wasn't sure anymore. I honestly felt like I was on a movie with him.

My legs moved on their own to the book section, fully knowing that if he's in the supermarket, he'd be looking for books, because as a "best friend", you have to know that he likes book a _lot _and guess what?

He _was. _

My heart began beating faster.

Marco was digging through piles of books when I hid in one of the tall shelves. I peered a little and watched him… or better yet, spied him; he gasped at a book and turned it around to read the back. I got bored and began eyeing him: he had a black T-shirt with a hand print sewn on it; below it '_We know' _was written. I recognized that from one of the games I used to play: Skyrim, fucking Skyrim. He had several rubber bracelets on his wrist, but I couldn't identify them. Other than that, he had black jeans, his usual Converse and his skull beanie. Oh and around his neck were Superman Beat headphones.

I almost gasped; he looked so, so… ho- cool! I kept staring at his T-shirt and the headphones for what looked like an eternity. Damn, he looks awesome like always. My heart beats increased. My face burned. Then, -"Hey, hey, did you find it?"- A scrawny girl came hopping towards him. She looked like our age with blue jeans, white with pink flowers shirt and a pair of simple white slippers. She kept hopping around him cheerfully while chewing a gum, her long straight hair dancing along her.

My overprotective senses shot up immediately, but when I saw her jumping at him for a hug and leaned in for a kiss… I hid again and gripped my chest. What…? He… he had a girlfriend and he didn't…? I heard chuckles and I peered again. He was still hugging her tightly and when he let her go, he showed her the book, -"Yeah! I really though I wouldn't find it! Who would've thought it'd be in the supermarket?"

She chuckled and elbowed him, -"See, see? I told you, didn't I?"

I eyed her suspiciously; the way her chocolate eyes swirled… kind of bothered me. She looked kind of crazy the way she tilted her head to look at him. Other than that, her laughter annoyed me, her hopping pissed me and her cheery attitude was irksome. I had an unbearable ache in my chest and a weird need to snap the girl's leg. What was I feeling? I never experience it before… could it… could it be jealousy? Why? Marco and I had nothing. He probably guessed I had no feelings for him at all, so he went to fetch a girlfriend. Why did he choose this toothpick and nuisance? I felt like using her to clean my teeth.

I gripped my hair below the beanie. No, no, no! I shouldn't be considering her like that. Sure, she wasn't pretty, but it was his favoritism after all, no? Maybe she had a nice personality or…

-"Yeah, thanks!"- He thanked her and offered his hand for her, -"Shall we get going?"

She obviously took his hand, giggling and walked away.

My mouth gaped open. I felt an awful jealousy for the fact that now she was the one feeling those soothing currents of warmth he always emanated, the ones I was so deeply attached with. I gripped my hair harder. The aching in my chest increased. No, I couldn't bear with it…!

I quickly ran to dad's cart and threw the cereals in it, -"Hey, son! You got them cereals?"

I quickly nodded to him, panting, -"Dad, can I have a walk around?"

He smiled and nodded, -"Sure, son, but be careful! I'll call you when I'm done!"

By the time he said that, I was already gone and waving my arms back at him, -"Yeah, yeah!"

Now, where could they have gone…? I was trotting around the technical area and spotted them. They were eyeing computers and talking. He was probably saying dirty things to her because she kept giggling and blushing like a lollipop. I hid behind one of the showcases of TVs; well look at me, spying on their first date. I really wanted to leave them be, because this was none of my business. This was Marco's personal life outside the school. Then again, it _was _Marco here, you know… my "best friend", so I couldn't let it go.

They were still inspecting computers when, -"Marco, are you done?"- I heard a feminine voice on the other side. No way… _two _girlfriend? I couldn't get that many! What is he? Though, this one's voice wasn't as annoying as Toothpick's. This one was… soothing, just like his and calm, sweet… just like his, -"Marco? You know, you shouldn't hide from me like that, you playful boy."

Marco chuckled, -"I'm here!"- He raised his arm and waved it.

I realized that the woman turning from the showcase and revealing herself wasn't another girlfriend… it was his mother, -"There you are, my boy. I'm going to the checkout, are you coming?"- She took his beanie and began toying with his hair.

Wow, his mother was like… I dunno, an angel: she wasn't slim like Toothpick, she had curves and noticeable breast. With dark shoulder length curvy hair, her caramel eyes matched her freckled skin. Of course, she had freckled on her cheeks, but not as much as Marco. She was younger than my mother and looked like a normal girl; anyone could mistake her for his girlfriend. She had a white blue-ish knee length jean, nice brown boots and a plain white elbow length shirt. She had different bracelets, simple earrings that matched her clothing and a brown diadem around her forehead. She was simply… gorgeous and cute at the same time, besides looking like a huggable and cuddly person just like Marco.

He chuckled and blushed lightly, -"Nah, I'm going to check the videogames first."

She gave him back his beanie and smiled at him, -"Alright then, but stay there. Don't go anywhere else okay?"- She gave him one last squeeze in his cheeks and turned to face the Toothpick, -"Are you staying?"

Toothpick shocked her head and stuck out her tongue at Marco. I raged at her, -"No way! I'm not seeing stupid games!"

Marco's mother took her hand and they walked away, leaving Marco alone. The videogames were on the other side, so he walked there and I followed him. I took deep breaths as I just watched him eyeing videogames. What am I going to do? Face him? How? Then I noticed something: his arms. They weren't slim like they seemed to; instead, all I see now is toned arms. Not like mines, but… wow. Why didn't I notice this before in school? Well, most of the time he wears overcoats, so now that he had a T-shirt, I had a better view of his arms. I felt my mouth water and a boner coming up. Shit… no!

I grunted and that alerted him, blowing up my cover. I hid, grabbing my crotch to keep it down and hoped he just ignored this. I heard slow steps… I gulped and braced myself, my whole body trembled, -"Marcoooo!"- Toothpick's voice echoed, -"Time to goooo!"

Marco halted his step and waved at them, -"Coming!"

I took the opportunity and ran away, but not before looking back and seeing Marco stand where I was and looking sideways. A small smile spread on his lips as he turned around to leave. I ran back to the checkout with an aching chest, because the jealousy was still there; my heart was warm, though. Until now, I hadn't realized how much I wanted to see him.

Back at the cashier, dad was paying, -"There you are, son! I was about to call you,"- He said and retained his cellphone back on his pocket, -"Are you okay, son? You look tired."

God, I _was_ tired. Following Marco all the time took a toll on me. I was all sweaty and out of breath, -"I-I'm fine. Don't worry."

He nodded and we began walking to the parking lot, -"You need to rest, son."

Oh, I _really _needed and he didn't know how much.

Back at home after eating, I went to bed early and slept the hours I hadn't slept last night. I dreamt of Marco and Toothpick, dating and making out. I felt like an oven inside me. I was jealous. I fucking admit it. It didn't make any sense, but I didn't care. I hated that girl. They were the only thing I could fucking think about and it bothered me. I still couldn't admit I was gay yet, but I sure as hell was jealous. All these things Marco made me feel were so real, I never felt like that before; heck, I never had a fucking boner with Trisha and today was like the third or fourth time I had one with Marco and we weren't even touching or making out or anything. I just looked at him and it goes up. I… I wasn't sure if I liked him the way he liked me or if this was just complete lust. Still yet, the way he makes me feel… meant something big, I just had to figure it out and accept things, but that was easier said than done.

God, why am I going through this? What have you got next for me?

* * *

Yuuusss! Marco plays Skyrim :D Just like me, but he's not as obsessed as me though lol xD Oh gosh, I had so much fun writing! I kept fangirling while writing!

Oh and remember that I'll soon be going on vacation, so I won't be updating for a while!

So, who is this new characters on Marco's life, hm? Is she really his girlfriend? Keep tuned, my babies :'D!


	26. TWENTY-SIX

Moshi, moshi! :D! Apparently, there's wifi at my room, so yuss! Well, it's kind of broken, but still, I managed to upload this chapter!

So yeah, this place is beautiful, the beach, everything, so inspiring :') you should visit Puerto Rico some time ;)

* * *

TWENTY-SIX

Weekend was over and unfortunately I wasn't able to sleep like I expected to. I kept having dreams and waking up; during the day, I managed to get one hour naps aside from cleaning my room and doing the laundry.

Fuck, who am I kidding? I couldn't stop thinking about Marco and it was driving me crazy… or crazier. I just couldn't deny the fact that Marco having a girlfriend bothered me… _really_ bothered me. If that girl was on school, I had to stick around her because it was my duty to watch Marco's back, you know, as his "best friend" and I don't think I can have her around me without breaking her toothpick arms.

Oh shit, I was having these aggressive thoughts and I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold them back. I have decided that today I'd face him and just ask him about her and all that, see how things are going; you know, as his "best friend" I had to know what was up and help if needed.

I quickly changed after mom called me like for the fifth time this morning. With a red beanie covering my hair, sky blue jeans and Nikes, I stomped down stairs furiously, -"What is the matter with ya'?! How many times do I have to call ya' so you can get your ass down here?! I'm not your alarm!"

I was heading for the kitchen, but halted my steps as her annoying voice reached my ears, -"Well guess what? You need technical repairs, _alarm, _because I can't hear you!"- I mocked.

I heard her growl, -"Oh, I don't need repairs to teach you a lesson or two, mister. I can work just fine."

I yawned on purpose. I knew how much that irritated her. She found it disrespectful. I'm aware I was crossing the line with this, but I was too angry to care.

She growled again and stood up, the floor rattled at her slow steps towards me. I stood my ground and glared at her while she stood right in front of me. Funny, she was trying to put up front, but I was already taller than her. With her arms crossed, she barked at me furiously, -"What was that, mister? You have a problem? Cause' I can spank your ass as many times I have to make you shut up and learn to respect your momma!"

I bit my lip in an attempt to shut up, but it was pointless, -"You're the one who has to shut up! I can fucking hear your annoying voice the first time you fucking call me! I don't have to hear you twice! I'm not an idiot or a baby!"

She raised her hand to slap me, but I stopped her. She struggled to free her hand as her eyebrows furrowed, but my grip was strong. Her shriveled hand quivered. I could see the anger building inside her, -"Let go, you spoiled brat!"- When I yanked her arm away harshly, she reached for my face, -"I can call you as many times as I feel like and you have to obey! Don't make me…!"

I slapped her hand away before she could even touch me, -"'Don't make me' what?"- I inquired, really wanting to see what she could do.

Her hand rose again for another slap, but…, -"What is going on here?"- My dad came rushing at us with his pajamas. He was still here…? He stood in the middle between me and mom.

My mother halted her hand and pointed at me, -"Take him away! I don't want to see his face anymore today! If I get my hand on that spoiled….!"- She was held back by dad.

-"What? You'll what, huh? What can you do to me, old coot?"- I challenged, arms wide in wrath.

Her face burned up and I could see a vein pop in her forehead as she tried pushing dad aside, -"Why don't you get here and see for yourself, you chicken? I'm gonna… I'm fucking gonna…!"

Dad hugged her and squeezed her, whispering something. She cooled down a bit, but she was still rabid at me, -"Take him away. Just take him away."

Dad nodded and when he turned to me, I was already outside. He rushed at me and turned me around. Before he could say anything, -"I'm going. That's what she wanted, right? So, I'll fucking go and I won't have to see her face either."- I began walking, not wanting to wait for the bus.

He stopped me with his hand on my shoulder, -"Son, listen to me,"- He turned me around and I shoved his hand away, -"You need to calm down and lis-"

I didn't want to listen to anyone, not even him who instead of having a vein popped out of his forehead and mad at me had a worried face. Panicked, he was desperate to solve this, but the quarrel between mom and I was… unrepairable, -"No! Just… don't even try, dad, it's pointless!"- I raised my voice.

-"But son…,"- He reached for me and I broke into a run to school.

The school was a bit deserted since I arrived too early. At Hanji's, I lay down on the floor and stared at the ceiling with my backpack as a pillow.

My fights with mom were getting worse. Sunday was the same. She wanted me to tend some towels or something and at that moment I was in the shower. I told her I was going to do it in five minutes or so and when I got out of the bathroom, she came down on me saying I was loafer and useless, good for nothing son. I hadn't even finished changing when she slammed the door open and shouted at me. After that, we fought much like a few minutes ago until dad stopped us. Now, we could barely look at each other without fighting, she was just so unbearable. Damn woman.

I covered my eyes with my arm and sighed. My life couldn't possibly get any worse, could it?

-"What's wrong with you?"- A female voice startled me and quickly sat up to meet… Annie. Her serious faint eyes surveyed me, -"You look like a Gypsy."

I snorted. She doesn't know how close she was to the reality. I lay back on the floor, -"Good morning to you too, Annie."

She poked my abdomen with her foot, -"Are you dead?"

I raised an eyebrow, -"Pretty much,"- I closed my eyes, but slightly fluttered one open to peek at her. Her blonde hair hid her eyes, but I could see her eyeing me completely. A low chuckle escaped my lips, -"Are you checking me out?"- It didn't excite me, really. I had zero attraction with her; sure, she was hot, but she was out of my league.

A small smirk spread on her serious face, -"I don't check out Gypsies."

I laughed, -"You don't really check out anyone."

She shrugged, -"True,"- And leaned on the wall above me, -"By the way, you didn't come to the soccer meeting last week. We waited for you."

I gasped and sat up with my hand on my forehead, -"Fuck, I forgot!"- Not only that, I haven't spent time working my body out, -"What did you guys talked about?"

-"Nothing much. We just want to make the team official."

-"No offence, but,"- I bit my lip before speaking, -"I don't think we're going far."

She glared that at me, her sharp look piercing me, -"You haven't even gone to the practices and you're saying we don't have a change?"- She was speaking too much now. Raising a fisted hand, -"Do you want me to punch some sense into you?"

I raised my hands in defense, -"No, no, it's fine. I get it, it's just…,"- I sighed and stood up. There was so much happening around me that I forgot other things. My mind only focused on the events with Marco that I forgot the soccer team Reiner had planned for me and by the look on Annie's face, they were serious and I wanted to be too… I just felt kind of unsure with all the things happening to me, -"I don't know…,"- At the end, I couldn't explain to her. I felt guilty for ditching them like I did, -"I'm sorry for ditching you guys like that, I just had a lot going on and-"

-"I know,"- She said firmly, interrupting me, -"It's on your face."

I looked at her. I wanted to ask her what was on my face, but it was obvious: the tiredness, the pressure I've gone through, the slumber… I still had dark circles under my eyes. I sighed again and looked up at the ceiling, -"Next time… I'll definitely go."- And I'll train hard. It was time to dedicate myself some time.

-"Today."- She said seriously and walked off. I totally had to stay, I mean… since when was the last time I exercised? I didn't feel weak or anything, but I had to keep my body in shape.

Shortly after, everyone started to arrive and my stomach quickly swirled nervously as Marco appeared from the hallway. I felt nervous and a bit mad at him for Saturday. I quickly went inside once Hanji arrived and sat on the back, aware that Marco preferred to sit on the front so he could pay more attention to the teachers. During class, he kept glancing back at me, his face was full of worry; he wanted to ask me how I was feeling and maybe another thing. I haven't decided on my feelings for him yet and I had a feeling he'd ask me… today, but not before I ask him about his girlfriend.

When we left Hanji's though, I didn't have the balls, but he quickly went to me. My heart skipped a beat, my stomach stirred like soup and I hoped I wouldn't get a boner. I avoided his eyes and bit my lip as he spoke, -"Jean, how are you feeling?"

Right, last time he was with me, I was hyperventilating, -"I-I'm better."- I shrugged and tried to stay cool about it.

He looked down and his face dimmed a little, -"I'm sorry, Jean… I shouldn't have said that so suddenly. I didn't know it'd shock you like that."

What is he talking about? He didn't actually tell me anything, I just figured by looking at his eyes, -"Nah, it's okay, really…"- I said awkwardly as this became more and more intense. I looked down, up and sideways to avoid his gaze.

I gulped at his next words, -"But, Jean… I need to know."- He took a step forward and reached for my hand.

I quickly stepped back and hid my hand behind my back, -"A-about…?"

He gave me a sad look, -"About last Friday; if you feel the same way towards me."

I bit my lip again harder, tasting my blood. I knew we'd come to this, where Marco becomes desperate for my answer. I didn't want to reject him and make him feel bad, but I didn't know if to accept him just like that, I mean… I'm not ready! This is hard for me! –"I… I don't know, Marco…"

-"I don't want to push you too hard with this, but I can't understand you; sometimes you avoid me and then you're all…"- He stopped mid-sentence and I knew how to continue it: _all over and weird around me. _He bit his lip and looked down sadly.

Shit, even I couldn't understand myself. From the look on his face, he was really serious about me; meaning, his feelings for me were damn real and he, unlike me, understood them and accepted them. He was desperate for my answer.

Then, it kicked me. I suddenly forgot about Saturday and his little date behind my back with his girlfriend. I boosted up and let it all out, -"Says the guy who was on the supermarket with a girl as a date."

He flinched, -"Me…?"

I nodded and crossed my arms around my chest. I looked at him seriously. I must look like a super jealous girlfriend, -"Yeah, you."

He rubbed his chin with his thumb, -"Supermarket…"- He though and snapped, -"Oh, Saturday! Wait… how do you know? You were there?"

I nodded.

-"I knew it! I saw you and you saw me!"- He cheered.

-"Yeah, yeah and your little girlfriend Toothpick too."- I clicked my tongue, a little angry. He confessed that he likes and he's dating a girl on my back?

-"Girlfriend…? You mean Sarah?"- His face turned serious and a small cute scowl crossed his face, -"She's my cousin with remote mental retardation and low self-esteem."

I gasped and flinched as a shiver ran down my spine. It all came like a punch in my face and seriously, I felt like punching myself for my stupidity. Even so, I felt a small relief that he didn't had any girlfriend, -"Oh man… I'm so sorry, dude, I though…"

He sighed and began walking away, but I stopped him by the arm, -"Marco... _I'm sorry. _I just… I really thought she was your girlfriend, I had no idea she had a condition, _I swear... _I,"- Out of all the bad things that could happen to me, Marco being mad at me was the worst. I tightened my grip on his arm and the warmth along with the electric shock overflowed me. My body sweated at the hotness around me and I only focused on Marco, -"… I'm sorry."

The regret was killing me, but Marco looked at me with a sad face; he wanted me to be honest and say the truth and I wanted to say it: _I was fucking jealous, alright? _But it never slipped out of my mouth. My mouth gaped and I had those words in my throat, ready to spit them out, but I bit my mouth shut and looked down.

Marco sighed and when I let him go, he began to walk away, -"It's okay, Jean… I'm not mad at you, I just…,"- He sighed again and looked away, his sad eyes leaving mines. I knew what he wanted to say: that he hoped I could make sense soon, because I make him believe that I have no feelings for him and now it turned out I was jealous of him being with someone else. I was really, really an asshole, -"… see you later."- And with that… he left.

I stood alone in the hallway, watching him leave with a knot on my throat. A sudden cold surrounded me; oh yeah, it was raining outside. I guess Marco's warmth made it fade around me and now that I'm alone… I'm cold. I wrapped my arms around my shoulders and squeezed, slamming my back on the wall behind. Now, I missed him and his warmth. No matter what I did, I ended up hurting him even more and not only that, I mocked his cousin, surely someone special to him. How can I be so stupid? I mean, I obviously didn't know it was his cousin, but I knew that his feelings for me were deep and I, fully knowing him, had to be aware that he wouldn't do something like getting a girlfriend after confessing to me. Marco wasn't that type of person. He was honest and loyal… unlike me; I was a jerk and dishonest, I'm simply a mess that screws everything up.

I wanted to run after Marco and tell him the truth, but he's looking for answers I haven't yet gotten, so I'd just make our issue worst and hurt him even more. I guess I should just stay away from him until I have those answers…

It was stupid, really stupid. I thought I'd be able to get away from him, tried to concentrate on something else, but it was useless; I watched Marco's every move through the whole morning. I kept an eye on him and I couldn't stop, couldn't look away. I realized that the issue we now had… somehow made me more and more attracted to him. Without noticing, I wanted to embrace him and feel that electric shock travel the veins through me; I wanted to feel him, touch him, fuc-

At Physical, I tried to get my mind out of those crazy but tempting thoughts by doing exercises like never before. I was still down at what I did, but the sweat and adrenaline kept me going. I was on my tight sport black shirt and sweatpants; I did push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, aerobics, all that. I even played soccer with the guys, even though I was staying for practices. At the end, I felt alive, so strong and powerful. I forgot everything that happened, I forgot…

I swiftly glanced at Marco. He was taking off his furry white overcoat and stayed with the school's shirt… soaked with sweat. Everything he did went in slow motion; his breaths, his moves, his hand running through his hair, a sweat traveling down to his neck…

I sweated awfully. Covering my mouth, I gulped. _Shit, it's coming… _something's coming in between my legs. I ran to the showers in the far end of the court, receiving a few yells, -"Yo, Jean! What up? The game ain't over!"- Someone shouted at me, but I didn't stop.

When I reached the showers, I took my shirt off and turned on the closest shower. _Fuck, fuck, fuck… _I muttered among heavy breaths as I leaned on the wall below the shower and let the water drop down on me. Mindlessly, I dug my hand in my pants and gripped my crotch. I panted heavily as the memory of me and Marco's scene in bathroom recorded in my mind. When I thought of him, I jacked off my dick, one hand on the wall, steadying me. I looked down, _fucking erection! Why now?_ Every time I thought of Marco, I jerk off harder and harder, groaning, -"Marco…"- I moaned loudly, throwing my head back, letting the orgasm fill me, -"Marcoo…"- I squirmed as images of me and Marco making out flashed in my mind, -"Marcoooo…!"- I called out louder and louder, my moans echoed through the room. I went faster and faster, feeling my dick slimy, but I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. My body moved on its own. I felt so hot. Then, I heard a thud and a gasp. I quickly turned around… meeting Connie. Fuck me, I left the damn door open.

He began to step back, -"Okay, dude… I'll just lea-"

I dashed towards him after digging out my hand from my pant and stopped in front of him, -"Connie! Connie! I swear…!"

He stepped back, -"No, man, I'll just pretend I didn't see anything. Goodbye."- He walked off.

I stopped him by his arm, -"Connie, listen to me…,"- I was panting nonstop, still feeling my own grip on my dick, preferring it be Marco's grip instead. God… I had to control myself. What the hell happened to me? -"… you can't tell anyone, especially not Marco. Please,"- I begged and knelt, -"Please."

Connie raised his arm, -"Whoa, man, I wasn't gonna say anything. Stand up."- He said seriously and sighed.

I stood and tried not to look at him. This is so embarrassing. Connie, out of all people, saw me masturbating in Marco's name. I took a deep breath, -"Promise me you'll tell no one."

-"Fine, man, I promise, but hey,"- He scratched the back of his neck, -"The rumors are true then; you're gay and you like Marco."

I bit my lip, -"It's complicated, just… keep your promise!"

-"Maaan, you gotta do something,"- He said and threw me my shirt, -"Don't get me wrong, I ain't got anything against you gays, I respect you, but Jean… you gotta tell Marco."

-"No way,"- I quickly said, turned around and began walking on circles. What a huge mess I got myself into, -"I'll… I'll think of something, just… keep your promise."

I wanted this conversation to end, but he kept blabbering, -"Dude, that was some deep shit… you really like Marco, huh."

-"No… it's just… complicated."

-"You gotta be honest, man, and accept it,"- He said, his tone serious, -"I guess you two have problems then, because Marco is kind of gloomy today."

Even Connie noticed, -"It's all my fault, I messed up…"- I began speaking, but having Connie into this matter didn't appeal me, -"Connie, please…"

-"Yeah, yeah, man, don't worry,"- He promised and before stepping out of the shower room, he gazed back at me, -"Just promise _me _you'll set things straight and do the right thing."

He left and I put back on my shirt and headed out. I ended up dragging Connie into this huge mess. I will never look at him without thinking about this. Who else will I drag?

* * *

O.O


	27. TWENTY-SEVEN

Oh mah gosh guys, there a storm over my country! I hope the light doesn't go :( and I start college on Monday... i'm so nervous!

Anyhow, Jean... the Boner King! Looool! You guys are the best! I love you all!~ x'D

* * *

TWENTY-SEVEN

What the hell just happened to me? I watched Marco and then I… masturbated, saying his name. To make it worse, Connie saw me. Lately, I couldn't control my body, my body controlled me. I mean, I do things that I don't want to, but… this is different; I felt like I _wanted _to do it and _had _to. It… it felt good and I couldn't stop thinking about Marco… which made the moment better, I admit. I knew that the issues me and Marco had, all the things I've done to him made everything between us much more intense… if that makes any sense. All the feelings I get whenever I saw him or thought of him were deeper and more effective. Am I making any fucking sense?

My heart was beating fast, I felt my dick throbbing and my stomach swirled as I walked to campus for practice. I looked at Connie awkwardly; God, was I thankful it was him who saw me instead of someone else. At first, he looked completely disturbed and wanted to run off; now, well… he's obviously scrambled and not so cool about it, but at least I knew he'd keep his mouth shut. I was honestly sure he'd at least tell Sasha… they were _that _close.

-"There you are, Jean,"- Reiner came to me and rested his hand on my shoulder, -"I thought you'd never come."

I thought so too, because after what happened, I felt tired and wanted to go to sleep, -"Yeah, sorry about last time."- I apologized.

-"Don't worry,"- He squeezed my shoulder and lent a little, -"What matter is that you're here now and we have business to discuss."

He dragged me further into campus where my group sat on the grass. When I sat, we stared discussing about the team and organized it: soccer teams usually have 11 members as minimum, but there's supposed to be more if someone's injured and damn, we were exact. With this, we started wrong. With 4 defenses, 4 midfielders, 2 strikers and 1 goalkeeper, we were enough, but if someone gets injured or kicked out… we're unbalanced. I was one of the strikers along with Mikasa. Reiner, Eren, Samuel and Thomas were defense. The midfielders, the ones that kick the ball to the strikers so they could goal were Annie, Connie, Sasha and Ymir. The goalkeeper was Berthold, there wasn't anyone better. Obviously, everyone chose me as the captain and asked Shadis to be the coach. Frank's team didn't choose him because he was too strict and noisy, but honestly, we needed someone like him and thankfully, he was glad to help.

We had a long way to go, but we were set and quickly began practicing. Shadis, as always, enjoyed this, -"Listen up, you chicken nuggets! If you choose me as your coach, you better fuck your balls off and train! I want you to make me have faith in you, I want you to make me proud and cry tears of joy in tournaments!"

Practicing with my group was pure fun. We trotted and did different types of exercises. We decided to have practices Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays. Shadis will train us one by one each day and today, he trained Berthold, the goalkeeper.

Berthold was tall, almost as tall as the goal and strong, but slow, -"Alright, Fubar, let's test that eyesight of yours."- He gestured Thomas and Connie to kick balls at him. Berthold prepared, eyes locked on the ball. He managed to block four and failed one. Then, Shadis ordered us to keep practicing with him.

I felt so special practicing with them: they never left me behind; never blamed me for failing a goal and the team work was perfect, unlike in Frank's practices in which I was treated as if I wasn't there. I looked forward for making this team and I have high hopes, we just gotta keep practicing and maybe we'll be able to compete against twelve-one's team. I trusted my team and I'll lead them to the stars. We were a family.

Practicing with my group made me forgot about everything… almost.

When practice was over, I began walking alone fully knowing that mom wasn't going to pick me up. What I forgot in practice flew back at me and I honestly wanted these emotions out. I was still mad at mom; I was abhorred of hearing the shouts she throws at me for no reason. Sadness filled me then, I didn't felt loved by her, I feel like she sees me as nothing more than just an obstruction… my own goddamned mother…

I swallowed tears. I'm not a crybaby and I sure as hell won't cry because of her.

I hear a car stop beside me and when I looked, I saw dad deigning the window, -"Son,"- I sighed and mounted the car. I though the drive to home was going to be muted, until dad spoke, -"You need to apologize to your mother."

I growled lowly to myself; I knew he'd come up with that, -"Why should I?"- I inquired, but I knew perfectly well.

-"Son… you shouldn't talk to your mother like that,"- He patted my shoulder, eyes on road, -"I know she's not easy to handle, but she's your mother and she loves you… no matter what."

Dad was right and there was a burning regret inside eating me alive. I was being a jerk back there, I was really disrespectful towards her, who gave me everything since the beginning; heck, I wouldn't be living if it wasn't for her.

I sighed and nodded to him. He nodded back and smiled weakly.

At home, I slowly went to mom, -"Mom?"

She had her eyes planted on the TV, -"What?"- She said harshly as she glared at me.

-"I'm sorry… for this morning,"- I sighed and scratched the back of my neck, -"I just had a bad dream and couldn't sleep well… so I woke up grumpy, that's all."- It wasn't a complete lie, because I definitely couldn't sleep well; I still wanted her to shut up on mornings though.

She hmph-ed and nodded slowly, -"Fine,"- She looked calm and a small smile formed on her lips; I stared at her, for the first time in forever, I saw her smile and sweet, but then, all of a sudden, a scowl formed as she gritted her teeth at me, -"What are you sayin', ya' devil? I ain't forgiving ya' for nothing'! It's all your fault! Your fault!"

She started shouting at me and I yell too… naturally, -"What the fuck is wrong with you? Have you gone mad?"

She kept shouting at me for no reason and our quarrel begun, because I couldn't stay shut… I tried though; but what the fuck happened to her? It was all going well. It went worse because her shouting became screams. I got startled, stepping back and that's when dad interfered. He squeezed her, but she kept hitting him, -"Calm down, calm down!"- He shouted, but she didn't listen and I knew how she'd stop this madness. I left running. She kept screaming, but after a while… she stopped.

In my room, I was gripping my naked chest, leaving red marks. What… just happened? Mom just turned from sweet and smiling to mad and crazy. She scared me, like never before. I could handle her shouts and answer back… but this… this was something else. It wasn't an ordinary quarrel about laundry or dishes or messed rooms… no, this was something waaay else and I had no idea what. Those screams sounded like… pain.

A faint knock on the door broke my thoughts. I knew it was father, but what excuse could he put up now? It's apparent that mom hates me, because when I left… she stopped screaming, -"Son…"- His voice was dull, but I could hear it. Even so I ignored him and went to take a long and thoughtful shower.

When I went to sleep, mom's screams hunted me.

Several weeks passed after that. Those weeks were the longest on my life. The quarrel between me and mom got worse. We couldn't look at each other without arguing now. Thankfully, the soccer practices with my group distracted me from that. We got better and better. It was impressive how well we ameliorated. It's all thanks to Shadis; he was training us one by one. He once told us that he used to be a coach and that being it once again made him feel alive. I googled him and it was true. During those weeks, my appointments with Kat were the same, mostly because I stayed away from Marco, which made my emotions stable. It was for the good of both of us, I figured. Kat kept asking me if I was really gay and I told her "maybe, who knows?" I answered her questions with questions, which annoyed her.

Like I said, I stayed away from Marco during those weeks, but I still kept an eye on him and he knew, the son of a bitch knew. I was like spying him, his own personal guardian in the shadows. We talked sometimes, but we didn't hang out. Yeah, I couldn't stop thinking about him 24/7 and I admit that the freckled bastard was a part of my life now, but staying away from him has given me time to think about, you know… being gay or not; heck, there was no fucking denying that I was gay, because it's obvious I was, the problem is accepting it and to your disappointment… I haven't. I wasn't ready to take that turn on my life; I realized that I'm actually scared, of what? People's judgment? Racists? The bullying? I wasn't sure, but maybe everything. My stomach churned just thinking about it.

The thrills I had when Marco was around were still there and stronger than ever, but I hold the desire to hold him in my arms because that will just hurt him more. I always checked him out… his clothing of course, he always looks awesome. About the boners… well, I had some once in a while, but I abided it and tried to avoid Marco from feeling it… like last time.

For Marco, I was taking damn long, but he didn't push me, until September came along and the Art project's day was getting closer. Marco and I made arrangement, so now I was in Marco's house, in his bedroom… with him.

It was Saturday and we figured it'd be best for starting on the model. He was perfecting the sketch we made while I looked around: his bedroom was bigger than mine, probably because of his twin bed. I couldn't understand why the hell he has a twin bed for himself, but I didn't give it much though. His walls were white with many scribbles and sketches, with marks of sharpies; there were even poems written on it by him and famous poets. Out of the many things in his wall, what brought my attention and made my mouth gape in awe… were the Justice League heroes above his bed. It was a portrait surrounded by a golden frame; they were all together, hands on each's others shoulder, Superman was the only one flying with arms crossed. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash, Green Lantern, Martin Man Hunter… everyone was there, wow.

I was staring at it for too long because Marco noticed. He snickered, -"I knew you'd like that one,"- He hung a word in his mouth and gulped before saying it, -"I… made it."- He blushed and caressed his cheeks with his finger.

I gasped and looked at the portrait and then at Marco, -"For real…? No way…"- I breathed out and began to inspect the portrait, but for that I needed to climb on his bed… which was awkward. I looked at him, slightly gazing at his bed and when he nodded, I climbed my knee first and lent closer to the portrait: of course, it was drawn on a canvas and the good one. Now I could see the details that reveal that it's actually a drawing instead of a picture. Though, from farther away, you could say that it looks like one of those professional paintings you buy in Kmart or Walmart. Cool, at the bottom right I could see Marco's signature. God, this was… how could I describe this? This was a masterpiece! Like those on museums!

–"Um… what do you think?"- He asked me.

I was too impressed by his drawing that I kind of looked like a child, so I tried keeping my cool, -"It's amazing! How long did it take you to do this?"- My coolness may have slipped a bit…

-"A month,"- He smiled, still blushing. God, his smiles warmed me so much, -"It was a special project for the drawing classes."

The classes I abandoned, right. I dismounted his bed, but my eyes never left the portrait, -"Wow, Marco… you're…"- I said out loud. I could say he was so many things…

He snickered, -"Of course I didn't do it alone, I had help from mom and Marianne,"- He said happily, completely proud of his work. I could dare and say that he was a better artist than Marianne, -"Well, back to work."- He said and turned around to continue on the sketch.

Other than the wall and the drawing, Marco had his own desk with a wheel chair where he was working on now and his own lamp filled with geek stickers; he had books, manga, pencil-cases and his computer, his HP desktop; his Asus laptop was on his bed with a Superman sticker on the top. On the other side of the room, he had a glass shelf filled with more books and videogames; on top of it was a PlayStation 3. His Sony plasma TV was pinned on the wall above the shelf. _And I though he wasn't a guy with money, _I thought to myself, but I never liked to indulge in that matter to much. Like me, he had his own bathroom and wardrobe. Unlike my room though, he had an air conditioner, which was on now and cold.

My eyes traveled his bedroom until reaching him. While he worked on his desk, I sat on the red carpet floor, so soft and warm. My eyes locked on him: he had a simple coat with hood and no zipper that had white vertical stripes with black jeans and usual Converse. His hair was kind of messy; it was rare he had no beanie. Even so, for me, he always looked awesome. I blushed and looked away. I had a simple white _Keep Calm and Play Soccer _T-shirt, knee length light brown pants and my black and white Pumas. My hair was like usual.

Some awkward minutes passed. So yeah, I was in Marco's bedroom and no, I haven't met his mother yet, she was out buying some stuff. Dad brought me here; Marco met him and we did the arrangement smoothly. I asked him because I still wasn't over mom. Even if I was, I'd still ask dad. She never liked leaving me in someone else's house, but dad wasn't so maniac about it. He was the good type dad always doing what his son asks. It surprised me that Marco and I lived in the same street, practically neighbors. It surprised him too, it could explain our, _ejem, _encounter on the supermarket.

I began to shiver and Marco noticed, looking over his shoulder from the desk, -"Do you want me to turn off the air conditioner?"

I quickly shocked my head, -"Uh… no! It's okay!"- I wasn't the type of guy who gets real comfy on other people's houses.

He snickered and touched my arm, -"You're freezing,"- He said and took the air's controller beside his desk and clicked the off button. Then, he opened up the window in front of his desk, the white curtains dancing as the wind flew past them. The sun light shone on him, -"That should do it. You can sit on my bed if you want."- Pft, his touch on my skin warmed me more tha- shhh!

After a while more, I couldn't take it anymore so I stood beside his desk and helped him with the sketch, -"You can put the tower here and the clock tower over there…,"- We were still on the idea of making a half Gotham and half Metropolis model. In the end, we made it official and we had the sketch done. Marco's 3D drawing is amazing. It was going to be the best model in the class, I just knew it, -"I'm leader, then."

He nodded cheerily, -"Of course you were going to be,"- He snickered, -"You're good at it."

I sat down on the floor again, feeling my legs tired from being up the last ten minutes, which was weird because my legs were athletically strong, -"I don't think ordering people around is good."

-"I guess so,"- He shrugged and turned the wheel chair around, -"But it's an honor having leadership, everyone follows you and…"- He stopped and looked at me with a smile. I tried to contain my face from heating up, -"You're a good leader, Jean. I know about the soccer team, you'll do great."

Jesus… that soothed me entirely, it made a sigh of relief escape my lips. All the worries I had about the team faded as I smiled back at him. We kept smiling at each other for several seconds and I couldn't take my eyes off of his eyes, until we heard a knock on the door, -"Can I?"- It was Marco's mother. My heart skipped a beat.

Marco parted his eyes off of me and I quickly stood up, ready to meet Marco's mother.

* * *

Another cliffhanger... sorry XD but this time it wasn't my intention! The chap was over 3,000 words!


	28. TWENTY-EIGHT

OMG... enjoooooooooyyyyy :O

Anyway, I started college and it was awesome ;) and a bit tiresome, but it's a new stage in my life so I gotta move on! The sad thing is, I won't be updating as frequently as before. FORGIVE ME!

* * *

TWENTY-EIGHT

Marco's mother dropped various bags of Tostitos, Doritos, Lays and gravy on Marco's bed, -"Here, some snacks while I prepare dinner,"- With hands on hips, she looked at me, -"You're Jean Kirshtein, correct?"- She inquired, eyeing me. I eyed her too: she still looked like an angel and now more with the strapless white dress. It was made out of a soft fabric that reached her feet, almost touching the floor. She had a golden leash around her waist that made her breast stand out perfectly; she wasn't showing anything, but the leash made the dress tighten on her chest. Her hair was fancily tied like a donut as some curls fell down to her freckles. The little accessories she had were gold. She looked simple, but so beautiful.

I nodded nervously. The mother of the guy I almost fucked was in front of me.

She nodded back at me, -"Nice to meet you. Marco told me a lot about you."- I dunno why I found that appalling, it sent shivers down my spine. What have Marco told her? What if he told her…? That I'm the guy who is making him suffer most? Oh God.

I began trembling, -"N-nice to meet you too."

She smiled sweetly, -"We have to talk sometime,"- I didn't liked the sound of that. Walking to the door, she glanced back at us, -"If you need anything, I'll be downstairs and don't eat too much of those chips! Dinner will be ready soon!"- With that, she left.

My legs wobbled and I almost fell.

-"Well… we're done already,"- Marco spoke as he stretched his body and yawned, -"So, if you want to go…"- He said dolefully and gazed at me slightly.

I ponder about it. True, we finished early and I was starving, but the idea of staying in someone else's house any longer didn't gratify me and it's not like I wasn't welcomed, it's just… I didn't felt comfortable; deep within me though, I wanted to stay and spend some time with Marco after so long being aloof from him. Besides, he wanted me to stay; his puppy eyes could tell me that. I shrugged, -"I dunno…"- I said unsure and took out my phone.

He gasped faintly, -"But you can stay until mom finishes dinner, then you can go after you eat!"

I was about to complain, but my stomach grumbled, -"Uh…"- I blushed and looked away.

Marco snickered, -"See?"- He laughed and began pushing me somewhere, -"Come on, let's do something while we wait."

Marco began showing me all his binders with all the drawings he's done before. I stared at all of them in awe; they were all so perfect, Marco was a true artist and I loved his drawings. Then, he showed me the different stuff he bought on Hot Topic and EBay, he even gifted me five pins and a sweet Batman sticker. At first, I didn't want his offer, but he insisted, so there was no point in arguing. I really liked how he enjoyed showing me all his stuff, he looked so happy, like a child… no one ever shared anything with me like this. With him, I felt even more special, a soothing warmth girded my heart…

Marco was searching for something while I surveyed his walls. There were a lot of poems written with sharpie, some were famous poems and others were written by him. As I looked, I caught a glimpse of my name around…, -"Look, Jean, I found…"- He gasped when he saw me and quickly dashed forwards, stepping in front of the poem I was looking at, -"Ahh! H-hey… I found the action figure of Batman!"- He had his hands in front of him in an attempt to prevent me from walking forwards.

I eyed him suspiciously, raising an eyebrow, -"What's that about?"- I pointed at the poem behind him.

He caressed his blushing cheek with his finger and looked away shyly. Gosh, he looked so cute doing that, there's no point denying it anymore, -"It's, um, one of my poems, but don't read it! It's, um… embarrassing."- He smiled awkwardly.

-"It's okay,"- I answered him.

After that, his mother called us. We walked through the small hallway which had another room, probably his mother's, and a shed. Downstairs, Marco's mother was serving white rice with red beans and smoked meat. God, it smelled so good that it made my mouth water. The dining table was made of glass and had a refreshing vanilla candle in the middle, -"Bon appetite, boys,"- Marco's mother smiled at us and sat. I sat in front of her and Marco sat beside me. When we began eating, -"So tell me, Jean, what do you plan on studying?"

I always dreamed of becoming a famous athlete, but those kinds of questions set me on edge because I wasn't very clear on it and it made me realize just how close I was getting to college life, -"Well… I'd like to become a professional athlete."- I tried to sound formal, because this felt like that time when you have to meet your dyad's parents in a relationship for the first time, even if Marco and I didn't have anything… yet and I was actually nervous.

And even so, she kept asking me questions, -"Oh, I see. What sport do you practice?"

-"Soccer."- I quickly said proudly while taking a bite from the meat. So fucking delicious.

Her face lit up and I figured she loved soccer too, -"That's fantastic! You have to invite me to your tournaments!"

-"Sure."- A small laugh escaped my lips unintentionally; I must have sounded sarcastic, but apparently not because she didn't say anything.

Suddenly, I wondered what will Marco study, but it took me like five minutes before actually asking him, -"Hey Marco, what will you study?"

His face lit up just like his mom's, he was waiting for this question, -"Graphic Art!"- He said happily. I guessed it was obvious.

When we finished eating, I called dad, -"Dad? We're done."

_-"Oh? So soon?"-_ He asked surprisingly. I could hear various car honks on the other side, _-"Well, son… I'm in the middle of a stopple on a delivery in Sina City. I'll head over there as soon as I can." _– His voice sounded rush and desperate.

I sighed, -"It's okay dad, don't push it."

A mass of cars honked at the same time, making it difficult for me to hear him, _-"I'm sorry, son. Can you stay a little longer?"_

I nodded on my side as if he was here, -"Sure, no prob."- I tried to contain the excitement.

_-"Ask first, okay? See you soon."- _He drooped.

When I retained my cellphone in my pocket, Marco's mom quickly went to me, -"Is everything alright?"- She asked sweetly.

I sighed, -"Dad's in a massive stopple to Sina."- Now I realized how far Sina was from here and that maybe I'd have to stay until the sun falls. A small smile was cracking up on my face and I tried to harbor it. I hoped I wasn't making funny faces.

On the other hand, she smiled widely, -"Well, you're welcome to stay here as much as you want."- She knew that I'm the only person who can make Marco smile and happy. It hit me that she was the one who helped me escape suspension from school from the fight with Frank.

I scratched my neck, -"Uh, well…"- Before I could say anything, Marco grabbed my arm and dragged me upstairs to his room again.

-"Come on!"- He exclaimed. I stumbled and almost fell on the way up. Like him, I was excited too and desperate to spend some time together with him after so long. Up in his room, -"So, what do you want to do?"- He asked me joyfully.

I shrugged and snickered, -"I dunno…,"- I scratched the back of my neck and gazed at him, my face heated up, -"It's your room, so…"

-"Let's play PS3!"- He quickly said and walked to his PlayStation.

That sent a tickling sensation through me as bliss filled me. That sounded so good and I realized now how much I liked playing videogames. Memories streamed on my mind, memories of me playing with my PS3 for long hours.

I watched felicitously as Marco plugged all the cables on their place. When he finished, he took the TV's controller and turned it on. Then, he gestured me to check all the videogames he had on the shelf. I walked and knelt in front of the shelf, eyeing the games: Elder Scrolls Skyrim and Oblivion, PlayStation All Stars, Mass Effect Trilogy, all Assassins' Creed… I figured he mostly played the roleplaying games and he didn't have as much games as I had… which I had no idea where they were, -"Do you have a multiplayer game?"

-"Yeah!"- He said joyfully and took out PlayStation All Stars Battle Royale, -"This is like Smash Bros Brawl, but with Sony's characters instead of Nintendo's."- In my humble opinion, Sony's were cooler and I've never played All Stars, but I heard of it. People say it's a copy of Smash Bros; I was going to test that today.

As Marco looked for his controllers, I kept eyeing the games: Dishonored, Final Fantasy, Fallout, Fable III, InFamous… they were all games in which you had to make decisions, good or bad and that will determinate the fate of your character in the end. I didn't liked roleplaying too much, I preferred the shooting games filled with action; I do like Skyrim though.

When Marco found two controllers, we sat on the floor and leaned on his bed. I saw the introduction video, pretty sweet. Marco couldn't stop talking about all the characters and how he preferred All Stars over Smash Bros. It soothed me seeing him like this, so active and talkative instead of down and enclosed.

We began playing and I choose to be Dante from Devil May Cry because he's a fucking badass while Marco choose … Sackboy, from Little Big Planet. My competitive adrenaline went up immediately, -"Pft, Sackboy? Really, Marco? I'm gonna finish you!"

He just laughed.

In the end, he won.

My mouth gaped as I just stared at the winning screen with Sackboy dancing, -"What?"- Marco made a lot of combos with that sack of nothing; he barely even let me hit him, I only managed to eliminate him once.

-"I guess you need practice, it's your first time,"- He quickly tried to cheer me up and make me confident of myself, but I wasn't mad at him for winning; the competitive adrenaline was still there, but I wasn't going to punish Marco for winning fair and square, -"Oh! We can be a team!"

I laughed, -"Alright,"- I didn't want that, because I wanted to compete and beat him, but I wanted to please him. We went for it again; this time I was Kratos, the biggest atheist in the world from God of War and Marco choose Raiden from Metal Gear Rising, -"Nice team."- I said as we began beating the crap out of our foes. We won.

After that, Marco and I kept playing for an eternity. We laughed, cheered, jumped and played more. The world around me became unknown and the only thing that mattered was this moment, just me and Marco goofing around. I didn't want this momentum to end. All my worries vanished.

After a few more rounds, Marco decided to read, -"I'm gonna read for a while, but you can still play and I'll watch you."

-"You don't like playing?"- I asked him, wanting to play more with him, but I liked his idea.

He shrugged as he stood up, walking to another shelf with lots of book and taking out Vampire Academy, -"Gaming is not my thing, I prefer reading books and comics."- He smiled as he sat beside me again.

-"Can I play Skyrim?"- I asked, but I was already taking the game and putting it in.

He snickered, -"Of course."

I began playing and Marco watched intently, sometimes glancing at the book and reading, but he mostly observed me playing. I created my Imperial character and began. Throughout the game, he helped me and explained some things; I had faint memories about the missions and storyline, but I needed his help sometimes. I got really attached to having him beside me, I really liked him just watching me play. Little by little, I got comfortable and felt like if I was on my own house and room.

More time passed and I realized that I'm the gamer one. I was still playing while digging my hand in the bag of Doritos, -"Wow, it's like… 4 o' clock already,"- Marco said, gazing at the clock he had hung on the wall, -"Is your dad okay?"

I nodded with eyes on the screen. I was fighting a dragon, -"I dunno,"- I paused the game and took out my phone, -"Let me text him."- I licked my cheesy fingers first.

-"What about your mom?"- I clicked my tongue angrily and he noticed. Looking at me worriedly, he lent closer to me, -"Is something the matter?"

I had a scowl on my face and I tch-ed again, -"It's nothing,"- I said angrily as I worked with my phone, but when I looked at his face again, I sighed, -"My mom and I… I dunno how to explain. Let's just say we're like water and oil, we don't, you know… mix."

His eyes widened as he gasped, -"No way,"- He breathed out and squeezed my shoulders, -"You have to reconcile with her! For how long have you two been like this?"

I sighed again tiredly, -"A while now,"- I said and accidentally dropped the controller; my hands were shaking as I remembered mom's screams, -"She's like, I dunno man, bipolar or something. Sometimes she's calm, but then she's grumpy and shouting at me for nothing. I think she really hates me."

Marco gasped again and began shacking me, -"No, don't say that! She's your mother and she loves you!"- How can he say that when he doesn't even know her? Somehow, his touch on my shoulders stopped my shaking, -"You need to work things out, Jean. You never know when God will take her."

I looked away dolefully, -"I'm not sure I can just 'work things out' with her, Marco…"

-"You have to try,"- Marco's grip on my shoulders soften as he dimmed, -"Jean… I lost my father when I was thirteen; I never liked spending time with him because he was stricter than mom and now… I regret it. I live with the burden, because I know his last thoughts were of me."

Now I gasped and looked straight at him with eyes wide, -"I'm so… sorry, Marco. That's awful…"- I bit my lip and looked down. That could also explain many things… how could he live with that burden?

He squeezed my shoulder again and looked at me seriously with a shred of gloom, -"Please… don't commit the same mistake I made."

I gulped and nodded to him, -"Y-yeah… I won't."- That was an 'I'll try'. The idea was dreadful; mom dead, carrying our wrecked relation to heaven… it was frightful, but I had no idea how to reconcile with her. She was uncooperative, for God's sake! I apologized to her and what did she do? Scream at me! Besides, she's always home, so I don't think anything will happen to her. She was safer than me and dad.

After that, I had a knot on my throat and couldn't stop feeling sorry for Marco. I kept playing and hours passed. His mother checked on us here and then. Suddenly, I felt a pressure on my shoulder and when I looked, I saw Marco's head resting on it. His eyes were closed and his slow breaths brushed my neck… he was asleep. His freckles cheeks were slightly blushed and he was holding the Vampire Academy novel. I looked at him worriedly. I began to ponder about what happened to his father, but I quickly scratched it off, I couldn't just ask that.

Slowly, my heart began beating faster and my face heated up. God, he was so close, practically leaning on me. His hot breaths on my neck made me sweat. I wanted to hug him and squeeze him tight, make him feel safe… I wanted to eradicate that burden from him.

From the corner of my eyes, I saw the poem on the wall he was covering, the poem he didn't want me to read. I felt like it was calling to me, I felt like I needed to read it, like if the time to read it has arrived. Suddenly, my eyes zoomed and the words became clear:

_Through this long journey_

_I have crossed depths and abyss_

_With no army_

_For a simple kiss_

_From __**him**_

_I don't care about the regards I get_

_Either the racists or judges,_

_I won't fret_

_I will find justice_

_For __**him**_

_For __**him**__, I'd crawl through the dirtiest sewers_

_For __**him**__, I'd climb to the tallest zenith_

_For __**him**__, I'd become a loser_

_For __**him**__… I'd travel to Venus_

_I'd do anything,_

_For you… Jean_

_And I'm still looking…_

My eyes were carved on the poem, reading it like five times straight. _I'm still looking, I'm still looking… _repeated on my mind like a damaged CD. I slowly gazed at Marco; damn, how many times do I have to get reminded of how deep and serious his feelings were for me? Every time life reminded me, it descended into pure abysmal. Just how deeper could his feelings get?

A profound hotness burned in me as I looked at the sleeping Marco in my shoulder. One hot tear escaped one of my eyes, splashing on his cheek, -"Look what you did, freckles."- I began speaking to him while whipping off the tear. He just kept surprising me even more each day. No one ever wrote me a poem, much less a guy.

The hotness in me increased the more I thought about him, about the poem. Without realizing it, I was falling for him –if I haven't already- and the dude wasn't even trying. My heart felt like it was going to explode; was this… love? Was this how love really felt?

Marco slipped off my shoulder and fell on my lap, his head right in my crotch. I shivered and grunted as a boner quickly developed, making contact with Marco's rear head. His face was up, as if looking at me; his chest going up and down as slow breaths leaved his lips… those so attracting lips…

I looked away and bit my lips. _Come on, pull it together… _I said to myself as I slowly gazed at Marco. How could I stay put when the guy I was brought to like was so close and defenseless? The attraction I had towards Marco right now was overpowering, I couldn't hold it so I brought my head down slowly and opened my mouth. The closer my mouth got to his, the harder it was to breathe. My whole body heated up as the space between us became thin. I gulped… I was so close, his hot breaths warmed my face, sweat traveled down, my heart was racing… I so wanted those lips now, nothing else mattered… just him and me. _This is all your fault… Marco, you freckled idiot._

But when my lips slightly brushed his, a car honk rang.

My head quickly shot up and that's when the door slammed open, -"Jean, your father's here."

I took deep breaths and gulped, running my hand through my hair, -"Uh… y-yeah,"- I looked away and avoided her gaze. When she gasped at Marco, -"I-I don't know, h-he suddenly fell asleep."- I spluttered, trying to hold down the boner.

She let out a sigh of relief and lifted him up, but that didn't make all my feelings vanish; my body actually called him, -"It's okay,"- She poked his cheek and called him, but when he didn't answer, she rested him in his bed, -"Um… are you okay?"- She asked, eyeing me.

I was having trouble standing up and it's not because of my numbed legs, -"Y-yeah! I'm fine!"

-"Well, you should get going,"- Before I could walk away reluctantly, she stopped me by the arm, -"Jean, thanks for being with us today, with him,"- She gazed at Marco and looked at me seriously, -"We need to have a serious talk sometime, alright? Don't panic, it's not bad,"- She smiled and squeezed her grip on my arm, -"Feel free to come anytime and thank you… again."

I just nodded and thanked her. Right before leaving the door, I gazed back at the sleeping Marco in the bed.

Outside it was dark and dad waited for me. I mounted the car and waved Marco's mom goodbye. My body still felt as if Marco was right in front of me, so hot; God, all this felt as if I just had sex with him, but no, I didn't even got to steal a kiss from him. I couldn't imagine sex with him.

Back at home, I quickly went to my room and began digging out a bunch of crap from my drawers until finding my PlayStation. Blowing the dust off of it, I sneezed and pasted Marco's Batman sticker on it. At the end of my wardrobe, I had a box filled with all the games I had, so I began playing them all and stayed up late. Obviously, Marco invaded my thoughts and for the first in a long time, I slept peacefully… at five of the morning.

* * *

Heh... my gamer side may have slipped a bit too much in this chap xD

Ne, ne... how was the poem? :3 I wrote it myself! This chapter was so godfully cute, wasn't it? Yeah, you're probably hating Marco's mom and Jean's father lol, but I don't wanna rush things. Do not worry, my loyal friends.. the yaoi _will _come... muahahha..._  
_

PEACE!


	29. TWENTY-NINE

Late update... I know D:! College... so... intense... but hear this: I will not abandon this story! I've never come this far with a story before! 99 reviews and it's all thanks to you :'D!

* * *

TWENTY-NINE

-"Son… it's late,"- I heard dad's low voice and the door's creaking sound, -"Son."- He kept calling me.

I tried opening my eyelids, but they were so damn heavy, -"Ugh… five more minutes."- My lips moved on their own. I was too damn asleep; I'm blaming it all on the PS3.

-"Son, the bus left and classes already started."- Dad's voice was low, like if he too was asleep and barely awake.

I had my face in the pillow, snoring and scratching my hair. I grunted and sat up, rubbing my sleepy eyes. Dad was standing in front of the door now with his pajamas and holding a cup of tea, -"Shit,"- I cursed and yawned with a hand on my mouth, -"I'll get changed."

Dragging my legs to the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and put on the school's shirt along with a Batman overcoat, blue jeans and old Converse. I put a black plain beanie without brushing my hair and headed out lazily.

I admit, it kind of surprised me that mom didn't shoot me awake. Don't get me wrong, this is a relief and I hoped dad would be the one waking me up frequently. The curiosity ended killing me, because she wasn't on the couch and the TV wasn't on, -"Where's mom?"- I asked dad as we walked towards his car.

-"She's still sleeping."- He said, his face dull and tired.

That was so unlike her. Mom always woke up early, -"Oh."- It's all I managed to say. I couldn't ask anything else anyways; dad didn't look like himself either.

On the drive, I kept yawing and dad looked at me suspiciously, -"What have you been up to last night?"

There's really no point in lying, -"Playing videogames."

The look dad gave me told me that he didn't expect that, -"That old, dusty console?"- He asked me and when I nodded, he let out a small chuckle, -"Well, that's a surprise."

After that, he didn't say anything else. He dropped me on school and I quickly went to Hanji's, but my group wasn't there so I ran to Levi's and… shit, they were there and Levi was waiting for me, -"Well, well… who do we have here?"- He asked as he paced the room, -"None other than Jean Kirshtein, expert on pulling excuses for every small bullshit."

I flinched at his profanity word and wanted to counterattack, but I kept my cool and went full honest. I wasn't the same jerk and ignorant guy, -"Slept three hours only."

He raised an eyebrow and eyed me, -"Oh, is that so?"- I nodded and he grinned, -"Office."- He pointed outside and I did as told.

This wasn't the first time I'd had to go to the office for an excuse. I had arrived late to almost every class and I admit that the reasons were because I slacked off. This time was different though, I was playing Call of Duty and holy shit it was good shooting the crap out of everyone. I discovered a part of me that was forgotten.

-"I need an excuse for delay."- I said to Petra as soon as I arrived at the office. She was the secretary; sweet and caring, Petra was the amorous here, everyone loved her. Me? Neh.

She chucked, -"Late, are we? Let me guess, Levi sent you."

I nodded and shrugged.

She giggled and took out a paper with a pen, -"Lately, it's all been Levi this, Levi that,"- She blushed and began writing. She asked me why was I late and I told her the truth. Then, she handed me the paper, -"Good day!"- She waved me sweetly.

Outside, I was reading the small paper when…, -"Yeah, I know. Love you too."- That voice… I shot my head up and looked back to none other than Marco. He was speaking on his phone, looking down and walking right towards me, until he bumped on my back. With an _uff _sound, he crashed into me, his phone fell and I could hear a female's voice speaking, -"I'm so sorry, I- Jean!"

My heart skipped a beat and I quickly remembered last time we saw each other, -"Uh… hi."- I scratched my neck and blushed. I quickly knelt and gave him his phone.

-"Thanks,"- He took it and put it on his ear, -"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. The phone just fell,"- He quickly answered, -"Okay,"- With that, he hung and looked at me, -"It's mom. She's worried because she though I fainted on Saturday."

Saturday, huh… I remember when I almost stole a kiss from him, the poem… I bit my lip and tried to stay cool,-"It didn't look like your fainted, I-I think you just fell asleep."

His face reddened as he caressed his cheek with his finger shyly. So fucking cute, -"Oh… that must have been embarrassing, I'm so sorry,"- He quickly apologized, -"It just happens sometimes, I-"

I chucked, my face hot, -"It's okay,"- Several seconds passed in silent. I looked at all ways, unable to brush off Saturday's images from my mind and finally broke it, -"So, uh… where were you going?"- I inquired, scratching my rear neck.

He glanced at the way to Levi's and looked back at me, -"Class. What about you?"

-"Uh… I was at the office for a delay excuse."- I chuckled and walked off to Levi's with him.

On our way, I kept thinking. After what happened in Saturday, I should have my emotions more organized. There's no denying it anymore, I had feelings for Marco… since classes begun, I dare say. The way he made me feel was special, because no one ever made me feel like he does and I never dared to steal a kiss from anyone, not even Trisha. Point is, all this was because of guy, a _guy _of all creatures, of all goddamned creatures… I loved a guy; I fell in love with guy… so much for my manliness proudness.

Now, my ultimate mission and challenge: tell Marco, but… how?

During the day, I swore to God that I'd tell him, but I didn't. I knew that he'd die of a heart attack, it'll totally make him happy and who knew what else, but I was too nervous. Every time I was about to tell him, a crowd of people just randomly appeared. I wanted to tell him when we're alone, because I didn't want anyone to hear, I didn't want anyone to know… I was still scared of the dramatical turn I was about to get: judging, bullies, racists, homophobes… I felt weak and coward, but I wanted to tell Marco, mostly because he was desperate for my answer and because… I needed to tell him. One thing's for sure, I _will _protect Marco from any homophobic or racist.

At Art, we arranged that we'd meet again in his house and designed each one the materials to bring to start with the model. I was bringing the wood and other stuff. Marco was bringing artistic tools. Suddenly, it hit me that Trisha was still on this project with us, unless she was kicked out, I didn't cared. The import thing is, I'd figured that we'd be alone then, so it was the perfect moment to tell him.

Classes were immediately over and now I was practicing soccer with my team… with no name. While practicing, I thought about a name: Tigers and Lion were very common, so I scratched it. I wanted it to be unique but powerful at the same time, I wanted to let everyone know that we weren't a joke, that we weren't the same twelve two.

I was trotting until I mindlessly bumped into Connie who gave me a small scowl, -"Oi, watch it!"

I apologized. As for Connie, he'd done well in shutting his mouth about… you know. I didn't know if he told Sasha or anyone else and I hoped not.

I swiftly glanced at Marco; he was sitting in the bleachers reading a book. He told me his mom called him that she was picking him up late so he said he'd just watch us practice while waiting. I trotted towards him and sat beside him, -"So, uh… can you come up with a name for my team?"- I asked him, fully knowing he'd come with a name.

He chuckled and closed the book, -"I've been thinking about that actually,"- He put his finger on his chin and looked up, -"How about… the Rebels or the Crazies?"- He laughed.

I laughed too and slid closer to him, -"I know you can come up with a better name than that."

He nodded and stared at the group practicing for several seconds with a smile, -"I got the perfect name… Titans."

I liked how that one sounded, -"Yeah,"- I looked at my hands and balled them. I honestly didn't liked waiting until Saturday to tell him, so I went for it. It was awkward and weird confessing to a guy, but I can't deny what I feel anymore. The poem recited in my head over and over as my stomach swirled, -"Marco…,"- I said and he looked at me with a questioning look that made my body tremble, -"I uh… wanted to tell you something, erm…,"- I spluttered and swallowed, -"I wanted to, uh… thank you for the essay."- What the fuck?

His face dimmed a bit, -"Oh… yeah, you're welcome."

For sure, for fucking sure I'll tell him on Saturday because I almost shit my pants right there.

I remembered now that I hadn't thanked him for Levi's essay he ended up doing. I was burning hot and quivering, -"Uh… I have to keep practicing."- I said and head to camp again.

We kept practicing and I told the team about our name, they all loved it saying that it matched us perfectly. I agreed too and luckily, no one complained. That's one of the things I appreciate and like of this team: we all agreed on everything, we never had problems and solved everything neatly, unlike Frank's team: they were all so high in ego that they never agreed on anything and that brought a lot of issues, minimizing the practice time. Frank, whose patience is low, started a fight and it was hell.

Or so I though, because when they came like bunch of astronauts towards us, they seemed more organized.

Trevor, obviously the leader now, came towards me with a grin and arms crossed, -"Seriously? You, of all people?"

My team stood beside me, glaring at Trevor and the others, -"Cut the act,"- I said angrily. They wouldn't have come here without a reason. They wanted to mess us up, that's how much I knew them, but I wasn't letting them, -"Why bother come here?"

-"What do you mean? This is our camp, you stupid airhead. We wanna practice, so drag your ass somewhere else."- He said and laughed, looking over his shoulder at his team.

Asshole. His team didn't practice today, they practice the days we had off. They're here because they wanted to deliver a message and I was getting desperate because he was taking too damn long, -"Spit it, Trevor."- I was nervous too because some guys were staring at Marco. Those looks…

He raised his arm "scared", -"Oh, serious , are we? Watch out, we got a badass over here,"- He mocked, laughing out loud, -"But seriously, Jean, what do you plan of archiving with a bunch of losers and nerd? Of course dreams don't cost a penny, but let's be honest, it's fucking obvious you're not getting anywhere with…"

I stopped listening because he was speaking too much… on purpose. I had an awful feeling that he was a distraction. Now, more people were looking at Marco and Trisha, who now I noticed, had a fishy face. They were planning something.

-"What are you planning?"- I asked with a threatening voice.

He raised an eyebrow, -"What? I ain't planning nothin'."

I glared at him and when George and other guys began stepping out while looking at Marco, I dashed to them. That look… I didn't like it, it's the same one Frank had…

I slammed into George with full force, knocking him down on the grass, -"Stay away from him!"- I shouted loud enough to make everyone step back.

George looked at me with eyes wide, -"What the fuck?"- He looked scared, really scared. I must look like a psycho. If he looks at Marco like that again… _that_ impulse sailed through me, -"Get off of me you fucking freak!"- He pushed me up and I fell on my ass, but I quickly stood up and pushed him back on the grass, -"You little…!"- He swore with a deeper voice. I was pissing him off.

With a quick grip on my arm, he pulled me down on him and surrounded his arm around my neck, quickly tightening. I gasped for breath and slammed my rear head in his face. He quickly winced and cursed, letting go of me. I stood up again and raised my feet to kick him until his buddies grabbed me and pulled me back. They punched my chest and pushed me away, falling on my back. Reiner quickly went to my aid and lifted me up, but held me back, -"Let go!"- I shouted at him.

-"No, Jean! Not this again! Control yourself!"- He squeezed his grip on my arm and the other around my neck.

George stood up, rubbing his nose, -"That's it for you and your friends,"- He began walking towards me along with his pals, but my team stood for me too. George halted his steps and clicked his tongue, -"I don't have time for this bullshit, but this isn't over, Jean! You fucked with the wrong guys and you will pay!"- He began stepping away, but harshly turned around, -"You're crazy, you hear me? You're. Fucking. Crazy! You're a psycho! Go to a fucking asylum already, dammit!"

With that, they left with awful glares at me and I answered back with gritted teeth.

After a few seconds for calming my steam, I swiftly glanced at Marco who was still on the bleachers. He wasn't reading anymore, instead, he was looking right at me with an awful worried look. What I'd do for him… God, I'll even punch the crap out of Lucifer if I have to. _Anything _for him, I now realized. I then looked down; again… more fights. They never stop, it's inevitable and I'll keep fighting… for him. I totally ignored the future punishments or scolding, I didn't care.

Later, I had another of those talks with Reiner and I ended up telling him that these fights won't stop. He didn't understand obviously, but he got the idea that it had to do a lot with Marco and… myself. Other than that, he was really worried about me too, he said I really did looked like a psycho back there. I just randomly attacked George, like nothing. I began to have my doubts about if Trevor's team was really up to something, but I didn't sulk too much on it.

Or so I though because when Marco confirmed that I really, really looked like a maniac, my doubts deepened and the issue of me being crazy went from bad to worse, -"He didn't do anything, Jean… why did you attacked him?"- He inquired while we walked to the front of the school.

-"I…"- I shrugged and looked away, biting my lip. How could I explain this? –"It's just that, um… George and I ha-"

-"Don't lie."- He quickly said with a serious tone and expression.

Right in my face. I couldn't lie to Marco anymore. Scratching my neck, I took a deep breath, -"I thought he was going to do something to you, okay? It all seemed fishy how they acted, I thought they were planning to distract me so they could get to you… I dunno."—I shrugged and looked at him, my face a bit hot.

Marco eyes widen a bit, his cute cheeks blushing lightly, -"Oh…"

-"Marco, do you think I'm crazy, like _really_ crazy?"- I inquired, looking straight at his eye to see if I could catch even a tiny hint.

But all I saw was passion, trust, caring and worriedness. As he spoke, my heart beats increased, -"No, Jean, I don't think you're crazy. You act like it but you're not, we just…"- He smiled and looked at me, -"You've been through a lot. I think you're just paranoid, but not crazy,"- A small laugh escaped his lips. He then squeezed my shoulder, -"You know that I'm right beside you… I'll always be."

A soothing warm invaded me as I looked at him; he made me feel so calm, warm and sure of myself… I wanted to cuddle with him and let him know that I too will be right beside him… until the end.

I knew what was wrong with me: I was crazy in love with him.

* * *

I can picture you guys running around your rooms squealing and fangirling xD lol


	30. THIRTY

You guys so gonna hate me after this... O.O

Anyhow, FINALLY! CHAPTER THIRTY... late update :'( I hope you forgive me, but it's just that I've been pretty stressed out lately and writing while stressed out it's not good. I mix the words and the ideas don't flow in like they should.

Again, forgive and I'll try to update sooner next time! :D

* * *

THIRTY

The week passed quickly, but it was mostly because I was distracted all the time: I began to do the homework which kept me busy, I stayed up late playing PS3 and the soccer practices were doing its effect on me. I felt stronger and more capable, my body was more toned; a girl even asked me if I was single. The girl was hot, I admit, but girls didn't have that same effect on me anymore and it was weird. I ended up lying to her though.

Other than that, mom and I's quarrel was the same, but now she spends all day sleeping. I really can't believe her; she scolds me that I'm too vague and look at her. About Dad… he has me worried. Lately, he's been dull and not himself, he looked sad all the time and very thoughtful. I asked him one day, but he put up a fake smile and said everything was okay, I told him that was bullshit and never asked him anymore.

So now, I was in front of Marco's house, -"Hey, son…,"- Dad called me before I dismounted his car. I looked at his dull face, -"About what you asked me… we need to talk. I'll tell you when you get back."

I just nodded and watched dad leave. Then, I stood staring at Marco's house, did I arrived too early? God, my stomach churned. I was actually nervous, mostly because I couldn't let pass the fact that I had to tell Marco… you know. It was today or never, but first things first: the model. With my hands, I was holding a bag with the wood, UHU, Sharpies, sticks and other stuff. Quickly, I was "greeted" by Marco's huge black and white Siberian Husky dog Sky. He told me he named him Sky because of his sky blue eyes. Apparently, he didn't like me and the feeling was mutual. He kept barking at me, probably telling me to fuck off while with Marco he was a sweet baby.

I tried to slide past the son of a bitch, but he kept dashing forward in an attempt to bite me or kill me and his teeth had me shivering, they were long and sharp like a saber tiger's. I could take on Bulldogs and other creatures, but a huge Siberian Husky? I wasn't sure, besides, it was Marco's dog.

-"Sky!"-That's when my savior arrived. Marco walked and knelt in front of Sky, securing the way into his house. The dog quickly sat and licked him sweetly, his eyes shone at Marco and I realized something, -"What's the matter, big boy? Jean isn't a bad guy, he's a friend."- Marco placed his head into Sky's, nose with nose and caressing it.

Why the hell is he speaking to that asshole? Dogs like that don't listen to anyone… I couldn't believe I was actually jealous. I clicked my tongue and headed inside, not wanting to see Marco cuddle with that…creature.

Inside, Marco's mom quickly greeted me, -"Hello, Jean. It's nice to see you again."- She gave me a small hug and a kiss in my cheek.

At least she said hello to me, unlike someone…, -"Nice to see you too."

She smiled and opened her mouth to say something, but Marco entered and greeted me, -"Hey, Jean,"- He brushed off the dog's hair from his pants, -"Sky really needs a cut."- He chuckled and looked at me. His face fell though… did he actually notice I was a bit mad at him? He didn't say anything.

-"Yeah, I think I'll take him today,"- She walked to the lounge and took her purse, -"Can you two stay and be nice boys?"

I stared at her and Marco nodded cheerily, -"Sure."- My nervousness increased. Marco and I were staying… alone.

-"Okay,"- She walked to the front door and opened it, but not before pointing at the kitchen, -"There's a lot of food, so don't doubt about getting a snack or preparing anything, alright?"- With a wink she left and took Sky with her, mounting him on her car.

She left. I was alone with Marco…

-"So um… how you've been?"- Marco asked me, breaking the silence, but I was staring at the car leaving with the dog. We were so much alike…, -"Oh, I think I haven't introduced you to Sk-"

-"No thanks,"- I quickly said and I parted my eyes from the car that completely disappeared now, -"Uh… I brought the stuff. We should start."

Marco and I again went to his room. We began working on the model. With UHU, I pasted soft black foamy paper around the wood box and blew it so that the hoax hardens. Marco was working on tiny, different shape boxes, painting them. I brought those as the buildings. He had lots of materials on his desk: paints, brushes, pencils, crayons… I wondered where he bought all that stuff; I mean, I knew a professional artistic tool when I see one and Marco's were unique, not an ordinary pencil from Walgreens. He was making every detail on those buildings: the windows with the lights on, others shut off, some even had withered flowers hanging over windows and doors open, closed or broken. Step by step, he was making the building realistic with tiny details and colors, adding here and there. He was working on the third one, almost finishing and I was painting the roads on the wood.

We divided: Marco was doing Gotham's side and I was doing Metropolis'. I already had my buildings done; they were easier because Metropolis was a brighter place than Gotham and needed less concentration. Gotham was a dark city and black was a hard color to deal with, so I let Marco handle that. Other than that, Gotham was a place where bandits and bad guys lured, so they crashed everything and Marco specialized in details like that.

By the time Marco finished his buildings, I finished the road. Two vertical separated roads, one of Gotham and the other of Metropolis; at the end, they crashed together as an intersection… literally. I brought tiny rocks and placed it there like a mountain, the road ending there. I also placed tiny police action figures investigating that. Carefully, we pasted the buildings, Gotham's on the left and Metropolis' on the right. Gotham's road and alleys were darker and Metropolis' were brighter. We added a few more stuff here and there, other small details and at the end, there was only Batman and Superman left.

I threw my body back and lifted my arm, staring at my painted with white and grey hands, -"My hands are pale."- I laughed.

Marco too slumped on the floor and showed me his black hands, -"Mines are black,"- He laughed too and sat up, -"You can watch your hands in the bathroom."- He pointed at it.

I stood up and mindlessly danced a bit at the music. Marco had Pandora on his laptop and right now, I was hearing an Assassin's Creed track, the one it plays when you're in the rooftops chasing guys. Marco laughed at me and I blushed, heading to the bathroom. There, I looked at myself in the mirror; God I looked so pathetic in front of Marco, all goofy and dummy. But who am I to judge? It's not my fault I'm in love with him! Geez… saying I was in love with him felt a bit too much, I mean, we didn't had anything and love was a word with so much meaning to it, meanings which were unknown to me. One thing's for sure: Marco was the guy I liked and was really attracted to, the guy that made me have boners, _which _says a lot. Apart from that, I cared for him… a _lot. _He was like the little brother I had to protect.I went into cholera with a guy that didn't even touch his hair for God's sake.

I felt like I _had _to look good in front of him, I felt like a girl in a bathroom checking my face, nose, ears, eyes and even eyebrows. Today, I had a really attached black T-shirt with Batman's logo. It was really small, but I really wanted to use it and hey, I didn't look bad, I mean, I was showing off my toned arms which Marco had been staring at for some time. My white ripped skinny jeans and black Converse really matched with it. I had no beanie, but I brushed my hair this morning nicely.

After checking I was okay, I began to practice how to tell Marco my feelings for him… with the mirror. Typical thing, but what could I do? Who could I talk to aside from myself? –"So, uh… yeah, Marco, hey, I wanted to tell you that I… um…, shit,"- I cursed over and over again, because I kept spluttering like an idiot or a coward and I wasn't like that, I had to straighten my balls right and tell him for good, -"… that I, um, like you a lot and I want to-"- Suddenly with a pang in the heart, I harshly turned around and peered from the bathroom door. Marco was working on something else, totally distracted. My heart beats went full on gasoline, -"Like I was saying, yeah… I-I like you, really like you and I want you- I want us to be … together."- That sounded horrible and I looked pathetic saying it here. I just had to be myself in front of him and it'll come out sweetly… I hoped.

I swallowed up my nerves and walked to him, -"Hey, Marco, um…"- I stared down on him. He was sleeping… again. I think and I hoped. I figured he was really tired since we've been doing this for hours straight, non-stop. He did complain about having a headache. He took Tylenol, but I guess it didn't do him any good. _So much for practicing… _I told myself. He looked awesome as always: he had a blue shirt with Superman's logo and a grey over shirt that had buttons, he didn't had it buttoned though and the blue jeans with Superman's Converse looked neat. Like me, he didn't had a beanie and his hair was quite messy, but nonetheless cool. I really tried not to look at him, because he was really defenseless and vulnerable right now. The thought of stealing the kiss from him crossed me, but…

He moaned and shifted into a cute position which I kept staring at. One of his hands was covering half his face while the other rested beside his head. His head was tilted swiftly to the side, breathing peacefully, his chest going up and down. His freckled cheeks flushed lightly and both legs were straight and…

I looked away, not giving into temptation but then, in the corner of my eyes… I saw something. I began to walk closer to him and knelt a bit. Were those… were those abs under his shirt? My finger slightly slid his shirt up until touching a hard surface. Oh my God. I harshly slid it up completely and stared at his naked chest. He _had _abs and the good ones because they weren't so toned, like those that looked faked, instead, they looked natural, abs he worked for. Of course, they weren't like mines, I had more, but damn… I didn't expect Marco with abs and holy crap… they were perfect. I almost gasped when I noticed small dots on his chest, he had freckles there too! Little cute ones!

I began to wonder what the hell Marco did to acquire them because he isn't the type of guy that spends all day in the gym. Then I realized that I was actually drooling and… it went up again. All other thoughts were eradicated from my mind as I had a mental fight of this… this dilemma. I couldn't evoke this boner, not _this _one. I bit my lip and held my quivering arms on my knees, looking down, I was even sweating, ignoring the fact that the air conditioner was on. How have I gotten into this particular situation? I mean, Marco was just in front of me, exposed and vulnerable while I had a boner and trying to contain myself. This… was too much…

Marco moaned and fluttered his eyelids open, sitting up, -"Uh… Jean…?"- He mumbled sleepily, brushing his eyes awake with his arm. He looked so fucking cute…!

Nope. That was it.

I clicked my tongue and stomped toward him. Kneeling over him, I pushed him back down, gripping his wrist with my hands and pinning them down hard above his head. He winced, closing one eye, fully awake now. His eyes widen at me and I looked down first, avoiding his eyes, but then I looked straight at them, -"Marco… I wanted to tell you something,"- I bit my lip and allowed my heart to speak, -"At first, when everything started, I had the perfect life… or that's what I thought,"- I made a face, -"And that's when you came in and screwed everything up,"- I couldn't help but smile at his devastated face. He tried to wiggle off, but I squeezed harder, -"And yet, you made me realized just how much of a jerk I was and you changed it, you changed me, you changed… everything around me."

I had to stop for a second and look down on him to study his expression: he was calmed but desperate for me to continue, not knowing if what I just said was a compliment. Did he actually knew what I was going to say?

I went for it because I naturally had to say it, I couldn't hold it any longer. My heart beats increased as the moment of truth was getting closer, -"Marco… there's something- well, many things that I have to say so just listen,"- I took a deep breath, -"I haven't really been honest to you- shit, I've _never _been honest to you,"- I corrected myself and almost laughed, -"But everything Marco, I… back in the supermarket, I was fucking jealous, alright? Yeah, I was spying on you because I was fucking jealous and I'm not sorry,"- I spoke fast, not sure how I actually sounded; I must look like an idiot or a derp, -"I really wanted to strangle your cousin back there; er, no offense,"- He looked at me slightly surprised and gaped his mouth to speak, but I didn't let him, -"There are a lot of things in which I wasn't honest with you and I'm sorry… for everything; it's been really hard dealing with a pigheaded guy like me but you still did and that's how a friend is, a _best _friend is…,"- _Just go to the fucking point, Kirshtein, _-"But… things change again I guess and now it turns up you had a crush on me since… well, you know and that you've been looking for me since I abandoned you which I would have send me to hell if I was you. Like always, you do the right thing and kept looking for me and wow… I just can't believe it no matter how many times I think about it. Tell me Marco… _are you still looking?"_

His eyed widen and he glanced back at the poem he wrote about me in the wall. I smiled and nodded. His face reddened, -"Y-you shouldn't have, it's just…,"- He looked away, embarrassed, -"I never let anyone read my poems, much less… you."

-"It's okay Marco…,"- My face heated up too, -"You haven't answered my question."

He looked up again, meeting my eyes. With a slight nod, he bit his lips and held tears back. His hopes were bursting out of him, but he didn't wanted them to… not yet.

My chest tightened and I too bit my lips as the words just slipped out from me; it was time, -"I can't deny it anymore, Marco… you're a part of me now,"- His eyes glittered at me and I nodded, -"I fucking accept it; I… I like you. I feel the same way towards you… since the fucking begging, you freckled idiot."

Marco's eyes watered and he smiled widely, but it shrank back when I brought my face close to his, lips slightly touching, -"C-can I?"- I asked through deep breaths.

He slowly nodded and I could hear his heartbeats in my ear, pounding loudly and lively, his hot breaths reaching me. He had been waiting for this. I gulped and kept bringing my head lower and lower, each movement making me quiver… until our lips finally met.

God, his lips were so warm and stuffed. My heart wanted to burst out from my chest and when he answered back… shit. I thought I was going to faint as that electricity shook ran through me along with all the warmness. It was all overpowering me. It meant… I really loved him and wanted him.

The kiss went in a slow paced move, but we escalated and it got more intimate. Fuck… he definitely knew how to kiss, which bothered me a little. It was hard to keep up with him, but I never backed down. Nonetheless, it was one hell of a kiss, one Trisha could never give me. _Fuck, fuck, fuck… _I wanted so much more. I pushed in deeper until I was touching his tongue with mines. They danced and Marco stopped to take a deep breath, but I didn't stop; traveling down to his neck, I sucked hard which made him moan, -"I'm sorry, Marco… I won't hold back."- I didn't know just how far I'll get… I wanted to do this for so long.

I raised my head and met his eyes. He was breathing heavily, his face reddened and sweating; he looked like me, about to explode, but he never told me to stop so I continued kissing his neck until reaching his ears and lips again, tasting his skin. It was so smooth and delicious, -"Jean…"- He moaned out my name.

That send thrills through me as I slid down my tongue to his chest, biting here and there wherever I could find freckles. I even bit his abs, -"You gotta tell me how you got these."- I said as my hand ran through his abs.

He was too numbed by my touch to answer.

After that I kept kissing him while still pinning him down and he didn't complained, until my hand moved on its own to his lower part where he flinched. The more I touched him, the hotter I felt and I wanted to feel more than that, but not if he didn't want to. I figured it was too soon… maybe? I look at him wistfully but when he didn't say anything, I figured that was a yes…

Until we heard car sounds and a barking dog.

* * *

O.O!

PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! MAJOR CLIFFHANGER, BUT WORDS WERE OVER 3,000!


	31. THIRTY-ONE

...

Hellooooo xD (omg i cnt believe i am doing this right now), how long has it been now? A year? Holy shit.

You probably are mad with me lol xD

I honestly don't have an excuse, expect college, 'cause that beated me for real. I'm studying videogame design and development and programming is hard af. Other than that, no, I don't have any _real_ and _understandable_ excuses xD BUT i did got a ps4 on Christmas and if i was a jerk, i'd tell you to blame it, but it was my fault to ask for it in the beggining i guess. Even so, i regret nothing. That piece of shit is glorious and yeah I've spent the whole summer and christmas break playing lol. I also traveled from time to time and i got a new pc. I also had problems with my account but I got it fixed up (yeah, i forgot password, email and all that lol)

SO, asking for your forgiveness is too much right now xDDD and i dont even know if u'll even read this, u probably unfollowed me and all.

Anyway, here's the chapter and I hope (whomever is reading lol) that you enjoy it xD

* * *

THIRTY-ONE

I looked at Marco with eyes widen. Why did she had to arrive at this moment? Couldn't it be another time? Why now of all times!?

I kept kissing Marco until I head footsteps just behind the door, -"Shit…"- I cursed among heavy breaths and gave Marco one last long kiss before standing up and helping him.

-"Boys? Is everything all right?"- Marco's mom asked on the other side.

-"Y-yeah."- My voice was shaky. Helping Marco up just made things worse. I touched him and couldn't restrain giving him at least another kiss.

-"Okay, I'm going to prepare dinner now!"- She said cheerily and opened the door, -"Oh, and I got you th-"- She stopped mid-sentence and stared at us, -"Are two okay?"

My heart was racing. She didn't caught us kissing or anything, but right now, Marco and I were really close and honestly, this wasn't enough for me. I wanted to feel him more now that I spoke out my true feelings, the ones that lied so deep within me, the ones I've locked away…

I swiftly stepped back because Marco looked stunned about all this, -"Uh y-yeah, yeah…,"- I gave her a stupid smile, -"Just working on- yeah… working."

She looked at me suspiciously, but then she smile down to the model, -"Oh, I see it's going neatly,"- She began to turn around, -"Well, dinner's going to be ready soon. I'll call you."

-"Th-thanks…,"- I wanted to tell her to close the door when she leaves, but it got stuck on my mouth and she walked away, leaving the door open, -"That was close,"- I turned to Marco, who awkwardly caressed his cheeks with his finger. I closed the door and couldn't resist the urge to push him down on the bed, -"I'm sorry, Marco… I can't resist."- I told him with honesty.

He stared at me, -"Jean, after this… it's different. You _are _aware of that, right?"

I gulped and nodded, -"Yeah."- I pretty damn was. Nothing's going to be the same after today and I decided I'd confront the change in me; that change in my life that Reiner blabbered about. It was this, the bigger change he warned me about and there was no escaping it. I couldn't keep ignoring it.

-"Jean… are you sure?"- He asked, his face a little dim.

What? Did I… have a slight fear or regret in my face? I admit I'm afraid, because this was a huge alteration in me and not to forget what might come next. Regret? I don't regret anything, because Marco is what mattered most right now- he always was actually. I just… never admit it, until now. Besides that, he was oddly and deliciously good at this, meaning he probably has done it before… which vexed me.

-"Y-yeah."- I said firmly. I was damn sure because I wanted him, I wanted him so much and now… I finally had him.

Lowering my head, I kissed him again. Somehow, I knew he was unsure about this, about me accepting all this. I wanted to prove him otherwise so I deepen the kiss more to the ultimate level, getting more intimate. I was pinning Marco down and he was having trouble keeping up with me. I finally had the lead and it felt so good, -"Jean…,"- He spoke among ragged breaths, -"We need to… finish the project."

-"Just… five more minutes."- I insisted and kept kissing him, biting those soft lips here and then.

-"Jean…"- He moaned again, sometimes glancing at the door, but hardly doing any effort in really stopping me. He wanted this as much as I did. He was right, we _should _finish that model since it's due next week, but right now, I didn't care. My world was tied with his and I couldn't let it loose.

Marco moaned, trying to keep up with me. I was going into an incalculable speed, tying my tongue with his. He turned his head aside, away from my mouth to breathe profoundly. I didn't stop, however; I began to lick and bite his earlobe and he moaned again, louder. I smirked. Did I found his soft spot? I kept toying with it and when I looked at him, he was utterly red and sweating, his body emanating a kind of hotness that beckoned me closer, -"Are you… okay?"- I managed to ask through hard breaths.

He nodded, biting his lip. I then slumped into him, the little space we had now thin as I roughly kissed him. He kissed me back, hands traveling up my head, his fingers tying with my hair and he pulled me even closer. The way he responded sent a soaring pleasure through me. My whole body burned and ached for him.

I slid my hand beneath his shirt and squeezed here and there, -"… ngh."- He shuddered when I reached his lower part.

-"Marco… I can't hold back…"- I breathed out beside in his ear.

I could see he wasn't entirely comfortable, -"Jean… stop."

I ignored him and smashed my lips into his. He responded but stopped and flinched once again when I attempted to reach into his pants. God, I couldn't resist anymore. I wanted to touch and feel him more, my body ached for more…

I began to unzip them, -"S-stop… ngh."- He moaned.

I didn't stopped and when I took hold for it, he trembled at my touch and tried to push me away, -"Marco…"- I moaned, squeezing it slowly.

He breathed so deeply and harshly that I thought he was shocking to death, -"Jean, please… stop."- He pleaded. I could feel his crotch hardening.

I snapped out of that trance at the sound of his plea, but the pleasure was still there and the aching never stopped. Was I…, -"Am I… hurting you?"- I asked, my voice shaky. I looked down on him, lifting myself a bit: he was red, so red that I couldn't spot his freckles without closing the space. He was sweating and breathless. His body trembled below mines.

He shook his head, panting loudly, -"N-no…"

I got it. I was going too fast. _Dammit, Jean! You totally blew it! _I wanted to smack myself. I need to control myself, but the way his chest when up and down… _shit, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck… _the feel of his crotch in my hand and the pleasure… _come on snap out of it!_

I looked away and pulled my hand out of his pant. I could hear his ragged breaths right beside my ear. I slowly began to stand up reluctantly, feeling a bit ashamed of touching him the way I did. _Look at what you've done, Jean! He thinks you're a rapist!_

But then, he called me, -"Jean… wait."- He struggled to stand up while zipping up his pant.

_Ugh, I'm so screwed! _I wanted to make him feel good with me but I just made him uncomfortable. I wanted to touch him like that for so long; I've kept those desires locked in me for a long time and now that I'm here alone with him, in his own bedroom, I couldn't resist, couldn't control myself. I went too far…

Just then, a car honk rang from outside. I recognized it as dad's, but why so soon? We haven't even finished the goddamn project! Not like I was planning to, apparently.

-"Jean, your father's here!"- Marco's mother called out.

Before heading downstairs, I gave Marco one last glance. Even though I was ashamed and scared of my actions, I wanted to stay with him for a bit more.

Outside, I went to dad's car, cleaning away a sweat from my forehead with my arm, -"Wh-what happened?"- I stuttered, my body still quivering with that sensation and pleasure. The images Marco below me wouldn't go away.

My dad looked tired, very tired and sorrowful, -"I need you to come with me."- He spoke fast while opening the door for me.

-"B-but I haven't finished…"- I said, swiftly glancing at Marco's room. Excuses, excuses. I wanted to leave, but at the same time to stay. God, why couldn't anything make sense with me? My emotions are screwed up!

-"Jean,"- He gave me a serious face, one that hid fear, -"Please. It's your mother."

-"Mom?"- I asked, dumbfounded, -"What ha-"

Before I could interrogate him more, Marco's mother spoke, -"Is everything alright? Dinner's not ready yet."

I glanced at my father, his look pleading me to go with him. I walked towards Marco's mom, -"I-I need to go. Thanks again for, uh…"

-"It's alright,"- She patted my head. I couldn't understand her well because of the stupid dog's barks, -"Did something happened?"- She asked, noting my uneasiness.

I shrugged, -"I dunno, he didn't tell me."

She smiled sweetly and nodded. Then, she took a pen and a piece paper towel from her pocket and wrote a phone number, -"Here's the house's number. Call us if you need _anything, _okay?"- She emphasized on 'anything'.

I stared at the number for a while, just realizing that I finally had a way to communicate with Marco. I somewhat forgot to ask for his cellphone number since, heck, since we started hanging out. I nodded at her, again glancing at Marco's room, -"Yeah…"- My voice trailed off, feeling Marco's gaze on me.

I heard dad coughing, on purpose.

I quickly trotted to the car and got inside.

Along the way, I thought of Marco and what… happened between us. I regretted not telling him goodbye, although I didn't seemed able to do so. My thoughts, however, mixed with those of mom, -"What happened?"- I asked dad, but whenever I asked about the subject, he ignored me, eyes carved on the road. Even so, I couldn't drop it, -"Answer me, dad."

He made a face and shocked his head.

-"Come on! Just tell me!"- I was losing it, fear consuming. His refusal to tell me bothered me, -"Did something happened to her?"- I asked like for the tenth time.

He sighed, -"Jean, she's…,"- He paused, pondering if it was a good idea to tell me. _Well come on, spit it! _He didn't come all this way to pick me up and not tell me, -"… not okay."

I froze, -"What? Why not? What happened?"- He still didn't answered my question and I was freaking out, -"For the love of God, just tell me!"

He shut his eyes for a second, gritting his teeth. Was he holding tears? –"There's a doctor with her. He's taking care of her."

-"You still haven't answer my goddamn question."- I spat, crossing my arms.

He glared at me for speaking foully, -"She's in a very delicate condition, alright? Like I said, a doctor is taking care of it."- And with that, the conversation ended as he looked back at the road.

I tsk-ed, pissed off at dad. Since I wasn't getting any more info from him, I dropped it, but that didn't stopped the questions to circle my head like gnats.

When we reached home, a car was parked near. It was white and small, one of those cubes. I then guessed that was the doctor's.

I quickly ran inside, leaving dad behind. He called me, but I ignored him. Inside, I quickly tripped with someone, -"Oh, you must be Jean Kirschtein."

I looked up to meet a man with receded grey hair, grey full beard and moustache. He has the typical appearance of an old man with wrinkles under his sunken eyes and glasses. He was wearing the typical gown medics used, -"Yeah,"- I scoffed, still pissed, "That's me."

-"I am Darius Zackly,"- He narrowed me, lowering his glasses a bit, -"Your mother's personal doctor, but it has been rather long since she last contacted me. So I assumed the situation must be grave,"- He glanced at the door to her room which was upstairs just in front of mines, -"And it seems I was correct."

I didn't liked the sound of that. My heart pounded faster, -"What do you mean?"

-"If you would follow me."- He gestured me upstairs in a rather fancy way, letting me go first.

Then, dad entered, -"Doctor Zackly,"- He spoke tiredly, gazing at me, -"Is it really a good idea?"- He spoke lowly, as if preventing me from hearing. _Good job, dad._

The doctor seemed amused as he cracked what I guessed was a grin, -"You brought him here to inform him, am I correct?"

-"Yes, sir, but-"

Dad seemed to regret bringing me here, -"I believe he has the right to now, after all, he _is _her son."

_Exactly, _-"Come on, old man."- I urged him as I trotted upstairs.

He grunted and made face when I called him old man, but didn't cared.

Inside mother's room, she laid still on her bed, so still that I almost mistook her for a mannequin. I slightly touched her arm; she was cold and pale, -"Mom?"- I leaned closer to her and I could hear her breathing vaguely. I turned to the doctor with a questioning face, fear plastered on me.

-"Your mother had a convulsion just after you left,"- The doctor spoke calmly and I realized he has dealt with situations like these frequently, -"Afterwards, she fell paralyzed. Completely unresponsive. I was called shortly after by your father."

I gulped. My stomach swirled, -"Wh-what does she have?"

He slowly closed his eyes and his next words pierced me, -"Your mother has a brain tumor."

* * *

So, things for Jean can get any better, right? Kind of short, but i kind of felt ending it there.

I bet your asking "why r u still doing these things to him even after a YEAR of not writing it?" Welp, I forgot what the hell was happening here so i read all my previous chapters and remembered and though that i should continue with the idea i once had, right?

So yeah, whomever-is-reading... thank you xDD


	32. THIRTY-TWO

Here's another update! :D It warms me to know you didn't unfollowed me! I am forever grateful to you! I want to thank themortalfangirl for giving me the first review... in a year lol xD  
THANK YOU ALL!  
Oh, almost forgot: I own nothing here! Just my characters!

* * *

THIRTY-TWO

I wish I could un-hear that, -"She has… what?"

-"A brain tumor, child."- An appropriate approximation of what he just said in my language was: _she's dying, kid._

I knew shit of brain tumors, but I did knew that they were complicated to treat and usually, fatal. I laughed nervously, -"Would you stop joking? It's not really funny."

He looked at me seriously. I then looked at my father and I knew he also wished it was a joke. But it wasn't.

-"By what your father has told me, your mother has shown signs of brain tumor symptoms for quite a long time,"- He spoke, again with his calm voice which has begun to piss me off, -"Memory loss, abrupt alterations in mood and personality, hands tremor, missed periods, sensitivity to heat or cold…"- He sighed.

Was he… was he saying that it was our fault? That we didn't took care for her? I was about to argue with the old man, but now that I think of it… both me and dad have kind of abandoned her. Specifically me. Dad had work. I… I had only school and was doing practically nothing. My chest tightened.

-"Yes, I am saying that if these symptoms were perceived earlier, the treatment would be much more effective,"- He continued while pacing around the room, -"It is effortless to see that she has been under extreme stress,"- Since none of us were saying anything, he went straight to the bad news- if any of what he just said was good to begin with, -"I fear the tumor has progressed and empowered her brains cells. I will need to examine her closer and prosecute several tests to ascertain."

I gazed at dad. He had his head hung. I bet he already heard this and processed it. I, on the other hand, haven't yet bitten any of this. I couldn't processed it, couldn't accept it. Mom was fine just a few days ago! What the fuck happened? I can't believe this! Mom? With a brain tumor?

My legs wobbled and I slumped to the floor. My face fell right on her belly. My eyes adjusted to the darkness. How… how could this have happened? Why, mom? Why did you have to go sick all of a sudden? Was it me? Did I put you through all that stress?

The old man spoke, but apparently not to me, -"From previous meetings I have had with her, she often told me she had trouble dealing with the boy,"- He was speaking about me. I was in the room, but he didn't bothered lowering his voice, -"Is this still an issue?"

My dad took several seconds before answering, -"No…, it's not anymore."

-"Abandonment is also a cause for this tumor's development, small but a significant aide,"- He spoke professionally; again, I noted his ease at handling this, -"Would you kindly elaborate?"

My dad breathed heavily, -"Yes, I travel frequently to Sina City and yes, I've spent more time on my work."

-"I have no doubt you have good reasons for it, as you, evidently, are the only one working,"- The old man kept quiet for a few seconds and I felt his stare in me, -"What about the boy?"

-"He and his mother have a…,"- My dad sighed sorrowfully, -"… difficult relation."

-"So I have guessed,"- I still had my head on Mom's belly, but I slightly moved my head to the side and peeked. The old man was rubbing his beard, -"I recall your issues with the boy's bullies. Elaborate me on the matter."

It pissed me off how he ordered my father to tell him these things, why didn't he asked me instead? Bah, it would be pointless. I wasn't gonna tell him shit and he apparently figured that out. Even so, he has the right to ask. He is mom's doctor after all and he had to know, -"That has been… taken care of."- Dad looked away, clearly avoiding entering that topic since he didn't entirely knew. I remember last time when I spoke to him about that. He didn't seemed to buy it when I said that I wasn't being bullied anymore and instead was fighting them.

-"Glad to hear it,"- Yet still he noted my father's discomfort and side-stepping on that topic, -"That has, in fact, affected her as well."

The old man was going to ask more questions until I snapped, -"Ugh, enough with the questions!"- I yelled, lifting my head, -"Tell us how to get mom better!"

He arched an eyebrow down at me, disapproving of my bluntness, -"The tumor cannot be cured nor eliminated, only delayed,"- He gave me a quick glare, -"For you to understand, I will say it in an easier language: she will die either way."- He grinned when he said 'easier language'.

His honesty hurt. I gasped, feeling my chest squeezed tightly. She… she was going to die either way? It can't be cured? I suddenly had difficulty to breathe. This can't be happening to me right now…., of all the things that could happen, this?

-"It is up to you to decide if whether or not spending her last days of life with her is worth the effort,"- He spat at me. He then turned to father, -"I will call an ambulance and take her with me to begin the tests immediately. We shall later discuss the… payment."

The old man headed downstairs, pulling out his phone and making the call. Dad stayed in the room, walking slowly towards me, -"Son…"

Mom was going to die soon and the last thing I did with her was argue. My last though of her was how annoying she was. My last word with her was: –"Leave me the fuck alone, you crazy old woman!"- I sank deeper as I started remembering our last quarrel.

* * *

-"What do you want now?"- I yelled from my room, hearing mom hammering my door.

-"Open up, ya' tramp!"- She yelled back, now kicking the door.

-"What the fuck is wrong with you, woman!?"- I was so mad that I stopped calling her 'mom'. I was in the middle of a public match in CoD, -"I can't pause the goddamn game!"

-"I don't care!"- She began forcing the hand knob, -"Open up!"

Furiously, I left the party and stood up to open the door. If it was the only way to shut her up…!

Only when I let her enter, she didn't dilated on buffeting me.

Looking away, I gaped my mouth. I totally didn't see that one coming. Rage began filling me. With hand on my cheek, I yelled, -"What the fuck was that for?"

-"I told you wash the goddamn dishes, didn't I?"- She began to lift up her slipper.

I stepped back, -"What-? You told me you'd do it!"- Literally, just a minute ago, I was about to wash the dishes since I though helping her out with the house's chores would improve our relation; but she suddenly told me she'd do it herself. I objected and she began arguing with me. I, wanting to avoid more quarrel between us, left it there and now…

-"I told you to do it yerself! Don't try to wiggle out of this one, you sly done-idle!"- She raised her slipper, walking closer to me, -"Don't think you can fool me that easily!"

I stared at her while stepping back: her hairs was a mess, her eyes were twitching, she was walking one legged and somehow looked paler. I grew worried until she hit me, hard, with her slipper on my shoulder, -"For fuck's sake, stop! I'll do it!"- I didn't want to actually; I was so, so angry. Why did she have to make such a fuss for some fucking dishes?

I began to walk away, but she kept hitting me, -"What the fu- stop! Why are you hitting me?!"- I was so angry that I dashed out of the room. She followed me and I ended up back in room, closing the door. She kept punching and kicking the door like a baby in a tantrum, -"Leave me the fuck alone, you crazy old woman!"- I yelled.

Then, she stopped and started coughing. I pondered if whether or not go out and check on her. Before I could come up with a decision, dad came, -"What is- are you alright!?"- He asked her, but she stayed silent and then, nothing. Both of them left.

I didn't leave my room, I was completely alone until dad came in, -"Son, we need to talk."

I sighed, irked, -"What? About how mom went full berserk on me?"

-"Why did you spoke to her like that? I told you to-"

-"Yeah, yeah, I know,"- He told me to work on our relation, help her out and to work specially on my tone and language, -"I tried, alright?"- I told him the whole thing about the dishes.

-"You should've just do it."

I gaped my mouth, stunned at how cool he seemed about all this, -"She was hitting me, dad! Look!"- I raised my shoulder. I had a sleeveless tee, so he could easily spot the mark of her slipper she left on me.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead, -"If only you'd just kept quiet…"

I gaped my mouth, not believing this, -"How could I stay shut? She-was-fucking-hitting-me!"- I repeated, making faces with syllable.

-"You see? You need to control your language,"- Dad sighed and before I could argue once more, he interrupted me, -"And learn when to keep quiet."

What the fuck? My crazy mother was attacking me and he didn't wanted me to defend myself? It's not like I'd hit her or anything, but I couldn't just keep shut! I try to help her and she goes all crazy and maniac on me, -"I was trying to reason with her!"- And somehow, I couldn't keep my mouth shut with him either. My heart and mind raced furiously.

-"Listen, son,"- Dad breathed heavily, glancing back at the door, -"Your mother is getting old. Just… taking it easy with her."

What? Was he saying she's forgetting things now? Oh, but I bet my goddamn life that she wouldn't forget her favorite novel's channel.

With that, he left.

Later that afternoon, she went asleep early and I could hear her coughing on her room. I felt like I should apologize, but for what? I tried to help her and she starts hitting me, I try to avoid arguing with her and she's ungrateful, no thanks or anything. Instead, I turned to my room and played CoD.

* * *

I started crying without realizing as Marco's words spun around me, _-"You need to reconcile with her!"- _He said, eyes filled with worry and experience, _-"You never know when God will take her away!"- _I now regret not doing that sooner.

_You never know when God will take her away…_

_You never know when God will take her away…_

Those words seemed to be the only thing I'm hearing now. God, why are you taking her away now?

A cold feeling enveloped me. Was this… how depression felt? It felt familiar and old. I've forgotten all about it…

-"Son, listen to me,"- I hear dad calling me while shaking me slightly, lifting me up, -"Everything's going to be alright, you-"

I shoved his hand away, -"How can you say that?!"- I looked straight at him in the brink of exploding in tears, -"She's dying! Nothing's okay!"

-"Son, please…,"- He squeezed my shoulder again, -"The doc is going to start the treatments soon, so-"

I grunted and left the room, unable to hear him anymore.

After that, the ambulance arrived and took mom. I watched it leave from my room. Afterwards, I went to take a shower. Inside, I sat and leaned on the corner, wrapping my arms around my knees. I rested my head on my knees and looked down the bath's white tiles. I wandered through my thoughts, feeling my head heavy. Mom? Dying? Mom never got sick. Her immune system was rough. What happened? What could made a tumor on her brain?

I squeezed my knees as I remember our fights. That was the closest we've gotten as a "family conversation". Mom and I never got along well. She was strict and loud mouthed, she always embarrassed me in front of everyone when I was younger and never allowed me to go to a friend's party or whatever. I really, really couldn't stand her. Dad was the complete opposite, so I got better with him. Fact is, my mom gave me this life –which I'm now hating, gave me the opportunity to live, to simply _be. _She gave me food when I was a bean in her belly, she shed tears of both pain and joy when she pushed me out of there and smiled when I first opened my eyes. She gave me _birth; _and I've never thanked her for that, if I ever thanked her for anything.

I began to cry nonstop. My eyes burned, but I couldn't stop. I raised my hand and covered my mouth to prevent wails from escaping my lips. Instead, I choke on them, feeling my throat knotting. Eventually, I choked and my wails echoed around the bathroom, bouncing from wall to wall. They were loud, so loud that I didn't hear several knocks on the door, -"Son… someone wants to speak with you."

I didn't answer and instead continued my weeping.

-"Son…"

-"Leave me alone."- I said, sobbing and sniffing. My voice was low and unintelligible, a complete mess.

-"Please, it's important."

I raised my head a bit. Why would calling me, of all people, be important? I wasn't popular.

-"It's your friend, son. He really wants to talk to you."

Oh… _him. _My "friend".

I somehow stood up, I don't know when or why. It's as if my body was programmed to move and act of its own whenever it comes to Marco. I just couldn't ignore him. I had no other explanation, really.

I quick-washed myself and stepped out. The bathroom was humid and hot. How long have I been there? I changed up to my usual shorts and a plain white tee. Outside, dad waited for me with the house's phone in hand. I took it and raised it to my ear.

It's as if time froze. I knew Marco was on the other line. Marco. Not just anyone… Marco. Images of what happened at his house surfaced. I still felt that sensation of having him below me, so flustered, blushed and vulnerable; however, it didn't smother the coldness I had, in fact, it lend more coldness as I recalled how disrespectfully I touched him.

_-"Jean?"-_ He asked after a few moments of silence of my part. God, his voice…

-"Uh… yeah?"- I answered stupidly.

_-"How are you?"_

-"I'm…,"- I paused; how was I? -"Um… I'm fine."

_-"Are you sure?"_

I shrugged, as if he were in front of me and said nothing.

_-"Jean,"- _He continued, his voice filled with worry, slowly soothing me, -_"I know what happened. Your father told us."_

I quietly glanced at father, who waited for me beside the door, giving him a query look. I then wondered how Marco got our number, -"Oh."- It's all I managed to say.

-_"It's going to be alright, I promise."_

Great, Marco said it too, -"How?"- I asked, -"She's dying, Marco… and I can't do anything to stop it."

_-"We all die, Jean, eventually,"- _He said, not really cheering me up if that's what he was trying to do, because I already knew that, _-"We can't know when or why. It's His will."_

-"Why did He decided to take her all of a sudden? Why her of all people? To make me suffer more? I think He has a sense of humor."- I said, a bit mockingly, fully aware that Marco was a Cristian. He didn't told me or anything, I just noticed a few of His crosses in his home. I wasn't much of a believer, but I never disrespect Him or any Cristian.

Marco chuckled. What was so funny? -_"No, Jean, he doesn't want to make you suffer. Maybe it was her time to join Him, don't you think? Or maybe… he wanted you to see, to make something to fix the discord you had with her."_

I laughed out loud unintentionally, -"See what? And what's the point now? Look, you're not making any sense. I'm grateful for what you're doing, really."

But that didn't stopped him from attempting to cheer me up; however, I've kind of noted that that wasn't the only thing he was attempting at, -_"You'll see."_

I sighed, tired of his confusing words. Religious chatter wasn't really my thing.

_-"Jean, do you want to know what happened to my father?"- _I was about to hung up until his words stopped me. When I didn't say anything, he continued after a chuckle. I bet he was making one of those smiles that warmed and melted me, _-"I'll tell you in school, but I need you to be alright by then. No sad faces or gloomy endeavor, okay?"_

It took me a while to speak, -"O-okay…"

-_"Okay. See you on Monday, then?"_

A small smile formed on my lips as the thought of just seeing him surfaced, -"Yeah."

I hanged up, the knot still on my throat and I now realized just how much I missed that freckled idiot, even after all that happened between us. I didn't understand his words and I felt bad for having regarded God like I did, but I knew he was trying to make me see and understand something. Nothing gets through this coconut I had at first try. Was he trying to make me a Cristian? I couldn't tell. I didn't believed there was a God over us, or at least one influencing me. My past self was a perfect witness. Was I Atheist? I didn't hate him or anything, I just felt like he wasn't there when I needed him more.

I tried not giving that much though as a sudden headache spanked me. I rubbed my head and turned around to give dad the phone. He went for some pills and when he brought them along with a glass of water, he sat beside me and spoke, -"Son…,"- He had his hand on my back, slightly rubbing it, -"I know this must be hard on you, but it'll be okay,"- He thought I was about to tell him that it wasn't okay, so he quickly continued, -"Yes, she will die eventually but…,"- He took my hand and placed it where his heart was located and his other hand on my chest, where mine was, -"… she'll be here, with us."

I looked up at him, not really following him, but I understood what he was trying to do. All that fantasy of people remaining at our hearts was just a kid's tale to remedy sorrowful feelings; that reminded me of a game I really didn't bonded with. I just smiled at him and nodded.

He nodded back at me, rubbed my head and left the room.

I went to sleep –or better yet, try to sleep. I stared at the ceiling, trying to avoid thoughts. Since I couldn't take it anymore, I turned on the PS3 and played CoD. It distracted me from this mess of a life I had.

* * *

So, yup, Marco's Christian! I just though it'd be cute, it kinda adds to their relationship, right?

Anyhow, if I offended you in any way, please let me know! It's not my intention to make you feel offended!

**Edit: **In this chapter, I wrote I was a Cristian too, but things change, I changed. I'm non-theistic. You may not care and I understand, I just though I should let you know.


	33. THIRTY-THREE

Moshi, moshi! :D Yup, I changed username! I also made another account of videogames stories only. If you're a gamer and u'd like to see what i post: Sam Of The Lin Kuei (though i haven't posted anything). I'll try to finish this story before I start any other :)

ENJOY!

* * *

THIRTY-THREE

With a soaring pain in my neck, I woke up and rubbed it. I winced as I stretched my body. Oh shit, my whole body hurt. I looked around and realized I was on the floor, leaning my back on my bed. Great, I must have fallen asleep while playing and in this painful position. I also noticed my PS3 and TV were still on, my CoD character waiting in lobby. I sighed and stood up, turning them both off. I then walked zombie-like to the bathroom, still rubbing my neck. In the bathroom, I looked at my reflection: I had dark circles under my eyes from sleeping only three hours straight, dull from so much crying yesterday...

I sighed, wondering how mother was in the hospital- if she was still alive- and how she spent the night. I sobbed and choked on it. Not now please...

I tried to look better, my face and hair were a mess and I honestly wasn't in the mood to go to school. I just wanted to lay in bed and cry all day, but then I remembered Marco and what he told me yesterday: _"See you on Monday, then?_ _I need you to be alright by then. No sad faces or gloomy endeavor, okay?" _His voice was what I needed most right now to be honest, just see him, embrace him...

Before I knew it, I was already dressed up with white blueish jeans, the school's shirt, converse and a black beanie to hide my hair. I headed downstairs and walked to the kitchen, spotting a note pasted on the fridge. I read the hurried scribbled words:

_Good morning, son:_

_Sorry I had to leave early and in a hurry, but I have a delivery at Sina and needed to be at the office at 8. I made breakfast though and left some for you. It's in the oven. I also left money for you in the table if you need to call a taxi. I might be home late, I need to visit the hospital, see how things are going. Remember what I told you yesterday. _

_See you soon, _

_Dad._

I sighed and took out a plate with scrambled eggs and ham from the oven. I sat at the table, restrained the 20 bucks on my pocket and ate. I glanced at the clock hanging on the wall: it was 8 o'clock. Class just started. Great. I didn't feel the slightest bit of worry. I decided I'll walk. School wasn't so far and besides, I needed fresh air.

Once I finished, I headed out and began walking, the air brewing past me. I bet I won't see dad today since he was visiting mom at the hospital, which by the way, was in Sina. If she was still alive, I bet he'll stay overnight. I sighed tiredly. I wanted to see her too and know whether or not she still lived, but at the same time I was scared of the answer.

I walked mindlessly with my hands in my pockets while looking down at nothing in specific, drowned in my own thoughts until I heard a sudden car honk beside me. I jumped and looked to see who the motherfucker was.

I froze when I saw Marco lowering the window of a glistening white Toyota 4Runner 2015. My jaw dropped as he gestured me inside, laughing at me, -"Come in, you dummy."

I smiled awkwardly, -"Uh... nah, i-it's okay. I can walk."- I spluttered, feeling nervous. Me? Inside Marco's mom car? Images of our last encounter welled me, my body quickly reacting to them. My body warmed at the sight of him though.

-"Jean, we're late. If you walk, you're going to take longer."- He insisted, his growing up. Was he excited?

He was right. I gulped as I opened the door. I sat on the rear seats, dropping my backpack beside me. Inside, it was cold, quickly refreshing me. The scent of sweet vanilla invaded my nostrils. The car was wide and comfortable, the seats were of red leather and the floor had furry soft carpets. Was Marco's family rich? I know a bit about cars and this one could easily cost 35,000 dollars! It had GPS system, back camera, touch pad and who knows what else.

Marco's mom, who was driving, peeked back at me over her shoulder, -"Good morning,"- She smiled, -"Seat belt, if you would."

I was too occupied figuring out how they afforded this piece of glory of a car that I forgot. I quickly pulled the belt over me and we headed to school. The ride was quiet, except for the Celtic Woman music Marco's mother had on the radio. She had her phone connected to the car's Bluetooth, listening to Pandora. It was weird, but kind of soothing music. It was also funny, mom used to listen to it.

I nervously began to look around, looking for a way to distract myself from those thoughts and spotted a few pictures on the floor. Did they fell from somewhere? I inspected them and saw a picture of a tanned toned man, a police, to be exact, standing in front of the police headquarters. He was pointing to his police hat while smiling broadly, his other hand on his hip. He seemed... familiar. I picked the picture up and noticed a bunch of freckles on his cheeks, some running down his neck just like Marco. His eyes were the same brown as Marco's too. Was this... his father?

-"Hey, Jean,"- Marco called. Startled, I dropped the picture, -"We need to finish Pixis' project. It's due this Friday."- He said, looking from his shoulder.

I scratched my neck, hoping he didn't saw me with the picture, -"Y-yeah... I know."

-"Marco could go to your house if you'd like."- His mother spoke, eyes on the road.

Marco nodded, blushing a bit.

God, those red cheeks that I was so attracted to called me, but I held off my desire to squeeze and kiss them, -"Um... I'd have to ask dad."- I said. Marco? In my home? My room? The whole house was a mess! I've never invited a friend, much less 'Marco's kind' of friend; and... mom wouldn't be there to cook us something. My eyes watered a bit, but I quickly washes them off.

We finally reached school and quickly dismounted, -"Have a good day, both of you."- She waved us after kissing Marco goodbye. She whispered something to him, but I didn't understand.

Inside, we hurried to Math's classroom and luckily, she just arrived. We greeted the group and headed inside. I sat in the middle row, in the front seat where Marco preferred while he sat behind me. While Hanji organized, he spoke to me. Things were awkward between us, but that didn't held him back. On the other hand, I was shitting myself at how close to me he was, -"So, how are you?"- He asked.

I gulped, trying to lean forward without him noticed. His warmth was reaching out to me and I sure as hell didn't want to cause a scene here. Without knowing, I could just turn around and kiss him out of control, -"Er... I'm okay."- I knew why he was asking. How was I? Tired, very tired, but overall… sad and scared, I guess. I didn't seem to understand my emotions when it came to that, I couldn't easily point them. It was as if I was void. I did felt cold though.

He wasn't convinced, but didn't ask again, -"No news of your mom?"- He asked.

I shocked my head, -"N-no..."- I really tried to have faith and hope that she was alright, but I knew better. I lowered my head, avoiding eye contact with those who entered.

-"Jean..."- He said lowly, wrapping his arm around my abdomen from behind, resting his head on my back.

My face quickly burned up. Fuck, my _whole_ body did. His warmth emanated through him again, making its way to my body. I felt a squeeze in my chest. It's as if his warmth was fighting with the coldness I had, trying to push it out from me. It's like an epic battle for my body...

I mentally slapped myself for those fantasies.

When Hanji started, Marco pulled back slowly and I felt colder. I made a face. Jesus fuck, what was wrong with me? _Pull yourself together! _

Math, as always, was boring. I tried to pay attention, but I really wasn't in the mood to understand anything. I desperately kept pulling my phone from my pocket, checking if dad messaged or called me. A pang of fear hit me each time I saw my calls entry and inbox empty.

In Levi's, I checked like ten times. In the eleventh attempt, Marco touched my hand from behind, warning me. Levi _hated _it when someone didn't pay him attention, especially if it was phone or any other electrical tool. I stopped for a few minutes, but when I reached for it again...

-"Kirshtein,"- Levi grunted, irritated, -"If you're not going to pay attention, I will kick your ass out, unless...,"- He grinned, -"You would like to share what is oh so entertaining."

I rolled my eyes and just hid my phone. No, I didn't want to share it with him or anyone of the group. Nobody else has to know my mother was dying- or is dead.

He clicked his tongue, noting my act of disrespect and I knew what came next, -"Stay after class."

I clicked my tongue this time, not in the mood to listen to his scolding about how disrespectful I was and how I never learned any lesson- oh, and specially about how much he cared for my grades. I guess I had to be grateful he didn't caused a scenes like previous times, claiming I was challenging him into a 'who had more balls' competition, which ended in me being embarrassed in front of the class.

I had my eyes dead set on the door when the class was near its end. I really didn't want to hear him nagging for the next minutes, but when I stood up, Marco held me back by a quick grip on my arm, immediately loading me with his warmth and electricity that was so… mhm, -"Explain him. I'm sure he'll understand."- He spoke lowly, looking straight at my eyes.

I gazed away, -"I dunno, Marco…,"- I trailed off, looking for an excuse, but I had nothing reasonable, -"I'm not sure he'll understand. Besides,"- I glared at Levi and hissed, -"He hates me."

Marco shook his head, tightening his grip on my arm, -"Just try, please."- Oh God, the way he begged me with those eyes… those cute cheeks and-

_Fuck_. I walked towards Levi and sat before him. He just finished attending Samuel, -"Oh, I could have sworn you were going to run off."- He say to me, taking a sip from his coffee and shifting comfortably on his chair.

Oh, I wanted to, but didn't because Marco eyes were too much to resis- because he otherwise would've gone after me anyway. Levi was no pushover, -"Yeah, well,"- I began, not sure how to begin, -"I wanted to, uh-"

He interrupted me before I could continue, -"How many times have I said to put away phones, IPods or whatever else during my class, hm? They are distracting and disrespectful,"- I gaped my mouth but once again, he interrupted me, -"You come to school to learn and pay attention. Otherwise, you should have stayed home all comfortable like a sag,"- He leaned closer to me and hissed, -"I _hate _to be ignored."

Oh, he didn't have to tell me twice. A witty comeback came to mind, like "face it, all you want is the attention your mother couldn't give you", but I gulped it away, not in the mood to say nor in the status to anger him more. I sighed and when he stopped nagging even for a second, I spoke, -"Look, Levi-uh, mister Rivaille, I'm just…,"- I thought about how to say it without giving much info, -"… waiting for an important call."

He stared at me and arched an eyebrow, not buying it, -"You and every student here."

I sighed, in the brink of just bolting out, -"My mom's sick."

He didn't quite buy it either and just shrugged it.

If I had a piece of the old Jean, I'd be furiously spiting profanities at him and be extremely disrespectful, I'd even ignore him on purpose, seeing as he hated it so much.

But I didn't. I was extremely tired and thoughtful to spit anything back, so, -"Okay."- With that said, I stood up and walked away. I bet he was about to ask me for proof or something, but I didn't had time. He called me but I just waved back at him.

My doleful eyes attached to the outside brightness, burning at bit. That pain in the back of my neck came back and I winced as I rubbed it. I wished for my bed. I then wondered why I came to this hell hole.

But as a hand slid through my shoulder and warmed me -not just _any _hand-, I knew why.

Marco gave me a tight reassuring squeeze, -"Maybe the others will believe you."

I sighed, doubtful, -"You said it,"- We started walking, -"Maybe."

I was honestly thinking of cutting, but since Marco didn't approved of the idea, I gave it up. Besides, Marco was the reason why I came; I knew he'd made me feel better or at least forget about my problems and because I… missed him. As we had long conversations, I forgot about them just like I'd expected. Marco had a fluent ability to influence me in many ways; he could make me happy and forget about bad stuff with just a smile and make me sad by just walking away. I knew it wasn't his intention though.

As we talked however, that same sensation I had when I was with him in his room came out: the pleasure, the hotness...; I knew sooner or later we had to talk about that, or at least, _I_ had to. I felt horrible for touching him like I did, even if I enjoyed it. I had a feeling he knew and was giving me the time I needed. I mentally thanked him, though I was too nervous to bring it up through the whole morning. I was a very sexually frustrated guy, I admit.

At launch, I didn't had much appetite and he noted, -"Jean, you need to eat. At least just a little."

My tray was full. I sighed and poked it with the fork, resting my hand on my palm, elbow on the table, -"I dunno…,"- I sighed again, unable to summon any will to eat the food, -"I'm just not hungry."

Marco sighed worriedly, swallowing what was left of his food. He stood up and for a brief second, I panicked, feeling cold. When he took the tray to the canteen workers, I sighed, relieved as he sat down beside me, -"Remember what I said yesterday?"

-"I know, I know,"- I smiled a bit as I quoted him, -"No sad faces or gloomy attitude."

He smiled sweetly and I melted, -"Yeah,"- He nodded towards the tray, -"You'll get weak if you don't eat. Please? For me?"

_Oh, for you anything, _I though, feeling my cheeks hot. I sighed, feeling my stomach arguing with me as I began to eat the rice with beans mixed with sausages. I didn't ate all of it like Marco did, but I at least was full. Satisfied, Marco took my tray away for me. I opposed but he was walking away by the time I began to argue.

The rest of the classes was pure boredom and each second that passed without a message or a call was a step closer to depression. Oh, I could smell it. It was just a few steps away. I grew desperate, about to give all my hopes up. I dropped my head. The other teachers permitted me to go out and answer a call or a text if anything happens, but it was for nothing. Nothing happened. Dad nor the doctor contacted me.

I was panicking as I walked to court, almost forgetting Marco trying to catch up to me. Maybe a sport will make me feel better. I played volleyball, basketball and practiced soccer with my group. Thank God Shadis decided to take the class hour for soccer practicing because I didn't felt like staying. I failed sometimes and had to stop to take a breather, but I was distracted and was all I needed. Those dark feelings popped from time to time, but I managed to push them off by exercising my body more, until it screamed 'no more'.

I sat in the breaches, taking a breath while rubbing my sweaty neck. God, it hurt so much. My lack of sleep didn't helped much either and I felt weak, probably by lack of food too. I knew I'll soon have a finger wagging from Marco saying 'I told you'.

I smiled warmly at his though and glanced to his location. He with the rest of the group cheering on Connie who was doing some weightlifting –or better yet, trying to impress Sasha. I had my eyes on Marco however: he has a quite tight black sweatshirt, tight enough for me to admire his figure, biting my lip in the process. He had his usual jeans and his converse. His face was red of exhaustion, but still cheering Connie on. I held the urge to go to him and take off his sweatshirt, smelling his skin and kissing the freckles in his neck altogether, that place in his body I go crazy for.

-"Enjoying the view, huh?"-Reiner spoke beside me, snapping me from my suggestive thoughts.

-"Huh? What view?"- I muttered, startled. My face burned, feeling a mess in my pants. I just realized how hard my crotch felt.

He nodded at Marco's direction, -"Not what. Who. And you know."

I quickly looked away and then again, away from Reiner's gaze, -"I-I don't get it."- _You dumbass._

Reiner laughed, seeing through my lie. _Genius, you were practically drooling!_

I still put up a naïve behavior, -"Wh-what're you laughing about?"

-"You don't fool anyone, Jean,"- He said, a bit serious now, a small smile on his lips, -"Have you asked him out yet?"

-"What?"- I blushed more as I shifted uncomfortably because of the fucking mess I had between my legs, -"N-no!"

-"Come on, don't be ashamed!"- He said, putting his arm around my shoulder. I still couldn't help it. I felt uneasy knowing people out there were aware about our… link, to put it simple. I was afraid it reached unwanted ears. I was… just afraid.

I shook my head, denying it all as I pulled away from his grip and running to the bathroom. I peed all I had to and quickly cleaned my mess… caused by none other than Marco. I walked to the mirrors and looked at myself. I looked like a zombie, my dark dots under my eyes growing bigger. I sighed and headed out, only to collide with… Marco. Yeah.

He smiled at me widely and hurried to the bathroom. Since we were alone now, I though… maybe I could talk to him about last Saturday, so I waited for him. When he finished peeing, he washed his hands and turned to me, giving me a concerned look, tilting his head, -"Is everything alright?"

-"Y-yeah…,"- Why now, of all times, that mental scene I had earlier streamed through my mind? And of all places, the bathroom and when I was lone with him. _God no… _I felt my crotch harden again. Unable to stop myself, I moved closer to him, really close. He didn't stepped back nor faltered when I lowered my face towards him, -"I-I… need to tell you something."

He breathed deeply, -"What is… it?"

-"Give me just... a second."- I said, as I closed the space between us and pushed him towards one of the cubicles, closing the door behind me.

* * *

CLIFFHANGER!

...

I'm sorry u.u

xD


	34. THIRTY-FOUR

Woops! Late update! Sorrrriee!

...

I BLAME WITCHER 3!

* * *

THIRTY-FOUR

I though next time Marco and I were this close, I'd resist.

I didn't.

While pushing Marco into the cubicle and closing the door, I grazed his lips with mines, waiting to see if he reacted, if it was a good idea to do this now and here of all places, but when he bit my lips back, I snapped and lost control of myself.

I began to kiss him at a normal pace, biting his lower lip in the process, pushing him to wall with a loud thud. He groaned a bit, but I got closer to him nonetheless. Our bodies were glued due to the sweat; the stench we both emanated wasn't pleasing, but we ignored it. Again, I felt like the world spun around us only: it was just me and him. As I kissed him deeper, the warmth and electricity rushed through me, my hearts beats increasing. I lent my arm over his head while the other one placed on his cheek. I rubbed it while I kissed him deeper and deeper. When our tongues intertwined, my body burned. _Fuck, _I mentally cursed when he licked the roof of my mouth, _how can he kiss __**this**__ good?_ I then wondered if he was a virgin or not. I mean, at least he must have _had_ a girlfriend or boyfriend before. The though pissed me off.

Our kiss was fully synchronized and I was amazed at how well he kept up with me this time. How much time has passed now? My body sweated worse than doing exercises. I slid my hand from his cheek to the back of his head. I pulled him closer and closer to me until I could literally feel the back of his mouth. In an attempt to hide my lack of breath, I slid my tongue all the way to his neck –just where his freckles laid, the spot I enjoyed most. I sucked in, _hard_, ignoring his drop of sweats, savoring his soft vanilla skin. He moaned. When I toyed with his earlobe with my tongue, he moaned again, _louder_, reaching my ears. I wanted to hear him again, so I sucked on his skin, only this time, just below his chin. Another moan. Oh God. My body ached for so much more…

He panted, -"Weren't you… going to tell me something?"- He managed to speak through hard breaths.

-"Y-yeah,"- I muttered, still sucking in his sink, -"I… I wanted to…"- What was it again? My voice trailed off as I slid my hand through his rear, feeling his sweaty back.

He flinched a bit, recalling our last encounter, -"Jean…"- He breathed out my name as I lowered my hand…

And then I remember why I wanted to talk to him in the first place. Slowly pulling my hand away, I looked at him in the eye. His face burned just like mines. He bit his lip as he adjusted nervously. How ironic, I wanted to apologize for last time we were in this… situation because I touched him disrespectfully and now… well, I almost did it again. I just wanted to feel him more, but it was too soon, I needed to control myself and my desires.

I rubbed the back of my neck, avoiding eye contact with him, -"I wanted to…,"- I breathed heavily. My stomach swirled nervously, _you blew it again, dumbass! _–"Apologize for last time…"

He gave me a quizzical look, tilting his head.

-"I uh…, I'm sorry for touching you like that. You must have felt… uncomfortable,"- In an attempt to hide my shame, I covered my face with my hands, -"I'm so sorry… I'm such a rapist."

I was about to storm out when he stopped me and pulled my hands away from my face, -"It's okay, Jean,"- He was still out of breath, but as he looked at me sincerely his face blushed, -"You were just… going too fast, that's all, but I don't think you're a rapist. Don't think so low of yourself."

I bit my lip, -"But I almost…"- I couldn't help it, no matter how many times he told me.

-"I know,"- He smiled warmly, -"And it's not that I felt disgust or anything,"- My face burned as I looked at him. He rubbed his cheek nervously, -"I was just... surprised."

-"Too… soon?"- I asked.

He nodded slowly.

Then I knew. My smile grew, -"So,"- I began, flushing, -"You're a virgin."- I felt kind of… relieved. It was more of a statement, but with a bit of question. I still wanted him to ascertain.

His face burned again while he nodded. God, he looked so fucking cute.

I got closer to him again and gave him a soft kiss very near his lips, holding the urge to make out again, -"It won't happen again. I promise I'll control myself."

He smiled and gaped his mouth until we heard the door opening. We gasped and quickly covered our mouths, _shit, shit, shit, shit! _Whoever entered was whistling, turning on the sink. Then, he entered one of the cubicles and started peeing, -"Jesus, why won't she just realize?"

I knew that voice: Connie. _Please not again, _I groaned mentally, recalling when he busted me masturbating right in this bathroom.

Suddenly, he started moaning, -"Sasha, pleaaase."- Louder and louder.

A mischievous grin spread on my lips. Marco gave me a quizzical look and I lip talked him: _"Be right back."_

I opened the door, not even worried he'll listen because of the loud noises he was doing, -"Sashaaaaa."- He yelled. God, he was worse than me. I wouldn't be surprised if someone from outside heard him.

I hid my grin as I approached him ingenuously, -"Uh, hey,"- I slowly opened the door, a low snort escaping my lips, -"Are you alright?"- When I opened the door completely, he yelped and jumped back. I gaped my mouth, "surprised" to see him in that position, -"C-Connie!?"

Connie had his leg spread open, pants down and jerking his dick off. He quickly stood up and lifted them, -"N-no, dude! This isn't what you think it is!"

Eyes wide open, I began to close the door, -"Whatever you say, man."

He quickly pushed the door open and stood in front of me, forehead sweating as he looked around nervously, -"L-look man,"- He gulped, -"You can't tell anyone, c'mon! Not even Marco!"

I grinned, -"Dude,"- Mockingly, I quoted what he said a few weeks ago, -"That's some pretty serious shit. When are you gonna tell Sasha?"

He pulled his head back a bit, thinking until he snapped, -"Hey, I know what you're doing!"- He said, pointing at me, -"What a dick move, man! Accident happens, y'know? I just happened to be peeing when you were doing your shit!"

He was taking it too serious. I mean, I wasn't angry that he busted me masturbating. I knew it was an accident. Right now, I just wanted to mock him, -"Relax dude, I'm just here to mock you. I won't tell anyone."

-"Is everything alright?"- Marco spoke behind me and I cursed.

Connie gave me a weird look, -"So,"- He began, a grin on his face while he crossed his arms, -"Just here to mock me, eh?"- He snorted, completely ignoring the fact that someone else heard him masturbate.

-"What accident are you talking about?"- Marco asked Connie, concerned.

I launched towards Connie in an attempt to shut him up, -"This guy was masturbating in your name when I _accidentally _caught him."

-"He… did?"- Marco muttered, his cheeks blushing.

I froze, his voice thrilling me. He didn't sound disgusted or anything, he just didn't expect it. My cheeks heated up, -"Connie!"- I yelled.

-"Wh- I tough you told him!"- He stepped back, hands above him, as if shielding himself. He sounded surprised. Did he really thought I'd tell Marco _that_?

-"Of course not, you dumbass!"- I shouted and then sighed, running a hand through my hair. Well, now he knew.

-"Opps,"- Connie said, still shielding himself. An awkward silence befell us as I avoided eye contact with Marco. My stomach flipped nervously. I totally wasn't expecting Marco to know I'd masturbate for him, it wasn't in my agenda. I could feel his gaze at me since I was giving him my back, -"Oh shit, wait...,"- Connie began, breaking the silence, -"Does this mean you heard me too, Marco?"- When Marco nodded slowly, -"Oh fuck,"- He knelt in front of us, -"Don't tell anyone, please!"

Marco quickly walked towards him, placing his hand on Connie's shoulder, -"You need to be honest with her, Connie. Tell her how you feel."

-"B-but…,"- Connie sputtered, -"I already tried, but I can't. I get too nervous."

This was kind of familiar. Oh, whoever could he remind me of?

-"Then keep trying,"- Marco encouraged, giving him a smile,-"Don't give up. What good will your feelings be if you don't tell her? If you don't, you'll regret it in the future."- He spoke, his voice filled with wisdom, like he told that to himself a million times. If he did, I wondered if it was about me.

After a while of pondering, Connie nodded, slowly standing up, -"Yeah, you're right,"- He gave Marco a wide smile, -"Thanks man! Oh, and Jean?"- I looked at him, -"Sorry for, er… you know. I really though you told him."

I just shrugged, debating whether or not to believe him, but quickly dropped it. What good will it do now? Marco already heard him, -"It's fine."

-"And please, don't tell anyone else!"- And with that, he left, leaving me and Marco alone.

Awkwardness befell us once more for several more minutes. Now that Marco knew I… jerked in his name, I felt really awkward. It shouldn't be that much of a problem, people masturbate all the time, but still…, I then wondered if Sasha will ever know Connie did it too for her.

The bell's penetrating ring snapped me from my thoughts and I quickly sighed in relief, -"Uh… we should get going."- I said, walking past Marco while avoiding his eyes. _God, you're such a pussy! _

He followed after me and we both headed outside where Marco's mom waited already.

I waved Marco farewell as I started walking to the pavement after I got a text from Dad saying he was going to stay in the hospital until he stopped me, -"Let Mom drive you back, okay?"- He said, his eyes full of concern.

Dammit, I couldn't accept any more generosity from them, but looking at his eyes I knew he was pleading me to say yes. He wanted to do anything to help me, but he's already done so much for me… I couldn't possibly accept…

Before I could give him any excuse, he grabbed my arm and pulled me to the car, -"No excuses. Come on!"

When I got in, -"Uff, what is that smell?"- Marco's mother chuckled, -"You boys have been doing quite the workout, huh?"

Marco and I looked at each other, -"Yeah,"- Marco said while dropping his backpack, -" is kind of strict."- "Kind of" didn't even cut it.

We headed off and I gave Marco's mother directions to my home. She had soft violin melodies on Pandora and I was beginning to get drowsy…, -"Since your father is probably going to stay in the hospital for a few days, I thought I could drop you in and pick you up from school,"- Marco's mom spoke, her words barely reaching me, I didn't processed it, -"So, what do you think?"

-"Huh?"- I muttered, my brain not making sense of anything.

She looked back from her shoulder and chuckled, -"Well, well, you're falling asleep."

I quickly shook my head, -"Um…,"- I began, rubbing my forehead in an attempt to keep myself awake, -"What were you saying again?"

-"I said that I can drop you in school and pick you up after classes during these days."- She repeated, a smile on her face, meaning she was willing.

A few minutes ago, Dad texted me saying he was going to stay at the hospital, but he didn't specify how long though, -"It's fine,"- I said, now rubbing my eyes, trying to come up with an excuse. I couldn't possibly accept the offer, -"He'll be back in a few days. Besides, I can walk. No problem."

-"No excuses. Period."- She said, just like Marco a few minutes ago. She knew I lied. In Mom's condition, it was more likely that he was going to stay for two weeks or so.

I sighed in defeat, realizing that I couldn't do anything else but keep coming up with excuses and lies she nonetheless wouldn't buy, -"Alright then. Th-thank you."- Even if I say no, both of them were going to keep insisting.

It wasn't that bad when I kept thinking about it along the way. It was way better than walking and even better than paying a taxi. What worried me, however, was the car's fuel. I was aware this car drained fuel real quickly, so maybe I could lend 10 dollars or so…

But when I offered her after she dropped me at home, she denied it, -"Don't worry. We'll manage. Worry about yourself,"- She advised, -"Give us a call if you need _anything, _alright? Food, water… _anything_."- She emphasized on 'anything'.

I was scratching the back of my neck, unable to react. Why was she being so nice with me? I can take care of myself. I think she was doing enough by dropping me here, anything else was too much to ask. I nodded nonetheless, -"S-sure…"

I watched them leave wistfully. When I entered, the house was in utter silence. No Dad to scold me about punching people, no Mom to shout at me…; I started missing those traits, my chest tightening. Coldness started to wrap around me as I walked the empty hallway to my room. God, the silence was unbearable.

I dropped my backpack along the way and sat in my bed, resting my arms on my knees and looking down. Now what? I was at a loss until my stomach grumbled. After a quick bath and change of clothes, I headed downstairs and ate whatever I saw first which was an already made sandwich. I quickly recognized it as Dad's lunch. He probably forgot it this morning while he was in a hurry.

After swallowing the last bite, I sat on the couch- well, Mom's couch, seeing as she's the only one who spends a whole day in it. Mindlessly, I turned on the TV and it immediately started off in one of her novels. Like always, some guy is desperately in love with one girl but that girl was married to some asshole who was rich and yadda-yadda. Everyone in the novel was so dramatic. Yet, I kept watching it. Like my eyes were glued to it. A sudden sorrow and longing welled me. I placed my hand on my face, squeezing my eyes shut. I tried sealing off the tears… but it was hopeless. I cried and cried for hours. I want her here, God, please. I want Mom here in this very same couch watching her novels all days, I wanted to hear her shout, I wanted… I wanted…

I was slipping, slowly losing my grip on my sanity. I needed someone…, I felt so alone.

After that, it was all blackness.


	35. THIRTY-FIVE

So, yeah, I cried while writing this chap ;~; I say enough with that xD

* * *

THIRTY-FIVE

A soaring pain in my forehead woke me up on a shock. I looked around and found myself sprawl over the couch. Damn, I must have slept –or better yet, taken a nap here. I didn't slept very well, I woke up constantly in the middle of the night. I lent forwards and placed my hands on my forehead, squeezing them, _damn this headache!_

While trying to stand up, I tripped and almost fell over the TV. Shit. I felt dizzy and this fucking headache…!

I walked drowsily to the kitchen, walking past the window and noting a form of pearl white in my periphery, despite my aching head. I lifted the curtain and gasped almost immediately. It was Marco's mom. They arrived.

I unconsciously glanced at the clock, _holy shit! It's 8:45!_

I was late! So fucking late! And Marco's been waiting for me… –for how long?! I ran upstairs in an incalculable speed, almost tripping again and changed to the school's uniform in a flash. I ran downstairs again, looking desperately for my backpack, -"Jean, is everything alright?"- I heard my name called. It was Marco.

-"Uh… yeah, yeah,"- I said breathlessly. God, where did I left that piece of shit?! –"Fuck!"

-"Jean?"- I heard my name again along with a knock and the front door opening, -"Oh,"- I peeked at the entrance and saw Marco standing there, perplexed, -"I-I'm sorry! I thought it was closed…"

Damn, I must have forgotten to close it last night. Who the hell forgets? And after many, many times Mom urged and warned me to always close it, how could I forget? _Shit, _I cursed as my chest tightened again at her memory.

-"A-are you okay?"- Marco asked, still there in the entrance.

I ran a hand through my hair, -"I, uh…,"- I couldn't come up with an answer. I was at a loss.

And Marco noticed, -"You're tired,"- He said worriedly while studying me. I must have these huge dark circles under my eyes. I could easily tell by the way he looked at me, -"Maybe you should stay and rest…"

I shook my head, which felt like my brain ruffled along with the motion, -"No, no, I'm… fine. Really."

But it was as if he could poke inside my heart and pick up my most troubled feeling like an index card and read it: tiredness, sadness, agony and oh what else? Pick one, -"No… you're not."

I sighed, a bit irritated, -"I said I'm fine."- I walked over to the living room, still looking for my backpack. Then, I noticed the TV was on and a very suggestive scene was playing: two guys having… sex? Wait… what?

-"Hey…,"- Marcos started speaking and abruptly stopped when the moaning and groans got louder. He gasped, thinking I was in some sort of pain and rushed to me, -"Jean, what's the-"

And he _had _to come in in the **worst **part. The other guy was blowing his lover's dick off, like… _**hard, **_in an unreal way. It seemed so surreal, unnatural as the other moaned and groan painfully but yet pleased, cum spluttering all over. It awfully reminded of that… manga I read misguidedly. But this was worse, this was a movie –no, a porn- and it moved, it had animation, it was _different_.

No matter what I told myself, I couldn't look away. _No, not this again, for fuck's sake. Am I seeing things anew?_ I asked myself, recalling that the manga was really a porn between two guys but my eyes deceived me into seeing Marco and me. It also reminded of our previous encounters…

Not wanted to test my eyesight on this one, I turned it off, not even looking at the button. I gazed at Marco, -"I-I totally don't see that stuff,"- I quickly said, walking past him and upstairs, legs wobbling, -"It's one of Mom's novels."

He stood stunned, abashed, perplexed. He gaped his mouth to speak, but I was already in my room, still looking for my godforsaken backpack, -"Fuck!"- I cursed again, unable to find it, ignoring my pounding heart.

After a while, -"Jean, do you need any help?"

-"Nah, it's cool,"- That is, until I stumbled into an old box pulled from beneath my bed and fell face first, -"Godammit!"- I cursed aloud. Today was _not_ my day. If any were.

I heard Marco's footsteps closer. When he entered, he gasped and helped me up, but suddenly realized where he was at, -"Ah, I'm sorry to intrude,"- He quickly apologized, but didn't had his mind on leaving either, -"But you really need help. You're not acting like yourself…"

Realization that Marco –not just anyone- was in my room slowly crept on me. My nerves were acting up. My room was a mess –heck, my whole house was!

-"If you don't feel well, you should stay and rest. I'll let the teachers know and photocopy today's material. I'll bring them to you after class."- He said, holding onto me tightly as if I was feeble and couldn't stand on my own.

I scratched the back of my neck nervously, abashed at his sincerity, -"I'm okay, really… just tired,"- I said, finally honest with him, -"I haven't been sleeping much lately…"

He nodded, -"Explains the bags under your eyes and your behavior,"- At the mention of them, he studied them closer, -"And you've been… crying too."

I looked at him, surprised he could tell. I glanced away and covered them, -"Am not!"- God, what a childish behavior, -"And what do you mean 'your behavior'?"

He chuckled for a bit and turned concerned again, -"You're grumpy,"- He muttered, not liking when I was grumpy a few seconds ago, -"Look, Jean…"

I interrupted him, -"It's okay, Marco,"- I said, trying to believe that myself, -"I can go, I'm fine. Tired, but I'll manage."- Better in school than here anyways.

Marco though for a few seconds and nodded, -"Okay,"- He smiled, -"But don't rush yourself. We'll get there when we get there."

I watched Marco leave, a small smile forming on my lips, feeling my mood lift a little. I guess it all came down to him, huh?

I went to the bathroom, making a face when I saw, well, my face. Seeing as my hair was a mess, I covered it with a black beanie and headed downstairs again, spotting my backpack on the hallway, -"Well, here you are, you little bitch."- I said as I pulled it over my shoulder and kept walking.

Marco waited for me on the entrance, -"Did you eat anything?"- He asked.

I was about to complain that there was no time for a meal until my stomach grumbled.

Marco chuckled, -"It's okay. I already told mom and she said she'd wait as long as she has."

I hurried a bit nonetheless and swallow on the sandwich I just made. I'm sure I'll have a stomach ache soon but oh well. We mounted the car and headed off, -"Jean, you don't look so good,"- Marco's mom warned, -"Are you sure you don't want to stay? I can turn back."

I shook my head, which still ached. Damn, I forgot to take the pain killers, -"I'm fine, really. And sorry to make you wait."

She smiled, gazing at me through the front mirror above her, -"Think nothing of it,"- A small frown invaded her brows, -"Take it you haven't slept well."

I gazed away and nodded.

She sighed, -"You should take some relaxing tea before going to bed. It'll help you,"- She was most likely thinking I was under some intense stress and that I was having nightmares or something. She wasn't far from the truth, but my lack of sleep was mostly due to the loneliness, -"Holler me if you need one, okay?"

I nodded, but said nothing of it. I hated teas. They tasted like crap. I was so grateful to her, but instinct told me to not accept anything else from them.

At the school, we arrived late to science class. Thankfully –and surprisingly, Marco's mom prepared both of us an excuse for our delay. When class finished, Levi gestured me to stay. I groaned; what did I do now? I was really done with his scolding.

But when I sat, -"Kirshtein,"- He began, a serious tone this time; no cocky attitude, no grin, no tea…, -"Marco's mother told me everything."

And I froze in place, -"Excuse… me?"

He sighed irritably and repeated, but with more details, -"She told me your current situation; your mother is gravely ill at the hospital and your father is staying with her for some time and you've no idea of her recent status, correct?"

Why did she tell him? –"Yeah…, correct."- I was totally not expecting this. Yesterday he didn't believe me, so why…? It made sense though, that he'd believe her. I actually didn't went through the details either, not that I wanted to.

-"Then listen well because I sure as hell am not repeating again,"- He crossed his hand together and rested his chin on them, -"I'll give you permission to stand up and answer a call or message whenever you need to, but be warned,"- He lent closer into that threatening position that I've grown slightly immune to, eyeing me thoroughly, -"Do _not _abuse of this generosity, for it'll be the last one."

I stopped my prompt act of rolling my eyes, -"Th-thank you…"- _Thank Marco's mother, dumbass. _I then wondered how much it took her to convince this guy, because as far as I knew, she had no proof.

-"I still need proof, official medic paper signed by the doctor or –even better, the doctor informing me himself."- He said, crossing his arms.

This guy was asking too much. I didn't knew the doctor much and I certainly didn't had his phone. I was in no position to interrupt his work either, so screw his proof, -"I'll… see what I can do."- I ended up swallowing those latter thoughts, aware of the outcome.

Levi nodded and waved me off.

Marco and I stayed together throughout the rest of the day and I came to realized how different I felt from last night; so alone and sad. I've never realized just how accustomed I was to the noise in my home, an everyday trait, until I lost it and missed it. Mom's shouts, no matter how annoying, were a part of my days, Dad's reprimands included. He was trying his best to sew Mom and I together again, it's why he stopped working full time… right? Or was it because of Mom? Since when did he knew she was sick? If he did, why didn't he told me sooner? It could've changed so many things…!

A gentle poke in my shoulder was like a slap to push away my thoughts, -"You're thinking too much."- Said Marco beside me, mouth full.

We were eating and when I looked down, I saw that my tray was full. Again, no appetite for canteen food. I placed my hand on my forehead and looked away. I felt a lot better with him around, oh, when did I not? He was whom I needed most now, but these thoughts ended up reaching me, depression and gloom trailing behind. I felt so bone-idle. I didn't wanted to do anything.

-"Jean,"- Marco squeezed my shoulder, noting every single detail in me, -"Please…"

I stood, -"I'm sorry…, not that much hungry."- I said and left to dump the residuum –the whole food, actually.

Classes passed rather slow, but then again, I wasn't paying attention. I was too distracted, too thoughtful. It went on and on, thoughts coming in and none getting out for the rest of the day. When art class came by, Pixis' classroom was closed, -"Ah, sweet, we're free!"- Connie shouted as he jumped around joyfully. He then jumped towards me, -"Dude, we should totally play soccer before practice… la… ter…,"- He trailed off, noting my mood, -"Hey… are you alright?"

Then, out of the blue, Reiner walked behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder, -"Yo, Connie, Sasha was just asking about you."

-"Wh- for real?"- He said, excited for a few second before turning concerned for me, -"But wait, I-"

Reiner pulled him away before he could say anything to me. I stared at them suspiciously. Then, Marco poked me, -"Jean, let's go."

-"Yeah…"- I said, trailing behind him.

I was absent-mindlessly following him to the upper rondure. Then, he sat and I sat beside him. I sighed. I was so tired from so much walking, despite my physical training. I was being a total whiney, -"Jean, we need to talk."

_Ohh, shit, shit, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck, _why did that sentence always put me on edge? My stomach flipped over as I gazed Marco nervously, -"Wh-what about?"- I kept asking myself, _what have I done this time?_

-"About you."- He said simply.

I gulped, -"A-about me?"- I repeated, -"W-what about me?"

Marco's gaze fell a bit, -"I'm worried about you…"- Then, he looked back up at me and I just saw how serious and worried he really was. Damn. Seeing him like that… kind of sunk me, made me feel guilty.

I tried putting up a smile to reassure him that I was "fine", -"It's okay, I'm… fine, really."

Marco's gazed shifted again, his lips twisting, clearly dubious. He knew better. He knew me.

I sighed in defeat. There's no point in lying to him, -"Marco… I'm…,"- I began and my chest felt tight, -"I'm… not so good, to be honest,"- A snort escaped my lips as I desperately rubbed my chest. This tightening was empowering. I noted that as soon as I started speaking rapidly, -"I-I feel like a giant hand from heaven squashed me, like mother Earth slapped me,"- I couldn't stop, I was letting out all the emotions from within me, -"I'm sad, I'm worried, I'm depressed, I'm alone, I'm… I'm…"

Marco lounged at me and wrapped his arms around me, resting his face on my shoulder, -"No, Jean,"- He said, his voice deep as he squeezed me tighter, -"You're not alone."

And it was only then when I realized. His warmth cleansed whatever coldness I had, he literally vaporized it. His light shone so much. Again, I fantasized, but I had no other way to describe it. I remember what he and his mother did for me, what he alone did for me. I let myself sulk to much in those depressing thoughts, -"Marco…"

-"I'm here, mom's here, your dad's here and…,"- He kept quiet for a second and I knew who he'll mention now. I braced myself for the next wave of emotions, -"Your mom is too."

Oh, the agony whenever I thought about her…, -"Marco… she's-"

I promptly bit my lip before Marco could interrupt me, -"Is she, Jean? How can you be so certain?"

I just shrugged. Yeah, how can I be so sure she was dead? I tried… God, I tried to tell myself that she wasn't, but the odds were…

He pulled away from me and gave me a small smile. Then, he pressed his thumb just below my right eye and wiped away… tears? –"Marco, I can't…,"- I buried my face in his shoulder and began crying nonstop, just like yesterday, but being with someone… was much better. He placed one hand on my back and the other on my head, comforting me, -"She's gone… and it was my fault, my fault! She was sick and all I did was fight with her, making it worse...! I can't… I can't forgive myself! It's the only memory I have of her!"

I felt Marco shook his head slightly, -"It's not your fault. Don't punish yourself,"- He pushed me back a bit so we could be eye to eye, -"And are those really your only memories of her?"- He asked.

They were the memories punishing me, to be exact, and I couldn't think of any others, -"I can't help it…"- I whined, looking away.

-"Jean,"- He called and I gazed at him. He was smiling, like always. How could he stay so… happy and confident in situations like these? –"Do you want to fix those memories?"

I looked straight at him now, my heart flaring with emotions, -"Yeah, of course! All those things I said to her, all those fights… I wanna take them all back! If I could time travel, I'd take it all back, I swear!"- But if anything, they constrained me. I couldn't –and could never, fast travel. Another fantasy. What's done… is done and I couldn't do anything about it. Now, I pay the consequences, -"But I can't…, it's done and I can't do shit about it."- I slammed my fist in the floor, pain coursing through my arm.

-"You're wrong,"- Marco said and I looked at him, stupefied at his tone. It was serious, yet compassionate, -"He can make it possible. You just gotta have faith,"- Noting my dumb expression, he elaborated, -"If you truly want to, you just need to believe, in both yourself and your mother, and He'll make it happen."

I found that hard to believe. Didn't He in the first place decided to take her away from me? Why would He give me a chance now? –"I… don't understand,"- I said, my mind reeling, trying to reason with his words. I wanted to understand, but I couldn't. I didn't have much faith in Him to begin with, -"Why would He? I don't go to church, I don't pray for Him, I practically don't believe in Him…"- I said flatly, not holding anything back in this conversation.

-"It doesn't matter, Jean,"- Marco smiled warmly, -"You don't have to be the most holy for Him to lay a hand. He loves us all and gave His life for us. He'll give you the opportunity, but you must believe and have faith."

The warmness grew. It's like I was seeing the light after a year in a cave or something. I couldn't describe it entirely, but I knew what is was: hope. I really, really wanted to. I wanted at least an opportunity to see and hear her. The doubt still lingered in the back of my mind a bit, but I understood him now, -"I… I'll try."- Definitely.

Marco nodded, -"And Jean?"- He spoke and I saw his gaze falling wistfully, -"Please… make good profit of it. Don't let it go to waste," - He spoke, completely certain I'd get the chance, -"It's time I tell you about my dad."

My eyes widen a bit. I remembered the photo I saw on his mom's car: it was a policeman who looked identical like Marco, only more toned and utterly joyful at –what I insinuated, his first day at the job. Since I never saw him when I went to Marco's home, I assumed… something happened to him. Marco has also told me his relation with him was not the best.

-"My dad was a policeman, recently recruited,"- _Bingo, _-"I've never gotten so well with him; he was strict, reckless and blunt. He was always at work or gym, so he never spent much time with me or mom,"- He reminded me of someone, say, like my father, except the gym part, -"And when he did, it was just for a while and ended up discussing with mom. I was upset with him because of the job, it was risky and he didn't seemed to take it seriously. Mom was too."

My mouth gaped for a while. I wanted to speak and comfort him, but I knew he wasn't finished, so I closed my mouth.

-"One day, we were having a silent dinner. I was upset and desperate to make dad see how risky the police's job was, to make him quit it,"- Marco spoke, his voice lowering a bit –not on purpose, it's like he was having a bit of trouble speaking, remembering that afternoon, -"So I spoke and… I told him he should quit it, that he was too ignorant and reckless. I guess it's enough to say that I let my emotions get the better of me…,"- I knew exactly what he meant. It's like your emotions take control of your body, blocking away the mind and thus reason, -"Like always, he answered with an 'it's okay' and 'you worry too much'. After a while, he got a call from one of his superiors and told us they needed him. I was mad at him so I didn't say goodbye nor to be careful like previous times…"- Marco paused for a moment.

I could pretty much imagine what happened next, but I asked anyways, -"Wh-what happened next?"

Marco looked pained for a moment, but he took a deep breath before resuming, -"There was a raid in one of the nearby stores. The police managed to capture them, but a few got shot… including my dad,"- Guessing the memory wasn't pleasant anymore, I gaped my mouth, about to tell him that he didn't need to continue, but he did anyways, -"After hearing the news, mom and I rushed to the hospital. She didn't wanted to take me, but I insisted. We found him in one of those beds… with several shots in his chest. Mom quickly urged me outside but then dad called me."

I felt a twist in my stomach. It must have been an awful sight for someone so young, -"How old were you?"- I asked, not certain of his age back then.

-"Seven."

I winced as he clarified my latter statement.

-"He called me, saying he needed to talk to me fast. With tears in his eyes, he told me he was sorry and that he should've listened to me sooner,"- Marco spoke, eyes watering equally, -"Instead of just telling him that it was okay, I kept telling him 'See? I told you! I told you!' I was upset and angry at the same time. Dad just nodded and said he knew, asking for my forgiveness, but… I didn't answered him. He smiled and told me he loved me. And just like that, in a blink of an eye, he left."

_He died, _I repeated and just like me, Marco was angry at him in his last moments.

-"I think God gave me an opportunity there; in a few minutes, I could patch up the gaps between me and dad…, but I didn't. I wasted that chance,"- Marco breathed deeply before looking at me, -"So that's why you mustn't waste it. Promise me!"- He begged, squeezing my hands.

I looked intently at him. He meant it. He didn't wanted me to make the same mistake. Though I wouldn't consider it a mistake; Marco was a kid and upset. I kept my mouth shut however, keeping that to myself and instead, -"I… I promise."

Marco smiled and nodded, pulling his hands away.

-"And… how are you dealing with that now?"- I asked curiously.

-"Well, it still hurts, not like back then though,"- He explained. As I examined him, I noted he really seemed hurt by the memory, but he wasn't close to depression, -"But I feel better. I visit him on weekends with mom and I forgave him. I speak to him and feel… peace. It was like a lesson and thanks to that, you have a chance."

I was again amazed by his assurance that I'd get it, -"Marco, how can you be so sure? I mean, you seem certain He'll give me a hand."

Marco chucked and smiled broadly, -"He always does. You'll see."

I began to wonder if Marco was a child of Him, or his messenger or something, you know, like they exchange conversations, but quickly pushed that though aside.

-"Thanks, Marco…,"- I began after a few minutes of silence, -"For sharing all this with me."

He just smiled and nodded.

Throughout the afternoon, the flicker of hope started growing thanks to him. When I reached my home, I again watched Mom's couch and, surprisingly, I knelt and prayed for that chance. I haven't prayed in years; He had no reason to listen to me, but I might as well give it a shot. Like Marco said, I didn't needed to be a saint nor a shepherd of the church for Him to help me. We're all humans and we all make mistakes. No one's perfect and I didn't need –can't be anyways, perfect to pray for an opportunity.

I closed my eyes, tears cascading down as I prayed silently, -"Please, God, if you can hear me,"- I spoke, voice shaky due to my sore throat, -"I beg of you: give me an opportunity to fix things between me and my mother, to make them like they used to so she can rest in peace."

After that, I fell into a long slumber, hope radiating off of me.


	36. THIRTY-SIX

Not so late update xDD

* * *

THIRTY-SIX

Next day of school was a lot better than yesterday –it was still better than being home alone anyways. After praying for God, I fell asleep almost immediately. I was surprised that I managed to sleep for more hours than last night, though I still woke up several times. At any rate, my mood at school was one thing, but in home alone was different. The exchange from one to another was drastic. I couldn't believe how much the loneliness affected me. I woke up moody and grumpy, which Marco didn't liked one bit, but that was normal, everyone did. He says that sometimes I get irritated real quick, angry over nothing, but I honestly think it's just... sadness, the rest was due to the stress. Being home alone for hours was taking its toll on me, considering I was used to the noise there.

I just had a call from Kat, my "therapist", to pay her a visit. Apparently, she decided to resume our sessions, only this time just Fridays –today as an exception, -"Marco came to me concerned about you, Kirshtein,"- She said, her tone drastically different from out last session, which ended pretty badly. She was clearly still pissed at me, -"So he asked me to check on you."

I slumped back comfortably in the chair and sighed. Kat seemed to have reshuffled the infirmary; the beds were new with soft furry cloths, the chairs were more comfortable, there were books lined up neatly on shelves, everything to make a patient feel like he was home, -"What exactly did he tell you?"- I asked. I really wasn't in the mood for her questions today.

-"You know exactly what."- She said sharply and I kept realizing just how mad she really was with me. Other than that, she still looked the same. It was weird to admit that girls didn't had that special... how do I say it, charm or effect on me anymore. I didn't had that prompt motion to gaze at their breast or their asses. That made this situation harder.

I just shrugged, -"He could've told you a lot of things actually, considering the stuff that's been happening to me, so no, I don't know."- Yes, I knew. He was really worried about my mood.

She sighed, irritated. I was obviously her most complicated patient to deal with, -"Alright, Kirshtein, have it your way,"- She was acting kind of bitchy here. And I was the moody one, -"Marco and I think you suffer from bipolar disorder."

Whoa, I wouldn't put it like that. I wasn't that grave. Maybe _she _though so, but I already spoke to Marco about it, -"Whoa, whoa, hold on,"- I said, a snort escaping my lips, -"I think your jumping the fence here."

She frowned, displeased with my comment, -"Kirstein, this is serious."

Now I sighed, irked, running a hand through my hair, ruining what little work I put on it this morning, -"Look, it's not that bad. I'm sad, ok?"- I wasn't planning on telling her this or anything else, but she was pushing my buttons and I wanted to get out of here.

-"And why are you sad?"

_Here we go again, _I rolled my eyes, -"Things, alright? I haven't had the best weeks."

-"I need you to be honest with me,"- She grimaced, -"Otherwise, I can't help you."- If she even wanted to. A few weeks back, yeah, now? Not so much.

I admit, I did needed help, but not hers, not from a therapist, I needed help from friends, people who understood me, -"My mother die- I mean, she's ill. Done?"

She wrote something on the board she rested in her lap and looked at me expectantly, -"Go on."

-"I already told you."- I just wanted to be over with this. I didn't want to give her any more information.

And so help me, she went straight to the point, -"Tell me about your sexual issues."

-"Sexual iss-?! Wait, wait, wait,"- I snorted, sitting straight this time, -"Did you just said 'issues'?"

She nodded casually.

Just where the hell was this visit getting to? And what did she mean 'issues'? -"Would you care to elaborate?"- I asked, not in a nice way.

And if anything, it amused her as a sly grin grew in her pink lips, -"Issues. What's more to elaborate? Tell me about your sexual problems."

I arched an eyebrow, -"And how do you know I have problems?"

She crossed her legs and giggled, _what the fuck? _–"I have my sources."

I laughed, and balled my fists in front of me, -"Then tell your sources I'm coming for them."

Again she giggled, -"I'll take that as a yes,"- She said and wrote again. I had that sudden impetus to nab her board and break it, but I held back, -"Tell me about your interactions with women."

_The fucking hell? _–"Why the fuck do you want to know?"- Well shit. I told myself –and God, for that matter, that I'd control my vile language in front of others, but fuck it. I was pissed off, -"It's none of your business."

-"You can stop pretending now."

-"The hell do you mean?"

-"Let me demonstrate."- She stood, hands on hips as an odd grin spread on her lips. She walked towards me in a flirtatious manner and sat on lap; leaning close to me, she purposely raised her bust. I was aware of her movements, but my instinct was to shield myself from her. I stared at her eyes with a frown. Like I said, women had cero effect on me and that's what she wanted to prove.

She laughed out loud.

-"Get off of me!"- I shouted and promptly pushed her back. I don't know if she fell, I don't know if she broke her back, but I sure as hell didn't let her speak, -"What is this? An infirmary or a whorehouse?"- I stomped out, but not until I heard her laugh again.

Outside, I slammed my fist in the receptionist's desk, -"I want to make a request to cast out a nurse for a new one."

The secretary was thunderstruck, but dug out the paper nonetheless.

I quickly filled it, hands quivering with anger:

_Full name (optional): Jean Kirshtein, _oh, I wanted her to know it was me alright.

_Grade: 12-2_

_Who do you wish to expel: Kat, aka, bitchface .|._

_Any recommendations for new personnel: none at the fucking moment, _I actually had a few in mind.

_Any reasons for your decision: cus she's provocative, only cares for gossip and a complete total bitch._

Before I handed in the paper, I noticed other requests clipped together, like six more. Well, well, I wasn't the first one to request Kat's castaway. I examined them and noticed we all had the same reasons: provocation and gossip. One wrote: _insult and jests on sexual preferences. _Interesting. As I eyed them, all of them had more or less the same reasons. I read their names: Diego De Castro, Daniel Mastrano, Ibrahim Harris and Nathaniel Guerrero. The rest were anonymous. Another thing in common –excluding the anonymous: all men and… with complicated names.

I committed their names to memory and headed out. I had no reason to believe they were all gays, but Diego, the one who wrote _insults and jests on sexual preferences _was more likely. I had a gut feeling they all are to be honest. Yet so, Diego was my first stop. He was on 11-2.

I was planning on skipping class to search for this guy, but Marco disapproved, so I waited until art. Pixis was absent again. Odd. On launch hour, I surprisingly ate more than yesterday. In the table was Marco and the rest of my group, -"How was your appointment with Kat?"

I clicked my tongue, -"Tell you later."

The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I tried not to dwell much, but it was inevitable. Kat, once sweet and caring, turned out to be miss gossip, mocking and sluty. I guess appearances do deceive. Despite my denial to admit to others I was gay, I felt offended and it was actually her intention. Was she homophobic? I couldn't say, but she _was_ laughing at me.

Marco must have noticed fumes coming out of my ears, -"Jean…"- He softly pulled on my school shirt and I met his eyes. We didn't need words to communicate: he was telling me not to think too much on whatever happened and I sighed, nodding.

-"So, like yeah, I finally told her,"- Connie was joyfully waving his arms in success, -"And she said YES man!"

Thomas almost jumped, -"Really? You did it, Connie!"

-"Good work!"

-"Oh, goody. Now we have Mr. and Mrs. Potato."- Commented Ymir, a grin on her lips.

Everyone laughed, except Krista, who elbowed her.

-"When are you going out with her?"- Asked Armin.

-"This Saturday,"- Answered Connie, mouth full, -"To the movies."

-"Ugh, so typical."- Again, Ymir earned another elbow smack from Krista. She was used to it.

Krista now spoke, her voice angelic as always, -"You should give her a gift."

-"Yeah, been thinking about that."- Connie muttered to himself, hands on chin.

They kept bickering and I wondered how it would have turned out for me if I was in Connie's shoes. I've forgotten the simplicity of it; see a girl, ask her out, done. It was so… normal. So every-day. Having experienced otherwise, I noted how different I was now. Girls practically have no impact on me anymore, I didn't flirt with them, didn't slur over them. I feel nothing for them. Of course, my female friends from the group were different. I respected them, but other than that, nothing. Like Mom used to say: I was in the herd. Not anymore. That alteration in me was sudden and the world seemed… distinct.

-"Yo, Jean, you hearin'?"- I heard Connie call.

Reiner quickly gave him a sharp glare, -"Connie."

-"W-what? I'm worried, man!"

-"It's fine, Reiner,"- I said, guessing Marco told Reiner something about my situation with Mom and Reiner told the rest of the group, -"What were you asking me, C?"

-"I, uh… how are you, man? You seemed gloomy these days."

-"Yeah, sorry,"- I sighed, -"Mom's sick in the hospital and I haven't been told anything of her health yet."

Connie winced, -"Damn."

-"She's okay,"- I said, gazing at Marco and smiling. Marco smiled back at me, -"I have faith."

Reiner nodded and slightly gazed at Marco, giving him and approving look, -"That's good."

-"Yeah and if you need money,"- Krista spoke up, -"Just say the world and we can collect for you around the school."

-"Thanks."- I said. And that is why I respected the girls from my group.

After Marco and I finished, we headed off, the rest stood for a while longer, waving us goodbye. Outside, I inquired Marco, -"Hey, did you tell Reiner about… mom?"

He flinched, not expecting me to notice, -"Y-yeah, I did,"- He toyed with his freckled cheeks nervously, -"I-I thought you'd feel uncomfortable if they asked you, so I told Reiner to warn the others."

I smiled, in spite of myself, -"I see,"- I said, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, -"Thanks,"- Eyeing the hallway, I noted it was half empty, so I gave Marco a quick kiss in those cheeks I loved so much.

He smiled and blushed, -"So, are you gonna tell me what happened with Kat? Your face told me everything."

I blushed at that and then snarled, remembering the moment clearly, -"That bitch!"- I cursed, balling my fists, -"She's not really interested in other's problems, she just likes gossip!"

Marco tilted his head, -"Why would you say that?"

-"Well, when I talked about my problems with Mom and such, she seemed uninterested –oh, but when she asked me about my personal affairs, she had this annoying grin that… ugh!"

-"And… what did you tell her?"

I told Marco everything, how she laughed at me, how she provoked me and how she changed. I told him my opinion of her being homophobic or that she just likes to mock other's sexual preferences. Now that I think of it… in our last appointments, she pushed me in telling her what she noted today, -"I think she's just interested in other's sexual affairs, y'know, for gossip. Especially men's."- That reminded me I needed to search for someone.

-"Oh, that's why you were angry,"- Marco gave me an apologetic look, -"I'm sorry, I just thought she could help you."

Again and always, I'd smile at his compassionate thoughts, -"It's okay. Don't blame yourself."- I think if it was anyone else, I'd say, _you better be, _instead.

I then mentioned about the request to cast her out and told him there were others besides mines. Marco disapproved at first; he didn't liked the idea of ruining someone else's work, but he knew better: Kat was no nurse. I also told him the names of the others who signed the request.

-"The requests are too few though,"- Marco pointed out, -"I don't think the principal will take them seriously."

-"Yeah, I know,"- I sighed, hope extinguishing, -"Well, I might as well pay that guy a visit. You with me?"

-"Always."- He smiled broadly and God, I wanted to kiss him right there and now.

We asked around for Diego De Castro from 11-2 in the office and managed to scoop out that his home class was art by Pixis. I wanted to ask about Nathaniel and the others, but I kept shut, guessing it might sound suspicious for Petra. Right now, 11-2 was taking math so Marco and I headed there and waited.

Since the hallway was void, I closed the space between me and Marco. He promptly rested his head on my shoulder and I rested mine over his, -"Why are you looking for this guy again?"- He asked.

-"I want to know what Kat did to him that made him request to expel her,"- I closed one eye, remembering the dates, -"He was the first one, actually."

-"Do you plan to meet the others too?"

I nodded, -"Yeah, and see if there's a connection of some sorts; if she just bugs gays or any random guy,"- Marco sighed and I wondered if he was okay with the idea of me meeting random guys I knew nothing of. Snorting, I squeezed his cheek with my finger, -"You're not jealous, are you?"

Marco's cheek turned red, but shook his head nonetheless, -"No, I'm just… worried."

-"Why's that?"

-"I dunno… I just have a bad feeling about all this."- He shuddered a bit.

-"Don't worry. It'll be alright,"- I reassured him, -"Besides, you know I'm no pushover. I can throw punches."

Marco chuckled, -"I know."

I planted my face in his black hair, inhaling his sweet scent of vanilla. I've kept my promise so far; I've been keeping control of my desires, despite our closeness. I don't know for how long though.

When the bell rang and the hallway filled with students, I pulled away from him, rather abruptly, taking him by surprise.

-"Hey, I told you already, I'm not interested."- I heard a strange voice among the crowd, very different… unique. It was a male's but…

-"Then that just proves our point: gaaaaaaay."

-"_Malditos._"- Yup, bingo. It was his accent. Spain, if I'm not mistaken.

I stood up and watched the scene. Yup, that was my guy, the one in gold. He was surrounded by three guys, bullies actually, eleventh graders too. Diego was easily recognizable, completely notorious with those golden jewelry and the extravagant haircut: it was a messy abundant mohawk, ample from the front to way back, the sides a bit shaved. It was golden-ish blonde with shades of light brown; this guy had a fetish with gold.

-"What did you say?"

-"Nothing your slow-witted mind can comprehend."- And his choice of words was unique too.

-"Uhh… what is he saying?"

-"Stop talking in riddles, shit head!"

-"Then begone."- Said Diego, waving his hand. I noted a few golden rings.

-"I think he just said you're stupid."

-"Asshole."- One of the bullies balled his fist and aimed it at Diego.

-"_Espere!_"- Diego had his arms in front of him in an attempt to shield himself. He had poor physical training. This guy was all good looks, -"Um… you know that girl? She, um… was calling you."

I shook my head. Was this guy trying to smart talk them away? I noted he was trying to use simple words so the bullies could understand, –"Huh?"

-"Yes, she called you earlier. I think she…um, wants you to kiss her."

One of the bullies started to believe him, -"Really?"- He started to walk away until the one beside him stopped him.

Diego noticed and flinched, -"They're also giving free –uh, how do you pronounce it in English? Hot dogs?"

The fat bully immediately shot up, -"Free hot dogs?"

-"Yes! In the… launch room!"

Fatty quickly left. Well, at least now he had to deal with two, but the ring leader didn't buy any of his lies, -"You think you're smart, eh?"- He said and nodded to his companion, who quickly nodded back and covered him, placing himself in front of the leader, facing the dispersing crowd. It was enough to prevent, say, a teacher from looking.

The leader grabbed Diego from his throat and forcefully slammed him in the wall. This one gasped for air, while gripping his assailant's hand and cursed, -"_Mierda!_"

That's when I quickly rushed for his aid, Marco trailing behind me. When I reached him, I grabbed the assailant's arm _hard, _-"Hey, that's enough."- I dug my nails as hard as I could and twisted his skin.

-"Fuck!"- He shouted and pulled back, rubbing were I caused damaged, -"I'm tellin' the guards!"

Diego fell on his butt and Marco quickly aided him, -"You okay?"

-"Yes, I'm… fine,"- He said as he stood up, caressing his neck, -"No, 'fine' emitted a harsh tone. How about…'good'?"

Marco chuckled, -"That's okay."

Diego smiled back and stared at Marco for quite some time, tilting his head, -"You know… you look an awfully lot like my dear Zaeed…"- He started reaching for his cheek…

Until I slapped his hand away, -"Ow! _Eso dolió! _Any reason in specific why you engaged me?"- He said, wincing while rubbing his hand, -"Ah, of course. You wouldn't want me touching your boyfriend. I assure you, I've no…"

I gave him a sharp glare, ignoring his latter statement.

He stepped back a bit, -"_Esta bien, esta bien,_"- He said, brushing off dust from his brown jeans, -"I suppose I should thank you. _Gracias… _um…"

Recognizing 'thank you' in Spanish, I answered him, -"Jean Kirshtein. From twelve-two."- A quick uneasiness invaded me as I gave him my name, but quickly vanished when I realized that he had no reason to use that info against me; I just saved his life.

-"Nice to meet you, Kirshtein, and your boyfriend is…?"

-"He's not-"- I bit my lips and, crossed my arms and looked away from both of them. I knew Marco was gazing me.

Diego found it amusing, -"Yes, of course not, because you didn't almost chopped my hand off."

I clicked my tongue.

-"I'm Marco. Marco Bodt."- Marco introduced himself.

-"A pleasure, Bodt,"- Diego nodded with a slight bow. He eyed Marco before speaking, -"Allow me to-"

-"Yeah, yeah, we know who you are,"- I said, standing in between them, pissed the hell off, -"Diego de Castro. Nice to meet you, sure."

Diego laughed, a hand on his forehead, -"Ah, you must be a fan,"- He said, a broad smirk on his face, -"You must wish for an autograph, but I've no pen with me at the moment."

I rolled my eyes. Who is this guy? I eyed him: he was totally bizarre, he didn't look like a student from here. I had a gut feeling he was from Sina, inasmuch the fancy jewelry he wore: earring, rings and a golden Michael Kors clock accompanied by bracelets. He had the school shirt tugged inside his pants and the sleeves up the elbow. He seemed… older than an eleventh grader and too rich looking to be living in Trost.

His light brown eyes met mines and he widen them suddenly, gasping, -"Oh, my glasses! Can you see them around?"

-"Here."- Marco handed them. They were… layered in golden too.

-"Ah, thank you,"- He looked at me, -"You got yourself a cute one, you know."

By now, I was gritting my teeth.

Before I could tell him anything however, he spoke again, -"Well, you saved me from a certain death, so I owe you, yes?"

Marco and I exchanged glances, but I spoke next, -"I actually have a few questions for you."

-"Oh?"- He raised an eyebrow, -"What about?"- I gaped my mouth, but before I could mutter a word, his cellphone rang, -"Ah, sorry, it's my little brother,"- He clicked on his IPhone and answered, -"Yeees? Oh, really, so soon? Well, I'm on my way then. Love you too,"- He hung up and turned to me, -"Can we talk some other time? Here, my phone number,"- He dug out a pen and a scrap of paper from his pocket –so he _had _one, and wrote his number, -"Feel free to call or text me anytime. Oh and,"- He nodded towards Marco before walking away, -"Be sure to give it to him. _Hasta la vista._"

In was in the brink of exploding in anger and punching him were the bully failed to, but I held myself and walked away with Marco, -"Bad, bad idea."- I muttered.

Marco chuckled, enjoying himself, -"You're not jealous, are you?"

I almost laughed, but instead put on a pout face and looked away. Promptly, I grabbed Marco and pulled him closer to me. It was an impulsive act, one that I didn't see coming. So yeah, I was fucking jealous. Who the fuck Diego think he is calling him cute and comparing him to some other guy ?

I kissed him roughly, taking him by surprised. He didn't had time to answer it; I ran my tongue through his lips and bit them, -"A little."- I said through the kisses.

He chuckled, his cheeks bright red.

It was with Marco that I'd forgot everything that haunted me. I was happy and warm with his company. True, sometimes the dark emotions came by, but they'd disappear almost immediately. With him, my chances of staying sane were better than home alone.

Then again, those moments passed by in a flash and now I was home alone. Feeling thirsty, I checked the fridge and cabinets, only to find them empty. There was nothing for me to prepare, so I took dad's 20 bucks, walked to the local store and bought a few snacks and a gallon of water. Back home, I sat on my bed and started playing CoD in an attempt to distract myself. It worked, for a short time though. I kept wondering why Dad hasn't called or texted me to check how I was doing or refill me on Mom's status. I called him and he didn't answer either. Soon, I'll be out of food and water. Worried and unable to get those thoughs out of me, I turned off the PS3 and slumped to bed. Maybe God didn't heard me yesterday, maybe Mom was getting worse, maybe she... died and now Dad couldn't face me...

With hands on my face, I rushed to the bathroom and took one of those long baths. In here, I couldn't distinguish my tears from the water drops coming from the shower, so I felt confident I wasn't crying, or at least that's how I wanted to feel, but I knew better: I was crying like never before. My wails echoed throughout the bathroom until they reached me. More and more came out until I couldn't hear the water dropping anymore. I lost the notion of time; second, minutes or even hours passed and I didn't know. I felt lonely, sad, scared, unable to do anything else but cry.

I hate being alone. Someone like me who has so far stationed up a strong front... was afraid of the solitude and silence.

* * *

Here's those spanish words :D soo, what do you think of this new character? I appreciate any kind of opinions and thoughs!

_Hasta la vista = _so long.

_Mierda = _shit.

_Eso dolió = _that hurts.


	37. THIRTY-SEVEN

THIRTY-SEVEN

-"Jean!"- I heard my name called, but damn, I had this awful ringing in my ear. Whoever was calling sounded far yet close, -"What happened?"- The voice sounded desperate and worried. Was it Dad?

I opened my eyes slowly only to see nothing but blur. I began to stretch, but felt liquid all around me. I started shaking, feeling cold all of a sudden. I couldn't make sense of anything, my mind was still asleep. Then, suddenly, I felt I was flying, moving away from wherever I was. Slowly and steadily, I landed in something soft and comfortable. Maybe the clouds? Was I dying? I did feel cold...

-"Jean..."- Again, a worried call. Only difference was that now… it sounded familiar.

-"M-Marco...?"- His name slipped from my mouth. I didn't even think about it.

A gasp, -"Jean, can you hear me? Are you alright?"

I started thinking, connecting my mind with my body and then -oh God, the pain. Every time I tried to shift position, it hurt, even moving a finger hurt. It felt like they were frozen. Other than that, I had a horrible headache and an excruciating pain in my back. I groaned. My vision was still blurry as if I was surrounded by fog and this coldness...; I'm really, really starting to think I'm dead.

-"Tell me how you feel, please."- But his voice...; if I'm dead, why am I hearing him?

I spoke, teeth clattering, -"I-I-I-I'm c-c-c-c-cold..."- I unconsciously moved my arms to wrap them around me, but the shot of pain prevented me so, -"And m-m-m-my head..."

I then heard footsteps and a sudden beam of light fell upon me along with a warming breeze. I shivered a bit, but then relaxed under the light. Was this heaven?

Again, footsteps and his soft voice, -"Better?"

I tried stretching again and this time I made progress, -"Y-yeah..."- I moaned as I moved my hand towards my face; it was cold too, my lips quivered and my nose felt like a rock. Unconsciously, I placed my hand on my chest and I felt something completely drenched. I forced the mist out of my eyesight and peeked down; I had yesterday's clothes on, utterly soaked. What the fuck happened?! Looking around, reality hit me: I was in my room, in my bed. Marco must have been the one who carried me here...

-"Here,"- I looked beside and met his eyes, -"For the headache."- He had a glass of water in one hand and a pair of pills on the other.

I tried sitting up, pushing my body up with my arms, but the soreness in my back brought me back down. Marco placed the glass and the pills on the night table beside the bed and helped me sit up. My face burned as he slid his hand behind my back, -"M-M-M-Marco... w-wait..."- Slow reality popped up; he was in _my _room and I had inexcusable mess...! There were underpants, pants and shirts tossed all around!

-"Shh, let me help you."- He said compassionately as he slowly lifted me into a comfortable position. He placed my pillows behind me and I promptly leaned back.

I hesitated for a moment, wanting to tell him he didn't need to, but then..., -"Oh shit!"- I glanced at the clock: 9:30! -"C-c-c-classes started! We're la-"

-"It's okay, Jean,"- He said calmly, -"Don't worry."

-"W-w-w-what, but...!"

-"You can't go like this,"- He said, looking down at me worriedly, -"Here, I brought you something."

He picked up the glass and the pills. I drank down the pills and peeked at whatever else he brought; my nose was starting to work as the sweet scent of hot chocolate penetrated my nostrils, -"H-how did you..."

Marco smiled, a faint blush in his cheeks.

-"Y-you didn't have to..." - I had a gut feeling he bought it for me; that or he made it, either way, he didn't had to.

-"It's okay, really,"- He said, his cheeks blushing more, -"I want to help you. I mean it."

I knew he did, it's all over his face: determination. He was committed on helping me. It's not like all this was a secret mission or anything, but he was still serious about it.

I was about to speak again, until he gasped, -"Be right back!"- He said and left.

I thought I heard a car honk, but then again, I still had that bugging ringing in my ears. I felt water in them and it was annoying. I started hitting my head in an attempt to pour the water out and reason all this. I was embarrassing myself and Marco. Why was I soaked? I remember being extremely sad yesterday, like every night here alone. Then, I played CoD, took a bath and... what happened next? I couldn't wrap my mind around it and the headache prevented me to think further.

-"I'm back,"- Marco said cheerfully, as if he had good news, drooping a few plastic bags on the floor near the bed, -"Mom bought a few things. There's a tea that'll warm you and-"

-"Wait, wait, wait,"- I said, trying to focus my eyes on the bags, to no avail, -"She what?"

-"She bought these. I asked her to."

-"No way...,"- I roughly leaned back and hit my head, hard, -"Ow!"

Marco quickly rushed to me, -"Take it easy, Jean!"

I rubbed the area, -"I can't believe she..."

-"Don't you remember?"- Marco asked, -"We meant it when we said we'd give you anything you needed."

Yeah, I remember. I knew they were serious, but I still didn't want them going out of their way just for me.

A moment later, the scent of the hot chocolate reminded me that I haven't drink it. I reached for it and slowly poured it down my sore throat, warming it. It was good. Not so sweet, not so sour either.

-"Jean, why didn't you tell us you ran out of groceries?"- Marco asked when I finished the hot chocolate.

I looked at him and shrugged, -"I... I dunno. I wasn't going to call you so late for that."- Half a lie. I was without groceries since before.

Marco sighed, not falling for it, -"You haven't eaten well either."

Well shit, he could count all my flaws all day if he wanted to, but I wanted to change the subject, -"Why are you still here?"- I asked and it wasn't in a dismissive manner.

Marco's happy face shattered a bit and my heart shattered next, -"Well, I asked mom if I could... stay with you and she said yes. Well, she asked me too."

My eyes widen and my mouth gaped. I somehow couldn't process that, -"You... what?"

Marco nodded, his face burning red now.

I... didn't knew what to say, despite my overwhelming happiness inside me. I swore I got better right there and now, as if my whole body unfroze, my soaked clothes dried up.

-"Is that... okay with you?"- He asked, afraid of what I might say.

I inspected his expression: he wanted to stay, but was afraid I might say no. He had absolutely no problem whatsoever. That his mother asked him? That was bluff. And he looked excited, happy. He _wanted _to stay. He wanted to take care of me today, even though I wasn't seriously ill.

I bit my lip, trying to hold back a tear or two. I simply nodded, -"Y-yeah... I have no problem, but what about school? I can go, really."- I was uneasy about the mess I had, but the empowering happiness nulled it.

Marco's expression relaxed as he smiled warmly, then he turned serious, -"No, you can't go,"- He said, searching the bags. He looked back at me, concerned, -"Jean, I found you in the bathroom and the shower was on. What happened? That was dangerous, you could've...,"- He stopped bit, -"Died there."

-"Really?"- I said, surprised, -"I had no idea,"- Clearly not. I didn't even knew people could die taking showers -long showers, in that matter. I guess 12 hours was a bit extreme. So... I literally slept in the bathroom while taking a shower. Great, -"But I'm fine, really."

Marco walked toward me and pulled one of my fingers up slightly, -"Ow, ow, ow!"- I yelled, pain coursing through me.

-"No you're not,"- He said, letting go of my poor finger, -"Your bones are frozen, Jean. They need to warm up first before you can even stand up."

He made it sound like I couldn't and for me, that was a challenge, -"Pft, yeah sure. If I can stand up, then you owe me another hot chocolate. If I can walk and, uh...,"- I thought of another challenge. My cheeks flared with this one, -"Give you a k-kiss, then you owe a Batman bracelet."

Marco chuckled, his cheeks reddening.

I began to slide down my bed to stand up, but the moment my body made weight on my legs, I fell. Marco laughed and caught me before I could make love with the floor.

-"Shit."- I cursed, with no other option than to rest my body over his.

-"See? You need to rest and let your bones warm up."

I pouted. I wanted to kiss him anyways, so I stalled there.

And as if he read my mind, Marco moved his face close to mines and disposed of the space between us with a warm kiss. I kissed him back, obviously, moving with his current. My lips warmed; they didn't felt so numb as to null Marco's touch. When he parted his lips from mines, Marco gently pushed me back to bed, _holy shit, this is it! _I was all soaked, but I didn't care. If Marco wanted to do it now, then now it is. My body burned with excitement, despite my current status. I was so looking for it that I felt a mess form in between my legs.

-"I need to give you a warming tea. It tastes bad, but you need to drink it. It'll help warm you up."- He said and went downstairs.

_Bummer. _I slumped back, half of my excitement extinguishing. I slapped myself mentally. _What were you thinking, you perv? _Marco was probably not ready for sex yet. I didn't even though about it. The moment he pushed me to the bed, my body was ready for it. Marco wasn't, but I did and I wanted it, but I needed to give him time. I can't rush this. It'll seem as if what we have is just lust, like all I wanted was to make love and I wanted to show him otherwise; that I truly loved him and not bed him 24/7. I can't deny my desires either, but everything is due it's time.

He came up with another cup, using a spoon to stir the godforsaken tea. I took a sip and immediately spit it out, -"Fuck! Tastes horrible!"

Marco gave me a begging look, making those puppy eyes, -"Please? It's for your own well-being. And please drink slowly, one sip at a time."

I bit my lip and tried to resist those eyes, but damn, it was a losing battle. I took the cup again reluctantly and drank it all in one gulp. Bad idea; my throat scorched whenever I tried to clear it. I coughed, trying to spit the horrible taste it left.

-"I told you to drink it one sip at a time."- Marco scolded.

-"God, please fuck whoever created this shit."- I cursed with my tongue out.

-"Well, now you have to deal with it,"- Marco said, taking the cup away and crossing his arms, -"But you'll feel better. I promise."

-"If you say so."

-"You're a horrible tea drinker,"- Marco laughed, -"Now rest for a while and wait for it to make effect."

And sure enough, I felt my bones warming up after a while. I could move my fingers better. I was still cold though and I started realizing that my clothes -and naturally, my bed, were still drenched. I began to stand up and walk towards the cabinets, leaning onto anything I laid eyes on, but...

-"Ow! Shit!"- My legs betrayed me, wobbling each time I weighted on them. I had stumbled forwards and hit my head against the wall.

Marco quickly aided me, -"Jean, be careful,"- He then eyed me, tilting his head, -"Yeah, your clothes aren't helping much. Let me help."

My eyes widen and I began to stutter, my face burned, -"W-w-wa-wait!"- Marco? Undressing me? -"I-I can still do it!"

Marco gave me a dubious look as he slowly let go of me. I quickly lent on the cabinet, -"But you can barely stand for a minute."

Damn, he was right. My legs started wobbling more than usual and the scene recorded through my mind: Marco lifting up my shirt, me, unable to resist myself, pulling him to the bed, making out...; I slapped myself mentally. Just a few minutes ago, I though Marco was pushing me to bed for sex and I prepared myself and now that he wants to _help _me take off my clothes for my _health_, I was cowering like a pussy! -"Th-that's not true."

Marco looked at me skeptically, but then smiled, -"It's okay, but I need to be here in case you fall again."

I bit my lip. I didn't feel uncomfortable or anything, I was just... nervous. The idea sent chills throughout my body. It was thrilling just thinking about him just touching me even the slightest. And he spoke like it was completely normal. Maybe that's one of the perks of dating a best friend. If so, then why did I get so coy? Maybe I was seeing him more like my boyfriend instead of my best friend...

-"O-okay... help me."- I said, my teeth clattering both due to the nervousness and coldness. I was feeling butterflies in my stomach and the thought: _Marco is gonna undress me, Marco is gonna undress me, _circulated in my mind.

Marco was turning around by the time and then looked back at me, -"You sure? I know why you're..."

I nodded. I figured as much. Clever freckled nerd.

Smiling, he turned around again and faced me, -"Okay. Where do you keep your shirts?"

I patted the cabinet I was leaning onto and pointed at the first row. Marco rummaged it and lifted up a plain white t-shirt. I nodded and he descended one row and dug out soft baggy trousers. He helped me walk towards the bed and I sat, readying myself. I took a deep breath, in hopes of calming myself. I didn't want to make Marco uncomfortable again. He placed the clothes beside me.

-"I think you can put the shirt on your own. Let me know when you're done."- I knew he was trying to make me comfortable too.

I pulled up my shirt, slowly and steadily, but winced the moment I lifted my arms, the pain traveling to my back. I couldn't say if it was lack of exercise or because my bones were still frozen. Either way, Marco looked over his shoulder and rushed towards me.

That current of electricity shot through the moment he slightly touched my skin with his fingertips. In moments like this, our sexual tension grew, but I managed to hold it off. Marco lifted my soaked shirt, leaving me shirtless. When he picked the other one and turned back to me, he stopped abruptly. His eyes fell to me, lower to my abdomen in awe. Even though I haven't done training in a while, I still had my packs and Marco was about to drool over them.

His cheeks blushed as he bit his lip, -"Um... here."

He gave me the shirt and I slowly, painstakingly put it on with his help, -"Ow, ow."- I winced as he raised my arms a bit.

-"Almost there,"- He laughed when I winced for the fourth time or so, -"You're such a baby, you know."

I laughed too in spite of myself.

-"Um... do you want to change your underwear too? I-I mean... you have to..."- He asked, his face redder. He avoided my eyes nervously.

Yeah, I did, particularly because of the mess I had from before. I nodded slowly and he went to get one. When he got back with it, he quickly turned around, leaving me my space.

I snorted and took off my drenched pants and the underwear. Realizing I was half naked behind him, I quickly slip on the new ones, ignoring the pain. The nerves were killing me. I called Marco and he helped me slip on the baggy pants. At first, it was awkward, I admit, but I realized he was helping me as my best friend, so I grew comfortable by the minute.

-"There. That's better, right?"- He asked, hands on hips.

I nodded, -"Yeah, thanks,"- I said, scratching my neck, flustered, -"And, uh, sorry for the mess in here."

Marco smiled kindly and knowingly. He knew what I've been through; the mess in my room was the least of my worries. I knew then he was also comfortable here, -"It's nothing. If you need help cleaning up, you can ask me anytime."

I snorted, -"Maybe some other time,"- I yawned tiredly, -"Can you help me get downstairs?"- Marco nodded and helped me up. We walked downstairs and he left me in the sofa. I noticed a few grocery bags on the dining table, -"Your mom bought those too?"- I asked, familiar with the answer.

-"Yeah, she did,"- Marco said, retaining a pack of hot dogs, bacon and whatnot away, -"You needed them. Um, can I open this…?"

I looked over the sofa and nodded. He retained a few canned food in the cabinets. I sighed. There was no way I could repay them after this. I'm grateful, but I still couldn't believe how far they'd go for me. And he was right; I needed this since Dad hasn't come by yet and I ran out of stuff to eat, -"Thanks, guys, really…"

Marco sat beside me when he emptied the bags, -"Think nothing of it. And no, you don't have to repay us. We want to help you, Jean and I want to… make you feel better."

I looked at him in the eye and I knew he meant it. He knew how sad I was feeling. He went through it too, -"Man… I can't believe I slept in the bathroom, with the shower on and everything."- I said, smacking myself mentally for that. I let the loneliness take the better of my emotions and naturally me.

-"Yeah, loneliness can make people do that kind of stuff,"- He said, gazing up, like he was remembering; I knew then that he experienced it too back in the day when I disappeared and probably when his dad died, -"And sadness too, but Jean, you're not alone and you need to remind yourself of that."

I smiled widely, -"I know that now,"- When he titled his head, I looked at him sincerely, -"I have you."

And God, his next smile was unlike any other; it was holy, it repent any negative thoughts I had on me, it was filled with compassion, joy, sincerity and love. Just when I was about to hug him, he launched over me and I fell back onto the couch. Our forehead touched, our whole bodies did; his weight on me pained my bones a bit, but I was too focused on Marco's smile. It was joyful and contagious. I smiled just as equally before he lent down completely and kissed me. My eyes widen for a few seconds; he took me by surprise, but after another seconds or so, I drowned in it. It was a passionate kiss, so passionate and overwhelming. I answered it and in a second, we synced. After a few minutes, he parted his lips from mines, -"I love, you know that?"- I said, a bit breathless.

He smiled widely and nodded, -"I love you too."

I knew what I felt towards him: love, but Marco and I weren't officially boyfriends yet, I hadn't asked him out yet or anything. Maybe when this all over –and I mean Mom's situation, I'll ask him officially. Eternity was out of the question, but I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He's the only person who has made me feel special and loved, like I was someone important –and I _was _to him.

We both sat up and watched a few movies after eating breakfast. We made jokes, we laughed, we played and after a few hours, -"Hey, Jean, I know what you need: sunlight."

-"And?"- I said, teasing with his hair.

-"Let's go for a walk and buy hot chocolate. I know the place, it's not so far."- He said, brushing my hands off.

I nodded and stood up. I definitely felt better; I could _walk_ better –at least a few more meters away. I trudged, but Marco aided me. Outside, the sunlight greeted me. My eyes took a while to adjust to it after staying indoors for a long time, but if anything, I needed a sun shower. My bones needed unfreezing. Marco also noted a while ago that I was getting pale. I was killing two birds with one bullet by walking out –well, maybe three, I needed the exercise too.

As we walked, I felt Marco fingers attempt to intertwine with mines. I gazed at him but he was looking straight ahead. The pathway wasn't too crowed at least, so I finally tied them. When we reached the place however, I pulled apart, -"I'd like two hot chocolate, please. Oh! With whip cream on top."- Marco ordered while I sat on the bench.

This place was cozy; it had few round tables with open umbrellas adjusted to them to keep the sunlight off the clients –since I needed the sunlight, I stayed on the bench a bit farther away from the group of tables. Each had a glass with incense on them, emitting a sweet fragrance around this area. Aside from the breeze, I could hear the hum of chatter from the people here. Most were couples.

Marco came to me with two hot chocolates, each with a mountain of whip cream of top and thin straws. Marco payed most, but I gave him yesterday's leftover. As we drank, I could hear mutters and giggles. I looked up and saw a couple glancing in our direction, -"What are they laughing at?"- I asked, loud enough for them to laugh again.

-"Jean…"

I put on the most threatening glare I could muster but they somehow found it amusing and laughed more. My though guy attitude stubbed out. I admit, I didn't felt as competent and fierce as when I protected Marco from Frank, so I shrank back in the bench and hurried the hot chocolate down my throat. The sooner we got out of here, the better. Their guffaw ringed in my ear as if they were right beside me.

But Marco wasn't in such a hurry. He wanted to buy donuts for both of us. I stopped him, -"Let's just get out of here. I can't stand those two."- I said, nodding towards the couple, appearing to be angry, ignoring the luring fear within me.

Marco glanced at them and then at me, -"But they're just-"

-"They're laughing at _us._"- I hissed.

-"Jean…,"- His voice trailed off as his gaze fell, -"Just go ahead of me if you'd like."

And that's exactly what I did. I headed home fast, ignoring the shots of pain here and there. I left Marco behind, not even thinking if something bad happened to him. The lurking fear within me grew and I moved faster and faster, still hearing their laughs.

When I reached home, I slammed the door shut and buried myself in my bed, face down in the pillow. Those laughs were so familiar, so similar like yore. I remember from way back when I was teeming with bullies around me; I was a kid, so wonky and defenseless and yet I'd punch them –or tried to. I got in fights all the time, alas, getting beat up and knocked out, but only so far it went. I'd given up, I was outnumbered and near deranged. That's when I decided to leave all that behind –including myself. I changed drastically.

I thought I overcame all of that, I though it'll no longer affect me, but I was wrong. A childish part of me was afflicted when those two laughed at me –well, at _us. _And their _looks_. So piercing, so threatening, so familiar…

The memories flooded me until I collapsed.


	38. THIRTY-EIGHT

Mmm, sweet, sweet yaoi for you in this chap :3

How have you guys been? You haven't reviewed in a while -not that you **have **to in each chapter, but I just wanna know if you're alright :)

Enjoy this chapter ;D (ifyouknowwhatimean) I know i did ;)

* * *

THIRTY-EIGHT

-"Hey look, it's four-eyed Jeanbo!"

I was walking down a hallway to the lockers when I met with a group of bullies. I knew them all already. I ignored them and stopped in front of my locker, but they followed nonetheless.

-"Hey, don't ignore us, nerd!"

I was about to pull out a few books from my locker when a strong arm turned me around and pushed me back hard again the cold metal. It amused me how much bullies hated to be ignored, but if anything, it turned them even more hostile. Others, if ignored long enough, gave up on you.

-"Hey, are you listening? You deaf or somethin'?"

But then again, I wasn't patient enough to ignore them the whole day, -"What is it, dimwit?"

A mouthful of 'ohhh's' and 'uhhh's' flooded the area and a crowd immediately emerged, -"Oh, so now you bite, eh? Just gonna order you to give me all your money. Every drop."

-"Hell no."- I snarled.

Another pack of 'oooh's', -"Aw, come on, man, I'm broke and I'm hungry. You wouldn't ignore a hungry fella, right? You're a nice guy, a bit annoying, but nice."

I crossed my arms in an attempt to look cool and fearless under his big figure, -"There's food in the dining room."

-"Bah, I don't like it there."

I knew this was all bluff. This guy already ate; it was in his breath and a piece of meat stuck in his teeth told as much. He just threatened little kids –the easy prey- until they gave their money. I opened my mouth and pointed to the core of my teeth, -"You have something here."

The bully scanned the area with his tongue until he touched and spit the piece of meat at me, -"What? Are you saying I don't wash my teeth?"

I almost snorted, -"No, I'm just saying you already ate, so I'm not giving you any money." – I was trying to reason this, like Dad advised me to.

The bully laughed out loud, closing the space between us, -"You think you're so clever, huh?"

I just shrugged.

-"Listen you,"- The bully slammed me against the locker again, -"I'm superior, cuz' I'm on ninth grade so you better do as I say. Give me your money."

-"I'm not giving you shit!"- I yelled and that earned me a blow right in between my eyes. The glasses I had smacked back at my nose and shattered. I stumbled and fell on my butt, my back slamming against my locker and few stuff fell. Among them, an apple juice. The sweet juice cascaded down from my hair to my pants. People started laughing, saying I peed myself.

-"Look! He's crying! What a baby!"

An unwanted tears escaped my eyes at the pain, -"Am not!"- I argued, brushing the tear off my face.

-"He peed himself!"

The hallway was teeming with laughs as I tried to clean myself.

-"Oh, what's this?"

The bully who punched me picked up a pair of Batman pencils. I gasped and reached for them. Marco gave me those, they were special, -"Gimme that!"

The bully raised his hand higher, -"You like this babyish stuff? What a fool!"

Again, more laughs.

Anger was beginning to swarm me, -"I said gimme that!"- I jumped to reach for it.

The bully, taller than me, did little effort to stop me and just raised his arm a bit more, -"C'mon, take it then, you baby!"

I jumped and jumped but it was useless. I could never reach him.

-"Aw, poor you. You're too small and I'm stronger. Let me show you."- He took one of the pencils from both sides and with little effort, he split it in two.

-"No! Stop!"- My eyes watered and I stared at the little pieces falling down like snow drops.

-"You gonna cry for this shit?"- He laughed, -"I'm not even done!"- He slowly but steadily split the second one. It was then that I shed tears and more laughs echoed in the hallway, but instead of being extremely sad, I was angry and attempted to punch my bully. The first punch made impact on his belly; it took him by surprised, he was too busy laughing. He glared down at me but then smiled in amusement, -"Oh, look, he's trying to hurt me. Those fists are full of water, kid."- He said before he pushed me back against the locker again. And again. And again, but each time he pushed me, I stood up and tried to punch him, -"Give up already!"

Yeah, why didn't I? What damaged could a fifth grader do to a ninth grader anyways? I just couldn't stay hit. I wanted him to pay for breaking my pencils. I wanted him to cry like I was crying.

We went on like that, the laughter growing more and more until the school guard came. The bully left along with the spectators, leaving me alone with my broken pencils and glasses. My back hurt so much.

After that, the bully got suspended for a few weeks. When he came back –with his own group of bullies, more of those incidents occurred. They mocked me simply because they enjoyed it, among other reasons, but mostly because of my preferences.

* * *

I woke up gasping for air after too much time under the pillow. I coughed and coughed.

-"Jean!"- Marco called from downstairs, -"Are you okay?"- His heavy footsteps ringed in my ears, -"Oh, there you are. I though sometime happened."- He sighed with relief when he entered my room.

Something _did _happened. I remembered one of my most hateful memories.

-"A-are you…?"

I sat up, still coughing, -"I'm… fine."- I said, avoiding his gaze. I was still shaken up about what just happened.

That familiar dubious look on his face showed up, -"Jean… why did you run away?"

-"Sorry, Marco… I can't…"- I said, not wanting to remember again. I stood and rushed to the bathroom, throwing water at my face in an attempt to fully wake up, to brush off that horrible memory and the couple's faces.

Marco knocked softly on the door and called several times, but I didn't answer. I sat on the toilet and rested my elbows on my knees to cover my face. It's been so long since that memory and yet as I watched the couple's face, it felt like yesterday. I've kept those memories locked in the back of my mind and I felt like someone placed bombs on it so the memories could escape that tiny prison. I felt my mind overflow and that's when I collapsed in bed. The emotions –fear, anger, sadness and trauma, crashed into me once the prison was outflanked. It was so sudden…

I might as well have overreacted. It was just a couple –a young one. Maybe they were telling jokes, maybe it was their first date or maybe I just had something in my face, maybe-

-"Jean, please,"- Marco called for the tenth time, -"Let me in. Let's talk so I can help you. You're overthinking."

Again he amazed me at how well he knew me. I trudged to the door and pondered on the idea. Yeah, I definitely needed to talk to someone, but I didn't know if Marco was the right one. I didn't want him disappoint in me. I've told him before –or at least shown him, that I wasn't affected by bullies anymore and yet…

Another knock, a call following after.

I sighed and opened the door slowly. Sure enough, there he was holding a parcel of donuts in a white box, -"I bought donuts."- He said with a sweet smile.

I looked down at the donuts and then at him. He gestured me out and I followed reluctantly. I felt safer in the bathroom, I don't know why.

-"I bought two glazed in vanilla and two in chocolate. Your favorite."- He said, opening the box and showing me the donuts as we both sat on my bed.

Yup. Two for each. Marco loved everything in vanilla. And I loved – used to- anything in chocolate, especially donuts. After I started doing exercises, I abandoned anything that had to do with candies, -"Marco… I…"- I started, gazing away. I didn't want to be disgraceful, but I wasn't in the mood for candy.

-"I know, I know. You don't eat candy like you used to, but,"- He took out a chocolate donut, -"Just one bite, for old times' sake."

A small smile rose up to my lips as I took it. I couldn't deny that. When I bit it, sweet memories of both of us eating donuts after drawing classes surfaced. Those too were locked up and as they warmed me, they brought sadness and regret: I literally locked my old self out… including Marco, to the point that I forgot him too.

The donut wasn't as sweet in my mouth as I though, until Marco suddenly sprayed vanilla in my cheek with his finger. He laughed joyfully. We used to do this a lot too. The fading smile in my face grew again as I sprayed my finger over his freckled cheeks with chocolate. He laughed again and that sparked happiness within me.

-"I have an idea!"- Marco giggled as he drew something with vanilla just below my nose.

-"What? What is it?"- I asked, chuckling as I felt ticklish.

He took out his cellphone and I drew a wide smile as he took a picture and showed it to me: I had a vanilla mustache, -"You're a genius! You should open up your own barbershop!"- I joked.

He laughed, -"Now you draw something."

I thought about something I could draw in his cute face, -"Aha!"- I stuffed my finger with chocolate and began to draw lines above his brow, bent down like a frown. Then I sprayed chocolate around his mouth like a beard, -"Done."- I laughed, unable to contain my joy.

I then took a picture of him from my phone and showed it to him, -"I look grumpy."- He laughed.

We then took a few more pictures together, until I started to feel sticky and itchy, -"Okay, now it's itchy."

-"Yeah, let's take it off."- Marco laughed and started to rub his cheek.

Another idea occurred to me, -"Uh… let me help you. I know an easier way."

I drew my face oh so close to his that my body began to heat up just thinking about this idea. I ran a mental scenery, like I always did. I began to lick the chocolate from his cheeks first, tasting both the sweetness from the candy and his skin. He chuckled. I was probably tickling him. When I finished, I lowered my tongue dangerously close to his lips and licked the rest of the chocolate. I couldn't resist so I ended up kissing his mouth. He answered quickly and I heated up entirely, cleaning my vanilla mustache along with it. We kept kissing in synch until we parted, -"I still feel sticky."- Said Marco.

We both washed our faces in the bathroom and headed back to my room. We finished eating the rest of the donuts. My bed ended up with crumbs all over, -"Man, those were good,"- I said, a hand around Marco's shoulder and the other on my belly, -"Thanks."- I said and kissed his cheek.

He smiled and licked his finger, -"You're welcome,"- After cleaning his finger, he turned to me, -"Feeling better?"

Oh yeah, I forgot. My latter time with Marco made me forget everything. I took a deep breath, -"Yeah…,"- I said and looked straight at his eyes, -"I'm sorry for leaving you behind…"

-"It's okay,"- He smiled, yet I saw concern there, -"Why _did _you run though? I was so worried."

-"Yeah, it's just…,"- I began to tell him everything, full honesty ahead: how scared I felt when the couple started laughing at us, how I remembered a memory I thought forgotten, how the emotions slammed at me, how overflowed I felt and he understood it all, knowing exactly how I felt, -"I'm scared, Marco. I dunno why. I just don't want any of that to happen again. I don't want to go through that ever again."- I was so traumatized when kid and to experience it all over again was… too much.

Marco knew how it felt, -"I know, Jean,"- He said, his gaze falling just like mines, -"But it's okay. They were just laughing. They didn't attack, at least."

-"They were laughing at us,"- I repeated, -"I couldn't handle it..."- No matter how much I told myself otherwise, I knew they were laughing because they thought –and were somewhat correct, that Marco and I were dating. They most likely though two guys dating was wrong and improper, an atrocity, like most homophobes though.

But I loved Marco just like any guy or girl would love his beloved, -"Don't think much of it, you can't let it bother you that much."

I sighed. I told myself that a hundred times already, but it somewhat did anyways, -"I… I try, but…"

-"You can't let people like them take away your happiness…,"- He said, that concerned tone still there, -"No matter where you –_we _go, they'll always be around. That's why you can't let them hurt you."

I looked at him, that solicitude in him growing, now worrying me, -"I… I…,"- I took a deep breath and tried to sound convincing, -"I won't. I- I'll try."

He sighed, a bit relieved, -"Okay,"- He took both my hands in his, squeezing them, -"We need to build mental fortitude. Together."

Yeah, that sounds good. _Together_. I could feel myself feeling better about the situation, -"Yeah."- I squeezed my hands back and unconsciously lent closer to him. Our lips met and I could feel his warmth flow thought me. I did my part of resisting my desire to reach a certain level with him, but I at least wanted to touch him a bit more. I moved my hands to the side of his neck and tilted his head a bit so I could have a better access to his mouth. Our tongues met after a while of synch and danced. My mouth burned whenever his gazed my mouth's sides. Then, my hand slid over to the back of his head, my finger raveling with his hair as I pushed it, his mouth deeper in mine. I was getting breathless, so I pulled back a bit to breathe, cursing, –"Shit."- And then resumed.

Marco chuckled, but didn't stop either. He moved then, sliding his hand up and netting with my hair. His touch thrilled me and a shot of adrenaline made me go faster. I didn't stop to breath. I was too wrapped in this moment to let go. Both lacking of breath, we began to kiss and lick soft spots. Marco moaned whenever I bit and licked his earlobe and sucked in his neck. Those moans made my adrenaline run higher. I knew he was looking for _my_ soft spot and when he licked and kissed the tip of my "apple" in the core of my neck, I let out a loud, _loud _moan. _Shit, shit, shit! _

We were both sitting in my bed, but I slowly began to push him down, -"Marco… ngh…,"- I moaned, trying to resist the erection. Oh God. The heat. The desire. The hardness, -"I… I… need…"

He noted and I knew he felt the same. I knew then he gave me a go ahead and I didn't hesitate for even a second. I pinned him down with one hand around his waist. My other hand slid up his shirt to get a better look at his abdomen and that just made me harder. I closed the little space we had between and began to undo his pants. This time he didn't flinch, didn't warned me to stop; he needed this as much as I did. Without second though, I dug my hand in his pant and the moment I made contact with his already slimy crotch, he moaned oh so pleasurably. I began to jerk it at a slow pace while kissing his neck up and down, until, -"Jean… mhm…"- He groaned under ragged breaths. The thrill, the fucking _thrill. _

I gazed at his face to see if he wanted me to stop, but I saw it burning red and with a _'don't stop' _look. I jerked faster and faster, his moans teeming my room. _Faster, faster, faster, _until he released and my hand doused in his cum. He relaxed under me, his breathing going on a normal pace. His reaction made me cum a bit too, not like him though and I still wanted that release.

-"A-are you… okay?"- I asked between ragged breaths, lifting my body a bit.

He nodded slowly, biting his lip. His cheeks burned so red that when I pressed on them, I could note the white-ish contrast my thumb left.

-"I… I still-"

He interrupted me by pulling me closer. He began to lick and suck hard on my soft spot. I moaned out loud, cum spitting out more. Sliding his hand up my abdomen, I began to breathe heavier, wanting desperately to release. I wanted it so _bad_ right now. His touch led to undoing my pants and I braced myself for the blissfulness…

Until…

A car honk.

Marco stopped abruptly, but realized the condition I was in. I began to wiggle out nervously but he stopped me when he successfully dug inside my pant. He hesitated for a few second, -"M-Marco… please…"- I whispered in his ear until he took hold of my crotch. I groaned so loud that I swore whoever was outside heard it. Then slowly and steadily, he began to jerk me off.

Another honk.

He worked me faster, but something was amiss. I wasn't releasing yet. Then, magically, he slithered his finger up and down my spine, like a snake. The sensation was glorious, so ticklish yet thrilling and _ohhhhhh. _I finally had my release. I spit out like a gallon of cum onto Marco's hand.

Another honk.

Marco and I gasped at the same time, -"That's… mom!"- He panted out and I lifted my body completely so he could wiggle out.

He rushed to the bathroom without closing the door. I glanced outside and noted the sun was coming down already. Damn, how long have we…?

I heard the toilet flush and the sink shrieking open. Then, he came out with a towel, pants zipped up, drying his face, -"Um...,"- He muttered, his face still burning and his breath yet to pacify, -"I-I'll be right… back."

He threw me the towel and I quickly caught it, but before I could say something –goodbye maybe, he hurried downstairs, tottering a bit due to the mess between his legs. The hotness began to fade as he walked away, leaving me to face the loneliness in here.

I dragged my way uncomfortably to the bathroom, still feeling cum beneath me. I was still panting heavily, trying to collect my breath. I washed my face in the sink, letting the water snake down to the rest of my body. I swore I could see fume hoist out of it.

When I was about to pull down my pants to clean my mess, I heard a knock on the door. I quickly pulled them up again and opened the door to see Marco standing right there, -"W-what happened?"- His sight maddened me and not in a bad way.

He gulped, his face yet to smother, and bit his lip. Notwithstanding, I saw a smile forming on his lips, -"Mom… gave me permission to stay overnight."

* * *

Soooo, how was it, eh? ;D Let me know!


	39. THIRTY-NINE

Sorry (again) for the late update u.u but I've kind of had a writer's block on this one and i started reading other JeanMarco fics to gather ideas and such :) it's all good now! You should check them out if you'd like: d'Amour et de café by Greece's kitty, Cold Love by unsaiddesires and He's got a boyfriend anyways by Anime-Ruined-Mi-Life.

* * *

THIRTY-NINE

-"Y-y-you're gonna stay… here? Overnight?"- I stuttered, feeling more butterflies in my stomach. After our, _ahem, _latter moment, having him staying overnight was… dangerous, to say the least.

Marco blushed and nodded, -"Yeah… I-I asked her."

I began to scratch the back of my neck nervously. I gaped my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I was speechless.

He didn't knew what else to say either.

-"B-but why?"- I finally asked, putting aside the obvious answer, the joy and nervousness within me. I was happy to have a best friend stay overnight, the ideas for entertainment were already forming in my mind, but I was also nervous since I've never had anyone stay over before.

-"I'm worried. I just thought I'd stay and make sure you don't do anything dangerous at night."- He said, aware that I was more vulnerable to depression at night and alas risking myself. Like, say, take a 12 hours bath.

I knew that already, -"Oh."

-"Is that… okay with you?"- He asked.

I blushed, -"Y-yeah… okay."- I said simply, but I was dying of joy inside. I felt like a five year old kid excited that his best friend was going to stay over.

He smiled, as if seeing through my faked expression, -"Good. I'll wait for mom outside. She's going to bring me a few clothes."

-"Wait, Marco… um,"- I spoke. He stopped from turning around, -"Are you sure? I-I mean…, after we… you know."

His cheeks blushed again equally as mines, both remembering. He failed to hide a smile, -"Y-yeah, I am. Are you?"

I nodded quickly, -"Yeah, of course."

When he left, I quickly began to clean my room, collecting all my clothes and whatnot and retaining them away. I knew Marco wasn't bothered by my mess, but I still wanted it furled, I didn't want to cause an accident or something.

I knew I had to speak to Marco's mom someday. By now, she must know about our… relation. My nerves boiled whenever I thought about it. She wasn't strict or anything, in fact, she was too nice. I still felt nervous though. She also wanted to talk to me about something, but haven't got the chance.

After a while, Marco came up with his backpack filled with clothes. I've nearly cleaned my room by then so I made space in between my cabinets for his clothes. Then, he helped me clean the rest of my room and when we finished, I realized I forgot I still had a mess between my legs, -"Um… I'm gonna take a bath. Or do you want to go first?"- I asked, a bit awkward.

-"It's okay. You go first."- He said, still rummaging through his stuff. His mom also brought him a few videogames and movies for us to watch.

I nodded and after I picked up what to wear, I quickly turned on the shower and cleaned myself thoroughly. I wanted to think about how to spend the night with Marco –excluding sex-, but no matter what, I ended up thinking about our intimate moment just a few hours ago instead. I knew it was about time; our sexual tension was empowering –well, to me, at least. I couldn't deny how glorious it felt and how desperate I wanted to touch him like that. I could still feel his hardened crotch in my hands and the pleasure of just being able to hold it. I was delighted. Overjoyed.

I also couldn't deny the fact that I wanted more than that, but I needed to control myself. Sex was out of the question right now. We managed to get this far, I didn't want to ruin it. I didn't want to make Marco feel like he was a tool. I wanted him to know I was serious with what we had.

I exited the shower and after drying myself, I put on a sleeveless tee and shorts and kept the bathroom as intact as possible for Marco. When I headed out, he was turning on my PS3, -"Your turn,"- I said, sitting in my bed, -"So, um… a movie first or…?"- I asked, catching him walking uncomfortably.

He took some of his clothes from the cabinets and started walking to the bathroom, -"I dunno. A movie, if you'd like. Mom bought popcorn too."

_Popcorn? _Well, I didn't needed that to survive from hunger; I bet Marco told her to buy it, meaning his idea of staying with me tonight didn't come from the blue. He thought about it since… well, this morning. More or less, -"Hangover 2 or We're the Millers?"- I asked, rummaging through the movies he brought. I snorted. Both movies were hilarious.

-"Well, I haven't seen We're the Millers."- He said before disappearing in the bathroom.

I quickly hovered the disk near the PS3 and let it suck it inside. While I waited for Marco, I headed downstairs and microwaved the popcorn. Its sweet scent quickly teemed the air around me and I lived a mental image of me and Marco watching the movie. Then slowly, throughout the movie, he began to move closer and closer to me while dropping popcorn in my mouth; sometimes I bit and licked his finger teasingly. Suddenly, he was over me and we started making out furiously and-

I slapped myself. _Really _slapped myself at the small porn in my head. _What the fuck is wrong with you? _I asked myself. After out intimate moment a few hours ago, keeping control was becoming a problem. I needed to stop thinking about it…; but how can I? I just… can't!

The beeping of the microwave snapped me awake. I pulled out the popcorn, hissing at the occasional burning whenever I held the bag long enough. I went straight upstairs. Marco was still in the bathroom. I continued to walk until I made a double take: the door was slightly open. I bit my lip, but then shook my head, _No, Jean, control yourself! _

I sat on my bed and wait. _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten seconds… _I abruptly stood up. Why was he taking so long? I began to pace my room, glancing frequently at the door. I did another double take. Was it… more open now? It's practically calling to me. I wanted to call him and ask if he was alright, but that was stupid. The urge to peek through it was nagging me. _Come ooon, it's just one peek and it's not like he'll notice, _the reckless and insensate part of me spoke. The part of me that went wild during me and Marco's intimate moments.

_No, you can't! You promise him you'll have more control! _But the reasoning and firm part of me kept arguing.

_Arrg, fuck! It's just one damned peek! What could go wrong? _I though as I silently tiptoed to the bathroom's door.

_Seriously, Jean, stop._

The reasoning part of me was becoming really annoying right now. I ignored it and continued to the bathroom. Besides, I may never have a chance to see him semi naked. I had a troubling though at the back of my head that I've locked up recently: I though Marco wasn't too keen on having sex with me anytime soon due to well, his religion. It wasn't a sin or anything, but it was definitely ill-favored by Christians. By Marco? His mother? I… wasn't so sure. After our delicious moment, that thought crumbled a bit, but then again, that moment was short, –yet well lived and precise. We both managed to please one another. It's not like I took his virginity.

It's also not like I needed sex desperately, but I still hoped for it. I wanted an intimate relation between us.

I ignored those thoughts and knelt, closing one eye to peek through the small gap and _ohhh, holy shit! _I gulped a was drying his hair, rubbing it with one of his towels. I stared like for an eternity at his back: those small yet effective muscles burned and turned me upside down. What's best of all… he had _freckled _all scattered around. Freckles! He had freckled on his back! I pictured myself kissing and licking on those spots.

Then, a small drop of water began to slighter down from his shoulder. My eyes dragged themselves in motion with it and… oh my God. The water droplet landed on his buttocks. I stared in awe at that one hell of an ass he had. Perfectly round, stuffed and-

No way.

He had freckles there too!? And they were small and cute!

I let out a sharp squeal and gasped when he abruptly turned around. I stepped aside and quickly rushed to bed. _Oh God, oh God, oh God._

-"Jean, are you okay?"- He asked, still in the bathroom. I heard rustling. He was putting on his clothes. _Damn! _There's goes my chance to see if he had freckles on his dick too.

-"Y-yeah… I am!"- I spoke, voice shaky.

_Okay, Jean, calm down, _I told myself as I breathed in and out. My heart was pounding rapidly.

When the bathroom door opened completely, I let out my final, deepest breath, -"I thought I heard you scream."- He spoke, coming out with soft Superman baggy pants and a plain gray t-shirt.

I technically did, -"Um… I almost fell, but I'm fine."- I said and shifted position awkwardly as he sat beside me after retaining his… um, dirty clothes.

He smiled, -"So, are we watching the movie?"- He sniffed the air and noticed the popcorn bag on the bed beside him, -"Oh, you already made popcorn! Thanks."- He took it and turned on the TV. The advertisement were still playing.

When Marco began to look around and shifting uncomfortably, I knew I had to do something. He was looking for a comfortable spot where we could both sit down and relax, -"Um, wait. I have an idea."

The earlier pictures I mentally took lingered in my mind, but I shoved them away… for now. I can't let awkwardness ruin this moment. I took my bed's sheet and spread it on the floor. Then, I threw my pillows along with it. Finally, I had a nice, comfy like-bed on the floor. Marco's smile widen as he sat down and laid back, head on one of the pillows, popcorn in hand. He looked at me expectantly as he patted the sheet beside his spot, -"Come on."

-"Um…,"- I bit my lip. I hesitated for a moment, -"A-are you sure?"- I asked. God, what a stupid question.

He stared at me for a while, his smile fading a bit and I immediately regretted it, -"Yeah, I am."- He knew why I was hesitating. Maybe… maybe being there all laid back with him wasn't such a good idea. And after our…

-"I dunno…"- I said, scratching my neck.

Marco sighed, a bit bothered, but his tone was still normal when he spoke, -"Well, okay then."- He said and laid back again.

The movie started then and I felt like a total idiot sitting in the bed. I sighed. I needed to stop this. It wasn't doing any good for neither of us. Marco wasn't angry at me or anything, but he was a bit bothered by it. I was doubting myself all the time, but I also knew I sometimes just couldn't hold back. Sure, we can watch movies like any friends would, but I knew it ended up differently for us. Like the donuts thing: we played at first, like we used to when kids, when we were just friends, and look at how that ended.

I decided to rest beside him and talk to him about this. His face lit up as he smiled. He knew I'd eventually come, -"Marco… I…,"- I began, clearing my throat nervously, -"I might, you know, do something other than just watch the movie… I can't always hold myself…"

Marco moved his head to face me, -"I know,"- He smiled warmly and chuckled, -"And I don't mind. Don't always doubt yourself, Jean. When you can't, well, you can't. No one's perfect."

I smiled at that. It warmed me just how understanding he was. It also flickered something else inside me. I then took this moment to talk about us, -"How was um, you know...; I didn't hurt you, did I?"- I asked forcefully. I wanted to make sure he was A-Okay with it and that I was pushing the right buttons. I can't screw any of this up. I also wanted to keep honesty between us. I always thought it was key in relationships, among other things.

Marco paused the movie and faced me again. His cheeks blushed lightly. He bit his lips in an attempt to seal a smile, -"Um…,"- He chuckled, unable to contain himself, -"No you didn't,"- He said, -"And it was great, don't you think? I mean, we both… wanted it, right? And there's nothing wrong with it."

Oh, I thought it was glorious and I wasn't lying to him, -"Well… I-I t-thought it was glorious,"- Marco chuckled, -"And yeah, you're right,"- I was speaking more freely now and less stuttering, -"There's nothing wrong with it and yeah… I-I wanted it… y-you were great."

His face blushed more and so did mines. I've been wanting to say that, -"Y-you too."

I almost lost my breath there –yet still, I leaned a bit so our lips could meet. We kissed and it lasted more than I thought it would. Our synch was precise. After sharing saliva, I pulled back slowly, panting softly, -"That was g-great too."

Marco smiled and nodded and I knew he was telling me that too.

We watched the movie and we laughed a lot. Marco had his head resting on my chest so whenever I laughed, his head went up and down, but he never complained. I was worried about him. The movie was hilarious, yeah, but it also had suggestive scenes that may go against Christians, like that part where Kenny was bitten by spider of some sort and when he lowered his pant, his balls were swollen huge, but Marco never quarreled about it. He just laughed and I was grateful; he didn't let the Bible bind him or ward off a laugh from him.

We laughed and laughed. The movie was distracting, but I now noticed my hand slither to his abdomen, scurrying below his shirt. After another while, I was slowly caressing the area near his belly button with my finger. Marco didn't complain, but he reacted above me at my touch when I toyed with it. He slid up his hand atop mines and intertwined our fingers. I smiled and kissed his neck. Slowly but steadily, we drew each other closer, our legs tying up.

We stayed like that for a long while and just like that, the movie ended, -"Want to play a game?"- I asked right beside his ear, stretching my body under his.

He chuckled and blushed, -"Sure."

-"Oh, I-I meant a PS3 game!"- I stuttered, feeling my cheeks burn.

Marco laughed more, -"I know, silly."

_Well… I wouldn't mind one of those games either, _I though and slapped myself mentally.

Marco stood up and put on Injustice: God Among Us on my PS3. We played in the same position as before, only now, my hands were above him, holding the controller and closing us. I knew Marco wasn't as competitive as I was, but we still enjoyed those type of games. Even when he claimed he never played these games, he still beat me. I started kissing his earlobe in an attempt to distract him so I could fucking win. It wasn't my best idea yet, -"Jean!"- He shouted, turning over so I couldn't reach it. I raised myself, sticking out my tongue in Marco's ear direction while concentrating on the game at the same time. Or at least trying, because when Marco tiredly slumped back at me, my tongue ended up inside his ear instead. He yelped and accidentally dropped the controller. I took this chance and attacked his character, which was Superman, and drained all his health bar and naturally winning. I was Batman by the way.

-"Fuck yeah!"- I raised my arms and shouted.

Marco laid over me, covering his ear with a pout, -"You're so unfair!"

I stuck out my tongue at him, -"Rematch?"

Marco nodded, -"You're on."

Again, I was Batman and he was Superman. As soon as we started playing, Marco attempted to block my view, moving his face over mines.

-"Hey!"- I said and started kissing his neck, sliding my tongue up to his earlobe as I kept my eyes on the game.

Marco moaned, his voice turning rough afterwards. He pulled back, -"Jean!"

Then, he started biting my chin from below, taking me completely by surprise, -"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"- I shouted unintentionally and that's when my eyes drifted away from the screen. Marco took advantage of it. Sure enough, he did one ass of a combo and fucked the shit out of me.

-"Yes!"- He shouted, lifting his arms just like I did a few minutes ago.

He laughed joyfully until I whirled him around, pinning him down below me. I squeezed his wrists tightly. He wiggled his body, -"J-Jean…?"

-"Yeah, congrats and all,"- I said, leaning down closer, -"But I'm not staying empty handed."- And without further ado, I smashed my lips with his, taking him by utter surprise and kissing him roughly. I bit his lips and did a tour around his mouth with my tongue, tasting his saliva which still had the sweetness from the popcorn we ate. He was still shocked and I wasn't giving him any time at all to respond.

I parted our lips from time to time to take air, -"J-Jean… I-I need…,"- He muttered but I interrupted him by planting my lips against his again. He was struggling under my grip, but I never let go as I kissed him. From anyone else's eyes, it'll look like I was sucking his soul out, -"I… I need… air."- He breathed out when I left a small gape between us.

That's when I paused and lifted myself up a bit. We both panted heavily and when I saw a trail of my saliva –or his- in his chin, I washed it off with my thumb, -"Y-you turned me on, you fool…"- I began to explain my sudden act.

He smiled, -"How? Like this?"- He lifted himself up and kissed my chin again.

I moaned at his touch and as if my arms couldn't hold me any longer, they crashed down on him, -"Yeah… like that."- He kept kissing me there, slowly but passionately.

And in a second, we were making out, arms around each other and kissing passionately. I may have started it, like always, but when I was about to pull off, Marco triggered me to continue. So I could say he started round two. I managed to hold myself from touching him anywhere else than his head. We rolled around several times, tying ourselves up with my sheets. I had my fingers all tied in his hair as we kissed in synch and Marco has his hand on my back, both of us pulling ours mouths even closer. Our tongues and bodies danced in the moment and nothing else mattered. I forgot everything, all my problems and I felt as if the world just spun around us only. The space between us was so thin, so irrelevant right now.

I really managed to hold off any instinctual desire to elevate this to another level. Gently, we broke off, but the space between us was the same. I was staring into his brown eyes, sliding my hand up to his face, -"_Damn_, Marco… that was… whoa."- I spoke in awe, a bit breathless.

He smiled and spoke, equally as breathless as me, -"You… too."- His chest went up and down, slightly grazing mines.

-"Thanks for staying with me…,"- I said, sliding my finger up and down his freckled cheek, -"I really needed someone. I… needed you."

He nodded, -"I'm… glad I can make you feel better. I also… need you,"- He placed his hand over mines, our fingers quickly netting together. He yawned before speaking, -"You're never alone, Jean. I'll always be beside you."

I planted a soft, passionate his on his cheek, smiling in the process, -"That's my line,"- He chuckled, -"I'll never let anyone hurt you. I'll punch the shit out of the asshole."

Marco laughed, -"I know."

Then, we completely pulled apart, untying ourselves from my sheets. We laid quiet for a while and then I absent mindlessly began to rub his head, my hands traveling through his dark hair. I watched him as his eyes began to close. He fell asleep in a matter of seconds. I smiled.

When I yawned, I realized that by rubbing his head, it had affected me as well. My eyes began to close and the last thing I saw before complete darkness… was Marco's peaceful face.

* * *

Damn, three chapters of 3,000 words for this part ONLY xD


	40. FORTY

Heya :D I think it's time for me to confess to you guys that I've never ever finished a story before. I honestly don't know - can't calculate an exact amount of chapters to come. I'd say 20 more. I've a load of ideas and things to add but I'm having trouble organizing them :/ 'tis why I never finishe a story, but I'm gonna try and finish this without rushing things.

ENJOY!

* * *

FOURTY

I officially announced this morning _the _best morning _ever_ when I opened my eyes and saw Marco's face, sleeping peacefully beside me. I placed my hand over his cheek and started caressing it, his skin soft and nice under my rugged fingers. I moved closer to him until our foreheads touched. I closed my eyes and recapped yesterday's event. We had a blast watching movies and playing videogames. We also made out. It was inevitable. I knew we'd do it since the moment I laid down with him. To conclude, I had the best night ever: no depressing thoughts, no loneliness, no nightmares and no accidents. I slept like a rock -yeah, in the floor- like never before and I felt… at peace, something I haven't felt recently with all I've been going through.

I was too distracted thinking about yesterday that I didn't notice Marco shift beside me. I was facing him and I saw how he slowly opened his eyes. I smiled, -"Good morning, sunshine."

Marco yawned and stretched, -"Good morning, sleeping beauty."

I laughed and stamped a soft kiss on his cheek, feeling his warm morning skin, -"Slept well?"- I asked.

Marco chuckled at my kiss, blushing lightly, -"I should be asking you that."

-"Oh yeah I did."- I stretched and sat up, only to slump back down. I stared at my ceiling for a while and then back at Marco.

He sat up and stretched too, -"We should get ready. Mom will be here soon."

I yawned and then groaned, -"Ah, come on, do we have to?"- I said as I pulled Marco back down to me.

He poked my nose, -"Yes, Jean. We have class. We didn't go yesterday, remember?"

I pouted like a little kid. God, I wanted to stay today with him again. I wanted to stay all comfy here with him and lay back for another day. Heck, the whole week. The whole year.

-"If we don't go today, then the next time we _do_ go…"- He began and gestured me continue.

I made a face and gazed away, -"Then there's more material to cover and alas, more writing to do,"- I shivered at the idea of spending a whole day catching up with the classes –which, in another words, meant writing all day. Yuck. I sighed, -"Fine. Let's go."

Marco and I stood up and changed to the school uniform: the usual buttoned shirt and blue jeans along with black boots. I changed in the bathroom, but "accidentally" left the shirt in my bed. After washing my teeth and arrange my hair like usual, I walked out shirtless. Marco was picking up his tooth brush, hair brush and his vanilla perfume, but when he turned to walk over to the bathroom, the halted his steps abruptly. He looked at me –or better yet, my naked abdomen and bit his lip, sealing a smile. He chuckled, his cheeks blushing as he hurried to the bathroom. I smirked and putted on the shirt. I decided to put on the neck tie, but like always, I tied my fingers with it instead.

I was still battling with the neck tie when Marco came out of the bathroom, already dressed up and I didn't even had my shoes on. I groaned.

He had the school's shirt all buttoned up –unfortunately for me- with the sleeves up his elbows and black jeans tucked inside his black and white Converse. He had the neck tie neatly bound. I clicked my tongue.

Marco snorted and rushed to my aid. He stood in front of me and began untying it. He circled and within second, it was all tidy up, -"What would be of you without me?"- He said proud-heartedly, hands on hips.

-"Pft… showoff."- I muttered, making a face. Literally? I'd still be that asshole Jean I was a few months ago. I'd probably be bullying freshmen if it wasn't for Marco. I'd also be a homophobic, considering what I told him during that period. That… among other things.

Marco smiled broadly and gaped his mouth, but I took his chin and pulled him closer to me into a sweet kiss in his lips. He wasn't expecting it, like most of the times, but this time, he answered quickly. I smirked when we broke, watching him blush, -"Showoff."- He said.

We went downstairs and ate sandwiches for breakfast. I glanced at the clock: 7:00. It was still early, -"Wanna watch something on TV?"- I asked Marco.

He nodded, dropping a paper towel stained with cheese into the trash can. He clean his mouth with another one before walking towards me, -"Sure."

We both sat on the couch –well, Mom's couch as I liked to call it. I sighed from deep within me, feeling angsty. Marco, with his sharp eye, quickly noticed and I explained, -"This is Mom's favorite spot. She used to sit here _all _day watching novels," –My chest tightened, -"I never understood why she loved them so much, I mean, they were boring as fuck,"- A small, thick tear escape my eye, -"I hope I can see her here again… just once. That's… that's all I ask."

Marco shifted closer to me, a hand on my shoulder while the other wiped off the fugitive tear with its thumb, -"You will, Jean. I know it."

I smiled back at him and nodded, -"Thanks…"

I thought we'd watch something like Supernatural or The Walking Dead, but Marco insisted on watching cartoons. My latter mood vanished and was replaced by joy as we laughed at how Tom was always outmatched by Jerry, the mouse. I knew then why Marco insisted on watching this instead of something dark and serious.

When we heard his mom's car honk, we jumped out of the couch, turned off the TV and headed out. Marco had two bags, one with his notebooks and the other with his clothes and stuff he brought to stay with me. My heart ached like a kid's, figuring he wasn't staying tonight. _Bummer. _I haven't had a night like last's in a while. I mean, I'm a very thoughful asshole -the thoughs were always about something that bugged me during the day, and no matter what I did to distract myself, I couldn't concentrate my mind off of it. Last night however... it was like my mind was clear, completely purified of those corrupting thoughs. And Marco was the one behind it.

We mounted the car and inside, the familiar scent of sweet vanilla entered my nostrils. Marco kissed her mother and sat beside me on the back seats, -"Good morning."- I greeted, feeling a bit awkward here. I wondered if she was going to ask us how we spent the night...

-"How did you spend the night? Slept well?"- And she had to ask, hitting the gas pedal and riding off.

I lifted myself up a bit and looked back at my house, slowly turning smaller and smaller in the distance. I sighed. Man, I didn't want to go to school yet. I sat back down and looked at her trough the mirror, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly, -"Uh... yeah."

-"I'm glad,"- She said, giving me a concerned look, -"How are you feeling?"

A small smile crept up my face as I glazed Marco's hand with mine, still looking at his mom, -"A _lot _better."

She smiled, -"Hm, and I suppose Marco played a part?"- She asked playfully, but I had a gut feeling she knew the answer to her own question. I then wondered if she knew... anything else.

The small smile twisted into a nervous, crooked one, -"Sort... of."- I discretedly pulled my hand from Marco's.

The ride to school was teemed by awesome Batman soundtrack in Pandora, personally asked by Marco... because I asked him to. He gave me a 'don't be shy and ask her yourself' look, but I gave him the puppy eye and he succumed. We both started pointing out where the soundtrack was from, what movie or game, but I didn't accerted all of them since I haven't been up to date with comic stuff. His mom pointed a few too. I was having a good time, until the school's building came in sight and I shrank in the seat.

-"Come on, Jean,"- Marco laughed, pulling the sleeve of my shirt, -"You're acting like a baby."

Yeah, in front of his _mom._

I sighed and dismounted the car, quickly heading towards class. Hanji, again, was late. The rest of the group arrived shortly after, -"Maaan, she's late again."- Connie threw his arms up in exasperation. He was held Sasha's hand afterwards, netting their fingers. I kind of wanted to hold Marco's, but the public suddenly grew on me and I buried my hands in my pocket instead.

-"Don't whine about it, Mr. Potato. Drop the act." -Ymir spat out.

-"I worked my ass off for that homework, you know? She better come,"- He sighed. _Great. Homework, _I though bitterly. Connie spoke again, to me this time, -"Yo, Jean, how's it been?"

-"Uh... great. Thanks for asking."

He laughed and grinned, eyeing me and Marco with a crooked eyebrow, -"You don't say."

-"What?"- I glared at him suspiciously.

He glanced at Ymir questionly. She shrugged and he spoke again, -"Whole school been talking about you and Freckles."

I arched an eyebrow, -"About...?"

-"About having wings and coming out of closets or something like that,"- I froze in place as he continued, -"It was pretty suspicious considering both of you were absent yesterday."

My mind was reeling, -"W-what a load of crap."- I said, earning a few glares, including Marco's, but his was more... concerned? Confused? Dissapointed? Hurt? I couldn't tell since I wasn't studying him directly. My eyes were on everyone else and the diversed crowds around us.

-"Please, spare us that bullshit."- Ymir said, grinning from ear to ear.

-"Yeah man. Don't lie to us. We know you and Marco have something."- Connie said and gaped his mouth again, but this time, whatever he was going to say, was directed at Marco.

But I interrupted him, -"I said-"

I was also interrupted by a high pitched but also faked squeal, -"Oh my god guys, look who's there!"- I glanced at the direction and spotted a girl, one of my ex's friends actually -forgot her name-, pointing at me. Everyone around her started look at whomever she was pointing. I felt each of their stares as she spoke, -"He _finally _came out of the closet!"- Immediately, the hall was teeming with laughs.

I gritted my teeth and again attempted to portray a strong and indifferent front, struggling to keep the memory of the yesterday's event at the cafeteria at bay, -"Are you trying to say something? Because all I hear is a nagging buzzing."- I shouted over at her.

She laughed again, -"Why don't you go fly somewhere else. You gay people are so disgusting."

Ouch. That actually hurt, considering I said the same thing to Marco a few months ago. My legs started to wooble in place. I gaped my mouth to speak, but their laughter muffled me. My body started to tremble as familiar memories started to leak out again. I felt like I was drowned in their laughters, their current taking me away and I couldn't swim against them and speak out no matter how hard I tried. I kept hearing them so loud and clear, -"I repel you, gay!"-

-"You're not welcomed here!"

-"Ewww!"

-"Go back to your closet!"

Suddenly, I started seeing dark dots on vision as fear began to well me. I was starting to lose it again. I knew it was a matter of time before I ran off and collapse somewhere like the last time I was in a situation like this. The only difference was that then, it was only a couple and now, it was a crowd, more people joining in. I was outmatched.

Only a familiar touch in my arm snapped me from my trance. I looked back at Marco, who was now gripping my sleeve tighly, gesturing me to get out of here. I was about to do so until Hanji came and disperse the crowd. I quickly urged inside and sat at back of the room. I was surprised to see Marco sitting in front of me, knowing that he preffered to sit over there so he could pay better attention, -"Uhm... you can sit in the front, I don't mind."- I said, resting my head in the desk, cheek on the cold surface and hands dropped, looking through the window.

I heard the chair shriek, -"Jean."

I sighed. I didn't need a mass of words from him to understand what he wanted: for me to face him. Instead, I slightly turned my head upwards, still resting it on the desk, -"Hmm?"

-"Jean, please look at me."- His tone of voice was calm yet full of concern.

I dragged my eyes up reluctantly to meet his.

-"Are you okay?"- He asked. I dunno what I expected, maybe a scold for letting them affect me, contrary to what he said yesterday.

I took a deep breath and began to lift myself, -"Yeah -kind of,"- His dubious look made a snort escape my lips, -"I mean... not so okay."

He slightly touched my hand, aware that I wasn't too eager on showing out affection publicly, -"Please, don't think overmuch about it,"- He was fully aware how pensive I was, how much I dwelled on trifle things. His grip on my hand tightened, -"Remember what I said yesterday. Promise?"

I hesitated for a second, but then nodded slowly.

His disquiet expression didn't dispel, but he forced a small smile on himself and turned around when Hanji started the class.

Despite what I promised Marco, I couldn't get the thoughts and images off my mind. Yet so, what nagged me most was that I didn't even asked him how _he _was. I leant forward, my face beside his, steadfast on erasing any selfish demeanor in me, -"Uhm... are _you _okay?"

Marco looked over his shoulder and met my eyes, -"I'm okay. Don't worry."- He said, smiling a bit.

I sat back. Sure enough, he didn't seemed bothered at all nor affected –well, maybe a little, but not as much as it affected me. I envied him. He seemed the weak type at first and yet I've never met someone so strong-willed. I've clearly underestimated him. I, on the other hand, didn't had such volition and instead excelled on physical strength, but what did it mattered if I had such a fragile mental fortitude? Marco was right, I needed to construct it.

Classes, like always, were boring. Marco and I spent most of the time in the library catching up with the material –_and _avoiding large crowds. We managed to update and give in any assignment that were due today, which weren't so hard. We also received news that Pixis was sick and the model swapped for next Monday.

During the day, my group kept asking me question about Marco and I, but I ignored them and changed the subject. My lack of words on the topic didn't helped much though. Aside from them, Marco and I were mocked whenever we unfortunately but inevitably encountered large groups. Marco just shrugged them off and for me… it wasn't so easy. The gossip had yet to spread, but after this morning's event, I'd say it grew at least an inch. Whoever knew looked at us distaste and started to whisper to other people. It seems someone, most likely my ex with allies, started the "rumor" and it easily and unavoidably spread like butter throughout the school. I wanted to shut them all down, one by one, but Marco insisted it wasn't worth the effort.

At soccer practice, I received a text from Diego: Hola_. I hope you haven't forgotten about me because I still haven't forgotten those queries you had. I'll be outside. Meet you there? _***1**

I looked at the field and started walking discretely towards the school's main entrance. _Sure. _I wrote back. I then wondered how he got my number; I only remember him giving me his. Maybe he asked someone? I didn't ponder about it much.

When I reached the front door, I spotted him leaning on the wall beside them. He looked up from his phone and saw me, retraining it in his pocket, -"Good grief, can we go somewhere else? Somewhere farther?"- He asked.

I arched an eyebrow warily, -"What for?"

-"I need to take smoke, in less complicated words. Hopefully, you don't mind?"- He ran a hand through his hair, which was less trimmed than last time I met him. I could easily note he's been under pressure.

I shrugged, -"I don't mind."

-"_Perfecto._" ***2**

We walked a bit farther from the school building and sat in a bench near a bus stop which had a small trash can beside it. Promptly, Diego dug out a pack of cigarettes and with a lighter, he incinerated it, taking it to his mouth and blew off the smoke. I coughed.

-"Surely, you _do _mind,"- He said, sitting farther from me, -"It is an unpleasant odor,"- He sighed and looked at me regretably, -"I beg your forgiveness, but this _pedazo de mierda _is the only thing that... distracts my mind." ***3**

The first time I met this guy, I though he was all good looks and easy life. Today, however, he looked like, honestly, trash. Like he's having the worst life ever. He didn't had any golden jewelry -like... at all. His hair was an utter mess and he had bags under his eyes -which I guessed he hid under makeup yesterday. Those didn't show up from one night to the other. His shirt was crumbled and outwardly, his neck tie just as mashed and loose, -"Damn, you look like a zombie."- I joked.

He didn't find it funny, -"I _feel _like a zombie,"- He said, jugging his cigarette in his mouth again, leaning back on the bench and resting both arms in it's peak, -"Well, didn't you had queries for me? Ask away."

I scratched my neck, unsure if to question him in his... state, -"Are you sure? I mean, we can do it another time."

He glared at me, -"_Porfavor. _I didn't come all this way for you to withdraw," - Did he had to exaggerate? It's not like I was interrogating and torturing him. Then, he spoke again, less harsh, -"I'm... fine." ***4**

I raised an eyebrow and he shrugged ignorantly. I sighed, -"Whatever. I was going to ask you about Kat,"- At the mention of her name, he grimaced and cursed in spanish, -"I read your request to cast her out. I signed in too."

-"_Malnacida,_"- He spat out, blowing another cloud of smoke, -"What did that bitch did to you?" ***5**

I told him the "incident".

-"You too? Figured,"- He said, trashing the cigarette and digging out another one. I noted the topic made him rabid and timorious at the same time, -"She always does that to- ouch!"

While attempting to light the cigarette rapidly, he burned his finger and dropped both the lighter and the cigarette. He cursed aloud in spanish. He was shaking.

I lent down and picked his stuff up, -"Hey, you need to calm down,"- I said, giving him his belongings, -"I'm sorry I brought it up."

He sighed and my words seemed to make him collect himself, -"Ah, don't worry,"- He held the cigarrete between his fingers and threw it back, -"It's not really working today either, huh?" - I was about to apologize again, but he held his hand up and interrupted me, -"I'm okay, really. You need to know something. As I was saying,"- He continued, less timorous and angry, -"She seems to enjoy discrimitaning homosexuals, gays and lesbians alike. She also enjoys gossip, to spread it around, be it false or true until we drop out. Something like what you just told me occurred to me too."

-"So... you're...?"- I wasn't too much into gossip, but I've heard of an 11'th gay grader who fucks his boyfriend in the bathroom 24/7. I couldn't believe it was this guy. By his current state, I didn't doubt it. Kat was crushing him.

-"Yes, I am,"- He said as a matter of fact, like it was totally normal. How could he admit it so openly to someone he barely knew? -"And you're _the _Jean Kirshtein. You made Frank get expelled,"- A smirk crept up his face, one I haven't seen since we sat here, -"Why didn't you told me sooner? You don't know how greateful I -_we _are. That guy was the worst of the worst."

If I had even an ounce of the old Jean, I've would've been okay with being famous -or better yet, _infamous_, given my status among a certain group. Right now? I wasn't so okay with it, but then again, I couldn't do anything about it, -"We?"- I asked.

-"Me and...,"- He paused and bit his lip, -"My Zaaed."- His words seemed to drift away.

I'm guessing that's his boyfriend, but considering the pained expression he had now, I'm guessing they were just friends with benefits. Yet, having that much pain only meant he truly loved him, more than just a friend. Maybe they were having complications which led to his current state. I quickly changed the subject, -"What did Frank did to you?"

He shook his head, -"What _didn't _he do,"- He began, regaining his compusure, -"Me and Zaaed were both bullied by that bastard, _specially _Zaaed. He was shy and clever, studied a lot -too much, in my opinion, yet lacked volition. Frank specifically enjoyed to pick on the small ones first so he could reach a weakened higher one. A clever strategy, really."

A profound sigh slipped from deep within me. All that sounded too familiar.

He noted, -"Something similar occured to you?"

-"Yeah..."

-"I'd hate to see that freckled one harmed,"- I glared at him, but he didn't noticed, -"Yet still, _you _managed to get him expelled. No one has managed to pull that off in _years_."

-"I didn't expel him, I just punched the shit out of him."- I said bitterly, remembering that day clearly.

-"_And _you knocked him out. Really, where have you been all this time?"- He asked, his latter depressed mood completely vanishing.

I just shrugged. I've been actually with him all that time, but I wasn't going to say that.

-"At any rate, your actions might have calmed the school for a while, but now it's worse,"- He said and turned to look at me. _Worse? But I defeated their ring leader, how can_\- I interrupted myself. It made perfect sense; when Frank left, his "lackeys" somehow decided to continue what he started with my ex, George and Trevor as their new leaders. They had _plenty _of reasons to hate me, but they took it on whoever they stumbled upon and apparently homos were top pick this month since , -"We need you."

-"We?"- I asked again.

-"Me, Zaeed and other homosexuals, but just a few, most have... dropped out. It's inevitable. Those who stay is most likely because they _can't _drop and are looking for ways to stay hidden,"- He spoke, his gaze falling, -"I though you dropped out after what happened, but seeing you here, well... that changes a lot of things. There's still hope."

-"How can I change... things?"- I spoke, feeling like something heavy dropped on me, -"And what hope?"- All this talk sounded... war-ish.

-"Jean,"- He smirked, laughing lowly, -"You've shown us that we _can _fight back. That there's a chance for us in this school. We need to riot. We need you."

I laughed out loud. Me? Really? Protecting Marco was my sole reason for beating Frank. This all sounded stupid. I've left all that behind. I've locked it away and I had no interest in involving myself again.

Diego glared at me, -"I tried stopping this, beginning with Kat since she's gossip queen. I started the request to cast her out and a few others joined me, but it's been utterly ignored by the principal."

I was tapping my feet on the sidewalk exasperatedly. I was beginning to regret having met him and I had decided right now not to meet the others, -"Look, count me out. I don't want to partake in that mess."

Diego looked hurt, like the slim hope completely vanished, -"_Pero-_" ***6**

-"It's every man for himself."- I said bitterly and stood up.

-"Kirshtein!"- He yelled and quickly catched up to me since I stopped when I spotted Marco coming right towards us. Diego leaned closer to me from behind and whispered to my ear: -"Don't do it for us. Do it for _him._ Think about it."- He nodded at Marco's direction.

He looked over my shoulder and glared at him, gritting my teeth, -"_Don't _bring him up, bastard."- More than myself, I wanted Marco out of that stuff.

He just laughed and walked away, waving at Marco, -"See you, sweet cheeks. Oh! And control your boyrfriend's tongue when you have the chance."

I snarled at him and quickly regained myself when Marco approached me, -"Jean, why'd you left the field? The team's waiting."

-"Yeah, sorry,"- I said, my eyes following Diego until he dispappeared, -"On my way."- I said and started walking.

Marco walked beside me, -"What's that about? He looked pissed."

I clicked my tongue, -"He's just being a prick."

-"Why'd you meet him here then? And why so far from school?"- He asked questions after questions.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair, -"It wasn't so far,"- I said. The least I wanted right now was a discussion with him, so I cupped his cheeks with both my hands, -"Look, talk to you later, okay?"- I gave a sweet pek in his lips.

He chuckled, -"Okay then."

After soccer practice, I spoke to him and told him the reason why I was a bit farther away from school with Diego. He was suspicious at first and I mocked him of being jealous despite the bitterness Diego's name brought on my tongue. I ended up only telling him that the whole thing about casting Kat off was lost, that few people weren't enough. Marco was relieved and when he asked if I was going to meet the others, I told him they dropped off. I wasn't lying to him, but I wasn't telling the whole truth. It was for the best. I wanted Marco as far away from that mess as possible.

Afterwards, Marco's mom arrived and we headed to our respective houses. When I reached my destination: -"Are you sure you're going to be okay...?"- Marco asked me.

I nodded and smiled at him, -"Of course. Trust me. Thanks for everything."- I said, thanking him and his mother.

-"You need us, you call us, got it?"- She said.

-"Roger."- I said, hand on forehead like a soldier's.

I dismounted the car and watched them leave, a deep sigh slipping off of me. _Marco... I already miss you. _

Inside, my house was exactly as I left it, but it smelled different. I sniffed and the scent of Marco's sweet vanilla took over my nostrils. I smiled and headed up to my room and slumped to bed after a quick bath. It didn't took long enough to lock all that happened today. Sleep rapidly overtook me.

* * *

***1: **Hello.

***2: **Perfecto.

***3:** Piece of shit.

***4:** Please.

***5:** Bastard.

***6:** But.

Let me know anything! If it's getting boring, if it's getting too long, etc!


	41. FORTY-ONE

Damn, long chapter :/

Things get... ugly in this chapter u.u

* * *

FOURTY-ONE

-"Slept well?"- Marco asked me when I mounted his mom's car.

-"Yup, like a rock."- I said, not lying.

-"That's great."- He smiled and I felt the urge to give him a morning kiss, but in front of his mom was kinda... inappropriate.

When we reached school however, I took him away from malicious crowds and kissed him. It was passionate, with a normal pace and it took longer that I though. Our tongues danced in synch and we bit each other's lips. It felt like if we haven't kissed in years. We shared saliva and I licked any that slipped out of his mouth. A few drops slithered down his chin and with my quick eye, I caught them, sliding my tongue down and up his chin and finally back to his mouth. We didn't reached farther. I didn't want to make a scene here.

I enjoyed that small moment of blissfulness we had. I longed for more, but I'd had to sneak us out of school for that.

We walked to the launch room and inside, I quickly sniffed trouble. I spotted a guy, tall, brawny -not like Frank- leaning down closely to another guy. For now, it looked stable, but when Marco and I were in the middle of the line, I noted the bully grabbing the others guy's collar. The boy wasn't as tall, probably from tenth grade and looked like he just shitted his pants. After a few seconds, the bully raised his voice, -"Don't bullshit me!"- Everyone was now looking at their direction.

The boy gestured the bully to lower his voice and spoke. I couldn't hear them, but I could read his lips, -"Please, believe me. I don't have any money."- That sounded too familiar. I used to be bullied for money too.

-"I said don't bullshit me!"- The bully shouted, this time louder as he started lifting the boy up.

Marco elbowed me, -"Jean, we need to do something."

I pushed him when I saw a gap in the line, -"Let's not get into trouble."

-"But he needs help n-"

Suddenly, the launch room was filled with a cry and a loud clash. The bully just slapped the boy's tray into the air. It flew and smashed against a near wall, food cascading down on the students leaning on the wall, waiting in line. Damn. He was strong. When the boy could no longer touch the floor, Marco jumped in, -"Marco!"- I shouted, panic coursing through me.

-"Hey! Leave him alone!"- Marco said to the bully.

The bully dug out a few pennies from the boy and threw them away. He was about to punch the poor one when he abruptly turned towards Marco. That's when I snapped. Ire consuming me in a matter of seconds. _No, no, no, calm down, Jean. _

I rushed in and stepped in front of them, shielding Marco, -"Hey you, back off and leave him alone."- I wondered who I was talking about.

-"Fuck off."- The bully spat.

I clicked my tongue. He was strangling the boy. Come on... he couldn't be possibly thinking on killing him, right?

I placed my hand on the bully's shoulder, feeling them like rock and squeezed it as hard as I could. I harshly turned him around with a lot of strength in my part. The bully dropped the kid accidentally. The latter fell on his butt and crawled away, whimpering sof-

With reflexes, I managed to dodge a direct blow to my face. As soon as the bully turned around, he aimed a punch at me. It was too late though, he managed to land his fist on my shoulder. I staggered, but held my feet. Knowing this was gonna get worse, I gave Marco a quick look. He understood and rushed to the crying boy's aid.

The bully was persistent even after a few blows from me. I tried not to harm him too much to avoid to getting scolded, but this guy didn't gave me a chance. I was silently thanking God that he was slow and had poor reflexes as I landed my knee in his stomach after dodging another of his attacks. My attacks seemed to affect him little and when he was about to kick me, a group of elders burst in the launch room. I quickly raised my arms and stepped back.

The spectators weren't shouting this time, they were frozen in place. They knew my fights were serious after watching me combat Frank. Again, nobody did anything for the victim. Everyone knew he was about to get his ass kicked and nobody wanted to do anything –including myself. Marco took the initiative, even though it was a brash move.

My haters in the room told the elders that I was the one who attacked, but the launch room's janitors were more likely to be believed and they spoke the truth. A few students recorded the incident and showed it to them. I approached one of the guards, -"Hey, I really prefer if-"- I began, wanting to tell him that I'd like if the video was deleted until he interrupted me.

-"Kirshtein,"- He spoke brusquely, -"We'll let it slide this time, seeing as you had a reason, but next time, leave it to the big guys."- He spat and turned away.

I made a face and started to mimic him, -"My bad… asshole."- I muttered and walked back to the line for breakfast. Behind me, the whispers and snickers were driving me crazy.

In the table, Marco and I ate, but one thing led to another, -"You shouldn't have done it."- I said, pouring milk into the cereals.

-"Hmmph?"- Marco muttered with his mouth full.

-"Rush into danger like that,"- I explained, feeling a bit overwhelmed with worry, -"He could've hit you."

Marco swallowed, his expression hardening, -"But if I didn't, then who? You… you hesitated."

-"I just didn't want –want us, to get involved, okay?"- I said defensively, -"We almost didn't walk out of that one."

Marco coughed, choking on a nub of cereal. He quickly drank milk, his face reddening, -"B-but the guards arrived too late. If we didn't act, Rick would've been hurt."

-"Rick?"- I pondered. That must be the kid we helped. I saw the guards taking him and the bully elsewhere, -"Oh, the kid. Look, we should leave this stuff to the guards. It's not our problem."

Marco's mouth gaped. He couldn't believe what I was saying.

-"And you should stop jumping into danger."

Marco crossed his arms and pouted, -"Well, I'm still doing it next time… if necessary."

-"There won't be a next time,"- I spoke, more harshly, letting my emotions speak for me, -"I'm not letting you."

-"You can't stop me."

-"Oh really?"- I raised an eyebrow, a smirk on my lips, -"Say that again."

-"You can't stop me."- He repeated, still with an awfully cute pout –yet a bit bothersome in our current situation, while looking away.

-"Marco."- I warned.

-"I already said it. You can't stop me from helping others out. I'm jumping in if necessary, whether you like it or not."- He spoke quickly, fluttered.

-"I said no!"- I raised my voice and slammed my fist in the table, attracting attention, but I didn't care. Marco gasped and widened his eyes at me. I startled him. When he collected himself, he bit his lip and stood up, dropping the tray in the cleaning area and leaving the room, -"Where are you going?"- I wasn't sure if I saw his eyes water.

I rushed out too after dropping the tray abruptly. The janitors shouted at me, but I ignored them. Marco was top priority.

He might not have physical training, but he was a scurrying bastard –and clever. He knew how to blend in the crowds. From me? No way. I could easily pinpoint him out. I _knew_ him_: _every edge, every inch of his face, his back, his leg, his chest; he couldn't hide from me in matter how much he changed looks, I could still recognize him. He attempted at it a few times, but I just found him over and over.

I chased him and ended up cornering him up in my least favorite spot of this godforsaken school: where I beat up Frank, a small cubicle with no exit. Marco stood at the far end of it, panting heavily, -"Stop, Marco. You can't run away from me."- I spoke, surprised at how much the adrenaline changed my tone of voice. This wasn't a game.

Marco grimaced and attempted at that technique of rushing past me like he did with Frank and… failed. I winced at the memory and stopped Marco, wrapping my arms around his abdomen. I pushed him back to the wall and pinned him. He struggled, set on running away again.

-"So, I can't stop you, you said?"- I teased, still pinning him.

He didn't liked it.

-"Ah, come on, you're still upset?"- I asked stupidly. Of course he was. He wouldn't be trying to run away from me otherwise, -"Marco, stop and just lis-"

A sudden blow to my abdomen forced my breath out. I wrapped one arm around my stomach, the other still gripping Marco's wrist. Did he… just kneed me?

He took this opportunity to step away and try wiggling out of my grip, but with my reflexes, I gripped tighter. Collecting myself from the small damage he caused, I gripped his other wrist with my free hand and again pushed him to the wall. He winced, -"Ouch, you're hurting me…"

I didn't loosen my grip as I started to solve a puzzle, -"So,"- I began, running my hand through his abs underneath his shirt, feeling them hot and sweaty from the chasing, -"_That's _how you got these."

Marco moaned at my touch, biting his lips to seal any other.

-"You used to go to defensive training classes, right?"- I asked, looking at his eyes, my hand still wondering his abdomen, lower this time.

He didn't answer. He was biting his lips, fluttered at the sensation of my touch.

I snickered and lent closer to his mouth, unable to resist the sexual tension between us and forcing it open with mines. All the moans he held off escaped, free as a bird and into my ears. We kissed; he hesitated at first, still upset with me, but succumbed at the end, moving at my rhythm. My hand on his abs toyed with his belly button and started to slither lower and lower… as if it had a mind of its own. Marco stopped it abruptly with his free hand and pushed me away completely, -"S-stop…"- He breathed out, hands on his knees while breathing raggedly.

-"I-"- I began to apologize, realizing I almost lost it there if it weren't for him, but his fixated look at something or someone behind me interrupted me. I looked back and gasped. Two girls were recording the whole thing with their pink cells. How long have they been…?

-"I knew it! Wait 'till she sees this!"- One of them said as they high-fived.

When I regained myself, fear welled me again and I snapped, -"Who are you talking about?"- I asked, but it really didn't matter, -"Whatever. Delete that. Now."- I demanded, giving them both a raging glare. One of them whimpered and started clicking on her cellphone, hopefully deleting it. The other… well, let's just say she reminded me of my ex. I walked toward her after her friend ran off and picked up the phone. It had a security lock, so I failed any attempts at unlocking it, -"Damn it!"

-"Hey! Give it back!"- The girl shouted and started jumping for it.

I clicked my tongue. I was losing my temper by the second. I couldn't unlock this shit! I couldn't let anyone see that! I raised the phone higher and attempted to unlock it again until the girl kicked my leg. It didn't hurt much, but I promptly lent down to sob it and accidentally dropped the phone from the latter altitude. It crashed onto the floor, its screen immediately obfuscated with cracks.

The girl gasped, knelt down and started crying, -"You dick! You broke it!"

I, on the other hand, sighed in relief. Nobody would see that video now. I felt as if a huge boulder was off me.

Marco rushed towards her and knelt down, quickly picking up the phone and observing it. Then, he gave me a quick glare, -"What? You think I broke it? It was an accident! She kicked me and I dropped it. It was her fault."- I spat out, crossing my arms defensively. Well… I did though of breaking it if I couldn't unlock it.

Marco ignored me and I felt as if he skewed my heart with a stake, -"I'm really sorry…,"- He spoke, his voice calm yet compassionate. I felt jealousy growing within me and the urge to snap the girl's neck, -"Why don't you go to the office and wait for me? I'll call in someone and we'll fix it."

All air left my lungs.

The girl nodded, her face red with fury, -"Fine. Whatever. It's your fault too! You'll pay for it!"- She snatched her phone from his palm and then kicked me in my leg again, -"Bastard!"

-"Hey! Come back, you little shit! You'll-"

I shouted and started to chase after her, but Marco turned me around roughly, -"Jean, just stop!"- He shouted and I froze, as if Mr. Freeze just used his ice gun against me, -"Just… don't."

I stared at him, wide eyed. I've never seen him like this, so sullen and outraged. My heart tightened, -"Marco… I'm…"- I wanted to apologize because I knew it's my fault he's like that and yet, I too was irritated and extremely jealous.

He shook his head, -"I knew it was an accident, but you were planning on breaking it and… all for a video?"- His expression saddened. He was hurt.

-"Marco… I can't let anyone see it."

-"Why?"

-"Come on… you know why."- It'll be viral: Marco and Jean, disgusting gays and forever laughed at. Our lives would be ripped out of us. I can't let that happen.

Marco bit his lip. Was he… holding off tears? His eyes were ruddy, -"And you were willing to hurt a girl for it too."

-"Ugh, again with her,"- I spat, feeling bitterness in my mouth –and jealously. So much jealously, -"You jump in danger for anyone and _even _helped that girl who was scoffing at us. What about me, huh? You don't care about me? I risked my ass fighting those assholes –risked my life for _you _and yet you worry more for others. Great!"- I was letting my emotions speak for me… again.

Marco gasped and stood speechless for a few seconds before placing his hand on his chest, where his heart throbbed, slightly squeezing it, -"I… I never said that…"

-"And when I say no, it's no,"- I spoke again, not holding anything back, -"I'm not letting you leap to danger for anyone."

Now, Marco expression hardened, his brows furrowing, -"You can't tell me what I can or can't do!"

I scoffed, -"Try me. I'm not letting you anyways."

Marco gasped again and stepped back. Again, he attempted to hold a tear or two from leaking out. He gaped his mouth several times to retort, but failed. In the end, his face dropped dramatically; a pained, sorrowful expression took over, -"I… I…,"- He sniffed, but resisted the tears. His voice was shaky. It echoed around the walls of this pit and bounced at me, -"I… need to be somewhere."- He said, painfully trying to refit himself.

He started walking, -"Where are you going?"- I asked with a harsh tone.

-"To fix things up."

-"You didn't answer my question."

-"That's all you need to know."- He said flatly and started walking away.

-"Marco!"- I shouted and wanted to go after him, but my legs didn't move, like if they were buried under dunes of sand. I had a load of emotions circulating my heart: worry, jealously, yearning, sadness, anger, but my mind and the rational part of me said: _let him go. You can't stop him. He's decided. He wants to fix the mess you caused. Let him. Better him than you._

I snarled angrily. _It's my mess! I'm supposed to go! _I though, feeling the urge to punch something. Anything.

_No, Jean, you can't. You'll only make it worse._

_He's only going to get himself in trouble! _I argued.

_Don't you think he's cleverer than that? It's not in his nature to get in a hassle. It's yours. He'll fix it._

-"Fuck!"- I cursed aloud, -"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!"- I started punching the nearest wall, unable to control my emotions once again. Minutes passed. My fists ached, my knuckles throbbing, but I kept hitting it, seeing a ton of people in it, as if projected by some kind of machine behind me. I knew better. It was my own mind. I saw my ex, George, Frank, Trevor, Kat, Dad..., -"Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!"

Maybe hours passed and I didn't notice. Maybe the hallways began to fill with students. I didn't notice. Maybe I skipped all the classes. I didn't notice, didn't cared.

I was angry. So angry… at myself. I couldn't collect my thoughts, my emotions. I couldn't organize them. I needed… something or someone! Anything! I felt my mind going overdrive, overflowed with so much though.

Someone, with the same kind of problem, came to mind.

-"Do you really know what you're requesting? I can forewarn you've never had one before."- Diego was outside of school, about to smoke again.

I clicked my tongue, irritated, -"I _really _need it if what you said is true."

-"About it clearing your mind? Certainly. For a rookie like you though… it may have a second effect."- He said worriedly.

-"Don't worry about me."- I said, desperate to clear my head. The headache was ripping my mind into shreds.

And he noted. He was still worried about me, but led me farther from school and to the same spot where we talked yesterday anyways. He dug out a cigarette, lighted it and gave it to me. He didn't told me how it works or anything and I thanked him for it silently. Can't be that hard.

Sure, I had a bit of problem at first, but I took the hang of it and after a while… I was relieved of any burden in me. I had a slight doubt and regret of doing it, but I locked it up. My mind was free.

-"Feeling better?"- Diego asked, puffing out a cloud of smoke.

-"Yeah…"- I spoke, the cigarette leaving a sour taste in my mouth.

-"You looked grim."

I just nodded. I felt there was space in my mind, like a water reservoir just emptied. I knew I could think more freely now and reason everything, but even the smallest though hurt, so I laid back.

Even so, it's like my own mind was telling me to do so. Now. Like it was urgent. I kept thinking of Marco. Marco this, Marco that, how I screwed everything between us, how stupid I've been. I know he was in the office "fixing" the problem with the girl. The problem _I _caused.

The side thoughts were mostly of the bullied kid in the launch room and everything I talked with Diego yesterday. Seriously, when I can get some peace?

I grew softer, my anger and jealously subsiding. I remembered how I treated Diego yesterday. I was indifferent and selfish. I kept talking about what I –or didn't wanted to know. It was me, me, me and despite how grievous he looked, he listened. I glanced at him and I saw him worse, -"Hey, uhm… I'm sorry about yesterday. I was a total dick."

Diego found this sudden, -"Pardon me?"

-"Just wanted to apologize for treating you like shit yesterday."

A small smile began to form on his blank face, -"Oh, it wasn't that severe. I also beg your absolution… for bringing up your boyfriend into that awful topic. I would've done the same." You just want to harbor him..."

Again, his voice drifted away as he grew thoughtful, -"What happened yesterday? To you, I mean."

-"Me? I had an awful argument with Zaeed,"- His face fell painfully as he started to vent, -"That and I'm targeted down by Kat and some bullies. I'm on a runaway and I'm fatigued. I haven't slept well either. My little brother's sick and I'm waiting a call from the hospital. Our parents don't even bother to call us. We live alone, the house is a mess. I'm worried about Zaeed. I don't know where he is and I can't find him. He doesn't answer my calls, my texts..."

-"Damn,"- I began and an idea occurred to me, -"Hey, wanna go-"

-"_Escucha,_"- He interrupted me and looked completely aghast, -"Forget everything I said yesterday. It's a waste of time and you'll just bring peril to both of you." ***1**

I lowered my gaze, feeling guilty. I thought so too yesterday… now? I wasn't so sure.

Diego sighed, running a hand through his messy hair, -"Enough about me. I've vent plenty already,"- He said, snatching my cigarette and throwing it away, -"You've had enough. I don't think Marco will agree of this. Now, tell me what happened to _you_."

I told him the incident with the girl.

-"Why were you trying unlock it?"

I hesitated a bit, -"For a damn video."

-"Video? That's ridiculous."

Again, I hesitated, longer this time. Right now, I didn't had anyone to talk to and I felt like I _needed _to. It was unlike me, yeah, but in moments like this, it was advised to do so and Diego was the perfect guy.

I told him my fight with Marco and the suggestive video the girls took.

-"I see,"- He said, growing thoughtful for a minute, -"I understand why you wanted to get rid of it. Kat will surely use it and spread the gossip more to turn the school against you. That's hard proof there, but…,"- He paused, again thoughtful, –"Marco is distressed. He thinks you're ashamed of what you both share."

-"What? No, I'm not,"- I said quickly. His dubious look irked me. Come on! After all me and Marco did to each other… that's impossible, right? I'm not ashamed. I loved him. I just wanted to keep it hidden for our safety –mostly his, -"I don't have to justify myself to you."

-"I haven't asked you to,"- He said and stood up, -"You better go then. Whoever is in charge would want you there."

And so I did and I quickly met with the girl, who was sticking her tongue out at me. Beside her was her mom. Opposite of them, was Marco and his mom beside him. My heart shattered. She was here in _my _name since Mom couldn't… come, -"We've already reached an agreement. There is no need for an alteration. As the man said, an _expert_, 100 is more than enough for him."- She spoke, calm and collected.

The girl's mom made a face, -"And where is the one responsible if not him, hm? He can't have all the roses while you're here."

-"I'm here."- I said, walking forward so I could be seen by both sides.

Marco and his mom were surprised to see me, especially Marco, -"Jean, we have this under control. Go."- He said lowly.

I arched an eyebrow, doubtful, -"Yeah, sure."- I stood beside his mom.

-"Mom, it's him! He's a freak!"- She shrieked, pulling her mother's shirt, -"He broke my phone on purpose!"

_I didn't do it on purpose, for fucks sake! _I shouted mentally and wanted to release it verbally, but I knew it won't do any good. I wanted to erase the video and I'd do anything to do so, even break it. What happened may have been an accident, but the damage is done.

Her mother lent down, -"It's okay, dear. I'll set him straight."

I was really doing an effort to keep it cool, -"Look, I'm sorry, okay? It was accident. I dropped it because you were kicking me."

She ignored me, -"Mom, he wanted to delete my stuff! My private stuff!"

Her mother gasped, -"You're a pervert!"

-"He's gay too and likes to spy on little girls!"

-"I'm not-"- I began, but bit my tongue, tasting my blood. _Don't even think about it, Jean! Not here, not now! You'll just ruin everything! _I told myself mentally, regretting biting my tongue, swelling in a matter of seconds.

-"Now, now,"- Marco's mom spoke, still keeping her cool, -"You're just being dramatic. Let's just finish this peacefully. I'll give you 100 for the damage done."

-"One hundred?"- I raised my voice and stood closer to her, speaking lower, -"I know you said you'd help me on anything, but I can't accept that. I caused this, I'll pay this."

I was about to turn around to face the desperate woman when Marco's mom stopped me, -"No, Jean. Tell me, how are you going to get the money?"

I paused and gulped, -"Uhm…,"- I pondered about it, but there wasn't much to think. It was a one way only, -"I'll find a job and work my ass off."

She wanted to argue, but she understood why I wanted to do this. She already helped me enough. I can't let her waste money for problems _I _caused. She spoke nonetheless, -"Fifty, fifty. Deal?"

I hesitated. I deserved to work hard for those 100, but I knew she wasn't lowering it, -"Deal."

She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed, -"Are you sure you can do it?"

I nodded, -"Yeah. Trust me."

We faced the woman. She was patting her feet huffily, -"Are you done?"

Marco's mom nodded, -"Yes. I've decided to give you 50. He'll give you the other half."

The woman grimaced, -"He deserves to give me 100 so he can learn his lesson. Even 200."

_Believe me, bitch, I agree with you, _I though bitterly.

-"No. The deal's set,"- Marco's mom said and lend her the first 50, -"Can you start repairing it with this?"- She asked the repair man.

He just nodded.

-"You have until next week. Monday."- The woman said, grinning.

-"That's no-"

-"It's okay"- I said, feeling a tight knot in my throat, -"I accept."- I knew why Marco's mom wanted to argue. It was harder to find jobs on weekends. Did the woman did on purpose? It doesn't matter. I'll get those 50 from anyone's ass if I have to. I also wasn't in position to argue anything.

We finished with the last details and when we were about to leave the office, -"And please, recover _all_ the data."- The woman told the repair man.

His _"will do" _sent shivers down my spine. I had to pinch myself in order to sustain myself from turning around and say something. If he recovered the data, I was done for, but I couldn't do anything else than survive. Following him in order to torture him in his house was out of the question. I had to live with it.

Outside, Marco's mom faced me worriedly and Marco was giving his cold shoulder, -"You need to look for jobs. And fast,"- She said, a hand on her chin, -" I know people who'll pay for garden and interior cleanup."

-"I'll ask my neighbors."- I said, my eyes on Marco. He was still upset with me and it shattered my heart. It was all my fault.

-"Okay. I'll call you on Saturday and start early. I can also lend more mo-"

-"No need,"- I interrupted her, -"I can do this."

She sighed, -"Then I'll bring you groceries every once a week. No excuses."

I nodded.

After that, Marco didn't spoke to me the rest of the evening. I wanted to talk to him, to make him say _something, _but I decided against it. I needed to give him space, to let his mood detrain. My earlier rampage scared and grieved him.

The ride home was quiet and when I entered my house, it was quieter. After a quick bath, I decided to visit a few neighbors, -"Hey, I'm looking for a job. Do you, uhm… need help with something? Or do you know anyone who needs it?"- I asked.

The old man shook his head disapprovingly, -"I suppose you ain't doing it from the heart. You're doing it for money. Y'all kids are."

I bit my lip, -"No, I'm sorry. I _need_ the mo-"

He closed the door brashly. I balled my fists angrily and raised it to hit the door, but instead took a deep breath and collected myself. Punching doors and raging inside his house isn't going to solve anything –and it was also intrusive. I'll just get in trouble.

I kept asking around, only to be dejected. Then, I thought about Mom's friend, Nana. She was an old lady, with wrinkles all over her face, -"Oh, Jean. I heard about your mother."- She sobbed and I felt guilty for not visiting her… at all.

I hugged and soothed her, telling her it was okay and that I knew she was alright. Sorrow began to well and distract me from my duty, -"Listen, I need a job. Do you know anyone around here who needs helps? I need money for something…"

Her face lit up, -"I need help with my home. Tis' all dirty and I'm too old to clean it,"- She said and pointed at the house opposite of her, -"Mr. Lawton needs help with his garden."

I sighed in relief. Finally, a job, -"Okay, I'll come by tomorrow."

I waved her goodbye and walked towards Lawton's house, -"Good evening. I heard you needed help –I mean, offering a job with your garden. I'm willing to take it."- I spoke, as much polite as I could.

He eyed me, -"Hmph. Saturday. Twenty bucks."- A man with little words.

I nodded, -"Roger."

I headed home afterwards and crumbled into bed, my legs giving up on me. I walked the whole neighborhood and only got two jobs. Damn. It wasn't enough. I needed more.

I tried to sleep, but it took me longer than I expected. I kept thinking about Marco, about how I was going to fix the fissure between us. God, I just wanted to keep him safe, I never thought I'd ruined everything. I spoke out, lacking control of my emotions and ended up hurting him. And all for a damned video.

Diego's words circulated my mind. Am I… ashamed of what we have? I quickly told him no, but now… no answer came to mind. It's was like a blank canvas.

It's unreal how everything turns against me, how easy it is to ruin someone's life, how difficult it is to live being yourself, how complicated life is –and _love_. I thought everything was great with Marco when he stayed with me, I thought I had the best life, I thought it'd stay like that…

I have never been so wrong.

* * *

Ugly right? I'M SORRY! But I want to keep this real! In order for Jean and Marco to be the perfect couple, in order for them to truly live at peace as lovers, they need to go through a series of obstacles and difficulties. If they succeed, only then they'll know they're really committed to each other. Believe me, this is difficult for me to write ;~; I love them too much!

For me, _love_ is happiness... and pain.

BUT I PROMISE THINGS WILL GET BETTER!

Also, why Jean gets most of the suffering? He's going trought self-doubt. The change between straight to homo and jerk to nice was sudden. He's changing, _really_ changing, he's learning from his mistakes and he's building mental fortitude. Marco went trough all that in the past. I hope you understand ;~;

Let me know if I'm not making any sense xD


	42. FORTY-TWO

FOURTY-TWO

Marco hasn't spoken to me yet.

And it was driving me mad.

It was Friday and everyone had that common joy for the weekend. I didn't had it. I was dreary and anxious.

I tried approaching him to talk to him, but I couldn't. I kept thinking of all this mess with the cellphone and the video. I needed to settle it right. It's what has Marco all shaken up like that. I know he'll get better if I fix it all. Then, we can hang out again and make out all we wanted.

And yet, the farther we were, the stronger our sexual tension grew. I yearned for his touch and kisses. Just one look from him and my body melted. I kept remembering his smiles, his laughs, his freckles…

I kept remembering our kisses, the way we touched that day, his deep moans, the sensations…

I was distracted from classes –as I used to call it: I was in the clouds and didn't understand shit what Levi was talking about. Now that I mention Levi… there were circulating rumors that he and Eren had something in secret. That's impossible, inappropriate and prohibited, considering Levi's a teacher. Also, he was too reputable for that. And Eren was too annoying for him.

I was in the same row as always. Marco was in the same row, but two chairs in front of me. I _needed _to tell him something. Anything. The distance was killing me. These _memories_ were slaughtering me. I couldn't take it anymore.

When I sat behind him, I planted my face in his back, burying it in his blue Superman overcoat. I surprised myself when I started sobbing mildly. I guess I was sensitive today. I don't know why. I can't explain it.

Marco gasped, feeling frigid from the small spot I was crying into, -"Jean…"- He whispered, probably looking over his shoulder.

I almost squealed. _Almost_. He just said my name.

I squeezed his coat, -"I'm sorry…,"- I wailed, not even bothering if someone else was hearing, -"I-I promise I'll fix everything. I… I swear."- I spoke through hard breaths, my throat rugged and my chin aching.

Marco breathed deeply, but said nothing.

After that, I spent the day alone and skipped a few classes. I then wondered why I bothered to come to school when I could be out there doing jobs. I looked at the clock from my phone. It was almost lunch hour. I'll eat, then leave and do a few jobs.

As I walked through the hallways to go to the lunch room early, several kids –girls and guys alike, were being bullied –and interrogated. I often heard the word _gay _and _lesbian _from the bullies. I did nothing however and wasn't surprised when no guard or staff member did anything either. Diego was right: it _was _getting worse.

-"Do you know a guy named Diego? Answer me!"

-"No, I don't! I swear!

_Slap._

I halted my steps.

-"Please stop! I don't know him!"

I blended in the crow, observing. I had my Batman coat and had the hood over my head. The bully showed her something from his cell, -"Take a good look at him and when you see him, you come to me. Understand?"

The guy just nodded and ran off when the bully let him go. He started asking random people around, threatening if needed. Damn. Diego was in trouble. I hurried to the lunch room when students started to look at me suspiciously. There, I ate as fast as I could until I heard loud laughs and _'uuuuh's _outside.

-"I got you!"

_No… it can't be!_

Panic reign me when I thought it was Marco, but when I got out after throwing the leftover from the tray…

-"_Mierda!_"- Diego cursed in Spanish when he was pushed harshly against the wall.

-"We finally got you and we've got a message for you,"- George emerged from the crowd beside Trevor. I gritted my teeth, -"Your kind aren't allowed here so you better fly away."

Diego attempted at dodging Trevor's punch. _Wrong move, _I said mentally, noting he sidestepped and almost tripped. Trevor was a leftie and always attacked that hand. Diego hasn't noticed that. I knew because I fought him. If he sidestepped to the right, he could've avoided that attack. His aggressor's fist landed in his abdomen and Diego lent forward, barely sustaining himself. Trevor pushed him back to the wall, as harsh as before. De Castro had his arms wrapped around his abdomen and too blind to see another punch directed at his face. When it made impact, I swore Diego went unconscious right there, considering his head went back and hit the wall, but Trevor was making sure he was awake. He wasn't done.

I was in panic. _Move, Jean. You need to do other stuff. Leave this to the superiors._

_He… he needs help. _I argued with myself. I knew the guards were as corrupted as the principal.

_You've got other things to do. Jobs, remember? _

But I couldn't move. My legs were glued there. I watched as Diego got beaten up and my heart ached, my body trembled with fury and fear. My irrational and reckless part of me was taking over my body. I wanted to do something, but I knew if I did, I was going to get in real _trouble. _There may not be a way out of this.

I heard cries. Someone was crying behind me. I looked over my shoulder and among the snickers, laughs and shouts, there was a guy crying, hands on his mouth to avoid bawling and get detected. I observed him further until Diego's piercing outcry made me look over. Trevor turned him around, his back at him and pushed his head against the wall with a thud. I winced as I saw Trevor forcing Diego's arm up. The latter one shrieked. And when Trevor kneed his back, Diego let out a muffled cry. He was lacking air to cry louder. God, what's wrong with this school?!

The crying guy behind me rushed at the middle of the scene, unable to hold himself, -"Diego!"- He shouted.

And that made Diego's eyes widen in terror, -"Zaeed… no! Run!"

_So that's Zaeed._

George turned his attention to him, -"Well, well, our little beacon worked. You finally show up."

Everyone gasped, but not in terror or solicitude. Do they really think this is a movie?

I noted a few leaving, recognizing this was getting real ugly.

I also noted Zaeed had no self-defense. At all. That's when I ran in, pushing students aside. I grabbed Zaeed shoulder and when he looked up at me, I said, -"I got this. Get to safety."- But did I meant it? He didn't seemed to believe me, but he sidestepped to the sidelines anyways. I knew he was up to something. I had to keep my eye on him.

Diego eyes widen more at me and my eyes locked with his: he was suffering, he wanted this to end and yet he had the smallest flicker of hope when he saw me. He tough I was his savior. How ironic. I was probably ruining both of our lives.

Only George's slow but loud applauds snapped us both, -"Look who's here, ladies and gentlemen. Jean Kirshtein. It's been a long time, buddy."

-"Don't call me buddy."- I said through gritted teeth. Ire began to arise inside me, remembering everything he did to Marco and me.

And he was right, it's been a long time. He had his eyes red and was walking toward me sloppily. He was high. Very high. I could use this observation to my benefit. Trevor, however, didn't looked so inebriated.

-"After all this time and that's how you treat me. Why don't we…"- He kept blabbering and I took a quick glance at Zaeed. He was moving closer –a bit scared, to where Diego laid, all beaten up. What is he plotting? Trevor hasn't seen him yet, his eyes were on me and I wanted it to stay that way. Diego did say Zaeed was clever. I'll buy him time for whatever he was planning.

I interrupted George and spoke to Trevor, -"Hey! Leave him alone."

Trevor laughed out loud, -"Says who?"

-"Me."- I said and launched towards him, ignoring George. He'll be easier to deal with. Trevor was going to be more complicated since he had his mind on the ground unlike his pal.

My attack was unexpected, but he still remained composed and blocked my punch with his forearm. I raised my knee, but he also blocked it. Slowly, I lured him farther and farther from Diego. When Trevor launched at me, I did a swoop around and quickly gazed at Zaeed when I was out of Trevor's sight. He was picking Diego up.

Even though he was drunk, I was worried George would bust him, so I tried to distract them both. Like I said, George was easy to deal with. His attacks were sloppy. Trevor was giving me a hard time. He was Frank's left hand after all.

After a few minutes of fighting, I was exhausted. I knew I blew it up when I promptly glanced at Zaeed's positon in front of Trevor. He followed my eye and growled in anger when Diego wasn't there, -"Wha-!? Where is he?"

I sighed in relief and noted two figures moving at the far end of the hallway. Was that… Marco?

When both Trevor and George –kind of-, grew in anger, I knew I had to make a run for it. This crowd wasn't dispersing and people were taking videos. I can't let them record me in a rampage and fighting like the madman they thought I was. I needed to prove them wrong. I ran.

-"Come back here, you coward!"

Yet I knew I was going to be called a coward nonetheless. Better that than a lunatic.

Both of them were in their group's soccer team, so they knew how to _run. _George stayed behind and stopped to take air, so I was lost for him in a second. Trevor was on my heels.

No matter how many turns I took, he was still onto me. The only way I was going to escape him was if I outsmarted him, so I tried and remembered how Marco disappeared from Frank's eye by blending with crowds. The bell rang and it meant that lunch hour will soon be over, so students were probably waiting in front of their teacher's classrooms, so the hallways were probably packed right now.

I set a course to the nearest hallway and ran as fast as I could. My legs were beginning to hurt. I was forcing myself and my breaths were ragged. My heart was going to explode. I wasn't running properly, but this was a life or death run. This wasn't soccer practice.

When I reached the crowd, I decelerated and started walking at a fast pace, still keeping a normal aspect to it. –"Jean! You can't run forever!"

_Shit, shit, shit, is he seeing me? _But since I wasn't feeling my neck snapped, I guessed he wasn't. The hallway was packed as I foretold and all the while, I stopped seeing _him. _

-"Jean! I can see you!"- He shouted.

My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't tell if he was bluffing, but when I felt a slight pull in my shirt, I knew I was done for. I knew there was no way of escaping him now. He'll beat me to a pulp.

But it didn't come. I wasn't feeling that pull anymore and when I promptly looked back, I saw two black figures among the crowd, straddling Trevor. They easily blend in with whoever wore black –if "they" were real. Was I seeing things again? Did I just summoned some dark ghosts? It didn't matter. I made a run for it again. This time, I was shit scared. I didn't knew who I was running from now.

When I was positive I was clear, I leaned down, hands on knees and panting heavily, sweat trailing rapidly down from my forehead to my chest. I was quivering, both from the running and fear. _I swore I saw something there – or someone. _

-"Psst."- I heard a whistle.

I turned around abruptly, balling my fists and aiming at whomever just whistled atme.

It was one of those black figures. It looked… male. He had black gloves and black sneakers. I saw a face underneath the black hood, so I could say he was human, -"Come with me."

I shook my head. No way. He could be leading me into a trap.

-"It's Diego De Castro."

I lowered my arms a bit, -"Diego…? How do you know him?"

-"Zaeed is with him. And Marco too."

At the mention of his name, I gasped and my arms dropped, -"Marco?"

He noted that and smirked, nodding.

I hesitated for a while, but realized he knew of Zaeed's plan. I knew I saw Marco aiding Zaeed with Diego and this guy knew that too. Some lowlife lackey of Trevor or George would've said something stupid. I still wasn't trusting him, but I gestured him to lead on and I followed him. I prepared myself for an ambush or some shit anyways.

But when we reached a small lieu on the second floor lead by the stairs to the rooftop, I quickly met with a bunch of guys, all dressed in black. Among this blackness, I saw gold. I saw Diego resting his head on Zaeed's lap. I quickly rushed to him, -"Diego? Hey, are you alright?"- When I saw Zaeed's stricken face, I swallowed. Diego didn't look alright at _all_. He had a massive bruise on his cheek and a smaller one on his forehead, where his head clashed with the wall. He was unconscious, breathing, but knocked out.

-"Those bastards…"- I muttered to myself, that ire wanting to take control of me, that hate at those assholes for what they did. I wanted them to pay… to feel what Diego felt...

And then…

-"Jean!"- _My _savior's voice nulled those corrupting thoughts and emotions. Marco came rushing at me, fear and worry plastered all over his face.

I stood up and began to apologize, but he clashed against me into a tight, warm hug. I stood dumbfounded for a few seconds before hugging him back. I haven't gotten this close to him in a while, -"It's okay, Diego's ok-"

Marco squeezed tighter, -"Why'd you do that?"

I knew what he meant, -"He needed me, Marco. Nobody was doing anything."- I said, remembering how he said the same thing about the bullied kid in the lunch room.

-"I know, dummy, but you fought them on your own! Why didn't you told me or someone from our group? They could've beaten you too!"- Marco was letting his emotions out, but he was keeping them under control. Unlike me.

-"I… I…,"- I couldn't argue with him. Yeah, I could've call them, but if I went over and back to the scene with help, Diego would have been in a worst condition and things would've been different -yeah, death included, -"I'm sorry, Marco…,"- _You _do _worry, _I though as a sentimental tear escaped my eye. He sobbed and I lifted his head up to see tears on his sweet eyes, -"Don't cry. I'm here. I'm alright. You're gonna make _me _cry."

He chuckled, -"Just promise me you won't do it next time."

There _will_ be a next… that much I knew. About calling him and the group for help? I wasn't so sure, but I'll definitely try, -"I'll try, Marco. I promise."

I knew that wasn't the answer he wanted, but he decided against arguing, knowing how bad it ended last time we both did. He nodded and buried his face in my chest. I felt that warm I've been longing for this whole time… that hunger for his lips… his touch…

I began to lean down, but abruptly stopped. This wasn't the appropriate place for that and I knew what a small kiss led to. Someone even reminded us, -"Get a room you two."- It wasn't a discriminating tone of voice, there were just too many people.

I turned to Marco and spoke lowly, -"I want… to speak with you. Maybe later?"

Marco nodded, -"Upper rondure."

I nodded back.

-"So,"- I heard a masculine voice call out. Was it to me? –"You're _the _Jean,"- His voice had… authority among the others and when I turned to look at the guy, he certainly looked like the leader of this…black gang or whatever they were. He too wore black: gloves, jeans and combat boots alike, but was the tallest and most toned. As if to be one with the darkness, his hair was pure black, mildly shaved on the sides and rear but abundant and messy with hair above. His eyes were hazel. He also had an 'I founded a gang' look; I noticed a few earrings and another handful of piercings: one in his nose and the other on his lower lip, -"A pleasure, I guess."- A handsome guy for any girl's eyes.

-"Nathaniel, he's waking up."- One of his guys spoke.

_Nathaniel Guerrero, _he filled the request to cast Kat out, right after Diego.

Nathaniel looked over his shoulder, -"Bandage him up –let Zaeed do it."

Zaeed look up at Nathaniel and nodded, willing to do anything for Diego. He was the quiet and shy type, like Diego said. I haven't gotten a better look at him. He wasn't as tall as Diego –tenth grader? And had a black formal haircut, neatly brushed to the side, no shags whatsoever. He had one of those squared glasses nerds used a lot, layered in white to expose his sky blue-ish eyes. A cutie in Diego's eyes, no doubt and yet they were so different. I saw love and worry in his eyes as he tenderly bandaged his boyfriend up.

-"He'll soon wake up,"- Nathaniel spoke, snapping me for my sudden trance, -"That was pretty clever for you, blending in crowds like that and yet he was onto you. You would've been ripped if not for my guys."

-"Your 'guys'?"- I snorted, -"Are you playing war now?"- By his selection of words, I could point out he played CoD or Battlefield.

He didn't found it amusing. What a serious guy, -"Technically, yeah,"- He said, grimacing, -"One that doesn't involve politics but rights."

-"This whole place feels like it,"- I said, looking around. This part of the school was utterly abandoned since access to the rooftop was prohibited. There were spider webs on the corners and dust loosening from the walls, -"So… you're gay too."

The statement didn't set him off at all, like it was totally normal, but one of his guys raised his head, -"Yeah. Problem?"- He spat, crossing him arms.

And he had the 'bring it on anytime' personality too, -"Nope."- I said, not looking for fights with someone who might've saved my life –and can kick my ass. He had the coats sleeves up to his elbow and I could see his toned arm –and a tattoo on his right arm: it was like a phrase or something. His vein was healthy visible like mines. I bet he had defensive training.

-"Good. We understand each other,"- I guessed he knew about Marco and me then, but didn't point anything out about it. He pointed at Diego, -"They went too far this time."

-"Um, a quick question,"- I began, -"What did you do with Trevor? Not like I care about him or anything. Just... er, wondering."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. He hesitated for a few seconds, -"We knocked him out and dropped him in the bathroom. We left a few drugs on him as "proof" that he was drunk."

I casted a weary expression, -"And... where did you get those?"

He grinned, -"I have my sources."- He sounded a lot like Kat right now.

-"Okay..."- This definitely looked like mafia work.

-"He'll still claim he was knocked out by someone, but people and superiors will say he was just drunk -and crazy, it's enough to cover us. Get it or do I have to repeat it?"- He spat quickly, probably irritated he had to explain everything to me. Well yeah, I had to know who the fuck I was dealing with. Is he an ally or a foe?

-"No, but thank you for offering."- I spat back, grinning. I had to admit that was a clever strategy.

-"Anyways,"- He began again, this time, his voice harsher, more serious, -"This is getting out of hand. What happened with Diego was just the beginning."

-"Do you know him?"- I asked -again, out of curiosity. It was a stupid question.

-"Yeah. Why do you ask so many questions?"- What a spicy little fuck he was.

I just shrugged, -"I dunno."- It's a new record! I haven't fought with him yet –but physically and verbally.

He clicked his tongue, -"All you need to know is that we're the ones trying to stop the bullying and find a place in this school no matter our sexual preferences."

Now, I couldn't hold myself, -"Well, it's not working,"- I said, crossing my arms defensively –I felt this guy can jump at me any time, -"And it's not like you can stop it all either. There will always be bullying and racists, no matter where you go."

He looked like he wanted to jump at me. Again, he pointed at Diego, -"But we _can _stop this. This is far too much. They've crossed the line. It's unfair,"- He said, his voice hard, angry, -"And what about you? You haven't done shit. Diego seems convinced you can help us."

I snorted, -"And you?"

-"All I see is a loudmouth."

I was about to answer back when Diego spoke out, -"And I see… a fighter, a warrior… someone who can make a difference. We need him, Guerrero."

I looked over at him. Did he really think so? I didn't. The term 'warrior' was a bit off in our situation.

-"Didn't he told you he wasn't getting involved?"- Nathaniel was in complete distrust of me, -"He's selfish."

-"You don't understand…,"- Diego shook his head, -"Weren't you egoistic as well when this all began? You wanted to protect Axel just the way Jean wants to protect Marco without getting dragged in dangerous activities. Isn't that why you don't let Axel participate?"- At the mention of Axel, Nathaniel's face softened and one of the guys raised his head, the one of before, -"_None_ of us wanted to get involved. Surely, you understand Jean."

Nathaniel grimaced and gaped his mouth to retort, until that same guy of before stood up, -"Nate,"- He spoke and I swore Nathaniel's attitude went from bad to goody two shoes, -"He has managed what you couldn't in years."- The guy lowered his hood and I saw a red head with spiky hair on top and messy all the way to his rear into a small braid with distinct accessories. He had emerald eyes and a tribal tattoo underneath his right one. He had a beauty mark over his eyebrow, at the end of it. On his other eyebrow, he had a piercing, as well as lime green plugins on his ears. By their proximity, I figured he was Nathaniel's boyfriend. They looked alike.

The truth of that made Nathaniel a bit troublesome, -"Fine, but what does he say now?"- He looked at me.

I quickly spoke, placing my hand on my forehead, feeling my head heavy, -"Just… give me some time."

Nathaniel sighed, -"In the meantime, try to stay out of sight. Use a variety of hooded coats. You too, Marco,"- He turned towards Diego, -"Especially you. I told you before, didn't I?"

Diego made a face, -"Ugh, they're so… habitual."

Once Nathaniel dismissed his little gang, I walked towards Diego, who was sat up and leaning on the wall. Zaeed sat beside him, -"Hey… how are you feeling?"

Diego smiled weakly, -"I'm alright… thanks to you. I owe you again."

I shook my head, -"No, don't worry. It was nothing,"- I scratched the back of my neck, -"Uh… did you meant what you said earlier?"

He nodded, -"Yes. I wouldn't have said it otherwise, would I?"- He stood up with Zaeed's help, -"And yes, it was _something_. You saved my life _twice_. You could have turned away, it wasn't your business, right?"

My gaze fell, guilty, -"It's not like that… I just… couldn't stay and watch, you know? You're… my friend."- It took me a while to say that, but I meant it.

Diego's smile grew, -"I'm honored to hear that."

-"What're you gonna do now?"

-"I'm going to take him home until he recovers,"- Zaeed spoke next, -"Thanks… Jean."

-"Take care of him, yeah?"- I said and started walking away after saying goodbye.

I walked with Marco outside and reached the upper rondure, where we promised to talk.

-"Jean … how are you holding up?"- He spoke first.

We were facing each other and yet I couldn't look at his eyes, -"Uh… good, I guess."- I really wanted to apologize, but I didn't know if it was the right time. I felt I needed to complete those jobs to pay that woman and _then_ I could apologize to him. I knew he was mad at me for intervening in the reunion.

He lent and tried to look at my eyes, but I avoided them, -"I told you I had it under control. Now you need to work this weekend. You won't be able to study. And what if you received news of your mom? You just put more weight on you –more than you already had."

-"Marco… she wanted to see me. I needed to be there, otherwise she wouldn't accept the deal."- I answered back, afraid of what his respond might be.

Marco was speechless. What I said was true and he knew it.

-"I can handle it. I promise."- Really now?

His face softened and his eyes watered, -"You should have let mom pay her."

I shook my head, -"You've both done so much for me… I can't just let you pay for problems _I _caused."

-"But…"

I drew myself closer to him, lifting his head up to face mines, -"Trust me. I can do it. I'll be alright."- I finally gave him that kiss from earlier, overwhelmed by his worry. It was soft and slow at first, then, I couldn't resist myself. That burning sensation in me begged me to practically chew on his lips. My heart throbbed faster as I drew my tongue deep in his mouth, but it wasn't enough. With my hand on the back of his head, I pushed deeper until I could reach and touch his mouth's sides and roof. I explored it thoroughly, slithering my tongue all around it, taking his saliva into mines. Marco started coughing, unable to keep up with me, but I didn't stop, I _couldn't_ stop. My body yearned for him. I roughly began to kiss his neck and sliding down to his shoulder where a trail of freckles descended, sucking here and there. Marco's moans echoed in my ear and that was enough to turn me on.

I unconsciously began to pull on his shirt underneath his coat while the other hand began to unzip it. He didn't stop me and when I finished, my hand began to unbutton his shirt –or tried to, I couldn't see what I was doing, -"Ngn… Jean…"- Marco moaned deeply.

I pushed him to the wall and nailed him with my body. Giving up on his shirt, I escalated my hand all the way up his back and slowly dropped it, feeling his soft skin. Without thinking, I dropped it too low and into his pants, taking and feeling his buttocks. I squeezed and Marco took an intake of hard breath. They were sweaty and soft, like pillows. I couldn't prevent an erection. It was impossible. I needed to _feel _him more.

I moved my hand to the front of his pant and dug deeper. Marco flinched, -"J-Jean…!"

I knew at the back of my mind –way back, we were in school. It wasn't the right place to do this and yet, I couldn't stop myself…!

Until the second bell rang, ordering students to enter class.

Close by, I heard loud, collected footsteps, like cattle coming up to their hutch. I kept kissing Marco, still hearing out the students until I pushed him away… harshly and pulled the hood over my head. It was an impulsive act, one that I didn't even though of. The students teemed the area.

Marco was looking at me surprised. He wasn't expecting that. I was too harsh, I didn't measure the strength in my arms. His face fell, saddening, -"I-I'm… sorry. I just…"

-"I…, it's okay,"- He said, always compassionate and understanding, yet there was something else there too. Doubt? Grief? He avoided my eyes, -"We should go."

I noted he wanted to hold hands. I hesitated. The rondure was still crowded. I couldn't risk it. A shallow fear tingled in me as students started to look at us strangely and whisper to their friends. I slightly shook my head, worried at how Marco would feel.

Marco bit his lip again and lowered his hand.

-"Marco… I-I need to head home t-to work early."- I stuttered, getting a weird ache in my chest. The sensation of our moment was still there, begging me to continue what I started. The erection was getting uncomfortable and I tried to push it down with my hand stealthily. If Marco noted, he didn't say anything.

After a while, he nodded reluctantly –yet understanding, -"O-okay… I'll copy the material for you."

I thanked him and headed out, the ache in my chest growing worse. _He thinks you're ashamed of what you both share. _Diego's words buzzed around my head. No, it can't be. I _loved_ Marco. I did what I did for his safety in this fucking school.

An annoying doubt lingered somewhere in my mind.

When I reached home, I quickly went towards Nana's, -"I'm ready for that job."

She gestured me in and I began to clean her house –nonstop, picking up random stuff from the floor and dumping them away. I swept the house with a worn out broom, blowing off dust and then washing it with a mop. I threw out the garbage and washed the dishes. The bathroom stank like a dump, but I cleaned it thoroughly, using Clorox, Lysol and Lestoil. I sneezed countless times. The bathroom's garbage was packed and nasty toilet papers fell. I found cleaning gloves and picked each one of them up and dumped them –lastly picking up the dump and throwing it away. God, this lady didn't do shit.

Then, I headed to her bedroom which was –to say the least- worse than mines. She had her clothes –both dirty and clean- thrown everyone, her bed sheets were crumbled on the floor and her shoes were disorganized. I patch it all up, fast as lighting, never stopping for a break. I used a vacuum, which helped a lot. I tossed her dirty clothes on the washer –which took me minutes to understand and turn on, -"Jean, would you like an omelet?"

I almost squealed. I loved omelets –just Mom's though, but I was still hungry.

-"You've done an excellent job,"- She said when I sat to eat, -"Thank you."

I just nodded since my mouth was full. I silently thanked her for feeding me. Like I said, it wasn't like Mom's, but close. Enough to satisfy my stomach. I haven't eaten anything since I walked here from school.

When I finished, I continued to work and tossed her damped clothes on the dryer. While I waited for it to finish, I wrapped up final details here and there.

-"Here,"- Nana called me while I folded her dried clothes and retrained them in her cabinets. I turned to her and took… ten bucks from her hands. I said nothing, as I decided ten was better than nothing and thanked her, -"You can come by again to work for another ten bucks."

-"Thanks."

At home, I slumped to bed without changing or anything. I haven't realized just how much my body hurt from so much work. I fell asleep in a matter of seconds.

* * *

Long and boring chapter, right? I'll have to compress them :/


	43. FORTY-THREE

Sarry for the delay! ;~; College sarted and I'm taking precalculus! I'm suck so bad at math u.u

* * *

FOURTY-THREE

The weekend flew by. Working my ass off seemed like an excellent way to distract my mind from deterring thoughts.

Aside from school thoughts, like Nathaniel's gang and my big question to whether or not join him… I was thinking about Marco –when was I not? I thought about it and I didn't treat him well last Friday. I pushed him away from me mostly because of… my own fear. I claimed I did it for his safety, but I could protect him anytime. I acted based on my fear of the public, of the racists… of the homophobic, of reliving the past. Even outside of school. Was I shamed of what we had? That question drove me mad. If I was ashamed of what I had with him, why do I think about him so much? Why do I keep worrying about him more than myself? Why do I protect him and rage on whoever just glared at him? I think if I was ashamed of him, it meant I didn't truly cherish him and it's pretty obvious I do… more than myself.

That was a worldwide record of thinking and reasoning from me. It took me a while to find that answer, but I did and I'm confident about it.

-"Why are you taking so damn long?"- An old, greedy man shouted from within his house.

I snapped from my train of thoughts, -"Er… I-I'm sorry!"

I was scraping his garden into a flat terrain. He wanted to plant seeds, but had a mess of leaves and withered plants everywhere. I pulled them all off and groveled the leaves into a corner. Once I finished scrapping the terrain, I stood and lent on the wall to drink some water. I wiped sweat off my forehead. The sun was a killer today. I didn't delay long though. I started planting the seeds he bought: tomatoes, lettuces, onions and carrots. I made a tiny holes on the earth and dropped them vertically. The old man lend me gloves at least. When I finished, I sprayed water on them and gently pat the earth around them with my feet and went for my reward.

-"Well earned."- That was the only compliment I've gotten from him since I came here. He gave me 30 bucks.

-"Thank you."- I said and walked out joyfully. These were the last 30 bucks I needed.

Next day of school, I waited for that woman in the office, -"She's late."- I muttered, glancing at the clock in the wall: 8:00. I was supposed to be on class, dammit!

As if on cue, she arrived, artificially glamorous, -"Oh, there you are!"- I quickly handed her the money and started to walk out, -"I saw the video, pest. Homosexuality is a sin. It's written in the divine book. I'm glad the school is taking care of the likes of you."- She giggled, but I was too far to hear her anymore.

Apart from the uncontrollable fear in me that the video was recovered and soon leaked, no doubt, I was troubled. Very troubled.

I pushed those thoughts aside as I headed to the classroom. I brought my black Batman hoodie today too, as Nathaniel recommended and avoided crowds. It was impossible however. The hallways swarmed with students and spoke of only one thing: Jean Kirshtein, local madman, coward and atheist, fucking up Marco Bodt, a Christian child.

Large crowds surrounded one person playing the video from a cellphone. It was on YouTube and had thousands of views.

My mind streamed with thoughts, my body quaked, my stomached churned… and fear was eating me alive, chewing on the little courage I had. I wanted to barge out of school, I wanted to cry on my pillow, I wanted… I wanted to…

I needed to find Marco. He could be in danger.

I haven't been seen yet, so I started to squeeze through the people, sometimes stopping to watch the vid to avoid suspicion. Once I saw it, I felt I couldn't drag my eyes out of it. It was perfectly recorded: I was kissing Marco wildly while sliding my hand up his abdomen…

A whistle. Familiar.

I glanced back discreetly and spotted a hooded guy, gesturing me to follow him. I did, recognizing him as one of Nathaniel's. Once out of the crowd, I followed him to his place, -"I can't believe it…!"- I spoke out quickly once in the familiar ground. Nathaniel's spot was always deserted from other students.

-"Jean,"- Nathaniel spoke, arms crossed with a concerned expression, -"It's Marco. My guys haven't located him."

I froze. He... he couldn't find him?

Panic and adrenaline enveloped me as I ran towards where I thought I could find him: in the bathroom, isolated from the growing crowds. While I ran there, I kept encountering giant crowds, all watching the video. Teachers called them to enter class, but they didn't listen. More fear and panic in me, but I needed to calm down. I needed to find Marco first.

As I foretold, he _was _there, hands on a sink and looking down. He had a white hoodie, so I couldn't see his face from here. I rushed towards him, -"Marco."- I called him silently, tugging his arm.

When he turned to face me, I saw a troubled expression. He wasn't scared like I was, he was just... disturbed, like a bugging though wouldn't leave his mind. He didn't say anything.

-"Marco, we have to go."

-"Jean... I...-"- He spoke, voice low and weary.

-"We don't have time. They're going to-"

-"I think he went this way!"- Some random student from outside shouted.

I gasped and immediately pushed Marco into one of the cubicles. With little space, I positioned myself in front of Marco and faced him. I lifted my finger in front of my lips in a gesture to stay quiet as best as possible. He nodded. Now, from this proximity, I could observe his face better: his eyes were reddish, like he was crying and he had dark stains under them. He was crying last night and couldn't sleep.

-"I think they're in the bathroom."

-"Why would they be here?"

-"It's the best place to make out and have sex, y'know?"

By now, I was hugging Marco tightly as the joyful voices and giggles from students came closer. It was a matter of time before they opened this door and...

And I'd kick their butts.

But then, -"Hey, you hear that? It sounds like fighting! It's gotta be that madman!"- And just like that, they left and I wondered who was fighting.

When I was positive we were clear, I opened the door a little and peeked. Clear. We both headed out, hoods pulled over our heads and avoiding crowds. Once in Nathaniel's place, we sat down, -"Marco..."- I began.

-"We, um… have that oral presentation in art tomorrow."- He spoke evasively.

I ignored the fact that I totally forgot about that. I knew something was up and he wanted to tell me, -"That's not what you were going to tell me."

-"I finished it and it looks great..."- He continued, avoiding my eyes.

-"You did...? You should've called me,"- I said, hands on forehead and looking down, then I realized he was trying to divert me, -"Wait, are you trying to-"

-"I couldn't... you were too busy working. I didn't want to interrupt you."

-"Marco-"

-"But we both did a good job. We'll get a good-"

-"Marco!"- I called him, louder. I cupped his face in my hands and stared at his eyes. His eyes widened, -"What's wrong? You're acting… different."

His gaze fell and whenever I tried to keep it on mines, he looked away, -"It's… nothing, Jean. We should go to class."- He said after a few seconds of silence and stood up.

I stood up too and followed him after Nathaniel warned us to stay hidden, -"Hey, are you alright?"- I asked him, unable to shake off the worriedness in me. Something was wrong with him. He was acting strange. He seemed bothered, tired and grim. I've never seen him like this.

-"Yeah, I'm okay."

-"Are you sure."

-"Mhum."

-"Really sure."

He nodded.

I gaped my mouth to speak.

-"Jean, I'm fine. Really."- He repeated.

But I still can't bite it, -"Marco, you can't fool me."

He turned towards me and smiled a bit, -"I know,"- His face softened. He sighed, -"Just… give me some time."

I don't know why I had to, but I nodded nonetheless, trusting him.

We reached the classroom and I couldn't stop worrying about him and wondering what he meant a few minutes ago. He seemed normal during class, but I knew something was wrong and I knew it had to do with me.

I wasn't in the mood for any class, so I didn't pay attention and I felt empty when Marco didn't scold me.

After class, Levi did the one gesture I could understand. He wanted to me stay. Great. I wasn't even wondering what it was about this time. I gestured Marco to wait for me, but I don't know if he saw me –maybe he did, but moved on nonetheless. Again, strange. I approached his desk, mouth gaped.

-"Sit down, Kirshtein, it's been a while since you've shown your face here."- He spoke, cool and collected.

I crossed my arms and shook my head, -"Can you speed it up? I've got class."

-"Like hell you do –and don't order me around."- He spat, probably guessing I wasn't going anyways.

I grunted and sat down.

-"I see you've been busy."- He said, working on his tea.

-"Yeah, with homework and stuff."

He laughed. This is the first time I've ever heard a laugh out of him, -"Oh, you're so funny."

I clicked my tongue. Clever asshole, -"What do you want?"

He glared at me before speaking, -"I'm going straight to the point,"- He warned, setting his tea down and enclosing his fingers in front of his chin, a usual position of his, -"I know what's going on around here, with you and a few other students. Yet, our beloved principal does nothing but sit on his chair and feed off of us, enjoying the show."

I gritted my teeth. It was no show. It was cruelty. I knew little of our principal due to the fact that he rarely comes. I only know that he's fat and likes it when people called him lord Balto.

-"All this school needs is a change of leaders, don't you agree?"

I stayed quiet.

-"I've received a few requests. I'll gladly concede if given the opportunity."

My eyes widen. Him? Principal? –"Wait, you? Seriously? Who requested?"

-"A handful of students _and _staff,"- He leaned closer, -"Do you have a problem, Kirshtein? You think you can do better?"

-"Nope, not at all,"- I said, a smirk across my face, -"Better you than him."

-"Precisely."

I stood up to leave, -"I'll sign up then."

-"Jean,"- His voice turned more serious, if that's possible, -"Once I'm in charge, I won't tolerate racism, judges nor bullies. Until then, keep fighting. Fight for what and who you love."

I stood speechless for a few seconds. He knew more than I though. I finally nodded and headed out. As I walked out, I noticed Eren in a corner. When I was out, he slowly approached Levi. Curiosity hit me, but I couldn't delay. I had class and Marco would kill me if I didn't show up –maybe.

My heart shattered when I realized he didn't wait for me. I walked to the next class, head hung.

I had my hands in my pocket, touching my cellphone. It's been like two weeks or so and Dad nor the doctor haven't called me. I was remotely close to giving up all hope.

As I walked inside the classroom, I noticed how few of my group were showing up. I hadn't seen Ymir and Krista in a while –nor Berthold and Reiner. It was odd. The bullying in this school was mostly on homos. Ymir, Berthold and Reiner could defend themselves. Still, maybe they changed to a school where they could study more quietly. I don't blame them. I'd chance _if_ Marco did –I still can't anyways.

I sat behind Marco and during class, I fell asleep until Connie slapped me awake, -"Wake up, horse face!"

I lifted my head abruptly and caressed it, -"Damn it, man! Why'd you hit me?"

-"To wake you up, dumbass. You slept during class like a rock. You were even snoring."

-"I… what?"- I rubbed my eyes and saw I was still in classroom. My head throbbed and my legs were numb. I also saw Connie and Sasha watching some vid. I leaned closer to them and saw myself sleeping… and snoring. They laughed and I clicked my tongue. Only then I realized that Marco wasn't in front of me, -"Hey, where's Marco?"

-"Oh, he just left. Are you two like… fighting or something?"- Sasha asked.

-"Uh… kind of."- I muttered and stood up, leaving the lovebirds laughing at me.

Weird, weird, weird. Marco was acting odd. He'd always wait for me –_always, _even when I slept during class.

It was lunch hour already. Bully activity was steep now, so I figured Marco would be on Nathaniel's spot, but when I got there and didn't saw him, panic mode turned on. Nathaniel told me he'd search too, -"Calm down. He's clever. He won't get caught."

We set off to find him and I cursed myself mentally for not asking his phone number yet. I always forget. We searched everywhere: the bathrooms, the lunch room, the upper rondure, the lover's nests, McDonalds…

_Come on, think! Where would he be…? _I had an idea, but it was unlikely, -"Do you know if art classroom is open?"- I asked Nathaniel.

-"Pixis came today, but he only leaves it open when asked personally, otherwise he-"

-"That's it!"- I yelled and ran off.

I ran past enormous crowds doing the same thing: watching the video. I didn't cared; when something was up with Marco, I forget and ignore everything else, only he mattered.

When I reached the classroom, I looked through the small window the door had and spotted him in one of the tables… alone.

-"Is he there?"- Nathaniel asked behind me.

I turned towards him and nodded, -"Yeah, but… let me talk to him. Alone. We'll meet you in the usual."

-"Hmph. Fine. Don't take too long."

When he left, I turned on the hand knob only to find it closed. I knocked softly. Marco heard and looked over his shoulder. I lent closer to the window and he spotted me, yet he turned back to whatever he was doing. I sighed and knocked again. Nothing. I lent on the wall and waited –all I had to. Whenever students passed, I looked down and start to work on my phone as cover. I waited and waited. Lunch hour will soon be over. A few students closed in the classroom to peek inside –nerds, actually, nobody else liked art class, -"There's no one there."

-"Why's the light on then?"

-"Maybe Jinn is there?"

They knocked. Nothing.

They sighed and left.

_Eld Jinn, _music class teacher. _He _has a copy of Pixis' classroom keys since both rooms were merged into, well… one.

I went to the office and quickly ran into him, -"Oh, _buon pomeriggio, _Jean. Something I can help with?" ***1**

Jinn had Italian heritage, -"Yeah, I, um… I'd like the keys to Pixis classroom."- It was an odd thing to ask.

He grimaced, -"I've had a few students who asked me too. I can't give keys of a classroom which I don't own."

-"Please. My friend's in there and I…,"- I figured I had to be honest, -"… I have to talk to him. He won't open the door."

-"Pixis let him?"

-"He had to."

Jinn though about it, fingers on his chin. He must find this all odd, -"Alright, Jean. I'll open it for you. I was on my way to my classroom anyways."

I helped him carry a few instruments and headed off. He first opened his classroom and we dropped them off. Then, he opened Pixis', -"Don't take too long. I'll be in my classroom."

I nodded towards him and entered. Marco was about to jump off the table and ran off until he saw me, -"Oh, it's you."- He muttered.

-"Yeah, it's me,"- I said, closing the door, -"And we need to talk."

He shook his head and started picking up whatever he had on the table, -"No, we don't. I told you I'm fine. Let's go."

He was drawing –or trying to. All I see are scrawls, -"Yeah, we do,"- I repeated, walking closer to him. I was talking a bit harshly to him –again. I won't make that mistake, so I held my tongue, breathed deeply and spoke again, this time lower and softer, -"Marco… look, I know when you're not okay just as you can tell when I'm not."

That made him stop gathering the papers. He looked over his shoulder.

-"Please… let's talk. Let me hear you out. I can help you… just as you've helped me,"- I spoke, feeling warm within me. I meant what I said, -"I'm dead worried about you… and you know it, but it's okay. Whatever it is, we can take it. We'll find a way to beat it."

Now, he turned to me, his eyes watering, in the brink of tears, -"Jean…"- He whimpered.

I quickly wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me, -"It's going to be alright. Let's talk, okay? I hate seeing you like this."

He nodded against my chest.

We picked up everything in the classroom, retrained them where they belong and headed out to Nathaniel's place after closing the classroom and giving Jinn the key, -"There you are."- Said Nathaniel.

I walked towards him and spoke in an undertone, -"I need to speak to him... alone."

He arched his eyebrow and pointed to the stairs that led to the roof, -"Up there,"- He said and handed me some keys, -"Bring them back and make sure no one sees you."

I nodded and gestured Marco to follow me.

As we walked upstairs, he nervously poked my shoulder, -"Jean... we're not supposed to be up here."

-"I know,"- I said, remembering how shaken up the principal was when he gave the order to shut off the roof's access. Supposedly, a student committed suicide by jumping from it, -"They won't find us, I promise. It'll be quick."

When we reached the rusty gate, I opened it, trying to muffle its screak. I then shut it just as cautiously. Above, the sun shone down on us. We stayed away from it though, to avoid detection.

-"Jean,"- Marco spoke first, -"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I should've told you sooner!"

-"What're you talking about?"

-"About us. The Bible... it speaks of homosexuals. It's a... sin. I thought it was okay. Love is love. It doesn't matter who. Mom thinks so too, but when the rest of the family knew…"- Marco lowered his gaze, wrapping his arms around himself. He seemed hurt –and not physically… but spiritually.

The woman whom I gave the money said that too. I wasn't too religious and I haven't read the Bible to know that. I though the woman was bluffing, but hearing it from Marco… was different. He's someone who had _true_ faith in Him up there –because I could tell the woman believed just right then and there just so she could make me feel guilty.

I guessed 'the rest of family' were religious from top to bottom. Yet, I believed who had faith in Him don't exactly need to read the Bible or go to church 24/7. People here tend to misunderstand the concept –that's what I think anyways. I also think the Bible can't word out who you can or can't love –that's also a misunderstood concept. Like Marco said, love is equal, it's not a matter of who.

I was about to say all those thoughts when he continued, -"Jean… I think we need to-"

-"No,"- I said, fast as lighting, not wanting to hear it, -"Listen to me-"

His expression hardened a bit, -"And I know why you don't want me so close to you on public, but I feel like I'm a different person to you. You push me away and treat me like someone else –we can't even hold hands, _even _outside of school. I… don't like it."

_Oh no, _-"N-no… that's not it…,"- I began to speak, feeling a tight knot I my throat, _calm down, Jean, be rational. Think everything trough, _-"I… I…, you're right, but I swear I'll change."

Marco wasn't too convinced, -"I know why you're afraid… to admit or show your feelings in public, but you need to let the past go; it doesn't matter, _today_ does. Don't let the past define you and your present, don't let it ruin it."

My eyes began to widen and water. The truth of his words was choking me and yet… I couldn't just simply _let go, _it traumatized me for a life time,-"Marco, _please_… don't break up with me. I… I'll change,"- I begged. It's the only thing that frightened me right now. He bit his lip and I gulped, -"Just… give me some time."

Marco said nothing. His sad expression spoke more; he wanted to, but wasn't sure of it. He didn't want to go through the same again and again.

I was about to kneel in front of him and beg more, until my phone rang.

I froze. He smiled, despite our circumstances.

I dug out my phone from my pocket and stared wide-eyed at the screen, reading the message like a hundred times:

_800-210-7587_

_It's Dad. Your mother… she's coming home._

* * *

_***1**: _buon pomeriggio = good evening


	44. FORTY-FOUR

FOURTY-FOUR

_It's Dad. Your mother… she's coming home._

_It's Dad. Your mother… she's coming home._

_It's Dad. Your mother… she's-_

-"Jean."

Marco snapped me from my sudden trance. I kept hearing the message in my head like a damaged disc. I was frozen in place, -"Marco… its Mom, she's…"- My voice was shaky. Was I nervous?

-"I know,"- My quizzical expression made him smile again, -"I prayed for her too."

My eyes watered in a second. I hugged him abruptly, forgetting our discussion a few minutes ago. I started crying on his shoulder. How much can he do for me? I've never had someone who'd _pray _for me –well, not for _me _exactly, but to benefit me.

-"You should go. Let me call mom so she can take you."

-"No, it's fine. But…"

-"Don't worry about me or school. I'll write down your material,"- I noted his voice dimming, -"Go. Make things right with her."

I felt awful for leaving him _and _the discussion incomplete, but then again, it's not like it was getting anywhere. Now that I think about it, I'm glad Dad texted me before Marco would break up with me. I really didn't wanted to hear those words from him. I think he was also glad.

Without further ado, I kissed him goodbye –he wasn't expecting it, and ran out, sun burning down on me. I trotted all the way to my house, thoughts going in and out –or better yet, questions. How would she react to the guy who put her in the hospital in the first place? What would she say? What will she do? I was nervous and scared, but felt anew, like I had a purpose now. I could make things right with her again. It's the least I can do before she… she dies. She raised me, gave me everything and all I did was treat her wrong.

When I reached home, all sweaty and stinky, I started to clean it, just like I cleaned Nana's several times. I specially leaved her bedroom just like it was when she first slept there; I cleaned the dust out of it, which was a _lot, _I washed her clothing, dried it and tended them back in her drawers. I washed the dishes –which painfully reminded me of our last fight.

I shook my head and hurried to take a bath. I needed to be in a good guise, right? Besides, I stink! Mom never liked that. When I finished, I chanced into blue jeans and a white elbow length sleeved blouse. With a quick knot on my Converse, I headed downstairs to answer the door. My heart throbbed faster. _This is it, Jean._

I slowly opened the door to meet Dad's unwelcoming expression, -"Where have you been? I went to school to pick you up."

-"I, uh…"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, -"Thank God I ran into Marco first."

I smiled a bit. I was to about to ask him about Mom when a pitch and recognizable voice rang out, -"Huh? Who's there?"

I quickly passed by Dad, -"Mom!"- I rushed towards her. She was in a wheelchair. She looked older, haggard and… scraggy. I fell my heart hanging. Her expression detained me. She had her eyebrows crooked as she eyed me from top to bottom, as if trying to figure out who I was.

I was breathless, unable to react at her inability to recognize me, -"This is Jean. You remember your son, right?"- Dad spoke for me.

She tilted her head, -"I have a son? He can't be _this _handsome."

-"_We_ have a son."

She looked at Dad just as she looked at me a few seconds ago, -"_We? _Who the hell are you?"

Dad laughed lowly. My heart warmed a bit. She hasn't lost her bad tongue, -"I'm your husband."

She stared at Dad for a few seconds, -"Oh. Bah, it's you. I thought it was someone better-looking," – I laughed lowly too. She was definitely Mom, -"And what're you laughing at, Johnny?"

I gasped and breathed deeply, relieved, -"You remember me…"

-"Of course, like I could ever forget _you_."- She said, waving me off. She also hasn't lost her brash and grumpy attitude.

_You just did, like a second ago. _I thought, but stayed quiet, figuring it had to do with her tumor.

Dad pushed the chair inside and I just noticed doctor Zackly looming behind her, -"I must speak with you."- He said, walking past me.

-"Uh... sure."

Inside, Dad was trying to remind Mom that this was her home. The doctor and I stayed at the door, -"You must not leave her desolated. Always keep an eye on her. You will stay with her for her last three months. I shall speak with your professors on the matter,"- He spoke, not giving me a chance to answer, -"I have lend her medicines in her rucksack. All of them. You must read them carefully and memorize the accurate time for her dosage."

So much instructions. My head throbbed, -"Okay, okay, anything else I should know?"

-"Be warned; await more… episode of amnesia and bipolarity. I have lend pills for that as well,"- He said and sighed, -"I have done all that is in my power to dilate her life span. Now… it is up to you."

I gulped, feeling a bit unsure about the responsibility upon me, but I nodded nonetheless.

-"Good. Speak with your father before he departs."- And with that, the doctor left.

Dad was leaning Mom in her couch, -"There. Better?"

-"Yeah, yeah, now move your ass. I can't see."- She spat, quickly taking the TV's control and changing channels.

Dad walked towards me, placing 40 bucks on the table, -"I have work, son. Can you do this?"

-"Why can't you stay? I don't understand. We both need to be here for her."- I quickly said, somewhat mad that he "had" to work. Wasn't Mom more important?

-"And in order for you two to stay _here, _in this _house, _I _need_ to work,"- He knelt in front of me and placed his hand on my shoulders, -"Please, son. Can you do this?"

I shrugged, but then nodded, -"Y-yeah…"

-"I know you can,"- He gave me a tight hug before standing up, -"Here's the doctor's phone number if you have a question. I love you."

-"Love you too."- I said, retraining the piece of paper in my pocket and watched as he mounted his car and rode off.

I saved the number on my phone and dumped the paper before turning towards Mom, -"Hey, Mom."- I said, approaching her from her side.

She had her eyes glued on the TV. A warming feeling enveloped me. I missed seeing her here…

-"What is it, boy?"- She asked, not even looking at me.

I smiled, -"Nothing. Just checking if you were alright."

-"Hmph."

The old Jean would've spat back at her for being kind of ungrateful, but _this _one won't. _This _one was different. The least she needed was a stupid, spoiled prick.

I walked towards the table, taking her rucksack with me. I opened it and placed each of her medicines in it. I counted at least fifteen. Damn. I read them all, one by one and dropped them carefully on her pillbox on the specified day. I wrote the day and hours in a paper and plugged it on the fridge with a magnet. Out of all the medicines, only two caught my eye: Adapin, an antidepressant pill and Atarax, for anxiety. I spotted a few relaxing herbs for tea; a note –a recipe, was attached to the small box with the bags filled with herbs: Valerian, green tea…

I glanced at Mom. She looked… calmed. For now.

In a few hours, she needed to take a dosage, which required her to eat before taking it. I walked towards her, -"Hey, are you hungry?"- I asked.

-"No."- She spat, not taking her eyes off her novel.

-"But you need to eat before taking your pills."

-"I don't wanna."- She was acting like a little girl.

I grimaced. Well, this was harder than I though. _What the fuck were you expecting, dumbass?_

-"Mom…"- I repeated.

Nothing.

I sighed and decided to try again later. In the meantime, I roamed around the house, keeping an eye on her. I asked her a few times if she wanted to eat –anything to set in a conversation really, but she was like a brick: expressionless, impervious, she answered with a 'no' or a shrug. I was growing desperate.

_No, no, no, no, Jean. Calm down, _I decided to distract myself, so I went upstairs quickly and snatched the first thing I saw in my room: a portable PlayStation, PSP. I had Daxter on and started playing it in the sofa beside her chair.

I glanced at the clock. It was time for her dosage, -"Mom, you really need to eat something before taking the pills."

-"I don't wanna take the goddamn pills."

-"But you need them-"

-"I said no!"- She yelled, this time turning to me with a sharp look.

I leant back a bit, abruptly.

-"Hmph."

_Jesus fuck._

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. I really didn't know what to do now. I placed myself in her shoes and though that maybe she was fed up with pills frequently in the hospital. Is that why she didn't want to take them?

-"H-how are you feeling?"- I asked her out of the blue.

-"Fine."

-"Are you sure?"

She just nodded.

I sighed in defeat. Well, this was a losing battle. If she was feeling alright, then I can't give her the pills. I wasn't sure how that tumor worked on her mind, but if she really was in pain, then she'd ask for them.

I decided to give her some space and headed upstairs, leaving my door open in case she called. I played PS3 for a long time, sometimes pausing and checking on her. I kept asking her if she was hungry, but nothing else than a soulless 'no' came out of her.

I was in lobby, waiting for people to join a match with me when I heard a sudden screak and footsteps. I quickly shot up from bed and peeked out. She was walking upstairs, -"A-are you okay?"

She nodded and walked towards the bathroom.

I stood near my door, eyes on the bathroom and ears attentive. Silent minutes passed. I walked towards the bathroom and knocked lightly, -"Mom, are you okay in there?"

-"I'm fine, boy."

-"Okay. Just… call me if you need anything."- I said and started walking to my room.

-"Paper."

-"Huh?"- I turned around again.

-"I need toilet paper."

-"Oh, sure,"- I walked to the small depot we had at the end of the hallway and took the last roll of paper. _Shit, _I needed to buy more, -"Here."

She opened the door slightly and I looked away in case she felt uncomfortable. She snatched the roll from my hand and shut the door again. After a while, she came out and walked downstairs. I sighed and continued to play.

By 6 o'clock, she was already falling asleep on her chair, -"Mom…"- I called her.

She was groggily, trying to maintain focus on the TV, -"She's trying to… to…"- She muttered, pointing at the novel.

-"You're falling asleep,"- I pointed out stupidly, -"I'll take you to bed."

-"No!"- She suddenly snapped and I stepped back, -"Let me finish, dammit."

My heart skipped a bit. I thought she was going to punch me or something. I reached for my PSP and played while I waited for her novel to finish. Yet, in a matter of minutes, she was sound asleep. I lifted her up, bride style and carried her upstairs without problems. She didn't weighted like she used to and that worried me.

I lent her down on her bed cautiously and lifted her sheets up to her shoulders, turning on the small fan on her night table. I sighed at her thin shape; was it a symptom of her condition or was she lacking nutriment? I'd had to ask Zackly for that. If I find out that the hospital didn't nurtured her well, I'll storm the goddamn place.

I decided to sleep early too, just in case.

* * *

Next day, the first thing I saw was Mom trying to cook something. Shit, I woke up late. Then again, I couldn't go to sleep until _she _goes to sleep.

I rushed to her, -"Mom, let me do it."

She clicked her tongue, -"As if you can do anything."

Well, that kind of hurt, -"Come on, let me try. You're gonna hurt yourself."

-"Bah. I know what I'm doin'."

I sighed in defeated. I helped her getting the ingredients though. When she finished, I realized she made breakfast for her. She took the sandwich, walked to her chair, sat and turned on the TV. _At least she's eating, _I though. Her next dosage was in a few hours. In the meantime, I prepared a sandwich for me.

-"It's time for your pills."- I said when she finished her sandwich.

She shook her head, making a face, -"Nu-uh."

-"Why not? The doctor said you need to-"

-"I don't care!"- She said, raising her voice, -"I've had enough o' those."

So I _was _right, -"Okay. I understand. Call me if you need anything."

She looked at me, a bit perplexed at my intellect. I smiled and hurried to wash the dishes before she did. It was like a dance throughout the day. I did all the house's chores before she could. At the end, there was nothing else for her to do, so she sat again in her chair and continued watching her novel.

During midday, she started making something and I again helped her. She was struck by my support, considering I've _never _helped her with anything, but said nothing about it. She made macaroni and cheese and when she finished, she poured a load of it in a bowl and sat on her chair again. When I looked over at the pot, my stomach grumbled at the little amount left, but it was enough. I poured it into another bowl and ate it in minutes.

After that, I started reading one of those cooking books that have a lot of recipes in it. I decided to try and make something for her tomorrow, so when nighttime came, I went to sleep just after she went to bed and turned on the alarm on my phone at 7:00.

In the morning after the alarm rang, I was relieved to see her still sleeping, so I tip-toed downstairs and with the book on hand, I started making simple pancakes. The book explained to be extra careful when flipping it. Come on, it can't be that hard. I can't be _that _bad at cooking, -"Fuck!"- I cursed when I accidentally touched the hot pan with my hand as I tried to steady it. I began to mix the ingredients in a bowl, creating the thick mash. Abruptly, I pulled my hand away due to the burnt and hit the bowl, dropping a bit of the mash on my clothes, -"Shit!"

Well, this was harder than I though. I've flipped the pancake like ten times already. Instead of a circular form, it looked like crumbled eggs. I tried making another, reading the page over and realizing I forgot to spread butter on the pan. I placed my hand on my forehead. _That's _why it was so difficult to flip! It kept getting stuck on the pan!

After five tries, I managed to flip the second pancake and placed it on a plate. It was slightly burnt, but not as horrible as the last one. I poured syrup in it, accidentally dropping more than I had to for pressing forcefully. Small drops cascaded down on the counter. Well shit, I had a mess in the kitchen. Ignoring it, I rushed towards Mom's room and saw her waking up, -"Hey, Mom."- I said and slowly approached her with the plate on hand.

She opened her eyes and made a face, -"Ugh, what's that smell? Are you burning the house?"

-"I, uh... made breakfast for you."

-"You did?"- She said, eyes widening.

I nodded. When she sat up, I placed the plate on her lap.

She snorted, -"You didn't set the kitchen on fire, did you?"

I smiled. She knew how bad I've always been on the kitchen, -"No, thank God,"- I sat beside her. When she took the first bite and made another face, I bit my lip, -"I... tried."

With the face she had after swallowing, I thought she was going to yell at me for how bad it was, but instead, she smiled, something I haven't seen in her in a long time. Even if the tumor in her head may be responsible for her mood today, I smiled too and my hopes of patching our relation increased.

I headed downstairs after that and cleaned the kitchen. When she walked down, she was surprised at how cleaned I left it. After all that, like always, she sat on her chair to watch TV and I did something I should've done a long time before, -"So, why is she always fighting with her dad?"- I sat on the sofa and kept her company, watching the novel with her.

Again, she looked at me perplexed and then clicked her tongue, -"Are you gonna ask many questions?"

-"I was just wondering."

She kept quiet, but after a few minutes, -"Her dad is only tryin' to keep her safe since he's sick –she doesn't know that and he doesn't want her to know."

-"I think she has to know. The sooner, the better. It'll hurt more later."

Mom shook her head, -"It's not that easy for him."

-"And from what is he protecting her from?"

-"There's this asshole that wants to marry her since her family has this big ass farm. They're rich kids and that's what he wants,"- Mom spoke, keeping her attention on the screen, -"If her dad dies, then the farm is hers and then that bastard will take advantage of that. That's why her dad is trying to separate her and she's mad at him."

-"So, her dad is like… trying to stay alive then?"

Mom nodded, -"For her. She's still young and naïve. If she knew her daddy is dying…,"- Her voice dimmed, -"A lot o' things will change."

I shifted position, -"Ok, but if she knows, then she can take care of him and avoid his illness to worsen,"- I had a tight knot in my throat. All this sounded familiar, -"And while she's at it… they can sew up their relation."

Again, she shook her head, -"It's not that easy."

I sighed and kept watching the novel with her, a bit afraid of her words. I just hoped this novel wasn't like that manga in the library.


	45. FORTY-FIVE

Arrgh! u.u late update! I'm sorriee! I've been actually fixing the firsts chapters grammar and stuff.

...

I also downloaded a ps1 and ps2 emulator on my pc and i've been playing spyro the dragon nonstop! It was Playsation's 20th anniversary after all and i had to celebrate it xD

* * *

FOURTY-FIVE

Two week have passed by now and I've spent all days taking care of my mother –that was a bit of an understatement, she seemed like she could take care of herself just fine. She was a bit difficult at first, considering her condition, but throughout the days, she got better and was eating a lot, gradually. Her thin figure began to get wider and I was glad. Her medicines worried me though. She still denied them and I couldn't blame her. I began to think she didn't need them, seeing as how well and healthy she was. I only gave her pain killers for the headaches, but other than that, nothing. She was good, really.

About us? She was still grumpy and brusque with me, but I never stopped helping her. She wanted to do everything by herself. Sometimes, I'd give her space, still keeping an eye on her. I started to wonder if she was aware of her illness, but I never asked her, afraid of the outcome.

But she was _too _good.

After another four weeks, her condition suddenly deteriorated. She was beginning to eat less and acted more like a child. She constantly called me for _everything_. She literally depended on me. She stopped doing the house chores and just sat on her couch and slept _all _day. Her moods were erratic; sometimes she was happy and in a minute, she was angry and sad at me or over nothing at all. Like the doctor warned, she had episodes of amnesia, but they were minor: she sometimes forgot whereas she watched her novel or not or if she brushed her teeth. Nothing to worry about.

-"Mom, you _need _to start taking the pills."- I said, wet hands on waist. I just finished washing the dishes.

She shook her head, making a face, like always.

-"Mom."- I insisted.

-"I don't wanna. I'm fine."- She argued.

-"But you're getting sick and you'll get worse if you don't ta-"

-"I ain't sick!"- She spat, turning her gaze to me with a glare.

_So… she doesn't know? Or she just denying it? _–"But…"

She gave me one last glare before turning back to the TV.

I sighed and walked towards our rooms to clean the bed sheets. Since she didn't wanted to do anything at all, I do all the house work now. It didn't bothered me. I stayed here for a reason. I make breakfast _and _dinner –and by dinner, I mean macaroni and Chef Boyardee. I rarely tried something from the book and when I did… well, you know how that turns out. I admit, it sucked after eating it for days, but kept us alive at least. Like I mentioned, Mom stopped eating like she used to and when she did eat, she was picky about it. Whatever I made her, she took her time observing and deciding if to eat it or not. Sometimes, she didn't want it and I'd just retrained it in the fridge for later.

As I picked up her bed sheet, I noticed a few blood stains. _What…? _I lifted it closer to my face for better inspection and inferred it was fresh, recent. Troubled, I walked downstairs and stood in front of her, eyeing her, -"Get outta the way! I can't see!"- She spat.

I raised her chin, pulled her ears a bit, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

She slapped my hand away, -"What're you doin'?"

I kept observing her though and when I noticed slight cuts on her wrists, I gasped and pulled it, -"Mom, what's this about?"- I began to panic.

-"What?"- I lifted her wrist and she looked at it, turning her lips, -"What is it?"

-"There're cuts here. Why?"

She focused more on it and when she saw it, she shrugged, -"Well, I dunno."

-"Are you fucki-?"- I bit my tongue, prevent profanities come out of it, -"Mom, you need to tell me. Why did you do it?"

-"Shit, I don't even remember _when._"

-"What?"

I stood dumbfounded while she just scratched her head. Could it be her amnesia? I decided to investigate her room and the bathroom. Her room looked normal, but the bathroom smelled… different, unusual. I noticed few blood drops on the sink and a razor –dad's, on the floor, which I almost stepped on.

So he _has_ been cutting herself, but… why would she do something like that!? And when? She claimed she doesn't remember, but…!

Ok, ok, I need to calm down. I've watched her throughout the day, so maybe she cut herself during nighttime? It's the only explanation I can muster. I've let my guard down. I need to watch her during the day _and_ night. I knew I shouldn't blame myself, but I couldn't help it.

Like I mentioned, she kept watching her novel all day, sometimes falling asleep. When nighttime came, she went to sleep early and I decided to sleep in her room, so I dragged my mattress beside hers and laid down. I sighed. I was unable relegate the uneasiness within me. What if she woke up and I wouldn't notice?

There wasn't much I could do. I tried to stay awake, but the weariness from today's work downed on me and I fell asleep in minutes.

* * *

I woke up like five times throughout the night and Mom slept peacefully. In the morning while eating breakfast, I asked her, -"Did you slept well?"

She nodded, swallowing a teaspoon of oatmeal. I discretely eyed her wrists. Nothing new. I sighed in relief.

But after another two days, I noticed her scars became deeper wounds and she was trying to hide it. I couldn't catch her at night. I grew desperate and tried to outsmart the situation. The next night, I left an old camera on the bathroom and went to sleep. The situation had me panicked, so I slept little. Mom was hurting herself and I didn't know why. Whenever I tried talking to her about it, she just shrugged me off and claimed to remember nothing. I couldn't tell if she was lying.

When the sun was up, I quickly checked the camera. It had run out of battery and I had no idea where the charger was, -"Jeeean!"- Mom called from downstairs.

-"Coming!"- I answered, rummaging around the depot for the charger, -"Shit."- I cursed, with no luck in finding it.

-"Jean!"- She called again, higher.

I hurried downstairs and after asking her what she wanted to eat –receiving an indifferent 'I dunno', I quickly made breakfast: eggs with bacon and toasted bread, -"Bon appetite."- I said, placing the plate on her lap.

Like always, she eyed it and pursed her lips, -"I don't want it. I want oats."

-"Then why didn't you told me when I asked you?"

She shrugged and I sighed. Thankfully, I made bacon and eggs for her only, foreseeing her latter statement. I retrained it in the oven for later and made oats for her. I prayed silently as she eyed her plate. I sighed in relief when she started eating it. I picked up the plate with bacon and eggs and sat with her. Discretely, I eyed her wrists and observed her movements. They looked… the same, meaning she probably didn't cut herself last night. I still had to check the camera.

Once I finished eating, I washed the dishes and headed upstairs. I spent half an hour looking for that charger; mom kept calling me for every trifle need and when I finally found it, I sat in her bed and watched the video.

Like I foretold, she woke up during midnight and was sitting on the toilet… razor on hand. I noted her hands shaking as she hovered the sharp blades near her wrists. She was… hesitant. Suddenly, she dropped the razor and placed her hands on her face. She started crying, tears cascading down through her fingers.

The video ended due to lack of battery.

But… why? Why would she commit such an act? What're her reason for taking away her life? What have I done wrong this time!? Haven't I taken good care of her? Was this my fault for not giving her the medicines?

I accidentally dropped the camera. I dozed off trying to answer the swirling questions in my mind. Unfortunately, the video allured more questions than answers. There was one person who could help me.

I've dialed doctor Zackly's number like ten times already. On the eleventh attempt, he answered, -"Yes, Kirshtein?"

-"Wait… how do you know it's me?"

-"No one else would call me ten times this early."- He spat, voice spleenful.

-"Oh,"- I swallowed before speaking again, scratching my rear head, -"I'm sorry, I just have some questions… concerning my mother."

-"Of course, why else would you impede me?"- I made a face, but before I could retort back, he continued, -"Spare me the details."

-"Fine,"- I answered, a bit furious at him, but I could understand his attitude. If I were in his place, I would've been just as bothered at someone who called me ten times this early on a Sunday. He was probably sleeping. Yikes, -"Mom… she's… cutting herself during midnight. I dunno why, but I caught her with the camera I left overnight and she was just… crying. And whenever I asked her, she just says she doesn't remember –she once tried to hide her wounds from me."

I heard a deep sigh from the other side, -"Have you been giving her the medicines I prescribed?"

-"Um, no, but-"

-"Why?"

-"She… doesn't want them and I can't force her to take them lik-"

-"She _needs _them, otherwise, incidents like the latter you mentioned would occur,"- He cleared his throat, -"Adapin, in particular, is essential."

I gasped and stood frozen. So… it's _my _fault, -"But… she's not depressed; I mean, I've been observing her all this time and she's, well… fine –you know what I mean."

-"True,"- He continued. I heard ruffling on the other side. He was working on some paper –newspaper maybe, -"You said she committed the act during midnight?"

-"Yeah…"

-"Speak with her, Kirshtein. I infer she undergoes the sentiment of loneliness and thus depression…, alas such act."

-"But she's so… herself during daytime. Why is she so different then?"- I ran a hand through my hair. This situation had me stressed.

-"The dark can be very prestigious. It can make you feel… desolated and hopeless,"- The doctor sighed, took a sip from… something and swallowed. Tea maybe? –"She needs someone to remind her that she is not alone, Jean. She needs you. Keep her company, talk to her, _be _with her."

I almost choked. He just called me by my name, -"Yeah… I'll do that,"- I said, feeling an awful ache in my chest, -"I mean, I've tried, but she's just so…"

-"Complicated?"- I nodded on my side. He sighed, -"Yes, people with brain tumors can be very strenuous to work with. Their minds are unsteady, erratic with raveled thoughts, impossible to extricate. Their minds end up smothered by these until it alters like those of a child's."

I gulped. Mom _was_ acting more like a kid.

-"Anything else, Kirshtein?"

-"Um… no. That'll be all. Thanks and um, sorry for the calls."- I apologized.

-"Remember her medicines."-He didn't say anything else and hung up, meaning he was still mad at me for interrupting his tea time.

I sighed and slumped back on my bed, hands covering my face. I felt overflowed. I was tired, stressed and panicked with this situation –with the whole thing actually. It's like a giant is pressing me down, telling me 'just give up. It's easier'. I felt like I had anchors on both my hands and legs, hindering me to walk forward.

I had no idea how to deal with Mom or how to give her the medicines she denied, but I _had _to try. I can't leave all this like, well…like this. I was given the chance to redeem myself with her, I can't waste it.

Without thinking twice, I stood and dumped all the razors I could find on the bathroom –anything sharp really. I hid all knifes from the kitchen somewhere high where she wouldn't reach them. After that, I went to the depot looking for alcohol and oxygenated water when I realized I ran out of toilet paper… again. Dad came last time and brought me some stuff. I doubt he could again. He left to Sina a week ago.

There was a pharmacy nearby, but I couldn't leave Mom alone and unwatched. I needed help.

I dialed Marco's home phone number. No answer. I dialed his mother's phone, -"Hello?"- She answered.

-"Hey, it's me, Jean."- I said, walking around the kitchen, checking for supplies while keeping an eye on Mom.

-"Jean! How are you? It's been a while."- She said joyfully.

-"Yeah, right? And I'm okay."

-"And your mother?"

I looked over my shoulder. Mom was watching TV like always, but she was falling asleep, -"She's… better."

Marco's mom sighed in relief, -"That's good to hear,"- I heard some sort of chorus on the other side, -"So, is everything okay? Do you need something?"

-"Yeah, I… need some stuff. I can't leave Mom alone so…"- I spoke, feeling a bit unsure to ask her a favor like this, but I couldn't do anything else.

-"No worries. I'll bring it. What do you need?"

-"Um… toilet paper mostly."- As I roamed the kitchen, I noted I lacked food.

-"Are you sure?"- She snorted, amused at my inability to ask favors.

-"Um…"

-"Okay then, I'll be right there with the supplies after church."

_Church… she and Marco attend church every Sunday morning, _-"Hey, um… is Marco with you?"

-"No, he's not. He's stayed home sleeping."- She answered and I noted her tone of voice dimming a bit.

-"Oh."- My voice dimmed too as my shot of seeing Marco, even for a minute, vanished.

-"Well, wait for me, okay? I'll be there soon."

-"Okay and… thanks, really."

-"Think nothing of it, Jean."- Even from this side, I knew she was smiling.

I hung up and sighed deeply. What would I do without her help? I owe her a lot –well, both of them. I'd be a goner if not for Marco.

At the thought of him, I realized just how much I missed that freckled idiot. Then, I remembered our discussion and a foul ache invaded my chest. I wasn't ready to hear those words –I never will, despite the fact that I've never asked him to be my boyfriend, but considering what we've done together, well… it was irrelevant.

I wondered how he was doing. His mom said he didn't accompanied her to church and that, for me, wasn't appeasing. Last time we talked –or better yet, discussed- he was hurt spiritually. His faith in God was staggering since He spoke that homosexuality was a sin. I could be erroneous; maybe Marco was more unsettled with himself, maybe he wants to punish himself or redeem himself with Him –_maybe_… he was fretful of me. Is that why he wanted to break up with me? Or was it because of how I treated him in public? Or both? He didn't clarified.

In any case, if he stayed home it was because he couldn't "face" God. He might be broken, sad… all, probably, because of me.

I felt my mood drowning. _I'll_ be the one to fall into depression and I couldn't afford that right now. Reluctantly, I pushed all thoughts of Marco aside and cleared my mind. _Please, Marco… just hang on._

I did the usual around the house and attempted a conversation with Mom about random stuff. She only talked back whenever it was about her novel, otherwise, she shrugs me off.

After a few hours, I heard a car honk and rushed outside.

-"I hope this is enough for both of you."- She said as I opened the door.

And sure, it _was _enough. There were like ten bags or so, -"Yeah, it is. Thanks."- I had that prompt need to ask her how much she spent, but swallowed it, knowing she wasn't going to answer me.

-"Need help?"

I stopped collecting the bag and thought about it. I wasn't too keen on letting Mom see someone else inside the house, someone she didn't knew at all. It's not like Marco's mom was untrustworthy, I was just uncertain how Mom would react, considering her condition.

Marco's mom noticed my insecurity. She chuckled, -"It's alright. I understand."

-"Wait… it's not like that..."

-"I understand, Jean. You're just worried."- She said, a sweet smile across her face.

Again, I was amazed at her ability to catch up and understand people, -"Th-thank you…"

I picked up every bag with both hands, making a few trips and retrained the supplies in the cabinets. After thanking Marco's mom again, I headed inside and quickly prepared dinner. After eating, I continued where I left off. I was walking towards Mom with alcohol and oxygenated water when she gave me that _'what the fuck are you going to do' _look, -"I need to clean those wounds."- I pointed to her wrists.

She eyed them and shook her head, -"Nah, they're fine."

-"Mom."

She shook her head again.

I sighed and knelt in front of her, -"Mom… _please. _That razor was grubby. You're gonna contract an infection if I don't sanitize it."

She pursed her lips. I was a bit surprised she didn't asked me about the razor, meaning she either had no idea what I was talking about or didn't cared.

-"_Please._"- I was practically begging. I really didn't want to use force on her.

She just shrugged indifferently and I quickly bent water on a soft towel and pressed it against her wrists. She winced, but said nothing.

When I finished, I bandaged it and stood up, -"That should do it,"- I sighed and placed my hand over hers, -"Mom… don't do it again."

She had her eyes glued to the TV, but she didn't said anything, she didn't even shrugged. She knew what I was talking about, she _remembered_.

-"Do you promise?"- I asked.

Now she shrugged.

I sighed and sat on the couch. Even if she didn't spoke to me, I stayed with her throughout the day. The novel was boring to be honest, but it didn't mattered.

When night came, I decided to give her the anti-depressant pill, -"Here, Mom. It'll make you feel better."- It also helped to sleep.

Surprisingly, she took it. She was probably tired of waking up constantly during the night.

Around midnight, I woke up, unable to sleep peacefully and when I didn't saw Mom on her bed, I shot up, panic eating me, and rushed to the bathroom. She was there, around a mess of papers and other stuff.

I gasped when I spotted her sitting on the toilet… with a razor on hand. But… I dumped them all! Did she searched the trashcan? She couldn't have…!

-"Mom… drop that right now."- I said, the panic making my voice harsher.

She stood up and shook her head and whenever I approached her, she stepped back, -"Please… you're going to hurt yourself."- It was a stupid statement considering it was her intention.

-"Leave me alone."- She said, stepping farther away.

I stepped forward, -"Just… drop that, come on."- My hands were shaking as I hovered them in front of her. God, why wouldn't she just listen to me? I gave her the anti-depressant and it did nothing on her! Was Zackly lying to me?

Yet as I watched her expression, I noted how it dimmed, how it slowly fell. Maybe… it was making effect. She stepped back again, groggily, until she was in the bathtub. She started drawing the razor near her wrist as the closed the bathtub's curtain. I rushed forwards, pushed the curtain open and slapped the razor off her hand.

-"Get out, get out, get out!"- She started yelling, eyebrows crooked, as she pushed me.

While she pushed me, I dragged the razor with my foot. I then wondered if she had more in here, so I pushed forwards against her.

-"Get out, get out! Leave me alone!"- She kept yelling and started pulling my hair.

-"Ow, ow, ow!"- I winced. I took her hand and tried to shove it away, -"Mom, stop!"

Her grip was slowly weakening, -" .alone!"

Then, she started kicking and stomping me randomly, -"Agh! Stop, woman!"

Suddenly, a memory flashed through my mind –well, several: whenever Mom and I discussed, I always called her woman instead of mom, something that I now considered… disrespectful. She wasn't any woman, she was my _mom_.

I kind of snapped out from my earlier panic outburst and knew I had to fix this mess, but it was too late. Mom was screaming and kicking everything around her, -"Mom, please, calm down!"

She shocked her head erratically, as if trying to stay awake. She then slapped her face. And again. And again. I took her hand and stopped it, but she slapped me instead. I hesitated on shaking her awake, but if anything, I needed her to fall into slumber.

Her body weakened over me and I held her tightly. She kept kicking me, but I resisted her and started pulling her out of the bathroom. Once in her bedroom, I placed her gently on her bed. She was still awake, cursing and mumbling weakly, but in a matter of minutes, she fell asleep.

I laid down on my bed and just stared at ceiling. My body was still shaking. I was still panicked. What if she woke up again? What if she tried killing herself again? What if I don't notice?

How did she found the razors? Was she watching me during the day?

I shot up immediately and ran outside to the trashcan –sure enough, I noted clues of someone who just rooted it. I cursed mentally and aloud, dumping them in Nana's trashcan. The garbage truck comes on Mondays and I couldn't afford Mom scavenging it _tonight_. As if I had persecutory delusions, I locked the front door and hid the key under my pillow when I went to sleep.


	46. FORTY-SIX

Shet, it's been a while :/ it's all precalculus and programming's fault!

* * *

FOURTY-SIX

Like all nights, I slept three hours mostly. I was exhausted yet scared. The horrid scene with Mom replayed in my mind like a damaged disc. I even had a nightmare, a weird one where I was being chased by a black cloud. I was running as if I was in a marathon, like my life _depended_ on it and it _did _felt like that… it felt _real. _

By sunrise, I was still uneasy from the nightmare, so I stood up and splashed water on my face like ten times. When I finally regained myself, I headed downstairs after changing up and began to make breakfast. Mom wasn't up so I guessed that pill was doing it's job –the part of providing sleep, that is. The other one… I wasn't so sure. Mom was depressed last night, so maybe it takes more time for that part of the pill to make effect too?

I cried out loud at the burning pain in my hand. When I looked down, I realized I unconsciously touched the hot pan. Great.

When I finished cooking crumbled eggs, Mom was still sleeping so I retrained it in the oven and waited for her. I walked around the house and unconsciously sat on her chair. I sighed deeply as I turned on the TV. Minutes passed and I realized just how comfortable and warm her chair was. I yawned as my eyes began to close…, -"Outta my chair!"

I yelped and practically jumped out of her chair. Quickly, she sat as if I would take it again.

I scratched my head, -"Um… I made crumbled eggs. Do you want some?"

She nodded, -"Sure."

A small smile crept up my face. Her answers were usually shrugs or none at all. I placed the plate on her lap and watched her eye it. She made a face, but began eating it nonetheless. I sighed in relief and walked into the kitchen to prepare a sandwich for me. When I finished, I sat in the couch beside her and _tried _to watch her novel. We had a small conversation about it… which was turning out more like a discussion so I ended it. Yet, I wanted to speak with her as much as I could so I began talking about it again. She was bothered with me at first, but as I reasoned with both our opinions, we deepened the conversation.

-"She should get a work and earn her own money. Only then she won't have to depend on that bully."- I spoke.

Mom was nodding to my statements and that was something.

-"I mean, being abused by someone is horrible and she doesn't have to take it all."

Mom had her hand on her chin and her eyes mildly closed, as if trying to remember something. All this talk about bullies made my chest ache. It was an obnoxious topic for me, one that brings unwanted memories.

It also reminded me of Marco. I was wondering how he was doing in school with all that mess going on until Mom spoke, -"I… remember somethin'…"

I crooked an eyebrow and when she started making painful faces, I quickly stood up, placing a hand on her shoulder, -"Hey, take it easy."

Even after I said that, she kept squeezing her eyes a bit, poking around her memory. I had no idea what she was trying to remember. When she finally dropped it, I relaxed a bit and the rest of the day flew by with the usual: chores, cooking, etc.

Around 8 o' clock pm, Mom called me, -"Jean, gimme one o' those."

-"Uh… those what?"- I said, drying my hands in a towel after washing the dishes.

-"The pills."

-"Oh… the ones from yesterday?"- I asked, standing on my toes to peek at her direction from the kitchen.

She nodded.

I was kind of surprised –kind of. I opened her pill box and poured one Adapin on my palm and filled a glass with water. When I brought it to her, she didn't hesitate on taking them. If she was asking for them, then she at least felt better –I mean, she otherwise wouldn't have asked for them. Maybe they're helping her sleep. If they're helping her with depression… I didn't know yet. I'd had to keep an eye on her tonight.

I did just that, barely struggling to stay awake. I sighed as I stared at the ceiling, like every night and just… roamed around my thoughts, something I rarely did during daylight –during _all_ this time, to be honest; fear for Mom had me like this and I guess I grew accustomed –no, I definitely did. I didn't know if it was a good thing though; on one hand, I had time for myself and my thoughts, on the other, well… no sleep.

Drifting through my thoughts about Mom's situation, I heard her shift on her bed. I called it off after it muted, but then she shifted again and again. Then, she stood up and walked out of the room. Onrush, I followed her to the bathroom. I wasn't sure if she noticed me, but she entered without closing the door nonetheless. She sat and that was my cue.

-"Mom…,"- I spoke silently, refusing to let yesterday's event occur again, -"You're not alone. I'm here, okay?"

At first, she ignored me, but since I never left my place, she started to notice me. She kept glancing at me, as if to see if I was watching her. She kept looking around. I knew she was looking for something sharp, but unfortunately for her, I got rid of it all.

-"I won't let you do it –I can't let you,"- I spoke, feeling my chest tightening, -"I need you to remember that you're not alone. I'm here. I'll always be, but I have to know what's bothering you so I can help you."

She sobbed and hesitated, but her expression began to soften, -"I don't feel good…"- She said.

I quickly walked inside, placing a hand on her back, -"What's wrong?"

When she rubbed her stomach, _Stomach ache, _I though, -"Okay, there's some stomach ache pills downstairs. Do you want me to get them?"

She nodded.

-"Okay, I'll be right back,"- I said and rushed downstairs, almost falling in the process. When I reached it, I quickly opened the drawer and pull out Zantac. After filling a glass of water, I hurried back upstairs, -"Here, I brought…"- I stopped midsentence when I saw Mom knelt in front of the toilet with her head down into the pit. She was coughing, as if she had something in her throat.

I placed the pill and the glass of water on the floor and knelt down with her. I started rubbing her back. It always helped me.

She kept coughing, but nothing came out and it was stressing her out. I then started to pat her back; gases often came out this way. After a few minutes, she vomited and I noted how tremulous she was, -"It's okay. You'll feel better afterwards."- I said, trying to soothe her out. And she did relaxed. It was awkward at first, but we both got over it. After that, I helped her clean up before going to bed again. I sat on her bed beside her, -"Feeling better?"- I asked.

She nodded and yawned.

-"Okay. I'll be in my room if you need anything."- I said as I stood up, only to be stopped by her.

-"Don't leave me…"- She said, shocking her head.

I smiled, -"Want me to stay with you?"- I asked.

She just nodded.

-"Alright. Make some space then."- I said, adjusting myself as best as possible beside her.

I managed to sleep more hours than previous nights. Maybe it was because I was more easeful with the situation with Mom. She asked me to sleep beside her and so I did. She didn't woke up anymore then so I presumed she felt more comfortable and less lonely with me at her side. I was glad. I had a warm feeling in my chest, one I haven't felt since I stayed with her, since this all started.

Next day, it all went smoothly. I had a slight pain in my back from bad positioning during sleep –Mom moved a lot, but other than that, it was all fine.

A week or so has passed by now and the pain in my back was worse. Mom won't sleep if I wasn't beside her. She hasn't tried suicide anymore and that was a huge relief for me. Gladly, she was sleeping better and longer, but unfortunately for me, she moved more and constantly woke me up.

She also started to ask me for more pills and I began to give them to her like the doctor prescribed. Like he said, her condition will never get better; I started to note bigger loss of memory on her part and more erratic moods. Nothing I couldn't handle, but I had to be careful. Because of her constant orders for pills, she started eating less again. Instead of asking me for food, she asked me for pills. She was sadly losing her appetite too. There wasn't much I could do, so I solved the situations as calmly as possible without making her snap at me.

As for us, we spoke and shared more. Whatever joke I would come up with, she'd laugh and say it was stupid or dumb. Each morning, I sit with her to watch the novel and often shared comments about it and stuff. It was a really nice moment.

-"Mom, do you want some pancakes?"- I asked her from the kitchen as I spread butter on the pan.

-"Nah, thanks."- She answered.

She was also… more serious, but less grumpy –well, under good circumstances; that attitude could change in a second. Her tone of voice also changed, it wasn't as brash as before; she thanked me often and that was miraculous.

I walked to her with today's pills. She swallowed them all at once.

-"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"- I asked again.

She shook her head.

I sighed and continued working on the pancake. When I finished, I sat with her like usual and watched TV. This time, she was watching a different novel since her favorite ended just yesterday. This one was about a young couple with some issues on school. There weren't much adults on it, it was mostly about younglings.

Mom sighed, -"Ah, young love,"- She said, her voice wistful, -"So, how're the ladies?"

It took me a moment to realize she was speaking to me, -"Huh? What ladies?"

-"You know._ Ladies._"- She emphasized on 'ladies'.

-"Ohhh,"- I said, smiling, but slowly fading, -"I… well, no. There're no ladies."

-"Huh? Why not?"

I hesitated. Should I tell her that I actually love a guy instead of a girl? How would she react? I've never had this kind of conversation with Mom and now… it was awkward –even more when she thought I had girlfriends instead of anything else. I mean, she though I'm heterosexual, what would she think of me if she knows I'm actually homo? I don't know her view on that, that's how much I knew her. I knew I had to tell her someday, and I want to, really, but now…, -"Well… not yet anyways."- I said, smirking at her.

She chuckled and then sighed again, -"I remember when I met your father in high school,"- She spoke, again with that wistful tone, as if she wished she could go back in time, -"I often got in fights and he was the only one who patched me back up."

-"Wait…,"- I said, interrupting her, -"_You _got in fights?"

She nodded, -"Hell yeah I did. I pulled some girl's long hair whenever she told me I was ugly. Bitches ain't got nothing on me."

I snorted, -"Makes sense."- Now I know from who I got my fighting "skills" –if it's even a skill to begin with.

She punched my shoulder lightly, smiling, -"Anyways,"- She continued, clearing her throat, -"I never liked to study for shit and I never understood numbers, so he always helped with that too,"- She paused for a few seconds, her gaze falling a bit, -"He changed the way I saw the word. It's not all bad –there is good too. There are good people."

She never shared something like this before with me. Maybe it was because I was such a jerk then, but now, well, I'm different and I was glad she was telling me this, -"So… how did you two go out?"

-"Out? Through the door, duh."

I laughed out loud, -"No, no, I meant go out in dates."- I said, unable to hold laughs.

-"Ohhhh, that,"- She laughed too, -"Well, one day, he told me he enjoyed helping me out and I told him I also enjoyed when he helped out because I really needed those grades. I was a bird brain by then so if he didn't tell me things explicitly, I wouldn't understand. Then he gave up on the riddles and told me he liked me more than a friend. The rest came itself."

I couldn't help but laugh at the resemblance I had with her. I was also a bird brain with that kind of stuff, -"You know, I was a lot like you."

We both laughed and the rest of the day went flying.

I kept thinking about our conversation and pondering if whether or not tell her who I really liked sexually. What if she rejected me like most people did? I don't even know if she's homophobic…

But I wanted to. It's a normal thing between a boy and his mother, no? I mean, it's important, something I need to tell her before… before she dies.

Another handful of weeks flew by. Mom was becoming more and more… serious yet attentive and perceptive –most of the time anyways; sometimes it's vice versa due to her bipolarity. Her grouchy attitude was almost gone. She was also becoming aware of her condition and whenever she asked me about it, I just told her it was nothing or it was okay. Her questions tended to put my hair on end and sent shivers down my spine. Thank God it wasn't frequent.

She was eating less and less. She only ate snacks whenever she needed to take the pills. She also stopped watching her novels like she used to and instead slept all day long. I tried to keep her up some activities like reading, playing card or board games, coloring books, drawing, etc. and she never complained, fully aware of my intentions.

She also stopped asking me to sleep with her, saying I won't get enough sleep if I did. I couldn't hide anything from her, she notices right away. Instead of sleeping with her, I slept on my mattress beside her bed and sure enough, I slept better. The pain in my back subsided and I felt more energetic during the day. She also stopped asking me favors like bringing her the pills, food, etc. She did everything by herself now.

I was entering the house after dumping the trash outside when she swallowed her pills, all in one go, after eating the sandwich I insisted on making, -"You should shallow them one by-"-

I started speaking when she suddenly coughed. I quickly rushed over to her and patted her back. After a few minutes, -"Thanks."- She said, walked towards the living room and sat to watch a novel.

I sighed in relief when she did. I just wanted her to do _something_ instead of sleeping all day. When I made my sandwich, I sat beside her like most mornings and had a decent conversation with her. It was… normal now, like it was supposed to between a mother and his son. We weren't discussing anymore and it felt nice; I had a warm, peaceful feeling in me. I haven't felt like this with her since… well, a long time.

I sighed profoundly after a handful of Halloween commercials passed by. All I could think of it was a moment, even if it was for minutes, to spend with Marco. Nothing else. I missed him so damn much…

Mom noticed, -"You want to dress for Halloween?"- She sounded surprised. It _was_ surprising; I've only celebrated Halloween once when I was a kid. We –and I mean my family, don't have a habit of celebrating it and I don't enjoy it much –I don't enjoy parties per se. I just wanted to see Marco, that's all.

-"Uh… nah, of course not."- But I can't leave Mom unwatched.

She had her eyebrow crooked, -"Don't lie to me."- She said and damn, was she perceptive.

-"Nah, really."

-"Hphm."- She muttered and turned to the TV.

At night, I laid down and fell asleep immediately. I had dream in which I was in a haunted house searching for Marco, who was kidnapped by some asshole. After "rescuing" him, I realized it was all part of Halloween.


	47. FORTY-SEVEN

FOURTY-SEVEN

Tomorrow was Halloween and every single commercial won't stop talking about it; "Get your Halloween costume for 29.99$ now!" and it was driving me mad.

And gloomy.

It's been a month now and I haven't seen Marco. I was sick worried for him; that school was filled with mad men and bullies wanting to fuck up everyone's lives, especially innocent kids. Supposedly, one student committed suicide from the roof. Sad, but unsurprising. Every staff member, guards, secretary, etc. was corrupted and the principal was worse. The guy rarely went to the school and when he did, it's always for a brief time. He really didn't gave a shit about the school; all he wants from it is money.

I then wondered how Nathaniel and his boyfriend, Axel, were doing. I also wondered about Diego and Zaeed, his cute little boyfriend. Last time I saw him, he was in a bad shape after Trevor beat him up.

I was plowing through my thoughts when the front door beside me opened, -"Good morning, son."

I stopped washing the dishes to greet Dad, something I still found awkward, considering he spent little time with me. After shaking hands, I cleared my throat, -"Uh… you're early."

He smiled, -"I cleared my calendar for today, so I thought I'd come early,"- I smiled and nodded, returning to the dishes, -"So, how is she?"

-"She's…,"- I stopped, considering my response. Dad knew about her suicidal behavior and what led her to it. I _had _to tell him. Gladly, that was over and she stopped feeling alone at night. What I haven't told him was her growing realization of her illness and how she was changing, -"Well… she's better, but different."

Anything that wasn't good news troubled him, -"What do you mean 'different'?"

-"I dunno. She's not grumpy anymore. She's more… serious."- I spoke, trying to concentrate on the dishes. I was going to continue when I looked over my shoulder and didn't saw him anymore. He was in the living room, sitting beside Mom.

-"Hey, I'm back."- Dad said, wrapping his arm around Mom.

Yet, Mom pushed him away and had this perturbed face like 'who the fuck are you?', -"Excuse me?"- She said, leaning away from him.

Dad froze and stared at her, -"I-It's me…, your husband."- His voice was shaky, frightened at the unavoidable fact that she doesn't remember him.

-"What?"- She sounded perplexed.

And Dad was freaking out. Her amnesia was lasting more than usual. Usually, it lasted 1 minute or so. In this case though, since Dad spent little time with us, she had _more_ trouble recognizing him. Yet I can't blame him, -"Please…"- He begged.

He must feel awful. My chest tightened.

Then, her eyes grew and she embraced him, -"Oh… you're here."- She said, her voice soft, tightening her clutch on him.

I released a profound breath. That little moment was scary, I had to admit.

As I watched them, I could see a small, thin tear escape her eyes. My body went deep cold. I've _never_ seen Mom this sentimental. She's always been strong willed and resilient against, under her judgement, debilitating emotions. What she was feeling now was something far worse than that…

She knew she was slowly forgetting about, well, aside from day-to-day stuff and her own life, she was mostly terrified of forgetting… _us. _Being aware of that must be…, -I can't even imagine how she must feel now. That tear told me enough.

An impervious coldness shrouded me as if a corpse was giving me a hug. My eyes and head dropped and I had to sustain myself with my hands on the counter or else my whole body will drop along with them. I had a tight, suffocating knot on my throat and a foul pain on my jaw. A bawl wanted to slip out of my mouth. I swallowed like five times, trying to appease this urge to cry.

_No, no, no, no…, I can't cry now, _I thought stubbornly, _it's not time yet. _I breathed in and out several times and, God, it was working. I… I couldn't cry yet. I refuse to.

I turned to the dishes again while working on my mind, telling myself that it wasn't time yet, that it was too early to cry and surprisingly, it worked. I was still gloomy, but that pain in my jaw vanished.

I spent the rest of the day with both my parent and after midday, around 5 o' clock, we had a nice dinner –Dad cooked, a relief for me. We chatted as we ate and every weight I had over me was gone. This moment was perfect, I was not only with Mom, but with Dad too and it was nice to share and spent time with family, something we haven't done in years.

-"So,"- Dad cleared his throat, -"You want to celebrate Halloween, son?"

I raised my head from the plate, -"Huh?" –I swallowed the chunk of meat, -"Uh… no, of course not. Who celebrates Halloween?"- I said, shrugging.

Dad smiled, -"Kids do."

-"Well, we don't and I don't want to."- I said flatly, avoiding eye contact with him.

He chuckled, -"I'll get you a costume tomorrow."

I sighed, -"Dad, no, I don't want to. I just…,"- I gulped, feeling my cheeks flare up, -"Uh… never mind. Just don't."

-"I'll call Mrs. Bodt then."

-"What?"- I almost choked, -"W-what for?"

-"Come on, son. It's nice to go out once in a while, and believe me, you deserve it."- He said, a sincere smile on his face.

I sighed and then though about it. I really shouldn't complain, I mean, I've been indoors for a month and a half and yeah, I wanted to go out, hang out with somebody –and by somebody I meant Marco, the rest can jump off a cliff for all I care, -"Fine, but let _me _talk to her."- Then again, his family was religious, so Halloween might be out of the question. I could still go out with him to the movies or something.

Dad dialed the number on his phone and then gave it to me. I began to tap my foot nervously as it started ringing. I swore these were the longest seconds in my life, -"Hello?"- I finally heard Marco's mom's voice.

-"Hey, uh… it's me, Jean."- I always answered in the same way, I don't know why.

-"Jean! How good to hear you again,"- She sounded relieved, -"Is everything alright?"

-"Yeah, yeah, I'm alright."

-"That's good news. I was about to call you right now."

-"Really? What for?"- I tried to hide my shock from both my parents and Marco's mom.

-"Tomorrow's Halloween and even though I don't celebrate it, I always prepare sweets and dress up, so I thought maybe you'd like to come by, but I know you have to take care of your mom. Maybe some other time?"- She spoke and I heard ruffling on the other side, as if she was searching for something.

I almost squealed. _Almost_, -"Well, Dad's here so…"- I glanced at him. He still had that same smile as before.

-"Oh, that's great then! Ask him if you can come and I'll pick you up around midday."- She sounded excited.

I lowered the phone and when I opened my mouth to ask Dad, he was already nodding. I smiled at him and raised his phone again, -"Yeah, I can go."

She chuckled, -"Perfect! Oh, Marco will love to hear this!"- At the mention of his name, I quickly opened my mouth to ask how he was, but she continued, -"Okay, be ready then. I'll pick you up."- And with that, she hung up.

I gave Dad his phone back and continued to eat with a broad smile on my face. Both of them noticed, -"Aw, Johnny wants to celebrate spooky day."- Mom commented, a sudden smile on her face. She was often serious, but I noticed how happy she was and often smiled around us –or tried to. I… I can't tell anymore.

After that, we watched a funny movie and laughed a lot. Yet, my attention was on Mom. She was desperately trying to smile just as we were, but something held her back, something prevented her to do so. She often tried to hide her face from us, but I knew she was silently crying and I couldn't bear to see her like this.

We all went to sleep early and this time, Dad slept with Mom and I slept in my room. As I waited for slumber, I kept thinking about Mom and what was going through her mind. I'm terrified that she'll try to kill herself again. Tonight, she looked dreary, like she couldn't get something off her mind and was making her depressed again. I never stopped giving her the medicines and it seemed they stopped working again.

Next day, I was waving at her and Dad while mounting Mrs. Bodt's car. She had this grieving face as if I wouldn't return. She was attached to me, but she kept quiet and didn't beg me to stay or anything.

-"Good morning!"- Marco's mom spoke when I was about to feel guilty and I snapped from my thoughts. I quickly noticed Marco wasn't here, -"How are you doing?"

I tried my best smile, -"All good."

-"And your mother?"

-"She's… good too."

Her smile dropped a bit. She looked at me through the mirror, -"It'll be okay, Jean. Just believe."

I just nodded, unsure how to respond. I kept quiet and so was the ride to her house.

Once there, Sky, her husky, "greeted" me. Why the fuck does he hates me so much? He was practically wrestling with the chain, which was imminent to break. Marco's mom managed to soothe him so I could pass and when I did, I swear he was giving me the death glare.

Inside, the familiar smell of sweet vanilla wrapped me… and something else. She was baking something.

She noticed and chuckled, -"I'm baking brownie cupcakes and cookies. Want some? When they're ready, of course."

-"I'd love to."- I said, smiling widely, a drool almost escaping my mouth. God, it smelled so _good_…

She chuckled again and turned to the kitchen, putting on those puffy gloves, -"Well, go check on Marco. He's upstairs."

I nodded and started walking away, not until I took in the house; there were Halloween decorations whatsoever and yet, she prepared the house for today. The dining table was neatly organized with a white, silky mantle and a glass urn-shaped vase with a bouquet of roses in it. The curtains on the windows and doors were also silky white. It was all neatly cleaned, every corner of the house, no stains on the carpet, etc. I knew she spent hard work preparing for today and I was thankful.

I also wondered if she invited anyone else.

I relegated all thoughts from my mind as I walked upstairs. I was kind of surprised when I felt a twist in my stomach. For fucks sakes, I can't be nervous, can I? I've been here before, so what the fuck? Maybe it's because I haven't seen him in a while and considering how things were between us last time…

A wave of questions overflowed my mind. Could I solve our problems today? Does he even want me here after all this time? After how I treated him last time? Will he finally break up with me?

The twist on my stomach was tensing as I stood in front of his door. I sighed. I'm a coward, aren't I? Yet, I can't turn around and leave. I came here because I want to see him and spend time with him too. Maybe he can clear my mind about Mom and that stuff –no, I'm positive he can. And not only that, I knew I also needed a distraction, a breather and a good time with who I wanted to see for a long time.

I took a deep, deep breath and knocked lowly. I heard a sharp noise on the other side, like a chair was just pushed aside and then footsteps, -"Coming, mom!"- When the door knock turned, I was sure I'd chicken out, but instead I stayed put and braced myself for whatever would happen.

The door opened fully to reveal Marco. His eyes widen and we both stood there, staring and taking in each other. He had a blue shirt with Superman's logo, blue jeans and Superman themed converse. His hair was nicely combed. Was he… going out or something? He was _too _good to stay home.

I unsurprisingly found him more attractive than last time we talked. Maybe it's because we haven't seen each other in a while. My body flared up immediately; I felt hot all around, it was a normal reaction I had, yet now, it was more… intense –and the fact that he was looking at me equally made it worse. I was having trouble coercing my usual urge to pin him down and… and…

He suddenly gasped and lunged towards me into a tight hug, -"Jean!"- And I finally had that closeness I wanted from him.

He crawled his hands up my back and clutched, tightening the hug. I then realized he was serious when he planted his face in my chest. I tough I heard sobs, but I wasn't sure. I was speechless, but I forced myself to say something, -"H-hey… I'm alright, really."- I hugged him back. I _had_ to.

After a few seconds, he parted from my chest and looked up at me, his eyes glistening, -"It's… been a while."

I bit my lip and looked away, -"Y-yeah…"- I know it was stupid to feel even the slightest of guilt, but I couldn't help it. I left Marco alone in that hell of a school.

Marco, who was still clutched on me, parted from me, cleared his throat and pointed inside his room, -"Um… come in."- He blushed and smiled as I walked inside, just as red.

I had that small impulse of closing the door behind me, but I ceased.

-"Do you want to play something?"- He quickly asked once I was inside. He was excited about my arrival, that much was obvious. He was also surprised to see me. Maybe his mom didn't told him anything –that might have been her intention in first place, to surprise him.

I smiled, scratching the back of my neck. The air was… tense and warm between us. We both missed each other, but we were both nervous. It was also awkward, -"Uh… sure, why not?"- I answered, shrugging.

We sat on the same spot last time I came here –which reminded me: that day was the first time I confessed to him, -"Tekken 6 or…"- He asked, searching around his games.

-"Tekken's fine."

We started playing and at first, it was awkward. We sat far from each other, I mean… not as close as we've always been. We talked little during the first matches. Then, it got better and we started talking like we used to. The tense air we previously had was nearly gone –there was still a little, considering our last chat was unfinished. I was relieved he never brought it up. Honestly, I didn't want to talk about that. I knew I had to, but not now. My nerves twisted just thinking about it.

-"So, how're things in school?"- I asked once out of curiosity.

Marco hesitated on the answer, -"It's…, I dunno."

I paused the game to look at him, -"What do you mean?"

He had this troubled expression he was struggling to hide from me, -"It's the same… really."

I moved closer to him. Immediately, my serious and overprotective attitude flared up, -"What happened? Is somebody hurting you?"- I had a clear knowledge of who wanted Marco broken.

-"No one, I'm fine, it's just…,"- He sighed, giving up on whatever lie he was going to make up, -"I think it's worse, the bullying and racism I mean. Nathaniel thinks so too. Ever since you left, they've gotten careless. Now they harass everyone and they don't listen to anyone, not even teachers. The student rate has dropped. It's a mess…"

-"That's unsurprising…"

-"It's been… horrible without you…"- He said lowly, looking away, like if it was a though, but instead, it slipped out unintentionally.

-"Marco… I'm so-"

I was about to apologize until he interrupted me, as if he read my mind, -"You don't have to apologize,"- He smiled back at me, -"You have to take care of your mom. How has she been?"

After that, a handful of minutes passed. I told him _everything; _how she tried to kill herself, how she was changing, how she knew she was dying and forgetting people, etc. Marco, as sentimental as he was, found it all sad –_too _sad. He tried to cheer me up, saying I shouldn't give up yet and that there was still time, but honestly, this little moment we had was enough for me.

I ended up cheering him too, considering how compassionate he was. I wanted to make him laugh and smile, so I told every joke I could come up with –which were all lame, to be honest. He did laughed at least and my soul warmed up. That's all I needed for strength; to see him smile.

-"Hey, you're cheating!"- Marco shouted. We were playing Mario Kart.

-"What? No, I'm not."- I said, a grin on my face as I teasingly pushed his kart towards a cliff with mines.

-"Jean, stop! I'm gonna fall!"- Even though he sounded pissed, I saw a wide smile on his face. He was enjoying this as much as I was.

I kept at it and when he finally fell and I won the race –after 5 loses, I stood up and raised my arms, -"Hell yeah!"

I was glad he wasn't the type of guy who gets pissed off by losing or by someone's cheering. We had another race after that and Marco was fifth place and I was first. I was jumping by the final lap, finally winning two times sequentially, but when Marco received one of those fucking blue shells at the final minutes, -"Oh, no. Don't you dare."

He just laughed and threw the fucking thing.

-"No, no, no!"- I swore my finger would swollen up by how hard I was pressing the damn button and yet, the thing smashed down on me and I did a back flip. That's when Marco raced past me. And won.

Unlike me, he stayed down, but he was covering his mouth, preventing himself to laugh out loud. His face turned red, -"Come here, you little…"- I lashed at him and wrapped my arms around him while tickling him under the arm. He laughed out loud, as ticklish as he ever was, and I loved it. I kept tickling him, a bit faster and when he pulled away, I reached for him and fell over him.

If his face was red before, it was redder now. The laughing stopped, our faces were only inches apart and our eyes widen before each other. I could feel his ragged breath on my face. Shit, I could feel my whole body heat up…

I wanted… I wanted to be closer to him, to feel his lips after so long. I could feel how easily I was turned on by just looking down at him. Unable to coerce myself, I lowered my head closer to his and when our lips rose, he turned his head aside abruptly. I raised my head, a bit surprised. I gaped my mouth to speak, but shut it close. He was still… touchy with me from last time we spoke. Was he still considering break up?

The though itself was horrid for me. I didn't meant to push him like that, I was just…

I stood up reluctantly and helped him up. None of us said anything afterwards.

Until his mom called us, -"Jean! Marco! Dinner is ready!"

Marco glanced at me and headed downstairs. I sighed and followed suit.

Damn, the smell of sweet baking was overpowering. Wait… she was cooking _and_ baking too? Damn. She placed plates full of pasta on the table for all of us. They all had shredded cheese melted on them. I was practically drooling over the banquet when Marco's mom spoke again, -"Eat up. Then, it's horror movies and sweets."- She smiled excitedly.

I quickly sat down after my stomach growled. Marco sat in front of me and his mom sat beside him, so they were both facing me and I felt as if I was going to be interrogated. I quickly began to eat, but Marco and his mom prayed silently –or, well… Marco _tried_ to. I noted how his hands trembled a little. Was he… afraid to say thanks to Him just because He dictated that homosexuality was a sin?

A bit pissed with an odd clutch on my chest, I sighed, stood up and sat beside him. I placed my hand over his and squeezed it, -"Don't be afraid, Marco. You're just thanking Him. He can't deprive you of that."- I spoke lowly, not wanting to interrupt his mom. Then, after squeezing his hand one more time, I stood up and sat where I once was.

I watched them pray silently. Marco looked at me once, smiled and resumed. I let out a sigh of relief as that clutch on my chest faded. Man…

I figured it was usual of them to thank Him before dinner. Me? I thanked Mom –or Dad, or myself. I thought I'd have a wider faith in Him after Mom was out of the hospital –you know, for that chance to redeem myself with her, but… I wasn't so sure. Doctors were behind that –Zackly, too. I thank them, but I thanked Marco the most; for being there when I needed him, for helping me stand up whenever I fell, for making me a better person, for staying with me… for everything.

We had a decent conversation while we ate and laughed about each's anecdotes. I told that one time I ran into the wall in school. Marco's laughter was the loudest –heck, he _was _there. His mom was having trouble believe it. She still laughed though. She narrated us one time she went with her soon-to-be husband to buy the wedding dress. She said that the moment they entered, he was the first one to try on dresses. I guessed he was the humorous one between the two of them.

I felt the air tense a bit when she began talking about him. She seemed peaceful and whenever she mentioned him, she said: "God bless him in Heaven." Marco… wasn't as peaceful as she was, but he was firm about it.

After eating, we played a few card and board games. Then, around 5 o' clock, we started watching horror movies –classic ones. They weren't those movies that had exorcism and stuff, they were _good_ horror movies. They also weren't _so_ scary, they were moderate. Some were also funny.

-"Oh, don't forget these!"- Marco's mom came to the living with a bag on her hand. She started pulling something from it, -"Here, just for you. It was his idea."- She handed me a Batman mask while pointing to Marco, who was smiling.

I started at it in awe, -"Y-you… bought this for me?"

She nodded and smiled, -"What's Halloween without costumes?"- She walked towards Marco and handed him a Superman cape.

-"I… I don't know what to say."- I was in the brink of tears, to be honest. I wasn't expecting this.

After putting angel wings, she placed her hand on my head, -"Just say 'I'm Batman'."

I laughed, -"Thanks…, really."

We all dressed up and continued watching the movies while eating all the sweets she made.

I learned Marco wasn't the horror type of guy. He often looked away and shrank back on the sofa. I chuckled and teased him about it, -"I didn't know you were afraid of horror movies, Clark."- I tried to stay cool and sound like the actual Batman.

Marco chuckled, -"I'm not. What makes you say that?"- He had glasses on to look more like Clark Kent and God, he looked so cute.

-"This."- I suddenly yelled, sticking my tongue out and Marco jumped a bit. I laughed out loud.

-"Hey! I was paying attention to the movie!"

-"Yeah, sure, scaredy cat."- I said smugly, returning to the movie.

Afterwards, Marco spent the rest of the evening trying to scare me, but I saw it all coming. I managed to scare three times in a row. When the movie got really tense, I lost all notion of whatever was happening around me. I admit, it was getting scary, but nothing I couldn't handle.

-"Oh no! Bruce, watch out! You have a spider on you shoulder!"

-"Ah! What? What the fuck?!"- I shouted and literally jumped off the sofa while brushing off whatever was on my shoulder. I started moving around like crazy, shaking all my body.

Marco and his mom were laughing really hard and that's when it hit me.

-"Oh, very funny. Thanks for the warning,"- I sat down, wrapped my arm around him and started messing with his hair, -"You got me, yeah, yeah,"- I then covered my mouth after realizing the swearing word I spat earlier, -"I-I'm so sorry…"

His mom chuckled, -"It's okay, Jean, don't worry,"- She glanced at the nearby clock on the wall, -"Oh, it's getting late. We should get going."

I glanced at the clock too and damn, it was 8:30 already. We watched like three movies straight. My chest tightened.

She stood up, -"I'm going to change. Be right back."- And hurried upstairs.

I was left alone with Marco. He sighed and stood up. I quickly stood up and grabbed his hand. Before I could say anything though, he spoke, his back on me, -"T-thanks… for coming."

-"Yeah, well… it was great. The cake was awesome."- I said, scratching the back of my head. Damn, why was it so hard to say goodbye? It was hard for both of us, considering we won't see each other in another while.

-"I'm… going up."- He said and began walking again.

And again, I stopped him, -"Marco… wait. Please, just look at me."- I said as I turned him around to face me.

And when he did, reluctantly, I saw a saddened expression.

-"Marco…,"- He was the one having trouble to say goodbye. Either he disliked it or wasn't accustomed. I then realized he really _did _missed me and had an awful time in school without me, -"I… need to go. Mom needs me,"- I don't know why I'm saying what he already knew, -"I'll let you know when Dad comes so we can hang out, ok?"

He just nodded with the same expression. He looked like a little kid who was just dropped in school the first day.

-"Listen… I…,"- Oh God, how do I put this? –"I know we need to talk _seriously _and I'm not avoiding it or anything, but today… I just wanted to spend time with you. I… wanted to see you and I'm glad I had the chance."- To be honest, I think _he _was the one avoiding it.

-"I know…"

-"Just… don't give it much thought. Or anything else. It'll drive you mad, believe me,"- I smiled bitterly, recognizing the truth in my own words, -"And… I love you. I really do…"

He nodded again.

I wanted him to say something, anything, but I was already closing the space between us. Holding his head with one hand, I drew my mouth into his, without hesitation and this time, he didn't turned away. We kissed in synch, slow and steady. Both my hands moved to his back and pushed him closer to me until my tongue touched beyond his. Our tongues danced as I slowly pushed him into the sofa, -"Jean…,"- He managed to whisper among the kisses. I couldn't figure out if it was a warning or a sign of pleasure. Either way, I didn't stop. I lowered my head to his neck and sucked in softly but deep. He moaned and-"Jean… stop."- He was pushing me away.

Unlike other situations, I reluctantly stopped and raised my head, -"Wh-what is it?"

-"I… can't…"- He breathed out, turning his head away from mines. Yet, I noted how he kept glancing at a near cross.

Again, I felt a little bothered, but this time, I breathed deeply and dropped it. I didn't wanted to start another discussion with him. I sighed, -"I…, goodnight."

I walked out of the house to wait for his mom with a heaviness in me. Then, she came out with another bag, -"I brought you some sweet so you could give to your mother and father if they want,"- She did a double take before opening her car, -"Oh, you still have the mask. I thought you'd leave it behind. It's yours after all."

I reached for it and pulled it off. Huh, I didn't even realized I had it on…

We drove off and when we reached home, -"Hey, Jean."- She called when I dropped off with the bag.

-"Hm?"

-"Thanks for coming. Marco really needed company –well, your company."

-"Yeah, it… was nothing."- Again with that heaviness whenever I thought about him…

And it showed, -"I know what's between you two."

I knew that, -"Yeah, he told me."- I wasn't even embarrassed. I just wanted to get inside.

-"Look,"- I braced myself for her critic, -"It's hard, I know, but what's it worth if it's not? Nothing else matters but what's in here."- She pointed to her chest, where her heart throbbed.

Shit, I wanted ask her something, but I didn't know if it was right. Fuck it, -"I'm aware you're Christian and all and trust me, I don't want to show any disrespect, but shouldn't you… like, be against homosexuality? I honestly don't care about all that, but he does and… I feel like He doesn't want us together, with all that's happened."- Yup, I meant _everything_ that's happened. It just _felt_ like His doing.

Her face softened, not insulted at all, -"I know. It should be like that, but no, Jean, I'm not. Love is love and I want Marco to be happy and he's happy with you. I can't cut his wings because of that."

I'm so relieved to hear her say that, -"But he said…"

-"Others in the family objected, yes. He and I both tried to avoid trouble, but they somehow found out and that has Marco… sad."

-"Yeah, I noticed…"

-"His faith in Him is staggering and he feels like he committed the gravest crime ever. He doesn't want to accompany me to church anymore,"- She sighed, placing her hand on her forehead. All this has her stressed and sad, -"Jean, I'd like for you to come to church with us at least once. Maybe he'll feel better if you're there."

_Or maybe not, _I though. Maybe… it'll make it worse. I still nodded, -"Yeah, of course."- It's been a hell of a lot of time since I went to church, but for Marco, I'd do anything.

-"Thank you,"- She smiled, -"Don't give up, ok?"

I nodded and headed inside.

_Yeah… don't give up, she said. _


	48. FORTY-EIGHT

FORTY-EIGHT

I think Mom's going crazy.

After Marco's mom dropped me home, I found doctor Zackly in the living room, shaking his head disapprovingly at my disappearance. He said Mom collapsed a few hours after I left, shouting she didn't wanted to forget me. Supposedly, Dad sent me messages and called me to inform me of the incident and when I checked my phone… shit. I had 50 missed calls and 100 unread messages. All from him. We ended up arguing, something that rarely happened between us, -"Why the fuck did you stayed? You could've picked me up! You knew where I was!"

-"I… I didn't wanted to…"- Dad was speechless, unable to argue back. Then, he started speaking nonsense about an assignment I was doing or something.

That's when Zackly interrupted us and scolded me, -"I thought I made myself quite clear when I said that she should not be left alone."

-"But she wasn't alone!"

He ignored me, -"I left the task to you and you said you would take care of her, no matter how long it will take and yet you go off to some senseless _Halloween_ party to play dress up,"- I wanted to argue back, I wanted to tell him that I wasn't in a party, but he kept speaking, -"Consider this your last warning: I _will_ take her back to the hospital if this continues. I will not leave her in the hands of someone irresponsible, someone who she calls a _son_."

I bit my lips really hard in order to keep shut. _Say something, goddammit!_

_No, you'll just add more fuel into the fire!_

And it really wasn't wise to provoke him. I'll just make the situation worse.

He stared down at me for a few seconds and walked away. Shit, I think I'm bleeding…

When he closed the door, Dad turned to me, -"Why didn't you answer my calls? What were you doing?"

-"I was just… spending time with Marco and his mom, that's all. It wasn't a fucking party or anything."- I was still pissed at Zackly for calling it senseless.

-"Then there's no excuse for not answering my calls."- Dad crossed his arms and tapped his foot.

-"Look, I was distracted, alright? I was watching some movies and…,"- I sighed and decided to call it my fault, not wanting to argue with him, -"I… I'm sorry…"

Dad stooped tapping his foot and sighed too, placing a hand on my shoulder. He seemed to have decided against arguing too, -"I… I'm sorry too, son."

-"No… I should've been more attentive."- Yeah, I knew Mom was in a delicate situation. I should've known he'd message me if something came up. Back at Marco's… I forgot all about it.

He shook his head, -"And I was the one who told you to go. You needed some time for yourself. I should've tried harder…"

-"But what _did_ happen?"- I had a gut feeling Zackly exaggerated a little.

-"She… started acting weird ever since you left. She asked me for some pills and I gave them to her. After a few hours, she started walking around the house, murmuring something –your name, I think. She even wrote it down a lot of times and took the papers with her to watch some novels. Then, she fell asleep and suddenly, she woke up, screaming that she forgot someone important,"- Dad swallowed, probably living the moment in his head right now and from his expression, I could tell it was unpleasant, -"When she remembered, she began crying, saying she didn't wanted to forget you."

I raised my hand and placed it on my forehead. Shit, I should've stayed, I should've known this would happen, I shouldn't have let my desires lure me, I should've…

-"Son… it's not your fault, alright?"- Dad squeezed his grip on my shoulder, -"You needed time for yourself. This stuff happens inevitably. It's normal."

I shook my head stubbornly, unable to accept the truth he spoke of, -"I could have avoided all this if I just stayed…"

Dad took a deep breath, -"Please, son, don't blame yourself,"- He looked down for a few seconds and up at me again, -"I'm to blame; I wasn't there when she needed me."

I looked at him, puzzled.

-"I was… working on some computers, fixing them."- His head dropped, ashamed.

-"Uh, don't…, I mean, you were working. That's okay."- I was rambling, unsure of what to say to cheer him up. I couldn't blame him. He was just doing his work. If it wasn't for him, we'd be living under a bridge.

He smiled, aware of my intentions, -"Thanks, son,"- After one last squeeze, he sighed and glanced at the stairs, -"You should check on her."

I nodded to him and headed upstairs.

The air tensed as I escalated. Was she even awake? How would she react when she sees me after being absent for the whole day? Will she blame me? I stood still in front of her door. I sighed and pondered on whether or not knock. I opened the door slightly and peeked inside; to my relief, she still slept. I was about to close the door and turn around when she spoke, lowly, -"Jean… is that you?"

-"Y-yeah…"- I slowly turned around and peeked inside again.

She was sat up, squinting her eyes at my direction, -"Come in, please."- She said, gesturing me to come forward.

I bit my lip and walked in a bit hesitant, -"Uh… maybe you should rest."

She shook her head and patted her bed beside her, gesturing me to sit there. I did and she quickly took my head and turned it to face hers. She looked at me intensely, -"I can't… not you…"

I placed my hand over hers, worried, -"Mom… what's the matter?"- Was she raving?

-"Anyone but you…"- She spoke, lowering her head.

-"Mom, I'm here. I'm okay,"- I squeezed her hand, -"I was just… with some friend."

She sniffed. _Oh no…, _is she crying? –"I know…, he, that guy from downstairs, told me."

I'm guessing 'he' was Dad and was having trouble remembering him, -"It's okay. I'm here. Please don't…"

-"Tell me, Jean,"- Her expression suddenly turned serious, -"I'm dying, aren't I?"

My eyes widen. I sat rigid, feeling a cold shiver running down my spine. I felt like time froze around us. I knew she'd ask me sooner or later, I was just…

_Shit._

I gulped. Attempting to regain myself was proving harder than I though. She took me by surprise, -"I, uh…,"- Telling her otherwise was futile. She knew, she just wanted someone to ascertain her, -"It's gonna be alright…, I promise."

She started at me blankly for a few seconds, then, she smiled.

A sudden grief took hold of me after that. How does it feel knowing you're soon going to die? That you have –what? Minutes, hours, or even microseconds to live? You can't even know –well, _she_ can't. It could be in a few days, hours, seconds…

Yet, I kept telling myself that no matter how long she had, I'd stay with her. And I did. Another handful of weeks passed, Dad left for work and I stayed home, taking care of her. Her condition deteriorated immensely, to the point where her weight downgraded for like 20 pounds –she ate less and less, just snacks here and there for the pills, her physical appearance changed… dramatically: she was losing hair, her skin turned pale and her eyes had dark circles under them. Her nightmares and hallucination were controlled by the pills –she often asked me for twice the quantity the doctor prescribed and they _sometimes_ worked, not _all_ the time. When they didn't, she woke up screaming and I'd rushed to her and sat with her and rubbed her hair, anything she needed to quell her.

Yet, she tried to stay cheerful –not just for her, for both of us. She knew how all this affected me; she was reaching a breaking point and I was losing my mind. Dad, tangled with work, visited us less and less and Mom reached a point where she _didn't_ know him anymore. He was an unknown person to her. When he did visit, she still smiled and greeted, figuring he was important enough to visit, yet she had no idea who he was. That had my father on his knees. Since then, I've heard nothing of him. He sent money by mail though.

I was opening the mailbox when Mom called me, -"Jean!"

-"Coming!"- I pulled out another letter with money in it and sighed. Another hundred dollar. I retained them in my pocket and headed inside, -"I was…, um…,"- I sighed deeply. Now, I couldn't talk to her about a man she no longer knew and it felt… horrible, -"Never mind."

-"C'mere, c'mere."- She said, patting her side of the couch.

I smiled and sat beside her, not before giving her a kiss on her wrinkled cheek, -"So, how are you feeling today?"

-"As good as I can ever be,"- She smiled and started looking to her sides while toying with her feet, a common action to her near infantile mind, something she _tried _to control. It was like her mind was split in two: a reasonable one, the one who knew she was sick and soon to die, and the childish one due to the tumor on her brain. It almost, _almost, _seemed like she had schizophrenia, -"You know what Peggy thinks about this novel?"

I glanced at the TV. It was actually an old novel, one she already watched, -"No, I don't. What does she think?"- Peggy was her imaginary friend. She described it as a woman with no face holding a frying pan. I had a theory she was seeing herself –herself from way back. The reason she was seeing herself with no face was because of her "double" personality, if you'd call it that. She didn't know who she really was: a child or a mother.

-"She thinks-"- She froze, literally. Another catatonic episode. She started having these not so long ago and from the info I dug up from the internet, I can't interact with her until it ends or else she'll break. It usually lasted several seconds, -"- that it's not worth to watch. That that kid who's in love with the main chick dies. She didn't like it."

Mom used to foretell novels and she did predict the guy's death. And no, she didn't liked it, -"I think you already saw this one, mom. They're repeating it."

-"Me?"- She opened her mouth with her hand on her chest, unable to believe what I just said, -"Nu-uh."- She shook her head.

I laughed as I tickled her, -"Yes, you did."

She laughed and started tickling me too, -"Oh, look, look!"- She pulled back a bit and pointed to the TV, -"He's dyin', just like Peggy said."

I looked at the TV again. The novel was reaching its climax. The kid, like 18 years old, had tuberculosis. He was on the floor, coughing blood uncontrollably while his girlfriend cried and called for help –or better yet, his would be girlfriend if the situation was different, but considering both were constantly brawling, they were never officially pairs. After calling the meds, she knelt down and laid him on her lap. When the docs arrived, it was too late: he died on her lap, drowned in his own blood. That's kind of like tasting his own medicine; he did some pretty bad stuff, if I remember correctly. He used to punch new kids on schools who often tasted their blood due to his teeth-breaking. Then he met the girl and they often argued; she said he had to change and he said she had to accept him like that. He changed anyways, but the damage was done. Young love. That's why Mom disliked it.

I heard Mom sob beside me, -"Woah, you're actually crying?"- This was unlike her; she never cried in a novel before. Due to her condition, she was more open to emotions, conscious or not.

Mom had her hands on her face, covering it from me, -"N-no…"

I started to poke her cheek, -"Oh, you are!"

-"Peggy says she hates it and that I shouldn't cry because it's not sad,"- She spoke, glancing at the space in front of the TV, but no at the TV, -"She says they both deserve it for not spending time with each other when they had to. She says that they wasted their time on idle arguing."

I bit my lip and looked away. Well, that's rather familiar. Also, she said that same thing back when she saw it the first time.

I breathed deeply and turned to her, -"Well, you're –she's right,"- I decided to change the subject, -"Uh, do you want something to eat?"

-"Nah."- She shook her head, eyes on the TV.

-"You sure? I'm gonna cook something for me then."- I quickly stood up, kissed her cheek again and walked towards the kitchen. After making a sandwich, I sat beside her again. We watched a few movies afterwards. When nighttime came, I slept with her, worried that she'd wake up. I gave her the pills, but still. It was usual of her to get gloomy at these hours too.

Her "rational" self often emerged during these too, -"Oh, Jean, I'm slowly forgetting."- She spoke, face buried in her pillow.

I glanced at her while working on my mattress. I put up the best smile I could muster, -"It's ok, mom, it's normal."

She shook her head, -"No, it's not. I don't want to forget."

I really didn't liked this topic, but sadly, she kept bringing it up every night, -"Mom…,"- When she started sobbing, I rushed to her side and rubbed her back. I always tried my best to soothe her, -"I'm right here. How can you forget something like this?"- I made a really funny –and stupid, face.

She looked up and smiled a bit, then dropped her head and sobbed more, -"I'm losing, Jean…"

-"What do you…"- I began, but stopped mid-sentence. No, she can't be… _She's really dying, isn't she? _When she says it like that… then she's really near her end.

-"I'm so sorry…"- Now, she started crying.

I forced myself out of my own shock to comfort her, -"Mom, it's… not your fault, ok? You're just-"

-"I don't want to leave you alone..,"- She sobbed, shaking her head, still buried in her pillow, -"Who's gonna take care of you?"

-"I'm not alone,"- I said, placing my hand on her back, -"You're here now… with me. That's what matters, right?"

She slowly rose her head and looked at me. Her expression changed and she calmed down. After a few minutes of silence, she laid down on her bed and slept while I couldn't sleep shit. I was desperately dialing Dad's number on my phone with Mom's words swirling through my mind.

_Come on, Dad, pick up! _I shouted within my mind, to avoid waking Mom, after the third attempt.

My mind was reeling. I feel –no, I _know _Mom will die in a few days, I just know it! It's just a matter of time! She may die tonight while sleeping, she may day tomorrow, she may…!

_-"Please leave a message for 800-255-"_

-"Dad, please, come home! Just… stop whatever you're doing! You've worked enough! Mom needs you –needs _us_… she's… she's…"- And somehow, I couldn't spell it out.

_Come on, Jean, be rational. You know people are born; they live and they die. It's simple._

If only it were that easy… to let go…

What comes after death? Where would Mom go? To heaven or hell? Or just under the dirt in a nicely decorated coffin?

Rushed, I knelt on the floor and looked up. I figured that if anyone would know, it would be Him, -"Just tell me, if you're even real, where will Mom go? What will become of her? I at least deserve an answer."

Nothing.

_Oh, Jean, what were you expecting?_

_Sweet fuck. Shut up._

I sighed deeply and stood up. I breathed several times before taking my phone and sending Dad a few text messages.

_Dad, wherever you are, I just wanted to hear from you. It's been like a month now and you haven't even shown your face. Mom's… really sick. We both wanted to see you before she got any worse. If you read this… please, just say something. Anything. I hope you're not overworking yourself. Take care._

I turned off my phone and laid back on my bed. Slept overtook me after long hours of thinking…


	49. FORTY-NINE

Disclaimer: **I don't own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

FORTY-NINE

I had to tell her. Before it's too late.

That dreadful hunch that Mom will die really soon was becoming overpowering. It stirs my whole soul. I felt like it was being squeezed. Then came the sadness. I often got gloomy and couldn't hold back a tear or two. Mom noticed and started to tell _me _it was okay. It's funny how these things turn out to be different at the end.

Today was another gloomy day for me. I was pacing back and forth on my room, pondering on whether or not tell Mom about my sexual preferences –at least _today_. I know I have little time, I'm just… afraid of her answer. How the hell am I supposed to reveal something like this to her? I mean, she thinks I'm still into girls! I can't just walk to her and say 'Hey mom, I like men and I almost fucked this cute boy in school _twice _–or was it thrice? _And _in his own room and here too, actually.'

-"Jeeean!"

_Shit! _I almost jumped and hit the ceiling, startled, -"C-coming!"

I rushed downstairs and spotted her patting the sofa beside her, like she always did. Again… the heartache…

I slowly sat beside her, eyes on nothing in particular in front of me, unable to look at her. She obviously noticed and turned my head towards her, -"How are you today?"

I put up gammy smile, -"I'm… alright, yeah."

She raised an eyebrow, dubious, -"What's the matter? Do you wanna tell me something?"

I gulped and shook my head unconsciously. Damn, she was perceptive, -"N-no…"- Maybe tomorrow… she can't leave _that _soon… right?

-"Come on, out with it,"- She chuckled and started messing with my hair, -"I'm not gonna spank you or anything."

I smiled a bit and I was sure I'd gape my mouth to speak, but instead I chicken out and told her that it was nothing. I couldn't come up with a lie either. She wasn't convinced, but still dropped it. We watched a few movies afterwards and I swore I would tell her… but I didn't.

It was by nightfall that I began to doubt if I'd ever tell her. Whenever I man up enough, my stomach twisted and I back down; I think of every possible reaction from her, every answer, every emotion… that her son is not what she thought he was, that he was completely different. She has probably pictured me with a beautiful girl, having a nice, comfortable relationship with no problems at all…

_If only it were that easy, _I though bitterly as I walked to my room. I took a bath and headed downstairs again. Mom was in the kitchen, cooking God knows what, -"Mom, what're you-"

-"Some omelets. You like these, don't you?"- She spoke, keeping an eye on the scrambled eggs.

-"I…,"- Woah, it's been like… ages since she made one of those and hell yeah I liked them. I remember I asked her to cook one every damn morning, -"Yeah…,"- My mouth started to water. I haven't eaten those in ages and the thought of having a taste now was both felicitous and grieving. Mom used to make those when I was much older… when I wasn't a jerk. She'd happily wake up to cook them and I ate them just as happy. After I changed… they didn't taste the same and I just stopped asking her, -"It's been a while since you've made one though."

-"Are you saying I can't do one now?"

-"N-no… I didn't mean that!"- I smiled in spite of myself.

-"Hphm."

I chuckled and decided to help her, considering her condition. Her wrinkled arms could barely hold the pan to flip the eggs or any plate. After aiding her, we placed the plates on the dining table and sat to eat. Awkwardly, she started to tell me anecdotes of her youth –at least the ones she remembered which, to me, were hazy. I don't know why she was narrating them to me or when did they come up. Maybe it was because we were eating omelets? I had a few flashbacks as well.

-"I remember when I met this girl… tall, tanned with looong hair and all. I thought she was a tart, but then, in the blink of an eye, she was my best friend. My only best friend,"- Among her stories, I never heard her mention Dad and… it was sad –depressing even. Then I wondered where he is, how he was doing...; to shake my mind away from those though, I shared my own stories with her and I was lost in the moment until she told this one story I've never thought she'd remember, -"Oh, do you remember that little girl that studied with you on third grade? The one that was always with you?"

-"Uh…,"- Damn, I actually don't. I honestly barricaded those memories, -"No, I don't."

-"She had red hair and chubby cheeks. She always asked you for a game or something."

And then it popped in my mind, -"Ohhh…,"- That was _long_ ago. I only remembered how she harassed me for it –a PSP actually, -"Yeah, she always bugged me."

-"She liked you, you know."

-"What?"- I scoffed after swallowing a chunk of eggs, -"Yeah, sure."

-"Yeah, didn't you noticed how she flipped her hair when you were around?"

I laughed and rolled my eyes, -"Oh, please mom, that doesn't mean anything. Maybe she was flipping off some gnats."- Actually, it did felt like she liked, _liked _me and I almost felt the same… if she weren't so annoying.

-"Seriously, Johnny, you had a thing for her too. I remember when you used to ask me about girls and told me about her,"- Mom had a smile on her, the one someone has when remembering something dear. Then, she sighed deeply and wistfully, as if wanting to go back in time and relive the memory, -"I always though you two would make the best couple. You did liked the same stuff and everything. I wonder how things would be if she was here now, with you as her couple, telling me about her like most younglings do when they have a romantic relationship…"

_Damn, _I thought, _Jean, it's time and you know it. _

That was my cue. I had to tell her. Now or never.

My chest ached as I breathed deeply, -"Mom… I…,"- I gulped and squeezed it, -"… I have to tell you something."

I was trembling. That same hunch was bothering me again and it was freezing my whole soul. It was terrifying, but I can't let it control me.

-"What is it?"- She noticed my sudden behavior and stood up, -"Are you alright?"

-"Yeah… I-I'm fine,"- I gestured her to sit down, but she didn't and then _I_ had to stand up to attempt to appease my nerves. I placed my hand on my forehead. Shit, how do I even begin? How do I tell her that her wishes will never come true? That I'm not who she thought I was? –"I… don't even know how to begin…"- My eyes began to water. I bit my lip in order to hold them back. _Don't be such a crybaby!_

-"Jean…,"- She spoke softly as she walked towards me. She placed her hand on my shoulder and caressed it -"It's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay. You can tell me and it'll be okay."- She pointed to the sofa and led me there. I breathed deeply again as I sat down. She sat beside me, now rubbing my back.

It was almost funny how difficult and stressing this was for me, how frustrating it was to tell Mom about… all this. Maybe it would have been easier if I had a better relation, better honesty, with her when little, but since it has been broken for so long, I was having difficulties now. I've never had _the _talk with her. What I know now, I learned by myself.

I gaped my mouth. Well, here goes nothing. It was now or never and if I never tell her, I'd regret it later, -"Mom… I… don't _like_ women like I used to."

She tilted her head and I knew I had to elaborate –or better yet, get to the fucking point.

I sighed and before speaking, I wondered if I was attracted only to boys in general… or just Marco –the latter seems more likely, -"I'm… actually in love with a guy."

Mom stayed faceless, processing it all. Then she blinked, her eyes widening, -"Oh… really?"

I gulped and nodded.

-"Oh…,"- Her eyes drifted off as she messed with her hair –or what's left of it, -"That's, um… _some _news."

That didn't sound good…

-"Why… didn't you tell me before?"- She spoke again, this time looking at me directly.

-"I… was scared,"- To be honest, it's more complicated than that and I figured if I wanted to talk to her about this, I had to tell her _everything_. No more chickening out, -"I was also… confused, like I wasn't even sure myself. It was all so… sudden, so big…"

Mom chuckled, -"It is."

-"Mom, I'm sorry I didn't-"

-"No… it's okay. It must have been hard for you…"

-"It has –well, it _still_ is,"- My mind slowly drifted into thoughts about my problems with Marco, but I shook them away, -"I wanted to tell you sooner, I swear. I was just…"

-"Jean,"- She placed her hand on my face, -"It's okay. I know. You _are_ telling me now,"- Then, she smiled and dropped her hand, -"And as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

My eyes began to water up again. I _was_ happy, but…, shit, it was just complicated.

-"So, tell me about him."- She suddenly said.

-"Huh?"- I was dumbstruck.

-"C'mon, tell me _everything_ about him. Is he a good boy? Is he your boyfriend already? Have you gone out?"

I chuckled, -"Okay, okay, one at a time,"- Images of Marco began to flash by my mind as I began to speak about him, -"Well, he's very cute; brown eyes, dark hair and has freckled on-"- I paused and considered my next words. Marco had freckled almost _everywhere –_even on his butt, but I wasn't going to tell her _that _much… well, not now, -"… on his cheeks and he's really, really sweet."

As I spoke, I noticed how Mom watched me with this… peaceful expression. She was intensely listening to me talk about Marco, like… she really wanted to know, like she's been waiting for us to have this kind of talk –or _this_ one in particular.

-"And he's kind of a nerd –responsible, doesn't like cutting, cheating on exams or being late to class. He's also compassionate and generous, always thinking and worrying for others, doing favors for them and all. He's _too _good in my opinion, people can use him and he won't notice –well, maybe…, he _is _smart. Anyhow, that's what I'm there for, to kick anyone's ass who mocks and uses him,"- At this point, I was letting my feelings speak for me, -"I've, um, actually done it several times."

Mom laughed, -"_That's_ my son!"

I laughed at her response, -"Anyway, he likes vanilla, like a _lot _and…"

So, it went on and on. I lost track of time as I spoke to her about the one guy who changed my life. I told her that too; how everything changed when I met him. I spared her the grisly details of my fights with his bullies at first, but eventually… I told her. I had to. Every single detail. She was a bit mad at me for not telling her of the mess I got myself into, but she somehow figured she couldn't do much about it now, so she calmed. As I spoke more, my earlier joyful mood dropped. I then spoke of our recent problem; his family's resentment towards homosexuals. She though as much and tried to cheer me up, -"I'd like to meet him."

-"You… what? Really?"- My eyes widened.

-"Yeah, of course,"- She smiled tenderly, -"It's what mums do, right? I wanna meet him."

I smiled in joy… slightly concern, -"Okay,"- I said and stood up, -"I'll talk to him."- If she wanted to meet, it had to be tomorrow. I sure as hell wanted to please her.

I walked upstairs a bit scared. I haven't spoken to Marco since our last encounter. I… I didn't wanted to be the limpet and possessive boyfriend –if we even were-, but I really wanted Mom to see him. I owed her that much.

As I waited for an answer, I tapped the floor with my foot nervously, -"Hello?"- As always, Marco's mom answered.

-"Hey, it's Jean."

-"Oh, hey, Jean! Always good to hear from you!"- She spoke cheerfully, as always, -"How's your mother? And you?"

-"We're holding up alright,"- I said, scratching the back of my neck. Damn, all this seemed like I only called her when I needed a favor. It felt selfish, like I was exploiting her confidence in me, -"Um, hey… uh, Mom wants to meet Marco. I thought maybe he could…"

She gasped from the other side, excitedly, -"Oh, that's an excellent idea! And that's just what Marco needs!"

I titled my head, -"What do you mean?"

-"He's been… holed up in his room these days. I haven't been able to get him out..."- She spoke worriedly.

-"Oh no...,"- I muttered silently to myself. _Marco…, _now _I_ wanted to get him out, -"Well, it'd be good if he came then."

-"Yeah,"- She sighed and I heard footsteps, -"I'll talk to him and let you know."

-"Hey…,"- I spoke quickly, guessing she was about to hung up, -"The sooner… the better. Mom's-"

-"I know, Jean,"- She said and I was betting she had that tender smile of hers, -"Do you want to ask him yourself?"

My heart skipped a beat, -"If… he wants to."

There was silence for a few seconds, except for Marco's mom breathing. Then, there was knock, -"Marco?"- She called and for a few seconds, I didn't hear anything, -"It's Jean. He wants to speak with you."

Silence again. There's no way for me to tell if he's answering her or not.

Then I heard the door opening and ruffling sounds, possibly the phone being passed by. Soft breathing came next and I knew Marco was there, but wasn't saying anything, -"Marco?"

-"Hm?"- He mused.

-"Uh, how are you?"

-"I'm… fine."- He spoke and oh God, how I missed his voice.

-"That's…,"- I was about to say comforting, but since I knew he wasn't 'fine', I swallowed it, -"I wanted to ask if you wanted to come by my home. Mom… wants to meet you,"- I was going to leave out that last part, but I didn't dare lie to him. It wouldn't be lying either way, I just rather he knew the reason for my invitation –_reasons_, to be specific, -"And I… want to see you."

Marco stayed speechless. He was unraveling my intentions behind the invitation –aside from my own delight. After a few seconds, he sighed, -"Let me ask mom,"- He said and began to speak with his mother. He didn't ask me when, he knew it has to be soon, -"She said she'll take me tomorrow."

I let out a sigh of relief, yet I knew she'd agreed. It's still heartwarming, -"Thank you, really,"- I then breathed deeply, wondering for a second whether he was only doing this just to get it out of the way. It wasn't like him though; for me, it's enough if he does it for Mom even if it pains me a little that he wasn't at all joyful to see me, as I was to see him –at least he didn't _sounded_ joyful, -"I'll… see you tomorrow then."

-"See you."

When he was about to hung up, I spoke again, -"Marco… I...,"- I wanted him to say something, anything, for fucks sake! Something like, I dunno, 'I hope to see you too' or 'I'm forward to seeing you'! –"I… miss you, you know?"

He didn't say anything for a few seconds. I felt like I was about to fall on my knees. I really missed him, missed his hugs, his warmth, his kisses, his touch… but all our problems, our obstacles, our difficulties are together in a tempest and we were holding onto a post or some shit and were losing our grip. I don't want to give up, I don't want to let go, but fuck, it was hard to maintain that grip. I loved Marco and I'd do _anything_ for him, but I hated to see him like this. I didn't know who to blame: the people… or myself. I'm the one who got him like this.

I know it's not fair to be even a bit angry at him, but this… I don't know, I just want an 'I miss you too'.

-"I'm sorry… Jean."- It's all I got.

-"Wait! What do you mean you're-"- The line went dead and soon, me.

I didn't even wanted to consider the idea of us breaking apart –shit, we weren't even boyfriends officially, but after what we've shared… and to have no more…

I decided to keep "positive" and not think about that anymore, so I started cleaning the house up for tomorrow. Mom fell asleep in the couch and since I didn't want to wake her up by carrying her upstairs, I brought her pillows and sheets downstairs. I shifted her on the couch a bit so I could place her stuff. After that, I kept cleaning as best as I could and wondered how Dad was doing. All the messages I sent to him and he answered none. I don't know if I should despise him –maybe, but I didn't. Dad has worked his ass off maintaining both of us and I was grateful. Also a bit mad; when I need him most, he doesn't show up, despite my calls and messages. I can't tell what became of him. I can only hope he's alright. He was acting weird last time he came here, when Mom didn't recognize him at all. Dad has always been optimistic, but if anything happened to Mom, he just…

Unable to think about anything more, I slumped to bed and waited for slumber to get hold of me.


	50. FIFTY

Woah, chapter fifty already xD this is by far the longest story I've written.

Anyways, this chapter was kind of emotive and frustating at the same time for me :/ I think it will be for you too. You'll probably hate along the way xD\

Disclaimer:** I do not own Attack on Titan. **Just those assholes in their school.

* * *

FIFTY

As soon as I woke up, I had to help _Mom_ up.

Today, somehow, she has difficulty to stand up and walk around, so I searched for an old wheelchair in our small depot. Dad has bought it for one time she fell down the stairs and crippled her knee. Stubborn as ever, she stood up and about, but we were better safe than sorry. Now, it had use once again. After helping her on the chair, I dialer doctor Zackly's phone without hesitation –today was Monday, so he _had_ to be working, -"Yes, Kirshtein?"

-"You never mentioned inability to walk in your symptom list."

He sighed, obviously expecting no more from me, -"It _is_ rather obvious,"- After silent seconds, he scoffed arrogantly, -"Her brain withers and it is the brain who sends messages to the body, no? The brain wishes and the body shall obey. It is common knowledge."

-"So…?"- I spurred him to get to the point.

-"Her mind is not functioning well, sending the wrong messages, or none. Picture it like this: the tumor is like a shark in a tank full of fishes. The fishes are the brain's cell and the shark goes hungry for fishes and naturally, eats them all."- He really thinks I'm an idiot.

And I felt like a kid, honestly. I wouldn't be surprised if he made me a diagram of some sorts, -"Fine, I get it."

-"Shall I call one of my men to send you a wheelchair? Considering you do not-"

"Nah, it's fine,"- I said smugly, -"I already got it."

He also though I was irresponsible and cared shit for Mom, -"Astounding."- He said amusingly. Sadistic fuck.

A bit pissed, I hung up and walked towards Mom. She wasn't even panicking by the fact that she may not walk any time soon –well, maybe she didn't know that, -"How're you?"- I asked her, placing the oatmeal on her lap.

-"I'm okay."- She answered, picking the oats with the spoon.

I sighed, knowing she didn't had appetite for it, -"Mom, I forgot to tell you something yesterday,"- She looked up at me expectantly, -"Marco's coming by today."

Her eyes widened, -"He is?"

I nodded, smiling.

A smile grew on her face and she slowly began eating, -"I can finally meet him. The one my son loves."- She muttered to herself –or Peggy. I don't know.

As I waited for them to arrive, I wrapped up any unfinished task from yesterday and by 10 o' clock, I heard a car's engine. I walked outside and spotted Marco dismounting it. He kissed his mother goodbye and I took this chance to just… look at him. I don't know if it was me, but he looked… hotter –yeah, it's probably just me. He was wearing a black, rather tight, t-shirt with an opened book and a text that said: 'Less face, more book' below it. His black jean were accompanied by his usual black converse. It was… rare to see him wear black –at least for me. He usually wore colors.

His hair was nicely combed like last time I saw him. God, he looked… amazing, breathtaking like always. Unavoidably, my eyes traveled lower to his neck, lips, jaw, chin, arms… I literally scanned his whole body. If I could only see through his shirt… God, how I'd love to see his abdomen again.

I started to remember that time he was below me, when I slid my hand throughout his abdomen while I sucked in his neck. I remembered when I licked and bit his earlobe, his moans echoing in my mind, how deep and pleased they ringed in my ears…

I remember how we touched that night… right here, in my house. It began with his attempts at cheering me up and then… we were all over each other, pleasing one another. The sensations his touch bustled in me were overwhelming, blissful, orgasmic…

-"Jean?"

I gasped and almost fell back in surprise. Shit, I was drooling again, wasn't I? Marco stood in front of me, -"Uh… hey."- I said, quickly reaching the back of my sweaty neck. Shit. I didn't realized how hot my body was.

He tilted his head, figuring out my odd behavior.

By now, my heart was throbbing fast, as if I just ran a marathon. I desperately tried to wipe out the sweat on my neck, -"It's… hot today, isn't it?"- _You're hot, _I though and almost said it out loud.

-"Not to me. Christmas is nearing and the weather is actually cold,"- He chuckled and a vast joy invaded me. God, how I missed and loved his laugh. Heck, I even missed his voice. I really, really wanted to hug him right now, -"But of course, you never watch the news."

I tried to look at his eyes, asking permission for a hug, but it was… difficult. Our long-lasting issues were like a cock-blocker. Fuck it. I wasn't going to let those stop me from just hugging him. Without a second though, I lashed towards him and wrapped my arms around him in a tight, warm hug. I caught him off guard.

-"I… missed you,"- I said, burying my face in his shoulder and squeezing my grip on his shirt, -"So damn much…"- I had a tight knot on my throat, making my voiced rugged.

-"Jean…,"- Marco muttered, but he was speechless. Then, slowly, he returned the embrace and I was filled with joy, -"I…"

I waited for his next words until Mom called me.

I reluctantly parted from Marco, -"Um… we should head inside."- When I did though, I only longed to be closer to him.

I noted Marco's mouth gaped, like he wanted to say something, but he shut it closed and walked past me. Inside, Mom waited for us, -"Oh, there you are!"

I smiled, in spite of how awkward this'll be, -"Mom, this is Marco…"

Mom focused her eyes on him and they slowly widened. She drove the wheelchair towards him. I flinched, afraid she'd… I dunno, yell at him or something, but instead she gripped his cheeks, -"Well, well, well, aren't you adorable?"

Marco chuckled and tried to wiggle out of her painful grip. When she let go, he blushed lightly and rubbed his cheek. He looked so damn adorable, -"It's a pleasure, Mrs. Kirshtein."

Mom gaped her mouth, -"Oh, and you're polite too! No wonder my son drools over you!"

Marco's blush reddened more and I felt my own cheeks flare up.

-"Well, enough with the introductions,"- Mom waved her hands and led us towards the living room, -"Come on, have a seat and feel like home,"- Marco and I sat on the same couch while Mom stayed in front of us, -"So,"- She began, clearing her throat before speaking. _Here comes the questions, _I though, -"How did you two met?"- Mom was smiling broadly, excited about this moment. She looked like a kid in holidays.

Promptly, Marco and I looked at each other. Our expressions saddened as memories flooded us, -"We… actually met a long time ago."- I spoke up, but Marco nudged my arm to let him speak.

-"We took drawing classes together when younger."- He added.

If my memory of that time was a little blurry, Mom's was worse. She titled her head and had a confused look on her face, -"You did?"- She then looked at me, puzzled, -"I took you to drawing classes?"

I nodded, -"Yeah. That's when I met him; around eight grade, I think."

-"Fifth."- Marco corrected me with a smile on his face.

I blushed, cleared my throat and looked at Mom again, -"Oh, right, fifth,"- I almost laughed at the sameness this had in a normal, heterosexual pair. Usually, the girl remembered special dates, like when they first met, first sex, first gift, etc., and the guy was the one to forget. My memory sucked, but Marco's was on point. I guess he was the 'girl' between us, -"So, uh, yeah."- I didn't knew what else to add.

Marco did, however, -"I remember when you picked him up. He always made a pouty face whenever he heard you arrive,"- He side-glanced at me and I smiled. He's right; I hated to leave him with that little asshole that bullied him, so I got mad at Mom whenever she picked me up, -"There was this little kid who enjoyed teasing me and once Jean confronted him, he never hassled me again. I think Jean became his worst nightmare."

Mom laughed out loud, -"Oh, Jean, always getting in trouble!"

It warmed me to hear Marco speak with honesty, I just hope he doesn't say _everything, _-"Oh, and that's not the end of it,"- He continued, smiling at the memory, -"He mistook one of the guys in school for the bully, threatened him and all."

Mom laughed and clapped her hands like a seal while I wondered how he knew that. Either Reiner or Connie told him –the latter seems more likely, considering how he was shitting his pants that day. That bald crybaby…! Still, Marco never told me anything. He hasn't scolded me… yet. Maybe now that I wasn't attending school, the group was gossiping about me, telling Marco stuff I never told him. Great. Eren must be having the time of his life.

-"Okay, okay, my son is giving me _the_ look,"- Mom said after she coerced her laughter, -"So, what do you plan to study?"

This was one of Marco's favorite topic, -"I'd like to study Digital Arts; make drawings for magazines, coloring books, stories and so on."

-"Oh, so you like to draw, eh?"- Mom asked, more curious of him, -"What else do you like to do?"

-"I like to write poems, but not often. I also love to read, like a lot."- Marco always gave out a smile whenever he talked about his books. At the mention of poems, I remembered the one poem he wrote for me in the wall of his room. I think Marco remembered too. He was discretely giving me a side glance with a slight bush on his cheeks.

Mom's smile grew into a mischievous one, -"Have you written any poems to Jeanbo?"

Marco chuckled at the nickname, but his expression turn bashful, -"I… I have."

Mom clapped her hand, -"Aw, I'd like to listen to it."

-"I… I don't remember it completely. Sorry…"- He said. _Liar, _I though. He knows that poem like the Lord's Prayer.

-"Ah, bummer."- Mom muttered, making a face in disillusion.

Before she could ask anything else, I spoke up, feeling kind of left out, -"Hey, mom, have I told you how fucking awesome he draws?"

Mom pouted and crossed her arms, -"No, you haven't."

-"Well, I'll show you. I have one of his drawings around."- I stood up and headed upstairs to my room. I knew Marco was giving me a surprised look. He wasn't expecting I'd keep it.

In my room, I scavenged the boxes under my bed and pulled out a binder with my old drawings, which were like babies compared to Marco's. I passed the pages until I found the Superman that Marco drew, the one I fixed, and pulled it out. I rushed downstairs, but when I heard Mom asking more questions to Marco, I halted and listened –or better yet, eavesdropped. Come on, I was just curious, -"Do you love him?"

The question was sudden to Marco –heck, even to me, -"Huh?"- He was stunned at first, but when he composed himself back up, he cleared his throat, a bit nervous, -"I… I do."

-"If only you could hear him speak about you…,"- Mom's voice trailed off. She was probably remembering how dreamily I spoke to her about him, like a kid raving about his platonic love. Mom sighed deeply, -"He spoke so tenderly of you, like you are the best thing that has ever happened to him, like he'd swim in the eye of a storm for you…"- Her words came out as a mere whisper, still reaching Marco's ears, and she was right. I'd do anything, _anything _for him.

I leaned in closer and peaked. Marco was biting his lip and looking away, his eyes watering. _What's wrong, Marco? _I though. He had smiled this whole time, but I knew how turbulent and anxious he really was. Was he… unsure of his answer? Were his smiles and glances at me a bogus? I guessed he really was doing this only for Mom… I couldn't help feel a bit glum and jealous. I'd always loved the attention he gave me, his frequent calls, his 'are you okay?' and scolds: 'how are you supposed to study?' 'Jean, if you don't study now, you won't be able to boost your grades later'. Selfish of me, I suppose.

I really hated to see him like that though. He was the strong-willed between us. To see him reduced to that was… infuriating –and all because of some holy book. I don't know who to point my anger at. God? His family? Myself? The latter's more convincing.

Slowly, he regained himself and breathed deeply, -"I…"

Mom spoke again, -"Tell me,"- She said, but stopped for a few seconds, considering on her question, -"What do you love most about him?"

Marco was speechless. His eyes widened. Yeah, what does he love about me? I'm nothing but a scoundrel getting into trouble –and getting _others_ into trouble too, -"I…,"- He sighed deeply, closed his eyes for a second and spoke, -"I really love his impetus, his passion, the way he gets out of his way for me, but he's too reckless and too… tied to the past."

My head dropped. Of course he'd say that. He's an honest guy; Mom asked and he answered with his heart, he'd never lie to her.

-"He…,"- Oh, he wasn't done, -"… doesn't control his emotions, he overthinks a lot and we've argued, but I still… love him the way he is."

Now, Mom eyes watered. She covered her mouth and began to sob.

Marco quickly stood up and reached for her, -"I-I'm so sorry, I didn't mean-"

-"No, thank _you_,"- She looked up and took his hands, -"Please, bear with him and be there for him. I'm leaving soon and I hate to abandon him, the idea of him all alone…"

-"But… where's Mr. Kirshtein?"- He asked.

She titled her head, confused at the 'odd' question, -"Who?"

-"His…,"- Marco paused, figuring out that she'd forgot all about him, -"Uhm… never mind,"- He knelt so they could be eye to eye, -"I'll never leave him… I promise."

-"He _needs _you,"- She shook their jointed hands, -"Please, promise me that no matter what, you'll never leave him, you'll never abandon him just like I will soon…"

Marco went blank. Mom was practically begging him, -"Please, don't say that…"- Marco's voice was becoming ragged. A tear managed to escape my eye.

-"_Promise_. You're the only one he fights for and if you're not there…"

A heavy load seemed to fall on Marco's shoulders, kind of like I felt back on school with the whole cellphone shit –with everything, actually, -"I… I promise. I swear I'll…"

Mom smiled, -"You're such a sweet boy… I'm glad Jean has you…"

I really hated to interrupt their emotional momentum, but I had to step in. With a smile, I walked downstairs with the drawing on hand, -"Here, Mom!"- I said and handed her the drawing.

Mom sniffed and cleared her eyes before observing Marco's masterpiece. She gasped in awe, just as I did when I first saw it, -"You did this?"

Marco nodded bashfully.

Mom looked at the paper again, -"You have a wonderful talent. I hope you use it well. I know you will."

Marco smiled warmly with a slight blush on his cheeks.

After that, Mom, with our help, made dinner; spaghetti with garlic bread. Marco shouldn't have helped, I mean, he's our guest, but he insisted. We sat down on the dining table and ate up. Normal conversation followed suit and after we ate dessert, a vanilla cheesecake, which Marco found utterly luscious, we watched some movies. At the core of the movie, however, Mom fell asleep and since she was in an uncomfortable position, I took her upstairs and laid her in her bed after refusing Marco's help, -"Damn, she's lost some weight."- I said as I sat back on the couch.

-"She hasn't eaten enough?"

I shook my head, -"No, not like before."

-"Jean, she's really…"

-"I know,"- I sighed and dropped my head gloomily, -"She's really dying. I still can't believe it…"- Call it denial, but the thought of not having the sole figure of a mother was… discomforting. I can't imagine what I'd do without her.

Marco placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, -"Jean, it'll be alright,"- He said, his voice soothe and calm, intent on cheering me up –or at least comfort me. No need for the effort, really. His presence alone was comforting enough, -"You know it's normal. We're born, we live and we die,"- He paused before speaking, -"And she's… happy, in peace. You did it. You reconciled with her."

I sighed again, -"Yeah…"- It still left an unpleasant feeling in me. It's not like I reconciled and that's it.

-"Are you… alright?"- He asked after a few minutes of silence. Damn, it's been a while since he asked me that.

I glanced at him and our eyes met. He was really worried, -"Yeah… I'm okay. Tired, but I'll live. It… hasn't been easy."

-"It never is,"- He shifted on the sofa so we were facing each other. He crossed his legs and rested his elbow on his knees, -"But that's what makes life special, right? If it were simple, what would be the purpose?"

I was really not in the mood for his philosophic life lessons. I still appreciated the thought, but what I really needed… was him, I just needed him here, -"And you? Are you okay?"

He didn't answered immediately and that discouraged me, -"I'm… alright."- He didn't looked at me when he said that. His eyes trailed off.

I sat closer to him, -"Marco."

He bit his lip, but didn't flinched. I took his chin and moved his face towards mine. He sighed, succumbed, -"I'll be fine, Jean, don't worry."

I arched an eyebrow, dubious.

He smiled slightly before his expression saddened, -"It's you mom, she told me some things…"

-"I know."

-"You… heard?"- His eyebrows furrowed a bit, probably a little bothered at the fact that I eavesdropped on them.

I nodded, -"Yeah,"- I sighed and prepared myself for the question I've holed up in me, -"Did you… meant all those things?"

Marco's expression softened. He looked down, thoughtful, -"Yeah…"

-"About me, I mean."

He looked up at me, his cheeks flaring up a bit, -"I… I did."

-"Really?"- I leaned closer to him, not taking my eyes off his, -"All of them?"

Marco nodded. So… he even meant the not so good things, huh? _Well, yeah, dumbass, he wouldn't have said them otherwise, _I though bitterly as I tried to read Marco's face. He was… worried about something else. I noted how he frequently gaped his mouth and promptly close it, like he was battling with himself on whether or not say whatever he wanted to say, -"Jean,"- He finally spoke, -"I'm worried… about us."

-"Us?"- My heart skipped a beat and my stomach stirred up. Every nerve in my body bustled up at the same time, -"W-what about us?"

-"I… don't know if we can keep this up,"- Marco had this heart-piercing look, like it even pained him to speak, -"I… I really shouldn't…"

But then it hit me and again, like he truthfully said, I never controlled my emotions nor my tongue, -"Again with religion? With the Bible? Marco, come on…"

Marco dropped his head and I knew he was biting his lip like he always did whenever he wanted to suppress a cry, -"I'm so sorry…"

_It's finally happening, the breakup, this can't be…, _-"I can't believe you let it bind you like that,"- Among the mixed emotions: sadness, anxiety, I was really choleric, -"Why should your life based on some fucking book?"

Marco gasped and look up, his brows furrowed, -"Don't speak of it like-"

-"Like what? Then how should I speak of it? It's like your whole life is written in it! Like it's your personal diary! How the _fuck_ should I speak of it?"- I waved my hands up in exasperation. All this oddly reminded up of our dispute in school; I was mad, unable to control myself, I spat at him and unintentionally insulted him… which I ended up regretting really bad later, -"Please, explain! How am I supposed to see it any different?"

Marco was shocked, scandalized at my outburst. Aghast, he lent back, away from me, something he usually did in our arguments. He was scared, his widened eyes were narrowing me in fear. I… really must be looking frightful right now. The familiar guilt was building up in me and it was worse than ever, -"Jean…,"- He started shaking his head, -"You need to understand how much it means to me…, how-"

-"And you need to understand how much _you_ mean to me!"- I yelled, louder than I should have. Marco was taken aback. His eyes widened once again, but this time with slight wonder, -"Marco, I _love_ you and I _need_ you! I lost my dad and I'm losing my mom, I can't lose you too! I _can't_! What about your promise to Mom?"

He gasped in dread, -"L-lost your dad? What ha-"

I roughly pushed him down onto the sofa, pinning him down below me. I locked my grip on his wrists rigorously, not set on letting him go. He gasped again in surprise, but before he could even ask what the fuck is going on, I smashed my lips into his. I vertiginously kissed him, licking and biting his lips wantonly. Marco groaned and wailed in pain as my teeth carved his soft and smooth lips. He tried to wiggle out of my grip, he even tried to push me off the couch, but I didn't faltered, instead, I strengthened my grip even more, to the point where my nails rasped his skin.

-"J-Jean… s-stop…,"- He tried to lull me out among the harsh kissing, but it was in vain, -"… y-you're hurting… me..."- By this point, I could barely hear him; my tongue was in his mouth, touring around and taking in his succulent saliva, but it wasn't enough for me, or whatever possessed me. I slid my hand up his abdomen, freeing one of his, with which he irresolutely tried to push me off. I knew then he wanted this as much as I did. It's been so long since we've touched, so long since we've kissed, held each other…

But I wasn't reasoning nor did I intended to. I was hurting him, but at the time, I cared little. I just wanted to touch him, to feel him, to remind myself that he was here and that I couldn't let him go. His pained wails became nothing but a whisper.

I kept kissing him nonstop and occasionally, he answered. He tilted his head to the side to get some air. He coughed and breathed harshly while I licked and sucked his neck sternly. His hard moans were like fuel, inciting me even more. He started to grip and pull my shirt, nudging me, telling me to stop, but not stop. At one point, in my hungry and lust driven behavior, I thought I'd heard him sob, I thought I saw tears in his eyes, but I dismissed it and resumed my sinful briskness, not keen on abandoning my growing elation.

-"Jean… please…,"- He started begging while I desperately tried to undo both ours pants, -"_Please…_"

Suddenly, like a brick just smashed into my head, I stopped after hearing what I though was a cry and after looking down and seeing Marco reduced to tears, I knew I was in real, _real_ trouble; and not only from him, but from _myself_.

Marco was covering his face with his arm. He was crying. I saw tears cascade down his eyes and neck into his sweaty chest. His shirt was crumbled and raised up, so half his abdomen was exposed, his pants were loosened, his hair was a mess…

All _my_ doing.

-"Marco…?"- I called him, seeing how rigid he was underneath me. My hands quivered as I slowly pulled his arm off his face and when I did, I saw it utterly red, his lips swollen and bruised… then, our eyes met and my soul froze; his eyes… his eyes were red from crying…, how much had I been over him like this? How long has he been calling me, crying and begging me to stop? -"Oh no…"

He gazed off, closed his eyes and breathed with difficulty.

-"Marco, I'm s-sorry… I don't know what got into me,"- Again and again, I began to inanely apologize, -"I-I didn't mean to touch you like that, I swear…"- Too late to realize that what I just said was a deceit.

Marco shook his head and just when I was about to beg for his forgiveness, his mom arrived. He slid out from under me and just like that, he gathered himself up, fastened his zipper up and left and again, I was alone.

_What have I done? _I asked myself, staring at nothing in front me. My vision clouded as my mind went overdrive with thoughts: what has gotten into me? Will he tell his mom? Will I see him again? Will he forgive me? Marco must really think I'm a rapist and now he'd definitely break up with me! What will I do, what will I do? I swear, I didn't mean for this to happen, I was just…!

My head started to ache massively. I winced and walked limp to the kitchen. After scavenging each damn drawer, I never found the fucking pain killers and headed upstairs. I rushed to the bathroom and took a long shower. I cried my heart out and started to feel weary, yet I couldn't afford stay asleep in here, so I forced myself up and out of the bathroom and collapse on my bed.

* * *

You've probably noticed that I really, really like drama, conflicts and whatnot! XD things aren't looking good for Jean, like, at _all_, but I promised you it'll get better and I'm intent on keeping it!

BEAR WITH ME!


	51. FIFTY-ONE

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

FIFTY-ONE

-"Hey, Marco."- With my hands soiled in paint, I reached out for Marco and wrapped my stained arm around his neck, staining him in the process. I nudged his shoulder playfully.

-"Hm?"- He mused, eyes locked on the canvas below him.

-"Have you ever thought on getting a girlfriend?"- I asked, a mischievous grin on my lips.

-"Huh?"- He looked up with a light blush on his cheeks and a bit bewildered at my sudden question, -"Where did that came from?"

I snickered, -"Come on, just answer already."- I was making doodles on his cheek with my finger while waiting for his answer.

He chuckled at my touch, -"Um… no, not really."

-"What?"- I exclaimed, gaping my mouth, -"No way! Don't lie! I saw you looking at Sarah just a minute ago!"

Marco smiled, -"I was asking her to lend me her paintbrush, silly,"- He picked up her paintbrush and lifted it as evidence, -"Besides, you're here, so…"

-"Huh? What do you mean?"- I was kind of an airhead, so I stared at Marco stupidly, waiting for him to explain what he just said.

Marco chuckled again, -"Nothing, dummy."- Then he started to spray paint on my face too and I, competitive as always, couldn't stay hit.

-"Boys, behave yourselves,"- Marianne, our drawing class teacher, walked towards us and gasped when she saw our little mess, -"Oh dear, look at you both!"- She placed her hand on her forehead and pointed to the near sink, -"Come now, clean yourselves up."

Marco and I both snickered before cleaning up.

* * *

I sat up with a soaring headache, rubbing my temples, -"Oh, Marco…,"- I mused, covering my face with my hands in shame, -"I'm so sorry…,"- The memory I had a few seconds ago was pleasant, stirring up a smile on my lips, albeit temporarily. Marco always saw me more than just a best friend, didn't he? Damn, what I wouldn't give to go back in time… I slumped back on my bed, still covering my face and struggling to hold a tear or two, -"I'm such a jerk."- I muttered to myself as I thought about all the things Marco must think of me now. He might think I'm a rapist, a lust glutton, he might even think I only wanted him as a sex toy. Yet, I knew back there he wanted that as badly as I did –well, not as bad, but close. The way he occasionally kissed me back told me as much.

I shook my head in denial. No, no, no, I'm none of those and I'll prove him! And he isn't my sex toy. To me, he means so much more than that…

But I screwed up back there. Real bad. Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse between us, something pops up. Just when I thought I'd totally fix things up, I fuck it all. What was wrong with me? What happened to me? It ripped my mind to think now, but I forced myself: we were just talking when this immense need to… pin him down and kiss him took over me. I didn't even see it coming and Marco certainly didn't either. It was like I was possessed by a lust demon, but no, I was possessed by my own lust, my own selfish need to feel him.

I was terrified too. Our breakup was imminent. It was like the worst thing that could ever happen to me and I didn't want it. I didn't want him to go, I didn't want him to leave me…

_You're so selfish, Jean,_ my rational voice spoke up, _Marco can't be with someone like you and you know it._

I shook my head again, faster this time.

_You're a satyr. You hurt him most when you claim you protect him._

I bit my lower lip really hard. Damn it…! This fucking headache is gonna-!

No, no, no, I need to calm down and control myself. A bit rushed and limp, I headed to the bathroom and again took a hot bath. With my body exposed, I leaned back on the cold slab and breathed deeply several times consecutively. I could feel the headache slowly soothing and it gave me a chance to think clearly, to rationalize.

I remember a time in school when I had a similar breakdown after Marco and I argued. I was driven by ire and I was desperately in need of something, anything to calm me down, so I went to Diego and asked for a share of his cigarettes. He told me once it helped him calm down so I thought that that was better than nothing at all and it did worked, but at the cost of my health in the future. Now? I miraculously managed to appease it –or, well, myself, my emotions… whatever. I guess breathing deeply and a nice hot bath helps a lot. My head still throbbed, but believe me, it's so much better than when I woke up.

I sighed as I slid down onto the floor, -"Marco…"- I mused under the hot water trailing down my face. God, I couldn't think of anyone else now. I admit my action back there were… lust driven, definitely undue, but I swear, I fucking swear Marco is more to me than tool for my needs. I just… I didn't wanted to keep arguing with him, I didn't wanted to hear 'it's over, Jean' and I didn't wanted him to leave. Yeah, still kind of selfish, but fuck it. After everything we've been through, after everything I've done for him, after what he has done for me and having all that effort thrown away is just… maddening. I can't imagine myself without that freckled bastard; all my actions were literally based on him. All I've ever done was for him and when he's not there anymore, what will I do? Yeah, I'm too attached to him, but how can I not? He's literally the only one I have left…; Dad disappeared and Mom's-

I gasped. _Mom_!

Without thinking twice, I stood up and almost fell due to the slippery flagstone. After drying and changing, I headed out, glancing at the clock along the way, damn, 10 o' clock! I rushed into her room after pulling her wheelchair from the depot and picking a glass of water with her pills, -"Hey, Mom, sorry I dozed off this long. Would you like a sandwich or…,"- I gasped when I saw her in bed, completely motionless and stiff. I accidentally dropped the glass of water and her pills as I rushed to her side, -"Mom! What's wrong?"- I knelt beside her bed and observed her.

She was utterly inert and breathing raggedly; then, she turned her gaze to me, her eyelids mildly open, -"Jean…? Oh, thank goodness, I wanted to see you before I go…"

A hard knot was forming on my throat, -"No, just… hold on,"- I said, my voice rickety. I quickly reached for my phone and cursed when I only found air. Shit, I forgot to pick it up. I needed to call the doctor, 911, Dad, or… I dunno, someone! –"Wa-wait here, okay? I'll call the doctor and-"

-"Don't,"- She spoke before I could even stand up, -"It'll be alright…"

I shook my head, my eyes beginning to water.

She smiled warmly and lifted her arm towards my face with difficulty. She caressed my cheek tenderly, -"I love you, you know? And I'm so proud of you,"- I then wondered of what she was proud of. I'm just a young scoundrel, I've given nothing to her but problems since kid –she probably doesn't remember those though, -"I'm happy to have given you birth. I wouldn't exchange the years with you for anything..."

By now, a tear had escaped my eye and she brushed it off with her thumb, -"Mom, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've given you, I'm sorry I didn't took care of you sooner, I'm sorry…"- I dropped my head into her abdomen.

She started caressing my hair, -"You don't have to apologize, Jean. You've done nothing wrong,"- She said lowly, -"And you did took care of me: you woke up early, checked on me, made me food and watched novels with me. These were the best last days I could have asked for; I got to spend time with you, I got to meet the boy you love…,"- Mom sighed in joy and satisfaction, -"Please, tell him to take care and that I will miss him."

It's astonishing listening to her speak; death didn't appalled her at all. She was resolute and firm on her inevitable fate. She accepted it and it… warmed me, really, yet it left a rueful feel over me. I'm massively glad I fulfilled her wishes, but I still couldn't accept her fate like she has. It was… difficult –if not impossible.

At the mention of Marco, a wave of guilt swept me, -"Mom, I… I hurt him yesterday and I don't think I can patch it up. He was really upset with me. It wasn't my intention, I swear. I tried to explain him, but…"

She lifted my head and jointed my hands with hers, -"Listen, Jean,"- She took a deep breath and I noted how she struggled to keep her eyes open, -"Love is more than just kisses and cuddles. There's walls, obstacles and challenges ahead, testing your commitment. If you truly love him, and I know you do, there's no defiance you can't beat."

I squeezed her hands, -"It's just… too much,"- I complained, remembering all the piling issues Marco and I had, -"The people, the Christians, the Bible, the homophobic, the bullies…, I don't know how much I can take. It's taking a toll on me. I might even go crazy and I'm... scared."

Mom smiled tenderly and shook her head slightly, -"Oh, Jean,"- She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, -"There will always be backbiting and there'll always be unkind and impious people who judge, but don't be afraid, don't let them discourage you,"- With her thumb, she caressed my hand, -"Don't let anyone fuck you up, don't let anyone decide who to love, you're free to choose what to do with your life. It's not written in the Bible."

I chuckled at her sudden profanity. I knew she included God there and she said the exact same thing I told Marco yesterday –well, the way I said it was more irreverent, -"T-that's what I told him, but he… got upset with me."

-"He treasures his faith in Him, yet he could still have faith and love whomever he pleases,"- Mom sounded like she was about to start a riot here, -"It's not right, not fair having a restriction on who to love. Love is for all, it has no limits,"- She grabbed my chin tightly as a strong hope and resolution boiled in me, -"Make him see, Jean. Don't change him, just make him understand, help him, because I know he loves you and it pains him to follow those dogmas and leaving you."

Mom was right. Marco was crying yesterday, but not just by my hard kisses, it was more, -"I-I'll do it."- I said and kissed her hand, determined on my answer,

Mom smiled again, -"I know you can, I have faith in you,"- A tear slipped out from her eye, -"Be brave and strong, Jean, no matter what happens."- Her voice was lower and her breathing shabbier.

-"I… I will."- I sobbed as I squeezed her hand tighter and looked down. Any second now… she'll be dead. Again, question of what happens in the afterlife stuffed me, but I didn't dwelled on it. Now's what matter, this little time I had with her.

-"Tell your father… that I love him and… that I'm sorry."

I gasped and lifted my head a bit. She… she remembered. If only he could be here and listen to her himself…, -"I will tell him… I promise,"- That's only if he ever shows his face around, -"Mom… I…, Mom?"

Her grip on my hand weakened and her eyes closed slowly, -"I love you and… thank you…"- She whispered before her eyes finally closed… before she parted.

-"I love you too…"- I dropped my head into her belly and started crying, eventually damping her clothes. She left, she finally parted. A potent sadness wanted to possess me, but when I saw Mom's smiling and peaceful expression, it was shoved out. Mom died happily. She died in peace.

That only draw more tears out of me, but not of sadness, of success, of immense relief and joy.

After a few more minutes of crying my heart out, I called the doctor and attempted to contact Dad, which was in vain. He didn't answer my calls nor my messages and it was worrying me. In a few minutes, the doctor and a few other medics arrived, -"So, her brain finally withered."- Zackly mused as he watched the medics taking Mom away.

I didn't mutter a word though and just watched the medics as he did. I can't deny feeling a bit sad and lonely, but overall, I was in peace, just like Mom was. I was also proud of her. She didn't feared death in the end. I wasn't entirely happy, it's definitely not a happy day, but I sure as hell am not falling into depression. I told myself I'd make her final days her best days, that I'd reconcile with her and I did it.

-"I shall make preparation for her burial immediately,"- Zackly looked around, -"Where is your father?"

I shrugged and sighed, -"I… don't know. He disappeared after Mom stopped recognizing him."

-"That does not bode well,"- The doctor sighed and lifted his glasses, -"I will see that he is contacted as soon as possible."

-"Alright."- I said and started heading upstairs.

-"Have you… managed on your own all this time?"- For the first time ever, he sounded surprised and not disappointed.

-"Yeah."- I said, stopping on my tracks and looking over my shoulder.

-"Whatever will you do now? You cannot be left alone."

-"I can take care of myself, doctor,"- And with that, I headed up and laid on my bed. With my head resting on my hands, I stared at ceiling, lost in thought. The old Jean wouldn't have minded Mom's absence, but this one… is already missing her. I then wondered what would happen next, including myself. I'm on my own now. Dad hasn't shown his face and by the looks of it, he doesn't plan to. _Where are you Dad?_ I took out my phone and called him one last time. When he didn't answered, I left a voice message: -"Hey, Dad. It's, um, been a while. I wonder how you've been. I hope you're okay. Mom is…,"- I sighed, still finding it hard to just say it, -"… dead. She died this morning. I don't know when the funeral is, but I'm sure you'll find out sooner than me. I… need to tell you something, but I prefer to say it person. Bye."

I slumped back on my bed again and took a nap. When I woke up, I started pacing around my room, pondering on whether or not call Marco. I should let him know, but I bet he won't answer me. He's probably still upset with me. I reached for the cell phone several times, but ended up pulling my hand away. I sighed. I guess I also needed to talk with someone, to vent off. I picked my cellphone again and even though he didn't answer, I left a voice message, -"Marco, hey, um...,"- I scratched the back of my neck, suddenly a bit nervous, -"I know you're still upset with me, but I wanted to tell you that, um..., well, Mom died this morning and I don't know when the funeral will be, but I'll let you know,"- I was about to hung up, but decided against it. I wasn't done speaking, -"I'm sorry, really sorry. I... I hope you can give me another chance, I didn't want it to end like that,"- I paused, about to hung up this time, but held myself, come on, Jean, -"I wonder how you're doing and I'd like to hear from you. I'm... worried, you know,"- I sighed, without anything else to add, -"Well... goodbye."

After a few barren calls at Dad, I decided to go for a walk, to distract myself. I stopped by a near cafe and ordered a hot chocolate. I paid with what my father delivered weekly and sat on a bench. I remembered when Marco and I came here to buy some sweets; that's when we –or I, spotted a couple laughing at us and I swore to God they were mocking us, thinking Marco and I were lovers. Marco wasn't so bothered by them, but me? Ha, I had one of those mental breakdown and ran off home like a pussy. Then Marco came in with a box of donuts and cheered me up. That's when we... almost fucked for the first time.

I started playing with my cell phone until, -"Oh, this must be a miracle," - Wait, I knew that accent, -"Jean?"

Startled, I looked over my shoulder and my eyes widened at none other than Diego, -"Diego?"


	52. FIFTY-TWO

I should be studying for finals XD

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

FIFTY-TWO

-"Diego?"- I said, surprised to see him here of all places, -"What are you doing here? It's been... woah."

He chuckled, -"Quite some time, my friend,"- He said and patted my shoulder, -"How do you fare?"

-"Well, I'm alive, that's what matters."- Just now I noticed someone accompanying him, a kid, around 10 years old. He looked a lot like Diego: same hair color, same eyes...

-"Oh, where are my manners?"- Diego face-palmed himself and placed his hand on the boy's head, -"This is Daniel, my little brother."

-"Figured, you look alike,"- I said and knelt close to him. I looked at him and offered my hand, -"Hey, I'm Jean. I study in the same school as your brother here," - He stared at my hand for a few seconds before hiding behind Diego. I chuckled and stood up, -"Shy, isn't he?"- Unlike his brother.

-"Fairly,"- Diego sighed, wistful, -"Reminds me of Zaeed..."

-"Everything alright?"- I asked worriedly, remembering they were kind of skirmish last time I saw them.

Diego smiled, gesturing me to sit down, -"Why don't we have a seat and catch up?"

Just then, my name was called and I went to pick up my hot chocolate. Diego ordered a chocolate biscuit and a strawberry mousse, by request of his brother -well, by beseech, -"Diego?"- His little brother called him, pulling on the bigger one's shirt.

-"Hm?"

-"Can I have a bite of the biscuit too?"- He asked, looking up to his big brother with puppy eyes.

Diego chuckled as he paid up, -"Of course."- I could tell how attached they were to each other.

While they waited, they sat with me and Daniel played with his brother's golden layered IPhone as Diego spoke to me, -"How is he?"- I asked, watching Daniel play Angry Birds.

-"Daniel? Oh, he's alright,"- Diego rested both his arms on the bench's armrest, -"He suffers from asthma, something I have to medicate prevalently."

-"Yeah, you're right...,"- Poor boy, I though. And poor Diego. From what I can tell, they live alone, so Diego must've been under stress being in charge 24/7, -"So, how you've been?"

-"Me? I'm flattered that you ask,"- When I rolled my eyes, he laughed, -"I've had better days, but thank you."

-"What do you mean?"

-"Could sure use some vacations; taking care of this pup on my own hasn't been easy, but thank God he's humble,"- He said as he weltered Daniel's hair, earning a glare from the latter one, -"I might fail 11th grade again; you see, studying isn't really my forte and I haven't had the time for it,"- I arched an eyebrow. He laughed and pushed my head away gently. I felt the cold thrill of his golden rings he never left home, -"_Oye_, don't look at me like that. Oh , and...,"- He made a face, -"The school's a... rather irretrievable mess. Even the pedagogue have been absent for weeks now." ***1**

-"I heard a rumor...,"- I lent forward, resting my arms on my knees after dumping the hot chocolate cup. Marco told me something like that too, but I didn't felt like talking about that shit-hole, -"And, um..., how's Zaeed? I mean, how're things between you?"

Diego raised an eyebrow, taking aback by the sudden question. He answered nonetheless, -"We're holding up nicely,"- Then, he tilted his head, -"Oh, you're wondering about our last spat? Well, we've worked through it. We... discussed about my smoking tendency. He wants me to withdraw from it, saying it's slowly killing me, wilting my lungs and whatnot."

-"And...?"

He smiled tenderly and I knew then that he was resolute on satisfying Zaaed's solicitude, -"I'm making progress."- He reminded me of myself; he'd do anything for Zaeed, even drop the one way that somehow relaxed him, as would I for Marco if that were my case.

-"That's good to hear,"- I said and smiled to myself, wondering if Marco would do the same -heck, I wonder what he'll do if he finds out I actually smoked once, -"He cares for you."

-"And I for him,"- Diego smiled just as I did a second ago. His face shimmered like it always did whenever he talked about his cutie boyfriend, -"Well, enough about me,"- He lent forward just like I did, -"You know, your earlier response wasn't very-"- Diego stopped and stood up when the employee called him. He came back with his order and handed Daniel his mousse, -"Like I was saying, your response wasn't very cogent. Are you certain you fare alright? You seem... mournful."

I sighed. Damn him and his wit, -"I'm mournful alright,"- _Well, Jean, what're you waiting for? Didn't you wanted to speak to someone? _Yeah, I did and even though Diego wasn't the guy I had in mind, if I had any other guy than Marco in the first place, I could still tell him, I trusted him -it's not like anyone's going to use than info on me anyhow, -"Mom died this morning..."

Diego's eyes widened, taking a bite off his biscuit, -"Everyone heard the news, but I'd never...,"- His expression saddened as he stared down at his plate, -"You have my sincerest sympathies."

-"Thank you."

-"Now, on to a more pleasant topic,"- He smiled broadly and nudged my shoulder, -"How's Marco? I never tire of those adorable freckles of his,"- I glared at him and he laughed, -"I do enjoy teasing you. I'm actually worried, you know, he's been rather reclusive in school. Not a surprise, I gather. I tried talking to him, but my efforts were in vain."

Of coursed he'd be. A bit of sadness and guilt fell over me. It wasn't exactly a pleasant topic like Diego claimed it would be, -"I.. really don't know how he's doing,"- I said, hanging my head a bit, -"It's been kind of tough between us."

-"I'm all ears if you feel like venting."- He said, a sincere smile shining in his face.

I hesitated at first, but then I relieved myself of those kept in thoughts. I told him of my long-lasting fear of bullies and homophobic and that I though that _that_ was the first reason for his decision to break up. Then I related Marco's issues with his family: that they were all Christians and considered homosexuality a sin, an atrocity. Aside from them, Marco was shaken and scared too, afraid that God will punish and lever listen to him. That was second reason for breakup. I also told him of our last spat and how bad it ended; I made sure that Diego understood that I respected Marco's faith, because I do, even though I consider his apprehension a bit over dramatic and even though in our last dispute didn't seem like it.

-"I quite agree with you, actually,"- Diego stood up and dumped the plate, -"Yet, those are his belief and I gather that he holds them dearly. You practically offended him."

-"I know, I know."

-"See?"- Diego waved his hands up in victory before he sat again, -"I always told you to watch your tongue, didn't I? Otherwise, you might say something you'll regret later."

I scoffed, -"Showoff."- But he was right.

-"Essentially though,"- He eyed me and shook his head, -"You need some serious anger management. I suggest you work with that first."

-"I'll manage,"- I waved his suggestion off and returned to the main topic, -"Look, I don't want to take it away from him, I actually want him to keep his faith, but..."

-"I understand, Jean,"- He sighed and knelt in front of me, resting his arms on my knees, -"You _need_ to speak to him and _clearly. _You need to sit like this and look at him in the eye. Don't gaze away, not even for a second,"- Unconsciously, my eyes drifted apart from Diego's and he punched my knee, -"Hey, don't look away. The "eyes are the window to the soul" thing really applies here,"- I glanced back at him awkwardly. It was becoming troublesome keeping my eyes on him, -"Now_, _you need to speak from the heart and make sure he's looking at you so that he can see that what you're saying, you mean it, that it's real, not a spurious."

-"You sound like you've been trough it."- I said, glad to be out of that uncomfortable state.

"Oh, I have, countless of times,"- He chuckled as he stood, probably remembering one time with this sort of situation, -"I have to speak to Zaeed like this, if not, he misunderstands me."

-"That makes sense."

-"And Jean,"- Diego sighed again, apparently not done, -"Don't be afraid, of anything or anyone. Don't give them the satisfaction of your fear, your cede. I think it's time to let go; your past doesn't marshal your future. You love Marco and I know you'd do anything for him. If someone mocks or offends you, just flip them off and move on. You can't keep this up and he can't either."

I looked up to him, eyes widening a bit. Marco told me something like that and they're both right: I'm letting my past shape my future. It already did once; it made me change myself into an ungrateful brat who disrespected his own mother and shattered her relation with him. I won't let it do that again and not with Marco.

-"Thanks, Diego,"- I said, standing up, -"I really needed that."

-"A pleasure,"- He smiled and gestured Daniel to stand up, -"Besides, I owed you. Now we're even. Oh and do me a favor,"- He looked over his shoulder as he walked on the pavement, -"Next time we see each other, make sure you don't have such bad news."

I smiled a bit bitterly, -"I can't promise anything."

After exchanging farewells, they left and I roamed around town, not keen on returning home. I kept constructing small movies of that talk Diego told me to have with Marco in my mind. I was really convinced that that's the only way Marco will understand me, but overall, I need to control myself and my emotions. I certainly don't want an outburst like last time.

I decided to go jogging, seeing as I'm out of shape _and _because staying home wouldn't do well for my mental health. I went home to change up into my exercising clothes and picked up my cellphone and my earphones to hear some music while I trained. When I wrapped up, I headed out after closing the house and began jogging around the town I was familiar with, not averting too far though.

It felt good to do some workout after so long, and a bit exhausting too. I really had no time before, taking care of Mom and all..., I still wanted to be back on shape though and now I had plenty of time for it.

Eventually, I reached a free-for-all gym with tracks, weights, treadmills and whatnot. I stayed there for about an hour, lifting weights, doing push-ups and sit-ups. I ran in a few races with several people whom I retained myself from speaking with.

Around 5' o clock, I returned home and took a bath. When I finished, I checked my cellphone and found five missed calls and a voice message in my inbox. My heart skipped a beat when I saw it was Marco's home phone number. Could it be him? I clicked my phone to play the message: _"Jean, please call me back when you hear this."_\- And I did just that, -"Oh my God, Jean, I was so scared when you didn't answer your phone,"- Marco's mom took a deep breath from the other side, -"Are you alright? Do you want me to come over?"

Fuck, how could I forget? She must have heard the voice message I left specifically for Marco, -"I'm... okay and no, it's fine, you don't have to."

She sighed, -"Jean, _please. _You're alone, aren't you?"

I didn't answered.

She sighed again and I swore I heard something, like ragged breathing on the other side but not from Marco's mom, -"I'm coming over."

-"I'm okay, really,"- I said, attempting to persuade her to stay there, -"I can take care of myself and-"

-"Where's your father?"- She asked and I heard foot taping.

-"He's...,"- _Damn it, _I cursed mentally. I couldn't hide anything from her. She was like my second mother, -"I... don't know. I haven't heard from him in... a while."

-"Christ...,"- She mused and again I heard ragged breathing, -"I'm coming over, Jean. Period."

I gave up. Then, I heard a sob, like someone was trying really hard not to cry. Mrs. Bodt had two home phones and that meant one thing: Marco was listening from the other one. A small laugh escaped my lips, -"Alright, Mrs. Bodt, you win,"- I smiled to myself, warmed at the fact that Marco did heard my last voice message and was listening to this one too. I was also a bit charmed that he was crying for me, but albeit temporarily. It really, really anguished me whenever Marco cried. It felt like when Superman was weakened by a kryptonite, -"Hey, tell Marco that I... already miss him and that I'm sorry."

She paused for a few second, as if waiting for Marco himself to say something. Maybe she knew he was using the other phone, -"I will. Should I bring groceries? Do you want anything in particular?"

She also didn't ask for details or why I was sorry and that meant she knew. Marco told her, -"No, just the usual."

-"Alright, I'm on my way."- And with that she hung up.

_Oh Marco..., _I though as I slumped back onto bed, _please, don't cry anymore. I'll fix things up, I promise._

After a few minutes, Marco's mom arrived and I helped her dismount the groceries. When we finished accommodating it, we sat on the living room and she started asking me if I was really alright. I ended up telling her the truth, that I couldn't help feel a bit mournful, but not depressed. She was relieved an told me that Mom was in a better place now alongside God. I didn't swallow that story like most people did, but I thanked her anyways.

-"So, um, how's Marco?"- I asked as I lent back on the sofa.

She sighed deeply and I saw worry in her eyes, -"He's been very quiet recently and comes out less from his room. I've noticed how sad he has been..."

I hung my head. All my fault, isn't it?

-"He told me what happened between you,"- She said, looking straight at me. I wonder if he told her _everything_, -"Everything."

_Shit, _I cursed, -"I didn't mean to hurt him, I swear."- I quickly said in defense.

-"I know, Jean,"- She smiled, but I could still note her eyebrows furrowed, -"He told me that same thing."

-"He... he did?"

She nodded, -"Oh, I almost forgot,"- She stood up and walked towards the living room. Then, she came back with a small white box, -"He begged me to buy this for you,"- When she handed me the box, I quickly opened it and saw a pair of chocolate layered donuts with sprinkles, -"Said it'll cheer you up."

A knot formed on my throat, -"Did he... said anything else?"

-"He said... that he's sorry too."- Her expression saddened.

I really didn't liked how that sounded. Suddenly, the donuts didn't seemed so appetizing anymore.

-"He's really worried about you, Jean, even if he doesn't show it."

He knew I loathed solitude and excelled at over-thinking, which always ended in a mental breakdown, well..., sort of, -"Did he tell you what he's gonna do? With me, I mean."

She shook her head, -"He told me he didn't know, that he's confused and that he loves you, but that you're too stuck on the past,"- Not again with that. How many people have told me that already? -"I'm sure lots of people have already told you that and have given you a speech about it, but I won't drown you with it. You know what you have to do."

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, -"Yeah, I do."- And I thanked her for not lecturing me about it.

-"It's not easy,"- She didn't have to tell me that, -"But you can do it. Marco needs you again and I know you need him too."

We kept talking afterwards and I eventually asked her about the faith issue Marco had. She told me he was still dealing with it and that he had stopped completely from going to church, -"I'd hate to force him to go, because it's his decision, but leaving him home alone and locked up..."

-"I understand,"- I said and tried to un-worry her, -"I'll speak to him and I'll go to church with him after mom's burial."

-"I'd appreciate that,"- She stood up and picked her purse, -"And Jean, let me know when and where your mother's burial going to take place, please."

-"Of course."

We bid farewell and she left.

Alone again. I wonder if I'll end up alone for the rest of my life. I really don't want that. I only wish to be with Marco for however long I'll live and the only way to get that is talking to him, fix this whole mess. All this seems like an impossible mission, but shit, I'm not about to give up.

Next day, I woke up, left a voice message for Dad after unsuccessfully contacting him and headed out to jog. I spent the rest of the day in the same gym of yesterday and decided to talk to someone. I may have lost my mom and possibly my dad, but that's not going to stop me from being social and interactive. Besides, going out, doing some workout and speaking to people will do some good to my health, physically and mentally,-"Hey, you should be careful lifting those weights like that."

-"Excuse me?"- The man was confused at my sudden advice.

-"Here, let me show you,"- I walked towards him and knelt. He was laid back on a seat, lifting a 50 pounds weight. Too much for his height and weight, in my opinion, -"You're forcing your elbow a deal. If you keep up like that, you'll break it,"- With my arm, I showed him the way I considered correct, -"Like this, your back bone won't clash with the front one and it's less painful."

The man was a bit bothered by my intrusion, but when he tried doing it with my method, he nodded approvingly, -"Hey, you're right. It doesn't hurt much."

-"Yeah and,"- I stood, ready for another lap around the field, -"Don't force yourself too much. You'll wear out and then you'll be more tired."

-"True,"- He sat up and drank water, -"Thanks, mister..."

-"Jean,"- I said and offered my hand, which he shook gently, -"Jean Kirshtein."

-"Gustave Brooklyn."

I nodded and strode away to jog some more. In the field, I met some girls who were silently complementing my legs. They even took several pictures with their phones. I laughed lowly, wondering what Marco would do if he were here. He wasn't as jealous as I was, but he gets this waspish expression, his cheeks reddish whenever a girl stared at me for too long.

Around midday, I headed home and pulled out 20 bucks that Dad sent me from the mail and ate a huge ass hamburger in a near grill restaurant accompanied by fries. I sat on a comfy chair under a red umbrella out in the air after I paid. _So much for a healthy meal_, I though as I stared at my hamburger hungrily. I was about to take a bite when someone coughed beside me, -"Huh?"

-"Um, excuse me, can I sit with you?"- A boy, no older than 17, was awkwardly staring at the free space in front of me.

I looked behind me and saw all the chairs taken. I gazed at the boy and nodded, -"Um, sure."

-"T-thanks."- He sat and began to eat his fried chickens while playing PSP.

I was drinking my bottle of water when the boy started cursing to himself, almost throwing the PSP away, -"Hey, what's wrong?"- I asked, a bit curious of what had him wrathful.

-"Oh, um, it's just Medal of Honor 2. This mission is impossible to beat,"- He tried to compose himself, fixing his toppled glasses, -"Would you like to try? I'll buy you a cheesecake if you beat it."

I almost choked on the water, -"Oh, uh, that won't be necessary."

-"Come on, I insist."

I raised an eyebrow, kind of taken off by how he changed from shy to prodigal, -"Alright, I'll play, but no cheesecake, okay?"

He just shrugged, -"Fine."

He handed me his greasy PSP and started playing. I've played this game before and it wasn't as hard as he stated it was -or maybe I'm just too good on shooters. After a few minutes, I managed to beat the "impossible level" and the guy was a bit vexed. Even so, he bought the cheesecake and I shared it with him.

-"Um, what's your name?"- He asked, scooping the cheesecake.

-"I'm Jean,"- I said and swallowed a bite of the sweet dessert, -"You?"

-"Imshael,"- Weird name, I though. He smiled, softer this time, -"You're, uh, cool."

-"Thanks,"- I said, taking the last bite of the sweet, -"You too."

He sneered superciliously, as in, 'of course I am'. I shook my head and stood up to dump my empty tray. I said farewell and headed off.

After walking around aimlessly around town and feeling less full, I began to workout again in the usual gym before going home. There, I found a note on the fridge from Marco's mom:

_Came by, but you weren't here. Please, call me when you can. _

_Mrs. Bodt._

I smiled tenderly as I picked up my cellphone and dialed her number, -"Jean, you really need to stop doing that."

-"I'm sorry, I forgot to take my phone with me."- I said, scratching the back of my neck.

-"Are you alright? You sound fatigued."- She asked, full of concern like always.

-"Yeah, I'm okay. Just doing some workout."- I paced around the kitchen while drinking a glass of water.

-"Oh, that's very nice,"- She said and then changed subject, -"Any news of your father or...?"

I sighed, -"No,"- I placed the glass of water on the sink and started to wash it, -"Or about Mom's burial."

She sighed, -"Well, let me know as soon as possible and please, call me if you need _anything_, okay?"

I laughed lowly to myself, -"I will."

-"Bye."

After washing the dishes, I headed up stairs to my room and began playing PS3 to distract myself and naturally stayed up until 4 am until I couldn't hold my eyelids and fell asleep.

* * *

***1:** Hey.


	53. FIFTY-THREE

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

FIFTY-THREE

I woke up with a pain in my ass after I realized how uncomfortable I was. _Damn_, I cursed when my numbed legs betrayed me as I tried to stand up. I sighed and sat back on the floor, leaning on my bed. A ray of light was bugging me and I when I looked up, I saw my TV and PS3 turned on. _Fuck. _When I was finally able to stand up, I turned my stuff off and headed to the bathroom limp and rubbing my eyes. That's the last I ever play until morning.

After washing my teeth and face, I headed downstairs and prepared breakfast... a bowl full of cereal, Cocoa Pebbles. While eating, I left another voice message for Dad, -"Hey, Dad, it's me again. I'm really worried about you, you know, so can you at least send me a text message? You just have to type some letters, come on,"- I sighed, a bit frustrated at him, -"Please... just say _anything_..."- I waited for it, but when I received nothing but silence, I hung up. Damn it, Dad, where are you? What happened to you? I wish I'd known where or who we worked for, but since I'm a big jerk, I never asked.

Today, I did the usual and the strangest of things happened to me. People in the gym were actually asking for me to help them with the workout. Must have been that Gustave man I helped lifting weights. They asked me how was the right thing to do this, do that and I answered as best as I could. I didn't know much about human muscles and that other stuff, but I did know if a certain movement would cause pain. Yeah, been trough it.

The girls from yesterday that took pictures of my legs were there too and asked me how I got such nice looking legs. I told them with hard work and due to my soccer practices. They were delighted and even asked me to join my soccer team. It gave me a bit of sorrow, considering I've practically forgotten all about it. I wonder how they are, how they all are, my group and my team.

A few hours passed by as I taught those around me the safest way to do workout and more joined. I started to enjoy this, teaching others this stuff was kinda cool, although teaching wasn't in my favorite things to do list since I'm low on patience and easy to piss off. This teaching, however, isn't the same as teaching a bunch of annoying little kids in school.

Eventually, I became known in the gym as the days passed. I've noticed how the girls tried to move on me, complementing me a lot and asking me where I lived, -"Why would you like to know that?"- I asked back as I sat on the gym field's bench while drinking water. Today had been an exhausting day after instructing so many people. My head throbbed.

-"To hang out sometime, duh."- They spoke as if it were obvious. They slightly reminded me of my ex, the way the spoke as if they're the hottest chicks in town.

-"You don't need to know where I live for that."

-"Well then, gimme your cellphone number."- They insisted, a bit desperate.

I sighed and pondered about it. The old Jean would have liked the attention, this one... not so much. I knew their intentions, but right about now, they spoke as if it were 'just friendly hangout', -"I'm sorry, my phone's been clipped." - This morning, actually and I feared Marco's mom has been calling me.

-"But do you have Wi-Fi?"

-"What's it to you?"- I said, a bit disgusted at her pressing, -"I don't have to tell you everything."

The girl looked at her friend, stunned due to my sudden tone of voice. Then, they starting laughing and giggling, thinking I was joking, -"You're so cool. I'm Hannah and this is my best friend Jessica."

-"Exactly, introductions first,"- I said and shook my head disapprovingly, -"I'm Jean."

-"We know that already."- They giggled again.

-"Well, break time's over,"- I said and stood up, dumping the bottle of water, -"I better get back."

I wasn't surprised when they started following me as I helped around, taking more pictures. I then realized they weren't here to do exercise, they were here watch and take picture of guys. There were several here that looked more handsome than me, why the fuck am I their first choice to bug?

I ignored them for the rest of the day and when lunch hour came, the whole gym pack went together to the near restaurant. I went with them by their beseech and ate a salad this time. I had a good time, chatting and sharing anecdotes with them. They asked a lot about me; where was I studying, my age, what do I plan to study on college, what sport I was competing in and whatnot. Some asked if we could have our own soccer team and when I mentioned that I already had one, they begged me to join. Sadly, it was a school team thing, so I turned them down.

Just as they were getting to know me, I got to know them. There were few young people and most were guys, but there were girls -excluding Hannah and Jessica. Several of the boys studied in my school and the adults all worked for different companies, different places. Not all were from Trost district, some were from Utopia and Karanese district. They claimed they worked here, but lived elsewhere.

After that enjoyable meal, we headed to gym again and I left early, worried that Marco's mom might be worried sick. I headed home, hoping to find some money on the mail and just then, the mail man arrived, -"Hey, is there something for me?"

-"Yup. The usual."- He pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.

I opened up and met with 60 dollars. Did Dad somehow knew my phone would be clipped today? -"Um, who sent you this?"

The mailman shrugged, -"I dunno. I just do my job without asking for names."

I thanked the mailman and headed to a public telephone and after putting in 25 cents, I dialed Marco's mom's number, -"Hello?"

-"Hey, it's Jean. I, uh, might need a favor."- I spoke quickly before she could lecture me.

-"What happened? I called you this morning, but you didn't answer."- Again with the foot taping.

-"Yeah, uh, my phone's been cut. Need to pay it up."

-"How much do you need?"- She was quick to lend money to me, as always.

-"N-nothing. I've got the money, just need someone to take me there."

-"Alright, where should I pick you up?"

-"I'm at the bus stop near home."

-"I'll be there."- She hung up and while I waited, I wondered how Dad knew my phone's dead -if he really knew. He usually delivers 30 a week and today, day which my phone's cut off, he sent 60.

Marco's mom arrived after a few minutes and took me to my phone's company. After I payed up, I quickly left another voice message to Dad, -"Dad, please... say something. Anything. Just let me know you're even alive, for fuck's sake,"-I sighed and just hoped he'd reconsider, -"You loved Mom and so did I, but we all die eventually, it's part of life and we can't do anything about it,"- I sounded so Marco right now, -"I hope you at least show up to the burial, it's what she wanted and what I want too."- And with that, I hung up, a deep breath escaping my lips.

Marco's mom looked over the front mirror, -"I'm sure he'll show up, Jean."

-"You think?"- I stared trough the window at the passing people, -"I don't know anymore."

-"Just have a little faith,"- She advised as we neared my house, -"What happened last time you saw him, though?"

It grieved me to remember his face that day, -"Mom... stopped recognizing him."

Mrs. Bodt's eyes widened, -"Oh no..."

-"She did remembered before she parted though,"- I lent back on the chair and looked up, -"I don't want to think what happened to him. Maybe he went crazy, his face that day was...,"- I was interrupted by my cellphone's ringtone. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw doctor Zackly's name on the screen. I answered, -"Yeah?"

-"Kirshtein,"- He spoke a bit exhaustedly, -"I have prepared your mother's burial. It will take place next Friday in Trost Cemetery at 4:00. Please, dress properly and arrive early. I will collect you that morning."- He hung up, not letting me speak.

-"Damn this guy..."- I cursed.

-"What's the matter?"

-"Mom's burial's next Friday in Trost Cemetery at 4 o' clock."- I spoke a bit gloomy. It's finally taking place...

-"Who's going to take you there?"

-"Mom's doctor."- I'd really preferred someone else to take me there, but it's too late to complain.

-"We'll be there."

I smiled, -"Thanks, I'll appreciate familiar faces there."

After Marco's mom dropped me home, I started looking for something to wear in my closet and found a white elbow-length blouse with a black necktie I wore on one of the proms, don't remember which though. I lifted it and eyed it, wondering if it'll fit me. I took off my current shirt and immediately remembered that time when Marco stayed overnight right here and when I took off my shirt, he was staring at me, dribbling. A smile crept up my face at the warming memory as I suited up and surprisingly, it fitted just nicely. I retained it back in the closet and stayed home shirtless. Later that evening, I started playing CoD and again stayed up until 5 am.

Few days passed as I did the usual. More people joined the gym and I met even more people and helped them as well. Some of them knew my name and joined because someone spoke to them about me. I was becoming famous around here, to my disbelief. Also, more girls joined too and most them stopped to stare at my legs and take picture when I wasn't looking. Hannah and Jessica's doing, no doubt. I just hoped they didn't post it on the social media. The attention became a bit uncomfortable and I once told them to stop taking pictures of me. They all did, except those two.

I was picking my stuff up and retaining them in my rucksack when they approached me, -"Hey, Jean."

I didn't even looked at them, -"Hey."

-"We'd like to accompany you on your way home."

I shook my head, -"Nah, I'm fine on my own."

-"Don't be such a party popper,"- They laughed and giggled, -"Come on, it'll be fun. We can hang out and you can show us around your house."

I stood up and faced them, -"Whoa, whoa, wait,"- I shook my head with hands on my forehead. This is unbelievable, -"Show you around my house? Why the hell would I do that?"

-"Why not?"

-"Are you fucking-"- I held my tongue from the profanity, -"Because your complete strangers to me, that's why."

-"So?"- She shrugged indifferently.

I gaped my mouth, unable to believe their resolution on getting me to bed, because that's what it looks like, -"Okay, spill it out. What's your fucking deal with me?"- So much for controlling my tongue. I pictured Diego on the sidelines shaking his head disapprovingly.

-"Well, for starters, you're extremely hot,"- I had a feeling I'll regret asking them. They seemed like they wouldn't hold their tongue, -"You have strapping legs, arms and yeah."

-"That's it?"

-"It doesn't need to be. We'd like to see more."

I wanted to hit my forehead against a wall really bad now, -"At least you're honest,"- I mocked before waving them off, -"No. I'm not showing you anything."

-"Not even your house?"

-"No."- I spat and turned around to pick my rucksack.

I started to walk away until they spoke again, -"Just wondering. Are you single?"

I sighed, irritated, -"'Just wondering?'"- Maybe if I told them, they'd leave me alone, -"No, I'm not,"- Actually, it was complicated. I didn't really know if Marco and I still shared something. What I did know was that I wasn't intent on keeping it 'complicated'. I breathed before speaking. If I told them it was complicated, they'd still bug me, if I told them I wasn't single and lie to them, they won't give a shit, so there really isn't a way out of this besides telling the truth. Hey, maybe they're even homophobic. _Here goes nothing,_ -"I... have a boyfriend."- There, I said it. This was the first time I told someone my true sexual preference and it felt... good. It's not like I'm gonna go on a trip around the word telling people 'hey, I like men' now, but it felt heartwarming, staying true to my feelings and not faking them.

-"You mean girlfriend."

-"No. I meant _boyfriend_."

Their faces stood blank for a second and then, they turned into disgust, -"Ewww. He's gay."

I looked away as my stomach swirled in fear. Then, Diego's, Marco's and Mom's words echoed in my mind: _don't be afraid of anything or anyone, don't let them discourage you, there will always be backbiting, but you can't let them take your happiness, don't let them mold you _and I finally managed to suppress it. I finally felt no fear, no giant boulder over me and it felt wonderful. I felt... free, -"So?"- I said, just like they did a few minutes ago.

They left without a word and I honestly didn't missed their presence. With a smile, I headed home feeling all fond, joyful, spirited, courageous and cozy with myself. Upstairs, I prepared for Mom's burial tomorrow. I placed my stuff in a place where I could quickly see them when I wake up. I played PS3 before going to sleep and this time, I slept early.

Next day, I was suiting up when my phone rang. I placed it besides me and clicked the speaker, -"Hello?"

-"Good evening, Jean. How are you?"- Marco's mom's voice was tender as always.

-"I'm alright, thanks."- I said as I worked with my hair in front of the mirror. I looked at the clock on the wall. It's almost 4 o' clock. Zackly should be here any minute now.

-"That's good. Listen, I'll be there soon, okay?"- I knew she was worried about me, considering my father never called me back all these days. She didn't want me to be there alone and she wanted to be that parental figure, comforting her family on a funeral.

-"I know, I know."- I chuckled, warmed at her concern.

We hung up and just then, doctor Zackly arrived. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time and breathed profoundly. Gotta admit, I'm pretty nervous. I don't even know why. Maybe it's because I've never attended a burial before? Does that make sense? And it wasn't just anyone's burial, it was my mother's. I never though I'd see the day she'd be buried underground, but... here it is. I'm sad too. I've been trying to keep a smile up in my face, but it wears down eventually. Even though I did what I did with Mom, it still left me rueful.

On the other hand, I looked good. Too good. I can't wait for Marco to see me in this -_if_ he comes. I hoped so. His presence always lighted my cloudiest days.

Without further ado, I headed down and mounted Zackly's luxuriant Audi. The moment I did, he observed me to see if I was properly dressed. Since he didn't say anything, I got that as a 'it's passable'.

The trip to the cemetery was long, but I saw sights I never laid eyes on in Trost before. There were vast parks with massive trees and long lakes with portentous swans swimming on them. Then, it got grim as we neared the cemetery. It didn't had that gothic look like in most fictional stories, but it still looked sad. The entrance was followed by a brick-road and beside it laid vast terrains with the graves. Most of them were squired by flowers, a gift for the passing from their families. It gave the cemetery a bit of a 'cheerful' look... or none at all. Some where withered.

Zackly parked near the main building and I saw a crowd gathered in front of it, all dressed in black and I wondered if those were here for Mom's funeral. When we dismounted, he told me those were Mom's relatives, -"Present yourself well. They are waiting for you."- And immediately, every nerve in me flared up.


	54. FIFTY-FOUR

Disclaimer:** I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

FIFTY-FOUR

I never, _never_ met Mom's relatives. I never met her parents -my grandfathers or my uncles or whatever. I didn't even know if Mom had any brothers or sisters to begin with or grandchildren or...

The doctor coughed beside me, urging me to move. I bit my lip and shoved my hands in my pockets as I strolled towards the crowd's direction. My nervousness grew as I took in the faces of each one of them while I passed trough. _Shit, shit, shit, _I cursed mentally, vehemently wishing Dad were here. Maybe he knew some of these people. Mom left her childhood house right after she married. In my opinion, she wasn't too fond of her parents or any of her relatives. Back home, she never talked about any of them and I wondered why.

I stood in the middle awkwardly as they stared at me. The doctor coughed again and I knew I had to say something, -"Hey, um... I'm Jean Kirshtein."

-"You're Mathilde's only son."- An old man spoke first as he eyed me. Mom never liked her name.

I nodded awkwardly, wondering who the fuck was he.

-"I'm Theodore August, your mother's father,"- He bowed slightly, -"A pleasure to meet you, grandson, though I'd rather we met under better circumstances."

So... this guy's my grandfather. I wondered about my grandmother, noting there was no woman beside me. I cleared my throat before speaking, really eager to show a bit of formality, but first, I needed to get rid of my nerves, -"It's n-nice to meet you, grandfather."

A tender smile rose to his wrinkled face, -"How modest, grandfather and all,"- Then he sighed ruefully, -"Sadly, you cannot meet my wife, your grandmother, for she rests in peace, now beside her daughter."- He spoke lowly, eyes falling a bit.

I observed him just like he did with me. The ages hasn't been nice to him; he was standing with the help of a cane, his skin was wrinkled and worn and there were bags under his eyes.

-"And I'm Rachael Ross, her sister,"- A woman walked forward and stood beside Theodore, placing her hand on his shoulder and her other hand on another man beside her, -"This is my husband Ben and these are my daughters, Anne and Rose,"- She pointed to the girls, my cousins, who shyly hid behind her. She looked over her shoulder, searching for something, -"Now, where's Harris?"

While whomever they were looking for showed up, I bowed slightly to Rachael, finally loosing up, -"Pleasure to meet you, aunt."

-"Well, aren't you adorable -_and_ quite handsome, I must add,"- She smiled and that's when someone loomed behind her, silently watching me, -"Oh, Harris, this is our beloved sister's son!"

The man finally walked forward and stared down at me. I felt the hostile attitude towards me and I stepped back a bit, feeling like he'd pull out a knife anytime, -"Hphm."- He huffed and walked away.

-"Harris?"- Rachael called him, but it was pointless, -"Don't mind him, dear, your uncle's a bit surly, but I'm sure he's delighted to have seen you."

A bit surly? Delighted to see me? If he was, he wasn't really showing it.

I kept meeting more relatives and soon, I forgot all their names. They teemed me with all sort of questions and I didn't blamed them. They never met me and some didn't even know I existed. I tried my best at answering their inquiries, but for some, I stayed quiet or lied a bit. One asked me if I was married and had children. I had to hold laugh with that one; me? With children? Ha! I wasn't too fond of kids and I had little patience for them. Then they asked if I _planned_ to marry and I told them probably not, but who knows.

I tried answering as honestly as possible. This was Mom's family and even though she didn't sympathized with them, I still had to show respect. Some weren't too convinced about my answers, others disapproved and the rest completely disliked it. They might not say anything about it, but I saw how their faces changed when I spoke and that was enough for me. Questions about my romantic status were the hardest for me to answer. I don't know their position and view on homosexuality, but if the inevitable comes up, I'll tell the truth. I won't hold it back anymore.

I also noted how wealthy they all were, specially Theodore. There were some who bragged about it, always talking about money and how they didn't know what to buy anymore, but most were discreet about it and that meant that they knew Mom's economic state wasn't as affluent as theirs. I wondered why Mom emancipated so early.

-"How's mister Kirshtein?"- Rachael asked once as we started to get inside.

I stopped for a second and pondered on my answer. If I told the truth, it'll look bad on Dad. Like sure, abandon your son after his mother died and go nuts, -"He's... alright. He works a lot though, so I haven't been able to see him much."- It wasn't a total lie.

-"Ah, he's always been a hard working man. God bless him,"- Rachel looked up and sighed, probably remembering something, -"He has always been enamored of her. Her passing must have wounded him deeply..."

_Too deep_, I though as we neared the ceremony area. No sign of Marco or Dad...

I excused myself from the family and went to the bathroom, desperate for some space. I entered and washed my face, careful not to splash water on my clothes. I then lent back on the wall and sighed. Damn, my head throbbed. I've lost count on how many questions they've made. Then I wondered where the hell were they when Mom was sick; _none_ of them showed their faces when Mom was in a critical situation, _none_ aided me, _none_ lent me money, only Dad and a woman who wasn't even from her family did. It infuriated me. They all seemed hypocrites. I only sympathized with Mom's father and her sister. The rest were all there to play plaintive. There was obvious enmity between me and my uncle Harris -his part mostly. I don't know why, but he has been glaring at me the whole time.

I noted that most of them were Christians. I've lost count of how many times they told me that Mom was in a better place now beside Him and how they often quoted one of His lines from the Bible.

I exited the bathroom and the building for some fresh air when I spotted an unmistakable pearl-white car. A smile crept up my face when I saw Mrs. Bodt dismounting it. She had a gorgeous long, elbow-length black dress that reached her feet on the back, on the front, it reached her knees. She had a silvered layered belt around her waist that matched her long, dainty earring and bracelets. Like always, her hair was loose and curled. She had a pair of black high heels that increased her height.

I heard my name from somewhere inside, but I stayed a while longer to see if Marco came. When I didn't see him, I saddened a bit and walked in. It turns out no one called, but instead someone was talking about me, -"He's a scoundrel, sister! He's the reason why Mathilde perished!"

-"Don't say such things, Harris! You know it's not-"

-"He caused her pain and trouble! That boy is spoiled and ungrateful!"

Well, to be frank, he wasn't so far from the truth.

-"Enough!"- That was Theodore's rising voice, -"Do not speak of him like that. That boy is your sister's only son and she loved him."

-"Lies,"- Spat Harris with abhor, -"Mathilde went through hell with that brat! He battered and exploited her. He provoked unremitting quarrels and who do you think salvaged him?"

-"She did because she _loved_ him,"- Theodore spoke solemnly, yet distressed at his son's words. In most cases I salvaged myself; Mom never liked going to school to face a teacher for my mess, -"You wouldn't understand."- I'm guessing my uncle has no kids.

-"That doesn't imply-"

A small bell ringed off, cueing the commence of the ceremony. I stepped in the room and all eyes were on me, specially Harris, but his had abhorrence, the rest were kind of nervous at my timely arrival. I was asked to sit on the front and Theodore sat beside me. Rachael sat beside him and Harris sat way farther. We were Mom's closest relatives.

The ceremony began and to be honest, it was kind of boring. I once stood up and excused myself to go to the bathroom... again and when I passed trough the exit, I spotted a silhouette near the entrance, dressed in black with an equal colored hat. I squinted at it; was that... Dad? Whomever it was walked away, thwarting me from recognizing him. Discretely, I began to follow him. It certainly looked male and even though I lost him, I recognized his car on the parking lot. Aware that my odds to speak to him were thin, I left a sticky note I requested from the secretary on his window:

_Hey, Dad. I know you're here -hence the note on your car. Could you __**please**__ wait for me? I just want to see and speak to you. It's been so long and I miss you. I'm worried about you. When the ceremony's over, wait for me. Please, just this once. I think it ends around 6 o' clock. I'll be here and I hope you too. _

_Love, _

_Jean. _

_PS. Your car needs cleaning. Maybe if you come by home, I could help you._

I headed back inside and sat again. I swore I spent the rest of the ceremony looking back to see if Dad was around. Theodore noticed my behavior, -"What discomforts you, grandson?"

Startled, I turned to him and scratched the back of my neck, realizing that my recent behavior wasn't a proper one in a funeral, -"Oh, uh... just checking to see if Dad's around."- I didn't dare lie to him.

-"He'll come around, eventually. He loves Mathilde, after all,"- He too glanced back, -"Although, he is rather late..."

No, I had a gut feeling that Dad was here before all of us. He hasn't shown his face to anyone, not even Mom's relatives which I'm certain he's familiar with. Dad was hiding something, that much is obvious, and it terrified me. I fear he's sick too and not physically, but mentally. Ever since Mom was sick, Dad acted strange, like he lost all faith in the world, like nothing meant anything to him and now that she's gone...

The ceremony concluded and I walked to the fore where Mom's corpse laid in a graceful coffin. A small tear escaped my eye when I saw her face; she still had that peaceful face, her smile never faltered. In her chest rested her hands, holding a bouquet of roses. She always loved those. I reached for her cold hands and squeezed it, another tear escaping my eyes, -"I love you...,"- I spoke with difficulty due to the impregnable knot on my throat, -"And I'll miss you, but I'll always remember you."- I parted from her coffin and walked outdoors to the landscape where the deceased were buried.

While I waited for the burial to commence, Marco's mom approached me... and behind her, Marco himself. Immediately, any rueful emotion in me was nulled and nonexistent and when I watched how he was dressed... well, let's say I had to hold a few remarks. He had the same blouse that I had but black with black trousers and fancy shoes. His hair was combed like it usually was whenever he goes out. Around his neck was a black neck tie nicely bound. He had the blouse up to his elbows like I had, but one of it's first buttons was loosened, exposing a bit of his chest. It was unlike him to leave it like that on purpose, but who knows? Also, the blouse was loosened, not tucked into his pants like mines. Anyways, he looks as gallant as always and again, I was drooling like a fanatic.

Marco's mom hugged me unexpectedly, -"Jean, are you alright?"

I nodded, but I was still looking at Marco, -"I am now."- I said, ogling at Marco with a simper.

-"I'm glad,"- She chuckled as she parted from me, -"Have you met some of your mother's family?"

-"Oh yeah, I did,"- I spoke a bit bitterly at the though of my uncle who despised me, -"And I found out that my uncle hates me."

Mrs. Bodt made a face before her phone started ringing, -"Oh, I'll be right back."

Then, it was just me and Marco. Now, I felt nervous. i was doing my best to avoid images from out last encouter cloud me. The man of my life was before me and I had so much to talk to him about, so much to discuss, but I wasn't certain if this was the right time nor if I can really do it. It's always like this; I end up chickening out and regretting it later, but this time, I really think it's not the right one. His arrival was idyllic, he lighted my mournful soul up and that's what mattered now.

He noticed my behavior and looked up at me. Our eyes met and we just looked at each other forever. When I was about to speak, however, he lashed towards me into a nice, passionate hug. I stood flabbergasted for a minute, just taking in his tight grip on me. Then, I returned the embrace and we felt each other's warmth. I planted my head in his shoulder, griping his back tightly and pulling him even closer to me. He never faltered and just accepted our embrace like it was, where it was. I started sobbing, unable to hold a few sentimental tears. When he felt it, he gripped me tighter, letting me know that it was okay.

We stayed like that for several minutes until someone coughed behind us. A bit startled, I gazed back and saw Theodore, holding his cane in front of him, -"Grandson?"

Marco gasped and parted from me, side-glancing at my grandfather ashamedly, but I held onto him, set on making him see that there's nothing to be embarrassed of -yeah, even from these Christians, -"Hey, grandfather. This is Marco Bodt. We've known each other since kids and studied together -well, we still do."

-"A pleasure to meet you, young one."- Theodore bowed slightly and Marco lent back a bit, startled at the formality.

It didn't last long though, -"Um, the pleasure's mine, sir."

Theodore chuckled, -"You are both so modest,"- He said and walked closer to us. He observed Marco intensely, -"Tell me, how well do you know my grandson?"

I knew Marco was really hoping Theodore doesn't pry too much on our... complicated "friendship", -"Um, quite well, I'd say."

-"Do you harbor a friendship?"- I couldn't tell if my grandfather was just curious about friendship in general, considering he's pretty old, but something told me he wanted to know something else. He might have seen our "friendly" hug.

Marco looked at me with concern. I knew he didn't wanted to look bad in front of my grandfather and he though that admitting we had something farther than friendship will ruin my image, but I didn't care, -"He's more special to me than that."- I said and that was enough to satisfy Marco. It wasn't so boorish as to say "I'm gay and this is my boyfriend" or something, but I didn't lie either. I just hoped he gets it.

And he did, -"I see,"- He bowed slightly again, -"Forgive me for the interruption, but your mother's burial will start shortly."

I thanked him and when he left, I turned to Marco, -"Marco, I... want to speak with you. Maybe later?"

He nodded and before I could start following Theodore for the burial, he stopped me, -"Jean, why did you say that?"

I smiled, -"Because it's true."

Marco blushed -"No, I mean..."

-"I know,"- I strode closer to him and placed my hand on his cheek, -"He asked and I wasn't going to lie. Not to him or me or anyone else."

Marco's eyes widened in awe a bit.

His mom arrived shortly after and accompanied us to the burial site. Another ceremony and now, Mom's family shed tears and each one of them walked forward and said something about her. Harris kept everything to himself though and when I walked up, I told how I took care of her and how her last days were, -"She was in peace, serene even and she was happy. She was also intrepid when faced with death. Her courageous heart rests in peace now."- Harris had this frown on his face and I knew he was muttering 'lair' under his breath. I was glad he kept quiet though.

Then they started to bury her and I couldn't hold a tear or two. She still had that peaceful face, even now that they're burying her. Marco, compassionate as always, walked up to me and gave me another hug. A small smile grew on my face as his warmth removed all mourning feelings in me.

When it ended, doctor Zackly offered to take me home, but I declined since Marco's mom begged me to go with her -or better yet, ordered me. Before I left though, I told them I needed to be elsewhere. Marco asked me about it and I told him the truth; that Dad might be around and that I planned on having a chat with him before he or we leave.

I rushed to the parking lot and spotted that same silhouette from before on Dad car's, picking the note I left. _It's gotta be him, _I though as I walked forward and placed my hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face me. I gasped when I saw his face. It _is_ Dad, but he looked... so different, so emaciated, senile and wasted. He had huge bags under his mildly opened eyes, which were reddish, probably from crying, -"Son..."- He mused.

-"Dad...,"- I said and pulled him into an embrace, -"Dad... I've missed you. Why did you leave? Why didn't you answered my calls, my messages? I was shitting bricks thinking something happened to you!"

-"I...,"- He hung his head and placed his hand on his forehead, -"... didn't wanted you to see me like this."

I had to admit it was woeful and grievous seeing him reduced to this, -"But why? What happened?"

He kept his head hung, -"I couldn't face your mother either. I was a stranger to her, how could I show my face around? After all I've done, she forgot me, I couldn't just..."

It scared me to think that Dad was delirious, -"Dad, she actually... asked me to tell you something,"- He looked up with eyes watering, -"That she loves you... and that she's sorry."

His face saddened even more, -"No, no, no, it wasn't her fault, she didn't had to apologize..."- He covered his face with his hands and started sobbing.

-"She remembered you, Dad, and she loved you until the end."- He missed the most important thing.

He raised his head from his palms, eyes widening at me, -"She... she did?"

I nodded.

His face lit up, a bit content, -"I wish I could have been there,"- Then, he looked at me apologetically, -"I'm so sorry, son. I left you alone all this time. You should inform the Family Department and..."

I quickly shook my head. If the Family Department ever finds out, Dad will be in huge trouble and I didn't want that, I'm not here to make his life shit, -"No, there's no need,"- I said and placed my hand on his shoulder, -"I'm alright, I can take care of myself."- Even though I was mad at him once, I couldn't blame him. If it weren't for him, Mom and I would've died from hunger.

Zackly came afterward and Dad was aghast at his timely arrival. He wanted to report Dad to the Family Department and I had to beg for otherwise. Zackly wasn't persuaded though and said I couldn't be under Dad's care anymore. He made a few calls and when he finished, he said I had to be in some kind of office at I don't know what day, hour or where, but no matter how much I argued, he didn't cede. Only Dad managed to appease me, saying that I couldn't do anything about it and that it was going to be alright.

Angry, I left the cemetery with Zackly by his commandment and I didn't had the chance to speak with Marco. Again, I ended up arguing with him, -"That was really unnecessary, you know. I said I took care of myself and Mom just fine. Dad was just working his ass off for us."

-"This is not up to debate, young man,"- He scoffed, gazing me from the front mirror, -"You will not understand anyways."

-"Try me, old man."- I contested and sure enough, I didn't understand shit. What I did understand was that according to the Family Department, a parent needs to stay with his son twice or thrice a week. On the contrary, it's interpreted that the parent has more important things to do. Also, a parent should always be in contact wherever he is. Dad didn't even showed his face for almost a month and he didn't answered none of my myriad messages. I argued that I wasn't alone, that Mom was with me, but stupidly, it didn't counted since Mom was more of a child than an adult back then.

I gripped my knees and tried to explain the doctor the situation, but it was futile. He understood it thoroughly, but gave no fucks. I did discussed my concern for Dad and he shared my worry. Thankfully, he said he'd speak to him and run some test on him to be sure.

Before I dismounted his car to head home, he cleared his throat, -"If you dislike people keeping an eye on you, I suggest you find someone to stay with you."

I just sighed and closed the door, knowing that if I recommended Dad, he'd give me another 'you wouldn't understand' shit which I think I would. They just don't want Dad to repeat this whole thing and no matter how many times I told them he won't, they won't give a shit about it. That's how they are.

Once inside, I went to sleep and slumber caught up to me quickly.


	55. FIFTY-FIVE

Thanks, Burningdetective1997, for that awesome review! :D I hope y'all enjoy this chapter, cuz I did! (ifuknowwhatimean)

Disclaimer:** I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

FIFTY-FIVE

Next day, I dialed Marco's mom's phone while eating cereals again. I briefed her on the whole Family Department shit and she understood it, though it was necessary but a bit carried out, -"That's just how they are. I don't blame your father either, but he should have payed you a few visits to see how you were doing."

I sighed, playing with my breakfast without appetite, -"Yeah...,"- I pushed the bowl aside and rested my elbow on the table, -"Hey, are you going to Church today?"- I was kind of bored and desired to see Marco. I couldn't stop thinking of yesterday's hug.

-"I'm planning to. I was going to invite you."

-"I'd like to,"- I said and started walking upstairs, remembering she actually wanted me to come as a favor to get Marco out of his room, -"Gotta convince Marco first though."

-"I'll pick you up and bring you here so you can speak to him. I'll be there in a few."

We hung up and I quickly searched for something to wear. It had to be proper, but not _too_ proper and not too trashy either. I picked up a white jean, a plain white T-shit and a brown leather coat. With a pair of brown boots, I decided it was simple enough and dressed up. When I finished, I waited for Mrs. Bodt to arrive while playing with my cellphone. After a few minutes, I heard her car's honk and mounted it. She greeted me before we rode off.

At her house, with permission, I headed up to Marco's room which I was familiar with. It was closed and hopefully not locked. I knocked softly before calling him, -"Marco?"

I heard rustling and footsteps before the door opened to reveal Marco... still in his pajamas and drowsy. He rubbed his eyes, which I found so damn adorable, and squinted at me. He gasped, expecting someone else, -"Oh! Jean!"- He quickly looked back at his room and down at his clothes abashedly, -"Um, what're you doing here?"

-"Gonna go to church with your mom and I was hoping you'd come too."- I pointed downstairs.

His eyes widened a bit, unable to believe what I said. He knew I wasn't much of a believer, -"Really? You?"- A smile grew on his slightly blotchy face.

I nodded, scratching the back of my neck. It's awkward, this, we both knew we're avoiding a certain topic, trying not to even think about it.

-"Well, I'm in, as long as I can see you bored to death,"- He chuckled and turned to walk inside his room, -"Let me change up, um..."

-"Wait,"- I spoke quickly before he disappeared through his room. I didn't wanted to disturb his privacy. I knew he wasn't so comfortable with me after... that day, -"I..., h-how are you?"- Discreetly, I observed his lips, remembering how harshly I bit them that day. They were still a bit bruised, but much better than then.

He turned to face me again, -"I'm alright...,"- He answered, knowing what I meant, -"And you?"

-"I'm alive, at least,"- I joked, trying to dissipate this awkward feeling, eager on not keeping it like this, -"Well, uh..., I'll let you change then."

He nodded and headed inside -but not before exchanging one last look with me; it had incertitude and yearning in it. Last time we spoke, he was in the fringe to break up with me and yet the words never came out -or maybe I didn't let them. In any case, I knew Marco dreaded it as much as I did. I'm tired of this ricochet and I want Marco and I to have a normal life, be together for as long as we can, but I had to make him see that he has nothing to hide or fear from God or his faithful family, that he wasn't sinning. I had to show him see that I'm not afraid anymore and that he shouldn't either and that no matter what, God, and everyone else, will love him as he is. I really wanted him to keep his faith, because he treasures it, but that can't stop him from loving whomever he pleases.

We waited for him downstairs and his mom asked me how I managed to convince him. I said that it took no effort at all and that I though Marco actually wanted to go out for some time, but not with anyone, he wanted me to come. That meant he really longed for me, even after all the piling issues... just as I have.

After a few minutes, Marco came down and again, I appraised him: he had light-blue jeans accompanied by an elbow-length plain white shirt and a jean-material vest, matching his trousers. With a pair of light brown boots, he looked like one of those models from Calvin Klein. He smiled, a light blush coloring his cheeks, -"Well, well, look at you,"- His mom stood up and embraced him into a hug, -"How elegant. I'm glad you decided to come with us."- She kissed his cheek.

-"Thanks, mom."- Then, our eyes caught each other and he eyed me just as I eyed him. He tried to be discreet about it, looking away occasionally, his cheeks blushing like always, but I saw through him. A smirk rose to my lips.

We mounted the car and rode to the near church, the one Marco and his mom always attended. It surprised me to see how small it actually was yet full of people. I suppose these people found comfort in here, no matter how small it was. When we dismounted and went inside, it feel comfortable enough and I saw all kind of faces; from the youngest to the oldest, pregnant mothers and mothers who recently gave birth and came baptize the baby.

Aside from all that, I felt weird here. A stupid joke crossed my mind: oh good, I haven't been burned yet, but I kept it to myself. Still, maybe it's because I haven't attended church in a long, long while. Last time I did, I was a just a kid who found it extremely boring, like most did, and just slept throughout the chant. A lot had changed since then and even though I wasn't as faithful as the people around me, I found a bit of comfort. It was quiet and had a peaceful touch to it.

We sat on the front rows and when the chant began, everyone stood up, except Marco, who was beside me. I placed my hand over his and squeezed it tight, giving him a smile. I stood up and gestured him to follow suit. I was a problematic guy, always getting in fights, making enemies and homosexual, so what? Still, I stood up fearlessly and Marco saw to that. He stood up close to me and whispered, -"You're crazy, you know that?"

Another smile rose to my lips, -"Crazy in love, that's what."

His cheeks lighted up, but he gazed away from the front cross, where a dainty figure of God laid nailed onto the wood. My eyes dropped too -but only for a second. I raised them back and looked straight at His figure.

When the moment to confess our sins and beg for forgiveness came up, everyone kneeled in a small chair below the benches. Marco kept looking down at his and then up -and occasionally, at me. He was unsure if he should beg pardon, he was struggling with himself, but at the same time, he didn't wanted to say sorry for loving another man. A small smile formed on my lips as I nudged his knee. He looked at me, uncertain of what to do. With some gestures, I told him to just watch and listen.

I breathed deeply as I descended into the small chair, resting my knees on it. With my hand tied together in front of me, elbows resting on the front bench, I spoke, not too loud nor not too low, just enough for Marco to hear me, -"Dear God,"- I began, -"I do have a lot of sins that need your attention; the fights, the problems, my temper, my brash attitude...,"- I gave Marco a side glance. He was looking somewhere else, but I knew he was listening to me, -"But my feelings for someone of my own gender aren't a sin. It's an emotion, one that I cherish above all other and you can't punish me or him for it,"- This all felt weird. I didn't know if who I was speaking to even existed. I might as well be speaking to a wall, but then again, I was doing this for Marco -well, for both of us, -"I love him and I have the right to. I won't let you deprive me of my emotions nor my rights and no matter what you throw at me, I'll surpass it, I won't give in. Amen."- It felt right to bow slightly and do the cross gesture with my hands before standing up and sitting beside Marco.

His eyes had widen up, his mouth gaped at my cope. I placed my hand over his and tied our fingers. I smiled warmly at him, -"See? You don't have to throw anything away, Marco, don't be afraid. You once told me that, remember?"- He did, but it was on a different situation -well, a bit different.

Marco looked down at our intertwined hands. Just as I did, he noticed that some people, from the front and back row, spotted us like this, but it didn't mattered. They started whispering to each other, but it didn't matter. Marco took a deep breath before nodding slightly. He looked at me, his lips turning into a small smile and I saw a spark of resolution ignite in him, -"If you can, so can I."- Slowly, he descended onto the small chair and knelt.

His words made a smile from on my lips. I watched how he placed his hand before him and started speaking. I began to tell him that he didn't need to say it out loud, but he said he _wanted_ me to hear him. I couldn't hold a broad smile from growing as he spoke. He said that, like me, he loved a person of his own gender and that he couldn't hold or deny it. He said that he didn't wanted to change that, that love was a beautiful emotion for him and that it didn't matter to whom he expressed it for as long as it was true. He confessed it _is_ true, so true that he wanted to spent his whole life with me, that I was the one person he truly felt safe, comfortable and happy with.

A knot formed on my throat afterwards, hindering me from swallowing a few tears. I quickly rubbed my eyes, brushing the lump of water off them before they fell. After saying amen, Marco sat beside me again and gave me a tender smile before resting his head on my shoulder. My whole body warmed and an inmense happyness overwhelmed me.

After a while, Marco stood fearlessly for every chant and whatnot and I was overjoyed, but most of all, I was proud of him. When it all ended, Marco's mom began speaking to people she knew while Marco and I walked around, hands tied together, -"I'm proud of you, you know."- I said, swinging our hands back and forth.

He chuckled, nudging my shoulder with his other hand playfully, -"No, _I'm _the one who's proud."

I smiled at his words and my eyes trailed to the murmuring crowds who were cautiously looking at us, -"Yeah, well, I always impress you."- I said jokingly, returning his latter gesture. Still, it was true.

Marco chuckled again, resting his head on my shoulder. Not to brag or anything, but I've noticed his recent behavior, kind of like girlish, towards me like he was more enamored of me and I do think so. My latter cope with God was brave -if not a bit dramatic. I wasn't going to gloat about it though. It made Marco more comfortable with himself and his faithful beliefs and that was my original intent, that's what mattered.

The though that Marco was more in love with me brought a broad smile to my lips. Marco noticed and tilted his head, puzzled, -"What are you thinking about, huh?"

-"Nothing,"- I said and took a chunk of his cheeks with my fingers, -"Except your adorable face."

Marco giggled at my touch. I was about to compliment him again until his mom called us, -"Alright, boys. Time to go."

We mounted her car and rode off. During the ride, Marco's mom asked him how he felt after our time in church and he answered with honesty, with confidence in both of us. She told him that she was glad, that she was so worried about him. He ended up saying sorry to her -and me too, for all the trouble, trouble which seemed foolish to him now. Mrs. Bodt and I shook our heads and told him that it was normal to feel like that and that no matter what, we'll always be there for him. What's left now was to confront his family and Mrs. Bodt told me that she'd like me to visit on Christmas. She said the whole family would be there, but that if I didn't felt comfortable or didn't want to go, it's okay. I refused. If I have to meet the King of Sina for Marco, I'll do it.

-"Mom, I'd like to stay with Jean,"- Marco digressed, -"In his house, I mean. The doctor said he needed to find company, right?"

Mrs. Bodt smiled, -"Yup, he did."

-"Well, can I? I'd... hate for him to stay alone for so long."- His willfulness and concern enthused me.

-"Of course you can. You'll need clothes though -including school's uniform. I'll have to pick you up around 7:30."

Marco nodded, resolute on his decision. Some time alone with Marco appealed me... for many reasons. Sadly, school wasn't over until next week, so he wouldn't be 24/7 with me. Still, it was enough for both of to catch up and just... be together.

After collecting his stuff from his house with my help, we rode off to my house and when we arrived, Marco said farewell to his mom, -"Thanks for everything, Jean,"- She told me, her solicitude finally reaching to an end, -"You're truly made for each other."

-"No, thank _you. _I wouldn't have done much without you."- I replied, feeling overwhelmed with emotions as I picked up one of Marco's bags.

-"Nonsense,"- She said, giving me a knowing smile, -"You would've done it anyways."

I chuckled, -"True,"- I looked back at Marco who was entering my house with his stuff and knew that she was right. One way or another, I would've accomplish what I did today. I'd go through any lengths for him, -"Goodbye then. Take care."- It saddened me a bit that she'd be the one to stay alone now, but there was no way I could convince her otherwise -nor Marco.

-"You too."- And with that, she left.

Inside, Marco was transporting his stuff to my room, my messy room. I scratched the back of my neck as I observed the jumble; shoes and clothes thrown everywhere -yup, even underpants, -"Sorry for the mess."- I apologized, not feeling as ashamed as last time we were here with a similar mess.

He just smiled, -"It's nothing. Still, let me help-"

-"Screw that,"- I said as I strolled very close to him from behind and took his hand, -"Been meaning to speak to you... for a while."

He turned around to face me, not leaving the thin space between us, -"What about?"

He knew what, -"I... wanted to apologize... for that day,"- I breathed deeply and allowed myself to vent off a bit, but still keeping control, -"I didn't wanted to hurt you, it wasn't my intention,"- With my thumb, I grazed his lips and the small bruises in them, -"I just... missed you a lot and I didn't wanted you to break up with me. I should have controlled myself, I'm so sorry..."

-"I know, Jean and I understand,"- He touched his lips too, -"It did hurt, but it wasn't much, so please, don't worry,"- He took my hands and squeezed them. Our eyes locked with each other, -"I missed you too, but I was confused, I didn't know what was right anymore... I didn't wanted to hurt you either..."

-"Is it now?"- I inquired, drawing my face nearer.

He smiled tenderly and nodded, -"It has always been, I was just..."

-"Not a fool, Marco, don't say that."

-"I'm sorry,"- He apologized, -"Whatever happens, Jean, I want to be with you for as long as I can."

Man, that was so good to hear, -"Me too,"- I replied and looked straight into his eyes, like Diego advised, -"And Marco, I promise I'll let the past in the past."- Once, my past was tied to me and that's what detained our relationship, but not anymore.

Marco shook his head, -"No, I was asking too much of you..."

-"No, you weren't. If you, Diego or Mom didn't told me, I would've been stranded there right now, but not anymore, Marco, I won't let it shape my future.., my future with you,"- Tears were forming on Marco's eyes as I placed my hand on his cheek, -"I love you and I want to try again. I'll do better this time, I swear, I'll be in control, I'll change, I'll..."

Marco smiled, tears already cascading down from his eyes. He quickly nodded, -"I want to try again too and you don't need to change,"- He said, our faces only inches apart, -"I love you as you are now."

Our lips met almost immediately. I held his face tightly as we kissed passionately _and_ gently, trailing my hand through his smooth hair. He wrapped his arms around my waist and when I parted, I breathed deeply, -"Really wanted to do that for a while..."- I mused, looking into his eyes and seeing longing. I knew he wanted to do that for a while too.

He chuckled and when I was about to step away, he pulled me towards him and our lips found each other again, taking me a bit by surprise. This kiss lasted longer than the last one and I was completely overjoyed. We kissed a bit faster, but still gently, our tongue grazing each other as we shifted our heads in sync. I didn't allowed my hunger for his lips -and more- posses me, not wanting to wound him again, but our desires were still lurking around. Marco bit my lower lip frequently, playfully, but softly, spurring me to act more. A smirk grew on the borders of my lips as I deepened our kiss, pushing his head closer to me. My tongue traveled the layers of his mouth, licking and biting his lips smoothly. Marco moaned and breathed deeply when our faces separated for a second before continuing. It last for more than 5 minutes and we grew more intimate as I began to claw my fingers up his back, caressing his slick skin. My other hand ran a bit lower from behind into his pant, but I stopped myself and kept it there, fingers tying with his pant's fringes. Marco, however, didn't held himself as I did when he clutched my waist and pulled our hips closer until they collided. My body began to warm up as an arousal grew in me, specially in my lower part. Then, when I felt a slight bulge from him in my lower area, I understood why he pulled me so close to him.

Our lips parted for a second, both of us breathing intensely. I drew my lips close to his ear, -"You know, you just have to ask."- I whispered, slowing pushing him to bed.

He bit his lower lip in an attempt to conceal a playful smile, his face flaring up. I took his chin with my finger and kissed him again as we descended onto my bed. I landed over him, as I usually did, but this time, I didn't pin his wrist over him, this time, I let his arms free, not feeling right about leashing him. Even though in our previous romantic moments I did pinned him he never complained, but still... my body over his was enough. Sure, the moment I put my hands down, he gripped my shirt and pulled me down closer to him, wrapping his arms around me. My eyes widen. _Damn, isn't he horny?_ In the aftermath, I was turned on.

I began to kiss neck and traveled lower to his chest, smelling his flesh. Oh, the smell of sweet vanilla I was getting accustomed to invaded my nostrils and it was _good_. When I licked and sucked small parts of his chest, Marco moaned and mused my name, fueling my hunger in the process. I worked trough his chest, pulling his shirt up and running my hands through his lustrous abs. Oh and he didn't strayed, he retaliated, trailing _his_ hand though my abs too. His touch sent gleeful thrills throughout me, making my head dizzy in arousal. I smashed my lips onto his and we kissed once again, -"Marco...,"- I spoke as an erection spurred me into action, -"I want to...,"- Marco quickly nodded, knowing what I was talking about. Images of the last time we masturbated together flooded me as I began to undo my pants. When I finished and looked down, he already had his undone, -"Damn, Marco..."- I muttered with an excited smirk on my lips before shoving my hands into his pant and his into mines.

The moment I took hold of his crotch, he took a hard intake of breath and when I started working him slowly, but effectively, he breathed out in exhilaration. Then, I increased velocity and in doing so, increased my own erection. I noted that Marco was unable to jerk me off as I worked him. It had to be one at a time. A bit bothersome, considering my actual status, but I understand him. Still, while I pleased him, his deep and satisfied moans delighted me into euphoria, so the next minutes were kind of blurry until I felt my hands sodden. Marco's breathing was ragged, his face so red that his freckles were barely visible and his grip on my shirt tightened, jolting it. Marco was having an orgasm and when I licked and bit his earlobe, his really sensitive spot, he let out a contented sigh and relaxed under me after releasing a quantity of cum. His breathing subsided and he smiled at me before jerking me off.

My skin prickled at his grip on my crotch, sending waves of chills trough me. My body went numb and I fell on him, our forehead colliding. My heart beats increased the moment Marco increased his movement which were like a rhythm, perfectly executed; up and down, up slow, down quickly, a bit of squeezing and then up and down again. I buried my face in his shoulder as he continued to work me, more faster now, hindering my breathing, -"Marco..."- I mused, feeling really, really aloft and ecstatic, it was almost dizzying. I began to shift uncomfortably as cum dripped out of my really hardened groin. I was reaching climax and when Marco caressed my abdomen and licked my chin, sending a ticklish sensation trough me, I released and relaxed.

Both of us panted, our sweaty forehead still joined, -"I... love you."- I said, closing my eyes and smiling, completely at ease and content.

-"I love you too."- He replied, giving a sweet peck in the lips before we both settled down and took a nap.

* * *

Delicious, delicious yaoi ;P


	56. FIFTY-SIX

NO HOMO. I REPEAT, NO HOMO! (yeshmo yeshomo yeshomo XD)

ENJOY!

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

FIFTY-SIX

After the nap, I though we'd go down, watch a movie and eat popcorn all night, but when Marco asked me for a second round, I could hardly deny. It did surprised me though. I believed that'd be my sort of thing, but since I didn't want to screw up what we had up until now, I held my tongue. Marco was really, really horny, to be frank, but I that was normal after a month without even seeing each other -and hey, I couldn't talk much either. I didn't complained once and I _really_ enjoyed that second round of masturbating the shit out of each other.

But then, there was a third... and a fourth round. The third was his requisition and the fourth was... mine. It was glorious, I can't lie -and also passionate. We both pleased each other again and again.

_Oh man,_ I sighed deeply after taking a long ass bath, washing off all the cum between my legs. I walked out of the bathroom in my pajamas and slumped onto bed. Marco was reading one of his book and when I bounced in bed, he accidentally dropped it. He really wasn't paying much attention to it anyways. It was 2 in the morning and he was drowsy. I picked his book and placed it on the night table, -"Hey, time to sleep, freckles. You have school tomorrow,"- Well, damn me for reminded us both. I attempted to fix it, -"Well, you don't _have_ to go. Christmas break is just around the corner and teachers tend loaf a lot."

Marco's eyes widened as if he just woke up, -"Oh shit, you're right!"- He said, quickly standing up and packing his school backpack.

My eyes went wide at his curse, my mouth gaped, but my sides twisting into a smirk, -"Woah, you just cursed!"- I exclaimed, walking towards him and wrapping my arm around his shoulder, -"You're spending too much time with me, you know."

He smiled and blushed at the fond memory of our night.

I took his chin and moved it towards me. I kissed him again passionately, playing with his lips before parting, -"And I love to spend time with you."

He blushed more as he looked me in the eye with passion, -"And I with you."

I kissed his cheek, his sweet words always warming me, -"Let's do something. Wanna watch a movie?"- I asked, wanting to spend even more time with him.

-"I wish,"- He said, his face dropping, -"But I really have to sleep. I have school tomorrow."

I pouted, crossing my arms.

He gripped my crossed arms and began shaking me, -"Please, don't make that face, I'm sorry."

I chuckled, messing his hair, -"It's fine, freckles,"- I pointed to my bed, -"Go to bed, I'll watch you like a guardian angel."

He blushed again, -"But... where will you sleep?"

-"I got a futon somewhere. Don't worry, ol' Jean sleeps anywhere."

Marco laughed, -"If you say so."

He began to turn around and walk towards bed until I stopped him by the arm, turned him towards me and kissed him again, hands on his head. He answered quickly, wrapping his arms around me, expecting it, already accustomed to my habits. I caressed his cheek when we parted, -"Back there... that was amazing,"- I spoke, feeling my own cheeks warm up as I remembered the event, -"You're cute when you're horny."

His cheeks flared up, but he made a face, -"I wasn't horny..."

I arched an eyebrow, smirking. I brought it out of him then.

He bit his lips, trying to prevent a smile from growing, fully aware that I was right. The way he kissed me told me that much -and when he asked for another go? Ha. I enjoyed every second of it, but above all, I felt loved and cared. Marco was the man of my life and I wouldn't trade our time together for anything -yeah, even the ugly ones. Those 'ugly ones' are the ones that got me here; I learned from my mistakes, from my blunders and my uncontrollable breakdowns.

Also, seeing Marco very aroused was idyllic to me. It brought me satisfaction whenever I pleased him, made him feel good and comfortable with me. Oh, and I loved it even more when he pleased me. I just wanted Marco to feel at ease with me, not make him regret having shared intimate moments with me and to be honest, I wanted us to be even more intimate.

Marco gave me another kiss before heading to pack his stuff. I watched him move around, checking if he had all the books and notebooks, pencils, etc. with a smile, admiring every inch of him, like a kid drooling at the sight of his crush. While he did that, I headed to the depot in the hallway and pulled out an old futon, which was still comfortable, and dropped it on my room beside my bed and naturally, Marco. We both went to sleep and I knew Marco enjoyed when I rubbed his hair, it made him drowsy and helped him sleep. So considering I couldn't go to school until next semester and he had to go tomorrow, I sat beside him and started caressing his head in a particular movement he liked. In a minute, he fell asleep and I laid down on the futon, sighing in pure joy.

* * *

-"Yeah, I'm up. I'll change right away."

I heard rustling nearby and quick footsteps, slowly waking me up. When I opened my eyes, I met with a sharp ray of light. I hissed and shifted position, away from the bothersome light and again, I opened my eyes... and met a prodigious back. Marco's, duh. He was changing and he just took off his shirt. He picked up the school's and began rubbing a towelette against it; I took that chance to ogle his nicely toned back, unconsciously drooling and tainting the futon. I whistled in that flirty way kids do to girls and Marco jumped, startled, -"Oh, Jean, I'm sorry I woke you up,"- His cheeks flared up when he realized he faced me half naked, -"Um..., did you sleep well?"

-"Mjum."- I mused, still admiring the sight before me, browsing through those abs of his.

His face reddened even more, -"Hey, don't look at me like that!"- He said, throwing the pillow near him to me.

I shoved it away, laughing out loud, -"Sorry, can't help it,"- And before I knew it, he bounced onto my bed -wait, my bed? I sat up and just realized I was on my bed. Didn't I sleep in a futon? -"Hey, was I sleepwalking last night?"- I asked.

He smiled, -"No, I moved you here when I woke up,"- He rubbed his flared cheeks with his finger, -"I though you'd sleep better."

I smiled broadly, feeling my chest warm up as I launched at him, hugging him and kissing his cheek continuously. He chuckled, hugging me back, -"Why are you so damn adorable?"- I asked, still kissing him.

He laughed and we laid in bed after he dressed up, just cuddling and kissing for a few minutes until Marco stood up, hearing his cue to go, -"I have to go, Jean."

I pouted, throwing my head back in my pillow and crossing my arms, -"Fine,"- After giving me another kiss, I took his hand and squeezed it tight, -"Marco, please... be careful."- I begged, remembering the condition the school was in when I left.

Marco stared at me for a few seconds before nodding, -"I will."- And began walking away.

-"Hey,"- I spoke again, making him turn around again, -"I'll be waiting for you."

He nodded, a blush on his cheeks before disappearing from my room.

I sighed again, feeling all empty now. I shook my head at the though, _no, no, no, don't feel like that. He'll come back soon. _Above all, I was sick worried. That school was a living hell for students like him; nerd, homosexual, compassionate... damn, the list was long. I wish I could go and keep an eye on him or -wait, what's stopping me? The school wasn't so far, so...

I shook my head again, a bit faster. No, Marco was clever and capable of defending himself. Even if the school's in upheaval, he wants to finish the semester and get his grades. I'm positive half the students there have already dropped off, but not Marco. He was brave, I'll give him that. In my opinion, he should just finish with what he had already -and they're all A's, so he could just chill out- but no, he had to be stubborn too and no matter what I told him, I couldn't change his mind. He's determined, so maybe I should just give him his space over there and besides, I have my own stuff to do, like for starters, cleaning my room and getting it cozy for him.

My room wasn't the only place that needed my attention and as I worked, I kept remembering of my glorious night with Marco, bringing up a smile to my face. I sighed continuously in joy, thinking I couldn't wait until he arrived to spend more time with him. I even checked if I had spare popcorn around to watch movies tonight and when I found the last pack, I jumped in joy like a girl with enthusiasm. Today was Friday, after all, and next week is finals week so I had a load of time with him.

When I finished cleaning my house and eating breakfast, I headed out to jog and ended up in the free gym only to find it empty -except for a few people minding their own business, not familiar faces though. There was only one, that guy... Gustave, was it? I walked towards him,-"Hey, where's everyone?"- I asked, glancing around me, but finding no one else. I really felt like teaching someone to train today, since it's been awhile, but I guess that won't be the case.

I received a cold shoulder from the man though. He didn't answered me.

-"Is everything alright?"- I asked again, wondering what was wrong with him.

Now, he glared and pointed at me menacingly, -"If I knew I was letting a homo train me from the start, I wouldn't have come all those days. The rest though so too."

I tilted my head, -"Wait, what...,"- Oh, I get it. It must have been those girls, -"Ah shit, figured,"- I sighed, feeling a bit down and angry all over again. I really had high hopes for this little place. I also felt like punching the fuck out of this guy, but if I learned anything, it was that it was best to avoid trouble, -"Fine. If that's what you want to do, go ahead, but I'm still doing workout."- I waved him off and headed to the weights.

-"Not even denying it, eh? The gall."- He spat, shaking his head disapprovingly.

-"Like hell I would."- I replied, lifting weight while looking up to the sky, trying to calm my growing ire. _Come on, Jean, just ignore him. _

-"You know there's a special place for your type in hell? God's light purifies the vile and hog like you."- Another "faithful" threatening me. Great. It wouldn't be the first time.

I stuck my tongue out, -"Heard it before and I'm still here."

-"Not for much longer."

I leapt up, startled at his words, thinking he'd attack me, but there he was, just pacing around. Oh, right. These guys were mostly all-talk. Still, I won't get carefree now. He could jump at me anytime if I get nonchalant. "Words can hurt more than a weapon" actually depended on who's saying it -I think it stings more if you know the person. Otherwise, I doubt a punch will hurt less than words. Like, I can break someone's nose -which I did- and it will stay broken. Words? I can just flutter them off. Again, it depended on who's saying it. Point is, a punch will hurt me more than a few threats from this guy.

He didn't dared attack me throughout the morning, but he did spilled obscenities about me to the rest of the people present, which were mostly lies, like for example: hearing me speaking blasphemy about God in front of church while wearing undue robes, the kind that the effeminate wore, meaning he loathed those as well, and saying that I accustomed to tie my lover on bed with chains and used a whiplash to harness him. He crossed the line there. I would _never_ do that sort of thing with Marco, I would never hurt him again and specially not like that, so I went to the group and spoke up -of course, he called me a meddlesome, peaking in where I'm not wanted, but I had to speak up. If I didn't, then those lies are prone to be believed or considered. Most of the present people already believed him, others asked him how the hell does he knows that and the rest gave no fucks. My words clarified some and for others, I made it worse.

At any rate, the gym went hollow and I was left alone, jogging on what felt like Old West. I was a bit sad, to be honest, but mostly disappointed. I didn't dwell on it though and when I saw a shred of pearl-white, I jumped up in joy and ran home. There, I greeted Marco with a hug and helped him with his stuff, -"So,"- I began, hopping on my bed like a child, -"How was your day?"

Marco sighed tiredly, clearly deadbeat, -"Wearing, but I'm -Jean, be careful! You're going to-"

And just then, I misstepped and before I could clash on the floor, Marco rushed to me and attempted to stop my fall, but instead, I plunged on him, "Ow, ow, ow, fuck,"- I whined and looked down at Marco. I drew out my flirtatious face, -"It was all part of my plan, just to make it clear."

Marco laughed, his latter exhausted expression fading, -"Yeah, sure."

-"Just watch."- I closed the space between us and kissed him passionately and gently, not wanting to push things, considering he didn't had an easy day. Yet, he answered, placing his hands on my face. It brought me joy that even when tired, Marco kept his happiness -well, maybe _I_ made him happy and that brought even more joy to me.

We stood up and he took a bath, complaining about being all sweaty. When he came out, we prepared dinner and after eating, -"Wanna go for a walk? Maybe drink hot chocolate and eat donuts on the cafeteria? We could lick ourselves out."- I asked with a smirk, remembering that time we played with the donut's cream and then, by my proposal, we licked the cream off our faces.

Marco blushed, remembering too, -"Okay."- He nodded and we headed out, holding hands.

We started talking about random stuff until two recognizable girls approached us, hands on hips, -"Oh, look, it's gay-Jean."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. Jessica and Hannah. Great, -"Hey, haven't you done enough already?"

-"Got any friends left?"- They laughed and I knew they were referring to the people at the gym. Then, they set eyes on Marco and my protective self woke up, -"Is that your boyfriend? How's the closet?"

I gazed at Marco to see how he was. He stared at the girls in confusion, wondering what was going on, albeit temporarily. He quickly caught on and gazed at me worriedly. I smiled and he knew I'll pull out something in a few seconds, -"Amazing, if you ask me,"- I said and lent towards Marco, grazing my lips on his. He looked at me, puzzled, but decided to follow the current and kissed me fervently like always. With one eye, I glanced at the girls, who were staring at us wistfully, wishing I would do the same with them. When Marco and I parted, I grinned at the girls, -"Better than yours."

The girls were stunned at my comment -and Marco too, but he was more curious and troubled as to why I dragged him into an act of mockery, something that didn't bode him well.

Then, the girls gasped and started yelling at me, -"You're so mean!"- And stormed off.

I watched them go, unable to hold a laugh, -"Oh, that felt good."

Marco turned to me, slapping my elbow with the back on his hand, his eyebrows a bit furrowed, -"Why did you do that?"

I explained him the whole situation, -"I dunno, I felt it right to retaliate."

Marco lowered his head. He sighed and nodded, -"I guess I understand."- And yet, I saw his lip's fringe curl in disapproval.

I smile in spite of myself. He has always been nonviolent and preferred the peaceful route out of problems. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder and kissed his cheek, -"I'm sorry, I won't do it again."- I apologized, thinking things might have been a bit different if I acted otherwise, like maybe they wouldn't hate me so much like now. Still, I can't deny how good it felt when those girls stared at our kiss in awe.

He looked at me skeptically and chuckled, -"Sure, sure."

-"Hey, I mean it."- It really depended on the situation.

-"I know."- He smiled and gave me another kiss before we reached the cafeteria.

There, we ordered two hot chocolates and two donuts, one graced in vanilla and the other in chocolate. We sat down and while we ate, I inquired Marco about school. I gathered that things there didn't look pretty _at all_. Marco said that the bullying has increased ever since I left and that Levi and Nathaniel's gang are the ones trying to set things right. Odd, I though. Nathaniel was more focused on rights, unless Levi joined, which was odd too.

Marco also mentioned that there was a petition to entitle Levi as principal and that he already signed it. I'll sign it too when I get there. If anyone can set the school right, it's him. The current principal has been absent all this week, probably undesired to cope with issues like those, all which hindered the situation more. If there is no higher authority, who will people consult?

I sighed often, my stomach whirling at his recital. I shivered just thinking about going there next semester. Honestly, I don't want to entangle myself or Marco in that mess. The government should just demolish the building and be done with it, but then again, I'm already part of it.

While we talked, a couple was staring at us, muttering to themselves while keeping secrecy. Actually, it was the same couple that caused my breakdown right here a few months ago. Now? I'm different, I changed, I just flipped them off, like Diego advised, and continued my chatter with Marco. Speaking of which, he noticed them as well and smiled at me proudly.

We headed home after the meal and watched movies at the living room. We sat on the couch and Marco sat on my lap, facing the TV. We had our hands and legs intertwined, but suddenly, I was getting horny. We were all cozy in pajamas and warm and he was over me. I wanted to make out, to touch him, so I began scurrying my hand underneath his shirt and played with his belly button. He, as ticklish as ever, giggled at my touch, still paying attention to the movie. Then, I grazed my fingers through his abs and naturally traveled lower and lower until they reached the borders of his underpants. I began to caress the area, letting Marco know I wanted access. He shivered over me and placed his hand over mine, slowly pushing it deeper. So, I went deeper and the movie turned invincible.

I started grazing his crotch playfully, tapping and pressing the tip gently. Marco let out low, but deep moan from his lip as cum leaked from it. I kept toying with it, fondling while licking and biting his earlobe, often traveling to his neck and sucking it. More cum, more moans, louder this time. He even babbled my name, -"Je... an..."- His penis hardened, cum leaking out of it more frequent, dousing my hand. I went deeper, sliding my finger with oily cum until it reached a narrow space between his nuts. Again, I caressed the area before tucking my finger in and when I did, Marco threw his head back against my shoulder, taking a deep breath and as he did, he gripped my hand from above, the one inside, while his other hand clutched the surface of the couch.

Before I continued, I glanced at his face; it was utterly red and saliva was wriggling out of his mildly opened mouth, -"Marco... are you okay?"- I asked with difficulty, feeling myself harden and hot as well. My throat blazed and the thrills were distracting me.

He nodded slightly and cooed an "mjum" while trying to lift his head up, but failing. He shifted it so it faced my neck and when his lips grazed it, my head darted back too.

I began fingering him slowly and steadily, receiving low moans, his breaths brushing my neck and pricking my skin. Then, exploring the area, I fingered him in a circular motion, dipping my finger a bit more and this time, I received a louder moan, so deep and profound that caused an erection from me. He jerked his head back again, tightening the grip on my hand and on the couch, -"J... Jean..."- He mused, cum dribbling out in volume, ushering an orgasm. I fingered him faster and faster, thrusting my finger a bit forcefully, spraying more and more cum -from both of us. Marco wheezed and puffed as he jolted my hand back and forth, musing my name a lot of times until he reached his climax and released.

He rested his head on my shoulder, panting heavily. I felt my shoulder drenched, no doubt from his saliva, but I ignored it. Slowly, he relaxed, his breath composing back to normal. I wrapped one arm around him after cleaning my hand against the sheets, and the other took his chin and lifted his head up so we could be face to face, -"Are you... alright?"- I asked, observing his face; it was plastered with satisfaction and blissfulness, his cheeks colored with red. He nodded with a smile, -"I'm... glad, I tho-"

But suddenly, he lurched over me and sprawled my legs, taking me completely by surprise. Before I could say anything, he smashed his lips against mine and kissed me madly. I composed myself and kissed him back just as madly, wrapping my arms around him and gripping his back, clawing my finger on his skin and pushing him towards me. Our tongues danced and toured each other's mouth, sharing saliva in the process. Naturally, we ran out of air, but Marco wasn't done. While undoing my pants, he trailed his tongue down my neck after biting my chin and toyed with my apple with his tongue. I was utterly turned on and aroused, throwing my head back and allowing an elation take over me, letting out a moan, deep and full of pleasure. When he undid my pants, he gripped my groin and worked me with the accustomed pace, not dallying, -"Oh, Marco...,"- I breathed out, letting my hands drop from his back to his hip and gripping it, -"Don't... stop...,"- I spoked raggedly as he jerked me faster, feeling my head heavy. Unwittingly, I swayed his hip back and forth against me with force, in the brink of ejaculating. I groaned louder with each stroke, my vision blurred as my mind traveled up and beyond to nirvana, -"Marcoooo..."- And when he fingered me deep within, I sprayed the fuck out.

We slumped onto each other, panting heavily, but still holding each other passionately. Our forehead joined, feeling each other's warmth and embracing. We were both sweating, but none of us cared, none of it mattered, it was just us. We both looked at each other's eyes and we didn't needed words to express ourselves: _I love you._

We lent back on the sofa, arms wrapped around each other, as if we were teddies. I pulled up the stained sheets and hovered it over us, falling down on us like a leaf and surrounding us like a cocoon. I rubbed Marco's hair until we both fell asleep.


	57. FIFTY-SEVEN

Warning: More homo.

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

FIFTY-SEVEN

The smell of sweet vanilla woke me up, ushering a smile on my lips. When I moved my head, smooth hair brushed my forehead, trickling me and making me chuckle lowly. I inhaled it. More vanilla. I sighed deeply at the luscious odor as I kept smelling it. I lent upward, but something heavy was over me... or someone; say, like, the cutest freckled being on Earth.

Marco was still peacefully asleep over me, completely comfortable and cozy, the sheets were still surrounding us. I smiled tenderly at him, rubbing his hair and twirling it around my finger. I looked at his serene face and though it was fucking adorable. I loved watching him sleep like this, so peaceful and calm. Then suddenly, he snored and I burst in laughter.

-"Hm? Jean...?"

I quickly covered mouth. Damn, why do I have to be so noisy?

-"Are you up?"- He asked and sat up, stretching.

I sighed, scratching the back of my neck, siting up as well. He was still on my lap, -"Yeah, I am,"- I said and gave him an apologetic look, -"Sorry for waking you up."- _Yeah, Jean, he was sleeping peacefully, probably dreaming about you and you fucked it up. _

He turned to me and smiled, -"You didn't,"- Then, he slumped over me again, our noses grazing each other, -"Did you sleep well? It couldn't have been comfortable with me on top."- Sure, Marco, throw yourself against me while asking me if I slept well. I laughed to myself at that, finding it funny and adorable at the same time.

I wrapped my arms around his torso, -"Oh, I did,"- I twisted the fringes of my lips into a flirtatious simper, -"You weren't uncomfortable _at all_."

He blushed at the comment, -"Well... who was the horny one now?"

My face went blank, slowly reddening. I was both stunned and abashed. Stunned, because that sort of remark was usual of me. I began to realize that Marco has gotten quite outspoken and naughty with me, and believe me, I didn't mind at all. I was actually glad. That meant he was comfortable with me and our relationship. Abashed, because he was right. I _was_ horny yesterday, but hey, I couldn't help it. We were on our pajamas, alone, watching movies -which had erotic scenes, by the way,- and cozy on the couch. I desired to touch him and then things got wild, really wild. I touched him -well, we touched each other like we never did before and I didn't regret it and by his look, he didn't either, -"Fine. I was."

Marco giggled, -"You're cute when you're horny."

I pouted at him, -"Oh, I see how it is."- With hands cupping his face, I pulled him down to me and kissed his lips. He chuckled and answered it fervently, licking and biting lips here and then. We cuddled for a few minutes, rubbing our noses and forehead until we stood up and stretched.

We headed up and Marco took a bath first, probably still stained and now that I think about it, I was stained too. I wrapped my room up while I waited for Marco to finish and when he did, I picked my clothes and went in. While I took a shower, I kept remembering about last night with Marco. We were certainly more intimate, there's no room for doubt there. Again, we pleased each other and it was amazing how easily we managed it. Not gonna gloat, but hey, Marco's crazy for me and heck, I created a river of drool just looking at him. Even if he said I was horny yesterday, there's no denying that he wasn't as elated and excited as I was. He literally boosted my moves back there and when he lurched at me he really took me by surprise.

I came out of the bathroom, casual wear on, and smelled something cooking, like butter melted on a pan and bacons. My mouth watered and I started following the smell downstairs. There, I saw Marco cooking omelets, moving from place to place, picking the ingredients up and leaving them on the counter. Man, I really enjoyed watching him on the go. I literally couldn't look anywhere else. I approached him, hugging him from behind. He chuckled, glancing at me over his shoulder, -"I know you like omelets a lot. There was never a day when you didn't mentioned it at drawing classes at least once."

I laughed, remembering I did spoke about it often, even when Mom didn't prepared them. I was jollied that he remembered, -"I'm surprised you remembered. That was a long time ago."

-"Of course I do, dummy, you never stopped talking about it."- He said mockingly.

I chuckled, -"Oh, you're so funny,"- And kissed his cheek. My eyes traveled to his neck where several hickeys displayed. I trailed my finger over them, making Marco shiver a bit, -"About last night... I didn't hurt you, did I? Or offended you?"- The question was needless, but still, I don't want to stop talking with Marco about these things. I dunno, I feel it's important to communicate about these stuff, to communicate per se, listening to his opinions and worries, just hear him out if he has to say something and act cautiously on it.

He shook his head, blushing and smiling, probably remembering, -"You didn't. I would have told you otherwise."- The answer was kind of obvious. I knew Marco and reached the point where I didn't needed words to know how he felt and vice versa. Still, I can't be too credulous.

-"Did you felt good? Comfortable?"- Somehow, I couldn't hold my tongue. I knew the answers of these already. His face last night told me everything.

He nodded, -"And you?"- He asked, looking straight at my eyes, but he knew the answer already.

-"Awesome, that's how."- I replied, winking at him. I was amazed at his ability to work me that way, how he easily turned me on and gratified me. Again, the though the he had some kind of experience with these sort of thing nagged me, but it was unlikely, so I waved it off.

-"I'm glad I-"- He suddenly gasped and began scooping the chopped bacon out of the burning pan.

-"Let me help you."- I said and aided him, preparing the table, the plates, etc.

When we finished, we sat and ate, -"Oh, the TV's on."- Marco spoke, mouth full.

I laughed, realizing we left it on after our moment. I stood up and turned it off, returning to the table. For real, the movie turned invincible. We stopped seeing or even hearing it when we began making out. A small laugh escaped my lips.

-"Do you know you drool when you sleep?"- Marco spoke up, holding a laugh, mildly covering his mouth with the hand that bore the fork.

-"I do?"- Huh, that explains why the couch felt drenched this morning. I didn't payed it much attention though -I never did, apparently.

-"Yup,"- He touched his ear and pulled on it a bit, -"I had some in my ear in fact."

-"Oh, shit, really?"- I gaped my mouth.

He nodded, snorting, unable to hold a laugh for much longer.

-"Damn,"- I exclaimed, -"I guess I can say that I drool over you."

Marco finally burst in laughter, but I didn't know if it was because it was true or because the pun was lame as fuck, which I think it was, considering he already knew it. When he broke in merriment, he spat out chunks of eggs. I laughed harder, hindering my breathing. He quickly covered his mouth, his face red from the guffaw, -"I'm so sorry!"- And yet, he couldn't stop laughing and neither could I.

When we managed to subdue our mirth, we both stood up and began cleaning the table. I then washed the dishes since Marco prepared breakfast and then we just screwed around, playing video games, board games and whatnot until I asked him out, wanting to do some workout. Marco wasn't too fond of exercises, so I proposed that he accompanied me to gym while he sat somewhere. I didn't liked the idea much, thinking he'd be bored to death, but he wasn't bothered and said he'd take a book with him. We headed out after I changed into my training clothes and reached the gym. Marco sat crossed-legged on one of benches and began reading his book, occasionally glancing at me while I trained, specially when I lifted weight; he'd bite his lower lip and blush at the sight. Our eyes often met and I'd give him a natty simper which he answered with a similar smile or chuckle.

A few hours passed until I decided to call today's training adequate and walked towards Marco, who was keeping an eye on my stuff. He quickly gave me a bottle of water, noting how soggy in sweat I was. I sat beside him as I drank, -"So,"- I began, elbowing his arm, -"Enjoyed the view?"

Marco chuckled, his cheeks taking a light red color like usual, -"Plenty."

His answer made my body swarm in thrills. I looked at him and browsed him, -"Have I ever told you that you look wondrous?"- I said, feeling in the mood to throw some compliments at him and I wasn't lying there: he had a white Superman badge t-shirt, which was rather tight, and light blue jeans with his Superman converse. Today, miraculously, he wore his squared black glasses which made his freckles stand out more and he looked so fucking cute and hot at the same time.

He shook his head slightly, his eyes dropping a bit, -"You haven't, actually."

Ah, that's right, I've always kept it to myself until now, -"Well, now I will,"- I took his chin and lifted his head, -"You look amazing today -well, you always do."

He smiled tenderly, blushing, -"And you, well,"- He made a face, but tried to hide it by moving it sideways, -"You stink, but you look good on those."- He nodded towards my sweat shirt and pants.

-"Why, thank you,"- I kissed his cheek and pointed towards the direction of my house, -"Let's head back. I'm starving."

He nodded and helped me with my stuff. Back home though, two men in uniform stood there, arms crossed and looking around. Immediately, I placed myself in front of Marco and observed the men. They didn't look thug-y, but I can't be too sure. Then, I noted a crest in their uniform. I couldn't recognize it and even though it didn't looked fake, they might have stolen those. I began to step back until Marco spoke, -"That's the Family Department, Jean."

-"Huh?"

-"Jean? Jean Kirshtein?"- One of them spoke, squinting at me.

I began to shake my head, but Marco stood forward, -"Yes -I mean, he is."- He pointed at me.

-"Marco, what are you-"

-"They're just checking on you, don't worry."- Marco said and walked forward to the men, grabbing my arm and dragging me there. I began to pull on the opposite direction, arguing that they could be anyone trying to rob of us or something, but he didn't stirred.

-"Jean Kirshtein, correct?"- The man spoke, pulling out a clipboard from I don't know where, -"An accompanist will come shortly to keep an eye on you for-"

-"That's unnecessary, sir."- I stated, crossing my arms and staring at them both.

-"Pardon?"

-"I already have someone with me."- I nodded towards Marco.

They set eyes on him and raised an eyebrow, -"And who might he be?"

-"My boyfriend."- I said casually.

-"Your... _boy_friend?"- He empathized on 'boy'.

-"Yeah, you heard right."- I spat, hating to be interrogated.

One of them snorted, receiving a glare from me, and the other shook his head disapprovingly, -"No, this is preposterous. You should have someone of higher authority to-"

-"Oi, Ross, leave him be,"- The man's companion spoke, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking at me, giving me a side smile, -"He'll be fine. He did alright all that time alone, didn't he?"

-"But-"

-"Let's go. That other kid is waiting for us. _He_ needs help."

The other sighed and nodded, -"You're right,"- He turned to me, -"I _will_ inform of this to my superiors, Kirshtein. Teenagers can't take care of themselves."

I furrowed my brows, -"Of course we can. Just wait and see."

-"Not without an adult."

I balled my fists and gaped my mouth, infuriated at him, but Marco stopped me, clutching my hand tightly, his face plastered with worry, -"Jean."

There I go again, breaking promises. I promised him I'd keep control of my temper, but here am I, about to quarrel with this guy. I don't know why, but what he said kind of bothered me. I've been taking care of myself in a while now, with help, of course, but I'm still capable and this guys comes and says I'm actually not. I think I'm big enough to make decisions of my own. I didn't need some guy from the Family Department to watch over me, some fucking stranger. No, screw that.

I breathed deeply, quenching all the fury. The man I wanted to punch nodded at Marco, approving of his calm nature, -"Your lover's company might prove beneficial for you after all."

I just rolled my eyes, although he was actually right, -"Just go already."- I snarled, unsettled with them in front of my house.

That they did and we headed inside, my stomach grumbling furiously. I rubbed it before Marco spoke up, -"Jean, are you okay?"

-"Huh?"- I whipped around abruptly, rubbing the back of my neck, -"Oh, them. Yeah, I'm alright,"- My sudden ire must have scared him, like it always did. I guess I grew really protective of this place and the moment they showed up, my anger ignited, -"Sorry... for worrying you."- I apologized, knowing how much my cholera terrorized him.

-"It's okay,"- He smiled tenderly, but I saw a pinch of fear in his eyes, -"You're really... protective with your home, aren't you?"

Yeah, kind of like I am protective towards him, -"Yeah..."- I supposed I have since Mom died.

After advising me to be careful around the guys from the Fam. Department, we boiled mac and cheese and sat to eat. We talked about a bunch of random stuff and when we finished, Marco said he had to study since final weeks was up next. I pouted, wanting to do something else with him, but I nodded, knowing how important finals were to him. He wanted to study in my room and after tidying my desk, I began to walk away, fully aware that Marco prefered the silence and solitude to concentrate, until he called me, -"Wait, Jean,"- I turned to face him and saw him toy with his fingers, blushing lightly, -"Um, I'd like for you to stay. Maybe you can even help me study."

I smirked, -"Aw, you just want me to distract you,"- I chuckled, walking towards him and planting a sweet peck in his lips, -"Of course I'll stay and help you."

He smiled tenderly. I knew he also wanted to do something with me, even studying and so I did. Marco was quickly to learn stuff and damn him, he knew all this stuff to the letter. We sat on my bed and I asked him all the stuff; he answered them all, never failing once. With Math, I helped him as best I could, considered I sucked in it, but he did most of the exercises. He still had a bit of problem though.

He studied for hours now, even though he already memorized all that, -"Hey, take a break, will you?"

Marco sighed worriedly, placing a hand on his forehead, -"Math's really going to be hard, you know?"

-"Yeah, but if you don't rest here and then, nothing will get in your head,"- I said and scratched my head, trying to think of something that'll relax him, -"Do you fancy hot chocolate and donuts now? I could go there and bring them here."

Marco's face lit up, -"No, I'd like to go with you and take fresh air too."

I nodded and we headed out. There, we ate and conversed, but it was mostly me trying to distract him from thoughs of his studies, considering how nervous he actually was. It's ironic, _I'm_ the one who should be nervous and worried. I don't even know my grades to begin with -and he knew the material thoroughly!

I kept all that to myself though, not keen on making Marco even more worried. He did relaxed after our snack and we headed home again, holding hands all the time. He began to study again until 5 pm when I told him to rest for another bit. Since he wasn't ceding, stubborn ass he is, I though of another way to distract him. Besides, I was itching for his attention. I approached him from behind and wrapped my arms around his neck, -"Marco..."- I called.

-"Hm?"- He mused, scribbling some annotations from his math book, eyes carved on his papers.

-"You should take another break."- I buried my head in his smooth hair, inhaling his vanilla scent.

-"Just five more minutes."- He argued, not looking back once and yet, he didn't pushed my arms off.

-"Ah, come on, freckles,"- I scurried my hand within his shirt and stroked his slick skin, -"Maybe we can cuddle for a bit?"- I grazed my lips on his neck.

Marco shivered and sighed, -"I really need to study..."- As he said that, he lent his head to the side so that my lips planted on his neck.

I smirked, -"It's just for a few minutes..."- I whispered in his ear, making him shiver again. Then, I began to kiss his neck smoothly.

Marco moaned lowly, -"Jean..., please."

I chuckled and educed out my tongue and fondled it circularly against his skin. Shivering, Marco bit his lips and shifted his legs, possibly from staining himself. Traveling my tongue up his neck, I took a stop near his ear and toyed with his earlobe, what caused most of his moans, -"Nng..."

I dabbed his bellybutton playfully and tucked my finger in it. My other hand sailed higher, squeezing chunks of his flesh and tapping his abs. Marco, unable to hold his place anymore, moved his face close to mine and I planted a non-chaste kiss on his lips. Our tongues met quickly and danced in rhythm, our saliva smoothing it. I deepened the kiss as I caressed his torso, getting delightful reactions from him. We licked and bit our lips blandly, moaning and sucking in each other's breath. We parted after a few minutes and breathed deeply, drool trailing down from both of our mouths. I chuckled, -"See? You want the distraction,"- Marco cheeks lit up more than they already were. He turned his head away and looked down. I tangled my finger with his and gestured him to stand up, -"Come on, there's more."

He stood up, unable to resist anymore and I pushed him to bed gently. I placed myself over him, resting my arms over him, and lifted his shirt, completely exposing his torso. I browsed his abdomen, licking my lip a bit lecherously before leaning down and landing my mouth on his chest. I kissed and bit everywhere throughout his chest, specially his adorable belly button; I ran my tongue in it and Marco breathed out several moans. When I ended up in his nipple, Marco quavered and I knew I discovered another sensitive spot on his body. My lips twisted into a grin as I licked it lustfully and Marco groaned loudly. Desiring to get his every reaction, I sucked on it, harshly, letting it's succulent moist in. Marco moaned louder and profoundly, profuse in pleasure, teeming my room. It then hardened and I bit it gently, not wanting to hurt him. Marco gripped my bed's sheets and lent upward abruptly, shivering madly, a wild bleat escaping his lips.

A bit scared, I moved up and observed his face. It was completely red, as if it were swollen, -"Hey, easy, are you okay?"- I asked, my stomach churning at his sudden reaction while pulling down his shirt. Damn, if I could pull something like that out him in this small activity, I can't imagine his reactions at sex. My body thrilled just thinking about it.

He nodded quickly, muttering an 'mjum', abashed at his own reaction.

I noted a few drops of saliva cascading down from his mouth. I wiped them off with my thumb and then placed my hand on his cheek, -"That was... pretty loud."

He clicked his tongue and pulled me down, smashing our lips together. We cuddled and made out furiously for the rest of the evening.


	58. FIFTY-EIGHT

I NEED FLUFF

I MUST WRITE FLUFF

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

FIFTY-EIGHT

Finals week started and Marco was really nervous, but he powered up when I encouraged him, saying I had faith in him, that he'll be the highest A there and that I'll be cheering for him. I showered him with lots and lots of compliments and motivational thoughts. A few kisses and make outs were involved, of course and sure, when the week ended and the final grades were given, he aced all of them. _All_ of them.

We were in school picking the notes up, -"You should talk with the teachers, Jean."- Marco's mom advised as I bit off my nails, kind of nervous too. Marco already got his and they were sparkling compared to mine -well, possibly, I was lining up to get it.

-"Yeah."- I mused, wondering what Levi gave me. I think they all gave me the grade I already had and if my memory doesn't fail me, they weren't sparkling.

My turn was next and, help me, Levi was the one handing the notes. I heard something about Hanji, that she was sick and couldn't come so Levi was doing her the favor, -"My, my, my, who do we have here?"

I sighed and rolled my eyes as I walked toward him.

-"None other than Jean Kirshtein, the walking hell,"- He clapped his hands, -"Still lacking discipline, I see."

I smirked, crossing my arms and shrugging, -"You know me."

He made a face, jointing his hand and resting his elbows on the table like usual, -"Unfortunately, I do,"- He then rummaged through some papers, looking for my notes, -"How do you fare, Kirshtein? What have you been up to?"

-"Pretty well, in fact."

A grin rose to his face as he nodded towards Marco, -"Oh, 'pretty well' indeed,"- I glanced back at Marco unconsciously, spotting him talking with his mom, joyful about his grades. His mom kissed his cheek, proud of him. My cheeks lit up and I looked away from Levi, -"I heard you've been quite naughty."

Now, my face burned while images of my intimate moments with Marco flooded me, -"I-I...,"- I stuttered, feeling the back of my neck sweaty at the hot images, -"Pfft, p-please, you know I'm an angel."- _Really, Jean? Really? _

Levi laughed out loud, -"Yes, and I'm King of Sina,"- I rolled my eyes, finding his comment more stupid than mines -well, a bit, -"Ah, here they are,"- He handed me my notes. I eyed them; _Art: B, Spanish: C, Math: D, Science: C, English: B, Physical Education: A, Chemistry: D. _Damn, math's D was 60%, almost F -heck, it might've be F and maybe Hanji boosted it, -"Quite the grades, are they not?"

Well shit, at least I passed, -"Yeah..."- I mused, eyes on the paper. I wonder how Mom would've reacted if she saw them. Would she have kissed my cheek too? I wasn't too proud of them, but at least I won't need to repeat classes on summer.

-"You can do better, Kirshtein, if you work on your attitude."- He advised, his brows furrowed.

What does that have to do with my grades? Did he removed points for bad behavior? I just nodded, not in the mood to argue with him. Marco's mom asked me afterwards and it resulted difficult to confess, afraid she'll think less of me, but when I did, she planted a soft kiss on my cheek, -"I'm proud of you, Jean. You did all you could. It wasn't an easy semester for you."

My eyes welled up, felling all emotive, and she was right, this semester wasn't easy at all. Just thinking about all the problems I've faced up until now made my head ache. I actually expected worse grades.

-"Your mom would've been proud of you."- She said, smiling tenderly, just like Marco does.

-"You... you really think so?"

She nodded.

Again, my eyes welled and I had to bit my lip to hold a few tears, -"Thanks... for believing in me."- I'm so glad to have met her. If it wasn't for her... damn, I can't even wrap my mind around the though. She has always been there when I needed her most. I could make an endless list of how many times she has saved my ass. She has been... like a mother to me and I could've been a stranger to her, but she didn't think of me like that. She though I was someone special, someone worth getting out of the way for.

Marco was worried about me... and my grades. We had a small discussion. He, like Levi, said I could do better and that I have to next semester. He understood what I've been through, he was there, and that he knew I did my best, but that I can't leave it there. I felt kind of pressured until he said that he had faith in me, that he believed in me. I ended up promising I will and gave him a sweet kiss in the lips.

Afterwards, we met with several of my group and my soccer team. They were all surprised to see me after so long, -"Yo, Jean!"- Connie, like the loudmouth he always is, was the first one to speak, -"It's been, how long now? A month?"

-"More or less, yeah."

-"Damn!"- He exclaimed, patting my shoulder, -"It's good to see you!"

Someone suddenly jumped on me and I wasn't surprised to see it was Sasha, -"Oh my God, Jean!"

She hugged me tightly and I tried to loosen her grip, -"Y-yeah... good to see you too, Sasha."- Connie's glare was putting me on edge.

When she let go, I took a deep breath before someone else jumped on me, -"Jean!"- More girls. Krista, Hannah and Mina joined. I hugged them back a bit awkwardly.

-"Woah, is that horse face?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed, and yet, a smirk made it's way through my lips, -"Is that Yeager?"

-"Holy shit, it _is_ you,"- Eren emerged and behind him, Armin and Mikasa, like always, -"Got into any fights lately?"- He mocked.

-"Has Mikasa saved your ass lately?"- I mocked back.

Eren laughed, but his brows furrowed a bit, always hassled and agitated by that comment, but before he could come up with a comeback, Armin spoke, -"How you've been, Jean? You've missed a lot in school!"

They showered me with questions full of concern and curiosity as to what I've been doing all this time. I didn't hold much back and eventually, they asked me about Mom and I spoke truthfully. They showed sympathy towards me and I was grateful, -"So,"- Ymir was elbowing me, rising and lowering her eyebrows teasingly as she pointed at Marco, -"How's Marco's butt hole?"

My face burned at her question and I straightened up abruptly, -"W-what do you mean?"- I stuttered as mental images of that outcome passed by.

-"Don't act all innocent. You know what I mean."

I did know what she meant, but Marco and I haven't reach that level of intimacy. I just shoved her elbow away, unsure of how to answer.

My lack of a response seemed to amuse her more. She laughed out loud and patted my back. Krista, like always, stepped in, kicking her, -"Stop mocking him, Ymir! He didn't had an easy month!"

Krista was always on spot, but I was just glad she stepped in when she did.

-"Yo,"- A deep voice resonated from behind me and I looked over my shoulder to see none other than Reiner, -"It's been a while. I though you'd never show your face around here."

Huh, that was actually my first plan, but I won't be taken down so soon, -"I like the suspense."

Reiner laughed and we shook hands. A smile rose to my lips, remembering how supportive Reiner was in my downfalls, -"I'm glad you're alright, Jean."

I thank him and that's when I noticed Bertolt looming close behind him -_too_ close, to be frank. I know they've been friends since kids, but their current proximity told me something else was on the line. I always had a feeling that Bert has a crush on Annie, but I've never seen them talking or even looking at each other. I didn't dwell on the thoughts.

More members of our group came and we gathered on one of the classrooms. We chatted as time passed by, catching up to the latest gossips and whatnot. Reiner and I talked about the soccer team, future plans and all. He told me they didn't do much since I was absent, but that he had no plans for quiting either. Sadly, our averse didn't hold back and I told him that we had to keep training in order to stay even with them.

After that, we all headed to our respective homes after saying farewells and along the way, I couldn't stop thinking of the fact that I haven't asked Marco out, not even once -oh, and that I never officially asked him to be my boyfriend. Also, I never asked for his cellphone number wither. Odd how this all worked for us in the end though.

Next day, I cleared my throat before speaking, -"Hey, Marco, I've been meaning to ask you something."- I said, sitting beside him. He was in my bed playing Skyrim.

-"Hm?"- He mused, eyes on the TV.

-"I, er...,"- _Oh, come on, Jean, are you nervous? Seriously? _I nagged at myself, feeling my stomach twist as I tried to speak. I've never asked him on a date before, but it's still ridiculous after all Marco and I have shared, -"I... wanted to ask you if you'd, um..., like to go out with me."

Marco paused the game and glanced at me, his lips forming into a small, playful smile, -"We've gone out several times, haven't we?"- He asked, playing all innocent even though he knew what I was really asking. He just wanted to hear me say it. He was also amused at my jitters. Clever ass.

-"I-I know, but...,"- I stuttered, feeling my throat dry, -"I want to ask you out... on a date."

His smile grew, -"A date?"- He repeated, closing the space between us.

I nodded, my cheeks flaring up, -"Y-yeah..."

He chuckled and pecked my lips, -"Of course. Just say when and where."

My body warmed up in joy, -"How about tomorrow? We could go to the movies."

He nodded, -"I'll call mom,"- But before he could reach his phone, I cupped his face and kissed him gently, slowing pushing him to bed. We wrapped our arms around each other, making out and cuddling for a few minutes until his phone rang. We parted a bit breathless and he answered it, -"Hey, mom,"- He said, pacing around my room, -"I was just going to call you, actually. Jean asked me out and he wants to go to the movies. Okay, thanks,"- Marco turned to me while I wondered about something, -"She said she'd take us tomorrow around midday. Sounds good?"

-"Yeah, of course,"- Marco sat beside me again and lent closer to me, resuming our latter moment. Among the kisses, I spoke up raggedly, unable to avoid the question any further, -"Hey, Marco, do you, um, talk to your mother about... you know, us and what we've been doing?"

He lifted his head a bit, probably not expecting the question coming out of the blue while we made out, "I... I do, why? That doesn't bother you..., right?"

-"No, of course not,"- I was actually glad he did. I don't want to be the cause of their lack of communication or something, -"I'm actually content that you do."

-"Thanks,"- He said and I noted his face lit up in awe and joy, glad that I agreed, -"And did you... talked about me to your mom?"

-"Yup,"- I said and my face dropped a bit, -"But not _everything..._"

-"Jean..."- Marco breathed while caressing my face.

-"It's alright,"- I smiled tenderly, his concern always warming me up, -"I wished I could've told her more, though. I have a lot to say about you."- I flirted, giving him a natty smirk.

He chuckled, -"Like what?"

-"Like you have gorgeous eyes and cheeks, damned adorable freckles,"- I kissed them as I spoke, -"And that you're the best person in the word, the best that have ever happened to me."

We made out for more minutes and did nothing but play video games for the rest of the evening.

In Marco's house's living room with his mom, I waited for him to finish clothing up. His mom often asked me about us, how things were going, etc. and I answered with honesty, seeing no reason at all to lie to her. She was happy for both us, saying we both deserved it and more. Again, she brought up the Christmas day family reunion, but she didn't mentioned her family much, she just said she'd like for me to spend the day and night here with both of them. I couldn't deny, like always, -"I have a recipe for a brownie cake somewhere around. Marco told me of your love for chocolate."

I chuckled, wondering what else he said to her, -"Yeah, that's sounds appetitive."

After a few minutes, Marco showed up. Again, I was reminded of the whole "who's the girl and boy in a gay relationship" thing. In most heterosexual relationships, girls tend to tarry longer when preparing for a date or something. Between me and Marco, he was the one to linger most. It all points out that he was the girl, but that's just me fantasizing. It's kind of ridiculous. We're both men and that's that. Even if he has some girl's habits, he's still a guy and hey, not all girls are the same. Who says it's not vice versa?

I shoved all my thoughts away and gawked at him. He had a white t-shirt with some of DC's superheroes' faces like Green Lantern, Aquaman, Green Arrow, Flash, Superman, Batman, Martian Manhunter and Wonder Woman. The t-shirt was hanging loosely around a light blue and slightly torn jeans. With his black converse, his white superman coat over his shoulder, his squared nerdy glasses and a few geek rubber bracelets, he was ready to go.

I, on the other hand, didn't looked _that_ good. I had a plain black long-sleeved shirt, silvered jeans and black boots with a few silver bracelets. I still looked good. I made sure of that like ten times in front of the mirror. Like when asking him out, I was a little nervous, no matter how many times I slapped and told myself it was ridiculous. I'm also considering asking him to be my boyfriend... _officially, _which worsened my nerves.

We mounted the car and rode off to Trost Plaza which had the biggest cinema. When the reached it, we bid Marco's mom farewell and dismounted it. We watched her rode away and faced the buzzed plaza. Like most holidays, it was full with people making preparations for Christmas. I even spotted several people carrying toys and Christmas trees. In my periphery, I saw Marco overjoyed at the sight, his eyes lit up in this unique way. He literally couldn't look anywhere else. Memories of my childhood with him surfaced. I remembered how happy and excited he always was when December began. In drawing classes, he often spoke about what he wished Santa would bring him. Now, it was a bit different, he knew who was really behind the presents, he grew up, but he still enjoyed the holiday as if he were still a kid.

We headed inside and Marco was gawking at all the Christmas stores, placing his hands on the glass, gaping his mouth and his eyes shimmering. An amazing idea popped into my head: I could surprise him with a present that day, I can even put it under their tree. I just have to know what he _really_ wants and if I ask him, it'll be too obvious. Marco was clever. I just have to keep an eye on him and sure enough, when we stopped by a book store, he squealed and rushed inside like a kid. I chuckled as he hustled me inside, gripping my arm tightly. He checked every book in store, literally, but he had his eye on four specifics books: Vampire Academy: Last Sacrifice, The Fault in Our Stars, City of Bones and Geography Club. Apart from those, he stared at a few comics, specially Superman's. He was actually going to buy one, -"Marco, I think we should save the money for the movie and the popcorn, don't you?"- I attempted to dissuade him from buying anything.

His face dropped a bit and guilt started to boil in me, -"Yeah, you're right."- He smiled at me before placing the book where it was.

I sighed in relief and we headed out. Next stop was GameStop. I knew Marco was interested in a few games too, like the new Assassin's Creed: Syndicate which was sadly for PS4 only. I wondered if his mom could afford it. I'll have to ask her when we get back. In fact, I was the one drooling over the new console. I couldn't image how that beast runs. I wanted to test it out since there's one on the store, but there was this fucking annoying kiddo who wouldn't peel off of it for even a second.

Around 12, we headed towards the cinema, our hands tied together all the time. People were giving us disgusted looks, but we ignored them. Marco rested his head on my shoulder as he pointed to shops that caught his eyes, specially Hot Topic. I also though about buying him a shirt or two. Damn it, I wanted to buy him everything. He deserved so much...

We entered the lounger after buying the tickets and popcorn and sat relatively close to the big screen. I preferred the back rows, but Marco wasn't so comfortable back there. Here's fine anyhow. While we waited for the movie to start, Marco and I chatted about random stuff, watched a few videos on his cellphone and I wondered if this was a good time to ask him to be my boyfriend, but I digressed, thinking it might be dull and I'd regret it later. The movie started after a few minutes and immediately, we began laughing at it. It was a animated, comical movie, the kind Marco preferred. I enjoyed Marco's laughter more than the movie, to be honest. During the movie, I felt him shaking a bit, probably because of how cold this place got. I grabbed his coat and wrapped it around each other, throwing my hand over him in the process. I pulled him closer and we snuggled, resting our heads on each other. I often fed him popcorn and felt thrills whenever his tongue brushed my fingers, -"You know,"- I whispered into his ear, -"You're cute when you're cold -actually, you're always cute."

Marco chuckled and planted a soft kiss on my cheeks, -"And you're cute when you're mushy."

I chuckled too kissed his cheeks at random spots, musing all sorts of compliments to him. When the movie finished some hours later, some guy from behind us muttered 'yuck, gays' and it was probably meant for us. I stood and turned to face the guy; he quickly stepped back, not expecting my move. I gave him a death glare before walking out of the lounge with Marco. We bought ice cream afterwards and while we scooped our spoons in, I spoke up, feeling this was a good time as any, -"Hey, Marco, I'm gonna ask you something,"- I said, swallowing cold chocolate ice cream, -"I know it's super late, just bear with me, but I, uh..., wanted to ask if you want to be my boyfriend."

Marco stared at me for a while before laughing lowly, -"Really, Jean?"

-"Yeah,"- I laughed lowly too, scratching the back of my neck as I felt my cheeks burning up. -"I dunno, I just feel like it's something I need to do, like, it's part of this whole thing -us, I mean, our relationship."

He smiled tenderly, -"I know."- He said and lent closer. He was sitting opposite of me, but the table was round and small, so the space between us wasn't too large.

-"So..., uh, what do you say?"- I almost snorted, knowing the answer was obvious, still, I wanted to hear him.

He nodded quickly, said yes and closed the space between us and planted a soft peck on my lips, his cheeks lighting up in jolly, -"What do we do now?"- He chucked and pressed his lips against mine again.

-"Wanna go to the arcade?"

He nodded joyfully and we walked away, hands tied and close to each other. In the arcade, we played a lot more than we expected and I won a fair deal in this basketball machine where I had to throw the ball; if I dunked in the highest ring, the higher my score will be and I did dunked there several times. Marco wasn't so good though, he failed most of the shots. When I turned in my pile of tickets, I ended up trading it for some anime beanie Marco was drooling at; Fairy Tail, I think it was. Yeah, it was that fake cover for a yaoi manga in the library which we both fell for. He widened his eyes and gaped his mouth at me when the dude handed me the beanie. I handed it to Marco and he literally jumped at me, saying 'thank you' nonstop. I hugged him tightly after telling him I loved him a thousand times. I knew he wanted to get me something too and with the few tickets he had, he trade them for a CoD pin. I was more overwhelmed by his generous thought and couldn't stop kissing his cheek.

We headed home after a few hours of walking around the plaza. We played a few video games and made out before going to sleep. I have to say that this was the best day ever. I couldn't be more happier. My stomach felt like it had horde of butterflies in it. I also felt as if a boulder was removed from me, it's about the whole 'ask him to be my boyfriend thing'. Again, I just felt like I had to do it, no matter how many times I bedded him or how unnecessary it actually was. I can't express it into words, -"Oh, Marco?"

-"Yeah?"- He said, curled up in my bed with all the sheets.

-"Gimme your cellphone number."- I snorted. All this time, I've forgotten to ask for something this important.

Marco laughed, -"Okay,"- He looked for my cellphone and we exchanged number. I named his contact 'my cute-stupid! boyfriend' and he named me 'my dummy jean'. We laughed at our choice for names a while until Marco yawned, -"Goodnight, Jean."- Before he slumped into my bed, he lent down and kissed me, whispering I love you.

-"I love you too."- I replied and we finally fell asleep.


	59. FIFTY-NINE

Omg, longest chapter I've ever written xD but I think you'll like it (yes, more homo), it's very emotional. Others won't.

**Please read: **I've noted how most of you don't like the slow relationship development between Jean and Marco and because of that, I've lost followers, favorites and reviews, but that's okay. I'll still go on my pace though, I can't veer what I've planned for this story. I know you want them to have sex already, but everything's due to it's time. I'm trying to keep it as real as possible. If you don't like that, I'm deeply sorry. I may write a smutty one-shot to content you.

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

FIFTY-NINE

A few weeks have passed already. What to say, what to say...

Marco and I had gone out to more dates; one to the movies, a book festivity, the arcade and today, we were heading to the beach with his mom.

This morning, we were packing up snacks for the ride while I though about my recent entanglements with Marco. We've hooked up more frequently now, groping ourselves and everything, but considering we began to sleep together, that was expected. Is it late for me to realize I've gotten really attached to him? Yup, though so. It was just this long ass night I was feeling extremely lonesome and smoochy. _Bullshit, Jean, you were just horny, _I slapped myself mentally. Point is, I didn't wanted to sleep alone, nu-uh, so I asked Marco if I could sleep with him, ignoring the fact that my bed's singular and that we'd probably sleep uncomfortably, but none of that mattered to him nor me. He didn't hesitated and gladly gave me the attention I wanted, he made me feel loved and nulled every negative emotion in me. Eventually, we made out, passionately at first, but then it got hot and we fondled each other, pleasing ourselves like we've managed before. Marco was smooth allover, but it's not that he was uninterested, in truth, he was _really _interested, really eager_._ He was just... calm about it, not bothered at all, nothing held him back. He only agitated whenever I'd stroke and played with his sensitive spots, he'd moan and groan in pleasure, fueling me up, but other than that, he was chill. Our relationship was growing and our intimacy was leveling up. I could barely picture myself in the future, living together with him, responsibilities and such -heck, even marriage- other than sex, I can't lie. I've been thinking about it quite a fair deal.

-"Um, Jean? Are you dozing again?"- I heard Marco call me.

I fluttered my head abruptly and glanced at him, scratching my neck, -"Oh, uh, yeah."

He laughed and I guessed I said something stupid, -"Wake up, lazy head."- He messed my hair.

I yawned and stretched myself, leaning towards him ever so closely, -"You know what I need to wake up."- It was more of a statement. I raised both my eyebrows, awaiting for his answer.

Marco smile and gave me this "innocent" look, but he was faaaaar from naive, he was clever as fuck and he knew what I meant. True, some suggestive topics, specially jokes of double meaning, were above his mental capabilities -his _neutral_ mental capabilities anyways, if he thinks about them a bit more, he'd get them and get right on track, but he wasn't fond of those. Makes him a bit uncomfortable.

He chuckled and lent closer to me, planting a soft kiss on my lips. Before he could part from me though, I deepened the kiss and pushed him towards the wall. I caught him a bit off guard, but he recouped himself quickly and kissed me back. Pinned to wall, he breathed deeply before tucking his tongue in my mouth. I ran my hand trough his arms and lifted them up, pinning them above his head while I toured his mouth. I pushed my body against his, reducing the space between us to nothing. I kissed him, my movements within his mouth unchaste. Our tongues embroiled with each other, hindering our breathing as we sucked the air out of each other and leaving ourselves groggy. Marco threw his head back a bit, trying to catch his breath, but I didn't stopped, oh no, I slid my mouth down to his neck and sucked on his slick skin. He moaned, pricking my skin and arousing me all around, inciting me to to travel lower on to his shoulder. I licked and bit his skin a bit sternly.

-"Jean, are you... okay?"- Marco asked worriedly, wondering where my sudden lusty behavior came from.

That's when I stopped, releasing his arms, but not because he pushed me or anything, I just..., -"I'm, uh...,"- I stuttered, not certain on the answer myself. I drew myself away from his body a bit reluctantly, -"I'm... fine, yeah."

Marco arched an eyebrow, dubious at my response, but before he could say anything, I walked away, leaving him mouth gaped. _Well, Marco, I'm actually really, really horny, but I don't wanna push things and make you feel like duff and also considering you probably... rebuke sex. _I spoke to myself mentally while biting my lower lip, debating on whether or not speak my thoughts to him, but shit... what if he thinks I'm just looking for a sex machine? Argh, I've been through his before! Again and again, I keep over-thinking!

And yet, I didn't said shit, tremendous pussy I am, and Marco asked me again. The guy knew me so well, he knew something was off about me, he knew I wanted to discuss something with him and he knew I won't say shit because I though it'd bug him. He kept telling me "Jean, it's okay" and "I'm not gonna get mad at you, silly" with that fucking adorable face of his that I love so much. I just told him "I'm fine, really, don't worry" over and over. Even if he didn't believe me, he stopped asking, for now, figuring I'd tell him sooner or later... which I probably won't.

We finished packing up towels, sun block, snacks, beverages and whatnot. Marco's mom will probably bring more. Marco told me she had a cooler around. While we waited for her, we watched cartoons and a few TV series. I couldn't stop looking at Marco though; I kept picturing him shirtless, under the sun and wet, his chest steaming due to the burning rays the star. Now, he had a sleeveless shirt and I hope he takes it off when we reach the beach.

I slapped myself mentally. _Damn, Jean, you could write a poem... __a smutty poem. _

I must've dozed off again because Marco pinched me and I jumped in place, startled.

Marco laughed lowly, but it faded after a few seconds, his expression twisting into concern, -"You're... distracted."

-"Yeah, well, there's you."- I said, raising my eyebrows in flirty way.

Marco didn't found it amusing, -"Jean..."- He furrowed his brows.

-"Oi, don't look at me like that,"- I sighed and lent back on the couch, avoiding eye contact, -"I'm fine. Really."

-"You said that before."

-"And?"

His face wrinkled in frustration. He looked cute though, -"You're lying."

Damn his wit, -"I would never lie to you, baby."

His furrowed brows deepened. God, I really enjoy watching him frustrated and agitated, -"Jean, please, just tell me."

I hesitated for a moment, feeling my stomach churn and my nerves twist. Just... how do I even put it into words? That I wanted to bed him and have sex really bad? No! I can't tell him, I just... have to control myself. It's too soon for that and I'm positive Marco hasn't even consider it. _Come __**on**__, Jean, after all the intimate moments you've shared? Really, no sex? You really think it hasn't even crossed his mind? _No, no, no, no. Call me a stubborn ass, but I deny to reduce Marco into a toy for my sexual needs. No, never.

I began to shake my head and Marco placed his hands on my shoulder, clutching them tightly, -"Jean! What's the matter?"

-"I, uh, it's just a headache,"- I lied and stood up, shoving his hands out of my shoulders reluctantly, -"I'll just take some painkillers and it'll be fine."

He reached for my arm, but I evaded his move and walked quickly to the kitchen, faking drinking the pills. He followed me, but before he could lecture me further, a car honk resonated. I quickly mounted the car, greeting Mrs. Bodt and shrinking on the seat. I sat on the back row and when Marco sat beside me, my heart skipped a beat. His mom turned towards us, -"Ready for the road trip? It's pretty far."

Yeah, fucking Maria City. It's the only city that has a beach since it's surrounded by sea and not all were save. The only one worth going to was Shinganshina's and for that, we had to exit Trost and cross Rose City's and Maria's City's wall and then enter Shinganshina. Great. I never liked long journeys, made my stomach twist and my head queasy, but going to the beach with Marco, I'd go trough any wall. We rode off.

The ride has already taken an hour, including the few stops we've made for gas, ice, more snacks and gas again. We've already exited Trost and were reaching Rose's wall.

Marco and I haven't spoken throughout the ride, but it was just me. He spoke with his mom and tried to lure me in the conversation. I spoke very little, afraid he'd ask me what was wrong with me and bring in his mother to the survey. Even so, she perceived something was off between us.

We finally reached Rose's wall and damn, I felt light-headed just looking up at it. It was hugeee, 50 meters in height. All three of them. In the wall was an enormous gate that descended into a bridge between Rose and Maria. It was open all the time and it closes only on emergencies; like for example: an invasion, a plague, stuff like that. To reach Shinganshina, we had to travel through vast lands that was hostel for poor people and field work; farming and animal nursing like cows, goats, the essential. In the pleats of my memory, I remember that Armin, Mikasa and Eren lived here, or used to, I dunno.

During the trip, we stopped by a gas station to buy more ice and water. When Mrs. Bodt left, I shrank in the seat when Marco turned to me, -"You have motion sickness, don't you?"- He spoke with concern.

I sighed in relief. I though he was gonna lecture me again, -"Uh, no, what makes you say that?"- I burped and covered my mouth. He was right, considering I've been nauseous since we left -well, actually, 30 minutes or so since we left. How do you call motion sickness for long journeys?

Marco let out a low chuckle at my burp, then his face returned to concern, -"You don't like long rides?"

I shook my head, still covering my mouth. When he gaped his, I spoke, knowing he was going to apologize, -"It's okay, Marco. I can handle it,"- He smiled and I cleared my throat, my cheeks lighting up at the fact that he had kept an eye on me, -"You've been keeping an eye on me, huh."

His tender smile grew, -"I always do."

My face burned at the perverse though that he watched me when I took baths. I really felt like answering him with a natty response, but I held my tongue when his mom approached the car. Marco dismounted and helped her. Suddenly, I didn't saw Marco and my heart wanted to burst out of my chest, but then he came back with a sachet of pills, -"Here, for your belly."- He said, handing me a plastic cup of water.

I looked at the cup and back at him, -"Marco, you didn't have to. I said I can handle it..."

-"Don't be such a baby,"- He chuckled, aware I also hated to take pills or any kind of medicine, -"Just take it. It'll make you feel better."

I pouted and slipped the pill down my throat with the help of water. Feeling it scraped, I stuck my tongue out, -"Puaj..."- I muttered, making a face.

Marco laughed, -"You're so bad at taking medicine."

_Well, how about you gimme some of your cu-_

I shook my head rapidly, my face burning up. Damn my pervy mind!

-"Jean..."- Then came his mellowy voice so full of worry.

I just turned around and faced the window, looking out at nothing in particular.

I heard Marco sigh and return to his seat. I bit my lips at the spark of guilt within me.

We rode off again and after another stop, by my beseech, in which I just needed to feel solid ground, we _finally_ reached our destination. Literally, I hurled out of the car and landed face first on the sand. It tickled and it was getting on my nose, but I didn't care. I needed solid ground, my stomach couldn't take the ride anymore. I almost puked once.

Marco was laughing as he tried to pick me up, -"Jean, you're gonna get sand on your nose."

-"It'shh finesh."- I muttered over the sand.

-"Come on, help us with with the luggage."- He was pulling me up.

I stood up and brushed off the sand from my clothes. I cough out some more before aiding Marco and his mother with our stuff. After dismounting everything and setting up a huge ass umbrella and few armchairs, we settled down and relaxed until Marco was begging me to go to the water with him. With those puppy eyes of him, who could refuse? I stood up, took off my shirt and began walking towards the water. Marco suddenly stayed behind and when I glanced at him, I saw him gawk at me. A smirk formed on my lips when he bit his lower bit while browsing my abdomen, -"You're not taking that off?"- I nodded towards his shirt.

Marco blushed and looked around, -"I dunno, there's just so many people..."

Marco has always been shy and even more when he's in public. I strode towards him, -"Hey, don't worry, you'll be with me. Just ignore the others."- I really wanted to see him shirtless under the sun, but if it made him incommodious...

Marco gave me a small smile, -"A-alright..."

_Fuck yeah! _I celebrated mentally and almost said it out loud.

Slowly and a bit hesitantly, he took off his shirt and it was if I was razed with light. I couldn't look anywhere else and he noted, his cheeks lightening up. No matter how many times we've seen each other's corps, we still get the same reaction.

After a few seconds of drooling over his body, I grabbed his hand and dragged him to the water. There, we splashed water to each other and my wish finally became true. I saw Marco wet under the sun, his body steaming as he lifted his arms to push the hair out of his face. Honestly, I can't get any harder. Just as I was ogling at him, a few girls near us were also staring -and at me too.

We sat after a while of goofing like kids, relaxing under the warm waters.

-"So, Jean,"- Marco spoke, grazing his finger trough the skims of the water, -"Are you going to tell me?"

-"Tell you what?"- I raised an eyebrow and acted all innocent. I avoided eye contact though, which probably snitched me off. Marco was an observant prick.

-"You know what."

I shook my head, -"I dunno, Marco, I think you're going loony."

Marco frowned and splashed water at me.

I laughed, covering my face, enjoying every second of his hassle, -"Alright, alright, I'll tell you _if..._"

He rolled his eyes, aware of my request.

"... you give me a kiss."

Marco failed to hold a smile, his cheeks blushing as he lent close to me and pecked my lips, -"Happy?"

I pursed my lips and shook my head, -"Nah. Gimme another."

He chuckled and gave me another kiss, but this time, I prolonged it, pulling his head towards mine. He was hesitant at first, considering this was a public area, but he didn't sulk on it and kissed me deeper. The girl's who were looking at us walked away. Good riddance.

The kiss was turning to be unchaste and I was getting harder and hornier by the second, so I ended pushing Marco as if we were in bed. He gasped and held himself with his arms behind him. I began to kiss his neck wantonly, trailing lower and lower to his chest, -"J-Jean... this is a public area. We should..."

-"I don't care..."- I mused, now licking his very sentient earlobe.

Marco moaned lowly, biting his lip in order to sustain it. He pricked my skin and aroused me, -"Jean...,"- He breathed my name and tried to push me away. His touch on my chest thrilled me, worsening the situation and improving it, for me anyways. My hand moved south, submerging under water to his crotch. I grazed it and felt a slight bulge. I grinned and fondled it, seeping my finger harshly. Marco moaned louder this time and covered his mouth, -"W-wait... there's people..."- He warned again.

But I didn't listened. I didn't cared. Mental images of us having sex were leaving me deaf and dizzy. Slow slide-shows of me penetrating Marco bleared me; his vehement moans, the sensations, the blissfulness..., I couldn't detain an erection.

I was making my way into his trunk. I was blind, but I knew the way. However, he stopped me, gripping my arm faintly, -"J-Jean... stop..."

I didn't budge. I was growing irritated. I needed to touch him, to feel him, I needed him to satisfy me and hear his pleased moans. In an attempt to fight him, I ended up pushing him and we both submerged into the water. I felt Marco quaver madly beneath me while pushing me up vigorously. Our lack of breath scared him and it made me snap from my lust driven actions. We both lunged up and panted heavily, -"That was... close."- I mused to myself.

-"You... you almost drowned me!"- Marco yelled.

I glanced at him and my eyes widened when I saw dread in his eyes. He... was afraid of drowning? What's that called? It didn't matter. An immense guilt was swallowing me, -"It... it wasn't my intention. I just fell-"- Marco's eyes were watering when he stormed away, -"Wait, Marco!"- I reached for him, but he already arrived where his mom was stationed.

_Well, Jean, you fucked it up. Again. _

Unable to face them both, I strode away and that's when I realized there _were_ people looking at us. God, why the fuck don't they mind their own business? Guilty, sad, worried and angered, I stormed off and splashed water at their direction with my feet on purpose. Some of them yelled, but I didn't looked back.

After walking for a fair deal of time trough the sand, I managed to calm down and think clearly. I had my hands in my trunk's pockets, looking down at my feet as I walked. I sighed profoundly, wishing things had gone differently, but no, I always screw shit up. Damn it, what's wrong with me? I've been really horny and pervert recently, thinking nothing else but sex with Marco. I fail repeatedly at controlling my... thoughts and desires and in the end, I end up hurting him, the person who I swore I would protect at all costs. I remember last time something like this happened. I encored to myself that I'll _never _hurt him and yet... If I lost control back there, I can't imagine how I'd act on sex.

Marco's face was hunting me. I've never seen him so scared before. I... almost drowned him and I wasn't aware of my actions until I realized _I_ was running out of breath. Did something happened to him to make him so frightened of drowning?

I shook my head, terrified at the thought. How am I supposed to face him and his mother now? He must have told her, he always does. I kinda wish he didn't had such a relation with her. It would've made this situation be-

_No, no, no, Jean, what're you __**thinking? **_First, the naughty thoughts and now this?

I was literally smacking my head when I bumped into someone, -"Oh, shit, I'm sorry, I wasn't loo...,"- When I looked up and saw Mrs. Bodt, I felt my heart on my throat, -"Ah, shit..."- I cursed.

I began to pull away until she spoke, -"Jean, where have you been? We've been looking for you."

_We...? _I inclined myself sideways and spotted Marco behind her, arms crossed and with this... worried expression mixed with anger. Marco was pissed and was tapping his foot. His latter terror, which I entailed, vanished.

-"Damn, I'm sorry, I was just...,"- I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck and looking away, -"... taking a walk, clearing my mind."

She sighed too, -"Well, let's get going, alright? It's getting late,"- She knew what was up, but she wanted to leave it between me and Marco, which I'm glad. We went to a small office and a guy went to pick up the umbrella when Mrs. Bodt payed for them. Then, we mounted the car and stopped in front of a bigger office, -"Be right back. I have to pay for the ticket of the parking lot."

Now, it was just me and Marco. I kind of wish his mom didn't left. Marco still had his arms crossed and his face was wrinkled. I kept gaping my mouth, wanting to say something to cleanse the tension. Sorry, maybe? Like all the previous times we went trough this? -"Hey, I'm-"

-"Why did you run off?"- He spat, his brows furrowed and his eyes on me.

My eyes widened, -"Wha...,"- Well, shit, he was actually angry, -"Y-you're mad at me?"

He didn't said anything. He just kept glaring at me.

-"I'm sorry, okay? I messed, I know, but-"

-"We were looking for you! You disappeared out of thin air! We though something happened to you! I though you...!"- Marco's eyes were watering again. He bit his lower lip as he looked down.

-"Marco..."- Even though I did what I did to him, he worried about me. That warmed my troubled heart.

-"You know how bad things are out here! I though someone kidnapped you! My heart wanted to lash out, I swear! I though I'd lost you forever and... and... I can't..."- A few tears managed to slip out of his eyes. He clutched his chest.

I quickly lent closer to him and placed my hand on his face, -"Marco...,"- I lifted his head so that he could look at me, -"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to hu- to worry you. I just... needed a walk, to clear my mind after what I..."

His eyes narrowed me expectantly.

-"... I did,"- I breathed deeply and made sure he was looking straight at my eyes, -"I-I need to tell you something, but I..."- I held my tongue when I saw his mom's figure around.

I quickly settled back and gave him a look that said 'we'll speak later'. He nodded.

The long ride was painful to me as fuck and Marco gave another of those pills I loathed so much. It made me feel better and eventually, I fell asleep.

* * *

-"Jean,"- I felt someone pulling on me, -"Wake up, we're home."

-"Hm...? Nhhg...,"- I mused, rubbing my eyes and squinted at the figure before. After a few seconds, it shaped into Marco, -"Marco...?"

He nodded and helped me up.

-"Are we really home?"

He chuckled, -"Yup, we are."

-"Thank God,"- Once inside, I slumped onto the couch. Marco stayed behind, probably saying farewell and kissing his mother goodbye. Suddenly, it all came down on me, like a downpour, the whole dilemma in the beach. I sighed, feeling angsty all over. I really need to talk to him, in fact, I told him we will when we get here. Once he was inside, I didn't dallied, -"Marco..."- I patted the couch beside me, gesturing him to sit.

We still had our trunks, mine was full of sand, which tickled my balls. I scratched it, bothersome and gleeful -kind of- at the sensation. God, I'm a weirdo.

When Marco sat, I quickly spoke, very tired of this whole situation, this 'I wanna tell him, but I'm afraid of his reaction' and the whole perverse thoughts in my mind, which were normal in a relationship. I'm _crazy_ for Marco and sometimes, I can't help myself. This is my mind and if I see Marco nude in it, well, I might as well enjoy the image while it lasts. I needed to be honest and tell him all these thoughts. I once said that communication was an important factor on our relationship and I almost screwed it, -"About what happened in the beach...,"- I breathed out, preparing myself, -"I'm sorry, _please_, I didn't wanted to drown you. I..., you know that I would never do that to you."- And yet, back there, I didn't realize it. I was going to explain it further until he spoke.

Marco nodded, understanding me, like always, -"I know, Jean, I was just... scared."

-"I swear if something happened to you, I'd...,"- He shushed me and I gulped the rest of the sentence, -"Wh... what happened to you? With water, I mean. Why were you so afraid?"- Marco's face dropped dramatically and I knew this was frail topic, -"If you don't want to speak about it, I understand."

-"No, it's alright, Jean,"- He breathed and tried to regain himself from the pained expression, like the memory was grievous, -"It's... been so long since the last time I experienced the incident."

-"Incident?"- I asked, not liking the term he used.

-"Yeah,"- He nodded and I knew that's the term he specifically used, -"I was a kid, sixth grade, bullied often and there were these guys, bigger than me, who really abhorred me and I never knew why,"- I could guess why: his grades, his keen wit, his charming personality, all of those and more, -"One day after lunch, they followed me to the bathroom and...,"- Marco's voice trailed of at the memory. I felt his body quaver just like in the beach. I placed my hand over his and squeezed it, wanting to comfort him. Thankfully, his shaking subsided and he gave me a tender smile before returning to the topic, -"... they sank my head in one of the toilets for a long time. I was drowning, I was screaming, but they didn't hear me. I though I was dead, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't..."

I lunged at him without a second though and hugged him tightly, keen on making him forget about that horrible day. Also, I was _mad_. Anger was building within me and the more I pictured the scenario in my mind, the more fuel I casted into my wrath. Marco noticed and just hugged me back, -"If I ever find those, I'll... I'll..."- I was running a mental movie of me drowning those guys so they could feel what Marco felt. My blood boiled.

-"It's okay, Jean. The past is in the past. I'm here now and I'm alright. That's what matters,"- He soothed my anger, but then I began to feel terribly guilty for causing him to experience that incident and Marco, with his precise intuition, spoke to counter me, -"I know that wasn't your intention, Jean, but...,"- He parted from me and tilted his head, -"What was? You were... acting strange, the whole day, actually."

-"Ah, shit, how do I put this,"- I was rubbing my hair, -"Excuse me if I speak nasty, but I can't think of other words to put it,"- I sighed and let today's bounds go, -"I've been thinking a lot about... us and our, um, hooks up and our jerk offs. Ever since I began sleeping with you though, I've... though a lot about... sex... w-with you and I can't stop my mind from making up dirty images. I-I try to stop it, to stop myself from getting horny and hard, but I can't. Back in the beach, I... couldn't control myself. You were half naked, amazing, and I..., you get the picture. When I kissed you, my mind made up all the naughty images it could and when you pushed me, I didn't wanted the sensations to end, so I pushed you back and... you know the rest."

Marco was speechless, his face was ruddy.

-"I'm sorry, but I can't help it, Marco,"- I covered my face, feeling it burning too, -"I _do_ picture you naked and I _did _think your cum was the medicine I needed for the trip,"- Trough a gap between my fingers, I saw his eyes widen and his cheeks flare up, -"For what it's worth, you looked incredibly hot under the sun."

No sound, just the buzzing of some gnats.

Then, he chuckled lowly, probably to sway off the awkward air between us. He reached for my hands and pulled them away from my face. I was embarrassed, so I looked away, but he moved it back towards his, -"So _that's _why."

-"Makes sense, huh?"- I laughed nervously.

He nodded, -"But it's okay, Jean, that's normal,"- Well, that's comforting, since those were my thoughts, -"And I... also picture you naked. I also think you'd look good on an apron..., without anything under, cooking something for me as I... stare at your bums."

My face was on fire. He... really pictures me with an apron with my ass exposed? And he ogled me while I cooked? -"You... you do?"

Marco nodded, his face just like mines.

My eyes widened next. I just..., damn, -"Woah, this is..., damn, Marco, I... don't what to say..."

-"I know what,"- He lent close to me and brushed his lips against mines, -"I love you."

I smiled, feeling completely relieved and jolly, -"Oh, man..., I love you too."- Our lips met and we held each other as we kiss fervently, in rhythm and never faltering.

We parted and Marco sighed, full of content, -"We should, um, wash off the sand. It's getting... uncomfortable."

I smirked, getting his back message -or maybe I just made it up, but I doubt it. I knew him and I saw how he tried to tell me something with his eyes, -"Yeeeah."

We headed upstairs and I walked behind Marco, the smirk still plastered in me. He looked back at me occasionally, his cheeks reddish as we ascended. In my room, he picked up some clothes and headed inside my bathroom first, but not before looking at me over his shoulder, a vivid blush on his cheeks as he whipped his eyes at me thoroughly. Slowly, but oh so effectively, he turned towards the bathroom with his particular alluring move.

My mouth gaped. Did he... did he just... _seduced_ me, on purpose? He always did anyways, without his awareness; he never tried to, it's just _that _easy for him to lure me to him, but daaaamn, this time... he _really_ tried and he _really_ wanted me to go with him. Marco has _never_ pulled a move like that on me before. _Never. _And I never though he was capable; he's sweet, he's caring, innocent, honest... it's the perfect guise!

Oh, I was so turned on. Like never before.

I took off my shirt and strode towards the bathroom. Inside, Marco had already turned the shower on and was unbelievably stalling. When he saw me, he bit his lip to hold off an excited simper. He knew I'd come by, he knew I'd get the conundrum behind his move, -"Damn, Marco, how did you pull _that_ off?"- I strolled towards him.

Marco finally released a simper, -"Honestly, I don't know,"- He chuckled and bit his lips, -"How... was it?"

-"Are you really asking me?"- I replied and when I reached him, I began to push him to the shower, -"I've never been so turned on before."

His cheeks reddened as we entered the bath and allowed the water drop on us.

-"So, you want me to wash you,"- I whispered in his ear, -"You know, you could have just said it."- Nah, I really liked his gamble back there.

Marco shuddered at my voice, finding it alluring, -"I like mystique."

My smirk grew as I neared my face to his. We kissed passionately under the ongoing shower, the atmosphere really aiding the mood. Marco wrapped his arms around my neck and with his hand on the back of my neck, he pushed me closer. I wrapped mines around his torso, sliding and fawning my hand on his back, caressing his slick and moist skin. Our tongues met and toyed with each other, tickling both of them. We licked each others lips and rubbed on them tenderly. I then gripped his hair and pulled his head back gently. I ran my tongue down his chin to his neck and kissed it, gnawing his skin here and there tenderly. Marco breathed in delight, his fingers raveling with my soaked hair. I journeyed lower to chest and toyed his nipple. He shivered and purred, his body lithe as I slipped my hand down his spine to his trunk. I shoved my hand in and rubbed his buttock in a circular motion. While I did that, I bit his nipple playfully, receiving his satisfying reactions from him and ushering sensations in me, -"Marco..."- I mused his name as we kissed again, getting really aroused.

-"J-Jean... the sand is really..."

I snickered, -"Sure, the sand,"- I said and pulled his bathing suit, letting water inside the front and back. I then poked my hand in and began to fondle his crotch, brushing my fingers against it as if to 'clean' it. Marco groaned loudly, his light head slumping on my shoulder, and whined for more, so I scraped his balls and scrubbed his already hardened penis. He wheezed and bit on my shoulder, clutching my trunks tightly, and I knew I caused an orgasm. When I licked his earlobe and fingered his deeply, Marco mewled my name and reached his climax, -"There... you're sparkling now."- I muttered, my voice hoarse. Listening to Marco's satisfied and gleeful breath titillated me.

Marco chuckled, -"Your turn."

I prepared myself when he pushed me to the wall, it's slabs moist and slippery. I shivered at the cold sensation. While kissing me and sharing saliva, he drove his hand inside my bathing suit and after allowing water in, he swept my dick with his hand, up and down, using water as a booster. I darted my head onto the wall as blissfulness overwhelmed me. I gripped his trunks and tugged him against me, wanting him to feel my erection in his lower part. He worked me and rubbed my nuts playfully, taking a curve and brushing my ass. My elation increased and I was reaching my breaking point. I cooed his name countless times and groaned with each stroke, each touch. When hot images started to form on my mind, my crotch spilled cum endlessly. In the images, I was penetrating Marco's ass, right here, in the bathroom, while tucking my fingers in his mouth. His face was plastered with pleasure, drool spilling out of his mouth. I knew these were just images, so I managed stay my ground with effort and allowed Marco to please me. I kept wondering how it feels though...

I literally lost sense of everything until I released and collapse onto Marco. He held and hugged me. We stayed like that for a few minutes and then we _really_ washed ourselves. I poured shampoo on my palms and rubbed it in his hair, creating foam and playing with it. He washed my hair too and we both lathered our bodies. I eventually got carried away and fondled his nipple with my finger, arousing him. He retaliated and yep, we did it again.

When we finished, we clothed up and literally heaved onto bed, both of tired from so much... stimulation, -"Oh man,"- I breathed peacefully and began rubbing Marco's hair. His back was over me, -"That was _good_."

Marco chuckled and turned, resting on his arm and facing me. He planted a kiss on my temple and cuddled with me, wrapping his arms around my torso, -"Mjum."

I gaped my mouth. There's been a lingering question on my mind and I couldn't adjourn it anymore, -"Hey, Marco, have you, um..., though about sex... with me?"

Marco stayed speechless for a few seconds before giving me a slight nod, -"I... I have..., why?"

That's when I realized neither of us were ready for it. Still too soon and I still can't control my stimulus. I don't want what happened a few weeks ago and what happened today to occur again, -"Just... curious."

His face dropped a bit, -"Jean... I love you, you know that, but I don't feel like it's time for that..."

I smiled, -"I know and I love you too."

-"I want it to be in the perfect place, perfect time..,"- He mused. Those words sounded more like thoughts, -"Sex means more than just throw ourselves to bed and fuck."

My eyes widened at his words, specially the latter one.

-"It's true love, there's commitment, passion and responsibility in it,"- He looked straight at my eyes, which were filled with fervor, -"I want to have that relationship with you, Jean, but there's still so much to see..."

My eyes couldn't widen anymore. His words stung me hard, they came from his heart. I felt kind of bad. I was willing to throw all out and fuck with him. I did considered his consent, but I really didn't though of sex like he said. I just though about my desire. He... really wants to have that type of relationship with me, one serious, honest and true. My chest tightened and a knot formed on my throat. Again with the emotions..., my eyes welled, -"Marco, I... never though of it like that. I didn't knew _you_ though of it like that."- It sounded like sex with me is really important to him. I knew then that when we're ready, we'll know.

-"I never told you,"- He expression saddened as he looked away, -"It sounds childish and idealistic. I though you'd think it's-"

-"No, Marco, it's not,"- I interrupted him, placing my hand on the side of his cheek, -"It's touching and virtuous. I think ideals are crucial to success..., on relationships, anyways."

-"You don't think that in general?"

I sighed, -"In general... I think some decisions have to be made for the good of everyone, even if they're not righteous."

Marco looked away, his lip's borders curling in disapproval, but he didn't said anything about it and just nodded.

-"I.. also want that relationship with you, Marco... I really do...,"- A few tears slipped from my eyes. He wiped them off, -"But will you accept me after all I've done? Marco, I'm a mess, I can't control my temper, I get into fights without even thinking and I've... I've hurt you before...,"- More tears cascaded as I let my emotions out and wailed, -"I... I told myself I'd protect you, that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you and yet I... I'm the one who has hurt you more..."

Marco shook his head and moved it close to mine, our faces only inches apart and our forehead touched, -"Jean, don't think like that,"- He said, cupping my face, -"You're not perfect, I'm not perfect, nobody is. We all have our flaws and we have to work through them. They're what strengthens us. And Jean,"- He grazed my lips with his thumb, -"Even after all that's happened, I _love_ you more than yesterday."

I cried. His words were just so powerful, so emotional... so veritable...

I tightened my arms around him as I weeped my soul out, endless tears cascading down from my aching eyes. Marco held me just as tight and I knew he too had shed tears.

I grew weary of crying, feeling like my eyes are going to pop out any time. I snuggled with Marco, my legs around his and eventually, we fell asleep.

* * *

;~; my babies

**Edit: **I know this is kinda cheesy, but I like it like that and I just need it after **(POSSIBLE SPOILER) **SnK chapter 77 u.u


	60. SIXTY

Chapter sixty already. Damn.

Anyways, I wanted to let you know I have a two new ideas for JeanMarco stories in videogames universe, for example: The Last Of Us (zombie apocalipse survival game) and Skyrim.

* * *

SIXTY

-"Bring him to me."- I spoke as I sat on my lustrous throne, fixing my crown properly.

-"Yes, my lord,"- My servant bowed to me before he disappeared from my sight. He came back, hitching the slave I request from the chains on his neck with care, -"Here he is, as you requested."- I noted how he evaded my eyes.

I observed the man before me. He was unclad, beautiful as always, his skin myriad with dots, fresh and healthy, -or so I though. When I spotted a a slight bruise on his temple, I erected from my throne, gripped my servant's neck and hoisted him up, -"Who did it?"- I snarled.

-"I-I don't know, my lord!"- He squirmed, scraping my hand with his nails.

I growled and threw him to the near wall, -"Find me the felon. Now!"

My servant coughed and whimpered, scurrying away.

I stood close to my slave and placed both my hands on his face, -"Oh, Marco,"- I spoke softly, my face saddening as I examined the bruise. It was recent, -"Tell me, who is the scoundrel?"

He smiled in that tender way he always did, -"It's alright, my lord. I'm still useful."

I lent my forehead against his, -"I will kill him, this I swear to you,"- I lent back, -"Let us go somewhere else,"- I took his chains and led him towards my personal quarter, a vast room with golden chandeliers hanging above us, lighting the room and giving it a luxurious look. In the center of it, a hefty bed laid with a soft red linen made of silk over the carpet of skin of a bear. I sat on it, pulling on the chains that were tied to Marco's collar. He walked towards me a bit limp, struggling with the chains he much fussed about even after all I've given him. I took in his tied hands with mines, -"Marco, do you bear regret with how I have treated you?"- He couldn't have. I made sure of that; I attended him, feed him well, cleaned him and punished those to harms him with execution.

His expression saddened, -"No..., I don't,"- His voice was soft and tender, but there was longing in them, -"But I... want to be with you, forever. Please..., free me."

I caressed his face, rubbing his cheekbones with my thumb and shook my head, -"I cannot. You will escape from me."

-"I'm hurting..."- He groused, attempting to manipulate me with his tempting eyes.

-"I will cure all your wounds."

-"This is a different hurt..."

-"Marco, I cannot let you go,"- I brushed his lips with my finger as my other hand slid down his neck, his soft skin healing my rugged fingers, signs of war, -"You will leap to the exit and leave my side if I do."

He shook his head, -"No..., I won't. I promise. _Please_."

I shook my head and drew my face near his, -"I am sorry, my love,"- I grazed his lips with mines and licked them, -"Now, please me."

My slave's eyes dropped, his expression rueful as gave me slight nod. He knelt in front me and with his tied hands in front of him, he decreased my trousers and descended his face near my groin. I scrubbed his hair and looked at him with fondness before dropping my body on the silk linen of my bed. I breathed out, looking at my lavish pearl ceiling before closing my eyes and allowing an elation flood me. I gripped my linen when Marco slurped on my cock and sighed at the pleasure his tongue released in me. He executed a powerful suction and my body lent up, my hands still clutching the sheets, at the wave of merriment that swept me, -"Marco..."- I croaked my slave's name as he fondled me inside and pushed his mouth deeper. Time flew. He departed from my crotch after he successfully satisfied my needs.

I sat up and lifted his chin, his face plastered with my sperms. I wiped it with my thumb as I neared my face and kissed him.

* * *

I jerked my body up, startled, and sat immediately when the dream -or better yet, nightmare- ended. I clutched my chest and breathed deeply. _Okay, okay, okay, relax, man, it was just a dream, _I told myself mentally countless times as I inhaled and exhaled. Still, the image was carved on my mind and I just felt a weird sensations down below. _Ah, shit, _I was getting hard, so I shoved my hand in after tumbling back onto my bed, but no matter how much I tried to settle it down, I couldn't.

I felt a slight shift on my side and when I looked over, I saw Marco rubbing his eyes. Damn it. I must've woke him when I sat up abruptly, considering we were both entangled with each other a few minutes ago. My face lit up the moment he faced me. This is getting embarrassing, I can't even cool my dong down, -"Jean? Are you okay?"- And of course, he always notices.

-"N... not really."- I laughed nervously, trying to pull my hand out of my pants, but it's as if they're stuck.

He glanced down, widened his eyes a bit at the sight and then up at me again, -"Oh."

-"I, uh... might need a little help."- I shrugged and smiled with sap. Jesus, fuck me, I got all hard just by a dream.

Marco chuckled, his cheeks burning up as he dipped his hands in and jerked me off. It was easy for me to reach my climax, considering the images of my odd dream were bugging me and at the same time, boosting Marco's work. It also made me cum more. I sighed in satisfaction, -"Thanks... I, uh, I needed that,"- I cleared my throat and pulled on my shirt's collar, feeling hot all under as I felt Marco's bulge. Working me has always managed to arouse himself, -"Do you want me to...?"

Marco quickly nodded and I didn't dallied. I sank my hand in his pajama and stroked his groin. He clutched my hair as I jerked him faster. When he released, we both relaxed and laid down. It felt good to start the morning like this. I often did this way back before I fell in love with him and I now know the difference and most of the times, it was because of some odd dreams about girls.

Speaking of dreams, I can't shake off this one. It was odd, yet I knew what was being played to me. Marco was giving me a blow job and I was some kind of... king? I knew Marco was a slave, _my_ slave, and I had him like a toy to appease my sexual needs, my biggest fear. In the dream, I remember Marco begging me to free him, but I was too selfish and denied his wish. God, I hated it. I would _never_ leash Marco like that. I'll be honest though, the best part was the blow job, it felt... real and so good. That's what caused me an erection a few minutes ago.

-"Jean, you looked frightened when you woke up,"- Marco's soothing voice snapped me from my thoughts as he slid his hand through my hair, -"Did you had a nightmare?"

I nodded and sighed, -"Yeah... a horrible one,"- I glanced at Marco with an apologetic look, -"I was a king, I think, and you were one of my slaves, but I cared for you and when I saw a bruise in your head, I almost killed a guy,"- I explained the dream, hands of my forehead as I remembered it, -"In the end you, uh..., gave me a blow job."

Marco's cheeks lit up, -"Oh, so that's why you..."

-"Yeah,"- I cupped his face in my hands, -"Ugh, I hated it. It was horrible. I'd never do that sort of thing to you."

-"Wh... what do you mean?"

-"Huh?"- Oh, wait, blow jobs actually sounded really god, so I set on clarifying him, -"I, um, meant the slave... part, yeah."

His cheekbones reddened more as he bit his lip to hold a smile.

We cuddled for a while before we stood up. He headed to the bathroom to take his morning bath and I couldn't help but think of yesterday when I washed him and we made out and groped under the shower. Suddenly, my stomach griped and I felt a shit coming. Well, I'm not gonna hold it. Fortunately, Marco left the door open, probably unintentionally. I entered and quickly pulled up the toilet's lid, brought down my pants and sat on it. When I farted, that's when Marco realize I was in, -"Jean, are you taking a shit?"

I farted again as I dropped my muck. I sighed in contentment, relieved of the burden. Damn, pushing does hurt. How do women give birth? -"Yup."

Marco laughed out loud and made a disgusted sound, -"Well, it stinks!"

-"You know what they said,"- I cleaned my ass, stood up and pulled my pants up, -"Better out than in."

He burst in laughter again before I walked out and closed the door.

For the rest of the day, In the back of my mind, I knew I had to do _something_ productive, maybe do some workout, clean the house up, I dunno, but today... I was kinda slackly and just wanted to snuggle with Marco all day. He, on the hand, kept nagging me to move my ass and do workout, telling me I had gain some love handles. I hadn't gained weight exactly, but he's right when he said that it's been almost a week since I've gone out and do exercises. Sports and training were my passion, but ever since Marco stayed with me here, I've been loitering a lot.

-"Fine, but I'll need your help."- With both exercise and the house.

Marco was glad to help me.

I began to train and Marco kept count of the push-ups and laps around my house's courtyard, sometimes getting out of track because he was distracted by me. I couldn't help to smirk. I did looked hot with my tight short-sleeved sweatshirt and it was only natural that he'd gawk at me. Eventually, I took my shirt off and he missed count more often. Then, I did sit-ups and Marco held my feet on the ground with his knees. Again, he kept count and I was around 50 when I started to sweat like a pig. We were outside and the sun was acting like a bitch. That didn't stopped me though. Marco challenged me to plant a kiss on his lips while I worked. Obviously, I accepted, two reasons: because I never dismiss a challenge and because I wanted to kiss him. He kept himself straight and I forced myself a bit when I tried to reach him. My abdomen ached, but I wasn't about to give up, -"Come on, you can do it."- He cheered on me.

His cheers powered up and when I pecked his lips, I struggled to stay in place to kiss him a bit more and I only lasted a few seconds before tumbling to the ground, my torso throbbing. I rested for a bit and then sat up and gave Marco a full kiss before we went inside.

We ate and then decided to clean my house. We divided our work and around 5 pm, we wrapped it all up and played video games.

A few days later, his mom contacted me, asking how we were doing and everything. I then spoke to her about my idea to buy Marco a present and surprising him by laying it under the Christmas three. She shared my idea and we arranged to go shopping this Saturday, since Marco takes drawing classes. The sooner, the better and we both hated Black Friday. We hung up and I exited my closet. I spoke lowly, but still.

Saturday caught up to us and after dropping Marco to his classes, his mom picked me up and we rode to Trost Mall.

I remembered the books that caught his eyes when we came to the movies and I picked them up one by one and fortunately, they were all available and at fair prices. I had picked the weekly money that Dad leaves for me and paid half for the books. Then, we headed to Hot Topic and we bought him two t-shirts: one of DC heroes, which was sick as fuck, that had every single hero in it, literally covering _all_ the shirt and the other one reminded us a lot about him; it was white and it had practically the same nerdy glasses he had back home and below it, 'I'm a nerd and a geek, so what?' phrase. We also bought a few rubber bracelets and a beanie that says 'I love anime'. Unfortunately, Hot Topic wasn't as cheap as the book store, but we managed, or well, Mrs. Bodt did.

After Hot Topic, we went to GameStop and we discussed on whether or not buying a PS4. Guess what? We did and I'm always surprised at how much money Marco's mom had. I mean, she lives alone with Marco and I'm not sure if she works. I think the money came from her husband, who's dead. Police are well paid here and I'm positive he chose her to inherit it and everything he owned. That and maybe she's working her ass of. Oh, and I also lent money too, even if she didn't wanted.

We bought Assassin's Creed: Syndicate, Battlefront and a PlayStation Plus card to play online. Odd, I though. Marco does like Star Wars, but he's more of a single player person, he's not fond of competition. I was the total opposite; I'm a multiplayer gamer and I love competition, makes my adrenaline run overdrive and makes me feel alive. Anyways, we checked out and headed out.

My stomach grumbled then and Mrs. Bodt chuckled. We headed to the food court and ate in Pizza Hut. We -_she_ bought an extra pizza for Marco when we get home. After finishing, we just laid there, reposing our bellies, -"Can I, um, ask you something?"

She looked up at me from her phone, -"Anything, Jean."

I smiled. She's such a great woman, coming all the way here just to grant the wishes of kid madly in love with his boyfriend, her son. I looked at her and could understand why a man would kneel for her. She's beautiful. Today, she had a simple, long, strapless chestnut dress, which made the freckles on her chest highlighted, with a brown belt around her waist. With her hair tied into a bun, her long, golden earrings stood out. She had a simple pair of slippers that matched the color of her dress. She was simple, but beautiful, -"Thanks, I was wondering how you receive your income. All this is, well, pretty expensive, especially the PS4,"- I waved my hands at all the bags below us, -"Do you work or...?

-"Yes, I do work. I'm a psychologist at Trost's Mental Health Institute for toddlers and teenagers,"- Damn, why didn't I knew that? That's why she's so sympathetic and comprehensive with me and my problems and..., shit, _everything. _It all made sense now, -"And I also inherited my husband's ownership."- Bingo.

-"Heh, that's explains everything,"- Oh, it sure as hell did and I bet Marco is who he is now because of her, because after all the bullying, if he were alone, he shouldn't have come out sane. I wished I had that kind of support when I was bullied. Maybe things would have been... different. Mom wasn't one to give comfort and she did tried, but it wasn't enough. _Rest in peace, Mom. I love you,_ -"And not just the money part."- Psychologists are paid pretty good too.

She knew what I meant.

-"You've been, damn, extremely nice to me and I really appreciate it,"- I looked at her and smiled tenderly, -"I've never though someone would do so much for me -apart from Marco, that is."

He chuckled, -"Marco's not the only one who thinks you're special, Jean."

My heart warmed, -"Thank you... so much."

-"No, Jean, thank _you_,"- She said as she took my hand with hers on the table, -"You've always been there when my son needed you the most. You have so much potential, I know you'll triumph and I'm glad you're the one Marco looks up too."

My eyes welled and that's when the waiter came with the bill. Marco's mom paid and we headed out after receiving a text from Marco saying that he's almost done. I asked her if I could go with her to pick her up and she really couldn't refuse. We reached the parking lot, hid the gifts in the trunk and rode off. After a few minutes of curves around a small neighborhood, we reached the house where Marco takes classes and damn, I was surprise I could remember it and even more when I saw Marianne was still the teacher. It's been several years now. I'd though she'd retire.

The house had two floors, kind of. The first floor was like an open basement where she gave classes. It had the a big table where all the student sat. It was completely stained in paint and whatnot. On the pink walls hung paintings of all the good works of the students. The second floor was, possibly, where Marianne's room, kitchen and living room were.

Suddenly, I remembered all the fights I used to trigger here whenever some kid mocked Marco. I sighed and laughed lowly to myself. Some things never change, huh.

We headed inside and Marco wasn't the only who gasped at my arrival. Marianne literally jumped on me, -"Oh my God, is that you, Jean?"

I chucked, lighten that she remembered me, -"Y-yeah, I am."

She gave me a tight, sudden hug, -"Goodness, you've grown a lot!"- I hugged her back awkwardly. When she parted, she glanced at Marco, -"Marco told me a lot, but I never though I'd see you with my own eyes."

My eyes drifted to him and I smiled warmly, -"Oh, he did?"

She nodded and by now, all the student's eyes were on me. 'Who the fuck is this guy that has the teacher's attention?'. They murmured and whispered among themselves, but I ignored them. All of them were teenagers too. Marianne give classes to kids at a different hour.

Marco picked his stuff up and strode towards me. When he gave me a kiss in my cheeks and I kissed his back, we now had even more attention, even from Marianne. They certainly didn't expect it and a kiss like this to another man definitely told we were more than friends. They all kept quiet, except from this one guy that's been glaring at us the whole time -in fact, since I arrived, he was giving Marco a surly look. He snorted and made a low comment to someone beside him on how we gays were actually ugly toads disguised as humans. I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous tale and believe it or not, the other guy believed him. Oh my fucking God, are they even mature?

I decided not to meddle with these idiots and just go home.

When we arrived and got cozy, I asked Marco about that guy. We were playing video games in my room and we had my soft, warm quilt cocooning us. I had my arms wrapped around Marco as he sat in front of me, between my legs, which were tangled with each other, -"Hey, Marco, who was that prick with you in class?"

-"Which one?"- He ignored the 'prick' part.

-"You know, the one who had a scowl on his face whenever he looks at you."

Marco lowered his head. He knew who I was talking about. You can't just ignore someone who looks at you like that, and even though the guy was not furtive about his apparent hate at him, Marco was perceptive, yet he was peaceful guy and he disliked the idea of me looking for a fight with anyone who glares at him. He kept quiet and just shrugged.

I pinched his adorable cheeks, -"Come on, Marco, tell me. I won't punch him or anything, I'm just curious."

Marco snorted. He knew me too much. Well, at least I got _something_ out of him, -"That Ralph,"- Marco sighed in grief, always feeling stricken and guilty when someone hated him, -"I don't know why he looks at me like that. I haven't done anything to him..."

I slid my fingers up and down his collar tenderly, but I had growing anger in me. Marco shouldn't feel like that because of _some_ asshole who glares at him. I wasn't mad at Marco, if not a bit disappointed. I was more angry at the fucking guy, -"You shouldn't feel like that, Marco. You haven't done anything. It's just him getting bitten up,"- Marco sighed again, placing his hand over mines, -"He's just jealous. You're an amazing guy, a wonderful artist and the sweetest person in that classroom. People admire you and that flutters him. It's inevitable."

Marco smiled a bit and faced me, -"You're a twee, you know that?"

-"You bring it out of me,"- Our lips met and we kissed passionately, licking and biting, sharing slobbler and touching ourselves. When we parted, I touched my forehead with his and I gave him a concerned look, -"Marco, please, just... let me know if he tries anything. _Anything. _You know I'll be there and I'll make him squirm like a cat."

He nodded and chuckled lowly, -"I know."

-"I'm serious-"

He placed his finger on my lips and drew his face near mines, -"I _know._"- We kissed again and snuggled for the rest of the evening.

* * *

I'd like to hear your thoughs and opinions about this story's progress :) let me know if something doesn't match or anything else.


	61. SIXTY-ONE

Another long chapter, but this is a good one, promise :)

* * *

SIXTY-ONE

Just one day for Christmas. I couldn't be more excited to blow Marco's mind with his gifts.

Except that tomorrow's Christmas Eve _and _his family gathering.

I couldn't be more nervous.

-"Wh-who's going?"- I asked Marco once. I wanted to have an idea of who I'm gonna deal with -there'll definitely be dealings. Marco's family were a bunch of Christians who disliked homosexuality and when they meet a scoundrel like me, they're gonna go nuts.

-"My uncle, my aunt, a few cousins and possibly my grandfathers,"- He was cooking something and after placing the lid over it, he faced me, -"Why do you ask?"

-"Marco, you know how they're gonna react when they meet me -I mean, I've gotten into a _lot_ of fights, I have a terrible attitude, and... and..., ugh, look, I'm the total opposite of how a teenager should be in their minds. They're gonna flip shit and I don't know what to tell them about me: I live alone, I have bad grades, I suck on math and science, my father's reprimanded by the Fam. Department and..., holy shit."- I was waving my arms in anguish and pulling my hair.

Marco sighed, -"Jean, please, calm down,"- He stepped closer to me and cupped my face, -"I'm nervous too, but do you have to be the teenager in their minds?"

I knew he was nervous, but he kept cool and I couldn't be more proud of him. I though I'd be the one calmed and composed, but then again, these people aren't one of those who rebuke you with stupid threats and comments, this was _his_ family, wealthy and educated people, -"N-no..., I don't."- Plus, it's important to me. It's an important phase in our relationship and I had to pass it.

He smiled as he arranged my hair neatly, -"And will you just say and demonstrate all those bad attributes of you? I know there's more to you than that."

_Oh, Marco, _I spoke mentally. His words always enlivened me. I breathed deeply and shook my head, -"No, of course not."

-"Just be who you are, Jean. They have to understand I love you like that."- He smiled sweetly, giving me a peck in the lips.

I lashed to him and hugged him tightly, burying my face in his collar, -"Why are you so damn adorable?"- I started to tickle him and kissing his cheek madly.

Marco giggled and tried to push me off, -"S-stop... the soup's-"

I let him go and he took deep breath. He gave me a smile before turning to the pot. We then ate and I couldn't help to make silly faces whenever I took a bite. It was just so delicious...! I'm really, really enjoying Marco's cooking. Flashy images passed by my mind of Marco and I in our own house, Marco cooking while I worked...

I was so distracted by my daydream that I didn't felt a slight burn on my chest...

-"Jean!"- Marco's call snapped me awake, -"You're spilling the soup!"

I looked down and yelped at the scorch, jumping from the seat and rushing to the sink, dropping the spoon midway. I gathered water in my palms and splashed it on my burning chest, -"Ow, ow, ow..."- After it cooled down, I picked the spoon up, washed it and sat again.

Marco chuckled, -"You dozed off. Again."

-"Yeah, well, couldn't help it."- I shrugged apologetically.

-"Oh? What were you dreaming about this time?"

_'This time', huh, -_"Oh, just you and me in our own house and you cooking fine meal like this to me."- I raised my spoon and tucked it in my mouth, letting the luscious juice down my throttle and savoring it.

-"You want to live with me in a future?"- He asked, tilting his head and resting it on his fists, his elbow on the table, and never parting his eyes from me.

-"I _want _to be with you forever, Marco."- And living alone with him in our own cozy house was alluring.

His cheeks lit up as he smiled, -"I want to be with you forever too."

I smiled back. I smelled a 'future talk' coming, but apparently, he left it for later. True, we were in 12, next semester's last and we had to plan something, like where to study, for starters. I've never given it much though. _Where are you gonna study, Jean? What are you even gonna do? _I honestly had no idea of what to fucking study and make a living of. I wanted to become a professional athlete, but I wasn't sure if I should make a living of it. There's still a few months left, no pressure.

I knew Marco had his plans already, but he hasn't shared them with me, probably by his own volition. Maybe he didn't wanted to tell me because he knew I won't be able follow. I had a gut feeling he plans to study on Sina and with my sparkling grades, I won't even be considered. That scared me.

We headed upstairs after finishing eating and prepared our clothes for tomorrow -well, I did, Marco said he'd change in his house since his mom said she'd pick us up tomorrow morning, -"We have to sleep early, Jean."- Marco warned me several times while I played PS3. After the fifth warning, I withdrew the control and went to sleep.

Next day morning, we woke up early and made breakfast. After eating, I headed up stairs and clothed up. I pulled down my soft and white sweater that said 'Merry Christmas' in red and below it a Christmas tree. With my white jean and light brown shoes, I headed into the bathroom to work on my hair, but since it was fucking cold as fuck outside, I decided to wear my red plain beanie and be done with it. After spraying a bit of perfume, I headed out.

I almost forgot I was staying the night there, so I started packing my stuff until Marco came in, -"Mom's here."

-"Give me a sec,"- _Pants, under__wear__, pajamas, t__-shirts..., _I finished packing up and stood, throwing the bag over my shoulder, -"Done, let's go."

Marco observed me with a blush on his cheeks, -"You look cute."

I smiled, my cheeks lighting up as I scratched my head. We headed down, mounted the car and rode off.

In his house, Marco quickly headed upstairs to change up and asked me to go with him so I could help him. Of course I didn't refuse, I can't tell Marco 'no'. He rummaged trough his clothes for something proper to wear. Most of his clothes were jeans and t-shirts, but he wanted something fancier. With his permission, I searched his closet too and spotted a good looking, burgundy colored over shirt and with a black shirt and boots, it'll look amazing -everything looks good on him, anyways. I spoke my suggestion to him and he accepted it. After changing up and spraying his vanilla perfume on him, I couldn't help myself from pulling him to me and giving him unchaste kiss, -"You look damn good."- I mused among the kisses.

He chuckled, -"You still nervous?"

I sighed deeply, burying my face in his hair, -"A little. You?"

He nodded, -"Yeah..."

I rubbed his hair and nuzzled him, -"It's going to be alright. Remember what you told me."

He looked up at me and smiled, his face lit up in pride.

We walked downstairs. Marco's mom already prepared _everything:_ the table, the banquet, the music, the drinks; I was practically drooling at the food. There was even desert neatly arranged in fancy plates; like brownies, cupcakes, etc. I still couldn't believe she made all this on her own.

My heart skipped a beat when I heard several car engines nearby. _Calm down, Jean, calm down. Marco's gonna be at your side and remember what Diego told you; just flip everyone off._

_Well, don't do __**that **__exactly, but you know what I mean, _I argued.

In a second, the room flooded with new faces, which always made me wiry, I'm kind of a distrustful kid. For several minutes, they chattered, catching up to the latest gossip, asking Marco and his mom how they been, telling Marco that he's grown a lot, that he/she watched him when he crawled for the fist time, etc.

I lurked around, avoiding as best as I could the growing crowd. My nerves were killing me and I just wanted to chicken out and go home. At the same time though, I was pissed off and wanted them all to know I was here. Everyone, literally everyone, were speaking to Marco, asking him how he had been doing, what has he been doing, that his freckles were still cute, blah, blah. He was with me a few minutes ago and they fucking took him from me as if I was just paint in the wall. Even so, they knew I was here, they knew who I was and they glared at me, but they tried to overlook me, avoid the 'let's all meet Marco's boyfriend' part. I could smell the hate. Are these people really Christians? This "gathering" became a mess and even Mrs. Bodt got lost.

Still, I could see they all adored Marco, but they were too shrewd with him.

I kept my ears attentive and heard murmurs about me, -"Is that the guy?"

-"I think so."

-"What is Marco thinking? What does he even see in him?"

-"I don't know, I really don't know."

I spotted several teenagers and kids, boys and girls, probably cousins. They were all staring at me, but there was this one guy that reminded an awful lot of my surly uncle Harris; he had his eyes carved on me, not letting me out of his eyesight for even a second until he spoke to Marco. He had black, bushy eyebrows, which made the glaring scarier. He had an incredibly, nasty huge mole below his lower lip. I never judged people with these types of moles, most were caused by a skin ailment, but I didn't liked this guy, so fuck that.

-"Huh? Where's Jean?"- That's Marco!

He was speaking with bushy eyebrows, -"Bah, forget him. You haven't seen _me_ in years."

I made my way towards the duo. Marco was looking for me and that warmed me, -"I'm here."

When I approached them though, bushy eyebrows wrapped his arm around Marco's shoulder and began pulling him away, but Marco didn't budge. I snarled internally, -"So, this is him, huh? The one who always had your attention so that you couldn't spend time with us."- He spoke to Marco, but had an eye on me. I heard a tinge of jealousy.

I ignored that, -"Nice you meet you, um..."

-"No one you care about."

Ha! I don't, -"He's Elliot, my cousin. This is-"- Marco spoke, pointing to me.

-"I know who he is, cousin,"- He spat, turning his gaze to me, -"Why don't you leave us alone? I haven't seen him in _years_."

I lent back. Who does this fucker think he is? He may have come here to spend time with him, but so did I and I don't care if he hasn't seen him in _years, _why didn't he called Marco before? Why did he wait for Christmas Eve? I glanced at Marco and I knew he didn't wanted me to go, meaning he wasn't so comfortable with this guy in front of him, in fact, I've noted how uncomfortable he was since they arrived and I share that sentiment. They may be family, but they judged him too much and Marco didn't liked that, -"Let me ask you something,"- I spoke, crossing my arms, -"If you missed him _so_ much, why didn't you called him and planned something sooner? I mean, why wait for Christmas Eve?"

Elliot snarled at me, but before he could spat at me, Marco's mom spoke, telling them all to organize and sit. Some did, some didn't.

I felt a slight touch on my hand. I looked down at it and saw Marco's hand sliding into mines. I glanced at him and smiled. He gestured towards the living room and I nodded. We walked towards them, hands tied, and Marco cleared his throat to attract his family's attention. The chatter subsided as they regarded us, -"Um, everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Jean Kirshtein,"- He paused and looked at me lovingly, -"My boyfriend."- He then pointed to all of them and told me their names and who they were. In a minute, I forgot them all.

-"A pleasure to meet you all."- I said, nodding and waving at them.

-"The... pleasure it's all ours, Mr. Kirshtein,"- A woman spoke with a bit of miff; the only one who spoke, actually. The rest just nodded or did nothing at all, ignoring me. Anyways, Mara's her name, I think. Marco's aunt. She was kind of a bitch, to be honest. She was tall, even without the high heels, and had a pompous red dress and huge earrings. Too extravagant for this occasion in my opinion. She couldn't even walk for fucks sake. Still, she enjoyed the attention given to her. She'd make this grin whenever someone flattered her. Elliot was her son, believe it or not, -"Marco, dear, what are your future plans, exactly?"

-"Um, I want to study Graphic Arts here in Trost and live with Jean, maybe in an apartment, doesn't have to be big."- He said, squeezing my hand.

My soul overjoyed at his words.

Mara placed her hand on her forehead, clearly disapproving, -"Surely, you have better plans,"- She sighed, completely exasperated, -"Sina is much more qualified for you, dear. And Graphic Arts? That's hardly opulent. How about engineering? Forensic Science?"

Marco shook his head at those, -"I want to study something I enjoy doing and I love to make art."

She practically ignored him, -"Architecture? Please, cooperate, dear. I care immensely for you and your future and believe me, that is no future."

I sighed and gave Marco a warning look before speaking. Here goes Jean the meddler, -"And what future do you want? A bitter, unhappy one where he studies something he doesn't even want to?"

Now, she glanced at me with a scowl, -"This is none of your business, young man."

I was about to argue that it actually was until a man walked towards us, towards Marco, specifically, -"Uncle...?"- Marco murmured, surprised to see the man.

-"I just arrived,"- He said and lent to hug him. Marco hugged him back, letting go of my hand, -"How have you been? I missed you greatly."

-"I'm... alright."- They parted and Marco gazed down.

His uncle placed his hand on Marco's head, -"Arguing with your dear aunt, I see,"- He sighed and lifted his head, -"You should listen to her."

Marco shook his head again, -"Please, not you too, not this again..."

The man huffed, vexed at Marco's stubbornness in the current matter, -"I warn you, _that_ is no future: art itself is scarce in labor and Trost lacks educational development. What is worse,"- He whipped his eyes through me with an obvious abhor, -"You want to tenure, to _live _with this... ruffian who has been manipulating and feeding you with such senseless ideas."

Ruffian? Me? Feeding Marco with such ideas? Manipulating him? How fucking dare he! -"Hey, I'm stand-"

-"This is an atrocity, Marco! Your... liaison with this miscreant is foul! It has cost you your sanity!"- The man couldn't hold his tongue, contrary to his sister who held her tongue about me, even though she has some thoughts on that too. He was pacing around the living room in exasperation, -"Do you know how this looks in His eyes?"- He pointed up, as in God, -"You have sinned, corrupted your soul and wasted all I have taught you for this rascal!"

Ruffian, rascal and miscreant. That's enough. I gaped my mouth to speak, his remarks to me offending me, but Marco was as frantic with ire as I was, -"Love isn't a sin, uncle!"

-"To another _man_?"- He pointed at me, eyes locked on Marco, -"That is not love, that is heinous."

Marco was in the brink of tears and I _hated_ to see him like that, so I snapped, like always, -"You've crossed the line, old man!"- I spat and everyone in the goddamn room gasped, as if his words weren't shocking, -"You can't control or decide his future! His happiness is not something to be disregarded, he's happy when he draws and he wants to study arts because of it. He's decided and you can't deprive him of it."

-"Oh, so only _you_ can? I highly doubt it,"- He debated, shaking his head, -"You are not even from the family. You have no rights."

-"No, I can't and neither do you, but _he _can. No one can tell him what's best for him, not you or me. Only he knows that."- I argued, arms crossed.

-"_I _care for him."

-"I do too, more than you think, old man, but that doesn't mean I can go on and about telling him what he has to do,"- I said full-heartedly, remembering how bad it ended last time I did, -"I want him to be happy, don't you?"

He furrowed his brows, but he stayed quiet.

-"Speechless, huh?"- I sighed and gestured to all of them, -"He came here to spend time with you and this is what you had in mind? To lecture him?"

The man gaped his mouth until someone stomped in, -"Enough, Eugene!"- That's Marco's mom, completely infuriated. I've never seen her like that. It was... scary, -"I leave for five minutes and this is what you do?"

-"Celene, you must understand how this looks!"- He snapped at her now, -"You cannot allow this, any of this! It is preposterous! You must separate them!"

-"We've had this discussion a thousand times, my brother, and my answer is still the same: I won't take away my son's happiness. He's happy with Jean and I oblige."

Eugene gasped, waved his arms up and balled his fists in ire, -"This is unbelievable!"- And with that, he stormed off and everyone was left mouth gaped. Yup, even me. Good riddance anyways.

It stayed like that for a few seconds until Marco's mom spoke, -"Alright, everyone, back to what you were doing."

I heard Marco's deep sigh and glanced at him, -"Marco..."

-"I... need some fresh air,"- He said and strode outside, his head low. I wasn't the only one who saw him go, most of his cousins did and his aunt, but unlike them, I followed him and attempted to cheer him up, -"I didn't want any of that to happen..."

I strode towards him from behind and wrapped my arms around his torso, -"Do you want some time alone?"- I murmured in his ear. I knew his uncle's rampage harmed him.

He shivered at my voice and closeness, -"No, no, it's okay,"- He said and lent his head back on my shoulder, -"Stay with me..."

-"Are you alright?"

-"I'll be soon."

-"He didn't get to you, did he?"- I asked worriedly, but I think what hurt him more was the fact that his uncle didn't put his beliefs aside for even a minute to spend time with him.

He sighed, -"No, not really,"- He shifted his head a bit so he could look at me, -"It's just... sad that after all those years all he has to say to me is that. It's always the same. He didn't even turned back..."

I rubbed his hair, -"Yeah..., but don't dwell on it. Don't let him ruin this day."

-"Jean, everything you said was..."

-"I'm sorry I spoke to him like that, but he really crossed the line,"- I quickly apologized, -"You know me, I can't sit idle when someone speaks to you like that."

-"I know,"- He said, placing his hands over mines, -"The things he called you..., I'm sorry you had to hear it. You know it's not true, right?"

-"It's alright and yeah, I know,"- I smiled, letting him know I was fine about it, -"I've heard worse anyways."

-"What you said there...,"- He tightened his grip on me as he nuzzled his nose on my collar, -"That was really brave. Thank you for standing up for me."

-"You know I'll stand up for you on anything."

He chuckled, -"Did he get to you?"

-"A little. I wanted to run, really,"- I nuzzled him back, -"But then I felt your hand and toughen up, you know, like, the power rangers when they're defeated, but then they powered up because the people needed them or something? Well, something like that."

Marco giggled and that's all I needed to hear, -"You're kind of a geek when you need to,"- He straightened up and looked at me, -"Come, I want you to meet someone,"- When he saw my mildly worried face, he chuckled, -"Don't worry, dummy, these aren't so shrewd as my uncle."

I took his chin, -"I'll meet _anyone_ you want me to. I'll face them all. Bring it on."

He somehow found that attractive and kissed me passionately, sliding his hand to the back of my neck and deepening it. He whispered 'I love you' to my ear before he pulled me inside.

Inside, he introduced me to Freddy and Carla, his cousins. Nice kids, really. No more than sixteen years old. They didn't mind Marco's relationship with me, unlike a certain someone, which was everyone. They followed their father's belief, but weren't shrewd like him, -"Father's a dick sometimes."- Freddy said.

-"Yeah, Marc, don't listen to him and just do whatever you want,"- Added Carla. She then gestured to me, -"Your boyfriend's hot. I wish he were mines."

Marco just laughed and I stood awkwardly.

-"Wanna play video games like old times?"- Asked Freddy.

-"Sure."- Marco took my hand and led me inside his room.

We played co-op between the four of us for a while, laughing at every stupid joke Freddy came up with and Carla's fantasies about some blue prince, until Marco's mom called us for dinner. We all headed downstairs and sat, -"Jean, that's my grandfather and grandmother, Hubert and Teresa."- He sat beside me and pointed to them, who were in front of us.

-"Well, aren't you brave talking to my son like that. Even I can't speak to him like you did,"- Teresa lent forward and reached for my cheeks, squeezing them harshly, -"He really needed that scold."

When she let go, I rubbed my cheeks, -"I... I wasn't scolding him, I was just-"

-"We know, child, we know,"- Spoke Hubert, his voice deep as he bit down the pork, -"Someone ought to stand up to him and you did just that. He stopped respecting us."

-"So, you're, uh..., okay with us? With me and Marco?"- I asked, curious.

They looked at each other and smiled, -"Our dear Marco can't be with someone better. You stood up to him when no one else did. Oh, I almost forgot,"- Terese dug a envelope from his purse, -"Here, for you, child."

I looked at the envelope and back at them, a bit surprised. I unfolded it to reveal twenty five bucks. I gasped and looked at them quizzical.

-"We know of your... issue with the Family Department and we felt like aiding you,"- Hubert said, his eyes on me -"Celene told us, our sweet child."- Mrs. Bodt...

My eyes welled, -"Th-there's no need, really, Dad already gives-"

-"Your Dad can't do all the heavy lifting so we decided to soothe things a bit."

I was in the brinks of tears. Their act was really generous. They're the only ones who gave me a gift, -"I'm... really touched. Th-thank you..."

-"Think nothing of it, child, you've done far more for us."

We ate and conversed; they asked me a lot of questions, where was I from, what I planned to study, etc. and they asked me about my relationship with Marco and I answered with my heart, full honest. Others joined, others who ignored me at first, and the tense hefted away. Across the table, Mara and his stupid son sat, watching us with hawk eyes -or, well, me. I ignored them and answered all the questions. I was glad they laid their beliefs aside.

-"Have you had sex already?"- Another of Marco's cousins asked, really young and I was taken aback.

A woman, possibly his mother, smacked his rear head, -"That's private!"

-"I'm just curious..."

My face was burning, not only at the questions, but at the images and my effort to sustain them, -"I, uh, n-no... we haven't."- I gave Marco a side glance and spotted him gawking at me, surprised and amazed at how much questions I've answered with honesty, which were all.

Wishing to take a breath and a piss, I excused myself and headed upstairs to the bathroom, the one closest to Marco's room. I dunno, I liked this one better. It smelled like him. After I pissed, I stood in front of the mirror and breathed deeply. This has been one hell of a day so far. My head ached, but it wasn't done yet and I'm not gonna bail Marco or his mom.

When I stepped outside, I bumped into someone and when I looked up, I wasn't at all surprised to see Elliot, -"Oh, it's you."- I muttered.

-"Yeah, me, and I have something to tell you,"- He gripped me by my sweater and pushed me to the wall. An unseen act, one I didn't expect from him, -"Stay away from Marco."- He snarled, our faces only inches apart.

I gritted my teeth and clutched his hand just as tightly, -"Make me."

He pushed me again, harder this time. I groaned lowly at the temporary shot of pain. I've gotten worse from Trevor and Frank, -"I _mean_ it."- He growled, his teeth showing.

And sure he did, his eyes told me, they were full of gravity and abhorrence, -"I was wondering when you'd make your move. All that glaring was boring me, to be honest."- I spoke, a grin on my face. The tension of a fight brewing always made my adrenaline rush.

-"I'm serious,"- He snarled again, his face closer, his grip tighter, -"Stay away from him. He doesn't need you, you're ruining his life, his sanity. Your speech was unmoving and stupid, it won't change a thing."

-"I could say the same about your threats, bushy eyebrows."- I replied, watching his every move. He was in the brink of throwing a punch at me, but it'd be too noisy and I doubt he wants everyone to take notice of our little quarrel.

Another push against the wall. Same damage.

-"Is that the best you can do, bushy eyebrows?"- I provoked him. If someone realized his deed, it could prove beneficial for me, but bah, I just wanted a fight. It's been a while since I've enjoyed one.

_Focus, Jean!_ That rational part of me spoke and I snapped from my adrenaline driven thoughts.

-"Don't provoke me, ruffian,"- He warned, -"You're corrupting him, changing him, defiling him. Your act aren't unnoticed by Him."

I rolled my eyes. Again with that, -"Then tell Him to unleash a thunderbolt at me or something and see what happens."

-"Stop your mockery,"- Another push, louder this time, -"Marco needs someone better than you."

-"You?"- I burst in laughter.

He pulled his arm and readied his fists for a punch until he heard footsteps, -"Jean?"- Marco.

Elliot glanced at the hallway and back at me. Suddenly, his face changed from anger to stupid pain. He threw himself to the floor and rubbed his cheek after yelling dramatically. What the fuck...?

The footsteps were louder and Marco appeared, -"Jean, what happened?"- He gasped at Elliot, who was still caressing his undamaged cheek.

Elliot pointed at me, -"He punched me, cousin! He's crazy!"- Were those... tears in his eyes? This is fucking unbelievable!

Marco looked at my eyes before accusing anyone. I responded with a slight shook of my head and he understood me. If I did punch him, he'd know.

-"Stop lying, Elliot. Let me see your cheek-"

-"You believe this guy and not your own cousin? Someone from the family?"- He snapped and stood up before Marco could check him, real tears this time. God, he was so dramatic.

Marco noted that, -"It's not like that, but this is clearly a deceit."- I adore his damned wits.

-"What is the ruckus over here?"- That's Mara and she too gasped at the 'accident', -"Oh, my dear son, what did he do to you?"

She didn't needed a response, she was part of the scheme.

She sobbed her son's harmed cheeks, -"This will not go unnoticed,"- She glared at both of us, -"That goes for both of you,"- Her eyes turned to Marco next, -"You disappoint me, grandson. I once called you His child, but ever since you've mingled with this hound, you've changed."

-"Yes, I've changed because He allowed it. We all do and I've realized many things. And don't call him a hound. His name's Jean."

She ignored that last part, -"I highly doubt that,"- She mocked, -"But what would that be, hm?"

-"That many hypocrites lies within the walls of His house, including you."- He stated.

Drama queen and his son gasped deeply, obviously not expecting that and to be honest, I wasn't either. Mara picked herself up and left with his son and possibly the house too, a few tears in her eyes.

Marco quickly turned to me, -"Jean, are you okay?"- He checked me.

-"I'm fine, but you,"- I pulled him close to me, -"You're sparking after that comeback."

-"Jean, I'm se-"

-"I know, I know,"- I said and pecked his lips, -"Talk later? They're waiting for us."

He nodded and we headed down. Sure, they asked us what the fuck happened up there and we told the truth. Some believed us, some didn't.

Like I said, Mara and his little prick of a son left. Good riddance.

We ate and enjoyed the dessert afterwards and then it was all just chatter until everyone left. Now, it was just me and Marco, clothing up for the night, -"Hey, Marco, about college...,"- I began, wanting to get rid of a lurking thought in my head, -"You meant what you said? About studying in Trost?"

Marco nodded. He just took off his shirt and I drooled, -"Y-yeah, why?"

-"You know that with your grades, you can study in Sina."

He lowered and shook his head, -"I don't want to... not without you."

I strode closer to him, our naked chests grazing, prickling my skin, -"Marco...,"- I sighed. I was really touched by his though. I know he wants to be with me, to study with me, but..., -"I know you want to be with me and I'm totally charmed, but don't let me stop you from reaching your dream. If you can study in Sina, do it. It'll open so many doors for you, make your future better and brighter. _Please_, Marco, think about it."

Again, he shook his head, refusing to listen to me, -"But, Jean,"- He drew his face closer to mines, our lips grazing, -"My dream is to be with you... forever."

My heart beats increased as his words spun in my head: _my dream is to be with you... forever, _if that's what he wants, then I can't refuse it to him, _-_"Damn you, you freckled fuck. You made me cry."- I cursed with tears on my eyes and kissed Marco fervently. A kiss like never before. It was steadily, passionate and alive. It was hot, yet warm and joyful. I couldn't stop moving my lips with his in a perfectly executed way. I felt like time froze around us. I became unaware of whatever was going on outside, it's just us now, -"I love you, I love you, I love you..."- I murmured between the kisses. I held him tightly, my arms around his torso.

Marco chuckled, but he kept kissing me.

Five minutes later, I reached an erection and I wasn't the only one, -"You wanna... take a bath?"- I suggested, pointing to the bathroom.

Marco nodded, -"I was... about to ask you that."- He spoke, his breath ragged.

I smirked as I pushed him there. Sure, we took another bath with pants on, like last time, only this time, Marco was more... loose. I 'washed' his belly button, I 'washed' his abs, I 'washed' his back, I 'washed' his nipples, I 'washed' his butt, his dick and his balls. Sure, Jean, a _bath_. He did the same to me, his moves a bit more wild than last time, turning me on over and over again. He wasn't careless, but he didn't hold anything back either. I knew then he was getting really comfy with me. He fingered me often and rubbed me in this particular way only he could. Not too fast, not too slow, but then fast, tucking his finger in and out. I'd dart my head back and hit the slab at the overwhelming bliss, his touch sending waves of thrills through my body. Another level up.

We did that a few more times until we both collapsed onto each other in exhilaration. After that, we truly took a bath, a real one. Like last time, we washed our hairs, our torso, shoulders, legs, etc. -"So, Jean, about Elliot. Who started it?"- He asked me as I slithered my hand down his spine. His back was facing me while he toyed with foam.

-"Pfft, he did, obviously."- I said, running my hand up again and rubbing his hair.

-"Jean."

-"I'm not kidding, really,"- I snorted, -"I know, surprising, right?"

Marco nodded and I smacked him gently, -"I'm sorry you had to go through that, through everything."

-"Don't apologize, freckles. It's not your fault."

-"So much for a good Christmas Eve, huh..."- He lowered his head.

I raised it up again, -"Hey, it wasn't so bad,"- I said, kissing his neck, -"I enjoyed it, specially our time with your cousins and grandparents."

Marco smiled, -"Yeah, you're right."

We came out, dried ourselves and went to sleep. Marco's bed was bigger than mine, so it was better, more comfortable for both of us. After saying goodnight, we fell asleep.

At 3 am though, I knew I had to wake up, especially after hearing my cue, a soft knock on the door. The gifts. Marco's gifts. I stood up carefully, sliding my body away from Marco's. I literally had my arms and legs around him, so it was a difficult process, but I managed, -"Hm? Jean...?"- Marco murmured, still in his sleep.

I winced, watching him shift position. He tapped his side, looking for me.

-"Wh... where are you going?"- God, he looked awfully cute.

-"To the, uh, bathroom. Be right back."

-"O...kay."

I made my way downstairs, my foot light. His mom was waiting for me in her pajamas, car keys on hand. She opened the front door and then her car. I helped her dismount the wrapped up presents and laid them under the tree neatly.

I sighed, watching the tree with awe and joy. I can't wait until Marco sees all this...

-"Jean, how are you?"- His mom asked after closing the car and the door.

-"You mean after my dispute with your brother?"- I said, still watching the lit up tree, -"I'm alright. Could've been worse."

She sighed. She was still frustrated, -"I told them to lay off that argument, but they never listen to me. My brother and sister are impossible to deal with."

-"They... judge Marco and expect too much from him."- I shook my head, still unable to believe his words.

-"They all care for him, wishing the best for him, but... they disregard his emotions, his happiness and I can't allow that,"- She spoke very motherly, turning to me, -"I'm so sorry, that was definitely not what I had in mind. They must have made you uncomfortable and..."

-"It's alright, really. I met another bunch of good people,"- I said, trying to reassure her, -"Don't worry, they didn't get to me."

She sighed, -"If there's anything I can do to make it up to you..."

-"Just wake me up real early tomorrow. I can't miss Marco's face."

-"Will do,"- She smiled and pointed to the fridge, -"Feel free to pick up snacks at any time, alright? You're home."

I smiled, warmed at her words, -"Thanks. Goodnight."

I stood still, still watching the tree, wondering how Marco will react until I yawned and went to sleep in the same position as last time. Marco felt me and a smile formed on his face.


	62. SIXTY-TWO

I kind of took a while with this one and here's why: I had a writer's block and I've been reading Geography Club by Brent Hartinger and I have to say that it's really, _really_ good, made me cry and everything. Would you believe me if I said I finished it the same day I bought it? Like I said, it's really good and I totally recommend it for those whole love homosexual romance novels.

**Edit: **Yup, that's the book that Marco's reading xD there's also a movie.

**Warning: HEAVY homo (no, not sex, but close xD). Will change summary.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

SIXTY-TWO

-"Ngh..."- I shifted in bed, squeezing whatever I had in my arms, hearing a bugging knock somewhere.

_Knock, knock._

I shifted again, with trouble, since something held me back, and squinted my eyes at the door. Who...? When I opened my eyes fully, I spotted Celene waving at me from a thin gap on the door. I gasped. The gifts!

I stood up quickly, without realizing Marco was still sound asleep. He shifted his body face up and groaned, -"Jean...?"- After rubbing his eyes, he yawned and stretched.

He was literally sprawled all over his bed, all cozy and tangled with his sheets. I smiled at his figure. His shirt was a bit pulled up, exposing his half of his abdomen. I had to hold the urge the snuggle a bit more with him as I lent down and murmured to his ear, -"I'll be down stairs preparing breakfast. Just sleep for a bit more, alright? I'll call you when it's ready."

He gazed at me and smiled, -"Okay."- He rolled over and cocooned himself with his sheets again.

I headed to the bathroom and changed clothes to a casual Batman t-shirt and some shorts after washing my teeth and arranging my hair. While walking downstairs to the kitchen, my eyes drifted to the flamboyant tree, which touched the ceiling and was impossible to miss. Below it laid the five boxes wrapped in Christmas paper. One was the PS4, the other was the books, all shrouded together, the Hot Topic ware, the PS4 games and... -wait... who was the other for? And what was it? It was small, fit for a necklace or something. Maybe for Celene? No, Marco would've told me.

I grew curious about it and inquired Celene. She wasn't sure, but then again, she was kind of evasive about it. I decided not to pry on it anymore, -"Can't wait until Marco wakes up. Should've told him so."- I said, retraining the egg box in the fridge.

Celene chuckled, mixing the eggs and pouring pepper on it, -"He'll wake up soon, I'm sure."- True, Marco was a morning person, unlike me. It's seven in the morning and I'm still groggy, but I _did_ asked her to wake me up early.

After a few minutes, breakfast already done, I heard footsteps above me. I smiled broadly and looked at Mrs. Bodt. _Marco's up. _Unable to contain my excitement, I rushed upstairs and looked for him, -"Marco, you up?"- I asked, slightly knocking on his door.

I heard him giggle silently, -"Yup."

-"There's some- uh, breakfast waiting for you."- I said, smacking my head. _Dammit, you almost spoiled the surprise!_

-"Alright, I'll get down in a sec."- I heard ruffling, meaning he was changing clothes, meaning he'll definitely be down in a few seconds.

I literally felt like jumping around in excitement. I've never felt so cheery for Christmas since kid. When the truth was told to me, which was a bully's doing, I lost that sentiment that made me what I was. I had no reason to believe him, but when Mom clarified it for me, it was a different story. For me, it lost meaning and I stopped enjoying it. Mom still bought the presents, but it wasn't as exciting as before. I remember I always wanted to meet that fat man who I called Santa and when I realized he didn't even existed, that wish crashed onto me. Sounds childish now, true, but back then it meant much more. Now though, it felt as if all that was reborn. I still know the truth, but I felt excited for it and it felt wonderful.

I waited for Marco in his room, sitting on his bed, and when he came out with his casual wear, a simple 'Keep Calm, Superman's here' t-shirt and baggy trousers, he quickly hugged me, -"Good morning."- He said in a tender voice, tightening the embrace.

I made a soft, sweet sound as his warmth shrouded me, -"Morning, sunshine."

He parted a bit, but still had his arm around my torso, -"What's for breakfast?"

-"Crumbled eggs with chopped ham _and _melted cheese on top of it, toasted bread and bacon."- I looked up at him and pursed my lips.

-"Sounds delicious,"- He lent down and kissed me smoothly, still holding me. I moved my head a bit so that our mouths could have a better access to each other. After a few minutes of licking and biting our lips, we parted a bit breathless, -"Let's go."- He took my hand, tangling his fingers with mine as he led me downstairs.

_This is it! _I was making little hops as we walked down, keeping an eye on him, to watch his every reaction.

Like I expected, Marco gasped at the tree, but then he gasped again when he saw more gifts on the corner. He gazed at his mother and then at me. I kept nodding towards it, -"Come on, what are you waiting for?"- I said, really unable to hold my joy, -"Open them up!"

His eyes glistered at both of us before he sat in front of it and began to unwrap his presents. The first box was the books and he literally squealed like a fangirl at the them. He opened them up, smelled them and sighed in contentment, -"These are the titles I wanted for so long. They smell so good..."

-"Hey, open that one!"- I exclaimed, pointing at the bigger one, which was the PS4.

But he didn't listen to me and opened the other one, the one with the Hot Topic ware. He gasped at the shirt and hovered them before him, -"This is so cool!"- He took the beanie and put it on.

Again, I pointed at the PS4. He looked at it, tilting his head before gazing at me, -"Um, Jean, I think this is yours."

I lent back, surprised at his statement, -"What? No, it's yours."

Marco smiled and shook his head. He took the box and handed it to me, -"No, Jean. It's for _you_."

I took it and gazed at both of them -at Celene quizzical. She just smiled and shrugged, -"This was actually... for _me_?"- I somehow couldn't believe it. I mean, we bought it for him on the mall, that was our deal in the first place. Did they reached to an agreement first than me?

She nodded, -"Yup, Marco told me you were interested in it first."

I glanced at him and he nodded too. So, he also watched me that day, huh.

-"That's for you too."- Marco said, pointing to another wrapped present. The games.

I dropped the box and lent down to hug Marco tightly, murmuring 'thank you' a thousand times to his ear. He embraced me and replied with an 'I love you'. I stood up and hugged Celene next, -"Thanks... so much."

She caressed my hair, -"You deserve it, Jean. That and much more."

I parted from her and began to unwrap my presents. Yeah, I finally fucking had it! I can't wait to get my hands on it! While I unwrapped the games present, I realized there was another one aside from the ones we bough and when I separated it from the rest, I drooled at the Call of Duty: Black Ops III overlay.

-"Though you'd like it."- Commented Marco beside me, watching me gawk at it.

-"Like it? I love it!"- I said, completely overjoyed. I turned to him with puppy eyes, game on hand, -"Can I play it now?"

He laughed, -"Let's eat first, okay?"

I nodded quickly and sat on the dining table. We ate and talked about their agreement. Marco actually didn't expected his gifts. He told his mom to buy the PS4 for me without telling me, wishing to surprise me. Things went out a bit different: _I _then asked her to buy the PS4 for _him. _She agreed, she still had to buy it, without spoiling me the surprise and just went along with it. We were laughing out loud at how it all turned out to be. It was still a surprised for us; for me, it definitely was. To be frank, I don't think I ever though that they would get me anything. I just though about getting something for Marco.

Marco shared the anecdote when I saw the PS4 for the first time with my own eyes, when we went to the movies. They laughed at my irritation at the kid who wouldn't leave the god damned control for even a second. He added that I was about to push him off or something.

We laughed and chatted for another while and when we finished, I flew upstairs, unpacked the PS4 and plugged it in. Marco joined me, helping me set the my PSN account, which I forgot the password and had to reset for like the fifth time, set language, time zone, etc. Then, I had to connect it to the internet and redeem the PS Plus card to play online. I entered the code wrong, Marco was laughing at me, finding my frustration amusing, and after five tries, I successfully redeemed it and started playing CoD.

He sat in front of me, between my legs and rested his body over mines while reading one of his new books. I had my legs over his and often fiddled my toes against his. We nestled together within a stuffed quilt and snuggled. I had my arms around him, holding the dualshock fore of him. My eyes were locked on the TV, but I often nuzzled my nose in his hair and swayed it around, inhaling his vanilla smell I found so delectable.

While I waited in lobby, I tickled and pecked his skin. He giggled and stirred at my touch, eyes hewed into the book, -"Good book?"- I asked, curious as to why it had him so hooked in it.

He just nodded, muttering 'mjum'.

-"What's it about?"

He stood silent for a few seconds, so absorbed in it that my words entered and flew out of his ears. Suddenly, he jerked his face up, almost couping my jaw, -"Huh? Oh,"- He scratched his scalp, just realizing I spoke to him a few seconds ago, -"It's, um, about this guy that's homosexual who's not the most popular in school. His chat buddy on the internet is though. He keeps his secret to himself, but he actually wants someone to talk it to."

Wait... that's actually a gay novel? I didn't exactly read the description of any of the book when we bought it, just a whip trough, but still, I never though Marco would be so hooked on those, -"So, you like that type of novel?"- The match started and I averted my eyes from his book.

-"I do."

-"And the Japanese books...?"- I asked, inevitably remembering that manga farce cover in the library at school. I lost my shit at that, but Marco wasn't so scandalized by it, meaning he'd seen or read it before. It scared me a bit and I'm gonna be honest, that shit was weird and yeah, Marco and I have done similar things, but those Japanese guys are perverts and the though of Marco watching porn like that was skittish and somehow... profitable? God, I'm not making any sense.

-"Yeah, I have read a few, why?"- He looked up at me expectantly.

I grunted after some noob managed to kill me by shooting like an idiot, -"Uh, nothing..., just curious."- Or maybe I'm just bad at the game, but hey, I just started.

-"Are you sure?"- He pried.

-"Uh huh,"- I began to chew on my lip as I went face to face with someone in a higher level. We rounded each other and shoot, both of us managing to evade the bullet. It got really tense and I felt my adrenaline rush as competition brew. I heard Marco puff. For the last few minutes he was trying to lure my attention to him, but I was too absorbed in the game. Suddenly, he slapped the control out of my hand, -"Woah, hey-"- Before I could reach for it, he lurched over me and wrapped his arms my neck. My foe seized me, utilizing my stagnant state, and killed me, -"What the hell? I almost had him!"- I yelled, pointing at the TV.

Marco pouted and smashed his lips against mine, totally unforeseen. He ran his tongue in my mouth, licking my lips and teeth. He sailed out and slid through my cheekbone, reaching my collar and sucking on it. I moaned, his moist tongue tingling my skin, buzzing and thrilling my body in response.

-"That book's getting you... randy, eh?"- I commented, a simper on my face.

He parted from me and looked at me in the in the eye, -"Curious? You sure?"

I sighed. Again with the manga, -"Yeah..."

He raised an eyebrow, -"You know the stuff we do isn't so different, right?"

Images of our past briskness flashed by and I conceded his point. My face lit up. He was right, it really wasn't so different, so why did I avowed it as a perversity? Well, the book and it's author were perverse, but I'm not any less either, -"Fine. I get your point."- I said, looking away, my face completely red in both titillation and shame. Shame; it wasn't because of me and Marco's intimacy, it was because I judged a guy of perversity and I wasn't any different than him.

Marco chuckled and kissed me again, sweetly, -"I love you, Jean, and I have no regrets of what we've done."

I smiled at that, -"Me neither, Marco, me neither..."

\- "Now you can keep playing."- He said as he turned around again, taking the book with him.

-"Nah, fuck that,"- I said and grabbed Marco, pulling him against me again. I already died like five times already, all the times I've spawned. Our lips met again and we kissed passionately. We made out for a lot of time, crawling our hands on each other's skin. I gripped Marco's hair and pushed him onto me, deepening the kiss and his mouth on my skin. We groped and I slithered my hand up his abdomen and fiddled with his awfully cute bellybutton. He'd giggled at the touch, tickling him. I eventually had to press him down onto the floor, flooded with arousal, but I didn't pinned him after being reminded of that odd dream I had a few weeks ago. We kissed more, literally embroiling ourselves with the sheets and hindering the situation as we struggled with it. When we managed to get comfy with effort, we took our shirts off and I couldn't hold the urge to suckle his cute nipple. Marco, as always, shivered at the sensation madly, moaning loudly and jerking his body up. He was utterly turned on and we masturbated each other for a while and when we found the so desired blissfulness, we just stared into each others eyes as we rubbed our hairs, -"I love you too."- I said, sighing in pure joy.

When his mom called us for dinner, I complained sluggishly as I held Marco down. My stomach grumbled though, ordering me to eat instead of cuddling with Marco, -"Come on, let's eat."- He pulled me up.

We dressed up and changed pants because, well, of our fucking mess, and headed downstairs. Pasta with smoked pork is on the menu today and after eating, I tried out Battlefront and holy shit, it was amazing. I watched all the Star Wars movies, but I didn't liked it as much as Marco did. He loved the game, specially the part where you can mount the spaceships and whatnot. I offered him the controller and he played it, but since he wasn't much of a gamer like me, he lost several times and just handed me the dualshock back. He preferred to watch me. As I played, I learned that it actually had local co-op, split screen, meaning, I could play with Marco. He was overjoyed at the idea, excited to play with me, but sadly, we didn't had another controller. He said he'd ask his mother to see if she could buy another, but I went with him and fortunately, his mom was already planning on buying some stuff from the supermarket and offered us to go with her. We accepted and rode off.

After the supermarket, we stopped by GameStop, bought the controller and headed home. There, Marco and I played for _hours. _I've never seen Marco so hooked up in a game before and for me, it felt so different. I've always played multiplayer, competition against other players, but this time, I was playing _together_ with the man I loved and it felt marvelous. We made an excellent a team as we took down the enemy and sundered them. Marco often squealed in joy and hugged me whenever we passed a mission.

We played until 10 pm and for Marco, it was too late. He was falling asleep, his head reclined on my shoulder and his mouth mildly open. He was trying to keep his eyes open for the TV, but was failing. I chuckled and placed my hand on his hair, -"Go to sleep, freckles."

-"But... we need to finish this mission."- He said, trying to lift his head from my shoulder.

I paused the game, -"You're falling asleep,"- Rubbing his hair didn't do much good, but I couldn't stop myself from seeing that peaceful face he makes whenever I did, -"We can finish it tomorrow, you know."

He shook his head, stubborn as always. I sighed and played the game again, but before we could even reach enemy territory, Marco fell asleep on my lap. After pausing the game, I stood up and carried him bridal style to his bed. I planted a soft kiss in his forehead before covering his body with his sheets and getting back to the game. I played for a few more hours before going to bed.

Next two days, I decided to go home, worried that someone might sneak inside or something. I told my neighbor to keep an eye out, but I bet every penny that she forgot. I was packing my stuff, including the PS4 when Marco came in with his bag over his shoulder, -"I'm going with you."

I looked up at him and smiled, -"Hey, I'll be fine, really,"- I stood up after checking I had everything, -"You've stayed with me for a while now and your mom misses you."

He sighed, a bit upset, -"But..."

-"I appreciate your time with me and I loved every second of it,"- I replied, laying my hand on his cheek, -"But I can take care of myself and besides, father's coming this weekend."- Yup, by law of Fam. Department, he has to visit or stay with me at least one day on weekends.

-"I know, but...,"- Marco stepped closer to me and looked up, his eyes a bit glossy, -"Please, just _one_ more day."

I chuckled in spite of myself. Marco wasn't a guy to say goodbyes and his puppy eyes were hard to bypass, -"Alright, alright, I'll stay."- God, help me, I never have a 'no' with him.

His face brightened as he hugged me, once again joyful.

And so, for the rest of the day, after telling Marco's mom I was actually staying, we played Battlefront until Marco decided to read a little. I did a double take to his book, -"Damn, Marco, you already read that much?"- He was reaching the end. I'd say 20 pages more or so.

He chuckled, kissing my neck. Like last time, he sat between my legs and lent his body over mine, -"Yup."

-"You're a damn bookworm, you know that?"- He laughed lowly, still kissing my neck, hindering my concentration on the game. Again, I got signals that Marco wanted attention, like, _bad_. After much nagging, I paused the game and turned my full attention to him. I wondered on what part of the book he left. Whatever it was, it was making him horny, -"You know, if you want attention, you should just ask."- It's a rare occasion, this one. Usually, it's the other way around.

-"I'm sorry, I just..."

-"It's okay, freckles."- I turned him around so he could face me and kissed him shamelessly. I pulled him closer to me, clutching his shirt tightly, deepening the kiss to a whole new level. Our tongued danced in rhythm as we moved our heads. Unconsciously, I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him down onto me. A comfy quilt was spread beneath us, so the fall didn't hurt much. I pressed his body against mine as I sucked on his neck gently, leaving small drops of drool and blemishes on his skin. Marco moaned in pleasure and so did I when he retaliated, sliding his tongue down my neck to my apple I so enjoyed he played with. He licked and bit it, sending waves of thrills through me. I scurried my hand to his back and squeezed his flesh. Marco shivered at my touch and I felt slight a bulge from his lower part. His quick arousal titillated me and an idea popped in my mind.

I bit my lips as I rolled over him, -"Marco...,"- I breathed as my mind worked trough the possible outcomes of this idea, -"I, uh..., want to try something different."

His cheeks lit up, -"How... different?"- He asked, tilting his head.

-"You'll see,"- I gulped, skittish and agog at the same time, -"Just... relax, okay?"

He just nodded, trustful of me.

With a deep breath, I began to travel down, placing my hand on his knees, sprawling his legs and holding on. _Here goes nothing, _I said mentally and it can't be bad after what we've done. Marco and I have gotten real comfy together and I think it's time to take things a bit further.

Marco shivered and gasped when I began to undo his pants. I halted and looked up, waiting for his next reaction. He still shivered, but he didn't tried to stop me or anything, so I continued, pulling down his pant halfway and preparing for the same process with his undies. More shuddering, quicker and longer. I gazed up again and saw Marco's eyes closed as he bit his lips. He opened one eye, knowing I was waiting for his go ahead and when he gave me a low nod, I continued.

His undies were a bit stained, bringing up a smirk to my lips. I caressed his waistline, getting low moans from him, before I began to pull them down slowly. Marco shuddered again, but he tried to endure it. I hitched his underwear down at the same measure as his pants and I couldn't avert my eyes from his cock. It was..., oh God, how do I put it? Not too long, not too small, just _perfect_. My face burned at the sight, the first sight of his groin with my own eyes, because I _have_ seen him naked in my mind, but this was... totally different. This was real. This dick before me was real.

I also noticed it was really stiff, droplets of cum leaking out of it.

I heard sequential, deep breathing and I gazed up at Marco, who's face was utterly red and sweaty, -"You, uh..., have a nice dick, you know,"- I cleared my throat as he shook his head a bit, -"Just sayin'."

Marco was trying to coup his messy breathing, covering his eyes with his arm. Shit, I haven't done anything yet. My nerves twisted.

-"Marco, just tell me when-"

He shook his head, lowering his arm, -"N-no..., I'm okay, really, I'm just a bit...,"- He breathed deeply and opened his eyes, -"... tense."

He's tense alright, but not in a bad way. All this was new to both of us and so is the sensations he has to be getting. He was just anxious, and so am I, to be honest. He was exposed to me, his genital was, for the first time and he was uptight. I wasn't seeing him completely naked, but I might as well be. I gave him time to recover his breath and when it subsided, I neared my face to his cock and braced myself.

My mouth barely grazed it and he was already losing his regained breath. He gasped and breathed deeply, -"Marco, I'm gonna do it,"- He wasn't the only losing his shit. My stomach was doing flip-flops, but I wanted this, I wanted to blow him. Marco nodded lowly and my tongue finally managed to attain the tip of his dick, which was moist and hard. Marco took a _hard_ intake of breath and again, he shuddered madly and clutched the quilt with both hands as more cum leaked out, really putting effort in containing himself, but if anything, it wasn't doing much good. I feared it'll make him collapse, -"Marco, you can let it all out."- His mom wasn't here anyways. She was out buying some stuff for dinner.

And so he did; he exhaled and moaned loudly. I didn't dallied anymore and made full contact. I licked the tip of his dick continuously and playfully, his cum sipping into my mouth. It was insipid, really tasteless so it didn't had any effect on my stomach. Marco, on the other, was getting all kinds of sensations; he hitched up, griping the quilt tighter and moaning louder. He bleated my name, his voice rasped, -"J-Je... an..."- He wheezed as I kept licking it a bit higher this time, as if it were popsicle. It hardened more, oiling in the process, boosting my tongue.

Marco often babbled my name and raved. He was high as fuck. In no time, he'll grow wings. I didn't stop though. I was growing my own wings too, his reactions arousing me immensely. I tucked his dick in my mouth and began sucking gently, ignoring the cum spillover down my throttle. Marco yelped and quickly covered his mouth, quavering and puffing, his chest going up and down consecutively. With each suction, Marco squirmed and groaned louder. With my head a bit light due the ecstasy, I drew my mouth nearer and sucked harder, slurping on his cum, letting it drip down my gullet. Marco shouted my name and he hitched upwards again, gripping the sheet with all his might. His dick was straight and hard as a stick in my mouth and I coughed often, almost choking, but I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. Marco was reaching climax. When I rubbed and applied pressure against his groin, I drew my mouth out and allowed cum spray down the sheet, as if a bottle of beer or coca cola was just opened.

Both of us panted heavily for a few minutes, but Marco seemed unable to relax. After pulling his pants up, I moved my body up and faced him, -"Marco... are you okay?"- I placed my hand on his cheek and felt it hot and sweaty, burning even, as if he had a fever. He was still breathing raggedly while clutching his chest. That's when I felt his rapid and pounding heartbeats. I scurried my hand to the back of his head and lifted it, feeling it light. He was dizzy, drool trailing down his mouth. I whipped it off, -"Marco?"

_My_ heart skipped a beat and I felt it on my throat, ignoring the itch. _Oh no, no, no, what have I done? _I was shitting bricks as I held Marco's languid body. Then, suddenly, he gasped and began breathing normally. I sighed in relief, -"Oh my God, I though you were..."- Dead? Yeah, that's the first though that crossed my mind. He was unresponsive whenever I called him.

He sat, pushing me away gently, and stood up. He hobbled to the bathroom, hands on forehead, and closed the door, locked it even. I was speechless and after like five silent minutes, I knocked lightly, -"Marco?"- I called several times, feeling heavy and guilty, -"_Please_, say something. I'm worried..."- My head couldn't stop the swarm of thoughts and questions: what if he didn't liked it? What if he felt uncomfortable? Disgusted? Is he sick? Did I screw everything up again? But my one big though and concern was if he was okay.

I heard the sink turned on, -"I'm... alright, Jean. I just... need some time."

I sighed in relief again, -"Just tell me if you need or feel anything... _please_."

I heard an 'mjum' and that was enough for me.

I stepped back from the bathroom and sat on his bed, never averting my eyes from the door. Then I thought that maybe he wanted some space too so I walked around, spotting the mega tainted quilt and picking it up. After another glance at the door, I headed down and tossed the quilt in the washing machine. I then walked around, trying to distract my mind, but I just couldn't. I kept thinking of Marco and our little... brisk. I was insanely worried for him, the way he suddenly passed out even after reaching climax terrified me. I really though I killed him.

About the blow job, damn..., even I'm feeling a bit anxious and right now, I just realized the mess between my legs. Still, I enjoyed it. Hearing Marco moan like that was... delightful. There's a first time for everything and I've wanted to that since the nightmare. I couldn't help but wonder how it would feel if Marco blew me...

_No, no, no, focus on Marco, Jean, _I reminded myself and headed up to check on him. He was still in the bathroom and when he came out, he didn't looked at me, he just trudged to his bed and laid down, cocooning himself, his back facing me.

I began to reach for him, but stopped myself. If Marco turned his back at me like that, it meant he wanted a bit more time and space. He didn't had to say it and I understood. I knew he wouldn't leave this on air though. When he feels like it's time to speak, he'll speak.

Considering that if I stayed tonight after what we've done was kind of undue, I decided to leave for home. Before I did though, I placed a soft kiss on Marco's temple. He flinched a bit and I was startled, thinking he'd was asleep. I whispered 'goodbye' and 'I love you' before packing up and heading home.

His mom took me there and like always, she knew something was off between us. She didn't pry, like last time, leaving it to us. She did made it clear that she would be there when we need her.

I headed inside and dropped everything, slumping onto bed and staring up at the ceiling. I sighed deeply, unable to take Marco off my mind. I wasn't so worried, to be honest. I know Marco will show up and speak to me, make things clear with me and that was enough for slumber to overcome me.


	63. SIXTY-THREE

Surry for late update, collage started and I've been busy reading sequels of Geography Club! ;)

**Warning: **More smut and homo. This might be the last for a few chapters since some important things will occur in their school.

**Disclaimer: I do own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

SIXTY-THREE

It's been two days since I gave Marco a blow job and he hasn't spoke to me about it. We did sent texts though, but it was just me mega worried about him, asking if he was alright and shit.

_Hey, u alright? _I wrote him again today, siting on my bed, wiping the sweat from my forehead with my arm. I was cutting grass with a trimmer and the sun was kind of bitchy today, but since Dad's coming over, I had to tidy shit up.

_Yeah, you? _He answered sparsely after a few minutes. Marco wasn't one to text much, he preferred to speak face to face.

_Missing u, _I replied with a deep, yearning sigh. A sweat drop fell on my phone. I clicked my tongue, glowering at it and wiping my finger on it.

_Jean, I need to speak to you, _he wrote.

My heart skipped a beat, _Sure, just tell me when._

_Today?_

My shoulder's sagged in despondency, _Sorry, dad's coming. _I can't cancel plans with Dad. He wanted to try out a new restaurant with me.

_Tomorrow then? _

_Yeah, of course._

And the conversation ended there, but I was too stubborn and wanted more, I wanted to hear his voice. I've been so damn worried about him these two days, only thinking about him and feeling guilty, _Can I call you? I wanna hear ur voice._

He was inactive for a few minutes, _Okay._

And so I dialed his number, -"Hey, um..., hey."- I stuttered, scratching the back of my neck. I had a lot to say, but I didn't know how to say it.

-"H-hey, Jean."- He said, stuttering a bit too.

I sighed, warmed and delighted to finally hear his voice. He heard me and chuckled lowly, -"I... wanted to hear you for these days,"- He just chuckled again and I cleared my throat, pacing around my room, -"I, uh, are you okay? I've been dead worried about you."

He made a sweet hum which reverberated in my ears, -"I'm alright, Jean, really."

-"Yeah, well, I'll be sure when I see you,"- Marco chuckled again and since he said we'd talk tomorrow, I didn't know what else to say besides 'I love you' and 'I miss you' in many different ways, -"I love you, you know, and I miss you. Like a damn lot."- There, I said it.

He chuckled again, a bit louder this time, -"I love you too..., Jean."

Fuck, am I glad to hear that. I almost jumped to the ceiling, -"Yeah, I just... wanted to hear your voice. I'll, uh..., see you tomorrow then."

-"See you."- With that, he hung up.

I sighed like for the fifth time or so. It's always good to hear his mellowy voice...

I heard a knock downstairs and when I opened the door, I met with Dad. A bit surprised at his early arrival, I arched an eyebrow, -"You're early. I haven't even finished the backyard."

He observed me, noting the small hunks of grass on my clothes, -"Busy, I see,"- He said and chuckled, -"I can help you out, but first...,"- He strode towards me and hugged me, really tight. I stood abashed for a few second before I returned the embrace a bit awkwardly, -"I've missed you, son."

I sighed in his shoulder, -"Yeah, missed you too."- In spite of all, I was real pissed off at the fucking Fam. Department for spreading the shit needlessly.

He parted from me and gave me a rueful smile, -"I'm sorry we have to see in each in this condition..."

-"It doesn't matter. You're here and that's what's important."- I said, set on making him feel no resent whatsoever. None of this was his fault.

He chuckled, -"You're right."- He headed inside and since he hasn't eaten anything, I prepared him breakfast while he helped me around.

After he ate, I clothed up properly and rode off to the new restaurant Dad was eager to try out. It was in Karanese district so we had at least an hour or so until we get there. During the ride, we spoke and I tried my best to dissuade Dad from entering into a topic about Mom. Even though I told him what I did in the funeral, I knew he was still touchy about it. He hasn't quite gotten over her death. I could see it in his eyes.

I also noted how tired my Dad was. He works endlessly to keep the end of the bargain with the Fam. Department and to maintain me. He had bags under his eyes, which often closed unconsciously. He'd then jerk up and squint his eyes at the road, -"Dad, you haven't rested much, have you?"- I then knew what I had to do.

-"Not as much as I'd liked to,"- He chuckled bitterly, -"But don't worry, son, I'll be alright and keep you proportionated."

That kind of sounded like it was _my _fault he hasn't slept well, but I knew he didn't felt like that, -"Dad, I'd... like to help you out, to work and make money on my own."

That took him by surprised, -"But, son, you're just-"

-"I think I'm old enough. I can drive too if someone's willing to teach me."- I said, firm on the decision. Dad was tired and old, he can't keep me under his wing forever.

He sighed and pondered about it, but I had a feeling he agreed and approved of my decision, -"Alright, I'll see if I can set up an appointment to get you a driver's license and then you can take the classes."

_Good_, I though. I could definitely relieve Dad of a few burdens.

We reached our destination and the place was very rustic, but then again, so was all Karanese; with wood houses, forests and myriad herbage, this district was home for the common work and the middle class citizens. We entered the building and after signing up, a waitress led us to our table. I had to admit it was awfully cozy in here and the smell of fried pork and fries made you felt like home.

Dad ordered a salad while I ordered something not so healthy; a huge ass hamburger and fries with metled cheese and chunks of bacon on top. I haven't abandoned my workouts, but a _good_, greasy meal can't hurt here and then. When our waitress brought us the food and we started eating, I noted how little Dad ate. Also, he has gotten really scraggy since last I saw him, -"You should eat a bit more, Dad."

He prodded his food with his fork, -"I'm not really hungry, son..."

I sighed. Dad really wasn't himself today, -"So, uh, how's that writing? I remember you said you were writing a novel or something."

I though he'd be delighted about the topic, but his eyes dropped instead as he gave me a sorrowful smile, -"I... had to stop, son. Too much work. It was either that... or work."

-"Oh...,"- It's all I managed to say. I then asked him what was it about, considering he never told me, and when he said it was about Mom and I, my soul froze. So that's why he was so secretive about it and now that Mom's gone, he...; I couldn't help feel gloomy about it. Dad really was excited to write it. I wanted to give him one of those motivational speeches, that he could still write, that he didn't lost everything, but it just... didn't come out. Like Mom, I wasn't much of a comforter when it came to this. Still, I had to say something, -"Dad, I..."

-"I know, son, but I have to keep you supplied."- He said and again, I felt guilty.

-"If I manage to find a job, I... want you to finish it."- I said, looking straight at his eyes, which widened back at me. He knew I was serious.

He gave me a low smile and I was glad I brought it out of him, -"Alright, son, but don't let work be your main focus. You're soon going to study in college, remember?"

-"I know, Dad. A part time job will do."

He agreed with me and I was overjoyed when he began eating again. We finished and headed home. After receiving a call from his superior, he left after saying goodbye and giving me one last hug. I played a few matches of CoD before going to sleep. I was distracted, however, by my own mind. I couldn't stop thinking of what Marco will tell me tomorrow and to be frank, I was a bit afraid. Let's be real, it wasn't a good first blow job experience for him, but as the saying goes, "the second's the best", but that's _if_ he wanted a second round.

And so the next day, I waited for him while tidying up my house as best as I could. His mom's gonna drop him soon, so I rushed myself, but when I heard the unmistakable car honk, I jumped and kicked the buck of water. It spilled out and since it was slippery with soap, I slipped and fell backwards. I grunted as I sat up, rubbing my aching back. I must have gone surd, because I didn't heard Marco enter and since I wasn't facing the entrance to the bathroom, I didn't saw him either. He must have called me before too, -"Oh my God, Jean!"- He quickly rushed to my side and knelt, -"Are you alright?"

I wriggled my body up, only to fall again, -"Y-yeah, I'm good."

He laughed, -"Yeah, sure. Let me help you,"- He slid his arm underneath mine and hoisted me up, resting my arm on his shoulders. Once out of the bathroom, he sat me on the sofa. I was pretty damped, specially my ass, so when the cool breeze blew in, I shivered. Marco, perceptive as always, noticed and chuckled, pointing upstairs, -"I'll get you some clothes. Be right back."

While he did, I observed him -or better yet, slurred him. He had quite the tight jean that made his ass stand and round more than it already is. They were tucked in his usual black converse and his black "Anime and Chill" v-neck shit, which was tight around his biceps, let me tell you, was loose around his those tight jeans. I quickly noted the "I love anime" beanie I bought him and hey, that shirt kind of had a hidden, naughty conundrum behind it, didn't it? What was Marco planning today, huh?

He came down after a few minutes with a casual shirt and shorts. I must have dozed because he was poking my shoulder and calling me, -"Jean?"

-"Huh? Oh, right."- Again and again, whenever he came, I always drift into my thoughts and daydream about him, about how fucking _hot_ he looked today. I dunno, for me, he looked more and more attractive each day. Was it the blow job? I had no idea.

I scratched my head, just realizing that I could've gone upstairs myself and change up. It's not like I broke my leg or anything. Sure, my back ached like a bitch, but I could still walk. Needless to say I was too busy ogling at him at the time, -"Daydreaming again, huh?"- He said, handing me the clothes he brought me.

I stood, pulling my shirt's collar at the sudden hotness, -"Well, I, uh..., you know how it is."- I stuttered and he chuckled, fully aware of what I meant. He blushed as he fiddled with his cheeks with his finger.

I made my way to the bathroom to change my clothes and when I came out and dumped the soaked clothes in my hamper, I spotted Marco cleaning my mess. He just finished and placed the mop in the bucket of soapy water, -"There, all cleaned up."- He mused to himself.

-"Hey, you didn't had to..."- I said, approaching him from behind. Like always, he's willing to clean my mess.

He jumped a bit, startled, just like me a few minutes ago, -"Oh!"- He stepped back onto the recently mopped floor, his fall imminent, but with my quick reflexes, I lashed towards him and held him tight before it could occur. By instinct, he gripped my arms and lent onto me.

Again, I got hot all over due to our closeness. His robust back was literally on me and I could feel his built, his refined shoulders and his lean spine. I wanted to pull his shirt up and fondle him thoroughly, but ever since I gave him a blow job, he's been edgy with me, so after I pulled him to a safe spot, I parted from him.

In a quickly motion though, Marco turned sharply and pulled me into a tight embrace, taking me by surprise. He buried his face in my chest and just clutched on me. My nerves shot up, albeit temporarily, -"Hey, Marco...? What's wrong?"

But I knew what's "wrong". In fact, there's nothing wrong. I know Marco and I _know_ when he's all novelettish. He's probably remembering our last momentum and to be frank, I was too. He wanted me to hold him, to kiss him, to touch him, to feel him even after I made him swoon that day. He was hiding his face though, his cheeks burning at the memory. A spark of hope ignited in me, that Marco liked and enjoyed the blow job. Without hesitation, I raised his head slowly and sure enough, his face was splotched in red, -"Jean..."

-"Marco, there's nothing to be ashamed of..."- I said as I neared my lips to his.

-"I'm not ashamed,"- He spat quickly, almost pissed that I even said it, -"I'm just..., I..."

I'm surprised he couldn't put it into words. I chuckled at his inability, -"I get it."- I did, but I couldn't explain it either. It was like he was _too _excited, but at the same time nervous?

-"No, wait..., let me explain,"- And he was stuttering too, isn't that cute? He pushed me outside and we both sat on the sofa, facing each other, -"Jean, I..., if I made you think I didn't liked it or anything... you're wrong."

I tried to hold the growing joy in me as I waited for him to explain.

-"It felt good, _really _good and I enjoyed it, but the sensations were... empowering me. It was all new, unexplored feelings and the mere fact that I was... naked before you made me thrill and think incoherently. I was a bit nervous too, I didn't know what you'd think or how you'd react. No one ever did it to me,"- Marco explained and right now, he was shivering, the images vivid in his mind, -"All those emotions blurred my mind and overflowed me. I guess that's why I fainted. I then asked you to give me some time so I could sort my thoughts. I'm sorry I made you worry..."

God, I was so hot for him right now -heck, I always am, but my heart was filled with joy. I was glad that he was really okay and that he wasn't disgusted at my actions, -"Oh, Marco, it's alright, really, I should've been straight about it too. Maybe if I told you, we would've both been prepared."

He chuckled and shook his head, -"I knew what you were going to do and I allowed it because I wanted it,"- Before I could reply, he moved closer to me, -"Jean, I-I... want to do it to you too."- As he said that, thrills slithered down my spine, his hand trailing down my thighs.

My body went rigid at his touch and I felt an erection coming up, -"M-Marco... you don't have to..."- Oh, what am I saying? I _wanted _that since I had that nightmare, I had naughty thoughts about Marco blowing me, so what the fuck am I saying? I guess I was also worried about him and it's not that I though Marco incapable, he was just so nervous then..., I don't want him to faint again, I don't want to hold his near lifeless body, I don't want to experience that again. I was scared for real, I seriously though he died. It was terrifying.

But the funny thing was, he wasn't nervous _at all _now. I was practically shitting myself, my stomach was whirling and I might have farted a few times. His next words put my back hair on end, -"Relax, okay?"

I was literally blank and sluggish, unable to move my body as Marco knelt before me. He rubbed and fiddled with my knees before sprawling my legs open. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the ecstasy. Marco unbuttoned my shorts slowly, probably on purpose and I admit, it was a bit annoying, but since my mouth was open and drooling due to my blurred mind, I really didn't whine. It was only when Marco pulled my shorts and underwear down completely that I understood his latter statements.

I'm _naked _in front of Marco. _Naked_. In front of the man of my life. The man I loved more than anything in this word. The man I'd gladly give my life for. Am I exaggerating a bit? In my defense, me being bare in front of him made me think like this, so bear with me. What's funny was that I wasn't entirely naked, my crotch was, but hey, I might as well be. I certainly _felt_ naked.

Like Marco said, I too felt uncertain of what he'd think of "it". I was a bit nervous as well. Like him, I've never been bare in front of anyone and the first time's the most jittery one, but only temporarily. I have a pretty big dick, alright? No, I'm not gloating about it (and so what if I am?), I see it every damn day and Marco's current face confirmed it. He was wide eyed, his cheeks and temples splotched in red. He gulped and I managed to let out a low chuckle at his inability to speak. I raised an eyebrow, expecting his comment.

He looked up at me, struggling with his own eyes that just wanted to keep staring at it, -"It's, um...,"- He stuttered, still skirmish with his eyes, -"Pretty big..."

I grinned, puffing out air. I was aroused in all places and Marco's look contributed to it. It's needless to say, he contributed to my erection too. I was pretty damn fiery and fretful for him to start blowing me, my body hot all over. Marco noticed all this and cleared his throat before nearing his face towards my crotch ever so slowly. The second his lips grazed it, I darted my head back at the wave of sensations. Oh, God, it was hard to explain. My skin pricked and tingled at the overwhelming bliss -and he hasn't even worked me entirely, but when he did, oh my fucking God. It was like I was blasting off to the sky. In other words, yeah, I grew wings, and Marco's silhouette vanished before me as he sucked and licked me gently. I blinked several times, as if to wipe off the fog, but I was powerless.

Again, like Marco said, the sensations were powerful, all new and uncharted, but I wanted to explore more. I'm eager to and with each suction, a new sensation brew and my body thrilled and shivered and... and...

Let's just say I was losing hold of my conscience. Marco's mouth and tongue down there felt really, really _good. _So good, that my whole body was quavering and that Marco even had to strengthen his grip on my knees. And it wasn't because I was skittish, it was because of the million sensations I was getting. It really was overwhelming and I had to breathe in and out several times to keep my head on Earth.

When I didn't felt Marco's presence there on several occasions, it's when I realized I was spitting cum out like nuts and that Marco was coughing at the incessant amount. Still, that didn't stopped him and I was really having an orgasm when he increased speed and suction power (sounds odd, right?). With one hand, I clutched the couch's leather and with the other, I gripped Marco hair and slowly pushed his head closer to me. I wasn't exactly aware of what I was doing, but I did wanted to feel him more, to feel his mouth deeper in my cock. Again, he coughed. He was probably chocking up and, cleverly, he pulled his mouth out a bit, but began fingering me deep within, to not let this glorious orgasm vanish. After recovering, he continued blowing me, harder and _harder. _I croaked and yelled his name for God knows how long and how many times. Like him, I was raving and when he did one final, harsh suction, I bleated and exhaled in pleasure, letting the bliss and ecstasy in, for what felt like hours.

When it ended, which didn't really faded entirely, I checked on Marco. He was resting his head on my knee, his arm around my leg like a koala does to a tree, as if he were asleep. Only that he wasn't, he was just taking a break, I hope. His mouth was mildly open, cum pouring out of it. I poked his temple, -"Marco...?"- I lent forwards when he didn't answered immediately. Terror struck me.

He _was _breathing, but he seemed comatose.

-"Marco, _please_... answer me."- I tried to straighten up, but my body was heavy from so much exhilaration. It just wanted to lay still on the couch.

He then chuckled and lifted his head. He wiped the cum of his chin and smiled, -"I'm alright..., Jean."

I exhaled my fear and lent back onto the couch, covering my face, -"Oh, thank God."

He caressed my knee, -"Jean... are _you_ alright?"

I parted my hands from my face and gazed at him, -"Alright?"- I smiled broadly and cupped his face, hunching my back so we could be face to face, -"I feel fucking great. I'm _good_ -well, you were. That was..., damn, so _good_ and _hot_."- I wasn't ashamed talking to Marco in that sort of language.

And he was accustomed to it. He chuckled, his cheeks lighting up as he breathed profoundly, satisfied with my answer _and_ reactions, -"I'm glad."

I began to near my lips to his, but then I though he might want to clean up -himself and my mess, -"Wanna take a bath?"

Of course, he didn't denied and after the "bath", which involved gropes and hook ups, we cleaned the mess downstairs and just cuddled for the rest of the evening, playing video games and watching a few movies. He even decided to stay with me overnight and I couldn't be more happier.


	64. SIXTY-FOUR

SIXTY-FOUR

Everyone told me that the driving test, the paper one, was the easiest thing on Earth. Heck, I even believed them.

They couldn't have been more wrong.

No matter how many times I read this shit, I can't get it into my head and I've failed that test (which kind of resembles a quiz and made my self esteem downgrade) _five_ times already. _Five_.

I was so struck by this fact that I made it personal and even called Marco for help. He was my nerdy and if someone knew how to study, it was _him. _Only when he arrived and I told him about it, I had to explain a bit more.

I told him about me wanting to start working so I could help my father and lift some burdens off of him. He tried to hide it, but I knew he disagreed, I knew he wanted me to focus on my _school _and soon, college studies. He didn't said anything, -"Marco,"- I spoke, trying to maintain his eyes on me, -"Speak your mind."

And so he did after a long sigh. Like I said, he though I should focus mostly on studying, on my career that will define my future, that if I worked, it'll inflict on them and that I wouldn't be able to split my time. Still, he understood why I made the decision and even though he didn't agreed, he supported me.

He helped me study and gave me tips on how learn this shit thoroughly. Afterwards, I felt pretty confident next time I'll face this test, which was tomorrow, but _shhh_! Marco studying techniques were really ass kicking and precise.

We were taking a ten minute break like he suggested I should and guess what? Yup, we hooked up, arms around each other and fingernails clawed on our skin. We kissed fervently and marvelously (someone please give us an Oscar), licking our lips and soft spots, sucking on our skin and leaving blots. We parted, took some air and hooked once again until Marco's clock ringed, cueing the end of our little break, -"Let's revise everything, okay?"- He said, a bit breathless as he caressed my chin, trailing his thumb through my lower lip.

-"Do we have to?"- I whined, pouting.

He chuckled and pecked my lips, -"Yup, come on."- He pulled me up and dragged me to the table. I literally had it all in my mind and not just bottled, I really got it and understood it and I was confident I'll ace it tomorrow.

After hooking up one more time, Marco left after wishing me good luck and I was all alone, already missing my freckled bastard.

Next day, I took the test and I was surprised at how quick my name was called after I finished it. I was in the main lounge, waiting impatiently, shaking my leg up and down when I sprung up. Still, I was even more surprised when I saw the grade: I fricking passed! I then swagged out towards Dad, pretty darn proud of myself and showed him the result. He was proud of me too and after that, we headed off to buy dinner.

Next stop was the driving test, the _real_ one, were you actually get in a damn car and ride it. Again, I was pretty surprised at how well I managed to steer and drive backwards. At first, it was complicated, it _was_ my first time, but I adapted quickly, to the feel of the steering wheel, the sound, the form of the car and the strength of it and in a few minutes, I finished the course the trainer set up for me and I fricking passed again! He even applauded me! Well, maybe it was a bitter applaud, considering he might have gone through this over and over again, but who cares?

At home, I quickly dialed Marco's phone number, -"Hey, Marco! Guess what?"- I spoke a bit too loud, turning the license on my hand, with my lame pic, and gawking at it.

-"You got your license?"- He asked, but he already knew the answer.

I hopped to my room, -"Yeah, man! I can't believe it myself!"- I tucked the license in my wallet.

-"That's great, Jean!"- He said, but he didn't sounded as enthusiastic as I was, -"I'm happy for you!"

Just recently, I've noted how Marco wasn't so happy after all, specially since I told him I'd be getting a car tomorrow. Ever since I passed the paper test, he's been uneasy and kind of resentful. _Kind of_. I'm not entirely sure why. Yeah, we had a disagreement with this whole thing, but he made it clear that he understood my reasons and that he'd support me no matter what. Now I see there's more to it than that. I have a theory that he's being extra unsettled by the fact that I'll soon get a car and could go anywhere I wanted, _without_ telling and that I'll meet new people once I get a job. He's just jealous and being overly protective, so I didn't gave it much though. He'll get over it. Besides, I'll _never_ do a thing without his consent.

Well, maybe I should talk to him about it. Odd, it was. I'm the one who's often jealous, not him. Of course he gets jealous, but not on my level. So, I asked him, -"You alright, Marco?"

-"Huh?"- He seemed distracted, -"Oh, yeah, I am. Why?"

-"I dunno, you've been... restless and kind of pissed at me."- I began to fidget my hair nervously. Whenever Marco got into a mood like this, every nerve in my body gets in red alert.

He gasped, as in: _'how could he say such a thing?'_ -"No, I'm not,"- He said in defense, -"Why would I be?"

-"I dunno... it's a feeling I get."- I shrugged on my side, as if he were here.

He stayed silent for a few seconds before answering, -"I'm okay, Jean, really. If something were wrong, I'd tell you about it and so will you, right?"

_There! _I exclaimed mentally. That last part translated to: '_if there's some other guy courting you, you'd tell me, right?' o_r _'If you're cheating on me, you'll be honest and tell me, right?' -_"Yeah, of course I will."- And I meant it, though I seriously doubt I'd court some other guy or girl. Marco is my only man and I think I'm only gay for him.

-"I love you, you know that, right?"- There he goes again, as if blackmailing me (though that sounds too extreme and it would involve money. Marco's too good for that), trying to make me feel guilty for the whole car thing.

-"God, Marco, can you make it more ominous?"- I said, throwing my arms up, -"Come on, freckles, what's the matter?"

Another silent seconds and then a sigh, -"I'm just... worried, okay? It's dangerous out there."

-"Uh-huh,"- Figuring he wasn't saying anything _now, _I sighed too and dropped the discussion, -"I'll be alright, Marco. I'm no pushover. I can defend myself."

He sighed again, but this time, a bit relieved, -"I know..."

"Don't worry, you'll just tire yourself,"- I was putting effort into making him sure I'll never do _none _of those, that I'll never cheat or court another guy (or girl), but somehow, it wasn't enough. I knew there was a tinge of doubt in the back of his mind, -"Besides, I never keep secrets from you."- Well, now I was being too obvious.

-"What do you mean?"- He quickly asked.

I sighed and decided to go straight to the point, -"I think you're just jealous and worried that I'll cheat on you, right?"- Which was kind of sad after all we've done. Just a few days ago, he'd given me the best blow job I could have asked for and before that, I'd given him one too. Marco and I were definitely more intimate and it hurts that he think I'll cheat on him anytime soon. I know there are couple how had sex and they still cheat, but that's not something neither of us will do and he should know that.

Incidentally, I would have been worried and jealous too if he'd be in my place.

-"Huh? N-no, that's not it..."- He stuttered, his voice low.

-"Then what is?"

-"No-nothing!"- He exclaimed, a bit flustered, -"Just worried!"- And with that, he hung up.

I pulled my cellphone from my ear and just stared at the screen, face blank. Okay, something's up. I'll need to talk to him later after Dad buys me the car tomorrow.

Next day, I was really excited (and bored) in the car's dealer with my father. After a fucking lot of hours of signing papers and making deals, I ended up with a new Toyota Prius C. I preferred a used car, more cheap and probably fully paid, but Dad argued with me that most of those come in bad shape, so he ended up buying a new car from scratch and stated he'll pay it for how long it takes him. Once I rode it and headed home, with him behind, the word seemed much different now. I could go _anywhere._

Two days later, I found a job in a near gym, a highly regarded and professional one. It was at the far end of Trost so I had to travel a fair deal. They were placing banners everywhere for new personnel, so I took my chances. The guy in charge of new employees was kind of slurry and bitter. He set me up as a janitor, since there were only like two of them, and stated that he'd pay me six dollars per hour. Since it was a part time, I won't gain much, not until I prove myself for a better position. I told him I'm a high school student, second semester and soon going to college, so he adjusted my schedule for weekends only so I'd be working Saturdays and Sundays noons until evening.

I told Marco about it and he wasn't happy_ at all_; this time, he didn't even fake enthusiasm. He was glad that I found a _job_, what he wasn't jolly about is that it was in a _gym_, where lots of pretty boys and girls do workout, -"See? I told you you were just jealous."- I said to him after arriving from church on Friday. I have to admit, jealous Marco is damn adorable, his cheeks red in flutter

He pouted, his brows furrowed and his cheeks wrinkled in rebuke and jealousy. To be honest, he was also scaring me a bit. I've never seen Marco _this_ jealous, he wasn't the type, but ever since we've gotten, _ahem_, comfy and intimate with each other, he's been very attached to me. I can't say I haven't either, -"No, I'm not."- It's cuter when he denies it.

I sauntered towards him. We were in my room and after church, he said he'd stay with me for the rest of the day and leave this evening, and now, it seems he doesn't want to go, -"Marco, listen to me,"- I cupped his face, his lips still pursed. I looked straight at his eye, an advise from Diego to avoid misunderstandings, -"You don't have to "worry". You know you're the only man I _love_ and that I'll never replace you for anyone else. Think of all our times together, you think I'd do that to someone else?"- Marco's face softened as he shook his head slowly, -"So, please, don't "worry" and just trust me, okay?"

Marco smiled a bit and nodded, -"Okay,"- He affirmed and his face fell, -"I'm sorry, I'm such a moron..., how could I think that of you?"

I caressed his cheek and united our foreheads, -"It's okay, Marco, that's normal, and so is jealousy."- I wasn't telling him anything he didn't already knew.

Our lips met afterwards and moved in sync and clashed with each motion, like waves against a shore. My tongue slithered in his mouth and toyed with his, like two dogs who've just met. I gripped his slick hair and pushed his mouth deeper in mines as he pulled me towards him by my hips. We kissed for several minutes and parted, whispering 'I love you' to each other.

That Saturday was my first day of work and I finally understood why the janitors at school were all bitter and morose: this was the _most_ boring job ever. Not only that, others tend to look at you snootily, as if we were some kind of aliens or something. I say 'we' because the other two janitors got the same treatment. I brushed those though aside though, I came here to work and help Dad and I plan to keep it like that.

Also, I though that since these people were so painstaking and meticulous with their exercising utensils, the bathroom and everything else would be at least moderate, but I was wrong. Again. It's repulsive; the toilets were un-flushed, so the water was green or brown, stagnant due to huge mucks or paper. The sinks were rife with cropped hair (I have no idea why!) and covered in mushy mucus. I literally turned on all the sinks, letting wade down the tube and with gloves, I brushed the hair into my hands and dumped them in a steerable trash I dragged around. After cleaning the toiler (which I'm not giving you the details. Trust me, you'll puke), I sprayed one of those good smelling, homecoming perfumes around, because, really, this place needed it. Rush.

Around four, I was given a break and was eating yesterday's leftovers I brought in a small lunch room with just one round table and three chairs. At the corner of it the room laid a small microwave on a simple table. This place was so closeted and remote from the rest of the building that the air was kind of stale and tough to take in. God, it was like an oven in here!

I was pulling my long ass shirt's collar, which the managers gave me, trying let some air in when the door opened, -"Keep it open, will you?"- I said, not even looking at who it was. I wasn't facing the door.

-"Sure. Whatever."- It was one of the janitors. No one else eats here.

He sat in front of me with his own basin, his eyes glued to it, -"Harry, was it?"- I asked, not sure of his name. He was young, possibly of high school too and kinda lanky. With dark hair, pale skin and somber eyes, he looked like a vampire.

He just shrugged ignorantly.

-"Fine. Didn't cared anyways."- I spat. Damn it, their bitterness and ignorance was sticking to me. The other one, Thalia, I think, was just as grouchy -or worse.

Right on cue, she entered on a tantrum, -"God, I hate them so much! This isn't worth the pay!"- Great, she's querulous too. Just what I needed.

-"Pipe down."- I said, hissing at her sharp voice that penetrated my ears like a din.

But of course, she didn't, -"And who do you think _you_ are?"- She turned to the taciturn Harry, -"Who's this? New kid?"

He just nodded.

Every hair in my body bristled on the 'kid'. I turned to her in an abrupt movement, -"And who do you think _you_ are calling me a kid, huh?"

-"I'm old enough to call you whatever the hell I want."- And sure enough, she had the look that she'd been here way longer than me or Harry. She wasn't young, that's for sure. With burgundy hair and wrinkled skin, I'd say she was around her forties. To be honest, those creases looked like they were caused from so much frowning and whining.

What a good first day, huh? -"Hell no,"- I answered, scowling at her, -"Just because you're an old, grumpy grandma doesn't give you the right to call me that."- There I go again, losing control of my tongue. I didn't cared, my mind was too tired and jaded to withdraw.

-"_Old grandma?_"- She repeated, her mouth gaped and finger-wagging me, -"Now, listen here, you little brat-"

-"Argh! Enough!"- I snapped, throwing my arms up, -"I came here to eat in peace and you come right in to screw it all!"

I tried to mollify her, but clearly, I didn't chose my words well and just made it worse. This must be a new record! First day of work and I was already arguing with someone I barely know! -"Don't talk to me like that, young man!"

This probably couldn't get any worse. Harry stood and left, leaving me alone with this crazy bitch... that somehow reminded me of Mom, of her old days when she used to yell at me in that same way. It was an odd comparison, really odd. Eventually, I left too, leaving her shout her soul out.

That evening though, I felt bad. Really bad. Harry seems like the shy type and my discussion with Thalia seemed to have scared -that or he gave no fucks. Thalia was just stuck-up with work, I've been told before I left that she's the one in charge of the janitors and that by her austere and brash attitude, she has lost people. I didn't blame them -or her. Yeah, surprising after our dispute, but check this out: I also learned that she has been working there for ten years. _Ten_ years being overlooked and subdued by her superiors. I won't mention the nasty work a janitor undergoes, because when she signed up, she knew she'd have to deal with it, but being treated like shit? That's a no go. So, in part, I could understand why she's so grouchy. There's no better example than my own experience today: just one day, _first_ day, and I got all moody too.

So, naturally, when I got home, I plonked onto bed from the exhaustion. My phone rang several times, but after a few minutes, I stopped hearing it. Was it Marco? Dad? I dunno and I was too tired to stand up and answer. I fell asleep after staring at the ceiling for hours.


	65. SIXTY-FIVE

Late update :c

* * *

SIXTY-FIVE

My phone was ringing again.

Hand on my throbbing forehead, I stood up groggily and trudged towards it, -"Yeah?"

-"Jean? Are you alright?"

I was a bit surprised to hear Marco's voice and not my father's. I didn't even checked who was calling me before I answered, -"Uh... yeah, I am."

-"I though something happened. You didn't answered me yesterday."- He said, his voice full of worry.

Oh, so it was him, -"Yeah, sorry. I was kind of tired."- I apologized, stretching my body and yawning.

-"You just woke up?"

-"Mjum."

He gasped, -"Oh no, I'm so sorry I woke you up!"- He said quickly and apologetically, -"I'll hang up so you can sleep a bit more!"

I chuckled. That was so sweet and cute, -"It's alright, Marco,"- I won't lie to him. He did woke me up, but when I saw the hour on the clock, it was only natural that he called. It was ten in the morning and I have work soon, though I don't know if that was his reason for calling me, -"In fact, I kinda needed the call."

He laughed, -"I see,"- He added and now, he sounded even more worried, -"You said you were tired and you sound fatigued. How was work yesterday?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. My head began to ache at the memory, -"Quite wearying, actually. It's a long story I'm not gonna spare you."- And so I practically vented out everything that happened yesterday, even Thalia's comparison with Mom. He listened to me, supported me and gave me advise on how to deal under pressure, deal with others and how to keep control. I forgot almost all of them and just decided to think about him on times like those. Seriously, just hearing his sweet, mellowy voice made me feel better.

-"I know it's not easy, but you have to keep trying."- He said.

-"Yeah, I know,"- I started clothing up for work after putting the call on speaker. Pulling my jeans up, I tripped and almost fell if I hadn't hold onto my drawer, -"Can't give up now, right?"

-"Exactly and Jean, you should talk to the other janitors."- He added.

-"What would I tell them?"- I knew I had to apologize to Thalia, but why should I talk to Harry?

-"They all despise their work because of how people treat them and it shouldn't be like that,"- He continued while I combed my hair, -"You should be a team and work together. You have to rally them. I know you can do it, you're a natural leader."

I scoffed. Shit, it's been so long since I've heard that leader thing from him -or Reiner. Uff, I've lost count of how many times he talked to me about that, -"You really think that will work?"

-"Yup, a motivated employee will work better and produce more."- He assented.

That actually made sense. Neither of us were motivated enough to work yesterday, especially Thalia. Even though Harry didn't express it, I knew he was uninterested in his work too, and all because of some assholes. We all probably signed in because we needed the job asap, -"I dunno, Thalia's a hard ass."

He chuckled, -"You were a hard ass too, Jean."

I almost choked. Me? A hard ass? Also, that was unexpected from him, -"Woah, freckles, slow down,"- In spite of myself, I was laughing, -"What do you mean by that?"

He giggled, -"You know what."

I did know, and he was right. I _was_ a hard ass with him at first in school and he managed to get trough. I get his point; if he went through me, I could go through Thalia, -"Damn, was I that bad?"- Looking at the clock, I realized I was fashionably late for work.

He giggled, -"Not really, just a bit stubborn -well, you still are."

-"Hey!"- I exclaimed, laughing out. He laughed too and after a few seconds, I cleared my throat, -"Hate to ruin the moment, but I, uh, have to go. Love you."- It felt weird saying goodbye to him to go to work. Fuck, I feel so old.

-"Okay, be careful."- After saying 'love you too', he hung up and I rode off to work.

Fortunately, today was Sunday and people tend to take breaks to relax in their homes, so the gym wasn't so full and -surprise- today wasn't so stressful. Harry and Thalia seemed to feel the same and it became clear that Sundays were their favorite days. Since they were a bit relaxed, I decided to apologize, -"Hey, guys, I, um..., wanted to apologize for yesterday."- We were eating in the usual launch room and none of us had said anything until now.

That was actually directed to Thalia and she knew. She looked up at me, arching an eyebrow.

-"For... yelling like I did."- Now that I think about it, she should apologize too, but it didn't mattered. _I_ was apologizing and whether or not she wants to beg off too, that's her decision.

Harry didn't speak and even though he didn't partake on the argument yesterday, he nodded a bit shyly, trying to hide his eyes.

Thalia just shrugged and I decided that's best than nothing.

-"Also, you shouldn't let these people treat you like shit because of your work."- I added, pulling my basin out of the microwave and placing it on the table.

-"What?"- Now I had her full attention.

-"You heard me,"- I replied, sitting down and looking at them both, -"That goes for you too, Harry -for all of us."

-"What are you? Some kind of chevalier?"- Thalia mocked.

-"No, I'm not, not even close. I'm just suggesting you not to take these people seriously. Just ignore them and flip them off, because if we keep worrying about what they think or what they'll say about us, we'll never complete what we signed up for,"- I watched their expression; Thalia was attentive, carefully listening to my words, but she tried to hide it. Harry was nodding, agreeing with me with a bit of awe in his eyes, -"You know they're just trying to topple us, right? As a team, I mean, and we shouldn't let them. We have to show them that our work is just as important as theirs and that we deserve respect for it."

Thalia laughed out loud after a few seconds of silence, -"This whelp barks loud, but doesn't bite."

-"Hey, I'm serious."- Her statement annoyed me. I'm no pup.

-"Sure,"-She shrugged indifferently, -"Well said, but you're all just talk."- She waved us off and stormed away.

I shook my head. Well, I tried, but she has a harder ass than mines a few months ago. Still, her ignorance and indifference just encouraged me more and when I started working, I put more impetus and the results were more efficient. Some guy threw some empty bottle to the floor? No problem, I picked it up and dumped it. When it became sequential, I knew there was something going on, so I faced the bastard who was throwing them on purpose and spoke up. Of course, like all of them, he said that it was my job to keep this place clean and pick up shit like that. "A man is known for his work", is what he said. He practically said I was trash and I didn't liked it at all. Let's just say the quarrel got tense and I had to be dragged away after forcing the guy pick his trash -or trying to, he didn't do it. My superiors didn't liked it one bit, but after explaining them why I did it, some one them understood. Other's didn't. Those others said the same thing: "it's your job".

I was given another chance, which involved keeping an eye on me, after lecturing me not to disturb the customers. I didn't liked it, but considering that's the best I'd get from these assholes, I dropped it and continued to work. Double time. Same impetus and all, mixed with a bit of anger. Apparently, it was contagious. Harry joined me a few minutes after that hassle. -"That was brave."- A quiet voice spoke beside me. Harry?

-"Huh?"- I turned to face him after dumping a stuffed sac outside. Imagine my surprise, he was the one who spoke, -"Oh, you think so? It was nothing, really."

He shook his head, eyes carved on his full sac he was struggling to drag, -"It's not 'nothing'. You stood up for us... and for m.."

I didn't quite heard that last part. He speaks so lowly, -"What? I didn't catch that."

-"N-never mind..."- He stuttered and when I strode towards him to help him with his sac, I _though_ I saw him blushing.

We worked together afterwards, dividing our work and covering more areas. Thalia watched us from the corners with a scowl on her face. I ignored her and continued my work.

Later that evening though, that same, cocky jock was throwing empty cans of coke again. He was provoking me, I can feel it in my gut and when I made my way towards him, Harry stopped me, giving me a concerned look. Holy shit, for a second, I saw Marco's face in his, I swear. He reminded me of Marco so much right now, trying to dissuade me from triggering another fight like he always does, -"It's gonna be fine."- I replied.

And so help me, his lips fringes curled in disagreement, just like Marco. He somehow figured out how easy it is to tick my temper off.

I don't know how much time has passed by as I just stared at him, seeing Marco instead, and considering he _wasn't_ Marco and this was probably weird (for both of us), I turned my head abruptly and kept walking. Again, I faced the jock and sure enough, he was waiting for me, -"What, _Litter_?"

There goes my tolerance. _Bye, bye, pal, _I though as I gritted my teeth at the nickname, -"Your parent must have really loved you, you know, teaching you manners and all."

He just laughed, not affected by my comment in the slightest, -"Yeah, well, at least they didn't trash me."

My teeth screeched, -"Oh yeah?"- My parents _never_ treated me like trash. I stepped closer to him, -"That's really heartwarming, mommy's baby, but I hope she didn't pampered you."

He stepped closer to me too, -"You're jealous, aren't you?"

As we kept shooting insults at ourselves, I observed him and calculated my odds of victory if we get to fight. He was brawny, sure, but not as tall as me, so I had advantage. His arms were longer though, so his grip on me (if we get to that) might be more effective. I've noted before that he's just as competitive as I was, so maybe I could exploit that? What would Marco say, 'play with words'? I certainly don't want to get fired so I took a shoot at it, -"How about this? If I reach one hundred push-ups, you pick the can up and dump it."- There was a mob of people around us and I figured he'd love to bent down and pick up the trash in front of them.

He eyed me and nodded quickly, -"Sure, whatever, it's not gonna make any difference. You're not capable,"- I looked down at myself. I did _looked_ incapable, the shirt was huge and it made me look fat, but when I took it off (a bit slowly, just to show off), his eyes widened a bit, obviously not expecting _me_, a janitor, to have these abs. Also, a few girls ogled me and whistled. Shit, I really hope Marco's not around, -"One hundred and twenty-five."- He spoke.

I scoffed and just shrugged, -"Fine."- Disregarding dallying, I knelt and prepared myself; legs stretched back and arms beneath me, my body's weight on them. I breathed in and out several times and began to countdown. I knew I wasn't the only one counting, I heard murmurs and whispers around me, the crowd taking count. I opted to ignore them and concentrate on my arms and legs. Around the fifteen push-up, they began shaking and my breathing hindered. The key for exercising was to keep breathing in and out in a normal pace, never faltering, to last longer. On the one hundred push-up, I was sweating madly, literally making a pool beneath me in which I'm sure I'd sink my nose in with each descend anytime now, -"Twenty! Twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three...!"- The countdown was louder now, -"Twenty-four... twenty-five!"- They cheered as I struggled to stand up.

When I did, someone threw a small towel at me out of nowhere and with my quick reflexes, I caught it and dried my face and neck. I then gazed at the jock and smirked; his mouth was gaped and yet he was speechless. I saw ruction and astonishment in his eyes though, -"Damn you..."- He muttered as I gestured towards the can.

He rolled his eyes, knelt down and dumped the can. The placed was buzzing with 'oh!'s and 'shit's. The guy's face was splattered in red as he stormed off, all fluttered. I was laughing to myself lowly, ignoring the girls asking for my name and phone number when I saw an unmistakable guy pass by the front door with an unmistakable brown box in his hands.

-"Marco...?"- I murmured, my breath stertorous.

And just then, someone approached me from behind and poked my shoulder, -"Jean..."

I turned back and spotted Harry, fidgeting his fingers nervously while looking down. He wanted to tell me something, but couldn't face me somehow. He seemed like he didn't wanted to be in this mob, but he _had_ to.

Needless to say, I was more focused on Marco and the fact that every girl in this room was around me right now. He was looking for me, confused at the ruckus, and when he spotted me, his eyes glistered, but then narrowed me when he realized the situation I was in. _Shit, shit, shit, I'm so screwed! _This is exactly why Marco didn't wanted me to work here -and maybe because it really is dangerous out there, but it was mostly because of the first reason.

I paddled my way through the crowd, refusing the girls' petition, my eyes carved on Marco and fuck me, he had that same expression he always makes when he's jealous (like last time we discussed about this). His cheeks lit up and wrinkled, fluttered at the amount of girls around me. Well shit, I _am_ bare chested in front of them, all sweaty and panting.

-"Alright, alright, settle down,"- It was only when the man who owned the gym, our boss, spoke that I realized he was there all this time. This is the first time I've seen him _here. _There were a few framed photos of him around the walls, -"Customers, return to your routines and my employees, back to your duty."- He clapped his hands pretty loud.

The room cleared and few girls portrayed a cellphone with their hands, whispering 'call me' before they left. Then, my boss approached me and my body went stiff, -"And you are...?"- He had his hand on his back as he observed me.

Awkwardly, I tried to reach my shirt without having to bent much, -"I'm, um, Jean. Jean Kirshtein. One of the janitors. A p-pleasure, sir."

-"Ah, you're the new one,"- He nodded and gestured towards the puddle of sweat, my sweat, -"You'll clean that, won't you? _That_ is yours, after all."

I then realized he had been here when I forced that jock to pick up the can of coke, -"O-of course, sir."

-"That was impressive, by the way. I didn't expect one of my employees to pull off one hundred and twenty-five push-ups,"- He paused, a smile forming on his lips and I knew he wasn't done, -"Nor that first and the yesterday's deed."

_Well, shit, -_"I'm sorry for the trouble, sir..."- I was gonna say 'it's not gonna happen again', but I can't make any promises.

He laughed, -"At least you're honest,"- Was I the most readable guy here or what? -"Do you appertain a sport team?"- I noted how he skipped that latter topic. He may approve of my actions, which I think he did, but that doesn't mean he'll accept it if I keep scaring his customers away.

I nodded, -"School's soccer team."

-"I see. Let me guess; Keith Shadis?"

I laughed lowly, surprised he knew my P.E teacher, -"Yeah, how do you know him?"

-"That's a story for another time, Kirshtein. We should speak sometime. Stay out of trouble in the meantime, alright?"

I laughed lowly again, looking down at myself and then back at him, -"We'll see."- I probably shouldn't talk like this to my superior, but I'm not lying. It's better if he's aware.

-"I'll keep an eye on you."- He warned and left.

I gulped and picked up my shirt. Damn, what a bad way to appear in a first meeting with your boss, but shit, I can't do anything about it now. I made my way towards a very fuming Marco, -"H-hey, what are you doing here, freckles?"- I spoke casually, smiling broadly and scratching the back of my neck nervously.

He gazed at the brown box in his hands, pouting his lips.

I cleared my throat and opened the box. Yup, donuts, -"Aw, sweet."- I said as I pulled a chocolate donut.

Suddenly, he sighed, -"Why are you all sweaty?"- He demanded.

My eyes widen as if a beam just struck me. I was still shirtless, -"Uh,"- Come on, I can't lie to him. When he came in, I was surrounded by girls, bare chested and sweaty. Really, the image wasn't comforting, but I'll tell him the truth, -"Some push-ups. Why?"- And yet, I felt like teasing him, piss him off and see what will happen.

-"Why?"

I shrugged, biting the donut and swallowing a chunk full of chocolate, -"Why not?"- I spoke, mouth full. That sounded as if I did it to show off and have every girl's (and guy's) attention.

Like I hoped, he furrowed his brows and shook his head. He knew I was teasing him, but he was still mad about it all, -"Or to get attention from _others_?"

I chuckled at his emphasis on 'others', -"Maaaybe."- I licked chocolate out of my lips.

His face hardened as he huffed and took a step back towards the main door.

-"Hey, hey, wait,"- With the donut on one hand, I reached for him with the other one and gripped his arm, stopping his tracks -"Listen, I'm just kidding. I just love to piss you off,"- I neared my face to his and kissed him in the lips, a bit unchaste. The face he made before kissing me back told me I shouldn't anger him anymore. When I parted from him a bit, I whispered, -"I love you."- And stepped back to put on my shirt.

-"Mjum."- He didn't answered right away and I knew he was still pissed off at me.

-"I'll call you and tell you all about it, okay? Recess's over,"- I said and pecked his lips, -"Thanks for the donut and for visiting me."

That made him smile a bit and I sighed in relief. After I left, I returned to work and noted how odd Harry was acting around me, like a child, like he wanted to approach me and say something, but chickening out in the end. I didn't payed much thought, he's always acting odd around everyone.

Later that evening, when I was about to leave, -"Um, Jean?"

I turned to face Harry, -"Oh, hey, everything alright?"

He nodded as his eyes traveled around shyly, -"Um, I...,"- He stuttered and gulped, fidgeting with his fingers again, -"It's n-nothing... just wanted to tell you goodbye."

-"Oh,"- I muttered, getting a bit awkward myself, -"See you next weekend then."- I waved my hands and rode off. Weird.

At home, I quickly called Marco and left him on speaker mode as I took a bath, washed my teeth, etc. We talked about the whole 'doing push-up for girls' thing and made sure I was just competing with a guy so he could pick a can up. At first, he didn't believed it, but he softened eventually and I was glad he trusted me. We chatted about random stuff until he mentioned something I totally forgot about (because I wanted to forget it!).

School starts tomorrow.

* * *

Jean's so clueless xD


	66. SIXTY-SIX

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

SIXTY-SIX

I was so nervous and pissed off that school starts today. The holidays felt eternal and I wanted it like that, but now it's being stripped from me. I don't think I'm ready to face that hell hole.

I was just waking up when my phone vibrated beside me. I rubbed my eyes before picking it up and squinting at it. A text from Marco: _Morning, Jean. I just left home. See you in school. _I smiled tenderly as his mellowy voice resonated in my mind... until I saw the hour. Damn, 7:30!

I forced my heavy body out of bed and a quick pain struck my arms. It must be from yesterday's push-ups, but I've done those countless times (but not one hundred and twenty-five, that's why it hurt now), so I'm accustomed to this kind of pain. I rushed to the bathroom, school clothes on hand (thank God they're clean!), washed my teeth, took a quick back and dressed up. Considering combing my hair was a waste of time, I pulled down a plain red beanie on my head. With my black jacket and causal sneakers, I hurried downstairs, ate breakfast (cornflakes, duh!) and rode off with my car.

On red lights, I checked my phone for a voice mail from Dad: _Hey, son, I hope you have an excellent day and work well. Don't worry about me, I'll pay your car and your pension for as long as I can. Concentrate on yourself, on your future and live well. I won't be able to be at your side, you're on your own, but know that I will always do what's in my power to aid you. I'm your father above anything else. I love you. _

A knot formed on my throat as I breathed deeply after my phone went silent. There's him, a man of hard work and a stout heart. I wanted to call him, to dissuade him, but I know it'll be pointless, so I just answered his voice mail with another one, -"I love you too, Dad. I won't let you down, I swear."- I _really_ meant it. If he's still going to carry that burden, I can't let it be in vain.

When the school was on sight, my heart skipped a beat. I'm positive I just shitted myself. I really don't wanna go in there, but Marco's there and I had to be there too, with him. I won't let any bully lay a hand on him, specially since we're known by half of the school -and I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said the whole school did.

Before I parked, I observed the entrance. It seemed peaceful, probably because it was 8 o' clock already. I finally parked on the back of the school and dismounted it. After pulling my hood over my head, I rushed in and fuck me, I wished I had stayed outside. The moment I set foot inside, a wave of memories stifled me: the fight with Frank, the fight with George and Trevor (the three fights I had with them), the whole flirting from Kat to expose me, my ex girlfriend, the issue with that little girl's cellphone, the fight twelve-one picked with my groups on the halls, the gay Japanese book from the library...; my head whined and I had to rub my temples in order to subdue it. Last semester was one _hell_ of a semester, and I had a gut feeling this one will be worse. Comparing myself with my old self from that time... I realized he was totally different than me. No more running away, no more cowering and whining.

What was also contributing to my headache was the main lounge; it was abuzz with students, bickers and murmurs possessing the air. I couldn't understand anything they were saying, but I heard the word 'gay' and 'lesbian' a few times already and I had an idea. I swam through the host of people, choking up at the stench due to the lack of deodorant and since the place was so full, my body was literally pressed from every angle. I had to make sure nobody recognized me, looking down while still keeping an eye out on where I was going. After successfully getting out, I bent and panted, feeling a bit nauseous. I hope Marco's not in this mess.

Shortly after, I felt a presence before me. I quickly straightened up and readied my fists. I can't get careless in this place, -"Whoa, are you _that_ desperate to punch someone already?"

When I saw it was just Axel, Nathaniel's boyfriend, I sighed, relieved, -"No, I'm not."- In fact, I _kind of_ missed this tense air, where a fight is brewing in every corner. I was actually looking forward to feel the shot of adrenaline from a fight. The only fights I didn't enjoy were Frank's (his broken nose did brought glee to me though). Not gonna admit that to him though.

He scoffed, crossing his arms, -"You don't fool anyone, Jean,"- I just rolled my eyes and strode past him. He has the same bad-boy attitude as his boyfriend, -"Up. Nathaniel's waiting for you."

-"Figured."- I muttered, already making my way there. I just arrived and Nathaniel already sent his boyfriend to pick me up. Great.

Upstairs in Nathaniel's little gang hideout, everyone was there, pacing and discussing around as if they were on war. I saw familiar faces, like Diego's and Zaeed's (which warmed me wholeheartedly) and of course, Nathaniel's. The rest were new, people who joined his cause recently -or, well, _our_ cause. I haven't seen Marco though and that struck terror in me, -"Well, isn't this a miracle,"- That unmistakable voice brought a smirk on my lips, -"Jean Kirshtein himself. Honestly, I though you'd never return."

I turned around to face Nathaniel and shrugged, -"Well, you clearly don't know me, Nate."

He laughed, -"Keep telling yourself that and you might convince yourself,"- His expression hardened abruptly, -"As much as I'd like to give you a welcome party, there's no time. Follow me, let's-"

-"Wait,"- I interrupted him, fully aware he loathe it, -"I'm not going anywhere until I see Marco. Where is he?"

Nathaniel gazed at his boyfriend and this one shrugged, -"I haven't seen him,"- He said and signaled one of his "men", an agent, you know, the ones who spy and keep a watchful eye on the halls. He asked him about Marco and when the guy shook his head, my stomach churned in fear, -"He hasn't stopped by either."

-"You enjoy this, don't you?"- I glossed before turning my heels. Whenever he said 'my men' or 'agents', a smirk grew in his face. He was a war-ish, vindictive guy who finds joy in conflicts. He always denied it, telling others (and himself) that he just wanted to fix things, but I knew better. I hate to admit it, but we were alike, but just a _bit_. I _do_ find all this exciting, if not ridiculous.

-"Jean, wait,"- That's Diego. I turned to face him and his expression made me quaver. He wanted to tell me something, but was second guessing himself, -"About Marco... I think he's in trouble."

-"What?"- I breathed out, barely, as I felt my chest tighten. No, no, no, _please_, the day just started!

-"He sent me a message, _mira_."- He clicked on his IPhone and showed it to me. ***1**

I read, squinting at it due to the absurd brightness: _tell nathanil i'll be ther in a few. i think i'm being followed, but dnt tell him tht. i'll lose my pursuers soon. _Noticed the lower case letters and grammar mistakes? Marco always writes perfectly, no grammar errors whatsoever. He wrote this desperately, in a rush, meaning... he _is_ in trouble. There was also an unfinished message beneath that one, _if jean's there, dnt tell-. _

He's in trouble and he doesn't want _me _to know? Is he nuts? Fuck! -"Why hasn't Nathaniel sent someone for him?"- I spoke, a bit too loud and sharp, waving my arms, almost dropping Diego's precious phone.

He took it quickly, -"Guerrero couldn't risk it, Jean,"- Diego spoke, waving his hands at me, gesturing me to lower the tone of my voice, -"Your boyfriend's clever, but..."

-"Couldn't risk it? Not even one _guy_? Are you shitting me?"- I spat, shaking my head. I was frustrated at him, Nathaniel _and _Marco.

-"Jean, please, just think about this. This is exactly what _they_ want. They know you've arrived. You'll just lure them he-"- He figured out too late that showing me the messages was a bad idea.

I clicked my tongue and just ran out of there. I chased down the halls at full speed, my feet collapsing on the floor with loud thuds. I should be more careful, running like this might alert the bullies, make them think I'm running from one of them, that I was one of the new kids or nerds, but I didn't cared. Marco was top priority and I can't loiter. Each second I waste, the closer were Marco's hunters to their prey. When I arrived in the upper circle, I examined the area to see if there were any leads to Marco's current location. There were a few nerds around here, heads down and trying to hide from the bullies. Asking any of them might be dangerous, so I discarded that. My heart beats increased, desperate and fretful for Marco. _Come on, Jean, think!_

I couldn't text him, too risky. It might tip off his pursuers off if he was hiding.

I rushed to the rondure's end where I could overlook the courtyards and fore halls. I watched the activities taking place like a hawk, searching for prey. Nothing. I then rushed to the other end of the rondure and repeated. _Marco, where are you?! _Panic was streaming through me, hindering my mind from concentrating. I breathed in and out in order to ease myself. There had to be something here!

_Focus, Jean! _I smacked myself a few times as I trotted throughout the school, monitoring every corner for Marco. On every turn, there was some bully mocking a student, typically defenseless, or some guy laughing at another guy who just go soaked or a crowd yelling at another crowd and obviously, fights. I just tramped by, doing my best to ignore the cries and shouts while avoiding attention. This is crazy. Someone has to shut this school down asap.

After what felt like an eternity, I spotted a silhouette wearing a deep blue coat and sea blue jeans. It was a man and after observing him exhaustively, I knew that was Marco. He wasn't facing me, but the way he walked and swayed his body told me enough. Yeah, I know how he walks and I can recognize him by it. That's definitely Marco. I'm positive.

Relief began to ease my panic until I spotted three guys following. _Three, _all brawny and tall from Trevor's little jock group, no doubt. Their eyes were carved on Marco, watching him like a sit-and-wait-predator. They were waiting for Marco to isolate from crowds, to avoid witnesses when they ambush him, but Marco didn't disjoin. He stayed withing crowds, hood over his head and hands on pocket, trying to appear as subtle as possible to confuse his pursuers. Sure enough, one of them stood on his toes and peered over the mob. _Keep going, freckles, _I harnessed that chance and took him out, with difficulty. I eventually had to pull him as far away from his comrades as possible to fight him off. He gave me a bit of trouble, I had to admit, managing to land a few blows on my face. After one firm blow to his jaw, he tumbled to the floor, knocked out, and I returned my attention to Marco.

Unfortunately, taking out that last guy had taken me time and I lost sight of him. _Damn it! _He couldn't have gone far though, it was just a few minutes and if he was still withing the same mob, I'll find him. When I ventured into the hall and spotted Marco again, I noticed the crowd slowly dispersing. S_hit, _I cursed mentally when I detected yet another guy a few feets in front of Marco, but this one was leaning on the wall, waiting for him and if Marco kept the current with the crowd, he's toast. He made a sudden halt, noticing him too and turned back, only to see the latter two guys who were following him up front. Marco's only escape was the men's bathroom beside him and it wasn't an escape at all. He's cornered. They had him.

Not if I can help it.

I strode towards the dispersing crowd, readying my fist. Apparently, Marco had a plan, but I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he had to: either slip past or defend himself from _three _bulky men. That goes without saying that the bathrooms were narrow. Marco had training, but he choose not to use it (stubborn ass he is), since he despises violence. I only saw him use it once, _against_ me, actually. It didn't matter what he had in mind, I'm here and I'll stop these dickheads from hurting him.

Two guys entered and the other stayed outside in watch. I opted to take out the guy on watch first before he warn his buddies. I approached him from behind, careful on my steps and when he looked over his shoulder abruptly, I realized stealth wasn't my thing. Before he could shout, I covered his mouth, wrapping one arm around his neck and pulling him back forcefully. He fought back, kicking my legs and elbowing my abdomen. I grunted at the pain, but tightened my grip on him as I kept pulling him away. I wasn't able to take him too far though; he darted his head back abruptly, his cranium colliding with my nose. My eyes blurred and my head went light the moment it made impact. I yowled, unconsciously losing my grip on him to rub my nose.

-"Hey...!"- The guy yelled, trying to warn the others and immediately when I bypassed my groggy state, I lashed and lunged at him from behind. I fell over him and began to punch him several times, trying to knock him out. When I executed a blow to his temple, he toppled his head down, unconscious in a matter of seconds.

I stood up, panting as I made my way into the bathroom, a bit limp and rubbing my nose. When I fell over the last guy, my knee crashed pretty badly against the floor, -"Oi, Marcoo,"- One of the guys inside called out, -"Come out, come out, wherever you are."- He spoke spitefully, kicking open the stalls.

-"Hey man, you really think Jean's back?"- The other asked, his voice a bit shaky.

-"Hmph, he better be. Besides, he wouldn't leave his bitch alone."

-"I dunno dude, I don't wanna piss that guy off. Remember how he broke Frank's nose?"

-"Yeah, and he'll pay for that,"- I was getting close to the bathroom when I heard another stall slammed open along with a sharp cry. _Marco! _My wrath began it's countdown, like a time bomb,_-_"There you are, you little bitch!"- I rested my hand on the door's fringes and peered inside. The guy who was cursing me pulled Marco from the last stall, gripping his coat's collar, and hurled him against the wall. He heightened him, his shoes barely grazing the floor, as Marco struggled with the guy's tight grip, -"Why don't you scream your boyfriend's name, huh? Come on, bring him to me."- He pulled Marco's hood down, exposing his messy hair, and when he slapped him, ire blew withing me.

-"Hey, fucktard, you wanted to see me?"- I stormed in like a tempest, fists clench and teeth gritted, driven by rage.

-"Oh shit, shit, shit, it's Jean!"- The ringleader's coward buddy exclaimed, pointing his quavering finger at me.

The leader dropped Marco, who landed on his ass with a thud and that just fueled my rage, -"Finally."- He grinned, turning towards me.

I lashed out and attacked the leader first, my current target since he harmed Marco. He dodged my first punch and launched at me, wrapping his arms around my abdomen and pushing me against the sink. The stiff edge of it clashed onto my back, sending a soaring pain through it and leaving me a bit breathless and groggy. Recouping myself, I gripped his hair and pushed his head down for an imminent strike for his face with my knee. I heard a scrunch sound before he cried out, parting from me and staggering away, hands covering his broken nose, -"Motherfucker!"- He cursed.

I stomped towards him again, reaching out for his head until a pair of strong arms seized me beneath my armpits, pulling me back harshly, -"D-do it!"- Said the coward who was restraining me.

Broken nose before me stood up with a grin and balled his hands. He spit at me before swinging his fist at my abdomen. I lent forward at the impact and I didn't braced for another punch, much less at my face, and the worse part? I bit my tongue _hard_. I hissed at the soreness, feeling it swell up already, and as the guy kept punching my stomach, I though about my last fight and how that guy managed to stun me with his rear head. I did just that with the guy behind me and if my blow wasn't enough, his head smacked against the wall and knocked him out. Once free, I blocked another blow to my face with my arms and swung my feet at him, kicking his balls. He knelt and covered his crotch, head down, so I didn't dallied and punched him three times before I heard Marco's soft call, -"Jean..."- Images of my previous rampage flashed by. Marco had managed to stop me before several times, now again, and helped me subdue my ire. This fight wasn't like Frank's and I hoped I never get to experience one like that again.

I was panting nonstop, sweat slithering down from all my body, with an arm around my abdomen as I trudged towards Marco, who was watching me fight wide eyed. He was both flabbergasted and scared. I can be a little scary when I get into fights, specially the ones where I'm being driven by anger or rancor, -"M-Marco... are you alright?"- I asked, approaching him.

But before I could even reach him, he stood up and swooped at me, arms wide open and closing around me in a tight hug, burying his face on my chest. I embraced him too and clutched his coat, as if we were in the middle of a tempest. _He's here and he's alright_, that's all that mattered to me. Then I remembered the hit he got from one of the guys (which were both unconscious on the floor now) and lifted Marco's face by his chin. His cheek had a faint red color to it from the slap he got (that or he was blushing), but it wasn't anything to go all berserk about. I was about to ask him if they hurt him somewhere else, but he grabbed my coat's hood abruptly and pulled my head towards his, clashing his lips against mines. He kissed me fervently, as if this was our last day together, moving his face sideways, draping my whole mouth. His tongue knocked on my teeth and I allowed access, finally kissing him back just as passionately.

I knew Marco enjoyed the sight of me fighting my way trough these bullies, like way back on drawing classes. His fear was more noticeable, but I knew he found elation at the fact that I fought for him, defended him, make him feel special. Not gonna gloat, but I must have looked hot, exciting him like this and all. His next words proved my latter statement, prickling my skin, sending gleeful sensations trough me, -"You should have taken your shirt off."

I snickered, -"Oh?"- I murmured in his ear, slowly pushing him towards the wall at the end of the bathroom. Marco has gotten good at flirting and it was driving me crazy, -"Well, I can work something out. Just say the word."

He giggled, his back meeting the cold wall, -"No, there's no need. I can do something about it too."- As he said that, he ran his slim fingers underneath my coat and shirt, scurrying them up my abs.

His touch titillated me and I neared my face to his neck. Sudden images flashed by, -"Hey, you remember when I first, you know, right here?"- I murmured as I licked his slick skin like a lollipop.

He chuckled, -"Mjum."

-"And I did this,"- I sucked on his neck, educing a soft, deep moan from him, -"And this."- I bit on it, taking out more moans from him. That was way back when I still didn't sort out my feelings for him and just then, in this very same bathroom and spot, I got lusty and a weird obsession with his neck was born -which I still had, to be frank- specially with those cute and irresistible freckles he had lined up there -oh, and I'm not even mentioning his sweet vanilla scent I so loved which was stronger there.

Marco giggled. I was possibly tickling him.

I then took a deep breath and kissed him in the lips again. After parting, I lent my forehead against his and closed my eyes, -"Marco... if I hadn't arrived...,"- That overwhelming feeling of protectiveness surfaced at the horrible outcome if I hadn't showed up. I just want to protect him from this hell, -"You can defend yourself, you know. Why do you hold back?"

He looked away and bit his lips. He never liked to fight back, or defend himself, at that. He often uses words, but those weren't a real weapon for defense. _That's_ how much he despises violence, -"I just..."

-"Marco, listen to me,"- I opened my eyes and stared directly at his, cupping his face, -"I know you can defend yourself. What would've happened if I hadn't shown up? You know I... I won't always be there."- I hated how that sounded, specially considering I was right. I _want_ to be there for him, _always, _but sometimes nature makes a move against you.

He shook his head, unable to accept that last part. He knew I was right too.

-"Please, I can't live with the though of someone hurting you again. I... I keep remember that fight with Frank and how he... he..."- That fight was hewed in my memory, how Frank kicked and punched Marco mercilessly, how I then went berserk with anger and punched Frank until breaking his nose. Marco's grieved expression was daintily carved on my mind, how it illuminated when he saw me and then turned fretful when I lost control. His soft voice and touch was the only thing that stopped me...

-"Jean,"- I snapped out from the rush of memories that were swallowing me when Marco called me, -"It's okay, I'll... try. Don' think about that..."

-"Promise?"

He just nodded.

We decided to get back, considering staying here with these knocked out guys wasn't a good idea. We stepped outside, hoods over our heads and I quickly pulled Marco close to me, -"Stay close and keep your head down."

He nodded and we set off to Nathaniel's hideout, since Hanji was absent. I couldn't blame her and I'm positive she wasn't the only one. If it were up to me, I'd cut every class, but I bet Marco's going anyways, and if he's going, I'm going too. I'm not about to leave him alone even though I just said he could defend himself.

We reached the stairs leading up to the hideout and both of us knew something was off: there's no one here keeping watch. Nate always left at least one of his guys at the end of the stairs to keep watch. It's always the same one and the guy always sat down, cross legged, and played PSP to conceal his real purpose for being there.

Marco and I looked at each other and rushed upstairs... only to find war.

* * *

***1**: mira: look.


	67. SIXTY-SEVEN

**Edit: Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan** (yup, I forgot xD)

* * *

SIXTY-SEVEN

Everyone, literally everyone was fighting.

Somehow, Trevor's group had found our hiding spot and had already knocked a few of ours out.

By instinct, I stepped in front of Marco, ready to defend him, -"Oi, it's Jean! Trevor was right!"- Shouted one of the jocks, pointing at me menacingly before attacking me. We grappled and I ended up defeating him after a successful punch to his jaw. I decided to commit that technique to memory as I turned to Marco, who wasn't there anymore. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him further into the hideout, kneeling before one of the wounded. He wanted to help, but I can't let him step right into the heart of the fight!

I rushed towards him and pulled on his arm, -"What're you doing?"- I yelled, barely heard since everyone's shouting

-"I want to help!"- He yelled back, shoving my hand off. I clicked my tongue, a bit vexed at his recklessness, but before I could even open my mouth, he spoke, looking at me straight in the eye, -"It'll be okay, Jean, I can defend myself. Keep them off of me while I tend to the injured."- He told me the same thing I told him in the bathroom, but now I somehow couldn't accept it. The number of enemies here was higher and the possibilities of escaping from this one unharmed were slim.

I pondered about it, biting my lips as I though about all the possible outcomes of this plan in a second, but in face of this situation and the horrible fact that we might be caught in a wrestling, I clicked my tongue again and nodded, -"Fine, just stay close to me."

Without further ado, I positioned myself close to Marco as he paced around, helping the guys who were knocked out and resting them somewhere safe -if there's somewhere place to begin with. My only goal was to keep these assholes away from him, keep him safe and unharmed. I lost count of how many I fought my way out, keeping them off of him. Nathaniel and his boyfriend fought too, but I felt their hostile glare on my back -specially Nathaniel's- when I wasn't looking and I knew they wished for this whole gang war to be against me.

I ignored them and eventually rode the enemy into regress.

Everyone tried to settle down afterwards, the wounded wailed while attempting to appease their broken nose or crippled legs. They laid against the walls or the cold asphalt, but none could calm down; they were just attacked and again, I found their zealot attitude towards war amusing. They fantasized and cried as if it was the end of the world. Please, call me when CoD franchise ends and then I'll weep my soul out.

Okay, that was kind of disrespectful, but seriously.

I was following Marco around while he tried to soothe the injured when a strong hand gripped my shoulder and wiped me around, -"What the-"- I exclaimed and for fuck's sake, I could never have foreseen a direct punch to my face in this place I though secure. The blow landed right where I've been punched before (don't remember in which fight though) and if it didn't hurt then, it definitely hurt now. I staggered and landed my back on the near wall, covering my face with both hands. My whole face went sore, specially my nose. I've never been punched like that before, but I guess I deserve it, considering how much noses I've broken today, -"Fuck!"- I cursed and when my hand began to loosen from my face, I took yet another punch. This time, I toppled, my head stunned and my back clashed on the asphalt.

-"Oh my God, Jean!"- Marco called in the distance, his usual mellowy voice filled with distress as he rushed to my aid, but someone held him back forcefully, -"What are you doing? Let me go!"

-"Enough, Nathaniel! Calm down!"- Was that... Diego? I wondered where he'd been during the attack.

Then it hit me: Nathaniel attacked me. Motherfucker. Wait... is he the enemy or am I..? Shit, I can't even think straight.

-"You're telling _me_ to calm down?"- Nate spat and I saw his hazy silhouette point at me, -"This idiot lured them right here! It's his damn fault!"

I blinked, finally regaining my vision. I quickly met with a very wrathful Nathaniel before me, still pointing at me and grabbing Marco's arm with his other hand.

-"It wasn't his intention, for God's sake! He was-"

-"Saving his little sweetheart! _One_ guy! He compromised our whole troop for just _one_ guy!"- He spat again, jolting Marco, -"Because of him, they know our location and they'll raid us again!"

-"Let go!"- Marco shouted, clawing his nails at Nate's grasp. When he didn't budge, Marco bit his arm, gritting his teeth tighter at Nate's flesh. I smirked at that. Marco actually shares my attitude when it comes to me -that, or he has learned from me. Nathaniel yowled and snatched his arms away. Marco quickly knelt beside me, placing his hand on both my cheeks, his thumb caressing my swollen lips, -"Jean, can you hear me? Oh, Jean, please...,"- His eyes welled and I parted my lips to speak when Nathaniel came again, gripped Marco's arms and hauled him away, -"Just stop, please! He's hurting!"- He didn't shared everything though, I never say 'please' to anyone in battle.

That's it. I snapped again. This is the second time and the day has just started.

I swung my leg at Nathaniel; he foresaw my attack too late and fell, his back slamming on the floor with a plunk. Still, he managed to rest one of his hands on his rear head to avoid severe damage. I forced myself up, groaning at the shot of pain in my knee as I hobbled towards him, knelt before him and thew a punch. He dodged it, moving his head aside and my fists hit the asphalt instead. I hissed and threw another punch, but he dodged it again and again, my fist met the floor. I was, without a doubt, hurting myself more than I planned to hurt him. He had admirable reflexes, I'll give him that, but so did I, and I proved it when he swung his clenched hands at my jaw and I evaded it and retaliated. Finally, my fists met his jaw and he grunted. He didn't wail for long though; abruptly, he swayed his body sideways and rolled over me. We wrestled and eventually stood up. I kept throwing punches recklessly, not really aware of my own moves and he just blocked or dodged them all swiftly. He really seemed like a military sergeant or some shit, with quick reflexes and portentous proficiency in battle.

Eventually though, he started losing his cool. I pushed it, even though I dwindled, my stamina drained and that irked him. His moves got sloppy and just one goal prevailed in his mind: take me down. Before he could abide though, Marco and Diego finally stepped in. They had been trying to stop us for a while now, -"Enough, both of you!"- That was Diego, too loud for him, but none of us obliged. Nate and I kept grappling until we were literally pulled apart by our respective boyfriends. It kind of surprised me that Axel didn't joined the fray and to Nate, that was unacceptable.

-"He risked your life, Ax!"- He spat at him.

Axel shook his head, -"It wasn't his intention and you know it!"

-"Now you're defending him?"

-"Hell yeah I am!"

I know that's gonna make Nate abhor be even more, but I don't care. While they argued, I paced around, spiting droplets of blood and flicking my fingers, causing a cracking sound echo around this pisshole while waiting for an opportunity to tackle him again, until a familiar pair of arms enveloped me from behind, banishing any corrupting thoughts, -"Jean, just... stop. You're hurting yourself and I can't bear it, it's not worth it."- Not worth breaking that bastard's nose? Doubtful. I kept glaring at him, at his clenched hands and gritted teeth. He's gonna try something, I just know it.

-"Guerrero, you've crossed the line!"- Diego was really distressed, possibly because he started all this when he told Nate of Marco's situation and showed me the messages, -"Wouldn't you have done the same if it was Axel instead?"

Diego has caught Nathaniel's tongue. He just gazed away.

-"Though so."

-"I would never risk our entire operation here, De Castro."- As he spat that, he glared at me and I glared back at him. God, I so want to bitch slap him, but Marco's gentle embrace held me back. He practically had me in the palm of his hands.

-"That wasn't your top priority when they raided us, am I right?"- Diego replied and I could concede his point. I saw how ferociously Nathaniel fought, always defending Axel, blocking any attack directed to him. He reminded me of myself, at that.

-"Shut up,"- He spat and waved Diego off. He pointed at me menacingly, furrowing his brows, -"It's all your fault! This isn't done!"

-"My thoughts exactly!"- I replied, wishing to go there and punch him some more, but at the same time I want to stay where I am, in Marco's arms.

-"Next time they come, I'm handing you in."- He spat and I'm pretty sure he meant it. Marco twitched behind me and I knew he wouldn't allow it.

-"Nathaniel."- Diego warned, stepping between us.

-"You can try."- I replied, spiteful.

-"Jean, please."- Marco warned too, tightening his grip on me.

-"Look at him! He's not even sorry for all he's done!"- Nate spat and threw his hands up in exasperation, -"If he can't even _think_ before acting, we're all fucked!"

Then my mind finally tried to make sense of all this, like for starters, why they blamed me for the attack. During the fight, I hadn't though about it -if I even think during those at all. Somehow, I lured the adversary here when I rushed out to Marco's rescue. True, I hadn't think before acting and thus, I risked every soul here. True too, I'm not feeling sorry... well, maybe a bit. I was particularly sorry and worried for Diego and Zaeed. Thing is, it didn't even crossed my mind this place's safety (or the people here) when I ran out: Marco's health was the one though and what would happen if I didn't find him soon. Brash, I know, but I followed my instinct and fuck that shit about "personal sentiments can affect the mission". I _love_ Marco and I'm not about to lose him for this "mission".

-"Why is he even here, huh?"- Among all the things Nathaniel said, that question stood out most.

_That_ was a good question alright. Why am I here if I don't even care for these people? I would say because of Marco, but it's getting tiresome, right? (it's true nonetheless). I appreciate what Nathaniel's doing here, stating our place and rights in this school, but it's, I dunno, not my thing. He's just playing "vigilante" and I think he cares more for his boyfriend than anything -or anyone- else (another thing we have in common. Fuck.). I just flip off, threaten or punch and knock out whoever insults me and _sometimes_, I don't pay it much attention. _Sometimes_. This whole thing for "the greater good" is not my place to act in, I say again. I really prefer not to tangle myself in such a thing, but oh well. Ever since I defeated Frank, I've become an icon of some sorts. Then again, Frank was the master mind behind the bullying and the controversy against homosexuals, but to be frank (get it?), I didn't really fixed anything, I just made his jocks angrier and feisty. Right now, the situation is worse.

I think Marco knows all this and he was giving me a concerned look, wondering what I'll say, so I'll say the truth and while I'm at it, I'll vent, -"I'm here because of Marco, alright? So what? I never asked for any of this, so don't fucking punish me for doing what I want to do. You don't have the _right _to-"

-"Nobody has the right to decide someone else's purpose for fighting. Period,"- I know that voice. I gazed towards the entrance and I admit, I'm completely astonished when I saw it was definitely Levi's voice I heard, -"Glad to know you've truly come. It wasn't an issue to find you at all, considering the trail of bodies you left."

I almost laughed at that, but I was still stunned at his sudden (and very punctual) appearance.

-"R-Rivaille..."- Stammered Nathaniel. Feels good to know I wasn't the only one dumbfounded right now. I do wonder what brought him here though. The attack? Why does he care about this pisshole?

-"The fuck is wrong with you making a big fuss about this?"- Levi gave him that intimidating scowl he gave me during the first days of school.

I snickered and when Levi turned to me abruptly, I shrank back onto Marco's arms, -"And _you_,"- He stormed towards me and I swear I've never been so scared in my life before (except when Marco fainted in my arms), -"You're too impulsive. How many times have I told you to _think_ before acting or speaking?"

Even as scared as I was, I rolled my eyes, aware of how much he disliked it. _Here it goes again_, another lecture, -"I get it, I get it, I should have been aware that I'd be watched when I stepped in this hell hole and that the enemy would be attentive at my every move. I could have told Nathaniel too, so he could prepare. My bad."- When I rescued Marco, I didn't though about any of this. Again, I'm defeated by Levi and his influence over me.

Nathaniel's expression softened when I said that.

-"Exactly. I'm impressed your birdbrain comprehends the situation,"- He paused and I glared at him. I'm not a birdbrain... right? -"Well done, for what is worth."

My expression softened, -"Huh? Repeat that, I didn't catch it."- Did he just praised me?

-"Fuck you,"- He sighed and began pacing around, -"I heard what you said before I arrived and I'm fucking disappointed. In years, nobody has accomplished what you've done. You're a bloody icon, Jean, whether you like it or not,"- I gaped my mouth, unable to take anymore of that crap or anymore of their besieging, until he raised his hand, -"Shut it, I'm not done,"- He spat, ran a hand trough his hair and continued, -"But your purpose is your purpose and like I said, I don't have the right to change it. Nobody's forcing you on this, Jean, so if you want to get the hell out, go ahead, though I doubt you will. Marco's too studious to abandon school."

He's right and I'm not gonna force Marco to leave and put his studies, something he cherishes, on hiatus.

-"We still need you though, so if you change your mind, you know where I'll be."- And with that, he left. Just like that.

Everyone was flabbergasted and somehow, the wounded stood up. I don't what the hell Levi did, but he has to have some sort of motivational powers. It made me want to participate and take this campaign more seriously. Also, I want to know what the hell does he have to do with any of this and decided to pay him a visit to his classroom.

I sighed, placing my hand on my aching head, -"Jean, let me take a look at you."- Marco spoke lowly to my ear from behind.

-"Not here. Let's go somewhere else."- I said and began to trudge towards the roof with Marco following me. Up there, I sat on an empty, tossed trash can and rubbed my temples, closing my eyes and breathing deeply.

-"Jean,"- Marco called and knelt before me, looking up at me compassionately, -"Please."

I dropped my hands and allowed his to nurse my messed up face. He tenderly caressed my swollen areas, my lips and cheeks, pressing on them. A muffled groan escaped my lips at the bit of pain, but then I just felt his soft fingers traveling and healing my face. I moaned at his touch, my eyes closing on their own as I rested my head on his palm. He chuckled lowly and his voice soothed me. I got drowsy, as if his voice was a lullaby and his hands a pillow.

He sat beside me and patted his lap, gesturing me to rest my head there and I didn't hesitate. Immediately when I dropped my head in his lap and threw my legs over the trash can, I looked up at the gloomy sky and deduced it'll rain soon. With the cool breeze and Marco's fingers rubbing my hair, and cranium, however, I fell asleep.

I took a ten minute nap and when I woke up, I realized we were late for class -and that Marco has been watching me sleep, -"Hey, Marco, we're..."

-"I know and it's okay, just rest a bit more."- He smiled tenderly, still rubbing my hair.

-"Aren't you...?"

He just smiled.

This must be a dream. Marco's cutting class? For me? So I could rest? -"You're unbelievable... and adorable."- I mused, warmed at his disposition to make me feel better.

He smiled again and lent down, placing a sweet kiss on my lips, -"How are you feeling?"- He asked after he parted.

-"Waaay better,"- I yawned and stretched my body, reeling the trash can in the process. Marco stopped it with his feet. I stood up after loitering and cuddling with Marco for a few minutes, -"Come on, we've got class."

-"Are you sure you're okay?"- He asked, observing my face and leg. I think I have a bruise there, which was bugging me a bit.

-"Yeah, plus, it's gonna rain soon."- I pointed to the sky.

Marco followed my finger and stood up, -"Okay."

We tangled our hands and set off. I was glad and surprised he didn't talked about my skirmish with Nathaniel. I know he wants to talk about it. He knows that whole issue is what's causing me the headache and decided not to contribute to it. How much adorable can he be? I have no idea.

We reached Levi's and I wasn't surprised when I saw a few of my group. Only Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Ymir, Krista, Reiner and Bertolt were here and of course, Levi, giving class because nothing or no one stops him. Marco and I sat near the others, who were all clustered together. Nobody's really paying attention (I sure didn't), but they at least tried, specially after receiving Levi's famous -or infamous- glare.

During class, I stared at the dark clouds looming above me. I have to apologize to Nathaniel, right? Goddammit. Why doesn't he apologized to me? He started the fight, come on! Doesn't he feel sorry, just a bit? He punched me two times, _two, _right in my face, at that, and considering Marco's look when he inspected my face told me it wasn't pretty.

-"Daydreaming again, are we?"- Levi spoke from beside me. Great.

I gazed at him and just shrugged, -"You know how it is."- I said indifferently.

His brows knitted, -"You want to fuck this semester up too?"- He spat, shaking his in rebuke, -"Marco is surely disappointed."

I scowled at him and gaped my mouth. Manipulative son of a bitch, -"What semester? Have you looked out to the halls recently?"- I argued, vexed at him. Even though he terrifies me, I've gotten bold and feisty with him.

His expression went blank as he narrowed me.

-"You know what's going on out there, why bother with classes? Also,"- Now, I wasn't stopping, my mouth flapped on it's own, -"I wanna know what the hell you were doing up there. You could care less for what Nate's doing."

-"That,"- He stepped closer to me and slammed his palm on my desk, it's clonk startling Marco in front of me, -"Is _none_ of your business."

A grin grew on my swelled lips, -"Suure and I bet Eren has to do with it."- Gasp teemed the room, specially Eren's. I saw him twitch in his chair as he faked writing whatever was on the slate and if he had even a bit of his old, peeving self, he would have said something, but he didn't and that just made the rumor even more veritable. The rumor that he and Levi had gotten on a liaison was more viral and I'm prone to believe it. I don't know if it's true, I haven't seen them hook up or anything, but I just wanted to bug him and I know it'll cost me.

What the fuck has gotten into me? This school's changing me, that's the only excuse I can come up with.

I'm proud to say I finally caught his tongue, took him off guard and won this 'who-has-more-balls' competition. It was only briefly though, but it's better than nothing, -"Jean!"- Marco called before me, twirling his torso to face me with an incredulous expression.

-"My, my, aren't you feisty,"- I might have gotten him off guard, but now he seemed relaxed, chill, totally unaffected by what I just said, -"You and I have to talk after class."

I just shrugged and the rest of the class consisted mostly of Marco's head shaking and side glances at me.

After class, Levi and I talked while Marco waited for me outside, -"You sure have a lot of balls to say that out loud."

-"Is it true though?"- It was kind of odd how loosen up I've gotten with him and how natural he seemed about it. Then again, our case was unique.

-"What's it to you?"

I shrugged, -"Just curious."

-"Then pry about something else."- He waved me off.

-"Fine, whatever,"- I turned to leave, but I halted my steps and turned to him again, -"Listen, I'm in on that whole thing, but I'm not doing it for you or anyone else."

Levi nodded, -"That's fine by me."

-"Good."

We took few classes after that and at the end of the day, we took P.E and I wasn't surprised to see Keith untouched by all the commotion. He gives no fucks and that's fine by me. I did workouts shirtless since I didn't brought a second pair of clothes and Marco's incredulous and disapproving looks turned to giddy simpers and flirtatious smirks. My body was rife with gleeful thrills as I felt his eye whip trough me, making me smirk smugly all the way to my ears. I knew he was kind of peeved at me for my loudmouth back at Levi's.

I began to wonder about the soccer team my group made as I ran by the shed that retrained the balls -yeah, the one I was captain of. I inquired Reiner about it and he left the matter in my hands. I clustered the group (which didn't had all the members anyways) and just said to cancel it for now. With the school in chaos, we could hardly practice and have a decent competition.

After workout, I was expiating my face from sweat with a towel when Marco approached me, -"Jean, how are you feeling?"

-"All good, thanks to you."- I kissed his forehead, resting the towel around my neck. My knee throbbed, but it wasn't something to wallow over.

He pulled on the towel and hitched me closer to him. With his arms around my torso, he buried his head in my chest, slowly tightening the grip, -"He shouldn't have hit you like that..."

Marco had been extremely worried about me, but deep within, I knew he was angry and resentful at Nathaniel. He concealed it, but his ears get really red and hot, and his cheeks wrinkled. Marco doesn't get angry much and I haven't seen him truly choleric like I often get, -"I liked when you bit him. Really sexy."

He blushed and chuckled, prodding my arm, -"But really, he went too far."

-"Yeah, I guess,"- You see, I was irked at him for punching me, but at the same time, I understood him. I would've done the same thing if I were in his place, -"Marco, I... decided to participate in his campaign. For you."

He looked up at me and titled his head, -"For me?"

-"Yeah, I want you to have your place here without any bastard mocking or bothering you because of your sexuality."- I spoke, feeling my head throb again. This topic really fucks me. It's kind of... unnerving, me against a whole society of homophobes, but for Marco, I'll do anything.

-"But... what about you?"

-"I'm fine."- I shrugged, unsure of the answer myself.

-"Then I'll participate for you."- He said, smiling up at me tenderly, squeezing me.

My chest warmed and my cheeks reddened, -"Huh?"- He somehow always manage to leave me speechless with his benevolent thoughts and deeds.

-"I love you, Jean, and I'll do anything for you too."- His lovey-dovey eyes were making me crazy and overwhelmed with affection.

I smashed my lips against his, finally incapable of holding the urge to hold and kiss him madly, squeeze him tightly and lovingly until his eyes pop out (I'm exaggerating). He kissed me back just as madly, ravenous for my lips as I closed the space between us. Our tongues embroiled and our hands ventured our flesh, specially his, since I was shirtless.

A distant whistle was the only thing that managed to pause our prolonged kiss. We both gazed at the door and spotted our group standing there, watching us as if it was a spectacle. Marco's whole face turned red as he toppled his head against my chest, covering it. He was chuckling nervously while I, big grumpy ass I am, was peeved. Do these guys know the meaning of privacy?

-"Long live love, huh!"- Piped Ymir, raising one arm while pulling Krista with the other and kissing her head. I always had a gut feeling those two shared something, so I wasn't surprised when Ymir brought her lips to Krista's and hotted the kiss. Krista's pale face burned as she tried to push her lover away awkwardly.

-"Oh, goodness, I had no idea you-"- Armin said, somehow unable to part his eyes from me and Marco, who still had his face buried in my chest.

-"Really? I think it was obvious."- Said Reiner, smiling at me.

The group kept chattering, except Eren, which was completely odd from him. I peered at his direction and I was shocked to see him kind of gloomy and lonely, his eyes dropped to the floor, trying to avoid Mikasa's. She was trying to enliven him, but he was ignoring her. Poor fuck. It's actually unnerving to see him like that though. The Eren I know always had something to mock about me and made up all the nicknames I've gotten. He was always vivid, eyes wide and mouth open. I couldn't help but wonder what had him like that.

I decided not to pry and just glared at the group, ordering them to fuck off. They laughed and obliged and Marco and I continued our passionate momentum.


	68. SIXTY-EIGHT

Omg, I just took a benadril (dont know if u guys use it for allergies over there) and i'm fucking drowsy as fuck. I just want to update this before i carve onto bed and never wake up.

Anyways, here's that Ereri you've been waiting for ;) forgive me if you see mistakes (i'm sleepy)!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

SIXTY-EIGHT

Next days of school were pure chaos. The more people joined our cause, the more aggressive the jocks and the adversary got. The fights became more brutal and a few of the school guards dropped out, probably thinking they weren't paid for this, but as a matter of fact, they _were_ paid to appease these sort of stuff -_especially_ this stuff. They were just cowards. Oh, but our principal hasn't shown his face yet. Biggest coward, that one.

I fought countless times and I haven't even healed entirely from the wounds I got a few days ago, but I'm a fighting machine and no one stopped me from allowing a safe access for Marco to his classes -and mines, at that.

Like I said, our cause grew in membership and supposedly, it was because of me. Someone, I have no idea who, has been taking videos of me fighting and that, somehow, motivated homosexuals _and_ straights alike, people who wanted equality and students who just wanted to study in peace. I was becoming famous and I wasn't fond of the attention I was getting (they even asked me for autographs, can you believe that? Fricking ridiculous). I was still glad to encourage these students and even though the fights were more brutal, we have managed to muffled them and keep them off the halls. Nathaniel was the one dispatching wrestlers whenever one of his spies reported a quarrel. He sent me in _all_ of them along with a few others and I haven't gotten a good nap since.

He also entitled me captain of one squad, which consisted of (what a coincidence) Axel, his boyfriend and a few others -I keep forgetting their names. He, like half of twelve-two, noted I had an innate talent to lead and rally people. That crap was really getting to me, but I couldn't argue with them. I have realized it myself when I led my squad into battle a few minutes ago. They all respected me and fought bravely, even when our enemy surpassed us in number. I devised a strategy and while we fought, I shouted orders and tried my best to keep my squad on foot. It worked and no one got knocked out, but a few were wounded. Somehow, I had managed to bring out the strength and vivacity out of these guys, who at first regarded me as no one but a man that barks commands and that fights for himself.

-"Good work, Jean."- Nathaniel said when I arrived, with my squad trailing behind me. He didn't looked at me though, too busy operating I-don't-know-what.

-"They're hiding."- I said, sitting on the desk beside his big operation table. With a towel, I wiped off the sweat on my forehead, panting heavily. I took quite a beating on that last rumble, despite what I just said.

-"And is that bad?"

-"Fuck yeah, it means they're planning something big."- I looked around for Marco and spotted him nursing the wounded again. Nathaniel has assigned him and Zaeed as docs. I know right? This can't get anymore dramatical.

-"You'll need intel to prove that."

I rolled my eyes, running the towel around my neck, -"That's not my job."

Even in hustle, he took five seconds of his busy time to look at me, face blank and serious. He didn't had to say anything for me to get the message: _find it._

-"Okay, fine, I'll unearth a lead and then you'll dispatch your spies, reconnaissance team or whatever the hell you have. Sounds good?"- It's not a bad idea, now that I think of it. Axel has proven swift and silent in his steps. I wonder why Nathaniel didn't assigned him for spying or reconnaissance.

-"Deal,"- He said fatly and continued with his work, -"Also, you look terrible. Go to Marco or Zaeed. They'll patch you up."

That was my plan all along since I arrived, -"Yeah, well, thank and fuck you."- I stood up and trudged towards the area were the injured laid down and sat on a wooden table. I had to wait, yeah like hospitals these days, since both Marco and Zaeed were busy, and after a few minutes, Zaeed approached me meekly, -"Jean?"- He sounded unsurprised.

I chuckled, scratching the back of my neck, -"Yeah, again."

A small smile grew on his face as he fumbled around his bag, -"Marco's been worried about you."

-"I know,"- It's true, specially since Nathaniel has dispatched me into battle all this week. While Zaeed shuffled his bag, I observed him and noted how tired he really was; his eyes closed on their own from time to time and the bags under them literally reached his cheekbones. He wobbled, groggy while he clicked his tongue in frustration, unable to find whatever he was searching for. The sight was distressing, so I decided to ease it up for him, -"Hey, um, take a break. I'll be fine."

He looks up at me, confused at my sudden offer.

-"Really, I'll wait for Marco."- Yeah, I expect Marco to give me special treatment (if you know what I mean) even if he's busy .

His face softens as he smiles tenderly, -"Thanks..., Jean."

-"Sure, and tell Diego he owes me."

He just laughed and scurried away.

And while I waited, I watched Marco, or better yet, ogled him from top to bottom and from side to side. He paced around from patient to patient, wriggling through the throng of people to search for his equipment (which were those petty, kinda shameful first aid boxes) to nurse them. I couldn't stop myself from slobbering over him, specially his arms; today he wore his sticky-due-to-the-sweat school shirt, wrapped up to his elbows, that has gotten so damn tight around his arm and I just... _**damn**__ boy_. He brought his black AC jacket, since Nathaniel wouldn't relinquish his nagging about wearing hoods outside the hideout, but Marco didn't wore it now. It's fucking _hot_ in here with so many people, so I don't blame him. For me, he could take all his clothes off, no biggie.

After a while, he whipped his forehead's sweat with his arm and sighed. His eyes trailed to the waiting area, on a lookout for more patients and that's when he finally spotted me. He glimpsed at me, but his eyes widened in solicitude when he saw my bruises and gasped, sprinting toward me with the fist aid box, -"Oh, not again..."- He mused, kneeling before me and fumbling the box, desperate and concerned massively for me.

-"Marco."- I called, tapping my fingers in the armchair, a bit desperate at his desperation (does that make any sense?).

Nothing. His brow creased, concentrated on that god awful box.

-"_Marco,_"- Again and this time, with more depth. Sure enough, he looked up at me and I attempted to comfort him with a smile, the tenderest one I could muster (though I doubt I can bob up one of his), -"It's alright, I'm fine. Relax, Freckles."

His shoulders sagged, a bit more eased, -"But Jean...,"- But then he goes and rambles on about how much he'd like for Nate to stop sending me to "suicide" missions, standing up, -"Why doesn't he send someone else? I mean, another squad. Doesn't he know that you're a human and you get tired?"

I'd ask myself that before countless times and not just for my sake, for Marco's too. Nate has had both Marco and Zaeed all day long in this pit with this fucking hot atmosphere, making them sweat and uncomfortable within their clothes, cooking like some damn pig. Apparently, he didn't cared and that just made me wrathful. I was angrier at him for not giving Marco a break than his lack of sympathy for me, -"I dunno, but it payed off. I mean, we've got those jocks hiding."- And I still think they're hiding for a reason. They're planning something, but right now, I just wanted to comfort my freckled boyfriend.

Like usual, his lip's stumps contorted, scrupulous.

Before he could say anything, I lobbed my arms around his torso and pulled him close to me, caking my head in his abdomen, smelling the almost worn out vanilla and the natural sweat scent. He stiffens, surprised at my sudden move, but he chuckles and began to rub my hair, wedging his finger and stroking my scalp. His touch sent thrills down my spine and I straighten up, gazing up at him with wistful eyes, -"Wanna elope from his pisshole?"- He quirks an eyebrow and I obliged an explanation, which was needless, -"Just wanna get away from all this crap for a few minutes and be with... you, like, _alone._"

He snickers and smirks, -"I was just thinking that."

We didn't dawdled and headed straight to the men's bathroom where we first -erm, when _I _first kissed him, and it wasn't even a kiss (not in the lips anyways), for fuck's sake! I was hectic, struck with sudden lust, and thus, my kisses were kinda sloppy. I still enjoyed it, even though I denied it at that time, and so did Marco.

We burrowed ourselves within one of the stalls and when I sat on the toilet's lid after I clammed it shut, Marco sat in my lap, facing me with longing eyes. I immediately swept my arms just below the end of his spine, where his slacks kinda opens up and I could see his Superman underwear. I grin and fiddle with it; Marco chewed on his lower lip at the touch, nearing his face to mines until our lips met. It's been a while since we've gotten together like this and we both craved for it. I was getting tired of Nathaniel's barks and longed for Marco's mellowy voice -and Marco himself.

We kissed while groping each other madly, ravenous for each other. My hands often ventured down south to his buttocks while his traveled up to my back, trickling my flesh playfully with his fingers, transmitting gleeful thrills all over me. I opted for cautiousness on my moves down there, taking note that this probably wasn't a good place to get really _hot_. It reeks of shit, honestly, but it didn't mattered. There was literally no better place where we could hook up without engaging in a wrestling.

We hooked for like ten minutes or so, sucking, biting and licking our flesh gently, both of us sweating like pigs in an oven. Our faces were red from both the hotness and the _hotness_. We lent our forehead against each others as we panted, murmuring 'I love you's.

I hear something outside of our stall, like slurps and... moans? Marco and I looked at each other, both of us were too entangled in our momentum that we didn't heard anyone enter. Marco dismounted my lap and peeked through the gap beneath the stall's door and when he rose up, he whispered, -"Two guys."

Oh? Guys? Suddenly, I grew curious of who the hell had the guts to hook up in the open like that, specially homos -well, not so open, but come on, there's eight stalls here. They gotta be desperate guys who haven't shagged in a while. Unable to suppress my curiosity, I step out, blatantly and am thunderstruck when I faced with a very aroused Levi chewing on Eren's lips.

Holy _shit_.

They were _really_ having it.

So _much_, that they didn't noticed our presence, not even the stall swung open.

Levi's professional black blouse had it's three first buttons lose, exposing a tad of his chest, while Eren, who was just as aroused yet skittish (which oddly reminded me of myself), had a handful of specks around his neck, no doubt from Levi. He clutched onto him, allowing him full access to his mouth and beyond; yup, tongues dances and waves of saliva shored in each of their mouths. A bit sloppily, Eren began to undo the rest of Levi's buttons, finally exposing his torso.

I almost whistled. My science teacher has his own collections of abs, in which, I have to add, Eren couldn't avert his eyes from.

A bit reluctant, Eren ran his hand across it, blabbering some nonsense about how wrong their embroilment is. Levi, nonchalant as always, didn't cared and retaliated, sprawling Eren's school shirt's open with one swoop. The latter one quavered as Levi ogled him, biting his lower lip lecherously. They kissed some more while groping each other, like Marco and I had done.

Speaking of which, he prodded my shoulder from behind, telling me we shouldn't interrupt them. I had my eyes on the whole display, unable to believe it, making him curious and when he peered, he gasped and clammed his mouth shut with his hand.

The duo _finally_ noticed our presence and holy shit, Eren's face lit up completely when he saw me. He screeched and covered his face while Levi's expression stayed sharp, unchanged, his brows knit at me in frustration for interrupting their precious moment. Why the hell does he always takes it on me?

Silence ensued and I swore the only sound I could hear was Levi's scowl tighten, as if he was willing me to _get the fuck out_ with his glare, but I didn't budge. A grin flit into my lips, despite how awkward this really was, and humiliating to Eren, apparently. He was still covering his face, his back to me, and is in the brink to sprint out of the bathroom.

On cue, Marco spoke up, breaking the everlasting silence, -"Umh, Jean and I were just, erm..., leaving."- And so we did, but not before I gave Levi one of my _I told you _grins.

And throughout the rest of the day, I couldn't think of anything else than _so it is true!_ Levi and Eren had a fling of some sorts -or who knows, maybe they had a blooming relationship, who am I to judge? In spite of being a _teacher _(soon a principal, hopefully) and Eren a_ student_, Levi gave no fucks whatsoever. A teacher, a pedagogue, courting one of his students was... undue, or so society makes you think and I kinda agree. Levi was a figure of education, a man of knowledge, it's just...

Ah, fuck it. Let him. It shouldn't matter. Levi has the right to love whomever he pleases. This was the whole thing of the cause I was a member of, which also proves he's a member too.

About Eren, let's just say he reminded me a _lot_ of my old self. Yeah, the one who chickens out from the shrewd looks of society and malicious comments about the Bible and God disallowing access to sinful and vile men like me meant to quail me. I've never read the Bible or believed in God anyways, so the regards were the one fact that made me shit myself mostly, mainly because they forced me to remember my young days when I was bullied, glared and spit upon, and by that time, I hadn't let loose of the rope that strained me in the past. Also, I was scared of the changes I was going through; I've never in my life though I'd fall for another guy. Gay? _Me_? It was bizarre, shocking, too sudden. Marco's arrival into my life (which was _perfect _to me, at that time) was abrupt, spontaneous. I was into girls before and swapping from one to the other was enervating, wearing. My body was changing (and I mean new sensations, desires, needs, and yeah, getting harder more often), I was changing, my view of the word was changing. It was radical, almost maddening. I swore I was going crazy, at one point.

Point is, Eren's going trough this right about now with none other than Levi fucking Rivaille. I hate to admit this, but to be honest, I feel sorry for Eren, and I feel sympathy. I had tad desire to help him out, talk to him, help him out just like Marco helped me out and his mother and _my_ mother (I love you, Mom).

I digress. It's obvious Eren's showing up to school because of Levi. After a few minutes of considering it, completely dozing off in Spanish and receiving Marco's sharp -but adorable- scowl, I decided to help him out. What could go wrong?

-"This has to be a miracle. Are you _really_ going to help him?"- Marco commented while he chewed on his hamburger, smiling like an idiot.

I just told him the whole Eren thing and apparently, he had trouble believing me. I swallowed a chunk of meat before answering him, -"Yeah, man. What do you mean '_miracle_'?"

He chuckled. Marco wasn't bothered by the idea, in fact, he was glad I decided to abide a 'benevolent' deed (yeah, that's what he told me), -"Well, you didn't liked him, remember?"

-"True,"- I shrugged, taking another bite of my mushy beef, -"I dunno, just wanna help."- Actually, it did brought a slight satisfaction when I saw him like that. Eren's still a jerk in my list, alright?

Marco smiled with doe eyes as he watched me finish up my meat, making my face lit up.

Thing is, whenever I tried to approach the guy, he covers his face and avoids me. He must have told Mikasa something (like, hey, "Horseface's the reason why I'm so gloomy. Don't ask why."), because whenever I approached them six feet, she stood in front of him and glowered me intensely, like if she glares for enough time, she'll blow holes in me. She was practically warning me of the consequences if I step one feet closer. I clicked my tongue, but then wondered if she knew Eren's liaison with our beloved science teacher.

Hm, I wonder what'll happen if I told her. She'll literally flip tables, considering how fucking attached she's to him (reason why I hated him way back).

Marco advised me to talk to her peacefully and tell her, um, half truth of the situation. I gave it a shot, -"Oi, Mikasa,"- I spoke, hand on the back of my neck, -"I gotta talk to Eren."

She just glared at me.

-"It's, um,"- Oh my God, how do I put it without getting on her nerves, -"Listen, I can help him, alright? It's a... man to man talk."

I don't think she understood that, or maybe she did, but didn't cared. Her expression was sharp and her scowl didn't flinch. When he step a bit closer to me, with a bit of force, I cringed and literally flew away. _Nope, nope, nope, _I though, _anyone but Mikasa. _

During P.E, I devised a plan (yup, it involves Marco) and marched for it. I ordered Marco to distract Mikasa as long as he could -which won't be long, she's clever- while I catch Eren in the men's bathroom. Yeah, she was guarding the front door, can you believe it? Marco accepted and set off to chit-chat (or bore) her away from the door.

-"Hey, Mikasa! Can you help me with something?"- Marco began, feign to be extremely exhausted (even though he _was_ exhausted from the aerobics), while I hid around the corner.

-"What is it?"- He asked fatly, wrinkling her nose.

Marco bent, leaning his hand on his knees while he panted dramatically (he surprised me when he sloshed a few sweat drops. Damn, he's good at this thing). He then pointed to the shed at the far end of court, where a pile of distinct balls laid haphazardly, -"I-I need help. Keith asked me to arrange them, but..."

She looked around. Everyone else was still busy with the workout. Reiner and Bertolt disappeared, -"Where's Jean?"

Oh shit. She noted my absence. _Of course she would, dumbass. _

-"He... just left. Said he was in a hurry."- He puffed, wiping his forehead's sweat.

Mikasa observed him and I'm relieved when she gave him a slight nod. Thank God she trusted him. Even if she slavers for Eren, she had a soft spot for Marco. Everyone had. It bothered me.

Once she was in a relatively safe distance, I slip inside the bathroom and managed to caught him. He was washing himself after the incessant amount of aerobics Keith barked us to complete. I lent on the opposite wall of the showers and spoke. I don't have much time, -"Eren."

He gasped and I heard a loud plunk. Something fell, -"Damn you, Horseface."

-"Before you slink away like a fucking coward, just listen to me, alright?"- I sighed, running a hand trough my moist hair. Fuck, I feel like I'm about to talk to myself, -"I just-"

-"The hell you calling a coward, huh?"- He snapped and _oh boy_, here we go, -"Yourself? Trust me man, I don't doubt it."

I rolled my eyes, -"Fucking admit it, Yeager. You're a sissy gay."

He stayed silent for a few seconds before he answered pretty fucking loud. Still, I heard it shake, -"What the fuck man? You're the only one who's gay here, all over Marco. So gross."

I cringe at that, my neck bristling in frustration at the memory of Marco's uncle's tirade, -"Stop hoaxing me. _I_ _was there_, for fucks sake."

Again, he clammed his mouth shut for a few seconds, -"That was nothing."

I scoff, darting my head, -"Sure, wooing Levi is nothing. Nothing at all."

He huffed, still skittish to face me, -"Get the hell out man."

I was onto that, but stopped on my heels, -"You're an ass to deal with, Yeager,"- I sighed again and tapped my foot against the white, humid slab, -"Just wanted to let you know that I've been there man and that I'd hate for others like me get pent-up because of this fucked society. Holler at me whenever you feel like it."

He says nothing, but I know he's deep in though and that's something.

I stroll to the door and fuck me, I face with a fuming Mikasa.


	69. SIXTY-NINE

So here's some smut just for the 69 sake xD (pls i hope that's not a thing only puertoricans know). If you don't know what the number implies, Mr. Google can help you xD

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

SIXTY-NINE

Well, would you look at that. I can see my vitality drifting away, merging with the breeze that blew by.

And Mikasa hasn't even moved against me, but she was _vexed_. Fuck, I've never seen her like this. She got mad at me whenever I started fights with Eren randomly (because, hey, why the fuck not? I enjoyed pissing the jerk off -he also pissed me off, okay?), but this time, I _tricked_ her -or better yet, I ordered _someone else_ to trick her so I could get what I want. It was worse all way 'round and if there's something Mikasa loathes... is treachery.

-"Jean!"- She snarled and in the corner of my eyes, I spotted Marco sprinting directly towards us. She then growled at him because _of course_ she would. Marco's just as guilty as I was, -"You!"

But oh no, that's as far as she goes. The old Jean would've just stood there, slobbering over her while she completely dismissed his existence, but she got nothing on this one.

Swiftly, I stepped in front of her and Marco by instinct. I'm not set on fighting women (then again, Mikasa's not just any woman), but if she lays a finger on Marco, I'll...

-"Jean, please!"- He wrapped his arms around mines, tugging me, -"Don't fight her. Let's talk to her, she has to understand."

-"I already tried that, remember?"- I reminded him, eyes on her.

-"Let me try,"- I was dubious about that, but when I saw his determination, I nodded and allowed him to step closer to her, -"Mikasa, listen to me, I can expl-"

-"Why should I? You lied to me!"- She had a point.

I rolled my eyes. Damn, isn't she dramatic still.

-"You're right, we did, but we had to. Eren needs help and we can help him."

-"You don't know anything about his problems."- She spat, flatly.

I groaned, -"Do _you_?"- I stepped in, unable to bear her tone of voice at Marco.

Her face creased as she gazed at the bathroom. Of course she didn't. Poor Eren can't tell his... friend? What was Mikasa to him anyways? A sibling? Mere friend sure didn't seemed like it.

-"He hasn't told you, eh?"- I said, a bit smugly. Sighing, I scratched my scalp. I know this probably seemed real dick of me, but I wanted to get this done and dusted, -"Fine, if he won't, I will."

I gaped my mouth, but before I could mutter a word, we all heard Eren's calls from inside, -"It's fine, Mikasa. Just let them go."- He stepped out, giving me a side glance while he did.

I quirked an eyebrow and he gazed down to the floor, kicking a few concrete debris out of the way. His eyes shifted from me to the floor, trying to tell me something without Mikasa's cognizance, and I knew he'd call me sometime. Not today, not tomorrow, but he will.

Marco and I looked at each other and I nodded towards the field. We left, but I couldn't help wonder if he'll tell Mikasa. He has to. I can see she's dead worried about him behind that taciturn shell.

* * *

I slacked onto bed the minuted I got home and pulled my cellphone from my pocket after feeling it vibrate. One unread message. I swiped my finger down on the screen, popping up the notification panel and when I saw Marco's name, a smile bloomed in my face as my chest warmed. I tabbed on it and read: _I just arrived and I hope you did too. Please, let me know as soon as you can._

His concern always melted any cold sentiment in me, because to be honest, I've been feeling cold and lonely, mostly because I _was_ alone in my house. No Mom, no Dad, no dogs (been thinking on getting one), no bugs buzzing the tolerance out of me...

Then again, they say feeling alone is not the same as feeling lonely. I don't know. I'm literally alone here and I do feel lonely. It's been a month now; the silence and the absence of company kinda gets to you. I miss Mom and her shouts, I miss Dad and his attempts to recreate conversation were none thrived. I remember how he tried to solve Mom's and I's everlasting strife with dinners. I used to think it was pointless and I used to beg for the solitude, but now... fuck, what I wouldn't give to go back in time...

I felt my cheek damp. Damn. A tear or two had managed to slip past unnoticed.

Without hesitation, I dialed Marco's number while I laid sprawled across my bed, looking at my boring as fuck ceiling as I waited for my freckled boyfriend to pick up, -"Hey, Jean."- He finally answers, sighing in relief.

-"H-Hey, just got home. Saw your message now."- I replied, clutching my bed's fleece, wishing he'd be here instead of there, on the other line, side, whatever. God, I wish he'd be here to rub and nurse my bruises like he always does, his soft fingers messaging my tensed muscles, because I don't know why every single one of them hurts like hell now . My whole, distorted face throbbed.

-"I'm glad,"- He breathed out, a bit weary. We've both had a rough week and we could really use this weekend, -"How are you feeling?"

-"Lonely,"- I blurted, not really by mistake. My grip on the sheets tightened, my knuckles blanching, -"Could really use your, um..., face stroking -I mean, nursing!"- I swallowed a handful of tears. God, I must look pitiful, all slushy and weepy, -"H-hurts like fuck."- And I sound like a kid. Marvelous.

Marco breathed, fully worried about me, and the soft sound resonated within me, pricking my skin in both angst and glee -mostly glee, because I do enjoy seeing and hearing Marco dead worried about me. Guess that makes me selfish, -"Jean..."

-"Sure miss you and Mom... and Dad,"- I sighed, deflating deeper into my bed, -"Feels so empty without them, specially without Mom's crazy yelling,"-I laughed bitterly at a sudden memory that flashed by, which I just garbled, -"I remember when she started hitting me with her flip-flops, shouting so loud I could barely hear myself, but she was just sick and I... I..."- My eyes fogged, hindering my vision, and a knot set up in my throat. A muffed wail escaped my gaped lips, -"Fuck..."- _Come on, Jean, keep it together man_. _You promised her you'd stay strong..._

_I know, I know! I'm fucking trying, Jesus! _There goes my internal debate while I covered my mouth, stymieing the incoming whimpers but failing miserably.

After Mom's death, I though I'd be cool about it and I was, temporarily. Her parting hurt, but I watched her die peacefully, dauntless against her imminent death and I couldn't have been more proud of her. I was happy too; I've managed to stitch up our fractured relation and I took care of her well, we spoke and shared special moments, but... it doesn't really fade, does it? The sadness, the loss, the guilt, the anger (at yourself)... it gets to you eventually and I can't help it. I want to stay strong, but sometimes I...

I'm not as strong as I thought.

-"I... I could have done _something_ before. If I... if I wasn't such a jerk and just laid our tiff aside, I could have opened my eyes and saw that she was sick since..., I could have..., she'd still be _here_...,"- I slurred, my voice caught between wails as I mull over the though over and over again, -"I-I'm so _sorry_, Mom..."

I shouldn't mewl and wallow over this. I shouldn't punish myself. The past's in the past. _Remember her face, Jean, the face of a woman who regrets nothing of her last days. _I shouldn't _overthink, _dammit! How many times has Marco warned me?

But I couldn't stop it or stop myself. I tired out, everyone does. Over time, I'd wear down. I'm not perfect, I'm not Batman or Superman, we all break once in a while and it _hurts_. I want to rise again (yeah, Batman and Alfred banter all over), but it's hard and this is real life, which makes it harder.

-"_Jean,_"_\- _Then came _his_ smooth, mellowy voice with depth and intensity. Marco's inept ability to just... ease me always impress me. I can breathe better again, -"I'm coming to stay over, okay? Don't go anywhere."

-"I'd... like that. Please."- I practically begged. Not gonna deny anything. I needed him right now. Me, me, me, right?

He chortles and oh God, it reverberates in me, -"I'll bring some movies and videogames."

-"And popcorn."- I add and I was regaining my smile.

-"Duh, what's a movie without popcorn?"- He laughs and it was so fucking _saccharine_ that it makes my body tingle and my chest warm up, -"I'll be there in a few, Jean. Let me pack up quick."

-"Okay,"- I breathed and swiped off a few tears from my cheeks. I swallowed the lump in my gutter before speaking, -"I'll be waiting."- We hung up and I began to pace around the house.

Wrong move.

That's the worst thing I could've done in my current mood. The moment I passed by Mom's couch, my heart fell and the whole clutching of the fleece -only this time, I held onto my jeans- occurred again. I suddenly watched her figure, slacked over there watching one of her dramatical, boring ass novels, doing absolutely nothing, or that's what I though way back. Mom actually washed, dried and flattened the creases on our clothes with care and effort. She cooked for us everyday and washed the dishes. She cleaned the house, leaving our rooms dainty. When I began to mistreat her and be a total dick, she stopped doing those things for me, because really, I didn't deserved it.

Without realizing, I'd tightened my grip on my jeans.

She's not really there, no matter how bad I really wanted her to. _This is real life, Jean, and she's dead. You know that._

Another lump began to form on my throat. Gee, for a guy who fights for a living (yeah, I'm exaggerating a bit. I don't get paid for knocking a few bullies out), I'm pretty high-strung.

I decided to distract myself. I whipped around and headed straight to the kitchen, not looking back, and rummaged around the fridge. Fuck, this isn't good either, but still better. I just realized I ran out of groceries. Whatever will Marco and I eat for breakfast tomorrow, huh? I'm such an amazing guest, aren't I?

I yanked a bag of chips and tucked the fridge shut. I sat and contempted the... wall. Yeah, fucking interesting. I heard petty taps on my windows and that's when I realized it's raining a fair deal. Great. The weather doesn't help my mood one bit. I then worry for Marco. I know he's one who often gets ill.

Around 5:30, car revs rattles in my front yard and an imminent, sappy smile perks to my lips as I stared down at my chips like an idiot. I felt my cheeks lit up the moment my doors opens. I peek to it's direction and spotted Marco closing it silently, as if he arrived at midnight.

I took him in, like always. He had his white Superman overcoat down to his wrist, considering the cool breeze that drafted by when he rushed in, and the hood was over his head. I couldn't help but snigger at his (you guessed it) Superman slacks pajama with lots of the said superhero's badges, and white, furry slippers.

He then faced me with a gasp and a muffled yelp, not expecting me here. Apparently, he didn't saw me when he entered. While startled, he dropped his rucksacks (he had two: the school's and the one with his clothes for the weekend) and I boosted from my chair to help him, but before I could even reach one of them, he grabbed my hand and hauled me into an embrace, burying his face in my chest like he always does.

I hugged him back, more tightly, entombing my face in his hair, needing to feel his presence, that warmth on me that purged any demoralizing thoughts and sentiments. Marco was the hook on me that kept me on my feet, kept me vivid and valiant.

My latter internal monologue reminded me of this super corny game that I keep forgetting me name of (Kingdom something; Marco played it). I remember this thing the boy had for a girl, all pink and girly, and he always said that she was his light. That's the epitome of what I'm feeling now: Marco was my light, not gonna deny it, no matter how clichéd and ridiculous that sounds.

Marco wriggled his face up and smiled tenderly at me, his eyes narrowing my face, -"Hey,"- He began, clutching my shirt and jiggling his fingers up and down my back in a smooth motion, putting me at ease, -"Are you okay?"

My lips contorted into another sappy smile as I ran my thumb trough his jaw, -"I am now."

Marco chuckled, his heart pounding stoutly against my chest. I had a brief image of him raising his leg backwardly, his calves closing in his tight, like those school girls do when they kiss their all steroids boyfriend, -"Lemme unpack my stuff. I-I have the movies here, um, I brought Shrek and Kung Fu..."- His cheeks lit up, his eyes parting from mine as he fidgeted with his fingers.

I laughed out loud, but fuck, he looks so cute... and stupid. Marco loves his animated movies, even if some were shitty, -"Oh, Marco, you and your childish movies,"- I jibed, nearing my face to his, -"That's fine, so long as we cuddle."- Christ, who's the most dorky again?

His temples reddened next, -"O-okay."

I shivered at the ebb of glee before I kissed him fervently.

I helped him unpack his stuff and headed upstairs after placing the popcorn in the microwave. While we waited for it, we prattled and I immediately forgot about my mopey outburst a few hours ago. Marco has a facility to mollify me, always surprising me. I can't calm myself from wallowing over depressing thoughts; that's unsurprising, I've never been able to understand or control my emotions, but the fact that someone else could (with ease, at that) was astonishing.

When I heard the microwave's beep, I sprung up and dug it out, hissing at the scorch on my fingers. Up in my room, Marco already prepared our, _ahem_, cuddling area: my quilts were tidily disseminated across the floor near my TV and my cushions and pillows lent on my sides of my bed like one of those round, comfy sofas.

Marco sniffed the air and swooped towards me, -"Great! I, um, placed Kung Fu Panda...,"- Again, he fidgeted with his fingers, -"We can watch something else... if you'd like. I don't really have anything else than animated flicks at home so..."

I laughed again, because really, it's funny and adorable. He knew I wasn't into animated movies like him, but I can deal with them. I just wanted to spend quality time with him, -"Marco, it's fine, really. Kung Fu Panda's cool."

We finally sat and snuggled. Like always, he sat before me, between my legs, while I enfolded my arms around him, cocooning ourselves within my fleeces. He had the popcorn bag with him and I often dug out a horde of the sweet stuff and dropped it in his mouth, his tongue licking my finger. So I admit I got gleeful at that, his moist tongue transmitted ebbs of thrills down south, but Marco wasn't exactly paying attention to _me_. Yeah, he was way into the movie and whenever I tickled him or prodded him for attention, he'd just giggle, his eyes carved on the TV.

I often huffed, pretty loudly, to see if could _just_ make him look at me at least once, but nope. There's no way I'm getting him down from Marco's land of puerile. I avow I was getting a bit desperate, but looking at him, I'd just smile and chuckle, shake my head and let my growing hard-on smother. Oh well. It's incredible how his eyes gleamed at the damn movie and his smile practically reaching his ears. When it ended, he stretched and yawned, burying his head on my chest, -"That was so cool,"- He stated, looking up and trailing his finger trough my chin, -"Did you enjoyed it?"

I snorted, -"Not really, I spent the whole time trying to get your attention."- I affirmed, a bit whiny, nudging his belly button playfully.

His eyes widened, -"I-I... well, you should've said something."- He pouted, his cheek reddening.

I chuckled, twirling my finger in his smooth hair, -"It's fine, Freckles, watching you giddy over the movie was a sight."- I neared my face to my sheathed finger and inhaled his sweet vanilla scent from his hair.

His cheeks reddened more and his face softened into concern, -"Jean, are you sure you're okay?"

I breathed deeply and nodded, -"Yeah, I'm okay. I was just... kinda upset when I called you. Sorry I had to drag you here, but I really needed someone -I mean, you."

Marco squirmed out of my hold, settling his body before me. He crossed his legs and took both my hand into his, tangling his fingers with mines, -"It's okay. You know I'd do anything for you too."

I smiled, my eyes never parting from his, -"Yeah, I know, I just..."

He then sighed, squeezing his grip on my hands, -"Jean, it's okay to feel sad or scared, but please, don't punish and blame yourself. You told me that once, remember?"

I nodded, -"Yeah...,"- It's ironic, really, how these things work, but that was a bit different. He was punishing himself because he loved a man, something considered a sin in the Christian community, but I was punishing myself because I was too blind and selfish, -"But still, I could've..."

Marco knew where I was going with this and he placed his finger on my lips, hushing me. He shook his head and smiled sympathetically, -"That was a long time ago, Jean, and you've changed. Nobody's perfect, but we change and work on our mistakes. You _did_ something and I know you think it was too late, but you still did it and it was worth it, right? It would've been worse if you didn't do anything, but you're not like that, you acted and opened your eyes because you _cared_. I'm proud of you and so is your mom and your dad and-"

Overwhelmed with warmth and rejoice, I lurched forwards and kissed him abruptly, unable to control the growing feeling of resolution and fortitude. I pushed him to the floor and landed on top of him, ravening his lips while cupping his face and pushing my mouth deeper into his. I parted and lent my forehead against his, breathing heavily, -"Fuck, what would be of me without you, you cute -I mean, stupid bastard..."

Marco chuckled and wrapped his arms around my torso, -"I think I rather not think about it."

I laughed, feeling completely anew and stronger, -"Me neither."- I felt his chest going up and down beneath me, his warmth radiating to me as I closed the space between us.

I kissed him again, more intimately, running my tongue in his mouth and licking his lips. We rolled over and over, tangling ourselves with my sheets and drawing nearer to each other. The air surrounding us got hot and reeked of sweat, despite the fact it was raining outside, but we didn't cared. I scraped my hand against his abdomen throughly, feeling the hotness at the tip of my finger and shoot through my veins. Both of Marco's hand were twirled and matted in my hair, performing circular motions and tickling my scalp playfully. It made me croon his name joyfully and I increased speed with my mouth in his until my breath expired. Running my tongue trough his jawline, I tasted his skin and gulped, feeling my throat hot and raspy. I played with his earlobe and like always, moans slipped past his lips and into mines, titillating me.

His neck was my favorite spot of his body (well, I loved his whole body, in fact), but his neck was so goddamn _perfect_ and I can't point out why. Maybe it's because his neck (and this is a fact) was the first spot I was drawn to the moment we got so close like this. It was in the men's bathroom at school and holy shit, I couldn't peel off of it. Maybe it's the overly adorable trail of freckles that cascaded down to his elbow, or maybe because his vanilla scent was richer there, or because his skin was softer there -_fuck_, I don't know. All I know is that I was gnawing at it, feeling it's skin on my tongue, and sucking on it gently, but lecherously.

Marco's moans welled my room. They were deep and full of pleasure; he tugged my head closer to him, to his neck. He loves it when I osculated him there. He craved for more though. I felt a bulge from him grazing my pelvis.

One of my hands was still venturing his abdomen; the other one moved south to his crotch and fingered him deep inside, fondling his balls. He wheezed and breathed out louder moans as I neared my lips to his ears, -"Want me to blow you?"

Marco swallowed, biting his lip. He blushed as he gave me a slow, but clear nod.

I grinned and wriggled my body southward. I pulled his pajama pants down with his funny Superman undies he likes so much and drew my face near his crotch. I honestly though I'd never do this again, I mean, I didn't think it possible. Marco's first blow job wasn't that good and it wasn't because of me (I think I did a good job, to be frank), he fainted and almost fell unconscious. He wasn't exhilarated about it like I was when he blew me, so yeah, I left it there and _tried_ not to think about blowing him again.

And yet, here I am, sucking on his dick and throttling his cum down my gutter. Marco writhed and jolted his body upwards at the sensations he's now familiar with (hopefully). He puffed and breathed as steady as he could, clutching the fleeces again. His cock stiffened and spit more cum as I powered my suctions, holding his sprawled, shivering legs with force.

When his body began vibrating vigorously and his breathing got ragged, I got the cue that Marco was having an orgasm, but somehow, the number 69 kept popping in my head. Don't ask why, because I _don't_ know.

Me and my sick, fucked up mind.

I stopped and crawled forward, wiping cum out of my mouth with my thumb. Marco huffed, obviously distraught, -"H-hey, I was thinking maybe we could, uh...,"- Well fuck me in the ass, how do I put it? -"...s-sixty-nine?"- God, I felt like an idiot.

Marco tilted his head, not getting it.

Or wait... he didn't know...?

My head hung and I slammed my hand against it, feeling it hot. Marco and his innocent mind..., -"Y-you know, sixty-nine as in..., uh, can't you just picture it? Like..."

Whatever I said entered one of his ear and left from the other, but of course he wouldn't understand shit of what I was saying: he was high as fuck, his mind blurred with euphoria. Explaining him now what 69 implies on this fucked up society was a waste a of time -_precious_ time, considering his actual position.

So I opted to show him myself and while I unzipped my pants, Marco was landing from his voyage of blissfulness and sat up, -"J-Jean? W-what are you..."- He slurred and when my dong was out, he gulped on the rest of the sentence, his face sloshing with red. Last time, the size of it got his tongue too. Again, not gloating, it's just a fact.

-"Just, uh..., go with it."- It's all I managed to mumble, the idea seeming more and more stupid (and radical, not gonna lie) each time I spun my mind on it, but fuck it, what could go wrong? I literally couldn't stop the goddamn number from taking over my mind. I swear, I can't flap it off and I felt like I _have_ to do it. I'm a weirdo, I know.

Again, he tilted his head, but couldn't avert his eyes from my cock. _See_? He was still confused and had no idea what I was planning, but if it involved my dick, heck, YOLO, right?

I pushed Marco down again and breathed deeply before I flipped my body. I heard Marco's muffled gasp before I neared my mouth down his cock while mines jiggled over his face, but he didn't question me or anything, so I continued to work on his dick while mines flung over his head. A few minutes passed and I didn't felt anything. I sighed and just continued to blow him, genuinely thinking this was a bad idea.

But suddenly, I got tickles down below and a soft, slimy tongue rub against my cock, licking it like an ice cream cone. Just as soon as he grazed it, I got chills; my arms gave up on me and I tumbled down, down into his cock. I coughed and pulled away for a bit, taking in a chunk of air before sucking him vigorously. Marco bleated my name, pretty fucking loud, surprisingly blowing me at the same time. My mouth flooded with his cum and I slurped it all down, down, down, but I was getting hazy and it was Marco's mouth's fault, supping me, making my body thrill and my head spin. I felt as if I was on fire, the blaze scorching my skin, and God, it felt so _good_. That sensation of ecstasy, of pure bliss was... it was... invigorating.

My heart beats accelerated, I could hear it right beside my ear, and my breathing hampered. My body vibrated in pleasure and I moaned and cried Marco's name a fuck loud of times. Oh God, oh God, oh God, shit, fuck, fuck... _fuck_. I was blowing Marco, but at the same time he was blowing _me _and it felt... fuck, it felt... fucking _good _(how many times have I said it already?). I was getting thrills from both ends and I was growing wings, I swear... I'll soon reach Olympus or whatever deity was up there...

I can't think. I literally can't think straight. Marco's loud sips and moans reverberated in my ears and the sensations overrunning my body were the only thing I could think of right now. It was like a lightning beam struck me and it was speeding trought my veins, paralizing and vibrating me. Yeah, gotta say it, it felt _good_.

Both of us sucked harder and harder each passing second and our moans were seriously fucking loud as fuck. I swear my neighbors could hear us right now and Nana's wondering what the fuck is going on. I hope no one decides to investigate, because they'd be digging their own graves.

Our little sixty-nine momentum ended when both of us released and spit cum like crazy. My head spun and I rolled over my back and looked up at the swirling ceiling. Shit, I felt gassed and wasted, like I just throttled down 20 bottles of beer, but no, instead, I swallowed down a shit load of cum. Marco's cum. My boyfriend's cum. The love of my life's cum. My head was light and I could feel my consciousness slipping from me. I fumbled the area beside me, blindly searching for Marco and I think I got his leg, or cock (again), or his arm. Whatever. I gripped whatever-it-was and shrouded my arms around it, murmuring his name before passing out.


	70. SEVENTY

Pretty long chapter, but I liked it :3

Disclaimer: **I do not own Attack on Titan.**

**Note: **I have this story for like, three years or so and I plan on finishing it even though I've lost views, favorites, follows, etc. I want to know where I failed in this story. I've read it a lot of times, but I just can't see where I went wrong. Since no one leaves constructive reviews and all, I can't fix it, so I'll just go with what I have already planned. Forgive me if you dislike it.

* * *

SEVENTY

I heard someone coughing and it was loud, grave, like their throat stung, like their gutter flooded with liquid and they choked on it.

Another weird dream? Fuck, I don't know, but it was getting on my nerves. Several minutes passed and I could still hear it. This was definitely another odd dream, so I waited for it to end.

But it didn't and when I heard disgorging and retch, I knew it wasn't a dream at all.

I lunged up and the moment I did, a soaring headache was threatening to split my skull in half. Goddammit! I rubbed my temples and attempted to soothe my throbbing head. Was is this? A hangover? I didn't drink anything last night...!

Oh.

But come on, it's not like it had alcohol or some shit.

An ebb of memories loomed over me, but before I could mull over them, the increasing sound of spewing reminded me that it was time to wake up and check on Marco. I rummaged my vicinity and felt something mushy and oozy at my fingertips. I looked down and spotted a myriad of cum splattered all around -ah, and my displayed dick, but no Marco. I stood up and retrained it, zipping my pants up with a groan. Fuck, I'm still groggy and my legs wobbled. I stumbled and lent on my bed, -"Marco?"- I called. Nothing. Another belch.

_Oh no. _It came from the bathroom. I forced my legs, trudged my way towards it and peeked inside.

My heart sank when I saw Marco knelt before the toilet, hands clutching the edges, his head hung and mouth wide open as green, yellowy liquid spew out of it. I rushed to his side and knelt too, rubbing his back up and down, side to side. He puked again, -"It's okay, I'm here, I'm here,"- I spoke lowly, attempting to soothe him. The way his body twitched and contorted whenever he puked told me he dreaded this. Then again, who doesn't? -"You're gonna be fine."

Marco gulped and wailed, coughing and spiting, -"I'm... sorry, Jean..."- He slurred, wanting to look at me, but was afraid he'd throw up again. I then wondered why he was apologizing until I saw a bit of vomit strewn across the toilet's edges, cascading down to the tiles. The nausea and the awful hint that he was going to throw up must've woken him up and considering I had my arms around his leg (I think), he didn't reached the bathroom in time.

So I scurried a bit closer to him and knelt in front of him, -"It's okay, Marco, shit happens. It's normal."

I finally observed his face and shit, I hated to see him like this, all devitalized and feeble, and pale at that, -"I'm so-"- He gagged and retched again.

I placed one hand on his back and began rubbing it again while the other gripped his arm, held him in place. He was shaking, really shaking, like he'd just seen a ghost or something (you know how it goes). It pained me to see him like this and I opted to make him feel better.

After a few minutes, he began to breathe steadily, but he was still shaking and his body got languid. I was still rubbing his back, -"Better?"

He shook his head and flitted his palm on his belly, groaning and contorting forward, his expression twisting into pain.

-"Think you can make it onto bed? I'll carry you and place a bucket if you gonna throw up."- I felt my own body shaking. Shit, it really distressed me seeing Marco like this. I swear I'd do anything to stop his pain, I'd go to Sina and bring him the most miraculous pills they have, I'd-

-"O-okay..."- He said and attempted to get on his feet.

He failed and I quickly aided him, hoisting him up onto my arms, bridal style, and carrying him onto my bed. Quickly, I searched for some kind of bucket and found one of those large ones used in beaches to make sand castles and shit (it was mine, by the way) and I placed just beside Marco's side on the floor.

His mouth was sodden with the stuff, so I took the small towel in the bathroom, damped it with water and cleaned it, stroking his lips and chin with my thumb, -"Jean, I'm so..."

-"Stop apologizing, please,"- I said, all too sudden. The words came from the pits of my soul, -"It's not your fault, okay? I'll just clean it, no biggie."

-"B-but... you'll get sick too."

-"I don't care,"- I spat, rubbing the towel's clean side against his sweating forehead, -"I'll be fine and I'll take care of you, I'll make that nausea go away."

He tried to smile, but apparently the pain was too unbearable. He clutched his torso and coiled, whimpering.

I felt the nerves in my body reel. My whole system was on red alert. Marco's suffering. I _have_ to do something.

With adrenalin on my veins, I dialed Celine's number, -"Hello?"

-"Hey, it's Jean, I, um, got a bit of an emergency."- I spoke, a bit too fast (and exaggerated). I kept looking at Marco. He was still coiled, gripping his shirt tightly while sweat trailed down from his forehead.

-"What is it? Are you boys alright?"

I glanced at the near clock: 9:30. The pharmacies are open, -"Yeah, we're -I mean, I'm fine, but Marco's puking his guts out."- _Jean, can you __**not**__ exaggerate?_ As if on cue, Marco bent and vomited in the bucket I brought him.

-"What?"- His mother exclaimed, a muffled gasp following after.

-"I-it's not like that! He's vomiting, like a lot, and I need to know what kind of medicines I can give him, something to ease it up for him."- My voice was shaky and I was chewing on my nails. The only remedy I have for stomach ache is that pink liquid kids take; pep-something and I doubt it'll do Marco any good, I mean, he has puked like three times already and that just mean it's worse than a mere tummy ache right? _Fuck_, I don't know.

-"Did he ate anything past seven yesterday?"- She asked suddenly, startling me out of my thoughts.

-"Uh, yeah -I mean, we ate popcorn but it was around six, so..."

-"Did he ate anything else?"

-"Uh, no...,"- My voice trailed off into thoughts again. Well, actually, he did _drink_ something else, but jizz is insipid -or at least _his_ is (it _is_ kinda tangy, not gonna lie. Then again, I don't take time to savor it fully), I haven't tasted mines, -"Wh-why do you ask?"

-"Jean, I need to know,"- She spoke, her voice deep and serious, -"Marco has a very delicate stomach and immune system. I need to know if it's a virus or food poisoning. If it's a virus, you're at risk and I must act quickly."

Oh. _Oh._

My chest began to strain and my throat went dry. So it's... basically my fault. Marco has food poisoning because of my stupid idea to do the sixty-nine crap.

Note to self: don't _ever_ mix cum with popcorn, or anything at all.

But does that mean my spunk has flavor? Shit. I'd have to ask him.

-"Jean?"- Celine called like for the fifth time, waiting for an answer.

-"Uh..., h-he...,"- I stammered, feeling the back of my neck sweaty. Fuck, how do I say this? How do I say that he blew me and slurped my cum yesterday without sounding too mediocre? And not just to anyone, his _mom, -_"He... may have had _something_ else, um, it's more like a drink..., b-but not beer! It was, erm..."- I swear, my face is about to blow up.

I think she got it. She chuckled after a few seconds of silence, -"Alright, Jean, I understand,"- She paused and sighed, -"I have a very important appointment in a few minutes, but I know I can trust you to take care of him. It's nothing to fret much about. Just let him rest and adjust to the alteration in his stomach. If he continues to vomit, go to the near pharmacy and just say his name or mines. They will give you his last prescription."

-"I-I got it."- I replied, looking at the clock again. Say, aren't I forgetting something important? Like, today's Saturday and I have work?

-"Call me if you need anything else, okay? And if he shows any other symptom, let me know quickly. It's important."- She added.

-"Yeah, of course,"- We hung up and I dialed the gym's number.

-"Good morning! You just called Robinson's Gym, best location for workout in Trost! This is Jeanna speaking, how may I help you?"- Ulysses Robinson was my boss' name (yeah, I found out last weekend) and Jeanna was one of his receptionists. Speaking of which, she was oddly cheerful today, for someone who's always surly and complaining about not having a boyfriend and people being antisocial for not texting her. Was it because the place was full with stoic men doing God-tier workout today?

-"Uh, Jeanna, it's Jean, one of the janitors, the new one."- I said. I sat beside Marco, rubbing his back again. He was lying face first on my bed after recommending him so.

-"Oh, _you_,"- He muttered under her breath. Her latter cheery, shrilling, annoying voice jaded down. She's been kind of hostile and apathetic with me ever since I drove that jock out (the one who was throwing empty cans of coke to the floor purposely) and apparently for her, he was hot, and I heard her comment about it during lunch break and her vitriol of me. I honestly didn't cared, and I still don't, -"What is it now?"

-"Jesus woman,"- I scoffed, -"Can you even _pretend_ you don't hate me?"

She clicked her tongue, -"What do you want, _Jean_?"

-"Fine, I was just trying to make some conversation, geez,"- I jibed and got startled when Marco twitched beneath my palms abruptly. He had his arms wrapped around his torso tightly, groaning over my pillow, -"I can't go today, I, uh... have to take care of... someone who's _very_ sick, puking his _guts_ out and shit. You know how it is."

She grumbled something under her breath, -"Whatever."

Before she hung up, I muttered: -"... bitch."- And I had no idea if she heard me. I hope so.

I then turned my full attention on Marco and began to stroke his scalp. He groaned and curled, tightened his arms around himself, -"Jean..."- He wailed and I swear there's nothing more I want than to make that pain go away. He gazed at me, and his sore expression was like a stab in my heart.

-"Marco, I...,"- I pondered on the idea and I didn't liked leaving him alone for even a few minutes, but I had to, -"I have to go out, buy you some medicine, drinks and light food. I'll be back as soon as I can."

I began to stand up until he grabbed my arm and tugged me down, -"N-no, wait!"- He slurred and tried to sit up, -"D-don't leave me..."- His face was plastered with dread. I never though he'd be all babyish when sick. He looks so goddamned cute...!

-"But I have to. It's just for a few minutes, I promise."- I insisted.

He shook his head, lips pursed and all, -"No, you don't. It... it'll go away soon. Just... gimme some time."

I sighed and sat beside him again. He rolled over his back, his face now up, looking at me pleadingly, -"Marco, please... the medicines will make you feel better. I hate to see you like this..."

Again, he shook his head, more briskly, -"Don't go... please..."- He whined and there he goes again with the puppy eyes, manipulating me easily.

If he's this set on me staying, then he must really feel ill. I've never seen Marco this flimsy, -"Okay, okay, I'll stay,"- I finally replied, chuckling, -"Want me to rub your tummy?"

He nodded, his cheeks lighting up despite his condition, -"Mjum."

I placed my hand on his abdomen and began to stroke my hand in a circular motion, like Mom used to whenever I got stomach aches. I smiled at the memory and it grew when I saw Marco breathe steadily. He slumped his head back onto my pillow and groaned, still tensing. After a few minutes, I managed to ease him up and he relaxed, his eyelids dropping. I couldn't help but chuckle at the situation. I was practically babysitting him.

When he finally fell asleep, I decided to profit from the opportunity and rode off to the near pharmacy, rushing to the front door and almost dropping my car's keys. I knew I'd regret it soon, but if I can get him some medicine, then it's for the better.

At my local pharmacy, I did what Celene told me to do and Marco's name appeared on the list. The woman on the long med gown suggested me some of his prescribed medicines for stomach ache he ingested before. Most were pills and drinks, but I think one is enough. Marco doesn't have anything serious, just food poisoning, -"Does he has constipation or diarrhea?"- She asked me all of a sudden.

-"Huh?"- I whipped around, facing the woman, -"Uh, no, not at the moment."

-"Here, take this just in case."- She handed me an odd, silver parcel with two large... 'pills' bulging out.

-"Um,"- I twisted it in my palm, observing it, thinking the size of it can't be swallowed, I mean... _shit_, it's impossible, -"Is this supposed to be swallowed or what? Am I supposed to chop it?"

She laughed, finding my obliviousness amusing, -"No, dear, it goes in the rectum."

_What?_

-"Are you serious?"- I was completely flabbergasted and then, with my fucked up mind, I marshaled several pictures of me thrusting this... fucked pill, what-ever-it-is into Marco's anus, because really, it's _me_, -"How is this supposed to help him? I mean..., _what_?"- This is ridiculous. Does this even _fit _in_..._? Oh bother.

Now, the woman face-palmed herself, probably annoyed at me, at my apparent stupidity, because hey, pills (is it even a pill?) that goes into _assholes_ are a real thing, seemingly. She reminded me of Mom's doctor, -"Like I said, you can use it for _emergencies, _in case the boy can't swallow properly."- This makes me wonder what kind of society I live in.

-"For diarrheas, you mean?"

Another stupid question. She sighed and rolled her eyes, -"Yes, dear, for diarrheas."

I pondered on whether or not take it with me. To take it or not to take it, that is the question (yeah, Hamlet speech, had to read it in English class). I sighed and switched the... _thing_ between my fingers. Well, why not? _Emergencies_, right? I mean, what if I get home and Marco starts shitting himself? Stuff happen and hey, if I get to see his asshole then I gotta knock myself out. Like some people say: "there's always a first time". Besides, I don't have to pay for any of these medicines. Marco's medical plan covers it, -"Fine, I'll take it."- The more the merrier.

-"Good -oh, I think it's needless to say that it _shouldn't_ be ingested."- She smiled, very smugly.

I just rolled my eyes, -"Thanks for the tip."

I bought several other things, like Sprite, diet coke, crackers and light bread, stuff that won't make his stomach go haywire again. After paying, I rode off as quick as I could, skipping some red lights along the way and naturally, making some enmities. Oh well. At home, I unpacked everything and rushed upstairs, Sprite and crackers on hand, considering he hasn't eaten anything, -"Marco? Are you alright?"- When I didn't see in on my bed, I gasped, placed the stuff I brought on the table and knocked on the bathroom's door, -"Hey, you okay in there?"

I heard a whimper as an answer.

Oh no.

-"Marco?"- I called again, leaning my ear on the door, trying to hear more. Yeah, he was crying, and I heard the toilet's lid thud.

-"Y-you... said you'd stay with me."- He whined and oh my God, it made my heart sink in guilt. Damn, Marco seems like a totally different person.

-"Open up, please."- I begged, knocking again.

Another wail.

-"_Please_,"- After a few seconds, Marco opened up and again, I saw him knelt before the toilet. Shit, this place reeks, -"Again?"- I asked, rubbing his back up and down in a similar fashion as this morning and like said time, he was shaking.

He nodded, his lips pursed. Oh, but as sick as he was, he was pissed at me, and sad, -"I'm sorry, Marco, it wasn't my intention. I was just buying some stuff for you."- He was acting like a woman on her period. No offense.

He sniffed and with a clean, damped towel, I cleaned his mouth again, -"I though I said..."

-"I know what you said, but I had to buy these stuff. It'll make you feel better,"- I stroked his hair gently, -"I won't leave your side this time, I promise."

He sniffed again and chafed his eyes with his arm, mopping away a few tears. He lifted his pinkie and stared at me expectantly.

I peered at him and his finger, -"Are you serious?"- I then burst in laughter, receiving a pout from his overly adorable expression, -"Alright, crybaby."- I twirled my pinkie around his and pulled him into a hug.

After that, Marco had stabilized for a few hours, but the pain was still there, making him whine and burrow in my sheets. Again, I was astonished at how flimsy and querulous he got, like an ill kid crying every time his stomach churned. It was odd to see him like this, I admit. I'm accustomed to see Marco smiling broadly and laughing joyfully, but I guess I haven't seen every side of him and I certainly haven't seen his 'ill' side. People do get moody when sick, but this... from Marco... _damn._

Then I remembered what his mom told me, that he had a weak immune system and delicate stomach. _Poor thing_, I though as I watched him writhe and blubber underneath my sheets, clutching them hermetically in pain, -"J-Jean...,"- He called for the hundredth time. Really, he reminded me a lot of Mom on her last days when I took care of her. Just like her, Marco has called me for every trifle need: for shuffling the disheveled sheets, stroking his hair, rubbing his belly, all that, and I didn't complained once. I consented and pampered him. Weak of me, I suppose, but for him, I'd be biggest loser and dork on Earth, -"I think I'm gonna..."

-"Hold on, hold on,"- I was, miraculously, studying for a Science exam due this week when I sprung up from my seat and rushed to Marco. Just when I leveled the bucket (which I vacated like ten times already) to his position, Marco retched, hunching his back and gagging practically nothing. Marco had nothing in his stomach, so why is he...? The last thing I gave him was a glass of water and one of the stomach ache pills I brought and it did nothing, he just barfed it.

I was holding the bucket firmly when I felt droplets of spue sloshed onto my arms and down to the tiles.

Marco quickly raised his head, his expression contorting into distress, -"Oh no, I-I-I'm sorry, that's so disgusting, I'm such a-"

-"Marco, hey,"- I placed the bucket on the floor and sat beside him, cleaning his mouth again with the towel I've clean over and over, -"It's okay, relax. I'm not repulsed or anything, so calm down. This is normal, shit happens."- I don't know how many times I told him that last part. This wasn't the first time he soiled my clothes with his spue, or the floor, or my sheets. I really needed to do some cleaning when he recovers.

He snuffled and tumbled his head onto my pillows again, covering his face with his hands.

-"I'm here for you, okay? And I'll bathe in your puke if I have to, I don't mind,"- I pulled one of his hands from his face and smiled, -"I love you and you know I'll do _anything_ for you."

For the first time during this ricochet, he smiled. It was small and feeble, but it was there and it was enough to appease my anxious heart, -"Stroke my hair, please."- He requested.

I nodded, -"Let me clean this up first."- I stood up and mopped the floor. With a third pair of new clothes, I headed into the bathroom and after spraying deodorant around, I took a quick-bath, changed and strode out, dumping the soil clothes into the already full hamper.

While stroking Marco's hair, I kept thinking about his condition. He kept groaning in pain, as if his stomach was being heaved out of him. I scratched the pills from my head as I though about the medicines I brought -I couldn't give him anything to drink anyways, he'll just spew it again.

Then it popped in my head. That odd what-ever-it-is that goes in buttholes.

My face lit up at the idea and my body heated at the images I was thoughtlessly shaping in my head. _Come on, Jean, stop these images! _But dammit, I couldn't! I couldn't stop thinking about thrusting this thing in his ass and then shoving my dick in and-

Is it getting _hot_ in here or what?

_Holy shit, Jean._

I literally had to smack myself in order to stop my mind from mulling over those images. _God_. I flapped the collar of my shirt back and forth, generating a bit of air.

There's really no other alternative, right? I had to shove this thing in his ass, don't I? If I can't give him anything to swallow, then this is the only remedy.

I gaped my mouth, but before I told Marco anything, I did a little research on this thing, tipping 'rectal medicines' in Google and voilà! A ton of links appeared with info on these rectum violators. Well, fuck my stupid brain, it's a suppository! Of course it goes in the anus! Why didn't that bitch said so? I've heard of these, but I've never actually seen one! I'm such an idiot!

I read about it's uses and I when I spotted 'a remedy for nausea', my heart's beats increased. I then read it can _cause_ diarrhea, because it's also a remedy for constipation. That bitch.

I had the suppository in my shaking hands, staring at it like an idiot, pondering if whether or not rape Marco with it. _Why are you so nervous, Jean? You already saw his dick, __**twice**__, so seeing his asshole shouldn't be much of an issue, right? Right?_

Sure.

I paced around my room; every nerve in my body was having a party, tussling around and getting drunk, and thus, not working how they are _supposed_ to. I may have farted a few times already. _Do it, Jean. It's for his own good. _

Is that my rational voice speaking?

_You want him to get better, no? This is the only remedy. You __**have **__to do it._

I'm actually nervous. I can't believe it. It's not like he just asked me for sex, come on!

-"H-hey, Marco...,"- I mumbled. He muttered something unintelligible as a response. I stepped closer to him, suppository in my quavering hands, -"I, um, h-have something that'll m-make you feel better."- Or worse.

He peeked his head up a bit, curious about it, and I quickly shoved the thing in my pocket, -"Wh-what is it?"

-"U-um..., it's an...,"- I meandered around, feeling my own stomach twisting. Sighing and swallowing my nerves, I halted in front of my bed, a hand on the back of my sweaty neck, -"It's... a suppository."

Marco quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head. I don't know if he was stunned that I had this or that he didn't understood me.

-"Um...,"- Fuck, this got really awkward, -"Suppository, as in... like, medicines that goes in..."

Marco nodded, taking me by surprise. _Of course he knows what it is, dumbass. He's smart, he knows things, unlike a certain someone,_ -"P-please..."- He begged, his cheeks lighting up like a Christmas three with only red lights. He bit his lower lip, probably having the same images I had a few minutes ago...

-"A-are y-you...,"- I stammered. Fuck, I can't even speak! The images and my heated body were fucking my tongue, -"... s-sure?"

Marco nodded briskly, desperate for a remedy, trying to ignore that _I'd_ be one to open his ass and insert the thing there.

I can feel my heart throbbing right beside my ear, -"O-okay, just..., um, yell at me if it, you know, hurts."

Marco rolled over his belly as I made my way towards the end of my bed, where his feet laid. I took a deep breath as I clambered my way onto bed and perched my tights on my calves. I groveled forward until I hovered just above his butt. My breathing notched as I ripped the parcel's sides, struggling a bit. I was shuddering._You can do it, Jean. Remember, he wants it because he's suffering. He needs it._

I hitched the suppository out and rolled it on my palm. It has the shape of a bullet, like really, and it was spongy and white. Like an idiot, I hoisted my palm and neared it to my nose. It really had no smell, so I just shrugged and began to pull Marco's pajama slacks down. The moment my fingertips grazed his skin, Marco shivered and buried his head in my pillow, mumbling something I barely understood. I then realized he was quavering too.

When his ass was exposed, my throat shriveled and I gulped, licking my lips lecherously as my eyes sweep through his round, plushy butt. I had the urge to just bite one of them... arhg, fuck!

I swallowed again and again, trying to damp my dried throat. I remember one time I managed to steal a look at his butt through a gap on the door when he finished bathing. Now, I had his bare butt right before me and I couldn't avert my eyes from it, specially from a captivating and cute mess of freckles on his right bun.

I was slobbering over his butt when I felt a thick mess in my groin. Well, whaddaya know, I splooched myself. Shit, fuck... _shit_, my crotch was hot all over and I had this lingering impulsion to unzip my pants and... and...

_Jean, focus!_

I shook my head, ignored my growing hard-on and hovered the suppository near his anus. _Oh my God_, I gulped again, _here goes nothing, -_"I'm g-gonna do it, Marco. Just... breathe."- Marco inhaled. With one hand, I clutched one of his buns and hived it off from the other one, his anus now clearly visible. Immediately, a current of electricity threatened to posses and control my actions, filling me with longing to feel him in... _no, no, no, just focus! _I swallowed harshly and began to introduce the suppository in his rectum, clutching his bun tightly while ignoring the electricity it ebbed.

Marco exhaled, his body deflating in my bed. I looked at the suppository. It wasn't in yet. With a gruff gulp, I spoke, my voice hoarse, -"M-Marco... I-I have to push it."- God, this felt like we were having sex.

Marco nodded vigorously and tightened his grip on my pillow.

With a deep breath, I trusted my finger in and shoved the suppository deeper in his rectum, making a slush sound that somehow echoed in my ears and sent gleeful thrills through my spine. I shivered and breathed out, but instead, a moan escaped my lips unexpectedly. Marco moaned at the same time. He kept groaning afterwards, trying to muffle them, and I knew why: I still had my finger in his anus and I just... can't pull it off. The viscid stir my finger transmitted to me in there adhered and I wanted to keep feeling it, I wanted to push deeper, feel more, explore and...

_Come on, come on! _I rushed myself, _pull it off! That's not why you're doing this!_

Marco stirred his body and moaned louder. Did he... did he do it on purpose? -"J... Jean..."- He puffed and when I looked at his face, my heart skipped a beat. He was biting and squeezing my damped pillow, his brows knitted as if he were in pain, as if my finger was hurting him.

I quickly pulled it out in one motion, without hesitation, and Marco exhaled, his reddened face returning to normal. He panted and I quickly tucked his pants back up.

I stood pale on my bed, unsure of what just happened -_stop bullshitting yourself! _I spat mentally, _you know exactly what happened._

I pushed all those thoughts aside for a moment and dismounted my bed, trotting to Marco's side and checking on him. I ignored the massive mess in my groin as I caressed his cheek; he was breathing steadily, his eyes closed and brows were normal. I sighed in relief until I felt him stir again, -"Just... rest, alright? You'll feel better."- I looked away and spoke, not set on meeting his eyes.

-"Jean,"- He called and I bit my lip, -"Look at me."- And somehow, he was speaking normally.

I sighed in defeated and swept my head to face him, slowly, like a crane, and cringed when our eyes met, -"Wh-what is it?"

I though he'd yell at me for hurting him, but he just smiled, tenderly like he always does, -"Thank you..."- He blushed.

-"Y-yeah...,"- I replied, scratching the back of my neck awkwardly, feeling my cheeks blushed, -"No prob."

He smiled again before closing his eyes into slumber.

And I was left alone with my sick thoughts.

Oh boy.


	71. SEVENTY-ONE

New budget of words per chapter: 8,000.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

SEVENTY-ONE

Marco wanted me to nail him, didn't he?

I mean, the way he stirred his body so that my finger would be deeper told me that much.

Or am I just crazy and made up all that?

I was taking a bath, you know, to clear my head and all. I was shaking, guessing it was the cold water, but I knew better.

I was fingering Marco's anus just a few minutes ago. I can't just stop thinking about it, and it wasn't even for _that_ purpose. I was giving him a suppository and for a moment, that kind of changed.

Did I hurt him? His expression did looked pained and I almost lost control there, but as I reflected more and more about his face, I concluded that there was pleasure and yearning there, or well, that's what I want to believe. I can't bear the guilt that I've hurt him, not again.

So yeah, the more I though about the event, the more hard I got and eventually, I masturbated. Had to do it, no point in abnegating it. The images and small clips were vivid in my mind as I jerked my dong off. I moaned pretty loud and bleated Marco's name several times. I lent my forearm against the moist, slippery tile as my other hand stroked my dick. I looked down and couldn't really distinguish the water from my jizz and I know I've sprayed a deal already.

I felt the ebb of bliss from the orgasm overflow me after the first wank-off and exhaled, releasing all the pleasure with a soft, deep moan. Oh man, it feels good and I wish I could feel better.

After the blowjobs, I never actually though we'd do anything else more intimate, like nailing his ass. Of course it was around the back of my mind, like sex, but I just never though it possible, not _this_ soon. It was kinda sudden and unexpected after that talk we had about sex. I just though we'd do go on a slow pace, like maybe in summer or next year things will get hotter. I dunno. Not gonna lie, right now, I wish it were sooner. Again, I was just giving him a medicine and it suddenly changed, it's not like I told him 'Oi Marco, lemme nail your ass'.

I sighed. It shouldn't make me think this much. I was just taking care of him...

But instead, it ushered that horny self in me again with the handjobs and wet dreams and the yearn to feel and touch and to _fuck_ him and... and...

I masturbated four times before I sauntered out, shirtless, disheveling my hair while drying it with a white towel. Marco snored and I whipped around, a bit startled. There he was, sound asleep, cocooned within my sheets like a caterpillar. I smiled at his figure and couldn't help but chuckle.

Later that afternoon, I was playing CoD in my room with low volume when I heard him groan, -"Mhm..."

I peeked at my bed from my sitting position and spotted him rolling over, hugging my quilts with both arms and legs.

I chortled and turned my attention to my TV until I heard him mumble something, -"... mhn, J... Je... an..."

Huh?

I peeked again and this time, he had one of his hands in his pants, stroking his groin while he 'hooked' with my pillow, ravening his tongue against the fluffy surface, -"... y... you smell so... good."

My face burned. Well, my pillows and quilts had my scent, but considering he has been on my bed this whole day, I bet all my coins that now it smells more like him and I was dying to bury my nose in it.

-"... J-Jean... don't s... stop...,"- He bleated, scrubbing his crotch more vigorously and running his tongue trough my pillow, -"I... I want to... touch you too..."

You can imagine my actual state. My whole body heated at his words. He was definitely having a wet dream and I couldn't help but wonder about it: was I fingering his ass? Penetrating him? Blowing him? Oh God, help me.

Then he started moaning and so help me, he mumbled my name louder and louder. I stood up and began poking his shoulder, -"M-Marco...?"- What am I doing? _Let him have his wet dream, man!_

I retraced my steps and watched him masturbate, biting my lips and wishing I'd be there, but I can't, I have to let him sleep. He must be really tired after puking so much.

Marco was actually having a wet dream about me. I can't believe it. I always though that that was just a quirk of me, but again, I'm reminded that I haven't seen all of Marco's sides. I've had my share of wet dreams about him too, but I've never seen or heard Marco having one and if he had, he hasn't told me yet.

Glee welled me as I watched Marco groping himself and heard him uttering my name so loud, rattling my ears and arousing me all over. Christ, how I wish to be part of that dream...

Abruptly, he began to plunge his hips back and forth against the amassed quilts, practically yelling my name. I squeaked and without noticing, I took a step forward. My heart wanted to leave my chest as my whole body blazed. What is Marco dreaming?! Holy shit, is he fucking me? Damn, his dream is much more erotic than mines all clustered, and _that's_ something!

I was gawking at him when his stomach grumbled. Oookay, talk about haphazard. He groaned and dug his splattered hand out of his pant and clutched his belly, -"Ugh..."- He muttered, raising his head and opening one eye halfway while biting his lips, as if suppressing something.

After a few seconds of blanching, I snapped and rushed to his side, quickly grabbing and hoisting the bucket up, ready to latch his barf.

But then...

-"So... hungry..."- He stammered before slumping his head back onto my pillow.

My mouth gaped and my eye twitched, too stunned to say or do anything. Then, I remembered he hasn't eaten anything at all and it was already past 4' o clock. I joggled him, -"H-hey, Marco, wake up."- As I gripped his shoulder, I _tried_ to ignore the powerful desire to pin him down and fuck- _shit_. The sexual attraction is strong in this one, eh?

Marco rubbed his eyes and yawned, -"Mhn..."- He mumbled something again.

-"Y-you have to e-eat something."- I was stuttering. Great.

He stretched and yawned again, -"But I'm sleepy..."

-"You just said you're hungry."- I snorted.

-"Why do you talk so much...?"- With his head still carved on my pillow, he raised his hand and fumbled the air near my face. I had my mouth gaped, about to reply, when his hand found my lips and his slim, soft finger dipped in.

My face lit up the moment my tongue slid beneath his smooth skin. I can't describe how hard I got down south; his finger were really, really tender and I think it's needless to say that it had cum on it. Without realizing, I started licking it, savoring his jizz and now I discern it was actually... slightly sweet, which was still odd, considering he hasn't eaten any candy at all. He does eat a lot of sweets (he had a sweet tooth), but since he's been vomiting the whole day, his stomach's empty so...

Marco yelped and pulled his hand away, -"J-Jean...?"

I shook my head and snapped awake, scratching my neck's sides. I just realized I was sweating and I, once again, stained myself, -"T-that was, erm..., _some_ dream, huh?"- I was gonna apologize, I swear. What the fuck happened to my vowels?

Marco's face grew red, his eyes widening. Then, he took my pillow and covered his face, all fluttered, -"I-I... don't remem -I mean, I don't k-know what you're talking ab-about."

I chortled, -"Sure,"- I gulped and cleared my throat, kind of awkward, unable to remove the scene from my mind. Marco was so brisk back there and I couldn't help but wonder if he'll have that same impetus during sex, if we get to that, -"I'll, uh..., make you some Lipton soup. Be right back."

I headed downstairs, but before I stepped out of the room, I looked at him over my shoulder, about to ask him something, and caught him chewing his lips and and ogling at my back. Oh right, still shirtless. A grin rose to my lips as I spoke, -"Good view, huh?"

He was so concentrated on my back that he didn't even noticed I busted him. He cringed and quickly looked away, his cheeks burning red. He was hiding a growing smile, but was failing.

-"You want crackers with the soup?"- I asked him, eyes on his bitten lips.

He parted his lips to speak and his smile finally bloomed, -"S-sure."

I smirked and nodded, stepping out and heading downstairs. While stirring the soup with a spoon, I couldn't stop thinking about Marco and his revue, about his chewed lips as he ogled me. I had a smirk that reached my ears and I must look incredibly idiotic, grinning like an idiot at my own thoughts. Marco and wet dream? Who would've thought? I mean, I know it's normal between couples that are genuinely attracted to each other, but come on, Marco? As pure, loving and naive as he is? I'm the one with the perverted mind, not him. Guess appearances _do_ deceive. Gotta write it down in my mind:

_Marco's a pervert. Marco's not as naive as you though. Appearances deceive._

There we go.

Somehow, that made me jolly. It made me feel not so deviant.

I snorted at that, at how pathetic it actually sounded -and funny. It's true nonetheless and it's fine by me.

I scooped the soup out from the pot and poured it into a bowl which laid over a larger plate. I dug four crackers from the box and placed them beside the bowl and sauntered upstairs, careful on my steps to avoid a spillover. The soup's steam and the stove's hotness made me sweat so I had an additional medicament for him, if you know what I mean.

Up in my room, Marco wasn't in his bed anymore, so I placed the plate on the nightstand beside my bed carefully, despite my anxiety, and knocked on my bathroom's door, -"Oi, Marco, you okay in there?"

Marco gasped, startled again, -"Y-yeah, I'm okay. Just changing up."

I shook my head and smirked, -"Aw, bummer, I really enjoyed watching you on that pj."

I knew he was blushing behind this door, -"Um, I-I'm sorry, I guess."

I laughed, -"It's fine, freckles, I was just joking -I mean, no, I-I really liked how you looked with those, but -argh, you know what I mean."

He laughed too, -"I know."

-"Just, uh, let me know if you feel like puking or... anything else."- I stepped away and waited for him. I was glad when he came out alright; he had a blue t-shirt with a console control imprinted on it and his floppy trousers perfectly matched it. My content was temporary though, I just noted he actually lost a few pounds. It made my heart ache. I stared at the soup and wondered if it was a good idea for him to eat it. It was light so it won't exactly help him earn some pounds back. Then again, it was light because his stomach was delicate.

He was combing his hair with his hand while looking down, murmuring something to himself; when he looked and saw me, he leap a bit, startled, and his eyes immediately dropped to my naked chest (oh come on, it was genuinely hot in here, alright? Yeah, I know it's raining outside), his cheeks flaring at the process. I noted how he fidgeted around, specially his hips, his staggering legs treading forward, trying to hide something. A hard-on, maybe?

-"H-hey, I cooked you a soup. Lipton. Hope you like it, cuz' I don't."- I laughed nervously, attempting to avert my eyes from his groin.

-"Th-thank you."- He stammered with a muffled laugh.

He treaded forward, kinda clumsily, icing on my 'Marco has a boner' theory. He sat on my bed and placed the place just above his crotch.

I sat beside him and watched him slurp the stuff. I kept making faces and he noticed, releasing a breathy laugh, -"Dissimulating is not your forte, is it?"

I slacked back onto my bed, hands behind my head and torso displayed, -"You know me."- I looked at my ceiling, but kept an watchful eye on him, very dissemble and sly, despite what he just said, which was true. From here, I could see his groin trough a gap between his tight and the plate and he was definitely having a boner. He was managing it pretty well from what I can discern, unlike a certain someone that goes fucktarted.

-"Well, you should try it again. It's pretty good, which is a surprise, coming from you."- He jibed, giggling.

-"Hey,"- I sat up and pinched his warm cheek, -"What does that mean?"- That I was a horrible cook, unlike him.

He laughed, so vividly and genuine.

A tender smile rose to my lips, -"I'm glad you're feeling better."

Our eyes met and he smiled too, -"Thanks to you."

I lent closer to him and kissed his cheek. The moment my lips met his soft surface, he chocked on the soup and a low thud invaded my ears. I tried to suppress a grin, but I failed, and was peeking trough that gap blatantly, not even bothering to dissimulate now. Yup, it was up and hard. Marco was going trough _that_ stage, getting boners from every trifle deed. Believe me, I know how it feels. I went trough it.

Marco looked away, embarrassed.

I could smell it, the awkwardness was brewing. I tried to appease it, -"So, uh..., wanna play some videogames after you finish that?"

Marco unraveled my true intentions. He nodded, -"S-sure."

The atmosphere mollified a bit after that and when he finished, we played a few games and while doing so, I noted how distant he was, like he was trying not to get too close to me, but not in disgust, it was more like... fear or anxiety, embarrassment even. I grew worried and distressed, -"Hey, Marco,"- I broke the long lasting silence, -"You okay? You seem jumpy around me."

Marco breathed out, distressed too, and covered his face with his palms, -"Oh no, it shows, right? I'm so sorry, I don't want to make you feel rejected!"

I paused the game and turned my full attention on him, -"It's alright, I don't feel like that,"- Well, maybe a little, but it was trivial, nothing to worry about, -"I'm more worried about you."

He departed his face from his hands and looked at me, his cheeks red, -"I'm... sorry for that too, I'm just..."- He bit his lip and looked away.

-"Marco...?"- I called, peeking his way, but he hid more, -"You can talk to me, you know, if something's on your mind,"- I knew exactly what was on his mind, -"I can help you, you know I won't be ashamed of you for anything."

But Marco was shy and naive. Slowly, he craned his neck towards me and nodded, by an inchmeal, -"I... I know. Just... give me some time."

I know a lot of guys hate those last words, but I nodded, recognizing that I have no leash on him; if he wants space and time, I give it to him without second though, because hey, we all need it once in a while, -"Okay."- Besides, what Marco had in his mind wasn't anything serious, just, hmm, too dirty and naughty for him. He didn't quite know how to deal with it, but I'll help him, because of two reasons: it's _me_, the most pervy dude on Earth, and well, I'm his boyfriend and there's no one else.

He relaxed and sighed in relief, -"Thanks... Jean."

He'll come around soon enough.

* * *

-"Ma-Marco...,"- I bleated, gripping said guy's hip tightly against mines, -"I-it's not in..."- Not completely, at least.

Marco wheezed, his face minutes before exploding, leaving a damp air draft by, -"O-okay..."

I pushed him onto bed, pinning him while I hovered my dick close to his rectum, -"Just... breathe..."

He inhaled before I even finished those words. I breathed deeply too before I began to thrust it in, with more force this time. Marco yelped, his body twitching and shuddering madly with each shove, but it wasn't enough, I have to keep doing it. I held his hips while he wrapped his legs around my torso as I made way in, increasing my strength. My boyfriend puffed more humid breaths and groaned louder and louder, pain mixed with ecstasy. It had to feel better than this, but for now, I had to gratify with what I have.

I kept pushing and got distraught at the closeness of an orgasm. I was reaching my limit and from the looks of it, Marco was too. His whole body was splotched in red, specially his face, I can barely see his freckles, -"J-Jean... please..."- He slurred, his mouth gaped and saliva trailing down his chin. His eyes begged me to not stop, to push harder if I have to, but whatever happens,_ don't stop_.

I drove and lunged my hips against his faster and harder when I saw his expression. I loved it and I wanted to see it again. More and more.

Marco's moans turned to cries filled with pain, pleasure and desperation. He jolted his body upwards, clutching the sheets with all his might as he shouted my name briskly, -"Jean..!"

For a moment, that climax seemed out of reach. I was stuck in this horrible position. I needed a boost, I needed...

Without thinking twice, I spit saliva onto my cock, as much as I could. If Marco was any way near rational, he would've finger wagged me and complained about it being disgusting, but right now, he didn't cared -hell, I bet he didn't even felt it, -"O-one more time..."- Miraculously, my plan worked and I did one, final but powerful trust, educing a sharp shriek from Marco, which dissipated into deep and genuine moans when the orgasm and the bliss came, drifting through the air and sipping into my ears.

I moaned loudly before I slumped onto Marco's feeble body, our foreheads colliding. I panted and shivered at the continuous amount of jizz I was spluttering in his rectum. It felt glorious... this all felt good. I cupped Marco's face and looked at him straight in the eye, -"I _love_ you..."

Marco could barely form any word in his current condition, but he nodded and assented my statement with a sloppy, but passionate kiss, running his hands across my bare back, prickling my whole skin. I answered and we embroiled our bodies even closer and lost all sense of time.

* * *

Ah, _fuck_.

Another wet dream (and a good one).

I dug my hand in my underwear, not even bothering to sit up, stretch or yawn. I gripped my stiff, erect dick harshly and began to stroke it (how many times have I done it already?). I moaned aloud and again, I breathed Marco's name a fuck load of times, without gulping before. My throat dried and I had a massive drought, but it didn't stop me from crying his name, -"Marcooo..."

The dream was lucid in my mind, clear and pure and it contributed to my handjob on every tier. I had my head in my pillow, sideways so I could moan loudly, but now, I buried my nose in it and inhaled Marco's scent from yesterday. It was so... aphrodisiac, making me jerk faster, -"Marpsh..."- I moaned his name again, but it was muffled.

Oh, it's so close, so fucking close, _Marco, please...! _Ahh, there it is, that bliss I craved so much. I exhaled and moaned in pleasure, allowing the orgasm to befog my mind while I squeezed my slimy dick for a few more minutes, _oh boy._

How does that blonde, artist says it? "Opps, I did it again"?

I sat up and rubbed my forehead, _oh man, this is kind of embarrassing, isn't it? _I can mildly understand Marco now, but my standards were higher than his. This is like, what, the tenth time I've masturbated in his name? I've lost count. The wet dream was actually my second one, but this one was..., _God_, much more erotic. I was _penetrating_ him. Blowjobs seems petty compared to that.

I sighed and stood up, trudged to my bathroom and peed my bladder void. I stared at the tiles before me like an idiot, my back hunched and my cock jiggling beneath me.

That looked painful, didn't it? Penetrating Marco looked painful. Shit, I don't want to hurt him! But like the other one, this dream was carved on my brain for as long as I live, reminding me of how much I actually wish for sex with Marco and how risqué I really am.

I hung my head, resting in on my palms, and leaning my elbows on my knees.

I sighed. I have to talk to Marco about this. I hate leaving this type of thing in the air between us. It's the old 'Marco, I'm getting horny and I can't control our sexual attraction anymore' all over again. I'm such a-

No, wait. I'm punishing and crossing myself as a pervert, but these type of things are normal on a relationship, right? The wet-dreams, the handjobs, the boners, the name screaming -I mean, Marco and I have gotten _really_ intimate these last few months and wishing to be more intimate is normal, it's okay, it means I want to be more serious with him and I _do_ want to. Like, it's not my fault I'm utterly in love with the guy, for getting boners and impulsive desires; that's just how is it, right?

Right.

It actually makes sense and it made me feel not so much of jerk. I'm cool.

Besides, he's also getting these types of reactions and that means he also has the same desires as I have and it's okay, it's mutual. I just have to tell him so, he's just embarrassed, like I was a few months ago and he shouldn't be.

I sauntered out of the bathroom after washing my teeth and combing my hair, feeling a bit more relax and at ease with myself. I was clothing up for work when my phone vibrated on my nightstand. I answered the call, rolling my stupid shirt's sleeves, -"Yeah?"- I didn't even read who it was. It might be Zackly or some Fam. Department douchebag and here I am, speaking all mediocre. Fuck it.

-"Hello, Jean, I hope I didn't wake you up."- It was Celine, who quickly made me think about my one love.

-"Hey, it's fine, I'm just getting ready for work. How're you doing?"- I asked and paced around my room, searching for my wallet and car keys.

-"I'm alright, thanks for asking,"- She paused for a few seconds and I knew she wanted to tell me something, but was making sure someone else didn't hear her, -"And you? I forgot to mention that Marco can be a little too... tedious to deal with when he's sick. He gets really querulous and sluggish, specially when nauseous."

I chuckled fondly at the memory, -"Yeah, he really does, but nothing I couldn't handle."

-"I knew you'd take care of him alright."

-"And how is he?"- I asked, slanting my cellphone on my shoulder while I sprayed a bit of cologne on my neck (yeah, it's the only one I have), but come on, tell me it's not cool walking around smelling _clean_ while _cleaning._

_-"_He's a lot better, thanks to you,"- She chuckled and I heard footsteps over there, -"Doesn't stop eating and fooling around, let me tell you."

I chortled, imagining him making a mess in the fridge, -"Figured, he didn't eat or did anything much yesterday,"- Then, a quip popped in my mind and I blurted it before I could stop myself, -"Tell him to take it easy if he doesn't want another suppository up his ass."- Opps.

Silence from the other side. She didn't know the medicines I've gave him.

I covered my mouth, but spoke nonetheless, -"Y-yeah, had to give him one since he barfed any other liquid."

-"Oh."- It's all she mustered.

-"I-I should've told you."

-"No, no, it's alright, Jean!"- She chirped after a few seconds of silence, -"You did what had to be done and followed your instincts. He wouldn't be jumping around today if you hadn't done it."

I sighed in relief, -"Yeah? I mean, yeah! Of course!"

She chortled, -"Thanks again, Jean. I'll leave you to get ready. Take care, yeah?"

I nodded and tucked my car keys in my pocket as I trotted downstairs, -"Yeah, you too -and Marco!"

We hung up and I rushed towards my car, double-taking at the clock. Shit, I'm fashionably late now.

I arrived at the gym, a bit agitated, I admit, and quickly 'checked in' with Jeanna. I was practically talking to a wall, but hey, I was following protocols and that's what matters.

I began to work immediately, never reclining and boy, this place was dingy as hell, _specially_ the bathrooms. Always the bathrooms.

Harry and Thalia were more loosen with me -Harry was still acting odd around me, but I discern that's just how he is- and we started working as a team. Thalia's disposition towards me was getting better and she was actually respecting me. During the last few weekends, I may have had run-ins with a few miscreants, giving me that bullshit that a janitor's work is unworthy and unnecessary, and I, like a big reckless ass, stood up for my work. Thalia found it admirable and stood beside me. I may have earn her respect, but I also earned a warning from my superiors and I seriously think the next one's my final.

-"I seriously don't know if you're brave or stupid."- Thalia commented as the three of us cleaned the women's bathroom. Harry and I were scrubbing the floor while Thalia unclogged the toilets.

I snorted, -"Maybe both?"

She laughed, -"More inclined to stupid. Ulysses' about to fire you."

-"I think th-that was... b-brav..."- Harry murmured, but I really couldn't hear him.

-"Dude, can you speak a bit more louder?"- I asked, struggling with a smear on a white tile.

-"You really think so?"- Thalia seemed to hear him just fine.

-"Yeah..."- I felt his eyes on me and his voice sounded dreamy, wistful, but again, I was too focused on this _fucking_ smear to mull about it.

-"Jean Kirshtein, please proceed to my office."- My boss' voice resonated through the speaker.

I perked my head up, "Oh uh, what did I do now?"

Thalia snickered, -"You better go see."

I stood up and sauntered towards where my memory of his office's location took me. Last time I came, I kinda got lost and ventured into sheds where defunct stuff were retrained, and other abandoned rooms and offices, probably my boss' old ones. It was a place far from the "gym" side, totally uncharted for me.

I arrived and cleared my throat before knocking lightly against his door, -"Can I come in?"- I asked, leaning close to it.

-"Pass."- He said flatly.

Okay, somebody's not in a good mood. My nerves reeled as I wondered if I'll be fired or if we'll have that talk about Keith. I stepped in and nodded at him, -"Uh... good afternoon, sir."

He gestured towards a seat before his desk, -"Sit."

I gulped at his taciturn words, -"O-of course."- While I did, he eyed me (my clothes, to be exact), and he made a disgusted face. Well, what did he expect? My work isn't exactly subtle. I had smears and blots of grubs all over the blue, huge blouse and apron he distributed me with.

When I sat, unbend, he wasted no time, -"Jean, what you're doing is admirable, but morals barely matter in my work. You're pestering my clients and my job is to give them a pleasant service,"- I had a lump in the pits of my stomach. I gaped my mouth to speak, but he didn't let me, -"This is my final warning: keep your mouth shut or I'll fire you. Unpleasant and a sad waste of a good man, but necessary."

I hung my head and gripped my knees. Well, shit. I knew a lot of clients have come to complain about me, but damn. Thalia was right, I'm an inch close to get fired if I kept this up.

Should I take this shit? I mean, I don't have to. I have rights and what he just said was a threat. He has no right to speak to me like that and I don't have to take his shit or anyone else's.

But then again, I choose to work because I needed to, I need the money. I'm practically independent -well, partly. Dad sends me money once a week and he pays my car, my house and my medical plan, but sooner or later, he'll stop and I have to be ready for it. What if he gets sick too? I can't count on him forever. Dad surely pays for his stuff in Sina too.

All those reasons are what made me breathe deeply and nod reluctantly, -"I understand, sir."

-"Good,"- He searched for something beneath his desk and offered it to me, -"Here. I've noted how those... don't exactly fit."

I unfolded the collected clothes: it was the same blouse I had but smaller, and of course, a new gray apron to substitute the shabby one I had on, -"Uh... thanks."- After what he just told me, this "gift" felt out of place, like he was trying to patronize me. They'll just rot anyways.

I stood up and he called me again, -"Jean, I want you to know that I don't have anything against you, but I can't have you pulling stunts like that. It's business."

I just nodded and stepped out.

At lunch break, Harry and Thalia inquired me and I told them everything. Thalia thought the same thing I did: my boss patronized me. I shouldn't have accepted the treat, but then again, I do need the new clothes. The old ones were huge and kind of uncomfortable.

I tried for the whole thing not to affect my work, but I was failing. It encroached my mind and like always, I began to think in excess.

I felt like shit, fooled and coaxed by another man I once though respectable. I felt like I didn't mattered in this place, like I was just some gnat to flap at, like my work and effort was ignored and ingrate. Of course I don't do it to be famous, but come on, a thanks once in a while for picking up every single rubbish someone shits is good and appreciated.

_Nobody will thank you, Jean, you know that. You work because you need to, you don't do it for anyone's 'thanks', _spoke my rational voice.

_Fuck off, _I spat, cringing at my own mental voice.

On the other hand, I kind of understand my boss. He's just doing his work. I might do the same if I were in his place. I mean, if I have an employee that's shooing my clients and fucking my profits up, I might fire him. He was right when he said morals barely matters in his work -or anywhere these days. We gotta do what we gotta do, no matter the consequences.

I sighed at the memory I had of my talk with Marco about that kind of stuff. I told him I believed little in morals and ideals within places of power (like politics, militia, police, police force, etc.), and I remember how he shook his head in disapproval. Then here I am on a tantrum because some asshole tells me my work is needless and stupid or whatever, and because of my morally good actions, I'm shunned on. It shouldn't matter, right? I should just ignore them and keep doing my work.

Both Harry and Thalia noted my mood -specially Harry, got a feeling he's been looking at me for a while now. They attempted to cheer me up, or well, Harry did. Again, he reminded me a lot of Marco and that brought a smile to my lips, -"D-don't let them bother and discourage you from your work. Y-you're s-stronger than th-them..."- That sounds like something my boyfriend would say.

I chortled and began to tousle his hair, -"Thanks man."

He was right though. I'm not about to give up now on my work by some douchebag.

Harry gaped his mouth to say something else, his neck very red, until Thalia rushed in the launch room, -"Hey, Jean, someone's asking for you."- She pointed behind her with her thumb.

-"Really?"- I swallowed a chunk of meat (leftover from yesterday), cleaned my hands and mouth, and stood up. I glanced at the clock on the wall; 5:00, almost time to go. I dumped the residue (a few bones and beans), retrained the closed bowl in my rucksack and headed out.

Thalia led me to none other than Marco. Somehow, I expected to be him, but he still surprised me whenever he showed up here and always brought me something. Last weekends, he only passed by once, and this time, he broke the ice and brought me a few snacks, chips and chocolate bars. He smiled tenderly when he saw me, -"Though you'd like something sweet after lunch."

I was getting really attached to his appearances here with something for me, -"Whaddaya got?"- I peeked in the plastic bag.

-"A few Snickers and Doritos."

Aw sweet, I always crave for a Snicker. I dug it out and quickly munched on it.

-"Well, look at you, munching candy like a kid."- Thalia spoke with a snort. I suddenly forgot she was still here.

-"Oh, Marc, this imsh Thalia."- I introduced them, with my mouth full, and they shook hands, a bit awkwardly.

Marco chuckled, -"Can you swallow before you speak?"

Thalia slammed her hand against my back, making me cough, -"Jean doesn't really follow the rules, does he?"

Marco laughed, a bit pent-up. He knows she's right thought.

While I ate my snacks and shared with them, we chatted about random stuff and loitered around. Thalia never pried about my relation with Marco. I never told her or Harry about my sexual preferences and she apparently didn't cared.

Around 5:30, we wrapped up, ready to go. Marco waited for me after telling me (kinda indirectly) that he'd go with me. I had no problem _at all_, believe me, but it was kinda odd, specially with the way he awkwardly avoided my eyes. I knew something was up, he wanted to discuss something with me. I knew what.

I held that at the back of my mind for now while I 'checked out' with Bob, my boss' late receptionist. He was slurry too and scaredy, always getting startled by every small sound.

I made my way towards the front door, where Marco waited for me, when Harry teetered behind me meekly, barely mumbling my name, -"Wa-wait, J-Jean..."

-"Harry?"- I looked over my shoulder and spotted him fidgeting with his fingers again. I faced him, -"Everything alright?"- There he goes acting weird again.

He nodded briskly, -"Y-yeah... I j-just w-wanted to tell you s-something."- He stuttered, struggling to keep his eyes on mines.

-"What is it?"- Now I was getting anxious and edgy. I hadn't noted Marco sneaking behind me.

-"C-can we go... um, s-somewhere el-else?"- He started turning away, gesturing me to follow him.

I didn't budge, -"What's going on, Harry?"- Okay, he was acting extra odd now.

-"Ju-just follow m-me..."

I have trust issues, but Harry wasn't any stranger, so I stepped forward. Marco held me back though, a grip on my arm, -"Huh?"

-"Jean, what's the matter?"- He asked, all innocently, but he had that knowing look I've come to recognize easily.

-"Um, I'll be going soon. Gimme me a few minutes to...,"- I pondered on whether or not tell Marco that a guy (someone totally foreign to him) wanted to talk to me, _alone_. It's bizarre, right? But I don't want Marco to get any wrong ideas. I gaped my mouth to explain him when Harry called me and Marco noticed him. I scratched my neck and gestured at both of them, -"Oh, uh... Marco, this is Harry, my work pal."

Marco gave him one of his tender smiles, but something was off. It felt false, forced, like he really didn't want to smile to him. An eerie air brewed.

-"H-hello..."- Stammered Harry, but he becked me to follow him again with his eyes.

Marco, somehow, got the message that wasn't meant for him and tugged my sleeve, -"I'll be outside, waiting for you, but don't take too long."

Before I could reply, he leaned closer to me and sowed a fervent kiss on my lips, slithering his tongue across them and into my mouth. He whirred his lips against mines in a slow, but passionate and grandiose rhythm while gliding his hand down my arm and broiling with my fingers. It was a hot, _hot_ kiss.

I had my eyes wide, my back rigid like a snowman. This was uncanny and unusual of Marco; we did kissed in public, but it's often on my cheeks and if it's on the lips, it's always a petty one, a mere peck, completely the opposite of this one. It's not that Marco's ashamed of kissing me like this in public, he just respects and was aware that other people disliked PDA's, specially one of homosexuals. I, on the other hand, gave no fucks whatsoever and always wished for him to kiss me like this in public.

I'm not complaining, not by a long shot, but this was very rare. Something else is going on, something I'm obviously missing.

Marco whispered, 'I love you' before he sauntered away, before I could question him. With a nervous laugh, I turned around to face Harry, offer him an explanation, but he was gone and on his very spot sloshed a few water drips. I had no idea of the source.


	72. SEVENTY-TWO

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

I want to thank dreeaatail for her amazing review :') thank you!

* * *

SEVENTY-TWO

-"Hey, what was that about?"- I asked, eyes on the dimming road ahead.

-"Hmm?"- Marco mused beside me, his body lent against the door and his eyesight thought the glass, across the never ending rows of houses.

-"The kiss."

-"What about it?"- He kept looking through the window.

-"What's it about?"- I asked again, desperate for an answer -a real one, the truth behind it, -"It couldn't have come from nowhere."

I heard a muffled laugh, -"What do you mean, Jean? It's not like I've never given you one of those."

I sighed and when I came upon a red light, I swiveled on my seat and faced him, an arm on my seat's headrest, -"Spill it, freckles. I know there was a reason behind it."- Got a feeling it had to do with Harry, but I discard it. Marco's an amiable guy.

He gazed at me, his body still lent against the door, his elbow on it's armrest. I must look seductive in this position, because Marco's cheeks lit up at my sight. I can't deny it either; I had the new blouse my boss "gifted" me with and boy, it was tight around my biceps and triceps. I didn't had my apron on and purposely had the first two buttons loose, exposing my chest. With blue, slim jeans and boots, I looked hot, -"Hey, my face's up here, you know."- I jibed, a grin on my lips.

Marco dampened his lips and looked away, -"Y-you don't have the seatbelt on."

I laughed out loud, -"Come on, spill the beans already."- I seldom use the seatbelt, another thing Marco finger wags me for, but come on, that's not what he focused on first.

-"Green light."

-"What?"

He pointed somewhere in front of us and when I followed his finger, a lurid green light shone across my front glass and blinded me. By instinct, I hovered my arms near my face. Then, car honks boomed behind me and rattled my ears, leaving me deaf. I lent forward, descended my window and flipped my middle finger at whomever was pissing me off. Another honk and revs powering up. The person rode beside me and started shouting some shit I couldn't understand. It was a woman and she had all her windows up. I shrugged, pointed a finger at my ears and lip-talked 'I can't hear you'. Still flipping her off, I trampled on the accelerator and rode off.

-"Bitch."- I muttered.

I had my eyes on the highway, but I could see Marco shaking his head ashamedly. He disliked whenever my tolerance goes downhill while driving -while doing anything in general. According to him, getting into quarrels while driving was dangerous, and I quote, 'you lose sight of the road and thus can cause an accident by your own hands'.

-"Are you gonna tell me now?"- I nagged, totally ignoring his scolding.

-"What about?"

I sighed for the fifth time already, -"Come on, Marco, don't be a douche. Was it Harry?"- I reached for him and began tickling him.

He giggled in that sweet, tender way I loved so much, as he writhed his body away from my flapping fingers, -"Maaaybe."

-"Whoa, seriously? What did he do?"- Now, now, I wasn't expecting this. Harry was a nice guy (like him, in fact), he wouldn't do anything to Marco. And if he did, why would Marco counterattack with a kiss? This doesn't make any sense.

Marco sighed and rolled his eyes, -"You really don't know?"

-"W-what? Should I know?"- Oh boy, what am I missing again? All this chatter reminded me when Marco tried to confess to me in many different ways, but I was a bit of an airhead for that kind of thing.

-"Oh, Jean, you're so blind,"- Marco jibed, giggling to himself while he shook his head, -"He _likes_ you."

-"What do you mean? Thalia likes me too."- I blurted and honestly, I felt like an idiot.

Marco seemed to agree with me. He face-palmed, -"He likes, _likes_ you... more than a coworker."

-"Oh,"- Okay, now that's unexpected, but the pieces started to fit in: the way he acted around me, the way he stuttered and fidgeted, his looks, his blushing cheeks, his..., oh _fuck_, guess I'm still an airhead for these things, -"_Oh, _I see now! You were just jealou -but wait, how did you know?"

Marco's smile grew, -"Good gaydar, I guess."

I quirked an eyebrow at the term, but ignored it, -"You were just jealous, weren't you?"

He blushed and nodded briskly, his brows wrinkling in fluster, -"Yeah, so? You get jealous too."

I sort of laughed. He's been getting more jealous than me recently, let's be honest, -"Marco, if we were to-"

-"Jean, watch out!"- His eyes widened as he pointed to the front glass again and I snapped awake.

The second my eyes gazed to the front, a red light threatened to blind me again, but this time, it was from a car's rear lights, halted before me. With my quick reflexes, I turned on the steering wheel and drove beside it, almost grazing it and accidentally ate the red traffic light. Again, the driver honked me and I flipped fingers. Both of them.

Silence ensued. Marco really abhors my attitude on the rode, reason why he didn't felt entirely comfy with me getting one in the first place, -"Jean, you need to be more careful and attentive!"- He suddenly snapped.

-"I'm sorry, freckles, you're too distracting, can't help it."- God, I'm a fool and even more with the stupid smirk I was mustering.

Marco's fumes seemed to quench at the comment. He bit his lip, -"Can you stop for a minute?"

-"Stop what?"

He lent close to me and slid his hand across my tight. I got the hint, oh yes I did, -"The car."

I grinned and parked on an alley that led to Marco's suburb. I switched the rev off and turned to face my boyfriend when he literally launched onto me, not even giving me a few seconds to settle cosily. My ass was numb, okay?

Marco sat on my lap, facing me, and kissed me just like in the gym, but this time, his moves were much more ravenous and feral. Hey, we were alone, in a car, in a dark alley on a cold afternoon. This time, I kissed him back just as wild and hungry, tying one hand with his hair while the other clawed it's way to his back. Our tongues met in seconds and danced, sticking with the rhythm. Unconsciously, I reached for the lever beside my seat and ramped it all the way down. Now, Marco was over me as if we were on my bed -or his.

A few minutes of hooking up later, Marco educed an erection, grazing and prickling my crotch. He struggled with it, his face burning from the exhaustion. I snickered, a grin all the way to my ears, -"You're getting a lot of these, aren't you?"- I crooned, fondling his groin playfully.

Marco moaned and buried his face in my chest, a bit embarrassed, -"J-Jean... I can't help it..."

-"Can't help what?"- I asked, stroking his hair. I stopped fondling him down south, figuring if he wanted to talk, he wouldn't do it with me touching him there. I mean, I can't even _think_ when he fingers me.

-"It's just so embarrassing..."

-"Marco,"- I lifted his head back up to face mines, -"Talk to me."

He looked at me, his eyes glistening, -"I'm just..., I can't restraint it, everything, I just...,"- Marco sighed and I knew he was reeling the gears in his mind to organize his thoughts. His face was red, -"Ever since you gave me the s-suppository, I've been having... a lot of erotic dreams of us and every time I see or hear you, I remember them and... and my body just... and my heart wants to..."- He exhaled and bit his lips. He was clearly flustered. He has never dealt with this issue before and I think he hasn't dreamt of me so erotically before.

My grin subdued into a more sympathetic smile, but it was still there, -"You get the boners. Lemme tell you something, Freckles,"- I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him closer to me. I want him to hear me perfectly, -"I used to get like six boners a day whenever I saw you during the first weeks of school. I literally drooled over you -still do. Remember those days?"

Marco's eye widened at my confessions and nodded slowly.

-"Well, I once masturbated in the boy's bathroom while screaming your name, but you already know that, and I've woken up hard as fuck at your memory a lot, and guess what, it's normal, it's okay, you shouldn't be embarrassed of your body's response to sexy guy like me -your boyfriend. I've had wet-dreams about us too. We're attracted, Marco, can't you feel it? I know you do, the sexual attraction is strong, right? We can't deny it -well, I sure as hell can't."- I spoke, stroking his spine gently and lovingly. I meant all that. I sure did and I want Marco to feel okay with his own body and mind.

My boyfriend blushed a lot and rubbed his cheeks, -"You really think so?"

I nodded, briskly, -"I do, Marco,"- I tied my legs with his below the steering wheel, -"You're my boyfriend, I'm your boyfriend, these stuff is normal between couples and man,"- I pecked his lips, -"I _love_ you and I'm _crazy_ for you, I can't just _not_ have boners and wet-dreams. It's inevitable, and I'm not ashamed about it."

Marco's eyes gazed me lovingly, a tender smile covering his lips, completely moved by my words. He relaxed and rested his forehead on mines, -"I love you too, Jean. That was sweet; I never though you'd be a dweeb."

I chuckled, -"You'd be surprised. I can be a lot of things, specially the guy who can indulge you..."- My hand neared his groin once again as I gazed at him expectantly.

Marco nodded, -"P-please..."- His cheeks burned up, narrowing his eyes away from mines.

-"Just relax, you're with me and we're alone..."- I whispered and nipped his neck's skin with my teeth gently, fluttering my fingers against his crotch.

He moaned and sank his head onto my chest. I fondled him more thoroughly, cautious with my moves, executing them just the way that made him titillate most; in a circular motion, dipping my fingers in and squeezing. He breathed my name as I licked his flesh and dipped my finger deeper in, but his pants prevented me to go any further, -"J-Jean... just get your hand in already."- He demanded, all flustered and desperate.

I chuckled and obliged, unzipping his pants and digging my way in. Immediately, I felt his slimy dick slid across my palm and I grasped it, educing deep moans from him, his breath tingling my exposed chest. He clutched my blouse tighter with each pressure, and steadily strew it open in one pull. _Damn boy._ He's horny and I like it. A _lot_.

I started to jerk him off while kissing his neck's core, running my tongue down to his collar bone, sucking here and there and leaving purple blots on his soft skin. I was getting really aroused down south as his groans and ragged breaths teemed my car, his soft, sweet whispers of my name resonated in my ears and thrilled me. _Fuck_. Here it comes. Marco must have felt the huge bulge in my pant, because he smirked and chewed on his lips as he ventured his hands southward. He fumbled for my zipper and dropped it low slowly, playfully, probably on purpose. When he took hold of my stiff cock, my head hurled back at the current of pleasure. I exhaled real loud, -"Marco..."- I gripped his hand and jolted it up and down, fastening his stroke.

We jacked each other off like we've done before and like always, we've managed to please each other, splattering cum onto hands, but we didn't cared -well, Marco was a bit worried about the petite flecks on my seats, -"Don't worry about them."

Marco blushed, a bit embarrassed, while he chafed my seat's surface with his finger, specifically at the small blot on it. I took his hand and kissed it. With that same hand, he cupped my face and kissed my lips. For the next minutes, we hooked, groping our bodies and clawing on our skin. Our mouth dipped into each other and moved in synch, our lips clashing and our tongues jigged, our hot breaths sipping in.

We settled down for a few other minutes, watching the sunset. I stroked Marco's hair while we dawdled and prattled on; he told me of his wet-dream, the one I was lucky to watch him live it. He confirmed what I've anticipated from watching him in the first place: we _were_ having sex and Marco was penetrating me, and I quote, 'hard'.

I then asked him what he though of our sixty-nine activity, -"I'm really sorry, Marco. If I knew you had a delicate stomach, I wouldn't have suggested it..."

-"It's okay, Jean, I don't blame you,"- He caressed my temple, running his fingertip up and down, -"A-and I enjoyed it. I'm such a dull-witted boyfriend, aren't I? Not knowing what that number _really_ implies..."

I chuckled, -"Hey, it's cool. I enjoyed it too, but I have a question,"- I've been wondering about this for a looong time now and the mystery was killing me, -"Did my jizz had flavor? I mean, if it affected you..."

Marco blushed a lot and looked away, rubbing his cheekbone with his finger, a nervous quirk of his, -"Um... it-it does...,"- He paused and looked at me, as if asking me if I really wanted to know. I gave him a low nod, -"It's kinda... salty, but sweet too and -ugh, I'm not making any sense, am I?"

I snorted, -"No, you're not."

His expression contorted into distress as he attempted to fix his words, -"I-it's not like it's unsavory, I actually li-like it, but it lacks sweetness... -Oh God, I-I don't want to sound ingrate!"

-"Easy honey, it's fine, I'm not mad or anything,"- I actually though mine was insipid, -"Your's sweet, like really sweet, just like you."- I did not just said that.

Marco chortled, pecking my lips, -"You're such a dork, you know?"

-"But I'm your dork."- And once again, we kissed and got lost on our arms.

* * *

Around 8 o clock, we realized the time and Marco's pile of messages and calls; a few were from his cousin and the rest were from his mom. She knew he was with me, but she wanted us confirm we were okay. Marco called her back and told her we were on our way. By then, I had already turned the car's revs on and rode off.

The ride to his home was funny (at least for me); Marco was freaking out by the time and couldn't stop nagging about it. He didn't liked being on the road so late, but I managed to soothe him by telling him the usual: that I was with him and that I'll protect him. He loves that.

When we arrived, he gave me a lengthy, passionate kiss before parting and whispering, -"I had a good time. We should do that more often."

-"Anything for you,"- I murmured back, pecking his cheek, -"Feel better?"

He nodded, narrowing me lovingly, -"A _lot_ better."

-"I love you, freckled stupid bastard."

-"Love you too, dorky."- We kissed goodbye and I watched him leave with longing, sighing from deep within. I'm muddy in love.

* * *

At home, I studied for a bit more before I went to sleep and meditated over today's events.

I'm so fucking glad I made Marco feel better about himself; about his thoughts and his own body, his desires and such. It was a relief, because I also had that very same problem way back; I though getting boners from looking at another guy was embarrassing and disgusting, but it's my body's way to let me know I found that guy attractive and sexy as _fuck_ -and cute. I also though that me wanting to blow and work Marco was just a lustful desire, that I just wanted Marco as a toy, it was the though that bothered me the most. Marco's more special to me than that and those desires actually meant that I wanted to be more serious with him, I wanted our relationship to be more intimate and special. Also, like I've told myself a thousand times, it's _normal_.

Incidentally, the fact that I've managed to unscramble all that mess on my own made me feel good about myself. I have a mess for a mind; I overthink a lot and contradict myself. I literally confuse myself and tussle my brain, and I've always had difficulties to sort and control my feelings and thoughts. To achieve this is practically a miracle.

Then, Harry popped into my mind, just like that, with no warning whatsoever. The guy had feelings for me, huh? Fuck, it's so obvious now that I know. He was trying to show me, to tell me -oh, just before I left, he wanted to tell me something in private. Was it that or...?

Oh no.

He disappeared after Marco kissed me like he did and if I'm not mistaken, I saw drops of water on the floor. That can't be his tears, right? Right? Would he cry by such revelation? I've had crushes that have wounded me (yeah, my old crush on Mikasa's the perfect epitome), but I've never cried, maybe got gloomy, but come on, he's a teen, he can take it.

Well, on second though, maybe not. He can't even handle some asshole's insults at work, he literally cowards behind me or Thalia. Can he cope with the greatest disillusion of finding out your biggest crush has a boyfriend already? Oh, and it's not like someone told you, no, it's because you saw him _kiss_ someone else, someone more special than you.

I'm not making this any easier for myself, am I? The guilt's setting in.

Point is, I might have hurt him, which wasn't my intention at all -it was Marco's, a fact that's hugely shocking, on all tiers. I know, I know, I've done it before, 'what are you complaining about, Jean?'; I've kissed Marco to shoo off some irksome girls and hence, I offended them, I know, but first of all: Harry's not like those girls, never ever, and second, it's so unlike Marco.

I had my hands on my hair, gripping it. I gotta apologize to him, I gotta tell Marco to apologize too, though I doubt he'll comply. Harry got him jealous, Harry's not getting shit from Marco.

Am I making a big deal out of this? For the love of God, I had no idea.

I fell asleep after long hours of thoughts and attempts to quench the growing guilt.

* * *

The only things worth mentioning on this week in school was that we began to plan to riot outside. Our members began to write on big placards stuff like: "Love is for all", "Love has no boundaries", "Equality or riot", "We have rights too", yada, yada. Nathaniel was losing his shit -his composure, that's what I meant, of course- and Axel was trying to get control of the situation. Like I mentioned before, our cause grew in membership and goddamn, the hideout was full of students demanding that we riot already, make people hear us, to do _something_. Gotta give em' the point; all we've done has been to punch a few bullies and knock a few out. So, what? They'll get back angrier, but who am I to have a say in this whole mess? I just follow orders. My suggestions seemed to enter Nate's ear and leave the other just as quickly. Despite all I've done, Nathaniel doesn't recognize me as a, and I quote, 'potential ally' (Marco Bodt, 2016).

Marco and I have hooked up once in a while; in the reeking bathrooms, the ceiling, the school's backyard, anywhere we could be alone and away from the commotion, really. It's needless to say that he has gotten more loose with me and our make-out sessions got real intimate. I liked it, I liked it a _lot, _and so did he.

Oh, and Eren finally decided to confess.

-"Come out of the closet already, Yeager."- I said as I lent against the court's outside walls. I just received a text from both Reiner and Marco that Eren wanted to meet me here to 'practice soccer', because apparently, Yeager, a.k.a Shithead, can't man his balls enough to simply say: 'I gotta talk to Jean'.

-"Fuck you, Horseface, this was definitely a bad idea."- He gruffed and began to turn away.

-"Fuck...,"- I cursed to myself. Me and my mouth, right? -"Wait, man,"- I spoke, too quickly, as I scratched the back of my neck. Well fuck me in the ass, this is more awkward than talking to Marco about my cum's flavor, -"Sorry, didn't mean that. You wanted to talk? I'm here, so... yeah."

He halted his steps and just stood there, looking down at the moist grass. A few seconds passed. Nothing. This was getting really cumbersome. Should I speak first or...?

I cleared my throat often, to see if he reacted or said something.

And so he did, very abruptly, -"How do you do it, Horsey?"

-"Do what?"

-"Stay so cool even after realizing you're gay."- He clarified, still looking down at the grass, but now, he had his hands in his pocket.

He said that as if it were a bad thing (and it was for me, at first) but I held my tongue to comment on it, -"That's where you're wrong, Yeager. I wasn't 'cool' with it after realizing,"- I was planning on giving him one of those mushy speeches about figuring who you truly are or finding your own path, but I decided to spare him that shit, -"Believe me, I was so not cool with it, or myself, or with Marco, that I ended up making my own lies and tried to believe them. If anything, I was... confused."

He nodded ever so slowly, understanding that last part, meaning, he felt confused too, with himself and the world around him. It all seems different from this view, -"So, you're... cool now, huh? You and Freckles have gotten real comfy."

-"Yeah,"- I looked up at the sky, at the morphing clouds, -"Had to. Couldn't deny it anymore... deny myself. It was breaking me."- I tucked my hands in my pockets too, my mind drifting towards Marco, towards those old memories, the many times I've fallen on my knees, broken, and the many times Marco lifted me back up. _No, Jean, focus on Eren_. He looks like he's about to collapse.

He snapped, instead, probably as a means to keep himself on foot, -"But... _how_?"

I shrugged, -"I dunno, you just... accept it and cope with the rest. You love a man, so what? It's your life, your emotions, you can do whatever the hell you want to do with them."

-"'You'? What're you talking about?"

I sighed and ran a hand trough my tussled hair beneath my hoodie. Dealing with this guy's a pain in the ass, -"You. I'm talking about you."

-"Don't drag me into this crap, Horsey!"- He waved me off and began to walk away again, reluctantly.

-"Oh my fucking God, Eren, don't bullshit me,"- With my tolerance running low, I rushed forward, gripping his shoulder and swooped him around. I started jabbing his shoulder, pushing him back, -"You think you can fool me? You can delude the rest, but not me. What about Levi, huh? You're not fooling him and you're not...!"- I clenched my fists and furrowed my brows, -"... fooling yourself, so don't even bother. It won't work. I've tried, a shit load of times, and it doesn't work, Eren."

The guy was speechless... for now.

I took advantage of that, -"For how long do you plan on running, huh?"- I remember Marco telling me this very same thing (in nicer words, of course), -"For how long do you plan on cowering? Do you really think you're able? You can't be-"- I had to stop, because he's about to burst in tears.

He held them off very well, but he still slurred on his words, -"I don't know, but I'll do it for as long as I have to! I don't give a fuck if you think I'm a coward! I'm not... one of you!"

-"The hell does that mean?"- I began to yell, a bit offended by his last words.

-"You guys are so gross, hasn't anyone told you already?"- He pushed me back and waved his arms in exasperation, -"Come on, two _guys_? Yuck! I think you're all really wretched because you can't shag any girls!"

I gaped my mouth wide to reply, ire sparking within me from both his words and his deed, but shut it close. I didn't come here to wrestle with him, I came here to help him, -"Enough, Eren."

-"There should be a law that restricts guys like you, because all gays do is ruin and molder society."- But he had to say that.

The fact that I said that same thing to Marco wounded me and more so when I felt how offended it really made me feel. _You felt like this, didn't you, Freckles? _Upset and dismayed, he ran away from me, but I didn't do that, oh no. I clenched my fists and smote Eren right in his mouth, full of fury. Said guy staggered and tumbled his butt on the grass, -"Fuck you."- I spat. Marco should've done this. I deserved it.

-"Shit!"- He cursed, covering his mouth with his palm, -"I think I swallowed a tooth, you bastard!"

-"Should've swallowed the rest."- I quipped, ticking my fingers.

He sat up and lent his arm on his knees, staring down at the grass again, -"You're a damned jerk. The fuck does Marco sees in you?"- He messaged his mouth.

-"You're a bigger jerk, Eren, so shut the fuck up."- I snarled, glaring down at him.

He kept staring at the grass for a few minutes and began to unearth a few herbs, thoughtful. Suddenly, he sighed, -"Shouldn't have said that."

I was gonna spill another quip, but I bit my tongue, -"Felt bad, huh? Telling yourself that."

His brows creased, but he too held off any comment, -"Funny, I told Levi the same thing..."

I sat bit farther from him and looked at the sky again, -"Tell me about it."- Levi wouldn't have punched him like I did, but he at least would've said 'fuck you'.

He stared at me, confused, and quirked an eyebrow. I then realized that what he just said was nothing more than a fugitive thought.

-"Never mind,"- I sighed and tightened the grip on my knees, -"Listen, Eren, I wanna help you, but you're a pain in the ass, too stuck-up and stubborn,"- Like who, I wonder? -"I know what you're going trough, I've been there, and I know how it feels; to be different and shunned, treated like shit,"- I paused and peeked at him; he was still staring at the grass, but was listening to me attentively, -"... and I know how it feels to be a complete stranger to yourself."

His gaze rose up. Jackpot.

-"You feel like you don't know yourself, and you wonder about who you really are and why you've changed, or when, what happened to yourself. We all change man, and it's fine to be different. It's better."

-"I don't see how it's any better."- His voice was shaky.

I smiled and though about myself, about how different everything seems, about how better my life got when Marco came fucking it up, about how happy I am to have met him, to be with him, about how all that suffering paid off well, -"It's not now, at least, but it'll be,"- I snorted about this next idea, -"Come on, compare me to the old Jean you knew."

He scoffed and gazed up, thoughtful again. His expression softened, -"Can't deny you've changed."

-"I was a grumpy asshole, remember? You used to tell me that and look at me now -well, I'm still an asshole, but not so grumpy, right?"- I jibed and cringed. Am I the only person who talks shit about himself?

He laughed, -"You're still a jerk."

-"You're no better,"- I breathed deeply, as I tried my best to stymie my mind from drifting into old wounds. All this talk was making me angsty, -"You can't be in comfort zone forever dude. You gotta step out of it sometime. You're just fucking yourself up. Trust me, it's not worth it,"- I was shaking my head and now, I looked at him, eye to eye, -"Don't lie to yourself, don't force emotions where they don't fit, it fucking hurts, and the other ones will still be there no matter how much you will them to disappear."

Eren was looking at me bewildered, stunned, but I knew he was at least a bit moved by my words. He hid it with mockery, -"What the fuck, man? Where did you get that from? Your butthole?"

-"Laugh all you want, I'm serious,"- I rolled my eyes and stood up. P.E will start soon, -"It's difficult, I know, but it's worth it. Just... take your time."- Though I doubt Levi's a patient man.

Eren looked down again and gaped his mouth. His eyes were glistening, he wanted to tell me something else, -"I..."

But the bell rang and he sprung up, as if afraid someone will see him with me.

-"Good luck man."- I said and began to turn away.

-"Wait,"- He called and I looked over my shoulder. Standing up, he sighed and scratched his neck, -"Can we, uh... meet here tomorrow too?"

I smirked, -"Sure, just text me."

We parted ways and I met Marco inside court, -"So, how did it go?"

-"Could've gone better,"- We walked towards the men's bathroom and clothed for the exercises, -"I accidentally punched him."

Marco laughed, taking his shirt off and pulling a sweatshirt on, -"Jean, I know you, you don't punch anyone by accident."

I laughed too and turned to face him, trudging close to him, -"Oh, you're so clever, aren't you?"- I mocked and placed my hands on my hips, -"Hey, my arms are kinda numb from punching Eren. Can you take my shirt off?"

Marco quirked an eyebrow, shaking his head, unamused and incredulous. He still blushed, -"You punched him with your fists, not your arms."

-"I still used them and boy, they're tired."

-"I saw you using them when you opened the door just fine."- He replied, giving me a smug look.

-"Oh, come on, Marco! Lemme win this one!"- I pouted and crossed my 'tired' arms.

Marco chuckled and stepped closer to me, grazing his fingertips at the collar of my school shirt. He unbuttoned it one by one; I felt my body heat up when he reached the end and strew my shirt open. I leaned my lips to his plushy ones and kissed him while he ran his hand across my abs. We hooked for a few minutes until we heard Keith's piping voice, shouting the group to move our asses.

Did I forgot to talk to him about Harry? Yup.

* * *

P.E was a piece of cake. I gave the extra mile on every aerobic and activity. Even though the school was in chaos, my group and I had fun playing soccer, basketball and whatnot. I had Marco with me on every exercise and even though he wasn't on my level, he did amazingly well, and I helped and instructed him to do better.

-"Y-you're good at this... training thing."- He spoke, out of breath.

-"You think so?"- I sighed and took a swig from the bottle of water. I swallowed and lent my arm on my knee. We sat down for a break, by his beseech, -"I dunno..."- My mind drifted to that time I was training the guys at the free-for-all-but-not-professional gym not far from home. I didn't do horrible then, they just renounced when they learned I was gay.

-"You just need to learn teaching techniques and human anatomy and you're set,"- Marco lent forward and placed his hand on my shoulder, squeezing it tightly, -"Jean, you can study for personal trainer!"

Now, I haven't thought of that. Marco knew I was uncertain on what to study once we graduate and he's been helping me decide or at least have an idea. Personal trainer? It _is_ compelling, but I'm not sure of it, I mean, it doesn't shout to me 'yeah, this is definitely it'. I guess I have to find out, right? -"I'm not sure, Marco, but I can give it a try."- I guess it all depends on who I'm training.

-"Of course!"- He assented and was about to add something else when Keith shouted that break time's over.

We kept doing workout afterwards and I was acing whatever Keith barked us to do. I could feel every muscle in me fortify as I ran around court, did push-ups, sit-ups, squats and whatever else is on Keith never ending 'to do' list. Oh, I also felt Marco's stare at every part of me; he was gawking openly at my torso, specifically at my abs, which were pretty perceptible due to my sticky sweatshirt. I was sweating like fuck and Marco couldn't avert his eyes from me -heck, he's not even trying. His gaze heated my body up more than it was already.

After class was dismissed, we smooched in the court's shed and my hands and mouth might've roamed somewhere other than his face or mouth...

* * *

When I got home, my phone vibrated in my pocket before I even stepped inside. I dropped my rucksack on the living room and slacked onto the couch. I dug my cellphone out and stared at my screen, completely bewildered for two reasons: I got a text from Eren, I have no idea why I have his number or when I got it, and he was apologizing.

_**Srry for sayin all that stuff. Didnt mean it**__. _His writing was sloppy, like mines.

Eren was apologizing to _me_? The guy he hated the most? Good God, this has to be a miracle. **_it's_ **_**cool man**. _I wrote back and pondered on whether or not apologize too. I might've went too far, but you know me, _**srry for punchin u. not gonna say i**_ _**didnt meant it cuz i'd be lyin**__._

After sending that honest text, I stood and headed to the kitchen to prepare something to eat when my phone ringed again. Damn, he's a quick texter. Reminds me of my ex, _**thks for the honesty man. rlly.**_

I snorted and typed: _**ur welcome**__._

I though he'd end the conversation there, but he sent another one before I could drop out, _**meet u behind court tmrrow?**_

If he's asking _me_, they guy he loathes the most, he's desperate, _**sure**__._

Poor sod, I thought, having to ask for help from someone like me.

After Eren ended the conversation with no other texts, Marco wrote me next, which was odd, considering he doesn't text much. I just finished taking a hot bath when I saw it. I peeked down at my cellphone on my nightstand while I dried my hair, _**Hey, Jean, call me when you arrive.**_

I smirked and sat on my bed, dropping the towel from my head to my shoulders. I typed Marco's number and placed my phone on my ear. While I waited for his answer, I nipped my nails, -"Jean?"

-"Hey, Freckles, I'm home safe and sound. You?"

-"I'm okay and I'm glad you're too."- He breathed, relieved to hear my voice.

-"Yeah, sorry I didn't call you sooner, I was taking a bath...,"- A witty remark popped into my head and I didn't even hesitate to blurt it, -"You should've come with me and I could've washed you, we could've made funny stuff with foam and laugh all night..."- The more I though about it, the more hanker I felt.

Marco whined, probably feeling the same, -"Stop, you're coveting me..."

-"Maybe this weekend? You can come by and we can go out on a date, or watch the night sky in my car..."- I bickered, listing all the things I wanted to do with him this weekend.

He hummed, content with the ideas, -"They all sound great, Jean."

-"We can snuggle and kiss under the moon, in my courtyard..."- What a dork. While speaking, I was looking at nowhere in particular, my mouth gaped while I ran a mental movie of all those activities with him, and I particularly liked the last one.

Marco chuckled and breathed in content again, -"Let's do that one, on Saturday after work and art classes."

-"Yeah, it's a deal,"- I said, nodding briskly. Then, I slacked onto bed and clambered my legs up, -"Hey, I got some juicy gossip to share. You won't believe who texted me when I arrived..."

We prattled and chattered about trifle things until 1 in the morning. I bet all my coins Marco never stayed up this late and he realized it a little too late. We shared our 'I love you's and hung up. I sighed deeply and looked at my ceiling. I can't wait for Saturday.


	73. SEVENTY-THREE

Heya ^.^/

It's been a while and I'm sorry for the delay! I've had a very busy week in college with work, tests and whatnot. I'm taking Precalculus II and it's very exhausting, but worry not! The update's here and it's very GOOD (if you know what I mean XD) yes, more smut for you!

By the way, Grammarly is with me! I don't what happened with both my Microsoft Word and Open Office (Word doesn't open at all and Open Office says I got every word wrong!) so I'm using Grammarly to fix mistakes, so that's why this chapter has taken me a while too (if you see any mistakes, blame Grammarly XD!)

Anyways, ENJOY!

**Warning: Sexual content in this chapter.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

**Edit: **I want to thank dreeaatail again for showing concern for this story's progress! :) I also want to thank all my silent readers out there!

**Edit 2: **I've been playing Sims 4 for a while too and guess who I made XD? YUP, Jean &amp; Marco because they're my OTP! (and why not? xD)

* * *

SEVENTY-THREE

That Saturday I craved for came right up, and I was desperate to get home and snuggle with my boyfriend under the moon, kiss him and grope him, feel his soft skin...

But first, I gotta work.

I wasn't doing so good, let's be honest. I wasn't getting that motivation, that laborious energy and it wasn't because of some douche -well, it was because of someone, of two, but not someone insulting my work again. Oddly, my janitor team was acting kind of hermetic around me. They haven't spoken to me since I arrived, not even 'good afternoon' or 'hello, how're you doing?'. Nope. _Nada_. Not only that, they were both avoiding me. I could understand why Harry wanted to (I would avoid the man who broke my heart too), but Thalia? Come on. Something's up. It felt like they arranged to ignore me all day, like they were both sharing some sort of emotion, plotting something behind my back.

I literally did no cleaning today; I was too focused on getting them both to talk, and I specifically wanted to talk to Harry, apologize, clear things up, I dunno. Something, I wanted something to come out of their mouths. Anything. This... lack of motivation and teamwork was unnerving me. I've gotten way too attached to having them beside me, aiding me on purifying the bathrooms and whatever else these professional athletes shitted on.

And the guilt. Oh, the guilt, the worst sentiment I've ever experienced. The looks that Harry was shooting at me were murderous, piercing, rife with sadness and despair. It carved holes in my body like I was being shot with an AK-47. I tried to say something, but he just vanishes like... _shit_, out of thin air.

I was in the lunch room, staring down at my full bowl and prodding the beans with my fork glumly. Ah, shit. How can I make this lump in my throat go away? I swallowed and swallowed, but it was futile. How do I make this guilt go away? How do I not _wallow_ over it? How do I not summon Harry's expression? Fuck! I've never been able to control my emotions, but recently, I've managed, I've done pretty fucking good the last few months. Still, when it came to guilt, I was smacked in the ass. To know that because of me, of my dumb brain, of my reckless nature, of my horrible attitude, someone else is suffering is the worst sentiment I've experienced, I can't bear with it. The words: _your fault, your fault_, kept nagging me in my mind. It painfully reminded me of Mom's welfare if I had been aware of her illness since...

The time when I recklessly rescued Marco and left the hideout unguarded... (I was lucky ire shadowed the guilt, though, and I'm not entirely guilty on this one).

_No, no, no, no, Jean! You're making a big deal out of this!_ And by the looks of it, I wasn't the only one.

I heard quick footsteps beside me and I perked my head at the direction, barely spotting a figure swoop by swiftly in my periphery. Was that...?

I stood and peeked out. It's Thalia, and when she looked over her shoulder, I hid back in. Was she eavesdropping me?

I should call out to her, but I don't feel like it. I want to know what she's up to and if she was really eavesdropping me, and for that, I need to follow and spy on her too.

Once I was clear, I headed out, putting all effort on producing no sound with my foot. A hard task for someone like me; every time I tread my foot ever so slowly against the floor, the bitch shrieked and made Thalia look back. When she did, I performed Marco's trick of blending within crowds to fool the adversary. Right now, the crowd near to me wasn't so much of a mob, it was just a group of teens laughing idiotically, but I've managed to "hide" behind one of the girls while feigning to mop the floor with a near broomstick, which was utterly dry, let me tell you.

Thalia was heading to the near men's bathroom, I gathered, as she passed by the launch area for athletes and strolled towards the end of the lounge. She entered the men's bathroom, like I foretold, where I hoped Harry was. I tip-toed there and lent against the door's trim. I peeked inside a bit and spotted her caressing her temples, exhausted at, what I inferred, this whole situation with us. She seemed to dislike the rift too, -"We have to talk to him -you, specifically."

Harry still bore that look he has given me the whole afternoon, -"Me? Why me?"- He whined and looked away to avoid her possible glare.

She sighed, -"You know why, don't play dumb,"- Her voice was gruff. She was really tired of this whole mess. I then wondered if she knew about his crush on me, -"Be honest with him and done with it. He has a boyfriend already, so what? You can't do anything about it -I mean, you can, but..."- Yup, she did, and was doing a horrible job of cheering him up. Maybe her intentions were to aid him, hence why she tried to fix her words but was just inept. Say, like someone around here.

Harry whined again and sobbed. Damn, he's extremely melancholic, -"But I don't know what to say..."

-"Just say the truth,"- She sighed, but this time, her breath came out with more solicitude, -"I'm positive his intentions weren't to offend you. You just appeared at the wrong place, wrong time."

_Exactly_, I thought -I mean, at least, the 'his intention wasn't to offend you' part. He was at the right place, right time because he asked me to go with him I don't know where to talk. Marco was the one who acted to offend him, or so I think. I really hope not, but everything points to veracity. That's so unlike him and rude. Harry's a nice guy, unoffensive and shy, no one has any reason to screw him -Marco did, and because he was jealous, no less. I have to speak to him about this, for real this time, not gonna forget.

-"Well, not Jean's, but..."- And he got his purport. Clever -or maybe it's just obvious.

-"You really think so?"- Thalia asked and scratched her scalp, -"He seemed like a nice guy."- Oh, Thalia, if you only knew. Marco has a lot of facades.

Harry nodded briskly. He was completely convinced -of both Marco's motives and his amiability.

Thalia sighed for the third time, -"I dunno, Harry, just talk to him and sort this mess out. He's not gonna yell at you or anything. He's easy to talk to and I'm sure he wants to speak to you too. Have you seen him?"

Harry nodded again.

-"He's glum. I've never seen him like that. He's always so hot-headed."

Harry laughed at that last part and I saw resolution in his eyes as he straightened up, -"Yeah, it's really weird and sad to see him like that,"- He commented before he nodded towards her, -"O-okay, I'll try to talk to him."

-"Good and if you need... you know, just holler at me."- She rubbed her rear neck awkwardly.

Suddenly, Harry glanced at my direction and Thalia followed suit. I hid and strolled away.

Back in the lunch room, I waited for them, anxiously, but they never came and I ate my lunch unwillingly, my appetite in the pits of my ass. Should I speak first? Or should I wait for them? I honestly don't now, but it didn't matter because when I headed outside to dumb a trash bag, they cornered me -or well, Harry tried to. Thalia was farther back, leaving this to us, but ready to jump in if necessary.

-"Oh, uh... hey."- I stammered, feeling queasy all of a sudden. Must be the trash can. Right.

Harry was worse than me. He was literally shaking, fidgeting with his fingers and looking everywhere but me, or my abdomen, or my arms, -"J-Jean, c-can... I s-speak with you?"

I nodded, a bit too vigorously, -"O-of course, I, uh... wanted to speak to you too."

Harry gave Thalia a side glance and this one nodded, -"Um... I was j-just..."- He blabbered anything but the reason why he approached me for.

I sighed and just went for it, desperate for his forgiveness, -"Look, Harry, I'm really sorry for... for offending you that day. It wasn't my intention, I swear,"- God, if I'm paid for every time I've said that already, you can call me Bill Gates, -"I-I know you think my b-boyfriend had one, but _I_ didn't and I'll make sure he comes by to apologize too -if that makes you feel better."- I kept picturing that scenery in my mind and I just know it'll be horrible. It really wasn't a good idea; for all I know, Marco can get feisty and jump on him or some shit. _That's_ how joint he's gotten with me. Me? I've always been attached to him and I've always zealed him from other people. Hypocrite, right? It's just so... weird of him, I dunno, I'm just not accustomed to him being like that. I want Marco to be sweet and mushy. Gotta think this trough.

Harry mustered a smile, one I haven't seen in a while, as he shook his head, -"No, it's alright, Jean. You don't h-have to, but I appreciate the thought,"- He loosened his tongue a bit, -"I... I overreacted too, I'm sorry, I'm just... you're so cool and... and admirable and courageous. You're like the perfect idol, someone I-I look up to..."

His words warmed me and they made me feel special, kind like Marco's make me feel, because when I looked at his eyes, I knew he spoke wholeheartedly. He wasn't bluffing.

-"But then it kind of turned into s-something else and I found myself t-thinking a lot about you and how special you made me feel when you stood up for me and Thalia,"- He struggled to keep his gaze on me, his cheeks really red now as he spoke his heart, -"Y-your b-boyfriend's lucky to have you. You're an amazing p-person, Jean..."

I was struck, really struck. Harry just confessed and it was... it was...

I was stunned, really stunned, completely glued in place -and I shouldn't be, I mean, this isn't the first time someone confessed to me. _Come on, Jean, say something, even if it's stupid!_ But my mouth stayed shut and I stayed glued to the floor. It's just so awkward. I really wasn't expecting it, despite knowing he had feels for me. When Marco confessed, my reaction was kind of the same (the difference was that it was mutual). You just don't expect it and you're never ready for it -especially _me_. I've never confessed to anyone before -except Marco, _duh_, but before all that, I liked a ton of girls (or just Mikasa, I don't even remember), but I never did that thing teens do to lure a girl, speak my heart, ask her 'yes' bullshit, because I always did a mental scenery and I just didn't want to make a fool out of myself, not again, and I mean the bullying thing, when I was always humiliated in front of a ton of people and _girls_. Plus, I was a coward -still am in some ways, not like then, though- and when these guys, _guys_, come to me saying such preposterous things, I'm just taking by surprised, shocked, rigid.

I always knew people disliked me. I was kind of morose and bitter because, hey, being bullied every day was just _not_ cool or fun and bullies loath when their victims get feisty and fight back, but you know me, that's all I'm saying.

Point is, someone confessing to me was just plain crazy from nice guys -yeah, even Marco, but I love him for it. I do often wonder how he loves me so much. I mean... me? _Me_?

-"Uh... J-Jean?"- Harry finally spoke and snapped me from my mental ravings.

I literally lept back, startled the fuck out, and gaped my mouth to say something -stupid I bet, -"Uh, y-yeah, sure,"- Okay, that was more stupid than I thought, considering he's expecting something else. I shook my head vigorously and tried again, -"I-I mean, I..., shit, fuck,"- I cursed again and again, my voice shaky and my body failing on me. _Jesus fuck, Jean, you're a fucking mess when it comes to these fucking things_, yeah. I fainted when Marco confessed the first time and I seriously think I'm gonna faint now too -no, not again, -"Holy fuck, I'm so sorry, Harry..."- Finally, my heart opened and I covered my face with my hands.

Between my finger's gaps, I saw Harry tilt his head, wondering why the fuck I was apologizing for.

-"I-I had no idea you feel like that -I mean, I did, b-because my boyfriend told me, but I... wasn't really sure. I'm so sorry I hurt your feeling..., I didn't mean it, Harry, please..."- Now, I was blabbering and couldn't really stop. Fuck, I must look pitiful.

Harry was astonished at my reaction; yeah, someone so hot-headed and quarrelsome like me in the brinks of tears over something like this? -"Jean, calm down,"- He said and miraculously, he mustered enough courage to step forward and place a hand on my shoulder, -"I was a bit hurt, and I also overreacted, but I know you didn't mean it, and it's okay. You love someone else and I can't change you, and I don't want to,"- He paused and looked a bit sorrowful, -"I-I do hope we can still be friends and a team..."

I finally looked up and met his eyes, -"I-I'd like that... a lot."- I stammered and holy shit, my throat's stings and my voice's gruff.

Harry's latter expression was replaced with joy. He smiled and couldn't coerce from giving me a hug, an awkward one, but I responded anyway. Then, he slowly tightened it and I seriously hope Marco's not around.

Out of thin air, Thalia jumped in and that's when Harry parted from me, -"Knew you'd it."- He patted Harry's head.

Harry blushed and looked at me. I smiled as a warm feeling ebbed me.

After that warmful reunion, we resumed our work after a warning from our boss and talked a lot. Thalia narrated to me how Harry always spied and kept a very lovie-dovey eye on me. Harry was totally embarrassed, but he got comfy and admitted it, especially when that asshole challenged me to do one hundred and twenty-five push-ups. I had nothing else to look at but the wall.

We parted and bid farewell after checking out. I headed home feeling better about myself.

Imagine my surprise, Marco was waiting for me, hands on hips and all, -"Heeey."- I exclaimed, pecking his cute as fuck cheeks.

He didn't budge and I have to say, he looks attractive like that, with that awfully cute scowl on his face, -"You're late."

I looked at the near clock. Sure enough, it's past seven. I might have loitered after work, chatting with Thalia and Harry about cleaning techniques. What? It's true. Right, -"Traffic, you know how it is."- I said cooly and smoothly, but really, I was sweating. Marco's scowl is scary. I did promise him I'd come early so we could snuggle under the moon...

Then, his scowl dissipated and he lunged at me, hugging me firmly, -"I was worried about you!"- Knew he'd submit to his worry. He's too sweet to stay mad at me for even a few minutes.

I hugged him back just as firm, -"I'm okay, I'm here and now,"- I met his eyes, -"We can do that snuggling you asked for."- I kissed his lips playfully.

He giggled and hooked his arms around my neck, -"_I_ asked _you_?"

Fuck his wit. He's right, _I_ was the one who asked him for it, -"Yeah, you."

He giggled again and prickled my skin in glee, -"If you say so."

-"Oh, you're so smart."- I started tickling him and kissing his cheeks madly.

He laughed a lot and I swear there's no sweeter sound than his laugh.

After that merry welcome, we prepared our, _ahem_, spot outside, in my backyard, with a few old quilts and pillows so that the grass won't piss us off. We settled cozily and star-gazed. Marco's head rested on my bare chest -yup, we only had our pajama pants in case things get hot n' heavy if you know what I mean.

Marco breathed deeply as he gazed at the stars, -"Beautiful, isn't it?"- He asked.

We've been gazing at the stars for hours now and God, the night sky was wonderful and I was enjoying every second of it, but more so Marco's company. I wanted to get together with him like this for a while now. Right now, though? I was craving for more of his attention. We're really comfy and cozy here and I wanted to snuggle more. I twirled my fingers in his hair and inhaled his vanilla scent. So fucking glorious, -"No more than you, though."- I quipped with a sappy smile. Help me.

Marco loves any kind of compliments I shower him with, though, even the most stupid ones. He giggled and burrowed deeper in my quilt above me, -"Aren't you mushy tonight, huh?"

-"You bring it out of me."- I whispered in his ear and he shivered.

He whirled over me and faced me, dropping his face low towards mine, our nose grazing. My body thrilled at the touch, -"I wonder what else I can bring out of you..."- He whispered, grazing his lips against mine playfully, alluring me and gazing my eyes seductively. The thrill rushed in again and I pulled his head down briskly. He smirked before our lips met.

Tongues, bodies, hands and legs danced for a loooong time. I was practically sucking his soul out, let's be real. He was all over me, there's barely any space between us and I love it, I want him to be even closer. I want to feel him, taste his sweet scent at the pits of my throttle and hear him moan and muse my name a thousand times. The cool breeze was alluring, enticing us together...

I was working my way into his pajama, considering both our growing hard-ons, when he stopped me, breathing raggedly. He perked his body up reluctantly and from here, I could count all the blots I've left on his neck and shoulder. Damn, there's about twenty-something, -"J-Jean... wait a sec..."- He was sweating, distraught with himself. He struggled to part from me.

-"Is something... wrong?"- There goes my heart throbbing its way out of my chest.

He shook his head and struggled with his own body, which desired to just lay on top of mines, -"N-no... I just... I want...,"- He gulped, his cheeks so red his freckles practically disappeared. In fact, his whole face lit up and I couldn't help but wonder what's on his mind, -"I want you to... touch me like you did when you gave me the... suppository."

Okay, out of all the things in the world, I was not expecting that. Well, maybe I did, but not _this_ soon. I mean, I know he enjoyed the way my finger kind of got "stuck" in his ass, but... _damn_ son.

My eyes widened, -"Y... you do?"

Marco nodded, biting his lips and looking at me pleadingly.

My eyes widened more and my body heated up. Every part of me got hot in a matter of seconds. Marco just asked me to finger his ass, okay? I had a pleasurable, tickling sensation in my fingertips as I began to scurry them onto his back, -"Y-you really want me to?"- I stammered, my throat dry.

Again, he nodded, more vigorously.

I gulped. Oh boy, oh boy, _oh boy_. Donald Duck much, Jean? -"R-right here?"

He nodded just like before, his eyes carved on mines.

-"O-okay...,"- I mused and began to sit up and gestured him to turn around and lay down on the quilt. He obeyed, very eagerly and swiftly, -"L-let me k-know if I-"

-"Jean,"- He interrupted me before I could mull over how I believed hurt him that time, -"I-It'll be okay. It won't hurt, it _didn't_ hurt."- He smiled in that fucking tender way...

How come he's so damn positive about this? I'm shitting bricks here! I don't want to see his painful face again, I don't want to hurt him, I don't want him to faint! It gotta hurt, come on!

_No, no, no, Jean! He asked you because he liked it that day and he wishes to feel it again. **Do it.**_

Seriously, is that my voice of reason?

-"Jean..."- Marco called. Oh no, sweet lord, he's desperate. His voice was hoarse. And his face...! He really wants me to nail him!

I gulped again. Well, shit, there's always a first time -or a second time, I dunno.

-"Y-yeah, I'll do it,"- I stuttered as I positioned myself closer to him, resting my thighs on my calves, -"Just breathe, o-okay?"

He chuckled and bit his lip before laying down face-first on my quilt.

I breathed deeply._ Okay, relax, you big pussy. It'll be fine, he wants this and you want it too, you little bitch._

Ever so slowly, I pulled down his pant and again, I drooled over his ass. I whipped my eyes up and down as I licked my lips lecherously. Damn, how can such a majestic piece even exist? Jesus fucking Christ.

Unconsciously, my hand began to rub his left bun (the one who had the mess of freckles) vertically as I gawked at it with loving eyes. Marco shivered and giggled lowly at the touch (he's ticklish even here, huh) and when I neared my face to it and licked his skin, he moaned lowly and hummed my name, -"Fuck, you have a majestic butt, you know that?"- I commented as I bit on it gently.

Marco moaned, louder this time.

My eyes drifted to his butthole and I perked up, more confident this time. Okay, here it goes. _It's gonna be okay, he wants this, you want it and it's okay_, I reassured myself as I aimed at it with my fingers, _one at a time. You don't wanna hurt him, so you gotta be patient and take it slow._

Marco's body tensed when my finger grazed his rectum, preparing itself.

Both of us breathed deeply as I carefully thrust my index finger in. The moment I did, Marco shivered and moaned on my pillow, hugging it tightly. Also, that same gleeful and delectable, sticky sensation ebbed me again. The surface was gooey, like muddy. _Oh boy_, it feels _good_, feels fucking _great_ (is that weird?). Is is getting hot out here despite the cool air? I want to feel it more so I dipped my finger deeper in and Marco just craved for it. He moaned louder and mused my name, his body writhing, -"Jean..."- That translated as 'go deeper'.

And so I did. His wishes are my command. I began to twist my finger in and rubbed the area, and holy shit, Marco literally bleated aloud and moaned for more, now biting my pillow firmly, his forehead rife with sweat and eyes shut close.

I was losing this 'cool' I had until now as I thrust my middle finger next. Marco's eyes snapped open at the sensation and moaned again, louder and louder. He reached for his dick beneath him, but I slapped his hand away and _I_ gripped it instead. Marco totally desired for me to work him from both sides and I complied. As I stroked his cock, I dove both my fingers deeper in and twirled them, like I was tweaking some gears. Marco's stiff cock spew cum like crazy onto my sheets, but none of us minded -not now, at least.

My mind was literally nowhere else but his cock and ass. I was slowly losing reason as his loud as fuck moans and groans echoed and resonated in my ears and traveled across my whole body in exhilarating thrills, especially down south. I wasn't getting the good treat, but this is glorious too. I had a slight impulse to pull my cock out and penetrate his ass right here and now, but I managed to coerce that at least.

What I didn't manage to control was my submerging fingers, but Marco wasn't complaining yet, so it can't be hurting him, -"One... more..."- I spoke raggedly, my voice gruff as I separated my third finger from the herd and thrust it in too. His ass couldn't open more, I swear. Marco was moaning nonstop now as I dipped it to level the rest, which were having a party inside. They still had that ticklish sensation that scurried all the way to me and they couldn't stop jiggling inside.

Once leveled, I shoved all three fingers a bit deeper and pulled them back a bit and then in again. I kept doing that, back and forth, slowly and steadily, as if I was chopping something. By now, Marco was shivering madly and moaning, and between the pleasurable moans, -"F-f-faster... p-please..."- He babbled and squeezed all my bed sheets together.

My head darted back at the current of electricity as I increased speed. I moaned loudly too, -"F-fuck..."

Marco's body shook and lunged back and forth at my force. I was shoving my fingers deeper, back and forth, faster and harsher, but I couldn't stop, I didn't want to. I want Marco to feel better and he was practically yelling my name now with so much ecstasy and satisfaction, -"J-Jean... d-don't stop!"- He begged and help me, _God_, it titillated me. Is it weird that I like how he begged me for more? How much I really, _really_ like the way he screams my name? Fuck, I like it, I love it. I want to hear it more.

I executed one final push and again, Marco screamed my name with so much zest and indulgence, -"... Jean!"

_Ohhhh my God_, I exclaimed mentally at the bliss his voice brought me as my body shivered with thrills and pleasure. His cock was so _hard_, like never before on our activities, and it literally released an incessant amount of cum as he reached his climax.

I was panting heavily as I lowered speed, my body weakening on top of his, but like last time, I couldn't pull my fingers out, they got 'stuck' again and I wanted them stuck. I wanted them there forever, I wanted...

Marco wasn't breathing as paced as I was. His body burned and writhed feebly, his face was red like never before. My heart skipped a beat as I was painfully reminded of that day I gave him his first blow, the day he fainted on me and I thought he died. _No, no, no_, I don't want that, no way Jose!

Carefully and slowly, I pulled my fingers out and I just realized just how deep they actually were. _Holy shit_, this is inhuman, I swear. How can this _not_ hurt?

I shook my head and ignore it as I continued to retrain my fingers. Once out, Marco finally began to breathe paced and normally, and I sighed in relief as I wrapped my arms around him.

He stayed quiet for a while. Was he mad at me? The thought crashed as he whipped around abruptly and kissed me madly and a bit sloppy. I replied and literally dropped my body against his, my legs embroiling with his. I pulled our chests close and I felt his sweat rush onto mines. He ran his hand up to my hair and twirled his fingers with it, pulling our heads closer and deepening the kiss. It was passionate, hot, heavy, enticing and... and...

I hoisted my body up when I felt his fingers on my pajama's back fringes.

Marco bit his lips and stared at me quizzically, asking me something with his eyes.

I knew what. He wants to finger my ass too.

_Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy._

I stayed blank for a while, apparently, because Marco tilted his head, his expression a bit worried, -"Jean, if you don't want me to, I unders-"

I interrupted him by loosening my body down, -"You're really asking me?"- I really wanted that, oh yes I did. While nailing him, I felt satisfied, great and all, but it can't compare to feeling my love's fingers in my ass.

Marco smiled before biting his lips and scurrying his fingers in my pants.

_Oh man_, I can't wait to feel all that.

By impulsion, I buried my face in his neck and exhaled his aphrodisiac vanilla scent. My cock erected at both the smell and his touch and he felt it. He gotta. It was huge. When he started to wriggle underneath me, I pinned him down, -"H-hey, I want to see your butt too."- He whined.

I just shook my head. My butt? Oh no, now that's just embarrassing. It's plain pale, there's nothing to see and drool over it. No, no, he doesn't want to, really.

Marco pouted and huffed, -"Fine."- He then dipped his hand on my pant and toyed with my cock as he kissed my neck's core.

I shivered immediately at the gleeful sensations I was getting from my soft spots. My body was languid on his as his finger began to make way towards my butt. When he squeezed one of my buns, I yelped and bit on his neck harshly.

Marco groaned and then chuckled, pinching my bun more.

Sure, it was funny. Marco was silently laughing to himself at my jumpiness, but I was getting desperate, my cock was hard as a rock and I wanted him to finger my ass already, -"Marco... just get your fingers in."- My mind was already cloudy with covet.

Somehow, that also amused him and he carefully dipped his index finger in my anus. Oh my fucking God. What is this? What is this glorious feeling? Marco shoved his finger more and that sensation rushed in again, harsher this time. My head got hazy and my vision got a bit foggy. _Oh my God_. My body was on fire and every tiny move he did with his finger in there shot waves of hotness across my whole body and to my head. Oh man, I want more of it, -"Marco, just..."- I babbled, my face in his neck still.

Marco dipped his middle finger in next and Jesus _fuck_, there goes again that orgasmic current. _Ohhh baby_, I exclaimed mentally, gripping his hips firmly. I must be scraping his skin with my nails because he groaned and shifted his body a bit. Fuck, I want to care, but in this moment...

Marco knew because he coped with the pain and he pushed his fingers deeper in. Another wave of hotness, especially southward. The area around my crotch was so hot, I swear, I think it's on fire.

Marco tweaked his fingers in there, just like I did in his anus, and I impulsively gripped his hips tighter, -"Oh my God, Marco...,"- I moaned at the shot of hotness again, -"... feels so good."

-"Jean..."- He moaned too, probably experiencing what I did when I nailed him. His Adam's apple vibrated under my nose joyfully.

_How about you get that third finger in, huh_? And he did, very swiftly, with no struggle whatsoever and damn, triple kill of that sensation. Of fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck. I moaned louder this time and unconsciously began to sway my body back and forth slowly, -"Fuuuuck..."

Marco moaned my name (my moans must be titillating him) and suddenly squeezed his grip on my crotch, with force, just how I like it. I groaned loudly and spit cum as if he was squeezing milk out of cows _-Jean, please erase that image._

_Why? It's what he's practically doing, right?_

Oh fuck. Me and my sick mind.

As he jerked in pace, he began to waggle his fingers back and forth in my anus. I bleated the fuck out of me and swayed my body faster, but something was missing. A fourth finger. I wanted another one, -"M-Marco... get your pinkie in."

-"Jean, are you sure...?"- He breathed out, concerned.

-"Yeah,"- I exclaimed, a bit too loudly, -"Fuck yeah."

He nodded and with a bit of effort, he shoved his pinkie in with more force. My ass opened to an impossible level and I felt a slight pain there, but it was shadowed by pleasure and bliss, -"Fuck...!"- I shouted, that hotness setting in with more power, but after a while, it felt fucking amazing, orgasmic, fucking thrilling. My dick got harder and I almost forgot about Marco working me faster there too.

Now with his fourth finger, he lunged them together back and forth again and my body followed suit, -"Faster, Marco...,"- I was the one begging now and Marco wasn't so joyful about it as I was when he begged me, -"Faster, faster...!"- Oh my God, oh my God, _oh my God_... I felt like I had the sun in me and it was about to explode. My vision got completely foggy as I raised my head and screamed profanities and my boyfriend's name, my throat dry and my arms wobbly, but fuck it, fuck it all. The orgasm's just too fucking good...!

I released. My fucking dick vacated the fuck out onto Marco's torso. My body dropped onto Marco's once again and our sweat made us stick together as I breathed harshly, exhausted the fuck out. Oh my God.

-"J-Jean, are you o...?"- Is that Marco? His mellowy voice barely reached my ears.

Suddenly, I didn't felt one of his fingers in my ass and the fog dissipated. I could hear him better now.

-"Jean, answer me, please."- He sounded terrified, just like I was when he fainted that day. He was jolting my body awake.

-"Wa-wait... don't pull them off yet,"- I exclaimed and rested my light head on his chest, -"Just... fuck, let them there a for a while more."- _Easy, Jean_, I breathed deeply and relaxed on him, but I want to keep feeling them there, just for a few more minutes.

Marco began to caress my hair, -"Are you okay?"- He asked.

I nodded, -"Uh-huh,"- I mused, my eyes closing, -"Fucking great..."

He chuckled and rested his head back onto my pillows and breathed deeply too, relaxing as well.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, his fingers on my rectum feeling good, satisfying until I drifted into slumber.

* * *

Hoped you enjoyed :3


	74. SEVENTY-FOUR

Long, tedious chapter to write but here it is! xD We're reaching the end! "The end is nigh!" (Crazy batarian in Mass Effect 2).

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

SEVENTY-FOUR

-"Marco...,"- I was musing again while scratching my itchy and sweaty butt, -"You're so cute... y... you know..."- I had an impulsion to dig my way into my pants and shag myself, but when I reached for it, someone already beat me to it.

-"J-Jean...,"- My boyfriend mused too, behind me with one arm around my body and the other dug my pajama, -"Y-you're so hot..."

I moaned at the sensation in my groin as I joined the hand in there and jolted it up and down vigorously, -"Y... yeah... you too..."

-"And... you're cute too..."

Another wet dream? I never tire of these.

-"You're... cuter..."- I babbled, now jerking my dick off while my colleague fingered me.

-"N-no... you are..."- He argued, dipping his finger in my groin playfully, educing deep moans from my lips.

-"No... you are..."- What is this? An argumentative wet-dream? Where's the butt fucking and...?

Unconsciously, I reach for my butt and scratched it again, a bit more briskly. What is this fucking itch? It's pissing me off.

Oh, and then there's the nagging buzzing sound right in my fucking ear. I flapped my hands around the area and hit something with the back of my hand. I don't know what. Hopefully a gnat.

-"Oww..."- Someone whined behind me, in my ear too.

Are gnats talking now? What the fuck? This is a weird, weird, fucked up dream man.

Is it even a dream?

Dead set on finding out, I sat up and immediately, I felt my whole torso scorch as if a huge bowl of lava poured down on me (I'm exaggerating; if that were the case, I wouldn't even be alive). I placed my palm on my chest and holy shit, I'm burning... and hot! I tried to open my closed eyes and they were stung by a sharp light. I hissed and unconsciously raised my hand to cover whatever the fuck was bugging me.

Then it hit me.

Another headache.

_Fuck._

Is too much exhilaration an alcohol or some shit? Can't I have a wet dream in peace?

Then I felt that blissful sensation in my groin again. My dick was being played with; a smooth surface was stroking it playfully. It prickled my skin and hazed my mind. I wanted to see what was making me feel so good; I forced my eyes open and before they could be murdered by that sharp light, I looked down and spotted a lovely, freckled arm across my slope, it's hand plunged in my pajama. I followed the arm and realized it was actually the man of my life groping my groin, soft moans, and murmurs of my name escaping his plushy lips. He had his eyes closed. He was still asleep, and fuck me, he looks so cute; his cheeks were bright pink as he breathed peacefully. His chest was displayed from our last get-together and he too was sweating.

-"Marco...?"- I poked his shoulder, but honestly, I wanted to lay back and allow him to indulge me. Also, his skin was hot just like mines.

_Sure, lay back and get burned and eaten alive by bugs then! Wake the fuck up!_

I shot my body up again at the annoying itch on my ass and legs -on my whole fucking body, in fact! I scratched myself, literally clawing my nails in and muttering a fuckload of profanities. Distraught and panicked, I stood after pushing Marco's hands away reluctantly, -"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"- I cursed out loud at the million fucking stings in my body. I felt little fucking bugs crawling around and it was driving me mad!

I was literally jumping around my courtyard like an idiot when I heard Marco groaning, -"Jean...?"- There's that mellowy voice of his as he flapped his eyes open. He hissed at the sharp light too and stood up, abruptly. Like me, he began to scratch his torso like crazy, -"Ow, ow, ow...!"- He whined and jumped around too. We kept jumping for a few minutes until Marco decided to reel his brain for a better solution for our itch, -"Jean, we need cold water. _Now_."

I don't know what he's thinking, but it gotta be better than scratching my skin out. I literally felt my torso swollen because of all the bugs that were mincing me. I nodded briskly and the both of us rushed inside, still jumping and scratching our bodies. Once in my room, we got in my bathroom, turned the shower on and allowed the cold_ as fuck _water pour on us. We both shuddered, our teeth grating as the cold surrounded us. And man, it really did a thing to me afterward. My whole body was hot and scorched by the (what realized right _now_) morning sun. I breathed out at the coolness and rubbed my shoulders. I got lost in thought, as I deciphered what the fuck happened.

So, it's true? _Fuck_, it's a bit embarrassing to admit, but Marco and I overslept after we... _almost_ fucked each other. I swear time was trifle when I laid my head on Marco's chest -with his fingers still in my ass, no less. I was thinking of getting a _nap_ before we headed inside and slept cozily in my bed, but no, that wasn't the case _at all_. We literally slept all night out and woke up sweaty and stung by the morning sun and bugs -and none of us woke up _once_ around midnight or anything, just to warn the other ', hey, we're still outside and we're getting bitten alive'.

Bah, it doesn't matter know. I'm pissed and tense as hell because that's _no _way to wake up, but what _did_ matter was that I had a good, _good_ night with my boyfriend. Oh boy, 'good' doesn't even cut it; it was fucking _amazing_, incredible, 100/10, would do it again. Like, _fuck_, we got really _hot,_ _heavy _and _wild, _real intimate and horny like never before. I was really thinking we'd fuck right then and there. We didn't get to that -but hey, it was close. In fact, it _is _close. I can smell it

And man, Marco's ass was a piece of art, a masterpiece, a gift from God and all the deities out there.

I really, really, _really_ enjoyed last night. I particularly liked how he begged me to push harder, to never stop from thrusting my fingers in and out. I'm still hearing his pleas right now, _…d-don't stop, Jean!_ Thinking about it now made me feel a bit weirded out -aside from thrilling. I mean, _that_ can't be normal... right? It's a Japanese, weird, pervy, gay thing... right?

I sometimes forget that I _am _a perv and a weirdo and because I _love_ Marco, I enjoy these weird things; I enjoyed hearing his screams, I enjoyed his pleas, his moans, his ragged breaths and his grip on my quilts, the way his body shivered at my touch and his redness. It might be a weird thing for some, but fuck it. I'm not denying anything. This is _me_, deal with it.

Once again, I managed to feel better about myself and now, I'm gonna say it: _shit, _it all felt amazing and Marco's screams were aphrodisiac. Nailing Marco's ass was just fucking thrilling as fuck and so _good_. In conclusion, I had the _best _and wildest night of my life. I'll _never_ forget about it.

-"Uh, Jean?"- Marco called me.

I shook my head, splashing water onto the tiles. I scratched my neck and gave him a sappy smile, -"Good morning."

He chuckled and stepped closer to me, -"What were you thinking about?"- He asked, "curiously" tilting his head. Clever little prick.

I grinned and ran my finger through his jaw, -"About you, actually."

-"Oh,"- He hooked his arms around my neck and toyed with my hair's end, -"What about me?"

My grin grew as my hands traveled to his back and rubbed the pool of freckles just beneath his shoulder, -"About how you screamed my name last night,"- I neared my lips to his and teased his lower lips playfully with my tongue, -"Last night, Marco, it was just... woah, _damn_."

He chuckled again at my detailed description, -"I think so too, Jean, especially when you asked me for my fourth finger."- He blushed as his finger on my hair embroiled with it.

I also blushed at that. Yeah, reckless me, always wanting more than I have.

-"Did it hurt?"- He asked, now concerned.

-"A bit, not gonna lie,"- I said and leaned my face close to his ear. I actually still felt his fingers there, all four of them. My ass was a bit sore, but it's nothing to cry about, -"But I like a bit of pain, it adds _the 'icing on the cake'_ -and hey, it felt even better after."

Marco body's vibrated sharply at my lewd words, -"I was a bit worried..."

-"It's okay...,"- I began to chew on his earlobe and educed soft moans from his lips, -"And did I hurt you?"- I always asked this, not even formulating the question in my mind before blurting it out. His welfare comes first.

He nodded slowly, now hugging me firmly, -"A bit too, but it left afterward."

I'm glad, but I'm gonna admit, last night, I hadn't asked him and I felt bad for not even thinking about it. Also, it felt wonderful talking about this without getting _too_ awkward. It meant we're more comfortable and intimate with each other now. My heart warmed in joy.

I parted from him a bit and looked at his eyes. Man, how I love those, how I love his face, his fucking cute and stupid freckles, his nose, his jaw, his persona, his amiability, his sudden attacks of jealousy, his... _everything_, -"I fucking love you."- I mused before leaning down again and kissing him fervently under the water.

We hooked long minutes and took a shower together, cleaning our bodies like we've done before.

-"Harry confessed, by the way,"- I affirmed all too sudden, definitely taking him by surprise. A grin formed on my lips as I washed my boyfriend's hair and waited for his cute pout, -"To me, I mean."

Aaaand there it is, that awfully cute pout he always muster whenever he's jealous, -"Oh, he did?"

-"Yup, pretty gutsy, isn't he?"- I said, and I meant it. I thought he wasn't capable -he's shy, high-strung, reclusive and very melancholic. _I _was planning on telling _him _I was aware of his feelings towards me.

Marco huffed and his cute face wrinkled. I snickered. Marco's back was facing me, but I leaned sideways and peeked to see his face and boy, his ears were red in fury, -"And what did he say?"- He asked out of "curiosity".

-"He said I was cool, admirable, an amazing person, brave, his idol -you know, someone he looks up to,"- I wanted to throw wood into the fire, because I simply enjoy and _love _to see Marco flustered and agitated, -"Oh, and he also admitted he likes to watch me often -especially when I did the pushups."

Like I was expecting, Marco huffed again, harsher this time, and his ears reddened even more, -"Well, he should look somewhere else."- He added.

I laughed out loud and nudged his neck playfully, -"I'm just grinding your gears, Marco, I love you, but I have to say...,"- I paused and shifted my body -or my butt- and positioned myself in front of him, legs crossed, just like his. I wanted to do the technique Diego told me to do in this kind of situations, -"That was rude, you know, kissing me like that in front of him to make him feel... I dunno, heartbroken and jealous."

Marco gazed elsewhere, pout still on his lips, -"So?"

-"'So', Marco? Aren't you a bit sorry?"- I asked, now worried. I'm aware that Marco has changed, especially since we blew each other -or gotten more intimate per se, but executing such act was very unlike him and in my opinion, rude, a trait I'm positive he doesn't bear. I can say I'm a _bit_ mad at him for that because Harry's a nice guy and I'm certain he didn't deserve that kind of treatment from Marco, or anyone. Then again, Marco was just jealous and that's normal because I get jealous too and so does everyone with boyfriends or girlfriends. We all do that kind of thing. I mean, it's okay to be jealous, you're just really attached to your partner, because hey, you love him. The issue comes when you get _too _jealous and possessive.

Still, I just... don't want Marco to be that kind of person; I want him to be sweet, loving, sympathetic and compassionate. I know it sounds wrong and I know I can't dictate Marco's persona, but I...

Marco shrugged, but his expression betrayed him and twisted into guilt, -"Why are you so shocked about it? You did it once and you don't even feel sorry. Why can't I?"- He spat, his arms crossed, now clearly distraught.

_Whoa, okay, _I was not expecting him to blurt that out. I'm really in hot waters now. He was right anyhow, -"Yeah, but... Harry's different."

-"How different, Jean?"- Now, he was looking straight at my eyes.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck,_ my eyes gazed away for a second. Ah, here's that discussion pairs always have once in their lives, -"Well, he's a nice guy. Those girls were a bunch of whores, they literally wanted me to bed them both right then and there."- Marco was right, yeah, but I wasn't lying either.

Marco quirked an eyebrow, -"What if he wanted that too, huh?"

-"I would've known, Marco, and besides, he never hassled me for it. Those girls were following me, asking my phone number, where I lived and all."- While I spoke, I remember all that and my body shuddered. They really wanted me to bed them, practically asking for a threesome, like _bad. _It felt wrong all over.

-"But I didn't know him, Jean, and you didn't know those girls either."

-"I knew they were desperate."

He scoffed, -"Your friend was desperate too, but you didn't realize that, did you?"

I leaned back abruptly. What kind of demon possessed him? Where did he get that? -"Is that your gaydar?"- I jibed, a bit out of place, I'm aware. Really, though, Harry? Desperate? If he was then he was doing a damn good job of hiding it. I seriously doubt it though and believe me, I know Marco has a sharp intuition, but I really think he's wrong this time.

-"Yeah, it is. What about it?"

Again, I leaned back, completely stunned by his words. He was oddly sounding like Nathaniel, -"Yeah, it's wrong. I'm sure Harry wasn't desperate. He's just a guy with a crush. You can understand him, you had a crush too, right?"- Me.

Marco blushed and kept his mouth shut.

I gaped my mouth again, but I held any arguments. I don't want to have a dispute with him, that's the least I want right now, so I opted to fix this up and speak out, -"Listen, Marco,"- I sighed, running a hand through my moist hair, -"Maybe I'm just being a total drama queen about all this, I was just shocked. I mean, you're so sweet and caring, I was totally not expecting you to pull something like that out. I just want you to keep being that loving guy I still fall in love with. I know this sounds bad because you choose who to be, but...,"- I bit my tongue on that, -"Forget it. It's okay, being jealous' okay, just... don't change too much, alright?"

Marco expression softened, his eyes widening back at mines before he lunged towards me and hugged me, -"I'm sorry, Jean, I'm so sorry!"

Knew he'd break sooner or later, -"It's okay, freckles,"- I soothed him, rubbing his hair, -"Don't worry about it. I know I made a big deal out of it. I should've done differently with those girls..."

Marco parted from me and looked down ashamedly, -"And I shouldn't have let jealousy cloud me like that, I shouldn't have done that, it's not nice...,"- Yeah, jealousy can do that; it clouds reason and you act on the moment without thinking, -"Was he really hurt?"- Marco asked, and now I could hear the worry.

I nodded slowly, remembering how melancholic Harry was, he even cried, -"Yeah..."

-"I... I want to apologize, Jean."- He said and I was so overjoyed to hear his usual sweet tone of voice.

-"It's okay, he said he was cool."- I said, but I was actually expecting he'd say that. I was glad he wanted to apologize. Then again, he doesn't have to because one, Harry said he was cool about it and second, he'd be apologizing for being jealous, a totally normal reaction, and committing an act I also did and didn't apologize for. Incidentally, sorry not sorry, I'm never gonna apologize to those girls. Aside from hassling me, they were mocking my sexual preference and you know me, I'm never gonna apologize to whoever mocks me like that.

Marco shook his head, -"No, he wasn't,"- He denied and looked back up at me, -"Take me to him this Saturday, please."

-"Sure, if you really want to."- There's that Marco I always fall in love with.

Gotta commit this to memory: Marco can be a completely different person when jealous. It's like a demon possessed him or something. Reminds me of myself when I get horny and angry. I'm betting all my coin Marco has more sides that this one. I'm slowly figuring out his imperfections and flaws, and even so, he's still perfect to me.

Marco and I massaged our bodies, considering we both have huge, red lumps from the ant bites, until Marco suddenly gasped, -"Oh my God, Jean!"

I yelped and jumped in place a bit, startled -come on, I'm distracted by the pools of freckles on his shoulder, -"What is it?"

-"School! We're late for school!"- He stood up and almost slipped, reclining on the tiles.

-"Oh,"- I muttered and sighed, -"Relax babe, there's not much you'd lose anyway."- I placed my hand behind me and supported myself back on them, looking up at his lean body while chewing my lips. Oh man, those freckles are killing me. He had a hot mess of em' all over his abdomen and pooling on his pelvis and boy, they're driving me nuts.

Marco stared at me, wide-eyed and mouth agape, scandalized by my indifference, -"Teachers still give class, you know? Come on, get up!"- He rushed and dragged me out.

I sighed again and was laughing my ass off at how oblivious we both were. It shoots a point at my 'too much exhilaration and cum is like drinking twenty bottles of beer and getting wasted' theory.

I wanted to stay home and relax after our wild night (and to avoid that insane school), but I wasn't gonna leave Marco alone, so I forced my body up and headed out. Also, I always enjoy a good fight once in a while.

I got a bit groggy as we suited up, rushed by the ticking clock when we gazed at it: fucking nine o clock and Marco was losing his shit. Like seriously, there's less than five teachers giving class and he's panicked. I was helping him pack his stuff up while he changed. I was calm, but Marco was literally running around muttering I-don't-know-what- like crazy. He even forgot to tie his snickers and neck-tie, -"Wait, wait, hold on,"- I said, grabbing his arm with force and swooped him around to tie his necktie. I'm bad at it, but while I worked on it, I kept remembering the way Marco always tie mines and miraculously, I did it. Then, I knelt before him and tied his shoes, -"There, much better. I don't want you trip on school and looking like shit. That's my thing, okay?"

I was combing his hair as best as I could when he cupped my face and kissed me suddenly and fervently. He then parted, -"I love you, but we have to get going."

I nodded and pecked his cheek, -"Okay, but relax, this isn't doing any good to you, okay?"

He nodded too before we headed down, had breakfast and rode off.

My school was still a living hell, but we managed to get to science and excuse ourselves with Levi. He was oddly okay with it, and I'm thinking maybe Levi might be more clever than I thought. Marco was trying to explain him, but he couldn't lie, poor thing, and if I lie, he'd be mad at me for weeks so I stepped in and spoke out, -"We just had a long night, alright? Think whatever you want."- I grabbed Marco's arm and dragged him to our respective chairs, but not before I saw Levi's huge grin.

Classes went on like they usually did and Marco often looked back and smiled at me, awed by my bravado with Levi. I smiled back, winked and threw him kisses. He thought I'd lie, like I've done before, but I proved him wrong. I once told Levi he truth about my delay, but Marco hadn't heard me. He wanted to tell the truth back there but was too shy because I bet he doesn't consider it a genuine excuse.

And hey, I bet he also remembered our awesome night when he looked back at me because I sure did. I could still hear his screams beside my ears, his moans echoing inside and his pleas rattling my body. It's needless to say I didn't pay any attention and despite Marco berates, I kept thinking about it and how it oddly resembled my last wet dream, where I practically fucked him. Oh _shit, _what does that mean; that sex is actually really close? Because I swear Marco's words were the same as in my dream. This has to be some kind of signal!

Yeah, laugh all you want.

I placed that theory at the back of my head after science. Erwin was absent (that man can't handle the school no more) and Marco wanted to study for Levi's test tomorrow. Oddly understandably (is that even a thing?), the library was peaceful. Not everyone likes a place full of boring and trite books, alright? Myself included, but Marco was in his habitat and I enjoyed watching his smile grow. I figured that when he was alone when I was absent for a month or so, this is where he burrowed himself from the commotion outside.

While we "studied" -about our sexual intercourse, by my beseech- I noted how Marco often shifted position like he was uncomfortable -his butt, I mean- and he also made painful faces and winced. When he stood up once to find some books, he limped his way to the bookshelf and help me, I knew why. The answer literally popped in my head in less than a second, -"Hey, you okay?"- I asked when he sat down with five, huge fucking books he took from his ass, seriously concerned, -"Saw you walking funny."

Marco blushed and fidgeted his fingers against the book's lid, -"Y-yeah, I'm okay."

I arched an eyebrow, dubious, and leaned closer to him. We were on that round table we've always studied before, -"Are you sure?" I studied his face. He was trying to suppress a wince.

Marco sighed and gazed away, biting his lower lip, -"M-my butt hurts a bit."- His cheeks lit up even more now and fuck me, he looks adorable as fuck.

-"Oh,"- I mused and leaned back in my chair, feeling the guilt setting in again, -"Like... bad?"

He shook his head, -"N-no, it's just a bit. It'll go away soon."

My head plopped onto the table with a loud thud.

Marco gasped and placed his hand on my head, jolting it gently, -"Jean, it's okay. It doesn't hurt much, don't worry, please."- He was chuckling under his breath at my apparent stupid worry.

-"I'm sorry, Marco, you should've told me to stop or punched me..."- I mull and whined, forehead against the table's surface. What a crybaby.

-"Jean, please,"- He tussled my hair and tried to lift my head, -"Don't worry. I'm okay, really, it's just sore, but it'l' heal. I promise."- He spoke softly, in that mellowy way I melt for. It soothed me and warmed my troubled soul.

My boyfriend knew how easy I fell prey to guilt and he tried to smother it. It worked and I lifted my head to gaze into his loving eyes, -"You... sure?"

He nodded briskly, his cheeks still bright pink, -"Mjum. It gets better afterward, right?"- And he had to say that.

I smiled broadly. I said the same thing back when he took a cold water this morning. Like always, he managed to cheer me up and while we continued to study, I thought about how ironic the fact that his butt was sore and mines, which had _four _fucking fingers in, didn't felt shit. I mean... _what? _How's that possible? Was my ass made of steel or what?

Marco tore me from my thoughts more than once, nagging to me keep studying.

* * *

That theory that sex with Marco was around the corner was setting in _hard, _making me realize the weight of it and I seriously need advice from an expert in that sort of thing. I mean, I'm a virgin, I have zero experience on that matter. I've gone to clubs a few times when I used to hang out with Frank and twelve two (with fake ID's, yeah) and that's about the only sexual intercourse I've experienced before I fell for Marco. Those women kind of noticed I was underage and held themselves. They just touched my arms and legs. _Shit, _haven't told Marco any of this. I then wondered if Marco had that kind of intercourse before. Even after our sexual sessions, Marco and I haven't spoke about our past, amorous lives beyond ourselves and I'm growing curious.

I shook my head. I can't think about that now as I approach none other than Diego, -"Kirshtein, it's been a while."- He was pacing around the hideout while his boyfriend nursed along Marco. De Castro had no task and I discern why: he brings _too _much attention, even when wearing dark clothes (that goes against his style). The guy's accent alone can tick off an opponent from a mile away. He's also useless within the hideout; he vouches for nothing other than being there for his boyfriend.

-"Hey, got some spare time? Wanna talk to you."- I said, wishing to elope for a few minutes away from this place. I just came back from Nate's assignment and Marco's busy.

-"Of course,"- He nodded towards the ceiling stairs and after informing his boyfriend and pecking his cheek, we headed up and settled on the toppled trash can -well, I did. Diego complained about it being filthy, -"How's it been, Jean? Knocked a few bullies lately? It brings me gaiety to see you well."

I smiled broadly, -"Never better."

He chortled, -"You're looking lively, probably broke the record of the times you've smiled today -or these days per se."- Ah, so he noted.

-"Can't help it, man, you know how it is."- I looked at him and noted he wasn't so different from me. I was glad to see him wearing gold again, his hair neatly combed into his usual, pompous mohawk. I'm guessing he doesn't leave the hideout at all, at least not with that golden jewelry. He's known for that.

He leaned against the wall near me, arms in his pockets, -"I surmise it has to do your adorable boyfriend. I've seen the looks he's been giving you -oh! And the tender smiles...,"- His voice trailed off and I glared at him. I hate when he does that, I mean, why can't he see the looks _his _boyfriend gives him? -"I'm glad he's smiling again. You won't believe how gloom he was when you were absent."

Yeah, I can believe it, -"I know, but he can take care of himself. I know he can."- It pained me to say those words, because I want to be beside him forever, to protect him and keep him company, but that won't be possible. I had to admit it. See? I'm not so stubborn.

Diego smiled, -"He did, but still, without you...,"- He gazed up, probably remembering how Marco was back then, -"He's vulnerable, like an abandoned child. He _is _quite sensitive, isn't he?"- I ignored his comparison because I know it'll make me sink in guilt.

Okay, since when has Diego known Marco like this? -"Yeah..."- Marco's stronger than that. I know he is. He's sensitive, yeah, but he knows where to draw the deadline and he knows how to cope with those emotions, unlike me.

-"You're no less either,"- He added and sighed, now sauntering towards me, -"Anyhow, you had something to share with me, yes?"

-"Oh, right,"- I straightened up and cleared my throat. Oh boy, how do I start? -"Just wanted your advice on something. Marco and I got wild last night and I seriously think-"

-"Blimey, it was about time!"- His face gleamed as he chirped and clapped his hands, -"So indulge me, how did sex feel for the first time? Oh and don't spare me the details, I want to know how your adorable sweetheart works on a bed."

I leaned back, bewildered at his disposition -and a bit pissed at his blatant interest in Marco, -"Uh, we didn't have sex, we just kind of... fucked our butts with our fingers."- Which was pretty close to sex. I surprised myself with my words and my comfort with Diego with this sort of topic.

His latter joyful face vanished and dropped, -"Oh, you do that kind of thing?"

-"Yeah, and how the hell do know I'm a virgin? And what the hell does that mean?"- Question after question.

He laughed and hovered his hand before him, -"Easy, hotshot,"- He jibed and rubbed his temple, -"First of all, the fact that you're a virgin shows and it's _pretty_ obvious -oh, Marco too,"- I was making faces and he laughed -I mean, seriously, it can't be obvious, -"I have a sixth sense for that."

-"Oh, my bad mister sense-all-virgins,"- I mocked, a grin up my ears. In spite of all, it was funny, because I'm aware I'm a bit easy to read. Marco has shown me that much. Still, knowing someone's a virgin just by looking at them has to be some kind of black magic or some other shit like that, -"Please, tell me you didn't figure it the first time we met."- That'd be just plain impossible.

Help me, he laughed again, -"I did, in fact."

-"How the _fuc-_"- I bit my tongue and shook my head, -"Forget it, I don't want to know. What did you mean when you said 'you do that sort of thing'?"- I mimic his gestures and accent.

He found it amusing and had his arms around his torso from the guffaw, -"Oh, Jean, I did missed you,"- He breathed deeply and swiped his finger just below his eye, -"And by that I mean such mediocre activities when there are thousands of exceptional ways to indulge your lover."

I arched an eyebrow, -"Like...?"- I think I know where this is going and I bet I'm not gonna like it.

-"Penetration or licking genitals -or both, if you've got valor. Some sex games are worth mentioning; Mirror Mirror, Sex Toys Hide and Seek, Mystery Toy..."- He kept mentioning games I know shit about. I only knew about Truth or Dare and 7 Minutes in Heaven, but according to him, those goes in the mediocre category. He must have noted that, because his smirk was clearly visible, -"You don't even know what I'm talking about, do you?"

I shook my head, -"Poor Zaeed,"- I muttered, imagining the boy tied in bed and blindfolded. He's so... _not _like that. Zaeed is younger than him (3 years younger or so, I think) and he's the total opposite of his boyfriend. What does Diego has that attracted him? -"The fuck do you have that has him so crazed for you?"- Because _I've _seen the looks the boy gives him and damn, I can see he's completely in for this guy, no matter how truant, promiscuous and snob he is.

"'Poor'? Ah, Jean, you don't know my Zaeed _at all,_"- Diego got lost in thought as he sighed deeply and stared at nothing in particular, -"He is very wistful and vehement in bed. He actually enjoys when I tie and blind him, and for me to be always above him. I also prefer it."

Again, I was making faces at that info. Zaeed? A satyr? Now's _that's _something. I wasn't keen to tie or blind Marco, nu-uh, and I think he isn't either. Like Diego, I _do _enjoy more to be the one on top, but I don't leash him or anything. Marco has a free will and I plan for him to keep it. If he wants to be on top, I let him. If he wants to be beneath me, I let him. I'm not his boss of anything and I don't have superior power over him.

-"What _do _I have?"- Again, he submerged in his thoughts for a few seconds before gaping his mouth again. He had this look of confidence and comfort as he spoke, -"The mere fact that I don't treat him like a child, like a younger boy than me, and I love and indulge him without taking into consideration his age."

I'm gonna admit I consider that a bit sickening, but I kept my mouth shut. It's their business, I don't have a say in it.

-"Sickening for you, I see,"- _Fuck, _why am I so readable? Or am I just utterly blatant? I bet I'm both. A few gripes might've escaped my lips as my mouth contorted into disapproval and disgust, -"But I assure you, I don't do anything he doesn't want me to do. Everything I've done to him, his request."

-"That's a bit reassuring."- I said, snorting and dropping my head into my palms. The info was choking, I admit, but what stunned me the most was Zaeed's. Again, I'm reminded that appearances deceive.

Diego chuckled and tussled my hair, -"Relax, Jean. If anything, I only want what is best for him, I want him unharmed and healthy. I'd never do anything that will result risky for him,"- Finally, God, he sat beside me on the trash can after brushing nonexistent rubbish from the surface, and threw his arm across my shoulders, -"So, you think you're about to have sex with him? We'll see if your intuition is sharp. I advise for you to be subtle with him. Unlike Zaeed, I theorize he doesn't permit force?"

I pondered about it and then narrated my wet dream and the similarity it had with the finger-butt-fucking whatever, -"I think it depends on the moment."

He nodded, caressing his chin like this is some serious situation -and it is, -"Indeed. Still, be subtle unless he specifically asks you to be rough. Also,"- He turned to face me, doing that thing with the eyes, -"Don't allow lust to cloud your judgment. Considering your past issues regarding that, you might end up harming him."

My head dropped at that. He was right, I've hurt Marco before while I was clouded with lust. I shuddered at the memories: Marco's tears, his cries, his pained expressions, his pleas to stop...

He shook my shoulder, tearing me from mulling over the memories, -"Also: _lubes_, Jean. Lots of them. I personally recommend water-based, more subtle for the tissues and easier to clean, also safer. Although, I think you'd prefer oil or silicone based. Do research. Lastly, a thorough preparation, both physically and mentally, if you want the first experience to be completely satisfying and I know you do."

My nerves reeled. Who would've thought? A hot-headed, cocky guy like me asking for sex advice from another guy. Oh man, this is a lot to take in. I'm ashamedly reminded I know nothing about this sort of this and because of that, I have to do research -and I want to, because I _don't_ want to hurt or harm Marco or put his health at risk.

I was nodding all the time when Diego's boyfriend suddenly popped in, -"Jean, Nathaniel's asking for you."

-"Fuck,"- I cursed and stood up, just realizing my body and face were hot and red. This conversation wasn't so awkward (except the part where Diego confessed of his activities with his boyfriend in bed) and I felt better about the situation, if not confused and overflowed with questions and doubt. I scratched my rear neck, -"Uh, thanks, man. Really appreciate it."

He smiled and stood too, -"Anytime. I do wonder, though,"- He narrowed me, his expression plastered with concern, -"If you know nothing about lubricants, then your night with Marco must have been painful."

I shook my head a bit, -"Just a bit, not much."

He snorted and placed his palm on his forehead, -"Not for you, apparently; I'm positive you're made of steel and totally ignored the four fingers, but poor Marco must be having the pain of his life."

Again, the guilt. Did Marco lie? -"He _was_ walking funny..."

-"And if he didn't recommend lubricants, then he's as naive as you,"- I was thinking about the fact that my lack of knowledge ended up hurting him when Diego squeezed his grip on my shoulder, -"It's alright, Jean, if he said he enjoyed it, then it was worth it. We learn from our missteps, right? I'm sure you'll do well wen the time comes."

I got the hint that Zaeed was urging me to go downstairs already -because of both Nate's impatient and because he wanted time alone with his boyfriend. I thanked Diego one last time before walking away. I glanced back and watched them lean close to each other; Zaeed had that look he's been giving to Diego as the latter one took his hand and kissed it. I smiled and descended the stairs.

Literally at the end of the stairs, Nathaniel was waiting for me, -"Finally. What took you so long?"

I just shrugged, trying my best to shove my nervousness from my conversation with Diego aside to focus on other matters.

-"Doesn't matter,"- He waved his hand and gestured me to follow him, -"I received intel from my spies. They found the bullies' hideout."

My eyes widened. If so, then we can finally take the fight to their doors and I can finally beat the fuck out of Trevor and George for all they've done, -"Then what are we waiting for?"

Nathaniel grinned at my eagerness, approving of it, -"We'll depart in a few minutes. I suggest you talk with your boyfriend. He's been edgy since I got the info. He has quite the ear if I do say so myself."

I quickly gazed back at him and sure enough, there he was nursing some guy, but his attention wasn't fully on him, it was on us -me, -"We?"

He nodded briskly, -"I'll join you this time just to fix whatever you fuck up."- There was a bit of abhorrence in there because he hasn't forgotten or forgiven me for risking the "hideout" (his boyfriend, that's what he meant), but I saw a side smirk there, meaning he's eager to fight beside me.

I smirked back and nodded before turning around and toppling with Marco, -"Hey, I-I wanted to talk to you."- My conversation with Diego was impossible to coerce.

He nodded and tugged my sleeve, nodding towards the ceiling's entrance, -"Me too."- And he had a very troubled expression.

Up, Zaeed and Diego just finished their makeout session and he smiled when he passed by me, -"Is something wrong?"- I asked, worried about whatever had him on edge.

-"You're leaving in a few, right?"- When I nodded, his expression worsened as he sighed and covered his face, -"Don't go, please..."- He sobbed.

-"Marco...,"- I drew my body close to his and enclosed my arms around his body, -"It's going to be okay, I'm not going alone. I'll come back for you, I promise."

But he kept sobbing against my chest, gripping my shirt's fringers, -"It's not safe, Jean..."

-"What do you mean?"

-"I...,"- He paused and swallowed his lump, -"I feel like it's a trap, a deceit. I don't know, just don't go, please..."- His pleas, this time, didn't thrill me. This time, they sent cold shivers down my spine, as if my body responded to his statement.

-"Marco, I... have to go, but I'll be extra careful, I promise."- My body wanted to stick to his intuition like before, but duty calls.

Then, tears began to cascade from his eyes. Damn, this foreboding was really getting to him, -"No, please..."- And I knew why. It was the incident with his father all over. Marco often told his father of the dangers of his work, foreboding that soon, it'll cost him his life, but his father ignored him.

I hugged him firmly at that thought, now a bit scared, -"I promise, I'll come back. The second I sense something's off, I'll turn around and come for you, okay?"- No, I'm not allowing Marco to go through that ever again.

Marco relaxed a bit and nodded slowly, -"O-okay..."

I lifted his head by his chin and kissed him softly, -"I swear, I'll come back..."

We stayed together, hugging each other like we cling to our lives for a few minutes before Nathaniel called me. I gave Marco one last, fervent kiss before parting from him reluctantly and coping with whatever awaits me.

* * *

Hoped you enjoyed and I warn you that in the next chapter, things are going to get... difficult.


	75. SEVENTY-FIVE

Awful chapter u.u

NOBODY DIES, I SWEAR!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

SEVENTY-FIVE

Like in many war games, Nathaniel is giving one of those emotional speeches before we head out, divulging the news of our enemies' hideout. I wasn't exactly moved so I didn't pay attention and just got lost in thought about Marco. He was seriously shaken up back there like he was completely certain something bad will happen once we reach the bullies' hideout. He said he felt like it was a trap and I've gotten assertive with his intuition; it's sharp, precise and accurate -well, sometimes. I didn't really believed him when he said that Harry was desperate for me. Still, most of the times, it _is_ and right now, I had an impulse to abort this mission, to get the fuck out of this insane school and run home with Marco and snuggle and watch movies and _fuck-_

But I couldn't do that. I had to do this. I had to stay and I _had _to free this school from guys like Trevor and George for _him, _for Marco, so that he can study in peace without the constant fear that he can be picked on anytime. I _want _to do it for him.

My eyelids constantly dropped until I was called. Nathaniel arranged the teams in five; two on the front, two on the rear and one on the sidelines. We agreed to ambush them before they could even sound the alarm. While he spoke, my nerves reeled and Marco's warnings circulated in my mind. What if _we _are ambushed instead? What if...?

I shook my head. _No, Jean, if everything goes according to plan, it will all work out just fine. You just have to stay confident and avoid mulling over fears. _

Right. They won't even see us coming.

Just then, one of Nate's spies came by and announced that the enemy still lies within their hideout and were plotting something. To attack us. I was pacing around, desperate to depart already and take the battle to their doors before they step out of their safe-hold. If they get here while we marched, they'll come here and ransack the place. We have to move out.

Nate sensed my impel and rallied his men. We finally marched out, but not before I looked back and saw Marco's anxious and unsettled expression. I breathed deeply as I positioned myself in front of my team. _Do it for him. _

My team consisted of five men, including myself. Nathaniel's boyfriend was with me and I wonder why he didn't allocate him in his team. Doesn't matter now.

As we moved out to the school, I noticed how quiet the halls were; there was no bullying on sight, no jock mocking freshmen or interrogating about our position. Odd, very odd. My brows knitted. It's as if they knew we'd come...

When we neared the enemies' supposed hideout outside of school grounds, we halted and revised our plans. While they did, I looked around, totally unfamiliar with the place. One of my guys advised doing reckon so we can familiarize with the place. Nate denied the idea, though, crossing it as a waste of time. They bickered and I continued on my own to get acquainted with my surrounding. Axel followed me, -"Hey, you really think they're here?"- He asked, keeping a keen eye on our vicinity.

-"I don't know, I really don't know."- The more I observed the area, the more unsettled I got. Too quiet, just like the halls.

I wasn't the only one, -"This is too good to be true."

I nodded. I thought I told Marco that the first bad feeling I get, I'd abort the mission and go to him, but I couldn't run away. I had my plain, black overcoat, hood over my head, but I shuddered, cold chills running down my spine.

I was stroking my arms when Axel poked my shoulder, -"Here, take this. You're gonna need it,"- He handed me a pair of bold, brass knuckles made of steel, -"My boyfriend wasn't planning on giving them to you, but I think you're seriously gonna need it. You're their main target, Jean."

I stared at his eyes and I knew he was serious and right. I observed the brass in my palm for a few seconds, fully aware that I _will _use them before I wriggled them on my knuckles. They fitted perfectly. I clenched my fist and felt them constrict on my skin. I sighed, -"Thanks."- I felt better equipped now, ready to fight.

-"And don't tell Nate, he'd garrote me. Those are his favorite, the strongest pair."- I knew the whole convoy had brass knuckles and Axel just gave me the best without his boyfriend's consent. Great. This assault can't get any better.

The area was rather isolated from the school, rife with tall grass and bushes. At the far end of it, I spotted an old, abandoned shack surrounded by lofty trees and wide shrubs. I pointed at it, -"You think that's it? Nobody's home."

-"Yeah, Nate's spies confirmed it,"- We were hidden behind one of the trees and if someone spotted us by now, they either attack or hide, -"They're inside. They have to."

-"I guess we'll find out soon enough,"- I muttered and gestured him to follow me, -"Come on, let's head back. You know how Nathaniel gets when he doesn't see you for even a few minutes."

Axel snorted, -"Yeah."

We retraced our steps and ended up where we first took a stop. Nathaniel was still coordinating the plan and apparently, he had no other intention than to blow open the doors. He started arguing with Axel about his disappearance until I stepped in, -"Hey, we have to move out. We're wasting time."

Nathaniel glowered at me, unsurprisingly blaming me for his boyfriend's disappearance until he nodded and signaled his men to move out with a swing of his hand. My team and his were the ones assaulting from the front and the other two teams from behind where Nate confirmed there was a back door. The third team will attack from the sidelines. I breathed deeply before Nate gave us permission to initiate the assault. I literally slammed the front door open with my foot (it didn't require much effort; the shack is old and it's wood was putrid. The door could barely hold itself) and readied my fist... only to find nothing but silence and emptiness.

-"Oi, Nathaniel, nobody's home!"- I shouted, fear sipping in. If they're not here, then where are they!?

-"What?"- Said guy rushed in, pushing my team aside, but like I said, he found the shack void. There was literally nothing in here.

-"Whatever was here has been taken long ago."- Commented Axel as he drifted around, examining the area. Nothing. There was nothing. Just... space.

-"Fuck!"- Nathaniel cursed.

-"Should we go back?"- Asked some guy.

-"No, the intel I received was revised before we headed out. They have to be around here. They couldn't have run off within that short time. Search."- Nathaniel barked, completely wrathful and confused.

Everyone had their eyes wide open as we scanned the area. Something's going on. If the enemy were somewhere near, they'd attack us by now. This mass confusion is the perfect opportunity to ambush us so what are they waiting for? Are they even around? No, -"Nathaniel, nobody's here."- Just as I thought about that, Axel spoke.

I also had a doubt that this wasn't their hideout at all. This place is too narrow for their force. Maybe the scouts rendezvous here, but scouts are a small force and they wouldn't attack our five teams.

His boyfriend still couldn't bite it, -"You can't be serious. My intelligence's always accurate."

The redhead shook his head and gestured around the shack, -"Look at this place, do you really think this is their hideout? Do you really think that the many people your spy reported would fit in there?"- Exactly.

-"We've been played,"- I stated, revving my brain like I've never done before, -"That intel you got was fake. We've been betrayed too."- It had to be fake, what other explanation could there be? Nathaniel was right when he said that the enemy couldn't have run off within the short time it took us to get here when the spy confirmed the intel. We would've encountered them along the way unless the info's fake. That spy wasn't Nathaniel's spy.

-"They wanted us away from school..."- Axel murmured, his eyes slowly widening.

I knew why. Everyone did.

-"They're gonna attack the hideout. The hideout we left unprotected."- I said, my voice horse from the lump threatening to throttle me as I stared at the wall before me. _Marco. Marco's unsafe. Marco's at risk. Marco. Marco. Marco. _I have to get back! Marco's their first target if they want to get to me! Again, fear was settling in cozily in the pits of my stomach as I processed the whole situation. _If I don't get there in time, they'll-_

-"Move out!"- Nathaniel barked and everyone in the shack got out, -"Move, move, move!"

I did and very swiftly. I ran across the tall grass like I was running a marathon. _Gotta get to Marco, gotta get to Marco...! _I don't know if I left the team behind, I don't know if I lost them, but I don't care by this point. The only goal in my mind was to get to the fucking hideout asap.

Marco was right. This _is a _trap! We got ensnared so easily like cattle! Why didn't I stick to Marco's intuition? Why didn't I see this coming? How could I be so blind...?

-"Jean, watch out!"- When the warning reached my ear, something sturdy crashed against my whole body and knocked me down. My back landed on a rock and I screamed all sorts of profanities at the soaring pain the tip of said rock pitched through me. It blinded me and stymied my breath. While I struggled to push back whatever was over me, I gasped for air, but the strong force before me was hindering it.

Then suddenly, it vanished and I took a harsh intake of breath and sat up coughing and gulping. I felt two pairs of hands grip my shoulder and jolt me,-"Come on, up, we're under attack!"- That was Nathaniel. He patted my back harshly before vanishing.

I opened my eyes and stood up, wincing at the pain in my back. Just then, barely recovering from my fall, I didn't saw a blow directed right at my jaw and when it made an impact, I stumbled on a shrub. I then heard footsteps and clicks, -"Well, well, aren't I glad to see you."

I knew that voice. Ire boiled within me, -"George."- I mutter with obvious hate as I forced my body up. I ignore my back and headache and glared at the tall figure before me.

He grinned and the stomped his foot on my torso, making the shrubs sharp branches sever my clothes, -"I missed you."

-"Yeah? That's adorable."- I jibed as I struggle with his fucking big foot. Damn it! _Come on, Jean, use all your strength to knock this asshole down. _Fuck, I wish he were drunk.

-"Speaking of adorable,"- He bent and naturally pressed his foot tighter against my torso, extracting bleats from my lips as the bush's limbs scraped my skin, -"Your boyfriend wasn't looking so good last I saw him."

My eyes snapped open and my teeth greeted, but really, all this bravado was just the cover art. Aside from the wrath, I had a horrible lump in my stomach_, -_"Don't you fucking da-"

He slammed his foot against my abdomen again, with more force. I bleated louder, -"Don't speak to me like that, you fucking pleb! You deserve this! You ruined my life, humiliated me!"- He started kicking me, -"After I'm done with you, I'll get your annoying boyfriend and I'll smite his face so much you won't even see his girly freckles any-"

His words were like fuel in the blazing fire I call anger within me. I pictured his every syllable and in my mind, I saw Marco under his foot, getting beaten and smote, his freckles vanishing due to the bloat. He was outnumbered, defeated, but his foes were impious. I saw him crying, begging for mercy, but they didn't oblige. I wasn't making the situation easier for myself, but I couldn't brush the obscure images from my mind no matter how hard I try; I was sinking in anger, an emotion I struggle to free myself of. On the other hand, it shadowed my fear and forced my body awake, boosting my strength as I literally lifted George's foot and made him fall back.

My arms ached -I pushed their limit, George's no leaf- but I ignored it as I coerced my body up and straddled him. I made sure he saw the brasses on my knuckles before I smitten him with them one, two, three times. I gripped his shirt's collar and pulled him up to my face, -"If one of you lay one fucking finger on him, I swear I'll knock you all down, one by one, starting with you."- I punched him one more time before he lost consciousness. With these babies on my knuckles, I barely had put any effort.

I panted and stood, taking off my tattered coat and just then, a soaring pain in my rectum made me wince and bent. _Fuck, _why does it have to hurt _now? _I'm in the middle of an ambush! Sure enough, one of the aggressors made way towards me, fists ready, but I dodge it -a bit sloppy, not gonna lie- and did an uppercut, sticking his jaw from below. He was knocked down in less than a second. I decided to help the others if my butt allows it. It didn't matter, because, after a few minutes, I stop feeling it, guessing it was my anger's doing.

While fighting, I started to make sense of things and I realized that we hadn't even reached the school when we got ambushed, meaning they've been waiting for us, they knew our plans, and we were so focused on getting here, that we didn't have our eyes open enough to see them. Another point to my theory that we've been betrayed and that Nathaniel's spy was actually the jocks', sending us false info on purpose. This is a fucking set-up. We literally got fooled. Marco intuition strikes again. My wrath sparks up, but I'm angrier at myself, for not realizing sooner, for leaving Marco alone. I know I shouldn't blame myself like this, but I can't help it.

I knocked the last jocks on foot and quickly ran inside the school, leaving my team behind, but I don't care. I had one goal in mind: get to the hideout, get Marco, leave. George's words spun in my head and my nerves reeled.

As I ran to the hideout, I faced a few other bullies and knocked them down square in minutes. My team called me, but I ignored them and kept running until I reached our hideout's entrance. I gasped when I saw a few of our men unconscious and I then knew we were too late.

-"Marco!"- I shouted, entering the wide space. I gasped again. More people unconscious and not only our men. No Marco though. Maybe he escaped? The hideout was completely ransacked, every paper turned to shreds and every tabled toppled.

-"Just stay down already!"- Someone yelled nearby.

I glanced at the location and spotted a bully struggling to straddle someone.

-"To hell with you!"- I recognize that accent anywhere.

I rushed in quickly and threw myself at the bully, closing my arms around his neck and pulling him back. I peeked sideways and saw Diego all beat up before his boyfriend, defending him until the end of the day. Zaeed also had a few bruises and his glasses were shattered. He squinted his eyes, trying to make sense of what was happening, but he couldn't see without his glasses so he shrank back against the wall.

I punched the guy in my arms on his back a few times before kneeing him straight on his spine. He gasped for air and slumped onto the floor beneath me, unable to react quickly enough to stop me, -"For the love of God, Jean, you must be a superhero or a holy savior. How many times have you saved my skin already?"- Diego exclaimed, trying to jest and dissipate the depressing atmosphere, but I saw his eyes water, -"And great timing, at that..."

His boyfriend tread forward slowly as if he was walking on a rope, -"Jean...?"- He fumbled the area near Diego and when his hand made contact with his arm, he wrapped his around it, -"D-Diego...? What happened?"- He asked, his voice shaky. He was scared.

-"It's me, love, and Jean's here. You're safe thanks to him,"- He caressed his bruised cheek and closed his eyes, a few tears escaping it's lid, -"He saved us again..."

I really wasn't that emotional because I was extremely worried about Marco. I haven't seen him all this time in this mess and I wanted to know if he escaped, I wanted to know if he's safe and if he's unharmed. I _need _to know, otherwise, this fear and anger and shaking won't go away, -"Have you seen Marco?"- I asked, gruffly.

Both of them noticed my restlessness, -"Sadly, I haven't seen him since the attack, but I'm sure he's-"

-"Jean!"- A sharp cry echoed from upstairs, from the ceiling, full of terror and panic.

It was Marco.

-"Help me!"

I sprinted upstairs faster than before, his cries and pleas ringing in my ears, but this time, it didn't bring me joy, it brings me dread. I stumbled and hit my knee on a stair in the process. I groaned and hissed at the pain, rubbing the area before continuing up. That's another bruise for my collection, -"I'm coming, Marco!"- I shouted back and I then decided it wasn't such a good idea as I faced three fucking guys grappling Marco _too _near the ceiling's edge. Then again, there's no "stealthy" way out of this. The ceiling was shallow, no protuberances whatsoever so I couldn't really hide anywhere and sneak my way towards Marco's aggressors.

By the way, I recognize these guys from Frank's circle of 'cool' friends I used to be a part of -or wanted to be. I don't remember their names, though. What I do remember is that the three of them are in Frank's soccer team -or what's left of it- so they're all stoic and tall, one more than the other, not much of difference, though.

-"Stop, please! Cut it out!"- Marco begged as the assholes gripped his arms, legs, and hair and steadily pushed him closer to the edge.

-"Come on, scream his fucking name one more time, little guy. I wanna see you cry like a baby."- One of the bullies requested and was teasing Marco into it by jolting his body even closer to the edge.

They... they can't be serious. Come on, it's inhuman. They can't be thinking of pushing from up here, can they? They'll... they'll kill him.

Marco bit his lip and closed his eyes, releasing a cascade of tears, but his mouth betrayed him as his lips shook. He was terrified, -"Jean, please!"

-"Let him go!"- I yelled as I stormed my way towards them with bravado, but I was scared and angry.

-"_Shit, _he's here."- One of them said, stepping farther from Marco. This one must've seen my videos when I fought Frank, George, and Trevor.

One of his buddies rallied him from his cowardice, -"He can fall, just like Frank did, and I'll make sure of it."- While speaking, he flicked his fingers and neck.

-"Try it, bastard."- Damn, these guys are vindictive as fuck. They all wanted to see me fall just like I knocked Frank. Incidentally, I'm as vindictive as them and they'll pay for what they've done to Marco.

I readied my fists and lunged at them, but the ringleader grabbed both of Marco's arms with force and propelled him towards the edge again. I halted. Marco's feet tip's were literally away from the surface. Another push and...

Marco yelped and wailed. He wanted to do something, kick the guy and ran towards me, but one foul move could conclude his life..., -"Jean..."

I felt a wave of fear sail through my body, making me quiver and step back. _Marco's at risk. _I hovered my arms before me, gesturing them to take it slow, -"Come on guys, cut it out. It's not funny."- Even my voice was shaky.

-"Another step, Jean, and he's done. I'm not joking."- Like he said, he wasn't making any jokes. His expression was plain serious as he glared at me intensely, watching every move I made.

But I wasn't about to step away. I'm not leaving until I get Marco, -"I'm not joking either, just... let him go and I'll leave."

He snorted, finding my request amusing, -"What makes you say that, huh? You're not leaving. I wanna see you both down there."- He nodded towards the edge.

Doesn't he know that someone _died _down there!? Does he seriously want us dead?! This has to be some kind of nightmare, this can't be real, -"You... you want to _kill _us?"

He shrugged, like it didn't matter to him if we survive the fall or not. His plan might even be that we _don't _survive..., -"Let him go, _please..._"- I begged, surprising myself, but I was desperate and too anxious. I just want to go home and get Marco to safety.

His grin was huge. He liked it that I begged and I knew he wanted me to say it again, -"Kneel and keep beggin' and I'll think about it."

I nodded vigorously before I kneeled, resting my palm on the cold asphalt and breathing deeply. I looked up, my eyes welled, -"_Please_..."- This is horrible, I never begged to anyone, much less to these guys, but for Marco, I'd do _anything_.

Marco sobbed and cried, not particularly liking my position either, but I saw awe there, awe at the lengths I'd go for him and he hasn't seen them all.

-"Wait, hold that position,"- He gestured one of his buddies to hold Marco while he snatched his phone from his pocket, -"Lemme take pics. This is an unforgettable achievement, man."

A tear escaped my eye, but I have to hold this position... for Marco.

The guys laughed while they took countless of pictures me in this position. They even recorded videos, bringing the phone close to my face so the tears could show as they clutched their chests and bent in a guffaw. Another handful of tears trailed down my cheeks and onto the ceiling's surface. I looked pathetic. I remember when I used to be teased and bullied. I never cried until they got aggressive and punched me. They'd laugh for long minutes as I cried from the pain, but I don't care now and it doesn't matter as long they let Marco go.

-"Oh man, these pictures are _good_!"- The ringleader exclaimed as he tapped his phone, -"I gotta post em' on the web and hey, maybe Frank'll see them. He has to."

That made me cringe, but I kept holding my position, my arms now shaking, but it wasn't from exhaustion. _Fuck, just let Marco go already. _Heck, I'd stay all day here if I have to, but I have to see Marco away from that border.

After another while, the guy breathed deeply, utterly satisfied, while resuming his grip on Marco, -"That felt good, dude. You're finally on your knees and all I have to do... is this."- He jolted Marco and educed sharp cries from the latter one.

-"No, stop!"- By impulse, I stood and stepped forward.

-"Oh uh, what did I say a few minutes ago?"- The guy warned.

My eyes widened. In slow motion, I saw his finger part from Marco's arms, one by one, and each one sent pulses of fear and anger through my body, -"No!"- I screamed as I sprinted forward, fist ready as imminent rage possessed me.

-"Jean!"- Marco screamed as he slipped down, but before he could fall to his death, he rose his arms and held on the ceiling's fringes.

I rushed to him, but the guys grabbed me and pulled me away, -"Fuck, let me go, you dicks!"- I propelled my body forward, but their grip was firm and I knew I had to defeat them one by one first before I save Marco, -"Marco, just hold on!"- He tried to get up, but he lacks the physical strength. I heard his foot scrape against the building. He groaned and gasped each time he failed, his grip slipping, -"I'll get you up, I pro-"

Just then, one of the guys punched me on my nose and I staggered, hands on my aching nose. They didn't let me recover and punched my abdomen next. I leaned forward at the pain and again, they punched me and finally brought me down. The ringleader straddled me and with my legs around his back, I pushed him sideways and sat over him. Before I could strike him, though, two pairs of arms surrounded my neck and pulled me back. I coughed and with my nails, I rasped said arms and the owner shrieked in pain. I didn't hold back. I clenched my hands and fumbled my fists above me from both sides, successfully hitting something -his face, I hope. The arms released me and I breathed deeply before I stood up.

The three of them circled me, but one of them was drowsy, the one I punched while he choked me so I could easily take him out with one punch. The other two, though... they'll give me a harder time, especially the ringleader. I had his name at the tip of my tongue. Kuan? Yeah. The other one was Riu. Still don't remember the third one's name. They're all Frank close friends, specially Kuan; the guy never left his side and they had the same hairstyle and all -and persona, I must add. I've rarely spoken to him during my time with twelve two, but now, I know what kind of person he really is and he's so much like Frank. My body cringed at the memories.

We started to wrestle and I took the moment to knock the third guy out, who was already dizzy. I only had to punch him once on the jaw and he was out. I kissed the brass knuckles on my fingers before fighting the other two. While I fought, I kept an eye on Marco and I noted he was making progress, with a _lot _of effort. His face was visible now and he was struggling to raise the rest of his body.

I dodged a strike by a few inches. _Focus, Jean, __**focus**_. I had to divide my attention on all targets, including Marco, so it resulted daunting to dodge all attacks and I got a few on my face already. _**Fucking focus. **_I breathed deeply and decided not to allow my fear and anger control my actions. I waited for an opening, an opportunity to attack, for them to lower their guard. They kept throwing punches and I dodged them, _extremely_ focused. My mind was reeling as I observed each of their moves and acted. Kuan got my strategy after a few minutes and decided to leave the battle to Riu and save his energy. Fuck.

Rui was losing his cool. I tend to make my enemy lose their cool, I dunno why. It doesn't matter. Rui was getting sloppy, but he still knew where to punch. He threw several punches at the same time, one after the other, and I blocked each one with both my arms shielding my face. They throbbed and ached, but they never faltered and when Rui's energy degenerated, I attacked quickly with an uppercut right below his chin, almost sending him flying onto the floor unconscious.

I panted heavily and gestured Kuan to attack already, -"Come on, big guy."- _Just one more, Marco. _

He stretched and massaged his shoulder for a few minutes in a very fucking, irritating slow manner.

He's fucking stalling, the fucking bastard is stalling. He really wants to see Marco lose his grip and fall to his death.

Over my dead, _**fucking **_body.

I charged, losing my latter neutral temper while I fought with Rui, a thing Kuan was hoping to crumble and he succeeded. I attacked continuously, too furious and desperate to knock him down and save Marco. When my stamina downgraded, he counterattacked and smashed my body against the wall, gripping my shirt's collar with force and slamming my body again and again. I groaned and then, all of a sudden, it started raining and thundering.

Marco was crying and wailing again, -"J... Jean! I'm... falling...!"- He was slipping, losing his grip on the borders. The water made the ceiling's fringes slippery. All this time, he held off any clamors, aware I had to stay focused, but he was dreadful now, the words barely requiring any effort to come out of his lips. He was crying, begging for help in his near death situation. Marco tried to claw his way up in desperation, but his grip slipped and he cried louder, -"Help, please!"

His cried rattled and resonated within my ear and traveled all over my body into different emotions: ire, fear, anguish, desperation, but most of all... _wrath. _I wanted Kuan to pay, I wanted him to cry like Marco was crying now because he _pushed _him, got his life in risk, -"Give up, Jean, it's over. You're both done."- He slammed my body against the wall again and I groaned, feeling the air leave my lungs. Then, he kneed my abdomen several times with fervor and I felt as if my guts gob from the other end of my torso.

Marco's cries ringed in my ears again.

_M... Marco... I promised I'd get you up..._

Pushing my body's limit, I threw my legs over his shoulder and locked them together against Kuan's neck. He choked and coughed, trying to wriggle out of my grip, -"F-fuck you!"- He cursed, clearly not expecting me to counterattack out of the blue, -"Th-the fuck are you still... fighting?!"- He released one of his arms from my collar and started striking my legs _hard _with his fist.

I kicked his face and fell over him, but I wasn't done. I kept kicking his body; his legs, arms, abdomen, face and even his balls with so much hatred, -"Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!"- I was on a rampage until Marco's cry snapped me from it. I glanced at him and when I saw just three fingers on the border, my heart skipped many beats as I literally lashed forward and reached for his hand. My torso landed with a loud thud against the floor and when I gripped his slippery arm, I hooked my other hand on the border.

-"Marco, don't let go."- Looking down, I realized the actual altitude of this godforsaken place and as I stare, my stomach got queasy. If Marco falls... he's surely dead -not leg broken or anything. _Dead_. I now know that the story about that kid who committed suicided by jumping from here was genuine. I gulped and glanced away. Shit, here comes that fear again. Fuck, I'm shaking like mad and it made my grip on Marco's arm slip.

-"Jean...,"- Marco wailed, more tears dripping from his eyes, -"I'm scared."- He was shaking too.

Those words rattled my body too. _Come on man, get him up! You can do it! _I rallied myself. If someone has to fall today, it'll be me, not Marco, _-"_I'm scared too, Marco, but I'll get you up. I promise,"- I gulped again, gripping the notches of the ceiling firmly. I shifted my body and hoisted up from the surface a bit, -"Just hold on, okay? I'm gonna pull you up, I swear, even if it's the last thing I'm gonna do in this fucking place."

Marco nodded briskly, his tears blending with the water drops.

Thunder roared in the sky and we both quavered, scared and cold, -"Fuck,"- I cursed, shaking my head to brush out the water drips on my face to see Marco better, -"Grab my arm with both hands and just hold on."- I said and repeated the last part like five times.

Marco did as told and my body dropped abruptly at his weight on my sole arm. He yelped but held on.

_Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, pull him up, you fucking fuck! _I yelled internally and laid all my strength on my arms as I pulled Marco up. I heard my fast heart beats. I heard a few crack sounds somewhere, but I didn't pay it much attention. I heard my body quiver, but I'll get Marco up, I swear, for fuck's sake!

I was screaming my soul out when Marco's torso was visible, my arms crying in pain and the rain drops leaking into my mouth. Marco clambered his legs over the edge and pulled himself up. When his body was up and save, he slumped over me and I quickly embraced him tightly, squeezing and pulling him close to me. I began to waft our bodies together while murmuring his name countless times. We cried. We were both crying, -"Fuck, you're safe, Marco, you're okay. It's over, it's... _fuck_."- _He's alive, he's alright, I did it, I... _I though as I clenched his soaked clothes.

Marco cried too and clutched my wet shirt, -"Jean... you saved me... again..."- He sobbed and whimpered. I felt his body shake above mines as I cried out.

I gripped his hair and just laid his head on my chest. Slowly, my body's pains surfaced and _now _I paid them attention. My head got lithe as my tired arms dropped from Marco's back. Every inch of me throbbed and I felt wide contusions form on my skin; my legs, my abdomen, my back, my face, my..., _shit, _everything hurts. I moved and groaned at the shot of pain. My eyes began to close and I started to see blurry. I tried sitting up, but I couldn't, I couldn't even raise my head, it just drops back down quickly. I was losing consciousness, but it's okay, Marco's safe...

I fell unconscious in peace, aware that Marco was still over me, crying and massively worried about me, but safe. He was safe and alive and that's what matters the most to me...

_He's okay... and this nightmare is finally over..._

* * *

Like I said, horrible chapter, and it's not going to be the last one. I'm so sorrie ;-; I still remember that promise I made that things with them will get better and I plan on keeping it!

I thought I was close to finishing this story, but I seriously think I'll need more than twenty chapters for what I have in mind.


	76. SEVENTY-SIX

Whoa! This is a long, maybe boring chapter. longest chapter I've written and taken such long time and effort to write. It's because first: a friend of mines let me borrow his Batman Arkham Knight copy for the PS4 and holy shit, that game is amazing! Second: I had to do a bit of research (because I don't want to make another mistake with facts like chapter 10 with reptiles and amphibians XD a stupid, stupid mistake, I know) about medical ailments and treatments. If one of my readers is studying medicine or is already a doctor and if you see I have a ridiculous error, _please _let me know!

This chapter mainly focuses on Jean and Marco and their health. It's mostly just blah, blah, blah, so if you want some action, you'll have to wait, sorry u.u (just skip it and wait for next chapter XD I'll try to speed things up!)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

SEVENTY-SIX

-"Jean...,"- I heard soft murmurs somewhere around me and I felt a smooth hand stroke my hair. I hummed sweetly at the touch and decided to open my eyes. When I did, though, I faced with a bugging light that oddly reminded me of that day I woke up getting bitten and burned by the sun after butt-fucking Marco with my fingers. I hissed and looked away, -"Wait, let me close the curtains."- I recognize that giggle and mellow voice anywhere -along with a few groans.

-"Marco...?"- I murmured and opened my eyes. They met with a pair of brown, sweet chestnut eyes and a mess of cute freckles beneath them.

-"You're up,"- He sighed in relief, flitting his palm to his chest, -"I... I knew you'd wake up and they said you were okay, but I was so worried, Jean. I had to see for myself, I had to see you..."

I tilted my head, now confused, -"Wh-what are you talking about?"- I tried to sit up, but an immense pain assaulted both my back and abdomen -hell, every limb of my body. _Everything _throbbed and hurt. My head dropped onto the soft surface I've been on all this time and even _that _hurt, -"Fuck!"- I groaned and by impulse, I raised my hand to rub everything that pained me, but -you guessed it- my arms hurt too, -"Dammit!"- I winced and cursed aloud.

Marco gasped and teetered towards me, kind of clumsily and limp, -"Don't move! You're-"

A slammed-opened door interrupted him, making him yelp and totter away, -"Marco! What have I told you?"- Now, I didn't recognize that voice and it made me uneasy -like every stranger nowadays these days. I've gotten really mistrustful...

-"I... I just wanted to see him!"- Marco replied, his voice shaky. He was nervous, kind of like when he's late for class or giving a poor excuse for his delay.

He... wasn't allowed to see me? Why the hell not?

Okay, hold on just a fucking second, where the _hell_ am I? Again, I tried to sit up, but my damn body just begged me not to. Still, I managed to stay up for a few seconds, enough to see Marco in a white robe, leaning against the wall at the end of this... whatever-the-hell-this-place is room. He had gauzes on his cheeks and jaw, along with a creamy substance splattered on his face that _almost _looked like cum. I noted his nose was really red like when he gets allergies. He was fidgeting with his bandages nervously as the woman lectured him, -"I warned you before, you can't be here and you aren't apt enough to be walking around like this."

-"B-but I'm okay..., really."- Marco insisted, shrinking back onto the wall like a little kid avoiding his parents.

I grew tiresome of their bickering and turned my head around abruptly to see who the hell it was, -"Hey, who the fuck are you?"- I knew by now it was a woman from her voice, -"Don't talk to him like that, you -ow, fuck!"- I cursed at the excruciating pain on my back and turned to my original position, wincing.

Said woman sighed, -"Oh, you must be the so famous Kirshtein. I've heard _so _much about you and the descriptions are quite accurate, I must add,"- Was she sassing me? Bitch, who the hell does she think she is? -"You shouldn't talk to me like that, boy, you'd be a ball of swell if not for me,"- Finally, the bitch revealed herself and I saw a tall, dark-skinned, curvy woman before me with short, black, curly hair and big, green eyes. She took my hand and I shuddered at her hand's coldness, -"You shouldn't even be up, dearie. I just gave you a cortisone injection so do yourself a favor and rest,"- She was speaking gibberish to me, because I had no idea what she was talking about, -"Marco, that goes for you too, honey. Come."- She gestured him out of the room.

But he shook his head with that adorable pout of his I love to see, -"I want to stay with him."

She placed her hands on her hips, still keeping it cool, -"Marco, you're not allowed to be here and I know you're a good boy. You know your mom won't be-"

-"Hey, stop treating him like a kid,"- I interrupted her and she gazed at me, eyes wide. I couldn't surprise her more, can I? -"He wants to stay, so let him. I want him to stay too so just leave us alone."

She snorted and her body swayed back as she laid the back of her palm on her forehead, -"You're in no position to make demands, Jean."

Damn, she spelled my name. Again, who is she and where am I? Marco seemed to know her, -"And who the hell are you to tell me that, huh?"

She gaped her mouth to reply, but she was interrupted by quick footsteps, -"Let them be, Sienna, they both deserve it after what they've been through."- Now _that's _a voice I recognize, mellow like Marco's.

-"But Celine, you know what the doctor said."

-"I know what he said I personally asked him for permission. Fortunately, he complied after I nagged for a few minutes,"- She quickly made way towards me and placed her soft hand on my forehead, -"Jean, how do you feel?"

-"Lost, but I'm glad to see you."- I smiled, finally settling cozily after seeing another familiar face. I just realized I was on a bed, my body covered with comfy, blue sheets. My head rested on a plushy pillow. I was definitely more comfortable now.

-"I figured, you just woke up, but I'm sure Marco can brighten your questions while I get your next medication,"- She tussled my hair and smiled tenderly, -"I'll be right back, okay? Try not to move too much,"- She gestured to Marco, -"Keep an eye on him, please."- She walked out with Sienna, who was still arguing with her about letting us here alone.

When they closed the door, Marco tottered beside my bed again and tied his hands with mines, -"Jean, I'm so relieved you're okay..."

-"Marco... _I'm _relieved you're alright and safe..."- I squeezed his hands and shut my eyes close as the memories swarmed my mind. I couldn't coerce them, I just... how can I _not _think about it? My worst fear almost became true...

I just..., oh man, I always thought I wasn't afraid of anything -at least anything **big**\- until recently. When I fell for Marco, I was scared of the rebukes and wretched treatment I'd get from others, I was scared of myself, of the changes I was going through, but I surpassed that, with Marco at my side and support from my friends and family. Last day in school, I... had the worst day I could have in all my years there -and I had bad and horrible days before, but last one beats them all- and I discovered another fear: to see Marco in risk and unprotected, to watch him in the brink of... death, but I guess I always had it. I was just awfully reminded of it. Like I said, I always thought I could cope with any obstacle and anyone, but ever since Marco got into my life again, I...

I don't regret anything, I mean it, but my fears grew because my life is his; he's my light, my love, my kernel, my revs, my... everything (okay, that was _really _corny but true). If I ever lose Marco... the one person I love and care the most...

_Shit..._

-"Jean...,"- His mellow voice echoed in my ears and soothed my troubled heart as he whipped my tears off my cheeks, -"I can't stop thinking about it either... I was so scared. I thought they were gonna push me and kill me... but maybe they just weren't aware of the height, they just wanted to tease us..."

I sobbed and tried to gulp down the lump on my throat. I then shook my head, -"Marco, he _pushed _you... I saw him."- At that, a small wrath sparked within me. That guy... I swear I wanted to push him.

He gasped. Did he really think those guys' motives were just to tease us? No, Marco _knew, _hence his fear, but he was denying it, -"It can't be, that's just... wrong. You really think they wanted to...?"- He couldn't even spell it out. His eyes welled as he covered his mouth with his hands.

I just looked down to my lap, clutching the sheets firmly, that spark of wrath still lingering as Kuan's serious expression carved on my mind. Yeah, their faces told me that much -or just Kuan's. The other two were just dogs following orders, but I could tell they weren't as keen as Kuan to push us to our deaths. A dreadful and unnerving event but the only thing I could do is learn from it for future, similar incidents, because I'm aware that's not the last one, oh no. It was dumb of me to think they'd let Marco go after I kneeled and begged them, but one thing is for sure: they're not fooling me a second time -or anyone else.

Marco began to cry, still unable to accept the ugly truth. He knows it, he knows I'm right, but it was hard for him to accept it. It's terrifying for him to think someone wanted him _dead, _that someone was eager to push and _kill _him_. _For me, it wasn't so complicated: every jock and Frank fan wanted me beaten and screwed there already -including said guy, wherever he is. For Marco, a sweet, caring guy, was different. I'm used to having people hate me and not minding if I die at all.

That up there is very depressing, I know, but what can I do about it? I'm not crying about it, I sure as hell am not.

-"Marco, I swear on my life,"- I clutched his hand tighter as I stared straight into his eyes, my expression serious, like Kuan's, -"I'm _not_ letting anyone harm you again. I swear to God, I'll save you from certain deaths as many times as I have to, I'll snap anyone's neck if-"- I bit my lips harshly. I had to stop those venenous words because Marco's eyes can't widen anymore. Oh no, not the vindictive, aggressive thoughts again. Marco dislikes em'. I just sighed and tried to calm myself, -"You know what I'd do for you..., right?"

Marco stared at me for a while, confound at the intensity of my aggressive words, but he has heard them before. He nodded, a bit scared like he always gets whenever I go rampage mode against someone to defend him. He was also remembering when I knelt before the enemy so they could let him go.

-"You were right, you know,"- I began to sit up. Marco gasped and tried to push me down, but I brushed his arms off. I needed to sit up, I just needed to. I groaned at the pain, but ignored it, -"It... was a trap, the whole assault mission, it was a pitfall and we fell in it like fucking morons."- I told him the whole thing about the traitor too.

Marco cringed at my words, -"Don't say that..."- He looked down, saddened, and toyed with the sheets. My statement distressed him, but he also had that look that said 'I told you'.

-"I should've listened to you, I should've known it was a trap, I should've seen it coming, I..."- I rambled, covering my face with my hands. There's that pain again, but I just ignored it. My arms and back throbbed. I'm getting used to it. Still, a few groans escaped my lips as I brooded on the thought that none of that would've happened if I just reflected about the assault more thoroughly. Marco wouldn't be here, he'd be home safe and unharmed...

-"Jean just lay back. You're hurting yourself..."- He murmured, flittling one of his hand on my back and the other on my chest, trying to push me back onto the bed gently.

I didn't budge, -"I'm so sorry, Marco, everything would've gone differently if I..."

Suddenly, he huffed, -"God, can just stop blaming yourself for every mishap? And lay back, it's an order."

-"But, Marco..."- I kept whining like a damn baby, leaning back onto the bed, but _shit, _I can't help it.

He had his arms crossed and lips pursed. A few months ago, he got sad and concerned with me whenever I brooded and blamed myself for a mishap. Now? It was pissing him off because he has lectured me so many times now, -"How many times have I told you? Stop blaming yourself so much! You're a human being, like me and many others, and we make mistakes because it's a part of life, but we learn from it and grow stronger!"

-"Whoa, Marco, take it easy."- I tried to calm him because his eyes watered and his jaw clenched.

-"Why, Jean, why do you blame yourself so much? Why do you punish yourself? Why mentally hurt yourself?"- He was distressed but still kept his movements calm. A tear escaped his eye as he bit his lip and looked down, struggling to hinder the exit for the rest.

-"I'm sorry, I just can't help it..."- I cogitated again, despite my efforts to keep my mouth shut.

-"You couldn't have known it'd be a trap! You couldn't have known that guy would betray you!"- He raised his voice, now clutching my sheets firmly, -"It wasn't your fault, Jean! None of it!"

I sighed and ran a hand trough my hair. He was right. How could I've known it'd all be a snare? And how did Marco know? He _didn't, _that was just a hunch. How could I have known his suspicion was on point? Also, I hadn't known that guy, the traitor, so I'm gonna admit I felt a bit better knowing it wasn't my entire fault. Nathaniel is supposed to know his men, he should've been meticulous when recruiting or something. Still, I dunno...

Point is, all in all, I wasn't doing myself any favors. I was wearing my mind and spirit down and I didn't have to -I'm not supposed to. I mean, I don't deserve it, right? All I've done was to defend myself and Marco -Marco mostly- because hey, I don't have to accept the threats of some dick and staying hit. It's _me, _okay? And I'm positive some people agree with my latter statement.

-"Please, Jean, just don't punish yourself anymore... I don't like it..."- Another handful of tears dripped out of his eyes as his head dropped, -"You treat yourself so badly..."

My whole skirmish with myself affects him too, but before I could reply, the door swung open and Marco stepped away from me.

I gazed at him and sighed again, running yet another hand trough my hair and gripping it. _I__'m sorry, Marco..., _I was hurting him again, wasn't I? Fuck, I hate how all this is playing against us.

Celine propped a small basket of utensils on the night table beside me and dug two pills, -"Okay, Jean, I'm going to pull the bed up so you can swallow these. It's going to hurt a bit, but these pills will manage that afterward."

I just nodded, holding my usual cringing face whenever someone's about to give me pills. I'm getting used to the pain anyways.

She worked on some mechanism below the bed and slowly, the half of it that my back was on went up. I winced and hissed a bit at the pain in my back, -"How are you feeling?"- She asked again after I gulped down the pills and flinched. Yuck.

-"Sore."

She nodded, -"Cortisone can do that, but it's healing your inflamed areas... which are quite a few, Jean. You should rest for a few more minutes. Although I think...,"- She checked the pot of pill she just gave me, -"Yup, these causes sleep anyways."

_-"_Where are we?"- I asked, looking around the area. A quite narrow, plain white walls surrounded me along with a few medical instruments and an old, small TV before me hanging on the ceiling.

-"In Trost's hospital. We came here after you passed out,"- Marco pulled a chair beside me bed and sat, resting his head on my chest gently, aware every joint in me ached, -"I called mom quickly. Diego and the others had to help me carry you to the car. We called emergency and... here we are."

-"Damn, am I _that _bad?"- I jibed, because really, I just took a beating like I've gotten since... what? Third grade? I don't even remember, but another pang of pain reminded me of the severity.

-"Jean, every joint and limb of your body is swollen. I've never seen such dark bruises before. I think you can barely walk, not until the cortisone makes the effect."- Celine warned and again, I got that impulsive rush of a challenge to stand up and prove her wrong, but I stayed down, because one, she was my boyfriend's mother and second, she had this serious face that made my hair stand on end. She knew of my competitive nature.

Still, -"Just gimme a few hours and I'll be up and jumping around."- I said with a smug look on my face.

She smiled and shook her head, -"No, you're going to need more time than that. I estimate a few days."

-"A few days?"- I repeated, quirking an eyebrow, -"What about school?"- Trust me, I prefer to stay forever in this hospital instead of going there, but I know Marco and his studious nature, so I'm not staying if he's going there, especially not after a _certain_ incident.

She sighed and her expression contorted into distress and dismal, -"You're not going anymore."- She said, flatly, like no one's gonna convince her otherwise.

Then, there's Marco, shaking his head in denial, -"But mom, what about classes? I can't abandon my grades..."- He said, a bit concern and alarmed at her statement (though I think they already discussed it), but I could read Marco exceptionally and I saw relief there. He wanted to go because it's his responsibility to be present in class, do assignments, get goods grades, yadda, yadda. He's a nerd, but he also didn't want to go because he was _scared. _Life threatening events are _not_ a good experience and he certainly doesn't want to experience it again.

My body shuddered at the memory; how Marco's body shook and sent shockwaves up my arms and into my body, warning me that he was _terrified_, petrified. I remember his tears, his eyes pleading me to save me, his shouts for succor...

Then I remember how Kuan let go of his arm and pushed him, his wicked and satisfying grin whittle on his ugly face. Again, wrath sparked within me. I clutched my sheets and tried to quench it. Marco, who still laid his head on my abdomen, noted it and placed his hand on top of mines, squeezing me, reassuring me that it's okay. He was still debating with his mother, -"Mom, I … want to help others there too..."

That made my hung head perk up, -"Marco..."- I murmured, stunned by his words. True, he's been aiding us in the hideout by patching peeps up, but does he _really _want to go after...?

Oh wow, I hadn't even thought about anyone else in there, not even helping them out or anything. I admit I cared little for rest. I just wanted Marco to be at peace in there, to study without watching his back every damn second, so he can concentrate and focus on his grades. What a jerk I am, right?

Celine bit her lower lip. She was actually considering it because no doubt Marco's intention was noble, but she was terrified too, terrified we'd end up like this again and hell, maybe even that next time we won't even _be, -_"Marco, please, you have to understand. Until the school is truly safe, I can't let you go."- She was extremely worried. A mother's trait, no doubt.

-"But I..."

-"Marco, you're not going. Period," - I was stunned, because, for starters, I've never heard her raised voice and secondarily, she seldom speaks to Marco like that. She always gives Marco his liberty, but I could understand her perfectly: she was unsettled with the idea (for fucks sake, he almost died). She's _worried _and _terrified, _because hey, he's her son, -"That goes for you too, Jean."- And she has that motherly tendency on me too.

I just nodded slowly and hung my head, away from Marco's gaze. It pained me to see him discouraged and dejected, but it's necessary. We can't risk setting foot there and getting fucked up again (I wouldn't allow it, but if we're outnumbered again...)

Marco shook his head again, a stubborn guy he is, and gaped his mouth, but before he could even mutter a word, his mom raised her hand, -"That school is dangerous. Neither of you is safe. Until the director does something to control the violence and discrimination, you're not going,"- Again, Marco gaped his mouth, but she didn't let him talk, -"Enough, Marco! No is _no! _I have to keep you both safe! I know you're both apt enough to defend each other and I know Jean has done it well, but look at him!"- She gestured to me, to my whole body, -"The next time you're attacked, his body won't endure it!"

Marco followed her hand and his eyes watered at my figure. He dropped his head onto my chest again and started sobbing, muttering something I could barely hear.

I reached for his head, -"Hey, Marco..."

Celine sighed again as she rubbed her forehead, -"Marco, let's head back to your room, okay? You still haven't gotten your dose."

That's when fear settled in, -"D-dose? What's wrong with him?"- Yeah, why's Marco here, aside from desiring to see me? I was the one who got beaten, right?

Marco raised his head from my chest and I saw the bandages on his face and the creamy substance splattered around again. He slowly pulled them down, reluctantly, and my heart sank when I saw deep purple blots on his cheek and jaw.

I froze, holding my breath.

No, they... they got... and beat him...

Those fucking bastards!

-"Jean, I'm alright, really..."- He knew how quick I get choleric when anyone lays a hand on him.

-"I got too late..., didn't I?"- There I go again wallowing in guilt.

His brows knitted, -"Jean."

But now I _really_ couldn't help it. I got too late and Marco was harmed.

-"Marco."- His mom called him again, keeping a watch outside. We were running out of time. Marco can't be here, huh? I heard someone outside the room, murmuring something to Celine. Maybe warning her to take Marco away.

-"Jean, please... don't-"

I looked away, biting my lips harshly, struggling with the lump in my throat. God, I want to yell, I want him to stay, but I couldn't... I couldn't face him and watch his bruised face, I just... I felt like I failed, like I...

-"Jean...,"- He called again and planted a soft kiss on my temple, -"I'll... I'll see you soon. Go-goodbye..."- He struggled with those words, like always.

-"Rest, Jean. The medics will check on you periodically. The doctor will also come by."- Said Celine and after they closed the door, all the pent-up tears escaped my eyes.

-"Fuck..."- I cursed and suddenly, every muscle in me ached and cried too.

I wasn't able to protect him... I was too late...

_For fucks sake, this is getting old and stupid, _said my mediocre and reckless voice.

_Remember what he told you, Jean. Think positively, _and that's my rational one.

I breathed deeply. Yeah, I still saved him. If I hadn't gotten there at all, Marco would've been dead. I was late because I was ambushed for that same purpose, but I still got in time to save him. I shudder to think about what would've happened if I delayed more. I would've instead seen him on the ground, dead, his neck crooked and-

My body shuddered, my heart pulsing against my chest fast and releasing a slight soreness on my chest. I squeezed that sore area and closed my eyes. _No, no, no, no, don't think about that! _

I had to breathe slowly and deeply, but it was a bit difficult. That ache still lingered, just below where I think my heart pulses. I pressed the area and it still ached. Breathing slowly and carefully, I tried to brush off and forget... _everything, _but minutes later, I was still shuddering and it wasn't because of the chill air in here. Fuck...

_Just calm down man, it's okay, he's fine -well, alive, at least._

I kept glancing at the near clock, wishing time would just speed up until Marco gets here again. It 's 5:30 and it kinda got stuck there.

I was trying my best to distract my mind with idle thoughts about stupid jokes and movies (and Batman, I was thinking about Batman and how I wished to see one of his amazing movies right now) when I started to get drowsy. Oh man, is it the pill Celine gave me? Boy, it's making me sleepy, despite my unrest over the images of Marco's dead bo-

I shook my head vigorously, _just relax. Celine told you to get some sleep. Do it._

And so I did. After long minutes of just staring at the pale wall, my eyelids dropped and I slipped into the very needed slumber.

* * *

-"Marco, whatever you do, don't let go of my hand!"- I was yelling to said guy, who was gripping my arm firmly, because his life _depended_ on it, literally.

-"Jean... I-I'm scared."- He said, tears pooling beneath his eyelids and sailing down his cheek.

-"I'm scared too...,"- I said, my tears mixing with the raindrops, -"B-but... I'll get you up, I pro-"

-"Jean!"- Marco screamed as his eyes widened at something behind me... or someone.

In a quick movement, I looked over my shoulder and spotted a dark, somber and spectral figure looming behind me. My eyes widened in terror. Every aspect of it spooked me, but it's face _appalled_ me; it kept shaping into many different faces: Frank's, George's, Trevor's, Trisha's, Kuan's, Rui's, my boss', Marco's bullies, _my _bullies, the guys at Marco's art classes, the guys laughing at us at the movies, the pair at the cafeteria near my home, Jessica and Hannah's, Gustave's, the girl whose phone I broke, her mother...

I screamed at an abrupt headache that threatened to split my skull. Then, the figure started laughing keenly, shrilling and making me cringe. I heard all those people's guffaw directed at _me_, mocking and threatening...! They were like bugs crawling across my brain and triturating on it...!

I screamed again because their mirth ringed in my mind, louder than before. I couldn't even hear my own scream! _Fuck, just shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_

Impulsively, I rose both my hands to cover my ears when... -"JEAN!"- A loud and sharp cry pierced my heart. Then... a loud, echoing thud along a few crushing sounds.

_Oh no..._

_God no..._

-"Marco...?"- My arms shook, my body quivered and I had a lump in the pit of my throat. I tried gulping it down, but it was futile, -"M-Marco...!"- I didn't even dare stare down the ceiling. I screamed and ran out across the school. The hallways were packed with that same dark figure with shaping faces like before and they were all laughing too, so damn loud I could barely hear my loud footing. I rushed the school's exit, still hearing their shrilling mirth in my mind, and swung open the emergency door that led outside, -"Marco, I'm coming!"- I shouted, running through the yard as fast as I could.

_Maybe he's alive, maybe I calculated the height wrong, maybe he's just incapacitated! I'll help him up and carry him all the way to Sina if I have, I'll do any..._

I halted my tracks and stared at the rigid body flopped on the ground a few meters away from me, -"Marco... hey...,"- I stammered, treading ever so slowly towards the unmoving figure, fear growing within me, slowly taking possession of my heart, -"... just stand up, you're scaring me."- But he didn't get up and I knew why. I was just denying it.

_No, this can't be... _

My eyes watered as my lips shook, -"Marco... please..."- I was nearing him and the closer I got, the better I could see him... and he...

_Oh God, please help me..._

Finally, when he was beneath me, I held my breath and saw his body laying on the ground like an abandoned toy. His neck was crooked and his legs and arms were wry in a painful way...

I fell on my knees.

A trail of blood spilled from his gaped mouth, his eyes and face void of emotion as he stared back at mines...

_He's dead... _

_Marco's dead..._

_How could I have let this happen to the person I've sworn to protect at all cost? The person I __**love**__ the most..._

_How... just how...?_

That lump in my throat got out with an acute cry. My eyes watered and released incessant tears. I dropped my head onto Marco body and started screaming, clutching the grass beside me and pulling them out as if I was hauling my hair, -"Marco! No! Don't do this to me! Why? Why...!"

Then, unwanted whispers slipped into my ears: _it was your fault. You let his grip go so you could cover your ears because... _the cruel voice whispered, snickering, enjoying my sorrow.

_No, stop! Don't say it! It's not true! _I argued, again covering my ears with force as if to prevent the whisper from getting in.

But it's as if they were deep in my ears and mind already, like the laughs, _… __you care more about yourself._

-"NO!"- I screamed, again and again, denying the voice's statement, -"It's not true! Shut up!"

Then, laughter ensued again, all around me, telling me it was my fault Marco is dead, that I only care for myself, that I wasn't strong enough to protect him...

_It's _**_not _**true_! I __**do **__care for him...!_

_But I let his arm go... it's my fault... I killed him..._

I gripped my hair harshly and started tugging it, screaming while tears streamed down my cheeks and pooled on the earth beneath me. I cried and cried, begging and shouting them to stop laughing, to leave me alone, pleading for this to be a nightmare, but they didn't stop.

There's only one way to make this stop. I can't handle the guilt, the headache, the laughs, the faces of my enmities staring down at me with detest and devilry, the _sorrow... _

_I can't handle Marco's absence... I just can't... _

I gripped my neck with both hands and constricted, coercing my breath out.

_That's right, you don't deserve to live! _

_Look at what you've done!_

_You're a murderer!_

The whispers cheered and approved of my actions.

I constricted my grip more and started coughing, shocking on my own tears that dripped into my mouth. _Maybe... I'll see Marco in whatever place awaits me..._

I felt my throat swell up I and coughed again and again. My body writhed and shook, begging me to stop and breathe, but I didn't. Instead, I squeezed harder and impulsively, I screamed, but it was muffled by my own immovable grip. Slowly, I was losing consciousness, and my vision stymied with dark blots. I kept gasping for air, but my hands never faltered, -"Ma... r... co..."- I muttered but choked on the words. _I'm sorry... Marco... I hope I can see you soon..._

My vision got completely dark as I tumbled onto the earth beside Marco, tears continuously streaming down my cheeks. My eyes burned and my throat ached; I couldn't swallow anymore... and it hurts, it fucking hurts.

_I'm sorry... _

_Marco... I love-_

* * *

-"Marco!"- With ragged breaths, I sat up abruptly and gripped my hair, -"No, no, no, no, Marco! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"- I started wafting back and forth, completely ignoring the pain in my back.

A gasp somewhere around my room and quick footsteps echoed, -"Jean,"- Oh, that voice, that sweet voice is just what I needed to subside my quivering, my fear, and sorrow, -"Jean, I'm here, okay? You're not alone, I'm here right beside you,"- I felt my bed bounce. Then, my boyfriend grabbed my hands and tugged them away from my face to cup it in his soft hands. Smoothly, he caressed my cheeks with his thumbs, -"It's okay, it wasn't real. I'll make it go away, I promise. Just look at me."- His eyes narrowed me lovingly and sympathetically, but even in the dim room, I saw fear and tears in his eyes too.

_Oh Marco, please... _

I'm shaking, I'm literally shaking like a bare, cold dog. I sobbed and placed my hand on tops of his, -"Marco... I'm sorry..."- I sobbed, remembering how I stupidly let go of him and... and...

_I killed him..._

Marco shook his head, -"You don't have to feel sorry, Jean, it wasn't real. It's just a nightmare..."- I didn't have to wonder why he knew. The answer just popped into my head the minute he called me.

Before he could continue, I lashed towards him and embraced him firmly, needing to feel his heartbeats pound against my chest vividly, to make sure he's... _alive... _and that this wasn't my trauma's foul game. I kept crying on his shoulder and he clambered his hands to my back and rubbed gently.

Then, he took my both of our hands and placed them on our chests so we could feel our heartbeats, -"I'm okay, Jean, and so are you..."- He glanced at something next to my bed, tears still on his cheek, and sighed in relief. That's when I heard a high beeping sound dimish. I followed his gaze and spotted a cardiac monitor, it's green zig-zag lines bright and stable; my eyes continued through the wires until it reached me. I tugged my robe and looked down to my chest, which was rife with some sticky pads that connected to the machine.

Since when did I had this? And why do I have it? I'm not in _that _much of a critical condition...

Marco, perceptive as always, answered my inquiry, -"They came while you slept,"- Marco breathed deeply and concern flashed his eyes, -"It was really loud when I came in. I was really scared, I thought you were..."

In spite of myself, I chortled lowly, -"I'm... alive, at least."

-"You were panicking,"- He stated, shifting on the borders of my bed more comfortably, -"Nightmare?"

I nodded and sighed, running a hand through my hair, -"Yeah,"- I shut my eyes close and avoided remembering it, -"You?"

He nodded too, -"It was horrible..."- While stroking my knee gently, he too slammed his eyes shut and bit his lips, holding a few other tears.

-"Marco...,"- I placed my hand over his, noting he was also shaking and scared from his nightmare and that _that's_ why he came to me, so I could comfort him and to verify I was alive too, that the nightmare was just that, -"It's okay, I'm here for you too, you know?"- I ended up telling him the same thing he told me: that it wasn't real.

He leaned closer to me and rested his head on my chest, -"I want to stay like this forever... with you."

-"What's stopping you?"- I asked, but really, if I just thought about the answer more, I'd ace it.

-"I can't be here, it's so unfair,"- He pouted and sighed, sitting up and dismounting my bed, -"Jean, I... I have to hide. The doctors are coming."

-"What?"- I asked, now confused, -"Why?"

-"I'll tell you later, just don't tell them I'm here,"- He glanced a few times at the door before stepping close to my bed and planting a soft kiss on my cheeks, -"I love you."

-"Love you too."- I replied, wishing he kept kissing me.

He gave me a weak smile before hiding in one of the lockers. He was still walking kinda limp...

I kept staring at it until the door swung open, -"Kirshtein, how do you fare?"- Wait a sec, I know that voice...

-"Old man?"- I crooned my neck and sure enough, I saw ol' doctor Zackly walking towards my bed in his usual cool manner, -"Am I glad to see you. What're you doing here?"- A bit of sarcasm there, but I'm glad to see familiar faces. He was Mom's doctor.

-"I am here to verify your condition, considering I am your doctor for these few weeks."

And apparently mines too.

-"Whoa, for real?"- I then winced and laid back onto my pillow, unable to bear my back and abdomen's pain anymore, -"That's cool, I guess."

-"I expected to see you soon enough within these halls, considering how much trouble you cause."- He sneered and shook his head.

-"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, grandpa. You psychic too?"- I mocked and mimicked his sneers.

-"My, my, aren't you talkative after suffering a panic episode,"- He gestured to someone behind him, -"Turn the light on, if you would,"- He tread closer to me and examined me thoroughly, -"Something you would like to share, maybe?"

_Yeah, Jean, why are you talking so much after having a fucking horrible nightmare?_ _You woke up panicked and all_, Marco's doing, no doubt. Still, it's not like I'm all roses about it now, but I'm calmer now after seeing Marco -and hey, Zackly's appearance was surprising, -"Nope, sir."- Maybe I'm acting _too _cool that it's making it obvious I'm hiding something... or someone?

He quirked an eyebrow, -"Are you suggesting you conquered it by sheer will?"

I sighed and shrugged, -"I just had a nightmare, chill out. Yeah, I got panicked, but I just thought a lot about my boyfriend and... yeah."

He snorted, clearly finding my statement amusing and ridiculous, -"You expect me to believe that?"

I shrugged again, indifferently, -"I dunno, your choice, old man."

He was unconvinced and wanted to investigate further, but he dropped it. He probably had other patients waiting for him, -"Allow me to operate a few tests on you."

-"Sure,"- I said and started wondering why Marco couldn't be here -and how he managed to get here in the first place, but I'll have to ask him later, -"Hey, uh... where am I? I mean, why can't other people be here?"

-"Not again with the boy,"- He sighed while rolling my robe up from my legs to inspect my knee, -"I made it clear that he cannot be here. Today was an exception, no more."

-"I was just asking, geez. I'm worried, you know?"

He sighed again. I was probably vexing him again like during the times he came home for Mom, -"Kirshtein, you are in the tier for patients under critical condition and young Bodt's presence here can risk his health because of numerous reasons I rather spare you. I am _positive_ you understand."- He spoke slowly, aware of my mediocre language. That last part, though, I noted sarcasm.

-"It's fine, I mean, he is. He can take care of himself and-"

-"Kirshtein."- That was a warning to stop nagging him about it. That means Marco and his mom have already pestered him enough.

-"Fine, Jesus,"- I gave up and while I watched him inspecting my knee, I wondered about Marco's condition, -"If I'm here and my boyfriend can't be here, that means he's okay, right? Not as critical as me?"

-"Correct,"- He started prodding his finger against my hard knee and I winced, hissing a bit, -"He suffered minor concussions, contusions, and lesions, nothing to fret about."

I sighed in relief, so deeply, and looked up, warmth settling on me as I was reassured that Marco's condition was stable, not critical, -"That's a relief."

-"Of course, I talk about physically,"- He paused and I gasped deeply, my heart skipped a beat, and a slight pain soared through my chest, like last time, -"Mentally... well, that is something entirely different and unknown for me. That is Celine's specialty."

-"Wh-what do you mean? What does he have?"- I kept asking, hand pressed against my chest.

-"You should ask his mother. She has been conduction tests on him,"- He continued to examine my legs and arms, which I was paying no attention whatsoever, -"Do you even wonder about your condition?"

-"No -I mean, yeah, of course, but Marco-"

-"You suffer grave and dim contusions on both your limbs and joints. In addition, severe lesions and bone fracture, my guess. The tests result should be ready for tomorrow."- He said, as a matter of factly. Now, he was working with some tools hooked on a tall rack with wheels.

My eyes widened, -"_Shit_, what? You're kidding, aren't you?"

-"I am not."- He said, seriously, now staring at me intensively. So... I _am _in a critical condition, huh.

Okay, now I'm getting worried and scared for myself, -"Wh-which bones?"

The doctor started to pack his stuff and stood up, -"We will answer all your inquiries tomorrow. For now, rest some more. You just woke up after two days of utter slumber."

-"_Two _days?!"

-"Yes and please, do yourself a favor and avoid making abrupt movements,"- He walked towards the door until he looked back over his shoulder, -"I will rather much to see you alive tomorrow and conclude my job."

-"W-wait, I-"- I swallowed my words when he closed the door behind him and muttered under my breath. After a few seconds, -"Hey, Marco, you there?"

He stepped out of the locker slowly, gently pushing aside all the bags and clothes there from his way. I recognized those stuff -they're mine, actually. There was a huge bag where Mom and I packed clothes and towels whenever we went to the beach, the rainforests or waterparks (yeah, that was a long time ago. I was actually little, when I wasn't a victim of bullying and my relation with her was sparkling). I also saw a small Batman sack I used in school to carry my books whenever we had sports day and classes were only during the morning. Something like that. By the way, I also had a Batman lunchbox, but I don't see it in the locker. Marco and his mom must have gotten home to pack my stuff before coming here, or maybe they went after.

-"That was close,"- He said and settled on the fringes of my bed again, -"I thought he'd find me."

-"Yeah, I thought so too."- I hurled by body sideways, making space for him. I struggled, because my arms and abdomen hurt, and groaned. I patted the free area beside me, gesturing him to lay down with me.

-"Jean, you're not supposed to be moving like that..."- He said, laying comfortably beside me nevertheless.

-"It's fine,"- I rested my head on my pillow and scurried closer to him, -"Marco, he... said something about your... mental health, what did he mean?"

-"I... don't know,"- Marco's body shook, not only at the coldness, -"I'm not sure. Mom has been checking me, asking me some questions, but she's not certain either. I mean, we both... you know, experienced that and it affected us... in some way, it traumatized us, but I don't think it's severe. What do you think?"

I sighed and gazed at the dim ceiling, -"I definitely think it traumatized us. I sure as hell can't forget that, no matter how hard I try. Now it's worse with the fucking nightmare...,"- My body shook too and I again tried to ignore remembering the nightmare, -"... but what do you feel? You were... on the other, worse side of the coin, know what I'm saying?"

He nodded, understanding me, -"I know what you mean, but I... I'm not sure..."- He babbled, trying to organize his thoughts and emotions, but this time, they were jumbled, messed and he couldn't unravel it. He tried, but failed.

-"It's okay, Marco, I'm sure we'll... figure it out. We both will."

We laid close to each other and snuggled, none of us able to talk about anything else than today's events and since we didn't want to enter that topic anymore, we stayed quiet and just held each other close.

-"Jean, I... have to leave before the doctors or mom check up on me,"- He said, scurrying away from me reluctantly. He dismounted the bed, -"I'll come tomorrow, okay? I promise."

I pouted, already missing his warmth, -"Just stay for a little longer..."

His expression saddened, -"I wish, but I can't risk getting caught..."

Now worried plastered within me, -"Be careful, please."- I held his hand firmly.

He nodded and tottered close to me to plant a soft, careful kiss on my lips. He parted, but I hitched my body up to kiss him again. He descended his head and deepened the kiss. Our lips clashed with each other like waves against the shore, smooth and passionate, steady but hot. Beside me, the heart monitor beeped louder from my swift pounding heart -like it always gets whenever my boyfriend kisses or entices me like this- and Marco parted again. He smiled and chuckled, -"Goodnight, Jean. I love you."

-"Yeah, love you too."- We waved goodbyes and I was once again alone until I fell asleep.

* * *

Horrible, I know u.u


	77. SEVENTY-SEVEN

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

SIXTY-SEVEN

Next day in the hospital was kind of the same. I woke up panicked due to another bad dream (not as grave as the last one) and the doctors rushed in after the cardiac monitor ticked them off. Like last time, I was shaking; I dreamt of Marco's dead body again, but there weren't any torturing voices. The episode didn't last long; Zackly wanted to give me some kind of injection, but I held on to the bed's hurdles and thought of Marco, of our last night's kiss, repeating in my mind that he wasn't dead, that I saved him and that he's right in this hospital better than I, over and over again. It was like a loop; I said it like twenty times before the tremor stopped and my heart stabilized.

I really hope it's not chronic because I just pushed my physical limit. My arms and back ached and I still had that soreness in my chest.

-"My God,"- Murmured Zackly somewhere in my room, -"You did it again..."

I released my grip on the bed and slumped back onto the pillow. An uneasy feeling aroused me and until I see Marco, it's not gonna go away, -"I need to see Marco."- I said, a hand on my forehead.

-"No, Kirshtein, I have made myself clear on that matter,"- He shook his head and sauntered close to me. He touched my arm and tugged a syringe out of his pocket, -"Allow me to induce you with a sedative, it will lull your mind."

I shook my head and flapped my hands in the air to brush off his, -"No, just... let me see my boyfriend."

He huffed, already irritated and weary because of me, -"He cannot be here and you are not in the condition to walk yet. I will give you the sedative whether you like it or not."

This guy..., -"Then get me a wheelchair!"- I demanded, crossing my arms and looking away from his irked expression.

-"You are in no position to make demands,"- He said, just like Sienna, and gestured to his daily assistant, -"Rubert, make yourself useful and lend me a hand. Hold him tight. I will give him the bloody sedative."- Oh uh, he cursed. That's not good.

My eyes widened as his helper approached me, -"Don't touch me!"

The guy pushed me down, his palm on my sore chest, but I slapped it off and twisted my body away -"Jean, please, it's for your own good. The sedative will calm your body and mind in just a few min-"

-"No!"- I shook my head vigorously, -"I don't want it!"

-"Jean."

-"Fuck off!"- I flipped my finger at him.

The guy unbent and sighed, -"You were right about this one, doc."

Zackly scoffed and hovered the syringe near me, -"He thinks he can order me around with his insubordinate and insolent attitude. He is wrong,"- He nodded to the guy, -"Again."- Ol' man finally cracked under his staid shell and was losing his shit.

This time, the guy gripped my wrists and pinned me down, -"Let me go!"- I shouted and kicked around, despite my pain.

-"Hold him."- Ordered Zackly as he neared the syringe to me.

I slapped his hand too and the damn thing almost fell from his hand.

His formal expression wrinkled again as he gaped his mouth to probably chastise me until his phone ringed. He growled and stepped away from my bed, so did his pal, -"Yes?"- He answered, syringe still in hand and hovering it near me, -"What? Just give him a sedative..."- Zackly stepped farther away.

He was talking about Marco and he didn't want me to hear.

-"Hey!"- I shouted, -"Who's that?"- I asked blatantly. I admit it was kinda disrespectful of me to shout to him like that and ask him a question like this because maybe it was someone else, someone close to him, but I'm not stupid. I knew he was talking about Marco. He was talking to Celine and something's up. He also stepped farther and kept side glancing at me.

-"Not your business, Kirshtein. Stay still."- He just waved me off and walked out of the room.

-"Wait!"- I yelled again, extending my arms towards his direction, -"Come back!"- Immediately, I was about to stand up, but his pal stayed behind, probably to keep an eye on me, -"Hey, I really need to see him."- Something's up with Marco, I know it.

The guy, Rubert I think, shook his head, -"You need to calm down, Jean. You're not getting better anytime soon if you keep this up."

I gaped my mouth to reply but before I could, he was called and left the room.

-"Fuck,"- I cursed as I, without a second thought, began to dismount the bed. Okay, so I admit I'm reckless to the bone. The second I set foot on the floor, I staggered and quickly reclined against the bed's hurdle at the shot of pain that sailed up from the tip of my toes, -"Ow, ow, ow."- I hissed as I ever so slowly took tiny steps towards the door; it felt like every bone in me cracked with each step. I had to support myself with anything I could place my hands on. _Come on man, you can do this. _Finally facing the door, I leaned in and peeked through the thin gap, focusing on hearing their chatter.

-"... suffering another nightmare, apparently,"- Zackly was covering the phone's end with his palm as if to prevent whoever was in the other line to hear, -"He doesn't stop screaming the other boy's name."

-"Oh dear."

Zackly slanted his phone on his ear, making a face, like the situation was stupid and trivial for him, -"Like I said, Celine, a sedative should tranquilize him. It is quick, simple and effortless. Have someone pins him if he proves to be inconvenient. Kirstein cannot walk, not yet."

I knew it! They _are _talking about Marco!

Then I heard it, faint, far, but it rattled and aroused me, -"_Jean! Help me!"- _A cry from the other line of that phone. It was Marco. He needs me again.

_I'm coming, Marco, just hold on! _I'll find a way! I'll crawl my way to him if I have to!

My adrenaline swift and my heart pounding quickly, I was about to rush out until Rubert opened the door after getting orders from Zackly to keep an eye on me. I stepped back and made way towards the corner to hide, but I couldn't go far and he spotted me, -"Jean, what're you doing? You can't be up yet!"

He started grappling me, pushing me towards the bed as gently as possible, -"Let me go! Marco needs me!"- I yelled and tried to push him away.

-"Jean, for the love of Christ, just calm down! The doctors have the situation under control!"- He yelled back and as a last resort, he pulled the syringe out of his pocket.

-"No!"- I shouted louder, gripped his arm with the syringe and tossed it away. It clashed on the wall and shattered, -"Get your fucking hands off of me! He _needs _me!"

Then, the door swung open with force, -"What is all the ruckus in -Kirshtein!"- He bawled and rushed in, -"Bloody hell! Rubert, let him go and get me a damn wheelchair!"

The guy released me, a bit reluctantly. He puffed and spruced his med gown with a glare, choppy and irritated at me for disheveling his hair. I stuck my tongue out at him, leaning against the locker. While he did, Zackly approached me, wagging his finger at me, -"You!"- He waved his arms in exasperation, -"Why must you disarray and cause a commotion for everything to be as you want them to?"- I gaped my mouth to reply, but he held his hand up while the other stroked his nose's bridge, -"Enough. Do no mutter a single word. I will get you to your... boyfriend but only because Celine fathoms it as sufficient for the boy's panic."

-"He needs me, old man. That drug isn't always the suli-"

-"Hush."

I gulped my words. Really, that he agreed to take me to Marco was an achievement and I shouldn't screw it with stupid comments.

I kept my mouth shut as Rubert came in, driving a wheelchair. I quickly sat and allowed the ol' man steer me out of the room. As he rode me across the halls, I could understand why he didn't want Marco up in this area: there was a _lot _of sick patients up here, all in critical condition. Literally, in every turn Zackly took, I heard someone coughing and screaming, gagging or groaning in pain. I shuddered.

Fuck, my legs hurt. That tussle with the pretty boy behind me was exhausting. I looked over my shoulder and spotted him still glaring at me, struggling to keep up with us. He often groaned and rubbed his legs. I kicked him a few times, alright? I stuck my tongue at him again and he huffed, looking away. His pompous, blonde hair flipped and he combed it with his slim hands. He had blue contact lenses in his eyes and a beauty mark just below his right one (fake too; I bet he drew it with makeup). An effeminate, maybe -or gay- and I gathered he doesn't get along with Zackly. I mean, I saw how the old man orders him around and treats him like shit -like he treats me, actually. He makes a lot faces whenever he talks about Marco and me.

When we made it to the elevator, Zackly clicked the down arrow and turned to face me, -"When we arrive, I want you to control yourself and do as I say, understand? Or is it too complicated for you?"

-"Fine, I get it,"- I spat, crossing my arms and tapping my foot anxiously. Pretty boy snickered behind me and I twisted around on my chair, -"What're you laughing at, Blondie?"

-"That goes for you as well, Rubert."- There's that contorting expression of ol' man again as he eyed Blondie.

Said guy just nodded, but when Zackly turned around, he made faces and mimicked him, just like I did a while back.

Time got slow for me. We were still descending when I got really nervous and anxious, jogging my legs up and down. As a means to manage that, I tried to create idle chatter with Blondie, since the old man was completely ignoring me, but it was like talking to a wall. Both of them were pissed at me, but at least, Blondie snorted at my stupid jokes and attempted to light the mood with more jokes (I got the hunch he sympathized with me), but Zackly shushed us.

The elevator door _finally _opened and Zackly drove me really, fucking slowly, probably on purpose and I snapped, -"Come on, hurry up! Marco needs me."

-"Do not hasten me."- He said, flatly, and I realized he was really mad at me. I got the feeling he wanted to abandon me right here, but his duty averted him from it.

When we neared Marco's apparent room (_M101_, I committed it to memory), I immediately heard my boyfriend's cries and shouts, -"Jean! Please!"- He yowled like he did the day of the incident.

Without a second thought, I propelled my body up with my aching arms and tottered my way in, kicking the door open despite what Zackly warned me. I was hastened by fear again, -"Kirshtein!"- He called and followed after me, but I ignored him and made way towards Marco, passing by Celine who quickly stepped back to allow passage.

-"Marco!"- I called and leaned against his bed's hurdle. His body writhed as he clutched his fleeces and tugged them, hitching his body sideways and upwards, -"Marco, I'm here!"- I cupped his face in my hands and tried to push him down. He was sweating and shaking a lot, so my hands often slipped from his face. He was also crying; large streams of tears sailed down and soaked his robe.

-"Jean...?"- He panted heavily, his chest inflating and deflating rapidly. He rose his hands and hooked them on my arms, checking if I was here and 'real'.

-"Yeah, it's me. I'm here, okay? Just relax and open your eyes."- I said and repeated, caressing his freckled cheeks.

-"I'm scared..."- He wailed and sobbed, his tears pooling in my thumbs.

-"It's going to be okay. I'm here for you and I'll protect you like I've always done. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, alright?"- I murmured, my face just inches from his.

He nodded and slowly, he opened his reddish eyes and cried more when they met mines. He hooked his arms around my neck and pulled me down, -"Jean..."- He babbled, squeezing me tightly.

-"It's okay, it's over..."- I said, mounting his bed and wriggling my body close to his, -"Gimme some space."

He shifted his body and I flitted mines comfortably, resting myself on my shoulder and facing him. I ignored the pain and focused on him; I started to stroke his hair when he wrapped his arms around my torso and buried his face in my chest, -"You saved me again..."- He sobbed again, pulling our bodies closer and I felt his heart racing against my chest.

-"And I'll keep doing it, Marco, as much as I have to."- I said, fully understanding the situation. In a nutshell: Marco experienced the incident again in his dream.

-"Jean, it felt so real...,"- He rambled, clutching my robe firmly, but his voice was muffled so I couldn't understand him completely, -"... it was happening again, exactly how it happened that day and it felt so real..."

I kept stroking his hair, trying to calm him, -"But it wasn't, Marco. Open your eyes again and look at me."

-"... I didn't even know what was real anymore and I was so scared... just like then,"- He kept whining and babbling, now soaking my robe with tears, -"A-and the guys were there too, punching and pushing me and then you came in after I screamed your name. Then it started raining and... and..."

Shit, there's that fear again in me as I thought about the incident, perfectly remembering it as Marco spoke.

-"I thought I was going to die... I was terrified..."

I shook my head vigorously and hitched his head up with my fingers on his chin, -"Marco, look at me, please."

He did, very slowly, his eyes red from crying so much as he looked at me.

-"I'm here for you, okay? And like I said, I'll save you every time and I'll come for you each time you scream my name for help, I'll... do _anything_ for you,"- I held his face leveled with mines and a tear escaped my eye. What I just said was true, I meant it, but I also know that Marco is strong. He can overcome this, -"And I believe in you, Marco, you're strong, confident and smart..."- I'm bad at these things, but I try and I'll keep trying because I wanted to take care of him, I wanted him to feel safe and secure, I wanted him to stop feeling so scared...

Marco seemed lost in my eyes, paying no attention to what I was saying. His shaking subsided, at least, and he wasn't sweating anymore. I sighed in relief and the pain in my arm reminded me that this wasn't a comfortable position at all. I started to shift my body when he gasped and gripped my arms, -"Don't go! Stay with me... please."- His expression contorted into distress and he reminded me of that day he got food poisoning (or cum poisoning, I dunno) and he was really querulous and whiny like a kid. I simply loved that day.

-"Just gonna lay back, freckles,"- I said, smirking like an idiot. I liked when he asked -or begged- me to stay, -"My arm's kinda sore."

He made space for me to slack my back onto the soft surface and when I did, he quickly rested his head on my chest. I continued to stroke his hair while murmuring sweet things close to his ears -and naughty things too. When he started giggling after several attempts, I was relieved, but I know there's more to this. I got a hunch that'll only get worse. Marco was still scared and sad.

The people in the room started pacing around and discussing something along the lines of 'test' and 'results', but we both ignored them and snuggled under the sheets. Marco relaxed and dozed off often, but it resulted difficultly. He sometimes woke up startled.

After a few minutes, my eyelids dropped and I dozed off too...

-"Jean."

I jumped, startled at the sudden voice, -"Huh?"

Beside me was Celine looking down at us both, -"I have to speak to you. And you need a bath, quick."- She was oddly serious today.

I sniffed my arms pits and sure enough, I needed a bath asap. I don't know how Marco endured it all this time. Speaking of who, he was still resting his head on my chest, snoozing lightly. Suddenly, Zackly and Blondie came in with some sheets and large envelopes, -"Is he ready?"

Celine snorted, -"Not yet, he just woke up."

-"Kirshtein, up. After you take a bath, we will discuss your test's results,"- He placed the documents on the near table and gestured to Blondie, -"Rubert, call the nurses to bathe him."

I shook my head, -"Nu-uh. I want Marco in there with me, no one else."- Who's more childish now, huh?

Marco's mother chuckled, probably foreboding I'd say that.

Very timely, Marco sat up and rubbed his eyes, in a very adorable way, -"Hmm?"

His mother looked at him and I saw her expression sadden, -"Marco, will you help Jean? He doesn't want to go in the bathroom with anyone and he needs to take a bath before we run a few other tests."

I gave Marco the puppy eyes and he chuckled, -"Okay."

He dismounted the bed first and then helped me down by hooking his arm beneath mines. Limping, I tried not to cause too much weight on him because he was also walking funny. When we entered the bathroom, Marco closed the door and turned on the shower. He tweaked it towards the 'H' for hot. While he did, I looked at myself in the mirror and man, I'm not looking too good. My hair was a mess and I had a huge bruise under my right eye due to a punch I got from... someone. I don't even remember. I just sighed and turned on the sink to splash water on my face.

-"Come on, Jean, the water's hot."- I heard the water drops slosh onto the tiles swiftly.

-"Comin',"- I said and pulled a paper towel from the dispenser on the sink. I dried my face and dumped the paper in the near trash. I hobbled towards the shower and I saw one of those large chairs that had holes made for incapacitated patients. I pointed at it, -"Is that for me?"- What a stupid question. Out of us both, I was the one who couldn't walk well.

-"Mjum,"- He chuckled and started to undo my robes, -"Try not to move too much, Jean. You'll just worsen your bruises."

-"Fine, I'll _try,_"- I muttered and felt gleeful thrills when Marco took my robe off. I just realized I had no underwear all this time. I looked at my boyfriend's eye and smirked, -"You know, I bet I'm not the only one who's stinky."

Marco blushed and gaped his mouth, but I lashed to him and buried my nose in his armpit, tickling him at the same time. He laughed and giggled, writhing his body away from me, -"Jean, what did I say just a few _seconds _ago?"

Bummer, he wasn't as stinky as I was, -"I dunno."

-"You're not supposed to move!"

-"Oh, right. Sorry,"- I said and sat on the chair after being gestured by him. I laid back comfortably, allowing the hot water drop on me. My tense muscles relaxed and, even more, when Marco started to massage me gently, squeezing my shoulders and stroking my skin. I moaned at the touch and suddenly, he gasped, -"Huh? What's wrong?"- I twisted my body in order to look at him, but hissed at the soreness in my chest and pressed the area.

-"Your back..."- He murmured, covering his mouth with his hand.

-"Wh-what's wrong with it?"- I asked, trying to look down, but if it kept with it, I'd snap my neck.

Marco disappeared and came back with a small mirror. I stood up and looked back at it and holy shit, my back was rife with tiny lacerations and I remember how I got these cuts. It was the fight with George; he was kicking and pushing me with his foot against a shrub with sharp branches. They weren't so deep so the hot water didn't do much damage.

Marco's expression saddened as he kept staring at it, hands still on his mouth, -"Marco,"- I called him several times until I had to snatch the mirror from his hands, -"Hey, I'm fine. It doesn't hurt, really."

-"But Jean..."

I pecked his lips, -"Don't worry about it, please,"- It warmed me that he cared, but honestly, I was more worried about him and he should too. I couldn't stop thinking about his morning outburst; I also woke up with a bad dream, but mine wasn't that grave so I manage to deal with it. Marco, on the other hand, wasn't so lucky. He was dreaming, yet he was re-experiencing that horrible day and by what he said, it was exactly how it happened. He also said he couldn't distinguish reality, -"Come on, this baby isn't gonna clean itself."- I gestured to myself with a wink before I sat again.

Marco chuckled lowly, but I still saw that worry there.

He was washing my hair when I was inspecting my arms -heck, my whole body; it had deep contusions from the punches Rui was giving to me continuously. Aside from the cuts, my back had bruises too and my abdomen, when Kuan kneed me. Marco wallowed over all my physical injuries. I reassured him over and over that the pain was worth enduring because I got to save him and even though neither of us is doing too good, we're at least breathing and walking.

Eventually -by my beseech- Marco took his robe off and I was relieved the rest of his body was unharmed. Marco washed me everywhere and we kind of did more than just take a bath when he started to clean my groin. I got playful and excited, so I retaliated and here we were kissing madly under the shower, our naked bodies stuck to the other. I held both his buns tightly in my grip as our lips crashed onto each other and he had his arms hooked around my neck.

A light knock on the door startled us. That was our cue that we'd been in here longer than they'd expected, -"Are you boys alright?"- That was Celine.

We parted, reluctantly, and panted heavily, -"Y-yeah. We're almost done."- I muttered, breathless.

I gave Marco one last, long kiss before I stepped out of the shower. I then heard him giggling and I looked over my shoulder to see him staring blatantly at my butt, -"They're really pale, like snowballs."

I rolled my eyes as he laughed, but really, I felt my cheeks warm, -"Ha-ha, very funny."- Aside from pale, they weren't so lavish like his. Sure, I had the abs and the muscles, but I don't have _the_ butt. Mine was nearly flat.

-"They're cute."- At least, he found them adorable. Now my face warmed up.

After dressing up, we sauntered out and Zackly beckoned me to sit in the wheelchair again. I noted how everyone was kind of acting odd, awkwardly, albeit temporarily, -"Listen carefully, Kirshtein,"- He cleared his throat and pulled out a large, black and transparent "paper" out of the envelope, -"While you slept the first two days, we-"

-"Hold on,"- I interrupted him, -"Two days? The hell happened to me?"

-"You were unconscious when we picked you up,"- Celine continued, taking Marco into her arms, -"And when we brought you here, you didn't wake up. You were comatose that first day."

My eyes widened, -"C-comatose?"

-"You took a blow to your head. It's a common cause to fall into a coma."

Yeah, I got smitten in the head several times, but a coma? That kinda sounds a bit exaggerated, I dunno. I think I was just unconscious, I mean, it can't be _that _serious... right? I just have this common image that being comatose is just plain _grave_, like the people who fall in it never wake up was caused by serious accidents. At least, all the reports I've read about patients under coma that has lasted for weeks never woke up.

I was about to comment on it, but Zackly spoke first, -"At any rate, we conducted a CT scan of your bones and the results were alarming. You have a broken rib."- He said, handing me the test's result.

I cringed and took the large cardboard-like transparent paper. Well, shit, I could perfectly see a crack on my right rib, -"Oh, that's not good, is it?"

Their serious and worried expressions told me they weren't bluffing -why would they anyways? Marco gasped, -"Oh no..."

-"Jean, have you had difficulty breathing? Or does it bother you when you breathe deeply or press the area?"- Celine asked.

I pondered about it and yup, especially when I took deep breaths, -"Yeah, but it's not so-"

-"Why didn't you informed me?"- Spat the old man all of a sudden.

-"Yeah, Jean. You should've told someone."- That was Marco and I gasped at that. Shit, coming from him was different.

-"Hey, hey, easy on me,"- I hovered my arms in front of me in defense, -"And shit, I dunno. It's not that bad so I never thought of saying anything about it."

Zackly had his hand on his forehead while he shook his head. Celine was trying not to take it too seriously and Marco... well, _he _was taking it too seriously. Aside from peeved, my boyfriend was distressed and sad.

Set on clearing up the mood, I changed the subject -well, _kind _of, -"So, uh..., how does the treatment go?"- I was planning to come up with a joke, really. Guess I'm worried about myself. Marco was nodding slowly in approval -he was gonna ask the question anyways. Alleluia, I was finally showing self-concern.

-"It heals on its own within two months, but icing the area regularly can help. In addition, breathing techniques are key, which my assistant can teach you in a moment,"- Said Zackly, packing his stuff, -"Rubert, if you will. Take him to his room, it is passed noon already. I have other business to attend to."- And with that, the old man left.

I looked out of the window. _Damn, _how long have we been in the shower?

Blondie started to steer the chair, -"Wait,"- I said and he stopped. I propelled myself up and hobbled towards Marco. Like always, he started to complain that I shouldn't be walking just yet, but I ignored and hugged him. He was flabbergasted for a second before he returned the embrace, -"I love you. I'll see you soon, okay?"

Marco nodded against my chest, very slowly, like he didn't want me to go, -"Okay..."

I pecked his cheeks before sitting back on the chair and being driving across the hallways. The ride was quiet and I knew Blondie had something to say, he just didn't know how or when to say, -"He's adorable."- He suddenly spoke as we descend the elevator.

-"Huh?"- I muttered.

-"Your boyfriend. He's cute."- He repeated, snickering to himself.

-"Yeah, he gets that a lot."- I was doing pretty fucking good keeping my jealousy and overprotectiveness in check.

-"You must love him a lot, right?"- His words were intended to sound friendly, innocent, and yet, I saw and heard covet there, like he wished Marco was _his _boyfriend.

-"I do."

-"I mean, how you rushed in and managed to snap him from his dream displayed enough. It was pretty cool and cute -and corny,"- He added and snickered, -"Hope you cleaned the shower, though."

At that, I swooped my body to look at him, -"Excuse me?"- I asked, but I know what he was talking about. What I didn't know is how he knew. Marco and I kind of got crazy in there. We masturbated each other like three times and he gave me a blowjob while I sat... so yeah, we spilled a deal of cum. Did we clean it? Please, don't ask. I was hoping the water would just drift it away...

-"The janitors check those, you know?"- He was looking straight at the elevator's door, but I saw a growing grin.

My eyebrows couldn't quirk anymore, -"What's your deal? Just spill it out already."

And so help me, he wasted no time, -"You should consider suppressing your voice and tone next time. Like, everyone heard you guys."

Now my face was burning.

-"And Zackly was like way too embarrassed and agitated."- He laughed out loud and I knew then he completely enjoyed it.

While he laughed, I just stayed quiet, also embarrassed the shit out, but it wasn't because Zackly heard (I give no fucks about that guy), I was more abashed at the fact that Marco's _mother _heard us.

When we reached my room and Blondie started to teach me a few breathing techniques that would help me moderate my broken rib, I decided to ask him a few stuff, -"So, you gay too?"- I asked blatantly, out of the blue, and maybe I shouldn't have (I barely know him), but hey, his comment about us cleaning the shower wasn't so far compared to this.

He considered his answer, but seeing as I'm prone to become the only guy he can get acquaintance here that has common quips, he spoke, -"Yup."

-"Knew it."

-"So, are old are you? And your boyfriend?"- He spoke and pressed his hand on my chest, where my right rib was sore, -"Does it hurt when I press?"

I hissed and nodded, -"Yeah,"- Impulsively, I slapped his hand away, -"And we're both nineteen, why?"

-"Just curious."- He snickered, flitting his hand on my chest again.

My brows knitted, -"You?"- Where is the hell is this going?

-"Twenty-five."

-"You single, aren't you?"- That or he has a boyfriend and is very libertine.

-"Unfortunately."- He admitted.

My face creased, -"I'm positive I've seen other pretty boys out there."- I got a hunch he got eyes for Marco.

-"Nah, your boyfriend's pretty enough."

I glared at him, but really, I wanted to punch him.

He burst into laughter, -"You're funny when you're pissed and jealous,"- Funny thing, I think that same way of Marco. I had no idea if this guy was trying to shag me or Marco -or both, -"I'm kidding, by the way."

-"You better be."- I warned.

He laughed again and I decided to give up. Anything else I throw at him, he'll just find it amusing. It was like punching Spongebob.

After a few minutes of breathing with pace, I was left alone and Zackly came once, informing me that I had to stay in the hospital for at least two months so that my rib cage heals fully -among the contusions and inflammation. He also added that he already contacted the school and where I worked, letting them know of my condition and the time the treatments requires.

Around five pm, Celine visited me and she had this sad and worried expression like she's about to give me bad news or something. In fact, she was, -"Jean, I have to tell you something."

-"Everything okay?"

-"More or less,"- She stood near the door, meaning she'll leave the second she says whatever she wanted to say. She took a deep breath, -"I'm worried about Marco. His... mental health doesn't look too good."

My heart skipped a beat, -"Wh-what do you mean it doesn't look good?"- _Exactly that, Jean. _

-"It may be too soon, but I fear he's developing PTSD."- She had trouble saying that.

I honestly don't know what that means but it doesn't sound good, -"PT... what?"

-"Post-traumatic stress disorder,"- She sighed and closed her eyes, -"It's a mental disorder that develops after a traumatic event. People with PTSD can feel stressed and afraid even when their life is not at risk,"- She paused and turned on the door knob, -"The nightmares are just the beginning if my theory is correct."

This can't be... -"What can I do? I'll do anything to prevent it!"- I was shaking again. The incident _was _traumatic for both of us, but Marco was in the near-death end of it. He almost _died._

This must be the mental issues Zackly talked about it.

She finally smiled, -"I know, Jean, but for now, keep a close eye on him and report anything unusual from him."

I nodded briskly and watched her go.

I was up and hobbling around my room for the rest of the night with an uneasiness that stymied my sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about Marco and what his mom told me. This can't get any worse, right? _We _can't get any worse. When can we have some peaceful time without any complications? Fuck! I just want to Marco to be healthy, but what's worst than physical injuries? Mental lesions!

I punched the near wall and immediately, I regretted it, especially when Marco tottered in and lectured me for being out of bed and hurting myself. The moment our eyes met, I wondered if Marco knew of his condition (which we -and I mean me and Celine- weren't completely sure about) and that made me remember about the time I wondered the same thing about Mom. At first, she wasn't aware of her condition, of the tumor in her brain, but as time passed... she became completely conscious of it. She knew her life was reached its end and she was ready for it.

Marco is clever, smart, and I bet he knows about this PTSD thing and it's symptoms. I bet he knows and I wanted to ask him but coerced myself against it, mainly because his condition isn't clear yet. I was still scared to death, -"Hey,"- I said as I climbed up to my bed, -"You okay?"

Marco barely nodded, -"I don't want to sleep..."

-"Marco..."- I murmured as he climbed up and rested his head on my chest again. I knew why he didn't want to sleep: he doesn't want to experience the incident again. He doesn't want another bad dream.

-"I don't want any more nightmares..."- He rambled again.

Like last time, I started to stroke his hair, -"Marco, you have to sleep -well, _we _have to."

He perked his head up a bit to look at my eyes, -"You can't sleep either?"

I sighed and shook my head, -"No, I just... I can't."

He tilted his head, -"Bad dreams too?"

-"Kind of."

Now, he quirked an eyebrow and noted I wasn't speaking clearly, -"What's wrong, Jean?"

-"I'm just... worried about you."- Real smooth.

The way he kind of looked away and gazed down, that small interval of silence, told me he knew something was off with him, that he wasn't as sane as he claimed to be -and not just physically because I have more physical scars, his were mental. The incident scarred his mind, -"I'm... I'm..."

-"We're both in this together, Marco, and we can surpass this... together."- Still speaking corny, huh.

He looked back at my eyes, -"Jean..."

-"Wanna watch some funny? Maybe you'll doze off, at least for a few hours."- I said and began to propel up.

He stopped me, -"Wait... I'll get them."- He dismounted the bed and started rummaging through my bags.

I had a hunch he didn't exactly wanted to watch movies, but he knew my intentions, he knew what I was trying to do; to light up our mood -_his, _specifically- and to try to stay positive.

Marco inserted a few comical movies in the DVD that hung on the ceiling before us. We watched Hangover (my favorite), Shrek (because he loves animated flicks) and Toy Story. The last two weren't mine, let me clarify. He literally begged me to watch them and we laughed so much we couldn't hold the soreness on our tummies. I just love watching him giggle like a kid, so yeah, I must have looked stupid looking at him with lovey-dovey eyes.

Eventually, we got drowsy, but I coerced my eyes open to keep watch on my boyfriend and I was glad when he fell asleep very close to me, his head still on my chest and arms around my torso, like he was hugging a plushie. I kissed his forehead before calling it a day.

* * *

**Note: **Nop, Marco will **not **be diagnosed with PTSD, just a minor depression, lack of sleep and bad dreams, because he can't come out pure from that incident.


	78. SEVENTY-EIGHT

So yeah all I have to say is that this chapter contains a bit cheesy conversations XDD

BUT I NEED THEM TO HAVE MUCH FLUFF AND CHEESY STUFF. BEAR WITH ME.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

SEVENTY-EIGHT

Several weeks have passed and I'm still in Trost's Hospital.

Oh, and it doesn't stop there. I have to stay for two months so that my fucked up rib can heal. Still, better here than _somewhere _else.

I'm glad to say that at least my contusions have healed and that I could finally walk better. The bad dreams stopped so now I could sleep in peace, so to speak. I definitely feel better, I could finally move a finger without cursing aloud (I'm exaggerating, like always.)

Marco, on the other hand, didn't look so good. He still had nightmares and haven't been able to sleep the required hours. I've been keeping an eye on him like Celine told me (I always do anyways), and I noted how blue he was, how slow he was speaking and how tense and edgy he was with everyone else except me. He tried, though, he really tried to manage his moods and I swear, if it wasn't for the support me and his mother were giving him, he'd- I can't even think about it. I don't want to either. I'll keep supporting him, I'll keep giving him lots of kisses and hugs, lame and naughty jokes, compliments about his freckles, his persona, that he was the best person in the word and that I, his boyfriend, _believe _in him, that he was sweet, cute, smart and...

-"Um... Jean? Are you even listening?"- There's his cute, mellow voice.

I snapped from my train of thoughts and smiled stupidly, -"Uh... that you're the hottest guy in this hospital?"- And he knew, he knew I was doing my best at keeping him in a good mood.

Marco smiled weakly and his eyes sagged with noticeable bags under them. I could still see a light blush on his cheek, -"You've said that already."- And he loved it, oh he loves it when I shower him with compliments.

-"Yeah, well, I'll keep saying it until you literally get pissed."- I munched on my chocolate donut and swallowed. We were at the hospital's cafeteria by beseech -by mines, mostly. I wanted to get out of that damned room. I've been in there for these past weeks, come on!

Marco just chuckled, narrowing me lovingly.

I noted his plate was still full, his donut and hot chocolate... not so hot, -"You gonna eat that?"- I pointed at his vanilla glazed with sprinkles donut.

He shook his head slowly, -"I'm not really hungry..."

-"Marco,"- I took his hand in mines and looked straight at his eyes, -"You have to eat something. You know, you actually haven't eaten enough and I see you slimmer."

His lips contorted as he gazed away, prodding the donut with his finger.

-"Marco, please, just one bite,"- I insisted, squeezing his hands, -"For me -for both of us?"

I tried the puppy eyes and he chuckled, sighed deeply and took the donut. I bet he remembered that time I was kinda depressed in school and didn't wanted to eat anything and he was all over me begging me to eat, -"Thanks, Jean... for everything."

I smiled and kissed his hand.

Minute by minute, he took bites off his donut and sips from his hot chocolate. Sadly, he didn't finish it all, but at least, he ate a bit.

Back in my room after being picked up by Zackly, I met with my father. I admit, I was surprised. Dad works 24/7 so I didn't really thought about him showing up here anytime soon, but... here is, with an overcoat and gloves, warming up his hands, -"Dad?"- I mused, approaching him.

He turned around and his eyes widened, -"Son!"

Unexpectedly, he rushed to me and embraced me. I looked around awkwardly before answering the hug, -"Uh... hey, Dad."- Why is this encounter so awkward? Is it because we haven't seen each other for a while now? The last thing I heard of him was that he was gonna see a psychologist. My dad didn't bode well after Mom's passing and it was because he spent so little time with her and because she forgot him. I swear those were the most depressing days of my life; watching him completely stunned at her apprehension of him, her eyes narrowing him like a total stranger...

Dad's sudden sobbing made me break out of my thoughts, -"I'm so glad to see you..."- He murmured on my shoulder.

-"Hey, easy, I'm okay."

-"I heard what happened,"- He parted and rubbed his nose's bridge, -"You're still getting in trouble, aren't you? I thought I told you before to stay out of fights."

-"Dad, I-"

-"You could've both die!"- He suddenly snapped and waved his arms up, -"You're not going to that school anymore, you hear?"

Oh man, if kids these days heard that from their parents..., -"Don't fret, I wasn't planning on going either."

He gaped his mouth wide to reply but shut it close at my words.

I sighed and sat on my bed, -"I'm so fucking tired of that place,"- I tussled my hair and looked down to the floor, trailing my eyes through the dark lines of the white tiles, -"I fucking try, I really try to help guys like me have a place there without getting shitted on, but it's so-"- I swallowed my words. I just realized I haven't told Dad about my sexuality.

And so help me, he inquired, -"Guys like you? What do you mean?"

I looked up at him as he sat beside me. With a hand on my rear neck, I sighed and just wished me luck (how pitiful is that?), -"I... I meant... g-gays... like me."- There, it's out. Now to wait for his reaction. Dad was more or less Christian. He read the Bible a few times and goes to church whenever he could, but he wasn't on Marco's family's level.

He was speechless with his eyes wide.

-"I-I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner!"

His face lit up, -"Y-you mean y-you like men?"

I shook my head vigorously, -"N-no -I mean, yeah! But... just one, Dad, just one guy."

-"Hmm, Marco, right?"- He asked, a hand on his chin.

Now I was stunned, -"How...?"

-"Well, it's kind of obvious now that I think about it,"- Oh, he was _really_ thinking about it, -"All those days in school -oh! That day in the supermarket that you were kind of nervous. Was it Marco? I thought I saw him."

I face-palmed and chuckled, -"Yeah, it was him. He's _the _guy."

He smiled and hooked an arm around my shoulder, -"I'm proud of you."

I lowered my hand from my neck, -"Huh? What did I do?"

-"Mustering courage to tell me and... staying in that school to help your peers,"- He admitted and added with a long sigh, -"I... understand if you decide to return, but please... be careful."

I sighed too, -"I seriously doubt we'll return and I was just trying to help Marco find _his _place there without getting chided,"- I confessed and his look was the same, -"And since we have to stay in here for a few months..."

He chuckled, possibly understanding me, which surprised me. I thought he'd say I was selfish and inconsiderate because I know that's how it looks, but I do care about those guys, I just... care more for Marco and since we're both staying in here for a while, I...

What am I saying? I don't _want _to go because I'm _scared, -_"So I don't actually _have _to go anymore..."

He jolted me, -"Do you _want _to go?"

I shook my head slowly after a few seconds of nothing.

-"It's alright, son, to be scared and apprehensive. You're just protecting yourselves and it's the right decision."- He patted my shoulder, reassuring me -or trying to- that I was doing the right thing.

-"I dunno, Dad..."

-"Son, whatever you choose to do, you know I'll support you... always."- He squeezed my shoulder firmly.

-"Thanks."

After that warm family reunion, Dad left after getting a call from his psychologist, reminding him that he had an appointment -oh and after being the dead end of Zackly's glares. If Dad noticed, he ignored the old man.

-"Hey, what's your problem with my dad?"- I asked gruffly, right after Dad left.

-"Nothing at all."- He said and yet I can perfectly see a frown there.

-"Sure."- The old man was still bitten with him because of the whole Family Department mess.

-"Ironic that when I see him, a laborious man who claims to love his son, I see an irresponsible father,"- And there it is, that spiteful rebuke he has kept in these last few minutes. He approached me with those scary, white gloves that serial murders often use and began to press gently on the areas I previously had contusions. They still had a purple, light shade to it, -"Does it hurt?"

I shook my head, -"You know he was working his ass off to keep us fed up."

-"And yet he could not take two mere minutes of his "job" to call or message you, hm?"- He kept pressing my joints and finally, my chest, where my broken rib laid within.

I didn't like his tone of voice, I didn't like the way he spoke about Dad, -"The hell do you know about being a father anyways? If you don't understand what it takes, keep your mouth shut."

His face wrinkled, -"I do, in fact,"- He tugged out something from his pocket. He handed me a picture of... him, his wife and a little girl in his arms, -"I have a daughter."

Well, fuck me and my mouth. Still, I was pissed, -"So, what, are you mister-doctor-father-professor perfect? I dunno about you, but my dad is human and humans make mistakes,"- Jesus Christ, I sound so Marco right now, -"Dad kind of lost it when mom forgot about him and he couldn't face either of us because he thought he failed us and because he was a stranger to mom. Then she died and he... disappeared; the one person he has loved since he was young was dead. Can't you understand him? Wouldn't you feel despondency and melancholy? Wouldn't you just... disappear for a while? I know I would..."- My fucking mind then drifted into my future life if Marco died in the incident. Yeah, I definitely would disappear from the face of the Earth -and not for a while.

The old man was speechless, lost in thought; he was actually considering it.

-"Look, if you just wanna glare at him the whole day, don't do it when I'm around."- I said, flatly, and dismounted the bed, guessing he was over since he was still staring at nothing.

Then he spoke, brashly, -"Where are you going?"

-"To the bathroom, be right back,"- I muttered under my breath, -"Jesus fucking Christ."

After I vacated my bladder, I washed my hands and headed out. I quickly met with Celine speaking to Zackly, -"Please, he needs him. There's no other authentic treatment than support and company from his peers."

-"Why Kirshtein? I am certain your boy has other friends."- Zackly suggested, packing his stuff for his next patient.

_Oh, old man, you don't know how wrong you are._ Aside from boyfriend, I was Marco's only _best friend. _The rest are only school partners and "friends for friendliness" that only care about you when they want something from you, -"You don't understand,"- She shook her head, -"Jean is the only one who can heal him; _he_ is his medicine."- _Okay, Celine, __**that**__ was corny and I've thought and said some corny stuff too. _

-"That is utterly inaccurate and fictional. The antidepressants have shown remarkable results within teens. It will do."- He swung his bag over his shoulder and made way towards the door.

But that's when I stepped in front of him, not letting him pass, -"Hold on just a fucking minute,"- I said, closing the door behind me in case Rubert was sniffing around, -"Why would Marco need antidepressants?"- Ops, too late. _Stupid moron._

Zack sighed, already tired of me, -"Why, I wonder. Do think about it profoundly."- He gestured me to move aside.

_Marco's depressed..., -_"And what did Celine want? Whatever it is, I want it too."

Zackly face-palmed and shook his head too, unable to believe all this, -"God."

-"Jean, I want to request moving you to Marco's room-"

-"Say no more,"- I said, very stupidly, -"With who do I have to talk to?"

-"Alright, alright,"- Zackly finally snapped and sighed deeply, -"I will send the damn request. In the meantime, stay here."

-"Why can't I stay with him right now?"

-"Because it will take time."

-"That doesn't make sense, I can go there right now and just sleep with him, no prob."

There's his face of disgust when I said that last part, -"Just do whatever you want."- With that, he shoved me aside, swung open the door and walked out quickly. He finally gave up on me, huh. Fuck yeah!

I was doing a little celebration and Celine chuckled, -"Come, Jean. Marco will be overjoyed when he hears the news."

I was literally jumping my way to the elevator, completely happy with how things turned out. If there's something I wanted this whole time here, was to stay with Marco. That's all. Even after I healed and wasn't so critical, Zackly denied my wishes.

In the elevator, Celine told me to sleep with Marco until I get my bed, but really, it was unnecessary. Marco and I had slept in a single bed before, -"So, uh... how's he doing? Does he really need those...?"

Celine sighed, -"Yes, I... diagnosed him with depression, Jean. He has shown symptoms within the last two weeks. He really needs you."

_So it's true..._

I never thought I'd see Marco depressed. Then again, I did, I just didn't know it was depression. My boyfriend has always been so cheerful and gracious so I never really imagined him down to this.

When we reached his room, I saw him laying down on his bed while glumly staring at the ceiling, sighing frequently. He still had the bags under his eyes and he looked rendered, tired and defeated, like he gave up on life. It hurts seeing him like this and I didn't like it.

Then I remembered I was also in that kind of state a few times due to my difficult moments at school. It's inevitable, right? We're not perfect and we're not immune to sadness and sorrow. We sometimes fall on our knees because sooner or later, our strength and mental fortitude deplete and it's hard to break out of said state alone, but with peers beside you, supporting you, it's possible and I intend to break Marco out of his.

-"Marco,"- Celine called him, settling her bag of pills on the table, -"Jean's staying with you from now on."

He sat up quickly and smiled weakly but tenderly, his face lighting up bit by bit, -"Jean..."- He had this look in his eye that told me '_I need you'. _

-"Yup and I'm thinking of watching a few flicks. You in?"- I asked, mounting his bed and settling cozily beside him.

He didn't answer. He just stared at me.

-"I'll take that as a yes."

And as we watched animated flicks again, Marco just burrowed close to me, his arms around my torso and his head on my chest, hearing my heart's beats. He didn't pay attention to the movie and maybe it was because he saw them already a ton of times, but I know him and I know that wasn't the case (Marco can watch his favorites flicks a bunch of times and it won't get boring to him). I think he was scared again, scared I'd disappear and never come back. His tight grip on my robe seemed like it; like he had to hold on to me so that I wouldn't vanish or something.

-"Hey, Marco,"- I began, stroking his hair like he loves so much, -"I'm here for you, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

He rose his head slowly to look at me and was a bit surprised at how quick I read him. I'm an easy-readable guy and I'm not so good at reading others. I guess that doesn't count my boyfriend. Still, he knew how well I knew him.

-"I love you, yeah? And I'll never abandon you."- I embraced him too and buried my nose in his neck.

-"Th-then come with me to the bathroom... please."- His cheeks lit up as he fidgeted with his fingers.

I chuckled and smiled, -"You're adorable, you know that?"- I sat up and dismounted the bed. I extended my hand towards him, -"Shall we?"- What a dork.

But at least, it made him chuckle. When he took my hand, I pulled him down gently from the bed, kind of like princes do to princesses when they dismount their carriage or some shit, but this is way different; we weren't in a ball, for starters, and we only had the plain, boring robes all patients wore and lastly... we're both fucked up.

Once in the bathroom, while Marco did his thing, I washed my teeth because I just remembered I forgot to this morning -yeah, with Marco's toothbrush. I was a bit surprised when he didn't say anything and when I gazed at him, I saw him bent and covering his face with his hands, sobbing and trying to muffle his weeps.

I quickly rushed to him, accidentally dropping his toothbrush, and kneeled before him. With my hand on his shoulders, I squeezed tightly, -"What's wrong, Marco?"

He parted his hands from his face and I saw it completely red, his eyes watery, -"I-it hurts... why does it hurt?"

My hands started to shake at his painful tone, -"What hurts?"- _Don't panic, Jean, not yet._

He bit his lower lip and his body suddenly went stiff as he groaned and his face reddened even more.

Oh.

He can't shit. He's constipated.

He released his breath and it converted into another cry.

-"Okay, Marco, just calm down, I'll-"

He wailed again, -"My stomach hurts so much..."- He gripped it tightly and bit his lips again. Again, his body went rigid as he groaned and yet nothing came out but a long wail.

Shit, it's _bad, _real bad.

I coerced myself into action and started stroking his belly in a circular motion, -"Breathe deeply, Marco, it always helps."

And he did, very slowly and steady.

I then rubbed his back in the same motion, -"Better?"- I asked, noting he relaxed on the toilet's back.

He nodded slowly, his eyes closed and hands on his belly. He sighed often and out of the blue, he started crying again, tears streaming down his eyes, -"I'm such a baby, aren't I?"- He complained, avoiding my eyes.

I stood before him, hands on hips.

-"And a nuisance too. I keep bothering you and I know you don't think of me like that, but I just can't help feel like that...,"- More tears. He covered his face with his hands in shame, -"I'm so weak and defenseless and you always take the blows for me, you stand up for me and defend me. You end up all beaten up because of me, because I'm weak-"

I couldn't hear him anymore and to shut him up, I leaned in close to him and sowed a warm kiss on his lips. He gasped and widened his eyes at my sudden deed. I parted slowly and caressed his lips with my thumb, -"Don't say that, Marco. It's not true."

-"Jean..."

I must have this spark in my eyes as I spoke because Marco couldn't avert his eyes from them, -"You're not weak, a nuisance or a baby and you're definitely not weak. I know I said that twice and I'll keep saying it. You're not weak."

His eyes glistened at me.

-"And _fuck, _Marco, I'll take all the beatings for you, I'll stand up for you and I'll defend you until the end of the days because I _love_ you and I know you'll take all the damage for me too -for anyone- because you're brave and compassionate. You've stood up for me and defended me too."- Ah shit, I felt this lump in my throat again, hindering my emotional speech and making my chin and jaw sore.

A single tear dripped from his eye and pooled on my fingertips. He knew I was right. We were both remembering the days in school when he searched for me and rescued me from George's beating, the day he put himself at risk and rescued Diego...

-"You're an amazing person, Marco, so don't say those things about yourself because they're not true,"- Our foreheads collided and I closed my eyes, -"And don't punish yourself..."

-"Jean...,"- He mused my name again and closed the space between us with a passionate kiss, completely moved by my words. He held my head with passion as our lips moved in sync. He parted slowly and whispered, -"I love you too, dorky."

I chuckled, feeling my cheeks warm. Yeah, that was corny and dorky, but true.

Marco breathed deeply, -"I... I need to-"- He let out a tiny, barely hearable fart.

I gasped and couldn't hold a laugh, -"You gonna shit?"

Marco blushed a lot and nodded, -"Y-yeah."

-"Want me to stay?"

He shook his head, -"I-I can do it alone."

I stood up and smiled, proud of him as I saw a spark of confidence back in there, -"Okay, just holler me if, you know, need help,"- I snorted and made way towards the door, -"And hey, I believe in you, yeah?"

Marco chuckled and rolled his eyes, -"I'm just using the bathroom, Jean."

-"It still applies, you know."- I laughed too and headed out to wait for him.

When he didn't come out in five minutes, I got a bit panicked and lent my ear against the door to hear what he was doing. I heard the sink turned off just before he opened the door and making me tumble on the floor like a moron. Marco laughed and helped me up.

-"Did you do it?"- I asked, noting his expression relaxed and less red.

-"Mjum."

I laughed and scratched my neck, -"I'm glad. You scared me back there."- I wasn't lying. This may seem stupid, but I'm glad he shitted. I was worried and scared because not shitting is just bad, alright? I mean, I know it's different for other people, but I go to the bathroom thrice a day and I hope it stays like that because if I only shit once or twice, I literally panic.

-"I'm sorry,"- He quickly apologized, like always, -"I-I hadn't gone these past weeks and it worried me."

I cringed, -"Well, at least, you shitted today. I bet your mom knows a few remedies."

He gazed away.

-"Wait, you haven't told her?"- I asked, trying to look at his eyes. This is really weird; Marco tells his mom _everything_.

He just shook his head.

-"Marco."

-"I know, I know!"- He pouted and sighed, -"I'll tell her soon..."

-"No, we're telling her now."- And so we did when she came back. I was a bit surprised when she told us she knew. Marco wasn't so shocked and that scored a point to my theory that he knew of his condition. It scored, even more, points when she told me that depression causes constipation without a clear physical issue. She gave me a few pills (including a suppository, hooray) that may treat his digestive problem but advised me not to panic if it doesn't work.

-"Jean, I'm sorry to leave this in your hands like this, but you're the only one he confides."- As she spoke, she seemed calm and collected, like a psychologist must be, but I saw sadness there because Marco's not just any patient, he's her son.

-"What do you mean?"

-"He doesn't talk to me like he used to or express himself. It's a common act of seclusion among the people with depression,"- She sighed and placed her hand on my shoulder, -"I'm relieved he hasn't secluded himself from you. I knew he wouldn't do it. You're immensely special to him, Jean, and you're the only one who can truly aid him and give him the medicine he really needs: love, affection, happiness and companionship. I can only provide the antidepressants and other pills."

That sounded sad and this situation must be horrible for her; watching her son suffer depression and not be able to do anything but prescribe pills. The part that depressed people tend to seclude themselves from others, I can understand because when I was depressed, I used to avoid people too, but a family member? In my case, I didn't get along with Mom, and Dad barely spent time with me so I didn't really confided in him, but Celine? Marco's mother is the best mother I've known, aside from mines, and not to forget how he tells her everything because they trust each other.

-"Jean,"- She called, breaking me out of my sad thoughts, -"I'll be alright and I know I'm leaving my son in the best hands."- She smiled, more genuinely, and parted her hands from my shoulder.

I swear..., I swear to God, I'll take care of Marco and I'll make his depression go the fuck away. Marco aided me with my depression before and I _will_ help him with his.

Marco and I decided to walk afterward, seeing as it was getting boring watching movies all day in the room. I wondered about whether to ask him about his mother and his isolation from her but decided to drop it. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea; maybe when he gets better, he'll talk to her again.

We walked and relaxed on the balcony at the end of our floor when, -"Just say it, Jean."

-"Huh?"- I turned to him abruptly, -"What're you talking about?"- _Don't even think about fooling him, Jean. He's clever and he knows you. _

He reclined his body against the fence and looked at the tall mountains afar, -"What you were gonna ask me. Say it."

I reclined my back on the fence and looked up at the sky, -"I...,"- I was about to lie, honestly, but considering I was cornered and he'd insist if I lie, I had no other option than to say it, -"Are you... okay with your mom?"

He gazed at me, his eyes a bit widened, -"Wh-what do you mean? Of course I am!"- I knew Marco and I knew that the least he wanted was to be on bad terms with his mother (and saying it like that seemed exaggerated). I know how much he loved her; she practically raised him herself considering his father was 24/7 on police duty (kind of like mines) and plus, Marco wasn't on good terms with him. They often argued about that latter issue.

-"I just talked to her and... she seems sad. She tries to conceal it but..."

Marco faced me completely, his eyes wider now and watery. Damn, he's extremely sentimental.

-"It's not _bad, _she's just really worried about you because she thinks you're reclusive of her."- Woah, hold on, did I just twisted the words? She's not worried about _that, _but she's definitely sad about it. I'm avoiding the depression part, aren't I? _That's _what she's worried about.

-"N-no..., it's not my intention, I..."- His voice shook.

-"It's okay, Marco, you're just... uh, you know..."- Just say it already. _Don't you think he knows?_

He gave me a knowing look before looking away to the distance again, -"I know what I have, Jean."

I bit my lips.

-"It's... difficult to control, I can't get a hold of it. It's like playing a game without a tutorial or like entering a new place and being completely lost with no idea where to step on,"- He started to ramble again, but I listened to his every word, -"And I've been depressed before, according to mom, but I just didn't know about it, I wasn't aware of it, but now that I do... it's...,"- The water in his eyes crammed and sloshed out, -"It wasn't my intention to make her feel sad... I'm not conscious of the things I say or do..."- He wailed.

-"Marco...,"- I bit my lips harder. _Shit, _this wasn't a good idea at _all, -_"Tell me how you feel... I can help -I _will _help you."- Like I said, I had depression before and like Marco, I wasn't entirely aware of it so I'm not certain what buttons to push here, but I know him so that has to count, right? I'll follow my instinct.

He smiled and put a lot of effort on it, -"I know you will...,"- More tears dripped from his eyes and he quickly wiped them off, -"It's so stupid, isn't it? Crying for every trifle thing or over nothing-"

I placed my finger on his lips and shushed him. I shook my head before parting it, -"No, it's not, Marco, it's okay to cry. You can cry all you want, you know I won't mind."

The small smile that bloomed in his lips now was more genuine before he lunged at me and buried his face in my chest. He cried and sobbed more, drenching my robe, but I didn't mind as I stroked his hair, -"I'm sorry..."- He babbled.

-"You don't have anything to apologize for."

-"But I'm drenching your clothes..."

-"It's fine,"- I chuckled at my next thought and said it aloud, -"I actually need it."- I admit, I hadn't gotten a bath since last week.

He chuckled too and rose his head, wiping tears from his reddish eyes again, -"You're a piggy."

-"But I'm your piggy."- Oh my God, what a dork. How many times have I used that quip? I don't tire of it, though, and if it made Marco smile, I'll keep saying.

And it did make him smile and laugh before I hugged him firmly. Gotta show him much affection.

He hugged me back and when we parted, Marco expressed himself. He said depression for him felt like a blank canvas in which he, little by little, drew on it nothing but gray colors, something he never does. He paints with fluorescent colors, never in grayscale (excluding his Batman draw because hey, Batman's outfit is black). He also said it felt like an empty game, a hopeless superhero series and lastly... like a nightmare. I knew why: Marco's a happy guy in spite of what he went through his childhood; he's positive, optimistic and cheerful. To have none of that, to feel exactly the opposite, was a nightmare for him. He didn't feel he was... him. He felt like the depression, or his depressing self, was someone else trying to consume him, to take the things he loves the most.

He cried a lot while he spoke and so did I because that was a sad analogy. I composed myself eventually and did my best to cheer him up, to reassure him that I was here and that I'll take care of him, that I'll fuck his depression away, to lull him away from those thoughts because if not... then Marco's nightmare will be eternal.

We kissed, tears cascading from both our eyes, and as we did, we held each other close and never let go.

Until his stomach grumbled.

I snorted and parted from him, cleaning his wet cheeks with my thumb, -"Hungry, are we?"

Marco blushed and nodded.

-"The let's get something to eat. My treat."- I took his cold hand firmly and intertwined my fingers with his.

He smiled tenderly and rested his head on my shoulder while we walked to the cafeteria.

I smiled too at the warming sensation in my chest and gulped down a lump in my throat. He's hungry, he's getting his appetite back... he's getting better.

In the cafeteria, we ordered donuts and hot chocolate again, but this time, Marco literally begged me to buy him a vanilla cheesecake. I smiled broadly again. He was getting his relish for sweets back too.

While we ate, he got kind of gloomy again but I saw how he really tried to push it off and so I aided him by spraying donut custard on his cheeks, -"Hey!"- He exclaimed before retaliating.

I laughed and kept smearing his face until we got scolded. We apologized and after Marco finished his sweets, we headed to our room and "cleaned" ourselves. You know how it goes.

I was licking his earlobes when he whispered something in my ear.

-"Huh?"- I couldn't really hear him. He was moaning particularly loud today.

-"That I love you, silly,"- He parted from me, breathless, -"Hey, you kind of stink..."

I smirked and winked at him, -"Yeah, you're right. I do, don't I?"- No, really, I did.

He pulled me towards the shower by my arm and we washed and... did a few other things. You know what I mean. We touched and groped each other, we licked each other, jerked each other, kissed our souls out, gripped our butts, jerked some more, the usual.

After that glorious bath I so needed, we watched a few movies again before falling asleep.

But during midnight, Marco was shaking a lot and I got a hunch it wasn't just the cold air of the room; he was having another bad dream, -"J-Jean... I'm scared..."- He babbled, not aware of his words, and clutched the sheets.

I couldn't sleep either, in fact, and it's weird because I again got the feeling of uneasiness and fear like last time during the night. Today was a sentimental day, then cheery and positive, but during nighttime, I felt scared, vulnerable, like a monster's gonna lash at me from beneath the bed... and I hate to feel like this. I hate for Marco to feel like this. I wonder why. Why does the night make me feel like this? Is it the darkness because I can't see what's before me? I dunno, but I did knew Marco was feeling the same and I couldn't help but wonder if we'll end up crazy and cursing in an asylum like Gotham's (still got a nerdy quip in me).

Marco quivered and slowly, I cocooned ourselves within the sheets and embraced him tight against my body, his head on my chest. I needed this, we both needed this. I ignored my surroundings and just focused on him, on his warmth and decreasing tremor.

The hours passed and my eyes finally started to drop...

* * *

Next day, my boyfriend woke up crying again around 5 am, complaining about feeling helpless and anxious that something's about to happen soon. He didn't know what, but he couldn't shake the feeling of a bad omen. To distract his mind, I offered him to accompany me to the hospital's pharmacy. We weren't supposed to be walking around the building like this, but apparently, Celine made the arrangements and got our permission to go where we pleased (expect the restricted areas, of course, like the floor with cancerous patients and patients under operations). In the pharmacy, I bought a few colorings books, exercise books with crosswords, sudokus and other puzzle stuff, and of course, crayons.

As I passed through the shelves and dropped everything in the bag, Marco trudged behind me, already exhausted, so I decided to go to our room -by his implore- but before I did, I saw one of those notebooks with blank pages inside them, with no lines or draws. I opened it and thought about buying it for Marco; yesterday, while he expressed how depression felt like to him, he told me it felt like a blank canvas in which, step by step, he fills with gray colors. I made the analogy and maybe if he has the opportunity to draw with color, the sentiment will be... I dunno, different. It'll change and maybe he won't feel like his life is all in grayscale.

Without a second thought, I took it along with a few regular pencils, colorings pencils and sauntered to the cashier. I paid, grabbed Marco's hands and pulled him to the elevator because he was practically dragging his legs. He was kind of sloven today, -"You okay?"- I asked as the elevator ascended to our floor.

He didn't say anything, he just wrapped his arms around himself and shrugged.

-"I bought you some stuff. You'll like them."- I said and raised my bag.

He seemed uninterested in it, -"Are we there yet?"- And he wanted to get to the room asap.

I glanced at the elevator's pad and nodded, -"Yup."- And just then, the door opened and we headed towards our room, holding hands. His were really cold today too.

Immediately when we entered the room, Marco slacked on the bed and cocooned himself within the sheets. He sighed a lot and laid stiff there. I got the things out of the bag and placed them on the small table just in front of the window that looked down to the parking lot.

I wanted Marco up and around, but I let him rest in his bed for a few minutes.

A few hours passed and Marco was still in bed, covered in sheets and staring at the blank wall. I tapped the table with my finger before I sauntered towards my boyfriend. He was extra idle and gloomy today, and I was worried, -"Hey, Marco, wanna color something with me? I got some coloring books and other stuff from the pharmacy to, you know, do something else."

He didn't budge, but I knew he was aware of my intentions.

-"I bought paints, paintbrushes and a book with blank pages."- I added.

His head perked up as he turned around to face me. I lifted the book and showed him the paints too. He quickly noted something: no dark colors. The paint jars I picked were all bright colors; pink, red, orange, blue, sky blue, white, green, lime, etc. I got his attention.

Slowly, he dismounted the bed and I helped him, -"What's the color book about?"- He's speaking slowly again.

I pulled two chairs and flitted them close to the table, -"There's one of the Justice League, another one of Superman and the other is one's about Batman,"- I smiled as I saw his face slowly light up at the mess of art stuff on the table, -"Which is mine, but I can share a few pages."- I winked at him and gestured him to sit down.

And he did and we spent long hours coloring and painting. I wasn't on Marco's level, not by a long shot, but hey, my Batmans are cool. I used to draw too.

When he started painting on the blank canvas, he often complained he wasn't doing good (which is not true) and his eyes watered. I opted to make him feel better, -"Don't say that, Marco."

The Superman he was drawing looked amazing but sloppy, -"But he looks weird. I suck at this."

-"Okay, let's try something different then,"- I gave him few ideas and with my help, we did an amazing pair of wings with the colors of the rainbows. Marco was in love with it and I saw a spark of confidence in his eyes as he drew a field of sunflowers next and it looked simply marvelous. Marco's an exceptional artist and when he works with colors, uff, -"See? You have nothing to complain about, Marco. You're an amazing painter and I know you'll be the best."

Marco smiled as his eyes watered before me, -"I... I was thinking of mom. She loves sunflowers."

-"Then show it to her or better yet, give it to her as a gift for the best mom ever."- I offered and I was glad he thought of her.

-"I was thinking that same thing."

So after it dried, we saved it for her when she gets back.

-"Hey, look at this,"- I showed him my attempts at painting Batman, but it sucked. I ended up mixing the colors (yeah, colors, I didn't buy black on purpose), -"He looks like an alien or a demon."

My boyfriend chuckled lowly, -"You have to wait for the painting to dry up before you paint over it."

-"Oh,"- I snorted, almost spitting my paper, -"Well, that was obvious. I'm a moron."

-"And... Batman's costume all dark."- He added.

-"I know."- I gave him a knowing smile and his eyes slowly widened. He knew why I didn't buy dark colors. I wanted Marco to paint bright colors on his canvas, I wanted him to see that his life's not in grayscale.

-"Jean..."- And like these days, he cried and hugged me firmly.

-"Whoa!"- I exclaimed as I faked my hand dipped into the red jar by accident. With that finger, I drew a sloppy heart on his cheek. When we parted, I pointed at him, -"Uh, babe, you got somethin' there."

-"Huh? What is it?"- He took the small mirror that was lying around the room and hovered it near his face. He blushed at the heart and giggled, -"Hey!"- He dipped his finger too and smeared my face.

Then we started placing our tainted hands on the blank papers, painting every detail of it. And after that, we did the crosswords and the sudoku. My boyfriend was an egghead so he slain me on the mathematical puzzles. I could only complete a few crosswords and that was something.

We were enjoying our evening until Zackly rushed in, asking me to go with him to review my condition, -"I'm not leaving Marco alone."- I said quickly.

The old man sighed, -"It is only for a few minutes, Kirshtein."

A few minutes can be long hours for Marco, so I shook my head.

Zackly didn't seem to comprehend how depression works. He beckoned me towards the door, -"Now."- He was pissed again.

I was about to deny again when Marco placed his hand on my shoulder and smiled tenderly, -"It's okay, Jean, go. I'll be fine."- I saw that spark of confidence again.

-"But-"

-"You believe in me, right?"- He asked, his eyes narrowing me lovingly.

I nodded vigorously, -"Yeah, I do, Marco,"- I leaned close to him and planted a soft kiss on his lips, -"I'll be back soon, okay?"

-"Okay."- He nodded and turned to his draws.

I stood up and left with the old man to my old room. We checked the new results of the CT scan and my rib has shown progress in its healing. I practiced the whole breathing technique with him for a few minutes

I was about to leave, anxious to the bone despite what Marco said, when he spoke, -"I have been thinking about your father."

I halted my steps and looked over my shoulder, quirking an eyebrow.

-"What he did is still not right, but...,"- He sighed and flittled his glasses to their place, -"You were right. I was too harsh with him and I do understand him."

-"How's that?"

-"If Leticia died...,"- That must be his wife and the glint he had in his eyes told me he loved her deeply, -"I would want to disappear too."

Okay, so I wasn't really expecting he'd admit that and I was stunned.

-"Forgive me for treating your father like I did. It was wrong and I promise I will not do it again."- He added, now facing me.

Double stunned.

When he coughed, I knew he has been waiting for an answer for at least three minutes, -"Uh... thanks. I'd -we'd both appreciate it."

He nodded and dismissed me. I walked to my new room still stunned the fuck out. Zackly, the grumpy and aloof old man, just apologized to me? This has gotta be the front topic in a newspaper.

Back in the room, I bent and panted, -"I'm... back,"- When I rose, I saw Marco still drawing, calm and cozy with the bed's sheets around his body. I smiled proudly as I sauntered to him, -"Whatcha doin'?"- I asked, watching him doodling some tall figure.

He gasped and tried to hide the paper from me, -"Um... nothing!"

-"Aw, come on, freckles!"- I whined and started tickling him. He giggled and tried to push me away. At that moment, I snatched the paper from his table and observed it: I saw... myself or, at least, a dribble of me, and below it, the title: My Hero.

Well, I'm glad I'm not the only cheesy one.

Marco was blushing a lot, trying to seize the paper off my hands, -"Jean, g-give it back! I wasn't done!"- He was flustered and I loved to see him like that. Still, I was kinda surprised and frozen so he managed to take it from me, -"Y-you weren't supposed to see it yet..."- He pouted and continued working on it.

I chuckled, warmed and gleeful to the bone, and ruffled his hair. I felt my own cheeks heat up, -"So I'm your hero then? I defeated Superman?"- I jibed, feeling gaiety within me at the fact that Marco was definitely getting better.

He chuckled too and waved me off, -"Pfft, no. No one can defeat Superman."

Here comes our usual geekly discussion, -"Oh yeah? Batman did."

He gazed at me and raised an eyebrow, -"Really, Jean? He wasn't alone, you know. Green Arrow and Carrie were with him."

-"Yeah, but B did all the beating and the awesome pick-up line,"- I did a stupid pose resembling Batman, -"'In all the years to come, in your most private moments... I want you to remember... the one man who BEAT you.'"- So yeah, I still have some geekiness in me. I saw Batman the Dark Knight Returns like ten times and I know that line like my daily locution.

Marco just laughed.

I pouted and started tickling him again, his sweet giggles like tunes in my ears and I wanted to hear it more, I wanted Marco to laugh and smile more.

Suddenly, he pulled my head down and whispered in my ear, -"You did beat him, Jean."

My body vibrated in joy at his soft and sweet voice that echoed in my ears. That was all it took for me to push him to bed gently and make out with him for the rest of the evening until the night caught up with us.

* * *

Note: I just saw Batman vs Superman so it kind of reflected there, didn't it? xD

Also, let me know if I got something wrong on depression! I haven't experienced it and I'm aware it's different for people so the things I research in the web may not be accurate!


	79. SEVENTY-NINE

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

SEVENTY-NINE

-"It seems your rib has shown more progress."

I was pressing the area tightly and relief overwhelmed me when it didn't hurt as much as before. It wasn't difficult to breathe deeply anymore and now I could twist my body without wincing, -"It was about time, don't you think? I've been here for almost a month now."- I said to the old man before me.

-"Indeed."- The way he said that sounded like he was more relieved I'd be released from the hospital soon.

-"Stop with the act, old man, you know you'll miss me."- I swung my legs back and forth while looking at him and jiggling my eyebrows vertically.

He made a face and continued to examine me.

So as far as you've seen, I've been here for a while now and my rib has gotten better. I saw the results from the last CT scan and the crack wasn't as wide and long as the first time I saw it. It's needless to say that my bruises have vanished and trotting around the hospital was the first thing I did, by recommendation of ol' Zackly himself. He said that now that my contusions have healed, I should start doing exercises again so that I don't lose and scramble my physical condition, so yeah, that's what I've been doing these last few weeks.

Now let's talk about Marco.

My boyfriend's condition was moderate, according to his mother. His depression was still there and delicate, but Celine has seen him get better and so have I; Marco wasn't crying as much as before and his smiles were more genuine now, not forced. He has also slept more hours, like 3 or 4 more, and not to forget his appetite. I'm not getting in there. Well, let's just say he has gained a few pounds. It's all because of the affection I was giving him and the antidepressants his mother prescribed him with. The effects were slow, but they were showing.

The bad news is that he still gets nightmares, and he was still a bit gloomy and edgy with most of the people. He still had that foreboding that something bad will happen and he doesn't know when or what will happen.

I was on my way to our room, trotting while breathing steadily and carefully . I went with Celine to my house a few days ago to pick up my workout stuff and I now had the tight sweatshirt that nurses around here couldn't peel their eyes off. Still, I kept thinking about Marco and the looks _he'd _give me. I swear, my body flares up just thinking about it. However, when I reached our room, I saw Marco still on the bed, his body sagged and sprawled... and he was snoring. I looked at the near clock: 1:30. Way too late for Marco. My boyfriend's a morning guy.

I jolted his body, -"Oi, Marco,"- Does he have hypersomnia now? -"Wake up."- I didn't know if it was a bad thing or not (because I _want_ him to sleep), but I think it's way past his usual sleeping hours.

My boyfriend's body writhed into sheets, away from my arms, -"Mhm..."- He muttered something.

-"Huh? You said somethin'?"

-"Just five more..."- He twisted and embosomed the sheets and in the process, he rose one of his legs, revealing his nice thigh and the tip of his sweet bun. I licked my lips and really couldn't help myself from lashing forward and biting it.

Marco yelped and sat up abruptly, covering and rubbing his cute bun from my lecherous stare, -"Ow, Jean!"- He exclaimed, his face red and lips pouted.

I laughed, -"_Now _you're up!"- I then smirked and winked at him, -"I should do that more often."

-"No, _I _should do that more often!"- He replied, still rubbing his butt, -"You sleep like a rock!"

I just laughed and leaned against the bed, supporting myself with both hands on the bed's hurdle, -"Go ahead,"- I winked with both eyes and smirked. Marco rubbed his eyes and finally observed me. There's that look I couldn't stop thinking about; my boyfriend swooped his eyes through my torso while biting his lips and landed at my waist. I grinned and whistled, -"Hey, babe, my eyes are up here."

He blushed and gaped his mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

-"No excuse this time, huh?"

He giggled and slumped back on the bed, patting the space beside him, beckoning me to snuggle with him. Of course, I didn't deny. I quickly joined him and in a second, we were making out, arms and legs around each other with no space between us whatsoever. We sucked our air out while I trailed my hand through his smooth thigh and pulled his hips closer to mines, feeling his bulge on my pelvis. As I toyed with his earlobe with my tongue, I started to dip my hand into his wet underwear when the door swung open and a penetrating shrill bounced the walls, -"Oh my God, get a room you two!"

Marco parted from me with a deep gasp, quickly pulling down his robe, while I just growled. I sat up, very reluctantly, and spotted our pretty boy covering his face with that clipboard he always carries around, -"Yeah, well, we're in our room so get the fuck out."- As breathless and sweaty as I was, I manage to blurt that out while glaring at him.

-"God, what I meant was to get a more private room, Jean!"- He spoke, completely flustered and embarrassed, -"This isn't exactly a private room, you know! Nurses and doctor come and go!"

I just rolled my eyes, -"Fuck off, Rubert."- I was really pissed at him for interrupting our heavy moment and I really wanted to get back to it because I was _really_ aroused and hard. Then again, the pretty boy had a point; this room wasn't exactly private.

-"I-I'm not going anywhere! I came to check up on you because it's my damn job!"- He waved his hand at us without exposing his face to our PDA, -"Just... peel off for a second."

I was about to refuse until I noticed Marco tidying his robe and sitting up. I pouted, crossed my arms and huffed, -"Fine,"- When we did, reluctantly, Rubert "checked up" on us. While awkward, he said a few lame jokes and puns and that's when I realized he wasn't really interested in doing his job. He wants to spend fun time with us and so it's time for me to admit that we've gotten used to having him come here often to chat with us. I can't say he's a friend yet, but he's fun to have around... until he gets flirty and tries to hit on Marco, -"You done yet, Blondie?"- I asked, desperate for some time alone with my boyfriend, even though my hard on was long since dead. I'll get it back up -or Marco will. Hopefully, _he_ will.

-"Desperate to get heavy again, are we?"- I didn't like the current look on his face. He narrowed us both with this odd look that made me uneasy, -"Maybe I could... join you?"

My eyes snapped open as I observed him, guessing it might be a joke, but it wasn't. I pushed him away, just realizing his closeness, -"No fucking way,"- I said, now covering Marco because the guy couldn't avert his eye from him -that or I'm paranoid, -"Get out."

-"Aw, come on, don't be like that,"- He whined and leaned forward, -"It'll be fun."

I shook my head, -"Get the fuck out."- I repeated, now pointing a finger at the door. He pouted coyly and that just made me even more pissed. I dismounted the bed and gripped the collar of his med robe. He gasped, not expecting me to pull something like this and plus, I was glaring him to death; I must look intimidating and frightening. I then started pushing towards the door.

-"Wait, wait, wait!"- He began to shout, -"I-I didn't mean it! I was just joking!"

I ignored him and shoved him out of the door. _It sure didn't look like a joke, fucker,_ -"Don't you dare come back, you prurient perv."- He kept saying he was just joking but I just slammed close the door.

I then turned to Marco and I saw his eyes wide and his mouth gaped, unable to believe what just happened -either my aggressive or Rubert's lewd behavior.

-"Can you believe that guy?"- I asked, waving my hands in exasperations, -"Who the hell does he think he is?"- Fuck, I'm so pissed.

Marco was speechless.

But I wasn't, -"I mean, what an ass, asking us something like that,"- I mounted the bed again and sat beside Marco, -"Guy's really fucking desperate to ask us, two younger guys he barely knows."- I tried to calm down because losing my shit for something like this might be too much for my mental health. It's a simple and normal situation, all I had to say was 'no'.

-"Yeah..."- And he agreed with me.

-"You, uh... wanna finish it?"- I asked, a hand on his knee, deadset on forgetting Blondie and his risque request.

-"Yeah, but... let's go somewhere else."- He said and dismounted the bed. I then followed him to the bathroom, where we closed the door and did our thing. We ended up given ourselves blowjobs and taking a long ass shower.

When we sauntered out, fresh and minty, Celine was waiting for us with Marco's antidepressants, -"You boys alright?"

Marco and I looked at each other and smiled, -"Yup."- I answered, feeling my cheeks warm and my body relaxed. In spite of all, Marco hasn't lost his touch in our romantic and hot, _ahem_, moments.

She chuckled, guessing what we were up to as she poured Marco's pull on her palm, -"I'm glad to hear that,"- With a glass of water, on the other hand, she sauntered towards Marco, -"Here."

Marco took the pills and gulped them with a sip of water. Just then, his stomach grumbled, -"Somebody's hungry."- I teased, poking Marco's belly.

He giggled and slapped my hand.

-"You should get something to eat then. Marco will get drowsy in a few hours."- His mother reminded us. It was one of the antidepressant effects.

I grabbed Marco's hand and pulled him out of the room. We walked to the usual cafeteria and ordered biscuits and hot chocolate. Marco fancied a frappe and a vanilla cheesecake. I was about to sit down but Marco begged me not to and I noticed how he kept side glancing at a near, eerie man leaning against the opposite wall, -"What's wrong?"- I admit, he looked suspicious, but Marco was utterly uneasy with his presence. The man has tattoos all over his crossed arms and he was tapping his foot on the floor briskly like he was desperate for something and couldn't wait any longer. I can't say he poses a risk, but he does look odd. Whatever he wants, it doesn't have to do with us.

-"Let's just go, please."- He said, avoiding looking at him. He was tense. I was thinking that this might be another symptom of depression, but Marco has always been insecure around people he considered suspicious. It might be judgy of him because he's definitely judging by physical appearance, which might not have anything to do with the person's motives, but I also understand that my boyfriend's intuition is sharp. His body and mind reacted to a possible threat in which I have no right to call it a farce.

-"Okay,"- I nodded and stood up, gathering our snacks, -"Relax. I'll protect you,"- I gestured him to walk before me and I followed him. We walked to our room and stepped out to the balcony, where I sat in a comfy chair, -"Better?"

Sure enough, his muscles relaxed and he released a pent-up breath, -"Yeah..."

We sat quietly and ate our snacks. We shared a few bites and comments here and then, but I got the hint that Marco wanted silence. As we watched the sky and the far skyscrapers, I tapped my finger on the chair's arm, desperate for some conversation. You know me, I can't stay quiet for long, -"So... how are you feeling?"

Marco sighed and leaned his body against the fence, frappe in hand, -"I'm... I don't know. I feel better than before if that's what you wanted to know."

-"Yeah, I'm glad to hear that."

-"It's all thanks to you, Jean,"- He started to turn around to face me, -"And you? How do you feel?"

-"I'll live,"- I snorted and stood up, walking close to him after dumping my empty plate, -"I'm like a punching bag. I get hit and beaten, but I hit back."- What a horrible analogy. I wanted to say something optimistic, but it wasn't in me.

-"You actually remind me of Batman."- He said, taking my hands in his.

-"How so?"- I quirked an eyebrow. Me? Batman? Not even close.

-"Like Batman, you've fallen a lot of times, but like him, you've always risen up again,"- He explained, resting his head on my chest and looking up at me, -"Have I told you that Bane broke his back once?"

-"I think I've heard of that, yeah."

-"Well, I was sure he'd give up on his vigilante mission after that, but he didn't; he stood back up and fought Bane again and defeated him."- He squeezed my hands and I got the hint that he was serious with his analogy.

I'm no gonna deny the fanboy-ish glee that his words ebbed me with because, hell yeah, that's awesome. I'm still nowhere near his level, but I can understand Marco's point -which I honestly think it applies more to him, considering his rough past, -"I'm not the only one,"- He tilted his head and I proceeded to explain, -"Marco, I've lost count of how many times you've been mistreated and judged, but you never gave up on yourself, unlike me, and that's... admirable and brave."

Marco was gazing at me, hearing my every word. He knew I was right, he knew what I was talking about.

-"I just... ran away from all of it because I couldn't handle it,"- My throat ached and my chin was sore, -"And I abandoned myself... I abandoned you."- Why do I always resort to this? Every once in a while, I wallow over this fact and I think I'll never be able to let it go because I couldn't really forgive myself for it.

He gaped his mouth to cheer me up quickly, to counterargue.

I interrupted him, -"But you, Marco, you never gave up, not on me nor yourself. You held on despite everything and I dunno how because I wouldn't even be here if I was in your place,"- I took a deep breath and lifted his head by his chin, -"One thing I _do_ know: I'm _not _gonna do it again, I'm not gonna abandon myself or you ever again."

Marco smiled tenderly as he wrapped his arms around my torso, -"I know, Jean... I know. I believe in you too."

We kissed under the cloudy sky before it started drizzling. We were gonna head inside until Marco remembered his frappe he left on the balcony's fence. When he reached for it, though, he toppled it and lurched forward to reach for it. All of a sudden, he froze and just stared at the far end of the building.

-"Marco?"- I called him and placed a hand on his shoulder after getting no response. I felt his body shaking vigorously and when I gazed down the balcony, I kind of went stiff too as awful images of our incident flashed by quickly. It didn't last long, but for Marco...

-"Jean..."- His eyes welled and his mouth gaped into a deep wail.

I shrouded my arms around his chest and started pulling him back, -"It's alright, Marco, I'm here!"- I repeated, laying his body on the chair I was on a few minutes ago.

I knelt before him and jolted his leg. My boyfriend was still trembling uncontrollably and now had his hands covering his face. He cried, but he was trying to breathe, taking harsh intakes of breath, and instead choked on his own tears, -"Jean... I can't...,"- He babbled, clutching the chairs arms, -"C-call... mom..."

I did, as fast as I could. I rushed to our room and dialed Celine's number with my phone. My own body shook as I headed back to Marco. _Don't panic, Jean, just... -_"Hello?"- She answered.

-"Come to our room, quick!"- I spoke, too loud for comfort as I pressed my hand on Marco's chest, feeling his heart pound stoutly against my palm. It was racing, -"Marco needs you! He's... I dunno, he's shaking a lot and he can't breathe, he's-"

-"What?"- She replied, also speaking to someone on the other side, -"I'm on my way! Stay with him, please!"- She hung up quickly.

-"She's coming, Marco, she's-"- I spoke, trying to soothe both of us until I saw his grip on the chair falter and weaken. I saw his face blanch, his lips losing color, and his body devitalize on the chair, -"Marco? Tell me something, anything, please!"- He's fainting. I stroked his cheek and felt it sweaty.

He was still shaking and struggling to breathe, to compose himself, -"J-Jean..."- But he managed to mutter a few words, letting me know he was... what? Alive? Oh God, shit, fuck, what's going on? The fact that this reminded of that time I gave him his first blowjob, the day when he fainted on me and was motionless, just made this situation worse -and it _is _worse! I don't know why, but I know this isn't just a swoon.

Timely, the door of our room opened and Celene barged in with Rubert behind her. With my help, we carried Marco in a certain way to the bed and laid him straight. The next ten minutes were kind of a blur to me. I had no idea what was going on. The only thought in my head was that Marco was _not _okay and that whatever is happening had me panicked and when I panic, I don't focus. I lose control of the situation and screw up. If Marco hadn't told me to call his mom, I would've forgotten and just stayed there in front of him like an idiot as he fainted out.

Marco's mother paced around the room and did a few things on my boyfriend, repeating certain sentences over and over. She knew what she was doing and she knew what Marco was going trough. After Marco relaxed, or so I think, she briefed me. I was sitting in an armchair, jerking my legs up and down, as she divulged me that Marco just had a panic attack. She explained me of its causes, signs and symptoms and I cursed myself for my lack of knowledge.

You know what comes next, right? Yup, blame and guilt.

I _tried _not to mull over it as I answered her questions. She was trying to figure out what triggered it and we deduced it was because of the floor's height when he looked down from the balcony to catch his frappe. It's fairly obvious, now that I think of it. I was there, for fucks sake. It's clearly linked to our incident and his depression. He practically experienced the incident again and like me, he probably had the event flash by his mind, but with more depth and fear, -"Y-you really think so?"

Celine nodded, -"Yes, the odds that he develops a fear of heights are high. If so,"- She took a deep breath, glancing at her son's resting figure on the bed, -"This won't be his last panic attack."

Oh my fucking God, that doesn't sound good at all. Height... phobia? This can't get any worse, can it? I actually thought this very same thing a few weeks ago...

-"Jean,"- She called me, trying to set my mind on this and the importance of it, -"Since you're the one who will stay with him daily, you need to comprehend it in case he suffers from it again. I'll teach you a few techniques that will help him calm down, but I'll also teach him how to cope with it himself."

I kept nodding, ignoring my actual nervousness, eager to help Marco in any way possible.

I spent a few hours with Celine, who was teaching me techniques that will aid Marco with his panic attacks. She told me that a panic attack is a sudden surge of fear and anxiety; Marco will feel afraid without being in actual danger. He'll feel that his life is at risk when it's actually not. She said I have to remind him of that and speak in short and simple sentences when I do. She recommended that I move him to a quieter place, to be predictable and to avoid surprises. I also had to help Marco focus on reality -or focus per se- by repeating a simple, but tiring physical task. Most importantly, I have to help him breathe with pace; the counting to ten thing helps here. She lastly mentioned that it's helpful to say encouraging words to him.

It's a lot to take in and my head's already spinning, but I got a general idea of what do in case it occurs again.

Celine left, eventually, when she was sure the episode ended, and I was alone with Marco's resting figure. I sauntered towards him and stroked his hair, -"I'm sorry, Marco, I should've known...,"- There I go again, -"I could have helped you overcome it, but..."- Fuck, I really hate this. First PTSD, then depression and now panic attacks? That school has done enough to Marco. I want to blow the place up. I want to see it in shambles. I want to see it burn, buried and destroyed. I want... I want...

-"Jean...?"- My boyfriend's mellow voice snapped me from my belligerent thoughts.

-"Hey...,"- I spoke, my voice shaky, -"I... I thought you were asleep."- Did he hear everything Celine told me? We spoke in a low tone, but I bet my ass Marco knows what he's dealing with.

He rubbed his eyes and flipped them open, -"I... tried to, but I can't."

Without a second thought, I mounted the bed and did the usual. Rub his hair, make him drowsy and whisper sweet nothings, distract his mind from those thoughts obstructing his sleep. We ended up talking about it anyway. Marco couldn't take it off his mind, -"It was so weird. I felt like I was going crazy..."

-"What do you mean?"

-"I know about panic attacks and I know a few ways to manage it, but I never thought I'd... experience one. I knew I was having one, but I couldn't... think, I couldn't move my body. I didn't know what was real and I kept hearing your voice, but I was lost..."- He rambled, curled within the sheets close to me.

-"I promise I'll make it stop next time,"- I cringe at the thought, -"Though I really hope there isn't another one..."

-"Me too...,"- He squeezed his embrace on me, -"I was so afraid, Jean..."

-"It's okay, Marco,"- I squeezed him too, burying my face in his hair, -"It's... okay to be afraid."

* * *

Remember when I said I really hoped Marco wouldn't get another panic attack?

_Touche. _

I dropped all the food I just bought to the white floor, flatly, landing with a loud crash and splash. I hadn't thought about it and I ignored it as I made way towards Marco, who was standing rigidly in the middle of the crowded cafeteria, clutching his robe firmly, waiting and watching his panic attack, like his mom taught him.

I wonder what reminded him of the incident this time. I wonder what triggered it.

Doesn't matter now. _He _does.

I stood before him, -"Marco, I'm here, okay?"- I gripped his arms tightly, trying to make him realize that someone was with him on this, that he could distinguish reality from falseness (and I mean the part where he thinks he's in danger). Like last time, he was shaking madly and briskly, his body sweaty and feeble. In addition, he struggled with his breathing; he was choking like he was drowning.

-"Is he okay?"

-"What's happening to him?"

-"Is he crazy or something?"

Jesus _fuck_. Too many people around me, too many noises. They'll derail him from hearing _mines, _from this whole subsisting process_. _I _have _to get him out of here.

I hoisted my boyfriend in my arms, bridal style, and carried him all the way to a secluded area -yeah, the bathroom- where I had to ask a few people to get the fuck out. Oh God, I'm shaking too. I'm panicking, scared and anxious too. _Focus, Jean. Remember what Celine told you. Remember the last time you allowed fear and fright cloud you._

Yeah, yeah, I fucked up. Not gonna happen now.

I sat on the toilet's lid and knelt before him, gripping his knees tightly and stroking the area, -"Marco, it's Jean. I'm here with you,"- I said and repeated. His head was hung, so I took his chin and lifted his head, staring straight at his eyes. They were mildly open, -"Hey, babe, it's me."

-"Jean...,"- His lips shook as he tried to keep his eyes on me, -"I-it's... happening... a-again..."- He breathed raggedly. He was hyperventilating, his chest inflating and deflating rapidly.

-"I know, but I'm here and I know what I have to do,"- I said and cursed mentally. I have to speak in simple sentences, -"Eyes on me, okay?"

He nodded and kept his eyes on mines firmly, with much effort.

I gripped his hands next, both of them, -"Now, breathe with me. Ten times,"- I started and he followed. Inhale and exhale, -"Slowly. In and out."

His breaths were still irregular, but more controlled. With his eyes wide open, he followed my lead.

-"That's it. You're doing good,"- I cheered, feeling his hot breaths against my face as he exhaled with flickering lips, -"That's my Bodt."

-"I'm... s-scared..."- He murmured, his legs shaking beneath our hands.

I squeezed my grip on said hands, -"I'm scared too, babe,"- I smiled and rubbed my finger on his palm, -"But it's okay. It's okay to be afraid."

He nodded, finding comfort in my words as he inhaled and exhaled more successfully without struggle ten times.

-"That's much better. I'm proud of you,"- I complimented him, following his mother's suggestion of encouraging him, -"You're brave, Marco."

We kept the pace for a few minutes until I called it clear. Marco's shaking subsided and his rapid heart beats decreased. I kept rubbing his hands and knees, -"Better?"- I asked, looking straight at his eyes and finding relief.

He nodded and lurched forward abruptly, embracing and squeezing me tightly, -"Jean..."- He murmured something in my ear, a deep and muffled bawl following after.

-"Let's get to the room, yeah?"- I propelled my body up but Marco squeezed my arms tighter and pulled me back down, -"Hey..."- He wasn't shaking or anything, but he couldn't unearth his head from my shoulder. It reminded me of that night he held on to me like his life depended on it, like if he let go, he'd never see me again. I deduced it's a sentiment caused by depression, feeling hopeless and defenseless, to cling to me like this. Marco's a clever guy, capable of taking care of himself, but in this state (or any ill state) he's completely vulnerable and helpless. All in all, I don't complain and just take care of him for however long I have to. That's what I'm here for. Besides, he's overly cute like this, despite the dismal it brings to me seeing him sick.

-"Just... stay with me here for a little longer,"- He said, still clinging to me and my robe, -"Give... me a sec."

I knelt again and wrapped my arms around his torso, -"It's okay, take your time."- I'm guessing he's still feeling queasy from his panic attack.

We waited another few minutes until he decided to go. While we walked, I had my arm around his back, just in case. As we ascended in the elevator, Marco rested his head on my shoulder and sighed deeply, -"Thank you..."

-"Hm?"

-"Back there,"- He explained, inhaling my neck's scent, -"I... tried to manage it myself, but I couldn't. I'm so-"- He swallowed his words. By impulsive and depression, he was about to dishearten himself, but he stopped his tongue before he could even mutter it.

I smiled, full of pride, -"It's alright. I'm here for you and I'm positive you'll get it next time."- Yeah, I know he will. It's been a few weeks since his first panic attack and since then, I've noticed the antidepressants and my unending affection making an effect. It was slow, but it was there. Marco was more peaceful with himself and his self-esteem was gradually increasing. He's aware of his condition and was at ease with it. He knew every detail of it; he had practiced the self-defense against panic attack a lot of times with me and his mom so I'm certain he'll beat it next time.

Today's panic attack was abrupt, though. I wanted to ask him what triggered it, but I didn't know if it was a good idea.

He beat me to it, -"I saw a guy in the cafeteria that looked a lot like the one who pushed me in school..."

-"Marco..."- He was talking about Kuan. His name brought me rage and hate.

-"At that moment, I was certain it was him,"- He narrated, head still on my shoulder and arms around my torso, -"I suddenly saw him push me again and I was falling. I was experiencing the whole incident in my mind again, but it felt so real..."- His grip on me tightened.

I hugged him and lifted his head, -"It wasn't, Marco, and you know I won't allow something like that to happen again."- My words were venomous and full of hate and Marco didn't miss it.

-"You look scary like that."- His expressions contorted into distress at my knitted brows and clenched teeth.

I tried to calm down and soothe my unstable temper. Marco plain dislikes it, -"I'm sorry."- I apologized because I also disliked scaring him, but I sometimes can't help it.

Back in our room, I told Celine everything and she was glad I was there with him. She knew I'd be able to help him and after giving Marco his dose, she ordered some nurses to bring us food. We were both starving and I, big dumb I am, dropped what I bought at the cafeteria and totally forgot about it.

While we ate, we watched comic based movies, but Marco was tired and fell asleep on my abdomen. I had unconsciously rubbed his hair, a deed that makes him drowsy -makes _us _drowsy, let me correct myself. My eyes were constantly dropping and I fell asleep too without turning the TV off.

* * *

I want to cite a few sources where I did research on: helpguide and anxietycoach.


	80. EIGHTY

Chapter 80 already O.o will I ever finish this story?

Anyways, sorry for the delay! I've been busy with college work AND video games XD

**Warning: Serious smut for y'all. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

EIGHTY

-"I can do this, Jean."

My boyfriend was undergoing yet another panic attack after two weeks of peace, roughly speaking, -"I know you can. I believe in you."

Marco was sitting on an armchair and was gripping its arms firmly, breathing in and out sequentially, -"I'm afraid but it's okay. It's not real, today is."- He repeated, shutting his eyes closed and breathing deeply and steadily. His mother told him he had to be aware of his panic and accept it, that it was pointless to deny it or fight it. After that, he has to wait and watch, let relief come to him and avoid jumping into action.

-"That's right."- I affirmed and stood still before him, watching him closely in case it gets worse. He's doing good. I know he can make it.

After several minutes, he took one final intake of breath before he exhaled dramatically and slacked on the chair, worn out. I immediately thought he passed out and reached for him, but he spoke up, -"I'm okay, Jean,"- He sighed and wiped the sweat from his forehead with his arm, -"I'm just... tired."

-"Want me to take you to bed?"- I asked, watching as he tried to propel up with his wobbly arms, but instead, he tumbled back down.

-"Please..."- He nodded slowly.

-"Up you go,"- I said as I hitched one arm below his legs and the other around his back. I hefted him up, carried him to bed and laid his body flat, -"Rest, okay?"- I stroked his hair, aware of the after uneasiness a panic attacks leaves him with.

After another handful of minutes of rubbing his hair, my boyfriend finally managed to relax and find slumber. I scattered the bed's sheets across his sleeping body and gave him a sweet peck on his lips before stepping away. I watched him sleep for the rest of the morning until one of his nurses came by to check up on him -oh, and Rubert was with them, -"Uh... he had a panic attack this morning."- I got the hint that he was just a freelancer, that this "checking up on Marco" was just his ticket to get in here. One of the nurses was arguing with him about his unnecessary attendance, that he wasn't asked to come here.

I ignored them but kept a watchful eye on Blondie -who just gasped really loud. The nurses hushed him. He hadn't known Marco's recent condition, -"I'll have Celine know as soon as possible."

-"No rush. He took care of it just fine."- I rose from the armchair and sauntered close to him. I watched his sleeping figure with a tender smile on my face. My boyfriend has gotten a lot better.

-"He did?"- Asked one of the nurses, clearly astonished, unable to believe it.

-"Yeah, I was here."

-"Dear God...,"- She murmured and just then, her phone rang. She quickly answered it, not wanting to wake Marco up, -"Hello, Mrs. Bodt. Yes, I'm actually here right now. His companion just told me he had a heart attack but has managed to pacify it on his own. Yes, yes, I'll tell him right away,"- The nurse hung up and turned to me, -"At any rate, you will both be discharged from the hospital very soon. I came to check up on you before you do, but I'll come back later,"- She turned to leave but stop on her heels, -"Oh, Celine said she'll come by soon."

I nodded, -"Thanks."- I turned towards Marco but did a double take on Blondie. He was looking at me with a sorry expression as he was pushed out of the room like he was remorseful for committing the biggest crime ever. My brows knitted and I just looked away. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of it but I can't forget what the douchebag did to us -and he didn't _do _anything, but asking us for a threesome in a hospital was plain nasty of him. We barely know him, for fucks sake!

Around noon, Celine showed up right after Marco awoke. She ran some finals tests before we depart the next week. She asked Marco a few questions about how he's feeling and confirmed that his depression was days away from completely vanishing. It has been a month now and he hasn't shown any symptom of PTSD so she didn't diagnose him with him. Still, she warned that Marco can't stop taking the antidepressants yet because if he does, then it might cause serious withdrawal problems. She said he has to consume them on a less dose and continue to deduct it, very carefully and slowly, until he stops completely.

I literally jumped from the chair and crashed myself on him, arms wide, and hugged him firmly, -"Fuck, I'm so relieved!"- I was crying on his shoulder, can you believe that? -"Fuck..."

He hugged me back after chuckling lowly, -"Jean, don't cry..."- He said and murmured something else -something along the lines of 'get the camera', but it wasn't to me. When I heard Celine chuckle behind me, I perked my head up and saw him smiling and pointing at something.

-"Hey!"- I exclaimed and started tickling him, -"You're not taking pictures of me crying, no way Jose."

Marco laughed out loud as sweet and vivid as I remember and love. It brought me so much joy that I couldn't hold another handful of tears drip from my eyes. It made him laugh more and brought me, even more, happiness.

-"Jean, we have to run one last CT scan of your rib cage before you go."- Celine gestured to the door, but before I followed her, I looked back at Marco.

-"I'll be okay, Jean, don't worry."- He reassured with a smile on his face and confidence in his eyes.

I kissed his cheek, -"I'll be back, yeah? And we'll go home next week."- Really, I couldn't wait for it anymore. I was desperate to go home and forget about all this for a few weeks.

Marco nodded and I followed Celine outside. We took the elevator and arrived at the familiar room were a huge machines waited for me -and Zackly too. I hadn't drink or eaten anything for the test so the dye, contrast thing could make more effect. Zackly gave it to me through the vein in my hand, transfixing the sharp needle through the narrow area. I flinched and hissed, -"Fuck, just warn me next time, old man!"

-"There won't be a next time, Kirshtein. You're leaving next week and this will be your final scan."- He said flatly, focused on the liquid flowing in my vein. Ever since we had that talk about my dad, he's been kinda serious, more than he already is. I'm not shaken up about it, but it's kind of worrying me, I'll admit. I had asked him if he could understand Dad if his wife died and he actually said yes, that he too would disappear from other people, including his daughter. I hope I haven't done any permanent damage...

Aside from that, it's pretty obvious I don't bode well for him. He hates me. I'm his worst patient ever, the hardest and the most difficult he's ever dealt with. I'm disobedient, rebellious, quarrelsome and last but not least, gay. All the things he hates are in me and he really wanted me to go already. I made him snap and lose temper numerous times.

-"Do not move."- He said as he pushed the hard table I was on into the spiral thingy. He turned the machine on and the thing started rotating above me. I really had to put all my effort into not moving a finger because I had this bugging light right over me, stinging the fuck out of my eyes.

I stayed still for half an hour, singing stupid songs in my head to distract myself. When I was pulled out, I quickly sat up and felt my back sore, -"The results will be available and examined for at least five days. Do try to enjoy the hospital instead of blowing it up."- He said, giving me a snob and shrewd look before he turned to leave.

I cringed. Jesus, I don't like it much, but I don't hate it _that _much, -"Hey, old man,"- I spoke before he could leave, -"I'm sorry about the stuff I said that other day. You really pissed me off, but I shouldn't have said those things."- I don't usually do this, but this guy might have saved my life a few times. He also gave me time to reconcile with my mother, so it was very ungrateful of me to snap at him like I did.

-"It is...,"- He stopped on his track and sighed, -"... alright, Jean."- Is it me or is his voice shaky?

-"Huh, you said my name."- It might sound like an exaggeration, but my name was like a taboo for him.

-"Take care,"- He added and turned on the door knob, -"And take care of him as well. Your strains have barely begun."

-"Wait, the hell do you...,"- And he left, just like that, leaving my mouth gaped, -"... mean?"- Okay, that was really weird and eerie, -"Fucker..."- I cursed and dismounted the hard table.

I made way towards the elevator and as it descended and made stops, the old man's words kept spinning in my head more than I'd like to admit. Why did he mean by that? Are that things gonna get even more difficult for me and Marco? How the hell does he know that in the first? He can't be _that _smart, can he? I mean, come on, it's impossible for him to know my future and it's stupid of me to think this much about it.

I was so into my mental skirmish that I hadn't noticed Rubert sauntering in after the elevator made a stop. I flinched at his presence and growled. _Jesus, Jean, calm down. He hasn't done anything yet. _

_**Yet**__._

I was tapping my foot against the elevator's floor in desperation, but the more I tapped, the longer it took this damn fucker to reach my floor.

-"You're a literal time bomb, Jean."- He suddenly spoke after a low chuckle.

Sure enough, I blew up, -"What do you want, Rubert? Can't you leave us alone?"- I've spotted him following us around recently, trying to get in and out of our room clandestinely, but I've closed the door. He has also tried to take advantage of times like these when I'm asked to take a test and this time, he succeeded but it was because I was distracted. Previously, I've avoided him.

-"God, I just want to talk, jeez."

-"Then talk or better yet, don't. I don't wanna hear it."- I looked straight at the elevator's door, ready to run off the second it opens.

-"You don't have much choice. We're in an elevator, remember?"- I was about to reply to that until he interrupted me, -"Look, I just wanted to apologize for... that day, you know. That was really kinky and inappropriate of me."

-"You bet it was."

-"So yeah, I'm really desperate and I tried to make moves on both of you, but I shouldn't have. I screwed everything up,"- He started rambling while leaning against the opposite wall of me. He knew he had to keep his distance, or else, -"You guys are literally the only ones who speak to me like I'm a normal person, not just some effeminate playing dress up and makeup. You don't call me Barbie, princess or drama queen and you don't treat me like an expendable guy."

I was slowly gazing at him. I had a good guess who treated him like that.

-"And it's not insulting, really, because that's what I like, what I am, but it's getting old and tiresome,"- He admitted and turned to look at me, -"So I'm asking you to forgive me; I want us to have funny and normal conversations, for everything to be as it was, I want... to be your friend again."

I quirked an eyebrow. I'll be honest and say I hadn't considered him a friend yet, but I know what he means and honestly, I wasn't keen on forgiving him. I can be little jerky sometimes -what am I saying? All the time. Still, the more I consider it, the softer I got. At least, he's apologizing, right? It would've been worse if he didn't. It's the whole Zackly thing again; Rubert, even though he didn't play a major role, was there when Marco and I were at our worst and I, big jerk I am, was ungrateful. Other than that, I sympathize with him. Being treated like shit for what you are was also something I've been through.

I sighed, -"Alright, Blondie. We... -I forgive you,"- Pretty boy gasped and had an impulse to hug me but I stopped him, -"You should speak to my boyfriend, but I'll be watching you."

He nodded briskly, with impetus and eagerness.

Back at out room, Marco was reading one of his books and when he perked his head up at the shriek of the door. His eyes widened a bit at Blondie, -"Umm..."- He was speechless, totally not expecting me to appear with him.

-"He has something to tell you,"- I turned to him and knitted my brows, -"Make it quick. I'll be watching and if you try anything, I'll-"

-"I know, I know, you'll beat me to a pulp and knock me out cold like those guys at your school. Chill,"- My expression hardened and he snorted, -"I've seen your vids, Jean, like every other med here,"- He breathed deeply and walked closer to Marco, -"Marco, I wanted to apologize..."- He told Marco the same thing he told me.

Marco was moved and I can see he totally sympathized with him. His eyes watered and all while mines just rolled, -"Yes, of course, I forgive you!"

-"Oh my God, thank you so much!"- Unlike me, Marco allowed Blondie to hug him -oh, and they hugged alright, too much for my comfort.

-"Okay, okay, that's enough."- I said and pulled them apart, standing in between them.

Rubert snorted, -"Oh, he's jealous and I haven't even-"

-"Hey, Blondie, don't you have to be somewhere else?"- I interrupted him without even considering my words. Fuck, I need to chill out.

He laughed nervously and scratched his neck, -"I do, in fact,"- In spite of being the end of my hateful comments and glares, he smiled and waved us goodbye as he walked towards the door. He turned the knob but before he stepped out, he looked at us over his shoulder, -"Thank you, guys. This means a lot to me. Maybe we can watch a few movies this evening? I got a few back home."

Marco quickly nodded, and briskly, at that, -"Sure!"- Fuck, no heavy and hot evening for me and Marco then.

-"Take care!"- And with that, he left.

Marco turned to me, -"That was really sweet of him, don't you think?"

Ugh, I hated how that sounded. _I'm _supposed to be the one sweet-talking him, -"Yeah, sure."

Marco giggled and poked me continuously, -"You're cute when you're jealous too."

I turned to him abruptly, gripped his hips and pulled him close to me, -"Oh yeah?

He nodded, a playful smile blooming on his lips as he ran his index finger trough my jawline, -"Mjum."

His touch prickled and thrilled me and I couldn't hold the urge to draw my face near his. Our lips quickly met and moved in synch, their smooth and glossy surface sliding through mine's without trouble. His tongue stuck out of his mouth and traveled into mines, quickly meeting with my tongue and executing the usual dance. I hadn't felt Marco's hand slithering up my rear neck and disappearing in the mess of my hair until now. He gripped it and pushed my head even closer, deepening our kiss to another level. His tongue toured my mouth and my body vibrated in pleasure as mine's stranded his. Aroused and keen for more, I slid my hands all the way to his thigh and hoisted him up. I carried him to bed, -"J-Jean... hold on...,"- He wheezed and parted from my lips reluctantly. A drool cord formed when he did, -"Not here..."

Fuck, I don't want anywhere else. I want a comfy bed, -"No one's coming..."- I murmured, nearing my face to his again.

But he stopped me, -"Jean."

I huffed and muttered a tiny curse, -"Fine."

With Marco still in my arms, I walked towards the bathroom and shut the door close before ramping down to the floor. Once I straddled him with my knees on the cold tiles, Marco hooked his arms around my neck and pulled my head down, smashing my lips against his. We kissed madly before I started sucking the sweet skin on his neck ravenously. My boyfriend moaned and crooned my name as he desperately undid my shirt. Once successful, Marco raked his hand across my toned back and abdomen. His touch fueled my lust and I started biting and licking his earlobe more vigorously. His body reacted; it vibrated and churned, begging for more pleasure and kindling me.

I trailed my tongue down to his shoulder and even lower to his chest. I strew open his shirt and started nibbling on his nipple. Marco bleated my name and hitched his body up, -"Jean...!"

I licked it lecherously and pressed on it. It was moist and spongy and the more I bit it, the harder my boyfriend got.

Marco moaned sharply and erected. I felt his hard-on thump against my groin. His excitement thrilled me. Fuck, I really enjoy making him stir-up. I really enjoy pleasuring him and hearing his moans echo. I just simply loved it; it sent gleeful shivers across my whole body and it made me feel good.

Deadset on not killing his turn-on, I rubbed my thumb deep in his groin as I kissed his neck, -"Marco..."- I stroked the area more rapidly and Marco groaned and wheezed, his hot breath reaching my ears.

-"Jean... just..."- He babbled, choking on his moans.

-"Hmm?"

-"I..., Jean, just...,"- He fastened my stroke with his own hand and panted, struggling to form the words, -"... just suck my cock!"

My head perked up and my eyes widened, -"Whoa, Marco..."- He has never bleated something like this before. Usually, he never tells me _exactly_ what he wants and certainly not like this. I just figure it out and continue pleasing him. I always thought he never did because it was embarrassing for him. Well, not anymore.

He puffed and I saw his face extremely red, -"You're so good at this, so please..."- His eyes told me everything. He really wanted me to blow him, _bad. _

I grinned and licked my lips, -"Whatever you wish, baby."- I made way down south and tugged his underwear, exhibiting his nice and _hard_ cock. It was erected and gradually spewing cum. I gripped it and dipped it in my mouth, sucking on it and throttling down each drop of his sweet cum. Marco moaned and shook madly with each suction and press. With my other hand, I fondled his groin and testicles playfully, making him spew even more cum.

-"Jean...,"- He babbled, -"... harder, please...!"

My eyes widened for a second time. Oh boy. He's hella horny. He has never yelled like that. My conversation with Diego suddenly popped in my mind. I remember he asked me if Marco preferred for me to be subtle during our heavy moments. I replied to him that I wasn't sure, but now I am, and Marco _wants _me not to be subtle -or well, not _too _subtle. I guess there's a limit somewhere there. I, on the other hand, want him to fuck me as hard as he can, no holding back.

As he wished, I sucked him harsher, ushering an orgasm in him. He bleated my name more times than I could count and he even gripped my hair and started jerking my head, thrusting his dick deeper in my mouth, -"Jean!"- An incessant amount of cum sprayed down my throat when he reached his craved bliss.

His grip on my hair eased and I slowly parted from his cock, propelling my body up. Cum dripped from my gaped mouth as I panted heavily. Okay, I admit, that left me breathless and exhausted.

Marco called me, worried, and I crawled closer to him, -"Jean, are you...?"- He hoisted up, supporting his body with his elbow on the tiles.

I licked his cum out of my lips and into my mouth, savoring it's sweetness, -"Yeah, I'm good."

Marco bit his lip, but his smiled beat him.

-"You?"- It was stupid to ask something like this. His expression was of pure bliss.

Marco cheeks lit up as he nodded slowly and shyly, -"Mjum."

-"You surprised me back there, babe,"- I said, unable to brush off my growing grin, -"That was something I'll _never _forget."

Marco blushed more and bit his lips, -"I couldn't hold it anymore..."

I chuckled and nuzzled his neck, -"It's fine, babe. You know you can ask me _anything_ and I'll indulge you,"- I stuck my tongue out and started stroking it up and down his neck, -"Your wishes are my command..."

My boyfriend's body shook in pleasure again as he pulled me closer by tugging my unbuttoned shirt, -"Jean, I... want to touch you now."

Uff, my body prickled as his soft, mellow voice, -"If that's what you want..."- I'm not complaining, nu-uh.

-"Is that what _you _want?"- His usual tender smile bloomed, -"You always think about me, but what about you? Why don't you think of yourself?"

I just shrugged. I knew the answer, though: I care more about _him _and he knows that, but he wanted me to say it, -"You know me, Marco. I care more about you."

His face lit up as he narrowed me lovingly. He likes that, but at the same time dislikes it. Due to that, I tend to take risks and forget to look out for myself, and Marco cares about me a _little _more than himself. It's a never ending loop, -"Well, you should think more about yourself, Jean. You're not-"

I clicked my tongue and smashed my lips against his, interrupting him. We'd had this discussion before and no matter how many times he rebukes me for it, I always place his life, well-being and wishes before mines. He was a top priority for me.

We kissed fervently until I parted and breathed deeply. Yeah, I do want him to touch me, to lick me, to suck me and fuck..., -"Just do it, Marco."

He was breathless too, -"Hm?"

-"Just suck me already."

He smiled and swooped my body. He straddled me and pinned me down. My body churned and pleaded for his touch and when he trailed his soft hands across my abdomen, oh lord. Hotness sailed through me and I began to erect right then and there, just like that. It took him just a _second_ to turn me on and get me hard (we should just fuck already, right?). He chuckled and hooked his finger on my underwear, rubbing his finger against my v-line he likes so much, -"Really, Jean?"

I nodded slowly, feeling my head kinda light already, -"Mjum..."

He licked his lips before lowering his body close to my groin. When he tugged my underwear down, my dick caught his eyes again, like always. His face flared up as he started licking it slowly. I moaned and quickly gripped his hair as he kept toying with his tongue around my cock. Each wave of hotness was empowering me, -"Marco, suck me..."

And he did, very steadily, but I want him to suck me harder too -no, even harder than how I sucked him- and he knew that he knew how harsh I wanted him to be with me. He didn't hold back; he dipped my cock deeper in his mouth and while sucking it, he gripped it and squeezed with force. I bleated his name, scorching my throat in the process, -"Fuck, Marco!"

Marco flinched at my scream and tried to gaze at the door. He tried to shush me, but it was muffled by my -well, you know.

I tried not to make loud noises, but I really couldn't -nor did I wanted to, to begin with- as Marco, with his mouth sucking my cock, started jerking it with his hand up and down, -"Shit!"- I cursed as I felt that craved ecstasy of an orgasm coming.

Marco stroked and sucked my cock faster and faster until I ejaculated and spew incessant cum into his mouth. He swallowed and coughed at the amount while I relaxed onto the cold tiles beneath me, releasing my grip on his hair.

Marco parted from my groin and zipped up my pants. He crawled up to me and rested his head on my chest. We laid there for a few minutes until we stood up and took a long bath. After that, we watched movies with Rubert, who was in our room very timely when we came out if I do say so myself. He brought several titles of movies and I saw more erotic flicks than any other gender. I glared at him and his cheeks reddened, -"Hey, don't look at me like that!"

-"What're you up to, Blondie?"- I asked, squinting my eyes at him and his pack of movies. I count up to five erotic movies. He has to be planning something.

-"N-nothing!"- I quirked an eyebrow and he gaped his mouth, -"Ah, come on, Jean! I wasn't sure about what movies you're into, so I brought... different types of them."- He scratching his scalp while avoiding my gaze.

I huffed, -"Fine. Let's watch action."

And so we did for a couple of hours until Rubert suddenly gasped and rushed towards the bathroom. My heart skipped a beat but thank God Marco suggested we clean it. I got the hunch that he was hiding from someone and sure enough, a nurse showed up asking about him, -"Uh, no, we haven't seen him."- Someone's skipping work.

-"Thank you anyway."

When she left, Blondie stepped out of the bathroom and sighed in relief, -"Oh God, I thought she was gonna find me."

Marco disapproved of his actions, -"Rubert, why are you skipping work?"

The guy shrugged and slacked on the chair once again, -"I dunno. I guess I don't like babysitting others."

-"Then quit."- I meddled in, arms crossed.

He shook his head vigorously, -"I can't. I'll be living under a bridge if I do."

-"Well shit, you'll definitely be living under a bridge if you keep this up."- I argued, remembering the nurse's face when she asked about it. It said, "I will fire that guy next time I see him."

-"I'll be fine,"- He waved me off and yawned, relaxing on the chair as he stared at the TV, -"I'll just tell them I had diarrhea."

I almost laughed because that's a stupid lie, -"Oh, you think they're gonna believe you?"

Blondie laughed, -"They have before. Why won't they now?"- Figured. If he'd been here all this time, then he was right.

My boyfriend was totally distraught by it, -"You can't keep this up, Rubert."

-"You should report back, man."

Blondie sighed and I realized he was actually aware of his dead-end, -"You're right, I should,"- I could also see he was tired of running around and avoiding work. He propelled up and yawned again, -"I'll be going then. Thanks for everything."

-"Good luck,"- Said Marco before Blondie disappeared from the room, -"Poor guy..."

-"He knew what he signed for."

-"Yeah, but still..."

I cupped his face in my hands and pecked his lips, -"Hey, he'll be fine,"- My eyes met with the pack of movies he brought, especially those that had suggestive cover and title, -"Wanna watch something hot?"- I jiggled my eyebrows, up and down.

Marco giggled and nodded. We watched Rubert's erotic movie's all night while making out and groping each other, murmuring sweet nothings as we dipped our hands into our groins and jerked off. The fact that the erotic and flirty mood the TV conveyed was plain icing on the cake. I seriously thought we were gonna fuck right then and there; Marco was very turned on and excited by this movie. He asked me to rub my dick with his and both of them were slimy as fuck. I also asked for him to do stuff to me and he fapped me so amazingly...

I recently realized that the protagonist was actually gay and the guy he likes was just another faithful with issues. We kept having our hot moment until the movie turned invisible, -"Marco... I wanna finger you so bad."- I said, my voice hoarse as I sucked harshly on his neck, leaving deep blemishes on it.

-"Please, Jean..."- Marco moaned and turned his body, exposing his ass to me.

I didn't dally. I licked my lips at his butt and licked it and eventually, bit it. I tasted it's smooth, sweet surface, running my tongue in circles and ushering in him and erection.

I gripped his dick and started jerking it off while thrusting my index finger in. Marco bleated out and gripped my bed's hurdle. I was over his back and ramped down against the pillow, pulling him over me and thrusting my finger deeper in his ass. It was sudden and Marco cried out, -"Jean!"- I might have hurt him, but when I started to check, Marco shook his head, -"... don't, please..."- He didn't want me to stop for even a second.

I was burning by now due to his pleas. Fuck, I want to hear him scream more, I want to hear him plead for more, I want him to cry my name with pleasure...

I started to hop in place, evidently driving my finger even deeper in his anus, -"Jean, don't stop...!"- My body vibrated as his words rattled me and set it ablaze, -"Please...!"- With much impetus, I hopped faster and higher, feeling my finger dip in his butthole deeper and deeper. With each landing, Marco cried and groaned in pleasure, -"Oh, Jean, please...!"- Fuck! I hopped faster and faster, feeling my finger deeper in his rectum now. Marco cried again, over and over, darting his head back. At the same time, I gripped his dick and jerked it just as fast, -"Jean, I'm-"

And he came alright. Marco poured cum like crazy on the bed, exhaling in pleasure as he relaxed over me. He breathed deeply before facing me and kissing me madly, indulging me until we fell asleep.

* * *

The day my CT scan results were done and examined, Marco and I started packing up to leave once the doctors confirmed my rib cage has fully healed. I can now breathe deeply without any trouble and twisting my body didn't hurt , I was just fucking glad I'm getting out of here today. It wasn't as hateful as to blow it up, but this place didn't felt home-like at all. Along the Zackly and the Rubert thing, I didn't had a good experience here -and Marco's panic attacks almost drove me crazy. Not only all that, both of our nightmares crossed our station were the worst. Maybe I'm making a big deal our of it, but I just wanna go home.

About Marco, he has gotten a lot better. The panic attacks had stopped and he doesn't cry anymore. He seems more cheerful and energetic now, talking more often now, with me and his mom too. Marco's dose of antidepressant has lowered and tomorrow's his last one. I can't put into words the happiness that overwhelmed me when Celine divulged me of the news. Marco was Marco again; tender, compassionate, happy and loving. He smiles and laughs more often now. The depression doesn't tie and deprive him anymore from his usual self; he's free from it and Marco can finally paint on colorful canvas. He often reminds me that if it wasn't for me, he'd be a goner and I hate to think that. I told myself I wouldn't allow his depression turn him into someone else and I saw it through.

Marco and I were packing up our clothes when a light knock on our door made us stop, -"Hey, guys. I just... came to say goodbye before you leave."- It was Rubert and he looked completely broken about our imminent departure.

He hugged Marco first and then me. The guy even started crying despite his effort to contain it, -"I can't believe you're actually crying."- I muttered and snorted.

He hugged me firmly before parting and wiping the tears off his eyes, -"I'm sorry, I just... I'll miss you guys."

A sudden guilt swept me as my expression softened. I hadn't been nice to this guy, have I? I surprise myself when I actually pitied him. I've seen how Zackly treats him so I could understand why he doesn't feel motivated at all to work here. By what he told us, his coworkers don't bode well for him either, so practically, Marco and I are his only friends here and I've been a total jerk to him since he made a move on us -especially on Marco and that just fucking ticks me off. The reason why he did was that one, he's gay and two, he's fucking desperate to shag with someone, anyone, as long as it's a guy.

So, believe it or not, I hugged him back.

He was totally not expecting it and when he parted, Blondie scratched his neck and laughed nervously, -"Whoa, Jean, I didn't know you had a thing for me,"- I raised an eyebrow and he laughed, -"I'm joking, geez,"- He turned to Marco and pointed at me, -"You gotta teach him how to take jokes, Cutie."- I take it he likes to piss me off.

My fumes sparked up at the nickname, but I controlled it and just sighed. I'll probably regret this later, -"Take our phone numbers in case you wanna... hang out or something."- Yeah, including Marco's, but I know my boyfriend. He's loyal. He wouldn't try anything with this guy.

Blondie's eyes widened, -"Whoa, are you alright?"- He placed the back of his hand as on my forehead if to check if I had a fever.

I slapped it away, -"Yeah,"- With a sigh, I asked again, -"You wanna take them or not?"

-"Of course!"- We exchanged numbers and Blondie was really excited. He named my contact "Time Bomb" and Marco's "Cutie". I cringed at the nickname again.

After that, Celine came by and escorted us to her car when we finished packing up. We retained the bags in the trunk and mounted in. During the ride, we discussed where we'll stay during this week. Marco's mom said we shouldn't stay alone so she suggested I should stay in their house for at least this week and you know me, I didn't complain, -"Jean, do you want something from your house?"

It popped into my mind in a second because I can't leave that behind, -"Yeah, the PS4."

And so we rode to my house and I quickly rushed in. I packed my console and a few games and movies when Marco came in, -"Jean..."

-"Hmm?"- I mused, wondering where the hell I left CoD.

-"Have you considered going back to school?"

I perked my head up and gazed at him. I shook my head, -"No, Marco. I haven't."- No way in hell we're going there again. Call me a coward, but I'm not going to that hellhole ever again.

Marco fidgeted with his fingers and bit his lips. He wanted to say something but was really hesitating, -"I just..."

-"Marco, we're not going. Period. It has been decided already."- I stood and threw the bag over my shoulder.

-"But Jean, what about the others? What about our rights and-"

I clicked my tongue and just waved him off. Fuck, I really abhor talking about this because for starters, it makes me remember about the bastards who sent us to the hospital and because of _that, _I had an impulse of going just to sate my vengeance.

_No, _Marco matters. Not my revenge.

-"What about the people who look up to you? You _are _aware you're an icon, whether you-"

I lashed towards him and gripped both his arms with force. If there's something I really hate about all this, as much as those bastards, was _that_, the me being the school's icon shit, -"No, enough about that!"- The whole topic made me rile up in a matter of seconds and it made me lose control of my tongue and action. I was tightening my grip on his arms, -"I'm not an icon or an idol or... fuck, anything! I'm not some rights savior, I'm not... anything of that! I'm just a guy trying to keep the one person he loves the most safe!"

Marco's eyes widened as he narrowed me in both awe and shock.

-"Fuck rights! Fuck the others! Fuck the school! Fuck...!"- I yelled and jolted his body, -"I only care about you, okay? I don't care about anyone or anything else! I want to keep you safe, I want you away from that hell, I can't see you harmed any more, Marco!"

Marco winced and tried to wriggle out of my grip while staring at me still, -"J-Jean..."

-"What if they push you off the roof again? What if I don't get there in time? What if you fall and... and...,"- A horrible lump shaped in my throat and I tried to clear it, but I couldn't. My voice was hoarse as I spoke, but I didn't stop, -"... and die? I swear I'll kill myself before I kill the bastards who did it!"

Marco gasped deeply, -"Jean, don't say stuff like that!"

-"I can't help it, Marco, I can't!"- I really couldn't control those belligerent thoughts. I had so much hate in me and it wanted to burst out...! I couldn't stop thinking about snapping each of their necks, make them feel fear like Marco and I felt...!

I hadn't realized Marco's wide eyes full of horror at my bloody words. When I did, my grip on his arms weakened and he staggered, rubbing the area, -"Jean, please..."

I panted, because that sudden... rush of negative emotions wore me off, -"I'm... sorry, I..."- I placed my hand on my forehead and sat on my bed. What just happened to me? It was abrupt. I always get agitated and furious whenever the school's topic comes up, but never like this...

Marco sat beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder, -"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up..."

I shook my head and gaped my mouth to reply, to reassure him that it was fine, that I was fine, but... nothing came out. Nothing. I wanted to make Marco feel free of guilt, but I didn't and it was because this is the second or third time he has insisted on going back there and slowly, it drove me to this... sour thoughts and behavior. It has to be the only explanation.

-"I... won't insist anymore. I'm sorry...,"- Marco kept apologizing again and again, genuinely guilty and worried about me, -"You're tired -we both are- and all this has us on the verge and restless."

-"Why, Marco?"- I suddenly spoke, unable to coerce the question anymore.

-"Huh?"

-"Why do you want to go despite all that has happened to you?"- Why do I ask? I know already, I know him, but I still asked despite the fact that I _didn't _want to hear it because I then get all soft and consider the idea of actually going. I don't want that.

-"I...,"- I gaped his mouth to reply, to answer because even though he's scared, he wants to go and make things right there, because we're both symbols of resilience and "hope", -"... we should get going. You -we both need to rest and..."- _Forget about all this. _

With a deep breath, I stood up and continued to pack up. We left shortly after I retained all my PS4 games into my bag. We got it all into Celine's car and drove off. Along the ride, she kept watching us carefully and like always, she sensed something was amiss between Marco and I. It wasn't big, but it's there. I almost broke his arms I hadn't noticed the dread my words sowed in him.

Marco dreaded that dark side of me, loathes it even. I don't think rationally on those and I say and do things that I regret later. I can't control it sometimes and it shapes me. All that has happened to us has contributed to it and I... don't know who to blame. I'm actually thinking I'm going crazy.

We reached Marco's home and by the time, my stomach was grumbling, -"Rest, okay? I'll prepare something to eat and I'll let you know when it's ready."- Marco's mom said as she took off her med robe and hooked it on the iron hanger beside the door.

Marco and I walked upstairs and we both slacked onto the bed at the same time. I yawned and laid flatly on it, feeling my body heavy and tired. Marco stretched and poked my arm, -"Should I... turn the air conditioner?"

I nodded, -"Sure,"- Things were kinda sore between us after my outburst at my house and I tried to ease it up, -"Marco, I'm sorry for freaking you out back home, I... don't know what got to me."

Marco smiled weakly and shook his head, -"It's okay, Jean. I... won't bring it up anymore, I promise."

-"Just forget about that place, alright? We're not going, we can't risk ourselves anymore."- I looked straight at his eyes, to read him.

Marco sat after turning on the air-conditioner, eyes sagged and expression saddened. He didn't want to stay, but he chose against arguing with me. He nodded, -"Okay."

I kissed his cheek, -"Let's just rest."- And so we did, but none of us spoke a single word. Marco wasn't pissed at me, he's just... disappointed and let down because of me. I hated it, but I can't do anything about it.

After a few hours, Celine called us for dinner and we ate in silence. Marco's mother was now positive something's rough between us, but like always, she left the matter in our hands. She also knew what but I spoke anyways, -"Marco wants to go back to school."- What a prick. I sounded like a frustrated kid looking for any way to punish a sibling or something.

Marco gazed at me, mouth gaped. He didn't think I'd mention it to her.

-"Marco,"- His mom spoke, her expression serious as she placed her fork down and tied her hands together before her chin, -"What have I told you about this?"- It's so weird to watch and hear her scold him. They rarely argue.

-"I know, but-"

-"'But' nothing. You know my answer to this already and it's the same,"- She raised her voice. Like me, this topic riles her up because we both care about Marco immensely, -"Let the authorities solve that school's issue and stay out of it. This is for your own good, Marco."

Marco bit his lip and shut his eyes close, but I saw them water before he clenched his fists, stood up and walked upstairs. I saw him walking funny and I bet it was because of that night I fucked his ass with my finger.

She sighed and picked her fork up again, -"Thank you, Jean, for letting me know."

I feel kinda bad now like I just betrayed him, but I brush it off, -"Yeah, no prob."

-"It'll pass, but I suggest you... leave him alone for the time being."

I nodded, -"Alright."

-"You can sleep in my husband's room in the mean time."- She suggested, standing up and washing the dishes.

-"Oh u-uh, I wouldn't dare, I mean..."

-"It's alright, Jean. I don't mind and I know he wouldn't either."- She looked over her shoulder and smiled tenderly.

-"Th-thanks..."- I wanted to sleep with Marco, but right now... I'm betting it all he doesn't want me to sleep with him. I bet he doesn't even want to see me.

At dusk, she escorted me to the room which once belonged to her husband. She turned the light on and I saw a rather small room with a single bed and police garments hung on every iron hook on the walls. I saw a framed police batch above the bed and several pictures of Marco's father around the room, -"He used this room to gather information and evidence about the person in question,"- She spoke, walking towards a wide desks with lots of newspapers and documents alongside a computer. She pulled on a drawer from the desk, -"And this is where he used to preserve his guns and ammunition,"- My face must have gotten paler because she chuckled, -"Don't worry, I returned them to the police station."

-"That's comforting."- I laughed nervously as I scratched my neck, not knowing where to set my foot next. This is so awkward. I mean, I'm his Marco's father room, in Celine's husband room...

-"Well, rest, okay? And if you're too uncomfortable, you can always move the mattress to Marco's room."- She placed her hand on my shoulder and squeezed.

-"Thanks."- When she left, I roamed around the hallway. Marco's father room as just in front of his and I... I wanted to check up on him, I wanted to comfort him, I wanted to apologize for my sick move, I wanted...

I wanted to stop him from crying.

I knocked on the door gently, -"Marco?"- It was past 8 o' clock already, so maybe he went to sleep, but he was still sobbing. I could still hear him so I opened the door even so slowly and saw his room pitch black with only a dim light coming from the moon. He was lying on his bed, quilts wrapped around his body like a cocoon and was facing the opposite wall, giving his back to the door where I now stand before. I sauntered towards him and placed a hand on his shoulder, -"Hey... I'm really sorry,"- Because if there's really something that's makes me sad and anguish, was seeing and hearing Marco crying -even more when _I _caused it, -"I love you, Marco, so much and I don't even want the wind to hit you, I'm..."- I sighed. I wasn't getting anything from him, so I pecked his cheek and walked out, but not before looking through the thin gap and sighing in grief again.

I closed the door and returned to his father's room, lying awkwardly on said man's bed. The room had air conditioner too, but I didn't turn it on -I didn't do anything, I just stared at the ceiling for long hours, thinking and mulling over how horrible I screwed everything up. I just want to protect, I just want to keep his safe...

I can't believe I'm actually regretting this. This is for Marco's wellbeing and it doesn't matter if I'm forcing this on him like a fucking dictator. _He _matters, his life matter so I shouldn't care about him being pissed at me. This is for his own good.

_This is for your own good, Marco... _


	81. EIGHTY-ONE

Hey you, yeah you, I just saw an email of you following this story :'D thank you!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

EIGHTY-ONE

-"So, you love my boy, huh?"

I gulped and tried to look anywhere that wasn't the man's eyes, -"Y-yeah... I do."- I dunno why I was in some closeted room with no windows or door whatsoever.

-"Why do you love him?"- I felt like I was being interrogated for a bigger purpose than getting to know me. The man before me was my boyfriend's father. His freckled cheeks wrinkled as he examined me.

-"I...,"- I stuttered, feeling my neck sweaty. I ran my hand through it and gulped once again. Fuck, it's so hot in here, -"Um, because he's my only best friend, the only one who really cares about me."

Marco's father raised an eyebrow and scribbled something on his notebook, -"And why did you do it?"

His harsh voice scared me, told me something horrible happened outside these walls, -"Did what?"- A lump formed in my throat and I tried to clear it off.

He slapped close the notebook and lunged towards me with tears in his eyes. He gripped my shoulder and jolted me aggressively, -"Killed him!"- He cried out, shaking me more briskly, -"Why did you kill him!?"

My eyes widened and my whole body froze in place, -"I-I... what?"- He dug some pictures out of his pocket and showed them to me. My breathing hindered as he passed them through my eyes, one by one. In them, I saw Marco's neck snapped and his legs twisted, blood dripping from his mouth and pooling beneath his cheeks. My heart began to throb rapidly as my head ached, -"Wh-what happened? I-I don't remember any of this! I would never-"

-"Maybe this will refresh your memory."- He dug out one final picture in which I was... pushing Marco off the roof of our school.

I felt my heart pierced with a sharp, cool needle as I took in the picture. That... was definitely me; auburn messy hair, toned body, brown eyes...

I can't breathe. I squeezed my chest from the sudden pull and panted heavily, -"No, no, no...,"- I rambled on, shaking my head vigorously, denying it all, -"I would never do something like that to him! Never!"

Marco's father slumped back onto the chair, -"But you did, Jean. You're a murderer, a devil, a ruffian. You hurt him when you claimed you loved him, you betrayed him and broke him. You killed my son!"

Each word pierced my heart and kicked me off my sanity, -"No, no, no, no!"- I gripped my hair and pulled on it, screaming in denial over and over, -"That wasn't me, I can't be me! I'll never do something like that to him! I love him and I do anything-"

The man shut me up by pressing his gun against my forehead. I stood rigidly at the cold metal against my warm skin, -"I should kill you...,"- I gulped and began to sweat madly as he pressed the trigger slowly, but suddenly, he stopped, took a deep breath and stood up, retaining his gun back in its sheath, -"But you don't even deserve death... you deserve to suffer and you will rot in here."- He pointed the gun at my leg.

-"No, wait!"- He pulled the trigger and I screamed in agony as the bullet drilled my leg. My cry almost matched the rattling sound of the shot. I bent forward and cried, staring down at the cascade of blood dripping from my leg and trough my fingers shrouding the wound.

-"Look at your hands, Jean."

And I did, but I didn't saw my blood. I saw..., -"No, don't leave me!"- But when I looked up, he vanished, out of thin air, and I was left with my own screams of agony and grief. With my fears and blood, and not only mines but Marco's too.

I stared at my quivering hands and the more I did, the thicker the blood got. I tried to tell myself otherwise, but... it's Marco's blood, I knew at the back of my mind that I had my love's blood in my hands. I chafed my bloody hands against my pant to clean the blood off, but it stays there. I can't clean it and instead I severed my hands! -"No, no, no, this can't be happening to me!"- By impulse, I propelled up from the chair I was on, but had forgotten I got shot in the leg and tumbled down. The moment I did, my face met with a liquid surface ad unintentionally, I got some in my mouth and tasted it. Is it... blood?!

I perked my head up and saw an immense pool of blood around me. I screamed and tried to stand up, but...

-"Jean..."

I gasped, -"Marco...?"- I cranked my head slowly at the call, following the blood trail with my eyes until... until...

-"Jean... why..."

I shook my head, -"No..."- This can't be happening. This can't be real. Marco's twisted and bloody corpse in the distance was talking to me.

-"Jean... you did this to me..."

-"No, please..."- I crawled away. No, no, no, no, no, this isn't real!

-"Jean..."- My boyfriend's corpse began to sit up.

-"No! Stay down!"- I struggled to drag my body with my arms and one leg.

-"Why...,"- His whispers invaded my ears and made every nerve in my body rise up; his voice was full of agony, grief and so much pain as he approached me, dragging one leg, his head twisted and with his wry arms, he reached for me, -"I thought you... loved me..."

Oh God, make this nightmare end, I beg you! -"I do, Marco... so much..."

-"Then why...,"- He leaned down to me and I went stiff as his bloody hands touched my face's side. I wanted to scream, beg for help as Marco began to twist my neck, -"I love you..."- My vision got blurry as pain soared through me, hindering me speechless.

_Wake up, goddamit!_

-"M-Marco... s-stop..."- I muttered, despite my nonexistent air, but Marco didn't cease his grip on my neck or the wringing, -"P-please..."- It hurts, it hurts so much. I could see my last breath drifting away from my mouth and I could feel death on the verge. Is this... how Marco felt when I pushed him? I deserve this, I-

Tears escaped my eyelids when a crack sound echoed and darkness shrouded me.

_Marco... I'm sorry..._

* * *

-"Marco!"- I sat up from the bed and covered my face. I was shaking vehemently and I was sweating nonstop. I felt the sheets around me drenched with sweat and I pushed them away as I dismounted the bed. Bad idea. The moment my foot made contact with the floor, I stumbled and hit my forehead against the desk's fringe, -"Fuck!"- I cursed. Even my legs are shaking.

Just then, the door shrieked open and a gasp followed after, -"Jean! Are you alright?"

That voice... maybe wasn't the one I needed to hear right now. I kept having flashing images of his dead body crawling towards me like he did right now, with a hand reaching for me and all. I shook even more, -"No, h-hold on...!"- _Come on, snap out of it. It wasn't real._

Marco halted, reluctantly, and just stood there, -"Jean... what's wrong? I can help you."

-"Just... gimme a minute."- I gulped and tried to shake the image from my mind. I sat on the floor against the bed and placed a hand on my forehead. It was still shaking, but the more times I breathed deeply, the more it subsided.

Marco approached me closer, -"What happened?"- He placed his hand on my cheek and I shook once again, remembering how his dead body did the same thing to snap my neck in my nightmare.

I shoved his hand away, as gently as I could, -"W-wait, Marco..."- I was scared as hell, but I can't treat Marco like a total stranger or a murderer. I have to snap out of the nightmare. It wasn't real.

Marco was a bit devastated at my seclusion from him, but he held on and nodded, waiting for me to calm down. I repeated 'it wasn't real' a thousand times in my head while breathing deeply, forcing myself to realize reality. Back at the hospital, I had these nightmares too and they were all torturing me with Marco's imminent death if I hadn't saved him. I really thought I was done with those, but I'm wrong once again. This nightmare was the worst of them all; _I _killed Marco, _I _was the one who pushed him off the roof and then he came to kill me back, snapping my neck like I've done to him. It was horrible. I felt my stomach churn.

I looked at Marco because I had to see him so that I could realize he was alive and safe, that I didn't kill him and that I'd never do something like that to him. I extended my hand to him and he quickly took it to embrace me tightly. I really needed his warmth... I felt it emanating from him and shrouding me, clearing my cold body and the terrifying images, -"Marco... I'm sorry..."

Marco hushed me and squeezed me tighter, -"It's okay, Jean. I'm here with you. You're not alone."

We embraced each other for God knows how long until Marco suggested I should stand up and move around. We went downstairs and I then realized it was midnight. Marco rummaged around the fridge for something to drink while I stared at the dead TV before me, glumly. Marco popped and sat beside me afterward, -"Water?"

I nodded and quaffed down the cool water with one gulp.

-"Easy, Jean."- He prompted, taking the glass and placing it on the small table before us after I finished. He chafed his wet hands on his pajama trousers and gazed at me, observing me and my every expression.

I slacked onto the sofa and breathed deeply, rubbing my eyes with my fingers.

-"Better now?"- He asked, massively worried about me. I saw how his eyes widened in distress when he saw me on the floor, struggling to stand up when he came in the room. I just realized, though, despite Marco's evident dudgeon at me, he came to check up on me and I dare say more than once. I have a slight memory of spotting a figure peeking through the small gap of the door.

I swallowed and nodded, -"Yeah...,"- I gazed at him and smiled, -"... especially now that you're here."

Marco smiled too, tenderly, as he stroked my back, -"I... I was worried about you..."- His cheeks lit up despite the dim light in the living room.

-"How many times did you checked up on me?"- I smirked with a bit of effort. My lips just wanted to slug down.

He gasped and blushed even more, -"Y-you saw me?"

I nodded slowly.

He looked away, lips pouted and all, flustered about it. He checked up on me but didn't want me to realize. I dunno who's making a big deal out of this, really.

-"You're still mad at me, huh."- I sighed and looked up. I'm still set on the decision. We're not going anywhere near that hell and what I'm doing might seem like I'm tying him up, forcing him to do something I say, but it's for his own good. Marco enjoys his liberty and I'm taking it away from him… more or less. He could still go wherever he likes, except that school –oh and I have to go with him. He might just "slip" away.

Marco sighed too, -"A bit, but… it doesn't matter. You do."

I smiled at that, -"You're adorable,"- I quipped and tied my hand's finger with his, -"I'm… sorry for worrying you like that. I just… had another nightmare."- Oh no, I felt my throat lump up again.

-"Jean… I…"- Marco had also thought I wouldn't get any more of those and I know what he's thinking; that all this talk about going back to school triggered it and I admit, I think so too. Hence, why he's looking down glumly, blaming himself.

-"Marco, hey,"- I placed my hand on his chin and raised his head, looking straight at his eyes next, -"It's fine. Don't blame yourself, okay? You couldn't have known. It'll… pass."

He knew better. His lips fringe's contorted into a disagreement.

-"Was it… bad?"

I can't lie to him, -"Yeah… pretty fucking bad."

-"How… bad?"- He was curious but also terrified. He hasn't seen me so shaken up before by a dream. I usually manage to stay in place, calm down and know reality, but this time, it took me awhile and I was shaking as if I was in the north pole.

I breathed deeply and began to narrate my dream to him: his father interrogating me about his son's death, that I was the murderer, that he then shot my leg so I wouldn't escape the room with any windows whatsoever, his corpse lifting up and finally, killing me.

Marco's eyes were wide and he was covering his mouth.

-"Yeah… horrible."- I slacked onto the sofa again after having the need to lean forward and move around so that I wouldn't lose myself to tears.

-"Jean…"- But Marco couldn't hold any. He cried into his hands and bent forwards, sobbing nonstop. The whole story shook him, but the part where _he _killed me and his father's sole presence were the ones that prevailed.

-"Marco, please don't cry. It wasn't real. None of it."- And he knew that better than anyone from all the panic attacks he suffered (which were like three), but it was difficult to just brush it off. Not only I was involved and killed by his own _dead _hands, his father, once a police and an honorable man, was there and that just multiplies the effect. Marco, unlike his mother, hasn't fully gotten over it. He still mourns over him and gets touchy when he's brought up and it's been _years._

I was gonna come up with something else to say, but Marco composed himself and breathed deeply, chafing his hands against his eyes to wipe off the tears, -"I know, Jean, and he wouldn't do something like that and I wouldn't either."

I smiled, proudly, -"Yeah, you're right."

-"And you wouldn't do that either."

-"You betcha'."- He knew, more than anyone else, the lengths I'd go for him to protect him.

-"I'm sorry for everything. I was a whiny kid, but it's over,"- He said, clenching his hands firmly, -"I should've realized sooner that you were trying to protect us both, but I was blind and ungrateful. I won't insist anymore, Jean. I don't want to go."

I knew him and I knew he decided_ not _to want anymore because I didn't _want _him to, -"That's… a real relief, Marco. I'm glad you understand."- And he does understand.

-"Now just try to sleep, okay?"- I rubbed my cheeks and pecked my forehead.

-"I wanna sleep with you."

He smiled tenderly and stood up, taking my hand with his and pulling me upstairs. We slept together, cozily cocooned within Marco's warm and fragrant quilts. We snuggled, our arms and legs around each other while we stocked our hairs until we fell asleep.

* * *

Seriously, warm morning with the delectable smell of bacon and toast was plain amazing.

Oh, and add to that my boyfriend's vanilla fragrant.

I yawned and stretched my body. I patted the area around me, looking for my boyfriend but I didn't feel anything, -"Marco…?"

Just then, the door shrieked open, -"Morning, Jean."

I sat up and yawned again, rubbing my eyes open. I spotted my boyfriend in his pajama, tray in hand and placing it on my lap. I licked my lips at the perfectly rounded omelet with melted cheese and chopped bacon on top, -"Oh man, looks delicious as fuck. Your mom's the best."- I exclaimed and took a chunk of the egg with my fork.

Marco chuckled at my description of my breakfast, -"I made it, actually."

I gazed at him and his cheeks flushed. With my mouth full, I leaned close to him, pouting my lips for a kiss. He chuckled and pushed me with his finger on my lips, -"Why don't you swallow first, hm?"

I swallowed and exhaled in delight, -"Man, your cooking's rad,"- I leaned close to him again and pecked his lips, -"You ate already?"

He shook his head and stood up, -"Nope, but I'll get my plate. Be right back."- He left, closing the door behind him.

After a few minutes, he came back and while we ate, we prattled on and on. Marco looked more… cheery today after what happened last night and, well, yesterday. He finally understood in depth what me and his mom's intention when we didn't allow him to go to school: protect him. He was also pissed at me for selling him out to his mom yesterday evening. Jerky of me, I know, but I had to let her know that Marco still wanted to go out there and we can't let him pull such a feast. He's gonna get himself killed and I'm not joking.

Other than that, I had a horrible nightmare in which I was the one who pushed Marco off that ceiling and his father was making me pay for it. He shot me in the leg so that I wouldn't escape from…

Oh, now I get it and I don't feel good about it. He didn't shoot me so that I wouldn't escape from a room with no windows or door, he shot me because he didn't want me to escape from Marco. Said guy's dead body stood and snapped my neck before I could crawl away. I shivered.

-"So, yeah, mom's not here."- He suddenly asserted, toying with his bed's sheet coyly.

I grinned, snapping off of my thoughts, -"And…?"

Marco gazed at me and bit his lips. He leaned closer to me and murmured, -"Let's do something…"

-"_Something, _huh,"- I jiggled my eyebrows and poked his waist playfully. He giggled and instead of pulling away, he leaned closer to me so I could touch him even more, -"How about… Netflix and Chill?"

He nodded and scurried his hands up my thigh. I was sitting on his bed crossed legged so he could perfectly see my growing hard-on already, -"Okay. I pick the movie and you pick… you know."

I nodded knowingly, -"Yeah boy."

I turned the TV and Marco connected his laptop to it by HDMI. He typed Netflix on his browser while I set up our comfy zone like usual. I scattered his sheets and quilts on the floor and laid the pillows on them. While Marco kept working, I went downstairs and picked whatever snack I found in the fridge or the cabinets like Oreo, Nutella, Lays, Chips Ahoy, Ben and Jerry's chocolate and vanilla ice-cream, M&amp;M and other chocolate bars –oh, and Popcorn. It's pretty obvious Marco's mother feeds his sweet tooth.

I walked upstairs and literally dropped all the sweets on him –yeah, he's already on our comfy spot. He chuckled and patted the space beside him.

I laid beside him and between us, he placed the sweets so we could have better reach to it, -"So, whaddya got?"

He clicked on his laptop and when Justice League popped up, I squealed like a fangirl, -"Holy shit, Marco!"- I exclaimed, pointing at it, -"That's like old as fuck! I used to see that every day when I was a kiddo!"

Marco giggled and hasten closer to me, -"I know, it's why I selected it."- He rested his head on my chest while scooping from the ice cream cup with a wide spoon.

While the opening song resonated across the room and the starred superheroes silhouettes showed up, I hopped in place, -"Holy fuck, I feel old."

My boyfriend chuckled and offered me ice cream. I opened my mouth, eyes carved on the TV, and sucked the sweet chocolate cream out of the spoon –oh, and on purpose, I lick Marco's fingers and he liked it, a _lot_.

As we watched the series, we gave each other several hand jobs. Marco was over me and I had my hand deep in his groin, my fingers playing with his cock and nuts while he jerked it. Marco's moans filled the room and all three times he came, he splattered cum onto the sheets and surprisingly ignored it as he swapped to please me next.

Hours passed and Marco finished from one sweet and opened the other instantly. I had my arms around him, -"Hey, babe, you should be careful eating those. You know how your tummy gets. Do you want another suppository up your ass?"- I jibed.

-"I wouldn't mind it…"- He murmured, right beside my ear and it took me by utter surprise. I could smell his sweet breath and I couldn't stop wondering how sweet his cum must be now. Oh boy.

His lewd words prickled my skin and they made me wanna shove my fingers in his ass, made me wanna suck his cock and taste his cum. I pulled him closer to me until my mouth was near his ear, -"I bet you won't…,"- I gulped at the hotness in my throat as I licked his earlobe playfully, educing deep moans from my boyfriend, -"You know, we should take our clothes off, just so that we can be more… _ahem, _comfortable."

Marco nodded briskly and we literally took _all _our clothes off and threw them somewhere around us. Underwear and shorts flew and Marco curled around me; he threw his leg over mine and wrapped his arms around my chest, scraping his finger on my sweaty back with passion. I held onto his thigh, squeezing his chunks of flesh, and rose it even higher, pulling his hips close to mines until our cocks grazed. There was literally no space between us as we kissed madly and hungrily, ravenous for each other's lips. We shared saliva, our tongues embroiled and our breath passed to each other's mouth. Our bodies' sweat glued us together and the hot atmosphere was driving me crazy. I wanted… I wanted to… -_fuck, _we're so fucking heavy and hot right now and I want to get even hotter. I want to fuck him so bad…!

We moaned at the same time as I, kinda losing my lust restraint, began to lunge my hips back and forth against him and Marco, kinda losing his too, began jerking his hips too, in the same pace while fondling my back thoroughly. I can't get harder than this, I can't get more turned on than this. My body vibrated for more. I want him to _feel _me more…

Marco was as hard as I was. Our dicks grazed each other, spewing cum onto our groins continuously, and this is gonna sound kinky and cringy, but it's like they called for each other.

I'm sorry. I had to say it. It's just how I felt.

Both out of breath, we parted and took a hard intake of breath before kissing each other's skin. Like always, I kissed and sucked on his neck, absorbing his sweat. I nibbled on it and sucked harshly, ushering him to bit the skin on my shoulder _hard, _just how I liked it. He moaned and his hot breath against my skin pricked it and made my body shook. We rolled as I licked his neck up and down, leaving a trail of drool dripping while he kissed and bit my chin lecherously. He then wondered lowered and kissed my apple, sucking on it harshly, making it vibrate vigorously as I moaned next.

I can't take it anymore.

With Marco beneath me, I gripped my dick and hovered it near his groin, -"Jean…,"- He murmured, his voice hoarse as he panted, -"W-wait…"

-"Marco… I can't hold it anymore."- But I halted my movements. I gotta calm down this lust. If Marco doesn't want to have sex with me now, I can't force him –I won't.

But fuuuuck…

-"B-but we're not… equipped…"

That was true and yet… I still want to do it and I know Marco wants it too, -"Marco…"- I gulped and drew my dick nearer. _No, Jean! Control yourself! You know it's not safe without those!_

But come on, it's not like I have an STD. I mean, I've never had sex with anyone before so I have to be clean, right? Also, if I'm infected, then Marco, by far, is infected too. We've had plenty of oral sex, haven't we? And he's looking just fine.

_It's different! You're also forgetting the simple fact that many STD can be inherited from parents, Jean!_

Mom and Dad never had an STD… not that I know of. If they have, they never told me.

_You'll be risking his health, Jean. Safety comes first. _

I let out a long, difficult sight and parted from him reluctantly.

He propelled up, supporting his body with his elbow on the splattered quilts, -"Jean…,"- He bit his lips and breathed deeply, his body and face utterly red, -"Maybe we can…"

-"No, it's… okay. I'm okay, but,"- I drew my face closer to his groin, -"I'm not leaving empty-handed."

Marco smiled and slumped against the pillows as I blew him.

More hours passed and we still laid together on our little comfy zone. Marco's mother hasn't arrived yet and before she did, we cleaned the sheets and they're currently drying up, -"Hey, Jean."- Marco called, tugging my shirt for attention. Yeah, we had our pajamas on to avoid wild moments like before, but we still did our thing from time to time.

-"Hmm?"- I had my eyes on the TV, watching Gotham and focusing on every word these detectives said, but really, I was getting lost. These complicated plots aren't my thing.

-"About before…,"- He began and I had to pause the series for him to continue, -"I… I want to do it sometimes, so maybe… I-I thought we… could buy those stuff… together."- He fidgeted with my shirt shyly.

I smiled and rubbed his hair, -"Deal."

-"Really?"- He gazed up at me, expecting me to deny it or something. Usually, at least here in Trost, one of the pairs does the shopping for condoms and whatnot because for starters, they get embarrassed and that means that person isn't entirely confident with his significant other. That's what I've seen so far and maybe that's why Marco expected me to say something else, but I'm not embarrassed.

-"'Course, babe. Just say the day and I'll take us there."

Marco smiled broadly and hugged me firmly.

* * *

It's passed eve already and Marco's mother hasn't arrived yet. After Marco folded the once dirty sheets, he dialed her number and sat on the couch, jerking his legs anxiously.

I sat beside him and placed my hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly, -"She's fine. I know she is."

Marco sighed, extremely worried still, -"It's just… so weird. I know a psychologist's working hours are arbitrary, but she always calls me and lets me know."

He has a point, -"True enough, but maybe she's just busy."

-"I hope so."

But just then, sharp car lights illuminated the living room and revs rattled. Sky, Marco's bitchy husky, barked and jumped at her arrival. Marco gasped and stood up, opening the front door and greeting her with a tight hug. When she came in, exhausted, she dropped her purse on the table and I greeted her next with a hug too, -"How are you, boys?"

I couldn't help but look at Marco with a knowing look. Timely, he gazed at me too and smiled. _We're just fiiiine._

She chuckled, probably guessing we had done something naughty, -"I figured,"- She took off her med coat and hooked it on the near hanger on the wall, -"Are you hungry? I was thinking of preparing a soup."

Marco quickly shook his head, -"You don't have to, mom. I'll think of something. Just rest."

She smiled tenderly and placed her hand on his head, -"Thank you,"- She then turned to me, -"I'll trust you to keep an eye on him, okay?"

I nodded briskly, -"Yes, ma'am."

After she left, Marco cooked a nice soup with chopped pork and ham. He delivered a bowl to his mom up her bedroom and when he came down, I saw him worried again, -"She seems so down..."

I slurped the soup's liquid from my spoon, -"What do you mean?"

-"I dunno… like she's sad –and exhausted too."- Marco prodded the pork chunks with his spoon absentmindedly.

-"Hey,"- I placed my spoon on top of the napkin and took his hand, -"Relax, that's part of a psychologist's job and I'm positive she knows what it takes. Maybe one of her patients' really sick, but I'm sure she'll get over it. She has to, for the sake of her other patients."

Marco sighed. He knew that already.

-"She's strong, Marco."- With this, I aimed at the hard times she must have gone through when her husband died.

And Marco quickly noticed, his perception as sharp as always, -"Yeah…"

He seemed more confident after that and we went to sleep like at 1 in the morning watching more Netflix and making out –without getting _too _hot and heavy.

~ o ~

The next day after breakfast, Marco reminded me I should do workout and I trotted around the neighbor shirtless. I made a few stops to drink water and continued, completely ignoring the odd looks I was getting. At home, Marco was reading one of the books I bought him and when he heard the door shriek, he stood up and dropped his book, -"You're back!"

-"Yup and I'm really in for a hot bath,"- I flexed my muscles and lean ever so closely to him, -"And of course you're invited, babe."

Marco chuckled and tugged my sweat pants, -"I humbly accept."

I snorted at that, -"You're such a dork, Marco."

He chuckled again before taking my hand and leading me upstairs to his bathroom. We took our clothes off just as soon as we got in and Marco was running his fingers through my v-line, steadily turning me on. I got both his bun and squeezed them playfully, pushing Marco to me. We kissed ravenously under the shower, our bodies glued to the other as we shared breath and saliva. Eventually, we got hard and hot, both due to the steam of the hot water and because, well, we're _hot. _We fapped and blew each other like three times before we relaxed and took an actual bath.

-"By the way, is your mom up?"- I asked as he washed my hair, making foam drip from me.

Marco sighed, -"No… I mean, not when I woke up. Her breakfasts still in the oven."

Well, that's really worrisome. Celine's a morning person no matter how tired she was the previous day.

-"I'm sure she'll wake up soon. It's Sunday, everyone likes to sleep a bit on Sundays and I think she really needs a break."- I spoke and spit foam out of my mouth, coughing.

-"Yeah…"

-"Talk to her. I bet it's nice for a parent to vent off to their kids."- That sounded like I've never experience it and it's true, I haven't. Mom kept things to herself and Dad was always working 24/7 so he couldn't really take a few minutes to talk to me.

-"I-I will."

We got out after a few minutes of prattling and washing. Around noon, Marco's mother woke up and I saw how tired she really was, like those additional hours of sleep did nothing. Something was odd. This was really odd of her but I guess stuff get people eventually. I can imagine the shit psychologist go through and that adage that they go loony sooner or later is actually true. I mean, it gotta stick, right? The madness and suffering of others.

-"Good morning boys."- She greeted, yawning while rubbing her eyes.

-"Hey, mom, how are you feeling?"- Marco quickly hugged her, like always.

-"I'm a bit tired, but I'll be alright, sweetheart."- She tussled his hair and smiled tenderly, trying to reassure him that she's alright when I can see that that's not the case. Marco saw it too. Call me a jerk, but I think she's lying, keeping something from us.

Marco didn't pry, probably thinking she'd speak to him sooner or later about what's _really _troubling her, -"I made you breakfast. It's in the oven."

She nodded and sauntered towards the oven. She pulled her plate of pancake, poured syrup on it and sat on the table, -"You know what will really be good with this? Hot chocolate."

Marco quirked an eyebrow, -"Umm… really?"

-"Yes! And not just any, Fray's!"

Okay? Was she on her period or…?

-"Um… want me to buy you one? It's not really far."- Marco offered, scratching his neck's sides, wondering what got into her. He's probably thinking the same as I: hot chocolate is a thing for cold days –or night. This was either a hankering or… she wanted us out of the house temporarily.

Okay, I shouldn't have thought that.

-"Please, I'd appreciate it!"- She then nodded to me, -"Go with him, please, and if something happens, call me, okay? I know you can take care of yourself, but don't hesitate on calling me."

-"I'll go,"- I offered, placing a hand on Marco's shoulder, indirectly telling him to go with the current and I think he got it. I wanna test something, -"So that Marco can keep an eye on you."

She quickly shook her head, -"Don't worry boys, I'm alright, really."

-"But-"

I gave Marco another squeeze.

He sighed, -"Okay, we'll be back in a few."

Marco and I headed out and my boyfriend had this thoughtful look that really didn't mix with his cute face, -"She's hiding something, isn't she?"

-"You catch up quick and yeah, that's what I think."- I kicked a pebble and strode with my hands on my pocket.

-"But that can't be. Why would she hide something from me?"- Marco couldn't fathom this and I can understand him. They're confided each other a lot and Marco trusts her for everything –same vice versa. Up until now, Celine had told him all her issues with her patients and her feelings towards them. All in all, it's really weird of her and Marco didn't like it at all.

-"Maybe she's just… trying to protect you?"- But from what? It has to be something serious.

-"From what?"

-"I… I dunno, Marco, there's a bunch of psychos out there she could have nursed before."- And this a fact.

Marco looked at with a quirked eyebrow and a look that said 'what the fuck are you talking about?' -"What? Mom only works with children."

Oh.

-"Shit, that's true. I forgot."- And that just made this even worse.

-"This is so weird and frustrating!"- Marco was waving his arms in exasperation, totally distraught about this.

-"You know, maybe we're making a big deal out of this, maybe she's not hiding anything and just really wants the hot chocolate, maybe she's on her pe-"

-"We should hurry, Jean, so that we can catch why she wanted to stay alone."- He said, interrupting me and trotting forward. Well, I tried.

When we reached the cafeteria, however, we both noticed an unmistakable bunch of teenagers enjoying a nice cup of coffee while waiting for someone.

Us.

-"Marco, let's get outta here."- I gripped his arm and pulled him away.

He didn't budge, at first, staring at the cluster intensely, -"O-okay…"

I started walking faster until I heard my name called, -"Hey, Jean!"

_Fuck. _

-"Come on, don't be such a jerk! Don't ignore us!"

_Shut the fuck up, Reiner. You're the real jerk. _

-"Jean…"- Marco tugged my arm.

I sighed. I don't wanna turn around to face, I don't wanna talk to them, I don't want-

-"Jean, they just want to talk. It's been a while since we've seen them and they're our friends."- He said softly, trying to soothe my growing anxiety.

My lips contorted, disagreeing with him, -"Yeah, they wanna talk alright."- About something I don't even wanna mutter.

-"Jean, come on, don't be so cold."

Why is he insisting? He told me he wouldn't insist anymore and he knew what these guys want to _really _talk about!

-"It'll be alright, I promise."- He squeezed his grip on me, reassuring me that no matter what they say, everything was going to be alright.

I decided to trust his word and nodded, strolling to where my "friends" were.

I had a bad feeling about this.


	82. EIGHTY-TWO

Hey, it's been a while, hasn't it? Other than college work (finals are coming, brace yourself), I got my hands on a few videogames I'm dying for like Final Fantasy XV: Episode Duscae, Bloodborne and Outlast: Whisteblower :'D

I'M SORRY U.U

Anyways, ENJOY! Things get interesting in this chapter ;)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

EIGHTY-TWO

-"Hey there, Jean! It's been a while!"- Reiner waved his arms at us as we approached their table; Berthold, Ymir, Krista, Eren, Mikasa and Armin were there too. Diego and his little brother, Daniel, were there as well, kinda out of place considering they didn't know these punks as much as I do.

But the one that was _really _out of place was Nathaniel, accompanied by his boyfriend, Axel.

-"How you've been?"- Inquired Krista, genuinely worried about us. I think she's here against her will, -"We know what happened…"- She tried to held her tongue, but unconsciously brought it up. She quickly covered her mouth.

_What happened, huh…_

All this time with Marco and his mom made me forget it about it, -"It's okay. We're doing alright."- But I can't blame Krista for reminding me about it. True, it was traumatic -I've had plenty of nightmares because of it- but I'm not gonna go crazy here over it.

What _did _made me kinda go crazy was Nathaniel's words, -"Yeah, pretty horrible, but you're fine now,"- _He _didn't even _tried _to hold his tongue, -"We need you back at school."

I snorted and laughed out loud, taking them all by surprise –even my boyfriend _and _Nathaniel. He must be thinking I'm really nuts, -"That was a good one, Nate."

His expression hardened. He wasn't joking at all, -"I'm serious."

My expression hardened too. Who the hell does he think he is ordering me around? He didn't, technically, but he might as well have. It sure felt like it, -"Fuck you. I'm not going anywhere."- I waved them all off and walked towards the cafeteria where three men waited in line, staring at us blatantly.

-"Hey, you can't run away, coward!"- He barked, stomping his way towards me, -"This is your fight as much as it is ours!"

He's right. No matter how many times I deny it, I knew it is, but I choose to ignore it and pretend it's not mine, -"Leave me the fuck alone."- I stood behind the men and just hoped Nathaniel wouldn't keep pestering me because _I'll _be the one to make a scene.

He gripped my arm harshly and gritted his teeth, -"Jean, listen to me."- He muttered, figuring out making a scene in this peaceful place will get us both in trouble.

-"Let me go or I'll-"

-"It's serious. I'm not joking,"- Oh, he made that pretty clear when he gripped my arm the way he did, -"You know it's your business to be there."

I shove my arm away from his and glared at him, -"I'm not joking either."- I didn't lower my voice nor raised it. I didn't budge either. I'm _not _going anywhere.

The fucker gripped my arm again and I saw the guys in front of us tense up, as well as the cashier, -"Don't make me-"

I was about to… _do _something to him, but Marco beat me to it. He took his arm and started pulling him away, -"Leave him alone!"- I was completely relieved that Marco was defending me instead of seconding their intention. I honestly thought he'd side with them and now I feel bad about it, -"He already said no! You can't force him!"

-"He hasn't even heard us yet!"- Nathaniel had a better physical aptitude than my boyfriend, so he easily pushed him away, -"This doesn't behoove you! Stay out of it!"

Oh no, no one treats Marco like that. Not on my watch.

I pulled Nathaniel towards me and when his face was in my sight, I threw a punch at it, taking him by surprise. The guy staggered and his boyfriend, Axel, held him before he met the floor. The people around us gasped and stepped back, -"You fucking mad man!"- He yelled, rubbing his chin before lunging forward.

His boyfriend stopped him while mines held me tightly by my arm, -"Just stop, Nate!"

Nathaniel growled and clicked his tongue. Something tells me they've been arguing for a while, -"Let me go!"

-"You're not helping with your fucking attitude! We came here to _talk _to him, not attack him!"- Axel tried to pull his boyfriend away from me and Marco.

-"_He _attacked me!"

-"Because _you_ did first!"

Nathaniel growled and huffed, possibly madder at Axel than at me.

-"Boys, no fighting in the cafeteria, alright? If you want to settle any business, settle them somewhere else,"- The cashier spoke from his post, not setting a foot outside his little kiosk. He was shitting his pants, -"Please."- He added.

Nate puffed again and stomped away from Axel's grasp to I don't know where and I don't want to know. Axel sighed, his face saddening, -"I'm sorry for that, Jean. This isn't how we planned… this."- He gestured towards the rest of the bunch, all stood and eyes wide.

I shook my head, -"You knew it would get out of your hands when you brought him."

-"He wanted to come and he said he'd behave, but…,"- Axel sighed again and ran a hand through his red hair, -"He has gotten… cranky ever since you left. He's just desperate for everything to end. The situation in school has gotten worse than-"

-"I don't wanna hear it."

-"Just give us a chance, please. We're not gonna force you to go, just… hear us."- He begged, his eyes soggy and tired, yet attentive. I just noticed the bruises on his face and neck, deep and purple. He literally hissed at every move he made.

I cursed myself when I started pondering his request, surprising myself even further when I felt pity for him –and not only for him. My head moved on its own towards the bunch and my eyes shifted to Diego, who practically looked like a zombie. He had deep bags under his eyes –which said eye had a bruise running from his brow down to his cheek. Then there's Reiner with his messed hair and broken nose. Berthold, who was behind him, had bruises on his jaw. The girls, Krista, Ymir, and Mikasa looked alright but extremely tired. Eren and Armin had no damage whatsoever but were as tired as the rest. They all looked at me with a saddened, beat up expression like they were on the edge of giving their fight up but they didn't want to.

A sudden guilt and pity began to well me as I sighed and nodded slowly. Marco, who was beside me still clinging to my arm, gasped, -"Fine, just until my hot chocolate is ready."

Axel let out a pent-up breath, relieved of my answer, -"Thank you, Jean…"

While I waited for my order, I sat on the chair from the table my friends gathered, arms crossed and tapping my foot. They all looked at each other nervously, scared I'd snap and laugh out loud like a maniac, -"See? I told you guys this is a totally bad idea. Jean doesn't want to go and he doesn't have to either."- Said Krista, full of sympathy for me.

-"But we need his help-"

-"What's going on?"- I meddled in, interrupting Reiner.

-"Listen, it's pretty bad in there and we really need your help. People are asking for you, Jean."- He said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table.

-"So?"

Reiner was kind of taken off balance by my cold words, -"You're an icon, they look up to you and wonder what you'd do, where you are…"

I clicked my tongue at all of that. It was getting on my nerves, -"Well, they're on their own."

-"Jean, don't be like that…"

-"Your actions have motivated them, they admire you and if you're not there… think about it."- Said Diego next.

-"It's all about them to you? What about me? What about me, huh? You don't think about me? You don't say 'oh, poor Jean, he has been through a lot and we shouldn't make it worse', you don't say 'he has feeling and fears too because, hey, he's a fucking human being too and not some omnipotent damn hero' and you don't think about who _I _look up to, you don't think about who _I _admire,"- I snapped because I couldn't take it anymore. The words crammed out of my mouth and my chest tightened. I pointed at Marco, -"He was pushed off the roof! Do you think about _him_? Do you think what would've happened to _him_ if I wasn't there? Do you think about _his _fears and feelings? I do! Every fucking night I'm reminded and tortured about that outcome! If _you_ are, I'm not hearing any of it!"

All their eyes widened and mouth gaped. Each one of them was speechless.

-"Call me selfish, irrespective, heartless, coward, cold bitch, I don't care! Fuck it all! I never asked for any of this!"- I waved my arms around, exasperated and distraught, -"Fuck you all! Fuck them all off! I have to think and look for ourselves because nobody else does and you don't! Everyone cares and worries about themselves, why can't I?"

-"Jean, calm down…"- Marco mellow voice soothed my troubled heart a bit and I managed to breathe deeply and lower my voice.

I paced around the table, fingers tangled with my messy hair, -"I'm not taking any risks. I can't let something like that happen again, I can't endanger… I can't… I just… can't…,"- Sudden images flashed by my mind, hindering my ability to speak. All the nightmares I've suffered from piled up and a headache threatened to split my skull, -"I don't want to see Marco crying again, I don't want to see him scared, I don't want…"- I rambled, my eyes watering up.

I felt Marco's warmth from behind, his arms slithering beneath mines and tightening around my torso, -"It's okay, Jean, you won't see that anymore, I promise."

I sobbed and coughed on my own tears. What a crybaby. What a fucking kid.

_These scars are too deep for me, huh…_

My friends were still speechless at my outburst but Reiner managed to mutter something, -"We're… sorry, Je-"

-"Jean, order's up!"- That's my order.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked at all of them, silently wishing they don't pity me because all in all, I hated this. I hated to cry in front of them and make them think those guys at school finally caught me –which was true, by the way, and I hate to admit this. The only person I could cry in front of and not feel like this is Marco. No one else.

-"We… won't bother you anymore, Jean,"- One by one, they stood up and walked away. Eren, who was surprisingly quiet this whole time, stood before me and shook his head in disappointment. In fact, he wasn't the only one. Ymir, Berthold, Mikasa, Armin and even Reiner looked at me like that –oh, and it wasn't just at me, they looked at Marco like that too. Somehow, they were relying on Marco to support them, -"We just wanted you to show your face around and let the people know you're undefeated and untamable but I guess… that's not the case."- Said Reiner before walking away with the rest.

-"Nathaniel was right, huh…"- That was Diego, his voice very low.

-"Yeah…"- Replied Axel.

-"Jean."

That was Mikasa's monotonous voice.

-"You lost."- She said, flatly, but I know what she was talking about. It was her line "fight to win". Way back, when this whole issue at school was just starting, she told me that in order to win, I had to fight and never give up.

I didn't say anything and just looked away. Yeah, big loser me.

Krista was the only one that looked at me with sympathy. She placed her hand on both our shoulders, -"You're doing the right thing. Believe me, you don't want to go there."

Her words soothed me a bit.

-"That whole fight for rights is not worth the damage."- With that, she waved us goodbye and walked away, trying to catch up with her girlfriend, Ymir, who was mad at her because of the same thing she told me.

I sighed and picked my order up. On the way home, none of us said a thing, but with our hands embroiled, we said a lot. Back at Marco's house, Celine was talking with someone on the phone, pacing around the living room anxiously. She kept glancing at the window and did a double-take at our approach. She quickly hung up and waited for us to enter, -"You're back."- She said, retaining her phone in her pocket.

Marco placed the hot chocolate and the residue money on the table, -"Yup. How're you feeling?"

-"A lot better,"- She replied and pulled the cup out of the bag, unplugged the lid and sipped the chocolate into her mouth. Then she looked at us, at our glum faces, -"Did something happened?"

Marco and I looked at each other until he gaped his mouth and told her everything. By the time he was done and Celine talked about ignoring our friends, I was already making my way towards his room, suddenly feeling lightheaded and exhausted. I still had an irritating headache even after swallowing a pair of painkillers. I slacked onto his bed and just sighed over and over again. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I just stared blankly at the ceiling until... whatever got into me leaves.

After long minutes, someone knocked on the door gently and opened the door, -"Jean?"- It was Marco, perceiving something was wrong with me.

-"Hmm?"- I blinked at the ceiling and didn't even looked at him.

-"Are you okay?"- He entered the room, closed the door and sat on the bed. He placed his hand on my abdomen and rubbed the area.

I sighed for the hundredth time, -"I dunno, Marco. I'm… tired, I guess."

He leaned down and rested his head on my chest, -"Is it… the whole thing at the cafeteria?"

I sighed again and again, rubbings my drowsy eyes, -"Yeah…"

-"Don't think about it much, please,"- He shrouded his arms around my torso and squeezed, -"Try to forget about it and don't overthink."

Marco knew how much I overthink stuff, specially trifle issues not worth cracking my brain about. _I _didn't want to think about it, but my mind wanted to and it constantly drifted there. I had to put effort into thinking about something else –like Marco's butt. That sweet butt of his is a treasure for me.

-"You know, they said all those things because they don't understand us, they haven't been through what we've been through…"- He said, close to my ear while fondling my abdomen.

He had a good point. Seeing or hearing about an accident is not the same as having experienced it firsthand. Just because you've heard of it doesn't mean you understand it –and heck, they didn't even witness it. They supposedly arrived when I lost consciousness so they really can't judge me for my denial.

If so, then why do I have this irritating guilt in me?

Thinking about Marco's butt wasn't really working today, huh.

I sighed again and sat up, slowly pushing Marco's head away, -"I, uh…, need a bath."

Marco sat up too and gaped his mouth. He was gonna ask if he could join me but he knew I wasn't really in the mood, so he just nodded, -"Okay."

Silently, I exited his room and entered the bathroom just at the end the hallway. I trudged my way into the bathtub and didn't even took my clothes off when I turned the shower on and allowed the hot water to drench me.

_Come on, Jean, don't think about it. _

I slumped onto the cool surface and dropped my head against the already damp wall.

_It's not your fault, you know._

Yeah, how could I have known that my actions would start World War III in school? I was just defending Marco! I never asked to be part of it –I never asked for _any _of this- but I guess that not how things work. I started that shit, I started that whole dilemma when I defeated Frank and got them expelled, I gave those poor bastards hope when there was none and I gave them a reason to fight. That was definitely _not _my intention but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to them, my peers, the guys, and girls who understand me, who has been through discrimination and abuse, my… friends.

Things don't go the way we want them to and they're not gonna change just through sheer will. They _can _change if I _do _something about it if I do a difference. I can go out there and show those jocks I'm not a coward because I definitely don't want them to think so. I don't want to give those bastards the satisfaction of having _truly_ defeated me.

But I don't want to endanger what matters to me most. Marco's safety.

It's easier to give up and do nothing, but sometimes, it's the right thing to do. Right now, though, I had no idea what the right thing to do is. I don't know what to do. I want to protect Marco but that school and my peers keep grieving me. I keep thinking about my friends who have been there when I got knocked off my feet, my friends who cheered me when I've been humiliated, the ones who stood by me when I faced my ex-girlfriend cheating on me, the group who told me over and over again that family matters and that our little group of nerds and geeks had arms open for me anytime, for me, a double-dealer, a jerk who often mocked them, a nobody.

And among that herd of nerds was the one man who changed _everything _since the first day he arrived the school as a new guy. Together, they turned me into _someone _that's important and special to them. They gave this guy a reason to smile, they lit up his bitter and grumpy soul (I over crossed the borders of corniness right there).

And what do I give them in return? _Nothing. _I turned them all down, gave them my cold shoulder when they needed my help.

_-_"Fuck me…"- I cursed, hands on my face to muffled my weeps.

What a friend am I, huh…

I heard a light knock on the door and my boyfriend's soft voice, -"Jean, are you okay?"- He asked, full of worry, -"Please, answer me. You've been there for an hour…"

I've been here for an hour alright. I just noticed the room teemed with steam and humidity –every wall was drenched and slippery. I took a sudden intake of breath and coughed, also noticing the lack of pure air in here.

Abruptly, I tried to stand up and by impulsive I held on the wall and slipped, stumbling back down on the bathtub and splashing water everywhere. My back hit the hard edge of the tub and I cried in pain.

Marco knocked louder after the cry, -"Jean?"- The steam and the water slid across the doors gaps and Marco knocked again, -"Jean, what's going on? Open up, please!"

I tried to, I really tried to but my legs gave up on me. They were numb and held down by my drenched clothes. I gaped my mouth to say something but coughed instead. I was running out of air.

Marco was alarmed. He desperately tried to open the door with different tools, turning the knob continuously but failing. He cursed and kept looking. I heard the sharp sound of metal rattling into the lock. He was forcing the door open, -"I'm coming!"- When he opened it successfully, he gasped when he laid eyes on me and the threw the spoon away. He rushed towards me, careful with his steps so that he wouldn't slip. When he reached me, he knelt and placed his hand on my cheeks, -"Jean, can you…?"

I shook my head slowly, letting him know I couldn't hear him. My ears were full of water, hindering my audition.

He said something else that I didn't understand as he turned the shower off and unplugged the hole in tub. The hoarded water I was in began to reduce until the tub was empty. Marco then took my light head and flipped it a bit so that the water in my ear would pour out. He left it like that for a few minutes until the bugging sensation left, -"Is it out?"- He asked.

I nodded and he flipped my head to the other side and gently tapped it, letting the rest of the water out. Once I was clear, he helped me stand up and carried me to the toilet, sitting my body on its lid and resting my back on its rear. With care, he took a towel and dried my hair. Afterward, he took off my clothes and literally dressed me. I was absentmindedly watching him, his tender face yet full of worry as he gently dressed me with his sweet clothes. He often huffed. I wasn't really helping him so he struggled to put his pajama on me.

When he finished (from dressing me _and _cleaning the bathroom), he exhaled, wiped off the sweat from his forehead and looked down at me, -"Jean, what's wrong? You could have died here, you know."

I sighed and just shrugged like I didn't mind that at all.

-"Jean…"- There's his deep, sorrowful expression that always pierced my heart.

-"I'm fine, Marco, I'm just… thoughtful."- I stood up and trudged towards his room and slacked on his bed again, face deep in his pillow.

He followed me, -"Want to talk about it?"- He asked, stroking my back, -"Jean, you know I'm here for you and if you don't let all that out…"

He was right. I had to let him know that I was seriously considering going back to school to help my friends out -"Alright..."- I rolled over and faced him, still laying flatly on his bed.

He smiled, relieved that I decided to talk instead of mull over these thoughts, -"Good but um, let me change first."

A tiny smirk rose to my lips as I watched my boyfriend take off his wet shirt and pants. I drooled over his perfectly rounded butt as he pulled his new ones up and then pulled down his usual Superman shirt. He dumped his drenched clothes in his hamper and hopped to my side. We quickly snuggled and embraced each other tightly until I started venting… literally. Marco heard me intensively, resting his head on his knuckles while his elbow rested on the bed. I literally told him _everything,_ that I was practically torturing myself with guilt over our friends at school and that we –well, _I _(mostly)- betrayed them by denying to help them when they've helped us countless times before. I knew Marco would agree with me but he also understood why I denied their request in the first place –and for Marco it wasn't _just _because of our friends, for him, it was also because of rights and whatnot.

What's left now is to decide to whether or not participate in the riot, give our last fight or some other shit like that. None of us knew and we didn't decide that day.

~ o ~

A few days later, Marco's mother was still acting uncanny, like she's hiding something from us again. She kept talking on her phone all day long, speaking very low so we couldn't hear. She'd also walked away from us and spoke somewhere where we couldn't hear or see her.

-"You know, I think she's seeing someone."- I said, taking a bite off my smoked cutlet.

Marco gasped and pondered about it, -"You… really think so?"

-"Yeah, definitely. Have you seen her face and moves when she talks on the phone?"

Marco nodded slowly, -"Yeah…"

-"It's so unlike her, right?"- I mean, Celine was a hardworking woman, like my father. She placed Marco and her duties above personal affairs. Those came way later. She's a widow with a son, so Marco and her work are a top priority for her. All in all, I've never seen her so affixed on her phone before –and not just calls, text messages too- and she rarely speaks about anything else that's work or Marco related. Why do I think she's romantically involved? I've seen her "girly" moves while speaking; she twirled her finger around her curls while swaying her body. She also raised her legs and posed like models often do. Maybe I don't have enough evidence but all this from someone like her…

I say she's romantically involved with someone and she doesn't have plans to telling us anytime soon. She's literally doing her best to hide it from us, but Marco and I have been very observant, -"I dunno. What do you think?"- I asked my boyfriend, watching his saddening expression. It really upsets him when his mother doesn't share that kind of stuff with him –or any kind of stuff.

-"I… don't know either, but why hasn't she told me?"

-"Women have secrets too, babe. It's normal,"- That didn't make it better for him so I opted to fix it, -"Hey, I'm sure she'll tell you when she feels like it. I don't think she trusts anyone else more than she trusts you."

Marco just sighed and continued to eat.

Here's the thing: Marco finding out (kinda) that his mother is going out with a man was… different for him than most kids out there. Marco's father is dead and his mother going out with another man was just kinda… bizarre, maybe even uncomfortable. For me? I guess I'd feel the same if Dad finds another woman but I can't say for sure.

-"Your mother can love again, you know, everyone can."- I said, out of the blue, after I swallowed my food with a sip of water (I wanted Coke, but Marco insisted against it, saying it wasn't healthy).

Marco's sad expression changed dramatically and so did the topic about his mother, -"Oh, really?"- He quirked an eyebrow with his adorable and knowing smirk.

-"Yeah."

-"Can you?"

I almost choked on the water, -"Huh?"

-"Can you love again if we, you know, break up?"- Marco was really curious, observing my every expression.

I gulped, suddenly feeling nervous, -"You know that's never gonna happen."- _Let's be honest here, Jean, _I thought to myself while trying so damn hard to stay cool on the outside, _you're not loving anyone else if you and Marco break up._

Marco chuckled, -"How do you know?"

I threw him a flirty kiss, -"I just do, babe. My sixth sense tells me so."- _Your sixth sense for that kind of stuff is nonexistent, Jean, _I rebuked myself.

Marco chuckled again, louder this time, his cheeks blushing as he narrowed me lovingly, -"Since when did your "sixth sense" for this stuff got so sharp?"

I snorted and when he gaped his mouth to say something else, I lashed towards him and kissed him passionately, crashing my lips with his with love. I parted and spoke close to his ear, with a more serious and sentimental tone, -"Let's not let it happen, please. I wanna be with you forever."

Marco smiled tenderly and hugged me, moved by my words, -"We won't, Jean. I want to be with you forever too."

We kissed more than we ate after that and we totally forgot about his mother when we laid on his bed together, bare-chested and burrowed within his sheets as we hooked up. We went overboard without hesitation since Celine, again, wasn't home yet from work despite her work hours having finished. I indulged Marco and he moaned loud without holding back. It's literally the only sound in his room as I fingered him deep inside and stroked vigorously. When he came, it was my turn and I, like always, groaned loudly and bleated his name with pleasure.

It was around 9 o' clock by now and my boyfriend's mother hasn't arrived yet, -"Wanna stay up and try to catch who's she with?"

Marco, still breathless from all the exhilaration I gave him, gazed at me with dubious eyes as he rested his naked torso over mines, -"You… you think she'll show up with him?"

-"Probably not, but who knows."- I shrugged, arms behind my head. Really, I just want more hot moments with him. I'll be honest and say that I have already put that whole issue with his mom past me. Whatever she's into, it's her business. I understand that for Marco it wasn't that easy so I'm still with him on it.

Marco's lips turned into a knowing smile, -"Oh, you just want to stay up all night and do… _things_ with me, don't you?"

I smirked and jiggled my eyebrows up and down before Marco leant down and kissed me fervently once again. Again, we went overboard and made out for long minutes, fondling our bodies thoroughly, especially in lower areas. I was giving him a handjob while whispering dirty lines into his ears. They were all lame, let me be honest, but hey, so long as it made him giggle and vibrate I'll keep saying them (and they did). Somehow, they made him moan louder than before and he kept begging me to say more stuff like that while touching him more and more. My hands traveled through his groin and thigh smoothly, toying with his flesh and reaching his cock once again. We ended up blowing each other and surprisingly, we did the sixty-nine crap again and this time, it was better, more satisfying than before. Marco knew what it implied and he was ready for it.

Around midnight, Marco was falling asleep (especially since that nailing I gave him), but his mother hasn't arrived yet and he was particularly worried so he technically couldn't sleep yet. When we heard car revs, though, he literally jumped out of bed semi-naked and rushed downstairs, -"Wait, Marco!"- I had a huge mess in my pants so I had trouble catching up with him. When I did, just before he could display himself with the car's light, I took his arm and pulled him back, -"Hold on a sec."

He looked at me, confused.

I hushed him before he spoke, -"Let's wait and see if she's with someone."

We leant against the wall from the hallway that leads to the storehouse and peeked at the living room, watching carefully the scenery before us. One person dismounted the car and we both pointed out it was Celene. She entered the house and looked around (I noted she didn't drop her keys as soon as she entered like she always does, meaning she was planning on leaving again _or _she's planning on leaving if she spots lights turned on). The whole house was dark –there were no lights on- and I thanked God it occurred to me to turn off Marco's when she peeked up the stairs to see if it was on. She sighed in relief and headed outside. She then pulled open the passenger's door and someone else dismounted the car. Definitely a man but I can't point out anything else considering I can only see his silhouette.

Marco began to mutter something and I hushed him again.

She gestured the man inside and they both tip-toed their way in after turning the car off, closing the door behind them without making it sound, -"They're asleep so relax."

-"What a pair of sleepyheads, aren't they?"- Spoke the man quietly.

Wait… I know that voice.

-"Let me turn on the lights. I don't want you to trip on something."- Said Celine.

I heard footsteps closing in and I was just about to stand up when she turned on the lights and..., -"Dad?"- I spoke, a bit too loudly, as I stood up and faced said man.

-"Son?"

* * *

Oh boy o.O


	83. EIGHTY-THREE

Oh wow had a pretty long writer's block on this one :/

Anyways, I'm not spoiling anything! Read, you'll find yourself with something worthwhile ;)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

**Warning: Strong sexual content. **

* * *

EIGHTY-THREE

-"Dad?"

-"Son?"

-"Marco?"- Gasped Celine, hands covering her mouth, -"I thought you were asleep!"- She exclaimed, shocked to see us both still up. She was really not expecting us to catch her tonight. Whatever her plans were, we've disrupted them and she wasn't mad, just really stunned.

-"Mom?"- Marco was as stunned as she was. We just found out that our –well, mine- deduction was on point and not just anybody… my _dad_, the least expected person we thought she'd go out with.

-"Marco, I can explain…"- Celine was really anxious now, her voice was shaky. She wasn't exactly ready to explain it Marco and she hadn't thought about it.

Dad, apparently, was ready, -"Relax, Celine. I'm sure they'll understand,"- He wasn't plain easy about it but he was surely calm and not freaking out like Celine was, -"They're old enough,"- Marco looked at both of them, waiting for an explanation but Celine couldn't mutter the words. My Dad cleared his throat, -"Well, uh… Celine and I are…"- And yet it proved him difficult.

I admit, I'm stunned too because figuring out that my dad is going out with my boyfriend's mom was… shit, _unexpected –_especially since Dad was once married to another woman now dead_. _I managed to shake away from that state but Marco was having problems. He kept staring at both of them, reeling the gears in his minds to find answers. He must be feeling what I felt but I can affirm that Marco's more intense: he's very attached to his mother. I wasn't too attached to Dad and it's mostly because I'm a near independent guy now so if he finds another woman, good for him. Then again, he found no ordinary woman, he found my boyfriend's mother so yeah… it's kinda weird but not something to freak out about.

-"We've, uh… been going out ever since she agreed to give me psychological aid,"- Dad began to explain, scratching the back of his neck, -"I-I respect your mother a lot, Marco, and I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable in any way."

Oh. Dad asked her for mental help. He didn't bode well with Mom's death. He still mourns her and I bet he found comfort in Celine's voice just like I did. I got the hunch that they've been at it for a while now. Dad sounded better, more stable. No wonder he'd fall for her.

-"She doesn't offer her services to adults but she insisted and I'm really thankful. She has helped me a lot since my wife died and I owe her everything,"- He admitted, gazing at Celine with fond eyes that I'm sure she didn't miss, -"I, um… grew fond of her with each appointment and…"

I can imagine the rest and it's fine, really. It might seem inappropriate for some –especially for Christians and thus, for Celine, in some way- but for me, it's okay. Like I said before out of the blue, a person can love again, Dad and Celine can love again. This is all unexpected and shocking, but not unpleasant or anything. I can roll with it but Marco was definitely having issues. He knew little or nothing of Dad, only that he technically abandoned me when Mom died. Unfortunately for Dad, Marco _is _uncomfortable and his mom feared just that, hence why she tried to hide it from us –mostly from him.

I watched Marco and I saw how he tried to believe my father and be okay with him dating his mother but he somehow couldn't. He clenched his hands, shook his head and walked upstairs without a word, clearly upset with the situation.

-"Marco, wait…,"- Called his mother but he didn't even looked back. Her expression then saddened dramatically as she placed her hand on her forehead, -"Oh, Marco… I wasn't ready for this. I'm sorry…"

I looked down and began to think that maybe spying on her wasn't such a good idea, -"I'll talk to him."- I stated, set on lifting that grief off her shoulders.

-"Jean, I'd appreciate it so much…"- She jointed her hands and sighed in relief, literally on the verge of tears.

-"You still have to, you know, explain and talk to him soon too,"- I reminded her and as I turned to leave, I looked over my shoulder, -"And, um… I'm glad for both of you. You both deserve it."- And with that, I rushed upstairs and found Marco sprawled and face first on his bed. I closed the door behind me and tussled his hair, -"Hey, babe. You gonna sleep now?"

He just nodded, not even looking at me.

-"Want to sleep alone?"

He raised his head and shook it briskly, -"Nu-uh."- I then saw his face, his mild red eyes, and messy hair. He's been crying a bit.

I chuckled and laid beside him, -"Okay, babe. I'll be here."- We've both gotten used to sleeping together but Marco, in particular, abhors to sleep alone now, especially since the whole incident in school.

I wanted to talk about his mother but I decided to hold my tongue and allow him to choose the right time. A few silent minutes passed. Marco sighed often and when he finally gaped his mouth, he admitted he did felt uncomfortable with Dad going out with his mom and like I foretold it was mostly because of his biological father's death. Marco has never imagined his mom falling in love again, he never imagined she'd be dating another guy after her husband's death and he wasn't repulsed or in discord with it, just… stunned and kind of uncomfortable. After his father's passing, my boyfriend thought he'd never see or have another father figure –and he won't, _literally_ speaking, but the feeling's still there. If my Dad marries his mother, he'll be taking the father role and Marco was uncomfortable with that. He had only _one _father and that person was gone. For Marco, there can't be another man to play that role.

Among all that was the fact that one of our parents were, you know, also romantically involved, like us, and that felt kind of weird for him. He couldn't explain exactly why, -"You don't feel a bit… weirded out?"- He asked me, trying his best to stay awake. His eyes dropped constantly and his head declined a bit before he lifted it back up abruptly.

I shrugged, not sure of the answer, -"I dunno… maybe a bit too but it's not that bad, right?"

-"No… I mean, is it okay?"- He asked, twisting his bed's sheet with his finger.

-"Of course, babe. Like I said, they can love again and they found each other, so what? It's not like they're doing something, you know, _really _weird like marrying a sibling or something."- I was trying to soothe his troubled mind from this shocking reveal but I don't think he'll get over it tonight. I think he needs more time to get used to my dad being around.

-"Jean, I don't hate your dad or anything, I don't mean to disrespect him but…"

-"It's cool, Marco. I know what you mean,"- Dad abandoned me once and he wanted that to happen to his mother, he didn't want her to suffer the loss of someone dear to her again, because by what I've seen, she's totally in for Dad (and he wasn't the hottest guy in town, let me tell you). The same goes for him, -"But I can assure you, he changed and I really think he's not gonna pull something like that again. I can see he really respects your mom."

Marco nodded slowly, gradually feeling better about the situation.

-"You just need to get to know him better and then we'll see what'll happen."- Marco can't see him walking freely around the house yet (as in live here) and he can't see him marrying her yet but I knew he'll be cool with it in the future. I also knew Celine won't pull stunts like that so soon. She knew what this means to Marco and as a psychologist she knew she had to give time… well, time. Marco has been through a lot of emotional turmoil when his father died so she has to be careful.

Marco yawned and slacked on his bed, closing his eyes shut.

I smiled at his cute, sleepy expression as he breathed steadily, and I couldn't help lean down and kiss his forehead before resting my body beside his comfortably.

* * *

A few days have passed and Dad's appearance around the house was frequent. He talked to Marco a lot and tried to express himself about what he feels for Celine. I could see Marco was feeling better and more comfortable around him. About Celine, she was really anxious. Even though she studied for this kind of situation, it got out of her hand –at first anyways. Little by little, she fixed it and contributed to their usual talks, explained to Marco how it all started. Marco was no kid so he understood and accepted how things were. While they did, I just watched from the sidelines and kept my distance. That's something they have to deal on their own. I'm totally fine with Dad going out with Celine because if anyone needed help, it's Dad and Celine's the perfect woman for him.

I was washing the dishes while they had their session when I heard something I didn't want to hear from the TV, -_"… students at Trost high school are making a riot outside their school. It's been days and the authorities haven't done anything to stop the bullying and racism these students face daily,_"- Without realizing, I trotted towards the living room and stared blankly at the TV; I saw a throng of people gathered outside the school with placards and large papers that said "Love is for All", "We Have Rights Too", "Enough is Enough" and "No More Bullying". There were fights going on, people getting beaten and spat on. The woman in TV with a microphone waved at the crowd and yelled, -"_These students need help! So please, if you're not doing anything else than watching TV, please, help them and make their shouts be heard! They have rights just like-"_

Celine pressed the turn-off button quickly when she noticed I was standing behind their couch, -"Jean…"

My head got light all of a sudden and I had to blink a few times in order to see clearly. My chest tightened and I breathed deeply, keeping my foot steady, -"I'll, uh… be right back."- I rushed upstairs to the bathroom and didn't look back.

In the bathroom, I turned on the sink and splashed water on my face, trying to snap off the sudden trance. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, holding myself with my hands gripping the sink's edge, and sighed in dismal. _You're such a fucking jerk. You're selfish. You only think about you and Marco. Your friends are suffering because of your selfish acts._

Oh no, there's that feeling of guilt again.

_You know it's true. _

A light knock on the door had managed to make me hop in place. Startled, I turned around abruptly and my hands on the sink's edge slip, making me fall on my butt, -"Fuck!"- I cursed, hoisting up and rubbing my ass.

-"Jean, I'm so sorry!"- Marco quickly apologized, bending before me and lifting me up by my arm.

Once up, I sauntered towards his room and sat on his bed, head down and arms resting on my knees. Marco followed, worried about me but I saw how anxious he was too.

If the school is on TV, then the situation is worse than we thought. It has already gotten the attention of a few journalists. It's really getting out of hand and my friends were losing. On the news, I saw them trying to fight but others were defeated and ran, giving up on their initial goal. Absentmindedly, I started tapping my foot quickly, wondering about the trauma those guys must be going through there and nobody was doing anything –and I mean the authorities, like police, staff member or our beloved principal- like they didn't care. It must be frustrating for them and it isn't fair. None of it is.

Their voice isn't loud enough. It needs fuel, it needs…

… us. They need us.

Marco's bed waggled and I then noticed it's owner sitting down beside me with a sorrowful expression. Marco knew. He knew what I was thinking about. He knew what we have to do, -"Jean… are you really sure?"

I wanted to give him a nod but instead, and unconsciously, I shrugged and just gazed away, -"Marco… we have to go. They really need us."

Marco, unlike me, nodded. He wanted to go and help, but he was worried about me. He placed his hand on top of mines and squeezed, leaning closer to me, -"Let's go… together."

That made me feel secure and at the same time afraid. I want Marco to be safe, I want to protect him and I'd feel better if he stayed while I played "hero".

Then again, I don't want to go there alone. I need Marco, I need to-

His warm lips met mines in an instant, snapping me from my trance –which was his intention in the first place. We kissed passionately and held each other's heads close. Marco parted and breathed deeply, -"I'm not letting you go alone, Jean."

-"Marco…"- I murmured and slowly pushed him down until my body was over his. I kissed him wherever I could place my lips on and touched him wherever I could lay my hands on. We made out for a quite number of minutes until we relaxed and embraced each other. Marco shrouded his arms around my torso from behind me and rested his head on my arm. After noticed I calmed down, he spoke about our return to school.

We decided to go during the week when his mom and my dad worked –yeah, we're going without their consent. They wouldn't let us go if we told them. We also accorded to go shopping tomorrow, Sunday, for equipment like a knuckle brasses and pepper spray for Marco. We also had to buy other jackets to avoid detection. If there's something those jocks at school wanted most, was to bring us down so if they see us, we'd be for another three months in the hospital.

-"What should we tell your mom tomorrow? You know, as a lie. She'd be totally suspicious if we tell her we'll go to a personal safety shop."- I said after washing my teeth.

Marco sighed. He hated to lie but he knew there was no other way, -"Well, we could tell her that we'll go to the movies, buy video games or that we're just going to hang out for a while."

-"Yeah, any lie should work."- I slumped onto the bed and patted my side.

-"You should be the one to tell her."- He commented, putting on his pajama and resting beside me.

-"Why's that?"- I shifted my body so we could be face to face. I gazed straight into his eyes and I saw hope and fear there.

-"Because she's prone to believe you more."

He was right and it was because Marco wanted to go to school at first and because she trusts me to protect him anywhere. Oh, she's gonna have the biggest disappointment of her life.

This is gonna hurt, right?

-"Jean?"- Marco called.

I shook my head, -"Uh… yeah, yeah. I'll tell her."- I can't believe we're doing this. I've lied my whole life –heck, my other life was a lie- but lying to Celine was just… not okay, not cool.

-"Jean, I hate to do this as much as you do, but…"

-"Yeah, I know,"- I sighed and rubbed my neck, -"It's the only option we've got."

-"Yeah,"- He sighed too and wriggled closer to me, resting his head on my chest, -"Rest, okay?"

I nodded and closed my eyes, doubting I could really rest and hoping I won't live another nightmare.

* * *

-"Say, aren't you two a little… young to be here?"- The cashier dude observed us with one closed eye, leaning towards us from his desk.

I dropped the brasses and pepper sprays on the desk and dug out two bucks of 20 out of my pocket. It was Dad's weekly income he sends me; I don't have anything else to pay with, -"We're old enough."- I said harshly, trying not to freak and snap out. I wasn't in the mood for stupid comments from this guy.

-"Yeah, sure. I'll need your ID's, kids."- He extended his palm, waiting for our ID's.

I felt every vein in me thump. My blood boiled as I slapped his hand away and lashed towards the guy, very close, and spoke ruthlessly. _He's just a guy following protocols, Jean_. Fuck it. I pointed at him menacingly, -"Listen to me, pal, I'm not in the mood for your swindles so you better charge me those products now or else. Are you fucking blind? Can't you see we're fucking old enough for this piece of trash?"

The guy stepped back with arms up, gaped mouth and a startled expression, -"Jesus, kid! Chill out!"

-"Jean, please."- Marco warned behind me softly, slowly soothing my unstable temper. He pulled our ID's out and handed them to the guy. I hadn't seen him take them when we left.

I huffed and had the impulsive to snatch the ID's from the idiot.

The guy eyed them and quickly returned them to Marco, -"Nah, it's fine! Your friend here sure proved me he's old enough!"- The guy was shitting bricks. I was glaring at him the whole time.

After charging me, he dropped the products in a bag and I quickly rushed out, leaving Marco apologizing to the guy alone for my temper.

Inside my car, while waiting for him, I tapped my finger against the steering wheel rapidly. I was cursing under my breath and when Marco got in, I had unconsciously spat a profanity about his compassion.

-"Jean…"- He was worried, despite everything. He knew how grumpy I woke up today, he knew I didn't sleep last night, he knew I was… afraid and insecure.

I sighed and tightened my grip on the steering wheel. I need to calm down.

I felt my boyfriend's hands slid over mines, -"Just breathe deeply and think of something nice. Try to calm down."

And I did just that. With his help, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply a thousand times, still gripping the steering wheel, and thought of… something nice, like he suggested. I thought of him, of how much I love him, of how much I want to protect him, of his kisses, of our hot moments, his laughs, his tender smiles, his…

I opened my eyes slowly and the boiling in my veins vanished. Marco still had his hand over mines and was rubbing it tenderly as he watched me lovingly, -"Better?"- He asked.

I nodded slowly, -"Yeah…"- I mused, feeling my head light as I deflated on my chair.

-"Easy, there's no rush, okay?"

-"Mjum,"- I flexed my arms and neck and turned to Marco, taking his chin in my hands and pulling his head close to mines. I sowed a tender kiss on his lips and parted, -"I love you, Marco. I don't know what would be of me without you…"

He bit his lips, -"I try not to think about it…"

-"I'm sorry for what I said. You know I didn't mean it, I was just…"

He smiled and hushed me, placing his finger on my lips, -"It's okay, Jean. I know."

I smiled too and returned to the steering wheel, -"Seatbelts, babe."

He nodded and pulled it around his torso. I gave him the bags with our equipment and rode off.

Along the ride, I noticed Marco wanted to tell me something –no, _ask _me something. He kept gazing at me and then somewhere else, hesitating on the question or request. I wasn't exactly sure what he wanted, but he _really_ wanted it. I can see it perfectly. It's like a little kid who wants a video game; wanting to ask his mother but not doing it because she has no money or was tired, or because he's shy or ashamed. I think my boyfriend hasn't asked because first, I'm tired and second, I don't have much money, -"Hey, Marco, you want something?"

-"Huh?"

-"I think you want to ask me something,"- I stomped on the breaker after spotting a red light before me. I turned to my boyfriend, -"You want something sweet? I think there's a bakery around here."

Marco bit his lips and shook his head, -"Um… no, it's okay."

-"Come on, I have enough money, really."- I insisted, loving his current drama but at the same time hating it. I want to please Marco in any way possible. He wants candy, I give him candy. He wants my cum, I give him my cum.

-"No, Jean, it's okay."

-"Marco."

Marco finally sighed, giving up, -"Is there… a pharmacy nearby?"

-"Yeah, I just passed it. You feeling okay?"- I asked, now genuinely worried he had an ailment.

He nodded briskly, -"Yeah, just… take me there."

-"As you wish, babe,"- I turned the car around and rode off to the near pharmacy. Like I told him, I had passed it so I knew where it was. I might have a bad memory for school related things, but on the road, I remember every turn I take and every highway I accelerate through. When I parked, I turned to Marco, -"Want me to go with you?"

He shook his head and smiled, kinda forcibly, -"No, I-I can go by myself."

I raised an eyebrow, now genuinely suspicious. Is he hiding something from _me _now? -"You're hiding something from me, Marco."

He gasped, ridiculously feign, -"N-no, I wouldn't do that!"- He's more nervous than anything. I can see it clearly.

I snorted and sighed, deciding not to insist and just trust him, -"Okay then. Just be careful, yeah?"- I guess whatever it is, if he trusts me, he'll tell me soon.

I handed him 20 bucks and waited for him, listening to Alpha Rock while playing stupid games on my phone. I threw my legs over the steering wheel and leaned back on the chair, paying no attention to my surrounding whatsoever so when Marco knocked on the window, I yelped and hopped, hitting my head on the car's roof. I rubbed it and hissed, watching my boyfriend laughing his ass off outside the car.

-"Yeah, keep laughing, baby, and I'm not opening the door for you."- I spoke, not realizing he couldn't actually hear me.

He knocked again, slower, and made _the _puppy eyes.

I pouted and tapped my lips, telling him that I'll only open the door if he promises he'll give me a kiss.

Marco smiled broadly and nodded.

I opened the door and allowed him to mount the car, -"So, where's my kiss?"

He chuckled and leaned closer to me, planting a soft but hot kiss on my lips. He bit my lips and ran his tongue across them before sliding it in. Our tongues met and moved in rhythm but Marco's was on point; he was moving fast in my mouth, touring it like it was some cave. Ashamedly, I was breathless the next couple of minutes but Marco wasn't done. I tried to breathe underneath his lips but moaned instead, putting all effort into keeping up with him. My efforts were in vain; Marco was kicking my ass in this and I…

I loved it.

Impulsively, I parted, still keeping my head close to his, -"Man…, somebody's having naughty thoughts, huh…"- I said, breathless.

Marco bit his lips, his cheeks blushing, -"Maaaybe…"

I chuckled and leaned back to my chair, -"Let's go home and we can, you know, get back to it."

Again, Marco had that look that he wanted to tell me something but this time, he didn't keep it, -"Can we, um… go to your house? Do you have the keys with you?"

I patted my pocket, -"Always do, hun. Why, though?"

-"I just… want to be alone with you for a few days."- He circled his chair surface with his finger, coyly.

-"Oh?"- My smile grew into a grin. I really couldn't help it but I knew why he wanted it and I understand him; it's because of his mom and my dad. They've been around the house a lot and whenever Marco wanted to get heavy with me it was kind of… awkward and difficult for him with those two around the house. I say this but I think it's more because of my father –even though I confessed to him that I liked a guy. Anyways, point is, he wanted some time alone, with no adults whatsoever and hey, I can't say no.

-"It's just that… now mom and your dad are together and we haven't gotten much time alone, you know?"- He explained, still rubbing his finger in circles on the chair.

-"Yeah, I know."

-"And I think they also want some time alone…"

Yeah, I second that. I've also felt like they wanted us out of the house for at least a day, -"I hear ya'."

-"So, can we go?"

I nodded, pulling my phone out of my pocket, -"We still have to tell your mom, though,"- Marco nodded and I dialed Celine's phone, -"Hey, Celine. Uh… I'm going to my house and stay there for a few days, just to uh… make sure everything's okay."- Shit.

I wasn't _entirely_ lying…

-"Alright, Jean. Be careful and if something happens, call us, okay?"- I think she got it.

-"Yeah, I'll be there to pick a few stuff up."- I hung up and rode off.

Along the ride, Marco rummaged through the bags he got from the pharmacy, -"What you bought?"

Marco gave out a low, muffled yelp, clearly startled. He was thoughtful, -"Um… uh, just candy. I got you a Snicker."- He pulled it out and threw it to me.

I caught it and saw him pulling out a white chocolate bar, -"Hey, leave some for when we get home, babe."

Marco chuckled and nodded, still taking a bite off his bar.

We went to Celine's house and packed our clothes up, my PS4, Marco's laptop, and few other things. We were both actually planning on stay for more than a few days, especially since… we're going back to school. Once done, we mounted our car after kissing our parents goodbye and rode off.

Once in my house, we quickly settled cozily in my room after cleaning up a bit. We unpacked our stuff and organized everything as best as we could.

-"Jean, I… want to tell you something."- Marco spoke out of the blue after I got out of the bathroom. I was drying my hair when I spotted right him in the middle of my room, nervously fidgeting around while hiding something behind his back.

-"Okay, you're scaring me, Marco. What's going on?"- I had my heart beating quickly and my chest tightening. My boyfriend had been acting weird since we arrived –and not weird, _weird_, just really nervous. He wanted to tell me something all this time and apparently now had mustered the courage to tell me but he looked like he wanted to bail out.

-"Since we're… going to school tomorrow and all, I thought we could…,"- Marco's voice was shaky. He was very nervous but was doing his best at suppressing it, -"… I thought we could… s-sleep together…"- His face lit up.

I raised an eyebrow, -"What do you mean? We've slept together this whole week."

Marco suddenly snorted, -"Oh, Jean, I wonder who's the real naïve between us."- His cheeks blushed as he narrowed me, waiting for me to get what's behind his words.

-"Oh… _oh…,_"- My eyes widened and my whole body warmed, both at Marco's slow proximity and the comprehension of his words, -"You wanna… have s-sex… with me?"

My boyfriend nodded, his cheeks blushing more each second that passed. I could hear his heartbeats from here. He's really close to me now and getting closer.

-"R-really? Finally –I mean, shit!"- I scratched the back of my neck and tried to control my growing hard-on. Fuck, I'm even sweating! -"That's awesome, Marco! I, uh…"- Oh boy, I sound too excited, don't I? Well shit, I am! I've always dreamt of this day!

-"Jean…,"- Marco leaned closer to me than before, tightening his grip on my arm and that's when I knew he's really serious about this, -"I… don't know what will happen tomorrow, so I… want to make the time we got unforgettable."

I looked at his eyes and again saw fear among love and yearning. My boyfriend has a sharp intuition and he sensed something bad will happen tomorrow. He hasn't told me this but then again, he didn't have to.

I've thought a lot about tomorrow too and I also knew something will happen to one of us, -"Marco…,"- I placed my hand on his cheek, -"I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay? I'll protect you. I'm not gonna let them lay a hand on you again."- Thing is, Marco wasn't talking or thinking about himself, he was thinking about me. He senses something bad will happen to _me. _

But he just nodded, eyes watering as he sobbed.

I ran my thumb below his eyes and wiped off a few tears, -"I promise, Marco,"- I kissed him passionately before parting and returning to the prime situation, -"But wait, we don't have… you know, _that _stuff."

Marco chuckled and I heard rustling behind him as he pulled a plastic bag from behind him, -"I-I bought it in the pharmacy."

-"Wait, really?"- I asked, kind of feeling let-down, -"I thought we were gonna buy these things together."

Marco's expression saddened, -"I know, I know, I wanted that too but I also… wanted this to be a surprise. I-I didn't know what to do, I was so nervous…"

Oh, so that's why he was so indecisive to whether or not tell me before we arrived here. I chuckled and tussled his hair, -"It's okay, babe, I uh… it's fine."- I scratched my sweaty neck. Well, it sure is a surprise but it was kind of… sloppy and definitely thought at the last minute. I mean… I dunno; it could've been better but then again Marco was really nervous.

Marco covered his face with both hands, -"Oh my God, I-I tried for this to be better but I'm so bad at it, I-"

Another reason why the moment was… awkward and sloppy was that tomorrow, we're going to school and we might not return exactly sane so Marco, out of desperation, planned this at the last minute.

I took his arm and pulled him closer to me, embracing him, -"Marco, it's okay. It doesn't have to be, you know, so wow,"- I made a gesture of something grandiose, -"What matter is that we're together, that we spend _time _together as a couple, talk about us, that we're alone and…,"- I drew my face close to his until I could feel his breath and hear his heartbeat, "… and really all over each other. I want you, Marco, I want… for us to feel each other more,"- And we're hot for each other. Literally, I'm sweating and I couldn't hold the urge to just get down to it already. I'd be a hypocrite if I say I'm not nervous because I am, but really (and this is over "being honest" standard for some people), the excitement and thrive that I was gonna have sex with Marco surpassed it. I've had dreams about this, fuck! -"I want us to be closer, more intimate, I want… to be with you forever."

Also, I'm far too erected for me to contain myself and I wasn't even trying to hide it.

Marco was as hard as I was as he narrowed me lovingly and lecherously. He was licking his lips while ogling my naked torso, -"Jean… I want that too. I want to open myself to you more but…,"- A low muffled chuckle escaped his sweet lips, -"… but I don't know how to begin."

-"We could start by… making out and we'll see where it goes from there."- I said, trying to keep calm and not lose myself to lust as I closed the space between us.

Our lips met and the moment they touched, my body vibrated and warmed up. Marco's slick lips slid smoothly through mines like waves, splashing saliva into my mouth. I held my boyfriend's head and pushed the kiss until I felt his tongue tour deep in my mouth. We moved in synch as Marco slithered both of his hand up my abdomen, taking in my irresistible abs with his palms. He then slid down and ran his fingers through my v-line. All his touching sent thrills across my body, making it heat up gradually and beg for Marco's. He pulled our waists together until they crashed by my pants fringes, making me feel his stiff hard-on and silently asking me to do something about it.

We've hooked up and gotten heavy in my room numerous times, but this time, it's different and I don't know why. I can't explain why I feel it's different. I admit, we're about to fuck and that's fucking a-grade for me, but for us both, it's like one _special_ night before everything goes to hell tomorrow, before… whatever will happen to us happens. It's the night when Marco and I get intimate on a whole new level. It's the night when Marco and I become one.

That's sounds stupid but I can't explain it any other way.

-"Jean…"- Marco murmured my name as I kissed his neck whole, educing soft moans from his smooth lips rife with pleasure.

I sucked and tasted his tender and sweet skin, trailing my tongue up and down to his shoulder. Marco hummed something and exhaled, duly aroused and gleeful. His breath prickled my skin and fueled my moves, quickening them as I doused Marco's neck with drool. I returned to his lips and our kiss deepened. Marco tied his fingers in my hair with passion while I clung to his back, crawling my hands up and tightening my grip on his flesh. I felt his heated and sweaty body, making my hands slip often until we ran out of air. Marco quickly started kissing my chin and apple and I really couldn't help pushing him to bed, not really thinking about it.

I straddled him, still kissing and touring his mouth with my tongue until I parted and stared at his eyes, -"Ready for this?"- I asked, breathless, as I rubbed Marco's lower lip.

Marco blushed and nodded before I continued kissing him, slowly but steadily taking his shirt off. I raked my hand up his abdomen and gripped his shirt, literally pulling it up and out of his body. When his nipples were in my sight, I ramped down and nibbled on one of them while I fondled the other one with my fingers. I hadn't thought about it twice and Marco had darted his head back at the ebb of pleasure, exhaling clouds of warms breaths and babbles of my name, -"Jean...,"- He likes it when I play with his nipples. I like to play with his nipples. I licked it as if it were a popsicle and my boyfriend matted his fingers with my hair, pushing my head onto his chest. He boosted it downward and I started licking his cute abs, lecherously dipping my tongue in his belly-button, -"J-Jean…,"- He babbled my name again as I trailed my tongue lower and lower until I reached his hips and his hard-on. I fondled his groin, rubbing my nose on his bulge and it thumped against my face, -"Jean… just…"

-"Tell me what you want, babe."- I crooned, licking my lips wantonly while playfully and teasingly zipping and unzipping his pants, enjoying Marco's fluster too much. I liked it, though. I liked to see his face red from the excitement. I liked to see him desperate for me to please him.

-"I… I want…,"- Marco slurred, wheezing in glee. I liked when he begs me to do something for him, -"I… I want to touch you..."

My grin grew as I rose up, exposing my naked chest completely for him, -"Dig in, baby."

And he did alright; he maneuvered his hand throughout my chest, especially my abs and my v-line. He stroked his smooth fingers up and down from my belly button while giving me his loving look. I bit my lips and exhale at the sensation, feeling an arousal overwhelming me down south. I was hard since we started kissing but I'm harder now and boy, Marco was making my body stir when he sat up a bit and started kissing me down there, coyly unzipping my pants, -"Oh, Marco…,"- I murmured, gnawing my lips at the growing sensation he was stirring in me, -"Let's… let's just…"- Fuck, I can't speak, I'm far too erected to speak.

Marco had fully unzipped my pants and dipped his fingers in. I felt them play with my cock, making it spit cum and taint my underwear. Marco fondled and fingered me and I impulsively dropped down on him and kissed him ravenously. Unconsciously, I slithered my hand down into his pant too and started toying with his dick. He kissed me back and we both started jerking the other off. When we both came, we started pulling each other's pants down, but it was becoming a bit bothersome, -"J-Jean… w-wait…"- Marco spoke, his voice rasped as he pushed me up.

But I didn't want to wait. I want to keep this up and not falter for even a second.

-"Let's… take this off first…"- He slurred, pushing down his pants.

I took his hand, -"Wait… I wanna do it…"- And so I did and seductively, still keeping the hot mood on as I trailed my fingers through my boyfriend's exposed tight. Marco shivered and moaned lowly. Once out, I threw his pants away and reached for his tainted underwear. I grinned and did the same thing, making my boyfriend's erection harder.

-"Marco, you're a work of art, you know that?"- I commented as I ogled his naked body, licking my lips as usual. Marco's cheeks lit up as he pulled down my pants along with my underwear next. He literally stared at my groin for minutes, still finding my dick's size astonishing. I felt my own cheeks warming up as his eyes whooped me completely, -"Hey, babe, I think you're drooling."

And he was, literally, but I cleaned it away with my own mouth as we kissed again, now completely naked. We rolled over and over on my bed, kissing madly while tangling our legs together, both of us sweaty. I gripped my boyfriend luscious buns while kissing and sucking the skin of his neck lustfully, leaving a trail of blots behind. Marco had his arms around my hips, often pulling it against mine. Our dicks grazed.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck! _Our groins were so fucking close…!

I really couldn't take it anymore. I want to be closer. I want to get _in. _

Abruptly, I pushed Marco down and drew my groin close to his, -"Marco… I can't wait anymore…"

He writhed away, -"Wa-wait, Jean… w-we haven't…"- Marco gazed to the opened plastic bag at the distance, the one with the lubricant and the condoms inside.

I scratched my rear neck, -"Oh… r-right."- Okay, so I admit I forgot about those because I was desperate but safety comes first.

Marco yanked the bag towards and dug out the condoms first. His hands were shaky as the held the plastic cover in his palm, handing it to me, -"He-here…"- He stuttered nervously.

-"Oh? You want me to do the tough work, huh?"- I winked but the question was stupid considering I'd still be penetrating him anyways.

Marco chortled and blushed, nodding slowly, -"I-I bought another one… just in case."

I can interpret that in many ways but kept them all to myself as I fit the condom up my dick. I made a face and cringed, disliking the tightness, -"Why is it so tight? It's uncomfortable."- I whined, probing my dick with my finger.

-"Jean, if you don't-"

-"It's fine, babe, really,"- I said, interrupting him, -"What was that for again?"- I pointed at the water-based lubricant. I knew he'd prefer that type of lubricant. Easier to clean off and more compatible with condoms.

Marco picked it up and showed it to me, opening the case, -"I-It's to smoothen, you know, the p-penetration…"- My boyfriend was really nervous and eager at the same time. This is our first time at anal sex, after all. Even so, I wasn't so nervous. I was more worried about him. It's pretty obvious who's gonna be the one penetrating and who's the penetrated –and Marco _wanted _it to be like that. Even though he's free to choose, I always end up being the one on top and Marco likes it like that. I do too.

I chuckled and dipped my finger in the vase, -"Aye'."- I doused my dick with the lube and handed it to Marco so he could douse his anus next.

His hands shook as he doused lube around his rectum and he cursed silently.

I smiled and took the lube from his hand, -"Here, lemme do it,"- I drenched my finger and when I slid it around his anus, Marco moaned but bit his lip in order to muffle it, -"Marco, relax,"- I said as I slowly pushed him back down, throwing the lube somewhere around me, -"You know I won't hurt you and if do, just holler, okay? I'll stop whenever you want me to."

Marco nodded briskly, shuffling comfortably beneath me, preparing himself for what's next, -"I… I know you won't."

I drew my face and body closer to his, -"Are you sure you wanna do this?"- I murmured in his ear, licking his earlobe. I knew the answer, though. Marco wouldn't have gone through all this if he didn't want to do it.

Marco clung his arms on my back, -"I've never been more certain, Jean,"- I smiled and kissed him again. We hooked for a couple of minutes until I decided to get down to it, but before I could say anything, my boyfriend genuinely aroused and turned on, spoke first, -"J-Jean…, just get in."

-"Y-yeah,"- I shuffled my body over his and held his legs, sprawling them open until I could see his anus clearly, -"Breathe, okay?"- When Marco took an intake of breath, I hovered my dick near his anus, -"I-I'm going in."- I began to quiver a bit, actually nervous too. I'm anxious, I'm… worried I'll end up hurting him in some way, I just… I've fucked up before and I can definitely fuck up now.

And yet, Marco trusted me, gave me a certain and decisive look. A tender smile rose to his face as he looked at me lovingly, nodding and allowing me to… do what we wanted to do tonight.

I breathed deeply and lunged forward. My body heated up the moment I thrust my dick in, slow but steadily. Marco's body shook in response. His head darted back as he exhaled at the sensation. I slithered my fingers up and down his tight, feeling overwhelmed by the glorious sensation my dick ebbed from within his anus myself. Marco wrapped his legs around my torso as I lunged in again, driving my dick deeper in. Marco moaned louder and gripped my bed's sheets with force, -"Je… a…"- His body burned beneath mines as I kept thrusting forward with a slow pace.

-"M… Marco,"- I babbled his name too, feeling my body scorch, -"… fuck…"

-"Je… an… I…"- Marco slurred with my every push, turning his head to the side and biting the sheet next.

-"Fu-fuck, Marco, this feels… so good…"- I purred as I lunged back and forth against his body, feeling my stiff cock dip deeper in and spewing cum into his rectum. Oh my, God, I felt like I was gonna explode. I felt overwhelmed and the sensations were killing me. I felt my body rush with pleasure with each push, I felt my mind cloud with nothing but my boyfriend's moans of satisfaction, I felt like I was flying, I felt wonderful, orgasmic, I…

-"J-Jean…,"- Marco crooned my name louder, wheezing raggedly as he blew hot puffs of airs, -"… f-faster, please…"

I fastened my pace and Marco began to bleat and puff louder. His mouth gaped and drool dripped from his lips, pooling on his chin. I ramped down over him and pinned his arms up his head, still thrusting my cock back and forth with a faster pace. I buried my face in his neck, running my tongue around it and sucking his sweaty but sweet skin, -"M… Marco…,"- I gulped and panted, -"… are you… okay?"

He just nodded as I kept pleasuring everywhere while driving my hips in the latter manner. I bit and sucked his nipple, his earlobe, his neck, his lips until his red face drenched with my saliva, -"Please, Jean… f-faster…,"- His wishes were my command but this time, I fastened my pace and trusted _harsher, _with more force, and he literally out loud, -"Jean…!"- Oh fuck, I _love _it when he screams my name for more. I fucking-

A sudden wetness in my nose made me slow my pace. I touched it with my finger and felt them drenched and when I hovered my hand before me, I gasped at the drop of blood.

-"Jean…?"- My boyfriend murmured, distraught that I had suddenly halted my pace. He gasped too when a small drop of blood sloshed on his chest, -"Jean, are you…?"

I covered my nose, feeling kind of embarrassed and pissed at myself.

-"A-are you having a nosebleed?"- He asked, slowly sitting up. I slowly nodded, reluctantly, and he chortled.

While he laughed, I cleaned my nose with my arm and pinned my boyfriend back down, taking him a bit by surprise, -"Enough laugh, babe. I wasn't done."

-"B-but really, are you-"- I interrupted him by driving my dick back in deep, educing a sharp cry from him. I lunged my hips in the usual manner. His body jerked back and forth by my force as he clawed his fingers at my sweaty back when I unconsciously let go and jerked his dick beneath me. He gripped my skin and tightened his legs around my torso, -"Jean, I'm….! I'm co….!"

I felt Marco's cock spit a gob of cum on my chest -right when I ejaculated in his anus and drip down on my bed. His grip on my skin faltered and his hands fell to his sides as he panted heavily.

I breathed heavily too and rested my forehead against his, -"I… love you, Marco…,"- I babbled, -"I fucking love you so fucking much."

Marco continued to regain his breath, -"I love you too… Jean…"

We kept breathing until Marco started to kiss me madly and sloppily. We kissed passionately and rolled on my bed numerous times, we groped each other, sucked our airs out and moaned together for the coming hours until sleep caught with both of us.

* * *

Yay, they had anal sex! FINALLY, right? XD

I hope you enjoyed, my lovies ;) I found the scene kind of dull but I'll get better, I promise! (yes, there's more of that coming!)


	84. EIGHTY-FOUR

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

EIGHTY-FOUR

-"So, uh… I know you're a virgin –I mean, you were- but have you ever gotten sexually involved with someone else than me?"- I was prickling Marco by running my fingers smoothly across his waistline.

Marco purred and vibrated gently at my touch, -"No, Jean, I haven't."

-"Never ever?"

-"Nope."- He shook his head.

-"Hm."- I might've woken the guy up but I was dying to know. He told me he never had sex before but that doesn't mean he had a girlfriend _or _boyfriend and that they _might've _done _something _hot_._

-"You?"- He suddenly asked, looking over his shoulder.

I was facing Marco's back, embracing him from behind and tickling his soft skin. Our naked bodies were covered by my sheets, -"Huh?"

-"Have you ever done sexual intercourse with someone else before me?"- He asked, genuinely curious now.

I sighed and buried my face in his shoulder, -"I might have…"

-"Oh, really? I thought you were…"

-"Yeah, I _was _a virgin but I've gone to strips clubs before and stared at girls panties for like hours."- I confessed, not eager to lie to him after we shared intimacy.

-"Oh."

-"Yeah, but those girls just touched me. They kinda noticed we were underage and held themselves."- I explained, noticing the tad of vex and jealousy from him.

Marco stayed quiet and I couldn't help but pinch his buns. He yelped and writhed away, -"Ouch, J-Jean!"

I snickered and started nuzzling his neck, making his giggle and laugh at the ticklish sensation, -"Don't get mad at me, babe."

-"I-I wasn't mad…"- He said, leaning back down and facing me, scurrying close to me beneath the sheets.

I poked his nose, -"Yeah?"

-"Mjum,"- He nodded and smiled tenderly, -"That's in the past and I can't really do something about it, right? And I trust you, Jean, with my whole heart."

I smiled, warmed and moved by his words, -"You're so fucking adorable, Marco,"- I pecked his forehead, -"But really, you never had a boyfriend before? And I've been wondering, have you always been gay or…?"- So many questions and why I formulated them right after sex, I had no idea. Maybe it's because Marco and I are more intimate now.

Marco chuckled and spoke, full honesty ahead, -"Yeah, I've always been gay and I always knew it. Ever since I hit puberty, I knew I only liked guys. I was attracted to them only and I even tried to ignore it and change it. I tried to go out with girls but I never even lasted a week with them,"- Marco sighed at the memories. He must have gotten through a hard time, -"I told mom about it and she told me not to ignore it, that I was just hurting myself so I lived with it for the following years. Then you came, Jean."

I smirked, -"What happened next?"

-"I got a huge crush on you and even bigger when you defended me,"- His cheeks blushed at the fond memories but suddenly, his face saddened, -"Then you left all of a sudden and I looked for you but it was as if you disappeared completely. I… almost gave up on you. I started going out with a guy, trying to forget you and move on, but I couldn't, I really couldn't…"

My chest tightened, -"Is that why you broke up with him?"

Marco nodded, his eyes starting to water up, -"Yeah, he knew I was still thinking about you and he didn't liked it, he-"- Marco closed his mouth shut abruptly.

-"He what, Marco? Did he hurt you?"- I could feel my blood boiling, Jesus fuck.

Marco nodded again, very slowly, -"Mjum…"

I puffed in anger, -"What did he do?"

My boyfriend hesitated, -"He… slapped me often but really, it never hurt much."

I huffed and wondered where the guy would be right now. I thought about the things I'd do if I ever met him, I thought about slapping him too, -"Fuck…"- I cursed. I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate it when assholes like him pick on Marco, I hate when they abuse of him, I hate this society full of bullies. I hate them all. I want them all to pay. I want-

-"Jean,"- Marco was looking at me seriously, closer to me now. Our bodies touched and our groins grazed the other, -"It was a long time ago, okay?"

I gnawed the skin in my mouth, still pissed, -"Yeah."

-"And…?"

-"I can't do shit about it."- I rolled my eyes.

-"Exactly,"- He said, taking my chin and making me look straight at his eyes, -"Jean, look at me. I left it behind me and you should too."

-"I'll think about it if you give me a kiss."

Marco chortled and drew his face close to mines, tilting his head and pursing his lips seductively, -"I'll give you whatever you want, Jean."

Ouf. My body thrilled in excitement –especially since our bodies were naked and hot, -"Anything?"

-"Anything."

-"Hm,"- I rubbed my chin and thought about the many things that Marco can do to me. Oh boy, a blowjob sounds good right about now. Blowjobs at six in the morning sounds appetizing, -"I want a bj and a long, hot kiss, babe."

He chuckled and straddled me while I leaned back against the pillow, hands on the back of my head. I licked my lips at Marco's perfect figure above me, at his cute abs and belly button, at his trail of freckles, at his ding-dong resting on my pelvis and his lustful look, -"Yes, Jean."- He wanted to blow me too.

He ramped down to kiss me first, his slimy tongue tangling with mines in seconds. We moved ours head in synch, mouth wide as we shared saliva and air. Marco licked and bit my lips. Oh boy, it's hot alright and it got even hotter when he kissed my chin next and then my jaw and then my apple and…

My boyfriend made my dick erect and he felt it, oh he did indeed. A sly smile rose to his lips and he kissed his way down my abdomen and naturally, my groin. His tongue made contact with the peak of my stiff shaft and Marco toyed with it, licked it like ice cream. He evidentially licked the droplets of jizz I shed and tasted it, savored it, licking his lips before continuing blowing me. I bit my lips and darted my head back at the warm and pleasuring sensation coming from down there, -"M-Marco…,"- I babbled as Marco quickened his licking of my shaft, -"… suck me hard."

Marco gripped my dick harshly, making me moan out loud, and drove it deep in his mouth. He started to stroke it while sucking the gobs of cum I spilled.

-"Fuck, Marco… suck me faster…,"- I raved at the growing sensation of a coming orgasm. Marco stroked faster and sucked harsher, swallowing bigger amounts of jizz. I heard him moan too and exhale, I heard him tasting my cum before swallowing and I felt his hot breaths in my groin. I also felt the craved bliss of an orgasm, making my body hitch up, -"Marco, fuck!"- I bleated his name out and exhaled when I ejaculated and felt bliss all over my body.

Marco rose from my groin, licking my cum from his lips and gulping it. His face was red as he crawled over me again, -"Satisfied?"- He asked, running his finger through my jaw.

I nodded slowly, still kind of absentminded from the orgasm, -"Yeah, boy…"

Marco smiled before leaning down to kiss me.

We hooked for a few minutes until he reminded me that we had _something _to do today. We both stood from bed reluctantly, finding it difficult to peal from the other. We went into the bathroom together, both of us naked and with our clothes on hands. As I washed my teeth, Marco prepared our bath. Once in, we washed ourselves and cleaned off the cum and lubricant in our groins. I pulled off the condom from my cock and threw in the dump. Right then, I felt a slight burning sensation in my penis as the urge to pee came right up, -"Fuck, gotta pee."- But when I sat on the toilet, nothing came out. The urge still remained and it was bugging me.

-"Jean, you okay?"- Marco asked from within the shower.

-"Kind of. Can't pee."- I whined, probing my dick ad squeezing it to see if even a drop of urine came out. This has happened to me whenever I ejaculate but today, it was causing me problems. Maybe it's because I fucked my boyfriend last night. I dunno.

-"Hold on,"- Marco got out of the shower and boy he's a sight impossible to miss. His wet and clean body called my attention, the drops of water that dripped across his abdomen and down to his groin made my eyes stick to them. Really, a boner right after sex and a blow job wasn't surprising –specially with his dong hanging around there. Marco knelt and gaped his mouth to speak until he saw my friend and chuckled, -"I'm sorry, Jean."

-"No, you're not, babe,"- I said, feeling my cheeks warm, -"Now he won't pee any time soon."

-"Yeah, he will. Just tickle yourself or let me do it. It always help."- Marco started caressing my tights smoothly, making me moan lowly.

-"Huh, I hear someone's been through it."- I winked at him.

-"Yep,"- He admitted, now caressing my pelvis, -"I think about you a lot, Jean."

-"Aw, that's sweet,"- I said and watched him tickling me everywhere, even my hard penis, -"You gonna talk to it now?"

Marco laughed but really, it's working. I felt urine coming up and when it came out, I exhaled and relaxed, -"There we go."- He said, right after my hard-on smothered.

-"Oh man, thanks."

We went inside the shower again and while I washed his cute buns, I spoke about our night, -"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Marco moaned at my touch, leaning his back against my body, -"No, you didn't. I asked for it, remember?"

Yeah, he's right. He asked me fuck him, to penetrate him and to fuck him faster and harder. Diego's assumption that Marco preferred me to be "gentle" with him was wrong, -"Yeah, I remember, but hey,"- I ran my wet hand down his torso and his groin, -"I hope this isn't the last time we do this, yeah?"

-"It won't, Jean,"- He said, biting his lips at my venturing hands down his crotch, -"Touch me more, please."- I like him to ask me for this stuff.

-"As you wish,"- I murmured in his ear and started biting it as my hands fingered his groin. My boyfriend moaned and rested his head on my shoulder, allowing me to fondle his testicles. His hand met mines and together, they pleased Marco, -"How did you feel? I mean, how did it felt? You know, me fucking you?"- I asked, curious about it. It couldn't have feel the same as penetrating him and I'm not saying I didn't enjoy doing it because boy I did, I'm just wondering.

-"I don't know how to explain it but… it felt wonderful. You stirred me inside, made my whole body burn within. I felt… I felt alive, more than ever, I felt I was flying and..."- He tried to explain but it proved difficult, both because it _was _difficult to explain and because I was fingering his groin, making him speak rasped. I guess I won't know how it really feels until I experience it myself.

-"And did it reached your… expectation? Will it be unforgettable?"- I asked question after question, caressing different areas of his body. I just want to know I didn't fuck up, I want to know if I did good and pleased him. I want to know if it was a good experience for him, something unforgettable like he wanted it to be.

-"Yes, Jean, it did. I couldn't have asked for a better night with you."- He turned around and faced me, sowing a passionate kiss on my lips.

When we finished bathing, we geared up with the black jackets we bought and prepared breakfast. While eating, I told him my plans for today at school. We're just gonna riot outside and I want Marco farther back. Why? I want him to avoid direct fights with those bullies but like always, Marco argued and said that he wasn't going to leave me alone and that together, we'll come out of that riot victorious. Whatever I say won't change his mind. Marco's decided. He's gonna come with me no matter what I say.

We rode off as soon as we ate, both of us anxious and scared. When we reached the school, an immense mass of people gathered outside with more placards than before. Marco and I looked at each other, eyes wide as I parked somewhere farther from the school's lot. I parked in an old alley and we dismounted the car, -"Marco, stay close to me."

He nodded and followed my step after we geared up with the brasses. We walked towards the mass of people fighting their way into the school. They were pushed and beaten by the foe, hindering our walk into the school. I suddenly got lost and had no idea what my prime objective was. Stop this? How? Right now, I should find someone familiar, like Reiner or Levi or Diego but I was on edge. Literally, in every corner, someone was getting their ass kicked, someone was being mocked and someone was laughed at. People ran away, looking for somewhere safe, and were chased, then caught and kicked. Rioters stood on cars with their placard up high and were thrown with food and saliva. I wanted to do something about all of it, I…

But I was frozen in place. I couldn't move, I couldn't…

-"Is that… is that Jean?"

-"And Marco?"

I looked around me at the murmurs but I didn't saw the person who said my name…

But then again, it wasn't just one person…

It was all of them.

-"Oh my God, it's them… it's really them…"- Gasps were all around me and louder chatter.

-"After so long…"

-"Where have they been when we needed them the most?"

-"I can't believe they're actually here..."

-"There's still hope…"

The whispers were getting louder and louder and they buzzed right beside my ears. Everyone, literally _everyone, _was looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to do something. The hell do they want? A miracle out of my ass? Their bruised faces were carved in my mind as I passed by because, believe it or not, they made a path and allowed me to walk by.

What am I supposed to tell them? What am I supposed to do?

A slight pull on my jacket made me look over my shoulder and I saw Marco walking very close to me. I reached for his hand and embroiled our fingers together as we did the walk of "fame". At the end of it, our friends waited for us with eyes wide and mouth gaped. Damn, word travels fast here, -"Mother of…,"- Reiner muttered, unable to believe my appearance after my outburst at the cafeteria near Marco's house, -"Jean, you're here… you're actually here…"

I walked towards them, scratching the back of my neck, -"Surprising, huh?"

-"Yeah, it is."- He affirmed.

-"I heard the others talking but I didn't actually believed them."- That was Axel, narrowing me.

-"I honestly thought you'd never return."- Diego exclaimed, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

-"Damn, is everyone so shocked?"- I jibed because I knew they were all surprised. I was… trying to light up the uneasy mood around us. They might be glad I'm here but they haven't forgotten my cold words at the cafeteria.

-"You made it clear you didn't wanted to come."- The big guy, Berthold, spoke next.

-"Yeah, Horsey,"- That was Eren and I immediately rolled my eyes, -"And what or who changed your mind? Freckles? I bet he had to fuck you to get you here today."

I frowned and waved him off, -"Fuck off, Eren. It's none of your business."

-"Are you kidding me? I swear, I'll-"

-"Enough, Eren,"- Poor Armin tried to calm his crazy pal. He isn't even supposed to be here but I guess wherever the other two go, he goes too, "There's no need to fight him."

-"The hell do we need him for? He doesn't even want to help us."- Eren complained, glaring at me while held by his pals.

-"Eren,"- Mikasa spoke, -"We _do _need him."

Eren huffed and stomped away.

Reiner sighed and turned to me, -"Anyways, Jean, we're glad you're here, whatever your motives are."

-"Yeah, yeah,"- I sighed too, trying to calm my staggering temper, -"So what now?"

-"We fight, that's what,"- Nathaniel appeared out of the blue, arms crossed and also glaring at me, -"And if you're not helping, don't even bother staying here."

Another push to my dwindling temper. I frowned and clenched my teeth.

I was about to snap because even after showing my face, these guys are ungrateful (some of them) but Marco interrupted me, -"Hey, we came here to help and this is how you treat us?"

-"Don't give me that bullshit, Freckles. Your boyfriend doesn't care about anyone here."- Spat Nathaniel.

But Marco knew otherwise. He was there when I got gloomy after the reunion and the news on TV. He knew I felt guilty and regret, he knew I cared. I just don't… tend to show it, -"He _does _cares! He wouldn't have told me to come here otherwise!"

Reiner and Berthold were nodding, agreeing with Marco. So was Axel, but his boyfriend was shaking his head, -"Of course you'd defend him."

-"Yes because it's true! We're both risking a deal by coming here and you think we don't care?"- Marco was agitated.

-"Nathaniel, he's right."- Agreed Axel, receiving a sharp glare from the other.

-"Whatever, I honestly don't care and I don't have time for this."- Nathaniel waved us all goodbye and also stormed away. Before he did, I saw massive bags under his eyes and I knew the guy was under immense stress and pressure. I knew I wasn't the only one who has suffered both physical and mental trauma. Before he walked away, I saw deep purple blots on his left eye and a cut on his knee. His pants were tattered so I could see other cuts as well.

Axel stared at his boyfriend figure at the distance and sighed, his expression full of worry and anxiety.

I surprised myself when I felt pity and worry too, -"Is he gonna be okay?"

Axel, startled, turned around abruptly, -"Yeah, he'll… be fine."

After that whole dilemma, we discussed future plans but really, there was none. Just riot and make our voice be heard -and to push our way into the school. We gathered in front of the massive crowd and faced the enemy, who also had placards and whatnot. I was in the front with Reiner and Axel while the others stood behind us with the biggest placard. Marco was holding it along with Armin and I kept a sly eye on him. Slowly but carefully, we "marched" and pushed forward. I noticed the people behind us more pumped and eager to fight. They shouted and screamed, often summoning my name –and Marco's, -"We're not falling today, bastards! You couldn't defeat Jean and now you won't defeat us!"

-"Jean's with us!"

I shivered. It didn't felt as good as movies claimed it to be.

We eventually collided with the enemy crowd at the school's front gates and I saw familiar faces that threatened me. A few attacked me but I counterattacked and knocked them out. Reiner and Berthold fought beside me and I saw Nathaniel surrounded further in the school, -"I'm going in!"- I shouted to Reiner and hoped that Marco heard, -"Nate needs help!"

Reiner rose his arm, a sign that he heard me, and kept fighting jocks as I swam my way in, pushing people aside. I foresaw incoming attacks and dodged, making them hit someone else, -"Fuck, it's Jean! I thought the boss knocked him out cold!"

-"I thought he was dead!"

Almost every jock was stunned to see me, giving me the opportunity to punch my way through as they stared at me like they've seen a ghost.

-"Didn't he and his boyfriend fell from the ceiling?"

-"Boss told us he pushed them."

-"Then what the hell is he doing here?"

These guys seriously thought I was dead? Why did Kuan lied? What am I saying, of course he'd lie. He'd do anything to get appraisal –specially the kind that had to do with having defeated me, the most hated guy in their group.

I had a grin on my face as I startled them, as if a I was ghost, before I knocked them out. They literally screamed. Fights always made my adrenaline rush, stimulating me and making me more eager to keep fighting. When I reached Nathaniel, he was on the floor, struggling to stand up. Trevor and George were kicking him, knocking him back down on the floor. I hid behind one of the pillar and peeked at him. My eyes widened when I saw small tears on his eyes as he endured the kicks, -"Not so smart now, eh?"

-"Fuck… you…"- Nathaniel slurred, hoisting his body up with his trembling arms.

Trevor pushed him back down with his foot on hid back, -"Still hot-headed, are you? You're a trash. You know you're gonna lose this fight."

Nathaniel groaned at the pressure of Trevor's foot, -"In your… fucking dreams…"

-"You're annoying."- Trevor commented and started kicking him more.

I had to do something but rushing in like nothing was a bad idea. I've fought them before at the same time (George was on drugs, though) but I'll be honest and say I don't feel capable. Both of them were sharp, awake and sober and it's not like I was out of shape (I've done exercises during those weeks at Marco's house) but rushing into fight was reckless. I'm just one guy, they're two and _really _in shape. Both of them are tall (George was taller) and they're both bulky.

Then again, I don't have much time to devise a plan. Nathaniel was unmoving and I'm in the middle of the main plaza after crossing the front gates. I had plenty of room to maneuver around but George and Trevor aren't the only ones in here. A few other jocks were around, with their attention elsewhere, but still, Trevor or George can rally them anytime.

I slapped my forehead. Fuck this. I'm wasting time. I'm not good at thinking, am I?

With a long sigh, I came out of the pillar and displayed myself for Trevor and George, who also widened their eyes at my figure -again, like they've seen a ghost, -"You…"

They weren't the only ones with eyes wide open. Nathaniel, sprawled on the floor, was also surprised to see me, -"Jean… what are you… doing here?"

I rose my arms and shrugged, -"What do you think?"- Am I really saving him? The guy looked like he doesn't want to be saved in the first place.

Nathaniel shook his head and dropped it onto the floor.

Both Trevor and George snapped out of their shocked state and were walking towards me menacingly, clicking their fingers, -"It sure is a surprise to see you after so long, gay, but you should've been at the end of that ceiling."

I shivered again, trying my best to avoid mulling over those memories, -"Why would you say that? I missed you guys."- I spoke, sarcasm pretty damn clear.

They weren't interested in following the current, they just wanted to beat me already, -"We didn't,"- He gaped his mouth to speak again and as he did, I spotted red hair hiding behind the opposite pillar from the one I was hiding in. The person peeked his head and I saw Axel with a finger on his lips, telling me to stay quiet. I gave him a very slow nod, trying not to look at his actual position and leak it to these two jerks, -"First Frank, then Kuan and lastly, me, and I'll finish the job. I'll end you right here, right now."

They started circling me, both of them on their fighting stance. I moved too, always on defense and waiting for their attack. When Trevor launched his first punch, I dodged it and counterattacked but sadly he dodged it too and reached for me. He threw his arm over my neck and pulled, trying to choke me. I bit on his arm and kicked but he held on firmly. Trevor rallied George, -"Do it!"- Without hesitation, said guy started smiting my abdomen, making me groan in pain. Shit, I hope that rib really healed.

I threw kicks at George, but he dodged them all. Trying to loose Trevor's grip on me, I moved sideways and kept biting his arm. He hissed but didn't budge, tightening his arm around my neck to choke me. The guys are in to kill and if I don't do something, I'm dead.

I stopped throwing random kicks and just observed George. When he lunged forward to punch me again, right when he leaned down his head, I kicked his face, making him leap back and cry in pain -"Fuck!"- He cursed, covering his possible broken nose.

At the second Trevor stopped chocking me to look at George worriedly, I elbowed him in the face, right on his nose. He staggered and impulsively covered his face. Without dallying, I lashed forward and pushed George to the floor before he could recover, straddling him and punching his face five times until I knocked him unconscious. Abruptly and taking me by surprise, Trevor pushed me off of George and pinned me down face first on the floor. He gripped my head and started smacking it against the floor like six times or more. Pain sailed through my face and nose with each hit and I started seeing stars by the time he stopped. I then heard groans and hits near me and I wondered if I finally lost it. I hoisted up with my shaky arms and looked at where the sounds came from but I couldn't see shit. My vision was blurry and my head light as fuck. I couldn't keep my body still. I swayed back and tumbled on the floor again. More pained groans and shouts, -"… Jean!"

-"Hu… h?"- Fuck, my head! My nose! It fucking hurts! -"Fu… ck…"

-"… come on, up!"

I got the hint that was for me but whenever I tried to stand up, I fell again. Plus, whenever I opened my eyes, those bugging stars appeared over and over. I couldn't see, I couldn't move and apparently I can't hear well either. What a waste.

-"Oh my God, Jean!"

Oh but I know that voice. I heard that one a-okay, -"M-Marco…?"

A pair of arms embraced me from behind and hoisted me up to my legs, -"Yes, Jean. I'm here, okay?"- Marco threw my arm over his shoulder and started walking somewhere, dragging me.

-"Wa-wait… what about…?"

Marco suddenly gasped and cried. A mix of tumbling sounds followed after, -"There you are, you little shit!"- An unknown voice rang out.

-"No, let me go!"- Marco cried.

And so did I because I couldn't hold my feet, -"Fuck!"- I cursed when I hit something solid with my head before I fell down.

That unknown voice laughed as Marco groaned in pain, -"Please, stop!"

-"'Please'?"- It was male. He laughed again, -"You really are a girly little pussy!"

I leant against that solid thing I hit earlier –which I assume and hope was the wall- and placed my hand on my throbbing forehead. I winced at the shot of pain when I applied to weakest of pressure on it.

-"No… stop…"- Marco groaned in pain again.

-"Ah, come on, I was just warming up!"- Spoke the guy, -"Don't you faint on me! I'm not done!"

Marco…

_Marco… hold on…_

I started hitting my temples, wincing even more. I opened my eyes and blinked like a hundred times as if brushing off the starts and forcing myself out of this… state. Faintly, I saw a figure before me, grappling Marco and slapping him, literally sitting on his torso. The guy was laughing while hopping in place, making Marco groan and struggle to get out of the guy's grip.

I forced myself up and crawled my way towards the bastard, anger taking over me and boiling my blood. The guy was unaware of my approach but Marco had seen me and had his eyes wide open. I must look scary, like always when I get mad and go berserk. When I was near them, I hooked both of my arms on the bastard's neck and pulled him back with force, away from Marco, -"Surprise, motherfucker."- Then, I started punching the crap out of him, knocking him out cold.

Marco panted heavily and sat up, rubbing his red cheek where he was slapped, -"Jean, I'm sorry, I…"- He covered his eyes and sobbed.

I was still dizzy but I managed to stay awake, -"Marco, it's…,"- What am I going to say? That it's fine? Marco had the capability to defend himself but he doesn't do it. Over and over again we've discussed this and he still doesn't do it, -"… you need to defend yourself. How many times do I have to say it?"

-"I'm sorry…,"- He apologized, looking down, avoiding my eyes, -"I just…, I tried but I just can't."

I shook my head and even that hurt my head, -"Don't… give me that, okay? Just… try harder. You know I won't always be there, Marco, and I wish I could but…"

Marco was still looking down, unable to respond. He knew I was right.

-"Look at me."- I said.

And he did, slowly, in the brink of tears.

-"_Please_, Marco. Do it for us."- I begged and leaned back with my hand on the floor, suddenly feeling dizzier.

Marco just nodded and that's when he noticed my actual state, -"Jean, you're… pale,"- He gasped abruptly, lunging towards me and taking my head in his hands, -"You're hurt! You have…"

-"What...?"

-"A huge bruise in your forehead. Try not to move it much."- He said, slowly dragging me to the wall and leaning my back against it.

My eyes closed often and I tried to stay awake, for both of our sake, but it was becoming difficult. My head and my nose throbbed painfully, -"Marco…"- My vision blurred again and I felt rigid, I couldn't move. It was like something heavy was placed on me.

-"Jean, you're passing out,"- Marco affirmed and held my knees. I tried to reach him, to lift my arm and held on him, -"It's okay. I'll protect you. Trust me."

-"W-wait… Marco…"- I don't want him to hesitate. He can't hesitate for even a second. They'll… they'll fucking break him. I can't pass out, not yet…!

_You trust him, don't you? Believe in him. _

Fuck, I do and I believe in him with all my heart but I'm… I'm scared.

Whatever I tried to do to keep myself up, it didn't work. Somehow, the harder I try the more tired I got and the harder it got for me to keep my eyes open. Blackness began to shroud me and the last thing I saw… was Marco's tall figure facing another one.

~ o ~

I felt myself regaining my consciousness bit by bit and the incessant amounts of noises around me sure helped. I winced at the slight pain on my back, feeling uncomfortable, and shifted my body. Sitting up, I felt something cold around my forehead, dripping thin currents of water down to my mouth. Impulsively, I touched it and pulled on it, seeing it was one of those blue bags with ice in it attached to my head and pinned by bandages. I ripped the bandages and tossed them away, caressing my throbbing forehead. I winced when I applied pressure but it didn't hurt as much as I remember.

Fuck Trevor. I'll beat the shit out of him when I find him.

But first of all, where am I?

I looked around and found myself in someplace stinky and narrow. The bathroom. Great. I'd say I got wasted last night or something, but by the fact that I still heard grunting sounds, smashing things outside and menacing shouts, I won't. Plus, I recognize this place. It's the bathroom where Marco and I first got, _ahem, _heavy –or well, _I _did. I'm unfortunately still in school, though.

Abrupt footsteps made me hop in place, startling me, -"Jean."- That's was Marco, murmuring.

-"Marco? What the fuck happened?"- I spoke too loudly for comfort.

Marco opened the stall I was in and hushed me, -"Shh, they'll hear us."

-"Who?"- Am I stupid or what? Who wouldn't want to hear us and pin point our location in this goddamn school to beat our lives out?

Marco gasped after we both hear rattling sounds nearby. He quickly stepped in the stall and closed the door slowly, trying not to make any sound but these doors were broken and old so it creaked and whoever was outside heard it, -"Hey, I hear something in here."

-"Shit!"- Marco cursed silently, scurrying deeper in the stall beside me. For Marco to curse, he had to be under a lot of pressure and stress.

-"Come on, let's check it out. That freckled chick couldn't have gotten far with that leg."- Spoke some guy outside. I immediately looked at Marco's leg but he had noticed me looking and moved it away, not gazing at me.

-"Yeah, that coward probably hid here. That's what he's good at."- A second guy.

-"He's smart, though. Don't underestimate him. He managed to make a fool out of all of us,"- Spoke a third one with authority, -"He's protecting his boyfriend and has done a well damn job."

-"Bah, we'll get im' and then his fucking bitch. He's not that strong. Besides, Trevor got him good so I bet he's still crying like a baby."

-"I wouldn't bet on it."

Marco whimpered silently in pain and I spotted him reaching for his leg to caress it. When we heard one of the stalls smacked open, Marco darted back, startled, and collided with the wall behind us. He groaned and covered his mouth, muttering something about being too noisy and careless. Eventually, he swallowed his fear and when the guys threw open the stall beside ours, he lashed out, closed the door and ran, -"There he is! After him!"

I gasped my mouth to shout after him but shut it close. He took me by utter surprise. I was _not _expecting him to pull a stunt like that. His goal was to avert those guys from me. He… was protecting me.

However, closing footsteps told me that one of the guys stayed behind. Suddenly, my stall's door swung open and one of the jocks grinned at my pitiful figure, -"Well, well, what have we here?"- He stepped in, closing the stall, -"You don't look so good, pal."

I gritted my teeth and tried to stand up but I was still groggy, still weak, and tumbled on the floor, smacking my back on it's edge, -"Fuck!"- I cursed at the shot of pain.

The guy laughed, -"It's good to see you like this, weak and defenseless. I feel like I can do anything to you. I've seen all your fights and really, you're impressive, but I always wanted to take you down."

I flipped my middle finger at him, glaring him to death, -"Fuck you,"- With one swift motion, he slammed his leg on my torso and pressed my back on the toilet's edge, educing a sharp cry and curse from me, -"Argh, shit!"

He kept his foot still as he narrowed me, -"He's clever but weak. Can you believe I broke his leg with one kick? He won't get away from my guys."

I knitted my brows, feeling my blood boiling again by his comment, -"You fucking… bastard…"- I felt the air in my lung vanishing, hindering me to speak clearly.

He hurt Marco. He fucking harmed him.

-"He still surprised me. He managed to keep you safe and hidden from us all this time but his luck ran out and you both are done for,"- He leaned closer to me, that annoying and evil grin still plastered in his face, -"I wonder… does this hurt?"- With his thumb, he pressed my forehead, my sensitive and bruised area, and I literally cried in pain at the wave of pain. By impulsive, I grabbed his leg with both hands and tried to push him away but it was in vain.

I'm weak, I'm so fucking weak…

_Fuck!_ Marco out there, wounded and in peril. I have to take this guy down, I have to get to Marco, I have to…

I can't let them hurt him anymore…

I hadn't noted the guy taking a video of me with his free hand, -"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your so called "savior", a weak man who can't even defend himself from one guy, just _one. _Do you really think this guy is apt enough to save your stupid rights? He can't even fight back, much less save the day."

_Come on, Jean, man up! Get the fuck up and break this guy's ass! _

-"Oh, and that also goes for his pathetic little boyfriend,"- The guy clicked on his phone and showed it to me, -"Oh, and this is for you."- I saw a vid of him kicking Marco, stomping on his leg. Marco cried and tried to crawl away but from three guys he… he couldn't get far…

_He hurt Marco and what're you gonna do about it, huh?!_

_Marco needs you. He's wounded._

_This guy deserves what he did to Marco. He needs to pay!_

The thing about anger giving people more power was actually true and I can second that right about now (and in each fight I've been in). With a loud grunt, I shoved the asshole aside by his leg, smashing him against the stall's wall. He didn't expect it and I didn't give him a break to recover. I stood up, completely ignoring the pain in my back and head, and started kicking his leg, -"Do you like that, huh? Do you!?"

-"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"- He yelled, dropping his phone. I noted it was still recording, -"Fuck, stop! That hurts!"

-"Yeah, that's right! You did this to Marco!"- I yelled back, right in his fucking face, -"Take it, you fucking bastard!"

-"Stop it! You're gonna-"- I was stomping his leg so fucking hard that I _think _I broke his it or his knee, I dunno. He shrieked and cried, _literally_ cried and shed tears, -"Fuuuuuuuck!"

-"How does it feel, huh?! It feels fucking bad, right?! You jerk!"- I griped the collar of his shirt and pulled his face close to mines, -"Hurt Marco again and I'll break your other leg!"

The guy had his eyes wide as he stared at me with horror. He was shaking, gulping his own tears, -"Wh-what the hell are you?"

-"I'm a nobody,"- I readied my fist and hovered near his face, -"And your worst nightmare."- I punched him in the face and knocked him out.

I stood up, panting heavily and stayed like that for a few seconds, staring at the unconscious body beneath me. I should feel bad, right? I should feel pity, I should feel like shit but honestly, I don't. I feel rage and vindictive instead. Before I walked out of the stall, I spat at the guy. Outside of it, I leaned on one of the sinks and breathed deeply, trying to regain my breath.

I outdid myself. I shouldn't have forced myself like that. I felt my arms and legs quavering. I'm still kind hazy after passing out and I feel like I'm walking on a thin rope, prone to unbalance and fall anytime.

_I have to get Marco, _I reminded myself, remembering painfully how he rushed out of the stall to lead the guys away from me, to protect me. I stepped back from the sink and started trudging out when Marco himself rushed into the bathroom, -"J-Jean… are you okay?"- He asked me, looking around the bathroom, breathless.

I shuffled my jacked in place, -"Yeah, I'm fine. You?"

-"Wait, where's that other guy? I knew he stayed behind because he knew you were here."

-"Oh, you mean this guy?"- I opened the door of the stall I was in and Marco peeked in.

He gasped when he saw the guy's unconscious body, -"Y-you did this?"

I just nodded, looking away from his eyes. Marco disliked my aggressive and ruthless side, -"Yeah, had to. He was the one that-"

Marco sudden groaned and placed his hand on his knee. He staggered but didn't reached the wall to hold himself in time and fell.

I rushed towards him and knelt, -"Are _you _okay?"

Marco made a painful expression as he did a quick gaze at his leg and then back at me, nodding slowly, -"Y-yeah…"

-"Don't lie,"- I said c and observed his leg, -"You're not okay, Marco, your leg..."

He rubbed it and looked away from me, also shifting his leg away from my eyesight -"It's… just a strain, really."

-"Marco, let me see it."

-"It's fine, Jean. We need to-"

-"_Marco,_"- I called, with seriousness, and Marco was stunned for a few seconds until he moved his leg back to my sight slowly. He winced when I laid my hand on it and pressed on it, feeling it really stiff, -"Does it hurt a lot?"

Marco nodded slowly, -"Specially m-my knee."

I pulled his pant up from the end of it and displayed his knee. It was red, burning and hard, definitely swollen and possibly broken, -"Can you walk, at least?"- He couldn't run with that wound so we had to be careful and sneaky around the halls –and if they find us, I'll deal with them but I can't overdo myself. My arms and head throbbed –heck, my _every _joint.

-"I-I think so…"

I hooked my arm underneath his and hitched him up. I let him go and we started walking. Marco winced every time he set weight on his damaged leg; he limped and leaned on the wall, -"Easy, okay? I'll keep an eye out."

-"Jean, we… need to hurry. I lost those guys but they might come back."- Marco warned, continuing to walk with struggle, practically dragging his wounded leg.

Literally right then, we heard murmurs around the corner, -"We saw the fucking video! If we hurry, they might still be there, you dumbass!"

Marco and I looked at each other before I gripped his arm and started pulling him back. There's really no way to hide or escape. With Marco's wounded leg, we're slowed down and we're not getting out of this hall unseen. Still, we tried and quickened our pace.

-"But didn't you see Jean knocking him out? What if they already-"- They held their tongue and pointed at us, -"Over there! Don't let them escape!"

I quickly pulled Marco behind me, shielding him, -"Stay behind me!"

The two guys lashed at me to attack. I fought them off as best as I could but I wasn't in the best shape –plus, they're coordinated. My back ached like a bitch and sudden shots of pain made me froze, leaving me open to attacks. I got a few punches to my face and apparently taking off my bandage was a plain _bad _idea. These knuckleheads noticed my bruise there and they aimed their attack right there, right fucking there where it hurts the most. I staggered often and leaned on the wall with each impact but they never gave me a break, they kept attacking me.

When they brought me down, Marco suddenly jumped in, literally over one of the guys, giving me a chance to recover, -"Marco, what are you-"

-"I'm defending you too!"- He replied, still distracting both of them for my sake. Believe it or not, he started to fight them, _fight _them. I was literally drooling while my boyfriend threw punches and kicks, although he only took classes for self-defense, not offense, so his attacks weren't really strong enough to knock the guys out.

After I managed to get back on my feet, I joined in the fray, right beside Marco. We did the same those guys did: coordinate and work together. Both of us were wounded but together, we managed to take them on and it's like a dream come true for me.

-"Fuck you both! Fuck you!"- The last guy on foot was cursing on us, cleaning the blood from his nose. He wanted to bail out but his pride prevents him so.

I clenched my fist, -"Get the fuck away or else."

The guy glared at us and started to turn away when he abruptly lashed at Marco with rage. With my quick reflexes, I took his arm and Marco kneed his abdomen, -"Ow, fuck!"

-"Night', bastard."- I punched the guy's jaw and knocked him out.

Marco bent down, hands on his knees, and panted harshly. His leg gave up on him, though, and he tumbled down on his ass. I knelt beside him, -"Hey, you did good."

Marco just sighed and rested on my chest. He whined while caressing

-"You okay?"

He nodded, -"My knee hurts really bad, though."

-"Let's get the fuck out of here and go home."- I hooked my arm under his legs and back and hoisted him up, bridal style.

Along the way, I encountered a few other jocks and defeated them square. Marco helped me a few times but his knee was really wonky, he could barely walk now. I carried him all the way to my car, feeling kind of hazy myself, after I told Reiner I called it a day. He wanted me to stay but after seeing the condition we were in, he understood why. I had to take Marco somewhere safe to medicate his knee and well, there's me with a huge bruise in my forehead and a horrible pain in my back _and _nose –and headache too! We're doing great so far!

Along the ride, Marco dozed off after I bought him a painkiller. He wouldn't stop groaning and whining in pain. I swallowed one too. My head's gonna kill me.

I was rubbing my temples while I waited for a green light. It was a bad idea. My eyes started closing on their own as felt a heaviness fall on me. Fuck, I wanna get home, I wanna sleep and I wanna cuddle with Marco forever. I'm not feeling too good. This whole day has been hell for us and I… I don't wanna go back. I don't want to expose Marco again, I don't want to endanger him, I… want him to stay safe. I literally want him to be locked up in some kind of bubble, safe and secure from the dangers outside. I want him to stay sane and healthy, I…

I clutched my chest at the sudden pain.

I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop worrying about him but we agreed to help our friend, we promised them we'll be there to give fucking hope to the others and-

Right on cue, Reiner called me. I answered, seeing as the red light is not planning on changing yet, -"Yeah?"

-"Hey, Jean. How are you both holding up?"- He inquired, genuinely worried.

-"We're…,"- I was gonna say that we're fine, we're good but really, we're not, -"… we're fucked up, Reiner. We're fucking not okay."

Reiner made a hissing sound, probably at my tone, -"I'm sorry, Jean, I really am but… we still need you, you know? Both of you."

I just rolled my eyes.

-"Today was successful thanks to you both. We managed to get in the school."- He commented, trying to soothe me or something. He's right, though. When Marco and I arrived, those poor bastards couldn't even muster the courage to push their way in.

-"Well, successful for them. My head's killing me and Marco's knee is fucked up."- I said and gazed at him, noticing him stirring on the ramped down chair beside me.

-"We've all suffered, Jean. It's a part of it, something we have to get through and endure. It's a risk we have to take to fight back,"- Oh no, here he goes again, -"You've given them hope, didn't you noticed?"- I did, in fact, -"You gave them strength, a reason to keep moving forward. They thought you were defeated and today, you've shown them otherwise. You've shown them that even after all the trials you've faced, you're still standing and undefeated. You're still strong and eager to fight to protect the one you love, another man."

I was falling asleep again but at that last part, I gazed at Marco and definitely conceded his point.

-"You've proven that you're unmoved by the judges and racist, that you stand firm against society's worst offense against homosexuals,"- He continued and sighed, -"They admire and look up to you, Jean. You're their icon, their champion… and mines too."

I admit, I'm a little moved by his words but all that talk about be being some icon still makes me cringe, -"Look, Reiner, I… I don't know, I really don't know. I'm just… some common guy. All that shit wasn't my intention in the first place. I never asked for it. I was just protecting Marco."

-"And _that's _when it all started, without your consent. This stuff just happens, Jean. It's destiny. You can't change it no matter how bad you want it to."

-"But what if I don't want it? What if I don't want to be their… whatever they think I am? What if I just want to-"- The light turned green just then, -"Look, talk to you later. Gotta take Marco home."- I hung up quickly, not even letting him reply.

-"Mhm… Jean?"- My boyfriend murmured beside me, -"Who… was it?"

I smiled as I reached for him while keeping my eyes at the rode, caressing his leg, -"Just rest, okay? It's nothing important."

-"O… kay…"- He closed his eyes again and dozed up until we reached my house.

I carried in the latter fashion all the way to my room and laid him comfortably on my bed. Slowly, I took his pants off and placed my palm on his knee, feeling it still stiff and hot. I sighed in dismal as I started massaging it slowly, making Marco groan silently. He winced and bleated abruptly, sitting up and startling me, -"Ouch!"

-"Shit, I'm sorry! Maybe that wasn't such a good idea…"- I scratched my neck, feeling like a total dumbass.

Marco smiled, despite his pain, -"It's okay, Jean,"- He suddenly pulled me down to bed with him, -"Are you okay?"

-"Not really. I'm fucking tired and beat,"- I sat up again and began to stand up, -"But we have to check for a remedy for your knee, see if I have to take you to the hospital."

Marco pulled me down again, shaking his head and pouting his plushy lips, -"We'll check tomorrow,"- He whined, -"Sleep with me, please?"

-"Marco, come on."

-"Pretty please?"- He begged, now doing the puppy eyes I couldn't resist, -"Besides, you need to rest too."

I sighed and tussled his hair, -"Fine, you win."- I took my pants and shirt off, staying solely with my underwear.

-"Yay!"- He cheered, taking his shirt off too and cuddling beside me beneath the sheets, wrapping his arms around my torso and resting his head on my chest.

I kissed his forehead and whispered sweet nothings in his ear, making him giggle and kiss my neck. We fooled around for a few minutes until both of us hit slumber due to the our tiredness.


	85. EIGHTY-FIVE

Hey, guys! Finals week is over and I have plenty of time to finally finish this story and start with a tons of JeanMarco story ideas :D

Hope you're enjoying Comic Con ;) (and this chapter as well. There's some goody yaoi for ya'll :3)

**Warning: Sexual content. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

EIGTHY-FIVE

-"Oh, fuck,"- I cursed as I sat up from my bed, swaying my legs to its side and resting my head in my palms, -"Fuck, my head…"- I caressed my temples as I gazed up, trying to focus at one point in the wall but it's like it's split on two halves, making me see double. Wobbly, I started trudging towards the bathroom and literally shrieked at the ugly bruise on my forehead. It didn't even had shape; such is my dignity. It looked like as if a purple clay was splashed and stomped on the floor. I probed on it and hissed every time the tip of my finger made contact with it.

_Fuck_ Trevor a thousand times. Fuck him. I fucking hate him. I fucking-

-"Jean…"

I perked my head up at my name.

-"Jean, I… need help. I need to pee but I can't walk."- My boyfriend said from my room.

-"Coming!"- I quick-washed my teeth and face and rushed out to the rescue, -"Mornin', babe,"- I pecked his cute lips, -"You okay?"

Marco's face wrinkled in pain, -"My knee still hurts… pretty bad."- He hissed when he tried to lift his leg in order to dismount my bed. Holy shit, it's redder and hotter than yesterday…

-"Okay, okay,"- I hooked my arms underneath his legs and back and hoisted him up in my arms like usual, -"We'll figure something out. Relax, I'll take you to the bathroom and I'll take care of you the whole day."

As I carried him to the bathroom, with a bit of effort since my back is aching, Marco hooked his arm around my neck, -"You're not planning on going to school?"

-"In your condition? No way, Marco."- I shook my head.

-"_Our _condition."- He corrected.

-"Yeah,"- I admitted with a tired sigh, -"Our."

Once in, I laid Marco on the toilet and while he peed, I combed my hair. The bottle of gel fell, though, but when I bent for it, an abrupt shot of pain suddenly made my body stiff. For a second, I couldn't move, just cry and curse in pain, -"Ow, fuck! Shit!"- Impulsively, my hand reached for my back and stroked it as I straightened up.

Marco finished cleaning himself, -"Jean! Are you okay?"

I nodded and continued to comb my hair, still wincing, -"Yeah, totally fine. My back's acting like a bitch but I'll be fine."

-"Let me see it."- He demanded, still sitting on the toilet.

-"I'm fine, really. Don't make a fuss over it."- We're both a mess but I worry more for Marco's condition. I worry more for Marco per se and he doesn't like that. He says I'm too inconsiderate of myself, that I don't think enough of myself and that I don't take care of myself because, despite the redundancy, I don't care.

-"_Jean."_\- _Now_ Marco called me with seriousness and deepness in his voice, just like I called him back in school when he hid his wound too. His arms were crossed, his eyebrow knitted and his lips pouted. He wanted to see my wound _now._

I raised my arms dramatically, as if I was being arrested, -"Alright, alright. As you wish."- Since I was in my underwear, I just turned around and displayed my back to him.

He gasped and covered his mouth, -"Oh no…,"- He slurred, muffling his words with his hands, -"Jean… your back…"

-"What is it?"- I turned around again, towards the mirror, and looked at it over my shoulder. Well, shit. It's bad. I had yet _another _bruise there for my collection. It's when that asshole kicked me onto the toilet's edge, which was hard as fuck. Aside from that new bruise, I had minor cuts and scars from the bush I was kicked on outside of school. So, yeah, I wasn't so shocked to see it like that, -"Really, Marco, don't worry. It's not grave."

Marco's eyes were glistening, watering up, -"Of course it is! You were almost paralyzed a few minutes ago!"

-"But I can still walk, okay? Who's the one who can't walk because his knee is possibly broken, huh? Yeah, not me,"- I argued, turning back to my prime task: get my hair done, -"Clothe up. I'm taking you to the hospital."

-"But… but what about you? Jean, this is serious! You can't just ignore your condition!"- He kept maundering while I started to dress up. With a blue jean, a plain black t-shirt and my old, worn out Converse, I was set and waiting for Marco. Believe it or not, he was still arguing with me, -"Jean, please, you need to check yourself too!"

-"Marco, I already said it and I won't say it again: you come first."- I spoke a bit harshly and severe, taking my car's keys and sowing them in my pocket.

Marco was in the sofa, arms crossed and lips pouted, frustrated and pissed at me, his cheeks red and his face wrinkled. I carried him down there from the room with effort because, believe it or not, he didn't want to. I practically dragged him.

-"Let's go, Marco,"- I said as I sauntered towards him and bent down to grab him but he moved away from me, not looking at me, -"Hey, come on. Don't be like that."

He didn't say anything. He just avoided me.

I huffed and used a little bit of force on him, -"Marco, I'm serious. Let's go." – I grabbed his arm and pulled him close to me.

He shoved it away, -"So am I!"

I huffed yet again, losing my patience bit by bit, -"You know I'll use force on you if I have to."- It wasn't force like… _aggressive_ force. I wouldn't dare.

He just shrugged, not really caring. He knew I wouldn't be able to.

-"You're acting like a damn kid, you know."- I don't usually swear around him, or at least I _try _not to because he doesn't like it much –although he's already used to it. Point is, my patience was running thin here and I tend to curse a lot when I'm pissed, to the point that I might offend him, something I always regret later. Marco and I have discussed previously and it's totally normal on a relationship –like what's a romantic relationship without argues, be it stupid or serious? - and this has happened before. Marco doesn't like when I get angry, it scares him, and I don't have control of my tongue. Then Marco gets really gloomy and sometimes cry and then I get super guilty and can't stop thinking about him and blame myself, yada, yada.

Marco was really pissed now, -"So what?"

-"_Marco,_"- I spoke with seriousness, gripping his arm again, -"Enough. Let's go."

-"No!"- Marco shoved his arm away again, finally gazing at me, -"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me you're going to check yourself at the hospital too!"

With both hands, I grabbed each of his arms and pulled him towards me, -"_Now,_"- I don't even know why I keep arguing with him. He can't even walk so all I had to do was drag him. I did just that. I hoisted him up in my arms with force, tightening my grip on his legs and back. He struggled, trying to get free, until I dropped him in my car, on the back seat, and pulled down the seat belt on him, -"Stop being such a baby, Marco, for fuck's sake!"- Shit, I cursed, but fuck it. I'm legitimately pissed now.

He looked away from me as I closed his door and from my seat, I placed the child's lock on his door, just in case. I don't think he's gonna pull a stunt like that but who knows. I finally rode off after mounting a few bags of clothes on my car. I don't know how bad Marco's knee really is so I'm not sure if he'll be asked to stay in the hospital or not. Still, I packed a few stuff up just in case; our toothbrush, shampoo, deodorant, and whatnot.

Marco wasn't crying or anything along the way but he sure was mad at me. We didn't talk, like not even _once. _I'm pissed too, okay? Marco's far from being a baby and his tantrum was stupid and unnecessary. I'd never thought he'd do something like that to me, I mean, _come on. _He's not a kid anymore. He's smart, clever and mature. That back home was _not _mature at all.

I was surprised he hadn't asked me where I was going when I passed by Rose City's wall. Considering ol' Zackly and Marco's mom (sometimes) work at Trost's hospital, I decided to go to Maria's. I've heard that Maria City's hospital have a bad reputation and are mediocre but I'm hoping Marco's wound isn't _too _grave to require a professional, _professional _doctor. I mean, knees? Knees aren't hard to understand. I don't think you need a doctorate to know knees, right?

With my phone in hand with the GPS on, I arrived at a small building with a red cross at the top with the words "Saint Maria's Hospital". I admit, it looks grubby and abandoned but when I saw people coming in and out, I sighed in relief and dismounted my car. I sauntered towards Marco's side after throwing the bags over my shoulder and opened the door, -"Let's check you out."

Marco's lips pouted, his brows still knitted, and he looked like he didn't wanted to cooperate with me.

-"Look, throw me all the looks you want, Marco, I don't care. You're still going in."- I spat while taking him in my arms and carried him all the way in the hospital.

Once in, I met with a wide room full of people making lines for the registry reception. Since I've never come here, I thought I needed to register too so I dropped Marco on one of the worn out chairs, far away from the people in the row of chairs. Yeah, me and my trust issues, -"Stay here, alright? If someone bothers you, just scream."

Marco just nodded, that pissed look still in his face.

I sauntered towards the people in line for the registry. While I waited, I kept an eye on Marco. Call me a racist but everyone here looked like shit, like they rather be dead than here. I know Maria is a City of the lower class but damn, they look lower now. Practically everyone had this sick look on their faces, these odd, dirty clothes like they've used it for consecutive weeks and this stench like they haven't bathe in years. I feel uneasy and unsecure here, let me be honest. I don't like this.

I tried to calm down as my turn was next and a fat, grizzly man attended me, -"What do you want?"- He spoke and a disgusting puff of his breath blew right in my face. Smelled like onion. Yuck.

I coughed, -"Um… I've never been here before. Should I register and give my info or something?"

-"Are you the patient?"

I shook my head, -"No, my boyfriend is."

-"Excuse me?"- He leaned in, as if trying to hear my clear statement better.

I rolled my eyes. Not this again, -"My boyfriend, he's the patient."

-"Your… _boy_friend?"

I sighed and made sure he felt my breath, -"Yeah, my _boy_friend."

-"A guy?"- He kept inquiring, like he couldn't believe my words. His wide, ugly brows quirked.

-"Fuck's sake, yes. A guy."- I cursed.

His eyes widened as he turned on his chair and stood up to search for some papers, muttering something under his breath. I heard the lines of 'kids these days' and 'disgusting gays'. Uff, those words fucking boil my blood but I breathed deeply and kept calm.

-"Here."- He threw me, _threw _me some papers.

I wasn't in the mood to stand his shit but considering there are sick people behind me, waiting to register too, I bit my tongue and just walked away to fill in his fucking papers. I sat beside Marco, gnawing the skin in my mouth angrily, and started filling the paper; his name, social security number (yes, I know this), his address, his cellphone number, his household status, his personal status, his current status (ailment), yada, yada, this and that. Marco watched me, noting I was madder than before but he was too pissed at me to ask me anything. He wanted to, though, he kept gaping his mouth only to shut it down again. When I finished filling his paper, I returned it to the fat guy and sat beside Marco again until he's called.

I played boring games on my phone, trying to soothe my anger while Marco read something on his with the Kindle app. I noticed how often he gazed at me and then quickly returned to his books, as if trying for me not to notice. The fact that I noticed him quick-gazing at me was because _I _gazed at him too and tried to hide it as well. We're still pissed at each other and none of us said anything, despite the mutual worry for the other.

Almost an hour has already passed and Marco hasn't been called yet. I got really impatient and I almost snapped at a kid who was crying for I don't know what. I started tapping my foot really hard on the floor. My phone's dead and I don't have anything else to entertain myself with. Since Marco's not speaking to me, I was literally planning on digging my own grave here.

-"Marco Bodt?"- The nurse calling the patients stepped out from the reception area and stood on her toes, watching for the next patient.

I stood up, -"Finally, Jesus fuck,"- I turned to Marco, -"Be right back,"- I then sauntered towards the nurse and pointed at Marco in the distance, -"He's gonna need a wheelchair."

-"Knee wound, was it?"

I nodded.

She left and came back with a wheelchair like I requested. I drove it to Marco's location, hoisted him up and sat him on it. I dragged him all the way down the hallway, following the nurse. We arrived at a small room with an old man at a desk, waiting for us with his chin resting on his tied hands. The nurse suddenly disappeared from behind us, closing the door before so. I position Marco before the desk and pulled a chair for me beside Marco's. The old man watched us intensely the whole time and I felt uneasy, feeling cold shivers run down my spine. He didn't said anything even after I sat down and it was driving me nuts, -"What?"- I finally spoke, snapping off of my cool shell, -"Aren't you gonna do your thing?"

The old man smiled and stared scribbling something on the papers before him, -"Of course, of course. My fault. You're just an interesting… duo."

I quirked an eyebrow, -"Excuse you?"

-"So, what's the matter? Marco, was it?"- He looked at my boyfriend, obviously ignoring me. When Marco nodded slowly, the doctor checked his papers, -"Broken knee, huh? We'll see about that,"- He stood from his chair and sauntered towards Marco, kneeling before him and gripping his baggy pants, -"May I?"

Hm, I liked that. I liked that he asked for permission to pull up Marco's pants.

My boyfriend nodded slowly, shyly and nervous, and the old man pulled his pants up from his feet, raising it all the way up until Marco's knee was visible. See, that's why I dressed him with those baggy, soft pants in the first place. Genius Jean strikes again.

-"Hmm, looks painful but it's not severe,"- The old man spoke, shifting his glasses to see better, -"I'd say a few weeks of rest and treatment will do,"- The man placed his hand on Marco's knee, -"I'm going to apply a bit of pressure and I want you to tell me where it hurts the most, okay?"

Marco nodded slowly again, -"O-okay…,"- His expression changed to pain when the man applied pressure. He winced in a few spots but when the guy pressed the core of it, Marco yelped, -"Ow! Th-there, it hurts there…"

-"I see,"- The man kept observing and his expression hardened before he sighed and stood up, -"You have a minor fracture there and if not treated soon, it could worsen,"- He sat and bent to pull out some pills from his cabinet, -"These could help with the pain but I suggest you rest and ice your knee for at least four to six weeks. Also, limit you daily activities and sit with your knee up at least four times a day to reduce swelling."

I looked at Marco knowingly. He knew what I was "talking" about. No more school suicide attempts at voicing our rights or whatever –at least for these upcoming weeks.

The doctor pulled out one last thing, -"Here, place your knee in this for the rest of those weeks. It'll protect it from water and don't remove it until the end of the treatment."

-"Got it."- I said and took the knee brace. I wrapped it around Marco's knee and closed it.

-"I do wonder,"- I was about to leave, honestly, because I didn't liked it in here, when he spoke again, -"That wound wasn't caused by some accident like you claimed it was, am I right?"

-"Hey, I'm not lying. The fuck are you trying to get at?"- I spoke menacingly and defensively. Back when I filled in Marco's paper, I was asked about the cause for his ailment and yes, I lied. I wrote it was accident, I wrote Marco fell from my car or something. I don't even remember. I honestly wouldn't mind writing it was caused by abuse from someone else but considering doctor Zackly is the lord of all doctors in this goddamn country, I didn't. I'm exaggerating a bit but that man has connections, I know it. He would tell Celine if he found out we were still going to school and then she'd punish and probably deprive us from watching TV or playing videogames or something. I'm exaggerating again. I think she'll just get really mad with us and try to have someone keep an eye on us 24/7.

-"Please, Kirshtein, I know who you are and what you've been up to."- He replied with a knowing grin that pissed me off. But I admit, he caught me off guard. I've never thought that word of the things going on in school would reach Maria. I mean, that's gotta be what's he's referring to, right?

Marco immediately looked at me, his eyes a bit widen.

I tried to keep it cool despite the fact that he actually ticked me off. I guess people here watch Trost's news? I guess Maria's people _care _for whatever the fuck happens in Trost? -"No you don't."

The old man chuckled and ignored my statement, -"What you're doing is admirable and I vouch for you. I've decided not to charge you for the pills and the knee brace but if there's anything else I can do for you, just ask. Oh, and you can also take the wheelchair."

Okay, now _that's _unexpected. Who would've expected that a _doctor _would give you something _free_? He's still charging the visit but a free knee brace, a wheelchair and pain killers is just as good. I'll take it, heck, who wouldn't? I'm low on money anyways so I wasn't really planning buying anything since I got at least a pot of pills back at home.

-"Uh… thanks, really,"- I scratched my neck awkwardly, -"Uh… that'll be all then."

I gripped the wheelchair's handle and started pulling Marco out of the room until said guy spoke, -"Um… I have a something to ask you, sir."

The old doctor was ready to attend his next patient but when Marco spoke, he pointed his attention at him quickly, -"Yes, of course. Anything."

I was already rolling my eyes. I knew what Marco was gonna ask him but he wouldn't dare. He's too shy.

-"Can you please check Jean? He's really stubborn and doesn't take care of himself."- Marco spoke as a matter of fact, not looking at me while I stared at him with eyes wide and mouth gaped, unable to believe that he just blurted that out like nothing to this stranger.

The doctor chuckled and stood once again, -"Of course."

I just huffed, too pissed to do anything to stop this guy who was real set on checking me. With a hand on his chin, he examined the first thing he couldn't have missed the moment I walked in here: the bruise on my forehead, -"Looks painful too and very prone to damage your skull if not treated."

Marco kept humming assertive tones and nodding, -"Oh, and please check his back too."

I swopped towards him, -"Hey, that's enough, Mar-"- It was too late to whine. The doctor pushed my shirt up with a swift motion, -"Jesus fuck, dude!"

He examined it, ignoring my curses and attempts to wriggle off his grip, -"Barbarous. Your back is scarred for the rest of your life but that bruise can be treated,"- He dropped my shirt and pulled anther handful of pills out of his cabinet, -"These may ease your contusions but you have to take care of yourself, Jean."

Marco nodded briskly, obviously agreeing with the guy.

-"Do you have ice bags? I suggest you both ice your wounds daily."

-"We just have one."- Marco said, expecting the doctor will give him one.

And he did, not really thinking about it twice, -"Make good use of it and keep an eye on that once, will you?"- He spoke to Marco, silently, as if trying for me not to hear. I rolled my eyes.

Marco nodded, -"Oh, I will, sir."

-"Please, call me Richard. Get well soon and keep on fighting."- He waved us goodbye as I drove Marco away from the room. We didn't mutter a single word along the process of "checking out" and driving the wheelchair to my car. While I carried Marco to his seat, I noticed his huge, victorious smile plastered on his cute –I mean- stupid face because he _did_ win. He got a doctor to check my wounds and he also got very bold. I admit, I didn't expect him to demand something like that to a total stranger. Marco's a shy guy and I was positive he wouldn't ask Richard for anything. Oh and he also blurted out that I was _stubborn_ and uncaring for myself. The gall.

I'm salty, okay? I'm very salty and pissed like a fucking 3-year-old kid when he doesn't get what he wants or when his mom says stupid and embarrassing things about him to someone else. I spent the whole the time of the ride back home gripping the steering wheel with force and taking abrupt turns and stops, making me lunge forward often and hit my own wheel, -"Fuck me!"- I cursed and rubbed my chest.

Marco, who was very still because, for starters, he had the seat belt on –unlike _someone- _and second, he was cool and collect, happily looking out his windows with a smile on his face, gasped and turned to me, -"Jean, put the seat belt on!"- He was worried despite his consciousness that I was mad at him.

-"I'm fine."- I shrugged, eyes glued on the road ahead and the stupid, slow as fuck person riding the car before me.

-"Jean, please, for your safety, put the seat belt o-"

When the car before me moved a bit, I stomped on my accelerator, not even measuring the space between us and stomped on the breaker abruptly, realizing that he hadn't moved that much and if I hadn't realized, I'd ram on it. I'm just desperate to get back home and take a long ass bath to cool of my fumes, -"Fuck this fucking asshole!"- I yelled and drove near the car, lowering my window and meeting face to face with him, -"Hey, can you go any slower? My fucking grandma's faster than you!"

I ran past him after he called me a "dick".

-"Jean, that wasn't nice."- Here we go with his scolding.

I rolled my eyes and huffed, -"Oh, so _I'm _the jerk now? Great."

-"I haven't said…,"- Marco shook his head with an incredulous look in his face, -"Wait, what do you mean by that?"- He gazed at expectantly, waiting for a clear answer from me even though he knows it. I'm positive. He's smart and perceptive. He knows I'm mad at him and he knows why.

-"Come on, Marco, drop the innocent kid facade,"- I spat, harshly and loudly. I even startled him, -"You know what I mean. What you did back at the hospital wasn't _nice_ either, you know."

Marco lent his head back a bit and widened his eyes, even more incredulous at my words now, -"B-but I haven't done anything wrong! I'm just watching out for you because you don't do it!"

I threw my head back at those words that I've heard over and over again, -"Oh please, do me a favor and stop saying that. That's no excuse for saying those things about me to the doctor, you know, a _stranger_."

Marco's expression went blank all of sudden, -"Well, I'm right, aren't I?"

_Yup._

_Shut up._

-"Fuck you, Marco,"- I just blurted it out. I swear, I blurted it out. I didn't think about it, I didn't mean it, I… _fuck. _I'll just pretend I didn't just said that_,_ -"Look, compared to you, I'm perfectly fine. _I'm _the one looking out for you and _I'm _the one with the fucking car and the money and my money goes for you, got it? So don't go demanding stuff for me from someone else, specially a stranger."

Marco gasped and stared me with a harrow expression. He couldn't' believe what I was saying and he couldn't believe the words I used. He gaped his mouth to say something but nothing but a soft whimper came out. Abruptly, he turned to look across the window, hiding his sad and hurt face from me.

I turned to face the rode ahead.

_You shouldn't have said that. You were too harsh on him. He was only worrying about you._

_**Dickhead.**_

_You should apologize. He's emotionally hurt and he did nothing wrong._

I shook my head vigorously, forcing those tortuous thoughts away from my head –at least until I get home. Once there, I dismounted my car and sauntered towards Marco's side but he wasn't there. He already got down from my car and was trudging his way inside, limp and struggling with his leg, -"Fucking hell…,"- I cursed and placed my palm on my forehead, still unable to believe his boldness and childish behavior when he gets sad or pissed, -"Marco, wait up!"- But he didn't stopped, he didn't want to. He didn't want to face me, he didn't want to see my face and he didn't want me to help him, -"Fuck's sake, Marco!"- I trotted after him and caught up with him, gripping his arm to pull him towards me, -"Jesus fuck, you're such a kid!"

I started to hoist him up in my arms to carry him to my room but he literally pushed me away, -"Leave me alone, Jean,"- He gulped, holding back tears and sobs, -"I… I don't need you."

_Uff_, that hurts. Fuck, it hurts. I felt my chest tightening.

-"And stop treating me like… like you own me, like I'm your pet or…"- He couldn't explain it anymore. He looked away from my gaze.

-"Marco…"- That wasn't true. I don't treat him like that… right?

-"I… can't even worry about you? I can't look out for you? Just like you do me?"- _Now _he looked at and man, he's trying really hard not to burst in tears, -"You do so much for me but you… you don't let me do all those things for you. Why? I… I love you, Jean, and I worry about you so much. I always think about you and all you've being through and it pains me to see that you don't take care of yourself, that you think more of me and so little of yourself…"

_Why? Because when you do, Marco, you end up wounded and hurt. _I thought but the words got stuck in my mouth. I couldn't speak, I couldn't say anything.

-"I appreciate everything you've done for me, I really do but… I want you to think about yourself too and I want to do all those things for you too but you don't let me..."- Marco spoke softly, narrowing me with sorrow and distress. He wanted me to say something…

But I didn't say anything. I had nothing to say. His words really warmed me but there's nothing I can say.

So Marco just sighed, closed his eye to avoid shedding tears, and trudged away and something told me not to go after him again –at least not yet. All I can do now is try to forget about him and his sad face, his words and…

But it's impossible. No matter what I do, I can't shake him off my mind. I was preparing a sandwich or most likely trying to distract my mind but it wasn't working. Heck, I wasn't even hungry. I kept thinking about him and his words, his sorrow and disappointed expression.

I sighed and slammed my head on the table. _You did it again, Jean. You fucked up. _

It's stupid, isn't it? Our whole quarrel is stupid. We're stupid. We both acted like kids and I kept calling Marco a kid when I acted like a kid too. Like an immature. Like someone who doesn't think before speaking. That's me. Marco was just looking out for me, I know, and I wasn't grateful of that. I've always looked out for him. I still do. I don't even think about this, I don't even contemplate the fact that I place his life and health before mines. He's right, everything he said was true. I think little, if nothing, of myself. It's always him, him, him, and guess what? I can't help it. I can't. Yeah, when he tries to help me, I kind of… push him away or just totally ignore his intentions. I don't thank him, I don't…

I just don't want him to get hurt. Look at what happened when I fainted in school and he protected me. He's wounded and can barely walk. I can't let something like that happen again…

But then again Marco's deeply worried and sad about me and he wants to help, he wants to take care of me and I've been a jerk to him all this time. I should apologize. I have to. He's just like me –in his own way, anyways.

I sighed as I stood up from the chair, regretting dropping my head onto the table like that and hitting my already bruised forehead. As I rubbed it, I sauntered upstairs to my room, -"Marco?"- I called, not seeing him anywhere. I looked around and spotted my bathroom's door open, though, and when I peeked I heard the shower on and Marco talking to himself.

-"I can't believe him…,"- He said, sobbing, -"Why doesn't he let me help him? He's so stubborn…,"- He mumbled, sighing frequently in dismal, -"But I love him so much…"

I sighed next and then smiled, _I love you too, Marco. _As silently as possible, I entered the bathroom and closed the door. He didn't notice. In addition to the constant showering sound, he was still mumbling to himself, completely oblivious of what's going on outside his little mental dilemma. He had the shower curtain open and I could perfectly see his luscious, rounded butt.

I sauntered closer to his position, slowly and silently taking my clothes off, -"What am I supposed to do if he doesn't let me help him? I'm so worried…"- He sobbed again, hands on his face as he reeled his troubled mind.

I placed my clothes on the toilet's lid and kept sauntering closer to the shower, now naked. I stepped in it and when I was an inch away from him, he noticed someone was in and gasped. Before he could turn around, though, I shrouded my arms around his body and pulled him close to me, resting my head on his shoulder, -"Hey, Marco…"

-"J-Jean… you startled me…"- He blushed and looked over his shoulder to me.

-"I'm sorry, I… didn't mean to,"- I apologized and buried my face deeper in his shoulder, feeling like an ass for barging in after we discussed. I've bathe with him before but sometimes he prefers his privacy instead of my company –especially when we argue. Doesn't matter. I'm in and I had to apologize, -"Marco, I… wanted to apologize for everything. I shouldn't have said those things and I'm so sorry for making you feel like I own you. I-I don't, I swear I don't and I wanna fucking kill myself for making you feel like it. You're not my pet or anything, you're my boyfriend, the man I love with all my heart and the most special and important person for me,"- I began, shedding a few tears and squeezing my arms around him, -"I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking moron for not accepting your help back there and snapping at you the way I did. You weren't doing anything wrong, you were just worried about me and trying to help me. You're right, I don't look out for myself the way I should but you do and I was such a jerk for not appreciating it…"

Marco kept quiet, listening to me carefully.

-"I want to change that, Marco, because if anything, I… really need you,"- I shifted my head close to his ear, -"And I love you so much too…"

He gasped and his cheeks blushed more, -"Y-you heard?"

I nodded and nuzzled his neck, -"I'm sorry for being so stubborn and calling you a kid. I think I'm the real kid between us."

Marco shook and pursed his lips, -"No, I-I'm the one who acted like a kid, Jean. Let's be real."

A small smile rose to my lips, -"You looked cute, you know."

Marco chuckled and we both ended up laughing at how we both probably looked stupid butt hurt because of the other.

-"So, you forgive me?"- I asked, still embracing him from behind, -"I'll change that, I promise. I'll think about myself a bit more from now on."

-"Yes, Jean, I do and I'd like that. I-"- He suddenly yelped and reached down to touch the brace on his knee, -"Oh, the brace! It-"

-"I got it,"- I knelt and sealed the brace, -"There. Try not make abrupt movements with it, alright?"

Marco nodded, his cheeks still blushed and specially now since I was down here, just below his perfect butt. I grinned and made my way up while kissing his calf and tight smoothly, running my tongue up and making him moan silently. He exhaled when I nuzzled his bun playfully, biting his soft and sweet skin, -"Jean…"- He babbled my name as his body shook with pleasure. He clenched his hands and bit his lips when I started to stroke his tights with the tip of my fingers, prickling his skin, and licking the bottom of his bun lecherously, sucking his skin often, -"J-Jean…"

From the gap between his leg, I saw a boner coming right up. I grinned again. I liked to arouse Marco. I liked getting him hard this quick. I rose up, trailing my hands up his slick back and ending on his shoulder. With my arm around his neck, I licked my way up his neck after kissing and sucking it –my favorite spot in his body, yeah- and ended up on his cute earlobe. I kept toying with it while whispering sweet nothings to my boyfriend's ear, who shivered and vibrated in glee at my lewd words, -"Want me to fuck you?"- I eventually asked because I _wanted_ to and because he couldn't get any harder –and because he wanted too. I know it. The cool atmosphere and our moist, naked bodies just… _uff_. It's the perfect place for me to penetrate him and hey, we won't need any lubricant! The water will smooth everything.

Marco nodded coyly and very slowly, -"Mjum…"- He hummed and looked over his shoulder to me, his cheek red and his eyes full of lust.

My grin grew as I slowly pushed his body against the wall. I kept kissing his neck and shoulder, sucking and biting his skin gently, as I thrusted my index and middle fingers in his anus. Marco moaned as I twisted my fingers and separated them, opening his rectum wide for the entrance of my cock. I shoved my hips forward, seeping my dick in slowly, and Marco writhed and shivered before me. I started lunging my body back and forth slowly, gripping my boyfriend's hips firmly while doing so. As he moaned louder and louder, Marco body's clashed onto the tile each time I shoved my hips forward. When I increased speed, he bent and held on to the wall, -"Fuck, Marco…"- I felt my body scorch despite the cold water pouring down on us with each thrust. I felt my stiff dick deep in his anus send waves of pleasures across my body and I liked it. I liked how it felt. I wanna feel it more.

Marco was moaning louder, -"Jean… please…,"- He wanted me to fuck him faster. And I did because I also wanted to. I began to shove my hips forward into his rectum faster and harsher, with more impetus, making Marco's body sway back and forth as he bleated out loud, -"Jean…! Please… don't stop…,"- He babbled, trying to look over his shoulder to me. I saw a glimpse of it and I adored the sight; his face was plastered with lust and anticipation; he wanted more, he wanted me to please him more. His was so red that I couldn't see his freckles. His mouth was gaped and drool dripped out from it, -"It feels so good…"

My stiff dick began to spit cum in his rectum as I accelerated my moves, boosted by his pleas. _Oh yeah? I can make you feel even better, _I though and tried to word it out but I couldn't. My throat burned and it burned even more when I trusted deeper in with force, impulsively reaching for his mouth while my other hand went for his dick. Marco had darted his head back at the ebbs of pleasure and I dipped my fingers in quickly, feeling his gooey drool drench them. Marco gurgled something but I couldn't understand him, -"Je… an…"- My hand gripped his already slimy dick and jerk it off as fast as I fucked him. I couldn't peel off of him, I couldn't step back, I just kept pleasuring him everywhere and he was way up in euphoria. I saw his face full of pleasure, his red and wet face, and his mouth gaped. I wasn't planning on getting him down. I wanted him to keep feeling that good and even better.

I really don't know how far my dick was in his anus, though, but I felt it pretty in already, deeper than last time we had sex. A sudden ebb of worry splashed me but I ignored it as I felt an orgasm closing in –and not only to me. Marco wheezed and puffed as his dick hardened even more in my hand. I squeezed it and fingered, -"Marco… fuck… it's so close…"

-"Jean…!"- He bleated, gripping his dick along with my hand, -"Jean, I'm coming!"- And he came alright, with a loud and deep exhale of pleasure, even before bleating that out. His cock splattered a mess of cum into my hand and dripping to the tiles beneath. I came too at the same time and I felt my cum shroud my dick, seeping and dripping from the small gap of his butt at the amount. I exhaled too, feeling bliss overwhelm me and enjoying the feel of my dick in there.

We panted heavily and Marco got lithe and shaky, his hold on the tiles slipping. I held him with an arm around his torso, -"You… okay?"- I asked, a bit worried as I brushed the bangs of his hair away a bit so I could see his face.

He nodded slowly, his mind still in a trance of bliss, -"Mjum…"

I started to pull my body back slowly, hauling my cock out of his rectum. It thumped and a mess of jizz dripped out of his wide hole, -"Holy shit..."- I exclaimed silently, observing the jumble of cum beneath us. My boyfriend suddenly pulled me towards him and smashed his lips on mines. He's still randy after that, huh. We kissed madly for long minutes, raking our hands across our wet bodies and kissing our soft spots.

Eventually, we reluctantly peeled off each other and bathed, prattling on and on about… well, sex. Marco couldn't stop talking about how good I made him feel and that he wished he could do the same to me. Really, I couldn't help feel a gleeful thrill prickle my whole body at his words. Marco? Fucking _me_? Is that even possible? Oh boy, now my mind's rife with naughty thoughts. I thought about him fucking me in bed, I thought about how good it must feel to him so deep in and…

-"I love you, Jean…"- He whispered to my ear as we laid comfortably in bed after shower. We were nursing our wounds with ice as the doctor suggested.

-"Huh?"- I mumbled, shaking my head and placing the ice bag back to place on his knee, -"You said somethin', babe?"

Marco giggled and nuzzled my neck, -"That you're the most dreamy boyfriend ever,"- He murmured in my ear, ramping my torso down to my bed as he settled his body beside me, his knee still raised, -"What're you thinking about?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and looked away, -"Uh, n-no… I'm just wondering about, um…"

My boyfriend had a playful smile on lips as he narrowed me lovingly, -"Hmm…?"- With his quick hand, he turned my head to face his by my chin.

I bit my lips, trying to stay cool despite my clear arousal here. Goddamn him, whenever he gets seductive and naughty like this, he always manages to unbalance and break my cool, -"Uh… you know me, babe. I'm thinking about how good you'd look on a tuxedo."- Jesus, that was pathetic.

Marco giggled again, -"Really…?"- Seductively, he ran his hand up my abdomen from underneath my shirt.

I bit my lip harder, feeling my dick thump, -"Y-yeah…"

With a seductive look on his face, he leaned down to me and whispered, -"Don't lie…"

That's it. That's all it took for my cock to go hard, -"Fuck…,"- I cursed and grabbed Marco's head, pulling it towards mines and smashing our lips together. I ravened my tongue in his mouth and tangled with his. Marco expected it –in fact, it was all part of his little devious plan. He settled his body over mines and kept answering all my kisses effectively. We moaned and breathed into each of our mouths, feeling our hot breaths prickle our skin as we moved in synch, -"I…, fuck…, I was thinking about you fucking me, alright?"- I confessed as he sucked the skin on the core of my neck.

Marco giggled, -"I know…,"- He affirmed and looked up, running his slim and smooth finger across my jaw, -"But you're gonna have to wait a bit for that…"- He spoke teasingly.

-"Aw, come on. Don't cock-block me,"- I said, not really joking, -"Is it gonna be a surprise then?"

Marco smiled broadly, -"I don't know. I guess you have to wait and see."

-"Fuck you, Freckles."- I said and started kissing him again. We ended up making out for the rest of the evening until he managed to indulge and please my hard-on. We kept fooling around until sleep caught up with us.


	86. EIGHTY-SIX

I'm not exactly satisfied with this chapter :/ but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I promise I'll work harder on the next one!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

EIGHTY-SIX

I whistled, -"You have a sweet, sweet butt, Marco,"- I said, lecherously licking my lips at the sight before my eyes, -"Hasn't anyone told you that?"- I munched on the sandwich said guy made me as I laid sprawled on the couch with an ice bag on my forehead. It kept falling down, though, since I wouldn't stop looking sideways at Marco's figure.

He was turning the TV on with his sandwich on his other hand, -"Yep,"- He chuckled as he sat beside me and patted his tight, urging me to rest my head there, "I wonder who."

-"Yeah, who could it be?"- I followed the current, laughing to myself silently as I settled my head cozily on his tight, but then I started to wonder if he meant someone else and stopped my mirth, -"Wait, hold on a sec, we're talking about me, right?"- I looked up at him, quirking an eyebrow, expectant for his answer.

But Marco just snickered and shrugged, munching his bread.

I lifted my head, a bit jealous that someone has praised Marco's butt before me, -"Marco…"

-"Remember that guy I told you about?"- He asked, swallowing his chunk of bread, -"My first boyfriend?"

Yeah, it was his awful first experience as a homo with that abuser, -"Yeah?"

-"Well, he was the first one that said a compliment about my butt."- Marco snickered teasingly, even though his memories with that guy were bitter.

-"Bummer,"- That's the second reason why I want to smack that guy's head on a brick wall. The first was the fact that he abused of Marco and mistretaed him. That made my blood boil, made my head teem with aggressive thoughts and emotions, -"Fuck that guy. What's his name again?"

-"I… don't remember."- He replied, his voice a bit shaky and nervous. He was also avoiding my gaze.

I quirked an eyebrow, aware that he was lying. Marco couldn't have entirely forgotten that experience nor the guy. No one ever does, especially if it's a bad one. I mean, at least _I_ haven't forgotten my experience with Trisha and how she cheated on me and treated me like a scrub. She made me feel like shit, unimportant and expendable. She didn't cared about me, she never did, and she didn't cared about my feelings.

Marco sighed, succumbing to my wit, figuring out he couldn't fool me –the person who knows him best, at that, -"Henrik, Jean. That's his name. Why do you ask?"

My brows knitted, -"Just curious."- Christ, if I ever meet him…

-"Jean, let's not talk about it anymore if it makes you…,"- He paused and quick gazed at me, -"… like that."

-"Like…?"

-"All moody."

-"I'm…,"- I got a hunch that if I don't control myself, this conversation will lead into an argument and then Marco and I will be butt-hurt again, -"… fine, really."

-"You need to let those strings of the past go, Jean,"- Oh, _that_ again, -"I did and you should too."

I sighed. He's right. Stuff of the past adhere to me a lot and for me it proved difficult to let go and forget, -"Yeah, you're right."

-"We should focus on today and tomorrow,"- He changed subject, stroking my scalp smoothly, -"Are we going to school tomorrow?"

-"Yeah,"- I replied, dropping the ice bag on the floor, and sat up, -"I got a call from Reiner. He said we're close to getting the attention of the higher authorities and gaining our rights but that it's getting harder to fight back."- And we haven't been gone much. Just four days. Yeah, we haven't gotten our four weeks of rest and treatment. Such is life –or ours. At least Marco can walk normally again –he can't run, though- and my back hasn't gotten on bitchy mode anymore.

-"We can't give up yet. We're so close."- My boyfriend murmured and it was mostly an outspoken thought.

I just nodded and took a deep breath as I flitted my head back on Marco's tight by his urging pats. He picked up the ice back from the floor and laid it on my forehead.

So it was decided that we were really going to school tomorrow and because of that, we made the most out of that day. Aside from taking our prescribed medicines, we mostly rested and slept all day together –and yeah, heavy and sexy moments included. During evening, we prepared for tomorrow, possibly the last strike of that whole schism. I just feel it. It'll all end tomorrow but I had no idea how and it terrified me. I conveyed that to Marco and he felt it too.

-"Hey, Marco."- I spoke out of blue in the middle of night. None of us could sleep.

-"Hmm?"

-"I love you, you know?"- It was sudden and awkward but I just blurted it out without thinking about it. My lips flapped on their own.

-"Jean…"- Marco murmured, scurrying close to my body beneath our sheets.

-"I… I don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow and I want you to know that I love you, so damn much…"- This is definitely weird coming from me in the middle of the night. I was talking as if tomorrow will be the end of the world. I've never spoken to him like that.

-"It'll be alright, I promise."- Marco was scared. He was gripping and tugging the sheets firmly.

-"If we manage to win, do you think it'll all be worth it?"- I spoke, gazing up at my ceiling. We've sacrificed a lot for this. It better be. It better make a difference. Marco and I have suffered because of this.

-"Yes, I-I do…"

I just chucked, a bit bitterly. Why am I wondering this stuff now of all times? I really don't know. It just popped in my head. I think fear that our sacrifice changes nothing ushered the questions and doubts in me. I know that discrimination is everywhere and that I'll keep seeing it for the rest of my life, no matter where I go, but I hope that it changes something in that school for the future peers enrolling there. It's ironic. I kept saying I will only do this for Marco but now I…, I dunno. I've had time to think and meditate on this whole shit (yes, I meditated. What a miracle) and I realized something. I realized that I'm not going to be the only one that has suffered this trauma Marco and I have suffered. I realized that in the future, there's going to be a guy like me madly in love with a cute as fuck boy that's gonna go through some real shit trials and I know that he'll do it to protect his significant other. I realized that I'm currently not the only one suffering because of discrimination and abuse. I feel like I could help them. I want to help those Jeans and Marcos out there. I want my story to make a difference. I want it to be heard for the sake of them.

-"Um, Jean?"- Marco was speaking to me, still tugging the sheets.

-"Huh?"- I snapped my eyes open and finally gazed at him, -"Sorry, I was… thoughtful."

He slid his arms across my torso and embraced me. We were both shirtless and warm as we snuggled together, -"Jean, you know that…"

-"I know, I shouldn't overthink but it's fine, really,"- I told him every thought I had and he was glad and moved. I knew he'd like it. His once jerky and selfish boyfriend isn't thinking of himself anymore. I also told him that I was thinking on making our story public and I was surprised when he told me he had also thought about it. He never worded it out because he thought I wouldn't approve. Maybe my old self wouldn't but I've thought about it and how it could help other peers, -"It's uh, just a thought."

Marco smiled brightly as he gazed at me with pride and admiration, -"I think it's a wonderful idea, Jean, and I'm glad you told me about it."

-"Yeah,"- I sighed and settled cozily on my bed, looking for a comfortable spot close to Marco, -"We should try to sleep."

Marco just nodded drowsily and yawned. I knew that after this conversation, we were going to sleep peacefully for at least 3 hours or so. It definitely lulled my troubled mind and I knew I quelled Marco's anxiety too. Whatever happens tomorrow, I'll be with him. I'll keep protecting him and I know he'll have my back too. We'll be together until the end.

* * *

I wasn't expecting the massive activity taking place outside the school today. There were people _everywhere. _I swear there's even people who aren't even students coming here to support us and that's good. This whole skirmish is spreading and more people are aware of it and if they're considerate, they'll come and aid us too.

I was gripping Marco's hand firmly as we squeezed through the mob of people. I really didn't have a concrete plan on mind other than keep shouting and when I reached the spot where my friends were, I knew they threw the fucks they gave away. We spent the morning rioting outside, shouting with placards on hands until it got heated and the enmity started attacking us, really frustrated with us and our persistence. I fought a number of them already, defending myself and my peers as best as I could. I got a few hits but I managed to stay on my feet, especially now that Marco fought beside me and covered my back.

It was around evening that bright white vans started to park not far from us. It took me a while but I managed to spot Trost's Daily News logo on them. In the blink of an eye, a woman and two bulky men started to dismount cameras, microphones and other similar tools. In fact, that's the same woman I saw the other day on TV, talking about this very same school.

Distracted, I got a punch right on my jaw and Marco quickly rushed in and held the guy back with his arm around his torso. After composing myself, I rose up and punched the guy's face several times before he fell unconscious, -"Jean, are you okay?"- Marco quickly asked, stocking my jaw gently.

-"Yeah, I'm okay."- I replied, moaning lowly at Marco's soft touch.

After that, we continued rioting while the journalists recorded us and the presence of more people was noted. Later on, the police (also known as the Garrison) arrived and tried to contain both sides. They were really struggling. Both sides were too riled up to submit to the police, who kept shouting 'calm down, calm down!'. It wasn't until they started pulling out their batons and hitting us that we sort of stepped back a bit. For the majority though, it riled them even more and they just hit back. The police weren't in the mood to stand us so they hit back harder but so did we. I got several hits with batons and I stole one once and hit the police back with it. The situation got a whole lot worse when one of them smacked my boyfriend with a baton in the head when Marco was helping one of our friends stand up. I lashed at that policeman and I lost count of the times I smacked his head with that very same baton, -"Marco!"- I yelled, watching him struggling to stand up. I tried to reach him but the mob of people fighting made it difficult for me, -"Fuck, get out of the way!"- I pushed people aside until Marco was on my sight, -"Marco, hold on!"

-"Jean…? I feel… dizzy…"- He mumbled as I helped him stand.

-"Just hold on to me. I'll get you out of here."- I replied, dragging him somewhere farther from here.

-"No… wait…,"- He suddenly halted his steps and started stroking his temples, -"Just… give me time…"

I held him steady while he composed himself, -"Better?"- I asked after a few minutes, noticing his eyes looking sharply and awake.

He nodded, -"Yeah, let's go."

We returned to the core of the riot with the rest of our friends and kept shouting. We were all tired but nothing stopped us from fighting until the end of the day, -"Hey, look at that."- Reiner spoke beside me, gazing and pointing up at the sky by the sound of a helicopter approaching.

With a hand on my forehead covering the sun's ray, I spotted two helicopters descending down on us, -"By order of the Government, stand back!"- A loud male voice spoke from the speaker and every person on ground stepped back, making a wide space for the helicopter to land.

I had Marco's hand firmly on my grip as we retraced our steps, eyes carved on the closing helicopter and the soldiers on it, -"That's the Military Police,"- Marco whispered but I couldn't avert my eyes from them. My eyes widened at their guns and rifles, at their uniform and their built. At the front, just below their shoulder, was a patch of their insignia: a green horse encrusted onto a silver pentagon. Their uniform had the green camouflage pattern, surrounded with pouches and gun holsters. They stood still in the descending helicopter, protecting someone important inside. When it landed, they sidled and allowed passage to the person inside. An old, lanky man with long, white straight hair and with a small beard plodded forward, covering his aged eyes from the sun, -"And that's Fritz. He's from the Royal Government."

Marco surprised me yet again of his broad knowledge. I don't know shit that's politics related. I don't even know who's King, to be honest, -"So, what is he?"

-"He's the King's substitute when he isn't available."- Marco replied, observing the old man.

-"So the King couldn't make space on his agenda for us, huh? He must _really _care."- I think he didn't want to get his hands dirty with this issue.

-"We're actually lucky, Jean. At least he sent someone."- Spoke Reiner.

-"Yeah, we could have stayed here rioting all day if he _really _didn't cared."- Added Axel.

I just shrugged, feeling a bit of pity for the man. I bet he feels expendable. He had wrinkles all over his face and he looked senile, weak and bored, like he didn't want to do this in the first place, -"Um… graceful students, if you could please quieten down…,"- His voice portrayed just how jaded and old he is, -"… thereby we could resolve this peacefully without resorting to aggressive methods…"- His choice of words reminded me of Diego, who was not far from us. Do all Sina people speak so fancy like that? Incidentally, the only thing that stands out of him was his clothing. Very elegant, if I do say so myself.

-"Fuck that! Just ban these gays already!"- Some jock yelled, raising his fist.

-"Please, calm down…"

But the guy kept yelling obscenities about us and his pals joined in. We didn't keep quiet. We yelled back with the same obscenities. Old man Fritz lost control over the situation in the blink of an eye. None of us noticed the stern looking guy that came from the other helicopter and started shooting students with his taser gun. Screams teemed the air and everyone leap back. The man laughed and looked at Fritz, twirling the taser on his finger, -"See? It always works."

Fritz just sighed and allowed this new guy to handle us.

I quickly positioned myself before Marco as he gasped and pointed at the guy, -"That's Nile Dok! He's ruthless and cruel!"

-"I can see that…"- I murmured, glaring the bastard down as he teased us.

-"_Shocked, _are we?"- He laughed at his horrible pun, -"Alright, kids, settle down and nobody else has to get stunned,"- He pointed at the crying and cursing jock on the pavement. When the crowd stayed quiet, he grinned, -"That's much better, right?"

I hate that grin. I hate his face. I hate his goatee and mustache. He looked down on us with that wicked and full of disdain expression that shunned us. I gritted my teeth as he spoke.

-"Now, it's apparent this whole issue has gotten way out of hand and you're all to blame,"- Gasped filled the air from my group, -"Yeah, you're all at fault. Deal with it."

Marco was enraged by his words. This guy's indifference's on a whole other level. When people started to protest though, he shot several more students.

-"What did I say before? Would someone be so kind as to remind us all?"- He asked, looking through the mass of crowd for a volunteer.

No one said a thing, not even the most daring of the jocks. I had an impulse to say something but if I do, I'll just get shot like the others.

-"I got all your tongues, eh?"- He laughed and started pacing around from where he stood, -"Back to the prime issue. All this "riot" or "rebellion" is pointless. This changes nothing, kids, and you know it. Accept it. We could all have avoided this if you just dealt with it. It's life, grow up."

Everyone was speechless. No one dared say a word.

-"Think about it, if you weren't whiny about how you were treated, _this _wouldn't have happen and right about now you could've been preparing for graduation but no, you've decided to waste time with this bullshit,"- He kept speaking, still pacing around with his gun on hand, -"Things should stay as they are, in order and peaceful but rebels like you always muss everything up! You know, sometimes you just gotta stay down and it's best like that."

This guy…

At first, I thought he was joking but I know better. He knew what was happening in the school. The rate of bullying was overwhelming. In addition to that, people were also being bullied _because_ of sexual preferences. So, it was that mixed with discrimination. Point is, he knew all this and yet he speaks like… like there's nothing to do about it, like we should just _deal with it. _How? Just… how? I can't just allow someone to beat me up! I want to defend myself and I have the right to! I don't have to take this shit! I don't have to take _his _shit!

-"But, it's not my place to choose what to do about this. I'm just doing my job and that's keeping order,"- He added, crossing his arm and side glancing at Fritz. The old man had that lost look on his face, like he didn't really know what to do and just expected Nile to decide for him, -"Still, isn't one of you rebels _brave _enough to speak up? Aren't you battling for your rights? Come on, say something!"- And yet, that very man was expecting someone to argue against him, just for fun, but no one dared to speak. No one wanted to get shot by him. He caused fear among us and I hated it. This isn't fair.

Suddenly, everyone from my group started to gaze at me –including Marco. They wanted me to stand up and say something to him. I clenched my hands and started to step forward just after Marco gave me a tight squeeze. Oh, I want to say _somethings _to him alright but I can't deny the tad of fear in me too. I was afraid of saying something stupid and embarrassing my colleagues. I was afraid of getting shot with the taser.

As I stepped forward, the crowd around me sidled, letting me pass and making space so I could be exposed the man's eyes, -"Well, who do we have here?"- He started clapping his hands, -"If it isn't Jean Kirshtein, the so called vigilante and patron of these students, the icon of this stupid rebellion."

I've gotten used to that so I just shrugged it off as I stepped right in front of him.

-"You've gotten famous, you know. People speak about you even among the Military Police,"- He admitted, shaking his head, -"Everyone there saw your vids, including myself, and I gotta admit you're not bad for someone who doesn't know what he's doing –heck, not even _why_."

I gaped my mouth to retort but he interrupted me.

-"Admit it, kid, you don't really care about any of them or this, in general. I bet you don't even want to be here, I bet you prefer to be in your home and hiding like the real coward you are."

-"You don't know me,"- I spat, gritting my teeth. He was right, though. I rather be home than here but that doesn't mean I don't care about my friends and their wishes. At first, I didn't care about them or this fight but now it's different. I'm not only doing it for Marco, I'm doing it for all of us and those who'll precede us. Yeah, it won't change anything but at least it'll spur others to defend themselves, -"And yeah, maybe it won't change anything in the future but people like us will be motivated to defend themselves and accept who they are; they won't be ashamed of telling their sexuality to the world. No one has to hide it just because others tell them so and we don't have to live in a world where people like you command women to have long hair and men to have short hair, girls to wear pink and men to wear blue or… to guys like girls and to girls like boys. Fuck that and fuck you too."- I flipped both my middle fingers at him.

Nile growled and swiftly, he shot his taser at me. The moment the thin cord made contact on my chest, I shrieked and tumbled onto the floor, unable to move at all. It's like I lost connection with all my joints. A pitch beep hindered my audition but I knew I was groaning in pain.

I saw Niel grin above me and I managed to heard what he said after a few seconds, -"You shouldn't say that kind of stuff to the commander of the Military Police, pleb,"- He pointed the taser at me again. A sharp feel of fear ebbed within me but I stayed put, not about to back down on what I just said. Within the mob, I heard Marco gasp and call my name. In a second, he was kneeling right beside me, holding my hand firmly. I looked at him and smiled before glaring back at Nile. Then, all my friends joined me and helped me stand up after a few minutes of blankness on the floor. Nile shrugged, dropped his gun and turned his attention to Fritz, -"Your choice, old man. My job's done."

Fritz coughed to gain our attention, -"Excuse me, please…"- But my colleagues were too riled up to pay attention to anyone except me. They were all cheering on me, thanking me for standing up for them.

I then spoke up, noticing Fritz struggling to get our attention-"Okay, let's settle down. The old man has something important to say."

When the buzzing chatter dissipated, Fritz combed his white hair to place and gaped his mouth to speak, -"I have decided to make some modifications to this school to diminish the rate of bullying and discrimination for uh… homosexuals, bisexuals and transsexuals like these students,"- Some of us started to cheer but someone asked him what kind of changes, -"For starters, your principal. I will nominate your science teacher, Levi Rivaille, as your new principal."

As Levi himself walked towards Fritz, the crowd cheered, -"Thank you, lord Fritz. I'll definitely set things right in this school. You can count on it."- The look Levi had was the look of someone who was genuinely speaking seriously.

My once science teacher began to speak about the things he'd change from the school, like the staff members: the corrupted security guards, office members, some teachers and medical personnel –like Kat, for example. Oh man, how I wished to see that bitch unemployed. He iced on the cake when he said she'd be working as a janitor, though, and that's just as good. He also said he'd expel some students, essentially the ones reported as bullies. People literally jumped in joy at that. Among other things, Levi announced that the school will have freedom of speech, without offending and disrespecting others. After announcing more of those rules, he admitted that he was gonna be one hell of a strict principal but he assured that this issue will not happen again on his watch.

Surprisingly, he allowed us to celebrate and people started to jump in joy while the jocks dispersed in defeat. My peers hugged others and cried on their shoulders. I had Marco's hand tangled in mines but I impulsively let go and rose my arms victoriously. I couldn't help it. I couldn't believe any of this. It seemed like a dream but it's finally over. All our suffering and tears finally payed off.

_It's finally over, huh Marco?_

-"Hey, Jean, you did it!"- Cheered Reiner, punching my shoulder.

-"Nah, we all did it."- I replied, retaliating.

-"That was impressive, Jean. You really blew our minds,"- Spoke Axel, -"Though I think you should've punched him. He deserves it."

-"Believe me, I wanted to."

-"Oh my God, Jean! I want to kiss you so bad right now!"- That was the angel of our group, Krista, who lunged at me with arms open, -"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"Hey, hey, easy there. Your girlfriend's giving me _the _look."- I jibed, laughing at Ymir's glare.

Said girl puffed as she walked towards me, hauling Krista away, -"Yeah, yeah, you saved the day, Jeanbo. Hooray."- She spoke sarcastically after smiling sincerely and lip talking _thank you_.

-"Jean."- A faint but firm voice resonated from somewhere behind me. Mikasa, I think?

-"Huh?"- And when I looked to my side, you won't believe what she did. She lashed towards me and kissed me, _kissed me… _well, my cheek. She kissed my cheek and even so she managed to bring heat to them, _almost _at Marco's level.

I looked away, abashed, and just hoped Marco didn't see her nor my face.

-"Hey, Horsie!"- All the giddy emotions and flush vanished at that voice, -"You finally got that kiss you always wanted from Mikasa!"

-"Fuck you, Eren."- I spat, watching him sauntering towards me with Armin beside him.

Eren gave Armin a quick and furtive elbow to his arm. The blonde nodded and stepped away, talking to Mikasa. I noticed all of this and smirked, watching Eren walking to me kind of nervously, -"So, uh… those things I said the other day, I uh… didn't meant them."

-"Oh, really?"- I quirked an eyebrow, dubious of his words. Back then he seemed like he really meant them.

He sighed and scratched his neck, -"Well, I mean them, a bit… but it doesn't matter. I just wanted to uh, thank you… for coming here and saying those things in front of that guy."

-"I looked cool, right?"

His expression went flat, -"You know what? Fuck this. Here I am trying to be nice to you and you screwed it up with that."

I laughed and stopped his tracks by his shoulder, -"I was kidding, Eren. Jesus fuck."

Eren laughed too and then smiled, sincerely like Ymir, -"Yeah, you were cool."

I was about to blurt a quip but he stepped away before I could.

Then someone suddenly tussled my hair and a pair of arms wrapped around my shoulder. I sniffed the air and smelled a faint, expensive perfume. I smelled Diego, -"Hello, Jean. I hope you don't mind me calling you my hero."- He spoke with his usual, unmistakable Spanish accent.

-"Are you hitting on me, De Castro?"- I teased, glad to see him up and going.

Diego snickered and patted my shoulder, -"I better be cautious, right? I can't let Marco see me…"

I turned around abruptly at the mention of him but he wasn't there, -"Marco?"- I called but it was impossible for him or anyone to hear me, -"Marco, where'd you go?"- I stood on my toes and looked around, trying to spot him but when I didn't even see his hair, my heart began to beat rapidly. _Calm down, man. Maybe's he's just celebrating around with others._

Just then, my phone vibrated in my pocket but when I reached for it, Levi called out to me, -"Jean Kirshtein, if you could please allow me a moment."

-"Coming!"- I said, clicking on the new message notification on my phone as I sauntered towards him. A message from Marco: _meet me at old shack outside schol. _I frowned. This is odd. I knew where that old shack is. It's the one where our little expedition to ambush the jocks led us, which was a trap. Why would Marco want to see me there and how does he know of the place? I don't remember ever telling him about it. Plus, Marco's grammar on the message was poor. It's not like him to write like that -except when he's distress or really scared, like that time when he was being followed by three jocks. _Fuck. _That just made a profound fear broom in the pits of my stomach.

-"Ladies and gentlemen, here's our dear champion, the icon of our victory… Jean Kirshtein,"- Levi hovered the microphone he probably got from his asshole and placed his hand on my shoulder, -"Would you be so kind as to say some words about what happened here?"

I looked at the distance, wondering and worried about Marco but then I looked down at my peers looking back at me expectantly and proudly. I sighed and shoved the microphone away, -"Look guys, I'm nobody's champion. You're your own champion. You came here and risked yourself for the good of you and others. You stood here almost every day and defended your rights. We all won but we all made it possible, not just me."- I hoped that moved or at least satisfied them because I couldn't stop worrying about Marco and I was desperate to go out and find him.

They all smiled broadly and clapped, cheering on me –even Levi. Hard to believe, I know. When he dismissed me, I rushed towards Axel, -"Hey, remember that old shack outside of school?"- I asked him.

He was bewildered at the sudden question. He also noticed my anxiousness, -"Yeah, why do you ask?"- He inquired, looking at me with worry, -"You okay?"

-"I'll be heading there but if I don't return in 10 minutes, look for me and bring someone with you,"- I said, gripping his shoulders and looking straight at his eye with seriousness, -"Please?"

Axel was speechless for a few seconds but then he nodded, -"Yeah."

-"Thanks."

I trotted through the mass of people begging for my attention. I apologized for bumping onto a few of them as I emerged from the mob. I decided to check the shack but I had a bad feeling about it. _Just find Marco and get out, _but what is he doing there anyways? What does he want to do once I get there? I was trying not to think that his reasons were to have sex in there because that place is horrible, definitely not adequate for a romantic reunion. Marco wouldn't like it. I checked my phone several to see if he sent another message but the notification panel was empty.

I tried to focus on the road ahead, skimming through the tall grass and shrubs, fastening my pace when the shack was on my sight. From here, I didn't see anyone but the door was mildly open, meaning someone was definitely inside. Plus, there were faint footsteps on the muddy ground below me and it looked two persons walked through here. Could Marco be accompanied? I frowned and just decided to investigate. I stepped in the shack, expecting someone aside tfrom my boyfriend but… I was _not _expecting the person who was in, grappling Marco from behind him with a firm arm around his neck.

-"Holy shit, Jean, is that really you?"

My whole body froze in place as I stared at the last person I wanted to see here: Frank.


	87. EIGHTY-SEVEN

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

EIGHTY-SEVEN

_No… this can't be… why is he here?! I thought I dealt with him before! _I rambled mentally, eyes carved on Frank, my worst nightmare, the guy that turned me into a fighting machine and a jar of hate. It's… all coming back; the fights, the screams, the tears, the hate, the pain, the disdain, the… _everything. _

-"Oi, Jean! Are you even listening to me?"- Frank was speaking very loud, -"Have you even noticed your cute boyfriend in my arms? He so soft and warm that it makes me wanna _wring _him so hard."- As he said that, he tightened his arm around Marco's neck, making this one cough.

-"J-Jean…"- Marco whimpered, putting effort into not shedding a single tear even though he wanted to burst in cries. He's scared. He's really scared. Frank wasn't only my worst nightmare. Marco was aggressed a lot by this guy and it traumatized him. Dishonorably, I took part of it and attempted against him, back when I was pals with Frank, back when I was a nobody, a jerk and a try-hard. I was part of the group that mocked him and threw water balloons at him but like Marco himself said, I have to sever ties with the past.

Moving past that mental reflection, I wondered why Marco hasn't done _something _to escape but just then, I saw why and it made cold shivers shook my entire body with fear and desperation: a gun was firmly pressed against his back. An immense dread began to spur me into pleading, -"N-no, you can't be serious…,"- This can't be real, he can't seriously be thinking to _kill _us…, -"Frank… please, don't…"

But then I remembered why he wanted us killed and out of the face of the Earth. I also remember that we've been attempted at murder before, on the school ceiling's, so this really shouldn't be new for us. Then again, this wasn't Kuan or Riu, it was _Frank_. Plus, no matter how many times we go through this, it'll still terrify us. Out of us both, Marco's at the precipice of death… again. He's trembling, sweating with fear. He's at the cold end of that gun and if Frank pulls the trigger…

-"Yeah, beg all you want,"- He said, grinning wickedly at my pitiful figure. I hadn't noticed before; Frank had the Military Police uniform, like Nile. Did he come with them? It's the only logical answer to his abrupt appearance, -"But you know what? I don't pity you. You both ruined my life, humiliated me! You fucked everything up, you took away everything I had! I had a perfect life, I was respected and envied but you… _you both… _ruined it!"- Revenge. He wants revenger, he wants us to pay. He pressed the gun deeper in Marco's skin and started choking him, -"Come on! Fight me, Jean, and try to save your pathetic boyfriend one last time! Only one of us will come out of here alive but don't worry,"- He trailed the gun up to Marco's neck and pressed harshly, making Marco tremble and whine in terror, -"… I'll save ya' a nice trip to hell!"- Marco was slowly stirring his body to escape Frank's grip but this one noticed and quickly pressed the gun's shaft on his temple, -"Another move and I'll blow your brain off!"

Marco whimpered and looked away, shutting his eye close and making an unwanted tear slip off.

This guy's… fucking delirious! -"Enough!"- I yelled, forcing myself to shake off the undeniable fear in me. The way he grins when he hurts Marco carved on my mind and I felt that wrath bubbling within me, -"If you want to fight me, leave him out of this and don't you fucking dare hurt him again!"

-"Or what?"- He spat, teasingly twirling the gun on Marco's temple.

I gritted my teeth a bit too harshly, -"You'll be the one taking a trip to hell."- My own seriousness surprised me. I'll definitely kill him if he hurts Marco. I'll fucking spit and piss on his corpse. I'll fucking dump it. I'll fucking feed it to the hounds or any other animal that eats human flesh.

Frank laughed out loud and purposely tossed Marco aside with force. With a loud thud, he slammed against the wall and slid down, groaning, -"Oh, one more thing before we begin,"- Before I could attack Frank, he kicked Marco's spoilt knee. With a sharp cry, Marco reached for it with both hands and stroked it. All the pent-up tears burst out and dripped down, making a small pond of tears on the floor. Marco's cries resonated in my ears like echoes, reminding me of Frank aggressive and ruthless nature. He's provoking me. I knew he was provoking me on purpose and yet I couldn't control myself. My anger overwhelmed me and I attacked immediately, launching a punch straight to Frank's face but he saw it coming and caught my arm with a sharp perception and reflexes, -"Are you mad, Jean? Am I making you think about killing me? That's good,"- I swung my other fist towards his head but he caught that one too and pulled me closer to him, -"Anger is power."- He murmured right in my ear before kicking me flat against the wall behind me.

-"Shut up!"- I growled and lashed at him again, swinging my clenched hands at him. He blocked it with his forearm up and then elbowed the core of my neck. A sudden flash of blankness hampered my vision as I coughed and leaned on the wall, with a hand on my neck. A hand took hold of my face and slammed the rear of my head on the wall. I groaned, feeling myself in the edge of unconsciousness, as I gripped Frank's hand and tried pulling it off. I couldn't see anything and so I didn't foresee a knee-blow to my jaw.

I staggered and toppled to the wooden floor, losing consciousness already –what's worst, the fight had barely begun. He's… he's too strong. I haven't even hit him once, fuck! It frustrates me! I want to hit him, I want to knock him, I want to-

-"Jean…,"- Marco was crying, it was faint but I could hear him. He was suffering more by watching me getting beaten, -"Please… stop this. You can't blame us…"

_Marco… don't…_

-"Oh? I can't?"- Frank turned his attention to Marco and knelt before him, -"Let me tell you a story, little guy. After your stupid boyfriend humiliated me, I was taken to a madhouse. You both crossed me as a madman and I was treated like shit there. I lost even more of my life and do you know what it's like to keep hearing 'Jean this, Jean that' and 'Marco this, Marco that'? It was like torture and who the fuck am I supposed to blame, huh?"

-"It wasn't our… fault,"- He spoke lowly, gulping and muffling his wails. I saw him struggling to step up and confront Frank, but he was trying, he was really trying to overcome his fears, -"You abused us and the way you treated us and others wasn't fair."- He was trying to mollify Frank but by now he should know it's impossible. This guy _hates _us with all his might. He was like Anakin Skywalker from Star Wars but less cool.

Frank huffed, -"I was just having fun, come on."

-"Well, it's not fun when your looked upon and treated badly, right?"- Marco debated with his brows furrowed.

If anything, he provoked Frank, as this one growled and suddenly snatched Marco's neck, pulling him closer to him. My blood boiled and the desire to kill Frank increased but I was still too light-headed. Every inch of my face and head thumped, -"You know what happened to the last person who told me that?"- Frank paused, glaring at Marco intensely, -"I _killed _him."

Marco coughed and looked away, gripping Frank's hand. We have no certainty if that's true. He might be attempting to scare us even more but we're both considering he might have told the truth.

-"What do you want, huh?"- Frank asked all of a sudden. He was playing with us, teasing us, -"Beg me to spare you and I might consider it."

Marco whimpered lowly as he slowly gazed at me, his eyes watering at my beaten figure, -"I… I want…,"- A tear escaped his eye as he gaped his mouth, -"I want you to… spare him. Please, don't hurt him anymore…"

Frank laughed out loud, still gripping Marco's neck and clawing his nails in his skin, making him wince, -"Aww, that's adorable. You must _really _love him, right? But spare _him_? Oh no, oh no no no no, you've got the wrong idea. He deserves that. I'm making him pay. He _broke _my nose, okay?"

I was regaining the bits of consciousness I lost and was trudging my way towards him. Somehow, though, he perceived me and did a round, low swoop with his leg and knocked me off my feet. On the floor, he aimed a kick to my chest and I blocked it with both arms, groaning at the pain of his foot pressing down. He had those huge, heavy combat boots and fuck, they left their mark on my arms when he pulled back and started kicking me on random areas. I rolled aside and stood up, quickly launching another reckless and thoughtless attack.

_You need to focus. You need to think. You need to strategize your attacks. He's defeating you because you're hasty and heedless. _The rational me spoke.

_You need to finish him. __**Now**__. He's going to kill Marco! _The reckless me was 90% of my nature and I thoughtlessly follow it because it's the quickest, it's the one that most appeal to me, it's the one that solely cares for Marco.

_Patience. Observe, then attack. _That's the 10% of me, the one that Marco has slowly built.

I had to focus. I can't misstep or his next attack will finally knock me out or kill me. I can't let that happen. No matter how fast my adrenaline is rushing through my veins and how fast my heart's beating, I can't screw this. We're both in peril of death –but I'm more in danger. Miraculously, Frank pities Marco, which is more than I can say for myself. If I keep Frank occupied and Marco flees, the brute won't go after him. He's after _me_. He wants me to pay more than he wants Marco to pay. Then there's the fact that Marco won't abandon me, he'll try to help me –plus, his knee's wounded. He won't be able to walk, much less run. Then there's the other fact: I warned Axel that if I don't return to school in ten minutes, something's up, and I told him to come after me. We have to survive for ten minutes.

-"Come on, Jean! Attack me!"- Rushed Frank, walking in circles around me.

With my anger laid aside, I paced around him too as I observed him; he's taller, bulkier and smarter. He's quicker and much more precise. Whatever training he has undertaken has done him good, changed him. If I'm going to defeat him (and I plan to), I had to be quicker.

-"What are you doing? Trying to be smart and outwit me, huh?"- He spoke, observing me too, -"Whatever it is, it won't work. I'm stronger now, I'm superior than you, Jean."

There's his immutable ego. That, his belligerence and his bravado hasn't changed one bit.

I watched him and I realized there's no room for me to pull random stunts on him, so I have to equalize his reflexes and survive for the next 6 or 7 minutes. I don't know. I don't have a clock on me.

Another thing he hasn't changed: his impatience. He growled angrily and finally lashed at me. I rolled away and dodged a round kick headed for my face. Quickly, I did the same low kick of his and managed to stagger him. I didn't give him time to regain his balance. I rushed towards him and punched his face. I was going in for another one but just then he steadied himself and I leapt back, dodging a full drawn uppercut by an inch. I gotta do like in videogames_: hit, dodge, hit, dodge_. Frank cursed and moved forward with a straight kick. I sidled away and threw a kick at his back. When it hit him, I pulled back quickly and dodged another kick from him.

Fuck, I'm sweating like a fucking pig. This fight is some kind of hardcore gaming level. Frank's like a final boss.

Frank executed a series of movements after that, really running out of patience, kind of like a combo, and I kept dodging them all until I had no more space and hit the wall. He rapidly pinned me and threw continuous punches at my face. I focused on his moves and dodged them one after the other, making him hit the wall instead. He winced and impulsively rubbed it with his other hand, giving me the opportunity to punch his face and push him to the floor. I straddled him quickly and began to smack his face until he gripped my hair and pushed my head against his, slamming my forehead with his.

An immense shot of pain made me cry out and rose to my feet as I rubbed my already sentient forehead, wincing and groaning, -"Argh, fuck!"- Shit, it fucking hurts!

Oh but he didn't give me time to recover either. He retaliated and punched my face with vigor, leaving me swollen and wailing on the floor as I spat _blood. _I can't feel my face anymore… I'm seeing dark dots around me…

-"Jean!"- Marco was crying louder, -"Stop, please! Leave him alone!"

But Frank didn't, -"This is the end, Jean! Now look at me!"- He gripped my neck with both hands and started chocking me. I saw his face wrinkled and furrowed, full of hate and anger towards me, -"I want you remember the one guy whom you thought you've defeated _killed _you! I want that to torture you forever in the afterlife!"

Frank tightened his grip on me, especially on the core of my neck, and the dark dots got wider. I coughed and begged for air but he didn't even flinched. He kept chocking me until I felt my neck bloat as he carved his nails on my skin, pressing harshly against my apple. I wheezed and tried to cry but I couldn't… all I did was gurgle and cough. I felt my eyes roll back slowly…

_I can't breathe…_

A sudden rush of cold and shiver ebbed through my body as my vision got dark.

_I'm dying…_

-"Jean!"- I was in the brink of death by suffocation when I stopped feeling Frank's hand on my neck. I heard thuds and loud groans, followed by curses and cries. My head was spinning and I couldn't breathe properly, making me cough incessantly.

-"Fuck, stay down already!"- The groans and cries got louder and I recognized it. It was Marco's, -"I'll come back for you once I'm done with him!"

I forced my eyes open as I heard footsteps closing in. With my vision blurry, I barely saw Frank closing in but Marco suddenly jumped on him from behind, swathing his arm around his neck and pulling him back, away from me, -"Leave him alone!"- Marco bit Frank's neck harshly, making this once shout in pain and anger.

-"Damn you, you little shit!"- Frank drove his body back, with Marco still clinging on him, and slammed him against the wall several times but Marco's grip on him didn't faltered, -"I'm done with you!"- Frank snapped, completely wrathful with Marco, and slammed his head back on Marco's forehead, kind of like he did to me. Marco cried in pain and his grip slipped a bit but that was enough for Frank to escape Marco's grasp, pull the gun out and aim it at his torso.

Time kind of froze for me as I saw Marco gasp in terror when he saw the gun. For him though, it was too fast and plus, he was too stunned to avoid or stop Frank from pulling the trigger, the loud bang rattling our ears. In slow motion, I saw Marco falling with his hand around his wound. I saw the droplets of blood drip and slosh on the floor as his body met with the rotten wood. Marco writhed and twitched, coughing and crying, tears streaming down his cheeks at the unbearable pain. His blood spilled and pooled around him, soaking his clothes, -"Je… an…,"- He slurred, coughing trickles of blood and wailing in pain and terror, -"I'm… sorry…"

_Marco, no! _I was screaming internally because I couldn't verbally. Every nerve in me went aflame, screaming in horror and anger, every cell of my brain reeled, my stomach churned and my throat scorched as I tried to cry out for him, _no, no, no, no, no! This can't be how this ends! This can't be happening! _

Frank knelt beside Marco and probed his gun against his head, -"Ops, that bullet wasn't meant for you but oh well,"- He shrugged, -"At least you're out of the way so I can finally deal with your boyfriend,"- He sheathed the gun and probed Marco's deep injury with his finger, making Marco cry in pain, -"How does it feel? Painful, I bet but hey..."

As he kept prattling bullshit and teasing Marco, my blood boiled like never before. An overwhelming hotness filled me as hated and anger were the only emotions in my heart. Vengeance was the only thought in my head and as I saw Marco's injured figure and heard Frank torturing him with his venomous words, those thoughts and emotions increased. I want Frank to pay. I want… I want…

… to _kill _him!

_I've had enough of this! If he dies, he won't chase us anymore and this'll be all over!_

I forced my body up despite its complaints and limped towards Frank, really overdoing myself but giving no fucks. He perceived me and immediately turned around, leaving Marco to bleed out, -"Look at you,"- He spoke, his eyes carved on mines as a devious grin rose to his lips, -"All full of anger and hate. You want to kill me, don't-"

Irritated and tired by his continuous blabber, I growled and lunged forward fast, taking him a bit by surprise, considering my current physical state. I quickly and blatantly reached for his gun but he moved his hip aside and grasped my neck, chocking me again. This time, thought, I smacked my head against his quickly several times, ignoring he pain again. Frank groaned, still not letting go of me so I kicked and kneed him randomly. His grip didn't falter until I kicked his groin like four times with vigor, making him let go of me to rub the area. He composed himself quickly and attacked me, though, but I dodge it and pushed him against the wall, arms wrapped around his torso. He elbowed my back while I punched his abdomen, -"Fuck you!"- He cursed as he punched my head and pulled my arms off of his torso.

-"You're gonna pay!"- I yelled as I pulled back and brawled with him. My main goal was to kill him with his own gun and his goal was to suffocate me so when he grasped my neck again with both hands, I kicked his gun from its holster. Frank gasped and let go of my neck to reach for it but I gripped his hair and pulled him back towards me. He fought me off desperately, actually scared I'll really kill him. He got sloppy and fell face-first, reaching for his gun again until I straddled him, twisting his arm to his back and taking the handgun. I pressed it against his rear head, holding it in my hand firmly, -"You're dead, Frank! Dead!"- But when I pulled the trigger, not even thinking about it twice and ignoring Marco's calls, the gun clicked, out of ammo.

Frank laughed out loud, seeming like he was faking his fear a few minutes ago but I knew better, -"Once again, Jean, I've outdone you and-"

Even more angered, I smacked his own gun on his head, interrupting him, while still wringing his arm against his back firmly. I kept smacking his head with it until I tossed the handgun away, grasped his hair and smacked his face against the wooden floor. Frank groaned beneath me which each hit and I heard something crack. I wanted to hear it more, I want to crack his skull, his neck…! -"This is for Marco!"- I shoved his head against the floor again, with more force, -"For everything you've done to us!"- Again. I was feeling his head light already and hearing something dripping, -"For Diego, for Zaeed, for every fucking person you picked on!"

-"F… fu… ck… you…"

I heaved his head back, -"And this is for Marco!"- I yanked his head even harder, putting strength into my arm as the sound of something breaking echoed in my ear like a melody: his neck. With his free hand, Frank tried to reach for my arm, while coughing and rasping his mouth. One more pull and he's dead, one more pull and this'll all be over…

-"Jean, stop!"- Marco yelled, gurgling on the blood in his mouth. He coughed blood, slowly crawling towards me to stop my act.

And I snapped off of that rampage. I realized Marco was losing blood and if I don't do something, he'll-

Then pain struck my body; my face, my head, my abdomen and specially my neck. I felt my trachea thin, swollen and thumping. I couldn't breathe properly and I quickly felt my head light as I slumped onto the floor, dizzy and unable to move. I tried to breathe deeply and crawl my way towards Marco but I coughed instead. I still managed to reach Marco's bloodied figure and touch his pale face, -"Ma-"- I coughed again at the pain and knot in my throat.

My boyfriend placed his finger on my lips and hushed me, telling me not to speak, -"It's okay, Jean, it's… over…"- He gurgled and spat even more blood, thin trails dripping from his mouth and chin.

I shook my head, tears streaming from my eyes, _it's not okay! You're… you're… _

Marco smiled weakly, his eyes hollow and watery, -"I… I… love…"

-"W-wait…,"- I spoke, my voice hoarse, freaking out at the amount of blood around us which now tainted my hands. I had them on his torso as I shook him gently, -"… h-hold on…"- But my light head and body finally gave up and slumped onto Marco's bloodied torso, my eyes still streaming tears and soaking his already drenched clothes with blood.

Behind me, I heard someone yelling about a gunshot and calling the ambulance but I was near losing my consciousness, my vision rife with dark dots again. I felt several presences behind me calling my name but I couldn't even turn my head around to see who it was. My body wasn't responding anymore. I couldn't move or even try to, it was too heavy.

I didn't pay them anymore mind, though; I was in woe, crying over Marco's pale figure that gave off. He wasn't moving, his eyes were shut close and his skin was cold. I pule his name faintly while gripping his torso weakly. I was hoping he was unconscious as I lost sense of my surroundings, finally drifting to unconsciousness too –but not before murmuring into my boyfriend's ears: -"I'm… sorry…"

* * *

-"It was your assignment, Celine! They are here in this state because _you _got distracted and fooled!"- Someone was arguing pretty fucking loud near me. His voice was _too_ familiar.

-"Hey, don't talk to her like that,"- Another man spoke and I found it familiar too, -"It wasn't her fault."

-"'It wasn't her fault'?"- The first man quoted with a mocking tone, -"You must be more dense than I thought."

-"Enough, you both!"- A woman spoke in distress, -"Yes, it was my fault! I was too confident and absentminded but now I have to focus or else they'll… they'll…"- The woman started to sob.

-"Celine, don't think that. It'll be alright, I promise…"

Celine? She found us? Who… are they talking about? Us? We'll… what? Die?

I was slowly and painfully waking up, struggling to even open my eyes. As I did, memories started to teem in my mind and causing a headache, like someone totally random crashing a party. Images flashed by and I saw blood, so much blood around me and in my hands. In a microsecond, I remembered whose: Marco's.

Only one goal persisted in my mind: know Marco's state. I remembered Frank shooting him, I remembered his pale face, the thin trail of blood dripping from his mouth, his hollow eyes and cold skin…

I began to stir on whatever I was on –something comfy, and I don't have to think where: I'm in a hospital, on a bed, half naked and in a horrible shape. I've experienced enough to know. Immediately, a horrible pain ran across my body but that didn't stop _me_, ol' stubborn and reckless Jeanbo. The worst was my neck though, it fucking hurts like a bitch, and I had something… _something _funny andannoying around it that prevented me from reaching it –and in addition to that, I felt something deep in my throat, something long. I cursed and groaned often at the pain and the lack of patience.

-"Oh no, he's waking up."

-"Hold him."

The people arguing before finally noticed my _obvious _attempt at getting out of here and pinned my arms down, -"Jean, calm down! You're going to hurt yourself!"

-"M… Marco…"- That's the only thing I managed to blurt from my mouth. I couldn't speak properly, my throat scorched whenever I tried to.

-"Step aside."- Spoke a man with authority –which I know who it was by now- and fucking stung my arm with something.

I winced and hissed, trying to wriggle out until I felt a massive drowsiness take over me. I managed to open my eyes midway from falling into slumber and I saw three hazy figures above me muttering something about me being impossible to fathom or control. I babbled Marco's name again before truly falling asleep.

* * *

I'm dreaming again.

Or better yet, nightmare-ing or whatever.

It was totally crazy and bizarre. There were two hazy silhouettes of me, one in red and the other one in blue. The red one, definitely manifesting anger, was torturing me about my inability to protect Marco like I should, reminding me of how weak I really am. Then there was the part of me that Marco slowly shaped, the one in blue manifesting reason, the one that said that I couldn't blame myself for what happened or for every time that Marco ends up wounded –and he sounded _exactly _like Marco. My mind was split in those two but the red one prevailed, shooting the blue one with a gun that suddenly appeared on his hand -it's like I was watching Marco getting shot again. Then, he walked towards me and possessed me, whispering _Anger is Power _before darkness shrouded me.

* * *

-"He's trying to get up again, damn it!"

-"Kirshtein, for the love of God, settle down!"

I was frantic with terror and anxiety due to the nightmare, desperate to get free from whatever held me back so I could see Marco. I needed to know how he was, I needed to know if he's okay, I just… I needed to know! But I can't voice out anything yet. My throat was scorching again. That weird sensation that something large was in my throat still lingered.

They knew I wanted to see Marco but they didn't let me, they didn't even tell me anything about him.

I kept wriggling under their grasp and more so when none other than Zackly was more than eager to skew me with a sedative again. I saw the needle sink in my skin and I felt the cold liquid sip into my vein. A minute later, drowsiness attempted to overwhelm me and I shook my head vigorously, trying to keep myself awake –and I did for the following five minutes which were enough to piss off the doctor, -"God, he is so stubborn! Celine, fetch him the boy for Christ's sake!"

Marco's mom just sighed. I couldn't see if she really did go because of the stupid, white thing around my neck. Fuck, I'm so sleepy and tired, my body wanted to lay down and drift to slumber, but I'm not succumbing to the sedative until I see Marco.

After long exhausted minutes of attempting to stay awake, the door slid open and I heard quick footsteps closing in to me -"M.. Mar…"- I coughed abruptly and above me, I saw Marco's tall and graceful figure bending to my resting body. He gazed at me tenderly and full of relief, resting his hands on my bed's hurdle.

-"Hey, Jean,"- He spoke, his voice soft and yet shaky. His face wasn't as pale as before but it still lacked color from his original hot as fuck skin. He also had bags under his eyes and I knew Marco hasn't been sleeping well either due to nightmares, -"I'm here, okay? And I'm alright."

I didn't believe him. With my weak and sluggish hand, I scraped the surface of his shirt with the tip of my fingers, right on the spot he was shot. I know it's there, the wound. I remember. Marco gasped silently, not really expecting me to. He sighed and slowly lifted his gown, exposing a thin, white fabric around his waist, covering his wound. The spot of the shot was a bit bloody, -"It's… okay, see?"

I shook my head and started digging through the fabric. I want to see it. I need to see it for myself.

-"Jean…,"- Marco murmured, wincing silently. I tugged the fabric until I could see the fresh, deep wound, like a hole. It was bad, really fucking bad. It was dark and deep reddish, dripping thin trails of blood. Marco was biting his lips while my heart sank in sorrow. I gaped my mouth once I slowly and carefully let go of the fabric, probably to cry like a baby until Marco hushed me, -"It'll get better, I promise, but I need you to stay calm, okay? Try not to speak or you'll hurt yourself. Please, for me?"- He pleaded, gripping my hand firmly.

I looked at our intertwined hands, spotting thin tubes transfixed in my hand's vein, and just nodded slowly and reluctantly. Fuck, I wanna cry and scream really bad. What else is there for us? Haven't we gone through enough? Can't this get any worse?

-"Jean, don't cry, please…"- Marco quickly spoke and washed the tears off my chins. He was saying something else but I couldn't understand him. The sedative was really hitting me with its effects. Then, someone approached Marco and told him something but my eyes were foggy and drowsy. I felt something soft, cold, and yet warm at the same time, touch my cheek. It was Marco's lips. He gave me a kiss before completely parting from the room. I murmured his name before getting knocked out by the injection.

* * *

I woke up a lot calmer the other day, or week or… I don't know. There were nurses tending me, adjusting the thing around my neck and the tubes on my hands. I was still kind of groggy but I could see them pacing around the room and speaking to themselves, -"His breathing stabilized. You can take off the ventilator now."

Immediately, I raised my hand to touch my mouth but I felt something there, something plastic and thick. The nurse gasped, surprised I woke up this early, and pulled my hand down gently, -"Calm down, Jean, it's going to be alright. It's only going to feel bothersome but it's not going to hurt."

I just nodded and babbled a muffled 'okay'.

Slowly, they tugged the thing out of my mouth and I felt the long tube heave out with a bothersome sensation. I saw it out and soaked with my saliva as I coughed incessantly. The nurses aided me and sat my body up, gently patting my back as I kept coughing, almost chocking to death, -"There, there,"- One of them hummed, as if taking care of a kid, -"Better?"

Once my wild coughing stabilized, I breathed deeply and nodded, swallowing my own crammed up saliva. My throat still felt funny, still swollen and it was bothersome to gulp or take hard intakes of breath. One of the nurses pushed me back on the bed, resting my head comfortably on the pillow, a perfect position to start wondering _things, _like where am I –in more detail- how much time have I been here, how was I doing and specially… how's Marco, -"How long has it been?"

The nurse tugging the needle out of my hand answered, -"You've been here for three weeks, unconscious."

I scratched my scalp, -"Holy shit,"- I murmured, wondering if Marco had been unconscious that long too –probably more considering the doctor had to take the bullet out, -"And where am I?"

-"In Trost's hospital, um… again."

I scoffed and became aware of a heart monitor's beeping as the nurse worked with it, -"How bad was I?"

-"Pretty bad, Jean. You weren't breathing when they brought you here and your neck was in a bad shape, really swollen and almost broken."- She said, trying not to pry about the cause. Someone told her not to.

I avoided that topic too and headed to the next one, -"How's Marco?"

The nurse stopped whatever she was doing and silently gazed at the other one, who slowly shook her head in respond. The nurse in question cleared her throat and turned to me, rather abnormally chirpy, -"Marco? Who's Marco?"

I quirked an eyebrow, not falling for her farce, -"Come on, tell me."

-"I… don't know who're you talking about, Jean."- She was looking at her coworker nervously.

I don't like this. Something's wrong, -"Stop acting like innocent girls,"- I spat, glaring at them both, -"Tell me. Now."

The nurse closer to me yelped, startled by my sudden behavior, -"He's in the emergency area in a pretty bad state but I'm sure we'll receive good news soon enough so don't panic, okay?"- She said, very fast, hoping I wouldn't understand her.

I got every word and yeah, I started to panic, -"But… he was fine when I saw him. What happened?"

-"Jean, we… can't say anything else. I'm so-"

-"Tell me! I have to know!"- I sat up and yelled, regretting it later when I started to cough nonstop afterwards, as if I got something stuck in my throat. God, am I going to puke out my guts now?

Timely, Celine stormed in, dismissing the nurses and sauntering towards me. She patted my back and stroked it, easing my sudden cough attack, -"You need to calm down, Jean, and avoid yelling or forcing your throat."

-"But… Marco…"- I spoke hoarsely.

Celine sighed, clearly under a lot of stress, -"He's in emergency under surgery. He has lost a lot of blood but the doctors are trying to close and clean the wound. It's… very deep."

I don't like that, I definitely don't like that, -"No…"

-"You can't see him yet but I promise as soon as you can, I will let you know,"- She added, pushing my body back on the bed, -"Just rest and relax. You're not doing yourself any good if you push your body."

But I couldn't relax knowing Marco wasn't okay and Celine knew. Tired and not eager to deal with me anymore, she pulled out a syringe from her robe and hovered near my wrist. Surprisingly, I didn't fight back and I honestly didn't mind the sedative anymore. I was tired and worn out and my body was too exhausted to comply my commands. That means my body is getting used to the sedative and that's not good. It means I'm getting addicted. See? I know my shit.

-"I'm sorry, Jean, but this is for your own good…"- She sounded like Zackly for a minute there and it was weird. She usually refrains from sedating her patients more than two times. I've been sedated three times… or was it four?

A few minutes passed of silently watching Celine observing _me, _waiting for me to pass out_. _She was immensely worried about us but she was mad, pissed. We disobeyed her. We went to school and got in this state when she prohibited us to. I knew she wanted to talk to me –well, to _us_; Marco's just as guilty- about that but I was glad she was waiting for us to recover. Otherwise, I won't take it well and I perfectly know how that's going to end.

She watched me until I fell asleep and I hoped that the next time I wake up, Marco will be beside me with his wound patched up.

* * *

Marco wasn't beside me the next time I woke up –which was one week later. _I _was before him… or well, waiting for him in front the door that leads to him, with Celine on my side because I can't be left alone. I might just do _something_, say like… breaking in the emergency room.

I was tapping my foot anxiously, eyes carved on the door, ready to charge into a run the second it opens. Then you can call me… _Lighting McJean. _

I'm so bored. You know you're _really _bored when you start trying to _will _something to open or close, or imagining the future, the happy scenario you want –well, that'd be if you're bored or… _really_ anxious. _This is not fun anymore, Jean_.

Celine was moody.

I was sitting on those uncomfortable, odd chair all hospital has, and I kept shifting position, possibly pissing Celine more. It's so weird of her. She's really angry with us. We're going to have the scold of our lives once we recover.

The door swung open and doctor Zackly himself sauntered out while cleaning his hands with a white towel. I gasped and quickly stood up, trotting towards him with Celine behind me, -"How is he?"- I quickly asked, peeking over him to the slightly opened door. I saw a glimpse of Marco laid flat on large bed. There was a fuck load of surgery tools laying around, all soaked in Marco's blood wafting around. I couldn't see anything else, the door closed and I was left with Zackly, who was not surprised in the slightest to see me.

-"Of course it is you."- He said, still acting bitchy with me even after that kind moment we had a few months ago.

-"Yeah, me, and I wanna know how's Marco doing."- I said, just as bitchy.

Zackly sighed and adjusted his glasses, -"He is stable, for now. We have cleaned the injury thoroughly and hopefully, he will not contract an infection,"- He said and I gaped my mouth to speak, to ask if I could see Marco, but he didn't let me, -"No, Kirshtein, you cannot see him yet."

-"Ah, what? Why?"- This is getting tiresome.

-"Because I said so,"- He gestured something to Celine, -"Celine, take him to his room."

And without hesitation, she took me back to my room and it wasn't until sundown that I received the news that Marco was okay, that his wound was successfully patched up. They announced that he'll be up and walking within two days and I couldn't wait.

When those two days passed, Marco and I didn't have much time to talk. Celine had us both sitting on the bed looking straight at her like little kids –oh and Dad was there too. I honestly didn't like this but I didn't dare move a finger. We both knew what came next and Marco was shitting bricks. Like me, he thought it was unusual for his mom to be this angry –and he knows her better than I do! I guess we had it coming but if we told her, she would have done anything to stop us from going to school. She would've derailed us.

She had her arms crossed with staring at us to death while my father just stood beside her trying to look just as pissed, -"I thought I told you both to forget about the school,"- She started, really trying to contain her anger, to avoid letting it speak for her, -"I thought _you _understood."- She stared at _me. _

-"Huh? Me?"- I was confused. I pointed at myself.

-"Yes, _you._"

-"Wh-what do you mean?"

-"_You _told me you wouldn't return there and that you'd make sure Marco wouldn't either."- She spoke, rising her voice bit by bit.

Shit, she's right. At first, I was positive I wouldn't return there because I didn't _want _to and I even told Marco we wouldn't, never ever. Marco, at then, wanted to go to help our friends, but I prohibited him, just as Celine did to both of us and she trusted me. I practically betrayed her, -"Yeah, you're right, but we felt like we had to go. Our friends needed us. I'm sorry for lying to you but if we told you, we would never have gotten the opportunity."

Celine wasn't buying anything… not yet. I think she understand us but she's too distressed and shaken to credit us, -"You could have _died! _Marco had a severe blood loss and your neck was swollen, suffocating you!"

I scratched my rear neck and Marco just looked down. I think she said that before, when we ended up in this very same hospital after getting fucked in school. I don't remember well. Still, we could have _really _died there –it _was_ Frank's goal in the first place.

Celine paced around, a hand on her chin while she looked for her next words. She didn't find them and I then realized she's not very good at this scolding thing. Instead, she lunged towards us into a warm embrace, -"But you're alive… you're both okay…,"- My dad joined the embrace and we stayed like that for what felt like an eternity until Celine parted and sighed -"Please… don't risk your lives like that anymore. I can't take it…"

Celine gaped her mouth to say something but just then, a nurse came rushing in and bent to take a breath, -"Miss Bodt… I have terrible news…"

Celine's turned her attention to the nurse, -"What is it?"

-"It's about that other boy. Frank."- She spoke, very slowly, like she didn't want to say any of that.

My brows furrowed at the mention of his name. I hadn't thought about him all this time because I didn't care in the first place.

-"What about him?"- Celine knew he was the one that got us like this and I knew she planned to demand –who wouldn't? He shot her son. She actually hadn't told me but I overheard her when she spoke about it to Dad. She had to be careful, though. Frank's father is a wealthy and influential man.

-"He's…,"- The nurse paused and gulped, -"… dead."


	88. EIGHTY-EIGHT

I'm so sorry for the late update! I have two excuses: Fallout 4 XD and that I've been thinking a lot about whether or not write this part on the story. You're probably not gonna like it but it's seemed like the 'real' thing to do. I'm sorry u.u

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan. **

* * *

EIGHTY-EIGHT

-"He's… dead?"- I could barely hear my voice.

_Wait… why're you surprised? Didn't you want him dead in the first place? Come on, cheer up, you __**killed**__ him! Now he won't hurt you or Marco anymore! _

Did I... really killed him? -"W-w-wait… is he _really _dead?"- And my voice was even shaky. I couldn't believe this. I just… come on, I _wanted _him dead but not dead, _dead. _That was just, um… a whim, or just a sudden impulse… nothing _serious…_

_You're not making any sense. _

But come on, it really couldn't have been me. I didn't really snap his neck… right? I'm not _that _strong -or crazy, at that. I'm not capable. Yeah, this must be some kind of bluff to scare me.

The nurse just nodded, gazing down and avoiding looking at me. She's not telling us something and to be honest, I wanted it to stay like that. I don't want to keep talking about this. It puts me on edge. It scares me of… myself.

No one said a thing for the following minutes. Marco was stunned. He didn't look at me, he tried not to but why? Do I have something in my face or what? The bruises have healed so what's the matter?

I started to notice that no one wanted to look at me until Celine sighed and stepped up, -"How… did he perished?"

The nurse gulped and gaped her mouth just barely, -"His neck was um, delicate and crippled. When the boy woke up and tried to stand up, he… forced it and… snapped it."

A huge wave of relief washed me as I settled cozily on the bed, brushing any concern I had of this issue, -"He killed himself then."- I stated. _What an idiot._

-"Technically…"- Murmured Celine, a hand on her chin, thoughtful.

-"No, not technically,"- Zackly barged in, already aware of the news, -"You are a murderer, Kirshtein. It is a fact."

My heart skipped many beats and I sat back up abruptly, -"No way, old man! Didn't you hear the news correctly? He snapped his neck when he forced himself up! _That's_ a fact!"- God, I want this to end. I hate this conversation and I don't like where it's leading to.

Zackly scoffed and looked down to me like I was pleb and had no idea what I was talking about, -"Are you implying that you had _nothing _to do with it? Who, do so remind me, left him on that particular state in the first place, hm? Because I myself examined that wound and it was clearly intended to _kill. _In all my years as a doctor, I have never seen such a severe wound."

I froze. I literally froze as his words echoed in my head.

_Intended to kill…_

No, no, no… that's impossible. I would never do something like that! Me? _Kill_? No way! That's… that's inhumane!

_Don't deny it, Jean. You wanted him dead and you killed him._

Unwantedly, I stared to remember the fight and how… wrathful I was. I started to remember the truth. I did want him dead. I did want him to pay with his life for everything that he has done and deep within me, I regret nothing. In the pits of my heart, I was satisfied and glad when I heard the news, I was-

_Oh no… no no no no…_

-"It seems your dear lover agrees with me."- Spoke Zackly out of the blue, with a proud grin, as I mulled over my thoughts.

Marco gasped suddenly and shook his head vigorously, -"N-no, I didn't say that!"

-"You did not had to."- Replied Zackly.

I looked at Marco and watched his expression. He wants to support me but I saw fear there. He thinks Zackly was right, that I'm a murderer, that I killed Frank because I wanted to. He was there. He experienced the whole incident firsthand. I know him and I know he was trying to avoid my gaze… for that very same reason, -"Y-you're wrong, doctor."- But he insisted, lying to all of us and himself to defend me.

-"Spare me the lies, boy,"- Said the old man, turning to Celine next, -"You know what must be done."

Celine's eye widened.

Fear shook me off of staring at Marco's devastated expression, -"Wh-what is it? What are you going to do to me?"

Zackly gazed at me with intensity, -"He is dangerous, volatile and boisterous. I hope you do the right thing before he _snaps _everyone he abhors' neck."

The old man left after that even though I called out to him several times, asking what the hell he was talking about. I turned my attention to Celine next but she just looked away and paced around. I want answers. Now, -"What was he talking about? Tell me!"

Marco was quiet. He had an idea of what was on question here but he didn't word it out. He didn't want to.

But the more I yelled and got madder, I realized what the old man was talking about and it terrified me: prison. He was talking about taking me to prison because I committed a crime, -"Jean, I need you to stay calm, alright?"

My dad was awfully quiet too. _Too _quiet, _too _frozen. He had a dreadful expression, like he couldn't believe or accept what was going on, like he wanted to bail out and forget everything discussed here. He hadn't known me and Marco had leaked out to school and he hadn't known about Frank's appearance there or my latest hits against the racists. He hadn't known the fights I've gotten into, overall, and he certainly hadn't known I'd go as far as breaking people's noses and necks to defend myself and Marco. He hadn't known I was so violent because, for starters, I wasn't. Back when I was a kid, I was bullied too and I often tried to defend myself but I ended up giving so Dad believed I had given up before all this. He's currently processing it all –or trying to.

-"You want _me _to calm down?"- I raised my voice, too shaken up and scared of… whatever will happen to me. Zackly was doing something out there and I had no idea of what! He might be reporting me to the police or something! -"Fuck, he's out there doing God-knows-what to me and you want me to calm down?!"- I've never spoken to Celine like this. Marco was shaking beside me.

-"He's not going to do anything, Jean! I will!"- Celine yelled, snapping all of us out of our trance, even Dad.

-"Celine, please…,"- Dad was shaking his head, -"There has to be another way…"

-"There is no other way…"

-"For fucks sake, what is it?"- I snapped, unable to stand the secrecy even when I'm standing right in front of them. It was obvious, really, but I didn't want to accept any of it. I just ignored it.

-"We've no doubt you'll be put on trial, Jean."

Frank's father is going to demand me.

I'm boned.

* * *

The odds weren't in my favor. They never are.

My own doctor wants to imprison me. He's on Frank's father and his pals' side, believing I was a murderer on the loose. He completely ignores what that man's son did to us, though, and it infuriates me. On the other hand, there's Marco, his mom, my dad and my friends supporting me, believing I was defending myself. Dad said mom was supporting me too but she's in a grave, not here in the court with us in front of a very pissed and bitter group of judges –which were all looking at me like I was some kind of monster, glaring at me to death. They all hated me and wished to see me rotting in prison. Their faces said it all but none of those beats Francis', Frank's dad. He was oh so close to the judge and had this unique expression that stood out most from his pals'. It was intense, worse than Levi's, and it was rife with hate. It sent cold, dreadful shivers run down my spine and it made me shrink back on where I was standing. I swear, he's about to pull out a gun from his ass and shoot me square in the head any time now.

I don't know what to believe. I don't know what I was doing then -both, maybe. I wanted to believe I was solely defending myself but I knew better and yet I still deny it like a coward. I didn't know that Jean and it scared me.

The tall guy beside me had this fucking strong perfume that just burned my nose as I tried to sidestep away from him but, unfortunately, he was my lawyer and he had to be beside me whether I like it or not. A guy who didn't even knew me was going to defend me, great. Everyone prattled on as we waited for the judges and I heard someone_ psst _me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Celine leaning close to me, -"How are you feeling?"- She asked, probably noticing how nervous and terrified I was. I want to go home, I want to be with Marco and forget all this. The uncertainty of what will happen to me here today was killing me.

-"My throat's sore."- I whined. I haven't healed fully but Francis didn't care. I still had the hospital's robe, believe it or not, but at least I had pants on.

-"It's… going to alright, Jean. We're with you on this, okay?"- She spoke, her voice lapsing, doubtful.

I just looked past her, -"Is… Marco okay?"

Celine sighed deeply, her expression falling, -"He's… very worried."

A bitter and yet warm sensation shaped my lips into a very rueful, thin and small smile, -"Tell him I… I love him."

Celine nodded and gaped her mouth to speak but the judge coughed, cueing the commence of this… whole thing. I was told not speak unless I was ordered to, that whatever I say will be used against me. I gulped and nodded, my mouth flat. The second it began, my stomach churned, making me wince and wish for this to be just one heck of a nightmare and wishing for this to be over when I open my eyes, but no. Instead, it was painfully taking a long time. I heard the exchanges between my lawyer and the judge, I heard each of them spit on my name, saying I was a criminal and that I should be rotting in a cell for the rest of my life. I knew my own lawyer agreed with them and Celine was mad at him for the horrible work he was doing. Each of my friends were asked to stand up and say something and some of them… well, lied a bit_. _The only one who spoke genuinely was Levi, saying that I often resorted to violence to defend myself and Marco, especially since my aggressors resorted to violence as well. He said that it was only natural that I responded like that but none of the judges bought that. _None_ of them.

Then came my only alibi… Marco. The only one who was with me during the whole incident. He stood up at the mention of his name and the judge asked him if I've always been so… out of control. Marco breathed deeply.

_Don't lie, Marco… or this isn't going to end well for us. _

-"No, sir."- He replied, firmly on place with his hands on his back.

_Shit. _He's dead-set on defending me, at _all_ cost, even… even if it drags him to prison too. It made my chest ache because he's the last person I wanted to see in prison. I want to see him in his home, safe and healthy. _You don't deserve a sentence in prison, Marco. I do._

-"Is that so?"- The judge quirked an eyebrow and asked my father next about my behavior. Dad admitted he spent little time with me when I was a kid, that I was under the care of my mother most of time. Since she's dead, Marco's lie was secured –and it wasn't a total lie either. I mean, I wasn't so crazy when kid… right? _Sure, forget the time you broke a little boy's nose when he molested Marco, -_"Tell me, young one, did he murdered this man's son?"- The judge gestured towards Francis.

Marco went stiff as he stared at Francis. I bet the guy unnerved him but even so, he didn't shrank back like I did, -"He was defending-"

-"Spare me the common excuse,"- The judge interrupted him, lifting one hand, -"Did he killed him, yes or no?"

Marco stood quiet for a moment, his expression faltering for a second until he gulped and looked straight at the judge, -"No… sir."

The judge fumbled his desk and pulled several x-ray plates of a… seriously fucked up neck. It was like it was burst open from the inside and I could see the fracture perfectly. It was ungracefully and nastily crooked upwards. It was… Frank's neck. The wound. I… I did that? My body froze as I tried to pull my eyes off the picture but they were carved. _You did that, Jean. You're a killer. _

-"Observe this,"- With a pen, the judge pointed at the plate, -"This wound was meant to murder and _he _did it. He killed this boy."- He pointed at me next.

-"But he died afterwards in the hospital. It's not-"- Marco was rising his voice bit by bit.

-"What happened afterwards does not matter. What happened _before _and what, or who, caused it matters. You cannot use that excuse to atone this murderer,"- The judge didn't liked Marco's increase of his tone, -"And who caused it? _He _did. No matter how you see it, _he _is responsible. The boy's blood is in _his _hands and he needs to be punished!"

My eyes widened slowly as I started to concede her point, reluctantly. I didn't want to but I did and it scared me. My big mouth gaped in defense anyway, trying to tell myself that I wasn't a murderer, that it wasn't my fault, that… another human's blood is in my hands, -"We were defending ourselves! You weren't there, you don't understand us!"- I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore; I couldn't hear them anymore. I'm shaking, I'm literally shaking and I can't stop my mouth. I ignored those who tried to warn me, -"He… he had a gun! He was going to _kill _us and he shot him! What was I supposed to do, huh? Tell me!"

The judge stayed quiet for a moment and Francis suddenly leaned in close to him, whispering something to his ear. I gasped, realizing that he was pulling the strings here. He was manipulating this court to his favor. The judge nodded and coughed, -"Violence breeds violence, Kirshtein. You do not solve an issue with death. Your response was uncalled for. You are part of the problem."

-"Are you serious? He started _everything _and you blame _me_?!"- _Just… stop, Jean. Face it. You did it. It's your fault. You're going to prison. Yelling will just make it worse. _

-"No, _you _started everything, cutthroat,"- Francis finally spoke to me, standing up and all, -"Since the moment you decided to play hero-hood and pretend you care about others. _You_ caused havoc in Trost's high school and wasted essential time for teachers. _You _picked fights whether you could and _you_… killed my son. You _are _going to _pay_. I will make sure of that."

My friends started to argue back. My Dad was frozen. Marco was holding back tears and Celine was trying to comfort him. This… this doesn't look good.

Francis caught my tongue. He was serious, far more serious than Frank was. I was too struck to notice them chattering among themselves, agreeing on something, too stuck on Francis glare, and it wasn't until the judge slammed the little hammer on the table that I snapped awake and his next words just… well, let's just say I rather be dead and saluting Frank than being here, -"I have come to a decision,"- He cleared his throat as he looked down to me with disdain, -"Jean Kirshtein, you are hereby sentence to prison… for five months."

_No… no… no… no…_

-"No!"- Marco yelled, his eyes already swelled with tears, -"That's unfair! You can't do this to him!"- Celine struggled to calm him.

_I don't want to… I don't want to go to prison…_

Francis argued with the judge, saying that I deserved more than five months… a lifetime. The judge, miraculously, pitied me enough to deny his wish. I was too frantic to say anything, though. I wanted to run. I wanted to get out of here, I wanted to run away and hide forever, I wanted-

A pair of strong hands held my arms back the second the court ended, though, preventing me to move even an inch. I looked over my shoulder and spotted two police men holding me firmly, tying my hands with handcuffs and pulling me away from the area. I heard my friends and family arguing but among those, I heard Marco crying and calling my name in desperation, -"Jean!"- He yelled, struggling to run towards me within the mass crowd around me, -"Stop, please!"- But he was pulled away, held back by someone.

-"M-Marco!"- I yelled back, trying to wriggle out of the polices' grip, to no avail. I… I have to see Marco. I have to see him before… before it's too late! -"Hey, let me go! I wanna see my boyfriend!"

One of the police men scoffed, -"You're not seeing anyone until you get to prison, pal."

-"Please, I beg you!"- That was pathetic but I was desperate and scared as we neared the police car. I kept looking over my shoulder, ignoring the slight pain, but I didn't saw Marco. I heard him crying but I couldn't see him. Then, the men holding me pushed my head inside the car with the rest of my body with force, slamming the door close and riding off. I starting crying. I couldn't help it, -"I don't deserve this, fuck! I can't go to prison! Let me go!"

The police were laughing at my tantrum at first, saying I was nothing but a kid despite my infamous recognition, but then I started to annoy them. They yelled at me to shut up or else, but I couldn't. I kept whining like a baby during the whole ride until I earned a smack on my leg with one of their batons. I kept at it until they literally smacked me shut. I was hurting all over and I eventually wore out, even my eyes. There weren't enough tears to drip out anymore. My throat stung. I couldn't even cry.

A huge and ominous building suddenly shadowed the car. Slowly and painfully, I gazed out the window and saw the prison, my sentence, where I'll spent the next five months crying like a baby. It was huge and dark, with a gloomy atmosphere around it. The sky above was grey, totally adding the dark mood to the area. There were high fences around it with spikes all around, definitely to prevent anyone from escaping –I even saw drops of blood on a few of those.

-"Yeah, I got a special one today and I can't wait to drop him."- One of the police spoke to the man guarding the gate and entrance of the prison.

-"Why's that?"

The police grunted, rubbing his temples, -"He wouldn't stop crying, man. I swear I lost count of how many times I've hit him!"

The gate guard loomed close to the window and peeked at me, -"He's tamable. They all are. They just need a little, you know, _pressure._"

-"Yeah, but I think he's gonna need it… a _lot_."- They laughed while I stared absentmindedly through the window, thinking about how this will end for me… if it'll ever end. God, I don't want to go in there. This is like living a nightmare. My stomach churns and I felt nauseous. I want to cry more but I can't. There's no more tears left. Do I… do I really deserve this?

After the car parked, I was heaved out of it by force and pushed towards the entrance with my hands tightly tied. Some man wrote something on a clipboard and gestured us in. I was then greeted by a group of people definitely waiting for me, -"Well, well, well, the new guy's here. Welcome to hell, pup."

-"Hey, isn't he the one who's been causing trouble in Trost's high?"- One of them squinted his eyes at me.

-"Yeah, he's the infamous Trost's number one troublemaker."

-"Well, it doesn't matter. I don't care who he is. He won't cause us _any _trouble, right, boy?"- A bulky and tall policeman with scars on his face stepped close to me, glaring down on me, obligating me to say yes. He held his baton firmly, ready to smack the fuck out of me if otherwise.

And I did, nodding very slowly. I was shaking. I was scared. I don't want to be here. The looks these guys were giving me terrified me. They already showed that they were ruthless, relentless and brutal.

-"Good. You're scared and that's how I like it. It makes my job easier,"- He scoffed, grinning down on me proudly and satisfied. His expression made my… my inner demon stir and wish to fight back. My fear overwhelmed it, though, -"Clean him up and then I'll take him on a tour to his cell."- The man spoke to someone else and then winked at me, making his coworkers laugh.

The policemen took me to wide room with a shower on the far end. Without warning, two men in white gown started stripping me, -"Hey, hey, hey, w-wait!"- I exclaimed, trying to get loose of the policemen holding me.

-"Shut up, pal. Don't start crying again or else."

I gulped and before I knew it, I was completely naked before total strangers. The ones who stripped me in the first place stared at me for a while and one of them even whistled, -"Isn't this one healthy, eh?"

-"_Very _healthy…"- The other one said, not even bothering dissimulating ogling me while licking his lips from top to bottom –specially my bottom part.

I felt nauseous just by standing here, gulping nonstop. My body shook as their eyes whipped me whole. _Perverts. _Being looked by Marco felt good and I enjoyed his expressions as he narrowed me… but these guys? They got those odd look old men have when checking girls out –or guys, doesn't matter- and I felt uncomfortable, disgusted and unpleasant. It felt too different. I swear, they must be thinking about sucking my dick because their looks busted them.

-"Why do you always do this? Just get him clean, you fucking perverts."- Said one of the policemen, avoiding looking at my ass.

-"Fine, geez."- Exclaimed one of them as they pulled their washings tools and scrubbed my body and whenever they worked south, they'd snicker and toy with me. I bit my lips and closed my eyes shut. God, I don't like this. Make them stop because I can't do shit! When they finished, they even dressed me with those famous –or infamous- orange bodysuits all prisoners wear in movies, -"Hey, don't forget about us, hotshot. We got arms –and legs- open for you anytime."- Jibed one of the guys, snickering with pal and making me cringe. I won't be surprised if they actually meant that.

I was pushed out of the room afterwards and led throat an enormous area of three floors or levels or… whatever. Each level had a ton of cells and I swear I can't see the end of them. It runs all across and in the middle was a square area with tables and chairs all lined up. It looked like the dining area. Currently, it was empty and as I passed the cells, I saw prisoners in them, all gloomy and bitter and others were… totally crazy and bizarre. They screamed and yelled obscenities to us, others kept jamming the cell door or trying to get through it. Then there were the… observant type, quietly resting on their beds or the wall while observing whomever passes by with intensity. I bet those are planning an escape or something –and yeah, there's the pervy type of prisoners who made risqué comments of everyone that passes by.

When we reached my cell on the highest level, I was literally thrown in after they untied my hands and quickly shut the door, -"Get comfortable, new guy. You're gonna be here for a long time."

-"W-wait,"- I spoke before he could turn away, taking hold of the thin and cold metal -"Will I be able to communicate with my family and friends? Can I see them?"

The prisoner near my cell started laughing out loud and the policemen scoffed, trying to hold his laugh, -"Aw, of course you will, kid…,"- Then suddenly, he smashed his hands against cell and leaned his face close to mines. Startled, I leapt back and yelped, -"No, you won't! And you never will! In this place, you're alone and you got no friends, pal! It's just how it and you better deal with it!"

I shook and slowly stepped back until I collided with the wall. I gulped and held back tears. The man grinned, noticing my struggle, and left, leaving me alone to rot in this cell. I slid down the wall and started crying silently, hurting my neck while I was at it. I looked up and just… cried.

I'm such a baby.

* * *

I'm so cruel, aren't I? (T - T) but like I said, it seemed like the real thing to do. I bet you noticed how quickly I wrote it because I'm just bad at that stuff and I read about it but it's just confusing and I needed to upload this chapter asap. Things are definitely looking grim BUT THE PROMISE STILL STANDS!

Also, my heart is with those people who lost someone important at the Orlando Shooting. It's unfair how people treat gays and shooting all of them because of hate is just wrong. I really, really dislike how bad they're judged because of their sexual preferences. It's unfair and wrong.


	89. EIGHTY-NINE

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

EIGHTY-NINE

-"Please, God, if you're really there, get me out of here…"

I was praying. I was really praying around midnight, unable to sleep. I was so desperate for freedom that I was resorting to a being I don't even believe in. How bad is that? How sad and shameful is it?

I was on my knees before the grubby bed, looking up at the pale and withered ceiling. Fuck, I don't wanna be here. It stinks like piss and shit and the cell was small, stale and hot, suffocating me. I was sweating like a pig, making the clothes stick to me everywhere. It made my body itch and it felt as if a thousand bugs were crawling through my skin. It hasn't been a day and I'm already going crazy.

-"For fucks sake, shut the fuck up!"- The prisoner in the cell beside mines shouted. At first, they mocked me but just like the policemen, there's a limit and now, I've annoyed them.

But I kept praying, silently, until sunrise.

* * *

-"Come on, new guy, up!"- Someone shouted at me, kicking me awake.

I wasn't exactly sleeping; I actually struggled to throughout the whole night. Drowsily, I blinked my eyes open and spotted a very fuming police guard above me, slamming the thick baton on his palm, ready to hit me with it if need be, -"Am I… free?"- I mumbled.

He burst in laughter, -"Yeah, of course, pup!"

A wave of relief washed me and a smile grew on my face until I saw the guy's look. It was wicked and joyful, like he enjoyed watching me suffer. I then thought he was lying and I started to step back as he smacked the baton on his palm harder.

-"Come on, little pup, don't you wanna get out and be free as a birdie?"- He teased me, stepping closer to me.

I shrank back and shook my head, -"N-no… not with you."

-"Ah, come on, I won't stop you,"- I shook my head again and he finally lost the tad of the patience he had, lashing out at me with his baton up high, -"Come here, you little shit!"

-"No! Leave me alone!"- He's gonna do something to me. He's gonna torture me. I can't let him take me!

I made a run to the exit but I collided with a tall and muscular figure, falling to the floor on my butt. I looked up and saw the scarred guard from before glaring down at me, -"Causing trouble, are we?"

I shook my head slowly, like a baby, unable to avert my eyes from the man's scar. I hadn't noticed before but those cuts are deep and it made him look even scarier.

The man trying to catch me had fallen in the process and as he stood up, he pointed at me, -"Yeah, Maxson! He's a fucking pain in the ass!"

-"Don't worry. I got this one from now on."- Maxson grinned at me, making me shiver.

-"Yeah, you teach him right."- The other guy said and stormed away, but not before spitting and cursing on me.

When he left, Maxson grabbed my arm with force and hauled me up, -"Listen to me. You got a visit but I'll be keeping an eye on you, got it? Don't try anything stupid or you'll be staying here for more than five months."

Before I could answer, he took both my hands and enclosed them together with a handcuff. He then pushed me out of the cell and led me to another extent area. A wide transparent wall divided the room in two and there were desks on both sides with poor telephones. I've seen this in movies; this is the area where prisoners receive visitors and talk to them for a short period of time. Right now, the desks were full and I could hear faint chatter and cries from them and their sorrowful families.

It didn't take me long to spot Celine, Dad and Marco on the other side, waiting their turn. Their presence brightened me, specially Marco's, and happiness started to settle in. I wished they'd be here to get me out… but I knew better. When my turn came, I was pushed on the seat and before I could even gape my mouth, Maxson spoke, -"Only one of them can talk to you… for five minutes, once a week."

-"What? That's… that's not enough!"- I exclaimed, distraught. That's really not enough. I want to speak to Marco forever. I want… I want to get out of here and _be _with him. I don't like it here. I wanna go home.

-"Take it or lose it."

Celine quickly gestured Marco to sit down, -"Talk to him, ok? We'll wait for you."- They left after kissing me goodbye with their hands. I saw my father shedding tears as his figure faded.

Marco sat down, took the phone and placed his hand on the wall that separated us, -"Jean, I'm so sorry..."- He spoke, in the brink of tears and his voice shaky.

-"Marco, I don't want to be in here. I hate this place. You gotta get me out…"- I rambled, crying as I saw Marco's sad figure before me. Fuck, I wanna be on that other side. I wanna comfort him. I wanna stroke his hair and tell him that… that everything will be alright.

But I… I also needed to hear that. I also needed him to hug me and comfort me, to tell me that this will be over soon, -"We… we tried, we really tried…"

_Try harder... I beg you…, -_"Please…"

-"I'm so sorry…"- Marco finally shed those pent up tears. He knew how much sorrow it caused me to see him cry. He knew how much it pained me to see him reduced to tears.

I lowered my head and kept crying on the desk. That's when I heard a faint tick-tock and when I gazed up, I saw a small clock beside me, reminding me of the little time we had.

-"Jean, I need you to hold on… just for a few months, okay? Please, tell me you'll stay strong…"- He said, expecting me to answer.

But I stayed quiet because… I wasn't sure of the answer. I didn't have it. I couldn't answer him because I didn't know how much longer I can take (and it's been just _one _day).

-"Jean?"- Marco was still waiting for an answer.

I gazed at the clock by impulse. _You're running out of time. Say something._

I gaped my mouth but just then, the clock rang and Maxson didn't even wait a second before grabbing my arm and hauling me out of the chair, -"W-wait, I'm not done!"- I yelled, trying to pull away from his grasp.

-"Time's over."

-"No, Marco!"- I tried to extend my tied arms towards Marco's fading figure as Maxson dragged me away.

-"Jean!"- Marco yelled, hands on the transparent wall as tears streamed from his eyes, -"I… I love you! Please, stay strong!"

_I... I'll try, Marco…_

-"'I love you'?"- Maxson scoffed, pushing me back towards the dim hallway that led to the cells, -"What are you? Gay?"

I didn't say anything and just stared glumly at the floor, already missing Marco. Is that how long all his visits will be? Once a week for only five minutes? I don't think I can handle that. I don't think I can handle any of this. I think I'll end up shooting my brain off.

Maxson led me to the dining area, where prisoners were forced to make a straight line and wait for turns to pick up the food –which looked disgusting and spoiled. The handcuffs tying my hands together were loosened and I was pushed towards the line, colliding with one of the prisoners, -"Hey, watch it!"- Said man pushed me back and I tumbled to the floor, making most of the prisoners in line and on the tables burst in guffaw.

For a while, I stayed on the floor, staring at absolutely nothing until I stood up sluggishly, ignoring everyone mocking me. I started to wait in line for the food, considering I _was _hungry, but some of the guys started to get in front of me, stealing my turn. I was too anguished to care so I just let them all pass until I finally got my food on the tray. I had no idea what it was and the moment I sat alone in one of the long tables, my appetite vanished.

I was too absentminded to notice someone approaching me, something that surprised me a lot –considering how these people are, -"You gonna eat that?"

I gazed up and saw a very scrawny and hairy guy before me. He was older than me, pale skin with dark, abundant and messy hair. He was pointing at my full tray. I gazed at it and made a face, -"Don't think so, why?"

-"I want it."- He replied, flatly.

_Pretty __straightforward__, huh, _-"Sure."- I pushed the tray towards him and he took it and left, sitting alone on another table.

After that, the area was abuzz with loud shouts and sounds, and most of the prisoners started gathering around in groups, probably plotting mischief and sure enough, they pranked and bugged whoever they pleased soon after.

I wanted to get out of here and get back in my cell before they decide to pick on me but suddenly, my empty table was full. I was surrounded by those guys from later and they blocked my way. _Fuck, _I cursed mentally, not in the mood for this. I didn't felt strong enough to endure this.

And _yuck, _they stink.

-"So, you the new guy?"- One of them asked.

I didn't say anything and just… pretended I was too focused doing something with my nails.

-"Ei, you deaf or something?"

-"Yeah, Tommy, that's our new guy,"- Spoke someone else, someone closing in to the group around me. Emerged from the crowd, I saw a tall and brusque man with muscular body come right towards me. He was at least a year older than me and he seemed like the ring leader of this small gang of bad boys. He reminds me of… someone, -"He's the so called hero of Trost's high school, defender of gays."

-"Oh, right, the number one troublemaker."

-"Heard he's a good fighter. What do ya' think, Finn?"

-"I think he's just crybaby and a loser, nothing more than a pebble,"- I stood up, unable to take the stench anymore until he suddenly gripped my neck and slammed me against the wall. I grunted and coughed, feeling my neck woozy already, -"Where the hell do you think you're going, huh? Don't ignore me, I wasn't done!"- I got the hint he didn't liked being ignored, which scored another point to that person he reminded me of, -"I'm gonna make things clear here, between you and me, considering you got a reputation out there. This place,"- He gestured around the area, -"This here, is different. It's not like out there. In this place, you're a nobody, you ain't a hero, you're just another asshole thrown in the dump because you're worth nothing, you hear? You're trash and in here, I'm king of the castle and everyone does what I say. You're gonna do the same or else…,"- He leaned his face really close to mines, our nose almost touching, and I smelled his stinky breath from whatever he ate, -"… I'll finish the last guy's work and break your neck."

My eyes widened at that, striking my body with a sharp and cold shiver and… fear. I know of who he reminds me of.

-"Capiche?"- He asked, quirking a thick eyebrow.

I nodded, slowly, feeling my neck swelling again.

-"Say it."

-"I… I get it, I understand…"

-"'I understand' what?"- He asked again.

-"I'll… I'll do whatever you want… me to…"- I replied, my voice shaking and lapsing, breathless.

-"Good,"- He said and let go of my neck, making me fall on my ass on the floor. I stroked my stiff and aching neck, avoiding Finn's gaze –fuck, I even remember his fucking name, -"Now for the welcoming party."

At those words, the prisoners from afar stepped even farther and when I gazed at Finn and his boys again, I saw food in their hands, the food we were served with. _Oh no…_

-"Welcome to prison!"- Before I could do anything, they lanced the food at me with vigor, like pitchers, all of them together and splattering my whole body. I couldn't see, the food was all over my face. I got some in my mouth and spit it out but more came and I felt nauseous. I hovered my hand in the air, covering my face while trying to tell them to stop but it was pointless. They kept shooting chunks of that expired bread and crumbled eggs, making it impossible for me to do anything, until there was no more food. Finn cleaned his hands above me, dropping the crumbs on me, -"I hope you have a great sentence here and don't get mad, we're all just having fun here."

Frank. He reminds me of Frank.

They left, laughing their asses off as I sat there on the floor, contemplating the mess of food on and around me. It's like my whole life flashed through my eyes again. It's like I'm reliving my past all over again. I've been thrown food before, I've seen people being treated like this before too. Marco… Marco was thrown with food too, in which I was accomplice, and now I know how awful it feels. It feels… it feels like you're nothing more than a pile of shit, a literal dumpster. I then remembered what Marco told me; that I was too stuck on the past and that I needed to move on but how can I when it keeps getting back to me? It keeps repeating, over and over, and I can't do anything to stop it! It's just…!

My chin ached. I wanted to cry… but not here. All eyes were on me, even that freeloader's.

A rattling bell rang, cueing the end of breakfast. I tried to get up but always slipped, meeting the concrete with my face. I grunted and cursed, starting to hate myself for being so weak. It wasn't until the area was empty that the guards lost their patience and dragged me back to my cell, making comments about my stench but not really caring. There, I cried all I had to, muffling my wails with the pillow.

I must have cried a lot afterwards because my energy depleted and I laid flatly on bed -stuck to it, actually, considering I was sweaty… which made my stench worse- until sleep caught up to me, or some of it.

* * *

A few days have passed and getting accustomed to this place was really hard, even more so when you don't want to in the first place. I spent those days clanking the cell door and shouting that I was innocent and that I wasn't supposed to be there. I must have reached a breaking point to do something like that and I'll tell you why: I saw a guy rape another one publicly and what's worse, no one gave a damn, meaning this type of shit is normal. Oh, and it doesn't end there, though, more guys joined in until the guard had to literally _pull _them apart. I was at a corner, hiding and hoping they wouldn't decide to rape me too.

That's not the only thing I witnessed. I saw a man, way older than me, overdose himself with some drug, naturally killing himself. He yelled some things and among those was something I've said too: 'I'm innocent!'. The guards are still investigating the suicide, trying to figure out where the drugs come from.

And of course, there's Finn, picking up fights and mocking the small people whenever he wanted to. I'm one of those small people, in his eyes. Almost every free time in the yard or lunch time, he'd come to me and do something different to me; like sinking my face in my food, pulling my hair, the usual bullying stuff.

Other than yelling I was innocent, I was… I dunno, waiting for someone to get me out of here, anyone. I was waiting for a miracle to happen, I was waiting for God to do something because if he's compassionate and loving as people claim him to be, then he has to do something about me, right? I don't… I don't deserve to be here. I'm innocent… right?

I got tired. Really tired. My throat ached, so I stopped yelling and during cell hours, I contemplated everything -since I didn't have anything else to do. No matter what I told myself, I… I really killed Frank. I wanted him dead, I can't deny it. I have to accept it. I'm a murderer and I killed another human being. I deserve to be here. I deserve this sentence. Zackly was right, I'm… I'm dangerous. I really lost it that day, I really went berserk with anger and got someone killed. What if I do it again? What if lose control and… and I end doing it again? Back then, I wasn't thinking and now thinking about all this is… is mind blowing.

Damn, I… I'm scared of myself. I didn't know I could do that. I didn't know I'd kill someone with my bare hands.

-"Fuck… fuck me…"- I cursed, both hands on my face as mulled over my thoughts. What the hell am I? Fuck, what have I turned into?

A sudden crumbling sound made me snap from my trance. I gazed up and spotted a small hole on the wall before me. I kept staring at it and yelped when I saw someone crawl through it, -"Hey."- He said. It was the freeloader that always asked for my food.

-"What the hell?"- I asked, really confused, -"How did you…?"

-"There's a cavity on that wall so I just move the bricks aside."- He spoke, putting the bricks all back together and sealing the wall.

-"What the fuck…"- I was still bewildered by his random appearance.

-"So, you're Jean, right? You're that guy kicking some bullies' ass, huh, playing hero for gays and all that."- The guy sat on my bed, just like that.

I stared at him wide eyed and then shook my head, -"Wait, wait, wait, hold on,"- I spoke, standing up from my depressive position, -"Let's start again. Who the hell are you and why are you here? Don't you know about privacy?"

He scoffed, puffing hair out of his eyes, -"Privacy? You should know by now that there's no such thing in here, I mean… think about it."

He's right. We're constantly watched.

-"I'm Gabriel, Gabe for short, and I dunno… I thought you needed company, hearin' you saying some depressive stuff. It was getting to me."- He admitted, shrugging.

-"So you came to shut me up, then? Just like the rest? If you're gonna… do something, just do it."- I said, like a damn baby.

-"What? Ah, damn. Look, about Finn… you shouldn't hold any grudges, I mean… he's just having fun and hey, he'll get bored of bullying you soon enough and you'll be fine, just like it happened to me."- He said, trying to comfort me in a weird way.

I frowned. If he's really like Frank, and he is, he's not going to stop. I know guys like him. They never stop, -"No, he won't. Guys like him never stop stomping on others."

-"I guess you'd know but at least he stopped bugging me,"- There was silence for a few minutes until he cleared his throat and spoke again. I was still edgy by his arrival and I think he noticed, but didn't gave a damn, -"So, uh… why you here for?"

-"Huh?"- I was absentminded, probing loose pebbles on the floor. I gazed at him and noticed he kind of looked like a stoner, a junkie, with red and dropped eyes.

-"I asked why they dumped you in here. I mean, you were doing some good stuff out there, right?"

I looked away and sighed, -"I… I killed someone."

-"Whoa, seriously?"

I just nodded. Why the fuck am I telling this guy this? I don't know him. He might as well be one of Finn's buddies -I doubt it, -"You?"

-"What?"

-"What did you do to end up here?"- I asked. If he asked me, then I can ask him. Also, I was curious but by just looking at him, I know the answer.

-"Oh, just smuggling drugs here and there. The usual business and speaking of which,"- Like a cockroach, he crawled to his cell and came back to mines with a bag on hand, -"I got some here. You want?"

-"What? No!"

-"You sure? You look like you want to forget some things and let me tell you, these will make you forget even the day you were born."- As he spoke, he took every drug in that bag and twirled them in his hand.

I shook my head vigorously, not keen on poisoning my body with that junk, -"I said no. Just… get the fuck out of here, junkie."- But I gotta be honest, the thought of just… forgetting all this for a few minutes was… a bit tempting.

-"Your loss,"- He packed the junk and started to crawl back to his cell when he looked over his shoulder, -"I'll be over here if you, uh… change your mind. Just knock the cavity."

-"Yeah, not gonna happen."- I huffed and laid on my bed. Great, now I got a junkie right next to me trying to drug me. This can't get any worse, can it? Considering all that's happened to me, that's an understatement. It _can _get worse and it will. I just know it.

God, how much longer do I have to be here?

* * *

Another few days passed and the more I got used to this place. I came to terms with the fact that no one was gonna get me out of here, that the only way out is to finish my sentence. No God is going to help me. Only I will and for that, I had to stop being a baby and just accept my life here in prison, get used to it because I'm gonna stay here for a long time. Otherwise, I'll go crazy.

The prison was changing me but I ignored that fact. I knew what kind of guy it was changing me into and I didn't like it.

I was also getting used to Gabe's presence. He visited me every cell hours and we just chatted about random things. He never mentioned or offered me drugs again and that's when I knew he visited me for other reasons, -"I'm starving. When will lunch hour start?"- I asked. I just learned he's really good at keeping track of time.

-"Any second now…,"- Like always, he began a countdown, -"In 3… 2… 1…"- And as always, the bell rang at the exact time.

I elbowed him and stood up. He crawled through the hole and closed it before the guards could spot him. He's quick, I'll give him that.

We were escorted to the lunch area and were served with a cup of rice, beans and pork. I sighed at the poor quantity, making my stomach grumble, -"Well, this is better than nothing."- This barely fills my stomach and I go to sleep hungry but I can't complain.

I sat with Gabe, like always, and kept a quiet mouth as Finn's gang infested the area. We tried to keep a low head but you know me; I can't keep my head low, no matter how hard I try to. Guys like him always spot me. This time though, he also picked on Gabe, -"You better have that crack with ya' or else,"- Gabe just looked away, something Finn hated. The guy gripped Gabe's hair and forced him to look at him, -"Hey, I'm talking to ya'!"

Gabe winced and tried to hush Finn. He looked… scared, -"I… I don't have it with me."

-"You're a damn liar. You wanna take all the stash for you, you damn drug addict,"- Finn started to yank him harsher, -"Give em' to me. Now."

Gabe's eyes widened in fear, -"P-please, don't hurt me. I'll… I'll bring them on free hours, promise…"

This… reminded me of something. I've seen this before. My face began to wrinkle. I hate this. I really hate this. Gabe hasn't told me but I knew he had those drugs to forget about certain things. It's not right, but he uses them as an escape from this hell and I… I can't blame him. I want to escape this hell too but truth is, I'm stuck in it no matter what I use or do or whatever. Finn, like always, wanted to take things from others and it's not fair.

-"That's enough."- I said and he turned to me.

-"What was that?"- He did his daily bullying, making my temper stagger. I felt hot within. I felt my blood boiling. I felt… anger. I don't care where I am, I don't have to take this shit -_we _don't have to. Gabe was incompetent, however. He was too scared by this guy and that's when I realized that he has always been picked on by him. Gabe lied to me, though, to comfort me.

-"I said that's enough,"- I repeated, standing up and turning to face him, -"Stop treating him like that. He doesn't deserve it."

-"Oh, you're feisty,"- He commented, eyeing me whole, -"I hate feisty guys like you. Why the hell should I stop? He does deserve it. Why do you think he's here in the first place?"

-"You talk too much,"- I said, really annoyed by his blabber. My fists and teeth clenched on their own as I glared at him, -"Just stop or…"

-"Or you'll what?"- He teased, mimicking my angry moves, -"What are you gonna do? Kill me? Is that-"

I threw a punch right to his fucking face. He staggered and grunted, cursing obscenities as he held on the table, -"Mother… fucker!"

I readied myself, fully aware that he'll attack me. He stroked his nose and lashed at me, pushing me on the table and quickly aiming for my damaged neck with both hands. I moved aside and kept punching his face, nonstop. He dragged me all across the table, shoving the trays full of food and making the prisoners back away. He then threw me to the floor and straddled me but before he could snatch my neck again, I took one of the trays on the floor and smacked his head with it several times. Not keen on wasting time, I kicked him off of me and pinned him down next. I kept punching him again and again until the guards separated us. I had two of them holding me back by my arms while one of them held Finn. He spat blood, -"You motherfucker!"- He cursed, trying to yank loose, -"This isn't over, goddammit! I'll get you soon and I'll make you pay!"

-"I'll be waiting, asshole! You-"- I was slapped shut by one of the guards, making me angrier. Why the hell do _I _get slapped and not him?!

-"Enough, both of you! You fucking kids or what? And the rest of you, get back to your damn cells!"- That was Maxson, furious out of his mind too. He reminded me of myself, at some point. He ran his hand through his bald head and stormed towards me, gripping my jumpsuits collar, -"Take this one to the retention cell. I'll take care of him. He's mine."

I was dragged to said cell, which was narrow and dark, and only had some kind pole in the middle. No bed, no window, nothing. I was thrown in and when I gazed at the floor, I saw smudges of blood, tainting my hands. _This isn't good…_

I turned around and spotted a guard hovering his baton firmly, ready to hit me until Maxson stopped him and pulled him close, -"What did I say before? He's _mine._"- He gritted his teeth and glared at the other man, snatching the baton and throwing it away.

-"Forgive me… sir."- The guard apologized and walked away. It seems Maxson has some reputation, even among his fellow coworkers.

Maxson sighed, turned to me, entered the cell and closed the door, leaving only a dim light coming the hall to illuminate us, -"I really hate it when someone doesn't do as I say and make my job harder. It's not difficult to follow orders, is it?"- He rambled, walking in circles around me.

I was still pissed but the way he spoke and walked around me managed to set a spark of fear within me. He's up to something. He's gonna do something to me. Rape? Torture? Both?

-"And speaking of which, I thought I told you not to cause trouble, am I right?"- He stopped and lifted some chains from the floor, twirling it around his hand.

I just gulped as I saw him walking towards me slowly, dragging the chains across the floor.

-"Well, I'm going to make sure it never happens again. I need to keep people like you on a leash. Otherwise, the world might as well end."- He yanked me by my arm and hauled me to the pole, trying my arms on it with the chains firmly. I was facing the cold pole and I noticed blood on it too.

I winced as the sharp metal severed my wrists. I pulled back but goddamn, it's hard! -"What do you mean people like me?"

-"Hard-asses like you pushing for your so called "rights" and "greater good", playing to be the good guys, screwing up how things are and the hard work it took with petty rebellions,"- He spoke, standing behind me. He leaned closer to me and spoke to my ear, -"Let me tell you this: nobody has rights. _You _don't have any and there's no good in this fucking word. People learn by the _hard _way and I'll show you how."

God, that's cold. What an ass.

Hearing another clanking sound, I looked over my shoulder and saw Maxson loosening his belt. My eyes widened and even more when he threw open my jumpsuit, exposing my back. Is he… is he gonna rape me? He… he can't do that!

_No, Jean! Don't let it get to you! You gotta hold on, just like Marco said!_

Fear started to burst within me but I tried quenching it. I can't give this guy the satisfaction of scaring me again. I'll endure whatever he throws at me. If he wants to fuck me… so be it.

When he pulled out his belt and started whipping me with it, though, I knew this was going to be worse than that. I cried out, leaning my body forward against the cold pole in pain. Another hit. I hissed. _Ouch, that burns! _Another one, harsher, with more vigor. I bit the pole, something I'll regret later, as sharp pain struck my body. The hits increased and I lost count of them. I felt my back burning, as if it was on fire, and I couldn't move an inch without grunting in pain.

A few minutes passed. Seeing as I was sweating and breathless, wheezing the little puffs of breath I had, I thought he'd stop. I thought he'd realize that, hey, that's enough, but he didn't stop. He kept hitting me and I swear he even changed the tool. I shut my eyes close to prevent tears from slipping out. Damn it! I have to endure this for… for Marco! I can't let this guy see me crying either! I… I have to hold on... even though it _really _hurts.

And he's laughing. He's enjoying this.

_God, fuck…! _

I couldn't take it anymore. I can't hold anymore. My back was going to explode.

All this time, I've muffled my cries, but in a second, they all escaped my mouth, -"S-stop…,"- I whined, crying in pain as my body tumbled down with my hands still firmly tied on the pole, -"… p-please… fuck, it hurts…"

-"What was that?"- He spoke chirpily, too excited for comfort. He's… he's fucking crazy, doing something like this to me -or anyone. He gripped my hair and pulled my head back, close to his face, -"I didn't hear you."

-"I… I'm s-sorry…,"- I wheezed. I hate to admit this, but I… I regret standing up to Finn, I regret… _everything_. I'm… I'm scared. I want this to end, -"It… it won't happen again…"- God, please help me…

Maxson knelt before me, still gripping my hair, and grinned, satisfied with my words _and _his work. I said what he wanted to hear and I bet if I didn't said it, he'd torture me more, -"You know what will happen if it does, right? Maybe… violation?"- He whispered, neared his mouth to my neck and started licking it, then sucking on it and sending waves of revulsion across my body, -"I know you like men so it's not gonna be a problem…"

I didn't say anything as my body shivered in disgust.

He then grabbed my neck and forced me look directly at his face, clenching his finger on its sides. I groaned at the shot of pain, -"Hmm, your neck looks… spoilt. I'll make note of that the next time you disobey me. Now look at me,"- I looked at his eyes, often dropping it unintentionally and earning a slap to my face. Maxson's eyes locked in with mines and his glare was intense, intimidating and piercing. He's… he's really serious, -"The more trouble you cause, the more… quality time we'll spend together in this nice, cozy cell. You get me?"

I just nodded and looked away.

He slapped me again, harder this time, and tightened his grip on my neck, -"Hey, I wasn't done!"- He shouted, right in my face and spitting it, -"You're here because you earned it and you're being punished because you _deserve _it. In here, you're trash, not worth a single penny, so you better get used it and not whine like a fucking baby when everyone reminds you."

If wringing the fuck out of my neck wasn't enough, he slammed the side of my head against the pole, almost knocking me unconscious. All the strength I had dwindled as I finally toppled to the floor, unable to even hold my head anymore. I groaned in pain as Maxson stood up and walked towards the door. When I heard the cell door closing, I gasped lowly, -"W-wait… you're gonna… leave me here?"

With a lot effort, I managed to peek over my shoulder and I saw him grin. It was a stupid question. Of course he's gonna leave me here to rot.

-"N-no… I'm sorry…,"- I gasped, trying to keep my breathing steady but I was losing it. I don't want to be in this cell! -"P-please… come back…"- But he was long gone and I was left to rot in this dark, cold and isolated cell with my hands still tied to the pole.

_No... no, no, no…_

_How am I going to eat? How am I going to use the bathroom and… how am I going to sleep? I… I don't want to be alone in here…_

_I'm scared…_

-"Please… help…, anyone…"- I began to call for help because… there really isn't anything else I could do. I tried to loosen the chains but all I did was worsen the cuts, making them bleed a little. _Fuck…_

I kept calling for help and trying to loosen the chains for… I don't know how long. Hours. Days. Weeks. I didn't know. I stopped when I literally couldn't speak anymore and didn't had the strength to even lift my body. I was literally hanging against the pole. My throat was too dried. I'm thirsty and starving. I haven't drink or eaten anything in a long time.

I then realized it was useless. There's no point in it. No one's going to help me. Everyone is here on their own. I'm… I'm such a wimp and an idiot. I need to understand that I'm alone here and that things here are the way they are, hard and violent, and I can't change it. I have to adapt and… succumb, even if it hurts. If I keep the boisterous attitude, I'll… I'll surely die. There's someone important waiting for me outside this prison and that person asked me to hold on, no matter how bad things are.

_God. I miss you so much, Marco…_

I lost track of time and since there's no windows, I didn't know if it was still daytime or nighttime. Considering the silence, I'd say it was nighttime but this cell is isolated so maybe I can't hear whatever's going on out there. Anyhow, I was deadbeat and slumberous but it's impossible for me to find a comfortable spot with my hands tied, -"Fuck…"- I cursed in agony, struggling with the chains. _Fuck my fucking life. _

I couldn't sleep. I don't know how long I've been awake and I'm so fucking tired. My eyes dropped but then they'd snap open again. My arms were numb and my whole back thumped. I felt my stomach grumble, churning and vibrate in hunger. It hurts like hell, further agonizing my abandonment in this cell.

_Damn it! For how much longer is he gonna leave me here?!_

More time passed as I laid faintly on the cold floor, counting the rats and bugs that passed by. I didn't have anything else to do -oh, and deciding whether or not eat them but considering my hands are still tied, I couldn't do anything. _Anything. _

_Maybe you should just kill yourself. It's hopeless. Nobody's coming for a trash like you. _

_No, you can't… what about…?_

_Marco? What about him?_

_Don't you think about how devastated he'll be if…_

_Don't you think about Jean anymore? About how bad he's suffering right now? He's famished and bone-dry! He's even crazy with these voices inside his head telling him to kill himself!_

A loud shrieking noise snapped me from my suicidal thoughts. I wanted to look what it was but I didn't even have the strength for that.

-"He's still alive?"- A faint voice spoke, but was it… my mental voices or…? -"Damn."

Then, the chains around my wrist clanked and loosened, and my arms quickly tumbled down along with my body. I was then dragged somewhere and left for dead again. When I woke up and came to the bit of sense left in me, though, I noted I was back in my original cell, on my bed. I sat up and immediately regret it; my back was extremely sore and I slumped back to bed.

-"Psst."

-"Huh?"- I mumbled, gazing to where I heard the sound.

-"Hey, Jean,"- Squinting my eyes, I spotted Gabe peeking through the hole like he always does, -"You up yet?"

I groaned and clutched my empty stomach, -"No…"- My voice was horse due to my dried throat.

-"Yeah, you are,"- He stepped through, closed the hole and knelt before my bed, -"Here. Eat up."

-"What's…?"- I looked beside me and saw him with a tray on hand. It had big pieces of bread on it, along with boiled eggs and cooked ham.

-"Just eat it before they find out -oh and I got you water too."- He reached the spot beside him, pulled up a glass of water and placed it on tray.

My eyes widened at the food before I literally began eating it like a damn dog. I snatched each portion in my dirty hands and took huge bites off of them, swallowing before even chewing properly, -"Whoa, slow down, big guy. You're gonna choke."- Gabe warned, his voice low.

But I didn't listen. I kept eating and in less than three minutes, the tray was half empty. I snatched the glass of water and gulped it down my throat. I felt the cool liquid refresh my dried gorge, kind of clearing my blurry head. I began to cough the second I remembered, hell, _everything_, making my throat thin again, -"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"- I started apologizing out of blue with no concrete reason, covering my full mouth and trying for the food not the slip from my fingers. I just felt sorry.

-"The hell are you apologizing for? Just eat!"- He blurted unintentionally, quickly covering his mouth too.

My eyes watered. Goddamn, what's wrong with me!? Here's Gabe giving me food and what am I doing? Spitting it!

-"Jesus, just listen to me!"- He gripped my head and made me look straight at his eyes, -"You've been gone for _days, _Jean, _days -_heck, almost a _week- _and I know where they took you and I know they didn't feed you or gave you _anything _so I know you're starving -fuck, you've lost weight! I've been gathering this food for you while you were gone, okay? So what, it's my food but you've always given me yours, remember? I owe you all this so just… just eat, for Christ's sake!"

I stared at him with eyes wide and then at the mountain of food. I gaped my mouth.

-"Don't say anything, just eat. You… you deserve it. What you did before they took you away was… amazing and brave. You didn't deserve that punishment -you don't even deserve to be here in the first place…"- Gabe spoke, looking at me with admiration.

I kept staring at him until I decided to keep eating what he brought me, slower this time. A few minutes later, I had my stomach full, allowing me to think clearly. I woke up here, in bed, because of him. Gabe, he… took care of me. I remember someone throwing me in here. I must have fallen unconscious afterwards because I don't remember seeing anyone else carry me to bed. The only one who could have done that was Gabe, the one with a hole on his cell, connecting to mines. I gazed at my wrists and I saw them all wrapped up in bandages. I pulled on the straps and saw the fresh cuts from the chains that tied me. I hissed at the slight pain and covered them again. This was Gabe's doing too. That's when I started to wonder how he got all this stuff but considering he's sly as fuck, I pushed the thought away.

My back was still hurting and I had trouble standing up and moving freely but I at least managed to sat up from bed, -"I… thank you. You… you saved my life."- I murmured, unable to part my eyes from him.

-"It.. it was nothing. Listen, you… uh, gotta make it outta here. Don't let that asshole get to you."- Maxson. He's talking about Maxson.

The mere thought of the man made my body shiver and shrink. I'm going to have nightmares about that man, -"He... he tortured me."

-"He does that to everyone like you, who step up to him and others, so you can fear him,"- Gabe spoke as if he perfectly knew it, -"I know it's difficult but… please, don't let him. You're… you're the only good guy here in this fucking hell. The only good thing that's ever happened. You're strong and I know you can be stronger than him, just… don't give up, no matter how bad it hurts."

_No, you don't understand. I'm… I'm weak._

-"Jean…?"

He suddenly reminded me of Marco. I don't know why but it further aggravated my grievance. I just laid on my bed and turned around, giving him my back, -"Just… go to sleep."- I said, wishing for him to just shut up.

And he did, quietly returning to his cell and leaving me to bottle my tears up for the rest of the night or day or whatever.

_Fuck. My. Life._


	90. NINETY

Holy shit, chapter 90... o.O but we're reaching the end here guys.

**Warning: Sexual content.**

**Disclaime: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

NINETY

Somebody kill me.

I was having a nightmare about the very man that has been haunting me: Maxson.

In a wide terrain splattered with blood, I laid alone, all chained up and kneeling, begging for help. The painful chains severed my naked body as I tried to get loose. Further ahead of me was Maxson himself with a long ass whip. He walked towards me, slowly, and when he reached me, he started me lashing me with it, causing me to bleed. I wanted to scream in pain, but I couldn't, my mouth was muffled with a tight tape. Maxson then rallied everyone that has left a scar on me, everyone that has cause me pain and agony: Frank, George, Francis, Nile, Trevor, Kuan… _everyone. _Together, they tortured me, made me cry in agony… but I was the one that could only hear those cries, deep within my head. No one else could. They just laughed as they lashed and cut my body, causing my blood to pool beneath me.

Each and everyone one of these haunt me, in some way, but the head of this nightmare was Maxson, the man I couldn't forget and will probably never will. He revived and invigorated my old wounds, making them ache and overflow me again.

I ended up murdered by the ones I defeated: Frank, Kuan, and so on, and they finished me the same way I finished them, as payback.

~ o ~

I woke up gasping for air. I tried to sit up from the bed but my back was still sore, making me cough and tumble from the bed. I cursed and tried to breathe steadily, to settle my anxiousness, but I couldn't. I couldn't make the nightmare go away from my head. It's haunting me, agonizing me. I could still hear their laughs, their words and I could still feel the _pain…_

-"Jean…? You alright?"- Gabe spoke from the hole and peeked in my cell, -"Holy shit! What's wrong?"- He crawled in towards me, helping me sit up with an arm around my sore back.

I winced at the pain, closing one teary eye, -"Ow, fuck…!"

-"Shit, I'm sorry!"- He apologized, pulling his arm back a bit. He then helped me up and sat me on my bed again. He tried to calm me down but I was too shaken up and restless. My body was literally shaking and I still had that nightmare fresh in my head, terrorizing me.

-"Stop, just… stop."- I spoke, pushing him away. _He's just trying to help, Jean._

-"Try to relax. You're, um… hyper… hyperventilating or something."

Oddly, I started to remember one time I got this frantic and sought Diego for help. That was the first time I smoked a cigarette. I was looking for comfort, to forget whatever had happened then, -"Gabe, I… I need to forget something. Now."- I know I'll regret this later but right now, I need it or else I'll collapse. My heart beats are off the chart and my breathing was crazy.

-"Whoa, are you…?"- He watched me, trying to figure out just how serious I was, -"… even the day you were born?"- He asked.

-"Yeah, even that."- I don't even want to remember I'm _alive. _That caused everything that torments me today.

Gabe thought about it for a few seconds; he wanted to drug me, help me forget but he was worried. That junk is poisonous and it'll probably spur some nasty side effects in my body but I don't care about that -not _now_, at least. He sighed and finally nodded. He, more than anyone, understood me. He doesn't have that stash solely for business.

He came back from his cell with that bag he first showed me and pulled his… stuff out. I saw several syringes and white blocks of… something, along with pills and a zip bag with green stuff -weed, I think. I've never any of it in my entire life and Gabe started to name and explain them all but I really wasn't in the mood to learn anything, -"Just hit me with the best you've got, Gabe."

-"Al-alright but if you start feeling… weird, let me know, ok?"- He said, pulling one of the syringes and hovering it near my arm.

I laughed bitterly as he sank the needle in my skin, -"Can't make any promises."- I hissed a bit at the sting.

-"Jean, this is serious. It's obvious you've never had one of these before so the effects can be overwhelming at first… at least until your body, um… gets used to it."- He kept blabbering something but my head was kind of… woozy already. I felt the drug rush through my veins, taking away all my pain with it. I exhaled and relaxed on my bed as my mind was cleared of any thoughts that torment me.

-"Hey, what else you got?"- I asked, peaking at the bag. I was enjoying the rush and craved for more. I hadn't noticed that Gabe was taking in his share too, inhaling some kind of white dust and boy, he really likes it. When he lifted his head, he hitched it back and gaped his mouth.

He then gazed at me and offered me some. I saw his eyes redder than usual, -"Just smell it, man. Crack's glorious."- And he speaks different, more loosely, when stoned.

And so I did and immediately sneezed when it went right up my nose. It smelled weird… but good. It warmed my nose and then filled my lungs with hotness. We shared and smelled crack and other drugs while we prattled until Gabe dug another syringe from the bag, -"What's that?"- I asked, not really caring but considering it's different than the others and had a longer needle…

-"This one will _really _make you forget all those bad stuff, man,"- He spoke, slurring over the words as he hovered the needle close to my neck, -"Trust me…"

-"Hit me."- I replied, tilting my head to allow him a better access. The more the merrier really, but honestly, I can't remember anything -heck, I can't even think. My head was all funny and hazy and my body was slug. I was high already but if I can be higher…

-"In it goes,"- He whispered in my ear as the sharp needle sank in my neck's skin. I didn't felt it this time. My body was numb and after a few minutes, I felt… hot and… hard, kind of lusty. Horny. I wanted… I wanted someone to touch me, -"How… do you feel?"- Gabe whispered again and I felt something crawl up through my thigh.

-"I feel…,"- My mind began to cloud with steamy thoughts and images, with… with Marco. I saw Marco all over and he was _naked. _God. My body was set on fire at those images of Marco's butt and dick, of his sexy abs and freckles. Then, I started to remember the times I've had sex with him and began wishing to fuck him again, over and over. _Fuck, I want Marco right now, -_"I feel… hot."

-"Oh yeah?"- There's that sensation of something crawling across my thighs again and then my crotch, followed by a gentle pressure.

I moaned at the small but effective ebb of pleasure. Now I'm feeling _things, -_"Yeah…,"- I slurred, biting my lips in order to prevent any other moans escape my mouth, -"What… was that? It's… so good."- I _really _liked it.

-"It's a sexual supplement, it boosts your libido."

_Oh…_

Another goody sensation down below. I gazed down and saw Gabe's hand groping my crotch gently, pressing the area and educing low moans from my mouth, -"The hell do you… think you're doing?"- I spoke, slurring over the words due to the undeniable pleasure, -"I have…"

-"A boyfriend, I know,"- He whispering into my ear again, making my skin there prickle, -"And I'm just… helping you _forget. _I'm not doing anything wrong, it's not like he'll find out, right?"

I wanted to believe that because I wanted him to continue touching me like that.

But I knew, deep within the soon nonexistent parts of my reasoning, that this was wrong. Marco's my boyfriend and I swore to myself that I'll be loyal to him no matter what. Only he can touch me like this. Only he can pleasure me like this.

But I was reaching a breaking point. This drug was stronger than me and as my reason faded, I leaned back against the bed and allowed Gabe to indulge me.

The guy grinned and narrowed me, -"Just… think about him and it'll be fine."

_Yeah, think about Marco, _I told myself as Gabe straddled me and brought his face close to my neck. He groped me a bit faster now, pressing my crotch harsher, _it shouldn't feel as bad. _

-"M…,"- I began to babble, feeling the waves of pleasure growing -and Marco's naked images in my head, -"F-fuck…"

-"Does it feel good?"- Gabe whispered to my ear as he licked it and dipped his tongue in it. Along with a bit of disgust, I felt pleasure tickle my body.

-"Uh… huh…"- I replied, gripping the bed's sheets firmly. _Fuck… I want to feel more… I want…_

Gabe unzipped my jumpsuit, exposing my toned abdomen. He whistled, running his rough hand through it, -"Damn, you're hot."- He commented, nibbling the skin of my shoulder.

That made me more excited that I'd like to admit -and harder.

He fondled my abdomen thoroughly, not minding at all my sweaty and dirty body. He dipped his finger in my belly-button, kind of like I do to Marco's, and with his other hand, he pinched my nipple, making me moan a bit louder. Gabe snickered, enjoying my fluster, as he licked my earlobe next. He figured it wasn't exactly my soft spot so he traveled to the tip of my apple and when he nibbled it, I shivered in pleasure and moaned louder.

-"Your boyfriend's lucky…"- Gabe spoke, close to my ear while fondling me south, close to my crotch.

_Is he? _

Gabe scurried his hand lower, making his way into my underpants furtively. He caressed my v-line first, trying to get me to erect and it proved easy because for starters, I couldn't stop thinking about Marco and second, this drug was doing all the work. Gabe started fingering me inside, dipping and circling his fingers between my nuts. I moaned at the sensation and thought about the times I've fingered Marco, about how good my hands felt in his pants, about his pleasuring moans and bleats of my name…

_I really miss him… I really want him here instead of…_

Those thoughts made me hotter and harder.

Gabe fingered me deeper and faster, breathing raggedly beside my ear, enjoying this more than I was. I felt a sweet orgasm coming up and my dick went stiff, dripping cum on his hands, -"I wanna fuck you so bad…"- He whispered lewdly in my ear before taking hold of my cock and started jerking it off fast.

-"F-fuck…,"- I muttered, feeling that orgasm coming up, -"… M-Marco…"- Marco's naked pictures in my mind were really boosting this, turning me on and on.

-"Yeah, it's me, Jean."

-"Mhm…,"- I moaned as Gabe fastened his pace and pressed my cock, -"Fuck… I-I'm…"- I reached my climax and ejaculated, exhaling in pleasure.

Gabe exhaled next to my ear, -"Better?"- He asked, nuzzling my neck.

I just nodded and bit my lip, feeling that drug in my veins still rushing by, making me wish for even more. How far can I go with this without agonizing in guilt? I wanted to feel my cock in this guy's -I mean, in Marco's mouth. I wanted him to blow me but...

Before I could even gape my mouth, Gabe had made way south and pulled my cock out to the open, -"Holy shit,"- He spoke, gasping, -"It's big."- He commented, eyes wide and grinning.

I just rolled my eyes, looked away and just hoped he'll just stare at it and not blow it -while secretly _wanting _to.

He knew, though. It was no secret. He knew I wanted him to blow me so he didn't dallied and started sucking me off, -"W-w-wait… hold on…"- I stuttered, slowly sitting up to push his head away.

-"I know you want this, Jean,"- He spoke lowly, caressing my thigh, -"It's okay, really. This'll stay just between us…"

I exhaled at the gleeful sensation of his slick tongue on my cock, distracting and derailing me from reason. That's all I needed to hear. I slumped back on bed and Gabe continued to suck me, licking off my incessant cum that dripped from my shaft. I held onto the bed's fringe as an immense wave of delight washed me whole. Oh God, that feels so good… I haven't felt this good since I got here. Gabe squeezed my cock, making it spill cum into his mouth. He swallowed every single drip and twirled his thin fingers around my pubic hair there -I haven't shaved in a long time and you'd think it's embarrassing, but actually… I kind of liked. He tickled me, pulling my hair in that area and making me educe a sharp moan, -"You like that, huh…"- He whispered, running his tongue across my hair there. I moaned again, enjoying the sensation a bit too much.

-"Just…,"- I wheezed, -"… just suck me."

Gabe grinned and snickered, shoving my cock in his mouth once again. I felt my climax closing in again and the closer it was, the louder I moaned and writhed in bed. I gripped the guy's hair and started jolting his head up and down, thrusting my dick deeper in his mouth. Once I released in his mouth, I relaxed and breathed steadily.

Gabe sucked out the remnants of my cum and gazed at me but I saw Marco instead. I don't why, but I saw Marco instead of him and I didn't question it. I was too high to care. Abruptly, I took his head and smashed his lips against mine, kissing him madly while my mind flooded with Marco. I couldn't help it. I really couldn't help it. I miss Marco so damn much... I miss his kisses, his tender touch, his smile, his eyes, his… _everything._

We kissed for a long time. A _long _time. We fell asleep on the same bed and for the first time in this damned prison, I slept for more than four hours.

~ o ~

-"Wake up, prisoners!"

The unmistakable morning bell rang out along the guards' shouts. I groaned, feeling my head thumping, aching. I sat and rubbed my temples, -"Damn, this fucking headache…"- I cursed and whined, trying to soothe my head but with the fucking bell and the noisy guards…

I stood up, remember where I was, until a sudden nausea made my stomach churn. I placed my hand on my belly and clutched it, feeling something hot and nasty coming up from the pits of my stomach, rasping my throat. _Oh fuck.._

I ran towards the corner of my cell, leaned my hands on the wall and barfed nonstop, making a green, stinky puddle beneath me. The guard assigned to escort me to the dining area cursed, -"The fuck is wrong with you? Hey, we got a sick one here!"

I heard footsteps closing in, -"Huh, probably food poisoning. It'll pass."- Someone else spoke dismissively.

One of the guards walked away, -"You better wrap up or you'll miss breakfast."

I gulped and just nodded. I wasn't hungry but considering I won't get much to eat later, I decided to at least take a bite or two. When the nausea subsided, I was taken to the dining area, which was already packed with prisoners. At least the line isn't full…

I walked towards the line sluggishly, too tired to even hold the tray firmly. It slipped from my grip while the janitor served me with food and some of it fell to the floor beneath me. The bitter, fat woman growled and gestured me to move along, -"Eat it from the floor or scram, filth."

I just turned away and walked towards an empty table. There, I probed the pale pancake with my fork and sighed, still feeling fuzzy within. I took two bites of it and lost appetite.

_Damn hangover…_

I don't remember much about last night, only that I got really high with Gabe's drug. That and I slightly remember someone blowing me. I think it was Marco but that's impossible. It had to be a wet dream.

_Who the hell are you trying to fool?_

I wish I had gotten higher.

I pushed the tray away and dropped my head flatly on the table, groaning while clutching my belly. _Fuck, _I cursed mentally. We almost fucked. Goddamn, we almost fucked if I'd gotten another dose of that horny drug -and to be fair, I wanted another one, but Gabe himself told me I've had enough, saying that I shouldn't poison my "healthy" body anymore.

Speaking of which, said man joined me on my table but I ignored him, looked away and acted as if I've forgotten everything. I felt guilty, alright? I kept thinking of what Marco would think of me when he finds out I almost fucked with a stranger and a drug addict. Like I said, I regret it. I definitely regret it.

When the breakfast hour ended, I was the first one to stand up and dump my food. We were then escorted to the bathing area and everyone had to take their clothes off in front of the guards -when I said we were _always _watched, I wasn't kidding. The room was wide and humid, the tiled floor and walls were slippery so we had to watch our step. The showers were all lined up together with a small, white towel beside them. We stood under it, very close to the wall and bathed, watching our asses considering rape is common around here.

I was glad I could finally take a bath, considering I haven't taken one since I was… tortured. As I bathed and allowed the water to wash me, my hangover cleared and I could finally think straight. My mind kind of opened and memories started pouring in, something I didn't want last night. I breathed deeply, feeling kind of… like losing my mind, _calm down, Jean. That already passed and it won't happen as long as you don't get in trouble. _

I leaned my hands against the wall and stared down at the puddle of water beneath me and the reflection it displayed of me. I sighed at the defeated face and tired eyes. God, I don't want to remember that but my mind betrayed me and images of Maxson and his whip and the dark cell overwhelmed me. My body began to shiver madly and my hands often slipped from the tiled wall. _Keep it together, man. _Desperate to forget that moment, I asked Gabe to hit me with his drugs and it worked. I didn't though about Maxson _once. _Then, suddenly, he injected me with a different drug, one that boosted my sex drive. I guess sex really does make you forget about things but… doing it with someone you don't really know when you _have _a boyfriend already, it just… makes things worse. I can't bear with the guilt and because of that, I've been ignoring Gabe. He... wanted to help me forget but I got the distinctive idea that he wanted to drug me with that last shot since… well, since we've met.

I gazed behind me, feeling eyes on my back, and I spotted Gabe himself staring at me -specially my butt. He noticed I was looking and he gazed away. I sighed. In any case, I should be grateful. He was there when no one else was. He helped me forget something that would've probably haunted me the whole night. I slept thanks to him.

After bathing hour finished, we clothed up and returned to our cells. There, I decided to apologize and thank Gabe, so I knocked on the cavity and he quickly opened the hole, -"What is it?"

-"Can we talk?"- I asked, scratching my scalp.

-"Oh, _now_ you want to talk after ignoring me the whole day?"

-"I'm sorry, okay? Just… get in."- I stood and sat on my bed, waiting for him.

He sighed and crawled in. After closing the hole, he stayed stood, far from me. He probably thought that after last night, I'd be edgy with him.

-"Sit down, will you?"- I said, patting the area of my bed beside me.

And he did, very slowly.

-"Look, I just wanted to apologize for being a total jerk and ignoring you. I… last night, what we did… it was wrong, but I'm grateful. You helped me forget… well, everything, and I managed to sleep more than I've ever had."- I spoke with honesty, trying to keep my eyes on him.

-"Yeah, uh…,"- He sighed, probably struggling with himself to say something. He gazed down at the floor, avoiding my eyes, -"… since you're being honest and all, I want to tell you something too. I, uh… wanted to give you that last drug for a while -hell, I even tried to drug once you while you slept."

My eyes widened slowly.

-"Before you say anything, yeah, I _like _you… a _lot_ and ever since you stood up for me, well… I can't stop thinking about you."- He kept his head low, preventing me to see his blushed face.

I stayed speechless for a few seconds. I figured he drugged me for more than being friendly. I mean, I remember how he touched me last night; he didn't hold back and seemed… desperate. I think I also remember him saying something about wanting to fuck me bad, -"Woah, um… I hadn't realized."- I never do.

-"Look, I know you have a boyfriend and I realized how much he means to you, how loyal you are and yeah, it was wrong of me to drug you and kind of force you into doing it so I… I'm sorry."- He gazed at me apologetically.

-"It's…,"- I scratched my neck again, -"… it's okay."

-"I hope we can still be friends…"- He added.

I smiled, -"Yeah, 'course."

We elbowed each other and spent the morning prattling.

~ o ~

Long and slow weeks passed by and I was reliving my time in elementary and middle school. I woke up by furious, shouting guards, ate breakfast and get picked on, then we returned to our cell and then we dined and again, I get picked on. Again, I was getting really angry and the impulse to fight back grew in me but then I remembered Maxson and his dark cell and just… endured it. I can't get into any trouble…. I don't want to be tortured again, I don't want to see Maxson's scarred face again, I don't want to spend a whole week in a cell all tied up and suffering from hunger and thirst, unable to sleep and slowly losing sanity.

-"Five minutes, no more nor less."- The guard reminded me as I sat in a chair to face Marco.

-"Yeah, I know. You've said it like five times already."- I rolled my eyes and spoke with attitude, something he probably won't like but I was getting really irritated by these assholes and this whole damn place.

-"Watch your damn tongue kid, or I'll show you who's in charge."- He spat back.

I gaped my mouth quickly, about to spat another snarky reply.

-"Jean…"- Marco called.

I bit my tongue and just ignored the guard. I wanted to tell Marco so many things but the lack of privacy was infuriating. The guy was literally right _behind _me, -"I'm sorry."

-"How are you?"- He began, trying his best not to burst in tears again due to my state; I must have huge bags under my eyes and a few bruises around. I've lost weight and my skin was paler than usual. He was observing me and his eyes watered.

-"Could be better…"- I answered, twirling the phone cord in my finger, trying to distract myself from making an outburst.

-"You look… emaciated."- Marco gasped and covered his mouth, blocking a few wails. He couldn't see me like this.

I'm not the only one suffering, then, -"Yeah…"- _I look like shit._

-"And you have… bruises. How?"

I smiled bitterly, -"These guards aren't exactly friendly."- _And some of the prisoners too, at that. _I heard the guard behind me huff.

Marco gasped again. He was getting how this prison plays and he didn't like it, -"Oh no..."

-"Marco, they…,"- I gazed at the clock quickly. I had only two minutes and I had to tell Marco everything, -"… they torture me -I mean _us_, all of us, and they punish us by leaving us to starve and-"

-"Okay, that's enough!"- The guard lost his patience and snatched me by my arm, pulling me away.

-"Hey, I got one more minute! Let me go!"- I yelled, trying to pull loose from his grip. The guard didn't care how much time I had left, he just yanked me all the way to my cell and unsheathed his baton, -"What? You gonna hit me now for saying the truth?"

-"You spoke too much, kid, and now you're paying. Besides,"- He pulled the baton up, -"You annoy me."

I readied myself and when he started hitting me, I managed to dodge a few by moving my body. It was until he started aiming at my head that I attacked back, kicking his legs and knocking him down. We must have made a ruckus because the prisoners started cheering for me, -"Come on, don't let that bastard win!"- I knew then that those prisoners were victims of this guard's aggressiveness.

-"What the hell is going on here?"- I knew that voice too well and it made every limb in my body weaken and coward.

-"Shit…"- The prisoners cursed and stepped back from their cell doors.

I shrank back too, praying he wouldn't take me to the other cell. My later fumes quenched as I stood down like a pup about to be kicked. His steps were loud, heavy and each one made my heart skip. When he appeared from the corned, I shrieked lowly and gasped, -"Oh, it's you again,"- Maxson dismissed the other guard and turned to me, -"I missed you."

-"I… I'm…"- I began to apologize but I held myself. _Don't you dare, Jean. Don't yield to this asshole. _

-"What was that?"- He asked, with his baton on hand. He wanted me to say it.

I just bit my tongue and that earned me a blow to my head with the hard stick. I cried and tumbled down, feeling it pulsing and aching. It rendered me blind for a moment and I didn't saw yet another blow to my head… then another, and another…

-"I'm sorry…,"- I managed to blurt out, -"… I'm so sorry…"- And I hated myself for it. Every side of my body throbbed, hurting. I couldn't move.

-"That's better,"- Maxson sheathed his baton and looked at me, pleased with himself, -"I was about to take you to our little, cozy cell again."

I shivered at that and watched him step out and close my cell. When he disappeared from my eyesight, I started crying, as silently as I could, and groaning in pain. I crawled towards my bed and just laid there for the rest of the day. Fuck, it hurts again. Everything hurts again.

I tried to rest but Maxson's image in my head wouldn't brush off, keeping me on edge. I think… I think I need another hit from those drugs. I started calling Gabe but he didn't answer. I got the hunch that he was ignoring me on purpose. I trudged towards the cavity and before I could even knock, Gabe spoke, opening the hole a bit, -"No, Jean. That's enough."

-"_Please, _I need it…"- It's not like a had a serious craving or anything, like I'm addicted to it. I just… I need a tiny bit of it to cloud my mind.

Gabe just shook his head, -"You should stay healthy and avoid becoming… like me."

I peeked through the hole a little and I saw his eyes redder than before, his skin paler and his flesh clinging to his bones.

-"I'm an addict, okay? And this stuff is killing me but I can't stop taking it,"- He spoke, exasperated, -"And someone like you shouldn't go through this, someone like you should… should stay strong and sane."

I don't think I'm entirely sane but… I understood what he meant. I know what he's doing. He cares about me and ingesting that junk is harmful. Even though I desperately wanted to forget some things by getting high, deep within, I knew it was bad and the tiny bit of reason told me not to do it. I guess the desperation and pain took the better of me and if I allow it now, my health will be in peril.

As I reasoned, I got worried for Gabe too, -"Then let me help you."- But as I saw his body shake for a fix, I feared it was pointless.

He smiled, though, he genuinely smiled, -"That… really makes me happy but I don't think I can win this, Jean. My body is too used to this crap, it makes me weak and sick. I literally can't go a day without it."

_The withdrawal will probably end up killing him faster and it'll be worse, -_"I'm…"

-"You always apologize for stuff that aren't your damn fault, huh? Idiot."- He laughed lowly, hovering a syringe near his wrist.

_Then what am I supposed to do? -_"Then what do you want me to do? What the fuck can I do, huh?"- I could only feel sorry and sad I couldn't do anything to help him.

-"Just close that hole and be who you are, Jean, no matter what. Don't let Maxson get away with it, don't let him win. Just… be strong, for me and 'course, for yourself."- He said and began closing the hole.

I sighed heavily, -"I don't know, I just don't know. He's…"- _He already won. I'm weak and subdued to him. I try to… somehow step up against him but he always manages to knock me back down. No matter how I look at it, he got through me with fear._

That painful fact made me angry.

-"Please, Jean..."

I sighed and closed the hole with the last brick, -"I'm sorry…"

~ o ~

I think a month has already passed. _Just four more to go._

That's if I don't break underneath my hard-tried "cool" and get tortured to death. I thought maybe if I just ignored Finn, he'd leave me alone and I'd just spent my sentence in peace because hey, he's a grown up man, right? I thought he'd realized that he was acting like a damn kid, picking on others like an immature asshole.

That wasn't the case. The guy has his matureness stuck somewhere in his ass and he wasn't planning on pulling it out any time soon. There wasn't a day in which he didn't bully me. He always, _always _had something new to mock me with. My temper was dwindling -oh! And Finn wasn't the only one causing it to, the guard were also tampering it in their own, truculent ways.

-"There's this asshole here that reminds me of… of my bullies back in middle school,"- I said, half lying. I didn't want to mention Frank to Marco, -"He really pisses me off and I think he's doing it on purpose."- He either does it for fun or because he wants to get me in trouble with the guards -or both.

But Marco gave me one of his knowing looks that always pierced even my tiniest lie. He knew the guy mostly reminds me of Frank. I can't fool him. In any case, he sighed and his face saddened, -"I'm sorry you have to go through this, Jean. I… I hate to see you in there…"- He began rambling, his eyes watering again, like every day he visited me.

_And I hate to see you like that because of me… -_"Marco…,"- I sighed, wishing I could do _something. _All this time I've been talking about myself and how much I hate this place, and that I wanted to get out asap. I haven't asked Marco about, well, himself and I feel like a looked… depressed, like that time in the hospital, and really exhausted. I can easily tell he hasn't slept well and that he's under severe tension, -"How… how about you? I mean, how are you doing?"

His expression saddened again as he looked at me in grievance, -"I'm…,"- He sobbed, -"I… I miss you, Jean… so much. I just want to see you free, I want to see you home and with us and it hurts when I still see you in there. We… tried to get you out but…,"- He sobbed again, lowering his head, -"I'm sorry…"

-"Marco…,"- God, this is worse than Maxson's torture, -"Don't be. It's not your fault, okay? I'll… I'll hold on and finish my sentence. You just gotta be… patient."- I should tell _that_ to myself more often.

-"I'm still not giving up. There… there must be something else we can do…"- And he kept maundering, traumatic. He's suffering too. This is torture for him -mental torture.

I gazed at the clock. Only one minute left, -"Marco, listen to me,"- It's maddening not being able to hold him in my arm and reassure him that everything… everything will be alright as long as we both stay strong, -"Finishing my sentence is the only way out and I'm not gonna screw the law and break out. We just… need to stay strong and soon, we'll be together again. I… I need you to hold on too, okay? Promise me."- I want to hold his hands, I want to embrace him and feel his body against mine. I don't know where I got those words from but Marco definitely had to do with it. At first, I was the one depressed and the one that needed comfort. Marco gave it to me and told those same words. Today, though, it was the opposite. Marco wore out while I, in some way, roused up.

Marco sobbed and cleaned his watery eyes, -"I… I'll try."

-"That's my baby,"- I smiled -the first time I did since I got here and like always it was because of Marco, -"I'll come back to you in a few months. I love you."- The clock rang, cueing the end of the visit. The guard gripped my arm, as always, and hoisted me up.

-"I… I love you too, Jean. I'll be waiting for you."- Marco sighed ruefully at my fading figure and as I looked over my shoulder, I saw him drop his head on the table to cry silently, finally bursting out, unable to hold them for any longer. He knew how much I disliked seeing him crying so that's why he held them off. He didn't want to make my sentence here any worse.

_Don't cry, please, _I looked forward and closed my eyes. I breathed deeply, trying to prevent an immense sorrow overwhelm me. I have to hold on for him, I have to endure and adapt to this place until the end of the fifth month… for him. Marco's suffering. He needs me and I… I need him too.

~ o ~

After Marco's visit, I return to my cell and later that day, I ate lunch and took a most needed bath. Around afternoon, we all headed to the backyard and were allowed to walk around and socialize -under supervision, of course. The sun wasn't set yet so I laid on the grass with arms and legs wide apart, trying to get as much of its rays as possible to make this paleness go away -suggested by Gabe himself.

\- "You're not coming?"- I asked him, looking up to his position.

He was under a tree a tree a bit far from where I laid, enjoying its shadow, -"Nah, I'm good. By the way, you should unzip your suit a bit, you know, so the sun can tan you better."

I quirked an eyebrow, dubious, -"Yeah, so you could ogle me while I'm at it."

He laughed, -"The eyes gotta eat too, you know."

-"You mean yours."

He laughed again, crawling beside me and sitting up, resting his arms on his knees, -"So, how did it go with your boyfriend? He's really cute."

I sighed and unzipped my jumpsuit a bit, -"Like it always goes."

-"He looked sad. He must be missing you a lot."- Gabe commented, plucking the grass from the ground.

-"You have no idea."

-"You're right, I don't. I don't have anyone out there waiting for me. My parents are dead and I have no friends,"- He laughed bitterly, -"Actually, my customers must be missing me."

I wanted to laugh but the way he just blurted that out without even stuttering was a bit disturbing, -"Damn, I'm sorry about that. I didn't meant to-"

-"Hey, it's cool. I know you didn't."- He smiled but when he slowly gazed at the distance before us, it faded and a silent curse escaped his mouth.

I looked forward and cursed too when I saw Finn approaching us, -"Well, if it isn't the biggest losers in the world."- He laughed and his buddies with him laughed too.

I rolled my eyes. Seriously, he must have some kind of mental retardation, -"Here to get your daily bullying fix, kiddo?"- I spoke, already pissed at him. Who's a kid again?

-"Kiddo?"- Finn growled and pointed at me menacingly, -"Listen here, faggot, you better shut your damn mouth or I'll-"

-"You'll what, pick on me like a school kid?"- I spat, trying to ignore him calling me a faggot, -"Come on, grow up already."

Finn was getting pissed too, his face turning red with anger, -"Shut up, fag!"- He extended his hand to me, ready to strangle me like last time.

I swatted it away, realizing that I was also acting like a kid, provoking him, -"Okay, let's be real, aren't you getting tired of this constant tiff? I mean, it's stupid. We're all here in the same prison because we're all a bunch of assholes who did something nasty outside, you feel me? We should all just ignore this and get along."- I wasn't planning on getting along with him, honest. Fuck that.

Finn thought about it but then shook his head, his grin widening, -"Nah, I don't wanna get along with you, faggot. Fuck you."

-"Fine, fuck you too,"- I replied, leaning back down on the grass and resting my head on my crossed arms beneath my rear head, -"What will it be this time, huh? Or did you run out of ideas?"

-"Was that your boyfriend visiting you this morning? He's cute."- He began, keeping that smug look in his face. Somehow, he knew this kind of topic triggers me the most. I just breathed deeply, ignoring that he called Marco cute.

-"Yeah, you jealous you don't have one?"- I spat. _Jean, careful with your tongue. You're provoking him. _

-"Nah, I'll just take yours."

I felt the sparks of angers burning within, -"You gotta get through me first and that's not happening."

Finn snickered, pacing around me, -"Yeah, I think it would,"- He often probed my leg with his feet as he paced around, -"And I can't wait to see him and those freckles and _lick _them all out,"- He teased and unless I _do _something, there will be no end, -"If I get my hands on him, I'll touch him all over and _fuck _him as hard as I can,"- My blood boiled, especially since my mind pictured his every word. My eyebrows furrowed and my teeth gritted. I could feel my body burning in anger, -"… I'll make him _mine _and I'll tie him to bed and whiplash him hard and-"

That's it. I've heard and had enough.

I snapped and kicked Finn legs, making him fall flat to the ground. I quickly straddled him and started punching his face. Without much effort, he shoved me aside and gestured his buddies to hold me. I managed to knock out the first ones that tried to get a grip on me, like five of them, until all of them started seizing me at the same time -it was like ten of them; I was held back by my neck, my legs, my arms, my hair and waist, -"Hold him!"- Finn shouted and started punching me everywhere, specially my abdomen.

I groaned in pain, trying to get loose from these asshole. One by one, I knocked them all out, elbowing and back-handing them. In the end, it was just me, throbbing and sweating all over, and the asshole who started everything, -"You sick, fucking bastard…!"- I snarled, glaring at him with intensity.

-"Come on, Jean, you angry? Come and get me."- And that I did. We brawled for what seemed like an eternity and I hated to admit this, but he kicked my ass. I was weak and whatever attack I threw at him, he'd dodge it and retaliate. Finn was stronger than me, bulkier and taller. He clearly had an advantage. I know I've defeated guys like him before but right now, I wasn't in my best state; I've been tortured, left in an isolated cell to suffer from hunger and thirst. I've lost weight and the muscle I once had.

_I'm weak… _I thought, as Finn thrashed me.

_Pathetic…_

_Pitiful…_

-"You're pathetic, Jean,"- Finn mocked, spitting on me as I laid sprawled on a trashcan, defeated and beaten, -"And weak."

I groaned and gaped my mouth to say something, anything, because I hated this. I hate feeling like this and I hate him for stomping on me and others like fucking bugs. Nothing came out of my mouth though. Everything hurts.

-"You know, I think your boyfriend deserves someone better than you. Maybe I'll go for a candidate next time he comes visiting."- He teased, turning around after kicking dirt to my face.

I puffed it off, getting some in my mouth and spitting it, and slugged forward, tumbling to the ground. I rose up with both arms and trudged my way forward, keeping my glare on Finn. I wanted to smack his face in the dirt, I wanted him to feel like trash too, -"Jean, wait…"- Gabe warned and I knew why: Maxson was watching me.

But I didn't care -at least… not now. I kept walking towards Finn one-legged and when I was about to get a grip on him, he turned around abruptly and swung his fist right to my face. I cried out and fell on the mess of rubbish again. He laughed. His pals did. They all did, even the guards who enjoyed watching petty fights like these. Gabe and a few prisoners kept quiet, watching me with pity as I cried on the rubbish.

Gabe was the one who helped me up and then a distrustful guard took me back to my cell. When we passed the showers, he spoke, -"You're better get used to the stench, kid. You're not gonna bathe in a while."

I didn't say anything.

As I laid awake in my bed throughout the night, thoughtful, I decided to get stronger, to train and exercise like I used to. If I wanted to make it out of here alive -or at least not broken, I needed to get stronger, better. I needed to change. I'm tired of everything; of this place and everyone in it, Maxson, Finn and his buddies most of all. I'm tired of succumbing, of being thrown in the trash, I'm tired of doing nothing when I'm being assaulted, of not fighting back, I'm tired of this… weak Jean. I have to earn my place here, I have to defend myself and if that means getting tortured, so be it. I'm not giving Maxson or any guard or prisoner here have that satisfaction. I'm not gonna be laughed at again. I'm not gonna be stomped on again.

Starting that night, I began training with the little objects I had in my cell; I did push-ups, sit-ups, squats, etc. I used my bed, the table, the toilet, the pillow, the cell's door and whatever I could get my hands on. I used the wall too, as a punch bag, which was extremely painful at first, even with cloth around my wrists. I devised a routine and trained every day, during certain hours, and ate and slept as much as I could. I wasn't alone in this, Gabe helped me, cheered on me -after saying I was crazy.

I was being shaped by this place, changed. After entire weeks and great effort, my body was returning to the way it was when I got here, toned and healthy. I felt capable of fighting back. I didn't felt weak anymore, -"Oh boy, you're a sight for sore eyes."

I was around my fifty push-up when Gabe spoke, peeking through the hole and resting his body on floor, chest flat down, hands holding his face and making his cheeks lump out. He was staring at me, not even bothering to conceal his obvious lecherous eyes. I was shirtless and really sweating.

-"You know, you need someone to clean you up when you're finished. I volunteer as tribute."- He spoke flirtatiously, jiggling his eyebrows up and down.

I just rolled my eyes and kept doing push-ups, _60, 61, 62…_

-"Your boyfriend must _really _enjoy having you around doing exercises,"- And he kept on but he was right on that one, -"Wish I could take his place."- This isn't the first time he has thrown pick-up lines at me. I just laughed it off. I knew he had a huge crush on me but I already made it clear I didn't felt the same.

-"… 69, 70!"- I exclaimed and stood up, stretching my body. Tomorrow's 80 and the next day 90 and then 100. I've been at this for these weeks.

-"You did it again, huh,"- Gabe smiled at me with admiration, -"You're amazing, you know."

I placed a hand on my shoulder and started circling the arm, massaging it, -"Thanks but I'm just…,"- I sighed and dropped my arms, -"… another prisoner here trying not to get pissed on."

Gabe grunted, -"God, are you serious? _Another _prisoner? You gotta give yourself some credit,"- He crawled from the hole and walked right towards me, -"You're _by far _the best prisoner here. I mean, you've been _tortured, _thrown to a trash can, smacked with fucking hard batons, thrown with foodand yet you kept standing up and getting better than them and you never drowned in drugs. That's… that's fucking amazing."- His eyes started to water.

-"Hey, don't cry on me,"- I smiled and scratched my neck, -"I… thank you. I wasn't alone, you know. I had a friend who's been supporting me all this time. I don't… I don't think I would've done this without him."

His expression changed to confusion, -"Who is it? Are you cheating on me, Jean?"

I laughed, -"No, I'm taking about you."

-"I know, I know. Who else will it be?"- We laughed for a few seconds until he abruptly took my head and pulled it towards his, stealing from me a kiss. I was stunned, at first, not expecting he'd pull something like this, so he took advantage of that and dipped his tongue in my mouth, touring it thoroughly. He licked my lips and bit them before I snapped off from the shock and pushed him away. I admit, my cheeks warmed up and I quickly looked away.

Gabe just snickered and crawled through the hole to his cell. I looked over my shoulder to where he was and smiled. _Thanks, Gabe… for everything._

* * *

**Notes: **I apologize if I offended anyone about the ID (intellectual disability or metal retardation). I do not mean to offend any one of you or any one of your family who are diagnosed with ID. Jean was just joking there. Please, if you have to something to say about it, leave me a PM and we'll talk it out peacefully ;)

By the way, the name "Maxson" came from Elder Maxson in Fallout 4 XD I've been playing it too much, I know!


	91. NINETY-ONE

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

NINETY-ONE

-"Well, well, I see somebody's feisty again."- Spoke Maxson from the other side of my cell.

I just glared at him and even though it took a lot of effort, I managed not to shrink back like a coward, ignoring the fact that he was _outside _of my cell. He's _that _scary. This isn't the first time Maxson has confronted me since I've started training -which doesn't surprise me that he found out. He's always watching me.

-"You don't look too bad, I admit, but I expect you not to… overdo it."- His brows furrowed. He was serious and that was a threat. It can translate to 'don't try anything funny out there' or 'don't start fighting back'.

-"Worried?"

-"Plenty."

-"Don't be. I'll be just fine."- I replied, eyes locked on him. He wanted to come in and the second he does, I have to be ready.

Maxson growled silently. He didn't like it one bit when I reply back with attitude like that. Abruptly, he swung open my cell and stepped in, gradually losing his temper. My body went rigid the moment he stood _too _close to me, our faces only inches apart, even though I had to look up a bit. He huffed often, forcing me to look and coward away, to apologize like I've always done before… but I didn't. My eyes locked on his for what seemed like an eternity. It wasn't until he was called that he stepped out of my cell with a rumbling snarl and a glare that aimed to kill, -"Stop pretending to be tough or there will be consequences."

When his figure disappeared, I exhaled and dropped my shoulders. _There's still work to be done… _I told myself. Maxson still had an effect on me but it was less than before.

-"Holy shit…"- Someone cursed.

-"You got guts, man, standing up to that asshole like that,"- A prisoner in the cell before mines spoke, -"Wish I had your courage."

I leaned against the door, watching the man struggling to even stand up, -"What did he do to you?"

-"What didn't he do,"- He shook his head and placed his hand on his forehead, -"He fucking tortured me, raped me and told me… things. I… I can't even look at the man without shaking and I have nightmares every damn night…"

-"He tortures us all, controls us with fear by making us docile."- Another one commented.

-"Then all of his guards take advantage and fucking abuse of us, enjoying our misery."

-"We've all done some bad things out there but do we really deserve this?"- The one before me spoke again, his fragile figure still unable to stand up.

-"This is unfair!"

-"Yeah!"

I knew then that I wasn't the only one Maxson has left a scar on. All these guys were afraid of him too and if I didn't know better, I'd say that guy was just another criminal in here.

~ o ~

-"Jean, you look… different."- Marco breathed out, still observing me and unable to snap his eyes off me. The sight didn't make him sorrowful like on previous visits and that's good, that's really good.

_Of course he'd notice. He knows me better than anyone else, _-"You think? I've been training a bit, keeping myself in shape."

Marco quirked an eyebrow and shook his head, -"A bit? Really, Jean?"

I laughed. I can never fool him, -"Well, a _lot_, actually, and I might have pushed my limits a bit but I'm fine, I'm great, so don't worry."- He has never liked when I overdo myself while exercising.

Marco smiled, genuinely smiled, utterly relieved. I missed that smile. I really missed it and I loved it. I wanted to see him smile more. He wasn't the only one relieved, I was relieved too to see him happy for once since I started my sentence, -"I'm glad, I'm really glad,"- He breathed out, in the brink of tears again but these ones were different; they were of joy, -"But… what happened? I mean, you were so…"- _So beaten and gaunt, so weak and fragile._

-"Yeah, it's… a really long story and I don't have time,"- I replied, looking at the stupid clock again, -"But when I get out of here, I'll tell you and we can snuggle under the moon or our warm sheets again. So just wait for me a little bit, can you do that?"- I spoke, bringing up warm memories of that night. I really yearn to be by his side again. It made my chest tighten.

Marco nodded, -"I will, Jean, no matter how long it takes."- He placed his palm on the transparent wall that separates us.

I placed my hand on the wall, on his position, from my side and even though I couldn't feel his soft skin, it felt good, warming, -"I know, Marco. I love you."

The clock rang just then and I stood up and walked away. This time, when I looked back, I saw Marco gazing me lovingly, with a positive smile on his cute face. I smiled at him too before I disappeared from his eyes.

~ o ~

Honestly, backyard hour is the best recess hour because I can get fresh air and wander around freely, stretch my legs, get some sun light and gaze at the sky. Also, it was the worst. This is the hour were fights are picked, drugs are everywhere and the guards presence is off the chart -that's an understatement, considering most of them just slack off. Drug dealing is practically being done under their noses and they don't notice -either they're stupid or they don't mind. The latter one seems more like it. I got the hunch that the prisoners weren't the only ones doing that kind of business. I mean, prisoners doing business with other prisoners is lacking and trust me, drugs are _not _lacking in here. Who else will they sell their junk to? The guards and then they sell it to others outside the prison and then they bring even more in from outside. That's the only reasonable explanation I can make considering the high amount of drug trafficking in here.

Regarding the fight picking, an unmistakable, annoying guy came right up to me after dumping a poor prisoner in the trashcan while I played cards with Gabe and that prisoner from a few days ago, the one that couldn't stand up when we were speaking about Maxson. His name's Phil. He had light, green eyes and ginger, messy hair and beard. He looked like Gabe, all gaunt and really into drugs, with his eye's sclera all red. Another junkie. Yay. He's a good guy, though -a little paranoid too. Oh, and the tattoos running down from his shoulder to the tip of his fingers were cool.

-"Hey, you three."- The moment he spoke, I rolled my eyes.

-"Fuck off, Finn."- I said, eyes on the cards before me, focused on the game which was the only peaceful and relaxing thing I've done since I've been here.

-"Yeah, mate, fuck off."- Phil said, waving him off.

Finn and his buddies mocked Phil for his accent, -"Listen, 'mate', I thought I made it clear that I do whatever I want in here because this is my castle and I'm the king and I want those cards. Now."

I shook my head and gaped my mouth to speak but Finn snarled and snatched them from me before I could even protest. I quickly stood up to go after him but Gabe held my hand and pulled me down, -"Is it really worth getting into a fight for some cards, man? I don't think they're worth the trouble."

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. Finn didn't care about the cards, first off. He wants to tip me off, trigger me into a fight so that I could get in trouble while he stays the innocent kid. _I _care about the cards because they're Gabe's and they're the only ones he got. Plus, I was having fun and it's not fair of him to come in and ruin it _just because_. Double plus, he can't take other people's stuff whenever he wants to. He's not king of this 'castle' and he can't do whatever he wants to and stomp on others. I'm done tolerating him. He's going down today. Period, -"Sorry, Gabe, can't do,"- I waved them both goodbye while I stormed towards Finn, -"Hey, asshole!"- I shouted once I got close enough, -"Give me the cards. Now."

He turned around, with a grin plastered on his annoying face, -"Or else what? You can't fight back. You're weak. I'll just end up dumping you again."

-"Ah, come on, have a little faith,"- I clenched my hands and readied myself for a fight, -"Just try me. I'm like one of those toys with the buttons; press it and see what will happen."

Finn glared at me and observed me. He knew I meant business but his ego got the better of him. He gestured his buddies to stand back, telling them that he'll 'take care' of me on his own, -"Don't say I didn't warned you, faggot."

-"Trust me, kiddo, I won't."

He snarled and greeted his teeth. He hates it when I call him a kid.

I prepared myself and when he attacked with both hands clenched, I blocked and counterattacked, punching his abdomen several times before he started attacking again. His punches aimed high, to my face, and I ducked and dodged them all. When he left an opening, I did an uppercut straight to his jaw, making him groan and tumble to the ground, -"Fuck…!"- He cursed, stroking his jaw while struggling to stand up, -"Fuck… you, faggot!"- I cleaned the sweat from my forehead before aiming a kick at Finn but before it could make contact, he swat it off, making me fall too. He straddled me quickly and attacked me endlessly, really angry at me. He grabbed my head, covering my face with his palm, and kept pushing it against the mud beneath me. I groaned and bit his skin harshly, making him shriek and pull up a bit. I then pushed him down and retaliated. That's when he started calling his friends for help like a madman, -"Get him off of me!"

They thought about it and _some _of them were brave enough to step up and hitch me away from Finn. I growled and kicked them off and when I was free, all of Finn's gang made a circle around me and each one lashed at me. When I defeated one, another jumped in and sometimes two attacked me at the same time. I concentrated and fought them off but they managed to hit me a few times. I was often pushed to the circles' girth, where some prisoners held me back while the others punched my abdomen. I darted my head back and smacked it against the one holding me while kicking the one in front of me flat in the chest, pushing him and making him fall on the mud. More joined in the attempt to seize me but I elbowed them and kicked them all off.

Finn was losing it, -"Knock him out already!"- He was still stroking his jaw.

-"We're tryin, boss, but-!"- I punched the guy's nose, the one who replied, making him fall flat on the ground.

My muscles and knuckles started to ache but I kept going, defeating all of them until it was just me and Finn. I panted heavily and brushed the blood off my lips with my thumb. I felt the adrenaline rush by my veins and I admit, I liked it. I liked how it felt, how it made my heart beat quicken and my skin prickle. I was enjoying this.

-"Son of a bitch…,"- Finn cursed, watching his defeated buddies on the ground, groaning in pain, -"You'll pay for that!"- He launched at me and we wrestled again. With a lot of force, he pushed against a tree and tried to pin me there but I kicked his abdomen several times before I took his head and pulled it, smashing it against the tree's stiff trunk. Finn fell back, hands on his bloated forehead, yelling obscenities and screaming in pain, -"You're… nothing but trash, Jean! You'll… always end up in a dump!"- Deranged, he started throwing junk from the trash can at me. I ran for cover to the same tree and held position. Finn was still shooting junk while screaming, -"You can't stop me! I won't let you! I have everything here and I'm not gonna let you ruin it!"

A wave of memories ebbed me as soon as he said those words. I've heard them before, from Frank. Like Finn, Frank had a good life -in his case, in school. He was popular, had his own gang of jocks and was a leader. He also did whatever he wanted to and he also stomped on others and mocked them for fun. When I… did what I did and ruined it, he got furious at me -like Finn now.

And I enjoyed crushing these assholes' parties.

A metal bucket suddenly fell right beside me and I got the hunch it didn't came from Finn. I quickly took it and shielded myself from the junk as I ran towards him. When I was close enough, I lunged myself against him, smacking the metal bucket in his face, and literally shoved him in the trash can, -"Sorry, Finn, but your days as "king" are done,"- I said wittily, cleaning my hands over his defeated figure. I buried my hands in his pocket and dug out Gabe's cards. I then headed towards said guy, -"Here, got them back for you. Let's get back to the game."

Gabe just stared at me, his eyes glistening in admiration. He threw the cards away and launched at me into a hug. I wasn't expecting that and neither the sudden cheers. I looked over my shoulder and just noticed the massive crowd of prisoners heading my way, cheering on me. I also noticed the amount of guards gathered to watch my fight and some of them had their phones out.

In a far and dark corner, I saw Maxson and he was watching me intensely, leaning on a wall and never taking his eyes off of me.

I couldn't observe him anymore because the latter mass of people reached me and all the prisoners started hugging me and lifting me up, still cheering and saying my name aloud, -"Jean, Jean, Jean!"- I was carried all around the yard and I have to say, it felt good. Victory felt good. I leaned back and stared up at the clear sky. I extended my arm up and smiled broadly at the sensation that my freedom felt closer.

_Just a few more months, Marco_. Those months will at least be peaceful.

After a few, loud and head-aching minutes, the prisoners settled me down and we all gathered around to enjoy the evening, -"That prick was annoying as fuck, dude. You did us all a favor."

-"You sure know how to throw punches, though,"- One of the prisoners I defeated before said, caressing his cheek, -"Wouldn't want to mess with you from now on."

-"Then why did you followed him?"- I asked.

-"Bah, I dunno. We got nothing else to do but we'll be glad to follow you now."

I shook my head, -"No, I… I don't have the right to order any of you around."

-"Then why did you fought him?"

-"For starters, he was an asshole, bullying me and others every fucking day. Second, he… took something from my friend and I wasn't about to let him take stuff from others just because he's "king of the castle"."- I answered but I wanted to say more, like that time he said those things about Marco -_specially_ that- but these guys didn't need to know about that.

-"You sound like a vigilante of some sorts."

I laughed, a bit bitterly, -"Trust me, I'm not."

-"You're like that cop here, um… what's his name? Don't remember."- They scratched their necks, thoughtful.

-"What cop?"- I asked, curious, considering every guard in here was violent and relentless.

-"I don't remember his name but he's one of those good cops people respect a lot."

-"He's not like Maxson, like _at all._ In fact, they kind of have a muss in here."

-"Hold on a minute,"- One of them interrupted, -"How come someone like you ended up here?"

I sighed and leaned back against the tree, -"Murder."

Some of them gasped and others, the more serious type, nodded, -"Though so. You seemed too good to be true."

-"Hey, hey, who did you kill?"

-"A guy in school."- I answered, like this was a normal conversation, and it surprised me a bit.

-"Holy shit, in school!?"- They gasped, -"I killed someone too but damn not in a place so public!"- Then again it wasn't technically _in _the school…

-"Wait, wait, wait, how old are you?"

-"I'm… nineteen."- I looked away.

As I expected, my age surprised them but I bet there's someone around here younger than me, -"Damn, son, you were born to be a killer!"

I sighed and pondered about it. Was I really meant to end up here? Was I really meant to kill this young? _Don't get philosophical now, Jean. That ain't your thing. _Whatever the case, it didn't matter.

The bell rang, cueing the end of recess. Everyone was still in a feast about what happened but we were escorted to our cell nevertheless. Once in, I laid comfortably in my bed and breathed deeply. I was at ease and even though my body ached, I felt good. I wanted to kick that guy out of his 'throne' for a long time; yeah, for Gabe's cards, for treating me like shit, dumping me in the trash and specially for saying those stuff about Marco. More than anything, though, I felt… self-confidence. When I got here, I was like a baby, literally crying for someone to get me out. Then, I adapted to this place and fell really low by inheriting drugs and sleeping with someone else than Marco, cheating on him -which I totally regret. I was depressed, weak and submissive, just like Maxson wanted me to be. For a long time, he won. He had his way and I stayed quiet in this little cocoon of mines filled with my insecurities, scared and wasted. Then, I had enough. I realized that even though I'm a criminal, this kind of aggression was uncalled for and unnecessary. It's inhumane and I didn't have to stand it. Ever since then, I started training and I became stronger. Sure, Finn and Maxson managed to knock me off my feet a few times, but that just made me rise again, even stronger. I managed to defeat Finn and it's not like he'll be completely gone but he'll think twice about bullying me now.

There's only Maxson left. I don't plan on banishing him from his officer post -that's out of my league- but I'm not going to bow to him. I know he's planning something but I'll be ready.

The sun dropped and I could finally close my eyes and sleep in peace. Around midnight, I heard my cell creak open, waking me up. I sat up, groggily and squinted my eyes at the peering darkness. I saw a figure but I couldn't make out who it was…

Then again, I didn't need to.

My eyes slowly widened but before I could react, the figure lunged at me and pressed some cloth against my mouth. That's when I saw Maxson, furious out of his mind, snarling and glaring at me like a rabid dog. He pressed the cloth harder against my mouth, hindering my breathing. He wanted to suffocate me. He wanted to kill me -or render me unconscious. Whatever the case, I fought back, kicking and punching him continuously. I started seeing stars as he pressed harder with both hands, rendering my attacks weak.

-"Jean…?"- I heard Gabe's faint but worried voice nearby, -"Oh shit…"- He then gasped, probably spotting Maxson stifling me.

-"Sshh, don't do anything rash that you'll regret later,"- Maxson spoke menacingly, -"Just crawl through your hole and we'll both pretend we didn't saw anything."

Gabe was speechless as he thought about it. If he tried anything, he's in serious danger, especially since he had no experience in combat whatsoever. Maxson will just snap him in two. If he didn't try anything, then I'll probably die and I'm not going to hold any grudges. In his place, I'd probably do the same.

But then he surprised us both by lashing out at Maxson and attempted to pull him away from me. Maxson pushed him off with little effort but Gabe kept standing up and tried to loosen the man's grasp on the cloth by pulling his arm off my mouth. It didn't budge, but at least he managed to get Maxson madder, making him release one of his hands from my mouth to attend Gabe. It took only a few seconds to back-hand Gabe and knock him out but it was enough for me to twist my head to the side and breathe deeply. I regained a bit of my strength and with force, I took the man's arm and shoved it aside. Quickly, I sat up and reached for the man's baton. When I took it, I swung it towards his head as hard as I could and smacked him.

-"God damn it!"- He cursed and covered his head with both hands, completely releasing me. I wanted to check on Gabe but I didn't took any chances and kept smacking his head. Once he was on the ground, by impulsive I ran towards Gabe but I knew, on the back of my mind, that the man was faking it. He was waiting for me to be distracted so he could snatch me again.

I knelt beside Gabe and took his bloated head in my arms. I had to check on him. That blow got him good; he was barely breathing, -"Hey, hey, hey, man. Don't pass out on me,"- My heart was beating rapidly as I kept gazing back at Maxson's "unconscious" body, -"Tell me something… _anything._ Just let me know you're not dead, please."

Gabe suddenly coughed and opened his eyes wide. That's when I saw a big shadow loom over me and when I looked back, Maxson had his hand cuffs ready, yanking both my arms back and tying them together with it. He pulled me away from Gabe by my hair, making me wince at the sharp pain as I stood up. Without my arms, I was defenseless, but I kept kicking around until he snatched one of my legs and pushed me against my bed. I tried to wriggle out of his grip before he could… do whatever he was going to do but he caught my other leg and tied them tightly together with his belt, -"Fuck!"- I cursed, wagging my legs up and down and side to side to no avail.

-"Now to deal with your damn big mouth."- He cursed, silently. He didn't want someone to hear the commotion. He took that cloth he used to suffocate me before from beneath the bed and I took that chance to impulse myself out of bed and crawl towards the open cell, like a worm.

-"Hey, he's here, he's…!"- I shouted, wanting to let whoever Maxson was avoiding know. Before I could scream anything else, Maxson had tied the cloth tightly around my head, muffling my mouth.

I managed to wake up a few prisoners and they started jamming the cell door and making loud sounds, -"Oi, it's Jean! Someone help him! He's gonna get killed!"- Then they woke up other prisoners and starting making even more sounds.

-"Motherfucker!"- Maxson cursed again, a bit louder, and drove my head against the floor with force.

I saw a sharp light wash my vision as I groaned in pain. Stars began to float through my eyes as Maxson lifted me up, reclined me on his shoulder and carried me all the way to his favorite cell after closing mines, leaving Gabe to suffer from his blow.

When he reached the isolated cell, he literally hurled me in, as if I was a bag of trash, and quickly closed the cell. My back collided with the wall, making me cry at the wave of pain as I fell to the floor next. Maxson turned to me after closing the cell and pulled out something long from… somewhere. It was a whiplash. He swung it in the air as he approached me slowly, -"You're a real pain in the ass, kid,"- He began, nibbling his own lips in anger, -"I thought I made it _pretty _clear last time we've been here that I didn't wanted you to cause _any _sort of problems, am I right?"- He lashed the whip close to me, -"And yet, here we are, because _you_ still haven't learned to stay down."

I couldn't say anything but I kept my glare on him.

-"I'm teaching you a lesson and this time…,"- He leaned down to me and gripped my hair, -"… I'll make sure you never forget it,"- With a sudden yank, he pulled me towards the pole and tied me to it like last time. This time though, he wrapped the chain around my neck along with my hands after loosening the handcuffs. I couldn't move. He loosened the cloth around my mouth, -"I wanna hear you cry, Jean. I wanna hear you begging me for mercy but I'm not gonna comply. I'll scar your skin, make it bleed and bloat. I'll make you _suffer _and regret disobeying me."

-"You done?"- I asked, with attitude. His threats weren't as effective as before and I'm aware that this is _really_ going to hurt, but I'm ready. I'll hold on as much as I have to.

-"Oh no, I'm just getting started."

-"Bring it on, then."- And the second after I said that, he tore my suit open and lashed me. I winced and closed one eye at the pain but more came. He lashed me quickly, one whip after the other, giving me no time rest whatsoever. Painfully, I felt my skin tearing up, bleeding as I hissed silently. I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth, holding myself against the pole as firmly as I could. My eyes began to water. Fuck, it stings. _Come on, Jean! Hold it together!_

_God, it hurts! _My eyes burned, about to burst in tears anytime soon, but I held on, swallowing each and every one of them.

Maxson never dropped his pace. He kept lashing me nonstop while laughing to himself, enjoying this like last time. I was sweating like crazy, my mind was getting hazy and my breathing was ragged, kind of stuck by the chains around my neck. I gasped for air often.

He started off too fast though, severing my back and rendering me weak like he wanted, and after a few minutes, his pace slowed down. He got tired. He huffed air and stretched before lashing me again. I was numb. I couldn't feel my hands nor my legs and when sweat drops dripped in the fresh wound, it stung like hell and made me wince in pain -it made the pent-up tears closer to bursting out, -"Come on, boy, beg for me to stop and tell me you're sorry, that you'll never get in-"

-"N-no…,"- I slurred, interrupting and gazing up to him, -"… n-never…"

Maxson snarled and darted the whiplash back, ready to hit me with it harder. I closed my eyes and waited for it…

-"Maxson!"- Someone spoke, a male, really loud and with seriousness, -"That's far enough!"

-"You,"- Maxson dropped the whiplash and I impulsively sighed in relief, loosening my body away from the pole a bit. I didn't know who this newcomer was, though. He might as well finish Maxson's job for all I know. I can't trust anyone here, -"Why do you always have to follow me around to ruin my work? I'm teaching him discipline, something you can't do!"

-"Discipline?"- The other man spoke and his voice was… familiar, like I've heard it before a thousand times. I heard the cell door creaking open with desperation. I peered over my shoulder at the discussion and the mysterious man's figure was foggy. I couldn't see his face and Maxson's figure was fading, -"What you're doing it's an atrocity, inhumane!"

-"I don't care what you think it is! I'm getting the job done, I'm keeping this damn rebel on a leash!"- Maxson was furious with this other guy.

Maxson raised the whiplash again and I quickly pressed myself against the pole, ready to take in the pain, -"I said that's enough!"- The mysterious man stopped him, though, holding Maxson's arm back firmly, -"You've crossed the line!"- I was surprised. I've never seen a guard stand up to Maxson like that.

-"Get out of my damn way or else!"- Maxson warned but the mysterious man didn't budge.

Maxson snarled and jerked his arm back, turning away and storming out of the cell, fuming.

The other man sighed and turned to me slowly. He stepped close and I gasped and shrank back, a bit distrustful. I didn't know who he was. I can't take any risks -it's not like I could escape anyways. My arms, legs and head were all tied. I've gotten a bit paranoid, haven't I? -"Easy, Jean,"- He took a step back, realizing and understanding my discomfort, -"You can relax. I'm here to take you out, alright?"

I shook my head a bit. I still couldn't see his face. _It's so dark in here…_

-"I know you distrust of me and you have every right to but I promise I'll get you out and take you to the infirmary."- He said and I swear, the more he spoke, the more familiar he sounded. Oddly, I felt comfort… just like I felt comfort when Marco spoke to me. Bit by bit, I started to trust him and leaned closer. I mean, he stopped Maxson and was considerate, stepping back when I showed distrust, respecting my space. He understood me. The man noticed, stepping closer again and undoing the chains from my arm and neck. Then he undid the belt around my legs and stepped back, giving me space again. I couldn't move, though. My legs were numb and every move I did made my sore back hurt more, making me whine in pain. Everything hurt and the pain was overwhelming. I felt woozy and depleted as I tried to keep myself steady.

-"You're passing out, Jean, but it'll be alright. I'll take you to a doctor and she'll take care of your injuries. I promise."- He moved close to me again and lifted me up in his arms, which were strong and stern. His fingers felt warm against my bare back… like Marco's touch.

Waves of relief and comfort washed me again. I believed him and I didn't know why. I just did. Who is this guy? Why do I feel so… secure in his arms? I gaped my mouth to ask but nothing but a painful groan came out. As he carried me, my light head hung and I couldn't see his face still.

I kept passing out from time to time and even though my eyesight went dark, I was still… conscious and I felt myself in a cold place, -"Amari, he needs treatment. Asap."- And I heard people speaking.

-"Oh no, don't tell me…,"- A woman spoke, with a shaky tone, -"Maxson again?"

-"Yes, he's… in a really bad shape."- I then felt myself descending to a soft and comfy surface. A bed, most likely, and it made the wounds in my back sting. I hissed and that alarmed them.

-"Lay him downcast, quick!"- And so he did and they both gasped at my severed back, -"Oh God…"

-"He overdid this time, Amari. He's a monster. He has to be stopped."- The man spoke, distraught.

-"And how do you plan on doing it? You're reckless, Nick. He's a psychopath, he's going to try to kill you again and you know it."- She sounded worried, really worried.

-"Then what am I supposed to do? Just watch him while he tortures these men to death?"- The man replied, raising his voice, -"You know I can't do that…"

The woman began to sob, -"Please, you're the only good thing that has ever happened to this place…,"- I've heard that before. Gabe told me that same thing too. The man kept quiet and must have gestured her to me because I felt slender hands caress my back, -"This is the sixth one you've brought me this week and his wounds are… more severe than the rest. He really overdid it."- She applied something sodden on my back and it stung my wounds, making me hiss and writhe.

I felt another hand grip my shoulder, -"This is going to hurt, Jean…,"- And sure enough, the second she poured the liquid down on my back, I was awake. Every cut burned, making me hitch up and squeeze my bed's sheets, trying to endure the unbearable pain. All the tears I've kept locked up got loose as I cried and groaned against the pillow. What was that?! Alcohol? Peroxide? I was held down firmly by the man beside me -Nick, was it? -"It's going to be okay, it'll be over soon…,"- He kept saying stuff like that, to comfort me and I admit, it was working. The doctor washed my back with a soft cloth and then dried it with another one. She then applied some kind of cream and waited a few minutes before bandaging my back completely. Then, she started massaging me and I got really drowsy, struggling to keep my eyes open, -"Just rest easy, okay? You're safe here,"- Nick said soothingly, his grip on my shoulder loosening. I kind of… reacted, impulsively, thinking he was leaving, and I wasn't expecting it. Nick noticed, -"I'm not going anywhere, I promise."

I began to wonder what got into me with this guy but I fell asleep before I could come up with the answers.

~ o ~

-"Mhm…"- I groaned, slowly waking up.

-"Nick, he's waking up."- The doctor spoke as I rubbed my eyes.

I heard footsteps and when I opened my eyes, I saw… I swear I saw Marco above me, -"M-Marco...?"- I slurred, feeling my throat dry. Is this another dream or am I going crazy?

Marco or… whomever it was gazed at the doctor, -"He needs water,"- Then, he gazed down at me again, -"No, Jean. It's me, Nicholas -or Nick. I freed you from Maxson last night."

Oh… it's him. The one who saved me. God, he looks like..., -"W-who are you?"- I asked, slowly sitting up and wincing at the sudden shots of pain.

-"Hey, easy, your wounds are still fresh,"- He said and with an arm behind my back, he helped me sit up, -"I'm Nicholas Cross. Nick or Nicky, for short. I'm a cop of the Garrison. I've been sent here for patrol."

I shook my head slowly and reached for his face, -"Are you... real?"- I pinched his cheek and felt real skin. So… he's not Marco. _Of course he's not, dumbass. _

-"Hey!"- He exclaimed, laughing a bit, taking my hand and laying it down. _He's ticklish too..._, -"Are you alright, Jean?"- He observed me, worried and weirded out by the question. _Well, it was an odd thing to ask._

I observed him too. He… _kind _of looks like Marco -no… he looks like Marco's _father._ I quickly remembered his picture I saw in Marco mother's car; he has the freckles running from one cheek, through his nose and to the other cheek, and finally cascading down his neck. He also has the chocolate eyes and the dark hair. Plus, he has tall and toned body and with the police uniform, I'd say Marco's father came back to life… if I didn't know better.

I realized that he was still waiting for an answer. I gulped and tried to brush off that latter reflection, -"I'm… I'm fine, yeah,"- He's that good cop the prisoners were telling me about yesterday, -"Um.. th-thanks."- Which also scores a point to my "theory" that he was somehow Marco's father. Marco told me his father was the 'good cop' type, you know, uncorrupted and righteous. What's different, though, is that this guy was more serious about it. Marco's father never took the job as seriously as he needed to.

-"You don't need to thank me, Jean,"- Nick smiled and God, he had Marco's smile, warm and sincere, -"You should take a bath and have something to eat before I take you to your cell. Can you stand up?"

I dismounted the bed and even though my sore back made it a bit difficult to stay on balance, I nodded, -"Yeah, I'm good."

-"Follow me and stay close."- He gestured me to follow him with his head.

-"Nick,"- Amari called, -"Please… be careful."

Nicholas just nodded and stepped out. I followed him, staying as close to him as I could. As we passed the hallways, some guards muttered something and glared at us -mostly at Nick- and I figured he doesn't get well with most of these guys. I then understood why Amari worried about him. These guards aren't subtle, -"Hey, where you takin' him?"- A guard asked Nick.

Nicholas stood before me, -"To the showers. Something the matter, officer?"- Nick was honest and if I remember correctly, Celine told me his husband was an honest man too -fuck, I need to stop thinking about this. It's crazy.

-"Don't talk to me like that, Nicky. You know damn well that these pigs don't get to shower until next week,"- The guy pointed at me menacingly, -"And why isn't he in his cell? What are you up to now? Playing the good cop again?"

-"He was injured and he needs a bath to clean his wounds, alright? Now, I'm going in, whether you like it or not,"- He's bold and I liked that. Nick passed right by the guard before he could even gape his mouth. Once we reached the showers, I quickly took off the jumpsuit that the doctor gave me, -"Hey, slow down,"- Nick spoke, -"First of all, you need to take the bandages off and second-"- I reached for the bandages wrapping my chest and abdomen and when I hooked my finger on it, I pulled it but it proved difficult, -"Easy, let me help you."- With a sharp knife, he sliced the bandages and dumped it. When he faced my back, he sighed.

-"Looks bad, huh?"- I haven't seen it but I can imagine how horrible it must look.

-"Listen, Jean, just… take your time, alright? Don't rush yourself. I'll be waiting outside."- Nick began to walk away, giving me the privacy I've never had in this place.

-"Why… are you doing this? I mean, why are you helping me this much?"- _And risking your neck like that._

He chortled, figuring I'd ask the question sooner or later. It's apparent, I mean, he comes out of the blue when I'm being tortured, saves me and is super nice with me, giving me my space, privacy and all, -"Long story short, I… I admire and respect you. I know what you've done and why you've done it, and I think you don't deserve to be here, that you… didn't deserve that punishment. Plus, it's the right thing to do and as a police officer, it's my job."

I nodded slowly and looked at him over my shoulder, -"Thank you… I really mean it. You saved my life."- I don't think I'd be here if he didn't show up last night.

-"I know you do,"- He smiled again, tenderly -yeah, like Marco. I… really have to talk to him about that. Otherwise, it's just gonna stay in my head forever, -"Holler me when you finish so I can help you bandage your back up."

-"Got it."- I nodded and when he left, I sighed deeply and faced the shower. I turned it on and the second the cold water sloshed on my cuts, I cried and lost balance. The pain was abrupt and sharp but I held myself with both hands on the wall before me. I looked down, hissing at the soreness and watching the blood pooling beneath me. Fuck, I need to clean these wounds and the thought was painful enough. With shaky hands, I took the soap from the small table beside me and started scrubbing it across my back gently. I started to bite my lips a bit too hard at the dizzying pain, my hands on the wall slipping every second.

_Don't pass out, man. You gotta get clean. Come on, who's the tough guy? _I gripped my hair as hard as I could and gulped. I started to scrub my back again and even though it hurt like fuck, I held on and endured it. After a few minutes of painful scrubbing, I turned the shower and washed the soap off. Then I dried my bloodied back with a towel and washed it again. When I finished, while tidying the stuff up, I spotted a small, portable mirror and took it. I winced at my reflection at the huge bruise on my forehead from Maxson blow, -"Hey, Nick, I'm done!"- I shouted, dropping the mirror on the table and wrapping a towel around the lower half of my body. I gotta say I enjoyed that shower, despite the pain. It felt good not feeling someone's eyes on your butt.

-"Coming!"- He trotted in with the bandage box in hand. As Nick circled around me, bandaging me up, he observed my body -and not in a pervert way, -"Your body's healthy. You should try keeping it like that,"- He patted my chest and gave me a clean, orange jumpsuit, -"All set. I got you this. Put it on and I'll take you to your cell."- He turned around quickly, again giving me privacy.

I smiled and dressed up, -"I know I've said it a bunch of times already but… thank you. I really can't thank you enough, though. You'll probably hear it more."

-"You can say it as much as you'd like, Jean,"- He replied, smiling while peering at me over his shoulder, -"You ready to head out?"

-"Yeah."- I nodded, adjusting the buttons on the suit.

-"Good. Follow me,"- He gestured me to follow him again and believe it or not, I was relieved to see my cell. Nick opened it and gestured me in. He closed it once I stepped inside and leaned on the door.

He was going to say something but I gaped my mouth and spoke, afraid he'd walk away, -"Hey, um… will I see you again?"

-"Plenty,"- He smiled, -"I'm your new assigned guard."

I smiled too, broadly, and exhaled in relief, -"Holy shit, you have no idea how relieved I am to hear that,"- I blurted while gripping my hair, -"Who assigned you?"- The question just slipped from my mouth. I honestly don't care as long as he's my guard.

He chortled, -"I did, while you slept in the infirmary."

Isn't he the coolest guy ever or what? -"You're cool and it's nice to know there's a good police here."- I feel safe with him and I haven't felt safe here since I arrived.

-"Coming from you, that's one hell of a compliment,"- He laughed and slowly stepped away from the cell, -"Take care, okay? And keep your strength keen. I'll see you soon."- He waved me goodbye.

-"Yeah."- I said, watching him go and as he passed by, I heard him chat with other prisoners, prisoners he probably helped too.

With him around, I felt better, safer -even though I knew Maxson and Finn are still lingering. I'll be ready for them and now, I had someone to back me up and it felt good. I didn't felt so alone now nor outnumbered. Oddly, I knew I can rely on him and I've only just met him. I know it's weird, really weird, but that's just how I felt when I first _heard _him.

The feeling about him being Marco's father was a scramble but it's still there and strong. I swear, he's _almost_ identical and the more I watched him, the more I believed it. Somehow, in a way, it also scared me. It made me think and wonder if shit like that (supernatural shit and other stuff) really happens on our planet and I've _never _wondered about that sort of shit. _Never._

* * *

Sooo, that is a weird thing to add to this story, right? What do you think? Do you think Marco's father reincarnated or revived? I dunno why I decided to write that XD I felt like it was time Jean met someone good in there and I recently saw Dracula Untold where in the end **(SPOILER AHEAD) **he meets his wife, reincarnated. I DUNNO. Let me know what you think, please!


	92. NINETY-TWO

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

NINETY-TWO

-"Reincarnation, Jean, it's called _reincarnation,_"- Gabe said after I told him the whole deal about Nick "being" Marco's father, -"And do you really believe in that shit?"

I shrugged, -"I don't -or I didn't, but I dunno…,"- This topic has been swirling around my mind for these couple of days and the more time I spent with Nick himself, the more prone it became. I usually wouldn't go around sharing this type of thing with just _anyone _but I wanted to get it out of my system, -"I mean, I'm not your religious sort of guy. I don't believe there's actually a God up there but…"

-"Then you're an atheist or a non-theist."

-"So, good ol' Nicky saved ya'?"- Phil asked. We were playing cards again in the yard.

I smiled and nodded, gazing up at the distance where Nick was, watching over me, -"Yeah, last week. Maxson was doing the one thing he does best and he came in and stopped him. Now he's my assigned guard."

-"Good for ya'. Nicky's good people."

Gabe shrugged, -"Bah. He's just like the rest,"- He said and I guessed Nick hasn't saved him enough for him to speak well of him. He can't save them all, I guess. He's just one guy after all, -"And you think he's the reincarnation of your boyfriend's father? Well, now I've heard it all."

-"Hey, it might seem crazy to you, but for me, it feels real."- And like I said before, it scared me.

-"Whatever."- Gabe shrugged again, uninterested in the topic.

While we played and enjoyed the hour, Finn was lingering around, watching me furtively. Since the day I beat him in his own game, I hadn't seen him and I thought that he was taken to another section of the prison or something -or better yet, that's what I hoped. In any case, he was trying to stay hidden from my eyesight and he was ultimately failing. His size didn't do him well in that kind of approach and worse, he didn't like it. He kept puffing and stomping the earth like a baby in a tantrum. He wanted to get to me already and beat me to a pulp, but I had an… "army", for lack of a better word, and he was just one guy.

Eventually, he got tired. During lunch hour, he approached me, saying something about me being a total jerk and an asshole for doing what I did to him. I ignored him -or tried to, really hard- but when he started pestering me from eating in peace, I acted. I turned around abruptly and since I've been keeping myself in shape all these days, I fought him off with ease. The prisoners cheered on me, slamming their fists on the tables in rhythm. Even some of the guards in watch cheered, enjoying my fights and recording them. Some even mimicked my moves. I admit, this was fun, more fun than playing cards with Gabe and boring him to death all day.

Nick was there too, with a smile on his face.

Finn wasn't the only one trying to bother me. Some of his gang pals that were still "loyal"  
to him -or any other prisoner- molested me but I drove them all away. Once, in the showers, a guy attempted to rape me, approaching me from behind and slithering his gross hand up my butt. I turned around and elbowed the guy right on his on nose, knocking him off balance and breaking his nose, -"Don't touch me or I'll break your nose again, you sick bastard."- I threatened and sure enough, he didn't laid a hand on me since.

My next visit was different. Marco wasn't present.

-"Fifteen minutes. Is that enough?"- Nick said suddenly as I approached the area. Celine was there, waiting for me.

-"Huh?"

-"Fifteen minutes to talk with your family."- He repeated, smiling. He knew I'd be overjoyed to hear that. He knew Maxson only allowed me to talk to them for five fucking minutes. He knew it wasn't enough.

-"Holy shit… I-I don't know what to say,"- I stuttered at the huge happiness in me. God, I can't wait to tell Marco. I had the impulse to hug the man really hard, -"Um… can I hug you?"

He chortled and gestured towards the visit area, -"Later, alright? Go, clock's ticking."

I nodded and trotted towards my seat and Celine immediately gasped, -"Oh, Jean, it's been so long…"

-"Yeah and I… I really miss you all. I can't wait to get out of here and…"- I sighed at the fond memories of us enjoying the day in her house, like the Halloween party and Christmas.

-"I know you expected Marco but… he stayed home today."- Celine spoke, her voice shaky.

-"Is he okay?"- I asked and it's needless to say how worried I was -and gloomy. I missed him a lot and was looking forward to seeing him but I know Marco's not the only who missed me and wants to talk to me.

-"He's just… really tired, Jean. He's been praying for you all these weeks, staying up at night and only sleeping for four hours. I told him to stay today so he could rest. He didn't want to and we had a small discussion but he's home with your dad. He's alright,"- She exclaimed and sighed, -"And you? Marco told me everything. It's barbarous and monstrous."

-"Yeah, I know, but I'm okay. It hasn't been so bad lately. I mean, I know how to throw punches and defend myself,"- I said, -"So don't worry about me, really."

-"I can't help it, Jean, none of us can. This was not supposed to happen, none of this,"- Celine began rambling and I knew she was also shaken up by all this. I also knew she personally blamed herself for losing my trial, -"You're so young. This is not the place you're supposed to be and you're not supposed to be experiencing this… this nightmare…"

-"Well, it really doesn't matter, Celine. It's the place I ended up in and I have to learn to face it."- I said and she began to cry, because she knew I was right.

She suddenly gasped, -"Oh no, is it time for you to go? It's been more than five minutes…"

I laughed silently, -"No, actually, this new guard, he…,"- I pointed back and peered over my shoulder to look at him and was surprised when I didn't see him there -I mean, _right _behind me like Maxson. Then again, I wasn't. After all he's done, it's no surprise he'd give me privacy with my family too. I could see him in the distance, just right on the area's entrance, -"… um, he gave me more time, fifteen minutes, so we have plenty,"- Celine was happy at that too and I told her everything I could. With fifteen minutes, it was enough for me to cover my time here, -"How's dad?"- I asked, with just five minutes left.

-"He's…,"- Celine sighed for the fifth or seventh time, -"I'm worried about him. His mind has been delicate since your mother's passing and I fear that this situation will worsen it."

A deep anguish began to settle within me. My dad's not exactly strong minded and during trail, he couldn't even process what was going on. He didn't want to accept or believe any of it, -"I'll talk to him on the next visit, let him know things are fine in here."

-"Jean, I really hope you're not saying that just to make us feel better."

-"No, I'm serious. I really am. It's really alright. If it wasn't, I think you'd notice. You're a psychologist, after all."- I said.

She chortled and nodded, -"You make a good point."

The clock rang and I stood up, -"Take care of them, promise? I'll be out soon and tell Marco that I love him."

She just smiled and nodded. I turned around and approached Nick. Without him expecting it, I hugged him and even though he didn't hug me back because it was kind of awkward, he patted my head and gestured me to follow him. Before I left the area, I looked over my shoulder like I always do and saw Celine still worried. I sighed and looking back at Nick, the craziest of ideas popped in my mind: what if she met Nick? What if _Marco _met Nick? Crazy, I know. Yeah, I wanna cheer them up because I know they're having it awful out there and I might have lied a tiny little bit to comfort Celine back there -but I wasn't lying _completely_.

I shook my head. No, it's a bad idea. It just is. I bet they're total strangers to Nick because even though he _looks _and _acts _like Marco's father (in a way), he's still _Nicholas Cross_, not Victor Bodt. He has never met Celine or Marco… or has he? I still have to speak to him about all this but I have to be discreet. This is a really bizarre thing to discuss with a police who probably doesn't believe in the rein… reincarnation thing.

The weirdest thing about all this is the fact that I've never met Victor, Marco's father. I wonder how Marco would react because first off, he obviously met his dad (he _knows_ him) and second, Marco totally believes in this rein-shit crap -_and _the renaissance shit.

This is the craziest shit I've ever been through.

~ o ~

-"Ow, fuck!"- I cursed as the doctor sloshed peroxide in my cuts again.

-"Hm, they're going to need another two or three weeks to fully heal,"- The doctor pressed the cold, moist towel against my cuts, making me hiss, -"Please, just don't get into more trouble."

-"I think that's going to be a cake-walk. Jean here know how to take care of himself just fine."- Nick smiled, with a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it gently.

-"Come on, Amari, you're starting to sound like Maxson,"- I jibed but really, it was insulting and scary and the doctor didn't liked it. She's like the bitter type of doctor, -"Speaking of which, where is he? Not like I care about him or anything."

Amari, in its fullest, disliked talking about the man and by now, she probably doesn't tolerate me: I make jokes in serious situations, I'm impulsive and I enjoyed fights -I'm also a bit of a masochist, but that's another story. Nick smiled, unlike her, and gaped his mouth to speak, -"He's been suspended for a few weeks but he'll be back. He's the warden's favorite."

-"So, um… how does it work? What is he, a lieutenant or something? Hitler?"- I joked again and Amari sighed.

Nick laughed though, -"Yeah, kind of. He's the one in charge when the warden's not around. He gave Maxson permission to deal with the problems as he sees fit."

-"And you? What are you?"- I asked, curious.

He smiled again and scratched his rear head, -"I'm just a patrolman -in here, at least."

-"And out?"- I quirked an eyebrow.

-"A police detective."

-"Woah, that's cool. I told you you're cool,"- I said, punching him gently on his arm, -"But wait… why're just patrolling here?"

-"Warden's orders. I wasn't exactly… welcomed here but it doesn't matter. I've been sent here to investigate the corruption plaguing this prison and I intend to get it done."- He spoke righteously and seriously.

The doctor coughed loudly and kept gazing at me, -"Nick…"

-"Don't worry, doctor. You think the warden doesn't already know? Why else would HQ send a detective?"- He looked at me and smiled, tussling my hair, -"Plus, I trust Jean."

And that made me smile too, made me feel special in this dump. I trust him too. The man has done a lot for me -and others too- even though his mission differs. Amari disapproved, though. Bitch.

When the doctor finished creaming my cuts, I had to lay downcast on the bed and wait a few minutes for it to make effect. While I waited, Nick kept me entertained. We spoke a lot and I grew curious about him -especially since he was asking me about, well, me, -"I know what everyone says about you."

-"You mean what the internet says about me."- I replied, with a slight shook of my head. It says that I'm a gay, crazy kid with anger issues who fucks an innocent, cute Christian boy (which, in a way, is not entirely a lie). I _am _gay, I _do _have anger issues, Marco _is _a Christian _and_ cute and yeah, we've fucked. It also says that I spoil the Bible and that I've forced Marco into an atheist, that I chain him in bed and I bad mouth all Christians, which is false. That about sums it all.

Nick smiled tenderly, -"True, but I know some of it is false."

-"Like…?"- I inquired.

-"Like the part where you fought those guys without reason,"- He began to explain. Ah, I haven't heard about that one. Guess I haven't seen all those web articles about me -and no, I don't read them _all_ -waste of time- but Marco has, -"I've seen you fight and I can tell you really had a reason for it."

I nodded slowly. Well, that's actually true.

-"And that you enjoy it,"- I made a face and he quickly laughed, -"There's nothing wrong with it so long as you don't overdo it. Believe me, I know how it feels to have your adrenaline running high."

I chuckled, -"Then I ought to see you fighting too."

-"Maybe I'll go all out berserk on someone too and get recorded,"- He joked and we laughed together until he began asking me questions again, -"So, do you have someone important waiting for you back home? Parents? I know you have a boyfriend and that you're _really _attached to him."

I smiled broadly at the mention of Marco, -"Yeah, I am, and my father's waiting for me too."

-"Your mom?"

-"She's dead."- I said, just like normal.

Nick gasped lowly and his expression changed to regret, -"Oh, I'm sorry, Jean... I didn't…"

-"Hey, relax. It's fine. I came to terms with her passing years ago and besides, you couldn't have known."- I explained and really, it's fine. People always freak out when they ask me about her -or other people with a dead parent- and I can understand them.

-"Point taken and I'm glad you did. Most teens struggle to."

-"Yeah,"- I cleared my throat and began to inquire about him next, hopeful that he'll spill some clues about his _"reincarnation"_, -"So, um… what about you? Do you have someone waiting for you at home when you finish day?"- Fist off, if he's single or not.

Nick looked down for a second and sighed, -"No, I don't."

-"Huh, so you're single?"- I just noticed Amari lingering close to us, to our conversation.

He nodded, -"Mjum."

I gasped dramatically, -"How can that be? Good mister Nick doesn't have his damsel?"

He laughed but I saw… sadness there, solitude. He's unhappy, despite loving his work, -"The people in my line of work don't get the woman or the man, Jean,"- He stood from his seat and gestured me to stand up too, -"Come on, I think it's time for you to wash your cuts."

I slid my legs out of the bed but stayed sit, -"What?"- I exclaimed but as I thought about his words… I understood him, -"Why the hell can't someone like you get the girl, huh? I mean, you're cool, awesome, good looking and-"

-"It's dangerous, Jean."- He spoke, interrupting me.

I stayed quiet. I knew the answer already and in its fullest, I agree with him. If I were a detective too I'd keep Marco far away from me… and of course I'd regret it later but at east he'll be safe. I'm the kind of guy that doesn't enjoy solitude, though, so I'd be feeling lonely in just a few days or so. For me, that leads to depression so in summary, I'll probably end up killing myself…

_All for keeping Marco safe._

-"I see you agree with me."- He said, snapping me from my trance.

I didn't answer that. I then wondered how long he's been alone and as he escorted me to the showers, I inquired him, -"How long have you been… you know…?"

-"Alone? Twenty years."

_Damn. _It's getting to him, as we talked I saw that the loneliness is definitely getting to him. Twenty years? It's a surprise he has lasted this long, -"And you don't even have a family waiting for you? Parents? Aunts?"

He shook his head, -"No one."

-"Wh… what happened to your parents?"- I pried and immediately regretted it when his expression fell, -"You know what, um… forget I asked."

-"It's fine, Jean. They're… they're gone,"- He sighed and composed himself back up, -"My mother died when she gave birth to me and my father got shot during a robbery in one of the local stores. Since then I… I swore to him and myself that I'd cleanse the world of criminals,"- He chuckled and gazed at me, a bit bitterly, -"Guess that was a vindictive fool's wish."

-"How… old were you?"

-"Ten years,"- He answered, sighing again, -"Ever since then I've dedicated my life to study and work hard. When I finished my career in college, I got admitted in the police academy and graduated as one of the top recruits. I managed to stock enough money to rent a small apartment and never looked back. I never knew what happened to the rest of my family. I kept working hard and eventually got promoted to Police Officer I, II and III and… here I am, a detective,"- Nick exhaled and ran a hand through his black hair, -"So, there you have it, my whole life in a nutshell."

-"Damn…,"- I said, lowering my head and scratching my rear neck, -"Hey, Nick… maybe you can't cleanse the whole world of criminals but… you're definitely making it a better place. I mean, since we've met, this dump isn't as bad as it first was."- I spoke honestly and it's not only because I was trying to cheer him up, it's because that's _exactly_ how I felt.

Nicholas smiled, _really _smiled, moved by my words and that smile was perfect, just like Marco's, just like… Victor's on that picture I first saw him in. It was his first day as an official officer. I almost gasped because right now, he _definitely_ looked like Victor, -"Thanks… Jean."- He opened the door to the showers and waited for me to enter.

-"Yeah, just… don't let it get to you. You're not alone."- Once in, I quickly turned on the shower and took off my suit, not minding at all having Nick in the area.

-"You're really something else…"- Nick commented as he took his switchblade and sliced the bandages off.

I just smiled and washed the cream off my back.

~ o ~

The next day I had my visit with my dad, who was accompanied by Celine. She was keeping a close eye on him; on the last visit, she told me he wasn't doing so good -mentally- and when I sat on my chair and saw him, I understood her. Dad was gaunt, more than I ever was in here, and his eyes were sagged and had bags under them. He hasn't slept like… at all and he looked extremely outworn and afflicted. It's almost as if he's going through another loss… mines.

I have to remind him that I'm still alive.

-"Hey, Dad,"- I spoke and poked my finger against the transparent wall. His head was hung. He was... absent, adrift, not really here, -"Dad?"

He finally heard me and gazed up, slowly. His eyes widened and he quickly picked up the phone on his side, -"Son…? Is that really you?"

I nodded and tried to keep my smile steady, -"Yeah, it's me."- His condition was just fucking heart breaking.

-"Oh my God… how long has it been?"- He spoke, his voice shaky. It's like he thought I was already dead, -"I… I thought you were gone. Celine and Marco told me you were still alive but I… I didn't believe them. I thought they were just saying that to comfort me…"

I shook my head, -"No, Dad, I'm here and alive, right in front of you."

-"God, I'm… I'm sorry, Jean…"- He place his hand on his forehead, unable to cope with himself for having discarded me as dead so soon.

-"No, no, no, Dad, it's okay. I… I also thought I wouldn't be able to last a few days in here,"- I chuckled bitterly, -"But here I am and I'm okay."

-"You… you look good."- He commented, his expression finally softening.

-"I know, right?"- I placed my palm on the wall and looked him straight in the eyes, -"And I need you to be good and healthy too when I get back, okay? I want to give you the best hug I've ever given you,"- Which were few, to be real honest, -"But you gotta get better, Dad. Promise me."

Dad exhaled and nodded, -"I… I'll try, son, for you."

-"And for mom too."- I smiled and after that we spoke some more until it was time for me to go. Saying goodbye to him was hard, especially when he had that heartbreaking look on his face, that terrified look that thought he was never going to see me again. I told him I'll see him on the next visit but he still kept that face.

Once beside Nick, he noticed my gloomy mood, -"Everything all right?"

I sighed and looked back at Dad over my shoulder, -"Kind of. It's my Dad, he's... not okay,"- I then had an amazing idea and hoped Nick would agree to it, -"Hey, during the next visit, can I talk to more than one person?"- I asked and hoped I wasn't crossing the line of our friendship. I wanted to talk to Dad but it's been _weeks _since I've spoken to Marco and I don't think I can wait anymore without going crazy. I miss him a lot. I miss his adorable face and his sweet voice.

Nick took a second to observe me and when he saw I was serious, he nodded, -"Alright, Jean, but you need to be discreet, got it? I'm not exactly supposed to give you these… advantages. If my superiors find out…"

-"I know, I know, I swear I won't fuck up."- I swore as he led me back to my cell.

-"It'll be fine, don't worry. I'll have your back."

I know he will. I trust him.

Once in my cell, I noticed the hole from Gabe's cell patched up and got worried about him. Ever since Maxson got him good, he's been different… with me and Phil -specially with me. I got the hunch that he was regretting having stood up for me that night. Maxson must have tortured him and in fact, a few days ago he disappeared. Nobody had seen him and not even Nick, who patrols the place. Nick told me of the possibility of Maxson having another torturing cell, especially since the prison was big –_"as big as Hogwarts", _he said, which was a bit dramatic if you ask me, but I laughed nonetheless.

I leaned against the cell bars and tried to peer at his cell. I couldn't see anything so I called Phil, whose cell was in front of mines, -"Hey, Phil. Is Gabe there yet?"

Said man dropped his head and shook it.

I sighed and sat back down on my bed. I hope he's alright but if only I didn't know better…

Nothing's alright with Maxson.

~ o ~

Something was going on.

I sat up in my bed, woken up by some faint, crashing noises. I stood up and peered at the cells in front of me. No one else woke up. It seems that only I can hear it.

I leaned closer to the cell bars and tried to hear better; it sounds like someone was fighting, grunting and shouting. It sounded serious. It was also faint so the fight was taking place somewhere far. It shouldn't be of any concern, since people are always fighting around here, but it was 3 in the morning, more or less, and Gabe was out there. What if Maxson is torturing him again?

It was enough of a reason for me to try and figure out what was going on…_ if _I can get out of here, which was unlikely. But then I started looking around my cell and spotted that hole that was "patched up". I knelt before it and knocked. It was still hollow and effortlessly mended. I inspected it and whoever worked on it just literally "pasted" the rocks together with concrete, like a jigsaw puzzle. With a lot force, I started hitting it with my elbow and even though it left my bone there aching like a bitch, I managed to make it crumble down and crawl through. Once in Gabe's cell I quickly began to cough at the horrible stench a junkie often has. I was fanning the space close to my face with my hands when I noticed his door open.

_What the hell happened?_

I observed the area and figured that someone came here and got Gabe out in a hurry, forgetting to close the cell. _Shit. _I had to think twice about stepping out of the cell to wander out there and probably get lost. _Come on, Jean, Gabe needs you._ I breathed deeply and set my foot out. _You're being dramatic._

I stepped out and began to trot my way across the long, dark halls. Looking up, I spotted several cameras surveying the area. I crossed my fingers and hoped that the cameraman was slacking off -and since no alarm rang off immediately, I could safely say that I haven't been spotted… yet.

The sounds got louder so I must be getting closer; someone was definitely having a tussle around here. I kept turning around corners until I ended up in the darkest hall with the darkest cell and saw Maxson fighting Nick. For a second, I stood frozen in place, unable to react as I stared at them both… literally fighting to death. The one that wanted to do the killing, whoever, was Maxson. He had that same furious look when he tortured me and he was pinning Nick to the wall, chocking him. None of them noticed me until I lashed forward and jumped over Maxson, shrouding my arm around his neck and pulling back as hard as I could.

Nick's eyes snapped wide open at my sudden appearance.

Maxson chocked and started coughing, loosening his grip on Nick's neck to reach for me. I ducked his wide hands and kept pulling back. Nick coughed and stroked his neck, -"Jean!"- He exclaimed while I still dealt with Maxson, who was snarling in anger, failing to get free of my arms. Suddenly, he lunched back and smashed my body against the opposite wall, the one behind me. I felt my whole body crush underneath his heavy one but I still held on. It wasn't until the fifth hit that one of my arms fell down and left me dazed. Maxson gripped my light body and tossed it over his figure and down to the floor. I groaned in pain as he then stood above me and hovered his silenced gun close to my chest. I gasped and my heart skipped a beat. Memories flashed by my eyes, memories of Frank's gun aiming at Marco and shooting him. I then remembered the blood and Marco's weak figure soaked in it, I remember his tears, his faint cries, his... _I love you, Jean…_

-"Thanks, you saved me the trouble of having to look for you. I lured Nick here to kill him but I might as well get rid of you too."- He grinned as he pressed the trigger.

I couldn't react. I just stared at the dark hole of the gun, unable to even breathe properly.

-"No!"- Nick cried with vigor as he lunged towards Maxson, gripped his arm and pulled it away from me. In that second, the man had pulled the trigger and I heard the bullet make impact on the floor beside me. Nick and Maxson wrestled again while I laid on the floor like an idiot. I saw the detective fight and he was good, really good, but Maxson was just as good -and in addition, Maxson was aiming to kill. Nick was aiming to incapacitate.

I shook my head and managed to snap off my trance. I have to help Nick.

I joined the fight and got knocked more times than I like to admit, getting the hint that this wasn't exactly my business. It doesn't matter. I'll make it mines. I looked at Nick and that was enough for him to understand that we had to work together if we wanted to bring this asshole down _without _killing him. We coordinated and the first thing we did was throw his gun away. Then, we kept punching the man, dodging his attacks together often, -"Now!"- I grabbed Maxson by his arm and pulled back, leaving him defenseless. Nick quickly punched the man's face but Maxson pushed him off with one leg. He darted his head back to hit me, but I ducked and kneed his back several times. He was getting weaker but angrier and more aggressive. He managed to get loose of my grip and turned around abruptly with a back-hand, hitting me straight on my jaw. I got dazed and leaned against the wall but Maxson pressed me against it with his arm on my neck, squeezing my air out. I saw Nick in the distance growl and lunge forth against Maxson and wrapping both arms around his neck.

-"Jean, go! Now!"- He shouted, holding Maxson back as hard as he could so I could escape. Maxson was elbowing his abdomen with vigor.

But I didn't. Instead, I readied my fists and punched Maxson's face a bunch of times, even when my knuckles ached. I stopped when Maxson was starting to lose his balance. Nick let go of him and clicked his fists. I nodded and together, we punched his face from each side, making his lips purse before he tumbled down, unconscious.

Nick panted while I leaned back against the wall, hands on knees while I breathed deeply. Suddenly, Nick trudged towards me and took my head in his hands, his thumbs caressing my cheekbones, which were sore from Maxson's attacks, -"Jean, are you alright?"

I nodded, resting my light head on his warm and soft hands, -"Y-yeah… I'm fine."

He quirked an eyebrow, dubious of my answer, -"Sure, because you're not about to fall asleep on my hands."

My eyes began to close on their own. I was getting comfy and drowsy on his hands until we both heard someone speak, -"Holy shit…,"- I knew that voice. I perked my head up and gazed at the location where the voice came. I saw Gabe himself inside the torturing cell, eyes wide at us, -"You actually did it…"

-"Gabe?"- I was right, Maxson was gonna torture him! -"It's… it's okay now. We're here to…"- But then I noticed that he wasn't tied to the pole or anything. He was free already.

Nick stepped beside me with a hand on my back, keeping me steady, -"Your friend here lured me here, Jean, on purpose,"- He began to explain and honestly, I was lost, -"Maxson wanted to kill me and since I was investigating Gabriel's disappearance, they reached an agreement."

I stared at Gabe, bewildered, -"You… you want Nick dead too?"

Gabe threw his arm up and exhaled, -"Ah, come on, Jean, don't give me that look,"- He pointed at Nick, -"Ever since you became buddies with this guy, you've been different."

I gasped, -"_I've _been different?"- I spoke, unable to believe him, -"Are you serious?! You're the one who's been acting like a total stranger!"

-"And you defend him, of course,"- He rolled his eyes, -"I'm not gonna be surprised if you're having it off and shagging with him all the time because _I _know that's what you like best."

I gasped again, harsher, -"What!?"- The fucking nerve of this guy! -"You son of a-"- I began to stomp towards him.

But Nick stopped me, gripping my shoulder, -"Jean, don't."

-"But-"

He shook his head and looked at me seriously.

I growled and just shoved my shoulder away.

-"Tell me, Jean, what's so special about him, huh?"- Gabe began to speak again and I swear my blood boiled like never before because for starters I fought for this guy, I stood up for him and I… I trusted him! -"He's just a kid trying to play the good cop where none exist. He's an idiot, Jean, and would you really follow an idiot around? He's trying to make this prison a "better" place by making it his."

I shook my head. He doesn't even know what he's talking about.

-"He's a spy and you know, spies can't be trusted because-"

-"That's enough bullshit for one night, Gabe,"- I spat, glaring at him, -"Shut. Up,"- I then gestured towards Nick while still glaring at Gabe, -"This "idiot" has done more than you ever did in this dump, you fucking drug addict. He saved lives and made people's life here safer -or at least mines. He's different from those assholes and he's trying to make things right in here."

-"Oh yeah? Then why didn't he come when I needed him the most, huh?"

-"He was coming, dumbass, and you knew it! But you decided to sell him out!"- I clenched my fists, -"Which makes you that much of a jerk."- Again, I began to step close to the cell he was in and even though Nick told me to stop, I kept stomping in.

-"Look who's talking!"- He laughed stupidly, -"You're the one who's a real jerk! You're a murderer!"

-"Aren't we all?"- I gripped his suit's collar and pulled his face close to mines, -"How could you? I know we're not good people but this was a bad move, Gabe. You know Maxson, you know he was going to kill or torture you afterwards, you know he was going to go after me next and yet you still did it, even when you knew Nick was coming for you. After all I've done for you…, how can I trust you now?"- I thought about this whole situation and maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. I mean, it's not even about me to begin with. It's about Nick and his mission here. I just… meddled in like I always do.

In whatever scenario, though, Gabriel is selfish. He didn't want to get tortured for no one so he accepted the deal. What's more, Nick was also investigating the drug trafficking here to stop it and Gabe definitely doesn't want that, -"I'm sorry, Jean, but... I don't want this guy to fix anything. Things are fine the way they are. I mean, it's not worth the effort of standing up and try to change things just because we don't like it."

-"But… I though you…"- _Those things you said about me at first…_

-"And you, with that attitude and bad temper, you're not going anywhere. People are just going to hate on you, Jean. Hell, _I'm _starting to hate on you, especially now with your venereal "partnership" with this guy,"- He… he was okay with Maxson's plan of slaughtering me. He was cool with the man but how…? Why? I thought he was my friend…, -"Look, Jean… there are no "friends" in prison. You can't trust anyone. "

_When will you learn, Jean? _

-"Then why…?"- _Why did you stick with me?_

-"Well, you're extremely hot and… yeah, hot."

I felt my chest tightening up. I gritted my teeth, clenched my fist and pulled it back, ready to… to fucking smite his stupid face! The asshole shrieked and covered his face with his arms, shrinking back against the cell's walls, -"You… motherfuck-"

-"Jean,"- Nick called and I swear, it's like Marco again, like when he always calls me when I'm about to… to fucking kill someone without realizing, without even _thinking_. Marco did, though, and for my own good, he… he always stopped me. Nick placed his hand on my raised arm and slowly, he lowered it, -"Easy. Anger makes you unstable and dangerous. It makes you hurt those you love. Trust me, I… I know what it does."

I was _really _fighting the urge to smack his face against the asphalt but Nick's words were… soothing, calming… like Marco's. It was also serious. He wasn't saying that only to calm me down. I exhaled and dropped my arm, trying to look away from Gabe's terrified expression.

-"That's better,"- He said, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly. He then turned to Gabe, -"Gabriel, I need to know where you are getting your stash of drugs."

Gabe gulped, -"What're you gonna do, "hero"? T-torture me?"- And tried to hide his fear by acting tough.

-"If I have to, yes,"- Nick said, calmly, and here I was tapping my foot angrily. If he doesn't speak for another second, I'll get the answer out of him myself, -"But I know I won't have to resort to that with you, right? I know you're a reasonable man."- Nick got closer to him, intimidating Gabe and the guy did shrink back but he was still stubborn and wouldn't even gape his mouth.

So I lost the tiny bit of patience I had, as expected. I growled and lashed towards Gabe, pinning him harshly against the wall, ignoring Nick's calls again, -"Tell him. Now."- I gritted my teeth and glared at him.

Gabe's eyes widened in terror, -"I… I was wondering when you'd snap,"- He said, gripping my arms, -"I-I knew there was… more to you than a good looking, nice and honest guy. You were…too good to be true…"

I snarled and pressed my arms harder against his neck. Then, when he coughed for air, I'd move my arm back a bit and then abruptly pressed again, leaving him gasping for even more air.

-"You're not… who you appear to be…"- He slurred and gagged, his grip on my arms loosening. He kept gaping his mouth, probably to speak, to spill out the info Nick was looking for but…

-"Jean, that's enough!"- Nick shouted and pulled me away.

Once loose, Gabe fell and coughed, -"… M-Martin… Hugh…"- He finally said, head hung, unable to look at me anymore.

-"The one in charge of the supplies…,"- Nick spoke, thoughtful, with a hand on his chin, -"But supplies are delivered once a week…,"- He suddenly gazed at me and knelt beside Maxson's unconscious figure. I saw him furtively taking some keys into his pocket. He then stood up close to me, -"You need to head back to your cell. I'm going to the surveillance office and delete the footage of your escape but I need you to keep this between us, got it?"

-"But what about…"

-"I'll take care of the rest,"- He said and with a firm hand on my shoulder, he looked straight at my eyes, -"Just promise me you'll stay quiet in your cell."

I just nodded.

-"I know you will. I trust you."

As he led me to my cell, I thought about his mission and how dangerous it really is. I began to worry about him, -"Hey, Nick…"

-"I don't have much time, Jean. We'll see each other again and then we'll talk, I promise."- He closed the cell and locked it.

-"Just…,"- The curiosity was killing me but more than that, the worry for him, -"… stay safe, alright?"

He stared at me for a few seconds until he smiled and just… left. I leaned against the cell bars and peered at his leaving figure. The man looked over his shoulder but I couldn't see his face. It's too dark. I then sighed and returned to bed, with hands on my face.

I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.


	93. NINETY-THREE

Hey, ya'all! **Please read this tiny lil' note below ****before reading the chapter and making any comments!**

As you'll notice (those who're familiar with the concept of reincarnation), I made some changes to said concept. I'm aware it doesn't work as it's described in this chapter but for the sake of the story, I decided to leave it like that. I though a lot about and I realized I had to shape it in order for it to "fit" into the chapter. Please, take this into consideration before posting a negative review about it. If you want to comment about it, leave me a PM and we'll chat about it ;) THANK YOU!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

**Warning: Strong sexual content. **

* * *

NINETY-THREE

It's been two months and Nicholas was nowhere to be seen.

I got another guard assigned to me, since I _couldn't_ be left alone, and he sucked. It's not like having Nick. At least he didn't abused of me and kept a quiet mouth all the time. He only spoke when he needed to -which was infuriating; I asked him about Nick but he never answered. _Never. _He wasn't the only one I asked, though, and the rest answered evasively and other didn't even bothered. Nick wasn't exactly loved among these guys so his absence was well received by them.

Each passing week, however, things… changed. Like I said, the guards weren't as aggressive as before and the prison was just… silent. Everyone did their thing without minding the others. Finn was quiet. Maxson was practically gone by now. It was… it was peaceful.

I wasn't enjoying that peace like I should. I was dead worried about Nick. I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about the man. I was fearing that he got killed. Someone got him. Someone busted him... but before they could, Nick did something that was changing this place bit by bit. There were new, nicer guards arriving, the drug trafficking was dropping and prisoners were starting to actually enjoy their sentence -even though people might think we're not supposed to, that that's not the intention of the sentence in the first place, but hey, it's enough staying here, isolated from family and friends for months or years. We don't deserve the abuse we were getting at first, alright?

In addition to that, the food and water rations increased. The number of visits also augmented, along with the time you can spend talking with them. Things were really getting better for us. As for me… well, I leaned against the cell bars every day and waited for Nick to arrive one day. He _did _promise we'll see each other and talk and he has fulfilled his promises so far. I still had hope.

If you're wondering about Gabriel, don't. I don't care about him anymore, even if he completely vanished since that night. Phil and others asked me about him often but I kept my mouth shut. I kept Nick's promise of not speaking about what happened that night to anyone. Speaking of Phil, he was really going nuts without his usual dose of drugs. If he's in that state, I can't imagine Gabe's… wherever he is.

-"Jean Kirshtein,"- I was sitting on my bed, head hung, and perked it up at the call, -"The doctor's asking for you."

I quirked an eyebrow, -"Again?"- She already asked for me this week, -"What does she want now?"- I don't know why she bothers with me anymore. First off, she doesn't tolerate me and second, my wounds healed already -I mean, sort of. The scars were there but you know what I mean.

The guard just shrugged.

I sighed and stood up, -"Lead on, then."

He led me to the medical area and once in, Amari quickly patted the usual seat where she inspects me. She's always on her same bitter mood but since Nick disappeared she's been… soft and dismal. I'm not the only one attached to him. He kind of grew on her too -and not just on her. Nick grew on almost every prisoner here, -"Sit."- She said.

I sighed and sauntered my way towards it. When I sat, I quickly and mindlessly lowered my jumpsuit to expose my back to her. She stood behind the chair and pushed my body forward. She examined my scars, like every damn time I come here, -"They're fine, doc. Quit fussing about it."

-"Quite the collection you got."- She dragged a wheeled and long mirror towards me.

With a sigh, I stood up and turned around. I peered over my shoulder to the mirror and again, I saw the sea of scars plaguing my back. There was scars of every shape; long, short, curved, zigged, etc., -"Yeah, you've said that already. Can I go now?"

-"And leave me stranded?"

I gasped, from deep within, and turned around again. My eyes widened and watered and my mouth gaped. My chest got loose of the knot it had before as I literally lunged forward, shirtless, and embraced Nick as hard as I could. This time, he hugged me back, _really _hugged me back just as hard, shrouding his arms around my chest and pressing me tightly against his body, -"Fuck...,"- I slurred, tears streaming down my cheeks, -"Where were you? I was sick worried!"- I buried my face and cried on his chest, drenching his officer uniform.

-"I know, I know,"- He chuckled and tousled my hair, -"But I'm here now-"

-"Two months, Nick. _Two_,"- I spoke, overwhelmed with both joy and relief, -"What happened? I… thought you were dead…"- I was about to ask questions in more depth but considering the present party…

-"I'm really sorry, Jean,"- He apologized, -"I definitely owe you an explanation."- He gazed down on me and smiled.

I nodded, getting the hint that he wanted to do it when we're alone.

-"Hey, Amari,"- He then greeted the doctor, who also embraced him. She was also crying, -"I hope he didn't caused you much trouble."

She just sobbed, trying to brush the tears from her eyes.

-"Actually, there wasn't much trouble here for me to get into."- I said wittily, smirking.

He laughed, -"Just as planned."

-"I'm glad you're alright…"- The doctor slurred.

-"Well, I almost wasn't,"- We all stood quiet until he spoke again, -"Come on, Jean. It's time for you to get a bath,"- He gestured me to follow him, like old times. I wasn't surprised when I saw that the other guard wasn't there. He _was _waiting for me but when Nick arrived, he knew his job wasn't to watch me anymore, -"I hope things are better in here for you."

I gazed up at him as we walked towards the showers, -"Yeah, was that you?"

-"Partially,"- He nodded, -"I had help from HQ."

-"How did you do it?"- I inquired, -"What happened after… you know…?"

-"I deleted the record of your escape and saved the ones where Maxson abused of others. I gathered enough evidence of their hideous activities to overthrow him and the warden from their positions, including the drug trafficking,"- He paused and halted his steps, pointing somewhere below, -"I discovered that not only it was sent here from outside but also that it was _made_ here, in the basement -which was also being used to torture prisoners and to traffic weapons. I had a hard time sending the report to HQ but when they got it, I left the matter in their hands. They replaced the warden and some officers too."

-"A hard time...?"- I noticed he was walking kind of funny and had a few bandages tightly pressed around different parts of his body. He also had several bruises on his face and arms.

He smiled, a bit weakly, -"I was… ambushed often. The warden threw everything he could at me to prevent me from taking that evidence to HQ. I almost died once…,"- He breathed deeply and continued walking, -"But it's done and we're here."

-"Was it… worth it?"- I asked, in the brink of bursting in tears again.

He nodded, -"Yes, every second of it."

We were about to enter the showers when the guard on watch said something that really blew my mind, -"Captain."

I looked at Nick and back at the officer, -"Wait… what?"

The officer tilted his head to Nick, -"The detective –I mean, Nicholas got promoted."

I saw Nick's smile blooming as he opened the door to the showers. He wasn't looking at me but I saw it and it was full of pride and joy.

-"Holy shit!"- I exclaimed, smiling broadly and extending my arms. I couldn't help to hug him again, -"Congrats, man! You definitely earned it!"

He chuckled and gently pushed me inside, -"Thanks, Jean. I… didn't really asked for it, thought."

-"What do you mean?"

-"I prefer less paperwork and be out in the field,"- He said, closing the door, -"But the chief kept insisting."

I walked towards the closest shower and turned it on, -"That's still one hell of a title, though!"- I exclaimed, taking off my jumpsuit like usual.

-"True,"- He stayed back and leaned against the wall, giving me space and privacy, -"Jean… how you've been?"

I sighed, feeling his eyes on my back, distraught of my scars, -"I'm okay - now, at least. I've been… really worried about you."

-"I know,"- He chuckled, -"And I'm really sorry."

-"It's fine,"- I smiled as the water poured on my head and dripped down my naked body, -"Thank you for… everything. You've done one hell of a job, Nick."

-"I'm glad this place is becoming more peaceful for you, but… it's not over. It never is."

I chuckled this time as I washed my hair, -"Knew you'd say that, you hardass."

Nick laughed at the slang term, -"And what's that supposed to mean?"

-"It means that you don't cut any slack or have any fun, I dunno. I mean, you're always working and I've never seen you taking a break to relax."- I explained and it's true. Nick's always working, always speaking about his mission and his duties.

-"I don't think that, between you and me, I'm the only hardass,"- A grin began to grow on my face. Marco had said this to me before too, -"'I mean',"- He mimicked my voice and words, -"I've seen you working out and you've never taken any breaks."

-"At least I sleep!"

He laughed loudly and took a deep breath, -"Oh, I've missed you, Jean, but…,"- He kept quiet for a few seconds and I had to look at him over my shoulder for him to continue, -"I… need to talk to you about a lot of… stuff."

-"Stuff?"

He chortled at his own lack of words, looking down, -"I'm sorry, I don't even know where to begin,"- He murmured and gazed back up at me, -"Jean… that night, you… I didn't recognize you,"- Oh man, I know where this is going. Marco has given me this talk before, -"I was surprised at your demeanor and… worried. I admit, I was even scared. Jean, you let anger control you, you let it turn you into someone else. You think it makes you stronger but it doesn't, believe me."

_Oh, not again... _

I scared another important person in my life because of my inability to control my anger.

-"Anger, it… it changes you,"- Nick was getting closer to me and the way he spoke about this really puts me on edge. What has he done to understand the situation so much? To… understand me? -"It… it makes you hurt the people you love."

I bit my lips and hung my head. I knew that, more than anyone. How many times have I hurt Marco because of it?

-"Jean, when I started as I police, anger turned me vengeful. I wanted every criminal out there to pay for what happened at the local store, for shooting my father. I was angry and I also used to think that it made me stronger. It teared my relationship with my coworkers but I didn't care. The second I was put on field work, I… I tracked down the man that led the raid. I didn't know who I was messing with, I didn't care, I just… wanted him dead. My friends, my team, my… instructor, they… they all died there because of my hastiness and the man left me alive on purpose, so I could witness and reflect about it,"- I paid close attention to his sincere words, full of emotion; regret and sorrow, -"I… I was romantically interested in a woman by the time and she went looking for me. We had a heated discussion before I left to track the man. I don't know how she did it, but she found me and got… shot in the middle of the gunfire."

My chest tightened and I placed my hand on it, clutching my skin.

Suddenly, he gripped my shoulder and turned me around. My face reddened the second he started to lean close to me, soaking himself under the shower and not minding at all, -"It was a bloodbath, Jean, and I _don't_ want _you_ to go through it. _Never_,"- His grip tightened and his expression dropped into deep concern, his eyes watering. He was dead serious, -"That's why I want to help you control it, be with you during the process every step of the way."

With those words, the knot in my chest loosened and warmed up. I nodded briskly, eager for it and for him to be there with me, -"Yeah… I'd… I'd like that."- I really do... someone that understands me…

He smiled tenderly and stepped away, realizing our closeness, -"I'm sorry, I'll… I'll leave you to it,"- I turned around again and continued washing my hair, -"Though I hope you don't mind if I…"- I peered over my shoulder again and saw him taking off his uniform to expose his badly wounded and bruised shoulder. I winced as he started circling it with his other hand on it. He hissed often as he sprinkled it with some kind of spray. It looked horrible, like someone wringed his arm back with a lot of strength.

-"Nick, let me help you."- I said, walking towards him with a towel around my waist.

-"No, it's… okay, you're…"

-"I was done already so it's fine,"- I snatched the spray off his hands and hovered it near his steamy shoulder, -"You should check yourself with Amari, you know. This… it looks really bad,"- I impulsively touched it and it was hot, really hot and red, -"Shit, I'm…"

He smiled, with a bit of pain, -"It's alright, Jean. I need you to pull my arm and stop when I tell you so, okay?"

I placed one hand on his shoulder and the other one beneath his elbow, -"Roger."- He nodded and I began to pull gently, making him wince and groan.

I kept pulling until I heard something click, -"There we go,"- He massaged his shoulder and began to turn to me, -"Thanks, Jean, you really… uh, Jean?"

My eyes got glued to his toned chest and abdomen, _really, really_ reminding me of Marco's sexy body (even though his is less toned), especially with that fucking trail of freckles I love so much of Marco running down his abdomen and ending on his v-line. I was licking my lips as steamy and naughty pictures popped in my mind, boosted by the moist atmosphere. I saw Marco kissing me madly and pushing me against the wall, running his tongue down my neck and nibbling my hot skin. He then undid the towel around my waist, exposing my hard cock to the humid and steamy aroma. I was sweating like a pig and Marco licked every drop that trailed south to my crotch. My whole body got on fire the second I felt his tongue toying with my cock, -"M… Mar…"- I moaned, biting my lips harder.

-"Jean? Are you… alright?"

And then I snapped from my wet daydreaming and saw Nick standing there with a bewildered expression. I cleared my throat and gazed away, hiding my red face, -"Oh, uh… would you look at the time. Damn, I think it's time for recess on the yard. I-I-I better get ready."- I quickly rushed towards the locker and snatched the clean jumpsuit from it, putting it on in a fucking minute. God, that was embarrassing. I even got hard.

_Jean, what the fuck is wrong with you?!_

Nick was still confused, looking behind him, -"What time? There's no clock in…"

But I had already stepped out of the showers and waited for him. While doing so, I fucking _willed _my cock down with a lot of mental effort, silently wishing I'd just jack it off but I can't. There's people around here and Nick's inside. The pictures of Marco's naked body weren't helping _at all_ and brushing them off was even harder. I couldn't stop thinking about the similarity Nick's body had with Marco's. I couldn't stop thinking about those fucking freckles on his abs and…

-"Jean?"- That was Nick again, still confused and worried too.

_Shit! I need more time!_

-"Oh, hey, um… are we going now?"- I said, coughing a lot and struggling to not look at him or turn my body towards him. I had one leg over my crotch, _trying _to cover my hard-on but making a fool of myself and looking ridiculous instead, -"Can you wait… a bit? I think I left something in there…"- This was incredibly stupid because first off, prisoners don't hold absolutely anything material, we're not allowed to. We don't have _anything, I _don't have anythingso there's nothing I could've left there and Nick knew this… which surprised when he gave me short nod with a knowing and small smirk.

I was stunned, literally staring at his face, but I managed to enter the showers and shove my hand in my suit to smother my hard-on. I pressed myself against the corner wall with one hand on my mouth to muffle my moans. I closed my eyes and worked myself as fast as I could to not keep Nick waiting while I fucking masturbate. What the hell. Once the bliss sailed and shook through my body, I exhaled in pleasure against my sweaty hand and ejaculated. I then took toilet paper and cleaned myself as best as I could before I headed out. Okay, I admit I needed that. It felt good after so long.

Nick was waiting for me, as expected, -"Did you find what you needed?"- He asked, trying to hide his latter smirk.

I just nodded, feeling my cheeks hot again. Fuck him. Why the hell am I stuck with this clever and perceptive smart ass? _Fuck him. _He's just like Marco, who has noticed every fucking hard-on I've gotten. _Fuck. _

We headed to the yard for recess after that embarrassing moment, -"I'll stay here on watch if you need anything."

I sighed and rolled my eyes, -"You always gotta work, don't you? Why don't you come with me and chill for a bit, huh?"- I said, taking his hand and dragging him out.

-"Jean, I can't. I have to-"

-"Yeah, yeah, you have to work but come on, you've been working this whole time and plus, you just came back and you're wounded. I think you need to sit down for a minute… or an hour!"- I exclaimed, still dragging him and already mid-way to the yard.

He sighed, knowing he wasn't going to win this one, -"Alright, Jean. As you wish."

We headed towards that tree I used to hang around and I was glad when Nick sat and lent against its trunk and breathed deeply, finally relaxing and taking a break. He stretched and massaged his shoulder and legs, groaning silently, -"You should take that jacket off. It's hot out here."

He chortled and took off said jacket, the one that had his Captain badge. It was gorgeous; it was golden and above the Garrison's icon (which were two roses tied together), 'Captain of the Garrison Police' was labeled. Underneath the icon, three golden stars bumped out and under the badge, a golden layered placard said "Nicholas Cross, Garrison Police since 1975". Underneath the jacket, he had a tight, sleeved shirt, and he took it's borders and pulled them up to his elbows.

_Damn, _I though, staring at how good that shirt shows off his abs and toned chest. Again, he reminded me of Marco and the times he had worn tight shirts.

We cloud gazed in silence before I decided to start a conversation, -"So, Nick, are you happy with your life and everything you've accomplished?"- I don't know what got into me. I've never brought up this sort of topic in a conversation. I guess I just wanted to know if he thought that everything he has done was worth all that damage. I wanted to know if he's finally… happy.

He looked down and rested his arm on his raised knee, sighing deeply. I knew then that even though he succeeded in his mission, there was something missing, -"I'm… I'm proud of what I've accomplish and I'm proud of my work,"- He paused for a second and gazed at me with a tender smile, -"I'm happy and I have you to thank for that but… I feel that this life doesn't belong to me, that… it's someone else's. I'm not sure if you understand me or if I'm making any sense."

I bit my lips. _Oh, I do, pal, -_"I… I think I do."

He quirked an eyebrow, dubious of my response, -"Jean, if this topic is too odd to discuss, I can drop it."

I shook my head, briskly, -"No, no, it's okay! Let's hear it. I'm… I'm sure there's some explanation to it,"- I cleared my throat, actually nervous, -"Or maybe not but I'm gonna hear you out nonetheless."

He smiled again, -"Thanks, Jean. I… I think it's time for you to know what happened to me a few years back,"- He took a deep breath and began with his story, -"I was driving really fast, chasing a criminal who has led the biggest bank raids of that time. It's the fastest I've ever driven in my life. I was eager to capture that man. He had stolen hundreds and hundreds of money from different banks,"- He had his fists clutched tightly, -"I drove him towards a street with no exit and cornered him. I had him and he knew that… and so he wanted to take me with him. He took a sharp, unpredictable turn and crashed his car with mines,"- He paused and placed his hand on his forehead, rummaging through his memories of that time, -"From there, my memory blurs but I remember… fire, a lot of blood and… pain. I remember a light and then… nothing, just pure blackness."

I was shaken up with the story. It's the most tense one he has told me so far and he had a _lot _of stories to tell, -"Well, since you're here then you survived."- _Duh._

-"That's the worst part. I didn't."

I almost choked, -"What?"

-"The doctors said I was dead until one day, I just… woke up,"- Nick's voice was shaky. In fact, he was shaking completely. His grip on his knees kind of controlled that, though. I saw how anxious, tense, distraught and scared this topic made him and I knew that it was _really_, extremely personal and I might be one of the few people he had shared that with, -"I saw a light and it was cold, _really _cold but then it all faded and I… I woke up. I don't know how, I… I…"

I've _never_ seen this man so shaken up, so… vulnerable. It… it scared me.

-"Nick…"- I wanted to comfort him, despite being scared too. Escaping death? Who in their right mind can just… forget that and be _fine _with it? Hell, I'm not sure I believe him to begin with.

-"Since then everything changed. My body changed and I've felt that this life I'm living is not mines, but… someone else's,"- He opened his palms and stared deeply into them, -"I have… strong memories of a woman and a boy that looks a lot like me. They… they mean a lot to me. I love them and I also have flashes of… of someone, me… I think, as a police too. It was my first day and I… felt so happy…"- He was bit confused but… he kind of had his mind sorted about this, like he thought about it for a _long_ time. _Years._

I'm shaking, -"Do… you remember anything else?"- This can't be…

-"Yes, I… I was shot in my chest, a lot, and I was… sorry, really sorry. I remember watching my son crying but… he was mad at me…"- I need more. I _need _more, Nick.

-"Do you know their n-names?"

He stayed speechless for a moment until he nodded, very slowly, his eyes glistening and glued to the ground. My heart throbbed rapidly, -"Her name is… Celine…"

_Oh God…, _-"And the boy?"

He gazed at me and a small, thin tear dripped from his eye. I was pushing him but I _need _to hear it, -"… Marco."

My eyes widened and I swear my heart stopped beating. I was stunned. _It's… it's him… it's really him…_

-"I've been alone for so long that I think… I'm making all this up…"

_He's lying to himself…_

I was putting a lot of effort into staying calm and put on the ground but… I couldn't. I just snapped and stood up, hands gripping my hair and muttering, -"Shit, shit, shit,"- Again and again, feeling my stomach churning while I paced around, -"Holy _shit_..."

-"Jean?"- He stood up too, both bewildered and curious of my behavior, -"What's the matter?"

-"Fuck_, _shit, fuck…"- I kept cursing. _God, what do I do? What do I do? It's __**really **__him, dammit! It's Victor Bodt!_

I have two option; tell him about Marco and Celine or stay quiet. Here's the thing: even though he knows their names, he hasn't looked for them, meaning, he doesn't want to -being a police and all. _I_, on the other hand, want them to meet. Maybe, just maybe it'll heal that abyss of a lifetime of solitude in him. _Maybe. _It could also make it worse. Point is, if I tell him, he won't agree to it. He's stubborn too, like Marco. I'm… I'm gonna have to lie to him, -"Jean, do you…?"

-"Holy shit!"- I cursed again and turned to him, -"That's… that's fucking mind-blowing! That's a miracle, Nick! _You're _a miracle!"

He stared at me blankly. He's not an idiot. Plus, I'm not good at this.

-"God, I'm not even sure if I believe you. I don't exactly believe in miracles, you see…"- Just drop the act already, Jean. He's not buying it.

And because of that I started to turn away until he gripped my hand and stopped me. I peered over my shoulder at him and his serious expression made me shiver, -"Tell me, do you know them?"

I gulped and slightly shook my head. He knows, doesn't he? He was a detective and now he's a Captain. He has to know. Then why question me? -"I'm sorry, but… you just gotta trust me on this one."- If he knows, then it's going to be hard to get him to meet Celine and Marco but I'm getting it done. I swear.

Nick just stared at me and sighed, loosening his grip on my arm, -"You're the first one I've ever spoken to about this, Jean. It's… very personal to me and I trust you won't share it with anyone else."

I nodded, -"You have my word."

-"Thank you,"- He smiled tenderly and ran his hand through his hair, -"I've wanted to speak about that to someone for so long, let it out of my chest. I'm glad I found you."

-"I know how that feels. You know I'll always be eager to hear you out whenever you need to, uh…, vent off or anything."- My body was still shaking a bit and I was still nervous. It's scary but… this conversation we had proved that Nicholas is truly Victor Bodt reincarnated. As for me, I've never believed in this stuff. I've never believed in miracles but this… this is something else. The answer was spoken right before me and I heard it clearly. I can't say I don't believe he's the reincarnation of my boyfriend's father. I can't. I just can't.

-"I know."- He gaped his mouth to say something else but the distant abuzz was getting louder and Nick, industrious as always, perked his head up to inspect the commotion.

-"Oi, Nicky! Is that you?"- One prisoner with a lot of tattoos and a shaved head spoke among the approaching crowd. I think I've seen him before. I noted some of them had basket balls and other type of sport balls.

-"Anthony, how you've been?"- Nick replied, sauntering towards him, -"How's your leg?"- Nick knelt before Anthony and inspected the leg bracer.

-"It's cool, especially since you got me that shit,"- Nick stood and hugged the man, -"It's been…, what? Four months?"

-"Two, actually."

-"Yeah, well, I've missed you."- Anthony spoke and it's pretty clear he's one of those prisoners Nick has saved.

-"I trust you've been staying out of trouble?"- Nick asked, hands on hips.

-"'Course, Nicky. There's not enough trouble to get into anyways."

-"Huh, Jean here said the same thing."- He laughed and pointed at me.

-"Oi, Jean!"- Anthony shouted, waving his thin arms at me. I waved mines back at him. I guess we've met before but really, I don't remember.

-"So, up for some basket, detective?"- He then face-palmed himself, -"Oh, right, it's _Captain _now. I'm sorry. I forgot."

Nick just laughed and then suddenly snatched the ball from his grasp.

-"Oh, you still go it, Nicky,"- He watched as Nick ran with the ball towards the basket and then turned to me, -"C'mon, Jean."

With a broad smile, I trotted towards the basket area and began to play, eager to forget about the whole Nick-but-not-really-him thing for a few minutes and it did work. I haven't played sports in a long time and man, it felt good. It brings me back to the old soccer days when my dream was to become a professional soccer player. Anthony was good, despite his spoilt leg. Nick was also good but I was worrying about him, considering his bloated shoulder. During break, I asked him about it but he was stubborn and just brushed it off with "it's okay, Jean". Ugh. Just like Marco. We played a lot and in the end, Anthony won and we celebrated his victory by sitting down and making a wide circle. Each prisoner told a story and when it was my turn to ask someone, I asked Anthony how he met Nick.

-"Nick, huh. That's a good one right there,"- He was smiling, nodding to himself, -"You're lucky to have 'im, you hear? I was being tortured by that jerk Maxson for fighting with a damn guard that was mocking me. Asshole even broke my damn leg. Then Nick just came right in and stopped him, like a damn hero. I just wanted to die by then but Nicky told me I had to keep moving on. Then he asked me what my dream was and I always wanted to be a good basket player and he said that I was as long as I believe it. Then I said how the hell can I do it if I can't even walk and then he came to me with this bracer, helped me walk and everything. A real angel. There aren't many good guys like him out there. He's like one in a million."

I was smiling and gazing at Nick. He wasn't here with us. He returned to his post right after we finished the basket game.

We told inspiring stories like that one, others were scary and even funny ones until the bell rang and we returned to our cell. After a long time, I finally noticed the fully patched hole that led to Gabe's cell, who I still haven't seen during all this time. I guessed that he was moved to another cell but I grew curious and asked Nick before he leaves, -"Hey, I'm curious… what happened to Gabe?"

-"Gabriel?"- Nick expression softened as he locked my cell, -"I thought you'd ask sooner or later."

-"Yeah, well, I'm still mad at him."

-"I'm aware. I figured you take a lot of time to forgive someone."- He chortled silently, leaning against the bars.

That's… actually true. Unlike my boyfriend, I can stay mad at someone for months. I'm hot-headed, what can I say?

-"About Gabriel, he's… dead, Jean,"- He sighed and I bet he's blaming himself, -"I tried to stop him but when the drug trafficking began to drop, he overdose himself. I told him I'd help him through the withdrawal but…"

He committed suicide and I'm not surprised. He clung to that junk until the end. Still, I have to admit I'm a bit demoralized, -"Damn, those are _some_ news to go to sleep with,"- I jibed, trying to keep the news out of my mind, -"Hey, listen, don't blame yourself. He chose to be an ungrateful little bitch. It's not your fault."

-"I know,"- He took a deep breath and stepped away from the cell, -"Thanks… for everything, Jean, for today and for hearing me out."

I waved at him and sat on my bed, -"It was nothing."

-"You do believe I'm someone else reincarnated, don't you?"- He smirked.

_Fuck, _I cursed mentally but really, he _was_ a detective. I should've expected he'd figured it out. I mean, he does that shit for a living. Of course he's perceptive, clever and fucking sly, -"There's no way to fool you, huh?"

-"Naturally."- He shrugged and smirked again.

-"Show off."

-"What's his name again?"

-"Cut the crap, Nicky,"- I've gotten to a point with him where I'm not even ashamed of speaking to him like that -and vice versa too! Expect that he doesn't do profanity, just like Marco, -"You know already."

-"Victor Bodt,"- He asserted, his expression softening more, -"Did you ever met him?"

I shook my head and I realized that I was wrong about him, -"You did your homework, didn't ya'?"- He _did _searched for them but whether or not he met them it's unknown. I doubt he did.

-"You could say that,"- He suddenly smiled, remembering something, -"Your boyfriend, Marco. You said his name a lot when you were unconscious the first time we met. You… mistook me for him."

Well, fuck me and my dumb mind. I totally forgot about that -oh, and I almost said it again when I had that fucking hard boner after seeing him shirtless. I looked away, a bit embarrassed.

He chuckled at my blunt but then turned serious, -"I also know you plan on having me meet them during your next visit."

I sighed and dropped my head on my hands, which were held by my elbows on my knees, -"Of course you'd know,"- I then gazed at him, -"And… what do you plan to do?"

He looked away too but he wasn't embarrassed. He just… didn't had the answer, -"I'm… I don't know."

I stayed speechless, watching him and his every expression. He really didn't know. It's like he wants to because he feels that they're his family, because he's been alone for years, but then… he's not exactly _Victor_. What if meeting them just makes things worse? What if Celine and Marco don't see him as his husband/father? It's been so long since Victor's death that they got over him, they moved on -plus, Celine's going out with someone else, my father. What if seeing him again is not the right choice? It's… confusing. He's confused and so am I, -"Nick, whatever you decide to do… it's okay. I'll stand beside you and respect your decision but…,"- Shit, how do I put this? Nick _has _searched for them and for years he's been pondering whether or not meeting them, -"You're not going to find anything just by standing idle, watching them from a distance or a screen. I think… I think it's time for you to break the ice. If it goes wrong, then… we'll fix it."

He stared at me for a while until he nodded, very slowly, -"I'll… I'll consider it."

-"Okay."- The next visit is two days away.

-"Goodnight."- He left and I breathed deeply, feeling tense and nervous already. I slumped back on my bed and just stared at the ceiling for an eternity. I forced my mind to forget about Nick for tonight and though instead about Marco. I want to see him already. I want to see his smile. I want to get out of here and _be _with him; I want to play games with him, I want to watch those animated movies he loves so much with him, I want to make out with him and I want to get heavy and hot with him. I _really_ miss him. I kept thinking about him and eventually, I fell asleep and had yet another wet dream.

Ironically, I was still in prison and Marco was here with me. Somehow, the judges ended the trial throwing him in prison too. Marco _did _say he'd be with me until the end, even _in _prison. Personally, I wouldn't bear with that. I don't want to see Marco in here, ever. My boyfriend, in his entire damn life, has done _nothing _wrong. Absolutely _nothing_. Marco's the sweetest and kindest person I've ever met. He's tender, charismatic, compassionate, merciful and loving. He has _no_ reason to be here. _I _do. I'm rebellious, short-tempered, violent, belligerent and indomitable. _I've _killed. He hasn't. _I've _punished my enemies harshly. He hasn't.

But this was a wet dream and this prison is where I'm currently at and right _now_, being all horny, I wanted him here.

Marco had his own cell and it was beside mines -which was Gabe's, in reality. The hole was open and he got through. He also had his jumpsuit and as he approached me seductively, he unzipped it slowly, exposing his fucking sexy and cute body to me. I was sprawled on the single bed in the cell, waiting for him and licking my lips at his closing figure. When he finished, he threw the suit away and my eyes glued to his cock, making my heart throb faster and my body hotter -and my dick harder. My lips even dried and I licked them even more. When he reached my bed, all naked, he straddled me and started taking my suit off, slowly and sensually. My torso was exposed and he ran his soft hands through it, ravenous for my skin. My body vibrated in delight and I moaned, -"Marco… I… I missed you…"- I slurred, feeling my throat dried and hot.

He smiled, poking each of my abs, -"I missed you too... Jean."- He leaned down and inhaled the skin of my chest. He kissed the area and trailed downward to my abdomen, running his tongue through my abs. He traveled south again and swept his tongue through my v-line. I shook and moaned again, hitching my body up a bit at the pleasuring sensation, enjoying the softness of his lips and the slime of his tongue.

I started to pant, already desperate for him to undo me whole, -"M-Marco...,"- I was sweating, hot and hard all over for him, -"… just suck me already."

He noticed and nodded, tugging and undoing the lower part of my suit. My stiff cock was exposed and it was already trickling small drops of jizz. Marco licked his lips and leaned down, nuzzling my cock playfully. My vision blurred as I moaned a bit louder, gripping the bed firmly. My boyfriend gaped his mouth and nibbled my dick gently, taking the drops of my cum in his mouth. He rose his head to my shaft and sunk it in his mouth. I wheezed as he started sucking it and increasing power. My body hitched up again, this time higher, and my grip on the bed tightened.

-"Marco… fuck… me…"- I moaned, unable to hold the crave of the feel of his dick in me.

Marco then shoved two of his fingers in my anus, readying my body for penetration, while still sucking me. He thrusted his finger deeper, back and forth continuously. I puffed and puffed, feeling breathless from all the heat, my chest going up and down, -"Jean… I'm going in."- Marco warned, already hovering his dick close to my rectum.

I nodded briskly, desperate to fill him in me, -"Fuck me, Marco…"

Gently, he shoved his dick in my anus and I immediately darted my head back, the hot sensation overwhelming me.

-"Jean, I'm gonna move."- He warned again.

And I nodded again, more vigorous.

Marco started to joggle his hips, shoving his cock deeper. With each push, I bleated and moaned blatantly, -"Marco...!"- I groaned, raising my arm and gripping his hair with force as me fucked me, -"Oh, Marco, do it faster… fuck me harder…"

And he complied. He pushed with more and more force and it started to hurt but for me, it felt glorious. He ran his hand through my thigh and lifted my legs, making my crotch more visible and open, -"Jean, does it feel good?"- He asked, still fucking me with the same pace, never stopping.

-"Oh yeah, Marco…"- I replied, breathless.

-"Good."- He said.

I began to feel fuzzy within as the orgasm closed in, -"Fuck me faster, Marco, I'm… I'm coming,"- The craving for euphoria spurred me, making my body hitch and writhe and moan louder. Marco's pace fastened and when I ejaculated on his body, I darted my head at the exhilaration, -"Oh, that feels good..."- I commented.

My breath steadied and Marco stopped his movements slowly and when he finished, he ramped his body down to kiss my lips, his dick still in me and I wanted it there forever. I shrouded my arms around his neck and kissed him back, fondling his sweaty back. Our tongues met and we sucked the air out of each other.

The night was still young.

~ o ~

-"Wake up, sleepyhead."- Nick never shouted to wake me up. He just shook me awake gently.

I rolled over my back and gazed up at his tall figure before me. I yawned and wanted to stretch but that's when I felt my hand in my crotch. I gasped and turned rolled away. Nick just chuckled, silently, and just turned around, waiting for me to, uh… compose myself.

I breathed and pulled my smudgy hand out of my suit. I stood up and since Nick had his back to me, I cleaned myself with the small bathroom I had here (no shower, though), -"I-I'm up."- I said after I finished and followed Nick to breakfast. During the walk, he didn't tell me anything about meeting Celine or Marco so I gathered he's still thinking about. There's one more day -and besides, it doesn't have to be this week's visit. It could the next one's or the other one. I just… I don't want to push him. I know it's difficult for him and it's something he must think about profoundly.

Around noon, he approached me after I finished playing soccer with some prisoners. It was amazing! I finally relieved something I actually enjoyed during my time in school. It was messier and less organized but it was still amazing and I was really happy I got to be a part of it, -"Having a good time?"- Nick asked as I sat on one of the benches and dried my forehead with the suit.

-"Yeah!"- I exclaimed, drying the sweat off my chest, -"You should've joined us!"

-"I was tempted, actually, but then I'd just stink like you."- He jibed, chuckling lightly.

-"Har har,"- I mocked and stood up, extending my arms and gesturing him to hug me, -"Come on, you can't resist me."

Nick smiled broadly and shook his head, -"You're right, I can't."- He stepped close to me, arms wide too when he suddenly lifted me up and rested me on his shoulder. I really hoped it wasn't the damaged one.

-"Hey!"- I shouted mockingly, -"What're you doing?"

-"Taking you to the showers, piggy."- He chuckled, carrying me all the way to showers along the rest of the prisoners. Nobody tried anything while I bathed and I'm positive Nick and the new warden disallowed that kind of perverted behavior. I haven't met the new warden but Nick told me that she was very strict and austere but kind hearted. I was surprised when he told me it was a woman but he assured me that she was the right person for the job. Sure enough, this place has changed ever since she got the tittle -Finn got scolded! He wasn't bullying anyone anymore! I bet he got a good spanking from that lady.

Back in my cell, I did my usual workout before going to sleep. Nick didn't give me an answer today either but really, he can take all the time he wants to. I want him to think about it thoroughly before making the decision and I want him to be 100% positive about.

~ o ~

-"Hey, mister, where's Nick?"- I asked the guard that was escorting me to the visit area. I haven't seen him today. He didn't wake me up for breakfast. Some other guard did.

-"He's taking care of some business out there but he'll be back soon."- He assured and allowed me entrance to the visit room where Marco, Celine and Dad waited for me. I sighed. I guess he still hasn't decided…

And I hoped he's really taking care of something and not running away…

I sauntered towards the chair and sat, taking the phone in my hands and greeting Marco with a booming smile, -"Hey, babe."- I said, feeling all warm and happy now that I got him right before me and I could see his cute face and his adorable freckles. He smiled back and God, I really missed that smile. I really missed his loving look.

-"Hey, Jean,"- He replied, -"How're you doing?"

-"I'm great and you?"- I asked and chuckled, -"I know you're still missing me and I'm missing you too but hey, there's just one more month and then we can be together again."- I'm both excited and desperate. I'm not exactly your patient guy.

-"I know, Jean, and I really can't wait. I just think about it and it feels like I still have to wait for a long time."- He admitted, sighing deeply. Yeah, it still feels like that -specially for me. Marco's way more patient than me but in this kind of situation, well, it's different. It's about _me. _My boyfriend really gets his head too much into stuff that involves me.

-"Well, it's better than five months, right?"

Marco chortled and nodded, -"Yeah, you're right,"- He then breathed deeply, closing them and then opening them up again, -"I can wait. I can do it."

I really wanted to hold his hands right now, -"I know you can. I have every confidence in you."

Marco smiled, his eyes watering. And he gets really emotional too. He started sobbing and _fuck_ me really hard, I wanted to wipe those tears off and comfort him and give him a tight hug and… and…

-"Marco…"- I slurred, feeling my throat stagnant by a knot.

-"I'm sorry,"- He quickly apologize, whipping his tears with his index finger, aware that he makes _me _emotional too whenever he starts crying. He composed himself and smiled again, -"Thanks for believing in me."

-"I love you, Marco, so damn much."

-"I love you too, Jean."

We spoke a lot after that and since speaking to more than just one family member (no more than three) was allowed, Celine and Dad joined. We spoke about different things and for once, we weren't speaking about the prison or my sentence. In any case, during the conversation, I mindlessly kept looking over my shoulder, to see if Nick was around but I never saw him. I just sighed and turned to the conversation again, -"Jean, are you waiting for someone?"

-"Huh?"- I quickly shook my head and smiled a bit abashed, -"Oh, uh… no, no. I'm not waiting for anyone."- I told Marco about Nick once but I didn't tell him that he looked like his father. It was during those first days I met him and I wasn't entirely convinced he even looked like Victor by then.

I gave up at a point but while speaking to my father, I noticed a tall but blurry figure reflected on the transparent wall. I squinted at it and Dad was starting to look at me with a crooked eyebrow, confused. I suddenly gasped, turned around and with a sigh of relief, I murmured, -"Nick…"

* * *

Hoped you enjoyed! I think the next chapter will be the last one so it will probably be longer than the rest. _Probably. _Or there could be two more. Not sure yet. OR... should I reach the 100th? XD

PEACE!


	94. FINAL

Welp, this chapter ended up being longer than expected. Holy shit. I spent a lot of time on it and even had to write half of it again. My laptop is kind of bitchy, turning off all of a sudden just when I'm about to save :) *sigh*

But anyways, here is the final chapter... possibly! Enjoy!

**Warning: Strong sexual content.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

NINETY-FOUR

FINAL

-"Nick…"- I muttered after gasping at his sudden but timely arrival. Then, my nerves flopped and I was kind of wishing he hadn't arrived. What if it really is not good for him to meet them? What if it just fucks things up? What if it makes him even more unhappy? _You're regretting this now?!_

_Chin up, Jean! You promised him!_

I was nervous for him but also because of Celine and Marco's reaction. They were speaking but they abruptly stopped and just stared at him wide eyed. Celine's eyes began to glisten and her lips shook. I knew she also believed in reincarnation and watching her expression now, I knew that she at least admitted that he looked like Victor. Whether or not she believes he's _really _Victor is unknown to me. I think she doesn't, though. For her to believe it, he'll have to demonstrate her by deeds and stuff Victor used to do.

Marco's expression was more heartbreaking than hers. His eyes were watering and he kept gulping, as if he's having trouble swallowing, as if he had an unbearable knot in his throat. He was even breathless, unable to pull his eyes off of Nick. His mouth gaped a bit and I swear I heard him whispering "Dad?". I felt my chest tightened as a single, thin tear dripped from one of his eyes. Marco, more than Celine, in my opinion, suffered Victor's death and right now, I saw a spark of hope in his eyes. Marco and his father never saw eye to eye (they still loved each other, though) and they argued often. In the end, Marco allowed his fury get the better of him and instead of giving his father a warm goodbye, he just… scolded him, told him 'I told you!'. Marco, up to this day, regrets letting his anger ruin their relation until the end now that he truly lost him. I guess that validates that saying in people's mouth: "you don't know what you have until you lose it."

They were both experiencing that feeling and hunch I got the first time I saw Nick but they stayed quiet and just… stared at him. I gazed at them and then at Nick and I realized that they weren't the only ones; Nick was blank, speechless and motionless. It's like he couldn't believe that they were actually before him, that after all those years, they're… really here.

I was at a loss too but time wasn't. We were running out. There's only ten minutes left. I have to say or do something so I just coughed and spoke the first thing that came to mind, -"Um, Celine, Marco, this is um… Nicholas Cross, but you can just call him Nick or Nicky, he doesn't mind. He was a detective of the Garrison -well, until recently. He got promoted to Captain,"- I pointed at his badge, -"You see it? Cool, right?"

Nothing. Still blank. All three of them.

I coughed again, louder, trying to just make them snap off their trance, -"Erm.., he's a really cool guy. He saved me from an asshole and did a bunch of good things in this place, turned it upside down and made it better."

-"Celine…,"- Whispered Nick, -"Marco…"- He breathed, realizing that hey, this is getting us nowhere but I'm not blaming anyone. I mean, I was shocked when I saw him and I never even met Victor. _They _have a better reason to be stunned.

But the thing is, we're running out of time and Nick realized that, -"Jean...,"- He muttered and placed his hand on my shoulder, -"Go."- He tilted his head toward the door that leads to the other side of the transparent wall.

-"What? I can't go through there."- I said, quirking an eyebrow. Was he trying to bail out of this reunion? Oh, damn. I'm starting to regret this a bit. Marco and Celine were still speechless -and Dad was lost, with no idea of what's going on. He knows Victor was Celine's deceased husband but I don't think Celine showed him a picture or anything.

He pulled some kind of card from his jacket, -"I'm giving you permission. Come on."

_Woah, is he… is he for real? _An immense happiness started to spark within me as Nick swiped his card through the door's mechanism. When it opened and he allowed passage for me, I gazed at him and smiled, my eyes on the brink of tears, -"Fuck you, Nick… you had to go and make me cry…"

He chortled, -"You know what they say; crying is good for the soul."

I swallowed the knot in my throat, -"Thank you, man… you really did it this time."

He smiled tenderly, -"Go, Jean. Time's running out."

I nodded briskly and stepped out of my usual side of the wall. With my heart throbbing rapidly against my chest, I then faced the area where Marco, Celine and Dad were and I saw them all standing up but Marco was the one who was literally running towards me, -"Jean!"- He exclaimed and his body collided with mines, his arms wrapped tightly around me and his eyes full of tears.

I staggered but held my place, -"Marco!"- I exclaimed too as I shrouded my arms around his torso and pressed him tightly against me, as hard as I could, like never before. _Fuck…, _I started crying too, embracing Marco even tighter, _I'm hugging him, he's here in my arms, I'm finally feeling him after so long…! _I'm feeling that warmth he always emanates…

-"Jean!"- Marco exclaimed again, taking my head and smashing his lips with mines -and here it thought I'd be the one doing it. We kissed and even though it was messy and desperate, the feel of his warm and soft lips on mines felt refreshing. I remember the recent wet dream and had the urge to deepen the kiss and shove my hand… somewhere in him but I held myself. He pulled back and buried his face on my chest, soaking my suit with his tears, -"I miss you, so much…!"

I planted my face in his hair and inhaled his sweet vanilla scent I love so much, my tears dripping on his scalp, -"I miss you a lot too, Marco,"- With a sob, he pulled back from me a bit and I brushed the tears from his eyes, -"I'll be home soon, okay?"

He nodded and parted from me. Celine gave me a tight hug then and when it was my father's turn, he couldn't hold his tears either, -"Son..."- He slurred, squeezing me tightly.

-"Yeah, Dad,"- I said, pulling away from him so I could see his face, -"How you've been?"- He looked… the same as before but he's still holding on.

-"I'm alright, son, just… tired. I'm really worried about you and I miss you. I can't concentrate on anything without you at home,"- Dad has always been the hardworking guy (like Nick, although his job is more dangerous than Dad's and it required Nick to be physical actively. Dad just sits on a chair and fixes computers all day), -"I can't rest knowing that you're in this horrible place… I just… I just can't…"

-"I'm sorry, Dad,"- I apologized, -"But I'll be home in just one more month so I need you to hold on until then, okay?"

He nodded slowly against my chest.

-"Jean, it's time."- Nick warned.

-"Who… who are you?"- Celine slurred after a few minutes of just hugging each other. She was staring at Nick again.

-"I… I don't know."- Nick replied, looking down, his expression soft and quavering.

Celine's eyes watered but she held her tears back, -"I'd… like to find out and I'd like to help _you _find out."

I smiled broadly, feeling a tickling happiness within me. If there's anyone who can help him, it's her.

Slowly, a tender and emotional smile grew on his face, -"I'd like that… I really do,"- He then gestured me to follow him, -"Time to go, Jean."

I sighed in disdain and turned to Celine and Dad, giving them a hug at the same time. When I turned to Marco, though, I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards me, giving him a nice, warm goodbye kiss on his lips. This time, tongues got lousy and feisty as I pressed his mouth deeper in mines. I never minded making out in public, plus, the present party was not just _any _party, but Marco always minded, out of respect for other people. Now, though, he didn't care. He hasn't kissed me in four months -he hasn't even laid a hand on me for four months, fuck's sake. The same goes for me and I've been having wet dreams about him like crazy; I missed touching him, I missed kissing him and I missed masturbating with him. Of course I missed him _completely_! His smile, his sweetness, his tenderness, his kindness, his…

I really didn't wanted to let go, -"I'll be back soon. Wait for me a bit, okay?"- I whispered after I parted a bit from him, leaning my forehead on his.

He nodded and gazed up at me, our eyes locking, -"Okay."

I gave him one final kiss before stepping in with Nick on the other side. As I walked, I gazed over my shoulder and waved them all goodbye. My eyes locked on Marco, though, and I rubbed my lips together. Damn, I already miss him.

Once in my cell, I turned towards Nick, -"Hey, thanks again, you have no idea how much I appreciate it,"- I spoke, scratching my rear neck, -"I hope you're not in trouble for that, though."

He just smiled, like always, -"Don't worry about it, Jean. Besides,"- He then smirked, leaning against the bars, -"I've gotten myself out of trouble plenty of times."

I chuckled but I know he was really speaking the truth, -"I've no doubt, Nicky,"- With a sigh, I walked close to the bars and lent my back against them, close to his position on the other side. While we walked here, I was wondering how to speak about this, -"Hey, um… about Celine and uh, Marco… I-I hope it wasn't too uncomfortable or… awkward,"- It didn't really go bad,_ bad_, like embarrassing bad, but…, -"I just... I just hope you're not regretting it. I was the one who made the plans in the first place because I… I want you to be happy, I want to help you sort that reincarnation mess, but I don't know if I screwed up…"

Nick chuckled, -"Jean, what're you saying?"- He said, incredulous of my words, -"It couldn't have gone better. I really wasn't expecting this day, where I get to meet them, to come. I was nervous, uncertain and scared before but you… you believed in me and encouraged me to face them. You made this possible and thanks to you I… I have a chance to unravel who I really am. Also,"- He pinched my cheeks, making me wince a bit, -"Ever since I met you, Jean, I haven't felt so lonesome and unhappy. I'm proud of you, you know. You've had a lot thrown at you and yet here you are."

I felt my cheeks warming up when he said that. I stepped away from the bars and faced him, scratching my scalp a bit sheepishly. God, hearing something like that from someone like him was… really amazing. I felt… I felt honored. I respect the man a lot, I idolize him, I admire him, I look up to him and… I wish to be as cool as him but I am who I am and I'm fine with it. I've done things that my family is ashamed of -hell, even Marco! But… I don't. I'm fine with what I've done because it had to be done. Honestly, I really don't regret anything, -"Damn, that's… very good to hear,"- He's one to talk too. I bet Nick has been through some serious shit too and yet he keeps doing his job, -"I admire you, Nick. I mean, what you've done here… you've changed this place despite being rife with fucking asshole and criminals of all kinds. You cared. Most people think we deserve the punishment we got at first… but not you. You chose to do something about it, you were eager to help, you swore you'd make things better here and you did. You never gave up even though you were shunned a lot."- Nick revealed to me once that the idea of investigating this place was his, not the chief's. He told me his coworkers disagreed and shunned him of it so that's why he was sent here alone.

Nick smiled again, -"Thanks, Jean. I do my job no matter what people say but… it's really nice to hear that from time to time. It's good to know that someone is grateful."

-"Trust me, _I _really am."

-"I know,"- He parted from the bars and waved me goodbye, -"Well, I better let you rest. Goodnight."

I waved at him too, -"Night -and hey,"- He halted his steps and looked over his shoulders, -"Be careful, yeah?"

He smiled, -"I'll try to."

~ o ~

I had another wet dream that night, especially since I _kissed _Marco during the visit.

I'm not sure where we were -it was some kind of a flat terrain- but all I know is Marco and I were kissing and it was a _heavy _kiss. We were both hot and sweating, kissing madly, both of us ravenous for the lips of the other. We were breathless but neither of us stopped, not even to take a breather, -"Marco…"- I wheezed, nibbling his soft and puffy lower lips. They were warm and slimy with my saliva, boosting the moves of my mouth. They were a bit bruised but Marco never complained. He just kept kissing me back until I couldn't hold back anymore. I couldn't hold the urge to get in him, to feel him more, to touch him everywhere.

I pushed him down onto a grassy surface and that's when I realized we were on the backyard of my house. It was dark and yet bright at the same time -it was nighttime and even though the nights are cold, Marco and I were too hot to feel it, our bodies sweating and calling for the other, -"Jean…,"- Marco breathed and exhaled and I felt his hot breath on my face, making it even warmer, -"… touch me, please."

Oh, he didn't have to say it, -"I'll touch you everywhere, babe."

I raked my hand up his torso, pushing his shirt up to expose his chest and nipples. I licked my lips before ramping down to kiss them and then to nibble them. They were hard and moist and I sucked on them harshly, making my boyfriend moan and shiver in pleasure, -"Ngn...,"- I trailed my tongue down and dipped it in his belly button, making him educe sharp moans, -"Haa… J… ean…,"- His body heated up beneath my tongue as an arousal spurred him, making him erect sharply against my chest. I grinned and traveled south to his crotch, spotting the blatant bulge in his pants. Teasingly, I unbuttoned his pants and fondled his bulge. He was already wet so I began to lick his under pant and tasted his sweet cum, -"J… Jean, please…"- He puffed, his face redder by the second.

-"'Kay, babe."- I pulled his underpants down and quickly licked his stiff cock. I bit it harshly, making him groan in both pain and pleasure. I gripped it with one hand and started sucking him off while the other hand fingered him deep in his anus.

Marco wheezed and puffed, -"Mmm… Jean…,"- He slurred, darting his head back and writhing his body, -"… Jean… haa…,"- I started jerking two fingers in and out of his anus with a fast pace while sucking him with more power, making a satisfying splashing sound. I bit my lips as I felt my own body arousing too as I gulped each drop of his sweet jizz, -"… Jean, ngh… I… I'm about to…"

Before he came, I erected _hard _and I wanted him to feel it so I leaned my hips close to his. My face was above his so I looked down at him, sweats drops dripping to his forehead, -"Do you feel it, Marco?"- I started joggling my hips, rubbing my bulge against his crotch. The way his body vibrated made me even more excited. Seeing Marco gleeful and reacting with pleasure is what turns me on.

He nodded, biting his lips seductively, -"Mhum…,"- He exhaled and hung his arms on my neck, -"But I… I want to feel it more."

-"Oh, I promise you'll feel it,"- I said, unbuckling my belt and throwing my pants away. I leant back down and pinned him, -"If it hurts, just tell me to stop and I'll stop, okay?"

He just nodded and carefully, I slowly began to thrust my dick in his rectum, making him moan louder. I moaned too, feeing a gleeful warmth run up my whole body. I jerked my hips back and forth on a slow pace but watching Marco's gracious body sweating and vibrating made me wanna speed up a bit. When I looked at his face, though, I couldn't contain myself; his face was redder than before and his mouth was gaped, dripping saliva and drenching his shirt. It was clearly displaying satisfaction but I wanted him to feel better, I wanted to make him feel even more pleasure so I sped up and he started wheezing and moaning louder and louder, -"Jean…!"- He bleated, rattling and spurring me whole, -"… faster, please…!"- And I loved to hear him begging for more.

I ramped down and nibbled his earlobe, a soft spot of his, -"Faster?"- I whispered in his ear, our bodies wagging back and forth because of my pace.

He nodded, gazing at me lovingly.

And so I did and since he was about to ejaculate later when I was sucking him, coming didn't took long for him. He splattered my chest with his cum as he exhaled in pleasure. I felt my orgasm coming in but…, -"Marco, I…"

Marco noticed, as always, and the arms that hooked around my neck traveled all the way through my back to my butt. Quickly, Marco drove in his fingers and started jerking them. I moaned and fell on his body and he started kissing the core of my neck while trusting another finger in me. I jolted as I felt that sweet orgasm coming in fast. Marco jerked his fingers harder and I bleated when I finally ejaculated in his rectum. We both panted, our foreheads jointed and sweating like pigs. We stargazed together after that.

-"Jean, I love you."- Marco said, burying his face in my chest as we cuddled under the moon.

-"I love you too, Marco…"

_I miss you… _

~ o ~

-"Marco, huh..,"- Nick spoke out of the blue. We were on the prison's backyard, under the usual three, and it was recess for me but again, I dragged him here so he could relax for a minute or so, -"He's… a bit different from how I remember him."

-"That's because Marco was young when Victor, uh… died."- I explained but he already knows that.

-"I know,"- Nick gazed up at the clear sky and smiled, -"He's all grown up…"

I smiled at his figure, glad he was at ease with the memory and also having met Marco weeks ago.

-"I can see you really love him."- He commented, eyes still on the sky. I hope he's not saying that because he spotted me jerking off this morning after dreaming about Marco. _Who am I kidding?_ Of course not! It was because of the visit when Marco and I kissed! Yeah, that must be it. _Both, maybe?_

I nodded briskly, -"Yeah, he's… very special to me."

-"I realized. Everything you've done was for his sake."

I admit, I'm a _bit _surprised he knew that, -"Yeah…,"- _Every single time…, -_"Have you spoken to them these days?"- I was curious. I was really curious but then again, it's their business. I can't just meddle in.

-"Barely, a few times. Just to Celine, though. Marco's still… undecided about me. I don't blame him. I know it's hard for him."- He admitted and I knew he'd understand.

-"Yeah, well… he never saw eye to eye with Victor and-"

-"Jean,"- He interrupted me, giving me a knowing and serious look, -"I know. I remember."

I gulped. _Oh boy_. On times like this, when he looks at me like that, I'm reminded that he's _really_ Victor and it still scares the hell out of me. Something like this happening and being real? Who would've thought? I didn't! I never believed in it! -"Yeah, sorry, I… I forgot."

-"I want to fix it and I know he does too but it will take time. I know he regrets it but the damage is still there,"- Nick sighed and clutched his chest, -"It's… difficult. Nicholas, he… never had a son or a daughter. I… I don't know how to…"- He's still confused over who he really is.

I elbowed him, -"Yeah you know. That space and time you're giving him? You definitely know how to deal with that kind of stuff."

-"She… she invited to their home next week,"- Nick confessed and gazed at me with a pleading expression, something I've never seen of him, -"I'd… like for you to be there, since you're being released tomorrow."

I nodded quickly, without even thinking about it, -"Yeah, 'course!"- It's his first time and looking at him now, I knew he was nervous, despite being all brave and strong out there fighting crime.

He exhaled, relieved of my answer, -"Thank you. I know that with you around, it'll be alright…"

It really warmed me he felt like that with me. We prattled a bit more until he decided to return to his _damn _post. I then spent the hour playing sports with the others until the bell rang and I returned to my cell. I paced around, really desperate for tomorrow. Tomorrow's the big day; I'll finally finish my sentence and return home. I couldn't wait. I really couldn't wait. I want to be in Marco's arm again. I want to hug him real tight and never let go. I want to kiss and touch him all over again, I want to fu-!

_Whoa, calm down, Jean! _I said to myself, sitting on the bed and breathing deeply. I'm horny, okay? Yeah, I miss him entirely; his persona, his smile and all that stuff, but it's been _five _fucking months since I haven't fucked with Marco. Yeah, I'm real horny and that's normal. I bet Marco's horny too. I bet he's also having wet dreams about me. I bet he's been jacking off in my name.

_Just relax, Jean. It's just a few hours until your freedom. _

~ o ~

I was infuriated when no one came to release me the next day. It was around 11:30 and no one has come to get me out! Not even Nick!

-"Hey, you!"- I shouted to one of the guards. The man just gazed at me, -"Yeah, you! Why the fuck am I still here? My sentence ends today!"

He shrugged, -"I don't know when prisoner's sentences ends, kid. That information is classified to me. Sorry. Ask someone else."

-"But _I'm _telling you, damn it!"- Nothing. I snarled and began to jolt the bars, -"Then get me someone who knows or-"

The sound of a door opening and closing picked my ear, -"Captain, sir!"

I gasped and brought my arms out of the bars, waving them vigorously, -"Nick! Hey, Nicky!"- I haven't seen him all day and I was relieved he came right up to my cell, -"Nick, what's happening? Why hasn't anyone gotten me out of here?"- I grip the bars with both hands tightly. I'm anxious. I'm nervous. Something's not right.

And the look Nick gave me? Hoo boy, it wasn't helping, -"Jean, I'm sorry…,"- Why is he apologizing? What the hell is going on!? -"The man that got you in here in the first place, Francis, he's doing everything in his power to extend your sentence… for a lifetime."

My heart skipped a beat. My chest ached.

_Francis! I knew it had to be him! _

And rage was starting to boil within me.

-"That fucking bastard…!"- I cursed, gritting my teeth and smashing my head against the bars.

-"Jean, listen to me,"- I gazed up at him and I saw he was anxious too and also enraged. He breathed deeply, cooling himself up and trying to stay serious, -"I'm not going to let him, you hear me? Me, Celine and your father are going to get you out no matter what, I swear. Even if it's the last thing I'll do, I'll get you out and I'll bust you out even if there's no other way, even if it costs me my life."

I shook my head and gulped, -"Hey, don't start talking crazy here, Nicky. You're scaring… me…"- No, I won't allow him to pull a stunt like that for me.

But he was serious, dead serious, -"I swear, Jean."

He began to walk away. _Shit, shit, shit, this isn't good! _Nick kind of lost his cool there and I didn't like it at all! -"No, Nick, wait!"- But he left and I was alone in my cell.

One week passed after that and nothing happened. Nothing. No one came. I'm still in this cell, gripping my hair harshly and crying nonstop, scratching my growing and ugly beard. This is tiring. Swimming against the current is tiring. I'm tired. I'm tired of waking when there are boulders holding me back. I'm tired of pushing these damn boulder across the cliff. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of… of…

_Don't say it._

Of…

_Don't you fucking dare._

-"Jean…"

I looked up and slowly gazed at the cell door, -"Nick…,"- There he was, leaning against the bars, checking up on me and giving me "updates". An immense pain settled on my throat. I'm about to cry again and I couldn't hold it back. I try to, in front of him, because I wanted to stay strong and positive like him, I wanted to believe in myself like he did but…, -"I give up…,"- I whined and burst into tears, -"I'm so fucking done… I can't do it anymore…"

Nick allowed a tear or two escape from his eye as he extended an arm to me, -"Jean, come here,"- I swallowed as I weakly stood up and trudged towards him. I haven't eaten anything. I stopped doing exercises. I'm weak and I've always been weak, -"Give me your hand,"- I reached for it and when I touched it, he crawled his hand through the back of my head and tangled his fingers with my hair. Through a gap between the bars, he pushed my forehead against his, -"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"

He didn't have to apologize to me. He had no reason to. He's been taking care of me all this time -or trying to. I wasn't exactly making it easy for him, -"It's… it's not your fault. I just… I just feel like I should just quit, like it's the only other option left. I feel like I don't have the strength to move on. I don't even care about what happens anymore…"- I whined, sobbing while holding myself with both hands on the bars with my head hung.

-"I know exactly how you feel, Jean…,"- He squeezed his grip on my hair, -"Like everything and everyone is against you. Like the world itself is against you, throwing every boulder at you to hold you back from moving forward."

_Yeah, exactly,_ I does know how I feel. He understands me.

-"You may have given up on yourself, Jean, but… I haven't. I won't,"- He pressed me harder against him, -"Marco, Celine and your father haven't either."

I sobbed and bit my lips harshly, _Marco…_

His name brought me hope during these last few days but today… it just brought me more sorrow. He… seemed so far away now, so difficult to reach. It was all pointless. I know that no matter what I do, no matter how positive I stay, nothing will get me out of this damn, fucking prison. _Nothing! _It has happened to me every damn time and it never works! Why should I bother now!?

I pushed myself away from the bars, -"They should, you should all do,"- With tears in my eyes, I faced Nick and started yelling, distraught and possibly lunatic, -"Just look at me, Nick! Look at the bigger picture! I'm done for! I'm not getting out of here anytime soon! I'll just die and rot in here like that asshole wants to!"

Nick looked like I just speared his heart. He clutched his chest tightly and looked at me painfully, -"Jean, don't say that…"

His hurtful expression stunned me really hard. It looked just like Marco when I say or do something that hurts him -even his voice was like Marco's. It was making my chest ache really bad. I turned around abruptly, giving him back and walking farther away from the cell bars. I didn't do anything despite being called once. I just stayed put where I was and didn't looked back, not even once. I closed my eyes and bit my mouth shut. Then, I heard footsteps and when they faded, I peered over my shoulder by instinct and started crying when I saw Nick was gone. My legs gave up on me and I fell to the cold floor, with both of my arms wrapped around my torso. I kept crying, making a puddle beneath my face.

_I'm done… I'm so done…_

_I'll never see Marco again…_

~ o ~

-"Jean,"- I heard my names a fuck load of times but I was too weak to even sit up from… wherever I was on. Then I heard the cell door creak open, followed by footsteps, -"Jean, wake up."

I was jolted awake and when I opened my eyes, I saw Nick before me, -"Nick…"- I sat up, still drowsy but I managed to notice I was on a soft surface; I was on the bed. I remember last night how I cried so much that I flagged out and dozed off on the floor. Questions spun around in my head but the answer was right before me.

-"Yes, I reposed you here last night, since you were sleeping on the floor,"- He exclaimed, noting my confused look, -"You looked uncomfortable."

I just stared at him. I didn't know what to say. I should say thank you but when I parted my shaky lips, nothing but a small snivel came out. God, what a fucking crybaby. I fucking hate myself. Here he was taking care of me like always and I can't even say thank you? I can't stand myself for it.

He caressed my hair and gaped his mouth, -"Jean, it's alright. Don't punish yourself,"- And as always, he knew… just like Marco, -"Can you stand? There's… someone who wants to meet you."

I titled my head and quirked an eyebrow, -"Who… is it?"- I asked. That's a new one. No one but Nick has visited me. Who the hell wants to see someone like me; someone weak, weepy and depressive? I don't care about anything anymore. I don't care about myself anymore. What am I worth?

-"I… wish I could tell you but… I want you to see for yourself,"- Nick sighed, still caressing my hair gently, -"Don't worry, I'll be by your side. Do you want to get breakfast first, though?"

I shook my head, like every time he asked me. I just don't feel like it anymore.

-"Jean,"- Nick sighed deeply again, -"You need to eat. I'll shove you the food in your mouth if I have to."

That… that managed to bring up a very small and temporary smile to my face. Nick still cares about me, huh? Stubborn man, -"Fine, let's just… meet that person and be done with it."- It's probably nothing important.

Nick nodded and helped me up. I then followed him, head hung and hands on the suit's pockets -which were completely useless. I kept following him to I-don't-know-where but it was taking longer than expected and that made my head perk up, -"We're here,"- Nick said and breathed deeply. I looked around. This part of the prison was new to me. There was just one room and it was wide. I started to peer in from the dark, laminated door until Nick spoke again, -"Jean, you need to listen to the man attentively and think about what he's saying profoundly. Also, ask as many questions as you can."

Okay, I'm starting to get nervous, -"Okay…"- I nodded.

With another deep breath, Nick opened the door and allowed me to enter first. The second I stepped foot in, a cool breeze brushed my face and I exhaled. Air conditioner. God, I missed that. I then looked around and I realized I was in some kind of a meeting room, with a large, round table with lots of chairs around it. There was a man, sitting on the farthest chair of the table, with one leg over the other and hands properly tied together on the table. His face meant business; serious and ragged, like he's seen and done a lot of things. His hair was black and short, shaved on each side and nicely combed on top. His uniform reminded me of Nile, the man that came to school to fucking shoot students with a taser gun. His was a bit different, though: it didn't have the Military Police insignia, the one with the green horse. Still, the uniform was kind of similar. It had that shade of grassy green those military police wore but it's clear he was on some higher rank. It was a plain light green coat and it had several pockets and badges. I read the thin placard "Richard Brooks, Commander of the Military Force."

I was about to sit down, since Nick gestured me to, but my body began to step back protectively, -"You're not with the Military Police so… who are you and what do you want with me?"- He was not the visit I was expecting.

-"Please, sit down,"- He gestured the chair in front of me and I impulsive gazed up at Nick. Nick nodded slowly and I sat down with caution, -"That's a very good observation, Kirshtein. You're correct, I'm not with the Military Police. Instead, I'm with the Military _Force_, the _Army_."- The way he emphasized those last words showed how proud he is of said army.

I squinted my eyes at him, -"So, what's the difference?"

-"The Military Police serve and protect only the King,"- He answer, with confidence and certainty, -"We serve and protect the people from Sina, Rose and Maria City alike. We're their protectors, their guardians."- _You're so full of it, pal._

Nick behind me made a low, grunting sound of disapproval. Huh, I guess I'm not the only one tense in here. I peered over my shoulder at him and saw him shaking his head slowly, his lips curled in disapproval.

Brooks heard him, -"Ah, Captain Cross, I forgot about your presence. Did you wanted to make a comment?"

-"I'll… refrain from making any but I do hope you don't mind me staying here."- Nick spoke with a deferential tone but I knew he was still tizzy. I knew he was staying no matter what Brooks says and I appreciated that.

-"No, not at all. You're, after all, protecting him."- Brooks gestured at me and then gazed back at Nick.

Nick nodded, -"Good."

-"Now, do you have any other question before I begin with the prime matter?"- The man asked me.

-"Yeah, uh… so what exactly do you do?"- I asked, still kind of confused. Nick did told me to ask as many questions as I can. I still had no idea what's his deal with me, though.

-"We defeat any and all threats to the cities; invasion, terrorist attacks, etc. We watch and observe the Walls and finally, we act immediately against the possibility of a war,"- Again, he answered with certainty but… I dunno. He was hiding something. This army was big and they must do more than that but he's not gonna tell me anything else, -"Anything else?"

I just shook my head.

-"Alright, now to the prime matter,"- He cleared his throat and lent closer to the table, -"Kirshtein, we've seen what you can do. We've been keeping a close eye on you and we see potential in you. We didn't contact you due to your criminal record and sentence. Your friend here, however, traveled all the way to Sina to explain the truth of the situation and arrange this meeting,"- My eyes widened as I peered over my shoulder at Nick. My eyes began to water and Nick just smiled and nodded towards the guy, gesturing me to keep listening to him, -"You're strong and capable of defending yourself and others around you. You demonstrate a keen perception, endurance, stamina and reflexes. What you need to sharpen those skills is professional training and we, the Military Army, have it."

-"So… wh-what are you offering?"- _Right now, I need to get out of here._

-"We're aware of your situation here. Someone with power is extending your sentence for a lifetime. We have the right to recruit anyone in which we see potential and we see it in _you_,"- He paused and watched my expression. Me…with these guys? I… I actually thought of joining them back in school, when I wasn't sure what to do with my life but right now, I… I don't really have a choice, do I? I only heard what everyone says; that joining them has a lot of benefits, -"You'll have a considerate amount of benefits, as you've undoubtedly heard. Now, let me explain, you have two options: join full time or part time. With part time, your salary is less but as you rank up, your pay increases. You can live wherever you choose to, attend college or work, earn educational benefits and a health care. With full time, your salary is obviously higher. You'll serve in the Army 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You'll be living _within _the base in Sina, the safest settlement in the city, with no cost for using its utilities. You'll receive a full health care, retirement pay and also…,"- He suddenly stopped and had an odd smile on his face, -"The person you decide to bring with you will be granted full coverage of his classes in Sina College, full health care as well and can live with you."

I gasped, immediately thinking about Marco, -"I-I'm in."- I always wanted Marco to study in Sina. I just… want him to study somewhere worthwhile. With his skills and excellent grades, Marco can reach high places and studying in a mediocre college wouldn't do him any favors, especially when I'm positive he applies to study in Sina. I just know it. It's how it works. I love Marco with my fucking life and I'd give anything in exchange to watch him prosper, live healthy and comfortable. Marco said that he wanted to live with me too, that his dream was being with me forever.

_I can't deny this offer. It has everything I wished for._

The man grinned. He knew that's my weakest spot, he knew it'll be easy to manipulate me with just that. He wants me as a full time soldier and that's why he pulled that out. It doesn't matter. I didn't know what to study anyways. I didn't know what to do with my life after high school so, really, I had nothing to lose. Plus, the only thing I'm actually good at is fighting and getting into trouble so I think this'll suit me just fine, -"Excellent. I just need you to sign these,"- He pushed several, fancy papers towards me with a pen, -"We'll need to run several tests on you; physical, health and mental health tests are a priority but since you're on a rather tight situation, we'll take care of it."

I took the cold pen and quickly signed the papers in a flash -which was something more of a scribble since my hands were shaking. I'm both nervous and excited. I just couldn't believe this was happening.

-"As a full time soldier, Kirshtein, you need to take the full, more severe and advanced tests,"- He clarified, took the papers and retrained them in his folder, -"The tests begin early in summer, around July. As an active duty solder, we'll make calls whenever we need you and you _need _to be there. As a solider, you're expected to follow strict orders, understood?"

I nodded briskly. _Yeah, I'll do whatever they ask me to do._

-"And you need to prepared and disposed to face war, whenever it comes. Are you willing to risk your life?"

I nodded again. _Yeah._

-"Final question: are you sure about your decision?"

I nodded briskly again. _Yeah, I've decided. I'm not turning this down._

-"Good,"- He stood up and walked close to me, -"You're with us now and there's no turning back, understood?"

I nodded.

-"Outstanding. I'm positive you'll be an essential and valuable asset on our ranks,"- His faith was kind of odd but I didn't question him. I didn't cared, -"Now, follow me."

-"Where to?"- I inquired.

-"To your new home,"- He smirked and it grew when he saw mines, -"I'll call in a bus to take you to your old home so you can pick up whatever you wish before parting -oh, and of course, your lover."- I recognize that disgusted last tone of voice but I ignored it.

-"But wait, why so soon? Won't I get a chance to say goodbye? To… explain them?"- God, this is all so sudden. My heart wanted to beat out of my chest.

-"Don't you want to get out of here as soon as possible?"

-"Yeah, but…"

-"You're not safe here, Kirshtein. If you stay, the chances of your sentence extending are prone."

-"He's right, Jean,"- Nick spoke, with a deep breath, as he parted from the wall, -"Under the Army's wing, Francis or any other plaintiff won't be able to even reach you,"- He walked towards me and with a soft, sad expression, he placed his hand on my hair, -"You'll be safe with them."

My eyes began to glisten as I looked up at him, -"Nick, you… you really did it…"

-"I told you I wasn't giving up on you, didn't I?"- He sighed, tightening his grip on my hair, -"Though, I wish it had been different but… there really wasn't any other option, I'm sorry…"

I shed a few tears as I lunged forward and hugged Nick as tightly as I could. This man… has done a lot for me. I own him damn my life.

-"I'll call Celine and tell her to meet up with the others at your house so you can… say goodbye."- He smiled weakly, his expression still sad. Celine and Dad aren't going to be the only ones missing me.

-"Thank you… for believing in me when I didn't. You went so far for me and took care of me when _I _didn't even cared about myself. You stood up for me and… did so much for me that I… I don't think I can ever thank you enough…"- _I'll miss him a lot…_

I heard Brooks clearing his throat, urging us to move out.

Nick smiled and shed a few tears too, -"You know I'll do it again if I have to, Jean,"- He tugged my arms a bit, -"We… better get going."

I nodded and followed Brooks outside. There, we sat on a large bench and waited for the truck that Brooks called to arrive. Nick sat beside me and I noticed how tense he still was around Brooks -and now he had several soldiers with him too. I grew curious, -"Hey, you uh… have something against these guys? I mean, what he said back there about serving the people… you disagreed, didn't you?"

Nick sighed, eyes on the soldiers. He was distrustful of them, -"If they really serve the people… why don't we see them on the streets helping them?"- He had a point. I've never seen these men around the streets, -"Who do you always see on the streets?"

-"I see you -I mean, the police, the Garrison."- They're everywhere and even though they give tickets and penalties, they're always on watch for theft, violation and murder. They're there when you need directions and they're always eager to help.

-"Exactly,"- He gazed at me and smiled, -"But my opinion doesn't matter. You'll… you'll learn a lot from them. Let's just… hope that a war doesn't burst anytime soon."- He said, really worried about me going with these guys. He brought them here in the first place because honestly, there wasn't any other choice, but he's… worried, really worried.

I gaped my mouth to reply but just then, two loud car honks rattled my ear and interrupted me. Two vehicles arrived; a smaller one, a Jeep, the one me and Nick are going in, and a truck with a large trunk for the stuff I wanna take. I mounted along Brooks and Nick and rode off. The ride home was… nostalgic. I was looking through the window all the time. It feels so long since I drove around here and it was really hitting my feelings. I started to remember the rides I made from home to work and vice versa. I started to remember my rides with Marco and how often we've gotten heavy within my car. It was all before I got imprisoned and I winced at the memories of the trial, of how nervous I was and my family's faces of distraught. I started to remember… my fight with Frank. That's when it all started and it still bugs me. My neck still stings. Unwantedly, I started to remember his gun aiming at Marco and then shredding his skin, wounding him and making him bleed. I gripped my hair and closed my eyes. It still hurts… I want to forget but it's so fucking difficult…

I felt a warm hand squeeze my shoulder, slowly reassuring me. I gazed at Nick and I exhaled, resting my head on the cold crystal and banishing those dreadful memories from my head. I wonder what would have been of me if he hadn't done all those things for me. _I'd be dead, that's what._

The second we were near my house, a nervous tingling sensation settled within my stomach. Marco, Celine and Dad are there and I couldn't stop wondering about what they'll think of… well, _this. _I dismounted the car and with Brooks before me and Nick behind me, I walked in and that nostalgia hit me again. I started to remember Mom and those days I stayed taking care of her. I remembered the day she died in my arms with a smile on her face. My chin started to ache and I shed a single tear.

I heard someone gasp really profoundly, -"Oh my God, Jean?"- Marco shouted and lunged towards me with arms open and with tears in his eyes, like last time. As his body collided with mines, my body warmed up. I wrapped my arms around his torso and pressed him against me tightly. I buried my face in his shoulder and started crying too. _I thought I wouldn't see him again but… here he is, in my arms_, -"But… how are you here? That man was trying to keep you in there for… for…,"- He parted from me a bit and his eyes were kind of reddish. He's been crying a lot. He also had bags under them, -"And who's…?"- He started to step back defensively when he noticed Brooks in here, tugging my suit. I did the same when I saw the man for the first time. Marco observed Brooks and I bet he's thinking the same I thought when I first saw the man.

-"Marco, there's… there's something I need to tell you -all of you, actually."- I said and all of them kind of shrank back. I made them nervous. Dad was panicking by the present party, soldier with military uniforms and weapons.

-"Nick?"- Celine was completely on edge and apprehensive. The visit was unexpected and sudden after all, -"What's going on? Who's this man?"

Nick walked close to her and I noted how he tried to comfort her, -"Celine, I promise it's going to be alright-"

-"They're taking him from us, aren't they?"- Celine definitely knew what's going on, but she had the wrong impression.

-"You're mistaken, miss. Kirshtein himself made the decision. We just placed the offer."- Brooks clarified and I nodded slowly when they looked at me for avowal.

-"Jean…?"- Marco whispered, tugging my suit again, -"Is that true?"

I nodded and took his chin in my hands, -"Yeah and I… want you to come with me. We'll live together in Sina, just like you wanted, and you'll be able to study there too, with full coverage of your classes. This is a good opportunity for both of us, don't you think?"

Marco's eyes were glistening again as he gazed up at me, -"But… what about you?"

-"I'll be working in the Army full time but I'm getting paid and…"

-"Would you like for me to give you all a brief overview?"- Brooks asked, noticing I really wasn't being thorough.

All three of them nodded, -"Yes, I'd appreciate that."- Celine said, suspicious of the man still.

Brooks explained and Celine's hard expression softened. She knew there was no other way and she understood that there're risks but… it's really a unique opportunity not only for me, but for Marco as well. We'll be living under safe conditions within the Army's base in Sina with a full heath care and salary. If I take Marco, he'll have the opportunity to study in Sina College, a better college than Rose's and Maria's, and the Army will give him full coverage of his classes. Celine won't have to pay a thing. It's an offer I couldn't turn down, both because… I just simply couldn't (because I had no option. If I refused, I would be in prison right now) and because I didn't want to. If I'd gotten the offer way before getting imprisoned, I'd accept it too.

Dad wasn't too cool with it as she was but he understood me. Like him, I choose to work hard for the sake of not myself but for the sake of an important person as well. In my case, Marco. Dad worked 24/7 to keep his family, me and Mom, under a solid roof and well fed. He kept quiet but I knew he understood the situation and for that, he was proud of me.

Marco was very happy. He always wished to live alone with me and enroll in Sina college to study what he really wants. I knew Marco never minded studying in Maria or Rose (he wasn't the snob type of person) but… well, Sina was a dream come true and if he can study there, for _free, and _live with me,hell… why not? He can't deny it. Period. He was worried, however, all three of them were. Joining the Army has one _huge_ risk; I'd have to defend the cities from terrorists and be in the heart of a war. I don't have a choice. I _have _to be there and it's obviously dangerous. My life is in the line.

I won't get see them often. Brooks said I can travel from Sina to Rose or Maria whenever I pleased but… I'll be overloaded with work. Active duty soldiers barely have time for themselves, but… it'll be okay. I'll have breaks now and then and I'll definitely visit them whenever I can.

-"Marco… do you want… to go with him?"- Celine asked with teary eyes but she knew the answer.

Marco nodded, -"Yes, mom. I… I want to. I want to be with him… forever."

-"Jean,"- She turned to me next, -"Are you sure this is what you want? We'll continue searching for another alternative if you don't want to."

-"Yeah, this is it, Celine,"- I replied, nodding with certainty, -"This is our future. I'm sure of it."

Celine nodded slowly, noticing that I was serious about it, -"Okay, just… give me a hug and a kiss before you leave."- She sobbed.

I gazed at Marco and nodded towards her and he quickly launched at her and hugged her firmly. I went straight towards Dad and his hug was firm, unlike any other hug we've shared, -"Son… this is it. You're finally getting your solid job and live with the one you love."- He sobbed and shed tears.

-"Yeah, I… just like you."

Dad nodded, -"Listen, son, it's… not easy but I know you can do it. I believe in you."

-"Thanks, Dad."- Dad mostly works in Sina so I'm bound to see him there often.

I hugged Celine next, -"Take care of him, okay?"- She said.

-"I'll protect him with my life. You know that."- _I've always had and I always will._

-"And please…,"- He tightened her grip around me, -"… be careful."

-"I will."

It was Nick's turn next and man, I'm really gonna miss this guy. I don't even know what to say now that I'm about to leave. I heard him chuckle, though, before he tussled my hair, -"Take care, alright?"

-"Yeah,"- I scratched my rear neck and gazed up at him, -"Um… I'm really gonna miss you, Nicky."

-"I'll miss you too… Jean."- He smiled and his eyes glistened.

We stayed quiet for a few minutes until Brooks spoke, eager to head out already, -"Well, if everything wrapped up, could we start packing up?"

I nodded and began to walk upstairs.

-"You can change the suit, Jean. I know you're eager. Just give it to me and I'll return it to the prison."- Nick said, pointing at my jumpsuit.

-"Got it."- Oh, I was eager to get out of this damn suit alright.

-"And Jean,"- Nick spoke again and I peered over my shoulder to him, -"Take your time. Take a bath if you want to."

I smirked, -"Are you saying I stink, Nicky?"

His smile grew too, -"Yes."

I laughed and nodded.

Upstairs, I took off the jumpsuit and quickly coughed and pinched my nose's nostril shut. It fucking stinks like shit. How did everyone downstairs stand it? I took a quick bath, shaved my beard and clothed up with a simple white T-shirt that had the print of a woman in a bikini (Marco's totally gonna dislike it but I'm too low on time to change), jeans and snickers. I wiggled my legs often, feeling a bit weird. It felt… good and weird at the same time. It's been so long since I've wore casual clothes. I got used to the fabric of the suit and how it glued to you due to your sweat. Ugh.

I got out of the bathroom with a towel around my neck. That felt weird and good too. I finally got a _decent_ bath with a proper shampoo and soap. I'm not one to whine about that kind of stuff but the prison's hygienic utilities sucked too much. I hope the new warden realizes it.

I started to pack my clothes first; pulling them out of my closet and tossing them on the big boxes the Army boys gave me. I then heard a light knock on my door and sweet voice spoke, -"Um, Jean…?"

I quickly straightened myself and faced the door. I cleared my throat before opening the door, -"Hey, babe,"- I greeted him. I knew Marco wanted to talk to me about a lot of stuff but… it'll have to wait, -"What's the matter?"

-"I just wanted to…,"- Marco laid eyes on the suggestive t-shirt I had on and his chirpy face dropped, -"… help."

My cheeks warmed up as I gazed down to my shirt and back up at him. Then, I smirked. I liked teasing Marco and I still do, -"Sexy, right?"

I snickered at his expression; it was pure serious. His lips curled downward as he sulked and turned to leave.

-"Hey, wait, Marco,"- I laughed and grabbed his arm, pulling him back towards me and facing me. Before he could say anything, I kissed his soft and warm lips to interrupt him. Marco's cheeks blushed as he pressed his body against mines, deepening the kiss a bit. I parted, reluctantly, my cheeks warm too, -"I'd, uh… appreciate the help."

His curled lips levered up bit by bit. He couldn't resist me.

-"I'd change the shirt but um… I like the face your making and we don't have much time either so…"- I smiled broadly at that jealous cute face he makes.

-"Okay, I'll just _try _not to look at it."- Marco rolled his eyes as he stepped in. When he did, my eyes followed his butt and man, those jeans are really making them stand out. I licked my lips and drooled a bit.

-"_Damn_…"- I said thoughtlessly, cleaning my drool with my thumb, eyes still on his _perfectly_ rounded butt.

-"Hm? You said something, Jean?"- Marco turned around abruptly.

-"Yeah,"- I gulped, feeling a sticky goo between my pants, as I sauntered towards him, -"… that you… have a really, _really_ sexy butt."- Once very close to him, I ran my lewd hand down his back to his butt and squeezed, hovering my mouth near his. His warm breath prickled my skin and made me wanna kiss him all.

He yelped and bit his lips. He closed one eye, his cheeks blushing again.

I began to near my mouth to his and he parted his lips to allow entrance to his mouth but then I remembered that there's people down there, waiting for us… that there's a house out there in Sina waiting for us too. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to push him to bed and make out with him, I wanted to touch him all over because it's been months but… I don't think this is the right place.

-"Jean…?"- Marco whispered, a bit worried.

I gulped and damped my lips, -"Uh… let's just pack up."

He nodded, left with the desire of a kiss, -"Okay…"

We packed up as quick as we could; clothes, movies, consoles, shoes, bed sheets, etc. While rummaging under my bed, almost done, I pulled out a folder with drawings that Marco did for me, like Batman and Superman. I smiled fondly at the memory of that time and quickly retrained the folder into one of boxes. Once finished, the soldiers helped us carry the boxes all the way to the truck. During the travels, I kept gazing at Marco and that urge to just push him to bed or a corner to kiss him madly became harder to hold back. He also gazed at me often, ogling my exposed biceps and triceps.

Once finished, I wiped the sweat from my forehead with my arm and exhaled. _All done. _Marco and I then mounted the Jeep and waved our families goodbye before we drove off to Marco's house next to pack up his stuff. When we got there and packed everything up, Marco was already tired, -"Take a break. I'll mount the boxes with the soldiers."- I caressed his hair as he sat on the back.

Marco nodded and waited for me. He packed a lot of stuff, more than I did, and I admit my arms and legs got tired when me and the guys finished. They asked me if that was all and I nodded to them before mounting the jeep beside Marco. Finally, we set route to Sina and I relaxed on the seat, taking a deep breath and looking out through the window. The sun's dropping soon. I hope Marco likes the place. At the thought of him, I gazed at him and noticed he was droopily looking through the window too. I smiled and pulled him close to me and he quickly rested his head on my shoulder, -"Are you excited?"- I asked. I knew he was. He had a smile on his face all this time.

He nodded and smiled broadly, -"I am, Jean. I'm going to live with you and study in one of the greatest colleges."

-"Yeah, I… really can't wait to get there,"- I said and looked outside, -"I've never been in Sina."

-"Me neither. Your dad says it's beautiful,"- Marco looked up at me, -"And I heard it has the most luxurious hotels and motels, greatest water and theme parks ever. Oh! The castles! I've seen pictures and they're really beautiful…"

I chuckled at his gaiety, -"Yeah,"- I gazed back at Marco and covered his face with my palm, -"Sleep if you need to, okay? It's going to be a long ride."- I think we're gonna arrive around nightfall.

Marco chortled and snuggled underneath my arm. He had one of his bed's sheets with him shrouded around him and he pulled it up towards me, covering my shoulder. _He's always so compassionate, huh, _I bend my head a bit and kissed his head. I inhaled the sweet vanilla scent of his hair while I was at it and couldn't help to lick the roof of my mouth at the good smell, feeling it even in my mouth. Then, I felt his hand scurrying under my shirt, tickling my skin. I bit my lips at the gleeful sensation, -"Marco…"- I knew he also had that urge to _do _something with me. I secretly wanted him to continue but he knew this wasn't the right time either.

The ride was taking a lot of time. I took out my cellphone from my pocket to check the hour and was surprised when it was 8:30. I don't think I'll unpack anything tonight. I'm kind of drowsy already but that's because I'm used to the prison's schedule. I dozed off often but I snapped awake when I saw Sina's gate just in front of us -all the gates are different from the other and Sina's stronger, taller. I poked Marco's head, who was napping on my shoulder peacefully, -"Hey, Marco, we're in Sina!"

He opened his eyes slowly, -"We… are?"- And when he saw the gate, he straightened up and gasped, quickly leaning against the window.

The driver was chuckling, driving slowly so we could wallow over Sina's beauty. Damn, it was so bright and golden-ish! The first thing we saw was the tall statue of a woman, the one on Sina's insignia, layered in gold. People were taking pictures there and when I gazed at Marco, I saw him taking pictures too. As we drove through the nicely tarried road (which didn't even have a single hole or protuberance, unlike Maria and Rose), I saw a ton of top quality shops like… everywhere. There were huge malls everywhere we went and there was always something layered in gold, always. Sina had gardens (but not as much as Maria) and they were well kept and lively. I knew then that is Sina mostly about the best hotels, casinos, bars, discos, parks, malls, etc. It's for people with money, period, and believe it or not, it was abuzz with people even at this hour. Sina people were all fancy and pretty, all wearing something gold and nothing casual. _Nothing. _This confirms it, Diego's definitely from here but how did he ended up in Trost? I don't know but I bet it has to do with money. I mean, that's what this place is all about. Sina's where the money goes. Even though it doesn't have Maria's beaches, Sina has ponds and large fountains with crystal clear water. Also, it has the tallest buildings I've ever since and _no _building was abandoned or marked by graffiti. This is also where the most successful companies are.

My eyes were glowing. Dad was right, Sina is beautiful.

The driver took lots of turns until he arrived at what I guess is the military base. It had tall, solid walls with sharp needles twirling on top, like the ones in Trost's prison, surrounding a wide area. It had a gate that was just out of this word. It was huge and probably unbreakable. The place was highly defended. In front of the gate was a small shack with several soldiers keeping watch and record of who enter and leaves -oh, did I mention there were cameras like… _everywhere_? Yeah. Before we entered, the driver stopped beside the shack and spoke to the soldier there, -"Yeah, I got a new recruit with a company."

-"Names?"

-"Jean Kirshtein and his company Marco Bodt."

-"Oh damn, the man of the hour arrived,"- The man stepped out of the shack and sauntered close to the jeep to observe me. He wasn't so tall but he had built. He was black and had that tone of voice that I find so funny. He had short, black hair and brown eyes. He knocked on the window and reluctantly, I lowered the crystal, -"We've been waiting for you, my man."- He extended his hand to me but I just stared at him, -"Oh, my _bad_, introduction first, am I 'rite? I'm Bruno Bubbles and I keep record of who enter and leaves the base, I keep watch and my niggas entertained. Now, what about you, son?"

I was laughing both at his surname and his words, -"Bubbles?"

-"Yeah, yeah, laugh your ass off, kid, but I'll let you it's a _smooth _surname, don'tchathink?"

I laughed again, threw my head back and placed my arm on my belly.

-"Hey, hey, don't go hysterical on me, boy. You just got here,"- He then pointed at my t-shirt and wiggled his eyebrows up and down, -"By the way, I love your shirt."

My smile grew as I extended my hand to him, -"And I like you already, man."- He's cool. He made me laugh so he's cool with me. I've been grumpy lately. I need a guy like him around for the tests I'll soon take.

-"I know, right?"- He laughed and shook my hand.

-"I don't have to say anything about me, _Bubbles._ You already know about me."

He nodded, -"Yup. We know all there is to know about you, Jeanbo,"- Woah, I haven't heard _that _one in a long time, -"And that's your boyfriend there. The one you go all bazooka for."- He said, pointing at Marco.

I chortled and gazed at Marco. He was shrinking away shyly, looking to anywhere he could distract himself with. He always does that when he's among strangers. I smiled and blushed a bit, -"Yeah."

-"Shy, huh?"- Bruno noticed and waved at Marco, -"Hey, freckles. You'll be safe here. I'm not gonna let any asshole from out there in here, ya' hear?"

I smiled when I saw Marco finally gaze at Bruno and nodding, -"Thanks…"

-"You're welcome. Plus,"- He patted my arm, -"With this bad boy around, ain't nobody gonna even lay a hand on you!"

Marco chuckled and rubbed his shoulder shyly.

Bruno patted the car several times and rallied his men, -"Alright everyone! Get this gate open for Jeanbo, the man of the hour!"- He shouted, clapping and everything.

As the gate opened, I gazed at Marco and reached for his hand, -"Cheerful, isn't he?"- I tangled my fingers with his once I reached his hand and squeezed my grip, -"We're here, our new home."- I looked at him lovingly, with a soft smile on my lips. _We're finally here…_

He nodded and blushed a bit, rubbing his finger against his freckled cheek cutely, -"Yeah, I can't wait to see our house."

When he entered the base, I saw a ton of houses and building of shops, pharmacies, supermarkets and restaurants. There were parks too, schools, hospital, veterinary, etc. Also, there were soldier's _everywhere _and they were all well-armed, ready to protect everyone from danger. _We're safe here, we're really safe here…_

The driver reached the residential area, which had a lot of houses lined up together, and began to drive slowly to our house. The houses were big and beautiful, just like the rest of Sina. Some were taller than others but it depends of the size of the family you're bringing in. I just had Marco so I bet mines' not so sophisticated and that's fine by me. I just want a place to live in with Marco. When we reached my house, though, I took that back. It _was _big and it had two floors. The lower floor, beside the front door, had like a marquee with one of those large, white doors to park at least two or three cars. We dismounted the jeep and I immediately trotted towards the door behind Marco, -"Hey, wait up!"- I shouted, watching Marco trotting excitedly. Wasn't he sleeping a few minutes ago?

Marco entered and I heard him gasp. When I entered next, I gasped too as my eyes wallowed over the house. The interior was wide and the first thing we met with was the kitchen; it was spacious and nicely decorated. In front of it was the dining room with a square wooden table with four chairs. To the left was the living room and the first thing my eyes caught was the gas fireplace and over it was a plasma TV hanging on the wall; in front of that was a comfy couch along with a chair, a coffee table and a white, fluffy carpet beneath. This floor also had a white tiled bathroom with its toilet, sink and the shower, -"Jean, come on up!"- Marco called me, already upstairs.

-"Coming!"- I laughed and at the end of the lower floor was the railed stairs, which each step had like a fluffy carpet, making my feet tickle as I walked up. On the top floor was a hallway with three doors and a balcony. I opened the sliding door to the balcony and inhaled the fresh air and wallowed the scenery. It overlooked the whole place and it had a round table with two chairs. I can't wait to sit here and eat with Marco. I stepped in the house again and the first room we entered was the master bedroom with a comfy looking and wide double bed, a dresser with a lamp on it and a mirror on the wall above it, a nigh table beside the bed with a clock on it and a large chair with an ottoman in front it. The room also had a big carpet covering almost half of the room -oh and it has air conditioner! Really, with all this, my head was filling with ideas of the stuff I'd do with Marco here.

We entered the next room and it wasn't so big as the bedroom. It was like a study room with lots of shelves and bookshelves and a pretty big desk with a lamp on it. It also had a single bed of the same type of the one in the bedroom. Marco was going crazy here and I knew that he'd fill those shelves soon enough with all his books he brought.

Next stop was the last room and I was surprised to see it was another bathroom, wider one than the one on the lower floor. It had a shower, a toilet and a sink. I gasped when I saw a fucking pearl-white Jacuzzi on the corner, -"Holy shit, Marco! Look at this! We got a Jacuzzi!"- I shouted, hopping in place excitedly. Oh man, oh man, oh man…! The things I can do with Marco in there are endless!

Marco popped in and gasped too.

Overjoyed, I turned to him, wrapped my arms around him and lifted him up, going in circles while we both laughed. I then dropped him and kissed him and I began to dip in my mouth when, -"We're dismounting the boxes now!"

I parted from Marco, leaving a cord of drool drip, -"We… better help them."- My boyfriend said, a bit breathless, his cheeks blushing.

We went downstairs and helped the soldiers dismount the boxes, -"Your father and the police captain are bringing your car tomorrow."- One of the soldiers spoke, mounting the jeep.

_Welp, I totally forgot about that, -_"Thanks."

I began to turn into the house again until the man spoke again, -"Hey, loosen up. You're gonna love it in here. It's a good life."

I smiled and waved them goodbye. I got in and sighed at the mountain of boxes in my living room, -"Do you want to unpack some of it now?"

I sighed and nodded, -"Yeah, at least the most important stuff."- Like the food in the cooler.

We ended up unpacking more than that and there's at least ten more boxes to go. I was tired and drowsy; it was 10:00 pm already and I couldn't even hold myself straight. I was opening a new box when I felt warm hands slid down my torso from my shoulders, -"Jean."- Marco whispered in my ear.

-"Hmm?"- I muttered, digging out my consoles from the box. The cables were all entangled, though. What was I thinking when I packed this up?

-"You should take a break, you're sleepy."- He suggested, caressing my torso lovingly.

I shook my head, -"Just…,"- I yawned, covering my mouth with my palm, -"… a few more minutes."- I just didn't wanted to do any of this tomorrow. I was thinking of… doing _something_ else with Marco tomorrow. I dunno.

-"Jean,"- Marco whispered again and his warm breath felt good in my ear, -"Tomorrow's another day."

-"Yeah, but…,"- And I was planning on keeping it a secret too, -"I was planning to do something else with you tomorrow, not unpacking these."

He chuckled and nuzzled my neck, -"Then we'll just have to start early. I don't think it'll take us long,"- He started rubbing my abdomen, -"Besides, we can just have a chill day in our new home too."

I smiled, looking down at the mess of cables drowsily. Yeah, that sounds good too.

-"We could have a nice bath in the Jacuzzi, a nice meal in the balcony or just relax and warm up by the fireplace…,"- He whispered and man, that really sounds good -I personally liked how the one with the Jacuzzi sounded, -"Come, let's go to sleep."- He said, tugging my shirt. He was sleepy too but he hasn't gone to bed yet, waiting for me.

-"Alright, Marco. You win."- I chuckled and stood up, stretched and sauntered upstairs, pulled by Marco. I somehow couldn't believe that I have my own house and that I'm living with Marco. It's like a dream come true for me…

We got in our room and at night, it had that… romantic feel to it. The light was dim yet bright and the cool breeze of the night really sets the mood. I was about to take off my shirt when Marco suddenly hugged me front behind, really tightly, -"Jean…,"- He sobbed, burying his head in my back, -"I… I missed you so much…!"

-"Marco…"- I muttered, lowering my gaze, spotting and feeling his arms shaking.

-"I was so worried and afraid we wouldn't be able to get you out of that awful place…,"- He sobbed again, -"I prayed and prayed that you returned to us but that man… he just tried to keep you away from us… and I was so scared…"

I placed my hand on top of his and turned around, taking his chin in my hand, -"Marco, look at me,"- He was in tears again, his eyes red from crying too much these days, -"I'm here now and I'm okay. We have our house and I have a job that'll keep us safe and alive."- _And wealthy. _I knew Marco doesn't care about money. He never cared much about it. Neither did I, honestly. I just want enough money to keep us both healthy and fed up. Money gets you to places, though. Everything around here has a cost, _everything_.

-"I'm really happy but I just hope…,"- He sighed and looked up at me seriously, -"… I hope you didn't decided to work full time just because of me. I want you to think about yourself too."

-"Well…,"- When Brooks told me working full time will allow whoever I bring with me a full coverage of Sina College, I did thought about Marco and I accepted the offer without even thinking about it so yeah, it was because of him, -"I _did _thought about you because I always wanted you to study in Sina but… just listen to me,"- I said quickly, gripping his shoulders. I knew this makes him huffy, -"I didn't know what to do with my life anyway, ok? I didn't know what to study or where to go with you. I had no idea what would be of me once I graduated so working with these guys is fine. In fact, it suits me perfectly. I know how to how to throw punches and kicks, I got the body and the reflexes so I'll be fine. Trust me."

Marco sighed, conceding my point, even though it made him a bit unhappy.

I caressed his cheek with my thumb, -"Trust me, okay? I'm cool with all this, I'm happy and I'm extra happy you're here with me,"- I began to near my mouth to his, -"We're finally, truly alone. It's just you and me…"

Marco blushed and nodded, -"Yeah..."- I knew he also wantedlong-lastingprivacy with me for a long time. Making out with Marco and messing around with him was difficult at his home. At least in mines we had more privacy but we had Celine and Dad checking up on us frequently. Now? We had our _own _house. We could do whatever we want without losing our privacy and man, I already love it.

My lips collided with his and we kissed lovingly, holding each other tightly; I still had my hand on his cheeks and with it, I tilted Marco's head a bit to allow my tongue a better entrance to his mouth. Our tongues quickly met and they grazed and rubbed each other, tickling us. Our messy breaths breezed and warmed our faces, -"Haa…"- Marco breathed a bit and a trail of drool slid down his chin.

I licked it up and continued kissing him, licking and nibbling his lips until I unconsciously traveled to his neck, my favorite spot of his body.

-"Jean…,"- Marco slurred breathlessly as I licked, nuzzled and inhaled the skin of his neck, -"It's… been a while since we've… gotten together like this… and yet you still have your touch."

I smirked, closing my eyes and enjoying his sweet vanilla scent, -"Well, I… dreamt a lot about you, Marco. A _lot._"

He chuckled, making his throat vibrate gently against the tip of my nose, -"You did? I… I dreamed a lot about you too."

-"Is that so, hm?"- I ran my nose lower to his shoulder, pushing his shirt's sleeve down a bit.

-"Mhum…"

I stuck my tongue out and licked his skin, running it up and down his smooth neck. I planted my lips on it and started sucking gently, making Marco shiver and moan as he hooked one of his hand on my back and squeezed my shirt. His other hand got lost in my hair as he pushed my head against his neck.

I puffed as I literally drenched his neck with my saliva and climbed my hand up his abdomen. I felt his abs and his sweaty skin until I got to his chest and started pinching his stiff nipple gently. My boyfriend moaned and darted his head back a bit, -"Ngh… Jean…"- He slurred as I began to fondle them harshly, feeling them wet, and he shivered as an erection began to build up in his pants. I gazed up and when I saw his face, _I _got hard too; he had his head hurled back with his mouth gaped and drooling, his cheeks were flushed and he was sweating. Seeing him aroused really makes me excited and hard and I wanted to make him feel better.

I pushed him to bed and when I was about to straddle him, the abrupt, serious face he had made me stop, -"W-what's the matter?"- I asked, worried and impatient to get on him.

His furrowed eyes were carved on my shirt, -"Take it off,"- He spat, -"... please."- He added after a few seconds of silence.

I grinned, enjoying seeing his all flustered over a shirt, -"Why don't you take it off for me, huh?"- He sat up from the bed quickly and pulled my shirt up with force. I moaned lowly as Marco's smooth hands grazed my skin as he jerked my shirt off of me and threw it away. Marco then couldn't avert his eyes from my toned abdomen, which was more husky than the last time we've gotten heavy like this, -"Feeding your eyes, aren't we?"- I straightened my torso, showing off my hot as fuck abdomen.

Marco's ear lit up and as he looked up at me, -"They're…,"- He exhaled and blushed, -"… you… worked out a lot in there, didn't you? You've… lost weight."

I nodded, -"Yeah…"- And it wasn't to look good for Marco, I shamefully admit. It was to get stronger so I could defend myself from… everyone but I'm not gonna say that to him now. It'll ruin the mood.

-"You... look hotter."- He complimented me and that made my body shiver in excitement and… harder.

I smirked as I leaned down on him and rested my arms over his head, -"Just so you know, I'd definitely have a shirt with a print of you naked if I could."

Marco blushed a lot at my pick-up line and out of excitement, he pulled my head down and smashed my lips with his. While we kissed in depth, my hand got lively and started touching him everywhere; his back, chest, his abdomen, his waist and finally… his bun, those puffy, cute as fuck buns of his that I go crazy for. I squeezed them lewdly and Marco's moans just right by my ear made me squeeze and fondle them more thoroughly. Marco's erection grew by all that steamy touching and I started licking my lips as I undid his pants. Once done, I started to fondle his boner teasingly, feeling his underwear wet already. I tapped his shaft and clenched it, making him shiver and moaned louder. I then shoved my hand in his underwear and pulled his slimy cock out of his underwear. My face was still close to his, kissing and licking Marco's jaw, but I needed to see his dick. It's been too long. I gazed down at Marco crotch and bit my lips at the sight of his erect cock.

-"Can I suck you?"- I asked, trying to look back at Marco's eyes but I couldn't part them from his cock.

Marco nodded, his face red and sweaty as he breathed messily.

I moved my body southward and once on his crotch, I started kissing his cock and trailed down, then trailing up with my tongue out again, taking his cum drops in my mouth and savoring it, -"Still sweet."- I commented, licking it off of my lips.

-"Mmn…,"- Marco moaned, biting his hand. I clenched his cock with my whole hand and shoved it in my mouth, sucking it off quickly. I swallowed every drop of his jizz and pressed, making it spill more cum, -"Jean… it's… it's not enough… I… I want…"- Marco wheezed, hitching his crotch up.

I pulled up a bit, -"What do you want, babe? I'll give ya' anything."

-"I want… I want your finger in me…"- He slurred, one arm over his head, gripping the bed's sheets, and the other gripping my hair.

My cheeks burned and I just stayed blank for a few seconds, processing his words. _Marco just asked me to finger him…_

-"Jean…"- Marco called again, impatient and distraught.

I snapped off my tranced and grinned, -"You've gotten pervy, freckles."- I started to wonder what else he did while I was away as I hovered my index finger near his anus. _One at a time, Jean. _I shoved it in and started jolting it back and forth while sucking him still, nibbling the tip of his cock playfully.

Marco's breathing got ragged. His grip on the bed and on my hair tightened as I shoved my next finger in. His butthole felt… soft and loose already, though. I easily shoved my third finger in and it was pure ecstasy for him. Marco has done stuff to himself while I wasn't here and that… really makes me gleeful, making me feel butterflies in my stomach. I don't know why, I just… loved it. I imagine Marco fingering himself while bleating my name in my head and my body heats up and hardens. Even my nips got hard.

I was even more surprised when he started wheezing and moaning for me to move my fingers faster. My face was burning. _Holy shit. _I fastened my pace, like never before, and Marco's dick started spitting cum like crazy in my mouth, already ejaculating and making him exhale in pure bliss. The quantity of cum in my mouth was incessant but I swallowed it all in one go and parted from his crotch. Some of it fell to the bed, though. _I'll just wash it tomorrow. _

I panted, feeling my heart like it was gonna burst out, -"Woah, babe, that was…,"- I slurred breathlessly, -"… crazy and… amazing."

Marco's face was still red as he smiled, panting heavily, but even so, he managed to swoop me around and straddle me. He took off his shirt and I whistled at his cute figure, at those freckles and sweat drops that dripped from his torso. My body aroused at the sight, _damn, he looks good_. _Really good. _He was still toned like before but not like me. Marco did exercises now and then with me but not on my level. It's not his thing, -"Jean…,"- He spoke seductively as he fondled my abdomen thoroughly, running his hands through v-line, something he loves to do. My body shivered at his touch, -"Do you want me to… suck you too?"- He said, now wanting to comply my wishes just like I complied his -and he also wanted to suck me, wanted to see my dick after so long because as he spoke, his finger were furtively tugging my pants.

I gulped and gaped my mouth to reply but… something held me off.

Marco pulled the button off the hole of my pant. I wanted to tell him to stop for a minute but… I kept thinking of him licking me off and…

He tugged my pants down and hooked his finger on my underwear next.

_Stop, Marco… there's… something I need to…_

He pulled my underwear down and exposed my hard cock. This time, it caught him big time; his eyes widened and carved on it and his mouth gaped, -"It's… it's…,"- He stuttered and gulped, his face turning redder by the second, -"… bigger."

I laughed, -"Come on, Marco, don't exaggerate. You know that's impossible."- But his face told me otherwise...

-"Jean, I'm… I'm serious…"- He really was serious and then it hit me; he'd know the difference more than anyone. He has seen my dick a lot and he remembers so he'd definitely spot the contrast. My face started to heat up at that.

I know there's pill and other methods to enlarge it but I've never tried any of those so… how? How can my dick be bigger? -"But… h-how?"- I'm not gonna lie, having a bigger dick made me feel good. It means I'll get to give Marco one hell of a good anal sex. It means I'll get to pleasure him more. Also, it made me feel good because he can't part his eyes from it, because he likes 'em big and the bigger… the better, right? _I'm such a pervert._

-"M-Maybe it's because of your workout and weight loss…"- Marco stuttered again, eyes still on it.

_Hoo boy, it's getting hot in here._

-"I want… I want to make you feel good too, Jean…"- _I want your dick in my mouth, _is what he thought, I bet -and I knew his intentions are what he said, to pleasure me too but really, I find pleasure in pleasuring _him_. He neared his face to my crotch, pulling my underwear down completely and gasping in surprise at my pubic hair.

I slapped myself and covered my face, embarrassed, _fuck, I forgot to shave!_

I heard Marco chuckle and nuzzle me there lovingly, making me shiver and moan, -"It's okay, Jean. It's cute."- He commented, now kissing me there and again, I moaned, enjoying the feel of his warm lips brushing my hair.

_My pubic hair… cute? That's a new one._

Marco started to kiss my cock and going up to my shaft. He licked it and when he opened his mouth to shove it in, a sudden image popped in my mind: it was Gabe… sucking me off that night I got high and he drugged me with some sex-drive booster. That's why I was so reluctant of him sucking me off, -"W-wait, Marco… s-stop…"- I stuttered, pushing his head away. This… this isn't right. I have to tell him about it. I had forgotten about it ever since Gabe went bitchy on me and died.

-"Is… something the matter?"- Marco was worried too as he observed my expression.

I was nervous, anxious, I… I don't know how to tell him, -"T-there's something I… I need to tell you… before you… _do _me…"

-"Wh-what is it? You're scaring me…"

-"I'm… I'm sorry…,"- I have to come clean out of this one. I have to be honest with him. Marco has always been honest with me. I regret it. I definitely do but I betrayed Marco, no matter what excuse I come up with. He's gonna be mad at me, disappointed. He hates any type of drugs. He might even break up with me…, -"Marco… back at the prison… I… I had an awful time. I was tortured and embed with fear. I… I wanted to forget about that so I… I asked a friend of mines there for help, I asked him for… for drugs…,"- Marco's expression hardened but he kept quiet. He knew there's something else, -"He… he gave me this drug that boosted my libido and… and we… made out and he… he sucked me… just like you were about to do. He didn't do anything else…"

I expected Marco's expression to be like I just destroyed his heart but… he seemed worried and angry at the same time, -"He… he drugged you!"

-"Yeah, but it was because I asked him to. Plus, I… I wanted him to do it."- I admitted, full of shame. I tried my best to keep my eyes on him.

-"You wanted to because that's what the drug does!"- He began to raise his voice, more angry at Gabe than me and for a short period of time, it made me feel not so bad, -"Did he told you what the drug does before he injected you?"

I shook my head, -"No, but-"

-"Then it's his fault! He drugged you, Jean!"- He was waving his arms like crazy, exasperated and angry, -"He tricked you and-"

-"Marco, it's _my _fault!"- I raised my voice too and made him hop in place a bit, startling him, -"I was the one who asked him to hit me with the best he got in the first place, okay? It's _my _fault!"

He, stubborn as always, shook his head in disagreement but… he kept quiet. He understood what I said, nonetheless.

-"It doesn't matter anyways. He's dead,"- I said and lent forward, resting my hands on the bed, from each side of my sprawled legs, and looked down, as if I was kneeling, -"I'm sorry, Marco! I regret it, I regret asking him for help but I betrayed you and I can't forgive myself for it! I understand if you're mad at me and I… I understand if you wanna break up with me."

Marco stayed speechless.

I didn't look up. His expression will stab me, -"Just… do it and make it painful. I deserve it."

He suddenly gasped and took my head, making me look up at him. I felt my cheeks wet and that's when I realized I was crying, -"Don't say that, Jean!"- He yelled, _now _looking destroyed by what I just said, -"Don't punish yourself like that!"

-"But what I did… is wrong, Marco…"

-"But you had a reason and I understand you were in panic and resorted to drugs to calm down and to forget. There's not much else in that prison, is there?"

I shook my head and looked away, -"That's no excuse for-"

-"Enough, Jean,"- Again, he turned my head and made me look back at him, -"You're too hard on yourself. You hurt yourself and I hate that. It's okay, I'm not mad at you. I don't like you using drugs but… I understand, okay? I don't blame you and I still love you, no matter what you do."

I cried more as I rested my head in his palms, -"Marco…"- Damn him and his compassion…!

He smiled tenderly and kissed me again, pushing me back down on our bed. We kissed and made out for a few minutes until… -"Can… I… continue where I left off?"

-"I dunno… I…,"- The looked he gave me told me wanted to _do _me and I also wanted him to do me but…, -"… get a condom, just in case."

Marco nodded and rushed to the bathroom, where I retrained our lubricant and condoms. When he came back with a condom in hand, he straddled me again and slipped the condom onto my cock. I still dislike the tight sensation but I'll bear with it for Marco's health.

He continued to suck me and it took more time than usual and as he kept sucking, we both realized that it wasn't working. Marco suddenly sat on my lap, took hold of my cock and hitched up, hovering his rectum over it, -"Woah, Marco… wh-what're you…?"- _That's crazy! Gay Japanese manga crazy!_

And I secretly _loved_ it.

-"Just relax, Jean. You'll feel good, I promise,"- He spoke, eager to do it and make me feel as good as he felt. Slowly, he descended on my straight cock and yelped the second it pressed against his anus. I gaped my mouth to tell him to stop, that this was totally crazy and that he'll just end up hurting himself but he kept descending, trusting my dick in, -"Ah…! Haa…! It… it hurts!"- Marco bleated and groaned, his body shaking as he wriggled.

-"Ahh… fuck…"- I moaned, darting my head back a bit, feeling good already just my shoving my dick in him. I want to tell him to stop since it was hurting him but… I wanted him to continue, I wanted to feel my cock in him, I wanted to cum in him, to see his satisfied expression…

I noticed he was struggling to keep himself steady -though I think that's not the only issue. I think my dick's new size is another issue. Marco's body is used to my dick's last size. In any case, I held his hips from each side with both hand and his descent got steady. My dick sank into his anus slowly and Marco was trembling, bleating and groaning out loud, -"Ah… Jean…!"- His body heated up as his dick erected and spilled cum onto my groin. I wanted to take it in my finger and put it in my mouth but I kept my hands in place, holding Marco as he kept lowering his body down, shoving my dick even deeper. Marco wheezed and puffed hot, messy breaths as he dropped his body completely on me, dipping my dick further, now fully in. His eyes were mid-closed, his mouth gaped and dripping drool and he was sweating a lot. He started to rub his fingers between his nuts and then… just when I thought he was done, he started hopping in place, moaning and groaning louder and louder, -"Jean! Ah, hah… this… this feels so good!"

I was really enjoying watching him all hot and sweaty, struggling to masturbate while hopping on my cock. My body burned and I felt my cock spilling cum in there as the orgasm closed in. I reached for his hard dick and jacked it off while he kept shoving my cock in and out of his rectum, -"Marco… fuck!"- I bleated, my throat dried and my dick about to blow up in him, -"Oh, Marco…! Fuck, I'm… I'm about to come!"- I said, feeling my groin drenched in Marco's unending cum and enjoying the sensation.

Marco darted his head back, -"Jean, hah…!"

-"Marco!"

We both cried out when we ejaculated and spit cum. Marco's cum reached my face, splattering my cheek and chin -some of it even landed in my gaped mouth. Mines was a lot too. I felt it flood the condom and leak out of Marco's anus; I even saw it, dripping and oozing down on my crotch. We both exhaled at the waves of satisfaction and ecstasy but Marco's light body fell on me, making my cock bend painfully. I winced and pulled it out of him with a bit of difficulty, since it was slipper and very deep in him.

He was breathing with difficulty and I placed my hand on his hair, -"Marco… a-are you okay?"

-"Mhum…,"- He breathed in and out, slowly and deeply, and when he managed to control his messy breathing, he gazed at me. He spotted the cum on my cheeks and began to clean it off until I took his hand and moved it to my mouth. I licked his cum off his finger and nibbled them, -"Jean... I love you so much…"- He whispered before kissing me madly in the lips.

-"I… love you too…"- I managed to mutter between the kisses.

We kept kissing until we finally relaxed on our new bed and dozed off.

~ o ~

-"That was… really crazy, Marco. Where'd you get _that _from?"- I asked, caressing my boyfriend's abdomen's with my fingers. I laid on our bed sideway, with my waist on it and chest facing Marco and my head resting on my palm, which was being supported by my arm and my elbow. Both of us were still naked, covered by our soft sheets.

Marco giggled at my touch as he gazed at me lovingly, -"Well, it worked, didn't it?"- He said and he was right. I _did _got to reach that bliss I so craved, -"And I got it from… my BL mangas."- He blushed at that, rubbing his finger on his cheek.

-"Ha, I knew it!"- Marco had a few of those and he brought them here too, -"It was crazy but… amazing. You were great, Marco. Did it… did it hurt?"- I asked, now caressing his waist and tights, loving his smooth skin.

-"Mjum but…,"- He blushed a bit more at my touches and at the memories of our night going through his head, -"It payed off well in the end."

-"I'm glad but…,"- My hand was already on his butt, fondling it lovingly, -"Let's not try that again for a while, yeah? I don't wanna hurt you."

He nodded and wrapped his arms around my neck, extending his hands a bit lower and caressing my skin there. When he felt it scarred, he gasped and pushed me down abruptly, displaying my severed back, -"Hey!"- I exclaimed, startled.

Marco gasped again, deeper this time, and covered his mouth, muffling his continuous sobs, -"Oh my God, Jean… it's…"

I breathed deeply and closed my eyes. _My scarred back. I knew I couldn't hide it from him much longer..., _-"Marco, please don't cry…,"- I sat up and moved in front of him, pulling his hands from his mouth and placing mines on his cheeks, brushing his tears off his eyes, –"I know it looks horrible but… they're a reminder of everything I went through in there -of everything I went through all this time- and how I managed to endured it all … for you, Marco."

Marco sobbed again and looked up at me, shaking his head, -"They're a reminder of your strength, Jean…"

-"Yeah, well… you gave me strength when I needed it the most, Marco. I kept thinking about you and told myself 'Marco's out there, waiting for me. I need to get back to him'. That… was enough for me to keep standing up whenever I fell,"- I smiled fondly as I caressed his cheeks, tears welling up in my eyes, -"I had help, of course. That Nicky, I… I really owe him. It's a long story."

-"I'm all ears, Jean."- Marco said and settled himself cozily within our sheets, eager to hear my story.

-"Get comfy, Marco, 'cuz I'm not leaving any details."- I said and my story telling began. I shared everything, I told him _everything _that happened there. Marco was moved and glad often but sometimes, he got sad and worried. The story wasn't exactly rosy but Marco enjoyed it and he was glad I was willing to share it with him, despite having suffered in there.

After I finished, we started making out again. I was kissing his blotched neck passionately when he spoke, -"Mhm… Jean, have you ever thought about…"

I sucked his skin gently, tasting his vanilla scent in my mouth, -"Hmm?"

-"A… about getting married?"

I coughed abruptly, taken by surprise with his stunning and sudden question. I hoisted my body up and gazed at him, -"Uh… no, not really. Why you ask?"- Me? Married? Uh, no thanks. Too much of a responsibility for me.

-"Well, _I've_ been thinking… now that we got our own house and all… that maybe it would be nice…"- Marco's happy and dreamy smile told me he really thought about it and it made him happy.

Marriage is the cause of break-ups, honestly. When married, couples tend to get into a load of fights and rules are placed and I like our freedom. I don't want rules between Marco and I. I want for us to be free as boyfriends forever, -"Oh ho, ho, you're funny, you cute -I mean, stupid bastard…"- I jibed, tickling him mercilessly and enjoying his gleeful giggles ringing in me ear.

But… who knows? We _might _just get married someday.

* * *

So... I don't know about that ending XD Now, before you make moody faces, cheer up, there's an epilogue coming up!

Finishing this story is like a achievement for me and even though it lost some of it's charm from the beginning, I'm proud of it. It's been like three to four years with it and I think the problem was that I dragged it too much, right? Let me now! I got a ton of JeanMarco fics ideas and I can't wait to get started on 'em. I'm taking a small break, though, after writing the epilogue (which won't be as long as this one, promise XD). I think I've learned a lot from this experience and I hope my next stories do better :3 stay tuned if you're interested!

You, who has read this story up to this chapter, THANK YOU SO MUCH. I know it wasn't easy to stand it (and believe it, it wasn't easy to write either) but thank you. Thank you a lot.

Have a great week ;)


	95. EPILOGUE

...

I'm sorry this ended up a lot longer than I intended it to be but I'm proud of it and very happy! (22,000 words? That's a new record!) I managed to cover everything I wanted to cover and that makes me feel relieved :3

**Warning: Strong sexual content.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.**

* * *

EPILOGUE

-"So, that's our long, traumatic and happy story,"- I said, leaning back on the chair with arms crossed behind my head, -"What do you think?"- Fuck, my back and shoulders hurt. I'll need Marco to give me one of his glorious massages _while _getting a massage in our sweet Jacuzzi.

The woman in the desk before me had her eyes glistening at us, -"Oh my God… I don't know what to say,"- She pressed her face with her white nap-kin, cleaning off the ruined make-up from her eyes, -"You've both been… trough so much…"

-"Yeah, well… that's the past and now we're both here, alive, healthy and happy, and that's what matters."- I said, with a smile on my face as I gazed at Marco on a chair beside me, placing my hand on his knee.

-"God, I don't even know how to start the article…"- She cleaned the sweat from her pale forehead with her napkin. The blond woman, uh… I forget her name, was extremely moved by our story.

-"We can help you out, if you'd like."- Marco offered, pleased with how this turned out. The idea of this was originally mines but… I wasn't sure, at first. I wasn't at ease with the thought of every person out there knowing about it because… it's personal, very personal for both of us, and so I asked Marco and what he said helped me decide: I decided to let guys and girls like me out there know what this life has in stock, to let them know that… it's not easy and if my story can give them a head-start, that's awesome, but if it just scares them then… maybe someone else's will chin them back up.

The journalist quickly shook her head, dumping the dirty napkin in the trash-can beside her desk, -"No, no, no, you boys have done so much already. It took a lot of courage for you to, first of all, make the decision and lastly, to retell your story to me, to the whole cities."

I nodded because it did take a lot out of me to decide and I'm glad I had Marco there to help me.

-"What you've done, boys, it's… marvelous. With this, you will help a lot of boys and girls like you out there understand what it's like to be homosexual, to understand and be aware of the obstacles and difficulties they will face. You'll let them know that they're not alone, that there are others like them."- Vicky spoke, shedding tears again and pulling _another _napkin for its box to clean her messy makeup.

_Isn't she dramatic? -_"Yeah, that's... what I'm hoping."

-"Well, there's a lot of work for me to do so I better get started,"- She tugged her coat and tapped her cheeks several times, -"I must warn you, though, once I post this out there… there might be other journalists like me wishing to interview you both. You'll be famous in no time."

-"Actually, we're pretty recognized already,"- I laughed, scratching my head as Marco and I stood up, -"Thanks again, um…"

-"Victoria Gale but everyone calls me Vicky,"- She snatched my hand and shook it, -"Thank you so much for coming today here! You don't how eager I was to meet you both! I'll let you know as soon as the article's out!"

-"We'll appreciate that."- I said and turned to the exit, right after Marco.

-"Um, hold on a sec, boys,"- Spoke Vicky again, making us peer over our shoulders at her, -"I got one last question: are you sexually active?"

Marco and I turned to face her and looked at each other. We've been inquired about that several times before and my response is always the same: -"That's putting it mildly."

-"Jean…"- And Marco always elbows me because of my lewd answer but it's true! We _do_ have sex a lot! Let me think… we have sex like five times a week, sometimes we have sex two or three times a day, so that's eight… times a week? Someone do the math, please. I dunno how to count. All I know is that we _do _have sex... a _lot_.

_Are_ we sexually active? Oh_ yeah. _

Vicky's cheeks flushed as he looked at our psychologist on a corner. Yeah, we've been going to a psychologist recently, by Celine's suggestion _and _Marco's beseech. Me? I'm fine. I know we've been through some traumatic shit but I feel fine. I don't need a psychologist but oh well.

Our psychologist was a very sweet person that has come to care a lot about us. She specifically has gotten attached to Marco, you know, because he's cute and all. Ugh. _He's mine, bitch_. She's actually here because she wanted to make sure the interview doesn't… you know, _derange _us or something. Her name's Clara and she's tan skinned, brown eyed with short, curly, brown hair and a slim but curvy body. The reason I'm a bit... scornful with her is because she reminded me of Kat, my psychologist in high school, the _bitch _who made my life there a living hell, -"Yes, they are sexually active but they do not show _any _symptom of addiction. It is simply… _passion_."

Vicky _aww-_ed, making my boyfriend blush as he gazed at me lovingly. I smiled lovingly at him too.

-"Their STD test results are perfect too."- Clara added.

-"That's impressive!"- Vicky exclaimed and took out her tiny notebook from her desk, pulling out a pink pen from its springs. She was chirpy and excited. If I don't leave her office soon, she's gonna keep making questions, -"Last question, I promise! How do you achieve success during your sexual intercourses and how do you maintain it healthy and yet passionate?"

I chortled and waved my hands in front of her, -"Whoa, slow down, Vicky! One at a time. You lost me at the first one."

Vicky breathed deeply and exhaled, -"Oh my God, I can just ask you so many questions,"- She's a crazy journalist, isn't she? -"I meant... what makes your sexual intercourse so successful?"

Okay, now she's going weird on me with those questions. Marco was a bit embarrassed even. Before all this, I wouldn't answer such a question, I mean... it's personal, but since I agreed to this in the first place..., -"It depends on your mood, really, but there are other factors that can... you know, affect the moment, like the atmosphere and the place you're in. The key factor, though, in my opinion is... _love_; how much you love that person and how much that person loves you too, how much intimacy they share and the confidence in each other."

-"That's beautiful..."- Vicky said, eyes glistening again as she scribbled down on her notebook.

-"And regarding your second question, well... lots of condoms and lubricant."- Really, there's nothing else to say there. No matter how many times I'm asked the question and no matter _who _asks it, I say: _condoms and lubricants, kid. _

-"Okay, so... what would you say to the boys and girls out there experiencing their homosexuality for the first time?"

_I have a lot to say about that, -_"To stay loyal to themselves, to never lie to themselves about who they are, to never try to be someone else... no matter what. To stay strong because sooner or later, it... it hurts and they're going to regret it."

-"That's beautiful..."- Vicky said, writing all my words on her notebook.

_Yeah, you said that before..._

When she finished writing, she closed her notebook and shoved it in her coat's pockets, -"Well, I think you better leave before I start making more questions! Thanks again!"

With a quick wave of my hands, I scuttled out of her office hurriedly, pushing Marco with me, -"Whew, another second in there and she would've bombarded us with questions again."

Marco chuckled, swiping the bit of sweat from his forehead, -"Yeah..."

-"Oh, wait! I forgot a _very _important question!"- _Ah, crap... _I cursed mentally as I looked at Marco to run away but it was too late. She already caught us, notebook on hand again. She's quick, I'll give her that -despite wearing high heels, -"Do you plan on getting married?"

_Shit... _I cursed mentally. That was _not _a question I was expecting, given the present person beside me. I gulped, feeling Marco's expectant and hopeful eyes on me, -"Uh... no, I don't plan on getting married."

From my peripheral, I saw Marco dropping his gaze from me, disappointed. Marco has mentioned marriage several times now and even though he wasn't... direct about it, I knew he wanted us to marry. He wanted us to become more than just boyfriends. He wanted us to have a deeper link than just plain lovers. He wanted to call me _husband_ but I'm just... not cut out for that.

_I'm really sorry, Marco..._

-"Oh, uh... that's rather unfortunate but I'm sure you have your reasons!"

-"I'd like it if you don't include that info in your article."- I said, giving her a serious look.

-"O-of course! It's your personal affair, after all,"- She cleared her throat and looked away. She _did _planned on including it, didn't she? -"Alright, that's _finally _all! I'll get started on the article right away and I'll let you know when it's done!"

-"Yeah, _finally._"- I muttered to myself, eager to get the hell out of here already and go home.

-"Um, thanks again!"- Said Marco, waving his arms at Vicky as I dragged him out of there and hurried to the exit.

-"Are you boys alright?"- Clara asked, following after us.

-"We're fine, Clara. Don't fuss about it."- I said and it might have been a bit harsh on my part but... Marco and I are totally fine. Honestly, she's getting all wrapped up and worried over nothing. Also, having her following us like this kind of annoys me. We know how to take care of ourselves, okay?

-"Some of those questions were..."

I halted my steps and turned to her, -"I know,"- I said. She was right. The majority of those questions were a bit painful to answer. They brought unwanted and grievous memories to my mind, like Frank's fight, Marco's bullet wound, my sentence in prison..., -"But we moved on, okay? That's in the past and we're here, in the present, and it's all that matters,"- I snapped, running a hand through my hair to calm myself a bit, -"Look, I know what you're trying to do and I appreciate it but... I think it's time for you to focus on your most severe patients, like the one with dementia and the other one with PTSD, you know, the one who _really _need you, you get me?"

Clara's eyes glistened a bit as she stared at me incredulously and heartbroken. _Oh God, is she going to cry?_ Like I said before, she has come to care about us a lot and me telling her all this is a shock for her, but I had to say it. Otherwise, she won't realize it.

-"I'm just trying to tell you that we're okay,"- I said, wrapping an arm around Marco's shoulder and pulling him close to me, -"We're alright, we both moved past that and it doesn't affect us anymore. We're _happy_, can't you see?"

Marco looked at me in surprise and admiration. He disliked my indifference towards her and the whole plan of having a psychologist but... as she realized that it really was unnecessary, he did too, -"He's right, Clary. We're both okay and we're happy with our lives, despite everything we've suffered."

-"Yes, I... I see,"- Clara spoke, her voice a bit uneven. _She's really gonna cry, isn't she? _For a psychologist, she's pretty scatterbrained, -"But... I still want to see you whenever I can..."

I sighed, -"We can still have a few sessions but... let's drop the volume, yeah?"- I mean, three times a week is just _not _okay. She shrieked, literary _shrieked_, in content as she launched at us into a tight hug. Her breasts felt uncomfortable on my chest but... I didn't said anything just to comply her wish. She hugged Marco next, tighter than she hugged me, and even lifted him up. My eyebrows furrowed as I grabbed Marco's arm and started pulling him away from her. _That's enough, bitch, -_"Time to go, Marco."- I have places to be and I wanna get home already.

-"Take care, boys!"- Clara waved us goodbye, yelling something else to us but we were already too far.

Marco and I hurried out of Sina's best newspaper building, "Sina Daily News", and mounted my car. Once inside, I exhaled in relief and relaxed on my seat, -"Boy, am I glad to be out of there,"- The mass of people in there was overwhelming (thank God there was air conditioner, otherwise, it would've been like an oven) and the continuing chatter was just too much for my ears. It made my head ache. I turned to Marco, -"You okay?"- I asked, worried a bit. Marco's dislike of crowds was notable there but when he's with me, it's not so overwhelming for him. He just gets on edge.

He nodded, closing his eyes and rubbing it's lids, -"Mhum."

-"Just one more place to go before we return to our cozy home,"- I said, caressing his cheek lovingly. Man, the thought made me all giddy and joyful. I loved my home and I loved the privacy I had with Marco there. We can just do so much without anyone bothering us, -"Besides, you were the one who insisted on going."

-"It's important, okay? Let's go."- He said, straightening up on the passenger's seat.

-"Alright,"- I said, turning on my car and pulling the lever down to reverse, -"Seat belts, babe."

Marco had the belt already, though, and just gave me a proud smirk, -"That goes for _you_."

I laughed and pulled down my seat belt. Yeah, I'm the one that always forget.

We rode off with our crystals down. We enjoyed watching Sina's beautiful scenery as we passed by and _I _enjoyed watching Marco smiling as he stuck his head out a bit, his hair dancing like crazy as the wind blew by. He knew that and gazed at me often, his cheeks flushed as he smiled in joy.

We reached our destination: Sina Health Center and I sighed, -"We're here. Man, I'll never get tired of this place."- I said as we dismounted my car and stretched. That was plain sarcasm. Me, someone with little to no tolerance and thin temper, not tired of this place? Puh-please! In there, there's always like five or six kids crying and sick people coughing all the time. I have a hard time containing my urge to just fucking kick them out of the building. I'm here because, like Marco said, it's important for us and our health.

We headed inside and the first thing I heard was, you guessed it, kids crying. I groaned as we sat on our chairs close to the reception area after taking our turn number. I can whine about this place all I can but I gotta say, it's way better than Maria's health center. People here are never too sick or old to smell and dress good. Plus, they're civilized; they cover their mouth when they're about to cough or sneeze, preventing other's from getting infected -they _bathe, _okay? Yeah, it's full like Maria's but it has an air conditioner turned on 24/7 and it was way bigger, spacious and had a lot of seats.

We waited to be called to the reception area until my boyfriend started shaking, -"Cold, babe?"- I asked.

Marco nodded, his teeth clattering even, -"I... I forgot our coats."

-"Wait here, I'll go get them."- I gave him a sweet peck on his cheek and stood up, scuttling trough the mass of people, careful not to _accidentally _stomp on any annoying kids. Once out, I headed to my car, opened the trunk and pulled out our coats. I bought them when we started coming here frequently; mines was a leather, brownish coat with no hood and Marco's was a fury white and hooded. I closed the trunk, locked it and headed inside, coats on shoulders. I sat beside Marco and dressed him with his coat, -"C'mere, I'll warm you up."- I gestured, arms open for when he rested his head on my chest to close them around his shoulders. I pulled him closer to me and nuzzled his hair, inhaling his sweet vanilla scent I love so much.

-"Thanks, Jean,"- Marco spoke, -"I love you."

-"Love you too,"- I replied, smiling like a little kid, -"You know I'll do anything for you."

Marco smiled and closed his eyes.

All cozy and warm, we both dozed off until our number was called. It startled us awake but I pushed Marco down gently, -"I'll go and sign us up. You just keep snoozing, cutie,"- I said, scuttling hurriedly towards the reception area, -"Yeah, I'm here for an STD checkup with doctor Quinn, if he's present."

-"Name?"- Asked the woman before me.

-"Jean Kirshtein and Marco Bodt."- I replied, resting my arms on the counter.

-"Oh, it's you again. You're with the Army, right?"- The woman spoke and giggled once she found our names on the monitor, -"STD checkup again, huh? Aren't you libidinous. You military bad boys are a score. I bet your girl is _really _happy."

-"It's a guy,"- I rolled my eyes, -"And that's none of your business."

-"Oh,"- She said, just realizing that, hey, the name beside mines is a boy's, the one I've been getting STD checkup once a week with, suggests I _am_ gay, -"... you're _gay_?"- She spoke in surprise _and _disgust. Her ugly face said it all. Her makeup even got all messed up when it wrinkled in disgust.

-"Nooo, of course not,"- I spoke, with clear sarcasm in my voice, -"Just call me when Quinn's ready."- I spat and parted from the counter... but not before I heard her say 'since when does the military recruits something as disgusting as a gay?' to her coworker. I paused my feet, clenched my fists and gritted my teeth. I had the urge to just... fucking tell her a few things but, like Marco suggested, I ignored them. I released my grip and exhaled. Yeah, I shouldn't get so worked-up by a bitch like her. I mean, I've heard that kind of shit before and I expected homophobes in Sina too (they're everywhere, really) so I should stay cool about it. Her voice was annoying, okay? Still, if she says something _really _uncalled for... I'll confront her cuz I'm not gonna let _anyone_ badmouth my relationship with Marco.

Still kind of moody, I stomped back to my seat and sat harshly, arms crossed and brows furrowed. Marco noticed, of course and I told him everything about it but I was still grouchy and like always he gave me warm kiss on my cheek and massaged my shoulders, trailing his finger up my neck and pressing there gently too. I exhaled as I cooled off by his touch, moaning silently, -"Better?"- He asked.

-"Yeah...,"- I slurred, turning my head towards him, -"But you know what would be better? You giving me a massage _while _getting a massage in our Jacuzzi."- _Uff._

Marco chuckled, caressing my cheek, -"We could do that after Netflix and Chill while cozying up with the fireplace -or would you prefer Gaming and Chill?"- Marco spoke lewdly and lovingly.

-"Mmm, both,"- Oh boy, that sounds _really_ good. It sent thrills trough my body while a simper grew on my lips, -"Then we get heavy on our bed?"

Marco giggled, -"Whatever you want, Jean."- We started to near our faces together until we were called. Cock blocked, we both stood up and scuttled our way past the reception area to Quinn's office, holding hands.

Once in, we closed the door and the man greeted us, a knowing smile on his lips, -"Hey, Jean, Marco, same drill?"

-"You know it, doc."- I said as Marco and I pulled our pants down, exposing our crotches. We know the drill already.

Quinn sanitized his hands, pulled down gloves on them and clicked his fingers. He turned to examine me first, kneeling before my crotch with a hand on his chin, -"Hmm... nothing of note here."- He commented and reached for one of those long swabs from his desk.

-"Ugh, hate this part."- I whined as he lifted my cock a bit and shoved the damn stick up my penis. I winced as he pressed it deeper. It feels uncomfortable but after a while... it feels good.

-"Stop whining, Jean. I though I said that since your cock is... _ahem_, larger, your urethra is farther and so I have to press deeper,"- Quinn said, pulling the stick out slowly. That felt even better, making me moan and even cum a bit, -"See? It's not so bad. You even discharged a bit,"- Quickly, he took a sample of my cum before it fell, -"Do you want a lollipop?"- He mocked, a grin on his face.

I just looked away, cheeks flushed while Marco chuckled. I admit, it's not so bad but if it was one of those penis sex toys it would've been a _lot _better than a fucking swab.

Quinn patted the bed next and I laid chest down. He took another swab from his desk and shoved it up my anus. That didn't felt uncomfortable at all. I moaned as he turned the thing inside and pulled it out slowly, -"Alright, now take a sample of your urine and please, don't let it fall to the water."- He said, giving me a plastic glass with a sachet of moist towelette and a tube.

-"'Kay."- I replied, trudging towards the bathroom he had in here, pants still down.

Once in, I rose the toilet's lid and sat, opening the sachet and rubbing the towelette against my penis. I helped me pee and I quickly poured it in the plastic vase and then in the tube. I dumped the vase and stood up after cleaning myself, flushing the toilet and pulling my pants up. I walked out and saw Quinn taking a swab of Marco's butt-hole. I licked my lips lecherously at his cute, freckled buns. When he finished, Marco pulled his pants up and we both sat down on the chairs. Quinn then took a swab of our mouth and a blood sample from our fingertips, -"As you already know, the samples takes at least a day to be evaluated and processed. In any case, you look perfectly healthy to me... despite your excessive quantity of sexual activities. I suggest you decrease said quantity to reduce your odds of brewing an infection."

I leaned against the chair, arms crossed behind my head, -"You ask a lot out of me, doc."

Quinn chuckled and then sighed, eyes on his monitor, typing something, -"I envy you both, you know."

I tilted my head, curious of his abrupt words, -"Why's that?"- I pried and maybe I shouldn't have. I know Quinn's a womanizer but I think he's unlucky with women. I've spotted him in several places in Sina, speaking to women and all the times I've come here, I see him unhappy.

-"Look at you both, so young and yet passionate for each other. Your bond is... substantial and your love is fervent. It's remarkable,"- He sighed, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes, -"I've lived long and I've gotten involved with a lot of women but... I haven't found _the _woman, the right person for me, that special someone. I feel... lonely, empty."

I stared at him. Those words struck me. They reminded me of Nick, -"Have you um, tried switching gender? Not you, I mean..."

-"I know what you mean,"- Quinn dropped his hands and adjusted his glasses again, now gazing at me, -"I'm unsure, though. It would be... radical."

-"Yeah, it is, but... just try it."- I don't know why but... I wanna help this man out.

Marco, compassionate as always, wanted to help him too, -"Yeah, just try it. You'll never know if you don't try it and who knows, you might find that special person you're looking for."

Quinn thought about it and nodded, -"Yes, you're right,"- He took a deep breath, -"I'll think about it,"- He turned his eyes to the monitor, -"Well, I believe we're done here. Like I mentioned, you look healthy but if you continue with your... sexual activities in the usual pace, then please, keep coming once a week for examination. You can never be too careful. As always, your association with the Army grants you a full health care and thus, you don't owe me anything."

-"Gotcha'!"- I said, waving him goodbye with my keys in hand, as Marco and I stepped out of his office. We walked out of the building, holding hands again, and mounted my car, -"We're finally going home, babe."

Marco smiled broadly as I reversed the car and rode off. The ride home is always peaceful for us. Marco, like last time, stuck his head and rested it on my car's hurdle, closing his eye and enjoying the evening's cool breeze. We reached the military base and since I had the tag on my front crystal, indicating that I live in there, the soldier in charge of the gate opened it quickly. I drove past the shops to the residential area, reaching our home. I parked my car in the marquee after opening the white door with the gadget I had in my car. We dismounted and headed inside. I quickly inhaled the warm air and the vanilla scent emanating from the candles I bought for Marco, -"Home sweet home."- I said, already taking my shoes and my shirt off, exposing my scars.

-"What do you want for dinner, Jean?"- Marco quickly asked, already walking towards the kitchen, -"Soup? Mashed potatoes or...?"

-"Hey, relax, babe. We just arrived,"- I said as I sat comfortably on the sofa and rubbed my feet on the fluffy carpet beneath. I patted my side, -"C'mere."

With a smile, Marco scooted to the living room and sat next to me. I quickly loosened myself on him and started tickling him mercilessly. His giggles and laughs were like a melody to my ears, making my body shake in joy. I loved hearing him laughing and I loved seeing him smile, -"Jean...!"- Marco yelled, laughing and pushing me away as I tickled his armpit, -"St-stop!"

I stopped and stayed over him, my arms on each side of his body, supporting mines, -"Are you happy, Marco?"- I asked, out of the blue. I don't know what got into me. I knew Marco isn't unhappy here with me but...

Marco sighed, looking at my eyes and after a few seconds, he nodded, hooking his arms on my neck, -"Are you?"

_I'm... not sure. I feel happy but..., _-"Yeah."- I leaned down and kissed him on his lips.

We made out for a few minutes until Marco parted from me, a bit breathless, -"Do you want omelette tacos?"- He asked, a knowing smile on his face. He knew I wouldn't say no to _that_. I love omelettes and he knows it! And he _really _knows how to cook too. I love his cooking.

-"Yes,"- I replied, my mouth already drooling, -"Please."- Marco chuckled and pecked my lips before sliding off the sofa and sauntering towards the kitchen. With an arm on the sofa's back summit, I watched as Marco paced around the kitchen, looking and taking the dinner's materials from the fridge, humming to himself.

I loved watching him cooking and I loved his cooking.

Yeah, I'm happy.

~ o ~

_Two years later..._

-"Hey, Marco, I'll... uh, be upstairs doing research."

Marco looked over his shoulder and nodded. He was in the kitchen preparing lunch, -"Okay. I'll call you when lunch's ready."

-"Roger."- I replied and scooted upstairs to the study room -_his _study room. It was already filled with Marco's stuff; he had an easel on a corner with lots of canvas graciously organized in rows and columns. Some of them were already painted and I gotta say, his skill improved a lot since high school. Bit by bit, Marco's painting seemed more real than before. In addition to that, all the bookshelves in the room were already filled with his books -plus, the room even had his _smell_. I loved it. I sat on the desk's chair and turned the the PC's tower and then the monitor. Marco had his laptop but we bought one of the big PCs, considering Marco's classes started and most of those classes required him to own complex art programs.

Once on, I waited for it "load up", like Marco suggested, for a few seconds before I clicked on Chrome's icon. Yeah, we even had our own WiFi, can't this get any better? I opened two tabs and in one of them, I revised my bank account's balance. I sighed in relief when I saw a high amount left. I admit, since I started working and earning _good_ cash, I've gotten... carried away. Marco scolds me about it _all _the time but I'll be honest and say that I've mostly spent it on him and guess what, _condoms_ and _lubricants_. Our bathroom's cabinets were packed with those. _Holy shit. _Still, I'm saving up for something _very _important. Also,I like giving Marco whatever he wants. I like to pamper him.

I started working as a patrolman and got assigned as an infantryman in case the city's under attack. I exceeded in combat and artillery so I qualified for combat jobs_. _I took all the of the tests already and yeah, I had to shoot guns and it was complicated, at first; I couldn't stop forgetting about Frank _and _his gun, the one who wounded Marco. Then, I imagined Frank there, at the end of my gun and just like that, I got the hang of it. I'm not one to brag but... I got a damn good aim.

I had another thing to check in mind so I looked over my shoulder and peered at the door. _Coat's clear, _I though... until I heard footsteps and quickly closed the tab, -"Jean..."- Marco spoke, sauntering towards me meekly.

-"Oh, hey... is lunch ready?"- I asked, a bit nervous. _Gotta close the door next time._

Marco shook his head, -"No, but... I wanted ask you something."

-"Ask away, freckles."- I replied, patting my lap.

He sat down on my lap and bit his lip, pondering about the question, -"Um... what're you researching?"

-"Oh, just... uh, my account's balance,"- I parted from the screen and showed him the tab. I then turned to him, a hand on his thigh,-"I think that's not what you were gonna ask me. What's wrong, Marco?"

He sighed and brushed a fringe of his hair off his face, -"It's about what you asked me a few years ago, if I'm happy and yes, I _am _happy but... don't you feel there could be _more _between us? I feel our relationship is lacking and...,"- Marco wanted to continue down that line, making my heart ache bit by bit, but stopped himself and said something else, -"Jean, if... if _someone _important to you were to propose to you with ring in hand one day... what would you do?"

My eyes widened. He's... he's talking about himself. He knows he's the most important person in my life. I don't have anyone else that would propose to me.

-"Jean...?"- He wanted an answer.

_Oh Marco... if only I could..., -_"I... I...,"- I muttered and looked away from him. My heart wanted to jump off my chest, -"... don't know, Marco, I..."

Marco's expression dropped, his eyes tearing up a bit, saddened and disappointed yet again of my answer, -"Oh, I see...,"- He struggled to hold those tears in. His lips were shaking and he gulped a lot, -"I'm... not going to ask about that anymore, I'm sorry."- And with that, he stood from my lap and left, covering his face.

I stayed speechless on my chair, my eyes welling up too. _I'm sorry, Marco..._

God, I hated to see him like that. I had the urge to stand up and comfort him but instead, I turned around and faced the monitor. After closing the door a bit, I typed 'wedding rings for gay couples' on the URL and clicked search. Yeah, I plan on proposing to him and I want it to be a surprise. That's why I kept quiet about it all this time, even though Marco's sad face made me wanna propose right then and there. Marco wanted us to marry and at first, I was unsure. I mean, all this time I've been _too _comfortable as just boyfriends. Getting married is not my thing but I kept thinking about everything we've been through and about how we overcame those obstacle, together, and I think... I think we can definitely be more than just boyfriends. We've been together for four years now. We can definitely be something bigger and more meaningful. I'll be honest and say I also wanted to comply Marco. Marrying me is his biggest wish. I'll also say that I don't believe that marriage is the one thing that truly bonds a couple together, like the Bible and the Priests tell you so. I believe that what bonds you to your lover is... well, love; if they want to have a strong bond, they have to work together to make it so.

I always thought that marriage is the reason why many couples end up breaking up but... that doesn't mean Marco and I will break up. Marriage doesn't have anything to do there, it's just... a title, a status. However, _you _do have something to do about it, you and your lover. If Marco and I end up breaking up, that's because _we_ made it, _we're_ at fault, not marriage.

Marco, on the other hand, believes it's what will bond us together forever. He's Christian, he still believes, and that's okay with me. I respect his beliefs.

I also want Marco to call me _husband. _I also want Marco to be happy and I knew that marrying me will really make him happy.

I browsed the web for wedding rings and I already had my eyes on one for a while; it was stainless steel with lots of colorful stones neatly engraved on the sides (representing the symbol of the LGBT community) and a moderate sized diamond in the middle. I've been undecided but the more I thought about this one, the more convinced that this really is the one for him I became. It's not too complex nor too simple, just perfect, just... _Marco. _

_I'm actually nervous._

I dialed Celine's number quickly, -"Hey, Celine. You, uh... done for the day?"- Yeah, Celine, Dad and even Nick are mixed in this. I got the name of the place where the ring's being sold but I didn't how to get there and plus, I didn't wanted to go alone and I couldn't bring Marco. Fortunately, the shop's located in Sina.

-"Yes, I just arrived home,"- Sure enough, I heard the dog barking, -"How are you boys doing?"

-"We're alright,"- I replied, speaking as low as I could to prevent Marco form listening. I kept gazing at the door often too, -"I wanted to check if we could arrange to... uh, you know."- _Buy the ring._ I wanted them to be there, specially Celine.

-"Well, let's see...,"- Celine thought about it and I heard footsteps from her side, -"Your father, Nicholas and I are free this Sunday. Do you have work that day?"

-"Let me check,"- I stood up and scooted towards our room. I checked the calendar that hung over our dressed and sighed in relief when I saw that Sunday was unchecked, -"Nope, I'm free too."

-"Good, now what about Marco?"- She asked.

-"I dunno. I'll lie and tell him that I'm going to the supermarket or something,"- I said and chuckled, -"We're almost out of supplies anyways."

-"Jean!"- Marco shouted, -"Lunch's ready!"

-"Shit,"- I cursed and returned to the study room, turning off the tower and the monitor, -"Marco's calling. Gotta go."

-"Take care, Jean."- Celine hung up.

I turned to leave until I membered that whatever website I was in, the web browser saves it in it's history. If Marco saw that...

No, I have to clear my history asap. I know, I sound like I just watched porn and trust me, I'm no stranger of it. I rushed towards the desk and turned the monitor and the tower back on. Marco called me again, -"Come on, come on..."- I muttered, urging the damn thing to turn on already.

-"Jean? Are you okay?"- Marco called again, now suspicious. I heard footsteps and it made my heart throb faster.

-"Shit, shit..."- I cursed, tapping my foot nervously against the floor as I clicked Chrome to delete my history without letting it load up and because of that, it was slow. I kept cursing until the 'clear history' button popped up and I quickly clicked on it. _Holy shit, hurry up! I can't spoil the surprise!_

-"Um, Jean? What're you doing?"- Marco asked, entering the room. The history was deleted and I quickly closed the web and turned off the PC.

-"Oh, uh... just turning this off,"- I said, clearing my throat and scooting out of the room, -"Shall we eat lunch?"

Marco just nodded and followed me downstairs. We took our plates of rice and meat and sat to eat. The first bite I took off the meat, I started making faces of joy. Man, it's so juicy and spongy and delicious. Like I said, Marco's cooking's amazing.

Marco always loved to see me all giddy up due to his cooking. He always had something to say about it but lunch today was... quiet, _he _was quiet and kind of lackluster. I tried to bring up a conversation about the stupidest thing I could come up with but he just nodded or muttered 'mjum'. When he finished eating, he stood up and dumped his residue, -"Want water or coke?"- He asked.

-"I'll take when I finish, don't worry."- I said, mouth full.

-"Alright."- He replied and turned to wash the dishes.

-"Hey, babe, leave 'em there,"- I quickly said after swallowing a chunk of meat, -"It's my turn, remember? Besides, you cooked so... just leave it to me, okay?"

-"Oh, okay."- He sighed and dried his hands on his shirt.

I was done with my plate and dropped it in the sink, -"Hey, it was really good. You're the best cook, babe,"- I pecked his cheek, -"Thanks for that delicious lunch."

He gave me a small smile, -"Thanks and you're welcome. I'm glad you liked it,"- He sighed and looked away, -"I'll... be upstairs."- And with that he left.

I sighed and turned towards the sink to wash the dishes. He's kind of blue and it's because of me, of what we talked. I'm serious, it made me wanna propose right now. I don't know how long I can keep this up.

After I finished washing the dishes, I went upstairs to check up on Marco and saw him laying on our bed, taking a nap or... I'm not sure. I wanted to say something but I kept my mouth shut and decided to leave him alone for a while. I turned to the study room and kept searching for... wedding stuff. I saw articles of the best weddings and I sighed. They were so... complex and extravagant. I wondered about the amount of money spent and it made my stomach churn a bit. I started wondering how ours will be. I'm not up for this stuff. I'm not _that _romantic, I don't know how to be all... you know, like those people on the internet, but I love Marco and I'm gonna marry him one way or another.

I then searched for rings again but I couldn't find another one better than the one I already had my eyes on. The place where it was being sold is called Equality and it's located in Sina. I just hope nobody buys it before Sunday. After a few hours of just researching about weddings, learning everything I could about it, I went to the bathroom and took a warm bath before going to sleep. Marco was quiet and I just gave him a peck on his cheeks before I closed my eyes. No sex tonight, huh. I's not like we _have _to but... we've had sex almost everyday and yeah, I'm used to it but I'm never going to force Marco into it. I just closed my eyes and slept.

~ o ~

The next day was just another normal day within base. Even though it was Saturday, I had to work while Marco stayed home studying for an exam he had on Monday. When I got home around 6 o' clock, Marco came running at me from upstairs the second he heard the door opening, and I was really happy to see him not blue like yesterday. I hugged him tightly before he parted from me and gave me warm kiss on my lips. I returned it, still holding him tightly. He parted from me and nodded towards the kitchen, -"I made dinner for you. It's in the microwave."

-"Thanks,"- I said, giving him another peck on his lips, -"I'm starving,"- I took off my military coat and hooked it on the floor hanger. I sauntered towards the kitchen, pulled out a plate of mashed potato and smoked cutlet from the microwave and sat, -"So, you ready to ace that exam?"

Marco smiled and shrugged, -"Well, I studied a lot."

I smiled, his solemnity and humility always warming me up, -"C'mon, babe, give yourself some credit. If you know you're gonna ace it, say it without shame."- He had his black, nerdy squared glasses that made him cuter and it made me wanna shower him in kisses.

He chuckled as he sat in front of me, -"Yes, Jean, I'm going to 'ace' it."

-"That's more like it."- I said and winked at him, munching down the juicy meat.

-"And you?"- He asked, gazing at me loving. _He's in a good mood today..., -_"How was work today?"

I swallowed and parted my lips, -"It was good. I did a lot of exercise and trained too, learned a few cool moves while I was at it."

-"That's good, Jean."- Marco cheered but I knew he wanted to talk about something else.

-"Marco, you think I don't know you?"- I asked, pointing my fork at him, -"You want to talk to me about something else, don't you?"

Marco gasped lowly, his cheeks flushed as his eyes widened a bit. He gazed down and nodded slowly, bashfully, -"Yes, but... later? After you finish eating and when we... um, go to sleep?"

I chuckled and shrugged, -"I dunno, babe. You're the one who wants talk. You tell me,"- I shoved another chunk of meat into my mouth, -"You can talk now, I don't mind."

He shook his head, -"Nu-uh, when we go to sleep."

-"As you wish, freckles."- After eating my whole plate, I stood up and started to wash the dishes until Marco stopped me by my arm.

-"I'll wash them, Jean. It's my turn. You just arrived."- He said, insisting and pushing me away from the sink.

-"Okay, okay!"- I laughed and pointed upstairs, -"I'll take a bath and... wait for you in our room."

Marco just nodded and turned to the sink.

I sauntered upstairs and took a bath. As I scrubbed my body, I kept wondering about what Marco wanted us to talk about. Once I finished, I dried my hair, washed my teeth and sauntered out, shirtless with just my underwear. When I walked in our room, I saw Marco sitting on our bed, in his Superman pajama, waiting for me, -"Oh, you're here already,"- I said and sat beside him, -"Is everything okay?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, -"Jean, I... wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was acting like a little kid, wasn't I?"- He sat crossed legged and faced me. He took my hands and squeezed them, -"You know I've been giving you indirect talks about m-marriage but I... I wasn't really giving you a choice and you have the right to choose. I know you don't want to and that's... that's okay. I respect your decision and I have to understand it and come to terms with it. I mean, it wouldn't be okay for us to be married when you really didn't want to..."

_Marco..._

-"I'm really sorry, Jean. I acted like a kid when you really weren't at fault. So... do you forgive me?"- He asked, looking straight at my eyes for an answer.

I smiled and nodded, -"Of course I forgive you, silly."- I leaned close to him and hugged him.

-"I'm so relieved, Jean...,"- He parted from me and kissed my lips passionately. We kept kissing until Marco pulled me down with him on the bed, -"Should we... get the condoms...?"

I panted, -"We... don't have do it, you know. We can just snuggle and relax for the night."- Even though I wanted to do it...

Marco chuckled and nodded. We _did _snuggled... for a while, though. We ended up doing it, _twice_ to fill up for yesterday.

~ o ~

-"Hey, sunshine,"- I whispered to the snoozing, cute figure on bed, kissing his cheek, -"I made breakfast. It's in the microwave."

Marco rolled over, exposing his naked torso to me, -"Mhhm... kay..."- He mumbled.

-"I'm going to the supermarket. You want something sweet?"- I asked, nuzzling his hair, -"Brownies? Ice cream?"

My boyfriend just nodded, drowsy.

-"Both?"- I said, a simper on my face.

He nodded again, yawning.

-"Alright. I'll be back soon."- I said and began to step away from the bed.

-"Wait... Jean..."- I turned around at his call and saw him sitting up, pursing his lips.

I chuckled, scooted towards him and kissed his lips. After closing the door, I headed out and mounted my car. During the ride, I met up with Nick, Dad and Celine and mounted her car, leaving mines at the supermarket, -"So, you know where this store is located, Nicky?"- I asked, happy to see said man after so long. He's been working a lot too, like my Dad. I see Dad a lot in Sina, though. Nicky's HQ is located in Trost.

-"Yes, I... have a general idea."- He chuckled, eyes on the road. I asked him to be the driver since he had patrolled the area several times. I asked Celine to come with us because... well, she's Marco's mom and I asked Dad to come because... he's my dad.

-"What is it called, again?"- Celine asked, looking back at me. She's in the passenger's seat beside Nick.

-"Equality."- I replied, arms crossed behind my head.

-"I think it's a small shop, not too shabby nor too complex, dedicated solely for cliques like you,"- Nick spoke, looking back at me after stopping at a red light. He smiled, -"Nervous?"

I was jolting one leg up and down and nibbling my nails, -"A little."

Dad placed a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it, -"Relax, son. It's going to be alright."

I smiled at him, _yeah, Jean, you're just buying the ring. Geez._

-"I believe we're here."- Announced Nick and sure enough, it wasn't hard to miss with all those rainbow flags around and the bright rainbow letter labeling 'Equality', all in caps. It was in a small plaza with several other shops. No cars could enter so none of the shops had parking slots so we had to park _outside _of the plaza and walk.

While Nick looked for a good slot to park, I mocked him, -"Hey, Nicky, why don't you park over that sidewalk with the yellow line? I'm sure the cops won't mind."- I teased, a grin up my face.

Nick looked back at me with a serious face. I snorted but then he turned around and searched for something in his pockets. I then heard him scribbling something.

-"Wait, you brought that?"- I burst in laughter, wrapping an arm around my abdomen, -"You're serious!"

-"Yup."- He said and turned to me again, pressing one of those tickets cops pinched on cars on my chest. I read _1,000 for being a jackass _and laughed out loud again.

He found a good spot to park and as he straightened the car, I snatched the pen from him and wrote _1,000 for being a hardass_ on the ticket's back and pressed it on his chest. We dismounted the car and I heard him laugh at the ticket before dumping it.

We entered the store and it became really obvious these guys supports gays like me with all the stuff they had. They had LGBT supporting shirts, shoes and accessories hanging on walls and shelves. In the middle of it all were the rings in large crystal cases forming a circle. The man in the center of it, whose face I couldn't see because his back was facing me, is the one in charge of the rings... I think.

-"Welcome!"- Suddenly, a very chirpy and young woman stepped in front us, startling my dad a bit, -"Are you all gay?"- She suddenly asked and Celine and Dad flushed -hell, even Nick! He even looked away!

I scratched my neck and cleared my throat, -"N-no, I am."

-"Oh, well, I want you to know that in here, no one will jeer you of your sexual preference or of anything else. If someone does, you just let me know and I'll make them walk out right were they came from."- She spoke sweetly but I recognize a serious and rough person when I see one. And her smile? God. It spells 'I will kick whoever mocks you where the sun doesn't light them up'. She's easily the muscle in this score, the _me_.

I chuckled, -"Thanks, I... I appreciate that."- It's good to be in a place where people actually respects you for who you are.

-"You're welcome,"- She smiled, this time more sweetly, -"So, what can I help you with?"

-"I'm, uh... looking for wedding rings."- I said, nervously. I couldn't believe I'm here.

-"Getting married, huh?"- She snickered and pointed to the guy I was looking at earlier, the one in the middle of the crystal cases, -"Then that guy over there can set you up."

-"Thanks."- I said and walked straight to the guy... who wouldn't stop gossiping with his feminine coworker, the one on the cash register.

-"And then I was like 'no way, you can't be serious' and he was like 'yes way, babe' and then we had sex like... the _dangerous _type of sex and...,"- He kept prattling until his friend noticed me and with her eyes, she let the loudmouth know that he had a client, -"What is it? A client?"- He muttered and she nodded, -"Shit...,"- He cursed and turned slowly, clearing his throat, -"Um, welcome to Equality, how ma- oh my God, Jean!?"- He suddenly shouted, hands on his mouth.

And it took me a while to figure out who the man before me was, -"Rubert!?"- I certainty was _not _expecting him here -or anywhere. In fact, I wasn't expecting to see him _ever_ again. I didn't even recognized him for a few seconds. I mean, he changed, he looks different: he has a new hairstyle, a new color of contact lenses and he looks... more toned. Not like me but... more toned than when I met him in the hospital, -"What're you doing here?"- _What a stupid question._

-"What do you think?"- He laughed, -"I work here!"

My eyes widened in comprehension as my mind rummaged trough my memories of my times in Trost's hospital. I remember he worked there but he was unhappy and often sneaked away from it. What he did enjoyed, however, was hanging around with us and, to my distaste, flirt with us -specially with Marco. He had a sweet eye for my boyfriend and I remember getting really mad at him for that. He's gay and he was really desperate to shag off with a man and we happened to be there at that time. I started wondering if he finally found someone; his latter conversation with his friend suggested so, -"So you finally dropped out of the hospital, huh?"

-"Yeah, I was done with that job,"- With his hand he gestured around the shop, -"I have a few friends who worked here and they offered me the job. These guys are cool, they don't mind who you really are and they don't judge you by your sexual preference. I'm happy here."- With that smile, I don't doubt him.

I sighed and grunted to myself. _Just try to be nice, Jean, -_"I'm, uh... I'm glad for you."

-"Thanks,"- He said and didn't even bothered to conceal his lewd eyes from ogling me, -"Damn, Jean, you look... _fine,_"- The pervert was even nibbling his lips, -"... _ really_ fine_."_

I rolled my eyes and gaped my mouth but he spoke again.

-"Your boyfriend must be having the time of his life,"- He then clapped his hands, remembering Marco, -"How is that cutie boyfriends of yours, by the way?"

-"He's alright, Rubert,"- _Shut up and just do your damn work, _I muttered mentally but ended up saying something else, -"And I see you're still desperately hitting on random guys. You haven't found a boyfriend yet?"- I asked, giggling to myself. I admit, it brought me joy to know that he still hasn't found someone to fuck with.

-"As I matter of fact, I did,"- _Bummer,_ -"I'm dating this one guy I met in the night club that totally fits my taste,"- He suddenly looked behind me and pointed at someone, -"By the way, is that a friend of yours? _Hot damn._"- _Oh no, that pervy face he's making..._

I followed his arm and saw Nick behind me, confused. I quickly stood in the middle of Rubert's eyesight, -"Oh no, you pervert. He's _way _out your league."- _This fucking guy hasn't changed one bit._

-"Ah, come on, Jean-"

-"Don't you have _something _else to do?"- I said, literally pissed at him now.

-"Oh, right, you're here to buy something?"

-"Yeah, I'm looking for a specific ring..."- I said, walking around the cases, looking for the ring I found on the internet.

-"Whoa, a _ring_?"- Rubert exclaimed out loud, -"Are you getting _married, _Jean?"

-"Why do you think I'm here looking at all these _wedding _rings?"

-"Oh my God, you're marrying Marco,"- He said, sighing and resting on the counter he had in there, -"I'm so jealous right now."

-"Look, can you just help me out?"- Isn't that what he's supposed to do? -"I'm looking for this stainless steel ring that has colorful stones, resembling the LGBT community. I saw it on your webpage."

-"Oh, I know which one you're talking about,"- He walked to the other end of the crystal cases and poked one, -"Here it is."

I walked over to the case and gesture Celine, Dad and Nick to come. They told me that the decision was mine to make and that they'll support me no matter what I choose but still, I wanted their opinions, -"Jean... it's beautiful."- Commented Celine, a hand on the case.

I heard Nick chuckling, -"I think it suits him."

I nodded, -"I thought the same thing,"- I turned to Dad, -"What do you think, Dad?"- I asked.

-"It's really beautiful indeed,"- He admitted too and placed a hand on my shoulder, -"Is this the one you really want?"

-"Yeah, I've had my eye on that one for weeks,"- I smiled warmly and the more I stared at the ring, I started seeing Marco's tender finger with it and it really looks good on him. I actually can't wait to see it on him, -"I've looked at a ton of rings on the internet and this one really screams Marco."

They chuckled and parted a bit from the case, -"So, you gonna buy it?"- Rubert asked.

I nodded, firm on my decision, -"Yeah, this is the one."

-"And who's paying?"- Rubert asked but the question was directed to Celine, Nick and Dad.

-"I'm paying."- I said, bringing out my wallet and pulling my credit card out of it.

-"What?"- Rubert somehow couldn't believe that, his eyes a bit wide. He sanitized his hand, opened a cabinet from the case the ring was in and pulled out a white case, -"It's 300 bucks, Jean. You really have the money for it?"

-"Yeah, I have it. I've been saving up for it."

-"Holy shit, are you working or something?"- He inquired, still incredulous.

I rolled my eyes. Why is it so hard for him to believe this? -"Yeah, I'm with the Army."

-"Damn,"- He exclaimed and bit his lips in that pervy way of his, -"No wonder you look so hot,"- I glared at him but he ignored it as he dropped the ring's case on a small bag, -"I'm so jealous of you, Jean. You're marrying with the cutest guy ever and you're in the Army? You have _the _life!"

-"Can you just...,"- _Shut up already, you annoying fuck, -_"... give me the ring already so I can pay for it?"

-"Sure, whatever,"- He made a face while handing me the bag, -"Just trying to converse, geez."

I just took the bag and sauntered towards the paying area. There were like two couples before me in line, one was a gay couple and the other one was a lesbian couple. I realized they bought rings too but they bought it together. Should I have brought Marco with me? Maybe then he would have chosen his own ring and would he have chosen this one? I dunno, shouldn't it be a surprise? _I _definitely want it to be a surprise. I want to blow Marco's mind.

I felt someone's hand on my shoulder and when I looked back, I saw Celine smiling tenderly at me, -"Everyone has their own way and idea of making marriage happen and you have yours."

-"So, you think surprising him is cool? You think he'll like it?"- I asked.

-"He'll _love_ it, Jean."- She said, with certainty.

-"He spoke to you about it too, about marrying me?"

She smiled broadly. She's happy. She's really happy for both of us, -"You have _no _idea."

I laughed and just pictured Marco driving his mom crazy with the topic -well, not crazy. It actually made Celine very happy.

My turn was next to pay up and I slid my credit card trough the debit machine and typed my PIN (it was the date when Marco and I became boyfriends, by the way). When the machine clicked and charged me, the lady gave me the colorful bag with the ring, -"Have a nice day and congratulations!"- She said, a smile on her face.

I took the bag and turned to leave, -"Thanks."

-"Good luck on your wedding, Jean!"- Rubert shouted, waving one arm up, and snickering, -"I _hope_ it all goes well!"

I furrowed my brows. It sounded like he _didn't _hoped it goes well at all. I decided to ignore him as I mounted Celine's car and rode off. During the ride, I couldn't stop looking at the ring. I just couldn't. I kept thinking about Marco and his reaction, I kept thinking of his soft hand with it and...

-"So, you got the ring and all that's left is the proposal,"- Spoke Nick, looking at me through the mirror, -"How _are _you going to propose, by the way?"

My eyes shot open from my daydream. _P-propose? _

_Yeah, Jean, you know, the "will you marry me?" moment._

Holy shit, I haven't thought about that! -"I... I don't know,"- I said, now genuinely nervous, -"I-I haven't thought about it."

Celine chuckled and looked over her shoulder at me, -"It's okay, Jean. You got all the time you need."

-"Exactly, son,"- Dad said, -"Marriage is not something you can rush. Take your time."

-"O-okay,"- I said but my nervousness was taking the better of me. I don't know how to propose! I mean, I've never proposed to anyone and I have no idea how to do it, -"Um... how do you guys think I should propose?"

Dad was the first one to speak, -"It has to be romantic, of course, but use your imagination. It can be done in a lot of different ways, son."

-"Your father's right,"- Said Celine, now thoughtful. She was probably thinking when Victor proposed to her, -"But don't try _too _hard to make it unique. Otherwise, you won't end up enjoying it much. Just do it your own way."

-"And don't spend hours searching proposals on the internet, Jean. People on the webs these days tend to overdo it,"- Suggested Nick, smiling at me through the mirror, -"Make it in a way in which you will both feel comfortable and certain that you'll enjoy it."

-"Right, gotcha,"- I replied, feeling a bit better by what they all said. See? That's why I wanted to bring them with me. I then began to wonder about Celine's proposal, -"I'm wondering, Celine, how was your proposal?"

She wasn't expecting the question and by impulsive, she looked at Nick, as if telling him to answer for her. Said man looked at her too and things got awkward. Celine has fully accepted that Nick was her husband's reincarnation. They've gotten out a bunch of times and he somehow demonstrated her that he really is reincarnated. Me? I'm still spooked by that fact. Nick's finally happy, though, and I'm happy for them.

Still, a question like that...

Nick spoke after a few minutes of silence and said something that kind of spooked me, -"Let me see... it was during your college graduation and I asked you if you would marry me when you were called to the scaffold. I remember you were very astounded and you cried a lot but you said yes nonetheless."

Celine gasped and covered her mouth. That amazed her about him, his easiness to remember this type of thing, but it spooks me. She looked at him fondly and he looked back at her just the same. It's taking time but I know something's cooking between these two and it really made me happy. I'm just worried about Dad, he still has the lovey-dovey eyes for her, and I hope she doesn't completely deject him.

-"Well, Marco's graduation is not happening soon."- I said, interrupting their little moment there.

-"Relax, son. You're gonna do fine."- Dad comforted me.

_Yeah, I'll do fine. Just gotta think how to propose, take my time while keeping the ring hidden from Marco's perceptive eyes and cleverness. No pressure. _

Nick dropped me on the supermarket, where my car was, -"Thanks for coming, all of you."- I said.

-"No problem, Jean. Just ask us if you need anything else."- Said Celine, now switching to the driver's seat.

-"Thanks a bunch,"- I said and waved them goodbye, -"Bye, Dad."

-"Take care, son."

They left and I returned to my car until I remember that I told Marco that I was going to the supermarket this morning. If I don't return with any groceries, he'll get all suspicious of me. Dad gave me 40 bucks to buy what I needed but I mostly ended up buying sweets for Marco, like vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, cinnamon rolls and whatever sweet I got my hands on. I payed with cash and mounted the grocery on my car's trunk. I looked at my hand watch and winced a bit at the time. It's late. Marco's gonna get suspicious, considering the supermarket's not far. I returned home and dropped the bags on the table, -"I'm home!"- I shouted and peered upstairs. Weird. Marco hasn't even shown his face. He must be pissed.

I took a glass of cold water and started walking towards the stairs.

-"What took you so long, Jean?"- He suddenly spoke from upstairs, startling me and making me drop my glass of water.

-"Ah, shit."- I cursed and quickly reached for the mop to clean it up.

-"I'm so sorry!"- Marco quickly apologized, rushed downstairs and brought me another glass, -"I didn't mean to scare you."

-"It's okay, babe,"- I said, drinking down the cold water, -"Wanna help me with the grocery?"- I quickly said and scooted towards the table before he could inquire me about _something _else.

-"Wait, I..."

-"C'mon, these stuff are not gonna retain themselves."- I insisted and just hoped he forgets about it.

We retained everything where it belongs and I quickly began to scoot upstairs until Marco stopped me, -"Wait, Jean...,"- He said, squeezing my hand, -"I... I don't want to be that sort of buggy boyfriend but what took you so long? I mean, you left early and it's late now..."

Yeah, I left around 10 o' clock, while Marco still slept, and the time right now is 3:30. The ring shopping took a lot more time than I expected, even though I knew which ring to pick beforehand, -"Yeah, I'm sorry, um... supermarket was full and I, uh... went to grab a drink."- _I suck so bad at this. I can't lie to Marco. _I stutter a lot and tend to look away. It's because I don't like it. I don't like lying to him.

-"Jean...,"- And he gave me this one worried look he always gives me when I lie on his face. I just looked away and bit my mouth shut. I expected him to say something else, like demand the truth from me but he just... hugged me tightly. It's like he knew I had a reason to lie but he didn't knew which, -"I was worried, you know..."

I hugged him back, just as tightly, -"I'm sorry..."

-"It's okay,"- He said and gazed up at me, -"I made dinner. Can you eat while we watch a movie?"

-"'Course, babe."- I said and picked my plate up, filled with steak salad and buttered bread. We sat and watched animated movies for the rest of the evening.

Around 8 pm, Marco was snoozing peacefully on my shoulder, snoring silently. He looked really cute, his freckled cheek lumping against my shoulder. After turning the TV off, I poked that lump often and enjoyed feeling his soft skin with the tip of my finger. I chuckled and reached for his free hand (the other one was intertwined with mines), rubbing his ring finger. Again, I visualized the ring I bought for him there and I felt a warm sensation bubbling up in me.

-"Mhmm... Jean..."- Marco mumbled, his lips and tongue wetting my sleeve.

-"Hey, sleepy head,"- I said, smiling while pinching the lump of his cheek, -"Keep snoozing like that. I was marveling your cute face."

-"Jean..."- He babbled again, raking his hand up my tight while looking at me enticingly, his cheeks flushed, and pursing his glossy lips a bit. I gazed down a bit and noticed he was growing hard.

I snickered and grazed my lips against his playfully, running my hand close to his crotch, -"Had a wet dream, babe?"- I whispered, -"Was it good?"

Marco nodded, kissing my jaw and trailing his sodden tongue across it, -"But... I didn't saw the end of it..."- The tickling feeling, his tempting look, his smooth voice and lips made me excited, turning me on. We kissed and shared drool, tangling our tongues and licking our lips off.

-"Should we... finish the dream on bed?"- I spoke, a bit breathless.

Marco just nodded and I stood up, all erect, and carried him upstairs, still kissing him. Once we reached our room, I pushed him to our bed and smashed my lips with his again. Marco crawled his hand up my back and pulled my shirt off. He tossed it aside and quickly started fondling my abdomen thoroughly with both his hands. His touch fueled my elation and I started kissing his neck madly, sucking on it harshly and licking it, tasting it, leaving deep purple blots on his skin. Marco moaned and vibrated beneath me as he undid my pants a bit desperately.

I grinned and snickered, -"Damn, Marco, what was in that wet dream of yours?"

He just moaned as he dug out my already erect cock from my underwear, his cheeks blushed and his ears red, puffing hot breaths as he took hold of it and pressed it.

My cheeks flushed next as my whole body shook by his hold, -"M-Marco..."- My hand raked down his abdomen and clung on his pant, unbuttoning it and pulling down his underwear, letting his stiff cock loose. I gripped his too and when I started to jerk it off, he jerked mines too. We masturbated, fastening our grip and moaning out loud at the closing orgasm.

-"Jean...,"- Marco moaned, wheezing raggedly. We dripped cum, boosting our hands, until we both ejaculated, splattering jizz against each other. We both exhaled and panted before we started kissing again... until Marco suddenly rolled over and exposed his butthole for me, -"Jean... please..."- He breathed out, gazing at me with this one lustful and pleading look that always ignites a spark in me.

I grinned and launched my body against him, shoving my dick in his anus and making love with him for the rest of the night.

~ o ~

How the fuck am I going to propose to Marco?

I kept pacing around the house, trying to get an idea. First off, I want it to be here, in our cozy home we both love to be in, where we both feel comfortable. I know public proposals are cool and all but... my boyfriend's not fond of public areas so that's a no go. Second... I don't know. I'm not very creative, I don't cook and I'm not the romantic and erotic type of guy. I searched the internet for ideas but none of them stroke me as adequate for Marco.

I sighed and breathed deeply. I need to calm down. I can't go to work all stressed out. The idea will come when it comes. I can't rush it. I decided to take a relaxing bath in our Jacuzzi at 5 am to clear my mind and while I washed myself, my mind kind of... opened up. What if I propose right here, in our Jacuzzi? What if I fill the water with some kind of bath cosmetic that smells sweet, like vanilla? What if I make like a coat of roses floating on the water and among those roses, I can hide the ring or...

My lips were contorting into a smile as I thought more about the idea. It's not shabby nor too ridiculous. I think it's just perfect. I like it. I really do. Marco and I both enjoy taking baths together in our Jacuzzi and we're home, the most comfortable place we'll ever be in. To make it more romantic, I'd have to clean up the house and buy stuff to add that steamy mood.

I heard my hand-clock ringing, indicating me that my work starts soon. I rose from the bath and dried myself. I dressed up with my military uniform after washing my teeth and combing my hair; the camouflage, sleeved coat and the combat boots. I sauntered towards the bedroom quietly to pick up my cap from the dresser. Marco was still sleeping so I tried to make as little noise as I could while hogging the mirror.

-"You look good, Jean."

I looked over my shoulder and saw Marco gazing me, still resting his head on the pillow. Yeah, I look damn good. Since the military physical training's top shit, I managed to grow some butt -still not like Marco's sweet ass, though, -"Hey, freckles,"- I said as I sauntered towards him and sat on the bed and caressed his hair, -"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

He shook his head, -"I always wake up when I don't feel you next to me."

My chest warmed up at that, -"Why are you so damn sweet, huh?"- I said, leaning close to him to give him sweet kiss on his lips, -"I gotta go to work, hun. You're gonna nail that exam, I just know it. I have every confidence in you."

Marco smiled tenderly, -"Thanks... Jean. Have a good day."

I winked at him and walked out. Man, I'm so gonna miss him today too.

As you probably guessed, I had trouble focusing while working, at first. I kept thinking about my proposal idea and it was fucking up my aim during the artillery training. In the Army, though, that was unacceptable so I held those giddy thoughts aside for the rest of the day. When I returned home, head aching, I slumped on bed and groaned on the pillow.

I heard the study room opening and that soothing music Marco always plays on Pandora reached my ears, -"Jean? Are you home?"

-"Yessh."- I babbled against the pillow but I don't think he heard me.

-"Are you here?"- He asked, entering the room, -"Jean, are you okay?"

I felt the bed wiggle and a tender hand on my back. I hoisted my body up and sat, facing Marco who was sitting before me, -"Yeah, I'm just a bit tired. My head aches."

-"I'll go get some pain killer for you."- He quickly said, standing up.

I stopped him, though, pulling him back down on the bed by his arm, -"Hey, hold on a sec, freckles,"- I simpered, warmed by his eagerness to make me feel better, -"Where's my kiss?"

He smiled too as he kissed my lips lovingly. I held his face and rubbed his cheeks with my thumb, feeling something smudgy and greasy. I opened my eyes a bit and saw paint splotched on his cheek. I parted from him and snickered, -"You've been painting, you playful cutie."

Marco laughed, -"Yeah, but it kind of got messy."

-"Can I see it?"

-"Sure, come on."- He took my hand and led me towards his study room. Once there, I laid on the single bed and watched Marco paint with his fingers, something I always love to do. Not only I'm watching him doing something he likes, something that makes him happy, I'm also watching that perfect rounded ass of his. From here, man, I had the best view. He had his artistic black apron tied to his back that kinda made his butt stand out more. I was licking my lips as he painted a sunflower again with his fingers and it was looking really good. Suddenly, I had an idea and scolded myself mentally for not thinking about it earlier: instead of roses, why not sunflowers? Marco likes 'em.

I simpered like a fool in love as my eyes began to close by themselves; the soothing instrumental music, the vanilla and the paint smell and the relaxing and atmosphere was making me dozy, -"Hey, Jean, what do you think? Does it look good? Um, Jean?"- Marco spoke and turned around. He chuckled when he saw me all dozy, with my eyes halfway closed and my mouth gaped, -"You're falling asleep, hm?"- He said and started rubbing my jaw with his smooth, tainted fingers.

-"Yea..."- I mumbled, yawning and relaxing on his hand, more drowsy now by his touch.

-"Sleep, Jean. I'll take care of you."- He whispered, looking down at me lovingly, now rubbing the area behind my ear and making my eyes shut down completely.

~ o ~

At 5 in the morning, I found myself in bed and undressed. I smiled and gazed at the spot beside me, finding Marco snoozing peacefully. I kissed his cheek, -"Thanks, love."- I whispered and stood up to prepare myself for the day.

I got a good idea of how to propose to Marco but all I needed is the perfect day. When I got home and he told me, -"Jean, I need to go to college this Saturday to start a group project,"- I knew that it was my only change, -"Can you... go with me?"- He added and it made my heart ache.

-"Shit, I'm... I'm sorry, Marco, but I was planning on going to the gym to practice the new training regimen I got from the boss."- I lied and I hated it.

Specially because of the let-down face he made, -"Oh, okay... I understand."

-"I'm really sorry, but when you get back, we can take a hot bath in the Jacuzzi and kiss all we want."- I said and hey, it wasn't an entire lie. _When you come back, you're gonna get the mother of all surprises, baby. I'll blow your mind. _

He smiled now, -"Okay."

-"It's a deal."- I said.

And so that Saturday, after he left, I started the cleaning the house like I've never cleaned any house before -and it's because this one special above any other, it's _ours_. I payed special care to the bathroom upstairs. I scrubbed the Jacuzzi and cleaned _everything, _making sure there were absolutely _no _dirty stains whatsoever. Once finished, I dressed up casually and headed towards the mall within the base, ignoring my tiredness. I entered Bath &amp; Body Works, a bath cosmetics retail store and bought a vanilla scented bubble gel and cinnamon fragrant bath oil. Marco loves those. I then bought several candles (one of them smelled like cocoa, which will be _in _the bathroom -Marco loves that too) and a nice silver tray to place them on. I then rode out of base to Sina's Garden, where they sell flowers and whatnot. There, I bought sunflowers like crazy and I felt a bit guilty having to rip them off the earth.

I got home with all the bags -and the ring- hooked on my arms. I dropped them on the table and stretched, feeling my arms sore. My stomach grumbled so I grabbed a quick meal from the fridge and sat down to rest for a bit. Man, I'm tired. Cleaning is tiring. It's more tiring than doing workout. I dunno how Marco does it. He's the one that cleans the most between us.

I shoved my hand in the bag of chips when my phone rang. I licked my fingers before digging it out of my pocket. I tapped the screen and saw that I got a message from Marco: _**I'm almost done. The jacuzzi better be ready, Jean ;D**_

_Shit, _I cursed and replied: _**oh it will bby ;) count on it**_

Rushed, I ate the last chips and dumped the bag in the trash before unpacking everything I bought and heading upstairs. I breathed once I entered the bathroom, _well, I better get started. _Believe it or not, I cleaned the bathroom again before I began decorating it. The first thing I did was turning on the jacuzzi and let it fill with warm water. As I waited for it to cram up, I placed the candles on the silver tray and lit them up. I then placed the tray on the corner of the jacuzzi and tested the water. It was warm already so I opened the vanilla bubble gel and the cinnamon oil and poured them in the water. While I waited for the cosmetics to make effect, I took the sunflowers and tugged the petals out, dropping them on the water and letting them float. I also dropped a few on the floor, on the sink and then took several whole sunflowers (without their stem) and let them float on the water. In a white, ceramic vase, I dropped a few of them (with their stem) and placed the vase on the sink. I gazed at the water and saw it bubbling up already, making the petals swirl around. I headed downstairs and had the idea of making a trail of sunflower petals on the floor, leading to the bathroom. That took most of the sunflowers, sadly, and I used the rest to decorate around the kitchen _and _the bedroom, dropping petals on the bed in case sex in the jacuzzi isn't enough.

I returned to the bathroom and inhaled the sweet aroma. It smells like ice cream and it feels as if I'm _in _an ice cream with chocolate syrup and cinnamon sprinkled on top. Oh man, Marco's gonna love it. I can't wait for him to get here. I wallowed over the scenery. Yeah, it looks romantic and it _feels _romantic too. I think I did a pretty good job, despite not being that type of guy. Besides, whatever idea I came up with, Marco's gonna be grateful. That's just how he is. Still, I wanna make it special and romantic and make him feel like he's in another world.

I was making final preparations, like lighting candles in our room and kitchen, cleaning a bit more, placing condoms near the jacuzzi, just in case he wants to use em', and playing instrumental music he likes so much until I heard a car stop by. I peeked through the window and saw Nick in his police car dropping Marco. Nicky had a smile on his face, like he was happy to have gotten the time to take Marco to college and return him home, like he was happy to have spent time with him, even if it was just for a short period. Marco looked happy too and-

_Whoa, whoa, hold on! Don't you have **something **to do?_

Hasty, I turned off all the light from downstairs, took the ring case and rushed upstairs. I turned off the lights there too and entered the bathroom. I took a sunflower from the vase and since it had like a small hole in the middle, I hid the ring there and placed the flower on the tray with the candles. When I took my clothes off and turned the light off, I dove in the water near the tray so that when the time to propose comes up, I'll have the ring right beside me. I exhaled the second I sat and relaxed my arms on the jacuzzi's borders. I hung my head back and just enjoyed how the bubbly and smooth the water felt on my skin. I should have done this earlier; my tensed muscles loosened and I wasn't as nervous as before. It's amazing. I just want to sink in and never resurface again.

-"Jean?"- I snapped the second I heard Marco's faint call, -"Are you... here?"

I crossed my fingers and hoped he follows the trail. He must be weirded out by the sudden scenery. When I heard close footsteps, I loosened myself and relaxed, diving my naked body in the water.

-"Um, Jean? Why are there sunflower petals on...,"- He peeked inside the bathroom and his jaw dropped, -"... the floor..."

-"Hey, you're back,"- I said, trying to keep my excitement on hold, -"C'mon in. I promised you I'd have the jacuzzi ready and... here it is."

He stepped in and looked around, -"This is... new,"- He commented, a small smile growing on his lips, and locked his eyes on the sunflowers. He caressed them and started sniffling the air, -"What's that aroma? It smells like...,"- He sniffling, sauntering closer to the jacuzzi, -"... like ice cream!"- That latter small smile of his face finally grew up, -"It smells wonderful! I feel like I'm in an ice cream right now!"- He admitted.

I smiled broadly, losing that leash on my excitement bit by bit as I watched his every reaction, -"I know, right? I thought the same thing!"- I chuckled, enjoying this already.

-"The sunflowers are beautiful too,"- He commented and turned to me, -"Jean, you did all this? It's so unlike you."- He said, chuckling and rubbing his blushed cheeks.

-"Yeah, I know,"- I laughed and scratched my neck, -"I just... though we should do something different,"- I patted the water gently, -"You should try the water."

Marco's smile broaden as he nodded, -"Okay!"- He took his off his clothes piece by piece and I bit my lips at his cute yet sexy figure as he took off the rest of his clothes. Once naked, he dove one leg in at a time and exhaled, just like I did. With arms tight on the jacuzzi's border, he descended the rest of his body and exhaled again, -"The water feels so good...,"- He breathed, his cheeks flaring up again, -"What does the water have? It's so refreshing and relaxing -oh, it even has petals too!"

I chuckled and pointed at the stuff I bought, -"I bought several bath cosmetic, like vanilla bubble soak and cinnamon oil."

-"And the sunflowers?"- He asked, prodding a few with his finger.

I nodded, -"Yeah, those too. I bought them at Sina's Garden out of base."

My boyfriend's eyes were tearing up, -"You did all this... for me?"

-"Yeah, because I love you, Marco, and...,"- I breathed deeply, doing my best to keep my nerves in place, -"... I wanna love you even more, every single day we spend together,"- I moved closer to him and intertwined our hands together underneath the surface of the water, -"You and I, we've been trough a lot. We've been thrown a lot of things with the sole reason of bringing us down, of... riping us apart, and they almost succeeded, remember? Yet... here we are, together. We stood by each other and surpassed those difficulties... together,"- My chin began to ache like crazy as my mind went back in time and I couldn't stop myself from blurting everything that came to mind, -"We were just distant friends, at first, and I was a jerk but you... you didn't gave up on me, you changed me and made me a better person. You made me feel special when I only thought of myself as a pile of shit, you made me feel not lonely and you... you shaped my whole life, Marco. I... I wouldn't even be here without you,"- My eyes teared up and I shed a few tears as I allowed all sorts of emotions control my mouth, -"Without realizing, I... I fell in love with you and we became boyfriends after surpassing a lot of obstacles and shit. I... I kept falling over and over, I was a coward, I gave up on myself, but you were there for me, you helped me stand back up and you believed in me, even after the stuff I did to you. We've been together for over four years now, Marco, and I want to be with you for even more, for my whole damn _life_. I _love _you, you're more special to me than anyone else, I'd do anything for you and I... I'd give my life for you so that's why I'm asking you...,"- With tears cascading from my eyes, I reached for the sunflower on the silver tray and looked at the ring before handing it to him. I smiled as my lips parted for the next big words, -"... will you marry me?"

Marco was crying too but when he saw the ring on the sunflower, he gasped profoundly and covered his mouth, -"Oh my...,"- He slurred, unable to even form the words due to the shock _and _happiness, -"... Jean...,"- He sobbed and opened his arms wide as he lashed at me into a tight embrace, -"Yes, oh my God, yes!"

My mouth sides were hurting like a bitch because of the smile on my face as I embraced Marco just as tightly, clinging my hands on his back and pressing him against me. I cried. I kept crying and streaming tears down on his shoulder as he kept repeating 'yes' again and again and every time he said it, my heart throbbed in joy, -"I love you, Marco, so damn much..."

Marco hooked his arms around my neck, -"I love you too, Jean. I... I wouldn't be here without you either... I...,"- Marco was so overwhelmed with happiness that I could feel his crazy heart beats collide with my chest, -"You've saved me... so many times, you risked your life for me and you're always there for me when I need you the most..."

Moved by his words, I leaned close to him and we kissed passionately, like never before. Our lips clashed together like waves against a shore, sharing our warm breaths and saliva. We bit our lips, licked them and sucked on them fervently. While still kissing him, I fondled his smooth back up and down, his skin soft and slick due to the oil, which also boosted my hands. It then traveled southward and my fingers pinched his cute buns, making Marco shiver and moan in pleasure. He was practically gnawing and sucking my skin whole, completely savoring the vanilla and cinnamon scent of my body. I simpered, enjoying his famine _and _his mouth on my body. _It's all part of the plan,_ -"Jean... you taste so good...,"- He whispered right beside my ear, making my body thrill. It didn't took long for him to arouse me and when he felt my hardness, he suddenly hitched his body over mines, sitting on my lap underneath the water, pushing me gently against the jacuzzi's wall behind me. I started kissing his neck's core, since he was now a bit higher than me, and I felt his tender hands caressing my abdomen, running up and then tangling on my hair, -"And your skin is so soft..."- He slurred, now nibbling my ears.

-"Yeah...,"- I garbled, sucking his neck harshly and still fondling his buns, -"Your's too..."

Marco leap over my erect cock after a while of just touching, -"Jean..."- He moaned as my hard dick sank in his anus.

-"You wanna do it with no condom?"- I asked, worried that it'll hurt him like last time.

He nodded, darting his head back a bit and wheezing as my dick sank deeper.

-"Are you... sure?"- I asked, feeling my throat and my body scorching already from feeling my dick in him.

-"Mjum..."- He breathed and groaned a bit when my shaft plunged in him. Then... he wheezed and puffed in pleasure as he hopped in place with ease (since both of us were soft and oily), making the water slosh out of the jacuzzi.

-"Hey, hey... easy, baby,"- I said, feeling my body burning as my whole dick drove in him, -"You're gonna hurt yourself...,"- Honestly, I was enjoying his impetus a lot. I was enjoying watching his body shudder and twitch each time he dropped his body on me, his cheeks red, his eyes mildly close and his mouth gaped. The way he moaned loudly told me he was taking pleasure in it but I wanted to make him feel better, I wanted him to keep moaning like that, louder and louder. I lent forward a bit and started nibbling his nipple, making him vibrate and moan just like I wanted him to moan, -"Marco... you're doing good..."- I mumbled, watching him hop graciously.

-"Haa... haa...,"- He wheezed, never dropping his pace, -"Jean...!"

I ignored the large amount of water that sloshed out as I felt his cock prod my abdomen. I quickly reached for it and jacked it off, as fast as I could to match his pace. The bathroom filled with our loud moans and puffs of air until we both ejaculated. Marco dropped on me and exhaled, his hot and messy breath dampening my face.

We looked at each other's eyes for a long time, kissing now and then, until Marco suddenly gasped and stood up, -"Oh, Jean, I... I forgot something!"- He stepped out of the jacuzzi, the water drops dripping from his body to the floor, his freckled buns jiggling up and down, -"Um, I'll be right back!"

I chuckled, watching him go all naked, -"Sure, I'm not going anywhere."- Nah, I'm enjoying this bath a lot and I don't plan on getting out anytime soon. I exhaled and dropped my head back onto the jacuzzi's border, resting my arms on it too. God, that was good. I feel so good. I feel like I just did the greatest thing ever. My chest was overflowing with warmth and I feel a great joy fluttering within me. And the sex? Even better! Marco and I have sex almost everyday and we've done it in the jacuzzi before but this one was different. I can truly say that it's the best one so far. It was smooth, relaxing, full of love and just... perfect.

-"I'm back!"- My boyfriend exclaimed, smiling broadly and hiding something behind his back.

-"What is that?"- I asked, pointing at it.

-"Well, it won't the same but...,"- He suddenly knelt and hovered a white, small box before him, -"Wil you marry me... too?"- He chuckled and opened the box, exposing a stainless steel ring just like the one I bought for him but without the diamond in the middle (and the rainbow stones circled the whole ring).

I gasped, just like he did when I showed him his ring, -"Holy shit...,"- I said, mouth wide open. I was _not _expecting this, -"Since when did you...?"- I asked as everything started to click in place. He had this ring long before I bought mines, before we had those discussions about marriage and that's why my responses disheartened him. He had the ring already.

-"Since... well, a _while,_"- He chuckled and gazed at me expectantly, still waiting for the answer of his original question, -"You still haven't answered me, Jean."

He obviously knew it but he wanted me to say it nonetheless, -"Yeah, Marco, of course."- I nodded briskly, standing up and stepping out of the bath to give him a sweet kiss on his lips.

Marco chortled and tugged my arm, full of excitement, -"Let's go to bed!"

I laughed and tossed him a towel, -"Alright, alright, let's just dry ourselves first."

Playful, he shook his head and threw the towel away, -"You better catch me first then!"- He said and ran out of the bathroom, naked and happy.

-"Marco, wait!"- I sighed and chortled, dropping my towel. I retained both rings in the white box and sauntered out of the bathroom, placing it on the dresser and turning to a very naughty boyfriend of mines, -"C'mere, you little..."- I mounted our bed, all soaked too and started ticking him.

Marco giggled and laughed at my ticklish touch until I kissed his lips. He hooked his arms around my neck and pulled me closer to him, -"I love you, Jean."

-"I love-"- I replied but he suddenly rolled over me and sprawled my legs open, -"Whoa, h-hold on..."- Is he gonna...

Marco held my legs firmly by my knees, preventing me from closing them even a bit, -"What's the matter?"- He asked, a smirk on his cute and stupid face. He was enjoying watching me all flustered like this.

-"Are you gonna...,"- I gulped, feeling all sweaty and nervous now, -"... f-fuck me?"

-"You don't want to?"- He asked, rubbing his slender and slick finger against my knee, teasing me.

-"I... I dunno..."- I babbled, my cheeks hot and my body shivering.

_Yeah. Fuck me, Marco. Fuck me as hard as you can. _

Why am I so nervous? I mean, I've always wanted Marco to fuck me just as I've fucked him countless times. It's true, I do prefer being the top instead of the bottom (besides, we don't fight over that) but I've always dreamed about him fucking me. I've always wanted to get a taste of how it feels, a taste of his cock in me. So, really, I don't know why I'm nervous and stuttering like a little kid. Maybe is because not ever, not even once, in our relationship has he fucked me. I've been the one doing the fucking, since Marco's likes it that way. He has fingered my ass several times but that's about it.

-"Well, let me try and we'll see...,"- Marco spoke seductively, running his smooth hands down my sodden tights. I panted, already aroused by his touch, specially when he massaged the end of tights with his thumbs. I moaned as my cock hardened again and I tried to peek at it, hurting my neck a bit. Yup, it was up and _hard. _Marco smiled alluringly, licked his fingers and hovered them near my anus, -"I'm going to finger you, ok?"

I nodded, trying to steady my breath but when he shoved his index finger in, my head dropped and I lost control of my breath. My whole body heated up and started sweating the second he began to jerk his finger back and forth, making me wheeze and moan in pleasure uncontrollably. My mouth gaped on it's own and drooled as I felt Marco's second finger sinking in. He started jerking those two gently before he parted them and widened my rectum.

-"I'm going in, Jean."- He said, hovering his hips close to mine and rubbing our dicks together.

-"H-huh?"- I garbled, gazing up at him, -"A-already?"- _But I was enjoying your fingers..._

_Stop being such a whiny kid! Man up! _

Marco nodded, swaying his body back and forth graciously, grinding our cock's together, and man, it hypnotized me. That move was just... _damn, -_"D-do it again..."- I asked, eyes on his slender hips while I licked my lips, starting to like it a lot. I have some weird fetishes, I know.

-"Like this?"- He did it again and my chest and groin heated up, making me educe a pleasant moan, -"Can I... go in now?"- He asked after a while of just... "dancing" against my hips like before, his cheeks flushed.

-"Yeah...,"- I babbled, satisfied and composed, not nervous anymore, -"Fuck me, Marco, as hard as you can."

He nodded, -"I'll try."- He lunged his hips against mine, his hands keeping my legs sprawled, and bit by bit, he drove his dick in me.

I yelped, feeling a sudden stroke of pain, -"Whoa, okay! That... that kind of hurt!"- And it hurt admitting it too. Guess my butt's not ready enough.

Marco stopped thrusting it in and gazed at me worriedly, -"Do you want me to stop?"

-"No!"- I shouted, startling him, -"N-no... don't stop..."- _Oh no, whatever you do, don't stop or pull out your dick. _

-"Okay, okay, it's just...,"- He swayed his hips forward again, struggling to drive his dick any further, -"... your butt... it's so tight."

I panted, my chest going up and down as I gulped and parted my lips, -"Then push harder."- I said, not really thinking about any other solution. My butt's never been fucked and I don't finger myself like he does when I masturbate or have a wet dream.

-"I don't want to hurt you, Jean...,"- He said and then gasped, -"I'll get the lubricant! Can you... wait a bit?"

I shook my head, -"Nu-uh. Just push hard, Marco."- I can't let this delight drop. No way. Besides, I'm a sucker for pain. I can take it. Bring it on.

-"You're so stubborn...,"- Marco muttered and breathed deeply before gripping my knees tighter and expanding my legs even further, -"Okay, here I go..."- He lunged his hips forward again, and with a lot of force, he shoved his dick in.

I cried out at the pain, darting my head back and gripping the sheets around me tightly, -"Argh... shit!"- I cursed aloud, gritting my teeth and closing my eyes. Among the pain, I found a lot pleasure and my penis started pouring smalls drops of cum. _Ouf_, painful sex is definitely my thing.

Marco kept still, to let the pain subside and allow my butt to get used to his dick. He was panting, sweat drops dripping from his forehead, snaking down his chin and lastly sloshing on my abdomen. I felt something gooey within me and I realized that Marco was also cumming a bit. When he noticed I started to feel better and better, finding delight in this, he spoke, -"I'm going to move now, Jean."- He spoke, his voice rasped.

-"Yeah. Do it,"- I babbled and when Marco started jerking his hips back and forth, I moaned and huffed in great glee, my mouth drooling and dampening our already sodden bed, -"Fuck... Marco...!"- I kept garbling, my voice hoarse and my throat dried, -"...f-faster, Marco...!"

Marco was as excited and aroused as I was as he increased speed, now gripping my hips firmly.

My penis hardened more and bloated and with one hand, I snatched it and rubbed it vigorously, while the other hand gripped and jolted the bed's wet sheets, -"Marco, fuck... I'm... I'm almost there!"

-"Jean!"- Marco moaned aloud as I felt him cum in me, tickling me within _and _making me ejaculate too. I breathed out in pleasure and threw my head back a bit, loosening my grip on my cock.

Marco's body dropped on me, an arm on each side of me. Breathless, my body got light as I clung to Marco's body, wrapping my arms and legs around his torso, -"Marco... that felt _really _glorious..."- I whispered to his ear.

-"Are... are you okay?"- He slurred worriedly, holding me tightly.

-"Yeah..."

-"Do you want me to take it out?"

I shook my head, -"Just hold me for the rest of the night."

And so he did, kissing me lovingly.

Just between you and me, I do "penetrating" role better.

~ o ~

-"So, Jean, when are we going to start planning the wedding?"- Marco asked, twirling his ring on his palm.

My eyes snapped open. _Shit. I haven't thought about that either, -_"Um..."- I mumbled and gazed away but really, that naked leg of his on my torso was impossible not to look at.

-"You didn't thought about it, did you?"- He chuckled, running his finger across my lips seductively, -"Well, _I_ did, when I got your ring."

_No surprise there, _I though and chuckled to myself. He's _that _meditative, cautious and organized, -"Though so,"- Ugh, planning a wedding sounds tiring and time consuming, -"So, uh... what you planned?"- I asked, running my fingers through his smooth tight.

-"I want it to be in my favorite church and...,"- He suddenly stopped and gazed at me. _Yikes, _I thought. A Christian church? Don't those people hate us? It doesn't matter anyways. Hate or no hate, I'll do it in a church if Marco's wants to, -"Of course, that's _if_ you're okay with it and _if _you want it to be there..."

I smiled tenderly and caressed his cheek with the hand that was fondling his tight. I had my other hand under my head, -"It's cool, babe. I don't mind."

-"Besides, I know the priest and he accepts same-sex marriage. He's a really sweet man."- He added and I could see he's really happy with what he already planned.

-"That's a relief,"- I said, chuckling. I wouldn't be surprised if some other priest tries to exorcise us out of the church. Okay, I exaggerated there. Sorry, -"Who do you plan on inviting, aside from our family, 'course."

-"Well, everyone, right?"- He asked, playing with his fingers on my naked chest, making them "walk", -"Our friends from school, my friends from college and you can even invite yours from work too."

I chortled, -"Sure."- _If they even care, to begin with. _

-"Do you... like it? The idea, I mean,"- He asked, his finger's reaching my chin and caressing it, -"I know you don't like complicated events..."

-"Yeah, it's cool, and you know I'll go for complicated whatevers for you, Marco."- I said, fully aware he'll dislike it.

-"So you accept only because of me? You don't think about what _you'd _like?"- He began, hitching himself up a bit, -"I know you, Jean, and I know you wouldn't like to go through the trouble of planning a full wedding. If you'd like, we could elope right here and now. I'm okay with that too."

I sighed and rolled over him, pinning his arms above his head, -"Hey now, don't get all huffy on me, babe,"- I spoke, looking straight at his eyes, -"Listen, Marco, first off, I _love _you, okay? That's why I think about what you want more. Second, I'm really okay with it; it's a small church, it's cozy, familiar and people we know will be there. It can't get any better than that. Yeah, I'm an ass when it comes to planning that kind of stuff but hey, it's just part of it. I proposed to you in the first place, didn't I? I'm up for it, trust me."

Marco sighed in relief and nodded, -"I understand, I just... I want you to be happy and comfortable with the idea. I _love _you too, you know? I think about you."

I simpered warmly at that, -"I know, you cute -I mean, stupid bastard."- I leaned down on him and kissed him. We fooled around for the rest of the morning until our stomach's grumbled.

~ o ~

So, yeah, I'm starting to think that eloping was a better idea than planning a full fledged wedding.

I'm just kidding.

I mean, it _is _tiring but it's nothing I can't handle. For Marco, I'll handle anything. Speaking of him, we haven't gotten any quality time together through these whole weeks, both because of my job and his studies, _and _the whole wedding preparation. We haven't gotten heavy on our bed either and yeah, it's driving me a bit crazy. Every time we go to bed, we fall asleep because of how tired we both are. Marco has been staying late at night making the invitation himself and choosing the song. We left the ceremony script to Celine and the priest, you know, the more complicated stuff.

Speaking of the priest, Marco, Celine and I went to the church, both to ask permission for the ceremony _and _so I could meet the priest too. Marco was right, he is a sweet man, he didn't even thought about about giving us his blessing, he just accepted it right away and said that he'd clear his agenda for that day no matter what he had planned. I noticed he was really happy to see Marco after so long and I knew that he was fond of him. I smiled, _that's Marco's charm, huh._ I'm glad Marco knows someone like him, willing to marry us so eagerly and I'm particularly glad that I met a priest who doesn't mind at all that we're gay, that doesn't mind on marrying a same-sex couple, a priest who understands that gender is not a limitation to be able to love. We need more people like him.

After a few weeks of preparation, Dad and I went to Sina's Mall to buy my suit, you know, to look irresistibly handsome for my boyfriend -or soon to be husband. We've gone to a shit load of clothing stores but I couldn't find _that _suit for me. Most of them were itchy (specially down below) and tight, like really tight. I could barely move and plus, they're too fancy for me -and the price, holy shit! Dad's buying it... but still! I know I'm supposed to wear something _lavish_ and inviting but I swear, I'm _not _wearing something that proves uncomfortable for me, -"Be honest, Dad,"- I began, mouth full with a triple, turkey ham sandwich. I swallowed and wiped the ham's juice off my chin, -"My boyfriend's with Celine and Nicky buying his suit and she didn't wanted us all to go together so that I can't see the suit until the wedding."

Dad almost chocked, coughing and slamming his fist against his chest, -"I... I don't know, son,"- He replied, clearing his throat and avoiding my eyes, -"... you don't think she would do that, do you?"

I scoffed and pointed at him with a dental stick, -"You're a bad liar, Dad,"- I jabbed my teeth with the stick, pulling the ham out of the space in between, -"At least I know from who I got my lying "skills" from."

Dad laughed and started cleaning the table once I finished my sandwich, -"Yes, you're right, son. She doesn't want you to see his suit yet -or better yet, she doesn't want you to see him _in _the suit."

-"Oh, come on, that's not fair!"- I whined, crossing my arms together. I can't see my boyfriend in his sexy tuxedo? What? That's unacceptable! Celine's gonna hear me when we get back.

-"Patience, son,"- Dad said, standing up to dump the trash, -"You're just five days away from your wedding."

-"Yeah, I...,"- I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as that usual ebb of nervousness hit me again, -"... I know."

-"How do you feel about that?"

-"I'm... a bit nervous but also really happy."- I spoke, smiling tenderly at the words.

-"Yes, you are going to marry the one person you love the most, after all,"- He cleaned his hands with the sanitizing hand-wipes and tossed them in the dumpster before patting my shoulder, -"It _is _unnerving, since it's a very important event but... it's a beautiful and unique moment. When you hear those last words from the priest, you'll feel like the luckiest and happiest person in the world. I promise."

-"Thanks, Dad."

He gestured me to stand up, -"Right. Now, let's continue searching for your suit."

-"Aye', aye',"- I stood up and followed him. We ended up in a store called 'Men's Wearhouse' and when I stepped in, I smelled that fragrance fancy men always wear. It gave me a bit of a headache but it didn't stopped me from wandering the store and checking out the suits. After hours, I finally found one that truly caught my eye. It was a white, casual, but still stylish, buttoned blouse and over it a light brown coat. It came with pants of the same color of the coat and light brown loafers, -"Hey, Dad, I like this one."

-"Hmm, it definitely looks good,"- Dad commented, surveying it, -"I think it'll suit you. You should try it out."

-"Yeah."- I nodded and took the suit, sauntering towards the dressing area. I waited in line and when it was my turn, I headed to the widest room and took off my clothes after hanging the suit on one of the hooks. I stretched myself in front of the mirror before taking the suit. When I turned around to face the mirror and spotted the hoard of scars, I sighed. I started thinking of everything that happened to me and... looking where I am now, with a wedding suit on hand, I smiled at myself. _I'm going to get married to the person I love the most... _

In the end, all our suffering payed off well.

I suited up and opened the door so that Dad could see me in it, -"Hey, Dad, come check it out."

-"Coming, son!"- He shouted and trotted towards me. He smiled proudly as he observed me from the mirror, -"You look handsome, son."

I nodded at that as I watched how the suit perfectly fits my biceps and triceps, as I turned around to see how well my butts fits in too. Facing the mirror again, I unfastened two of the buttons of the blouse, exposing my chest a little. _Yeah, I look hot. Marco's gonna love it. _

-"I'm proud of you, son,"- Dad said, giving me a tight embrace, -"If your mother saw you now... she'd be just as proud."

-"Yeah..."- I shed a single tear, dampening his shirt a bit before we parted.

-"Well, let's pay for it, shall we?"

I nodded and undressed, then dressing up with my originals clothes and hanging the suit on it's hook. I followed Dad to the cash register and waited for him to pay 120 bucks for it before we exit the store and head home. He took me back to my home within base but before he left, I asked him to take the suit with him, -"Why, son?"- He asked, folding the suit neatly on his passenger's seat.

-"If I can't see Marco's, then he can't see mines either."- I said, with a grin up my face.

Dad laughed, -"Oh, I see."

-"Take care and... thanks, Dad."

-"You're welcome."- And with that, he rode off.

I entered my home and was a bit surprised to see that Marco still hasn't arrived. It could only mean that he's also having trouble finding the right suit for him. I decided to watch some movies or series and eat snacks while waiting for Marco to arrive. About two hours passed and still no sign of Marco. I was falling asleep on the couch while The Walking Dead played on the TV. I'm used to going to sleep early since I have to _work _early.

I was dozing off again, my head dropping constantly, until I heard a car rev rattling in front of my house. It startled me and when I stood up groggily to peer through the window, I saw Celine's car there and Marco dismounting it. He was laughing at something Nick was saying, who was the one driving again. Like last time, he looked happy, smiling broadly as he said something to my boyfriend and made him laugh. I leaned against the window and simpered. He had a good time with his family and so did I with my dad.

Marco waved them goodbye before he sauntered in. He yawned and stretched as he took off his shoes, -"Jean?"- He called and hugged me when I approached him, -"I missed you today."

-"Yeah, missed you too,"- I yawned on his shoulder and parted from him, -"I'm going to bed, babe. My legs ache a shit ton. We walked the whole mall, fuck's sake."

Marco chuckled and stopped my tracks by my arm, -"Wait,"- He leaned close to me and whispered, alluringly, -"Aren't you going to tell me where your suit is?"

I giggled, his breath tingling my ears, -"Aren't _you _gonna tell me where yours is?"

Marco's cheeks lit up lightly as he shook his head, -"It's a surprise."

-"Well, I'll have you know that mines' a surprise too, honey."- I said, poking his nose teasingly.

He pouted his lips, -"Come on, Jean, don't be like that."- He said, in a whiny, comical tone.

I chuckled and shook my head, -"Sorry, babe. You're just gonna have to wait."

-"Can you at least tell me how good it looks on you?"- He insisted, making that cute but manipulating face of his.

I laughed and pointed at his eyes, -"That's for those two to find out."

-"You're no fun."- He whined, still pouting his puffy lips and crossing his arms.

-"No fun?"-I took his head and kissed him fervently _and _lustfully, taking his tongue in mines and tangling them. In less than a minute, my boyfriend was breathless and sweating, his cheeks red as a tomato, -"Was that fun enough for you?"- I asked but I had the answer right before me.

Marco didn't bothered to conceal his boners anymore -at least from me, -"Yes but... we can have _more _fun... right?"

I nodded briskly, -"Yeah, baby."- I replied. I'm never too tired for sex.

That became a contradiction the second my body hit the bed.

~ o ~

-"How do I look?"- I said, breathing deeply while facing the mirror in my room, tugging my coat down a bit. _Blouse's in my pants, no hair strands out of place, loafers look sparkling... today's the day, Jean... today's _the_ day. _

-"You look incredibly handsome, son,"- Dad replied, lingering close to me and keeping me company while I prepared myself, considering I was a tad nervous right now, -"You've been hogging the mirror for almost an hour now, son. It's almost time."

Spontaneously, I gazed at the clock in my room and I felt as if my heart fell to the tip of my toes, -"Yeah, I know, I know..."- I said, a hand on my face. God, I'm so nervous. I hope I don't screw up.

Dad placed his hands on my shoulders and squeezed them, -"Relax, son. It'll be alright. Everything has been thoroughly planned and organized,"- He patted my shoulders, gesturing me to move out, -"And you'll do alright. Have a little faith in yourself. I do."

With teary eyes, I turned around and hugged him, -"Thanks for everything, Dad."

He caressed my hair with caution, trying not to mess the hours I spent on it, -"Shall we get going?"

Feeling a bit better now, I gazed up at him and nodded, -"Yeah, let's go."

Dad and I rode off out of Sina to Trost, where Marco's favorite church is located. I actually attended to it once, with him and Celine, but I'm not your religious sort of guy so I think that's actually the second or third time I went to church.

As we approached said church and saw all the people arriving, my nerves acted up again. I breathed deeply and tried to calm myself as I dismounted Dad's car. I saw a lot of familiar faces at the fore of the church; my friends from high school, my friends from my old work, _some _of my teachers, _some _of Marco's family and _some _of mines. I saw our physiologist, our doctor from the health center, Rubert (_ugh)_ and believe it or not, _some _of my coworkers in the Army.

-"Son?"- Dad was calling me and I shook my head and snapped off my trance, -"We need to go to the priest and prepare yourself for when Marco arrives."

-"Y-yeah..."- _For when Marco arrives..._

Dad led me towards the church's back entrance, to avoid the big crowd at the front area, but they saw me anyways and started calling me. I just waved at them and followed Dad. Once in, we quickly met with the priest and we went over a few things before he announced that it was time. I gave myself a quick pep-talk in the mirror before following the priest to the altar and waited for Marco.

I gazed at the sanctuary and saw everyone sitting on the benches and observing me. I smiled at my family, my grandfather and my aunt, waving at them slightly and warming up at their proud smiles. I'm glad they aren't objected to this -otherwise they wouldn't even be here, right?

I was tugging my suit and my heart skipped a beat when the priest sauntered towards the altar and started talking. I straightened up, tied my hands together in front of me and dropped them, -"Welcome family and friends. We are gathered here today in the sight of God and angels, and the presence of friends and loved ones, to celebrate one of life's greatest moments, to give recognition to the worth and beauty of love, and to add our best wishes and blessings to the words which shall unite Marco Bodt and Jean Kirshtein in holy matrimony."

That classical wedding music started up, making me quaver a little bit. I'm glad Dad's near me up here. His presence soothed me a bit.

The church doors opened up and Marco, my soon to be husband, walked in, escorted by both Nick and Celine. His sight caught my breath as my eyes widened at his approaching figure; he had a black and white tuxedo with one of those cute, black bow ties in the middle. His hair was perfect combed to the side and it made his chocolate eyes stand out more than they usually do. Oh my God, he looks so gorgeous in that suit. My mouth even gaped but I closed it before I start drooling like a mad dog in love. And his expression? It made my whole soul lit up in joy. He was happy, he was really happy and proud to be walking towards me -he was also looking at me the same way I looked at him, -"Who is it that brings this man to this man?"- The priest spoke.

Both Celine and Nick smiled proudly, -"We do."- They said at the same time. Once they reached the altar, they placed Marco's hand with mine and stepped back, close to Marco like Dad was close to me.

Marco and I both faced the priest as he continued speaking. He lent his head close to my shoulder and parted his lips, -"You look good."- He whispered, eyes on the priest.

I simpered and squeezed his hand, -"You look better."- I whispered back, making him giggle. _Yeah, a _lot _better. _He was even making me sweat in that tuxedo of his.

I tried to keep attention to the ceremony but I got bored and started teasing Marco, scratching my finger against his palm and tickling him, making him giggle and prod me to keep still. It wasn't until the priest spoke and announced the vows that I snapped off, -"Would you please face each other and join hands."

And that we did, holding each other's hands tightly and lovingly gazing at each other.

-"Jean Kirshtein, do you take Marco Bodt to be your husband?  
Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others  
and holding only to him forevermore?"- The priest asked.

With a firm smile, I nodded, -"I do."- _Yeah, I'll protect him with my life._

**-"Marco Bodt,**do you take Jean Kirshtein to be your husband?_  
_Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect him, forsaking all others_  
_and holding only to him forevermore?"- Repeated the priest.

Marco smiled too and nodded, -"I do."- He spoke, with certainly while tightening the grip of my hands.

The priest began the readings and it took a lot time. Yeah, I got bored again but I kept myself entertained by watching Marco and making funny faces with him, shooting him with smooches and compliments. I stopped when the time to repeat the vows came up, -"I, Jean Kirshtein, take thee Marco Bodt, to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore."- I said, eyes locked on his.

Marco giggled and gaped his lips, -"I, Marco Bodt, take thee Jean Kirshtein, to be my husband. To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you forevermore."

Celine and Dad approached us with our rings for the exchange. Dad gave me Marco's ring and Celine gave him mines. I took Marco's slender ring finger and droved in the ring I bought him. He then took my ring finger and slid in the ring he got for me. I smiled at the cool but warm sensation of the ring on my finger as I wriggled it and stared at it. Doesn't look bad at all, I gotta say. I gazed up at Marco and saw him smiling too while staring at his finger.

The additional reading came up and I dozed off often, a lot more than I'd like to admit. I was eager to get to the end already but this old man wasn't rushed at all. I, on the other hand, wanted to hear those last word that'll make my heart jump in joy. After the reading came the prayer, then the unity candles and lastly, what I wanted this whole time: the pronouncement as husband and... husband, -"Jean Kirshtein and Marco Bodt, in so much as the two of you have agreed to live together in Matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these vows, the giving of these rings and the joining of your hands, I now declare you to be... husband and husband,"- Marco's smile grew a ton and so did mines, -"Congratulations, you may now kiss your husband."

My boyfriend -I mean, my _husband- _literally jumped on me and shrouded his arms around my neck into a passionate and merry kiss. Everyone stood up and clapped their hands, cheering on us as our lips crashed together and our mouths opened up to allow entrance for our tongues. They grazed each other and they mingled as our breath depleted. I felt his mouth's smooth surface and bit his lips, making him wince and moan silently. I'm guessing this type of kiss is inappropriate in this place but who cares? _No big deal! I want more! _(sorry, I just turned that innocent song into pure perversity). But hey, we just got married and I wanna kiss Marco however I please. Said man yanked my suit when I gripped his hips and started tugging him closer to me, grinding our groins together, driven by a hotness within my chest, -"Jean... not here."- My _husband_ warned and blushed, parting his lips from mines and forming a cord of drool.

I licked the drool off and leaned close to his ear, -"Then... later?"

He giggled and nodded.

Everyone continued cheering on us as we passed by the benches and headed towards that white, fancy limousine that's gonna take us to our honeymoon. Once we mounted, we rode off and never looked back.

So, we're married. I told ya' it _might _happen and you can't even imagine how happy I am right now. Marco and I have been trough a long and arduous journey but we're here, married and together, and we're happy. We've seen shit, we've been trough some shit, we've met people, good _and _shitty, and we've learned and adapted, we've gotten stronger, mentally and physically and our bond has gotten stronger too. This journey has taught us what's out there and how cruel the world is against people like us. I don't know what's in stock for us but what I _do _know is that I'll stay right by my husband's side forever, protecting him from whatever threat threatens us apart, and that I _love _him and I'll keep loving him more and more everyday.

Our story definitely earn it's happy ending but who knows...

It _might_ have just begun...

* * *

So, yes, there's a indication of a sequel right there but I'm not sure if I should do it. Let me know what you think!

I can finally say that this story... has reached an end! I'm going to take a small break before I start writing those ton ideas I have XD but honestly, I can't wait to start on them. If you're interested, stay tuned! (they're all JeanMarco XD)


End file.
